i’ve always found something to nitpick at.

i thought i was too fat, but if i dropped a few dress sizes, i was then too flat-chested. i thought my natural hair was too curly, so i spent my teenage years sizzling off my gorgeous ringlets with hair straighteners, and now it’s frizzy. some days my face felt too puffy, i thought i didn’t curve in the right places, or my strawberry legs needed covering up in the midst of summer.

during every era of my life, i’ve yearned for a past version of myself who didn’t appreciate herself at the time.

and i’ve come to realise that i’ll never love myself by toning my stomach, or getting a new hair-do. maybe i would feel a small ounce of confidence in those moments, but it’s only ever short-lived as i immediately start searching for the next thing to hyper-fixate on.

i think we fall into this trap when we only see ourselves as one-dimensional. we don’t spend enough time with ourselves to know who we really are. and how can one love themselves if they feel like a complete stranger?

without getting to know yourself, your self-worth will forever remain tied to superficial things like how helpful you are or how aesthetically pleasing you look.

and even if we’re lucky enough to have people who love us, we naturally squeeze ourselves into a mould of being the best possible person for them. sometimes that means suppressing our opinions, or keeping up a slight performance. maybe you don’t mean to do it, and maybe you don’t realise you’re doing it, but it’s inevitable when you only know yourself through the eyes of others.

they say “to be loved is to be known”. maybe it’s finally time you get to know yourself.

cosy solo date ideas

• cook your favourite dinner with the lighting dimmed, candles lit and jazz music playing

• order takeaway from your favourite local and eat it in a blanket fort whilst watching movies back-to-back

• make yourself a charcuterie board for one

• give yourself a full spa evening with a long soak in the bathtub, hair mask, etc

• have a picnic on your living room floor with picky bits

• find a traditional pub with an open fire and go for a sunday roast

• go to the cinema in your comfiest outfit with popcorn, snacks and your favourite drink

• spend an evening playing video games

• bake something delicious like apple pie, brownies, cookies or banana bread

• binge-watch a new series in your comfiest pjs (without checking your phone!!)

• go on a bookshop crawl

• walk to a farmer’s market to pick up fresh produce

fun solo date ideas

• take yourself out for a fancy dinner

• attend a sports event (e.g. a football game)

• go ice skating

• have a solo dance party in the kitchen to your favourite album

• hunt aroun charity shops, thrift stores and vintage markets

• go to an open mic night at a pub (even if it’s just to watch; there’s zero pressure to get involved)

• buy a theatre ticket to a musical or play

• find a photobooth and get some cute snaps of yourself

• go to an outdoor or drive-in cinema

• hop on a bus or train to a local town and explore its shops, cafes and bakeries

• go to a retro arcade and try to beat your high scores

• treat yourself to a mocktail at a fancy rooftop bar as the sun sets

• buy a ticket for a local band’s gig

• go to a local stand-up comedy show

adventurous solo date ideas

• go on a solo weekend city break

• head to the train station and buy a ticket for the next departing train, regardless of the destination

• go on a mountain hike

• rent a kayak or canoe for the afternoon

• take a scenic road trip

• book a session at an outdoor high ropes or zip-line

• go wild swimming

• sign up for a beginner’s class for a sport you’re interested in

• explore a statley home and botanical gardens

• take yourself to the beach and swim in the sea

• visit a pick-your-own fruit farm (e.g. strawberries, pumpkins, etc)

• go on a slow bike ride in the countryside

• spend a day exploring a national park

• explore your own hometown like a tourist

• travel out to a remote area with minimal light pollution and go stargazing

intellectual solo date ideas

• take an in-person cooking class

• attend a free lecture at a local university

• spend an entire afternoon in the library

• go to a local author event or book launch

• take a virtual online tour of a famous international museum and research the bits that catch your eye

• sit in a local cafe with a novel or book of cryptic puzzles

• attend a pub trivia quiz night and play as a one-person team

• buy a ticket to a planetarium show

• take a one-day introductory workshop or class on a subject or skill you’re interested in

• put on an audiobook and go for a long walk

• visit a local art gallery or museum

• take a trip to the aquarium

• wander through a historic neighbourhood and take photos

healing solo date ideas

• book yourself in for a spa day

• volunteer at an animal shelter or food bank

• go forest bathing

• find a florist and buy yourself a bunch of flowers

• attend a yoga class or do yoga in the park

• go on a meditation retreat

• have an at-home pamper day

• grab a drink to-go from an indie coffee shop and people-watch from a bench

• pick up a new craft (like crocheting, or knitting) and practice while listening to an audiobook or podcast

• head to a viewpoint to watch the sunrise or sunset

• treat yourself to a hot stone massage

• sit in a scenic spot and write poetry or just write freely in a journal

• visit a cat cafe and play with the kitties

how to start enjoying your own company

when i was at university, many moons ago, i was somebody who always had to be in the company of my flatmates for most of the day. being alone with my own thoughts felt like a torture ritual. but now, i’ll jump at every chance i get to have some me-time.

the hard truth is: if you hate your own company, it’s probably because you are bad company (for yourself)…

but we can remedy that.

identify your toxic thoughts —
your own mind can be a cruel place when it wants to be. it’s a breeding ground for heavy thoughts. it repeatedly reminds you of embarrassing things you did many years ago, it catastrophises like craaazy, it reminds you of your failures far more than your achievements, and it compares your life to those around you.

externalise the voice —
my fiancé was the one who actually started making me do this. we assume that because the voice is in our head, we are the ones saying it so it must be true, right? give it a name. we called mine brian (because i had typo when texting the word ‘brain’ one time and he never let it go). immediately, the voice changed. it wasn’t mine anymore. it was a whiny old man’s voice (and i ain’t listening to that).

clap back at it —
whenever you’re spending time alone and nasty thoughts arise, first, question its validity. if your thoughts say “you’re useless and lazy”, ask it for proof. you’ll soon see the reality that you’re not lazy, you’ve actually spent an entire day at work and are now relaxing.

above all, remember this and remember it well: you are the only person you’re guaranteed to spend your entire life with. unfortunately, other people come and go. so, start giving yourself the same love you’ve always given to others.

thank you so much for reading! <3

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currently, there’s a trend circulating social media where people list five things that they consider to be ‘worth the money’, but it’s just an excuse to promote consumerism propaganda.

at this point, i’ve listened to one too many influencers praise the same old, same old. it’s always a dyson airwrap, pilates, matcha, designer handbags, the newest iPhone model, canon G7X, botox, rimowa suitcase, stanley cups, boujee cutlery, business class flights and i’m pretty sure somebody even said a porsche... (ah yes, so relatable).

for one thing, the sheer lack of originality and personal taste is concerning.

but that aside, it makes me physically cringe watching people act like humanised billboards, selling their souls to billion pound companies (and for what?) whilst constantly shoving more and more products down our throats.

i’m exhausted with people online promoting not only the idea that buying more stuff will bring us joy, but also the extent of how many products they push. nobody needs that much stuff, and i can’t fathom why anybody would want to influence others to consume at such a rate.

i think we’ve all become so far removed from reality that we’ve completely lost touch with a simple fact: most things that can genuinely change your life cannot be packaged up and sold to you.

so on that note, i wanted to take the opportunity to share the free things that have truly improved my life.

obsidian —
this a free note-taking app with some really useful features. i mainly use it for gathering information and researching whatever substack essay i’m currently writing, as it has a ‘canvas’ feature (which is essentially like a mindmap). your ideas always seem sooo much bigger and far more daunting when trapped within the walls of your own mind. once you get them out, you can actually manage them. people often compare it notion, but i personally think obsidian is better.

project gutenberg —
i know booktok would rather have you believe that reading will cost you an arm and a leg to start, but that’s all wrong. in fact, it doesn’t have to cost you a penny. this website (which is completely legal) is home to almost eighty-thousand free eBooks. you won’t find every book ever on here as it only features those legally in the public domain. i would recommend going straight to the ‘literature’ section to dig out the classics, or if you have a classic in mind, you can just search for it.

in our time podcast —
i’d recommend this to anybody who’s trying to revive their brain and become smarter. you don’t even need spotify premium as you can access the entire archive in via the bbc website. they cover a huge range of interesting subjects, spanning across culture, history, philosophy, science, religion and more. i like to listen to it whilst cooking dinner and i started with the science category.

walking —
last year i became wheelchair-bound due to illness, so i’ve been on a personal mission to walk more often, in aim to improve my mobility and regain my stamina. this was initially inspired by an article written by my friend. for me, this has been pivotal in my creativity too. just like we have ‘shower thoughts’, if you go for a casual walk, you’ll have ‘walking thoughts’ too. i now try to incorporate it into my working day as a quick lap around the block does more for me than staring blankly at a screen ever does.

