A few weeks ago I posted a reel asking “is masturbating every day is actually a problem?” It’s hit 149,000 views. The comments were a mix of confusion, confessions, and a lot of people saying some version of “this can’t possibly true.”

So this newsletter is the longer answer that the reel could not fit.

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The arguments people make against it

Let me go through the most common ones, because they deserve a direct response.

“It will ruin your stamina.” - not true

The research does not support this. Athletes do not have reduced stamina from masturbating unless it happens less than two hours before competition. Outside that window, there is no measurable effect on physical performance or muscle building.

“It causes acne.” - not true

No. Acne is almost always hormonal, particularly during adolescence. These two things may share a timeline, but one is not caused by the other.

“It will affect your fertility.” - not true

It might reduce semen quantity for a day or two, but that’s only because males produce a fixed quantity of semen per day. That is the full extent of it. No long-term effect on fertility for people with penises, and no effect at all for people with uteruses.

“NoFap says it drains your energy and lowers your testosterone.” - you guessed it, also not true

The tired feeling some people notice after orgasm is a real and temporary hormonal shift, but it follows any orgasm, partnered or solo. It is not unique to masturbation. The claims about testosterone are not supported by peer-reviewed research. One study found a brief spike around day seven of abstinence that returns to baseline shortly after. The science just does not support many of the claims behind NoFap.

“It is addictive.” - not any more than most things you do

Compulsive sexual behaviour, when it is genuinely is a concern, comes with other signs. When you are masturbating to an extent that it is hurting your relationships, your work, your mental health - when it interfering with daily functioning, it’s a warning sign. Doing something regularly is not compulsion. Most people worried about this are not in that category. They deal with shame and guilt because they were always told it is “wrong”.

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The things that never get mentioned

The conversation about m@sturbation almost always centres on what it might be doing wrong. Here is what it might actually be doing right, and why this barely comes up anywhere.

Your brain on orgasm is on fireworks
When m@sturbation leads to orgasm, the brain releases dopamine and endorphins. The same chemicals involved in stress relief, mood regulation, and better sleep. It can be a great mood-lift, distraction, or even a way to fall asleep. Heck, it just feels good!

It can be natural cramp relief
For people with uteruses, orgasms can temporarily relieve menstrual cramps through muscle contraction and increased blood flow. Who said you need a partner to get there? 😉

It can improve prostate health
For people with prostates (i.e. people with penises), a 2016 study published in European Urology found that ejaculating more than 21 times a month was associated with a 20% lower risk of prostate cancer over time.

It helps you get to know YOU

Understanding your own body, what you respond to, where, and how, is one of the most practical forms of sexual health education that exists. Masturbation can be a great way to deepen that knowledge. People who know their own bodies communicate better with partners, report higher satisfaction, and are more likely to notice when something feels different or wrong.

So here’s the TL;DR

For the average person, there are no documented negative side effects of masturbation. The fears that circulate about stamina, acne, fertility, and testosterone are not backed by research but come from a culture of shame. The benefits, while less dramatic than the fears, are real.

If masturbation simply does not feel right for you, that is a completely valid choice. The goal here is never to tell anyone what to do with their body. It is to make sure that whatever you decide, you are working from accurate information rather than unnecessary guilt.

What is something you wish you had been told about this earlier? Hit reply, I read every email.

Karishma

@talkyounevergot on Instagram, YouTube, and Spotify
talkyounevergot.com

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Hi dear friend,

Let me tell you why I actually love condoms.

What if I told you there is a non-hormonal, completely reversible way to prevent pregnancy that requires no doctor’s prescription, and you can pick it up at your kirana store or order it on Blinkit at 2 am?

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And what if I told you this is the only method out there that does both: prevents pregnancy and STIs?

Not just for vaginal sex. Also for anal sex. Oral sex. Sex where you share a toy. And you can literally cut one open and make it into a dental dam.

It comes in funky colours, wrappers, and flavours. No planning required (other than buying it literally anywhere). No doctor’s appointment. No figuring out what it might do to your hormones.

It costs around 10 rupees. Maybe 50 if you are feeling fancy. Maybe even free if you have access to a government health clinic.

They are also genuinely strong when used correctly. There are stories from the AIDS era where rural Indian programs were distributing condoms for free, and people started using the surplus to waterproof roofs and strengthen roads. Classic jugaad, honestly.

