→ Fashion Prompt is a series where I entice your curiosity about fashion through an excerpt, quote, photo or other piece of media that you may have saved, scrolled past or forgotten about.

Hello my swans,

Today, we talk about taste. Bad taste. And it comes at a perfect time because I’m actually doing my FIRST Substack Live with the amazing TONIGHT.

And we’re going to talk about all the nuances of taste, style and expressing yourself. You can join or add a reminder to your calendar HERE.

Hope to see you there! 💋

And now, let’s get into this week’s fashion prompt…

The word “taste” is definitely nearing a peak in our modern discourse. Guides and advice on how to develop your taste has been seen over and over again across articles, TikTok advice pieces and yes, even my own Substack.

And it makes perfect sense why we’re here.

Many of us are tired of having algorithms and fast-moving trends decide what we like. And paired with the “personal style” boom we’ve seen growing over the years, it only makes sense that the development of taste is now a top priority as well.

But as much as we try to decipher it for ourselves, there’s no perfect science to taste. And certainly, I’d be weary of anyone giving you a black and white definition of what “good taste” is.

The iconic fashion columnist and former Vogue editor-in-chief, Diana Vreeland once said:

I love how she words this. She literally compares bad taste to a spice; like an extra garnish you don’t overindulge on but also make sure to not overlook. I love the comparison to a food, like it’s something truly good for you.

And something about the use of the word “physical” really stays with me. “Bad taste,” whether it’s in the form of someone’s personal taste or in art or fashion, can push the boundaries, start conversations and create contrast.

Of course, her main point here is clear: at least have some sort of taste — even if it’s messy, even if it’s unpopular, even if you’re not sure if it’s “good” according to the world around you.

I also came across this clip of the iconic filmmaker and artist John Waters voicing a similar sentiment:

I think it’s interesting that these quotes in defense of bad taste came from two very different people. Both who were incredibly influential in the fashion world in their own ways.

In Waters’ quote, the context is mostly around movies — a form of art that is probably as subjective as fashion in my eyes. I’ll be taking the advice of seeing “a fucked up movie” very seriously now. My favorite part of the quote is the first line “Have faith in your bad taste.” Because what is taste than the things you have strong conviction towards?

I think he’s also saying that we shouldn’t always just be seeking out media or art that only affirms what we already know.

And if you feel moved to consume something “fucked up” or even outside of the norm of what you usually like, you should see where it takes you.

Something that ties these two quotes together about bad taste is this: embracing bad taste will help you live life more fully. I think what they’re both getting at is, don’t think too hard about what “good taste” even is.

Just live your life. Have some fun! Taste test things!

And don’t rob yourself the joy of exploring the tacky, gaudy and off-beat parts of your taste.

Think of it this way: you see a photo of you in an outfit you wore years ago and think “What was I thinking wearing that?” But I bet you anything that with a lot of those outfits, you were happy in that moment.

The older I get, I look back on my past style evolutions with fondness, even if they’re the opposite of what my taste is now.

Because I think; “You know what, that’s who I was. that’s who I was trying to be at the time.”

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• How do you define “bad taste”?

• What is something (a piece of clothing, a book , an album) that you used to dislike but now have warmed up to?

• Are there things you enjoy in your taste profile that are “not like the others?”

• Who is someone in your life that you’d love to hear the compliment “you have great taste” from?

→ Fashion Prompt is a weekly series where I entice your curiosity about fashion through an excerpt, quote, photo or other piece of media that you may have saved, scrolled past or forgotten about.

Hello my swans,

I’ve been on a bit of an unintentional hiatus but I’m back! I’m excited to get back into some regular Fashion Prompts for you. This week’s quote had to be all around the icon that was Elizabeth Hawes, since I was lucky enough see the exhibit about her at the Cincinatti Art Museum this week.

Usually, I just pick one quote for these posts, but with Hawes, it was hard to pick one. So this will be a mix of a couple. While I haven’t read her iconic book “Fashion is Spinach,” I feel even more moved to do so now. And possibly turn it into some kind of fashion book club for yall? Any takers?

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Before we had TikTok thinkpieces criticizing micro-trends and overconsumption, we had Elizabeth Hawes calling out the fashion industry.

While Hawes was a fashion designer in the 1930s who got her start working in couture, her opinions on the industry were anything but subtle.

Excerpts from her book, “Fashion is Spinach” that released in 1938 reads as a manifesto against the fashion industry, urging women to push back against fashion that was a “parasite on style,” costing them their money, energy and personal taste.

At the same time, anyone who saw her work, could also see that she loved clothes and making them well.

Hawes, who was once called the “incorrigable brat of American design,” was known for poignantly calling out the often manipulating side of fashion, especially towards women. To her, it was good style that should be strived for, not good fashion.

Over 80 years later, we’re now echoing similar frustrations around the death of taste, fast-paced trends and increasingly cheap clothing.

The irony of it all is that many of Hawes’ pieces (and opinions) were made for the modern woman who hadn’t quite arrived yet.

What inspires me so much about Hawes is how she perfectly exemplifies the true impact that fashion can have on social issuues. In this case, she was in an industry that was (and still is) mainly marketed and centered around female populations.

And while fashion, style and clothing are often terms that are trivialized, Hawes was someone who dared to go “outside her lane” and show how how her industry can guide meaningful change.

If you’re familiar with Hawes’ quotes or have read her famous book “Fashion is Spinach” (still on my reading list), it can be hard to not look at her pieces in person through the filter of her points of view. In many ways, philosophy and psychology was present in her pieces and her process.

But even if you walked into the exhibit not knowing anything about her, I think you’d notice a couple things about the dresses.

For one, I noticed the simplicity of the silhouettes and how each design seemed to prioritize comfort. This simplicity at first glance may be assumed by some as unremarkable, but in fact I think each garment contained a quiet rebellion.

Because as you look closer and read about Hawes’ philosophy, you’ll see that none of her design choices were accidental. One of her main focuses when designing women’s fashion was practicality and comfort.

She said quite plainly: “A foundation garment should conform as much as possible to the figure.”

To me, the focus on ease in a garment, especiallly a woman’s, held a certain strength. And I think Hawes knew this. The power of comfortable clothes and what they can give to women and their sense of freedom (especially in the era of the ‘30s and ‘40s) is a radical act in itself.

For Hawes, this meant making “smart” silhouettes that stood the test of time and allowed for movement of the body. She even created dresses in a way that didn’t need bras or brassiers — something that even today is hard to find!

Even so, this didn’t mean that the dresses were frumpy or “old fashioned.” In fact, her V-neck gowns and draped A-line skirts presented a sort of timeless elegance that can make anyone ook and feel effortless.

For example, one of the pieces that caught my eye was a simple, brown dress with geometrical lines and stitching. Again, the piece doesn’t seem much at first, but to me I see a comfortable sensuality communicated through it.

And in many ways, Hawes made fashion history with this gown because it was an early eaxmple of a “naked style” dresses, meaning it was made with a flesh-colored fabric undernath to make it seem like the wearer wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

There was a sensuality and playfulness in her pieces as much as there was a prioritization of movement and comfort.

The duality of the two — showing how a woman’s garments can showcase her femininity, her beauty and her ability to live and be taken seriously — is something that even designers of today struggle to sometimes get exactly right.

To me, Hawes wasn’t saying women needed to pick practicality or beauty when getting dressed. Instead, she hoped (and showed) that they can have both.

They could be smart about their money, while enjoying quality clothing. They could tend to their lives with ease, while looking chic at the same time.

Hawes maybe had a disdain for fashion, but as seen through the countless designers that she influenced years later, she left her own mark on the industry that still remains imperfect. I hope somewhere she knows that decades later, her dress will stop a modern woman in her tracks and make her say: “Now that’s just a good dress.”

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• How does fashion inspire style and how does it hinder it?

• Alternatively, how do people’s style impact fashion?

• Is “good fashion” the same as “good style”? Why or why not?

• What is a modern designer who you think follows similar philosophies to Elizabeth Hawes through their work?

In case you missed it:

→ Fashion Prompt is a weekly series where I entice your curiosity about fashion through an excerpt, quote, photo or other piece of media that you may have saved, scrolled past or forgotten about.

Hello my swans,

Happy almost-June! May always seems to slip through my fingers but still leave me satisfied and full of warmth. A prompt about skirts at the presupus of summer seems pretty apropriate, so let’s get into it.

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Years ago, I wrote in my notes app: “How can I wear a skirt casually?!”

I was meditating on the topic of skirts because, simply put: I wanted to wear them more. This was a clear, personal style desire that I was having trouble manifesting through actual outfits. And I couldn’t figure out why. Because at the same time I was rekindling my love for skirts, I was also accepting a more casual and utalitarian side of my style.

So a part of me kept asking: can both exist?

Obviously, these meditations (and lots of outfit trial and error) eventually landed on a resounding yes.

Now, I treat my favorite pleated skirts more casually than even a pair of jeans.

This passed week, I came across a clip of Miuccia Prada where she said:

“For me, a skirt is like a T-shirt […] It can be as much eccentric but it doesn’t change.”

The words are simple, but they pack a punch for me. It’s no surprise that this is the same mind that gave us some of the most pivotal skirt designs in the history of fashion.

And there’s something so beautiful about viewing a skirt in this way. An item that far too often, becomes the piece forgotten in the back of the closet or overlooked for being “too much”.

One of the main ways I get dressed is by playing with contrasts. If one element is casual, it invites another to be bit dressier, edgier, more embelished. Or vice versa. For a while, I was putting the skirt in the strict “dressier/less casual” category. This in many ways, limited my style greatly!

Because why is the instinct to view a skirt as only the “fancier” option? They’ve always been framed as more precious, less casual. Sometimes we like to put clothing pieces — not just skirts — into boxes in our wardrobe that aren’t needed. Viewing a skirt “as a T-shirt” like Miuccia said, gives the skirt a new type of power in your closet.

Because, what happens when we put our clothes into unneeded categories? Well, we wear them less. We give them limits. We forget them. We wear our clothes less. We develop this sort of sartorial scarcity mindset around them. And sure, there’s nothing wrong with keeping an heirloom dress or a statement top more precious, but those pieces should be the minority, not a majority.

And that’s what makes Miuccia’s point of view so eye-opening. Skirts can have as many lives in your wardrobe as a T-shirt does. Because for both, when you find the right silhouette, material, cut, it can be repeated with endless creativity and ease.

Digital Commonplace Notebook

• When is the last time you wore a skirt?

• Do you associate skirts more with formal clothing or casual clothing?

• What makes skirts feel constricting vs. freeing?

• What makes a skirt “casual”?

In case you missed it…

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→ Fashion Prompt is a weekly series where I entice your curiosity about fashion through an excerpt, quote, photo or other piece of media that you may have saved, scrolled past or forgotten about.

Hellooo my swans,

I hope you’ve had a beautiful week! For today’s issue, we have a short quote with a short(ish) reflection.

One of the main inspirations behind this series is my desire to make more time for revisiting. I feel like there’s so much pressure these days to constantly take in new information, new ideas, etc. But with that, I think we forget about the things sitting in our saved folders and bookmarks.

So, as an add-on to this series, I created a digital commonplace notebook that you can download and use as your own practice of revisiting.

You can get it through the link below. (If you’re a paying subscriber, I’ll give it to you for free! Just email me at arbela.hello@gmail.com).

Digital Commonplace Notebook

Fashion Prompt: 5/24/26

Today’s prompt comes from a quote by the one and only Marc Jacobs.

Interestingly enough, when I first picked this quote and started writing about it, I was actually using a misquote. (This is another reason why I’ve been enjoying doing these posts as a practice for myself because it’s forcing me to pay closer attention to inspiration I take in!)

Anyway, I originally thought the quote was: “Clothes mean nothing until they are worn.” But actually, it’s:

“Clothes mean nothing until someone lives in them.”

Slightly different, but this still changed my thoughts a bit. The idea of clothing having no meaning before it’s applied to the body is the same, but what has changed is the word “lived”.

Here’s what the distinction prompted from me: someone putting on or briefly wearing something (a rental, an item in a dressing room, a borrowed piece) may not give too much meaning to the piece.

But, if someone lives in the clothing — throughout the years, their workdays, their milestone occasions — well, then that certainly means so much more.

Whatever iteration, I’ve always loved this quote when I saw it. It speaks to the core of how I view clothing and fashion. What has always been most interesting to me is how clothing becomes defined and redefined by a person’s life.

And still, as simple as it is, this quote brings out more questions.

Here’s my interpretation: I think when he’s referring to the “meaning” of clothes — it’s about how a piece becomes interwoven with the person — their body, their life, their routines.

But, if he was in front of me and I had a chance to ask a follow up, it would be: do models “living” in your pieces on the runway/in photoshoots count?

Also, I would imagine that to many designers, their pieces hold some sort of meaning, worn or unworn. If anything, in the context of something they created. A piece of clothing on a mannequin or on the cutting room table have some kind of life or pre-existence. And every stitch that was chosen or material manipulated had a purpose behind it.