madfit dance workouts —
on a similar note of trying to improve my mobility, i’ve been doing more at-home workouts too. if you’re anything like me and struggle to get into it, this channel is a lifesaver. she has tonnes of different workout videos. i’ve done the dua lipa workout, the sabrina carpenter man’s best friend workout and the taylor swft dance party workout, but she has sooo many more too!!

pinch of yum —
this feels far too good to be free. i’ve previously mentioned that i started teaching myself how to cook for the first time last year, so i’m still very much in the learning phase. most of my recipes either come from things i spot online, or from cookbooks. but this website is one i go back to frequently. once a week, i have a scroll through a few different sections whilst making a meal plan and shopping list. whatever i’m craving, i can always find a recipe for it here.

online university courses —
oh, how i wish i knew about this sooner. i spent the first twenty-six years of my life, blissfully unaware that some of the best universities in the world actually publish their entire courses (unaccredited, of course) online, for free. i’m talking about the likes of yale, harvard, MIT, and stanford.

stargazing —
even if it’s just from your bedroom window, whenever the night skies are clear, take the time to observe it in awe. i personally don’t think there’s anything more grounding than that. and if you’re interested in actually getting into astronomy, i’d highly recommend my favourite free app, stellarium. just point it toward any star or constellation you’re looking at and it’ll teach you all about it.

printable puzzles —
after dinner, i like to start winding down with a puzzle instead of sitting on my phone (i really am twenty-six going on seventy). there are tonnes of free apps and websites for these, but i don’t think you can beat good ol’ pen and paper, so i print them off the richardson website. you can select from crosswords, wordsearches, codewords, sudoku (my fave), and more.

bodies of water —
okay, i realise that sounds a tad vague, but simply sitting by any big body of water for half an hour completely resets my nervous system. in england, you’re never more than a couple of hours drive away from the coastline. plus, my hometown is perched along a huge estuary, so me and my fiancé can take a quick drive out at night, and sit along the foreshore, listening to the waves lap up on the shore. for me, nothing else compares to the sound of water.

youtube —
despite the recent irritating increase in ads, i’m truly impressed that youtube has remained free all these years. there’s so much content on there that i’d expect to have to pay for, and be happy to do so. it’s a plethora of deep dives, research, journalism, documentaries, lectures, short films, indie films, video essays, interviews, etc. i’d even say the majority of what i self-study is via youtube. i hope i never take it for granted!! here are a few channels i’ve been binge watching lately:

• ashley viola — pop culture critique and deep dives (i really like her commentary on over-consumption)

• julie theis m.s. — psychological analysis’ on celebrities

• pursuit of wonder — philosophy, physics, and thought-provoking ideas

• veritasium — mind-bending science

• andrew huberman — neuroscience

fable (and storygraph) —
i had wanted to ditch goodreads for a long time due to it being owned by amazon, but i officially broke up with it after noticing the new appearance of ads. i jumped over to another app called fable. the interface itself is much smoother and better overall (i swear goodreads is stuck in the stone-age…) and i looove how much it tracks beyond the number of books you’ve finished. i do also use storygraph when looking for books to add to my tbr as the amount of information given is brilliant, and i often find the personalised recommendations are much better.

thank you so much for reading! <3

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nothing is ever off the table, and we never merely brush over a subject.

i think brain-rot and the consequential death of our attention spans are perpetuating the uprise in surface level conversations, which is a shame, as i personally think conversing and listening to somebody else is the best way to learn.

don’t think of this as a list of topics to discuss that’ll make you seem ‘disgustingly’ well-educated. for one, i loatheeee that phrase. but also, there’s no point in trying to appear intelligent if you can just work to become intelligent.

let’s have better conversations!!

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i started my cooking endeavour last year, but over the summer, i got a tad lazy with it. every evening, the sun sets behind our house which is conveniently where the kitchen is with a wall-to-wall window. the heat piercing through the window coupled with the warming oven and stove makes it far too hot for me to really enjoy cooking. but, temperatures have seemed to drop this month in england so i got myself back into the swing of it!

when trying to increase neuroplasticity, it’s far easier to build on existing neural pathways instead of creating new ones, so i’ve been collecting recipes for meals i’m somewhat familiar with. but i think next month, i’m going to step out of my comfort zone a tad and reach for things i never cook (like beef and seafood).

it has been SO long since i felt absorbed by a podcast. honestly, the last one i followed consistently was diary of a ceo, but when it shifted toward questionable health advice, i ditched it completely. clearly, i associated this newfound distrust with podcasts in general, rather than that specific one.

but as i’ve mentioned many times, i’m on a personal learning journey as my brain may as well have atrophied after leaving university, and i’ve found a number of brilliant educational podcasts. here are some episodes i’ve enjoyed this month:

this is a habit i’m pleased to have carried through another month as it makes a world of difference! i used to reach for my phone and spend half an hour scrolling on instagram as soon as i woke up.

but now, i don’t touch my phone for at least an hour after waking up. i grab a glass of iced water, wrap up in a blanket and sit in my back garden. the morning light triggers a healthy cortisol release which wakes me up but also helps me fall asleep later on.

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this kinda goes hand in hand with scroll-free mornings. the first few hours before work are my prime-time for catching up on my reading list of articles and essays. some of my favourite places to find articles are:

• aeon

• substack, of course!!

• jstor daily

• quanta magazine

but, in aim to eliminate my morning screen-time completely, i’ve started printing off the articles i want to read. it also means i can kick back with a pen and highlighter, annotating it and making notes as i read.

i’m a biiiiig lover of films as it is, but if it can expand my mind, even better! most of these films are dramatised for entertainment, so after watching them, i like to spend a few hours researching the topic or story further. some i watched (and loved) this month are:

• fargo (not to be confused with argo, which is also brilliant)

• beautiful boy (re-watch)

• i’m still here

• twelve years a slave

some still on my priority watchlist for next month:

• erin brockovich

• oppenheimer

• city of god

last year when i was unwell and immobile, i really got into doing puzzles, as it was the only thing i could actually do all day; sudoku, crosswords, wordsearches and other brain-teasers. despite being mobile now, i still fit puzzles into my day (usually before bed) as they keep my mind feeling incredibly sharp, and it stops me from scrolling.

last weekend, my mother-in-law showed me a new puzzle book she had bought titled ‘the killer isn’t alice’. it’s filled with tens of thousands of different names, and you’re given clues as to ‘who the killer was’. you work through each section, crossing off the people it can’t be until you’re left with one name.

i despise the news. i’ve actively avoided it for years now. every time i start passively consuming news articles, i feel myself physically sinking into a pit of despair and anxiety. but as somebody who doesn’t read or watch the news, i can often feel quite disconnected from the world. so, i’ve started reading news sites that specifically report on positive news. some of my favourites are:

• positive news

• good news network

• today: good news

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look, the last thing i want to do is paint a false image of myself as a person who effortlessly has her shit together. the truth is, i’m a SUCKER for reality tv: vanderpump rules, real housewives, secret lives of mormon wives, keeping up with the kardashians, and honestly anything produced by bravo and hulu…

i see no harm in the occasional binge-watching session on a friday night, but when i fall into the trap of watching it daily, it’s like i can feel my brain cells depleting in real time. i start yearning for more and more drama; every argument to erupt between a bunch strangers on my screen never seems to be explosive enough.

so, made a conscious effort to swap it out for educational youtube videos (typically science, philosophy and sometimes history). here are some i enjoyed watching this month:

• aperture — philosophy, psychology and quantum physics

• andrew huberman — neuroscience

• jared henderson — philosophy and literature

or, i just go down an intellectual rabbit hole…

i’ve never known myself not to read, but since june, i have had zero interest in picking a book. in fact, i frustratingly didn’t even touch my summer tbr. so this month, i paid visit to a few secondhand bookshops, charity shops and a library book sale, in hope of finding something that would pique my interest again.

most of the books i read are modern classics (maybe it’s a hot take, but i enjoy them far more than classics). but i also knew it had to be something relatively short, so i settled on: one day in the life of ivan denisovich by aleksandr solzhenitsyn.

it’s set over one day in a soviet forced-labour camp during the fifties. it follows ivan, a russian peasant and soldier who was falsely accused of treason and espionage after escaping german captivity during the second world war. and it’s only just over one-hundred-and-forty pages. i often find myself drawn to gritty stories like this, particularly ones that are fictional but deeply based on true events and real life.

i used to think the only solution to unrotting my brain was to delete every single social media app, or maybe throw my iPhone away all together and replace it with a nokia brick.

but, i think we underestimate how much control we actually have over the content our feeds serve up to us. granted, it’s not total control. from time to time, a temu ad pops up and gives me a minor jumpscare…

for the most part, i’ve curated a feed of educational videos, book reviews, film reviews and the occasional life-affirming chat. quite frankly, i can only take so many influencers holding products up to the screen whilst tapping it with their false nails, before my brain implodes.

thank you so much for reading! <3

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though i am learning to love summer, it still leaves me a little frayed come the end of august. it takes a lot out of me, which probably seems foreign to those who spend their summer kicked back on a deck chair, letting the days go by. but for me, it’s a lot. the suffocating heat (heatwaves in england without aircon are no laughing matter) and the constant pressure to be somewhere sunnier doing something better with my one wild life.

i think that’s why i love fall most of all. it’s the season i’m able to mend, catch up on sleep and actually do the things i adore without guilt, like baking, cosy movie nights, sipping hot drinks, reading, and walks in the rain.

