Recently, my family went through another grief that was unforeseen. (Isn’t grief always like that? Unforeseen.) My dad lost his job right before Mother’s Day and has been struggling to find another job here in Utah. It’s been about two months now and he’s finally been getting interviews so we’re so excited to see what God has for him, but it wasn’t that way in the beginning. When I found out the situation, I thought my family’s whole world was being turned upside down, and some days, I still feel that way when I think about how long it’s been since my dad hasn’t worked. I had some time where I had to have some conversations with God about how not cool the whole thing was and how could He allow something like this to happen to my family and haven’t we been through enough. I can also admit that I wasn’t very mature and didn’t wait for His answer before I decided to be done talking. It’s been about a month and I have felt my heart soften toward this whole thing and I just keep reminding myself that God has a plan even if I can’t see it.

This has all been going on parallel to things going on in my own life with my husband and his diagnosis of POTS. There was a time when we thought we had the symptoms under control and we might be able to live some semblance of a normal life. The last month or so, however, his symptoms have been pretty consistent weekly and it’s started to have a little bit of a pattern. So I’ve been angry about that. Again. It also came in the midst of Sam, my husband, and I trying to camp over one weekend and ending up back home fairly early in the morning on the second day because my anxiety was so bad that I didn’t sleep and I wasn’t going to enjoy the next full day. So that felt like another dream that was squashed because camping was going to be the way Sam and I were able to travel and see National Parks and what have you. So for about a week I was pretty depressed, unsettled in my own skin, and wondering what the heck my life was going to look like.

And then I found out my mom has been praying for all of us to have new dreams and new hopes. Including dreaming big because nothing is impossible for God. I found this out over the weekend and it made sense to me because this last week was when I started to feel normal. When I could begin to think clearly and speak aloud the dreams and hopes I would really love. It’s also been the week when my dad has had several interviews lined up all at once and kind of all of a sudden. So here we see God moving. Sam’s POTS symptoms are going to be around until God chooses to heal him completely, but I also believe He has given us tools to mitigate them and live a somewhat normal life. I believe He has an amazing job lined up for my dad and that everything is going to work out the exact way it’s supposed to. But I gotta tell you, it’s taken a lot of the summer for me to get to this point and part of the reason is because I believe it’s been my mom’s prayers over the family and the hummingbirds in the backyard.

In late April, Sam and his parents and I had to say goodbye to the family dog, Claire. She was ten and really should have had so much more life to live, but there wasn’t much for us to do at that point. It was miserable and it was decided none of us were ready for another dog.

Then one day, in the pool, I found a hummingbird nest in one of the branches above the pool. We had seen a hummingbird flying around the yard, but it was absolutely a God thing that I found the nest when I did. Most of the time nobody would have found the nest and would only have seen the hummingbird itself flying around. So we’ve kept an eye on the nest. I’ve seen the hummingbird, or one of several, the last month flying around and really in places I maybe shouldn’t have been able to see them because of how small and fast they are. I saw one in the trees while Sam and I were camping! The hummingbirds have been a God wink for me, reminding me He hasn’t forgotten about me and Sam.

There was day my father-in-law thought he saw the hummingbird upside down in the nest and we thought we had lost her. I was really bummed and Sam wondered if we needed to take her out of the nest so the magpies or other birds wouldn’t eat her. I wanted to make sure it was her in the nest so I told Sam to get me a ladder so we could double check. There was a part of me that didn’t want to believe her body lay in the nest and I wanted to make sure before we decided anything. So Sam climbed the ladder himself so he could determine if it was her and I wouldn’t have to see it. When he climbed up there, he brought the branch close to himself, his eyes went wide, and he slowly put the branch back while asking for my phone. Momma hummingbird wasn’t in the nest, it was her babies! Two of them! And what my father-in-law had seen had been one baby looking one way and the other looking the other way. So it looked like one hummingbird with a beak one way and tail the other. We were so surprised and delighted! We kept an eye on them, researched what they needed, and now we have three hummingbird feeders up, partially because Sam’s biological dad sent us two more hummingbird feeders when we told him we had a nest in our backyard. Over the weekend, my in-laws ordered and put together a bird bath with a fountain so they would be able to bathe in the fountain. The babies took flight on Saturday and we’ve been able to see them fly together ever since. The hummingbirds have been a balm to our whole household this summer and we have loved every minute of them in the yard. We’ve already got several flowers they love to munch on and plan on getting more for next summer so they have their own little oasis before they migrate.

It’s been such a great reminder of finding joy in the grief that we’ve had these hummingbirds in our backyard. So between that and my mom’s prayers, I woke up this morning and sat outside and began to have ideas for our backyard. We already have a garden and several garden beds and barrels, but I want that half of the yard to be filled with troughs and a pathway and arches. I want to be somewhat self-sufficient in the coming years and I want to have a little cottage garden in my backyard, especially if this is where God has put us. I want to be able to live well in these coming years and be reminded continuously of God’s goodness and faithfulness and if that means I need to be dreaming big then I’m here for it. It might start slow, because honestly I’m a little gun shy when it comes to dreams and having them come true. But I’m only 32 years old and I have lots of life to live and I would like to actually live it, thank you very much. So, it starts with plans for a garden. It starts with believing that if I want it and hand it over to God, He will make a way. It’s believing, and reminding myself, that God loves me so much that He would make a way and let me have what I want, within reason of course. So. Here’s your permission to dream big if you need it because I’m right there with you.

Buy Me a Coffee

December 12, 1899

Mark was smart enough to order enough stone for the stone wall and the gate to be replaced at the same time as the mudroom. All three took a couple of weeks as we had to run into Charlotte to get the iron work done for the gate. That also took longer than we had hoped, but at least the gate closes now and locks when we close everything for the night.

There has been a little snow in the last week, so I haven’t been outside to walk the grounds again since the beginning of November. We’ve been so busy ordering things for the house and making sure everything arrives on time and is installed quickly I haven’t found the time to think about anything outside the house! I know once spring shows her face around here we’ll have plenty to do again. The house is livable now, with Dorothy taking on the kitchen. She’s also the first one up and lights the fireplaces downstairs. I’ve told her she needn’t be so insistent on running the house under me. She won’t budge and is sure we won’t have to hire anyone if it’s just her running the house. We’ll have to see how it goes for the next little while.

Mark has ordered paint and new curtains for the study now that he has time to work on it. He won’t let me in it until it’s finished. I know it’ll be lovely and exactly what he needs, but I do worry about what he’ll do with Uncle’s things. I know there’s still paperwork in the drawers of the desk. Uncle’s butler and housekeeper took what they wanted after he died before I could get here and left everything else to me. There’s no telling what business papers are in the drawers right now we might need to go through..

Though there’s also probably more letters from Penelope. I remember Uncle receiving many a nasty letter from her after their divorce, and I’m certain he kept them somewhere. I’m not sure why he kept them and he would change the subject when I asked him about it when I was old enough to realize that’s what they were. In truth, I know he loved her but he couldn’t abide by the way she treated his family. He told her from the beginning that I was the most important thing in his life besides his own sister and I was going to be around. I suppose she thought that would change once they got married, but it never did. Uncle loved me as his own until he died…

Lavinia sighed heavily and put her journal away for the time being. She didn’t enjoy thinking about Penelope and all the havoc she wreaked on her uncle during their short marriage. But she knew her uncle had kept those letters and dreaded the day Mark walked into the library and handed her a pile not knowing what to do with them himself.

