Do you ever feel like you have two feet anchored deep in the mud? That with the right amount of effort, you could probably lift your feet out? But you don’t, because where would you go anyway? A worse problem, because strength can be summoned and direction cannot.

II. Health & Fitness

I am trying a seasonal approach to fitness to keep staying active fun and fresh. For the summer months of June to August, my north star is getting outside. A friend recently said “after I log off at work, I’m immediately outside.” I have been loving biking or running to my local community pool for an outdoor swim. I purchased roller blades so I’ve unlocked yet another mode of transportation. It’s on my small things bucket list to go to one of the free outdoor salsa or tango dance classes around the city.

It took me 2 years of living in New York to realize the community pools have free lap swim times. I’m really excited about swimming again. I grew up on competitive swimming and though I abhorred the twice-a-day practices and constantly wet hair, I’ve found a way back to appreciating the sport when participated in at a lower intensity. My local community pool is giving a free T-Shirt to anyone who swims 25 miles by August, but my goal is really just to be able to swim 2,000 yards in a single session again.

This past spring I really enjoyed running with more intention and intensity. During the months of March to May, the weather is perfectly crisp in the morning yet still warm enough for your limbs to be free in a pair of shorts and a tee. This year I focused on training for a 5K and closed the season with a 23 minute 32 second personal record at the Bandit Grand Prix.

I’m not sure what fall and winter will hold. Fall is like spring with its opportune weather. Winter may be the time to hunker down in the gym, in yoga studios, and maybe in a recreational volleyball league?

III. Hobbies

I finally bit the bullet and signed up for a beginner’s pottery wheel class. The class comes with 24/7 access to the studio for practice outside of classes, so I’m hoping this is the time I finally solidify my pottery practice.

I hesitated to sign up for a class, because I have a long list of things I want to learn and a less-than-ideal number of hours to dedicate. Oil painting, industrial design, and server design were the top contenders. But I realized that while time seems constrained from a micro lens, time is expansive and infinite through a macro lens. I’ll only know which fig to pick through a process of elimination.

IV. Social

I am a big proponent for spontaneous social plans and for creating an environment for spontaneity to flourish. I recently listened to the Wild Geese podcast episode The World is a Museum of Passion Projects, and she features a soundbit from Jon Jon that asks the question, “when did we go from a casual socialization culture to a planned socialization culture? Everything we do has to be done with intent. Even if you’re a parent, you’re planning playdates, and hoping you feel like going when it rolls around. You reach out to friends to ask them if they want to go to trivia night. Everything we do takes intention and plans.” Jon Jon goes on to explain how this culture is a result of how American cities are designed. Both Wild Geese’s podcast episode and Jon Jon’s talk on this topic are both fascinating.

I am not saying eliminate all planned events. Planned events are essential and hosting is one of my favorite creative outlets. But I keep returning to the suspicion that a culture in which every gathering must first be decided has lost something it doesn't know it's missing. I don’t have any answers today, but it’s something I’m thinking about.

V. Rapid Fire Notes

• I’m doing monthly content hauls where I buy/borrow a month’s worth of analog content to consume and replace doomscrolling with. The mediums I’ve been returning to have been vinyls, books, magazines, and going to the theater.

• I’ve been reading Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier

• The famous quote “Life is a journey, not a destination.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson finally surpassed that of a cliché and clicked into wisdom for me recently.

• Life Hack: go on a trip to Europe in the beginning of summer so that you return back to New York waking up at 6 a.m. with ease.

  

Welcome to February 1st! As I’m writing to you in late January, New York City is getting record snowfall. I’m cozied up in my little apartment, fireplace on the TV, hot cup of coffee beside me, and watching the snow fall outside my window.

I spent a lot of January working on my engineering career, for better and for worse. I’m more excited about what I’m doing at work than I’ve been in a long time, but I still can’t escape the doubt that creeps in at the end of the day.

It’d do me some good to accept my circumstances. I think I could become really good at my job if I really gave into it, but I fear fully giving into my job will cause me to lose out on my dreams of doing something of my own some day. In reality, holding back only leaves me stagnant in this liminal space. I used to have such faith that everything meant for me would find me at the right time.

I’ve been working on a few writing pieces. I’ve released most of my writing through print via my zines and am still figuring out what pieces I’d like to curate here on Substack. Let me know what your favorite kinds of pieces to read on Substack are!

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I made a YouTube video for the first time in a long time, and I had a lot of fun doing it. I used to create content consistently before I quit social media and content creation. I’m not going back to creating content, but I enjoy filmmaking and was happy to be able to play with that medium again.

I feel like myself again! I’m in the beginnings of a newly consistent workout routine and I’ve been waking up before 8 a.m. on weekdays for a few weeks now. I’ve been taking the time to blow dry my hair and take care of my nails. I’ve been drinking water and eating whole foods. It’s funny how doing the things that are good for you actually make you feel good.

During one late night talk, one of my friends said something that really struck me, “I exercise and eat well because getting sick is not an option anymore. If you break a leg, you don’t ever really fully recover. You could get the flu and have lasting effects. You could get a heart attack, and you’ll always be prone to a second.”

Health and wellness are common resolutions because a healthy life has to be built intentionally. Our modern society does not make health convenient. Social gatherings are often around greasy food, alcohol, and late nights. Cooking at home and going to the gym battle work for priority. But with the right amount of intent, I think I can redesign my life to make building my health and fitness easier. I could go to the spa with friends instead of a late night out, attend run clubs to make movement social, and invite friends over for more home-cooked meals.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what kinds of pieces I want to curate through Substack. What are you most interested in reading?

There’s a lot of injustice happening in the world between the killing of innocents by ICE federal agents and the genocide in Palestine.

No action feels enough and that in itself can be paralyzing, but it’s important to remember (and I’m reminding myself) that however small the action, every drop is essential in the creation of an ocean. Some ways to help include donating to Minneapolis’s mutual aid fund and calling your senators to defund ICE.

I hope you all are staying warm and feeling fulfilled. Welcome to February - the month of love.

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❄️ january real life mood board

January was about getting into routine, embarking on a fitness journey, writing as much as I could, and putting a lot of energy into my engineering career. I just purchased the Kolo Newport Scrapbook for this year and can’t wait to start putting together monthly spreads.

