• This season of UK Love Island is banger. I’m very behind so NO SPOILERS!!!!!

• I’ve been dealing with the what ifs whenever something slightly sketchy happens. What if it had been worse? What if I hadn’t… What if they hadn’t….Anyone know how to stop rumination?

• You’re gonna say meditation and you’d be right and, no, I have not been doing it ugh

• I’m SO excited to launch our new Saint Sirène pieces but I’m also nervous because we put in a much larger PO and what if no one buys themmmmm??? Sign up for early access here btw.

• I’m spending more time on social media because of our biz and I do not love it. I think the solution is to hire someone, but these bootstrapping biatches need the cash for stock!

• I sound like a downer – scene change….

• I’m obsessed with my kids!! They’re so fun and I wanna hang out with them all the time (even when they’re lil ratbags).

• Went to Jackson Hole this past weekend. What a gorgini place. Who knew America had so many stunning mountains?

• Roasted marshmallows are my second favorite dessert after key lime pie.

• I’m doing a triathlon this weekend! Haven’t told anyone except you guys because I’m anxious but I’m also really proud of myself for trying something new.

• I oscillate between being completely obsessed with my bob and thinking I’m uglier than a bucket of smashed crabs.

• I’m ready for winter.

• August is Orange. I cannot be convinced otherwise.

ICYMI

Saint Sirène

Nothing beats an Austin summer, ft. Abby Creek

Abby Creek is a Brand Director in wellness CPG, which means she has a lot of products and even more opinions about them. She spends her free time watching TV (like, a LOT of TV), reading the kinds of books they sell at the airport and adding things to cart. She lives in Austin with her husband and her recently adopted (and possibly the world’s oldest) d…

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a month ago · 3 likes · 1 comment · Saint Sirène

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I don’t know if it’s the algorithm or just the people I follow but lately, whenever I open any app, I get hit with the same feeling: that everyone is taking themselves wayyyyy too seriously.

Maybe it’s hustle culture, maybe it’s content creators trying to grow in a world where IG is out to get us all. I genuinely can’t pinpoint the source and, trust me, I’ve tried. I just know the ick is showing up more than it used to, and I don’t think it’s a me problem (although it very well could be).

I love when people are proud of their achievements, or they’re chasing big goals. Do that! But there’s a specific flavor of earnestness going around that I can’t take. It’s more so the tone and the self-importance. It feels like we’ve collectively decided that talking about our own lives like we’re the first person to ever do the thing is a personality trait instead of what it actually is: a red flag.

And look, I know this is a bit rich coming from someone who made running a marathon her whole personality. But I’d like to think I wasn’t out there acting like I’d discovered running. I trained like it was a full time job despite being, at best, aggressively mid at it, because something in my brain simply does not know how to do things halfway.

The problem here is main character energy without a shred of self-awareness. It’s the “here’s the hook Claude wrote for me” and “here’s how I edit my videos to hit retention” and the same optimized template posted over and over (AND OVER) again until the algorithm notices you. It’s not even content anymore, it’s a strategy deck wearing content as a costume. I get it, growth is hard, the algorithm is a beast. I just don’t really want it on my feed anymore. It is so BORING. And fake.

What I’m currently starved for is multifaceted people. The internet used to have more of that, and now it feels like everyone picked a lane, one that is slightly self-righteous, and stayed in it. I thought Substack would be safe from it, but my algorithm here has also been a lot of “like my post and I will like one back!” type of content.

The honest answer is probably that I should just curate better. Mute a few people, unfollow a few more, go find actual comedians instead of letting the algorithm keep serving me people who talk about “building in public” like it’s scripture. I realize that’s been how social media has been working the past few years and I’ve just been too pregnant/in the throes of child-rearing to have enough free time to actually notice.

One creator I’ve been loving for exactly this reason is Remi Bader — she manages to be funny and real about hard stuff without ever slipping into main-character-syndrome mode. Or endurance athlete Hugo Fry. Can run a 2:17 marathon but not without making fun of himself the whole time. More of that, please.

If you’ve got creators like that in your rotation, people who are proud of things without being precious about them, send them my way. I want to fix my feed and avoid deleting my account (even though realistically that might be the only answer).

One last thing: this is a one-way conversation. I will not be taking notes on my own social media at this time. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

ICYMI

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James and I just got back from our very first and most-definitely-not-last solo trip. Ok, not quite solo, because we roped in the camping queen herself, my mum Ann Holt, to join us. But solo in the sense that it was just one kid, no siblings, no referee duty, and most importantly no “if you poke your brother in the eye one more time!!!” threats.

It was just James and me (and Gaga), and I am telling you…the bonding, the snuggles, the sheer euphoria of not having to break up a fight for four straight days. Every parent needs this. Every kid needs this.