Lavinia looked out at the window above her desk and sighed. It had begun to snow and though she reveled in the idea of curling up under one of the heavy blankets in the library on the couch in front of the fire to read a book, she knew there was too much to do in the house. The library itself needed more work than she had thought the first day. There were painters in there now touching up the work that had been redone and replaced near the celing on the walls. Mold had been growing and Uncle Jeffery’s housekeeper hadn’t even noticed. She couldn’t really be blamed. She was old and near sighted and probably thought it was just shadows in the corners.

Shaking her head, Lavinia stood up and walked to the library down the hall from her own room. She wanted to see the progress they were making. Another thing that had been taking too long. They had been working on the library since they had moved in and she hadn’t been able to sit in it since that fist week. Lavinia stood in the doorway and watched the workers and painters around the room. There were only four in here while the rest had gone back to Charlotte for some such thing she couldn’t remember, but was certain Mark knew what it was. She smiled. Mark knew more about the comings and goings of the people they hired than she did, but he always knew exactly what was going on. She could ask him about something that hadn’t been mentioned in several weeks and knew he would have the answer.

”Mrs., there seems to be something in the wall here.”

”What?” Lavinia looked over to where the worker was removing the wallpaper on the only wall with wallpaper. There was no way there was something in the wall could there? Lavinia walked over and saw where the man pointed. Sure enough. There seemed to be an outline of a box in the wall. “Don’t touch it. I need to get my husband.”

The man nodded and Lavinia ran from the library shouting Mark’s name. Dorothy emerged from the dining room with a towel, wiping her hands.

”Lunch is set. Mark is outside with the stablemen figuring out how to fix the stables for the horses. Lavinia, why are you shouting?”

Lavinia ran up to Dorothy, breathing heavily. “Tom, one of the workmen in the library found something in the wall. I need to get Mark.”

”In the wall? You don’t think…”

Lavinia only looked at Dorothy and shook her head gently. She didn’t think it was the safe from her great great uncle that the family legend spoke of, but she had also never come across something in the wall before. Dorothy motioned to the back of the house and followed Lavinia out to the stable yard, both shouting for Mark. When they had finally found him, he looked irritated, though pleased to see the ladies.

”What can I do for the two loveliest ladies in my life?” Mark asked as he put his hand around Lavinia’s waist and kissed her cheek. “My dear, you’re breathing so hard. Is everything alright?”

Lavinia gulped and shook her head. “I don’t know, but Tom found something in the wall of the library.”

Mark’s eyebrows lifted. “You don’t think it’s your great great uncle’s secret treasure do you?”

Lavinia looked at Dorothy. “We don’t know, but I know I don’t want Tom opening it. I would like it to be opened by just the three of us.”

“What did you tell Tom?”

“I told him not to touch it and that I needed to come get you.”

Mark nodded and squeezed Lavinia’s side. Together the three of them walked into the library and Mark had Tom show him what he had found. Mark nodded and dismissed Tom and his crew for the next few days. Lavinia was sure Mark thought it was the safe her great great uncle’s fortune was in and he didn’t want anyone else around to know what was in the safe.

”It’ll take some time to get into the safe, Lavinia. Why don’t you go in the front room? Have some lunch with Dorothy while I take a look at this and see what we can do. There are several letters on the table I found in the study. Some of them look quite old. Maybe there’s some answers about this in one of them. Or in the journal I found.”

Lavinia and Dorothy made their way into the front room. Lavinia stood in front of the pile of letters and the journal Mark found. She ran her fingers across her head, thinking about what could possibly be in the journal. It didn’t look familiar, but it hadn’t been unusual for her to burst into Uncle Jeffery’s study and have him smile and put away whatever it was he was working on. Lavinia slowly sank down to the couch and rested her chin in her hand. This could possibly complicate things for the renovation. Though it now made it sense why there was wallpaper covering only the one wall. She sighed heavily and turned her attention to the lunch Dorothy had put out.

My in-laws, my husband, and I recently had to say goodbye to the sweet pup above. Although we all miss her dearly, she was a hard dog and we couldn’t really leave her alone for long periods of time. Now that she’s gone, we’re all finding ourselves out of the house more without much interaction.

It’s funny. We talked about how this day would come and how we wouldn’t have much in the way of communicating when we were leaving the house, and now that it’s here, it’s a weird feeling. My husband, Sam, wanted to go on a walk after dinner earlier this week, so we went. Just like that. We were gone for over two hours without a worry about when we were going to be back.

I, myself, am finding that I want to go out and do the things. Be away from the house. But Sam has had a POTS flare up since we went on that walk and I’ve been doing things around the house. Today I decided I sign up to do Uber Eats. I make enough money that all our bills are paid, but sometimes it’s nice to just have that extra. So I went out. And made money and didn’t worry about when I needed to be home.

Life is funny like that. Two things can be true at once: missing the pup dearly and enjoying the newfound freedom of not needing to be home. Sometimes I feel guilty about that feeling, but Claire was so hard and there was so much responsibility surrounding her that it almost feels like a deep breath. I feel like, between the newfound freedom and Sam having more good days now that’s it’s warm, I’m living again. I’m relearning what it looks like to be an adult and do the things I want to do on my own timeline.

I do miss Claire, don’t get me wrong. There’s just something about not having someone or something waiting for you to be home all the time that’s so different. It’s only been a short time, and I know there will be days when the ache is too much, but for now it’s okay.

Life is funny, isn’t it?

Subscribe

Buy Me a Coffee

I didn’t want you to think I had just fallen off the face of the earth this last month. I am still working on the next part of Oakwood Estate and I’m hoping to get it out to you soon. March was kind of a weird month because I felt more myself than I have in a long time and the sun was shining and there was a lot to do out in the yard to start spring clean up. And I just kind of lost track of where I was in my writing for a while.

Like I said, I’m working on getting the next part out to you. My mind has been heavy with some familial news about my in-laws’ dog and we’ve been working on how to move forward this past weekend and into this week. Although the sunshine has been appreciated it hasn’t alleviated all that’s been on my mind.

I’m thinking about the story of Oakwood Estate and working on where it needs to go. Please be patient and stay tuned. As always, thank you for subscribing and reading my work. I’m still working, it’s just been tough when life gets in the way sometimes. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

Taimie

November 15, 1899

The house is coming along nicely. The burgundy curtains have been rehung in the library and the boxes of books have finally arrived from the house in Charlotte. Dorothy hasn’t allowed me back into Uncle’s study once Mark decided to take it over. I suspect Dorothy had planned for Mark to take over the study and redo it to his preferences so I wouldn’t have to step foot into the awful room again. I, however, beat her to it and stepped into it last week. Oh, how awful it was! I never want to hear from Penelope for as long as I live!

