We need to stop classifying a woman having no friends as a red flag, coming from a woman who doesn’t have friends (we’re working on this, don’t worry).

The discourse online is that if a woman has very few or no friends, it’s a red flag. As someone who has struggled with this my entire life, I used to be self-conscious about it. Would someone see me as having a red flag because I’m lacking in the friend department? Or is it suspicious that I never have anyone to go to concerts with or hang out with on a Friday night or call when I’m having a bad day?

My entire life I’ve lived on the outskirts of friend groups. I’d get an invite if one person remembered to bring up my name, but I’d never be a core invite. I’d try to organize a gathering myself and could never nail a concrete time or date because everyone was “busy.” I’d repeatedly express wanting to be included in the next group hangout, only to find out about it after it happened.

As a young girl, I didn’t want birthday parties because I didn’t know who I’d invite. I didn’t like school events like football games or proms because I didn’t know who I’d go with. I didn’t have a graduation party out of fear that no one would show up. Eventually, I stopped wanting to celebrate everything altogether.

When I really look back at friendships throughout my life, it’s a common theme: never being a priority friend.

I can see that now as an adult and put words to it. As a child or a teenager, you don’t understand it; you just know you don’t have friends. But when I put words to it now, it’s that I’m not a priority.

The way I explain it is that everyone has someone they’d rather spend time with than me. They have their go-to people for calling when they’re bored and want to sit on the couch together and do nothing. And they have their go-to people for when they want to try a new restaurant or coffee shop. They also have their go-to people for when they’ve had a bad day and need someone to talk to.

I don’t recall ever having that. But I recall desperately wanting it.

I’ve spent so long wondering the why. Why are people flaky when it comes to me, but they can make plans with others with ease? Why am I nobody’s go-to person for anything? Why does everybody seem to have somebody, while I’m sat at home by myself most days and nights?

I know everyone has busy lives, but I’m also a firm believer that you make time for what or who is important to you. Somehow I just never seem to make the cut.

For years I’ve tried staying connected to people who made it clear I wasn’t a priority, not through their words, but through their actions. I’d ask to go to dinner or grab coffee; they’d say yes, and then I’d proceed with quiz-style questions to put together a plan for us in order to have a few hours of socialization with someone who kind of knows me, but will likely forget what I said the moment we part ways.

I held onto friendships way longer than I should have for the sake of “having friends” even when the so-called friends made me feel like an afterthought in every situation. I’d be with a group listening to everything they’ve done together recently and outwardly ask why I wasn’t invited, only to be met with “we didn’t think you’d want to come” or “it was kind of last minute.” But those to me felt like excuses because I’m always at home and I’ve rarely turned down an invite.

And the ironic part is that time and time again I’d leave those hangouts upset and didn’t know why. I’d come home and cry because what I thought should’ve filled my cup in some way left me more drained and lonely than before. So even when I did get the invite, it still didn’t feel right. But for the sake of “having friends,” I’d still jump at every opportunity I happened to receive an invite to.

Turning 30 naturally brought on a new mindset of IDGAF when it comes to friendships. The tears I used to cry over people who weren’t good friends must’ve all evaporated. And I swear it happened overnight. It probably didn’t, but it feels like it did. Despite the loneliness of not having friends, I no longer beg to stay in people’s lives. The desperation is no longer there.

It’s simple: if they want me there, they’d invite me. The phone works both ways. If I am important to someone, they’ll text. Again, I know people’s lives are busy, but you make time for the people that matter.

I wish younger me didn’t feel the need to prove she had friends. I wish the messaging around women not having friends was framed differently. Perhaps that would’ve saved me from a lot of tears and heartbreak of trying to stay connected to people who repeatedly left me feeling unimportant.

Because while there may be some cases where not having friends could be a red flag, that’s not every case. Some of us just struggle in that area without ever really knowing why. I’m thoughtful and empathetic and loyal. I love hard and genuinely want to connect with others, but finding people who see and appreciate that is hard. Never feeling like a priority friend is already hard enough; it shouldn’t be a red flag.