💌 mini february mood board

I’m traveling a lot in February and I’m determined to master the art of packing. I have a few work trips and personal trips. January has been and February will likely also be work heavy months for my corporate engineering job. For those that are new here, I work as a mechanical engineer from 9 to 5.

Lately, I’ve been reconnecting with my love for mechanical engineering by re-integrating analog tools into my work. Architects have their process and work tools down, and mechanical engineers could learn a lot from the Architect’s bias for analog methods. I’ve been printing engineering drawings of my work and organizing them in a portfolio folder. In my next apartment, I hope to add a file cabinet to my workspace to organize all my paper documents. I’m looking for architect style notebooks for brainstorming, and have a workspace set up that’s some combination of Matthew Encina’s workspace and Dominic Hart’s workshop.

Finally, I’ve also booked a 5K race in May. My goal is to run under 25 minutes. I’ve started a new Runna 5K improvement plan. Training in the Winter is hard; I’ve been upgrading my cold-weather running gear and getting real cozy with the treadmill.

㋁ looking forward to in february

• starting a new scrapbook: I’m eager to create my first January spread in my new Kolo Newport Scrapbook!

• writing a letter to my future 2027 self: my fiancé and I have a tradition of writing a letter to each other to open the following year. We’re behind this year but once my Kolo Newport Scrapbook arrives, it’ll be the perfect place to keep our letters to open the following year.

• revamping my work space & tools: printing engineering drawings into portfolio folders, organizing paper files into a file cabinet, architect style notebooks, and a workspace set up that’s some combination of Matthew Encina’s workspace and Dominic Hart’s workshop.

• a close friend’s bach(elorette) trip: one of my closest friends’ are having a joint bachelor & bachelorette trip ahead of their wedding in May. Hello Miami!!

• a vermont ski trip: Noah Kahan will be on the playlist.

Dear Reader,

Winter is fully upon us. The days are getting shorter and it feels harder to leave my apartment after 4:30 p.m. I’m trading unbound time outdoors and aimless walks in the city streets for more time cozied at home between lamps, soft blankets, and candles.

For years I tried to live as if the seasons were optional, as if summer were a state of mind that could be maintained through force of will, but over the years I have learned that you do not fight mother nature, you yield. And so, between the slower hours of the holiday season, I have been evaluating what leaning into winter will look like for me this year.

Winter is the perfect time to lean into our nests. For me, this looks like taking advantage of holidays sales to upgrade my home, cooking more meals, and long dimly lit evenings doing chores and relaxing around my home.

Instead of focusing on the shorter windows of daylight in the winter months, I’m leaning into the longer transitional periods between each time of day. For example, as a result of the longer evenings spent by warm lamps and candle light, I find myself naturally falling into an earlier cycle of sleep. I’ve been getting into a routine of slipping into bed at 10 p.m., sleeping by 10:30 p.m., and waking up at 6:30 a.m.

I’ve been leaning into the quiet peace of winter that’s as soft as snow’s landing. I’ve been finding this peace in the first hour of a day, before the sun has risen, sipping on a cup of tea and slowly waking up while browsing on my laptop. Once I start to feel more awake, I’ll get my movement in for the day: long walks on lower energy days, strength training on others, and running on high energy days.

In the spirit of wintering, I’ve cancelled my gym membership on the other side of the city and plan on using my apartment gym and local workout studios instead. This’ll reduce the commute barrier that becomes much higher in the cold, winter months and also introduce a sense of novelty in my workout routine.

My fiancé has helped me identify a few fitness goals based on my desire to get in better shape for my recreational volleyball league and to look strong and healthy at our wedding sometime in the next 2 years. My goals are to be able to squat 6 reps at 135 lbs, do 1 pull-up from a dead-hang, and run a 10K in under 60 minutes.

I’m bumping up my fitness goals to take the forefront in priority. My corporate career has picked up in pace lately as well as I’ve taken on a few new projects. And the wedding planning train continues to chug along. As a result, my creative projects have dropped a few rungs. I’m still working on my next zine and keeping up with Substack, but I’ve taken a pause on new ideas, my attendance at my favorite writing circle has been less than optimal, and I’ve had to decrease my volunteering hours at my local arts collective temporarily.

The change in priority of my creative projects is less of a loss and more like dormancy. I’m looking forward to making space for my fitness goals, career exploration, and life maintenance demands without having to fight my creative endeavors for attention. Additionally, I look forward to finding myself with a whole new fresh wave of inspiration after a period of creative rest.

That’s the state of things on my end. I hope you all are enjoying the coziness and slower pace of winter. I would love to hear about how your lifestyle looks different going into this new season and what your top priorities are of late. And if you’re hand-making any gifts for friends and family this holiday season, please share!! I need ideas!

xoxo, Sarah

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㋋ My December Lists ㋋

📹 favorite digital content of late:

• growing a digital garden by anna howard (host of wild geese pod) on youtube

• i’ve been binging a new creator’s videos that have been a reflection of my new prioritization of my fitness goals: madeline storace

• jenna litner on instagram for running content

🛒 recent purchases:

• nike skylon ace sunglasses from Dick’s Sporting Goods for running

• new sweat-set: cozy sweatfleece mega raglan hoodie and straight sweatpants from Aritzia

• I got the garmin forerunner 265s!! I’m super excited for it to arrive in the mail and it’s going to be so fun looking at my workout and sleep data

💭 thinking about:

• i want to offer the option to receive a physical copy of my monthly letter from the editors to my viewers. i’m thinking i’ll start by just taking the first 5-10 people that express interest per month. i originally wanted to start for this one but time got away from me 👉👈

• because of the idea above, i renamed my substack from Outlines (inspired by my favorite book) to Sarah’s Pigeon Post. not totally settled on it…stay tuned. opinions are welcome!!

• i moved to a new city a year ago and meeting new friends in adulthood is a quite the phenomenon because you don’t know my lore and i don’t know yours and so i’m constantly like

  

🤎 december small things bucket list:

• a new winter morning routine

• hand making gifts for friends & family

• satisfying my sweet tooth while meeting my health goals by making more desserts from scratch at home

• keeping things simple during the week: staying on top of life admin tasks in the morning, working out, doing a good job at work, and getting cozy in the evenings at home

I like to plan my life in quarters: January through March is quarter one, April through June quarter two, July through September quarter three, and October through December quarter four. Alas, October is here, and the beginning of the last lap of 2025.