But beyond that, the quartz stone from the quarry should be here any day to have the mudroom redone. I’m so thankful Mark’s father knows someone in the business. Once the mudroom is usable again, Dorothy is going to take on the kitchen full time. I told her she needn’t, but she reminded me it was her favorite thing to do and to be able to earn her keep and lodgings was important to her. (Though I reminded her she need not earn her keep and lodgings. She might as well be my sister, and family doesn’t worry about that. She was insistent.)

I can still hardly believe Uncle has left me Oakwood Estate, much less that we’ll ring in the new year in our own house! The three of us have been here for three weeks and I still expect Uncle to walk out of his study or the library any moment now to remind me to keep myself grounded in this world. I remember when he would take me out to the fields to watch the hired workers harvest the tobacco leaves to send to Charlotte when the fields were plentiful. I remember the day Uncle told me he had sold his fields to his neighbors to the north. I was devastated and cried terribly big tears, (though I may have been too old for that nonsense,) and he reminded me he was growing older and his sickness was just beginning and it didn’t look positive.

”Lavinia, darling, selling the tobacco fields was the best thing I could do for you. You will be set for life once the sale goes through.”

He was right, of course. Mark reminds me of this often when I get to talking about the fields and how much I missed walking through them. If I had realized then how sick Uncle was going to become I would have shed my tears for him and not the fields. Dorothy is more sympathetic and likes to remember walking through the fields with me. We had such a great time running through the fields together and growing up in this house, it seems unreal that I now own the house and Dorothy and I will be running it together.

Dorothy is insistent we have a ball once the house has been redone and it is open to callers. I told her that seems ridiculous, that no one will want to come all the way out here just for a ball. It would have to be a week-long affair and no one wants to cook that much food on their own.

She reminded me, of course, that she would hire the best cooks around the area to help her. And why shouldn’t we bring in the new year with a week-long ball? I reminded her it was the middle of November, the first snowfall would be here any day now, followed by the cold and the rain if there was no snow. The house was nowhere near ready for a week-long affair with several prominent families that Mark’s parents know. She often reminds me of the idea within conversation and, I must admit, it does seem like a good idea once the house is in order. I will have to run the idea past Mark and see how he feels about it. Ah! There is the dinner bell…

It seems I am out numbered! I brought up the idea of having an open house once the house was settled and Mark thought it a marvelous idea! He turned and wink at Dorothy! Winked! I knew they had been scheming against me, but I didn’t realize the extent of it! Oh, I do love my little family we’ve created! Dorothy is ready to start planning the menus for the party, but I can’t possibly think about that! There’s wallpaper falling off the guest rooms we still need to attend to before anyone stays here. But it seems the plan is soon to be in motion and I will have nothing to say for it except who will be here and what the final menus will be.. Oh dear. What have I gotten myself into?…

Lavinia stood at the window as the sun set. She had a blue cotton shawl wrapped around her shoulders and finger on her bottom lip in thought. Mark and Dorothy had indeed partnered together in order to convince Lavinia to have a week-long affair, her first ever in a house. The thought was daunting, especially as her and Mark had never had a house as grand as Oakwood, much less grand enough to hold an event in the countryside.

There was still much to do and Lavinia made lists in her head based on priority, each list changing as she thought of another thing that needed done. The giant oaks along the drive needed trimmed, but the kitchen needed a new oven, but the guest rooms weren’t put together, but the salons didn’t even have chairs, and they had just figured out how to replace the windows in all the rooms to keep the warm in…

“Lavinia, darling, what are you thinking about?” Mark had walked up beside her and laid a hand on her waist and drew her into his side.

Lavinia jumped a little, startled, and then relaxed into her husband’s side. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago so the house was quiet and she hadn’t heard him enter the room. She shook her head slightly and waved a hand.

“It’s nothing, just the long list of things I need to do to make the house ready before we decide to have the event of the season.”

Mark chuckled. “My dear, don’t be angry. Dorothy and I think it’s a great idea, but please don’t think we want it to happen before you’re absolutely ready.”

Mark kissed the top of Lavinia’s head and hugged her tighter. “Is there something else on your mind?”

Tears began to form on the lower lids of Lavinia’s eyes. He knew her so well and even when she didn’t say anything he knew there was something else. Always.

“I was thinking back on Penelope. I keep thinking she’s going to show up on the front step any day now. I know Uncle left me everything and she isn’t entitled to anything now that she’s married to someone else. But I’m waiting for her to show up.” Lavinia turned to look up into Mark’s face. “Am I going mad? Is this something I need to think about anymore?”

Mark shook his head. “I’m sorry for the awfulness she inflicted on you in a short time when you were a child. I don’t think this is anything you need to concern yourself with anymore. If she does show up on the front step I will take care of her. Now, let’s go to bed. We can start afresh in the morning.”

Buy Me a Coffee

Over the next several days, while the weather was still nice, Lavinia roamed the gardens with Dorothy and Mark. She pointed out places in the gardens where she wanted to replant vegetables and get the beds ready in the spring when the promise of long days produced fresh food for meals. She showed Mark the old willow tree by the small lake on the far end of the property where she used to sit and read her books during the hot afternoons of summer in her childhood. It was looking worse for wear, the gardeners being let go after Uncle Jeffery’s sickness became worse. The lower branches needed to be trimmed and there needed to be an area under the branches where everyone could sit in the future. Mark promised to take care of it once the snow came and started to melt in a few months.

They entered the greenhouse on a particularly warm afternoon and were hit with hot, humid air. Everything was looking droopy, but because of the humidity, most of the exotic flowers were still alive. Barely. Lavinia made a mental note to come out and bring water to the pots to try to keep things alive. Uncle Jeffery had prize winning orchids, roses, and dahlias and he wouldn’t want them to die completely.

After discussing the kitchen and mud room that led into the garden— the quarry would have to be called in order to replace some of the rocking— Lavinia made her way to her uncle’s study. She hadn’t been in there since she was a child and she stopped in the doorway once she opened the door. Her eyes roamed the room, memories flooding back to the forefront of her mind.

Penelope, Uncle Jeffery’s first and only wife, stood in the study in front of the window next to the desk. She yelled at Uncle for keeping Lavinia as long as he had. “She’s a child! She loves it here!” He had boomed, letting his wife know Lavinia wouldn’t be going anywhere until her parents picked her up at the end of the summer. “The little chit has been rummaging through my things! Send her away!” “Lavinia would never do that! She’s been raised with the proper manners and has never rummaged through anyone’s things before! Why would she do that with just your things, Penelope?” “Because she hates me! She’s always hated me!” Uncle rolled his eyes and turned away from Penelope. Lavinia had heard this fight before. She told Uncle she hadn’t rummaged through Penelope’s things. She would never do that. Lavinia had tried to be friends with Penelope, even after Penelope told her not to call her ‘aunt’. She tried. She really did…

Lavinia was startled out of her memory when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped and turned to see who it was. Dorothy. She smiled at Dorothy and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

”Oh dear. I was worried about this room.”

Lavinia shook her head. “It’s nothing. I was just remembering Uncle’s horrid wife.”

