My happiness would be my destruction.

We have worked together at the same restaurant for 9 months, but I feel she is the only one I've ever known.

When we are working, it's usually pretty busy, so we don't have time to talk very much. When we have a chance, it's always pleasant. We talk about music or movies, general inanities one tends to spew out in polite conversation.

…never about the desperate feelings of despair and hopelessness that i can only attribute to love.

I can't act! Just because you want something, doesn't mean you deserve it. I have to do something to earn it, I have to be… more.

After we close up the restaurant, I like the walk home. This city seems so filthy. There is stench and steam wafting up from the grates. at least 5 people at any given time are arguing whilst inebriated. walking up the sidewalk, you will pass lots of diners,smells good for a moment until you get to their alleys with their trash out. Smell and cats and rats and bugs. genuine misery. Yes, this city is beautiful.

I sat for a little while on the roof of my building, to watch the city. Watch it be. watch it live. Anything to divert me from going into the bug infested coffin I've carved out for myself in this world.

I see a drug addict down there, he is bumming a cigarette from a prostitute.

Fantastic idea. I pulled one out of my own pack and lit it. There's a woman in an apartment doing aerobics with flashing red and green and blue lights.

We all NEED ambience!

Thousands of people out there. All with seperate lives. A hundred thousand lifetimes in one place. Happening all at once. It's mind blowing to think about, but I can usually find a way to depress myself with it.

All those people. Trying. Doing what they want to do. They hold jobs,work at their relationships. Take care of their pets,clean their spaces, decorate them. so many people are doing things. Being. Deserving.

Sleep usually comes pretty easy once I've beat myself up properly. It's very tiring to point out every flaw I have over and over. I chuckled,"It's the only way I'll learn."

The next morning was a normal morning. Yes,yes, the promise of a new day, blah blah blah, all that crap. But I am hungover. In a few hours I will be at work. With her. And on and on this hell replays itself.

Hell is just a few steps away from madness. Madness is all I know.

My hands are already greasy from the dishwater. How can there be lettuce in here? We haven't even made any food. The clock ticks away, constantly reminding me that it's almost time to paste on my fake smile, and pretend I'm not in love with her. Tick, tick,tick.

It feels like an explosion! Time passing is the catalyst for combustion that fuels the fires in hell!

Did I really just say that? It doesn't sound like my thoughts are my own. Just have to chalk it up as a physiological response to my grief. Who cares what it is called? How do I let her go?

She showed up on time, as usual. All the obligatory niceties that one can expect to hear. Of course I was kind. It's like a reflex now. Like the muscle contractions that stop me from blurting out," God, I love you, you're the most beautiful woman that has ever crossed my path!" But I said hello. As I do.

Why am I so hard on myself? Just become more!

After work,I decided to take a longer way home. I just needed to walk aimlessly. live the stereotype, as it were. I hoped the more i let the thoughts run through my head, the faster this mess of synapses could sort itself out. It seemed to confuse me more! The anger was building up so much, I thought about screaming, "be normal, you moron!"

I try to find the devil, but he is never where you left him.

"What?" this entity inside of me is getting more brazen. more weird. Something is wrong. Should I see a doctor? Would they even care?

Then laughing. Not mine, but whose?

"You wanted to be more! You begged for me to come. Now you will give a new meaning to the word 'more'!"

This can't be happening! I was terrified! The only thing I could think to do was run. My heartbeat raced, my lungs worked like a machine. Who was I running from? Out of breath and shaking, mostly from fear, but from over exertion as well, I stopped. No voices. Was it a fluke? What should I do? my tears could no longer be contained. What a loser. crying in the damn street like a crazy person. Pull it together, I tried to give myself a pep talk.

After I composed myself, I pulled out a cigar. As I held it in my mouth, looking for my lighter, I pulled out an object from my coat pocket.

lipstick! what is happening?

My head was spinning from the craziness I've endured. There is no reason for lipstick to be in my pocket.

Are you sure? It certainly seems to look familiar.

The voice. I slumped down on the curb. I give up. Maybe I will just jump in front of something that's going really fast.

Go ahead. I can wait. But, I'll only bring you back. You wanted to be…more.

The laughter faded and I realized I was running out of options. and sanity. then her face. a picture of her in my head, glowing like something angelic. there was something that sounded like music. Was it music? It's something I've never heard before. Wait! I'm not hearing it in my ears. I'm hearing it through my eyes!

I don't deserve to be saved. especially by her.

"shut up!'' Who is this in my head? but I knew the answer. I just couldn't accept it.

I needed to rest. This situation is draining me. I need sleep. I started to nod off…

CONSULT THE SCROLLS! the voice boomed in my head.

"What are you talking about? What scrolls?" I was shaking from being awoken.

"Just kidding! This is going to be fun!"

I had to run! How do you run from your psyche?