So here it is: you don’t have to share your “opinion.” You’re a mean girl, and we don’t need to hear your thoughts.

First, let me clarify: I’m not talking to the people who have a funny opinion about something unserious like someone else’s coffee order. I’m specifically talking to the ‘keyboard warriors’ (keyboard cowards in my opinion). The ones who get online and make fun of people, whether it be their appearance or their significant others’, their fashion choices, or who they’re dating.

A few weeks ago I was scrolling here on Substack, and came across what was probably meant to be a “funny” piece. It was something about popular influencers’ significant others that ended in ranking the men by their appearance. I don’t remember the title of the article, and I don’t remember the author (I am aware I could go back and look, but I don’t feel the need to). I do remember that as I read it, I got increasingly uncomfortable. The author basically went through a list of popular influencers’ boyfriends/husbands and ranked them by their looks, while also taking digs at the girls’ personalities too.

Again, I think it was meant to be funny, but as an empath, the whole thing felt mean girl coded.

Then came Aquired Style’s wedding. I’m sure if you’ve been on the internet since the event, you’ve seen the snarky comments and videos judging her wedding look. I’m not a follower of hers, but let me tell you, I was refreshing my feed the entire weekend trying to get a glimpse of her dress because I knew whatever she wore, she was going to look incredible. And she did. She looked like a wedding Barbie. Everything about her wedding look was stunning. What could you possibly make fun of someone for on one of the best days of their lives? A day she’s probably been dreaming of since she was little. A day that was perfectly her.

But still the keyboard cowards found a way. Clearly they didn’t grow up with the phrase, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Let me make this very clear. Just because something is not your taste does not mean it is not tasteful. I guarantee you have a friend whose sense of style is different than yours; would you tell your friend they have no taste? No, because that’s mean. And if all of your friends have the same style as you, then you need to diversify your friend group because how boring is that?!

Bringing it back to the Substack article, if your friend was head over heels for a person and you didn’t think they were attractive, you wouldn’t share that info with her (unless they break up, then by all means tell her). If you thought her personality was boring, you wouldn’t say that to her (you also wouldn’t be a good friend regardless). Judging someone for simply living their lives and being themselves is inherently mean girl behavior.

As I’ve digested this content, I just kept thinking about the ‘why’ behind it. Was it to create shock value for views? Was it to be funny? Was it rage bait? No matter the ‘why’, it got me thinking about how people have become too comfortable being mean online just because they can.

Here’s the thing: you actually don’t have to share every “opinion” you have. You don’t think someone’s partner is cute? Ok, well you’re not dating them. You think an influencer is boring? Girl, hit that ‘not interested’ button. You don’t like someone’s wedding dress? Honey, you’re not the one getting married in it.

Somewhere along the line, judging people, specifically those with a public image, has become a genre of content. And it’s one that I’m tired of seeing. We’ve become too comfortable being mean to strangers for the sake of content. Taking shots at someone in an attempt to go viral is embarrassing for you, because why do you care so much about someone else’s life? Sure, you might gain followers. But the followers you gain are going to be the mean girl type who are also comfortable making fun of others just for being themselves. And the moment you slip up, you’ll be the one under their critical eye.

Opinions on light-hearted topics are fun. “Opinions” judging another person for loving what they love are mean, and we don’t need to hear them.

I’m no saint. I have negative opinions on things. We all do. But a normal person moves on, thinking to themselves, “it’s not for me.” A normal person doesn’t feel the need to publicly bring someone down because of what they love.

I can’t help but think that the people who comment and make content like that live very sad lives. Any person living a full life outside of scrolling on the internet would see Aquired Style’s wedding dress and say she looked beautiful regardless of whether you’d wear it yourself. And anyone who feels the need to voice their negative “opinions” via the comments section or a social media video needs to put the phone down and touch grass.