Dorothy made a face. “I remember Penelope. How anyone thought you hated her was beyond the whole household. The maids used to talk about it. They thought Penelope hated you because you were going to inherit the house and everything with it. They could hear the whispers at night about how it wasn’t her fault she hadn’t provided an heir, but they were sure Jeffery didn’t care about that. He loved you, Lavinia, like his own. It was good they had divorced when they did. She would have made quite the fuss after he died. Besides, it seems she went out west to find a new husband and rumors are she succeeded. So do with that what you would like.” Dorothy closed the door to the study with a quiet sigh. “We can let Mark deal with what’s in here. Why don’t we go into the library?”

Lavinia nodded eagerly, wiped the few remaining tears she shed during Dorothy’s speech, and followed her into the library. She took a deep breath and looked around her favorite room in the whole house. She had always coveted Uncle’s book collection and she intended to keep it just the way it was while adding a few of her own from over the years. Uncle had kept the fire at a dull roar in here during the winter and in the evenings the rest of the year. He wanted to make sure she always had a warm place to hide away and read her books or write her letters. Her eyes fell on the writing desk near the window and an image of her younger self practicing her letters appeared in her mind.

She looked at the large table in the middle of the room where a spot from the lantern she had spilled had lived ever since. It hadn’t mattered what she had tried to clean it up with, the wood had soaked in the kerosene and wouldn’t let it go. She had been sure Uncle wouldn’t ever let her come back after this accident. Her mother had always been chiding her for being clumsy as a child and here was proof. But Uncle had only shook his head and smiled warmly. “It gives the table character, my dear,” he had told her. It became their little joke whenever they were in the library together. Uncle had been careful to remind her to keep the books off the small spot, just in case, but she would always allow one of the maids to carry the kerosene lamps from that day forward.

“So many memories in this room,” Lavinia said softly as she stepped in and ran her fingers across the table where they had played games in the evenings.

”Is there much you want to change in this room?” Dorothy asked quietly, allowing her friend to relive the memories of her beloved uncle in the library.

Lavinia shook her head. “I want to keep it mostly as is. I would like to add my collection from the house in the city. I think Mark and I are going to live here mostly.” She turned and looked at her friend. “You’re welcome here as well, dear friend. We have plenty of room for the four of us.”

“Four? Oh, of course, Toller.” Dorothy waved a hand dismissively. “I may be an old maid, but I don’t need to take up one of your rooms. I believe the city will be fine with me.”

Lavinia grabbed Dorothy’s hands and squeezed them gently. “Dorothy, Mark and I would be overjoyed if you stayed with us. We know we are your only family and we don’t want you to stay if you don’t want to, but we would be so glad if you did stay with us. I will need someone to keep me company while Mark is gone during the days for work, and I don’t want you to have to drive everyday. Please, Dorothy, please stay with me.”

Dorothy took a deep breath and finally nodded. This had been the plan all along she knew, but she had wanted to make sure Mark was going to be okay with it. And it seems he was. She hugged her dearest and oldest friend tightly and then turned both of their attention back to the room.

“So we’re keeping this room as is?”

Lavinia looked around again and tapped her bottom lip with her forefinger. “Well, maybe we can change a few things.”

Buy Me a Coffee

“Toller!” It was her and Mark’s duck tolling retriever. She rubbed his head and put her forehead against his before he pulled away and licked her face, tail wagging furiously. “How’s my good boy? Where’s Mark?”

”Out here getting our luggage!”

Lavinia laughed quietly to herself and walked out the front door and there indeed was Mark on the carriage, standing on the back trying to get his trunk and hers, off the top. She smiled and walked over to touch his back to show she was happy he was there. He put the trunks on the drive and wrapped her in his arms.

”Darling, you look exhausted! What have you and Dorothy been doing this past week?”

”Taking care of the house! Uncle Jeffrey left it quite a mess when he passed.”

“Lavinia! I told you not to speak ill of the dead!”

Lavinia chuckled. “Dorothy, nothing is going to happen because I stated a fact. Uncle Jeffrey did leave the house a mess, he said so in his letter to me when he died.” She turned to Mark again, kissing his cheek. “Did you bring the new shutters and locks?”

Mark smirked. “Of course I did. Father helped me build them and they’ll be installed this afternoon. We’ll have the rooms upstairs ready in no time.”

Lavinia looked skeptical. “They’ll be ready to get ready.”

”That bad?” Mark asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lavinia nodded and Mark motioned for her to take him upstairs. Lavinia took his hand and called Toller to come with them as they walked up the stairs. She opened the door to the first bedroom and motioned Mark to go in. Mark raised his eyebrows and walked in and stopped without fully entering the room.

“Isn’t this the room Jeffery used?” Lavinia nodded. “What did they do? Leave the windows open while he died?”

“I guess he was too hot until he was too cold,” Lavinia said as she stepped next to Mark and looked around the mildewed room. “We’re going to need new wallpaper and furnishings.”

Mark sighed and put his hands on his hips. “Let’s get some brunch and I’ll install the new shutters and locks and make sure the windows close properly.”

As Mark and Lavinia filed back upstairs after a successful brunch, the wind began to pick up again. Mark gave Lavinia a look and opened the shutters in the first room. He inspected the locking mechanism on the window itself and rattled it a little. The lock popped open and the window swung open in two directions. Mark shook his head and brought them back together and tightened the mechanism to keep the lock from shaking open again.

”This is why there’s mildew and mold in here, Lavinia. Jeffrey didn’t keep up on the maintenance of the house so when the wind blows the way it does, the lock pops up and opens the window. It’s probably like that in the other room.”

Lavinia sighed, “Uncle Jeffrey apologized for the state of the house in his letter before he died. He knew it was in a bad state, but I don’t think even he knew how bad it was. Luckily his butler kept things for when they needed it. I believe there’s wallpaper in the attic that’s still good, at least it was when Dorothy and I went up to inspect it. We might be able to get the wallpaper replaced and leave the sum Uncle left me for other things.”

Mark struggled to get the shutters off the window while Lavinia spoke, but he finally got them off the wall with a grunt. He nodded and began working on replacing the shutters, making sure the hinges worked properly as he did so. Lavinia squeezed Mark’s shoulder and smiled a little before calling for Dorothy to head up to the attic with her. They opened the door to the attic and waved dust particles out of their faces as their dresses stirred up the dust again as they climbed the ladder.

The women looked around at the extensive boxes and trunks in the attic. Anything and everything that was used in the house in the past was kept up here in case it needed to be used again. Lavinia walked over to the trunk holding the wallpaper, Dorothy followed and they both unrolled the rolls of paper to see which patterns were complete and not moth eaten. They finally settled on a deep blue with coral flowers. The next roll was a deep green with gold swans. They would both be perfect for the two main bedrooms upstairs. They rolled them back up and descended the ladder, making their way to the main bedrooms where Mark still worked.

Mark looked up as the women walked into the first room. “What have you found?”