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i discussed in another recent article that i’m having a low-consumption autumn. but, that won’t stop me from having the most magical season ever.

if you thought i usually had a lot of film recommendations, strap yourself in as autumnal films are by far my favourite.

• addams family values — the family try to save uncle fester from a murderous gold-digger, meanwhile wednesday is exiled to a summer camp.

• when harry met sally — two friends spend years circling the question of whether men and women can ever really just be friends.

• dead poet’s society — at a strict boarding school, a passionate english teacher inspires his students to seize the day through the beauty of poetry.

• the prestige — one of my favourites. two rival magicians get locked into an obsessive feud, each willing to sacrifice almost anything to sabotage and outdo the other.

• you’ve got mail — two rival bookshop owners can’t stand each other in person, while unknowingly falling in love as anonymous email pen pals.

• corpse bride — whilst practicing his vows in the woods, victor accidentally marries a murdered bride and is whisked away to the land of the dead.

• wallace and gromit: the curse of the were-rabbit — wallace and his dog gromit are called in when a giant rabbit starts wrecking the town's gardens before the annual vegetable competition. peak childhood nostalgia.

• edward scissorhands — with scissors for hands, edward is taken in by a kind suburban family and he must navigate this new life after being alone in the dark for years.

• coco — whilst pursuing his dreams of being a musician, a young boy is pulled into the colourful land of the dead on dia de los muertos.

• coraline — after moving house, coraline finds a secret door leading to an idyllic parallel world where her “other” parents seem delightful, until they reveal what they want in return. another one of my favourites!!

• monster house — three kids discover that the creepy house across the road is actually alive, and try to figure out how to stop it before halloween.

• good will hunting — a janitor at MIT turns out to be a self-taught mathematical genius. to avoid jail time, a therapist tries to help him.

• donnie darko — donnie is visited by a figure in a creepy rabbit suit who tells him the world will end in twenty-eight days before guiding him through a series of strange acts.

my favourite nostalgic series do autumn perfectly (the iconic thanksgiving dinner in gossip girl is top tier). some of these series are autumnal throughout, and others have standout episodes. for those with standout episodes, i’ve picked my favourites in attempt to keep this (somewhat) concise.

• pretty little liars (hbo max) — i know this show is a tad controversial (if you know, you know) but the first season gives me a huge rush of nostalgia from my teen years!!

  • S2 E13: the first secret

  • S3 E13: this is a dark ride

• gilmore girls (netflix) — follows lorelai and her teenage daughter, rory, through small-town life in stars hollow, connecticut. it’s cosy, it’s bookish, it’s comforting.

• stranger things (netflix) — a group of kids in the eighties uncover a hidden parallel dimension called the upside down when searching for their missing friend.

• gossip girl (netflix) — hey upper east siders, there’s nothing quite like fall in new york…

  • S1 E9: blair waldorf must pie (and most of season one, honestly)

  • S3 E11: the treasure of serena madre

• buffy the vampire slayer (disney plus) — a teenage girl balances the typical struggles of being a teenager with her destiny to fight vampires and demons. this one is sooo nostalgic for me!!

• wednesday (netflix) — follows wednesday addams as she solves a murder mystery at a school for outcasts.

• vampire diaries (netflix) — a teenage girl falls for a vampire, and a love triangle, family secrets and supernatural chaos all unfold once his world pulls her in.

• friends (hbo max) — this show is like my comfort blanket. i’ve watched it so many times, i think i could recite every single episode from memory.

  • S3 E9: the one with the football

  • S5 E8: the one with all the thanksgivings

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autumn by ali smith — the story centres on a cross-generational friendship between a woman and a dying elderly man in the fractured landscape of post-brexit britain.

the secret history by donna tartt — follows a tight-knit group of elitist college students in a greek classics cult, who descnd after murdering one of their own.

the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde — a vain young man pursues a life of hedonism whilst remaining youthful forever but his hidden portrait grows ugly, reflecting his moral decay. you can bet i’ll be re-reading this next month.

rebecca by daphne du maurier — after marrying a wealthy widower, a woman moves to his mansion, but feels psychologically tormented by the housekeeper and the inescapable legacy of his dead wife, rebecca.

perfume by patrick süskind — follows a french orphan with a superhuman sense of smell as he becomes a serial killer, murdering young women to extract their essence and distill the ultimate fragrance. it’s as creepy as it sounds…

dracula by bram stoker — an ancient vampire from transylvania relocates to england (whitby, yorkshireeeee!!) to spread his undead curse, prompting a group of people to hunt him down.

the wax child by olga ravn — narrated by a wax doll, we follow the tragic fate of christenze, noblewoman, and her friends who are persecuted and condemned to burn during a brutal witch trial.

the lottery by shirley jackson — the residents of a small town gather for an annual community ritual, the lottery, that at first seems harmless, until its true purpose is revealed. this is only a few pages, you can finish it in one sitting.

frankenstein by mary shelley — victor frankenstein, a young scientist, creates a living human-like creature but horrified by it, he abandons it, leading to an inescapable cycle of vengeance and destruction.

the dangers of smoking in bed by mariana enriquez — a dark collection of short stories blending urban legends, bodily horror, witchcraft and supernatural dread.

natural aromatics — instead of relying on synthetic candles, keep a stovetop potpourri simmering with star anise, whole cloves, cedar twigs, cinnamon sticks, and dried orange slices.

golden hour — take an aimless train or bus ride at sunset, listening to a moody acoustic folk playlist as the amber landscape blurs by.

stews and soups — spend a lazy sunday afternoon making a homemade soup or stew. i like to slow cook mine in a dutch oven. if you want to go all-out, bake a loaf of crusty white bread to go alongside it. delicious!!

book nook — claim an area in your home and turn it into your little reading nest. drape a heavy wool blanket over the back and keep your physical tbr stacked next to it.

people watching — go to an independent coffee shop on a blustery, grey day by yourself. secure a window seat, order a hot drink and watch people hurry past as the wind whips the leaves down the street.

lighting — swap out any harsh lightbulbs in your home for warm-toned and low-wattage bulbs to create a soft golden ambience. and don’t forget to check all of your lamp bulbs are working (…reminder to self).

farmers market — skip the supermarket one weekend and visit a local market or farm shop. pick up a variety of autumnal veggies, some quality meat and maybe a bunch of flowers for the dining room.

vintage audio — swap your high-energy podcast for classic radio stations, ambient instrumental music or mystery audiobooks (like agatha christie or sherlock holmes). play them aloud in the kitchen while making dinner.

go analog — bite the bullet, cancel your netflix subscription and buy your favourite dvd boxsets from a local charity shop (i saw a hugeee gilmore girls boxset last week for £1.50!!! i regret not buying it now…)

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for me, the best part of autumn is the food. after months of light summer meals, there’s nothing quite like the shift toward hearty and warming dinners.

• chicken and stuffing pie — last year, this recipe was on my weekly rotation. serve it up with some tenderstem broccoli and carrots.

• brown butter cookies — ok if you’ve never baked cookies with browned butter, i insist that you try it ASAP.

• butternut squash pasta — i don’t actually like pumpkin, but at this time of year, butternut squash is the next best thing!

• toad in the hole — i’ll be honest, i cook this all year round as it’s one of my go-to comfort meals (at that time of the month), but it’s undeniably cosy.

• butter chicken — this is hands down one of the best meals i’ve ever eaten. i actually went all-out and made the garlic naan and pilau rice from scratch too.

• chicken stew and dumplings — i actually made this for the first time a few nights ago. much easier than i anticipated, and so delicious. i also whipped up some homemade bread rolls to go with it.