I watch longingly, and with a tinge of jealousy, as the women in places with four seasons show off their cozy sweaters and suede boots. Meanwhile, I stare at my closet, pondering if I can pull off a turtleneck and jeans when the high is 94 degrees. The hope of moving somewhere that experiences true seasons is a constant on my mind. But given I’m not there yet, I want to share the art of faux-fall fashion, because not all of us get changing leaves and crisp air.

Color is key.

My biggest learning in recent years is that faux-fall fashion relies heavily on colors. More specifically, the right colors. For the longest time, I tried to make my summer clothes be my fall clothes as well, but that only leads to more fall FOMO. Trust me, trying to make a white linen top and denim shorts look more fall doesn’t make you feel more fall. Leaning into fall colors and tones automatically takes the summer feeling out of the outfit. I’m also a fan of a monochromatic look year-round, but especially in the fall because of the different materials you can mix to add dimension.

I could give a whole list of trending colors, but I’m sure someone has already done that somewhere. Here are the ones I’m leaning into: navy, chocolate brown, burgundy, ecru, and olive. Chartreuse and plum are honorable mentions. Mark my words: by the end of fall, I will own pieces in both of those colors too.

Materials add interest.

Material trends vary from season to season. We’ve seen this in our 100% cotton Doen-esque tops for summer and our 100% cashmere sweaters for winter. Fall is for suede, hands down. And for the climates where fall doesn’t exist, suede accessories count. A suede purse or a pair of sneakers are the perfect touch to add interest that won’t leave you melting down to a puddle.

Next I’d say is leather, but a colored leather. Black leather leans more winter to me. Give me a burgundy leather tote or an olive pair of heels. I also lovveee satin, which works well considering satin and summer sweat do not pair well.

Bring summer with you.

The reality is, we’re going to be wearing tanks and t-shirts for a while. You might as well get some more life out of your favorite summer basics by bringing them into fall with you. My brown jelly flats? They’re coming with me into fall. My loose denim shorts and the denim tank I bought to match perfectly. They’re along for the ride too.

Personally, I love shopping knowing I can re-wear pieces by pairing them differently for different times of the year. It becomes like a puzzle.

Need some inspo? I’ve got you covered :)

puffy bucket bag | brown canvas cap | brown boxy tee | jelly flats

For running errands:

These satin shorts were a spring score and I’ve been obsessed. They haven’t gotten much wear in the dead of summer, but as soon as I can, I’m breaking them back out. Unfortunately, they’re sold out, so I can’t link.

This puffy bag is from a brand that is new to me, but there are soooo many colors and patterns to choose from.

Jelly flats might seem like a summer shoe, but in this tortoise brown color, I’ve been wearing them with everything. So you better believe they’re coming into fall with me.

silver cuff | burgundy tote | ruffle socks | puma speedcats | short-sleeve sweater | satin skort

For a coffee shop work sesh:

I am loving Puma Speedcats right now. They are the perfect low-profile sneaker that adds character to any outfit. Give me them in every color and material.

Abercrombie skorts remain my favorites because of the built-in shorts. I navy color with the lighter blue dots, and the lace hem is perfect.

Ruffle socks are my new favorite accessory. I love the juxtaposition of a feminine touch against a sportier shoe.

denim shorts | denim shell top | suede bag | sunglasses

For lunch with the girls:

Dark denim has been the only denim I’ve been wearing as of late. It always leans elevated, no matter the outfit. And dark denim on dark denim is perfection.

I don’t have a link for these heels, but Dolce Vita makes them in so many fun prints and colors. They’re the Dolce Vita Cleo Kitten Heel.

zebra bag | burgundy heel | claw clip | ribbed top | ecru jeans

For a fun date night:

Zebra is a trending print for fall. I especially love the ones that lean more brown than black.

Ecru might seem like a summer color, but it leans warmer than white and perfectly balances with fall tones without being too stark.

A sculptural claw clip adds fun and dimension and pairs so well with the funky zebra print.