Lavinia and Dorothy unrolled the wallpaper with a “ta da!” And showed Mark the two patterns they picked out. He nodded approvingly. Lavinia rolled up the dark green with swans and set it against the wall, then turned and looked at the shutters Mark was putting the finishing touches on. She clapped her hands together and squealed with delight.

”Oh, Mark, they’re lovely! They’ll make this room more cozy than Uncle had it before he was sick!”

Mark smiled and kissed Lavinia on the cheek before moving to the next room. Dorothy came up beside Lavinia to inspect Mark’s work. She folded her arms with a smile.

”He sure knows what he’s doing, doesn’t he?”

”You know this is what his father does for a living, Dorothy. Of course he knows what he’s doing. Now help me with this wallpaper.”

For the next several hours, Lavinia and Dorothy worked on pulling the molded and mildewed wallpaper off the walls in order to replace it. After a brief tea, everyone got back to work and were able to restore the shutters along the windows and their locks and were able to strip the walls of wallpaper. The next step was getting the wallpaper glue onto the wall and then aligning the wallpaper carefully along the walls in both bedrooms. All three were tired, but were determined to get the rooms finished. They weren’t going to be able to stay in them tonight due to the smell, but were hoping to sleep in the comfy beds the next night.

Working long into the night, the fireplace roaring with fire and lanterns placed strategically in the bedroom, Mark worked the brush to apply the glue onto the wall ahead of Lavinia and Dorothy placing the wallpaper and smoothing it over. The process took time and they were careful to make sure each piece aligned together so it looked like one piece of paper all along the room. Once they finished, they stood in the doorway and smiled at their work, proud to be restoring the house Lavinia inherited.

Buy Me a Coffee

I was never a morning person. If I got up before 6 in the morning I would be physically sick with dry heaving and it would upset my stomach for a few hours. But Sam has started working his own hours and some of the best hours are in the early mornings. It’s only been a few times so far, but when I’m awake and up with him I can feel the difference between a few hours in the mornings.

Late morning/early afternoon is usually when I’m at my best. I’ve had my morning and my two cups of coffee. My brain is fully functioning and I’m ready to take on people, though I don’t always love doing that either. But the last couple of times I’ve been awake and moving before 7 has been a huge thing for me. I slept in until 8 one of the mornings this weekend, and everything felt different. 8 used to be my usual time to get up and then I would lay around for an hour and get my coffee and not be ready for anything until 10 sometimes later. But the few times I’ve been up before 7, even by only 15 minutes, it’s made a huge difference to my day.

I have to have a quiet morning. If anyone is bugging me in my quiet morning time it ruins my whole day, but the great thing about getting up early is that I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I can take as much time as I need in the mornings now for my quiet time and no one bothers me. It’s too early even for them. Even when I started to have a quiet morning and I was technically up and moving during the times when everyone else was up and moving it would annoy the heck out of me when someone would text me or would need me for something. Because my quiet morning wasn’t finished. But now I can have my quiet morning and be ready by 8:30 or 9 when people might start to need me.

If you would have told me five years ago that I would become a morning person and begin to enjoy the subtle sunsets coming through my bedroom windows in the morning and the fake candlelight that has become my light in the morning, I would have laughed and told you it was never going to happen. But man, when things change and I can physically tell a difference, I’m ready to fully embrace being a morning person. It extends my day while I can still have my quiet mornings. I can do whatever I want to do before the day actually starts and have my coffee in peace. Sometimes I write like this morning, where things just flow and I know exactly what I’m going to talk about. Sometimes I write for a few minutes and then move to the games on my iPad, which people will tell you is a no-no because of the blue light. But honestly, the possibilities are endless. And with winter approaching I can ease into the cold of the day instead of waking up mid morning and being grumpy about it.

I know I’m probably one of the few adults who sleep past 7. I know this. I know I’m not a teenager and when I was working outside of my home it wasn’t a big deal. Working from home made it a little more difficult because as long as I was available during office hours it didn’t really matter what time I got up. And maybe I was catching up on sleep, I don’t know. Life is a funny thing and I’m beginning to recognize the awesomeness of waking up early. Again, I know I’m late to the party, but I’m here finally and I gotta tell ya: maybe you morning people were on to something.

Buy Me a Coffee

The wind whistled through the trees, the smell of snow on the horizon. Lavinia looked up from the patch of weeds she had been pulling and sat back on her heels. She inhaled deeply. There was definitely a storm coming. She got up and made her way into the house. The dilapidated old thing would make as much noise as possible in the wind.

“Dorothy!” Her voice echoed throughout while she untied the ribbon keeping her hat in place.

“Lavinia! I was beginning to worry! The wind sounds horrible in this place.” Dorothy emerged from the kitchen where the smell of sweet bread wafted behind her.

“Yes. We’ll probably be better off in the front parlor again this evening. Once Mark arrives in a few days he can help us get the bedroom windows fixed. For now, let’s make sure all the shutters are closed.”

A gust of wind blew against the house, making the house creak on its foundation. The women looked at each other and then raced upstairs, fearful the storm would come in through the windows that badly needed replacing. They met at the top of the stairs and Lavinia said, “You take the East Wing and I’ll take the West.” Dorothy nodded and ran to the East Wing to make sure all windows and shutters were closed while Lavinia did the same in her own wing. They had only been in Oakwood Estate for the better part of a week and already were having problems with the weather. When they had first arrived, it was a lovely fall day, though the estate wouldn’t have noticed, and now it did nothing but rain. And tonight the rain was going to turn to snow, Lavinia could feel it in her bones.

The women met back at the top of the stairs once their task was completed, Dorothy soaked through from the rain that had managed to get through. Lavinia hugged her friend tight as the wind blew against the house. It made every gust of wind sound as though an army were coming through the house.

“Uncle Jeffrey sure didn’t keep up with this place in his sickness,” Lavinia muttered.

”Oh, Lavinia, don’t speak ill of the dead. Let’s go down to the front parlor. I’ll bring hot tea while you light a fire.”

They split off at the bottom of the stairs, Dorothy headed to the back of the house and Lavinia headed off to the left. The front parlor was the only room situated closest to the front door and the only room that had been kept up in Uncle Jeffrey’s sickness. Other rooms had been closed off and been unentered until she and Dorothy had shown up a week ago. Lavinia had imagined it was where the cook had liked to stay to maintain Uncle Jeffrey’s needs in sickness. She was near the kitchen and laundry and could hear everything that was shouted from the top of the stairs.

Lavinia added two logs to the coals and poked them around to help things get started. There were still hot coals from earlier, so starting the fire wasn’t as labor intensive as it was earlier. And she was getting better at starting them. Their first night here was miserable, as the warm air left the house and the cold dampness settled into their bones while they tried to get comfortable in the beds upstairs. The second night they had decided one room for the both of them until Mark arrived. Once he arrived the window situation would be dealt with and then they would both have a fire in their own rooms with a down blanket to cover them. They would be comfortable then.