@arbela.elenaOn the nonsensical shoe scale, where does the Marc Jacobs backward heel fall alongside the Chanel resort sandal? 👠#freakyshoes #chanel #matthieublazy #marcjacobs

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Ultimately, the relationship of clothing to the body is what gives the pieces a definition, a three-dimmensional life of their own. And oftentimes, designers play with clothing’s relation to the body to create thought-provoking designs.

An example I think of is the backward heel from Marc Jacobs himself that came out in 2008. The shoes on their own immediately have a meaning, in my opinion, because they’re flipping around the meaning of what a shoe can look like. However, you can only really feel that when you see it on the human foot.

I also can’t help but think back to this 2005 runway collection from Maison Martin Margiela where he purposely threw the idea of wearing clothes “correctly” on its head. Shoes were carried in model’s hands, dresses became skirts, shirts were worn backwards, hanger loops were placed on the outside of garments, and so on.

The disheveledness of it all excites me because it reflects the movement of people’s lives — how we are often messy and nonsensical, and how our clothing can become a part of that chaos.

But, I would absolutely agree that clothing (and accessories) find a truer meaning when it spends time on the body. Perhaps, that’s when it reaches its final form.

So does that mean that unworn clothes have no meaning? Obviously that’s a very literal interpretation, but that’s part of what I’m trying to exercise here. Because a lot of clothes on this earth remain unworn — whether they’re forgotten, lost or disgraded. There is a meaningless in that and even a sense of grief.

To me, the meaning that remains is potential. All clothes have a potential to be worn and have a future. Their very existence of a piece of clothing — from the arm holes, the lining or the material — is an invitation be put on, not left on a hanger.

• What is the meaning of clothes before they are worn?

• Think of a piece of clothing in your closet that has changed after you’ve worn it in certain places or for certain occassions. Does it hold more or less meaning since you got it?

• Has there ever been a piece of clothing (or outfit) you’ve seen or observed out in the wild that you had an original opinion about that changed once you saw it styled on someone?

• What are some outfits or pieces of clothing throughout pop culture history that have become associated with a specific person or brand?

— Things I saved, screenshotted and reflected on this week.

• Bella Hadid wears what Jane Birkin wore wrong. I didn’t know until Bella Hadid wore this dress for the Cannes Film Festival that the original inspiration was a result of Jane Birkin wearing a dress wrong. It’s not a plunging neckline, it’s the back of the dress!

• The SATC reference in the Charli XCX’s music video for her song “SS26” is everything to me. And the whole art direction of the video itself (directed by Torso) is just perfect.

• Kateryna Bohun is my new favorite art content creator on Instagram and I think you should follow her! Her approach is so interesting but easy to understand. I especially love her videos on Mark Rothko.

• I hate when I find a graphic T-shirt I relate to on a deep spiritual level that I may never find or own.

• One of my favorite brands and IG accounts, reminded me about the existence of the Glamour Magazine high heeled sprint that happened in 2007. Not surprised at all that this was in Russia because women in Eastern Europe are on another level when it comes to wearing heels.

  ---

Thank you for reading and being here!

Stay curious,

Arbela

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→ Fashion Prompt is a weekly series where I entice your curiosity about fashion through an excerpt, quote, photo or other piece of media.

Hello my swans,

I hope this week has treated you well! It’s finally warm here in the midwest and I feel elated. This week’s prompt is actually a quote that originally inspired this series, so I’m very excited to finally share it! Also, I’ve decided to start giving you some music to listen to with each prompt, sound good? Good :)

Fashion Prompt: 5/17/26

Marshall Mcluhan once said: “Clothing is an extension of the skin.”

He was not a designer, magazine editor or fashion writer, but a philosopher studying media and technologies starting in the ‘50s and ‘60s.

The first place I saw this quote was when I read (or rather, experienced) McLuhan’s book: “The Medium Is the Massage” (1967) in my Gender and Communication class in college. I’m still amazed that this book (written almost 60 years ago), has so many ideas that still apply to our current time.

And while someone may pass this book in the store not thinking it has anything to do with fashion, McLuhan actually includes clothing in his larger conversation about technology.

The book, which is a collection of images, scans and other visual graphics, interrogates the ways in which different technological advances were invented as an “extension” of human desires and needs:

“The wheel […] is an extension of the foot. The book […] is an extension of the eye…
Clothing, an extension of the skin […] Electric circuitry, an extension of the central nervous system.” ― Marshall McLuhan, The Medium is the Massage

In this context, I seen McLuhan interpreting clothing as another tool of the trade — on the same level as a lamp giving us light or a car engine giving us a faster way to get from point A to point B. Clothing, at the end of the day, is as much a practical thing as any of these other items, even though it is sometimes viewed as a trivial non-necessity.

In McLuhan’s other book, “Understanding Media: The Extension of Man,” (1964) he writes that clothing “can be seen both as a heat-control mechanism and a means of defining the self socially.”

And I mean, doesn’t a vintage lamp or a nice car help define our social selves as much as they give us light and transportation?

In the section of the book titled, “Clothing: Our Extended Skin,” he continues:

”Today in America there is a revolutionary attitude expressed as much in our attire as in our patios and small cars. Like toreador pants and gaiter stockings, the beehive hairdo is also iconic and sensuously inclusive, rather than abstractly visual. In a word, the American woman for the first time presents herself as a person to be touched and handled, not just looked at.”

The sensory element that he adds here is really interesting to me. Once again, I’d like to think he’s pushing back a bit on how clothing was (and still is) viewed only as something ornamental and one-dimensional.

Instead, he invites a point of view that clothes create a tactical experience; to feel, to touch, to experience the person.

While exploring this quote, I couldn’t help but think of Pierre Cardin, who was designing collections around the same time that McLuhan was philosophizing about technology.

Cardin was known for creating fashion that pushed the boundaries (literally) of how clothes can and should be worn. He also pioneered the idea of fashion design looking towards the future — rather than just referencing the past.

In many ways, this idea from McLuhan gets to the heart of one of the main questions about fashion: is it about form or function? While that question is still debated on a case by case basis to this day, I think he would agree that clothing is something we are all affected by, even when we don’t mean it to to.

McLuhan’s words are also a good remidner that technology and fashion are inexplicably linked. In many ways, fashion design is connected more to engineering than the arts (in my opinion). Because you have to take into account the textile work that goes into a piece — whether it’s for comfort, practicality, protection or expression.

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Discussion Points

• What is an item from your closet that feels like an “extension of your skin”?

• How has “futuristic fashion” manifested through the decades?

• Do you think fashion is closer to art or technology? Or is it a bit of both?

• How is fashion’s relationship to technology different today than it was in the 60s?

→ Fashion Prompt is a weekly series where I entice your curiosity about fashion through an excerpt, quote, photo or other piece of media that you may have saved, scrolled past or forgotten about.

Hello my swans,

Today is a special issue of Fashion Prompt. For one, I’m coming off the heels of thinking about the Met Gala and watching The Devil Wears Prada 2 (spoiler: I actually REALLY loved it?!), so I’ve had a lot of sartorial thoughts bubbling up all week.

But also, it happens to be my birthday…!

So, it felt only natural for today’s prompt to be around a man whose energy feels like the essence of a Taurus (although he’s a Libra!) and whose words I’ve been thinking about lately.

In the 1999 documentary, “The September Issue,” André Leon Talley famously says:

We all know this man had no shortage of good quotes and opinions. But it’s this one in particular that has continued to live on in many ways; especially in the age of the internet. Which made me wonder what makes it so gripping.

He said this in 2009, while lamenting about the lack of glamour and creativity he was seeing in the fashion world during a Vogue meeting. The words he uses are so specific. “Starving” and “famine” adds a level of seriousness to fashion that many would scoff at. But he didn’t stutter. He’s talking about beauty not as a luxury, but a source of life.

We’re currently at the tail end of Met Gala week, the glitter has faded and many reflections are sinking in. It seems like every year since 2018, there’s been an increasingly louder sentiment from fashion lovers online that echo Talley’s sentiments: “My eyes are starving for beauty! We have to see clothes!

Once again, the internet gave an underwhelming “Oh, pretty,” response to many of the looks this year. Hell, the fashion assistants are generating more buzz than anything. Which is oddly beautiful in itself.

So, are we in a famine of beauty at the moment? Is the creativity dying? Are the looks getting quieter? More boring? The reception from many seems to be a resounding yes.

But it’s not the same kind of craving for beauty that Talley was referring to in ‘09. Now, in 2026, it almost feels more dire. Because true beauty (craftsmenship, human talent, meaningful design) is not being prioritized, funded or supported.

In fact, it’s becoming cheapened through the push of AI into the arts — a topic that shockingly came up in The Devil Wears Prada 2. In the film, we see a similar fashion legend to Talley (albeit fictional), Miranda Priestly try to convince the Elon Musk equivalent in the film to reconsider the importance — the “commitment” to beauty. I’ll let you watch the movie to find out if she succeeds.

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FREE WRITE:

• What is the nature of beauty in fashion?

• Is beauty enough for fashion to make an impact?

• How have designers redefined the idea of beauty through their work?

• What is the most beautiful thing in your closet? Why?

• Can fashion and beauty serve as a form of escapism? If so, how does the MET Gala play into this — especially when more and more people are disillusioned by it?

FURTHER READING:

1. “The September Issue” Documentary

2. In The Chiffon Trenches by Andre Leon Talley

3. The Ugly History of Beautiful Things by Kate Kelleher

4. This article in Vogue Australia on how “ugly fashion” fascinates us and makes us dress better.

FROM MY DESK: MET GALA MEDITATIONS

The looks I found beautiful, boring or both + my favorites of the night.

IT’S BEAUTIFUL! BUT…

First category is: great gowns, beautiful gowns. The ones that left me briefly enchanted and a little sleepy. There were many examples like this that had me thinking about today’s prompt around beauty — and the limits of it.

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I don’t think anyone in the fashion world was actually surprised by the MET Gala dress code that was announced for this year.

And that’s because it’s been very clear that fashion and art have become so overlapped that they almost feel interchangeable in our current fashion discourse.

Most recently: it feels like fashion shows feel like exhibits, museum exhibits feature fashion pieces and the editorials that are actually making an impact are the ones created and visualized through an artistic lens.

So the dress code, “Fashion is Art” very much makes sense for the moment we’re in.

But I can’t help but break down the actual phrase.

Because it feels less like a title and more like a declaration. And I think that poses an interesting distinction.

Because: is fashion art?

I started a book recently called “Fashion and Psychoanalysis” by Alison Bancroft and in her introduction, the author actually makes an interesting argument that fashion is not art.

But it’s not in the way you might think.

One might feel defensive about the phrase “fashion is not art,” especially if they have a love for artistic fashion design. I felt that at first, too. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I do like how Bancroft poses this idea that it’s almost in a category of its own. Because it relies on being completely actualized on the body.

Interstingly enough, the MET Gala’s actual exhibition theme, ties into this very idea. The theme of the exhibition is “Costume Art” but specifically focuses on exploring the ways in which fashion represents, enhances and disfigures the human form.

And to me, that idea in itself feels a bit more exciting than simply the phrase “Fashion is Art”.

Regardless, this common thread between the exhibition and the gala dress code will definitely show up in the looks tomorrow somehow.

Based on this prompt, ask yourself:

• What is fashion’s relationshp to the body?

• Are there any examples of fashion that doesn’t rely on its relationship to the body?

• What are some other art forms or specific pieces you can think of that rely on the body (i.e. dance or performance art)?

• If you observe the looks tomorrow, which ones seem to fit the theme of “Fashion Is Art” vs. themes of the body’s relationship to fashion? Which looks do a balance of both?

Stay curious,

Arbela

🦢

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One of the best parts of spring, to me, is that glorious time of in-between. But somehow, when it comes to fashion and our wardrobes, everything seems to be dragged to extremes.

It’s always either: Clean out your entire closet for spring cleaning! Or: RUN! — DON’T WALK! — to buy all the newest spring trends.

Either of these options can be harmful for your overal personal style health. Even though a spring closet cleanout comes from a place, if not done intentionally, it can cause you to overlook things that may deserve a second chance. Maybe a piece you feel differently about now. Or something that needs a trip to the tailor!

So, what do I reccomend? Experiment and refine! And yes, I’ve found that those things can and should work closely together.

Think of this less as a spring cleanout, but a spring edit. Which includes:

• Removing layers

• Putting away winter clothes

• Re-introducing your spring and summer pieces

• Having a try-on party with yourself (or friends!)

• Bringing out (and organizing) colorful accessories

• Taking forgotten pieces to the tailor or cobbler for a refresh

And of course, this can naturally lead to some thrifting, spring wishlist building and so on. But make sure you first take the time to try on (and remember!) what you have and reflect on how your personal style has changed over the fall and winter.

Because somewhere between repetition and experimentation, you’ll find refinement.

Note: This letter was not sponsored by Rent The Runway but I am doing a collaboration with them currently where you can get 50% off your next subscription with the code: RTRXCAPAS. I may earn a small commission from some of the links below.