Quarters two and three were all about my creative ambitions, words that carry the faint smell of heat, fervor, and sweat. I spent a lot of time and energy exploring creative projects outside of work, all culminating and summarized in my zine “A Creative Life Volume 01.” Towards the end of quarter three, as August slipped into September, I intended to step away and recharge but instead, found myself a state of formlessness - slipping into old, bad habits such as staying up too late, drinking coffee on empty stomachs, and finding myself losing hours to the anesthetized brightness of screens.

October’s new start could not have come at a better time. This month is going to be a period of reset and manifestation. Of self-reflection and figuring out what I desire. I’m going to be focused on rebuilding a routine, going to the gym, cooking at home, reflecting on my career plan, and wedding planning.

But before we fully move into October, let’s reflect on the month of September and the intentions I’d like bring into this year’s final quarter.

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🤎 favorites

• wore a few of my favorite outfits in Mexico City (outfit links here)

• Notes On by Hannah Connolly Substack for monthly guides on how to romanticize each month. Find her post on October here

💌 mems

• September was packed with travel: Nantucket, MA with family, an island that suggested a desire for a slower life; then a friend’s cabin in the Poconos spent in communal living with old and new friends; and finally, a large friend group trip to Mexico City, spending quality time with some of our favorite people

• After a travel disaster that involved Julian and I having to cancel our flights and drive 8+ hours back home, we were able to turn things around by having a super fun spontaneous road trip and stopping by THE most beautiful library in Rhode Island

🍁 october bucket list

• Fall is for the dark academia vibes. I want to create syllabi for topics I want to learn more about (i.e. fiction writing, classic cinema, and art history). For inspiration, a lot of universities post their class syllabi on their department websites (like Brown University’s Literary Art Undergraduate Courses) and there are always educational events going on around the city like the Lectures on Tap series, where professors and experts give lectures in bars. It’s just a matter of picking a topic to start with and finding the time

• redesigning my office space at home. My office is a space I haven’t put much effort into designing and decorating yet, and after my trip to Mexico City, I want to take some inspiration from Luis Barrgán’s home office that I got to see on the Casa Luis Barragán tour

• building routines so that I can put things like booking doctors appointments, managing my monthly budget, grocery shopping, and going to the gym on autopilot. I’m hoping this will then open up the time and brain capacity for me to return to my creative projects or find time to do some of the self-studying I talked about above

💭 struggling with

• been conflicted about how I want to continue creating content. after a dysphoric epitome about social media last year, I haven’t quite figured out how I can balance my values and my passion for curating an online community, creating and sharing videos online, and writing. like does it go against my value to take sponsorships? to contribute to apps like tik tok that are profiting off of people’s attention? to put my life online on YouTube for everyone to see? how much can I share on substack? is all of this worth my time or should I stop wasting my time and focus on my engineering career?

📖 my reading list

• Secret History by Donna Tartt

• Arlington Park by Rachel Cusk

• Blue Nights by Joan Didion

I’ve been hosting cafe pop ups for the past two years. I held the second New York City installment in collaboration with my friends, Maxwell and Kate, creators of Sunnyside Scoops. We combined Maxwell and Kate’s homemade ice cream with Julian and I’s coffee to make affogatos. A sweet treat to celebrate the closing of summer, a ritual of endings. Every night before one of my cafe pop-ups, I’m rushing to make last minute trips to the grocery store, pacing around my apartment packing all my coffee equipment into boxes, and questioning why I invite additional stress to my life. By morning, the voluntary stress is all worth it when I get to watch people connect with each other at my events. Yet, the pattern continues: cursing myself late into the night when I know that if I just went to bed early, I’d wake up to clarity.

I question the purpose of things a lot. Like I’ll find myself researching things to do as I’m planning a trip to Vietnam and I’ll suddenly be plagued by this dread of “what’s any of this for anyways?” The only way to reassure myself is to remember my purpose can just be to catalogue my experiences. There will be interesting experiences to catalogue.

I visited my hometown for a wedding this past year. I used to dread going home; the familiarity and stillness of all those suburban homes have a way of making it feel like nothing could ever change. But this time, I saw a lot of old friends whom I hadn’t seen in a while, and they still only knew a version of me that existed ten years ago. Unknowingly, they kept her alive, and this resuscitated something in me that I thought was long gone. I went home and exceeded my monthly budget to buy a 3D printer. I’m not sure if anything will become of it. But I’ll add it to my queue.

I have a queue of projects. The active ones: wedding planning, writing on Substack, creating a zine series, getting faster at running, strength training, a volleyball league. The ones that go in and out: taking on photography gigs, hosting pop-up cafes, growing in my corporate career. The ones on the backburner: developing a snail mail app, writing a book on existentialism. The ones in the queue: 3D printing, learning to sew, signing up for a pottery membership. How am I supposed to make time for a kid?

Friends can fuck with your feelings like a class A fuck boy. What do you mean you did something fun last weekend and didn’t invite me? Then, in your twenties, right after you’ve enjoyed a blissful period without the social hierarchy of high school, people start getting married and stack-ranking their friends into wedding-party-friends and plebian-wedding-guest-friends. I want to throttle some of them and ask, “what are we??” But you don’t label friends. I’m learning that relationships change over time and the best thing you can do is just let people grow in their own direction and not take things personally. Even if it is personal.

I saw this quote about how the cost of community and connection is feeling annoyed. People are god dam annoying. They’re also the best thing that can happen to you. Isn’t that annoying???

Summer has been good to me. I can feel my inner world expanding. My mind is in space. Signs of life on other planets have been detected. The aliens are friendly.

Dear reader,

Happy August, friends! As we enter the evening of Summer, I want to catch you up on what I’ve been doing and thinking about in the months of June & July. Since moving to New York City last November, I’ve been trying to find my way home to a creative practice. Nine months later, I’ve made my first harvest from the seeds I planted: I made my first zine!!

