Recently, i found a stash of old journals. There was a journal in there from fifth grade, one from my teenage years and so on. One of them I burned immediately, because don't nobody need to remember me like that 😳

I've talked about my journal stroll down memory lane before. It was interesting to see what I was still dealing with, and what I had evolved and moved on from. That is another valuable benefit of journaling and adopting a writing to heal practice - helping you evaluate progress, address stagnation, and possibly create a growth plan.

Listen beloved, I'm not gonna lie to you, that deep dive may not result in all warm fuzzies. When I realized there were certain issues I was still contending with 40 years later, it made me feel kind of sad. But hey, you know me, I'm all about transformation. So instead of sitting in sadness, I'll talk to my therapist about it on Thursday. I will journal about it again and probably call my bestie of 48 years and talk to her about it too, because she was there LOL!

The point is, writing can allow you to explore who you were, who you are and who you are becoming. Putting pen to paper offers a method of self expression and self discovery that helps you identify who you are at your core. In some cases, writing has actually assisted Women to get one step closer to their most authentic self. How do I know? Research and practice! Plus, I host monthly workshops that focus on self-care, healing and empowerment and there is always a writing component.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1997148451781?aff=oddtdtcreator

Join us Sunday, August 23 at 3p (EST) for our monthly Writing to Heal workshop. This month's focus is boundaries.

In-person and virtual sessions available.

Remember 25% of all registrations support Bailey Learning and Arts Collective's wpmen's empowerment group Queensroom.org

Transparency Statement: images are AI and the research is mine!

This month, we are focusing on setting boundaries as a part of our S.H.E.™ work (S.H.E.™ is Self-Care, Healing, and Empowerment)

Here is a textbook definition of boundary:

A boundary is a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something. In physical terms, it is a border like a fence. In personal and psychological terms, it is a healthy limit you set with others to define acceptable behavior and protect your well-being.

Let’s be honest here: Standing up for yourself can be scary! We worry about being called mean, unwilling to help, and selfish. Nobody wants those labels, but realistically, when you start setting boundaries of your space, time, and resources, those attributes may very well be assigned to you.

This work can be challenging. It can be seen as confrontational. I want to remind you that honesty and self-preservation are the foundation of this boundary-setting work, not confrontation. Many times, when we think of setting boundaries, we associate it with the no, I won’t, I can’t. I want to encourage you to reframe your language and narrative around setting boundaries.

I am, I choose to, I will - all in the context of choosing you.

I am staying in tonight.

I choose to pass tonight; y’all have fun.

l will check, but am almost certain there is something else on my calendar.

Being proactive about loving yourself and protecting your peace is liberatory. Centering your wellness is your divine obligation. Grounding your healing work in a more positive light can help you feel more secure and authentic in your process.

Before we decide what to say to other people, we need to start listening to our inner voice and see where our lives are already telling us a boundary is needed. Resentment, dread, exhaustion, avoidance, and the urge to disappear are not about personal failures. We are quick to attribute these feelings to our shortcomings. Beloved, most times these emotions are signals that too much is being asked, too much is being taken, or too little is being protected. I speak about this from a place of knowing.

In my 60th year, everything I thought I knew came into question. Family, friendship, marriage, parenting - all the stuff I knew I had under control - was totally out of control! Every day, as I tried to manage all of those things, managing me and my needs got swept further and further under the carpet. One day, I just broke down. I needed to make some tough decisions, or I wasn’t going to make it. The first thing I did was make a conscious decision to choose me first!

I had to finally decide to find a suitable group home for my disabled adult daughter.

I had to make a hard choice to let certain friends and associates go or change the way I interacted with them,

I even had to have a conversation with my husband about equity in our household duties and the expectations.

Boo, not one of these conversations was easy. My stomach is still tied up in knots over some of them.

Transparent moment: this wasn’t years ago; this was April of 2026! I had to dig deep into my coaching and writing tool bags and get to work. NOTE: This work is ongoing and I ain’t done yet!

