Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support!

If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support!

If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support!

If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people.

If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

My career has allowed me the privilege of helping my fellow humans figure out how they might escape a stuck point in their lives where they have endlessly repeated the same self-defeating patterns—sometimes for years.

The work betters anyone who puts him or herself into it because all of us (including all counselors) tend to have much in common in our flaws, our flawed thinking, and our endlessly flawed lives that always offer plenty of room for personal growth and happier lives. Pretty sweet, right?

There is a fly in this healing balm of a career. That annoying speck of dissatisfaction grows from the realization that I, as a single soul toiling in my office for 40 to 60 hours a week, will never budge the needle of our collective mental health. I love helping the individuals in group, individual, and family therapy, but I can only begin to tell you how frustrating it is for me to realize that our species is really hurting and that our hurt causes unending additional hurt to those around us. So much of this is unnecessary.

As I cast about for what to do about this situation, I’m reminded of a poem I first read in high school titled “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by the 17th‑century poet John Donne—the last stanza especially:

Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know
for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

In my work I’m pretty much “involved in mankind.” Not a day goes by without men and women weeping the quiet tears of suffering in my office. To not view this pain with empathy is to simply not be human. What to do?

And so today I write to you about a plan I have to do no less than change the world for the better—the catch is that I need your help.

It’s a pretty straightforward proposition, really. I keep writing articles and books; I keep producing a great deal of video content on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube; I keep the stream of podcasts coming along; and you (you!) help by subscribing or following or whatever the various platforms call it.

I don’t use any of those terms because I think of those who listen, watch, and think about these themes around love, not as followers or subscribers but as my partners. And yes, we need a lot of partners to advance the cause of our species learning to understand itself in all its diversity as we attempt to find the love we need.

Here’s the deal I’m offering you: I keep doing what I described above. You partner up with me on reading, watching, and listening. I will never tell you what to think, while I’m constantly pitching the idea that we simply need to think and to talk about relationships, love, and sexuality.

So you talk to your circle about the content, share as you feel comfortable, and we start spreading the word that our love lives from nonexistent to wildly passionate are all subject to critical thinking, caring observation, and vast improvement over time.

We can then truly become skilled when it comes to love, romance, marriage, and great relationships—and how to teach our children to build great relationships.

So, right now about 13,000 people subscribe, follow, or have otherwise partnered up with us to have a global conversation of the utmost importance.

I cannot commit to always being right in my written opinions (my own history offers more than enough proof of that), but I can commit to offering the conversation.

Our goal is 50,000 partners (followers) because my team and I believe that 50,000 is the level at which publishers and other influencers start to really take notice.

I commit to never making money off of you. I am utterly unmotivated by money. I have worked my entire life and my family is lucky enough that we have enough. The only currency we’re interested in is the currency of influence. We mean to change the world.

Consider joining us; and, if you’ve signed up already to follow us on one platform, please follow Steven Ing, MFT on Psychology Today, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.

We are going to do this, and it’s going to be fun!

In Other News…

I wrote a new blog for Psychology Today.

This clip from our May podcast “The Manosphere Is a Trap” has been getting a lot of attention on TikTok.

@stevening_mftYou can’t call yourself a provider if people don’t feel safe around you. Real strength is measured by the environment you create, not just what you supply. That’s where accountability begins. Follow to learn more. #masculineenergy #selfawareness #healthyrelationships #relationshiptalk #lifeadvice Watch the full podcast, Episode 80: "The Manosphere Is a Trap" on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major podcast directories.

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If you haven’t watched our latest video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. (Also, for some added entertainment, check out some of the comments!!) Our next podcast “There Are No Heroes in the Manosphere” goes live June 1st! Thank you for your support!

Subscribe now

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

One of her remarks gave me pause. She shared that she felt as though she’d “lowered [her] value” by being involved with her ex.

Hmm…lowering my value by dating people who don’t work out for me?