And this is not a new invention. The modern latex version has been around for over 100 years, and if you count what came before that- animal intestines, linen, all sorts of things people were improvising with, humans have been figuring out barrier contraception for centuries. We have just gotten significantly better at it.

I think I would die on this hill - condoms are underrated as f-ck!

Picture: This is me dressed up as a condom on Halloween - I made this costume myself hehe

My personal favourites (not sponsored, just genuinely like these)

Durex Invisible and Durex Real Feel. The Real Feel one is latex-free, which feels great, but worth knowing it may not reduce risk of some STIs the same way latex does (not sponsored! Just ones that I recommend).

A US brand called One that sells 20 different sizes. One of their condoms (the “Flex”) is apparently made with graphene, which is a super thin (one ATOM thick) material scientists have been losing their minds over for a decade. The condom isn’t an atom thick (wouldn’t that be nice?), but we love to see it!

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Making them feel oh-so-much better

The main complaint with condoms is that they reduce how much some people can feel. Here is what actually helps with that:

• Try different sizes, materials, and brands before you write them off entirely. Sizing can be more important than you think, especially for girth.

• Add lube. Condoms dry out much faster than the body does, and even with a fully turned on vagina (and definitely with an anus) it helps to add more than what comes in the pack.

• Experiment with textures if that’s your vibe. Dotted, ribbed, different materials.

Most people have tried one brand, once, and decided condoms are not for them.

The one thing worth saying again

And then there is the thing that makes condoms unique: they are the only method that protects against both pregnancy and STIs at the same time. The pill does one job. The IUD does one job. The injection, the implant, the patch, all of them do one job, preventing pregnancy. Condoms do two.

Now, the main criticism. They don’t feel good.

I hear this constantly. And I want to take it seriously rather than dismiss it, because for a lot of people it is genuinely true. Just not for the reasons most people think.

A lot of the “c0nd0ms don’t feel good” conversation is not actually about c0nd0ms. It is about anticipation. If you already believe something is going to reduce pleasure before it happens, your body tends to follow that cue. Some of what gets blamed on the c0nd0m is anxiety doing most of the work.

That said, there are also very real, very fixable reasons c0nd0ms feel the way they do. And almost none of them get explained properly.

Protection does not have to be the part that kills the mood, it can be as simple as having a condom on your bedside table. What’s your favourite type of contraception?

Leave a comment

Condoms n’ care,

Karishma

Follow us on @talkyounevergot on Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn, and Spotify
website: talkyounevergot.com

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I walked in not entirely sure what to expect. I run a sexuality education platform, I talk about bodies and pleasure for a living, and I still walked in feeling a bit awkward. Do I smile? Is it weird to stare too long? What if I seem too interested? .

[Image source: Nocturnes - Museum of Erotics and Mythology, Brussels]

What I found inside was not what I expected. It was someone’s private collection, pieces from all over the world, spanning centuries and cultures. I could not have imagined how many different ways humans have found to express, celebrate, and document sexuality. Pictures are usually not allowed, but they let me take some to share with all of you!

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The first thing that hit me was how old this all was.

[Video: Netsuki dolls from Japan, taken by me]

These netsuki dolls are from Japan and are carved out of ivory. The detail is extraordinary. Pause and look properly at the almost acrobatic positions people are in. They were making objects like this centuries ago, with the care and craft one would apply to anything considered significant or sacred.

Then there was a French piece from around 1900. A lavandière, a washerwoman. It’s cheeky and hidden, but knows exactly what it’s doing. Someone in France in 1900 made this #iykyk piece (watch the video below!).

[Video: taken by me]

And of course, “western” cultures aren’t the only ones who have been creating art about sexuality. In the same 19th century, miniature paintings on ivory from India were unlike anything I have seen in any Indian collection - I wonder why 😝

[Picture: taken by me]

Some of these pieces used the most exquisite materials, like this 19th century Japanese Shibayama ivory “fruits” collection with semi-precious stone and mother of pearl. All three are examples from three different cultures in the same century. Why don’t we depict sex with this much beauty anymore?

[Video: taken by me]

This is the thing that stayed with me through the whole visit. Humans have always had a relationship with sexuality. We have always made art about it, built rituals around it, documented it, and celebrated it. The idea that sex is a modern taboo, something to be whispered about or kept out of public conversation, is somewhatgenuinely recent. Most of human history tells a very different story.

[Embed:

I posted a short video from inside the museum with some of the clips in this email!