Here are a few techniques I use to help me get through to the other side of my various situations. I have modified them to focus specifically on boundary setting.

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Yep. Ms Black fists raised high, self help promoter, encourager of high self-esteem, you go girl mantra speaker was feeling slightly intimidated by this collective if Black business excellence.

But then my cousin said, you coming and my mouth said yes before my brain could overthink it. Then I said I probably can't afford it, and my Godsister called and said let me sponsor you for this event. And then my husband got a sponsorship.

So I'm proud to announce, this year Terri Bailey CHATs will be vending at the Black Business Expo July 18 in Gainesville, FL!

In addition to my signature workbooks, I'm bringing some new items. First up? Notebooks.

What is different about my blank notebooks and journals? They come with prompts, stickers and a QR/Link for access to a few of my freebie digital downloads plus a discount for your next product or service purchase from Terribaileychats.com.

I'm almost finished with the 1st batch and will drop a pre-sale link this weekend.

STAY TUNED!

Don't forget, a portion of all sales are donated to the fabulous non-profit Bailey Learning and Arts Collective, Inc.

#terribaileychats #writingtoheal #blaac2basics #NotebooksAndJournals #plannermaker #digitaldownloads

Sisters, one thing is for sure, and two things are for certain: you CAN NOT survive very long without sleep. Sleep is required every day, whether we make time for it or not. I know, some of us battle insomnia. Some of us are so tired that it’s hard to fall asleep at night. Sleep is important, and so is rest.

Hmm. You remember rest, right? You know, the time when we sit our ass down and breathe, stare off into space, or do absolutely nothing. ME TIME!!

Here’s the thing: some of us are so used to surviving that we don’t even stop long enough to ask ourselves what we actually need.

What do you need right now?

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This weekend, focus on listening to what your body is saying without self-criticism, fear, or hesitancy.

Before you begin writing, pause for a moment and gently check in with your body.

Not critically.
Not as a problem to fix.

Just notice.

Notice your breathing.
Notice your shoulders.
Notice your jaw.
Notice your stomach.
Notice where you feel heavy, tight, restless, tired, or emotionally overwhelmed.

So many of us learned to disconnect from our bodies in order to survive.

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The link is listed below.

If you are in Gainesville, FL, and would like to attend in person, please text me at 352)682-7132 or email me at terribaileywrites@gmail.com, and I will send you the address. You may also text or email me with questions.

See Yo…

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• What came up for me while listening?

• What emotions have I been avoiding or pushing aside?

• What do I need more of right now?

• What is one thing I can release this week?

• What is one act of care I can give myself before the week ends?

There are things we carry so quietly that even we stop noticing the weight of them.

The constant pushing through.
The unanswered grief.
The exhaustion hidden beneath “I’m fine.”

This month inside the Writing to Heal Circle, we’re beginning with a practice centered around release—not performance, not productivity, but honest reflection. If you’ve been feeling disconnected from yourself, emotionally overloaded, or unable to hear your own voice clearly anymore… this practice was created for you.

Below, I’m sharing a guided writing experience designed to help you uncover what’s been sitting beneath the surface and begin putting it down, one truth at a time.

Set aside 20 minutes.

This is your time.

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Here’s a revelation for you: I’m not perfect. I start out strong, but then I let someone or something interrupt my flow. I answer that call in the middle of a writing session. I check an email while I’m deep into a workbook rebrand. I postpone Writing to Heal sessions to attend someone else’s event or help with a community activity. And then I’m annoyed or mad because I broke a promise to myself.

Instead of staying stuck in the "why did I do that" pool, I am going to get back on the reset pony and move forward in creating a new reality for myself. That involves writing intentionally, whenever I can. I invite you to join me.

I’m sure I’ve posted these prompts before. I love them because I feel they are a great place to start, restart, or keep it moving.

Set a timer for 10 minutes and write:

What have I been holding that I haven’t said out loud?