Wait a minute, how am I supposed to know if people are or are not right for me if I don’t date them and get to know them on that more personal relationship? The answer is…I cannot.

We human beings must spend time getting to know someone and letting someone get to know us. I call this conducting an “Intentional Interview.” We start off naïve, thinking everything is perfect about the person we’re dating, and as time passes, we learn more about them and reflect on how things are working for us. Sometimes, after a few days, weeks, or months, we realize the person isn’t right for us, and we move on.

Our mistakes in the process of dating only become apparent if we’re smart enough to reflect. Sometimes we feel like we’ve lowered our value. Other times we may realize we fell in love with someone who doesn’t exist in this time and place…Oh, but they have so much potential if only they’d…stop drinking, go back to school, or just get a job.

There are also times we are so emotionally needy that we find ourselves falling in love because we’re so excited someone thinks we’re interesting enough to take out on a date or maybe even to sleep with. And other times we’re just trauma bonding with someone whose wounds match our own: “Oh, my mom was an alcoholic too!”

We learn the lessons in love that we need to learn by experience. If we are willing to slow down and really get to know another person, we can make informed decisions about whether or not a person is compatible with us. If they are, that’s great! If not, that’s great, too!

The goal of dating is not to lock it down, get married, and spend the rest of your life figuring it all out. The goal is to have fun while asking the necessary questions to see if you two are compatible. In the case of the young woman who wrote the letter, she and her boyfriend were not compatible.

Everything she learned from the experience will be helpful as she moves forward and finds a partner who is right for her.

In Other News…

This short video from our April podcast “Love Is a Choice?” has been getting a lot of attention on Instagram.

If you haven’t watched our latest video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. Our next podcast “The Manosphere Is a Trap” goes live May 1st! Thank you for your support!

Subscribe now

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

The whole reason I asked the question was my sincere uncertainty about their position on the matter. I wondered: Am I wasting my time trying to teach this to men who fundamentally don’t believe that a good relationship is impossible to achieve so long as abuse remains an option?

I was pleasantly surprised by the unanimity of the responses. Not only had this particular group of men seen that abuse—of all kinds—was inhumane and therefore morally wrong, they also saw the elimination of abuse as a logical foundation of a good relationship: one that was enjoyable and truly intimate, where both parties could feel safe enough to open up and share who they are with one another.

The group also had a collective understanding that the development of intimacy—that is, safely sharing our lives with one another—is a process, not an all-or-nothing proposition where one instantly proceeds from Law of the Jungle yelling and screaming to Zen-like patience and perfect behavior.

With my question answered, I began to move forward; however, one of my clients had a disturbing story to share.

His girlfriend, who had recently moved to LA, had found a new therapist. When she went to her first appointment, things got really weird.

All therapists try to do some assessment of their new client’s issues, and they are usually pretty socially skilled as they get to know the client in an effort to develop what we in the therapy business refer to as a “therapeutic alliance.” This alliance is part of joining with the client because, surprise, surprise, no one can help someone in this kind of work without some basic level of trust.

This therapist, who happened to be a woman, was no exception to this getting-to-know-you process. She asked a few questions about her new client’s boyfriend (my client) and then learned that her client earned a rather substantial amount more than he did.

Her next comment threw her new client off-kilter. “Oh, that’s never going to work,” said the therapist. “You’ve got to get rid of him.”

Even relating this story now, I feel that same off-kilter feeling the girlfriend described to her boyfriend. It’s the feeling you’re really not supposed to have in a therapist’s office—the feeling we all get when someone is dismissive of our lives and our choices, when we’re badly misunderstood, when something feels wrong. What did I just sign up for? This isn’t therapy, is it?

The girlfriend had done enough work of her own that she spoke up to the authority figure, explaining to the unsolicited-advice-giving professional: “Oh, that doesn’t matter to either of us. We don’t care about that. What we’re working on is building an abuse-free relationship.”

The therapist sneered and said, “Oh, that’s not a thing.”