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What I’ll be wearing this spring

Purple…in a chic way

Can you keep a secret? Purple has been my favorite color for as long as I can remember. And for some reason it’s always had a bad rep for being cringy or associated with the weird girls!?!

I mean, if the shoe (color) fits…

Despite my love for the color, I’ve never really taken the time to figure out how to wear it for myself.

But recently, I got a color analysis and it opened up my eyes a little bit; The options for wearing purple are ENDLESS! It can veer towards brown, pink, even blue (like where does periwinkle fall anyway?!).

Specifically, I’ve been exploring purple garments that are sheer or silky in some way. Lavender and lilac are an easy win for the spring, but the darker shades need a bit of a lighter texture to warm it up.

This Tibi skirt via Rent The Runway was ridiculously easy to style, even though I can’t remember the last time I wore this shade. I decided to go with a classic vintage blazer so I stayed a bit in my comfort zone.

The overall outfit has me thinking that this particular shade (a delicious deep plum) looks more like a neutral here than a pop of color!

At first I wasn’t sure on the shoes, BUT I soon realized that purple and silver are a match made in heaven, and that’s just one more reason to wear the color more. I love this silver pair from Sam Edelman that may not be sold anymore, but there’s some pairs floating around Poshmark still.

Long necklaces

This may not seem spring-specific, but it is to me! I find myself gravitating towards statement necklaces way more when the weather gets warmer and I can shed my layers. Sometimes, it’s nice to have it just do all the talking.

Obviouslyyyy, the best place to find these is secondhand. But while I feel pretty confident in my thrifting abilities, when it comes to jewelry, I usually refer to the pros. I.e., there’s so many options on Etsy and Ebay but also your local vintage store.

It took me a lot of browsing to figure out the type of long necklaces I like best (and feel comfortable) because there’s so many options. The above pieces I came across out in the wild from two of my favorite local vintage curators: Ode Vintage and Estate Sale Crasher.

Workwear jackets

I always think I’m satisfied with my spring jacket collection until I’m not.

Most of the ones I’ve been collecting over the years are heavy on the opulence: embroidery, interesting tailoring, fun buttons, satin textures. But I recently noticed myself drawn to a more casual archetype: the humble workwear jacket.

What first drew me in was the ease of it. I like simple garments that you can throw on and wear in different ways without adjustment or fussing. But I also like a fun contrast between something casual and something embelished.

That’s why when I started noticing workwear and utility jackets styled wtih midi silk skirts and little kitten heels…I knew the potential was there. This navy blue Claude Pierlo Jacket that I got from Rent The Runway is what helped me bring this sartorial curiosity into a full-on fixation. The color made it so easy to style and the cropped waist band just hit my waist perfectly.

I’ve always been of a fan of the androgony that a button down collared shirt can bring to an outfit, so this almost felt like a jacket version…but with a zipper. I dunno, something about it scratched the same itch!

And I’ve now worn it in various ways with skirts and baggy pants and it feels like a magical silhoutte that just immediately clicks into every ouffit.

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Thank you for reading The Changing Room! Whether you’ve read a sentence or multiple posts, it means the world to me. I’m currently sending out a letter every Sunday — so be sure to subscribe if you haven’t, or tell your friends! Feel free to follow me on Instagram + TikTok for more content about style, fashion + more. You can also shop my closet here. Want to say hi or interesting in collabing? Reach out at arbela.hello@gmail.com.

On a larger scale, it doesn’t help that we keep hearing a similar plight from comment sections and talking heads: “Everyone looks the same.” “Everyone dresses the same.” “Individuality is DEAD!”

But, is it?

In fact, I would argue the opposite at times. Individuality is thriving. And sometimes, we get lost in it.

Hyperindividuality has had its fair share of criticisms these days. There’s been a valid pushback of the “I don’t owe anyone anything” philosophy. That’s because it’s become clear how the prioritization of the self can lead to a deprioritzation of community and connection.

And while many of us realize it, we struggle to find our way out of it.

The fear of being an “outfit copycat” feeds into this. And I wish it didn’t, because well, for one, it’s not that serious. But two, a matching outfit can be a perfect way to create a connection you didn’t before.

After all, one of the few wholesome pastimes we have left is seeing someone in the woman’s bathroom in an outfit we like and using it as a chance to start a conversation. I think it tickles us in the same way that planning to “both wear a skirt tomorrow” before school with your best friend in middle school did.

One of my favorite parts of the show, “All Her Fault” is how it portrayed the friendship between two moms who were having trouble finding commonality with other parents at school. I thought it was such a perfect and natural choice to have their relationship begin in a public bathroom after they realize they’re wearing the same dress.

Fashion is something that flows between categories of society. Is it art? is it commerce? Is it entertainment? The answer is yes. But also: to me, fashion is communication.

It’s a visual signal in the same way signs on the road or advertisements on billboards are.

And of course, everyone wants their billboard to be one-of-a-kind. But this becomes a little sticky when there’s a constant avalanche of changing trends and fast-paced algorithms.

It’s no surprise, that in the recent years we’ve seen the boom of personal style. As brands have doubled down on selling us things, the response was to double down on personal expression.

Now, the act of creating your own style has become more desireable that inhabiting a specific trend. It focuses on evolving your taste and having a signature. It puts the focus back on you, the individual, rather than you, the consumer.

So, we’re on the right track, right? Everyone’s tagline is “finding your personal style” instead of “finding your dream closet.” The thesis is there. But are all the steps clear? Because isn’t the very nature of personal style that it can wander and evolve forever?

And that in turn, it will be influenced by trends?

And here’s the irony: Everyone wants community, but they don’t want to dress the same. Also: everyone wants to follow trends, but they don’t want to dress the same.

It’s no wonder we keep missing each other.

THREE CAROLINES WALK INTO A PHARMACY

Overall, I understand the hissing response to trends. The very idea of jumping on something and purchasing a capsule wardrobe around what’s popular or viral (clean girl, quiet luxury, etc.) definitely leaves a sour taste.

But I’ll use the “CBK” trend as an example of something that I have a lot of mixed feelings about. I think it’s a good case study of what has happened over and over again through our digital consumption of fashion trends.

The girls flocking to purchase Caroline Bessette Kennedy’s signature items like her “hard headband” have been the subject of scrutiny and cringe-worthy reactions online. “I beg you all to get your own personality,” the comments scream.

Many feel that the swarms outside of of C.O. Bigelow are a sign that individuality is dead. To me, it’s signaling the death, or rather, the scarcity of something else.

A mutual of mine on TikTok, Ashley, said it perfectly in a video:

“I have decided that the annual to bi-annual rattling of Caroline Bessette Kennedy’s casket is as symptom of a female loneliness epidemic…[…]… You need to talk to a friend. You’re missing community. You want to be a part of something.”

I couldn’t agree more with this. And despite many agreeing in the comments, others couldn’t quite see it, which I think proves her point even more.

My take is that a trend like this can be multiple things at once. It can be a mechanical release of visuals, textures and “vibes” backed by a consumerist machine. It can be a reflection of the culture-at-large and popular entertainment. But it can also be a cry for connection.

Because beyond the hard headbands, Egyptian musk perfumes and boat and totes, is often a genuine desire to be recognized, to be seen. We’re chasing the rush of turning from the bathroom mirror and telling the girl next to you, “I have that top, too! Wanna get a coffee?”

And yet, when we see crowds of people wearing the same thing for reason A or reason B, we tend to feel bitter about it. We think about the money wasted. The future landfills. And we also think about the individuality that is “dying” in the process.

But the real tragedy isn’t a handful of girls wearing the same headband. That’s not the hill to die on. Instead, it’s the fact that we’re jumping onto these trends because of other people, while ultimately participating in them alone.

We go in, we get the item, maybe we make a post about it and we leave. And that scratches an itch, for a fleeting moment that maybe we can’t quite admit; of being included.

HOW DO I LOOK LIKE NOBODY ELSE?

In a response to her advice column last year for The Cut, Gen Z’s appointed big sister, Jemima Kirke gave her thoughts on a submitted question: “How do I start dressing cooler…[...]...without feeling like I’m cosplaying my more stylish friends?”

Her response:

“You are cosplaying your more stylish friends. We all are. My entire wardrobe consists of fleeting moments of hope that I could look as stylish and as beautiful as some other woman I once saw.”

I love this sentiment because it’s incredibly honest and true. And it goes against that fear or “copying” our friends or people around us. Instead, it points out that these overlaps are impossible to avoid and may just need to be embraced.

To me, the question of “how do I start dressing cooler” doesn’t have a clean answer and that’s why Jemima’s answer is so perfect. It embraces the fact that you do take inspiration from other people around you and that’s actually normal and GOOD.

We’re in this interesting time where a lot of people who are figuring out their style and evolving with it very much want to look different and want to look like “themselves”.

But what does “looking like yourself” even mean? Is it wearing something that perfectly reflects your Pinterest board? Or is it wearing outfits that have stories, memories and personal references woven throughout?

Because I’m starting to realize more and more that the most personal thing about personal style is not just you, but the people in your life.

And at the end of the day, what kills community more? Fleeting trends that make us all wear the same thing without thinking for three months before we discard it? Or worrying so much about dodging trends or copycat allegations that we forget how to have conversations through our clothes that actually garner a response?

I’m not sure about the exact answer, but I think both can be damaging in their own ways.

To me, it has to all go back to people. Get inspired by your friends. Borrow their clothes, ask their opinion on an outfit. Compliment someone’s outfit on the street or the girl in your workout class who’s wearing the same set as you.

As for trends? Well, trends will trickle down no matter what. If you feel the desire to hop onto one, maybe ask yourself why. If you’re finding yourself avoiding them to feel different, remember that you’re still being affected by them.

And no, opting into a fleeting micro-aesthetic won’t kill your individual style. But avoiding connectiong through clothes may kill something even more important.

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Thank you for reading The Changing Room! Whether you’ve read a sentence or multiple posts, it means the world to me. I’m currently sending out a letter every Sunday — so be sure to subscribe if you haven’t, or tell your friends! Feel free to follow me on Instagram + TikTok for more content about style, fashion + more. You can also shop my closet here. Want to say hi or interesting in collabing? Reach out at arbela.hello@gmail.com.

And while I too, am genuinely trying to shop less, I also know myself well enough that simply telling myself “don’t shop” isn’t going to work long term.

Instead of focusing on restriction, I’ve been thinking about how to change my habits and mindset around shopping. So, I’ve simply been trying to shop slower.

And funnily enough? I’ve barely bought any clothes this year.

When I say slow shopping, I’m not talking about “slow fashion,” a term that I fear has lost a lot of its meaning since it’s birth in the 2010s. But interestingly enough, I think slow shopping can work hand-in-hand with a more sustainable fashion future.

What I’m talking about is a mindset shift. A mental rewiring of how we take in new things and how we discern our desires.

Because what if we started to embrace shopping that actually gave us knowledge about our style, allowed us to browse and didn’t encourage impulse buying? It may not empty the landfills, but it could lead to smarter consumerism that doesn’t create more waste due to poor purchases.

Somewhere along the way, we lost the art of shopping well. Greatly due to to the fact that in-person shopping isn’t the primary way we purchase pieces anymore.

Online shopping is frictionless. It’s fast, it’s easy (too easy) and it’s fine tuned to what you want and usually don’t need. There’s no hunt, no browsing and no time to sit with what you actually want.

With that, I think that ease and availability has flattened our desires instead of refining them. But I believe that slow, intentional shopping can be practiced like a muscle. And when it’s strong enough, you can glide through the racks with ease and confidence.

So, here are a couple ways to slow-max my shopping habits:

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1. Go perfume shopping in person

I honestly think that any kind of shop or store that hones in on one of your senses is a great place to start. Why perfume? Well, it’s one of those things that you can’t really just walk in and grab something without a bit of consideration. Instead, it invites you to test it out. Stores like this have the try-on experience baked in.

Secondly, perfume is also something that almost always has a cheap (sometimes free!) samples to take home as a low stakes option.

I highly recommend going to a smaller perfume store or a local one, but even your local Sephora or Ulta can do the trick. Either way, perfume shopping will give you a good lesson in taste and the joy of sampling, which I think can cross over into other types of shopping as well.

During my trip to New Orleans last year, I went to one of the oldest perfume shops in the city and I think it inspired me to have more intentional shopping experiences like this. I thought, surely I can take a piece of this and work into my other shoping habits?

It was also very helpful to have people there that knew more than me about the different scents, base notes, etc. I left the shop not only with a great perfume, but more knowledge about my taste in fragrances.

And that’s one of my common threads of advice throughout this post: try to view shopping as information gathering, rather than just a place to spend your money.

If perfume isn’t your thing, I urge you to use this example as a source of inspiration. Go to a place that let’s you try things on (jewerly, hats, accessories, you name it!).

2. Go to a really expensive store that’s out of your budget

I know this might sound like I’m sending you into the lion’s den. But hear me out. Find an in-person store that isn’t necessarily luxury but you know you cannot buy anything.

Maybe it’s a store that curates very specific brands that you’re curious about. Things that you want to see (and touch!) in person, but you never have. No, it’s not illegal to go in and just LOOK!