Write without editing.
Write without trying to sound good.
Just tell the truth.

When you’re done, take a breath and ask yourself:

• What did I notice?

• What surprised me?

This is where we begin. Tomorrow, I’ll post my responses. Unedited. Raw dog.

If you want more structure and guided spaces like this, subscribe below.

Subscribe now

To end the month, I planned to share an essay about becoming your own best friend, but I ran across a Facebook post from a very accomplished doctor who shared her story about surviving domestic violence and how she felt it was her obligation to share in the hopes of helping someone else.

In the wake of millions of men engaging on a website that taught them how to drug and assault their wives in their sleep, I am horrified at just how vulnerable we STILL are. Malcolm X said black women are the most disrespected women in the world - there are no lies. I would add that in this day and age, we're all at risk, black white and other. However, I am a proud Black woman, so my stories and my experience speak primarily to Black women. I'm sharing my domestic violence story because even if it only helps one woman become empowered to leave the situation that may cost her her life, I will feel like exposing my truth is totally worth it.

I grew up in a home where DV was the norm. I vowed I'd NEVER EVER choose a man who would beat me, but despite my best effort, at 18, I was beaten so badly by my 30 something year old boyfriend that I couldn't recognize my own face. The terror of that experience is so real and the memory is so vivid that I was just talking about it to my husband yesterday!

I was such a badass at that age. I was determined to be sure nobody got over on this country girl in the big city and that meant I would fight in a minute if I felt disrespected. But this man changed all of that in an instant. I still have all of his info written down, his name, place of birth, date of birth, his mother and father's name, and part of his social security number so if I disappear, my family will have a lead. Imagine being that afraid of someone 40 years later!

My teachers at Atlanta Job Corps Center, Mrs. Sherri Dennis and Mrs. Althea Williams called my mom and told her to come and get me because they had seen me stand up to grown men with guns defending my friends, but my fear of this man was real and had changed me. I became quiet, withdrawn and depressed and they were worried.

And rightfully so. A few weeks later, he dragged me out of an apartment in an Atlanta project, by my hair, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I was so happy and free hanging out with my friends, playing cards, talking shit and confident that he couldn't find me here. I was wrong. He found me, kicked in those people's screen door and beat me in the parking lot, beat me into the car and held me hostage for days, raping me and beating me until my face and head swole so big he got scared and dropped me off at my friend's house. She called the ambulance. I stayed in the hospital for a few days and my Mother finally came to get me. I later found out that my "friend" is the one who called him and told him where I was because I changed my mind about coming and hanging out with her that day and she was mad at me. She apologized profusely, saying she didn't think he was going to do all that.

When my mother and our family friend came to get me, I thought I was safe. He showed up in Gainesville about a month later, went to Fletcher's bought somebody a beer, talked about his friend he was trying to find whose mama was Betty and whose auntie did a lot of stuff in the community. They bought that man to my door and he gave me 24 hours to pack up before he was going to begin taking my family out. All I could think about was if my brother saw him he was going to kill him and get in trouble. My Auntie Rosa called one of her friends and the sheriff came to get him and escort him to the Georgia Florida line where the Georgia highway patrol picked him up and I never saw him again. The terror lingers and if I see someone who looks like him I still get nervous! It's been 40 plus years!

My friend recently went through this. I pray for my friend and her kids every day. The doubt that women experience when they're saying I'm afraid he's going to kill me, the desperation that makes you pack up and run for your life, and the violence and terror you feel while getting beat down wondering if you're going to make it to see another day it's something I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. Having well meaning friends and family who put you at further risk, even if it's unintentional, is overwhelming and isolating.

Listen to this woman's story and her warning. If you are a survivor, share your story if you can because there may be a point in it that resonates with a woman and can save her life. Talk to your daughters, and at this point, your sons too, about the signs of escalation and the importance of being willing to walk away from everything to protect your life. I thought that things would be better for us by now, but they are not.