It has been a long time desire of mine to make a zine, and so I introduce you to ‘The Creative Life’ zine by yours truly and available for purchase on Etsy. My Substack readers are getting access 1 week early and every order will be personally mailed from me to you and with lots of love 💕 Or, if we encounter in person, flag me down for a free copy or trade!

I am beyond excited about this zine: it’s something like a personal memoir about all of my creative projects and dreams outside of my 9 to 5 corporate job. I also publish some of my more personal writing in the zine (especially ones that feel too personal for the internet & Substack). The first edition features my deep dive into pixel art, app development, bullet journaling, a writing contest entry, and photographing the art of hospitality.

Now, without further ado, please enjoy my lists of the month 🤎

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💌 mems

• a writer’s retreat: this has single handedly been THE best highlight of the past couple of months. I started going to Olive Tree NYC writing circles earlier this year and on a whim, I signed up to go on a writing retreat organized by the group’s hosts: Friday through Sunday, 8+ hours of writing, and 20 strangers to friends tropes. I had the most amazing time getting inspired by fellow writers, writing a creative essay from start to finish, photographing the event, and making new friends. You can read more about the retreat through the perspective of James, one of the hosts & organizers of the retreat, in his essay Social Homecourt: Reflections on the First OTWC Retreat.

• a weekend in Massachusetts: My fiancé and I spent a weekend at Prospect Berkshires, a new resort that has opened in the Massachusetts area. We stumbled upon this place in May earlier this year when driving by a lake Julian and his dads used to drive RC boats on together. One of my fig tree branches in life would be to be a photographer of locally owned inns and resorts, so I had a lot of fun forest bathing and taking photos of the beautiful grounds throughout the weekend.

📁 projects

• ‘A Creative Life’ zine: I finally created a zine!! It’s called “A Creative Life” and it’s all about the creative projects I work on outside of my 9-to-5 corporate job. If you’re interested, I’m selling copies on Etsy! I’m always trying to find more analog ways to create and consume, and the zine medium has been one of my favorite of late. I was heavily inspired by my friend Hannah, an outstanding writer; I have gotten so much enjoyment and enlightenment out of reading her zines, and I hope to be able to pass that forward with my own zines.

• photography: I’ve been dusting off my old photography skills and picking up a few more gigs like taking engagement photos, photographing a wedding event, and photographing the writing retreat I attended in July. Sometimes, I think about being a photographer full-time.

💌 favorites

• some favorite outfits: Summer has always been a more difficult season to dress for, but through trial and error this year, I made a lot of progress discovering pieces and combinations that make me feel true and comfortable.

• affogatos: this is how I’ve been finishing off pints of ice cream. my friend makes homemade ice cream and I host pop-up cafes so we’re in talks of collaborating and hosting a pop-up affogato cafe next month!

• this vlog from role model: it’s old but it’s good. it makes me want to pick up a handy cam.

📝 thinking about

• my friend inspired me to start running again: This past month, I went to go watch my fiancé and I’s friend, Abid, race in the Bandit Grand Prix 5K. One, I had the honor of witnessing a friend reap the rewards of his dedication, commitment, and discipline; he has gotten insanely fast as someone that just started running in the past year (he ran a sub 22 minute 5K??). Two, the event was so fun with DJ’s, free Rhythm Zero coffee, and a free Salt + Stone deodorant claw machine. And three, people were serving running fits everywhere. There’s nothing that gets me more motivated than a fashion incentive. I started going on a few short runs - I’m talking 1-2 miles at a time, ~2-3 times a week, at around a 11:00 min/mi pace. I’ve also been going to a few instances of a run club on Friday mornings before work and I can’t express enough how these run clubs, to my surprise, have revived my will to live.

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Branding

Step One: Name Your Cafe. Driven by the desire to make illustrations of my dog, I named the pop-up Cafe Otis.

Step Two: Create the Logo. I drew the main logo on Procreate. I wanted the style to be loose and free-handed to give myself room to mess up. I ended up with this illustration of Otis drinking coffee.

Step Three: Create Labels for the Iced Drinks. With the logo designed, I created a label for the iced drink cups in Procreate. I sent off the artwork to a sticker printer and received the 50 physical stickers back within 2 weeks. People loved the look of these cups!

Step Four: Create a Stamp for the Hot Drinks & Pastry Bags. To avoid having to buy more stickers, I carved a rubber block into a stamp. Then, I stamped the 50 hot drink cups and 75 pastry bags.

Step Five: Create a Souvenir Sticker. I had too much fun creating the first sticker so I created another one for fun. I illustrated three distinguished gentlemen personifications of my dog Otis in a cozy, cafe environment. This was a big hit!

Menu

Drinks

To cut down cost and complexity, I knew I wanted to keep the menu simple while still having a couple of fun drinks to experiment with.

My menu broke down into five main sections: Coffee, Matcha, Other, Milk Options, Syrup Options and Add-Ons.

For coffee, I kept it simple to espresso based drinks like espressos and lattes (hot or iced), and made a few off-menu items like cortados and americanas. I added one specialty coffee drink: the earl grey latte.

For matcha, I provided two options: a matcha latte (hot or iced) and one specialty matcha drink: the strawberry matcha (iced only).

I have two friends who don’t drink coffee nor tea, so for them, I created an "Other” section featuring a yuzu refresher and sparkling water.

To enable some customization of the coffee, matcha, and other drinks, I offered two milk options (oat milk and 2% cow milk), three syrups (strawberry, honey, and vanilla), and the option to add on two types of cold-foam (original and strawberry).

This may seem like a lot of menu items, but the complexity was relatively low. A majority of these menu items re-used the same ingredients. For example, I was already going to make strawberry syrup for the strawberry matcha so I offered that as a syrup option for the coffee and cold-foam. I needed sparkling water for the yuzu refresher, so it was easy to also offer sparkling water on its own.

Food

On the day of the pop-up, I woke up at 7 a.m. to pick up pastries and donuts. I spent about $50 on 10 pastries from a local bakery and $18 on 10 donuts from a local donut shop. My friends were super generous and one of them baked about a dozen hojicha cookies and another friend brought about a dozen bagels with cream cheese.

Supplies & Shopping List

Here is a complete list of everything I purchased or pre-owned for the pop-up.