As the fire roared back to life, Dorothy walked into the room carrying a tray laden with tea and hot biscuits fresh out of the oven. They were both grateful everything in the kitchen was brand new and still working. Lavinia hadn’t known what the condition of the house was going to be in until she had arrived the morning before Dorothy. She was also grateful Dorothy had been mindful enough to pack a trunk full of heavy blankets, “in case the need arises,” she had said with a smile. And indeed the need had arisen. They had been sleeping on the couches in the front parlor for a week and they were both comforted by the blanket they laid on and the one that covered them.

Lavinia looked around at the front parlor. The only room with any kind of comfort in it. At the end of his sickness, Uncle Jeffrey had been confined to his bed so had dismissed his whole staff except Chaucer, his butler, and Mrs. Glen the cook. For the last two years of his life, they were the only company he kept except when the doctor came to check on him every couple of weeks. He had died with Chaucer and Mrs. Glen by his side and he was happy about it. Lavinia was the only living relative who had bothered to keep in touch with Uncle Jeffrey. She treasured his last letter to her, urging her to keep away because he didn’t want her to see him like this, but to take care of the house after he was gone. He had left everything to her with a small sum to get everything taken care of and started again. He had told Lavinia he hadn’t been able to take care of the house and keep people on staff, and he was sorry he had to leave her the house this way.

It had been a grand house in his younger years and Lavinia was determined to get back to the way it had been, only better.

”What are you ruminating on?”

Lavinia looked over at Dorothy and smiled. She hadn’t realized she had been staring off into the fire for so long. Her tea had gone cold. “Only I wish Mark would be here sooner than a few days. I had hoped the bank would allow the sum Uncle Jeffrey left me to be released immediately, but Mark’s last letter said it would be a few more days.”

”Well, we have much to do tomorrow, Lavinia. It’s getting dark and we might not sleep as well tonight with the storm coming. We better get some sleep.”

Dorothy was right, of course. With the rain and wind neither one of them would be able to sleep. They set their cups down on the tray and cozied themselves into their blankets. After a few minutes, Dorothy was sound asleep, snoring softly. Lavinia watched the fire die down and allowed her heavy lids to fall and to finally drift away into sleep of her own.

Stay tuned for part 2 coming soon!

Buy Me a Coffee

Every so often I get the feeling of dissatisfaction with my life. It’s especially poignant today because I went to Costco, spent quite a bit of money, and feel like I didn’t buy anything. It’s not just the price of groceries. It’s the taxes that come out of my paycheck every month that I can’t do anything about. It’s the fact it feels like I don’t make enough money, even though my paycheck is fairly decent. I’m not exactly working my “dream job”, but the job I have is flexible and lets me work from home.

The state of the world doesn’t exactly help either. Nothing seems to be going right for anyone. House prices are sky high, rent is nearly unaffordable, groceries are expensive but everyone has to eat. There’s a lot of negative to dwell on right now and not a whole lot that can be changed about any of it. Sometimes it makes me angry and sometimes it makes me depressed.

However, things aren’t all that bad. I still have food to eat and a roof over my head. Although I’m dissatisfied with my life right now, that doesn’t mean there aren’t things I can change that would make it more satisfying. Cleaning out my office of junk and stuff I don’t need so I can get my grandma’s bookshelves in there is on the docket. Decluttering in general is on the docket. I might actually be able to repaint the blue wall in my bedroom that I don’t love.

The weather is changing so I can begin to think about sweats and sweaters and comfy clothes and hot beverages. Warm blankets and movie marathons when the weather is bad. Yes, I’m not entirely satisfied with my life, but there are things I can do to feel satisfaction. I think some people call it “romanticizing their life” or some such thing. And if that’s what needs to be done then I say do it.

The point is, yes everyone gets dissatisfied with their life and a lot of time there isn’t a whole lot that can be done about it. However, there are things that can be done and we should strive to find those things. The world tends to be negative, and sometimes I have negative days (I’m not perfect), but I do try not to dwell. I try to think of the positives. Not everything is going my way right now. In fact, very little is, but that doesn’t mean everything is horrible and nothing positive ever happens.

Each day is a new day and each day has moments where I can find satisfaction. Even in the little things. If you’re experiencing dissatisfaction in your life too, I would encourage you to find the moments of satisfaction. Because sometimes the dissatisfaction comes from looking too much at the world. If we focus on us and our little world and community, it’s not so bad.

I am going to be working on more short fiction in the coming months. I’m hoping to have something soon, styled after the classic gothic short stories I’m currently reading. It won’t be about my life forever, but I appreciate those of you who read my posts consistently. Taimie’s Snippets wouldn‘t be a thing without you.

She stood in the tulip field, breathing deep. Each row of the tulips was a different color and she stood among the yellow tulips. Yellow wasn’t even her favorite color, but these ones drew her in. She looked up at the sky as the wind blew the clouds over the sun, casting everything in shadow. The smell of rain was on the horizon and she again breathed deeply. The scent of rain and tulips brought clarity to her mind. Today was the day. Today she was going to start happening to life instead of life happening to her. She was tired of seeing things on the news she couldn’t do anything about. It occurred to her there were a lot of things she couldn’t do anything about, but there were a lot of things she could do. She could work on her garden and help it produce this year, and then plan on what she was going to plant next year. She could work on a novel or a book of short stories. She could take up painting or mosaics. She could see the world! She could even change careers, if she wanted to be drastic. She inhaled the spring breeze as it swept her hair off her shoulders. It was time to start something new. She didn’t know where to begin, but she knew these tulips were going to be her inspiration.

Buy Me a Coffee

She opened her eyes and noticed the obvious drop in temperature in her bedroom. She threw the blanket off and quickly got dressed before she opened a window and breathed deeply of the crisp morning. She knew the air was going to warm up and it was still going to be a late summer day. But this morning. This morning was a sign it was coming.

Fall.

She knew it was time. She grabbed her shoes and tied them on quickly. The coffee shop at the corner would have it now and there was almost nothing as exciting as the day they had it available. She jogged to the corner and into the coffee shop. She ordered a large one and sat at the table in the corner, waiting anxiously. The barista brought the large cup over with a smile and the steam smelled intoxicating. She took a sip and delighted over the flavor. Pumpkin spice.

Buy Me a Coffee

She sautéed the green noodles to the best of her ability without burning them. She placed them on the plate and noticed they still had some moisture. She sighed heavily. She just couldn’t get it right without burning them. She ladled spaghetti sauce on top, placed some meatballs on the plate, and topped it all off with Parmesan. It wasn’t traditional spaghetti; it can’t be considered traditional when the noodle part was zucchini, but she was going to try it. For her health. She repeated the mantra until the plate was clean. She sat back with little satisfaction. She was still hungry.

Subscribe

This past week, he was down for four days due to the weather. It was sudden and it came before the weather got bad so we weren’t entirely sure what had happened. But after the weather cleared up he was fine. We’re fixing to go into fall and winter and I know he’ll have some days coming up that aren’t going to be great. But I’m hopeful at least. 

In times of grief it’s important to hold onto hope. You can still have hope for the future even when things don’t look good. Things might be bad right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad forever. Remembering the hope is just as important as processing the grief. 

Sam and I have some trips coming up that we’re incredibly excited for and I feel better about taking them after this last trip. We did all we could to mitigate symptoms while we were traveling and he only had one day down. But between now and our trips we can both get our bodies into the shape they need to be for traveling. 