Maybe if I share a new poem or one of the ones I revised, I can give myself a high five because that shit was so fly, so dope, so profane.

Maybe if I write about and interpret my dreams, I can sleep more than a few hours at a time and actually get the message and receive that life changing download.

Maybe if I write about my wins here, instead of using this platform as an emotional toxicity dumping ground, I can cheer up a little and y’all can find a reason to cheer with me.

Maybe if I take a minute and discuss the dichatomy of feeling spiritually elated and spiritually depleted at the same time, my soul will expell a sigh of relief and my spirit will be lifted. And maybe someone will pray for me.

Maybe if I share the experience of being encouraged by the thank yous and the hugs from awesome ass warrior women, young and old, for my words, my rituals, my breath work, and my love, I won't be so horrified by the fact that after all of that work and validation for what the fuck I do, I still feel unaccomplished because I don't have enough money to pay my bills this week.

Maybe if I take a week off, pull out my cleaning journal and draft a plan to declutter, and then actually clean my house, the ugga buggas will stop wandering around at night dragging their feet on the 100 year old floors.

Maybe if I acknowledge how much I miss my Auntie Rosa who just passed and my friend Alex who I unintentionally fucked over, the longing will disappear and the universe will fill those holes with lemon meringue pie and pineapple juice.

Maybe if I share the tapping scripts and the affirmations that help get me out of bed to face another day, when I just want to sleep, I will help someone else do the same.

Maybe if I share a snippet of some of the sick ass Black horror stories i’ve been working on, I will find my tribe of folks who also love blood and gore with a mix of hoodoo and the fantastic.

Maybe if I write an erotic story, take the libido drops and send nasty texts to my husband all day, we'll get in the bed, tongue kiss and get freaky before we start snoring.

Maybe if I share that I've been journaling about missing Prince more than I probably should, and listening to the oldies, I can rejoice in the fact that I'm discovering music that I never knew existed because the algo is flooding my timeline with the most fantastic Prince shit ever.

Maybe if I open up my writing journal and do some of the exercises, I will stop the screams inside my head, saying practice what you preach, or someone will find out you teach because you don't do.

Maybe if I stop procrastinating and sit down and write something, I can get a few more paid memberships 👀.

Maybe if I just take a minute or 60 and just sit down and write because I LOVE TO WRITE!

Maybe then I’ll stop this chatter and doubt because I AM A WRITER

No maybes or ifs about it! I AM A WRITER!

Maybe if I share a new poem or one of the ones I revised, I can give myself a high five because that shit was so fly, so dope, so profane.

Maybe if I write about and interpret my dreams, I can sleep more than a few hours at a time and actually get the message and receive that life changing download.

Maybe if I write about my wins here, instead of using this platform as an emotional toxicity dumping ground, I can cheer up a little and y’all can find a reason to cheer with me.

Maybe if I take a minute and discuss the dichatomy of feeling spiritually elated and spiritually depleted at the same time, my soul will expell a sigh of relief and my spirit will be lifted. And maybe someone will pray for me.

Maybe if I share the experience of being encouraged by the thank yous and the hugs from awesome ass warrior women, young and old, for my words, my rituals, my breath work, and my love, I won't be so horrified by the fact that after all of that work and validation for what the fuck I do, I still feel unaccomplished because I don't have enough money to pay my bills this week.

Maybe if I take a week off, pull out my cleaning journal and draft a plan to declutter, and then actually clean my house, the ugga buggas will stop wandering around at night dragging their feet on the 100 year old floors.

Maybe if I acknowledge how much I miss my Auntie Rosa who just passed and my friend Alex who I unintentionally fucked over, the longing will disappear and the universe will fill those holes with lemon meringue pie and pineapple juice.

Maybe if I share the tapping scripts and the affirmations that help get me out of bed to face another day, when I just want to sleep, I will help someone else do the same.