Then it hit me. The crusher at the junkyard. Rick always leaves the gate unlocked in case I need a place to sleep it off.

The junkyard. That's where it all ends, huh? How apropos. Fine.

I was completely out of breath when I arrived. yep, it's unlocked. Thank god or whatever. My head is silent, but for how long?

It doesnt matter if death comes from a scorpions stings, when you hang yourself with guitar strings.

Enough! the crusher rumbled as it came to life.

PEACE. finally. silence.

I knew what i had to do. I had to go see Father Sarducci. An exorcism is the only thing that is going to help me.

The wait for the bus was the longest and mist stressful wait ive ever had!

If the world was covered in blood, the color blue would be a commodity!

I cant handle the laughter! This is the hardest thing ive ever had to endure.

We finally pulled up to the church. What was I doing? I'm going to ask a priest I've known my whole life to exorcise a demon? He isn't going to believe me! im goimg to have to kill myself!

Demons dancing, ever prancing, drippings from you, entrails and dancing goo!

Well, nothing beats a try but a lifetime of psychoses.

As soon as Father Sarducci saw me, he said," Indeali?!"

I was taken aback. "no, its me! Phillip!"

"No, im talking to your demon. i know him!"

i was actually relieved i could skip the 'believe my crazy rant' spiel." Well, you think you can evict him for me?"

"His poetry sucks, doesn't it?"

The demon must not have liked that, because it felt like I had a seizure! He started speaking in Latin, "Iudicati estis malum et inhonorati" . You have been judged evil and dishonored. my body started to get hot, then stabbing pain, like scratches on my soul. Maybe I made a mistake! There has to be a less painful way to do this.

I awoke a few hours later and Father Sarducci was kneeling beside me.

“What happened Father?” i groggily asked.

He put his hand on my shoulder and smiled,” We got him Phillip! He's nice and toasty in the bowels of hell.”

The relief flooded over me and for the first time in my miserable life I felt something that can only equate to happiness. It was definitely a new experience.

I tried to get up, but I felt wobbly. The Father helped me to my feet.

“Thank you so much for helping me, Father. I didnt even think you would believe me!”

“I’ve dealt with demons before, just don't tell the diocese, we’re technically not allowed to exorcize demons without authorization.”

I thanked him again and as I was heading out, i stopped and splashed some holy water on myself and thanked God for his help.

i was walking down the street with a new outlook on life, when all of a sudden I started to feel hot. the weather is cool, what's happening? I thought. The drops of holy water on my shirt started to steam and suddenly:

“your demon loves you! FOREVER!” no one said there was only one demon! maniacal laughter.

The police are at my apartment? What is going on? I didnt do anything wrong, so theres no reason to avoid them. Except of course the demonic possession.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, but inside, I knew.

The detective held out a picture. “Have you seen her?”

My love. Have I seen her? Of course! Everytime i close my eyes!

“I saw her at work yesterday.”

“What about after work?” the detective asked.

“No, she left before me.” What is going on, I thought.

“That's funny, because we got a tip we should ask you.” The detective was being extremely accusatory. “up against the car!” He forcefully pushed me into the car and started patting me down. He pulled the lipstick from my pocket and smugly asked for an evidence bag. “Just as I suspected! We have a lot of questions for you!”

How do I do that?

There's tons of accounts doing it, without using AI, they're not scrolling for hours, they're not having problems getting engagement and it's not just one niche.

What I wanted from social media was,

A) make a post or two everyday,

B) have those posts go to thousands of people daily,

C) get daily book sales and page reads,

D) make money from views,

E) daily sales at my store, Everything Art Happens.

While that was happening,all I would have to do is talk to the handful of friends I made about music and art and have some laughs.

When I'm scrolling, I see tons of popular accounts doing this, so it CAN be done.

How do I do it?

T.F. Burke

To cover the poison's bitter taste,

Their smiles are deceit,

Their favors beg your haste,

Before you can see,

See right through,

Their pernicious lies,

And their red flag eyes,

While proclaiming the value in you,

You're not the fool,

They grandstanded their ovations,

You're still you,

Though they claimed your name in selfish invocations,

You're more than they are,

They feed on you with self righteous supplications,

Run as fast as you can,

You don't need to become their degradations,

Be the best that you can,

Leave them all to their psychotic desecrations

Falling,

Into what I see,

Breaking,

Traditions that are instinct to me,

Betraying,

Societal norms ingratiating me,

Pretending,

To deny the burdens that assimilate me,

Destroying,

Walls built of placated imagery,

Befalling,

Sins of confusing symmetry

I feel like I'm close to an idea to what can save me,

It's on the tip of my tongue,

But the answer escapes me,

I was born alone,

Because the wolves wouldn't take me,

Carve my poems into stone,

Because this world wants to break me,

Apprised of their lies,

Because the truth might devastate me,

Success is the guise,

Failure is the destiny,

It pays to be wise,

When the lies are so sedating

I felt so grown up and free when I left. Like I was living Tom Sawyer's life.