Things got pretty quiet as the client reflected on the two significant responses she’d received following her disclosures about what she wanted from therapy and what she was comfortable with in her relationship. Giving unsolicited advice was bad enough—and made worse by the therapist’s sexist gender expectation of the male as primary provider. But for a therapist, who presumably was not in favor of verbal abuse, much less domestic violence, to repudiate the very notion of an abuse-free relationship as “not a thing” was stupefying.

In that moment of clarity, the client realized: I’ve come to the wrong place. I’ve got to get out of here. And she did—never to return.

Sure, this is the story of an unskilled therapist who clearly needs more therapy of her own. But it is also a story about each of us as consumers. Whether it’s a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist, or a therapist, we each have a responsibility to look out for ourselves—or, as the Romans said, caveat emptor: let the buyer beware.

There are professionals in every field who don’t really know how to do their jobs, who don’t subscribe to the ethical principle of primum non nocere—“do no harm.” There are also professionals who don’t think rationally, and sometimes you encounter someone who claims to be a relationship expert and then goes on to explain that earning money is a man’s job and that an abuse-free relationship is simply not a thing. Sorry, but no.

We need to be ready, at a moment’s notice, to fire such people.

In Other News…

This video on TikTok has over 729,0000 views!

@stevening_mftWhen people feel powerless, they often blame others instead of naming what they truly need. Growth starts by owning the problem and choosing connection over resentment. Follow to learn more. #healingjourney #selfawareness #emotionalintelligence #relationshipadvice #mentalhealth

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I also wrote a new blog for Psychology Today on how to help your son avoid the incel trap.

If you haven’t watched our latest video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. Our next podcast “Love Is a Choice?” goes live April 1st!

Subscribe now

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Welcome to another addition of Paws & Reflect, where I share a bit of what’s on my mind. Enjoy!

Another Violent Failure to Manage Sexuality, Intelligently

No matter what side you take in the ongoing argument about the shooting of Nicole Good, there’s a detail in her killing that I haven’t heard the media talking about—and that is the role of gender as the story unfolded.

We’ve all watched videos, and the “seeing is believing” part of our brains seems to be very affected by partisan affiliation. However, there’s some audio that seems to make the case that gender has a place in this story. The audio that has been ignored in this light includes two critical details.

The first is that as officers approached her vehicle, one of them yelled, “Get out of the f*cking car!”

No one disputes this. But pause for a moment and think about it. How many of us dads have taught our daughters to exit their cars whenever a man yells like that? Instead, this behavior, in this context cannot be understood in any way as professional police conduct.

Forget about everything else for a moment because we can get back to that shortly. Just sit and consider: Would you expect your mom to jump out of the car upon being addressed in such a way by an armed masked man? Is it likely that your sister would comply?

I have thought about this a lot, and I just don’t think the command even registered with Nicole Good. Her window is down, she seems pretty mild mannered (like a mom who’d just dropped her little boy off at school) both before and after the command, “Get out of the f*cking car!”

I note that all the media reports I’ve seen use a period to end that command but when you listen to the video, clearly the context demands an exclamation point.

We all hear this and our context is knowing that, within seconds, this woman will be shot in the face at near point-blank range and a little boy’s mother will be dead.

I remind all of us about this painful moment in history because it’s easy to forget the details but sometimes details matter.

Here’s another important detail: Seconds later, after the shooting, another officer is heard saying, “F*cking bitch.” Same F-word, same anger in the voice, only now this deceased mom whose last words included, “I’m not mad at you,” well, they’re calling her a “F*cking bitch.”

She didn’t sound mad but to my ear the guys with the guns and the masks did sound mad, like petulant boys who were not getting their way. All of this made me reflect on the origins of domestic violence and how most of us need to “preheat” the situation with a bit of demeaning verbal abuse before we’re ready to engage in physical abuse.

Why? Because it’s hard to use violence, especially when it’s perpetrated against the grain of masculine ethos.