Trust me, there is an art to window shopping and if you do it right, you will take a lot away from it (even if your shopping bag is empty).

I think we’re sometimes intimidated by more expensive stores because we immediately see scarcity in them. “Well, I’m just going to see things I can’t have and feel bummed.” I get that.

But, remember: a shopping trip can be information intake. Maybe you can’t leave the store with a $400 top. But, what you can do is:

• admire it! ponder about why you like it!

• take a photo, reverse image search the piece on Ebay, Poshmark, etc.

• find it online — bookmark it, and wait for the brand to have a sale (you never know!)

• use it as a compass for finding a cool, similar (maybe even better!) piece at your local thrift.

The experience doesn’t feel so scarce now, does it?

Not only does this give you information, it gives you a lesson on urgency. Because really, why do you need something from this store right away?

3. Shop vintage (intentionally)

Shopping vintage has taught me so much about clothing, my personal style but also how to choose what goes home with me. I’ve become a much more detailed shopper because of it.

That’s because once you become a seasoned secondhand shopper, you approach becomes more investigative. You’re more thorough about materials, tags and cuts. You find yourself looking a little closer, touching the fabric a little longer and thinking about the item’s past and its future (possibly with you).

With that, I think it’s a good idea to be selective about vintage stores when it comes to your mood or what you need. If you’re in an explorative mood or need something costume-y, go to a big vintage store and have at it. But find the stores that are smaller and more curated for when you want less distractions and more specificity.

Also, you may notice that thrift stores are not on this list. That’s intentional. Unfortunately, thrift stores (as much as I love them) are the main place where you will feel an immense sense of urgency to buy. The prices are low (for the most part, yikes) and the clothes are abundant.

Without a plan in place, thrifting can do more harm to your wallet than going into a high-end boutique, in my opinion.

4. Photograph (and organize) your desires

Organizing our desires is as important as fine tuning them. Take photos of what catches your eye, what caused you to linger.

Over time, you’ll start to notice things you didn’t before: the labels, the silhouettes, the materials. Creating your own filing system is just as important.

Personally, I use a mix of a couple. My Notes App is my landing space for initial inspirations (shoutout to this post from for giving me this idea), but I also organize items that catch my eye in my Google Photos folder.

The labeling system will depend on what you’re looking for and what you need. I love having an archive of images I feel confident I can thrift or find secondhand online. But I’m also trying to make a strict list of what I call “Wardrobe Gaps”. I.e. what are some actual missing puzzle pieces in my closet I need to look out for?

Keeping a running list of what you’re drawn to can make a big difference. That will be really useful in the future, whether you want to buy the item or not, or if you just want to refer back to your taste profile.

Just remember to check in with this list in the same way you check in with your favorite brand’s online store; What do you still like? What can be cut?

5. Become a regular somewhere

In other words, make friends with the shop girl at your favorite store. And no, you don’t have to always buy something in order to do this!

We’re far too scared (embarassed? shy?) for whatever reason these days to enter a small business owner’s store and just browse because we don’t want to leave empty handed.

But once again, visiting stores don’t only have to serve the purpose of buying something. Shop owners will likely love that you stopped in either way.

Start with the easy ones: a small local boutique, a shop your friend works at or a place that always has something new you’re intrested in. For me, these are often local vintage stores owned by women who have wealth of knowledge of vintage and clothes (that they’re always down to share).

In the same way we’re encouraging ourselves to be regulars at a bar, a coffee shop or a certain restaurant, we need to do the same for stores. The more you get to know a spot, what they carry, how often they restock, the more you’ll fall into a healthier rythym of shopping.

It doesn’t have to be urgent, stressful or fast. It can be a slow experience that leaves you fulfilled in multiple ways.

Rapid Fire Quick Tips:

• Carry a travel-sized measuring tape to check precise sizing.

• If there’s a dressing room, USE IT!

• Wear comfy clothes when you’re shopping so it’s easy to try things on.

• Create a Pinterest board with wishlist items to refer to when shopping in-person. Mine is called “shopping muses” and it includes specific items but also general vibes I’m trying to acquire.

• Know when to shop alone.

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or ponderings about style and life, submit to my advice column here! Also: you can shop my closet here and follow me on Instagram and TikTok.

I don’t like to think about the New Year as a stark ending followed by a swift beginning. Instead, it’s always felt like a continuous movement.

Some years this put my mind at ease, other times it doesn’t. Is it better to think about the passing of time as never-stopping, always flowing, like a wild current? Or is it better to think of it thorugh the numbers and lines of a calendar that we’ve created and promised to ourselves?

Regardless, I think it’s fair to say that the holiday of New Year’s feels like a beginning and an ending at the same time.

Beginnings make me excited. A fresh, empty page. An empty calendar. But I’m also addicted to the nostalgia of endings as well. So, you’re starting to see why I always romanticize the end of each year — I’ve done it quite a few times on this newsletter!

The overwhelm still happens, though. So for this year, I put together a little to-do list. Not one that is focused on setting huge goals and quarterly measurements (although there’s a place for that as well!)

Rather, this is a list that I hope lets you see New Year’s Eve for what it is: a moment to sit in mindfulness and momentum. Because we very much get caught up with the beginning and end of it all without taking a moment to embrace the inbetween.

Note: this list will likely be impossible to do before the year ends. And that’s the point! Let this be a list that guides you into the first weeks of 2026.

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How to greet the new year with mindfulness and momentum…

Declutter your physical spaces

A spiritual clearing of the cache, if you will.

This is something my mother taught me, which is simple: clean up your space so that you enter the new year as clear-headed as possible. It’s obvious. But here’s the thing, mom (if you’re reading this), I don’t think I’ll have time for a whole reset this year. And if you’re in the same boat, might I suggest something that may do the same trick:

• Reset a space where you create (your writing desk, your in-home studio, the corner of your bedroom where you do your makeup or create video content, you get it).

• Do some dusting (you’ve probably forgotten about a couple spots this year). It’s annoying, yes. But it can also be quick if you don’t do much else. Vaccuming can have the same effect.

• Clear some surfaces. If you can’t be bothered about the clothes on your floor (that’s 2026 You’s problem), just focus on decluttering the areas you see the most: the top of your dresser, the kitchen or bathroom countertops, your coffee table, side tables, etc.) It’s low pressure and feels like a little rinse for your brain.

Declutter your digital spaces

Like it or not, our digital surfaces need a wipe down as well. We tend to overlook this because we’re so trusting of the digital devices, clouds and tech companies to hold onto our virtual archives.

This includes:

• Cleaning out your camera roll. I.e.: delete duplicate images, back up photos onto cloud / Google Photos. Bonus: pick some out to print out from the last year for an album or scrapbook!

• Deleting emails. We all need to do this! Take some time to unsubscribe from unwanted promotional emails or newsletters, too.

• Redesign your home screen. I did this recently and genuinely, I was shocked at how much better I felt. I’m currently doing a series over on TikTok breaking down how I organized each page.

@arbela.elenaI genuinely spent too much time on this. Part 1 of redesigning my phone’s home screen: page 1 📲🩵🌟 s/o to @itsangelicageorges for the inspo 🫶#iphonehomescreentutorial #iphonewidgets #digitaldeclutter #greenscreen

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Do a single tarot card pull

I think one of the best ways to add a bit of magic to your New Year’s Eve is to light a candle and do a little tarot reading for yourself. I’m not an expert in readings by any means, but pulling a card around significant points in the year (birthdays, Halloween, solstices, etc.) always helps me get a little grounded. So, of course, NYE is a perfect time for it.

You don’t have to do anything fancy, just a single card reading. My only humble tip is to not rush to look up what the card means in your booklet or via Google.

First just observe the card you pulled: what is the image telling you? What do you notice about it first? What emotions does it bring up? Take a moment to journal about it and you’d be surprised what ideas may come from it for the new year.

If you don’t have a deck of your own, I honestly love the Trusted Tarot app that gives the same effect.

Say what you wand boldly and clearly

I don’t have any specific tips on setting and achieving your goals for the new year. That’s something I’m still figuring out myself!

But here’s some advice I can give you with my whole chest: Allow yourself to want something! Far too often, we turn off the faucet of our desires before they can even show themselves clearly. I always think of the quote that Mary Lamb says in the The Holdovers: “You can’t even dream a whole dream, can you?”

If you’re really trying to achieve big things and make a meaningful change this year, allow yourself to say what you want. The more specific, the better. This sounds obvious, but for the longest time I thought I was doing this when I really wasn’t.

If you’re like this too, take a moment now, at the cusp of 2025 and 2026 to dream a little bit (and maybe even believe it!)

Write a devotions list

If you have a complicated relationship with discipline, try a more gentle (and in my opinion, more empowering) approach. Sit down and make a list of everything you want to devote yourself to this upcoming year.

I didn’t coin this idea by any means, but this has definitely been one of the best mindshifts I had in 2025.

Because in my dopamine-rotted mind, discipline = school, rules, limitations. Boo boo gross gross!

But, devotion = spirituality, femininity, pleasure!!!

Suddenly, things started to get done! And again, I want you to ease into the romanticism of the new year instead of getting hung up about the big, momentus goals. Because doing this — a list of devotions — will be the momentum that gets you going:

Some examples:

• I am devoted to waking up early.

• I am devoted to writing morning pages every day.

• I am devoted to moving and exercising my body.

Sounds waaaay romantic, right?

Take your clothes to the tailor

I know, this feels like I’m just giving you a chores list. But honesty, the end of the year is a great time to just run around and do some errands.

But this is less about that and more about embracing the old in a new way. As someone who loves clothes, I don’t think it’s wise to try and reorganize or clean out your whole closet in preperation for the new year. But, what you can do is pull out that dusty bag of “to tailor” items and give them new life.

In simplest terms, this is a beautiful way to show love for your items. And especially if you’re planning on doing a low-buy in January, what a better, more momentum-filled task than a trip to the tailor?

Note: The same effect can be created by a trip to the cobbler! There’s something beautiful about taking in a pair of shoes that carried you through the past year and giving them some R&R.

Set the tone with a playlist

Music can be so powerful for creativity and manifestation of any kind. Every year in December, I like to listen back through my favorite songs the past year (I make a playlist each year to collect songs and albums I’ve been loving but sometimes my Spotify Wrapped gets it right too).

As I get closer to the end of December, I like to make a new playlist that specifically encapsulates the energy I want to bring into the new year. I think pairing that with your moodboard making, journaling, meditation session, whatever, can really make an impact.

Do what you really want to do for New Years eve

Finally, let me get on my soap box about going out in NYE for a sec. If to you, dear reader, the perfect night out on the last day of the year hopping around parties in heels, dancing your way into 2026, DO IT. But I’m here to also tell you that spending New Years eve can be absolutely anything you want it to be. A quiet night in, a dinner party, a movie night, the options are endless!

In other words, don’t spend the final moments of the year doing something you think you should be doing.

Thank you for reading!!! 2025 marked my FIFTH writing this newsletter which is crazy to think about. I want to give a special and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been a subscriber since my early days, has tuned in during the last 12 months or who have joined me anywhere inbetween.

I can finally promise a consistent schedule with you all, along with a lot of fun posts planned for the first quarter of 2026. I’ll be posting twice a month (every other Sunday) — usually 1 paid post and one free. More details to come! :)

& HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Much love,

Arbela ❤️

Waiting, lacking, wishing. That’s the sticky place I kept falling into when trying to pursue my dreams each year.

For 2025, I wanted to do more than make a wish. I wanted to be.

The big road block in my mind was a feeling of lack. A constant, annoying highlight reel of all the things I don’t have. So I knew that when choosing my resolutions, I had to somehow remedy that thinking.

If you’re gearing up to make your 2026 goals, let me suggest something around the theme of scarcity mindset. Especially if you’re trying to expand yourself creatively. If you don’t struggle with it, great. But let’s be so for real, you probably do.

I think it’s very ironic that with all the overstimulation and overflow we experience in our digital world, we so often feel like we only have crumbs to work with in our lives. This can tie in with whatever aspiration we’re trying to wrangle: careers, relationships, personal style, everything.

It’s understandable. Staring face-to-face with a blank space, an empty cup, a seemingly bare closet is the perfect way to stop yourself before you even start.

So, here are 6 prompts, affirmations, mindset shfits, whatever you want to call it, that really changed my mindset around it. These are things that go beyond just “writing a gratitude list” which I absolutely reccomend, too.

More so, these focus really shifting your perspective on the lack and abundance in life.

Am I cured from scarcity mindset completley? No way. But I have found things to be much more full than they ever were.

What we’ll cover:

1. Dealing with comparison and other people’s success.
2. Finding abundance in the unnoticed.
3. Believing in your inner inspiration.
4. The abundance of repetition.
5. Being okay with not doing it all.
6. Why there’s more than enough to to around.

Other vision board inspo via some of my favorite pieces from The Changing Room in 2025:

PS: If you’ve subscribed here recently from my 2025 gift guide, welcome! In addition to my letters around style and fashion, I also write at least one letter a month around creative wisdom and personal growth philosophies. I hope you stick around for all of it!