It’s funny that in one part of the world, we can go to a publicly accessible and educational museum to see this art. Meanwhile, our progressive tech bros over at Meta decided that information about human sexuality, documented across centuries, was too much.

This is the gap that Talk You Never Got wants to close. Not shock or provocation. We just want to create a space that has always existed - where sexuality is celebrated.

I’m glad you’re here for it.

Karishma

P.S.: What do you think of this kind of erotic art? Should I write about the other two sex museums I’ve been to? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

@talkyounevergot on Instagram, YouTube, and Spotify
talkyounevergot.com

This is the first ever TYNG newsletter and I am so glad you found your way to it. This is the space where we go deeper than a caption — one real topic, properly explained, no judgment, no jargon. Just the talk you never got. Okay let’s get into it.

Is pulling out actually that risky?

Someone pulled me aside at a party recently and whispered “be honest with me. is pulling out actually that bad?”

She wasn’t being reckless. She was just someone who had never gotten a straight answer. Not from her doctor, not from school, not from the internet which tends to either completely dismiss it or completely defend it with the energy of someone who has a personal stake in the outcome.

So here is the straight answer.

First, what is withdrawal? It’s when the penis is pulled out before ejaculation so sperm doesn’t enter the body. No planning required, nothing to buy, nothing to insert or swallow. It’s spontaneous, it can feel more pleasurable for some, and honestly, that’s exactly why a lot of people use it.

But if you’re trying not to get pregnant, here’s what you actually need to know.

The numbers.

With perfect use — complete withdrawal every single time, before any ejaculation, no delays, no exceptions — withdrawal is around 96% effective. 🤯

I know. Higher than you thought.

The issue is that nobody uses anything perfectly. With typical use, which means real life with real moments and real inconsistency, the failure rate is around 20%. That’s roughly 1 in 5 couples relying only on this method experiencing pregnancy within a year.

And it’s not just about timing. Pre-ejaculate can also contain sperm — not always, but it can, and there’s no way to know when. So even when withdrawal happens correctly, the risk doesn’t disappear entirely.

That gap between 96% and 80% comes from human error and the uncertainty around pre-cum. “Every single time, no exceptions” sounds straightforward until it isn’t.

The sperm before the semen.

Yes we’re going into pre-ejaculate. Some of the newer research could actually completely change the game for us - it suggests that penis-owners come in 2 categories. Some people always have sperm present in pre-ejaculate, while others never do! But unfortunately there is currently no way to know which category applies to you without clinical testing. The research is still limited and hasn’t been translated into official clinical guidelines yet.

There are other cons to not using a condom.

Withdrawal does not protect against STIs. At all. C0nd0ms are still the only method that reduces that risk, and those are two different conversations that both deserve to happen.

So is it useless?

It gets more hate than I’m personally ready for. In the absence of other options, it can seriously reduces risk! Used alongside another method it adds a real extra layer. The question worth asking yourself honestly is this — are you okay with that 20% failure rate given where you are in your life right now?

If not, can you pair withdrawal with something else? Tracking your cycle, using a c0nd0m, or any other method alongside it helps you get better protection if you want it. Withdrawal alone leaves a real gap. Withdrawal plus something else is a genuinely different conversation.

A few things worth reading while we’re here:

If you’ve ever struggled to bring up the conversation about protection with a partner — what to say, how to say it without it feeling like a confrontation — I made a reel on exactly that.

If a partner has ever dismissed your concerns about protection or made you feel like asking for it was too much — that has a name. Here’s a piece on reproductive coercion worth reading.

And if withdrawal has you thinking about what other options are actually out there — hormonal, non-hormonal, long term, short term — here’s a full breakdown of contraceptive methods including ones most people were never told about

One last thing.

The reason I started Talk You Never Got was exactly this kind of question. The one whispered at a party by someone who just never got a real answer. We deserved better information a long time ago and this is my small attempt to keep giving us some of it — without the censorship that comes with every other platform we’re on.

No flagged words here. No shadow banning. Just the actual conversation.

And I want to hear from you. What do you want us to cover next? What’s the question you’ve never been able to ask? Hit reply and tell me. This inbox is open!

So glad you’re here 💙

Karishma & Talk You Never Got team

If this newsletter was forwarded to you and you’d like to get it directly — welcome, and subscribe here. You can also find us on our website, Instagram, YouTube, and Spotify at @talkyounevergot.

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