We stayed at Under Canvas, which is technically glamping – we had a toilet, a real bed, and a pull-chain shower, thank God – but it still felt close enough to the real thing. No air conditioning. No screens. Just a tent, the woods, and us. We played board games. We ate s’mores. We listened to Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (the Stephen Fry version obviously). No service. No emails. No “shit, I forgot to respond to that” feeling. We were completely locked into nature and each other.

I cannot tell you how awesome it was.

I’ll be honest, I was nervous going into it. What was I going to do with no wifi? Spoiler alert: I was fine. How was James going to handle a 3.5 hour car ride from SFO and then another hour into the park every single day? Would he beg for his iPad? Would he melt down on a hike? I am pleased to report: none of that happened. Ok, maybe a tiny squeak of “I’m tired” before I refueled him with some nasty ass chicken fingers, but that kid did so damn well. And you know what he kept saying, unprompted, the whole trip? “Thank you so much, Mum. This is the best. Can we do this again, Mum?”

He loved it. I loved it. My mum loved it. Being disconnected made me really sit with what actually matters. I am so sick of contorting myself into knots to hustle, to win, to be “successful.” And funny enough, none of that mattered even a little bit when I was standing dwarfed by sequoias or playing in a stream with my son. It felt like what life is actually supposed to feel like.

I know it’s not realistic to go off grid and live in a hut in the wilderness forever. I’d probably lose my mind after a week or two. But stepping away from the absolute hamster wheel of social media and the internet, even just for a few days, is genuinely divine.

So I’m coming home mildly behind on hustle, but completely full up on love for my family and the great outdoors. Already dreaming up the next solo kid trip. Turns out Andy’s been on to something all these years (annual vegas trip IYKYK).

Saint Sirène is on Substack by the way

Saint Sirène

White tee x 3. The Girlfriend, the Boyfriend, the Best Friend. Vogue approved.

We spend so much time trying to make summers fun for our kids…. but what about us? Don’t we deserve to play beach volleyball and do arts and crafts (beer pong) too??

I’m saying this because I just spent two days having the most fun I’ve had in over a decade on a ranch in Texas. Activities galore. Floating in a big old lake. Frozen margaritas. Everyone off their phones!

At first I was all, wait is there cell service? where’s the closest hospital??? and before I knew it I was splashing with the sea snakes, wet hair, bare face, not a care in the world.

It’s so easy to get caught up. I know we are all stressed about work and logistics and my god I don’t have ANY time for activities, have you seen my schedule? I’m here to tell you to make it. Stop doomscrolling and go kick a soccer ball.

But Claire I don’t have a super fun friend with a ranch?? The workaround is prioritizing doing the shit you loved as a kid, which doesn’t require much. Get outside. Ride a bike. Lather up a slip and slide. I’m willing to bet it will do more for your nervous system than that meditation app that you pay for and never use.

In case you missed me last week:

I lie in bed most nights doing math that doesn’t add up. If I close this door, will I regret it in twenty years? That kind of math. It’s a terrible way to fall asleep, for the record. Right up there with replaying that obscene joke I made in 2015 and wondering if my kids will hate me when they’re fourteen.

Sometimes opportunity comes from dumb luck, and sometimes it takes fucking hard work. I think I’ve been fortunate enough to experience and learn from both. The interesting thing I’ve discovered is that the hard part isn’t getting doors to open, because most of the time, you can force them open and knock over whoever is sitting on the other side. The hard part is what happens once they do. Because they don’t all open one at a time politely, just waiting for their little turn. When you have a delusional belief that you can do stuff that you’re unqualified for, they fly open all at once. And then, suddenly, you’re standing in a hallway full of open doors, wind coming through every one of them, and someone (YOU) has to figure out which ones to walk through and which ones to shut.

I’m not great at shutting doors. Well, I guess I kinda shut the acting door, but that was more temporarily yet aggressively slammed by my three tiny bosses. It’s not something I’m bragging about either. I somehow put aside one career and made 15 others. Fashun designer, professional athlete, low level YouTuber, to name a few.

And underneath all of that is the less Instagrammable job of being an actual person, having a body I’d like to take care of, having a marriage, having three kids who need me to be present and not just physically in the room with them, all while reviewing a Shopify sync issue. Wanting, occasionally, to lie on a beach and read a book about faeries porking.

Who am I to close a door that opened for a reason? I actually believe that, by the way. I think the universe hands you things and you don’t get to be precious about them. But I’m starting to wonder if that belief is doing me a disservice. Because “the door opened for a reason” and “I have to walk through every door that opens” are not the same sentence, even though my nervous system treats them like they are.

There’s a Harvard study (I heard about it, didn’t read it, we’re all just citing podcasts as science obvi) that says people who make firm decisions are happier than people who keep their options open. Not because the decision itself is better but because the *certainty* is the relief. Keeping every door cracked open means you’re perpetually wondering what’s behind the ones you didn’t pick. Closing a door, actually closing it, means you get your brain back.