Supplies

• Iced Drink Cups

• Iced Drink Cup Lids

• Hot Drink Cups & Lids

• Receipt Books

• Pastry Bags

• Menu Stand

• Paper Straws from Whole Foods

• Napkins from Whole Foods

• Nami Matcha &

• Beans from Oslo Roasting

• Honey Citron Tea Jam from my local Korean Mart (note: link is to Amazon but it’s way cheaper at a grocery store)

• Pastries from Nick + Sons Bakery

• Donuts from Moe’s Doughs

Tools

• Electric Froth Maker (I used for cold foam)

• Ice Maker/Tray

• Pitcher

• Espresso Cups

• Matcha Bowl, Whisk, Scoop, and Sifter

• Espresso WDT

• Espresso Spring-Loaded Tamp

• Espresso Dosing Funnel

• Breville Bambino Espresso Machine

• Fellow Coffee Grinder

• Fellow Electric Kettle

Part Two?

Would you like to see a part two on the cost breakdown, number of drinks ordered, and what I would do differently?

Comment Prompt

I would love to hear if you have hosted an at-home cafe before, attended one, or would like to host one in the future. What did you like about it? What did you not like so much? How does the at-home cafe compare to other types of hosting in your opinion (i.e. dinner parties, pre-games, birthday parties, etc.)?

Dear reader,

I love reading literary fiction but they’re not usually page-turners. This past month, however, I read the book Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar and I couldn’t put it down. I’ve never wanted to re-read a book as soon as I finished it, but as soon as I finished Martyr! I flipped back to page one, took out my notebook and pen, and am doing a detailed, annotated re-read.

The main character, Cyrus, in Martyr! has an obsession with martyrdom. After losing his own parents in two separate senseless accidents, he is obsessed with understanding the purpose of death. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my Substack tagline has always been “late twenties gal with chronic existential dread.” After reading Martyr!, Akbar’s main character, Cyrus, has inspired me to embark deeper into my journey investigating existentialism through my writing.

Albert Camus will argue the meaning of life is that life is meaningless, Simone de Beauvoir will tell you the meaning of life is through engagement with others, Christians will tell you the meaning of life is to prepare for an afterlife with God, and my Buddhist upbringing will tell you the meaning of life is to attain enlightenment.

Some three months ago and before I understood that I could make my investigation into existentialism an ongoing journey, I was struggling to fit all my thoughts on the topic into one essay. As someone who just picked up writing again since high school (which was 10 years ago) 5 months ago, writing an entire book is a complete overestimation of my abilities, but I figured for the next year or so, I can compile all my thoughts on the meaning of life onto pages and if they happen to form a sizable stack of paper, I could throw it to a publisher. At the very least, I’ll have a collection of essays on Substack.

Pivoting 180 degrees and on a lighter note, here are some of my field notes from the past couple of months!

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🗒️journal spreads:

🤎 favorites

• book: Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar (see my yapping about this book above)

• doing hobbies in public: the best part of New York City is that there is a community for EVERYTHING. I’ve been going to knitting circles, writing circles, and even work happy hours (something I used to religiously avoid).

• a new strategy for conversations with strangers: because I’m an introvert and because I’ve been going to more meetups as forementioned, I had to find a way to make talking to strangers easier. I somehow lost sight of this along the way but this past month, I remembered that if you approach every conversation with simply genuine curiosity about the person’s life and desires (i.e. what do they like and don’t like about their work? what’s something new they would like to try? what’s a perfect Sunday for them?), conversation comes easy.

💌 mems

• pouch stationary zine launch party: went to the launch party for issue 2 of the Pouch zine after stumbling across the event on Instagram. the event was hosted at Orion Bar in Bushwick and I even met one of my favorite artists Megan Wang there!! (go check her out)

• 5 days in Antigua in april: the sun, snorkeling, beaches, and coffee three times a day - need I say more?

📝 thinking about

• Jo de Pear: I found this artist in a small gallery on my trip to Antigua and Barbuda and I’m OBSESSED with her work

• opening an inn: I met this older couple on our trip to Antigua and they talked about how their friend had this beautiful brownstone in Brooklyn Heights right on the promenade. This triggered something in my brain and I spent the next week only daydreaming about opening a small inn in a brownstone in Brooklyn

• building an app: Julian and I started playing around with building a cute little 8-bit video game style app for fun. Pixel art, UX design, and coding is fun!! Marisa or @meshtimes on YouTube has been such a big influence on me and how I think about tech. here are some assets I’ve created for the app:

  

📁 projects

• wedding planning: we have ALMOST booked two separate venues now but things didn’t work out (guest count limits, costs). we’re back to the drawing board researching venues. I might make a video soon about all the venues we toured

• crocheting: currently crocheting the Rosie Tank by Belladonna

• illustration: been doing a lot of digital illustration to make marketing material for my at-home coffee pop up this month (got to keep it a surprise for now but more to come soon)

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Dear reader,

One month down, eleven months of 2025 to go. The first month of 2025 has fulfilled its promises and brought its challenges.

The biggest challenge of all has been a self-inflicted constant state of feeling overwhelmed. In my previous essay i’m quitting social media and content creation is dead to me, I talked about how my social media consumption habits were clouding my mind, leaving me unable to think clearly about what I wanted to do with a simple Sunday — or my life. Now that I’m 3 months into my new life without social media, it’s like I’ve unleashed the dams of my previously constipated brain. I feel a sense of urgency like everything should have been done yesterday and at the same time, all these new ideas are constantly conflicting with my current obligations that seem to take up all my time (my job that pays the bills, going to the gym, all the chores it takes to maintain a home, cooking meals, etc.) I’m overdue for some re-prioritization. And I think watching the movie Perfect Days would help remind me to appreciate the simple moments.

On the other hand, January has also brought its blessings that balance the challenges. I’ve had my first couple of “normal routine” weeks in my new home in New York City, I had two friends come and visit and stay with me on two separate occasions, I’ve made it to the halfway point of my first knitting project, and for the first time in my life, the idea of having kids in the future is not so repelling.

All in all, I wanted to give you all an update on the state of the union and share what I’ve been up to, what I’ve been loving, and what I’m looking forward to.