Maybe if I share a snippet of some of the sick ass Black horror stories i’ve been working on, I will find my tribe of folks who also love blood and gore with a mix of hoodoo and the fantastic.

Maybe if I write an erotic story, take the libido drops and send nasty texts to my husband all day, we'll get in the bed, tongue kiss and get freaky before we start snoring.

Maybe if I share that I've been journaling about missing Prince more than I probably should, and listening to the oldies, I can rejoice in the fact that I'm discovering music that I never knew existed because the algo is flooding my timeline with the most fantastic Prince shit ever.

Maybe if I open up my writing journal and do some of the exercises, I will stop the screams inside my saying practice what you preach or someone will find out you teach because you don't do.

Maybe if I stop procrastinating and sit down and write something I can get a few more paid memberships 👀.

Maybe if I just take a minute or 60 and just sit down and write because I LOVE TO WRITE!

Maybe stop this chatter because I AM A WRITER

No maybes or it's about it!

As I approach 60, I am no longer asking for permission to become who I already am. I am choosing it. Daily. With intention.

This season of my life is a Sacred Self Reset.

How fitting that I am resetting during the spring equinox. This is the season of rebirth and renewal. This is also the season of my birth. I am an April Ar…

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How many projects, ideas, or dreams are sitting in the “someday” pile because you’re waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay? In this episode, we discuss what I call the Permission Problem, along with some tips for beginning to eliminate it.

Every month, we’ll gather here to talk about building a more creative and authentic life. Every month, I will encourage you to take care of yourself first. Every month, you’ll leave with something you can actually do to make that happen.

So grab your notebook, your favorite pen, maybe a cup of tea, and get ready to do more than listen. We’re building something here.

Starting with this month’s exercise, paid subscribers will receive a free companion guide with all exercises and assignments listed.

Join Us!

I'm hoping my Substack family can help me reach a few goals. Please spread the word! Thanks in advance for your help!

GOAL 1:

I launched my new podcast, Terri Talks, and my goal was to get at least 50 full plays by the end of the month. I'm pleased to announce I am at 38! Woohoo! If you haven't listened, please click the link and do so. It's short and sweet. https://open.spotify.com/episode/7oMbB5HHcdETXNEAARnX3j?si=p9DUKMzBQR6-euWJHI7_pQ

GOAL 2:

I'm hosting a two-day women's writing workshop in Gainesville for ALL women writers of ALL skill levels. So far we only have three registrants and they are scholarship recipients. I need at least 15 paid registrations to, at the very least, break even for food, materials and pay my speakers. We have payment plans and a two-for-one deal going on. If I don't have those registrations by October 27th I'm going to have to cancel the workshop. I don't wish to do that! Please sign up and come hang out with us or sponsor a registration or two. You can find workshop details and registration at the link: https://tinyurl.com/2daywomenwriting

#terribaileychats #thequeensroom1 #blaac2basics #terribaileywrites #TerriTalks #newpodcast #creativity #authenticity #podcast #womensempowerment #IDefineMe #iwritemyownstory #lovemesomeme #metime #authenticallyme #womensempowermentcoach #CreativityCoach #perfectlyme #mystorymatters #Icelebrateme #imspecial #selfcare #empowered #selflove #womenwriting #womenwriters #ourstoriesmatter #blackwomenwrite #blackwomenwriters #Iamawriter #authenticallyme #writingtoheal #substack

I'm hoping my Substack family can help me reach a few goals. Please spread the word! Thanks in advance for your help!