• roasted tomato soup — serve it up with a cheese toastie (or grilled cheese, if you’re american). can’t go wrong!

i’ve always loved sprucing up the house for autumn, but for years i relied far too much on plastic pumpkins and whatever synthetic tat i could find on the shelves of tk maxx. after taking a step back and really looking at my space, i realised all that mass-produced stuff doesn’t look as cute or cosy as i once thought it did. i think handmade home decor is one million times better (plus, the actual process of making it only adds to the magic, right?!)

vintage book page garland
ditch the tacky plastic garland this year as you can easily make your own. first, make a stencil in an autumnal shape (e.g. ghost, pumpkin, leaf). dig out an old book you’ll never reread (though standard paper or card works perfectly fin too). trace your stencil, cut out the shapes and string them together. drape it over your mantelpiece, window or doorframe.

painted pumpkins
i have a list on my notes app titled ‘things i hate’ (which isn’t as pessimistic as it sounds, it has actually sparked many laughs over the dinner table). and believe it or not, the very first item is pumpkin carving. maybe i just lack the patience or arm strength it requires, but consider it the very last thing i’d ever want to do as a ‘fun’ seasonal activity. sooo, painting pumpkins is much more my taste!

teddy fleece pumpkins
you know those adorable plush pumpkins in every single home store throughout autumn? it turns it, it’s quite easy to make your own! you’ll need to buy some bouclé (or ideally up-cycle a blanket you already own). most DIY instructions will also tell you to stuff it with polyfill, but i’d personally avoid that and use scrap fabrics instead to reduce waste.

and all at once, summer collapsed into fall.
— oscar wilde

thank you so much for reading! <3

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it isn’t. i have a job, responsibilities, a life, and a finite number of hours. sometimes i don’t manage much. but every sunday, without fail, i make bread and freeze it for the week. and when i can, i make other things too. the more the merrier!

first, i should preface that by claiming these are ‘low-effort’, i do not mean you can whip them up in a few seconds whilst staying vertical in bed. that’s what deliveroo and doordash are for. what i mean is, these won’t suck up much of your time, they don’t require any fancy equipment and they’re easy to get the hang of (coming from somebody who once believed she couldn’t cook at all).

is it really worth the extra effort? yes (!!!!) and i will die on that hill. contrary to popular belief, it is cheaper in most cases. it tastes better… always. you’re actually nourishing yourself. aaand, it’s a small act of resistance against the billion-pound companies who are happy to shove preservatives (and god knows what else) down your throat.

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at times, i have sat on my sofa, scrolling through pinterest, completely shut off from anything beyond my screen. i’d see a woman with a house far bigger than mine. the interior would be rustic and cottagecore, and it’d be against the backdrop of a gorgeous english village. through the few photos i would see, her life would appear to be utterly perfect and effortless. and when i eventually look up from my phone and glance around my own living room, i’d turn my nose up and feel worse about my own life than i did before. the following months would blur into one as i kept the countryside cottage at the forefront of my mind.

many of us reassure ourselves that we’ll finally love our lives as soon as we achieve or acquire that one thing.

newsflash!!! if you can’t love the life you have now, you won’t ever love your ‘dream life’ either. you can work toward something bigger, sure, this isn’t about that, but you should only do so whilst appreciating the ground your feet are on now.

optimistic nihilism

a lot of our misery comes from an invisible pressure that we’re failing at our own lives. i, myself, felt the crushing weight of this after pouring years into a career i thought i wanted, only to lose it all when i ran myself into the ground. i was so convinced that it was ‘my calling’, so i considered my entire life a grand failure by the age of twenty-five.

i was finally relieved of that pain when i realised that nothing actually matters, and i realise that sounds bleak, but hear me out… life has no greater purpose, and you have freedom over what matters to you, and only you. you no longer haveto consider what you think matters to others.

this is so liberating!! if the universe has no ‘plan’ for you, then you’re off the hook. you don’t have to ‘be’ anybody. you don’t have to live up to anything. you are free to assign your own meaning to your life.

tomorrow becomes something to look forward to when you realise it’s a blank canvas that you are free to paint in whatever colours you wish.

from consuming to creating

when you hate everything in your life, it’s usually because you’re stuck in a passive state. you become a sponge for the world’s noise, just scrolling, watching, consuming and reacting. it hollows you out.

the only way out is to start creating. it doesn’t have to be anything catastrophic either. it certainly doesn’t need to be something you can monetise or gain from. you just need a small obsession. for me, it was baking bread. having something that is entirely yours creates a deep sense of internal intimacy.

and this doesn’t mean you can’t consume at all. i think that’s a common misconception. i certainly still consume, but i’m mindful of it. i like to refer to it as my “media diet”. you are what you eat, right? i still consume books, essays, art, poetry, films and youtube videos, whilst avoiding short-form social media content and news headlines as much as i can.

radical acceptance

right now, you’re probably in an exhausting tug of war with your own life. you’re pulling against your anxiety, your regrets, your failures, your struggles. you’re getting dragged through the mud, backwards, and your hands are bleeding. you’re losing.

you have to let go of the rope. it’s about looking around and saying “okay, this is exactly where i am. it’s awful. i hate it. but i’m done fighting the fact that this is my reality”.

the second you stop burning most of your energy fighting the existence of your problems, that energy comes flooding back in. you stop agonising over how unfair it all is, and you finally have the capacity to just ask “okay, what can i actually do about it?” and “what is this teaching me?”

shrink your ego

stargazing has become one of my new favourite hobbies recently. every night, if the sky is clear, i’ll wrap up in a blanket and head out into my back garden for an hour. i lay out flat on our sun lounger, staring straight up at the night sky. no phone, no music, nothing. it only takes a few minutes until i get lost in the sheer vastness of the space above me. suddenly, everything seems so small.

go stand at the edge of the ocean or simply observe the stars. immerse yourself in something so incomprehensibly bigger than you that your own ego just shuts down for a moment. when you realise how small you are, it gives you so much room to breathe.

swap hope for curiosity

the default piece of advice people offer you is to “have hope”. but hope is actually exhausting. so i stopped latching onto the idea of hope, and swapped it out for curiosity.

then, i didn’t have to believe that tomorrow was going to be beautiful (because, let’s face it, it probably wasn’t and i could see that so clearly). i just had to be mildly curious about what was going to happen.

hope left me measuring my life and experiences on a scale of ‘goodness’. and as we know, things don’t repair overnight. so when it continued in a state of turmoil, i’d consider everything to be a dumpster fire. but with curiosity, i actually started to wonder about what these negative experiences were teaching me and why they were happening. it opened my mind up to what’s beyond the narrowed perception of ‘good’ and ‘bad’.

less is always more

in the past, a wave of desire to improve my life came with an instinct to add new things. a new morning routine, a new matching workout set, a new side hustle, a whole new wardrobe. that kinda thing.

but i truly fell in love with my life when i started removing things instead. you neverrrrrr need to add anything to find peace (therapy being the exception); you need to strip away everything that is poisoning your life.

what is consistently making you miserable? a certain friend? a partner? a social media app? a bad habit?

for me, it was physical stuff. i had spent so long trying to find joy in consuming and shopping that my living space felt cluttered and crowded with more stuff than i could ever need.

your life will be wonderful because you will make it wonderful, and it will be full of love because you are full of love.

thank you so much for reading! <3

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yeah. sooooo we need to talk about it.

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i distinctly remember one person who had a tutorial for crocheting a hugeeee blanket. it must have been close to king-size. and it was gorgeous!! if i’m remembering correctly, he said he had made it for his wife as a complete beginner. so i was sure i could do it too, until i later humbled myself.

the comment section was flooded with people telling him to sell them.

you could sell these!! etsy!!! i’d buy one, name your price pleaseee.

of course, it was all meant kindly. it’s one of the highest compliments you ca receive, after all.

years ago, i was the type of person to chime into it too. for four long years, i couldn’t watch anyone (least of all myself) enjoy anything without already being three steps ahead, figuring out how to monetise it or optimise it.

that’s where we’ve ended up, isn’t it. every hobby is a business that hasn’t launched yet. every hour must be optimised and have something to show for itself. and if it doesn’t, you feel it. it’s like an itch, constantly reminding you that you’ve wasted your time whilst other people are compounding.

so we subconsciously sort everything into two piles: useful and useless.

neuroplasticity and the unfamiliar

your brain is a massive energy hog. and to save energy, it constantly tries to automate your life. the skills you use every day like typing and driving all run on thick neural pathways.

when you learn something that’s conventionally ‘useful’, you are often just adding a tiny offshoot to an existing and well-established pathway. similarly, every time you repeat something you already know, the pathway it runs along gets wrapped in a fatty coating called myelin. the thicker the pathway, the faster and smoother the signal will travel (i.e. the easier it becomes for you).

if we only ever pursue the well-worn path as it’s the easiest one to travel, i think we consequently drift towards a life made almost entirely of paths we laid down years ago. the same few meals. the same films on repeat. the same routes. the same work… to me, that doesn’t feel like a life well-lived.

so, what happens when we deliberately do the opposite?

well, learning something typically deemed as ‘useless’ actually introduces your brain to something foreign. there’s no pre-existing pathways, so your brain is thrust into a state of structural panic. it cannot rely on old habits; it must bulldoze entirely new pathways, effectively rewiring your brain.

it also triggers the release of dopamine and acetylcholine in your brain as the stakes are zero, so the fear of failure is removed entirely.