1. Another person’s success is not a detraction of my own

Specificaly, this can really help you if you deal with comparison fatigue. If you find yourself constantly focusing on what other people are doing, what they’re succeeding in and of course, how easily it seems to be coming for them. This can obviously create a lot of envy and frustration, which are both valid emotions!!! But, when those feelings overwhelm you and you view the good in someone’s life as evidence of your lack, that’s when we have a problem.

The wording of this really helped me because it almost reads as a math equation. Quite simply put: someone else’s (+) does not create a (-) of my own.

I think in some very specific instances this can be the case. But I’m talking about when someone simply minding their own business, pursuing their dreams/passions, starts to put a mental block on acting on your own ambitions. If anything, you should view it as a source of abundance.

Think of that person as the blueprint for what you’re having trouble envisioning for yourself. I.e.: Someone else did it, so can I!

2. There are things available to me that I haven’t even noticed yet

Every year, my vision board has a lot on it. That’s why I make a few. But the one thing that stood out to me this year? A simple magazine cut-out of two words: “Look. Look!”.

Sometimes, it’s the simplest phrases, words and images that can leave the biggest impact. To me, seeing those two words at my vanity every morning helped feed into my greater intention for 2025 which was around finding abundance, being aware and being curious.

Wenever my cup would feel empty, I that little phrase of “Look” reminded me that there is so much in front of me that I wasn’t noticing.

I think there are so many opportunities around us that we need to simply reach for and be open to. It may be hard to grasp, but not every solution to our lives is in the future. In fact, it could be right down the street or an Instagram DM away. I feel this very deeply from a networking / connection perspective (Talk! To! Strangers!).

If you need help with this, I highly reccomend reading the Substack, , if you don’t already.

3. My greatest inspirations already live within me

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That’s why the best way you can become an amazing gift giver is by simply paying attention. This can mean secretly grabbing an item your friend was eyeing while you’re both out shopping (I’ve done this and there’s no greater thrill).

Or it can mean putting together a capsule of items that reflect a side of them they didn’t know someone else saw.

This is something my dear husband has taught me over the years of us being together. He’s someone who always takes note when people mention something they like or something they’ve been pining after. He also has a talent for picking items he knows people would think are “too silly” or “too much” to get themselves. Not only is he right on the ball every time but it makes people feel validated in a way they didn’t expect.

While I’m still trying to reach his level of gift-giving, he gave me the best lessons that inspired this year’s gift guide.

Because what made me most excited about curating a gift guide this year (amidst all the overconsumption, capitalism fatigue, etc. etc), was simply thinking about my beautiful friends and the items that would speak to them.

I hope you can see some of your own loved ones in these guides (you likely know someone who is a beautiful combination of multiple!) and it can help get you inspired.

Also, the items below are a mix of stuff I own as well as hand-picked pieces on my radar. I’ll do another end-of-the-year list compiling my most used and loved items but if you’re curious, the items below that have an astirisk are ones that I own, use and humbly vouch for!

So let’s get into it…

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01 | For the ambiance architect

I’m talking about the hostesses, the interior decorators, the gatherers. This is the person who, without them, the plans would never leave the group chat.

But also, they’re the ones who always have the most atmospheric vibe in their home. Whether it’s for a full-on dinner party or a quick hang, their space always smells, looks and feels amazing for any occassion.

1. Kodhi Mini Table Lamp, $39. A lamp is the best appliance to gift, especially if it’s a small, decorative one like this that doubles as an interesting color combo for the home. Something for their kitchen, end table or atop their bar cart to help create that perfect ambient lighting.

2. Archivist Gallery Matchbox, $16. I mean, they wouldn’t be caught dead using a regular shmegular lighter, right?

3. Vintage Ceramic Candle Holders, $19. Finding candle holders is most satisfying when they find you at a vintage shop or thrift store. But I love these because of their simple color and bubble design.

4. *A Henry Mancini Vinyl or CD, $24. Because there’s nothing more cool than putting a record on before the guests arrive. Highly reccomend anything instrumental, classical or from old movie soundtracks. Personally, my favorites are the many Henry Mancini records I inherited from my dad.

5. Personalized Bottle Apron, $38. A darling apron for the wine, sparkling grape juice or prosecco you’ll surely be bringing to this friend’s next holiday gathering.

6. Stoneware Coasters, $6.95 ea. As a coaster connoisseur myself, stone and ceramic coasters are the best. Sturdy, easy to clean and give a decorative weight to any room. I love the aura-like color design of these and that you can buy them individually, instead of a whole set.

7. Porta Butterfingers Butter Dish, $125. A bigger ticket item that will make the butter the star of the show (table).

8. Rifle and Co. Fleece Blanket, $62. There’s nothing a good host or environment curator loves more than being able to offer a blanket to someone. This one has the most beautiful design and has a classic fleece material that keeps any guest warm and chic.

9. Swan Lemon Squeezer, $48. All hosts love a practical tool that makes a simple task more romantic and charming.

10. Coco Cup Set, $197. Fancy drinkware with any kind of tinted glass is always a beautiful embelishment to anyone’s bar cart, like this green set of glasses that look like they’ve been pulled from an artist’s sketchbook.

11. *Vintage Bubble Glass, $26.40. A longtime favorite in my bar cart. These are my most-used type of vintage glasses to thrift or find on Etsy. They feed the senses all-around.

12. *Soy Wax Taper Candles, $12.71. The easiest gift of them all, especially if the person you have in mind goes through their candles fast. Pair it with those matches and candle holders above and you’re set.

02 | For the nature notetaker

Whether it’s a cool bird you’ve never noticed before, a park that has a secret meadow or a an encouraging gardening tip, this is the friend that helps you notice earthly miracles around you.

Maybe they’re gardeners, bird watchers, plant lovers or just someone who’s always outside. Either way, they’re the ones always grounding you in some way.

1. Vintage Animal, Wildlife or Nature T-Shirt, $15. Do they have a fixation animal, bird or plant? Type that along with “soft cotton vintage T-shirt” on any secondhand site and a treasure cove will appear.

2. Personalized Engraved Carabener, $17.22. A practical gift that they probably forgot to buy themselves (or they’ve been using the same one they found in a junk drawer). Why not give them a fresh one with a sentimental touch?

3. Garden Centre Baseball Cap, $33.33. Your outdoorsey friend will always need a good cap. The best ones have some kind of niche reference, animal illustration or cool font.

4. Hand Painted Bird Charm Necklace, $55. There’s a good chance this person usually has an easy uniform they can reach for when going for their outdoor adventures. An everyday necklace — especially like this hand painted one with one of their favorite birds — could be their new go-to.

5. Mantis Sampler Fine Art Poster, $25. A nature-themed art print to help bring the beauty of the outside into their home.

6. Ban.Do Gardening Gloves, $19.95. Something to keep their hands warm and safe when weeding their garden, planting their herbs or planting trees.

7. Compact Scope, $28. Whether they’re an ameteur watcher or someone just starting out, this cutie little scope is perfect for them to have on their keychain at-the-ready for whenever they see an unxepected bird.

8. Terra Oracle Animal Tarot Deck & Guidebook, $52.50. A beautiful way for someone to spirtually connect with the wildlife around them, while also learning something new. Plus, the illustrations are stunning and feel like they’re straight out of a folktale with talking animals.

9. Feather Resin Bangle, $36. I mean, because, why not? These bangles use the beauty of feathers to create lovely neutral accessory that goes with anything.

10. Picnic Blanket, $38.95. So they can always feel close to the earth comfortably.

11. Leather National Parks Guide Booklet, $37.50. Perfect for tracking their progress of exploring all the national parks.

12. Recycled Cashmere Handwarmers, $44. Something about these hand warmers feel so classic, yet practical. Keeps your hands warm while still letting you grip a pair of binoculars or pick berries comfortably.

13. The Serviceberry by Robin Wall Kimmerer, $20. Any book by Robin Wall Kimmerer will be a winner, but I’ve recently heard great things about “The Serviceberry”.

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03 | For the sleeping beauty

This is for the person who takes sleep seriously. The homebodies, silk pillowcase-havers and the ones with the best bedtime playlist. This is the friend that has likely taken you to a sound bath and who has the best spa reccomendations (or, they know how to make their bathroom feel like one).

1. *Loftie Alarm Clock, $99. There’s a lot of alarm clocks you can get out there, but this is the one I’ve been using the last three years or so and I highly recommend it. No connection to your phone — only soothing sounds to wake you up, pre-loaded bedtime meditations and even calming soundscapes.

2. *DedCool Room + Linen Spray, $40. Scent is such a powerful tool for winding down. I’ve used this DedCool linen spray so often that I think it’s what my literal dreams smell like.

3. *Mulberry Silk Sleeping Mask, $35. I’ve recommended this before, but this is still one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten from my husband (he’s even re-purchased one for me after I left mine at a hotel). It puts me right to sleep and makes me feel like a literal princess.

4. Once Upon a Dream Journal, $38. These have the most darling, comforting covers. The perfect notebook to have by your bedside, ready to capture any dreams you want to catch as you wake up.

5. *Stainless Steel Gua Sha and Roller Set, $21. I recently switched from a jade to a stainless steel gua sha / roller and have never looked back. Perfect for a bedtime facial massage and removing the tension of the day from your face.

6. Filter Optix Orange Tinted Glasses, $250. You can definitely find these for cheaper (especially if someone just wants to try them out), but this is the brand I’ve heard raved about the most and apparently even helps with some people’s headaches.

7. L.L. Bean Slippers, $69.95. Like cozy socks, these are something everyone forgets to get themselves! I love the patterns for these and that they actually support your foot like a shoe (I’m a slip-on slipper hater, sorry).

8. *Indu Body Lotion, $25. Listen, there’s a lot of aromatherapy body lotions being sold to us. But this will always be my holy grail. I’ve used it ever since my mom and I were going to yoga in the 2010s because our instructor would always use it for face massages. Perfect for a bedtime massage or late-night yoga sesh.

9. Gua Sha Hair and Scalp Brush, $62.50. Again, there’s cheaper alternatives. But wooden brushes and head massages are just perfect for head massages or oil treatments before bed.

10. *A Mary Oliver Poetry Book, $17. I think the best bedtime read is an introspective poetry book. I love starting and ending my days with Mary Oliver poems. Her collection of poems, “Dream Work” couldn’t be a more perfect addition to anyone’s nightstand.

11. *Kin Dream Light Mocktail Mix, $77.99. A bedtime bev is a must for any romanticized sleep routine. I savor this mocktail mix by Kin like nothing else. It has the right amount of melatonin and mixes perfectly with cranberry juice, apple cider, some blood orange syrup and your favorite sparkling water.

12. Handmade Stone Gua Sha, $28. I’ve never tried a stone gua sha — but this handmade one by ceramicist Earthen Goose intrigues me. Doubles as a piece of decor on someone’s vanity or bathroom counter, too.

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04 | For the proverbial bag lady

Otherwise known as the “Mary Poppins” of the friend group. Need a chapstick? A toothpick? A glasses wipe? They’ve got it. They may also double as the mom friend, the person that’s always prepared for unforseen circumstances and the one with the killer purse collection.

And if you know your bag lady friend well, you know they have a great appreciation for anything that embelishes the act of taking something out of their bag.

1. *Smith’s Rosebud Lip Balm, $18.75. One of my favorite lip balms period. Highly reccomend getting a three packs so the person can have one outside of their bag.

2. Harkin Leather Pouch, $198. One of my favorite leather designers, Courtney Harkin recently created the most beautiful and practical pouch that can organize the chaos of anyone’s bag.

3. *Aesop Aromatique Hand Balm, $35. I have this lotion in the scent tangerine rind and it never leaves my bag. Its subtle, yet refreshing scent also doubles as a on-the-go fragrance.

4. Flip Phone Mini Hair Brush, $22. Chances are, your bag lady friend already has a travel hairbrush and compact. But do they have something that is two-in-one and is shaped like a flip phone?

5. *Puffy Glasses Case, $17. Nothing makes my sunglasses or extra pair of specs feel more secure or cute than this puffy case from Baggu.

6. Ceramic Bead Bag Charm, $48. Ditch the cheap bag charms! The best ones are made with love and can hold onto a person’s bag forever. I’m absolutely in love with these smiley face ones made by artist Edith Beursekns.

7. Decorative Pill Box, $34. If you can’t find one at a thrift store or vintage shop, these pill boxes from Etsy are pretty darn cute.

8. *Hibiscus Flower Glasses Wipe, $10. I have three of these and they alway come in handy at the most dire moments.

9. Magnetic Power Bank Portable Charger, $74.95. It’s hard to find a charging bank that is both sleek, powerful and stylish.This one that magnetically sticks to your phone can live in someone’s bag at all times, without having to switch it out to save on weight.

10. *Time Change Generator Zipper Pouch, $36. I own this pouch and it holds all my tech accessories I need: charger, portable mic, earbuds, etc. Plus, it features an original screen print design made by a Cleveland-based creative studio.