Besides being taught not to hit girls, most of us men were also taught to speak as respectfully as possible to women. We don’t always conform to this ethos but our failure to do so creates its own problems precisely because this failure leads to potentially catastrophic violence.

And this is why, for centuries, humanity has taught men that, if they desire to be seen as heroes, they must learn to deny their feelings, their schedule conflicts, and their own risk in order to use their superior physical strength to protect those weaker than themselves.

As Margaret Atwood wrote in her essay collection Second Words, “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

Shortly after the shooting occurred, a family friend emailed saying:

“It’s so triggering — most women have likely heard that said to us in the exact same tone, yet we all must now consider ourselves lucky to have not been shot in the face for whatever we presumably did to emasculate the man in that situation. And it’s such insight into his pathetic brain in the moments after shooting her — after she literally said, ‘That’s fine, I’m not mad at you’ to the man who was about to shoot her in the f*cking face. It’s just all so bleak and sad, and it feels like a tangible reflection of the inherent depravity of the dominant masculine culture today.”

I don’t believe this way of treating women is dominant because there are many millions of men who would have gladly taken those bullets in order to protect Nicole and to protect her son from having to become a motherless child. I am one of them.

More importantly, I don’t believe that the behavior is masculine except in some sort of deeply disturbed pathological sense, just as a polio virus is “life” when all it seems to do is destroy life.

So, fellow citizens, this is the ugliness of sexism, yes, it is. But this story is also about the failure to teach boys how to be men. This is a story of failed manhood, of a man who’s forgotten (if he ever knew) what it meant to be a man.

In Other News…

Here is our “video of the week” on Instagram that received over 22,000 views!

If you haven’t watched our latest video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. Our next podcast “The Relationship Blueprint” goes live Feb. 1st!

Subscribe now

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Welcome to another addition of Paws & Reflect, where I share a bit of what’s on my mind. Enjoy!

To Understand Is to Be Free

For many of us, religion is hard. My own difficulty with Christianity began when I was 12 years old, standing on the sawdust floor of a Baptist tent revival meeting in Anchorage, Alaska. As the preacher hit all the right notes about the failed human condition, I found myself stricken with my own failures and imperfections, and I too, a 12-year-old, became acutely aware of my need for healing. It was a great experience…except that the way of life taught by any of the churches I attended simply wasn’t sustainable.

The trajectory went something like: you sin, you carry on until you repent, then repent and try to measure up, then fail and have to go back for forgiveness. This is a lot like any self-defeating pattern of behavior (like problem drinking or gluttony or hatefulness). Nevertheless, I clung to my faith in Jesus, often by fingernails alone, through college, grad school, divorce, and on into my 50s when I was fortunate enough to work with those accused of or even convicted of sexual crimes.

It was then that I began to notice that, when it comes to human sexuality, the Bible was full of what the preachers call “guidance” but really, when you look at all that guidance, it was 90% rigid rules (no sex before marriage, no sex with same-sex partners, no sex under lots of other conditions) followed by 10% unhelpful advice (flee from the devil who is a roaring lion, he’s the father of lies, seek God’s will in prayer, cling to the Lord the way our president clings to the flag…made that last bit up). It was then that I realized, “Hey! If God actually made us, wouldn’t He know us a bit better than that?”

I say this last because nothing, absolutely nothing in the Bible prepares us for managing our sexuality in a healthy, intelligent manner—something I was helping my clients with every day, and I know I ain’t no god. So…what gives? Nearing 60 years of age, I gave up on Christianity.

Perhaps it’s confusing to some, but I don’t identify as an atheist. I don’t because the idea of a God as understood by humans thousands of years ago just seems like the trombone music you hear whenever adults talk in Charlie Brown cartoons. The idea of God has become as insignificant to me as the idea of believing in Santa (another supernatural being that I don’t believe in).

Now I say all this, even in Christmastide, because I want to quote a bit from the New Testament, and I don’t want you to get the idea I’m pushing religion. I’m not. But consider some words Jesus said that I find to be helpful and true in this darkest time of the year. Early in the book of Matthew, he addresses those around him and says, “Ye are the light of the world.” Ye, meaning you plural, you guys are the light of the world.