how useless things become useful things

for most of my working life, i believed that if you were stuck on something, the answer was to persist, stare harder at it and simply put more hours in. but it turned out, my best ideas never even sprouted from there.

and this is more or less how it tends to go.

einstein, of all people, once described the way his mind worked as ‘combinatorial play’ — the idea that thinking was actually about mixing and matching unrelated ideas to create new ones.

it reminds me of steve jobs’ story. i used to listen to his speech on youtube most mornings whilst doing my make up (during my cringey girl boss phase).

when he dropped out of reed college and no longer had to attend any of his classes, he decided to take up a calligraphy class, for no reason other than he was fascinated by it.

in his own words:

“none of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. but ten years later, when we were designing the first macintosh computer, it all came back to me... if i had never dropped in on that single course in college, the mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts”.

without learning a skill he deemed ‘useless’ at the time, the macbook i’m typing on right now wouldn’t be the same. or maybe it wouldn’t have existed at all.

who are you when you’re not being productive?

i find it really odd how the default icebreaker when meeting someone new is “what do you do for a living?” it’s as though we’ve substituted ‘who i fundamentally am’ for ‘how i generate money’.

when our entire sense of self is tangled up with our productivity levels, our identity becomes extremely fragile.

if we lose a job, experience burnout or simply have an unproductive day, we don’t just experience a setback. no, no, no. we experience a full-blown existential crisis (trust me, i would knowww). we are left with the nagging question: “if i’m not useful right now, do i even matter?”

when we reduce our lives strictly to what is ‘useful’, we degrade ourselves to the level of algorithms, robots and machines. so by deliberately spending time on the seemingly pointless things, we remind ourselves that we are intrinsically valuable simply because we are capable of experiencing wonder.

random things you can learn for free (just for the hell of it)

• lucid dreaming → explore lucid dreaming on youtube

• cloud reading → whatsthiscloud.com

• bird identification → merlin app

• chess → lichess.org

• foreign language → openculture.com

• neuroscience → fundamentals of neuroscience by harvard

• photography → diploma in digital photography by advance learning

• magic tricks → jay sankey on youtube

• drawing → drawabox.com

• calligraphy → the happy ever crafter on youtube

• coding → freecodecamp.org

• ancient greek history → intro to ancient greek history by yale

• sourdough → the bread code on youtube

• the splits → blogilates.com

• game theory → game theory by yale

• plant and tree identification → plantnet app

• morse code → morsecodemaster.com

• floristry → diploma in floristry by courseflix

• web development → theodinproject.com

• yoga → yoga with adriene on youtube

• graphic design → canva design school

• gardening → gardentutor.com

• philosophy → philosophy and the science of human nature by yale

• sign language → commandinghands.co.uk

• cake decorating → cake decorating school on youtube

• video editing → capcut academy

• knitting → sheep & stitch on youtube

• astronomy → stellarium app

• crochet → bella coco on youtube

• fermentation → the science of cooking with microbes by harvard

thank you so much for reading! <3

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scrolling. is. not. resting.

why?

well, each scroll gives your brain a burst of dopamine (thhis is often misinterpreted as the pleasure chemical, but it’s actually triggered by anticipation).

you’re always hoping the next video is ‘the one’. the one that tops them all. the one you’ve been waiting for. but, spoiler alert: algorithms are designed to ensure this doesn’t ever happen, to keep you hooked.

at the exact same time, you’re being exposed to countless headlines and graphic news stories (often without even realising it as we’ve become so desensitised to it), and this is flooding your brain with cortisol and adrenaline. this activates your fight-or-flight response, but often goes unnoticed because the dopamine rush perfectly masks the physical symptoms of stress, effectively numbing your awareness.

having your flight-or-flight response stimulated constantly can harm your health and literally rewire your brain. so yes, it really is that deep.

close the social media apps an hour or two before bed, and do one of these instead…

blackout poetry —
take a paperback from your shelf, a newspaper or a magazine, and a sharpie. pick one page and scran for a few anchor words that jump out at you. string different words together to form a poem, then, use the marker pen to redact the rest of it.

puzzles —
crosswords, word searches, sudoku, ideally pencil and paper (but use an app if needed). the build of anticipation whilst figuring it out gives your brain a healthy release of dopamine, making it a suitable alternative to doomscrolling.

design a food menu —
me and my fiancé do this far too often (we’re big foodies). first, pick what type of restaurant you’d want to own… an american diner, a rustic french bistro, a cosy english pub, a high-end japanese restaurant? then, curate an imaginary menu for it, considering starters, mains, desserts, sides and drinks.

create a personal curriculum —
think about what you’re actually interested in. gather different materials (i.e. books, films, articles, podcasts, videos, etc) on those topics and organise them over a month or season. every evening, instead of doomscrolling, spend an hour or so researching. and if you need some ideas:

make bread dough —
mix the dough in the evening and let it rise for an hour or so. shape it, then cold proof in the fridge overnight, which deepens the flavour too! the next day, bake it.

give yourself a manicure or pedicure —
i treat this as a tactical pause. you physically cannot touch your phone while your fingernails are wet, so it forces you to sit in uninterrupted stillness for twenty mins or so.

play solitaire —
it requires just enough strategy to keep you from reaching for your phone, but it’s simple enough that it absorbs your attention without riling you up.

make a vocabulary jar —
on a small slip of paper, write down a word you want to add to your natural vocabulary. add the definition and an example sentence. put all of the slips in an empty jar. each evening, pick one out at random and write out three of your own sentences using the word to memorise it.

junk journalling —
throughout the day, collect every piece of ‘junk’ you can (e.g. receipts, leaflets, wrappers, stickers, scraps of paper, etc). after dinner, empty your pockets and stick it all into a notebook. there are no rules, no themes, and no pressure to make it look pinterest-worthy.

read and annotate —
when you’re drained, reading can accidentally become another passive activity. i swear i once reached the end of a chapter before realising i have no idea what i had just read… so, read with a pen in hand. underline, scribble, make notes, highlight. you aren’t just consuming the text, you’re leaving an intellectual footprint.

start a notebook of fun lists —
i feel like you’ll either get this or you won’t. but i’m a big fan of making lists (and i don’t mean to-do-lists… god, no!!) i don’t document my life via instagram or anything like that, i prefer lists. my fave meals, best full albums, overheard conversations, compliments received, books for hyper-specific moods, potential names for any pets we adopt in the future, my literary bucket list.

write postcards to your future self —
drop a postcard in a random drawer so one day, you unintentionally come across it dig it back out. the process of writing (by hand) to yourself is invaluable. it shifts your focus outward and preserves a snapshot of your current headspace.

go down an intellectual rabbit hole —
follow your curiosity!! pick one specific topic and completely submerge yourself in it for an hour, whether that be reading, watching or listening. it’ll satisfy your brain’s itch for novelty without the overstimulating whiplash of endless scrolling. you can start here:

make a collage and frame it —
get your memories out of shoeboxes and the digital purgatory of your camera roll. grab an empty A4 (or bigger) frame. cover the backing with a patterned piece of paper or fabric. arrange photographs, tickets and other cute mementos on it, and stick them down. hang it up somewhere in your home or gift it to somebody.

make recipe cards —
the recipes you save and bookmark online usually go completely untouched. write your absolute faves onto index cards and organise them in a cute tin! i love the idea of creating something that can be passed down through the generations.

stargazing —
step out into the cold and trace the slow rotation of constellations above you. every night i lay back in one of our reclining garden chairs, prop my feet up on the other one and gaze up at the stars (with my cat, pesto, sprawled out across my stomach). if anything catches my eye, i use the stellarium app to identify it.

start a personal anthology —
instead of bookmarking your favourite quotes, start writing them out by hand. your favourite sentences, lyrics, poems, lines, essay openers, and small notes from conversations. the physical act of transcribing forces you to slow down.

give yourself a mini massage —
melt the residue of the day away. massage magnesium oil into your legs. roll a tennis ball under the arches of your feet. knead the tension out of your neck and jaw with moisturiser. massage your arms with body lotion. use a scalp brush to massage your head. you don’t always need somebody else to do it for you.

play a cosy game —
if you are going to look at a screen, at least swap it out for a low-stakes cosy game. my favourites were always strawdew valley, animal crossing and minami lane.

listen to an audiobook —
i have zero shame in admitting that, as an avid reader, sometimes i find myself in a weird slump where the mere process of picking up an actual book is far too strenuous. but, nothing to fear, audiobooks will always swoop in to save the day. for whatever reason, i only ever listen to non-fiction and reserve fiction for reading. i’m currently listening to: the jakarta method by vincent bevins (i read it a few years ago but wanted to refresh my memory).