11. *Megababe Thigh Rescue (Mini), $10. Another ride or die item. A must for the summer or whenever you have a long walk ahead of you.

12. *Brighton Card Wallet, $35. I love using vintage metal card wallets to carry loose gift cards in my bag (try searching old decorative cigarette holders for the same effect). Nothing looks more chic than pulling out a business card from one of these.

13. *Ilia Balmy Tint Hydrating Lip Balm, $28. This is my secret weapon for keeping color on my lips and cheeks throughout the day.

04 | For the future bestseller

This one is for the writers, the lit fic girls, the ones crafting the next big story. Whether they’re aiming for their first novel, an essay collection or growing their writing online, this is the person that has a way of words and needs to be reminded of that.

There’s something extra special about giving something to someone that helps with their craft. Everytime they use it, they’ll be reminded that you’re rooting for them to keep going.

1. Literary Clock, $120. Keeping time is important for any writer or creative, but I love that this nifty invention doubles as a daily quote calendar to help feed inspiration when needed.

2. Imaginary Authors Perfume, $7-$115. One of the coolest perfume brands out there. Each scent pairs with a specific story, ranging from romance to magical realism.

3. *Stabillo Boss Highlighter Set, $14.99. These feel amazing in your hand and have the best color palettes. I have two (lavender and pink) so far and they’re my favorite for highlighting book passages or my own journal entries.

4. *Cozy Sherpa Throw, $74.95. Wearing this as I write this! Perfect for those long hours of writing when your entire outfit just needs to be a blanket.

5. *Midori MD Notebook Journal, $13.99. My favorite notebook brand because it opens up easily and makes it easy to start writing.

6. Flower Pen Clip, $7. So they never have an excuse to not jot something down because they don’t have a pen.

7. *Author-Inspired Cap, $34. One of the best items on this whole list, if I do say so myself. Eve Babitz, Elena Ferrante, Jane Austen — choose the one that your friend would wear with the same energy as a devoted sports fan.

8. Paddywax Orange Candle, $31. Lighting a candles is an improtant part of my writing routine. Orange candles specifically are supposed to symbolize creativity and inspiration.

9. *The Writing Life by Annie Dillard, $5.49. A great companion for writer’s block or when you need to remember why you startd writing in the first place. Plus, it’s short and sweet.

10. *Schneider Slider Ballpoint Pens, $12.30. When in doubt, go with a pen set that writes as smoothy as butter.

11. Stainless Steel Espresso Cup With Tray and Spoon, $54.66. I love having a designated mug and tray just for my desk. This has all three-in-one and it’ll make them feel like the chic writer they are.

12. A Game of Storytelling Writing Prompts, $17.99. For when they (inevitably) need a bit of free writing inspiration to get the juices flowing.

13. *Quilted Pencil Case, $21. Just a simple, personal fave. I have this exact one and it fits so much while still being lightweight.

14. A Subscription to Granta Literary Journal, Prices Vary. We should all be gifting more print magazing subscriptions! It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving. I picked Granta because it’s always the one I’ve found great writing inspiration (in print and online), but there’s so many others out there. Just descretely ask which one your friend loves and reaches for usually at book stores.

15. An Online Writing Workshop, Prices Vary. So many to choose from! I’m partial to Literary Cleveland because I’ve been to a couple of their virtual sessions and they’ve alway enlightened me and help move my creative writing forward. Others to check out: The Center For Fiction and Gotham Writers.

As always, thank you for reading! Let me know if any of the above categories spoke to you :)

I’d also be remiss not to mention how a gift subscription to The Changing Room can work for any of the categories above. I write monthly posts about all things personal style, tastemaking and creative wisdom.

Regardless, thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and being here. Your readership is the greatest gift to me.

With love,

Arbela 🌹

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Just like many of us have books that defined our taste in literature, fashion girlies like myself have runway shows that left an imprint on our personal style.

However, I don’t think runway shows are just for the fashion-obsessed or the style detectives. It’s not just for the people who understand every stitch, every reference or creative director.

In fact, one of my favorite parts of fashion is how runway collections can speak to the everyday person and become a part of their personal style narrative.

The other good thing about taking style inspiration from runway shows is that you have a collage of connected looks you can pull from.

Each collection, in one way or another, has a theme you can follow. You can catch the patterns that speak to you in the cohesive picture. Better yet, you can pull out what works and leave behind what doesn’t.

And while there certainly are pieces in some of the collections below that I would love to own some day (Spoiler alert: it’s Celine), that’s not the main reason I’m saving these images to my personal style moodboard. Instead, they’ve served as a guide for finding new outfit formulas and being truly creative with certain pieces in multiple ways.

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Here are some shows that I still think about to this day that influenced my style or helped me define it:

Paul Smith, 1999

Cool and relaxed were two words I kept coming back to when defining my personal style at one point. I didn’t want to feel constrained or suffocated, but I still wanted my style to be layered and speak to multiple things at once. It was partially due to seeing images from the Paul Smith 1999 show that I realized for me, the most fun way to wear a statement piece is with a casual outfit.

Prada, Spring 1999 and 2001

At a certain point, I started to describe my style as ‘90s-inspired. But I slowly realized that depending on who I was talking to, that could mean a lot of different things.

Eventually, I narrowed it down. And Prada kept popping up in my inspirational references.

@arbela.elenaclothes like this need to be paired with a dry martini, a cashmere blanket and a Portishead vinyl on in the background #90sprada #prada #90srunway #greenscreen

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I’ve always said that the looks from this era of Prada felt so seasoned — like the clothes were already worn in or pulled from a wiser woman’s closet and put onto the runway. It makes sense that I first dug into these collections when I was about 26/27 years old, a time when I wanted to start emmulating more elegance and maturity in my style. I wanted to be taken seriously, but also have fun and honestly, wear less pants.

Hermès, Spring 2000

The year was 2021. I was well into my work from home era. And I felt completely lost with my personal style. My outfits consisted of the same pair of faded sweats or forced button-down outfits.

At one point, I came across an image from the Hermès 2000 runway show and something clicked for me.

Instead of seeing soft clothing as strictly pajama-adjacent, these looks made me see that you can have layered elegance with comfortable pants, peeking T-shirts and worn-in sweaters.

Is it partially an attitude thing, too? Of course. No wonder they included Jane Birkin in the mix. Either way, message received!

Celine, Fall and Spring 2016

The Vogue review for the 2016 Celine show echoed similar sentiments I thought about when I first saw these images several years ago — the beauty of repetition:

“The reiteration made it a more relaxed affair to watch — something to absorb at leisure rather than crane anxiously to keep up with. Quite deliberately so, it seems.”

In short, these looks felt self-assured. The models wearing these outfits to me represented women who don’t chase trends, but saunter through life without feeling rushed, allowing life to leave an imprint on their clothes.

Maryam Nassir Zadeh, Spring 2022

In 2022, midi and maxi skirts officially replaced pants and jeans in my wardrobe as my go-to bottoms. This was a long time coming, but Maryam Nassir Zadeh’s 2022 collections helped solidify it.

Specifically, it was the dance between hard and soft clothing, simple layering that spoke volumes and the styling of modest colors in an edgy way that stuck with me about Zadeh’s designs.

Her collections also warmed me up to wearing skirts over pants, but in a more abstract way. Instead of bringing attention to the odd layering trend, Zadeh’s pieces and outfits made it all look organic, like it flowed together without trying.

It was these looks, along with some of her resort collections, that inspired me to start wearing a silk scarf around my hip.

Renaissance Renaissance, Spring 2023

To put it simply, this collection from Renaissance Renaissance in 2023 inspired me to have fun again.

Something about the ‘80s feel of it all mixed with experimental silhouttes and a healthy dose of tulle reminded me that I will always love an excuse to dress up. One of the looks specifically influenced my shift towards more fitted eccentric jackets as opposed to oversized blazers. And I’ve never looked back!

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As an ex-Bride, let me prepare you for some inevitable heartbreak. There will be things that you may (slightly) regret not choosing for your wedding. Maybe it’s a flower that you had your heart set on that wasn’t in season. Or a shoe that wasn’t in stock with your size. Or sometimes, the “perfect” items come onto your radar a little too late.

Most of all, you will change, your taste with evolve and all you can do is make the best decision for you, yourself, right now.

The good news? Sometimes these disappointing “no’s” you have to face during the bridal planning process will lead you to the more confident and enriching “yes”.

The other thing I learned was that having a time limit (like all weddings do) for finding what you need and want may seem like a curse at the time but will ultimately be a blessing in disguise. It will help make decisions for you. And trust me, there will be moments of indecesion that feel so overwhleming that all you want to do is have someone choose a color, a location, anything for you.

In honor of my 1-year wedding anniversary, I thought it was only right to share some wishlist items that never made the cut (or some that were strongly inspired by my considerations).

So here are the ones that got away:

1. SOMETHING BLUE SATIN MULES

When I came across these, I fell in love. The perfect shade of blue. The ideal blend of elegant and cool. And a heel low enough and thick enough that even a flats-lover like me can survive.

The only issue? I came across them about 9 months after I got married.

To be honest, I think these shoes were meant for a different type of bridal look than I had. But the silhoutte were still enchanting to me nonetheless.

Side note: It’s funny what a difference a color makes. Because the versions in brown give off a completley different vibe.

2. AN IVORY BEADED BAG

There was a point of the planning process where I simply had to admit to myself that my wedding was not the type that required a bag. And as much as I had so many to choose from, I knew I would end up just giving it to one of my bridesmaids to hold onto during the whole day. I did have one technically for the reception dinner, but it spent most of the night on my chair anyway.

But this handmade beaded ivory bag might be the bridal bag to end all bridal bags. It’s gorgeous and serves as an addition to the outfit in every way. Something about it to me also begs for a little sheer glove moment (I have a recc for that too…).

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I feel a lot of pride being able to say that we planned our wedding in under a year. But especially now, exactly a year later as I find myself giving advice to brides-to-be in my life, I can’t say I would necessarily reccommend it.

But, I will say it’s possible to plan a wedding relatively quickly while keeping it tiny and still full of your personality. You just have to be ready to change your mind, be wrong (hard for me, as a Taurus) and allow yourself to be surprised. Picking out my wedding look is one of the parts that surprised me the most.

I’d like be able to say that I knew exactly what I wanted my bridal look to be when I was first going into it. While everything else — the flowers, the guest list, the food, the rehearsal dinner — felt like a different world, I thought the clothes part of it would be a language I could speak and translate with ease.

To this day, my mother compliments me on being able to make quick, precise decisions throughout the planning process. But this didn’t mean that I wasn’t spiraling behind close doors. The only way I was able to finally be decisive was by getting out of my head (and honestly, out of my Pinterest board) and trying things on for size (both literally and metaphorically).

Because yes, I fell for the false internet-fueled dellusion of the “Cool Bride,” both in terms of my look and temperment (side note: you’re allowed to be stressed and yes, even FREAK OUT during the wedding planning process, no matter how small your wedding is! It’s a lot!)

Because I’m someone who is good at seeing what I want, coming up with an exact vision, I sometimes make the mistake of crafting the perfect moodbaord…for someone else entirely.

And when it comes to your wedding day, that’s the worst thing you can do. The last thing you want is to step into a venue that’s meant for a different person or put on a dress sewn for a stranger.

In the end, it was only through a healthy amount of trial and error that I finally landed on my perfect bridal outfit formula.

But instead of sharing what I knew off the jump, I’ll share my bridal look through the lens of “what I thought I knew” and eventually changed my mind on:

1. I thought I wanted something “non-traditional”

I think the definitions of traditional or non-traditional have become a little murky in the recent years as more and more brides are opting for wedding looks that are out of the ordinary. And of course, for every person it’s going to be a little different.

For me, I defined it as everything I was seeing on The Anti-Bride (highly reccomend that as a source of inspo, whether you’re a non-traditional bride or not) and other cool, fashionable women that I related to and was seeing getting married on my feed.

At the beginning of my planning process, and given that we were having a small wedding, I truly thought I would go with a simple, white or cream dress foraged from The Real Real or even out in the wild. I envisioned myself as this “cool and casual” bride (ha!) who could just find something off the rack (or rather, it find me) and be on my way to the altar. Easy breezy! No frills! No fuss!

But with the time crunch we had, and with so many other things I had to (and wanted to) prioritize, I agreed to go and try on some dresses at local boutiques.

At this point, almost 5 people I knew reccomended the bridal boutique, Miranda’s Vintage Bridal in Cleveland’s Tremont neighborhood. “I think you, of all people, need to go there,” said various friends and co-workers at the time. This irked me, not because I thought they were wrong but again, I was still stubbornly trying to find a dress myself. At this point, I was hopelessly still scowering online sites, visiting vintage stores and just not finding or feeling anything.

And the clock was ticking.

But almost immediately after arriving to Miranda’s, I realized that their process was anything but normal. Instead of only having dresses picked for me as I stood on a pedastal like a doll ready to be dressed, the staff pulled a couple dresses based on my inspiration photos but also let me dig through their entire rack of vintage gowns ranging from the 1930s to 1980s.