Fall fashion can be so inspiring, but also so disheartening when you’re not having the same ‘ideal’ fall experience as other people. Instead of wishing I was elsewhere, I’m going to start looking at it as an opportunity to get creative with what I’m wearing to bring fall to me. And funnily enough, just by writing this, it’s already working.

If you live in a warm climate, let me know how you are bringing fall into your wardrobe!

The online world loves to demonize working in corporate and romanticize working for yourself. As if everyone who leaves corporate makes $40,000 a month and lives a lavish life, and everyone who stays is wasting away at their desk working for someone else. I’m not saying one way of working is better than the other, but I think there needs to be more conversation around the people who used to be freelancers and now work 9-5’s and actually prefer that more.

About 2 years ago, I decided that I needed a change. One that continuing to freelance wasn’t going to bring me. The truth is, I was severely depressed, dealing with health issues, spending pretty much all my time alone, and financially strained. I had no friends, lots of debt, and slept and cried pretty much all the time.

For context, I was a virtual creative assistant to influencers and bloggers. The work wasn’t challenging, but it was something I knew how to do. The problem was that clinical depression, coupled with no mental stimulation, meant that procrastination became my preferred work method. I genuinely did not want to do the work; things would be turned in at the last minute, and I was silently drowning.

The only way I felt like I could start to dig myself out of the depression hole I was in was to find a stable job that offered a consistent paycheck (and benefits) and maybe even some human interaction. So I started applying. Now, let’s be honest, the modern job market is rough, so sending applications into a void was discouraging. Until it wasn’t. Until I got an interview, and then a second interview, and then an offer.

Slowly but surely, over the past year and a half, I’ve been able to breathe a little more. I’ve found a job that gives me an idea of what my career trajectory could look like, both in the immediate and distant future. My career doesn’t feel like a dead end anymore. I see the possibilities available to me in my future because of this decision I’ve made. Plus, I enjoy my work. It challenges me in the way I need it to, and it allows me to be creative. It also gives me the structure and routine I didn’t know I desperately needed for my mental health’s sake.

I’m more financially stable than I’ve been in years. I can somewhat see the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to paying off past financial faux pas. (It’s still far off, but again, we’re working on it.) With the added benefit of health insurance, I can actually go to the doctor. And don’t even get me started on taking PTO and actually logging off mentally and physically.

I’ve also made friends (?!), crazy, I know. But I genuinely enjoy my co-workers. We work hard, but we laugh and talk about pop culture and life side quests while doing so. Being a marketing girlie is fun. Working on a team is fun. In fact, I really love the team aspect of it. It turns out, not feeling like you’re isolated on your own island is brain-chemistry-altering for a depressed gal like myself. So is getting to put on “real” clothes.

Looking at where I’m at now, the trifecta of challenging my brain, stabilizing my income, and talking to people every day has sneakily helped my mental health without me even realizing. So, while saying that going corporate saved my life might seem dramatic, I’d definitely attribute it to improving my mental state. I know that wouldn’t necessarily be the case if I hated my job or my co-workers or the company I work for. But I’m writing this from the perspective of someone who does like those three things and is very fortunate to say that.

So, while a lot of people online will tell you that you should leave your corporate job, here’s a success story of someone who is actually enjoying corporate life after freelancing. I’m not saying I’ll never go back to freelancing or maybe even start a business of my own, but for this time in my life, I prefer being a corporate girlie.

I’ve noticed a lot from every conversation I’ve had about the topic of long-distance. Some good takeaways and some bad. A lot of supportive people and a lot who swear long-distance relationships don’t last. I’ve also heard a lot of unsolicited commentary and advice and feedback surrounding the topic – the majority of which comes from people who have never done long-distance projecting their fears onto others. It used to bother me, but not so much anymore.

Truth be told, the older I get, the less I care. When it comes down to it, a long-distance relationship with two people actively choosing each other despite the distance is likely healthier than two people choosing each other out of convenience. Convenience isn’t love. Convenience is settling. No one is willingly putting themselves through the heartbreak and tears of long-distance, unless you actually have to. And let me tell you, it’s not for the weak.