💌 mems

• went to my first knitting club hosted by ReCreate Collective in Brooklyn, NY

• fulfilled my small things bucket list item of writing from a dreamy corner in a boutique hotel at The Copley House in Boston, MA

• my friend connie visited, and we read and scrapbooked in cute cafes like Rhythm Zero in greenpoint, ny and had the coolest sushi experience at Ume in williamsburg, ny

• my fiancée’s friend Abid visited the city for a night, and we had a teeny tiny sample of the New York bar scene (a rare occasion for me - I’m more of a cozy craft night in kind of girly)

🌱 adding to my small things bucket list

• read, reflect, and write at one of these 6 Spots to Read, Write, & Reflect in New York by Claudia Williams

• watch the movies Perfect Days and Anora

  

• create an “accomplishments binder” to look back on whenever I feel like I haven’t done enough in life (pictures from college graduation, core memories you’ve made, any news articles about the work you’ve done, etc.)

• a solo retreat to a boutique hotel in upstate NY this year - I’ve been eyeing a 3 day stay at Hemlock Neversink in the Catskills

• I heard about reading books A-Z from one of my favorite current YouTubers Gabrielle Aihara - the goal is to read a title starting with each letter of the alphabet this year and so far, in January, I’ve read:

  • O - Onyx Storm

  • F - A Fate Inked in Blood

  • P - Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen (In Progress)

• a trip to Mexico City in which I’ve bookmarked the CDMX City Guide by Ro to read later

• start writing letters to my future kids to read

  

🤎 favorites

• my favorite substack this month is Closely Reading by Haley Larson. Haley has a PhD in modernist literature and absolutely BLESSING us with free guides into literary analysis this year. She’s starting off with Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen and I’ve been following along and learning so much

• another favorite substack this month is City Happenings by Alexa Weis - Alexa writes EVERY WEEK about art events happening around nyc

• my coworker put me onto crybaby blind bags and my new pink crybaby is on my purse

  

📝 thinking about

• stationary design: I’ve started planning my wedding and as an avid stationary fan, I am most excited about designing and handmaking the save-the-dates and invitations

• little white fluffy dogs (I frequently refer to my lwfd pinterest board throughout the day)

• creative website design and everything intersection of art and tech that @empowa on tik tok talks about - been thinking about building a website for fun

🗂️ active projects

• knitting the sophie shawl

  

• reading books from A to Z

• figuring out my career path/getting unstuck (I hired a career coach…more on this soon)

⭐️ favorite outfits

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Love,

Sarah

P.S. if you’d like to send me any virtual mail, you can write to me here or leave a comment below!

I wanted to start this “letter from the editor (me)” series on Substack to have an opportunity to connect with my readers (you!). Firstly, I want to thank you all so much for all the love on my last post “im quitting social media & content creation is dead to me.” I got so many DM’s from people telling me how much they related to the article and felt their feelings articulated.

I also got texts from a few friends asking for my advice about how to spend less time on social media which I promptly responded to with a rampage of texts (I can talk about this for hours).

Seriously - thank you so much for taking the time to read my essay and for sending me messages about it after. I was bedridden from a fever and cough at the time I posted that essay and it made my day to read all of your messages. 💕

Since that last post on November 20th, I’ve been drowning myself in Vitamin C in an attempt to kick this illness to the curb, took a week-long trip to the South to visit my parents (happy belated Thanksgiving!), and returned to my New York apartment that’s currently buried under boxes because my furniture has officially arrived from my old apartment in Seattle! I can’t even begin to describe how good it felt the first night in three weeks that I slept on a real bed and not an air mattress.

With real furniture, my health returning, and a successful, peaceful visit with my parents this past week (a testament to our healing relationship), I am feeling really good about the near future. That is, until I remember the presidential election results, climate change, etc., but my therapist has been teaching me to allow thoughts to appear without letting them take over. My favorite tactic, with a festive autumn theme, is to imagine the thought is an orange maple leaf floating away on a river in a forest of brown, red, yellow, and orange trees. I guess now that it’s December, I may switch out the orange maple leafs for white, fluffy snowflakes. Who needs seasonal decor from Target when you can seasonalize your coping mechanisms?

As we enter December and the final lap of 2024, I remind you to stay warm and invite you to get cozy and read bits of my oversharing below. In this edition of “letter from the editor (me),” I wanted to share a few journal excerpts from the month of November, and what I’ve been into.

🗒️ Journal Excerpts

• one way through social anxiety is to figure out what you love to talk about and write about it so you understand yourself better - is this studying yourself? → substack article!! “the art of studying yourself”

• me and a notebook can spend hours together. this is how I speak to my brain or I guess it’s my brain speaking to itself 😵‍💫

• i’ve been thinking about how working from home has stolen parts of my twenties from me - see WFH ruined my 20s by She Says She Thinks

• Didion, J. (2011) “Time passes. Could it be that I did not believe it?” page 17 of Blue Nights

• I enjoyed this quote “i’m gonna see the uncertainty as a sign that there’s room for it to all work out”

  

🤎 What I’ve Been Into

• 🪑 Shaker style interiors. I’m in the market for a dresser. My clothes are currently living in piles on the floor in my bedroom, and in my hunt for the perfect dresser, I’ve found myself drawn towards Shaker style dressers. Shaker style is characterized by simplicity, clean lines, functionality, and minimal ornamentation, primarily associated with furniture and cabinetry created by the Shaker religious community.

• 🧶 Knitting. I feel this pull to learn how to knit. Imagine all the sweaters I could make for Otis. I don’t even have any knitting tools or materials yet but I’ve been watching dog sweater knitting tutorials.

• 🎨 Handmade gifts. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl on a budget after a cross-country move emptied my wallet, but I am so excited to become one with my inner DIY Pinterest Girly™️ and hand-make a bunch of gifts for my friends and family this Christmas. I won’t go into too much detail since I know some of my friends are reading this but here are a few images I’m using for inspiration.

• 💌 Mailing Letters to Friends. Somehow it’s slipped my mind the past five years of my adult life that I can mail cute letters and stationary to my friends??