Hmmm. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Not him so much but the humans around him.

Then early in the Gospel of Luke, he tells the famous parable about the sower and the seed and then says that those who hear the good news and whose lives and behaviors are transformed have “noble and good hearts.” I’d heard the sermons about the human heart being “desperately wicked,” but not “good” or much less “noble.”

Now I’m aware of how church folk might begin caterwauling about now about how only those who follow Jesus get these accolades, but I’m thinking they’re wrong for so many reasons. Don’t we all know unbelievers who are just amazing? Kind, yes, and giving and loving beyond anything we’ve experienced in a church? You see all this goodness is a part of the human condition too.

And here we are, sliding daily to the shortest day of the year, at the darkest time of the year, as the light is going and we look around, and it’s hard to see a lot to be grateful for. But the shortest day (December 21 this year) is also the beginning of things turning around, the beginning of each day getting brighter and brighter. So for me, as a humanist (of the Spinozist variety), I recall Benedict de Spinoza’s words, “To understand is to be free.” And that’s what I want.

And I want that freedom for all of us. To understand and to be understood is so much more human than to put on bishops’ robes and pronounce, “You are forgiven.” Who am I to forgive you? No one. But I bet you’d all love to be understood. And I bet equally strongly that you’re all capable of understanding those around you. Just try it. Try it for a New Year’s resolution: let go of forgiving and shoot for understanding, both of yourself and others. I think you’ll like it, and you’ll be a whole lot more successful than living a life without sin.

In Other News…

Here is our “video of the week” on Instagram that received over 6,000 views.

If you haven’t watched our latest video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. Our next podcast “Rethinking Jordan Peterson’s Marriage Advice” goes live Jan. 1st!

Subscribe now

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Welcome to another addition of Paws & Reflect, where I share a bit of what’s on my mind. Enjoy!

What Does It Cost to Be Kind?

I just finished up a continuing education class on autism. The subject of neurodiversity came up repeatedly, and I found myself moved by the presenter (herself autistic) as she made her case for asking, “What’s the big deal if someone is different from you?”

Her words made me think about my own journey from intolerance to genuinely valuing diversity in all its forms. All of my clients (and my friends!), neurodiverse and neurotypical alike, can do things I cannot. Why wouldn’t I want all of them in my life as friends, clients, and allies?

The presenter’s closing argument for kindness to one another and for patience in our interactions was to ask the question, “What does it cost us to be kind? To be patient?” It was a humbling and affirming moment, and I am grateful for it.

The overlap with human sexuality is obvious, isn’t it? We men and women all see life from a perspective unique to each of us. We each have something valuable to contribute. Our genders? Important? Yes, but hardly the basis for intolerance. Same with orientation, am I right? Sexual identity? What’s the big deal? Answer: there isn’t one.

And now, even Nigel and I are treating one another more kindly. It’s a great universe we get to live in.

In Other News…

Here’s a pic of Sharon and I at the “No King” rally in Reno.

I started recording solo videos for social media on a variety of topics. This clip on TikToK has gotten some attention. If you have a topic you’d like me to discuss, feel free to reach out!

@stevening_mftWomen are exhausted babysitting their mates emotionally. Many men can't identify, share, or process their feelings—so they outsource that to the women in their lives. #relationshipadvice #relationships #communication #emotionalintelligence #mensmentalhealth

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If you haven’t watched our latest video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. Our next podcast “Is Love a Spiritual Test?” goes live Dec. 1st!

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Nigel and I thank you for your support!

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. You can also watch it on YouTube!

Subscribe now

As always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. If there’s a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don’t be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Welcome to the new mid-month newsletter! Each month I’ll share a bit of what’s on my mind. Enjoy!

No One Listens to Me

No one listens to me.