I started hitchhiking to Indiana and as I was walking, I found a 14k gold bracelet that had been run over. So, when I finally got to LaGrange IN, it was night time and I was walking around trying to find a place to sleep for the night and I found a place in the darkness across the street from this Mexican night club. That night I heard some of the most beautiful music I've ever heard and I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning I went to the jewelry store and sold the bracelet for like 18 bucks. It wasn't hard to get a store to sell cigarettes to a 14 year old and i bought some candy and soda and started back on my journey.

That night, I made it to Kendallville IN, where I decided to sleep in the woods on the side of State road 9 with my head propped up against a tree and the sound of the highway and I had one of the best sleeps I can remember. The next day, I got caught and had to go back home, but it still feels like a magical few days.

Begging and pleading,

To imaginary deities,

Please! Just save me from myself!

Requiems of empathy,

Redemption through self discovery,

Wishing for subsistence, not wealth!

Surrender unto thee,

Demand onto me,

Righteous indignation no excuse for your apathy,

Never took to violence,

Not to even save me,

Begging for your faith in perfect silence,

Your sense of irony doesn't evade me,

In my head it's always night,

Though I've surrendered to the light,

I have to feel everyone's pain,

And in this you delight,

I felt love from the stars,

I learned from my scars,

I've lived in kindness with the world,

I took that to heart,

I've paid for my sins,

You let me rot in my hell,

You hid me from your light,

But I'm not the only that fell,

Your grace is only a word,

One that I've never heard,

Your silence proves more,

Are you settling a score?

You will not erase me,

I've done what you asked and more,

Your threats no longer phase me,

It's your love I abhor,

You've broken every promise,

You're no shepherd and I'm not flock,

I've stayed kind, despite your resistance ,

No longer a loyal subject,

I'm just indignant of your existence

All I see,

Is the version of me that only you can see,

Everything I am,

Everything I can be,

I feel it's possible,

As long as you are with me,

Scared of losing you,

Your touch on my face,

Your smile shines bright,

Please don't let me leave this place,

Electricity runs through me,

When I hear your voice,

Love is a journey,

And a destination of choice,

My soul was broken,

You repaired it with a glance,

Fissures glued and taped,

Now seamless with one dance,

I'm prepared to walk forever,

I'm prepared to see it through,

The heartache and the pleasure,

Through the endless with you,

I could climb a mountain,

I could swim every ocean and sea,

I could tame the wildest frontiers,

Just to see you look at me

All I see,

Is the version of me that only you can see,

Everything I am,

Everything I can be,

I feel it's possible,

As long as you are with me,

Scared of losing you,

Your touch on my face,

Your smile shines bright,

Please don't let me leave this place,

Electricity runs through me,

When I hear your voice,

Love is a journey,

And a destination of choice,

My soul was broken,

You repaired it with a glance,

Fissures glued and taped,

Now seamless with one dance,

I'm prepared to walk forever,

I'm prepared to see it through,

The heartache and the pleasure,

Through the endless with you,

I could climb a mountain,

I could swim every ocean and sea,

I could tame the wildest frontiers,

Just to see you look at me

I wrote a new poem and it reminded me of another poem I wrote! So I'm enclosing both! Enjoy!