• 📝 Writing. I loved writing in high school and did well in the subject. Since pursuing a degree in engineering in college, I haven’t had a regular writing practice since 2015. My favorite part of adulthood is reconnecting with the hobbies you lost time for but now, can do with your own time and money. I’ve been reading more, refreshing on how to analyze literature, reminding myself how to write grammatically correctly, got myself a new journal from Paper Republic to write in, and started writing on Substack

  

Thank you again for reading and welcome to my 30 new subscribers 🙀!! Happy December 1st - I hope you all are cozy wherever you are 🤎 Until next time 💋

Love,

Sarah

P.S. if you’d like to send me any virtual mail, you can write to me here or leave a comment below!

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Just like any other day, I pulled up Facebook on my phone to the app showing me a post I made “15 years ago today.” Usually, I’m reminded of exactly how cringey I was in middle school between the posts that read “RAWR XD” and “like for a truth is =D” but on this day, Facebook showed me a status that read “logging onto Facebook from the hotel computer!” and I was instantly brought back to when I was twelve years old, staying in Marriotts for travel swim meets, and more importantly, a time when I only accessed social media in short bursts after waiting in line for the computer in the hotel lobby. This Facebook status was a stark wake-up call, highlighting just how much my relationship with technology has shifted. Instead of living my life and occasionally dipping into social media at a static desktop for an hour at most at a time, I’ve been spending most of my waking hours tethered to my phone, fighting my addiction to my phone for the opportunity to live my real life.

I’ve become exceptionally distasteful with social media, which is funny because five years ago, I wanted nothing more than to become a full-time content creator so I could spend all my time creating art and telling stories. So, what changed? The inflection point was in 2020 with the release and popularization of Tik Tok.

At the time, I had been creating YouTube videos for about a year, and with my big dreams of becoming a full-time content creator, I jumped onto the new, shiny app with hopes of building a larger online audience.

And it worked.

I learned the Tik Tok algorithm quick, I amassed 50k followers in a month, and then, 100k not much longer after. In parallel, I posted on YouTube every week, toyed with the idea of starting a podcast, and stayed active on Instagram. I put in 20 hours+ of work a week, on top of my 40-hour 9 to 5 job, and eventually, started to get reached out to for sponsored content by companies like Betterhelp, Ana Luisa, Merit, Mejuri, Penguin Publishing House, Sezane, Temu, and more.

Everything was going according to plan, yet as I posted more content, worked with more brands, and got closer to that full-time content creator dream, I realized the “artist” and “storyteller” job I thought I was signing up for wasn’t what I was getting. Instead, the job I was given was to grab people’s attention and sell products.

With Americans in $1.17 trillion consumer debt as of third quarter of 2024 (Federal Reserve Bank of New York), a global overconsumption problem, a mental health epidemic, and people more addicted to their phones than ever, I strongly feel I do not need to be contributing more sponsored and attention-grabbing content to the internet. From now on, I only want to create when I have something to say that has potential to change perspectives or help people better understand themselves and the world around them.

On top of feeling morally dirty for using my viewers trust to generate profit for companies, I, myself, was suffering as a content consumer. I was deeply addicted to my phone. My addiction to my phone started looking like unintentionally opening Instagram at the first moment of silence in a conversation, then unintentionally scrolling for 5 hours a day on Tik Tok (embarrassing I know), then overspending my monthly budget because I needed to try the new Brooklinen sheets that “get softer with every wash” or the “top 5 amazon gadgets to clean your kitchen”, and when I finally gathered enough self-control to close the apps, I was overcome with brain fog from the overwhelming amount of information and media I had just consumed.

The brain fog was the worst symptom of all and had the largest impact on my mental health. It took me years to notice the pattern, but one Sunday afternoon, after a particularly grueling Tik Tok hypnosis session I had fallen under, I finally closed the app. Setting my phone down and staring up my ceiling, I noticed that I couldn’t think straight. I did not know what I wanted to do with the rest of my Sunday, I felt a deep dissatisfaction with my life, and I couldn’t even remember any of the restaurant recommendations, interior design styling tips, or career mentorship advice I convinced myself I was learning from the content I was consuming. Then, the next thing I knew, I was staring back at my phone and Tik Tok was open again.

I used to blame myself for my lack of self-control to put my phone down, but over time, I realized the vast majority of people I knew suffered from the same supposed “lack of self-control”. This wasn’t just a personal failing anymore—it was the result of systems designed to exploit user attention.

Working at a big tech company now, I see the way success metrics are defined and then put on a pedestal for everyone to chase after. Those that successfully push whatever pre-defined metric closer to the goal are rewarded with bonuses and promotions. Without a doubt, these big social media companies are measuring success by user time spent on the app and user clicks on ads, so there are literally thousands of engineers incentivized by bonuses and promotions every single day to figure out ways to increase the amount of time and money you spend on these apps.

Do you remember when Instagram feeds used to be chronological and we would all scroll until we reached the last post we had seen the day before, then exit the app? To boost engagement, Instagram removed the chronological order, and now, we all spend a lot more time scrolling through our feeds endlessly, without a sense of how much content we have consumed.

Despite my angry tirade I just went on about social media, I don’t believe social media is inherently bad. Social media is a great tool for connecting with friends, finding creative inspiration, and creating online communities. The problem with social media lies in how these platforms are operating in a late-stage capitalistic economy where they are pressured to continuously increase revenue, often at the expense of the health of its users. So, it’s not that we need to eliminate social media, but we need to drastically change how we design social media and measure the success of a social media platforms. I asked ChatGPT to imagine what three features would be removed and added if social media companies measured success by user happiness instead of metrics like time spent on app and ad clicks, and here is what it said.

If social media platforms prioritized user happiness over metrics like time spent on the app and ad clicks, the platforms would likely undergo transformative changes in design, business models, and user experience. Here's how they might differ:

Features Removed:

1. Infinite Scrolling: Replacing it with a clear stopping point encourages mindful usage.

2. Excessive Notifications: Removing unnecessary alerts reduces anxiety and distraction.

3. Algorithmic Content Overload: Eliminating overly personalized feeds limits the echo chamber effect and doom-scrolling.