Has my life turned out the way I thought it was going to be at all? Absolutely not. But is there still a plan for my life? Absolutely. And while I’m abiding, like I mentioned in my last post, I’m going to travel and do the things I can with Sam. Because even though there’s grief there’s hope also. Living life and enjoying life are sometimes two different things. I’ve been living life, but I haven’t always been enjoying life. I’m going to start enjoying life more and more intentionally. 

I might not be able to see the complete picture of what God’s plan is for my life, but I know He’s got one for me and Sam. I know this journey will be used as a testimony for someone else one day. It doesn’t make it less hard on some days, but I keep it in mind because I know it will glorify God. But I’m also not going to let it continue to dictate my life and dreams. There’s too much to live for. 

So if you’re going through grief and hard times, know it’s okay to hold the hope in your hands. Even if it’s small. Even if it goes out to almost nothing on some days. Find someone who you can trust who can hold the hope for you on really hard days. It’s okay to have hope in the grief. It’s human nature. We all hope in the darkness. 

Subscribe

Buy Me a Coffee

July was a rough month. Because of some of the lifestyle changes I’ve made recently, my emotions are all out of whack. So my mental state hasn’t been the greatest either. So I apologize to my readers for disappearing for almost a month and not putting much out. Because of some of the things I’ve decided in my life, my life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would. Another part of grief I’ve been carrying around.

I’m only 31 and I have my whole life ahead of me. But I don’t know what that looks like right now. Sometimes when life doesn’t go the way you thought, the best thing to do is abide in the Lord and see what He wants. And to be perfectly honest, I haven’t heard from Him in that regard. When I talked to someone about this struggle, they told me to just be with Him. So my achievement right now is being in the shadow of the Most High.

I had plans. I was going to change the world. Right now, I’m changing my own world. I’m living day to day and sometimes moment to moment. I don’t know that I will achieve great things like some people, but I think my grandma would be proud of me for the decisions I have come to in the circumstances. I know she would be proud of me for leaning on the Lord through this season in my life.

And I still believe I’m entering a new chapter. I believe this is part of the stretching and the growing one has when one is moving from one season into another. It’s not a full transition because I’m still in the midst of a really hard season and I don’t know how long it’s going to last. But maybe my achievement right now is just leaning on and being with the Lord. I think that’s an alright achievement. So achieve much my friends.

Buy Me a Coffee

Then my mom found a crockpot recipe for it and sent it to me. Stick 32 oz of grass fed butter into a crockpot and cook it on high for 2-3 hours or on low for 4-6. Let me tell you, my kitchen smelled like browned butter while it was cooking. I LOVE brown butter. The nutty taste and smell just adds a depth of flavor that makes everything better.

I had no idea making homemade ghee was so easy. It’s a bit of a mess, only because I chose a ladle that was too big for the mouth of the jar when I was straining it through my cheesecloth. Luckily, I had put a paper plate underneath so cleanup was easy. If I had done some more research I might have been able to find a recipe online, but the fact my mom had one in one of her cookbooks meant people had been making ghee for a little while. Which makes sense. A lot of things were made at home before grocery stores and big box stores came along.

I’ve recently been looking into homemade things because of all the toxic stuff big companies put in their products. I don’t want endocrine disrupting anything on my skin or in my body if I can help it. There are some things that take time to make: bread, tinctures, salves, vinegars. But if you’ve got the time and patience it’s relatively easy. Homemade bread is one of the most delightful things I’ve ever made. Herbal tinctures are set it and leave it for 6-8 weeks once it’s in the preferred alcohol. Salves are only as long as it takes for the cocoa butter, coconut butter, or beeswax to melt and infuse. Vinegars are put your desired herb in your desired vinegar and let infuse in the sun or in the cupboard.

I know people like to relax on days off or go out on adventures. But if you’re concerned about what they’re putting in our products and food, I would encourage you to do some research about homemade stuff. Most things aren’t horribly time consuming and you don’t need a degree in chemistry to infuse herbs in beeswax or oils and vinegars. There’s a ton of homemade stuff on Pinterest and the best part is you know exactly what’s going into whatever it is you’re making. They also make great homemade gifts! I made an entire box for each couple in my family with homemade things they can use. Homemade “Vicks”, mint extract, chili oil, and a loaf of my cardamom and honey cake.

Buy Me a Coffee

After watching the bear unsuccessfully get into the cooler, we made our way into the park. We were able to see Old Faithful and a lot of the stops leading up to Old Faithful. Yellowstone is beautiful in its own right, and I recommend everyone get out there at least once. We were only able to get out to Old Faithful and then had to turn around so we could make it out to his aunt’s property back in Island Park for dinner when everyone planned on being there.

I didn’t take very many pictures while we were in Yellowstone because I was really enjoying being in the present and spending time with Sam while he was clear headed. The last time we went out to Yellowstone before his family’s reunion, we were in the middle of figuring out his POTS diagnosis and didn’t really know how to mitigate symptoms while traveling, or really at all. This time was different because we know how to do those things now and spending time in God’s creation with my husband was one of my favorite things.

Sam took some pictures on my phone while we were in the park. The second picture above is one of his. It’s one of my favorite pictures of a bacteria mat in the park near one of the thermal pools. It’s dangerous, hot, and will melt flesh, but so beautiful.

The family reunion was a lot of fun and Sam was able to enjoy it this year. My anxiety levels were almost non existent this year so I was also able to enjoy his extended family better this year than the last time we went. I’ve made some lifestyle choices recently, for health reasons, and I’m already seeing the effects of some of those changes, like the anxiety being non existent.

In one of my posts a few weeks ago, I talked about how Sam and I are people who don’t really stop on road trips. Or at least we didn’t use to. We did this time on the way home. We took the slightly longer way home through Driggs and Victor so we could drive along the Tetons because Grand Tetons National Park was going to be quite the drive on the way home. We were able to drive through the Palisades and stop at Palisades reservoir for a few minutes to enjoy the scenery.

We hadn’t ever been through the Palisades, but it’s definitely a place we want to go back to and visit and spend time in. We drove up and over mountains through this journey and saw some of the most beautiful scenery we’ve ever seen. I was a little nervous through some of this drive because sometimes those mountain roads didn’t have guardrails and it was hard to tell how far into the forest it was flat before it dropped into a cliff. And sometimes there was just a few feet before there was a cliff and still no guardrail.

We were able to go through Garden City and see Bear Lake on our way home, a place Sam had never been to. So as we were driving around the lake looking for a place to stop, he was able to admire the lake and how blue it is this time of year. Another place we’re going to go back to and spend time in.

And then somewhere in Garden City we missed the turn to get on the highway to go through Logan Canyon and get us home. We didn’t realize it until we were almost a half an hour farther away than we needed to be. The GPS said the way we were taking was going to be faster than if we turned around at that point. So we took the road we had never been on before. It was another mountain road and a lot of the signs were for cities in western Wyoming near the Utah/Wyoming border. Sam and I both laughed and continued to enjoy the scenery.