This to me, was the best of both worlds. The indecesive, overwhelmed side of me felt soothed by some decisions being made for me, while the treasure-hunting, vintage-lover in me, was excited to see what I could find myself.

Eventually, as I picked through the styles and eras, I noticed patterns and connections between what I had saved on Pinterest (both vintage and modern) and what actually felt right with my soul.

Slowly, as I tried on each dress, a picture started to emerge of what I truly wanted: a drop-waist gown with a vintage-inspired silhoutte that didn’t feel too modern or too vintage. A dress that had just the right amount romance but that didn’t feel like a costume.

And instead of a short length like I originally imagined, a flowey skirt and baby train began to win me over (I thought to myself: it’s my wedding for God’s sake, why did I say I didn’t want frills again?)

Around this time, I had also pruchased the famous “Weddings by Martha Stewart” book from Etsy specifically for floral and decor inspiration. But I ended up being so inspired by the simple, but structured ‘90s cuts of the dresses, that I realized this was what I wanted.

Finally, what helped make my decision was when we nailed down the location: a humble, but romantic greenhouse tucked behind Cleveland’s beautiful Lakeview Cemetery. A greenhouse full of lush greenery inside along with an open courtyard in the front that served as a perfect backdrop to the intimate ceremony we wanted.

Finally, the last thing I had to get over when choosing the dress is this weird bridal imposter syndrome I started to feel. I loved the dress, I loved the shape. When I put it on, I truly felt “that” feeling that everyone describes. But I had to get over myself one last time because I kept thinking: “I’m having such a small wedding, do I even need such a dramatic dress? Is it too much fuss?”

This was a hard mindset to shake, but luckily I had plenty of friends around me reassuring me how stupid I sounded.

The dress I picked was a late ‘80s gown that to me, looked timeless with its drop waist scalloped silhoutte and flowing skirt. So I guess, you can decide for yourself. Was my dress traditional? Looking back, I would say it was more traditional than what I was originally envisioning.

But when I look at the photos, I don’t define it that way. I define it as my own; a dress that was quite literally, made for me.

2. I thought I didn’t want to go to a bridal boutique

Let’s be real, bridal miracles do happen. We’ve all seen it. A bride-to-be experiences a fairytale-like occurence where they come across the perfect-fitting archival designer dress for $20 at their local Goodwill. So happy for ya’ll. Really.

I craved to have that “Aha!” moment in the store where I came across the perfect dress. But the moment didn’t happen, and I realized it was the universe guiding me in a different direction.

At first, I was hesitant about going to a bridal boutique and I’m not even sure why. Maybe I felt like the creative power would be somehow snatched away from me. Or that the “energy” at the boutiques wouldn’t fit my personality. But again, I realized that all it took was finding the right boutique and I feel so lucky that it existed in my city.

Because after my first visit, I started to feel a familiar experience that I’ve always found comfort in: looking through racks of beautiful vintage as I chat with a local vendor about the different styles, the beautiful details, what I’m drawn to and why, etc.

The best part? I didn’t find my dream dress at this shop. In the end, I was able to make it.

Originally, the dress had long sleeves and was much longer than I wanted it to be. Miranda, the owner, was able to seamelessly remove the long sleeves, replace them with off-the shoulder sleeves (that I didn’t end up using but gave me peace of mind as an option). She also shortened the train and skirt so perfectly that I felt like a prancing, effortless maiden while not once tripping over myself throughought the bustling day.

I’m someone who knows what I like and how I like it to be, but I can aknowledge that with certain things, I can’t do it all! In fact, I rather give the reins to someone who knows much more than me and who I can trust with the process.

Not to mention, the try-on process with my two best friends and mother was a gift in itself. And when I came back for my solo fitting appointments, they felt like calm meditations away from the crazy wedding-planning chaos where I could be with the dress alone and put my trust into the staff and seamstresses.

The shop was small, intimate and cozy with vintage music playing in the background and plenty of natural light peeking in. During my first fitting, the song Moonlight Serenade, which was the song we had already chosen as our first dance song, came on while I was alone in the dressing room.

I still can confidently say that the dress-picking process one of the easiest part of wedding planning. Each time I came in for the appointment, I felt the dress begin to mold closer and closer to my body.

I’ve told this many times already, but one of my favorite parts about my dress was how well it fit me and how it moved with me with such ease. From running through the gardens for photos, walking down the grassy aisle or being tipped over for a kiss from my husband, the dress was simply a part of me.

3. I thought I wanted to wear flats

Once the dress was decided, the real tough part began. The part that, I thought would come the easiest. The shoes!

But of course it wasn’t the easiest. The shoes are so important. They can make or break how comfortable you feel the day-of. Forget aesthetics for a moment: are you going to be able to walk or are you going to be thinking about your aching feet your whole wedding day? The last thing I wanted was my sheos to take away anything from my sense of ease.

If you know me, you know I’m not a heels girl. I never have been. That’s why my original, obvious thought was to have some kind of opulent flat. Something comfortable, but still formal-looking enough. And I found many great contenders from both luxury brands and smaller boutique sites (a future post perhaps?)

But the hardest part was envisioning the dress with the shoes before the dress was even being fitted.

At one point, I was 90% sure I was going to wear a pair of silver ballet flats from Sam Edelman or a pair of pink satin flats I found on sale from Tory Burch. I chose the former, not because I didn’t love the Tory flats. But I realized that by getting them I was trying to force a vibe that wasn’t really me.

At the last mintue, I decided to wear the Sam Edelman flats for the reception dinner and went for a (you guessed it!) more traditional wedding shoe from Badgley Mischka that featured a beautiful champagne color, a slingback kitten heel and pearl bows. I chose these completely off of instinct: I liked how feminine they looked and they fit so perfectly with the dress.

Because they were a shorter kitten heel, they felt shockingly comfortable and the slingback didn’t slip off once. Maybe it was the sweat throughout the day, but those shoes were glued to my feet and I barely thought about them.

4. I thought I wanted a Juliet cap veil

The veil was something I thought would be figured out before the dress, but I got stuck in a full-on decision spiral. Once again, I thought I would just come across one on Etsy and that would be that.

I knew I wanted some kind of headpiece no matter what, but the issue was figuring out what direction I wanted to go in because there were so many that spoke to me that were widely different.

At first, I wanted to go with something experimental. I was taking a lot of inspiration from the crocheted knitted skull caps that are often seen in Lithuanian folk dancing costumes. At one point, I thought the perfect mix would be a lace Juliet cap veil that had a headpiece and a veil. But at the same time, I was so enchanted by Mantilla-style Spanish veils and the way they laid so bautifully on the head.

While I was at one of my dress fittings, the stylist offered me to look at some of their vintage veils. Immediately, I was drawn to a veil with a gorgeous lace and pearl trim.

The only thing was that the veil was attached to a little bridal cap — not quiete a juliet-style but still lovely. After trying it on, it didn’t feel right at all, so I took a shot in the dark and asked: Could the veil be removed from the cap?

The stylist said of course and after adding a comb to the veil, it turned into the Mantilla-style veil of my dreams. My favorite part about it and why I’m glad I didn’t go with a cap-style veil, is how it perfect flowed with my hair throughout the day. To me, it looked so effortless and like it was almost part of my curls and it was a perfect contrast to the more structured gown.

5. I thought I wanted an outfit change

In my friend group, I’m known for being a fan of outfit changes. I often had them during my birthday parties or other special occassions. I assumed that I would absolutely want a full outfit change for my wedding. It felt like the perfect way to cure my decision fatigue. Can’t choose just one option? Why not both?!

But once again, the time crunch made my decision for me. And trust me, this was a blessing in the end. I think if I had more time, I would’ve ruminated and got stuck in more overthinking that quite frankly, my brain didn’t have the room for.

Instead, I’m so glad that I ended up just wearing the same dress. I loved it so much and I wanted to enjoy it for as long I could (I literally cried when I had to hang it back up the next day). Plus, because of the way we planned our dinner after the ceremony and photos, I would’ve ended up wasting too much time getting into another outfit. As cheesy as it sounds, all I wanted to do was be with my husband as soon as possible afterwards.

So instead of a quick change, I opted for what I’ll call a “quick refresh” before dinner:

• I swapped my veil for a darling headband from For Love & Lemons. It was the perfect amount of frill and femininity and it pulled back my hair back which I desperately wanted out of my face after a long, emotional day in the sun. This is another bonus element I thought I would never want in my bridal look (a headband). But again, I surprised myself.

• I changed out of my kitten heels and slipped into my trusty pair of silver Sam Edelman ballet flats. Side note: I got these about three months before the wedding but I’m glad I wasn’t too precious with them. The fact that they were worn-in a little bit made them incredibly comfortable to end the night in.

• Since my hair was now slicked back, it was the perfect moment for my gold floral pearl drop earrings from Ettika shine. To help complete the dance of pearls, I added a pearl cuff bracelet from my mom and a pearl necklace gifted by my aunt in Lithuania. A simple theme inspired by my pearl engagement ring that felt perfect.

• As an added bit of personality, I added my lipstick, my phone and vintage hankerchief into a gorgeous sheer rose bag from Room Shop. I thought, when else would I get a chance to use such a gorgeous bag but slighly inconvenient bag that is as light as a feather?

My best advice for picking your bridal look is to first think about how you want to feel on your wedding day. It can be easy to get caught up with aesthetics, moodboards and keyword terms like “cool bride,” “vintage bride,” “DIY bride,” etc. I think it’s a delicate balance to pull the inspiration that will be useful for you and at the same time, tune into your instinct.

Because I’m someone who likes a lot of styles, a lot of aesthetic visions and tend to change my mind a lot, I knew that there was no use in trying to make my bridal look a perfect, precise manifestation of all my tastes. That’s just impossible. Don’t make decisions for what you think you should look like or even if you think your look will be “timeless” or even approved by your future self.

Because our styles change, our lives change and who we are change.

The most important part is to pick something that feels right in that moment so you can be firmly rooted in the present in front of the person you love. And when you’re looking back at the photos, I promise the main thing you’ll notice is how happy and comfortable you looked.

Thank you so much for reading! I wanted this breakdown to originally include a little shopping guide of items leftover from my many wishlists from the wedding planning process. But I realized that those need their own posts…

So let me know — any specific items you want me to cover first? Shoes? Veils? Cool brands I came across?

Much love,

Arbela 💋

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Happy Sunday, friends

Welcome back to another installment of SCREENSHOT SHOW AND TELL! It turns out my last one was was actually (checks notes) wayyyyy back in April. Plus, since I didn’t end up doing an August round-up, I thought this would be a good replacement.

Regardless, we’re due for another check in.

If you’re new here: I like to treat this series as a little mystery box you grab at the thrift store. You’re not quite sure what you’re going to get but that’s the thrill of it. But I would also compare the act of looking through someone’s screenshots as unveiling a part of their soul a little bit. And by that I mean: a slightly cahotic look at what I’ve been browing, saving, listening, adoring lately…

Side note…I apologize if the evidence of my low battery stresses you out. But oftentimes, the best screenshots come upon me when my phone is at 10% — this is the struggle the Universe has given me and I make do with what I can!!!

Let’s get into it.

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I’m a BIG fan of this kind of glassware. It adds two additional sensory experiences to your cocktail/mocktail: a good feeling in your hand (touch) and a beautiful, reflective view of your beverage (sight). I have a couple similar vintage ones that I’ve aquired via Etsy over the years, so I added this one more as insiration fodder rather than an actual wishlist item. But perhaps one day…because I just love the messy sculptural look of this.

When Dakota posts about books, I stop my story swiping immediately. While I’ve been very behind on my TBR and I’m, quite frankly, not even sure what I want to read next, I always add her reccs to my reading list. She’s a big Elena Ferrante head like myself and her reccomendation of “God of The Woods” got me out of my reading slump last year. So of course, I added this one right away. Also, her office color story/book organization is always inspiring me.

Wedding season is here — at least for me. I had a wedding party for a close friend this past month and it made me realize I don’t have many options in my closet. I figured something out with a pink tube top and classic black skirt, but now I’m in full brainstorm (panic) mode. I have one wedding in October and two in December and I’m not even sure what my style as far as wedding guest outfits go.

But of course, I’ve been feeding Pinterest with the necessary keyword terms: vintage, drop waist, cornflower blue, chartreuse green and so on! Still haven’t found them but this snapshot of my recent pins shows youw where my head has been at.

Side note: for those that are curious, I was listening to one of my favorite bands of all time, Hooverphonic, while scrolling through these.

When I first came across these shorts, I didn’t realize that Nong Rack has been on my radar for many years now — they originally caught my eye for their unique knits and funky mohair pieces.

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Because I love to yap, I’m trying something new. Welcome to Almost Ready; my podcast within a podcast! My plan is to publish these twice a month and if yall really enjoy them, maybe more often.

Links mentioned in episode:

• My interview-based podcast on YouTube.

• My letter where I talk more about exercise and cycling.

• The Small Bow Podcast with Heather Havrilesky and her advice column, Ask Polly.