have a film night —
i’m not usually one to nudge you toward consuming, but i’ll tell you one purchase that was worth its weight in gold… a projector! i think i paid £40 or so for ours, which isn’t too bad in hindsight, and we use it all the time! it’s ideal for nighttime too, as there’s no direct glare, which is far better for your eyes. if you need some film ideas:

meditate —
there are plenty of apps for this, but you can bypass those and go analog if you prefer. try box breathing (inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four). this does the complete opposite of what doomscrolling does before bed; it regulates your nervous system and signals to your body that the ‘stay alert’ phase of the day is over.

stretch your body —
on the floor or on your bed, stretch out your entire body to wring out the day’s pent up tension. start with your toes, isolating each body part, stretching one at a time, working your way up your body to the top of your head.

aaand if none of that tickles your fancy, here are some things you can do online that won’t turn your brain to mush…

thank you so much for reading! <3

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the setting is always perfectly lit with a ring-light which can be seen glaring in the reflection of the glass jars she has decanted her oats into.

i often wonder if these videos are of them doing an actual sunday reset, or if they are just staged clips that make it seem as though they’re doing it. i’m sure some are real. but i reckon most are staged; they’re far too unrealistic.

she restocks her fridge with cans of bloom (i swear i’ve only ever seen influencers drinking these), ensuring they are perfectly inline.

the camera pans to her rich-person-style food shop which amounts to a heaped pile of processed branded snacks on the sleek marble counter top. then, she removes each item from the flimsy plastic packaging and transfers it into the other plastic organisers she keeps (…don’t ask, i don’t get it either). she then portions seven identical lunches into seven identical glass tupperware containers before tetris-ing them into the biggest freezer drawer i’ve ever seen.

meanwhile, i’m entirely hooked on the realisation that they no longer know the expiry dates of everything in their fridge which freaks me out a tad.

even so, i do think there’s something in using sunday to set yourself up. but you won’t catch me turning one of my two weekend days into a jam packed schedule of tasks that are, in hindsight, pretty useless.

so i’ve gathered a low-stakes list of things i actually like doing before the week starts. spoiler alert: ‘restocking’ my fridge with an abundance of processed crap is not one of them.

p.s. for some sunday reset listening…

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unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock, you’re probably already well-versed in the ‘personal curriculum’ situ. but if you have been snoozing under a rock, hello, good morning sleepy head. let’s get you caught up.

what is it? a self-study plan built entirely around your interests (we all know the worst thing about school was being forced to learn things we didn’t care about).

most curriculums will typically highlight a few different subjects, and for each, you’ll have a series of materials to work through. but remember it’s your plan, so if you don’t enjoy consuming a particular form of media, you don’t have to.

so, here’s a list of subjects that are perfect for your august curriculum.

each one comes with a variety of materials and an assignment too. you don’t need to do them all; pick whichever ones tickle your brain.

happy learning !!!!

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i’ve rounded up all of the films that made me fall in love with life, in one way or another.

so, grab a snack, get comfy and let’s watch a film!!!

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION (1994)

i know you’ve probably seen this one but just in case… andy dufresne is wrongfully convicted of murder and sent to shawshank prison where he befriends red. the film spans across twenty years and follows their journey as they cling onto hope. and morgan freeman narrates the story! that man could narrate paint drying and i’d pull up a chair. it’s a monthly ritual of mine to watch this film, and every single rewatch leaves me with a deep lust for life, ready to march outside and do something with mine. if you’ve seen it, you already know the exact feeling i’m talking about. if you haven’t, what a weekend you have ahead of you.

WAVES (2019)

if you take any recommendation from this list, make it this one. the film is split clean down the middle. the first half is about tyler, the eldest of the williams kids. he’s a high school wrestler with a bright future insight, but his dad consistently pushes him harder and harder. he gets injured but feeling the pressure, he hides it from everyone. his life gradually collapses in the worst way imaginable (though i won’t spoil the details). the second half then follows his younger sister, emily, left standing in the wreckage of her family. this film is so healing. not to mention, it’s a work of art (with one of the best soundtracks ever).

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SOUL (2020)

i will die on this hill: this is the most criminally underrated disney film ever made. joe gardner is a middle school band teacher who has spent his entire life waiting for his big break as a jazz pianist, and on the very day he finally lands it, he falls down a manhole. his soul ends up in the ‘great before’ where he’s paired with another soul who has spent centuries refusing to be born because she can’t see the point in living. it is, hands down, the most introspective and life-affirming plot i’ve ever come across in an animated film. and it sits especially close to my heart, because joe’s whole arc, is almost the exact trajectory of my struggle through burnout and the long crawl out the other side. watching it mid-recovery felt like i was finally seen. i’m begging you, don’t write this one off as just another mediocre pixar film.

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989)

despite how heart-shattering this film is, it still made me fall in love with life a little more, though i can’t quite articulate why. it’s the kind of film you watch once, then never again (i did rewatch it twice but it almost killed me off). and still, it replays in your mind on a loop. mr keating (robin williams, yay) is a new english teacher at a traditional boys boarding school in the late fifties. he preaches the ‘unconventional’ lessons like poetry and seizing the day. a group of his students secretly restart his old club, the dead poets society. where it goes from there is yours to find out; just, keep some tissues within reach… “carpe diem. seize the day boys. make your life extraordinary”.

CHEF (2014)

this is like comfort food in movie form. carl is not fulfilled by his job as a head chef in a top los angeles restaurant. after a public meltdown, he quits his job and stars over in an old food truck, with a menu of cuban sandwiches and street food. the film is about falling back in love with your work and the people you share it with. no doubt, you’ll come away happy and hungry.

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (2006)

this is my go-to feel good film, no contest. the story follows the hoovers, a dysfunctional family falling apart at the seams, who pile into their clapped-out yellow vw campervan to drive their daughter across the country to compete in the little miss sunshine beauty pageant. i have such fond memories of watching this with my dad, the two of us in fits of laughter. and most of my vocal stims come straight from this film (yelling “every night it’s the goddamn fucking chicken” whilst i, myself, cook chicken for dinner).

BEFORE SUNRISE (1995)

i have watched a lot of people fall in love on screen, and i have never, not once, seen romantic chemistry like this. jesse (ethan hawke, big fan over here) is a young american on his last night in europe who meets céline (julie delpy, the most ethereal woman my eyes have been blessed with) on a train. they spontaneously decide to hop off the train together in vienna and spend the entire night wandering around until they part ways in the morning. if anything, this film simply inspired me to be a better conversationalist.

ABOUT TIME (2013)

oh i have been WAITING to talk about this one. i was sooo late to the party, but i finally watched it. on his twenty-first birthday, tim finds out the men in his family can travel back in time. it starts as a class rom-com but morphs into a heartwarming story about life and a father-son bond.

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INTERSTELLAR (2014)

the cliché pick, I KNOW, shhhh!! but it’s a classic for a reason (and one of my favourite films of all time). if you haven’t seen it, i’ll intentionally keep this fairly brief as this is the kind of film you need to watch with zero spoilers. cooper, a former pilot on a dying earth, has to leave his children behind (big emphasis on his daughter, murph) while he flies through a wormhole in search for a new home for humanity. you know those films that leave you with a whole new personality and a newfound respect for life? yep. THIS is the one that did that to me.

ARRIVAL (2016)

another space film (well, kinda, it’s not actually set in space). dr. louise banks (played by amy adams, whom i only ever new from enchanted prior to this) is a linguist. herself and ian, a physicist, are brought in when twelve enormous spacecrafts turn up around the world. she is given the task of figuring out how to communicate with the aliens onboard. but don’t be fooled; what starts as a film about space and language turns into something far more personal and touching. it’s portrays the idea that life is worth living, always, even with the pain it so often brings.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005)

have i thought about this film every single day since i first watched it? yessss. that alone is a marker of a brilliant film. though it isn’t as directly life-affirming as the other films on this list, the sheer passion and, not to mention, the ending, left me with a profound appreciation for those i love. plus, it’s my favourite film of all time. we have jake gyllenhaal, my favourite actor, paired up with the brilliant heath ledger. the story follows two cowboys, ennis and jack, who spend a summer working on an isolated mountain, in wyoming, herding sheep. they start a passionate love affair but are forced to keep it a secret from their wives and the rest of the world due to societal homophobia. it spans twenty years from the sixties to the eighties — two decades where homophobia was especially rife (the eighties is often recognised as the worst in the twentieth century). i think i fell in love with this film even more after watching both jake gyllenhaal’s and heath ledger’s responses to the backlash.

AMÉLIE (2001)

a shy young waitress in paris decides to make life a little better for everyone around her, one small good deed at a time, all while working up the nerve to chase a bit of romance of her own. it’s as lovely as it sounds, and i don’t think i need to say much else.