As always, you can buy me a coffee on Kofi my digital tip jar!

~~~~~~

The world has beauty standards, but I don't agree,I won't let them steal this moment from me, no one tells me which moments are precious or have validity, only the beauty I see gets to control me,they try to negate, the racing of my heart, it's not a debate, when I feel I found my other part, now, with my wholeness in tact, you frantically insist these aren't facts? Your weights and measures don't influence how I choose, my fate and my pleasures should only matter to those who walk in my shoes

I will not follow!

I will not comply!

I live my life my own way!

Free from your lies!

T.F. BURKE POETRY

they criminalized the human body,

they take away my right to speak,

they cant destroy my curiosity,

so they destroy the information i seek

they try to aggravate my terror,

they say theyre always right,

but im no longer scared,

they cant destroy my will to fight

i didn't know, how far i could go,

i couldn't be the one to hurt you,

i couldn't say, you needed to go,

i just lied when i said i love you,

contradiction, is all that i know,

(chorus)

i didn't mean to make you cry baby,

i didn't mean, to lose all control,

i didn't mean to say i love you,

i didn't mean to be addicted to love

i couldn't be what you need,

i couldn't see, the door to your soul,

i got to be true to me,

my feelings matter, its all that i hold,

i try so hard to say what i mean,

the fire’s gone out and i'm so cold,

(chorus)

all i need was some faith in me,

was that too much to ask,

i wouldn't blame if you thought id hurt you,

i've done it in the past

i couldnt be who you need,

and now our time has passed,

i didn't know how it affected you,

i didn't know, how far i could go,

i didn't know how to tell you,

i couldn't say, you needed to go

I'm in 2 anthologies, “Of ink & iron” https://www.battlebornpoetry.com/product-page/ink-iron-2024-a-battleborn-poetry-anthology “The Unseen” https://a.co/d/9fDNvl9

And of course, my own book Waves of Clarity!

I spent way too much time marketing Waves of Clarity. I thought it deserved more sales before I published again.

I'm about ready to publish another collection and I don't want to make the same mistake!

I should've kept releasing stuff.

So, with the new collection, should I still be marketing Waves of Clarity,or should I put that on the back burner and focus on the new collection?🤔

You were destroying me,

Absorbing me,

Free from sin,

You were absolved by me,

Sanctified by my purity,

Intentionally,

Attached to me,

Taking me to obscurity,

Painfully,

Your beautiful form blurry to me,

Sinfully,

I got lost in your eyes trying to see me,

Unsuccessfully,

Where you keep your thoughts of me,

There's no beauty to see,

It's filthy,

It's not a reliquary,

It's an obscenity,

The insanity,

The lack of humanity,

Exclusively,

Just for me,

Unpleasantly,

Consuming me

They hate what poetry makes them see,

The journey is inward,

Even if it escapes reality,

Inside yourself,

In corners you refuse to believe,

Of yourself,

In jaded memories retrieved,

Who are you?

Means who is it that you hide,

They don't hate poetry,

They hate the truth amidst all the lies,

They hate who they have to be,

They hate how you make them see,

A self they concocted,

The laughter that drowns out their cries

Elastic realities stretched as far as it can go,

Stealing my solace in slumber,

Becoming part of me through every image that it shows ,

Incorrect definitions of myself i now believe,

Abstract bastardizations of my true self,

Fragile psyche rewritten with devastations in dreams weaved

youre a cancer on, society, youre feeding on, the weak and their dreams,all night long, youre beating up the streets, no solace nowhere, not even in dreams,how could you say, you'd be there for me,

it all crashed down, your face i cant see,

no youre not there, to be by my side,

taste my fear, my pain i cant hide

(chorus)

never been so, confused,

never felt so, abused,

never been there, in vain,

never went there, insane

my minds burned out, with hypocrisy, i'm fighting for the weak and their dreams, your ass looks great, in those tight ass jeans, but how many guys, have you been underneath,what do i do, to prove this to you,

dont play no games, man im nobodys fool,

been down that road, so many times,

this shit ends, i sever my ties,

(chorus)

you try to deny, you miss my touch,

you try to deny, you hurt me so much,

how can you lie, we're more than friends,

why don't you cry, and pay for your sins

(interlude)

and i woke up, from a terrible dream,

and my life is, not as it seems to me,

and i realize, im not insane,

as youre leaving, mix pleasure with pain

your legend lives on, in your own mind, sold a piece of yourself, with every line, your sin steeps through, it blackens my soul, the sweat pours down, with every soul that you take, you die inside with the love that you fake

Oh yeah. He remembers that night better than anyone. He knows she wants revenge.

All of a sudden, a knock on the door!

He slowly opens it, as soon as it's open enough to see, he realizes it's the pizza he ordered.

“$18.55 today sir!”

He hands him a twenty and a ten, “keep the change.”

“Thank you sir!”

He is the one that killed her parents and she took the rap. He was supposed to visit, they were supposed to be in love. Now she

's out!

you wanna see the thoughts in me,

do you sense a connection,

you wanna be in unity,

and supercede perfection,

you wanna know what's on my mind,

you think you got the time,

you wanna see a reaction,

you don't get the satisfaction,

(chorus) will i strive when i strife?

will i push so hard?

will i see what i see?

will i have all the scars?X2

will i strive?

will i strife?

will i see?

will i see?

will i have?

all these scars!!!!

you wanna be the man inside,

you wanna see my intestines,

you wanna know the man thats me,

understand my intentions,

i can't be what you need,

my pain is your invention,

you can't be inside of me,

i don't need your infection,

(chorus)

you don't see what i see,

your self worths overrated,

you don't see more of me,

in innuendos you have stated,

i tried so hard to understand,

your lies contemplated,

i need a cure for your memory,

to suffocate this infestation.

(chorus)

If you like seeing my work, help me out and buy me a coffee on Kofi, my digital tip jar!

Hep cat conspiracies,

Impossible to refuse,

Bodies using,

And bodies being used

Pay cash for your crimes, you always win,

One time payment for absolution of your sins,

Grief is counter productive,

Tattoo your face with a permanent grin,

Money speaks louder than action,

Always will and always been,

Disrespect is a valuable commodity,

Keeps you free from looking within