On the one hand, that’s OK because I’m making a lot of money in a forensic therapy practice. On the other hand, I’m watching crimes and human suffering that really didn’t have to occur.

They occur mostly because of our collective inability to consider the possibility of prevention of sexual misconduct. Now I know how these behaviors could be prevented, but, like the Greek Cassandra, I am fated with insight that no one will believe or even listen to. Thanks a lot, Apollo! (Cassandra rejected Apollo’s advances, and then he paid her back like the god of angry incels, of stalker boyfriends, and of abusive husbands that he was.)

Consider the case of a former Reno Police Department deputy chief who has been accused of and arrested in a sting operation for soliciting a child for prostitution and child neglect, according to court documents. Thomas “Tom” Robinson, who served nearly 30 years with RPD before retiring in January 2024, was taken into custody Thursday, Oct. 16, 2025.

Tommy Robinson is like the countless thousands of religious leaders, generals, teachers, CEOs, and other exceptionally successful people (mostly men) who are intelligent, educated, and otherwise high-achieving souls who have no idea how to manage love or sexuality intelligently. They’re really good, even great men, right up until the scandal, the criminal allegations, the public recriminations—and overnight those closest to them edge for the exits.

Baby Tommy was born as beautiful a baby boy as any other baby. Then somehow he developed in such a way that, decades later, he became capable of making this highly flawed decision. Topping it off, he belonged to an organization in which he and others in his field spend a career enforcing upon others the same rules he’s allegedly broken. He knew the rules, but like the rest of humanity’s knowing the 10 Commandments, mere knowledge of rules wasn’t enough. It never is.

Someday we will learn to manage love intelligently. Not in time for Tommy and his family, but maybe someday. Meanwhile, the Reno Police are in no mood to begin learning anything about prevention right now. They are far too busy trying to distance themselves from sex offender cooties that might rub off on them. Yes, they are confirming his identity and his arrest, and then they highlight that he’s not, NOT, one of them.

“The Reno Police Department is aware of the arrest of a former employee. The individual previously served as a deputy chief within the Reno Police Department and retired from service in January of 2024. He is no longer employed by the Reno Police Department.”

Top-shelf detective work, gentlemen. No one noticed any signs of unhappiness? Isolation and loneliness? Friendlessness? Relationship dysfunction? No way we could have seen this one coming.

No wonder PR departments fall back on “thoughts and prayers.”

In Other News…

Earlier this month, Sharon and I attended a wedding in Oregon.

We also started sharing clips from our first video podcast on social media. This clip is nearly at 10,000 views on TikToK!

@stevening_mftSharing desires, only to face rejection, can shut down communication. It can also create anxiety, making it hard to express needs. Managing Love Intellectually: Episode 73. Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. You can also click the link in the bio 🔗 #relationships #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #rejection #love

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If you haven’t watched our new video podcast, you can do so by clicking the link below. Our next video podcast “How Shame Sabotages Relationships” will go live on November 3!

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Nigel and I thank you for your support!

We have exciting news: Managing Love Intelligently is now available on video!

Check out our new podcast studio and see us in action having fun discussing romance and helping to make sense of the tough topics. Such as today’s episode: Revisiting the Madonna-Whore Complex. You can watch the full episode on YouTube.

The Madonna-Whore Complex is a psychological phenomenon that was first identified by Sigmund Freud and is defined as an inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed and loving relationship. I'm no big fan of Freud, but the dude was seriously a conversation starter.

Of course, you can still listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, and all major podcast directories. If there's a topic you would like us to discuss in a future podcast episode, don't be shy. We want to hear from you! Contact me today!

Subscribe now

And as always, thank you for your support! If you enjoy the podcast, please consider leaving a review and sharing it with your people. See you on YouTube!

Managing Love Intelligently is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Buzzsprout, YouTube, and all major podcast directories.

Subscribe now

If you have a question you’d like me to answer on the podcast, message me at stevening.com. And if you enjoy the podcast, please share it with your friends. Thank you!