PERFECT DAYS (2023)

this is one of the loveliest films everrrrr!! hirayama has a simple job, cleaning public toilets in tokyo. he moves through the exact same routine every single day. still, his days are filled with small pleasures: tending to his houseplants, listening to vintage cassette tapes, reading classic literature. the film’s core theme is the japanese concept of komorebi (the fleeting, beautiful pattern of sunlight shining through the gaps in the trees). it explores the philosophy of being exactly where your feet are, and shows how a beautiful life can be achieved without chasing material wealth or status.

P.S. i’d love to hear a film that made you fall in love with life! i’ll add it to my watchlist. <3

love always,
olivia

thank you so much for reading! <3

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without going into the nitty gritty too much, last year, i had quite the fall from grace. i landed myself in the intensive care unit, in a coma, as a result of years and years of relentless over-working, pent up stress, burnout and self neglect.

after months in hospital, i was able to return home and start over. and i really did have to start again from the bottom. i had to relearn how to walk, eat, drink, speak, bathe, everything.

once i had mastered the basics again, i had a new endeavour: getting my spark back.

it had been dulled for many years. i felt like i had been completely wrung out.

i had no dreams. no goals. no ambition. no wants. no desires. no passions. no purpose. no interests. i was the epitome of surviving, but not living; just stumbling through each day for the sake of going on.

fast forward to today, a year later, things are much different. my mind is bubbling with curiosity, i’ve reunited with enthusiasm, i’m (softly) ambitious, my days (even the mundane ones) are filled with the lightness of joy, and i relish in a handful of passions for no reason other than i love them.

for what it’s worth, i think there’s always beauty to be found in the crevasses of our little lives, if only we continue searching for it with hope and wonder.

i truly didn’t think i would ever fall back in love with life after falling down so hard, but me being the stubborn woman i am, i proved myself wrong.

now i know: you are NEVER too far gone or in too deep to bloom again.

this is how i got my spark back (and how you can get yours back too).

stop ‘protecting your energy’

this sounds counterproductive, i know, but hear me out.

your phone buzzes on the kitchen counter, a name you love pops up in the group chat, and before you even read to the end of “we’re doing a sunday roast at ours, come!!” your thumbs are already typing an excuse. “so sorry, sounds lovely but i’m shattered, next time!” send. it’s a quick relief. i would know… i did this for almost two years. it continued for so long because i had convinced myself that i was just ‘protecting my energy’. i told myself it was self-care and i didn’t owe anything to anyone else.

it becomes a trap as saying no felt responsible, like i was taking care of my wellbeing. but when you’re burning out, you’re ALWAYS exhausted, you’ll never feel particularly ‘well’, so the excuse always seems legitimate. and consequently, i missed out on so much life.

so i started saying yes, to pretty much everything (within reason, i’m not a lunatic). the weddings. the meals out. the family gatherings. the birthday dinners. the last minute plans. the long walks. the mini day trips and spontaneous adventures. hell, i’ve even agreed to go on an eighties night out with my mum and sister this weekend (for context, i haven’t drank in five years, but that’s for no other reason than me being a bit uptight, so i figured i should let my hair down for once). the old me would have said no to all of it.

and saying yes more showed me there are two completely different types of no. you don’t have to say yes to EVERYTHINGGG, after all. you should say no to things that you genuinely don’t want to do, and yes to the things you simply can’t be bothered to do.

1. i don’t want this — the house party where i won’t know anybody except my fiancé and i’ll be the only sober one, nursing a warm lemonade at 1am while everyone gets funnier to each other and not to me… no thank you, and a clean, happy no at that. this is what protecting your energy actually is.

2. i can’t be bothered — can be easily confused with the first, so for a while you just have to blindly say yes until you can establish the difference between the two. that’s the one that was eating away my entire life.

unweld your pleasures from the systems you build around them

i finished a novel, closed it, my cheeks still damp with tears, and the first thing i did was open goodreads and log it as book twenty-nine of fifty-two. there was little regard for how it truly made me feel or the impact it had on me, which is simply ludicrous for a book that made me sob until my face turned a blue.

so much of my life had numbers attached to it. reading had an annual goal. walking had a step count, buzzing at me whenever i sat still for too long. cooking had a plan for every night of the week, with the calories logged beneath each one. sleep was optimised down to a T. we build these systems in a burst of enthusiasm, and they outlive the enthusiasm by years. i know every one of mind had.

i could no longer tell whether i enjoyed it or whether i was just optimised for doing it. did i love reading, or did i love finishing? i could not have told you, and frankly, tht frightened me.

i abolished every single optimisation system, and gave my attention to what i still reached for.

my reading targets went in the bin (i’m not against them, they just weren’t good for my own sanity), and the act of reading was fine without it, better even. i stopped tracking everything, actually, which again, is a personal preference. though, i did keep the meal plans. i like knowing what to cook each night rather than standing in front of the fridge, being indecisive. i stopped measuring my body in numbers and simply became more aware of how i felt (i.e. do i feel healthy? do i feel sluggish? do i feel unfit? do i feel well rested?)

unwelding my pleasures from the systems i built around them showed me just how many things i was doing merely for the sake of keeping up with a score, and allowed me to make space for things i genuinely wanted.

put the self-help book down

i once owned tonnes of them (and read eight-three to be exact, according to my goodreads). shelves upon shelves. every spine cracked. some of them dog-eared in the first half and untouched after that. i read them with a highlighter held in my teeth, like i was revising for an exam somebody was going to set me. i was sure the answer was in there. this one. it had to be. i flicked through the pages with a hopeful heart as the ever-growing stack of useless books blurred into the edges of my vision. but not this one. this one was going to fix me. anyway, weeks would pass by and it would eventually join the pile as i swiftly moved onto the next, once again, certain that this one held the answers i was seeking.

you might wonder why on earth somebody would continue going back to something if it doesn’t work. well, at the time, it feels like it is. reading about how to make th change gives you a similar sensation to when you actually make the change. your brain marks the intention down as progress, and the pressure that would have pushed you into doing it stops. ultimately, your brain feels like it was worthwhile, but the state of your life would say otherwise.

sure, this is coming from a personal standpoint (who knows, you might find self-help books incredibly helpful), but if speaking for myself, i only ever found true inspiration, wisdom and wonder between the pages of a book when i started reading fiction again. no, you won’t crack open a novel and find a seven-step system to follow, but you will escape into a world unlike your own, you will walk a mile in another person’s shoes, and you will experience lifetimes that you otherwise wouldn’t. that, i believe, will help you find yourself in ways that a self-help book simply couldn’t.

adopt a set of low-effort habits

but it’s not always a problem with saying no to everything. sometimes (for me, this was the bigger problem) it’s about saying yes to everything then cancelling or postponing it. i’d say saturday, mean sunday, and then saturday would roll in and find me face-down on the sofa, watching another plan dissolve like a pill in water.

burnout does this to you. you agree to a plan, think you mean it, but you never really do. and each time you don’t it become one more IOU you’ll never pay back, and the pile of them grows big enough to drown in.

i didn’t need a wellness regime to drag me out (god, the last thing any of us need is another wellness regime). i needed a few piddling little habits, so effortless that they were doable on the days that had actually worn thin.

like i said, they’re nothing worth writing home about. but what accrued was a track record. i kept turning up for myself. i became someone i could finally bank on.

discover who you are when you’re not busy or productive

for years you answer the question of who you are with what you produce, because it’s the answer the world feasts on, and often provokes out of you. at every dinner party and every social gathering, you introduce yourself to new people and one of the first questions you are asked is: so, what do you do for work? and it slips into the conversation long before: what do you do for fun?

over time, work stopped being something we do and it became who we are, to yourself as much as anyone else.

but at some point, your output stops, or at least dwindles, through burnout or plain exhaustion. this is worse than boredom, and worse than being at a loose end. when the work you have used to justify your own existence is taken away, you do not simply gain free time, but rather, you gain a conviction that you are worth nothing, because you have spent years measuring your worth by what work you did that day. as your days blend into one another, seemingly empty and meaningless, you begin to speculate that you were never a particularly interesting person at all. just a busy one.

for me, this was the hardest rut to dig myself out of. long after i recovered from burnout, i had no identity. it took months of journalling and dabbling in different hobbies for me to finally discover who i was.

find a stake-free hobby you actually enjoy

every sunday, i have fresh bread cooling on the counter. one side of the crust is always darker than the other. and it’s always a little lopsided. but it tastes delishhh (especially when it’s lathered in butter)!! *chef’s kiss*

i will never sell my loaves, write a cookbook or open a bakery.

as adults, we’ve been conditioned to think everything we do must have a benefit, ideally, a monetary benefit. news flash: that’s just capitalism speaking, and it couldn’t be further from the truth.

i think a real hobby is something you do for no other reason than you love it. and that’s not to say you can’t evolve any hobbies at all (that’d be slightly hypocritical considering writing started as a simple hobby for myself, and is now something that pays me). but alongside all of that, everybody should have just one thing that has no strings attached. for me, that thing is baking bread.