GOAL 1:

I launched my new podcast, Terri Talks, and my goal was to get at least 50 full plays by the end of the month. I'm pleased to announce I am at 38! Woohoo! If you haven't listened, please click the link and do so. It's short and sweet. https://open.spotify.com/episode/7oMbB5HHcdETXNEAARnX3j?si=p9DUKMzBQR6-euWJHI7_pQ

GOAL 2:

I'm hosting a two-day women's writing workshop in Gainesville for ALL women writers of ALL skill levels. So far we only have three registrants and they are scholarship recipients. I need at least 15 paid registrations to, at the very least, break even for food, materials and pay my speakers. We have payment plans and a two-for-one deal going on. If I don't have those registrations by October 27th I'm going to have to cancel the workshop. I don't wish to do that! Please sign up and come hang out with us or sponsor a registration or two. You can find workshop details and registration at the link: https://tinyurl.com/2daywomenwriting

#terribaileychats #thequeensroom1 #blaac2basics #terribaileywrites #TerriTalks #newpodcast #creativity #authenticity #podcast #womensempowerment #IDefineMe #iwritemyownstory #lovemesomeme #metime #authenticallyme #womensempowermentcoach #CreativityCoach #perfectlyme #mystorymatters #Icelebrateme #imspecial #selfcare #empowered #selflove #womenwriting #womenwriters #ourstoriesmatter #blackwomenwrite #blackwomenwriters #Iamawriter #authenticallyme #writingtoheal #substack

There are no lies in this report. Thanks to my friend Jill Sonke for having this discussion.

I am a lifelong reader. I've been reading fluently since I was three. I have books in every room in my house except the bathroom. There are books next to my bed. Since I've had a child, reading for pleasure - which is something me and my mom used to do together, and, competitively, is something I no longer do. For some reason it's a luxury that I don't afford myself any more.

When my girls were little, we would have family reading time where we picked a book to read out loud, together. My dear friend Leslie Posey gifted me the whole L.A. Banks Vampire Hunter series about 10 years ago and I have only read two of them. Every year I say I'm going to read the whole series and every year they continue to gather dust. Alexandria Jammer, even after getting married, still shares her bed with a mini library.

I have books on my shelf written by friends that are powerful, empowering and profound. I've cracked the spine, but not taken the time to indulge in their words divine!

Even reading academically is rushed and solely for the purpose of getting a good grade or creating more content or making some political or social statement.

I love the feel of a book in my hand and fantasize about opening a book and not being able to put it down. What is with this word deprivation and how do I reclaim my friendship with books and reading?

If you are an avid reader, do you still make time to read? Do you read for pleasure and work or work only? Do you prefer digital reading or old-fashioned holding the book in y

our hands?

You study. You rehearse. You clock the hours. But it feels like you’re crawling while others seem to leap forward. It’s not just you. And it’s not because you’re not talented or gifted. What shifts growth from slow to steady is deliberate practice—intentional practice with a plan and a purpose.

This isn’t about hustling harder. It’s about slowing down and being strategic. Mastery doesn’t come from repetition alone. It comes from focus.

Here’s how you can use deliberate practice to deepen your skills:

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There are no lies in this report. Thanks to my friend Jill Sonke for having this discussion.

I am a lifelong reader. I've been reading fluently since I was three. I have books in every room in my house except the bathroom. There are books next to my bed. Since I've had a child, reading for pleasure - which is something me and my mom used to do together, and, competitively, is something I no longer do. For some reason it's a luxury that I don't afford myself any more.

When my girls were little, we would have family reading time where we picked a book to read out loud, together. My dear friend Leslie Posey gifted me the whole L.A. Banks Vampire Hunter series about 10 years ago and I have only read two of them. Every year I say I'm going to read the whole series and every year they continue to gather dust. Alexandria Jammer, even after getting married, still shares her bed with a mini library.

I have books on my shelf written by friends that are powerful, empowering and profound. I've cracked the spine, but not taken the time to indulge in their words divine!

Even reading academically is rushed and solely for the purpose of getting a good grade or creating more content or making some political or social statement.

I love the feel of a book in my hand and fantasize about opening a book and not being able to put it down. What is with this word deprivation and how do I reclaim my friendship with books and reading?

If you are an avid reader, do you still make time to read? Do you read for pleasure and work or work only? Do you prefer digital reading or old-fashioned holding the book in y

our hands?