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Want to hear about something specific? Send me a line at arbela.hello@gmail.com

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I don’t think there was an exact moment I intended to start collecting art. It just happened. And it was bound to! My mother worked in a museum for years and my father always supported his artist friends around him; painters, photographers, printmakers, sculptors and everything in between.

Many of these artists around them — often, their friends and acquaintances — provided the curated collection of art I grew up surrounded by. When my family was living in Lithuania, my dad actually purchased multiple paintings from an artist in town — partially because he liked her work but also because he deeply and earnestly wanted to support her. And he cherished that collection so much that we even took it back with us to the States.

Often, I think we view the idea of an “art collection” as something intimidating and out-of-reach. Like it’s something only rich people can enjoy, invest in or put time into. But I’m so thankful that I was raised with the complete opposite idea. The ethos that your home can be a landing place for your creative inspirations, your ever-evolving tastes and the art of people around you.

This got me thinking: when does a collection begin? When is the first piece acquired and given a spot on the wall or shelf? And how do you nurture it as your home inevidably evolves with you? My process of collecting art for our space has been as eclectic as the collection itself. Many of the first items were hand-me-downs (a small sculpture of an archer my dad used to have on his desk) while others were simple prints purchased from Etsy.

And while many things are still in progress, I feel content. Because when I look around me, I see a variety of worlds and sources open up around me. With different stories, memories and people behind the pieces.

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Some of my favorites pieces of art I’ve acquired (and how!)

• I have multiple pieces from NYC-based artist Mia Luisa Saltis that I purchased in-person when she was living in Cleveland. I am constantly amazed by her mind and how she brings it to the canvas (or cloth). Her pieces capture a certain soft, feminine spirituality that I’m so drawn to. I currently have three pieces of hers, two of which are in my office, aptly placed near my meditation nook.

• Whitney Anderson Rooney is an artist I’ve admired for a while and who I feel lucky enough to call my friend. I would describe much of her art as a textured collection of characters that seem close enough to lean over and gossip with. What will the dainty woman with the cigarette have to say? Or the cowboy with the haunted look in his eyes? Currently I have over 5 of her pieces in my home — some bought, some gifted, all loved and admired daily (PS: Keep reading to hear her firsthand advice on curating art for your home!)

• Pooja Devnani’s piece, “I Pretend To Be An Oak Tree” that is (for now) sitting on my desk in front of my keyboard. Devnani is a longtime TikTok mutual of mine and her paintings are a vibrant paradise of complex color combinations with deep emotion underneath. I recently joined her Print Club because I thought it would be a great way to enjoy and supprot her work.

• A large illustrated print of two birds from artist Thao Nguyen. She’s an incredible artist, illustrator and all-around creative who is both disciplined and incredibly explorative. She actually made the logo for my husband’s business, so when we went to her artist residency exhibition, we had to get this piece for our bedroom (no, it’s not framed yet but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a part of the room).

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A Q&A with Whitney Anderson Rooney: How to curate art for your home:

Whitney Anderson Rooney is a Cleveland-based artist, interior designer and owner of the studio space, Antonym Collective. I wanted to pick Whitney’s brain a bit more about how to balance art in the home and the philosophy, strategy and patience of curating your own art collection. I also HIGHLY recommend listening my podcast interview with Whitney from a while back.

Keep reading to learn about balancing your taste in decor and art, finding art secondhand and more.

The last time we chatted, you talked about how art and design in the home often changes and evolves over time. How can someone find a balance with this?

This piece of advice feels like low hanging fruit but I agree with it nonetheless: buy what you love! I believe in eclectic styling, not mimicking trends too strongly, experimenting and playing. Moving things around helps us clarify our style, and sometimes learning what doesn't work for you is more powerful than committing to a singular specific style.

For example, there are shades of certain colors I avoid or use very selectively, same with certain patterns. And this works for both art and other home goods. Navy is like that for me. How it is applied varies greatly. Choosing a nautical shade, pairing it with white, and adding florals and stripes can easily read traditional or preppy (plus I'm personally tired of it).

However, if you choose an indigo, pair it with shades of black or other saturated colors, use more abstract moody florals and stripes in a less common color palette (or better yet, a more unique pattern), you have a totally different vibe.

But back to art, I think it's OK to buy something you love without a perfect spot for it immediately in mind. And don't forget that adding art to little corners, hallways, bathrooms can have a huge impact. Start with lower risk pieces like small originals, vintage and secondhand pieces. They're typically more affordable and can be tried in that awkward nook or secondary room in your home.

As an artist yourself, do you display your own art in your home? Why or why not?

I generally don't like to display my own art. I have a few times temporarily. It helps me get a sense of what it feels like to live with my pieces and how they can be styled. It's important that I create art that can work in an eclectic home like mine.

However, I do have two of my pieces displayed. One small piece is in the guest room which I view as a space for others. It's a small early piece that I value more than what I would sell it for. The other piece is a painting my husband really liked. It's currently in the office which we both use, but him more often when he works from home.

I heard a tip not too long ago that artists should keep one piece from every one of their eras. I tend to agree with this and plan to keep a few pieces that have more personal value to me than their financial value. Currently they aren't displayed at home but I wouldn't mind it, especially in less visible spaces.

What are some of your favorite art pieces in your home?

Our first big art purchase was a painting by local Cleveland artist Justin Brennan. We loved his work and had a wall in our living room that needed something bold. He and Hilary Gent from Hedge Gallery brought over our favorite pieces and helped us choose and hang our final selection. The piece we chose was our initial favorite (stick to your gut!), but at the time I was unsure that that much red would compliment our space. I know now that that was a ridiculous fear.

I remind myself that my home was my first large design project and I'm much more confident in my decisions now after playing for 8 years. Because of its scale and story, this is one of the few pieces that likely won't be moved.

Almost everywhere else, I've swapped art out or I've waited to hang something until I found the right piece for the space. Sometimes these are smaller pieces that have a big impact on a maybe 2-feet wall. I've allowed myself to play more in bathrooms and hallways as well.

A few years ago I found a haunting vintage photograph from Tremont's Rook Modern I couldn't leave without. I held onto it unsure of where to hang it but then found a photograph at Savers in nearly the same frame and color palette. The photograph is completely different but they both include graphic patterns and together they would tell a story.

For our third wedding anniversary my husband and I went to New Mexico and found the coolest antique shop in Abiquiu, just down the street from Georgia O'Keefe's house. We purchased an antique Aztec rug that we hung in the upstairs hallway. As an artist I've been the recipient of those types of purchases and those conversations with buyers are really memorable.

How can someone go about learning their taste in art? What is the difference (in your opinion) between art you just admire and art you choose to have in your home?

I always say there can be a difference between something you enjoy and something that is well-made.

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It’s been hot, it’s been muggy but I don’t want it to end. The summer is already flying by but I’m not done with it. I don’t know what I want with it yet, but I need it to just, wait. Wait!

Anyway, Susan Sontag always gets me out of my head. This past month, that was through a simple clip of an interview where she talks about fiction in such a profound way: “A novel is an education of feelings.” She continues:

“Fiction is like an axe that cuts all through that and kind of splits you open. And gives you a model for caring about things you may not otherwise care about” — Susan Sontag

YES! It truly is. Fiction is a powerful portal into the emotions of others, or sometimes, it can be a way to view our own emotions in a new way.

This was a very fitting quote for the month for many reasons. For one, I finished a fantastic novel (it rhymes with Small Pours), which left me hungry and hopelessly craving more, more FICTION!

In addition, it’s very fitting to reflect on this quote because it (partially) motivated me to take some very real, actionable steps towards my own novel I’m working on. Scary, yes. But I’m riding the high of storytelling!!!

But, I hope your July was lovely and fruitful. Maybe you were waiting for it to end or the door shut on you sooner than you were expecting.

Either way, here are some of my selections from the last month…

Wearing

// Clothing, accessories, fragrances, etc.

• The Old Navy toe ring sandals. I’m going to be honest…everyone has been looking at my toes this past month! And it’s all because of a magical pair of sandals I completely bought on a whim. I’ve had them more than a month now but I put them to the true test while I worked a hot summer vintage market. They held up, got loads of compliments and kept me breezy. They still have the beige and white ones in stock! There’s also these Steve Madden ones that are a (hopeful) dupe of a dupe.

  

• Vintage workout wear. Vintage athletic bottoms have always been a part of my wardrobe, such as a pair of black (all cotton, I believe) Champion biker shorts that are my ride-or-die for the summer. But then there’s also my trusty Adidas shorts. But this month, I slipped into something new: vintage athletic tops. An Adidas cropped tank from Depop has fit into my wardrobe perfectly. And I love that it encourages a random bout of exercise if I’m in the mood…

• My mother’s bag! Okay, I only wore this once, but still. It’s hard to pick an occasion for a bag like this. It’s one of those things I hold too preciously close to my chest (not literally, clearly) until I find the right moment. But now I’m realizing it’s not about picking a moment when I feel fancy enough, but when I feel confident and at ease with myself. Turns out, it was for a vibrant evening of shimmery cocktails and enticing conversation out on the town with my friend Sonia. A reminder to myself: the “right” occassion for a piece can be more fluid than you think.

Stopping in

// Events, viewings, experiences, etc.

The Tremont neighborhood in Cleveland was abuzz in early July. A new space opened by one of the city’s local designers, Time Change Generator adding a pop of earnest, neon vibrancy to the street. The same night, the vintage store Cool Water Dry Goods had an incredible exhibition by local photographers, artists as well as a scrumptious cake sculpture by one of my favorite cake makers in town (I’m biased because she made my wedding cake, but still!)

On a random rainy Sunday, I stepped into a ‘90s rom-com thanks to a beautiful market hosted by Elizabeth Vintage, whose curated eye for decor and clothes always manages to charm me. This was mine (and anyone’s) sign to have an aesthetic garage sale — with everything from pink vintage frames, iced lattes, flower bouquets and pastel linens from the ‘90s.

One of my favorite vintage sellers, Shop Clash held her second annual Euro Night at the Antonym Collective studio (one of my favorite spots in town) where she shared a collection of sourced vintage from her recent Europe trip.

Aside from the near-perfect curation (worn-in cotton tees, bright red silk, sterling silver), shopping her racks reminded me how special a shopping experience can be. Anyway, I got a pair of balloon pants from Amsterdam, obviously.

Listening

// Albums, podcasts, audiobooks, etc.

• “10 New Songs” by Leonard Cohen somehow got on my Spotify rotation this month. I’m not sure why, exactly. It’s more of an autumn album, if I would have to assign a season to it. It’s moody, it’s sexy and it just has such an interesting, modern sound to it — oh and the background vocals are incredible. Something about the songs make me feel older than I am (in a good way); wiser, not myself, like I’m playing a character, a secret life.

• I listened to a fantastic podcast episode from The Small Bow Podcast with the one and only which may have gotten me back on the podcast train. The title of the episode was “Joy as an Act of Defiance” but it’s not as predictable as you may think. I went away from it thinking about so much: including an odd desire to finally take up adult ballet class as a way to force myself to do (and fail at) hard things.

• I saw Superman in theaters and while I did enjoy it, I don’t have enough to say about it (at least for now), but I do love a well-paired roll credit song. I had never even heard of "Punkrocker” by Teddybears and Iggy Pop before the film but it just hit. It’s been on repeat everytime I get in the car. The words and the tone of the song just closed out this goofy, slightly scrambled movie perfectly:

“See me die on Bleecker street, I’m bored of being god / See me sneering in my car / I’m bored with being god / I’m driving to my star / I’m listening to the music with no fear / You can hear it too if you’re sincere”

Reading

// Books, articles, road signs, etc.

I started and finished “All Fours” by Miranda July in July! And what can I even SAY within the confines of this small blurb. I devoured this book, or maybe it devoured me. I will have more to say as time passes, which feels fitting. But for now, at 30 years old and about 3 weeks after finishing it, I will say: this book is a ride from start to finish. It’s fun, it’s grotesque in its honesty, it left me tingling everywhere.

In simple terms, it’s a woman in the middle of her life face-to-face with aging and her own desire. At moments, I wasn’t sure how much I would feel emotionally connected with it in the end — but I knew I’d enjoy it no matter what. But oh, the way she proved me wrong. The book concludes (in my humblest of opinions) with sincerity and hope (but not too much, of course) which left me in tears.

But, I do think this is a book that demands to be discussed with other women. So what do you say? Meet me at the motel? RN?

• So we’re all talking about the Substack plagiarizing drama, huh? Obvioulsy, I read the original article, but I thought this one by was particularly interesting. The article dives beyond the traditional view of “pretty privilege” and dissects our biases towards what we deem aesthetically authoritative or not, especially in the literary and academic space.

• A shorter, but highly informative and important read by that I immediately screenshotted and bookmarked for myself on the different digital non-AI tools out there.

Field notes

// Commonplace notes, quotes + wisdom from my phone

• This quote by David Wagoner: “You cannot sleepwalk your way into your destiny” has earned a spot on the lime green sticky note on my monitor for the next 30 days (or more).

// What I’ve been browsing in July: Vintage Gap, sporty ballet flats, colorful kitchenware + more…

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