when you are burnt out, this is not some frivolous little extra; it might be the most important thing you do all week. it becomes a place where nobody asks anything of you, and after years of crumbling under the weight of expectation, it is precisely the rest you’ve been starving for.

add whimsy to your days!!

the best part of getting your spark back is giving yourself permission to be silly again. play is a basic human requirement that burnout strips out entirely, because burnout makes everything instrumental, every single action bent towards a useful outcome, until nothing you do is done purely because it delights you.

whimsy is the cure. and by whimsy, i mean, the deliberate reintroduction of the faintly magical and enchanting things that make an ordinary life feel less dull.

clear out what is no longer for you

i love a saturday with no plans and no obligations. just an entire day for me. and clawing those back was one of the kindest things i ever did for my burnt-out self.

all of the lovely things that bring you back to life, the rest, the play, the pottering, the dilly dallying, need space to happen, and most of us don’t have an inch of it to spare. our days are crammed full, mostly of shit we don’t even care for.

so, the only way to make space for anything new is to let go of the old. you will not bloom whilst in the same environment, same routine, same lifestyle as the one that dulled your spark.

thank you so much for reading! <3

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it’s a plethora of information, and i don’t think people quite realise the extent of it. i’m confident you can learn almost ANYTHING from youtube alone (ok maybe excluding things like medicine, but you see my point).

if you’re not already using youtube to make yourself smarter, fear not, we’ll remedy that right now.

here is everything i watch on youtube to feed my brain.

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when i think about how much of my life has been spent measuring myself against standards i never even chose, i notice sadness, sure, but above all, i notice a profound exhaustion. it’s a deep, cellular fatigue that comes from trying to simply trying to exist in a world where a new flaw is manufactured every other week. each of them already priced and pre-packaged with its supposed ‘cure’.

and i know this is not unique to me. we speak fluently in self-criticism the way we speak our mother tongue.

it was designed to be this way.

but i’m tired now. i think we all are. i just want to exist as i am, without my insecurities becoming a commodity.

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i have an abundance of little things i like to do to romanticise my ordinary life; things that make everything feel a little lighter.

this list is predominantly composed of no-spend ideas (i.e. free) with a handful of low-spend ideas. after all, finding beauty in this little life should never be out of your budget. if you ever find that it is, i can promise you, you don’t need it (and i say that with conviction, having bought multiple £39 candles and useless wellness products over the years).

so, here’s my curated list of realistic ways to romanticise your days and fall back in love with your life.

i. early hours

• wake up before everybody else and watch the sunrise

• write morning pages (i.e. three pages of stream-of-consciousness journalling)

• spritz your fancy perfume, even on weekdays

• fold a fresh pair of pyjamas up on your pillow for tonight (or put them on the radiator if you’re planning to have it on)

• make the bed

• cook yourself something fancy for breakfast (pancakes, açai bowl, eggs and avocado, french toast, full english, overnight oats)

• print off a few articles to read for a screen-free morning

• sit outside after waking up, without your phone and listen to the birds (if it’s cold, wrap up in a blanket like a burrito)

• listen to an album instead of a playlist whilst getting ready for the day

ii. in the kitchen

• dim or switch off the lights and eat by candlelight (yes, even if you’re alone!!)

• lay the table for yourself; placemat, glass cutlery, napkin

• set the atmosphere with a mood-specific playlist whilst cooking

• make a starter / appetiser or dessert with dinner one evening

• keep a jar of homemade salad dressing in the fridge door

• plate up your dinner and garnish with herbs so it looks restaurant-worthy

• make your own pizza from scratch on a sunday, freeze it, then you’ve got a quick and easy frozen dinner for the following week (but it’s a gazillion times better for you!!)

• create a recipe scrapbook

• keep a jug of fancy water in the fridge, infused with lemon, cucumber, berries or mint

• listen to the radio whilst cooking or eating

• drink out of a wine glass, no matter the beverage

• decorate the fridge door with photographs, tickets, postcards, receipts, notes, etc

• after eating dinner, stay at the table, relax and chat without rushing to clear everything away

• write up the weekly meal plan as a menu on a chalkboard

• ditch the supermarket bread and bake it yourself from scratch

• when you bake, make extra and give it away to family, friends, neighbours and the homeless

iii. outdoors

• take the scenic route home

• go for a short stroll after dinner each evening during golden hour (one of my favourite rituals)

• collect conkers, stones, daisies, etc on your walks

• go on a colour walk (before you set off, pick one colour and make a mental note or take a photo every time you see it)

• wildflower foraging

• deliberately go for a walk in the rain (jumping in the shower and putting on some fresh pyjamas always feels a million times better after being drenched)

• go stargazing and/or cloud-watching

• take a flask of tea, coffee or hot chocolate on a walk

• have a picnic and take a card game, dominos, etc

• stroll around a farmer’s market on a sunday morning (you don’t have to buy anything)

• go people-watching in a park or coffe shop with a notebook

iv. the homebody

• dim or turn-off the big light after seven o’clock (lamps and candles only)

• instead of logging into netflix, go to your local charity shop and pick out a film or two as physical copies

• open all the windows and let fresh air in

• make the house smell cosy (simmer a pan of water and throw in some cinnamon sticks, orange peels, etc)

• ditch the tv-shows playing in the background and create some ambience

• fresh bedding!!!

• make lavender sachets and pop them under your pillow

• create a ‘put the house to bed’ routine so you wake up to a clean and tidy home

• rotate your shelves (i promise you don’t need to buy new things, just rearrange what you already have)

• or, you could even completely rearrange the furniture in a room

• create a cosy reading nook in the corner of a room

• keep a seasonal corner (e.g. a bowl of clementines in december, a jug of cow parsley in may, conkers in a dish come october)

• buy a reduced bunch of supermarket flowers and arrange them in a vase

v. slow and analog living

• write a letter or postcard to a loved one

• keep a standing ‘walk date’ every week, same time (even if it’s solo)

• have breakfast in bed on a sunday morning

• plan a screen-free sundays routine for an entire day without your phone

• collect little things from your days and create a junk journal

• create a monthly or weekly creative curriculum

• keep a diary or list of firsts

• spend an afternoon in the library, selecting your next reads

• create a personal anthology

• annotate and highlight your books

• keep a one-line-a-day diary

• take yourself on a solo cinema, lunch or coffee date

vi. snooze o’clock

• during the colder months, put a hot water bottle in the bed twenty mins before you get in

• stretch your body on the floor by lamplight for ten mins

• put your phone to bed, before you put yourself to bed

• journal before going to sleep (clear mind = better sleep)

• change your bedding (there’s nothing quite like fresh sheets)

• sip on a warm mug of chamomile tea

• do a sudoku or crossword puzzle in bed

• play white noise when falling asleep e.g. rainfall, ocean waves, nature, fire, cityscapes (or brown noise, if you prefer)

thank you so much for reading! <3

if you enjoyed this article, please consider subscribing.

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thank you so much for reading! <3

if you enjoyed this article, please consider subscribing.

Subscribe now

the day starts on the wrong foot, and i’m not even out of bed yet.

i prefer the other version.

i flick the kettle on, i choose one long essay, and i read it whilst sipping on my brew. i finish feeling enriched, usually with a thought worth carrying into my day, and my attention feels gathered rather than scattered.

here are the best publications to read if you’re building an intellectual life.

p.s. if you want to avoid screens completely during the first hour, you can print out the essays you want to read.

don’t overwhelm yourself with all of them. pick a handful you like most and rotate between them.

a bit of everything

aeon

essays on philosophy, psychology, science, society and culture, mostly written by academics and researchers.

what i’ve read recently…

• radical dimensions — on dimensions and how they affect reality

• does reading do us any good? — the effect reading has on us and our lives

• i feel therefore i am — how did consciousness become a problem?

longreads

original essays, reported features and criticism, and curates a weekly selection of the best long-form journalism from around the web.

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i should preface, if you’re not already familiar with it, drinking alcohol is so deeply ingrained in british culture. by fourteen years old, most kids are smuggling their parents vodka out in a backpack and getting drunk on a field with their friends. and when you can legally drink, at eighteen, you immediately stick out like a sore thumb if you don’t want to.

so the situation is never met with praise. instead, i’m lightly pushed back toward the drinking culture with “go on, just have one” or “c’mon, a few won’t hurt”…

people wonder how i have so much discipline, sitting comfortably among a group of drunk people in a pub whilst i sip on my coca cola. but i’m not disciplined at all. i've simply spent my twenties unsubscribing from things that don’t contribute toward the slow and quiet life i want for myself.

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this isn’t that.

i’m not sat up on a high horse sneering at anybody who consumes beyond their means, because only a few years ago i was the epitome of an over-consumer, and i don’t say that lightly.

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