A couple of months ago, this detour we took would have stressed me out and I would have freaked out a little. Even though we were going to get home at the same time we were going to get home even if we had gotten onto the highway at the correct turn. But because of the lifestyle changes I’ve started to make, I was able to enjoy the scenery and the drive. There was almost no one on the road with us and there was some farm land once we had made it over the mountain. I knew almost exactly where we were once we had come out the other side and knew about where we were going to come out on the main roads to make it home. We made it home before dark and had a great time while doing it.

This is only the second time Sam and I have made it a point to stop along the way and the first time we had to take a detour completely out of the way in order to make it to where we were going. But we had such a good time doing it and we got to see places and scenery we would have normally skipped over or not seen at all. And there are places we want to go back and visit and spend time in and explore. That’s the great thing about taking the road less traveled, as in the Robert Frost poem. When people don’t normally take the detour, the people who do get to enjoy it so much more. So if you’re traveling, take the road, take the detour, see the sights, take your time. You never know what you’ll see or what you’ll run into.

Buy Me A Coffee

At the end of May, Sam and I went and saw his biological dad and his fiancée in Boise. We had a whole weekend of adventure planned. Sam and I are usually ‘get to the destination as quickly as possible so we can enjoy our time at our intended vacation’ people. But this time we were able to drive up to Twin Falls and stay the night Thursday before continuing on on Friday. One of the cool things about Twin Falls is the bridge you go over in and out of town. There are almost always base jumpers jumping off this bridge. One thing we found out while we were watching them was that this particular bridge is the only one in the United States that you can base jump from 24/7/365 without a special permit. And we just happened to be there during their Spring Fling event so we were able to watch people jump from the bridge for an hour. I have a thing about heights, so I don’t jump off things and I don’t really understand the mechanism in the human brain that allows other people to be able to do that. So I did something I would normally never do: I asked some people walking up the stairs to the bridge why they jump. It differed for each of them, but it came down to it being fun and your life is in your hands because you have to choose to pull your parachute. Definitely not something I’m willing to take on myself, but I commend the people who do it.

Sam and I made our way from Twin Falls and went to Shoshone Falls from there. I have never been to Shoshone Falls, and I didn’t realize they were man made, but they were beautiful. I, again, have a thing with heights, so going out on the walkway directly over the canyon and river was a no go for me, but I got out some of the way and was able to really enjoy the falls. We even hiked up higher in the park so we could see them from a different angle. It was really cool and something I would consider doing again.

From Shoshone Falls, Sam and I made our way to Boise via the slow roads. We were able to stop at a research fish facility and fish hatchery and see some big sturgeon. We were able to stop at 1000 Springs and see the hot springs and Lemon Falls across the river. We stopped at a rest stop in Hagerman and walked the river a little bit and saw an osprey eating its prey from the top of a telephone pole. We didn’t make it to Sam’s dad’s house until dinner time, something we don’t normally do.

Saturday we made our way to the camas lilies marsh, which wasn’t initially on our list of places to go. But it was really neat to see the lilies and all the ducks that hung around the place.

From there, we made our way to Mammoth Cave, but not before we stopped at a scenic rest stop and had lunch. We didn’t make it to Mammoth Cave until almost 4. It was one of the coolest places I’ve ever been. Walking into a cave that was discovered in the early 1900s and open to the public in the 60s was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. And I’m incredibly proud of myself because normally I’m a worse case scenario person, so I don’t do anything without thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I also don’t do anything that could potentially get me into trouble. But as I was walking through the cave, and even the brief moment we took to stand in complete darkness, I didn’t think about all the bad things that could happen. I was uncomfortable in the complete darkness because I couldn’t see anything, but I did it. Normally I wouldn’t do either the moment of darkness or walking through a cave because it would give me anxiety to do either of them. I just enjoyed them this time.

We made our way back to Twin Falls for dinner and walked behind a waterfall afterwards. This was my favorite part of the whole trip. Normally any kind of walking on rocks or slight rock climbing on a trail makes me nervous, but I was so excited to walk behind a waterfall I didn’t care. I didn’t think about it, I just did it. I don’t normally just do things, but to be able to just do them and not think about whether or not I was going to get into trouble or what’s the worst that can happen was amazing. I felt fully present in the time I had with my people. We didn’t make it back to Boise until 10 or so. Also not something I normally do because I’m a homebody and I like to be in bed by 10, sometimes earlier. But this whole trip was amazing and I loved every minute of it.

Standing under the waterfall with Sam, it felt like a new chapter of adventure was opening before us. You know those times in your life when you know that you know that you know this is the beginning of something new and different? That’s what was happening to me as I stood under the waterfall and just enjoyed myself and being with my husband and his dad and his fiancée. The troubles of my life back home were still in the back of my mind, but they weren’t at the forefront anymore and I was able to relax and really enjoy my time.

We have yet to be on another adventure, but we have one coming up in a couple of weeks and we have at least one we’re planning for next month. We also have our anniversary trip to Vegas in December and we’re planning on a few stopping points along the way for that trip as well. Adventure is a part of life and I no longer feel as afraid as I used to as a child. Even up until a few years ago. I don’t know what changed exactly, but I do enjoy this new chapter. I’m ready to literally stop and smell the roses on the side streets. I’m ready to get up at a terrible hour of the morning so I can make sure we’re able to make as many stops as we want without getting to our destination too late. I still like being in bed before 11. But this new chapter feels exciting and I’m ready for wherever it’s going to take me.

If you enjoyed this essay, please consider Buying Me a Coffee

They sat uncomfortably in the fine Italian restaurant on a first date. As far as first dates went, it was going okay. It was the first real silence since the waiter had taken their drink order. They smiled at each other over their menus.

”Have you decided?” The waiter asked as he appeared at the side of their table with their drinks, notepad appearing out of the pocket of his apron.

”Spaghetti,” they said at the same time and smiled with a blush.

The waiter nodded and wrote the order down, disappearing soon after.

“It reminds me of home,” she said quietly. “My mother made it all the time when I was little.”

He nodded in agreement. “It’s not as good as an Italian grandmother’s recipe, but it’s close.”

Her eyes lit up with interest. “Have you been to Italy?”

He shook his head. “No, but my best friend’s grandmother immigrated from Italy. Best cook I’ve ever met.”

She leaned forward. “Tell me about her.”

He told story after story about the woman he had adopted as his own nonna. They talked and laughed in between bites of the spaghetti. As far as first dates went, this one was turning out to be enjoyable.

Buy Me a Coffee

She stood at her tiny stove, mixing the cream and butter together. Her grandmother’s recipe for alfredo. It was her favorite thing to make on dark rainy nights like tonight. She looked across her tiny flat at the city beyond her window. The Big City she had always wanted to make her own life in and was now in the process of doing. She returned her attention to the sauce, tasting it to make sure it was perfect. She added her noodles and made sure they were coated well before serving herself. She walked over to the table against the window and sat down. She took a bite while she planned her next steps, staring at the lights that shone through the darkness. The alfredo tasted like home and she knew her family would be proud of her.

Buy Me a Coffee