Features Added:

1. Usage Nudges: Gentle reminders to take breaks or log off after a set time.

2. Mood Check-Ins: Prompts to reflect on emotional well-being after engaging with content.

3. Curated Positive Spaces: Creating communities or features focused on uplifting, educational, or restorative content.

Unfortunately, I don’t foresee these social media companies changing their success metrics any time soon, so I had to take matters into my own hands. I’m going back to the queueing-in-the-hotel-lobby-for-facebook-time days by deleting all the social media apps off my phone and only allowing myself access from my laptop. Something remarkable about these social media platforms is that, for whatever scientific reason, the platforms are a thousand times less addicting on a large computer screen than when they fit into the palm of my hand.

I can’t deny the fact that social media has become an integral part of our society today from how we keep up with friends, find creative inspiration, learn, or even how we make reservations at restaurants (yes, I went to a cafe last week that only took reservations through Instagram DM’s). I don’t intend to cut social media out from my life completely, but I made this change about a month ago, and I’ve cut down by average screen time by 82% and I can hear my thoughts, ideas, and epiphanies again. I’ve used the abundance of time I’ve gotten in return to read more books, move my body, be outside, and experience real life.

I think the saddest part about this whole revelation is that my silly little dream of being able to create videos full time on the internet isn’t what it panned out to be, but I haven’t given up on finding ways to continue to tell stories and create art. I recently discovered this little platform, Substack, and I am obsessed. I pray it doesn’t fall victim to the capital hungry nature of other social media platforms and start preying on our attention, because right now, I am deeply enjoying the peace from the lack of advertisements being shoved in my face and the slow, deep, and thoughtful content being posted by creators.

If you followed me on YouTube, Tik Tok, or Instagram from before, firstly, thank you so much for watching and engaging with my content, it has truly meant the world to me. And secondly, as for the future of my content, I won’t be posting on Tik Tok, YouTube, or Instagram regularly anymore nor will I be doing any more sponsored content. I will be writing on Substack, supplementing my posts with the occasional film, audio file, or photo gallery. If you’d like to stick around, subscribe! It’s free! Or don’t - I’m not chasing numbers anymore. 💋

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My first few nights in New York were spent on a twin inflatable mattress, shared by my six-foot-tall fiancé, 11 lbs. dog who takes up way too much space for his size, and myself. Despite the ache in my lower right back that would persist for the next week, every morning felt like Christmas morning.

On one of my first days in New York, I went to go see the New York City marathon. I ran my own marathon in 2017 in Michigan and though I didn’t feel like anything was missing at the time, I have to admit the energy at the New York marathon was unmatched. The entire 26.2-mile route was packed with people cheering for strangers like “let’s go Dan the man!!”, people sticking their heads out of windows ringing cow bells, and signs being pumped in the air that read things like “you think running is hard? try dating in NYC!” with Post-it notes scribbled with what I could only assume to be the sign holder’s phone number. Restaurants, stores, and cafes all had their doors open, blasting music and joining in on the camaraderie.

After vowing to do the New York Marathon in 2026, I came across a man taking polaroid portraits, so I took him up on his offer, to commemorate my first week in New York City if anything. We took three shots to be safe and as the film developed, I asked him where he got his 1940’s polaroid camera from and he said he had purchased it from “Luis Mendes — the original creator of the street polaroid portrait and the living definition of the New York hustle.”

When I returned to my building, I encountered a grey cat with white socks wandering the hallways. The cat walked right up to me, rubbed on my legs, and rolled onto her back. Worried she had gotten lost accidentally, I started knocking on doors to find her owner only to find out her name is Socks and likes to wander the halls on her own.

Feeling inspired by the athletes at the marathon, the candid hustle of the street photographer, and even the adventurous nature of Socks, I realized that I’d like this move to be the opening of a new chapter of my life. At the age of 27 and being a woman with the looming watch of her biological clock, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something, like the next three to five years will be my last “hurrah” before the future responsibilities of starting a family will settle in. Before that happens, I feel a sense of urgency to feel whole and to arrive at some core version of myself.

In the search for this core version of myself, what better method than trying on different characters like costumes until one settles? This is on par with my therapist’s advice in our last session that I should have more role models. While I’m still on the hunt for who I want to be, I have created three mini mood board for each of the three characters and sides to myself I’d like to explore.

The first character exudes quiet strength. She represents the mind body connection, stability, and resilience I hope to have. The second character is a blazer-clad powerhouse. With a laptop in hand, she commands attention in any room. She is a symbol of independence and represents the ambition and drive to carve out a place for herself in this city. And finally, there’s the dreamy artist, with her wild hair and loosely draped clothes, moving through museums and late nights, searching for a quiet corner to write, sketch, or observe. This final character has always had to battle the first for time and the second for significance, but if there’s any place where all three women can thrive, it’s here in New York.

I look forward to slipping into each of these characters, letting them flow in and out, and seeing how they settle in the hopes of finding my most expansive self. Maybe one day I’ll find the story I want to live out for good, and until then, I’ll experiment—characters, plotlines, costumes, all of it —playing with lives I might call my own.

Hi, there - let me introduce myself. My birth-given name is Sarah and my internet persona name is Swang. I’ve taken 27 trips around the sun, spent half my childhood in upstate New York and the other half in Michigan, and as of eight days ago, my mini family (my fiancé and my four-legged son) made the migration from Seattle to New York City. By trade, I’m a manufacturing engineer in the technology industry (go women in STEM!), but deep down, I’m a creative who’s still trying to figure out how to express this side of myself after repressing her for most of my life in the name of creating a “financially stable” life.

You might know me from the physical world or from social media (YouTube, Tik Tok, Instagram), but now, we meet on Substack. I, too, am following in the footsteps of my sisters before me and leaving all other social media platforms for a slower, more intentional form of media consumption.

For the past three months, I’ve been slowly decreasing the time I spend on social media until I’ve finally reached the point today where all social media apps are removed from my phone and only accessible via my laptop. If you watched me on YouTube, I still plan on making more videos and promise I’ll be back soon, but truly, the way I used to upload every single week is no longer sustainable. In totality, I’m simply experimenting with ways I can create an online community, express myself, and fulfill my mission of helping people find ways to enjoy their time on this floating rock.

I hope you’ll join me here, because I love it here. You can expect more essays from me about how I observe the human condition as a late-twenties gal, material wishlists and obsessions, my art projects, amateur fashion & interior design, New York City favorites, and more!

Yours truly,

Swang 💋