Even on the hardest weeks, choosing each other when it’s not easy to, that is what makes it worth it. Because on the days when walking away might seem easier to everybody else, those are the times you look at each other after a tough conversation where your eyes are puffy from crying, and there’s snot on your shirt sleeve, and know, “we’re going to get through this, we always do.”

So if you were to ask me today if I would ever do long-distance, knowing what I know now, I would still tell you yes.

Here’s a glimpse of both old and new pieces that I’m bringing with me into spring 2026. Expect to be sick of seeing me in them.

My denim set that is similar to this has been my go-to for any spring/summer outing for well over a year.

You’ll see a color theme throughout this post. I’m currently obsessed with powder blue. Bonus points if it’s paired with butter yellow.

Love the elevated take on track shorts with this satin pair, and I’ve already got an outfit in mind for these gingham ones.

Who knew the PERFECT heavyweight, boxy white tee was hiding in the A&F men’s section? Not I. And now I need it in every color.

Somebody needs to cut me off because the shoe purchases lately have been out of control. Mesh flats and jelly mules may be controversial, but I really don’t care. I love the interesting look they bring to an outfit, and I also really dislike sandals.

I’m trying to venture outside of jeans, and as a denim girl, that’s proving to be difficult. I also don’t like low-rise, but if you’ve got a short torso like me, they’re more of a mid-rise fit. Plus, they’re lightweight, and I like that the ankle width is adjustable.

Two spring staples - a white tank and denim shorts. I love the softness a pointelle fabric brings to a simple tank, and these dad shorts have been a long-standing favorite of mine.

We’ve got an accidental color palette happening in this spring roundup, but I’m not mad about it. Catch me wearing all of these way too much because at the end of the day, I am an outfit repeater.

We see trends come back around with fashion all the time. I’m really happy to be living in a time where content trends come back around. Because before short-form video content, there was static social content, and before static social content, there were blogs. And Substack feels like an opportunity for those of us who don’t feel at home in the video-centric social media world.

As someone who launched a blog in the peak of blogging days (way-back-when in 2017), the art of creating in the form of writing has always felt like the most natural way of expressing my inner world. My brain is always going and thinking. I’m introspective and have many thoughts on many things. But nothing about articulating them in video form, long or short, has ever felt enjoyable.

The truth is, putting myself out there in a video for the world to judge is scary. I’m relatively introverted, and I hate being the center of attention. With blogging, I could express my thoughts safely. Reels and TikToks end up on the wrong side of the internet. People, especially women, are torn down simply for how they look or how they speak, let alone for what they think. But writing doesn’t scare me. You’re sitting here reading this by choice. You didn’t happen to find it in the midst of a doom scroll session. If I wanted to, I could keep this relatively faceless. I won’t be, but you get the point. Writing is a way of being visible, without having all eyes on you.

My blog, Syrup & Scott, was a creative outlet that was solely for me. Eventually, I turned my love of writing into ghost-blogging full-time for other people. But what some people might consider a dream job felt less and less like a dream as the years went on. All of my blogging creativity was spent on other people’s blogs to pay the bills, and soon enough, I was paying a hefty annual Squarespace fee just because I didn’t want to lose what was mine.

Last year, I finally made the decision to retire that site. It was time. I went through a career change that didn’t require me to have a website, plus it had been years since I had written anything on it. Not to mention, paying that fee was weighing heavily on me. But what’s funny is that when you find space from the things you love, they often come back to you. Lately, I can’t seem to shake the feeling of needing to vocalize my thoughts and feelings, whether it be my transition to corporate life, what I’m eyeing for my spring wardrobe, or my 30’s glow-up.

I want to create. I want to write. But more importantly, I’m excited to create, and I’m excited to write.

So, here’s to a new chapter of Syrup & Scott, my original blog’s fun, younger sister, written by an older version of me who has many thoughts to share on many things.

I hope you enjoy.