I have a triathlon signup tab open on my laptop right now, and it’s been open for weeks. I said I was going to do it. I have the opportunity to do it. My hip apparently agrees that it’s the right call… and still I cannot make myself click the button. Because clicking the button means committing, and some deeply unwell part of me would rather live in the tab open purgatory than risk being wrong about it.

Meanwhile I’ve got 9,900 YouTube subscribers and a small, stupid, very alive hope that they’re the beginning of something, not the end of an experiment that nobody’s watching. Is anyone watching? I genuinely don’t know. But “nobody’s watching yet” and “shut it down” also aren’t the same sentence.

I don’t have a tidy answer here. I was hoping that writing this out would produce one, the way it sometimes does, and instead I’ve just confirmed that I have a lot of doors open and a mild, possibly diagnosable inability to be the one holding the keys. If anyone has cracked the code on knowing which doors are yours to close, I would like that information immediately. Preferably before I sign up for anything else.

At least I haven’t signed up for another marathon.

Guys I’m on YOUTUBE in case you didn’t know

is on Substack by the way

Saint Sirène

White tee x 3. The Girlfriend, the Boyfriend, the Best Friend. Vogue approved.

Every day, I’m all, “OK, THIS is the day I’m going to get organized,” and whaddaya know? Nope. I have a to-do list 50 miles long that just keeps getting longer. Anyway, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I WILL NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE THINGS I USED TO DREAM OF!!!!

Life is good. My kids are thriving in their cute little summer camp, scaling mountains and devouring sugar. Do they come home feral at 3pm? Yes. Do I have to play MMA referee when bike pumps are swung at kneecaps over Magna-Tiles? Yes. But I’m trying to remind myself that I too used to eat my body weight in ice cream and then rear naked chokehold my sister when she stole my coloring pencils after a long summer day. Speaking of rear naked choking, what’s the balance there? Do I let them go at it and figure it out themselves? Life’s natural consequences, etc etc. Do I helicopter parent (my personal inclination) because there’s no way I have time to sit in the ER whilst they glue my kid’s head back together? I guess that’s parenting in a nutshell. None of us really know what we are doing no matter how many books we read or reels we watch. Couple that with work and groceries and THE DRIVING and the doctors appointments and buying shoes because they grow out of them so damn fast… it’s A LOT.

But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other damn way. I love it so much I could explode.

On a separate note: remember when I told you I had this thing I wanted to do but I was nervous and I couldn’t tell if it was my intuition or my imposter syndrome? I did it. And thank god I put my big girl pants on and got the ball rolling. It’s not closed yet so I can’t talk about it (which is soooo annoying I know) but I promise I’ll fill you in on every last detail soon.

Your weekly reminder to do the thing you’re scared of or entirely unqualified for!!!!! What’s the worst that could happen?

Also I can’t believe I forgot to mention this, but we dropped our first LIMITED EDITION COLORWAY. Saint Sirène Cherry Red.

Me again!

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I was going to write a Substack this week detailing the trials and tribulations of our second drop, and how many things went wrong and how tough it is to be an entrepreneur. I don't want to sugarcoat shit and make it look like everything is going swimmingly at all times because that's just not the reality.

HOWEVER!

As I was going through my Notes app to find my list of every little issue we had (so we don’t repeat them), I also found my good things list, and boy, did that change the trajectory of this piece and my day.

What is a good things list, you ask?

It’s exactly what it sounds like. A little list of all the goddamn amazing things that happen to you every month.

I share one with my sister so that we can stay accountable and hype each other up. The good things can be as small or as big as your little heart desires. You made the perfect grilled cheese for your 7-year-old and he asked for seconds? Good thing! You faced your fear of sharks? Good thing! You signed a big contract? Good thing! You felt exceptionally happy one day? GOOD THING!

Guess what? The more you look for them, the more you find them. All of a sudden, those stressful moments don’t seem so all-consuming anymore. Hell, maybe they even become good things because of what they taught you.

It’s truly incredible how a tiny little practice like this can change your entire life.

Go start your list right this second. Tell me the good things that have happened to you lately. Your good things are my good things!!!

Be honest, are you sick of me????

I know I said I would do a Q&A on Substack this week, but I did one on my YouTube and I didn’t wanna bore you with more of that, so may I present to you my most current brain dump instead?

1. It’s never as good as it seems and it’s never as bad as it seems. One minute you’re flying high and the next you’re holding on for dear life. I repeated this to myself many many times last week.

2. When I don’t have an athletic goal I start to pick apart my own body. I really need to sign up for a race. Performance over aesthetic 4eva

3. Why can’t I let go of the idea of giving birth and having a million children? My kids are amazing. Our life is good. Things are getting easier. But I miss them even when I’m with them. I can’t stop thinking about pushing another baby out.

4. The last two points make me wanna revisit the follower who suggested that I’m too proud of myself for doing things that hurt.

5. I saw a professor on IG talking about how you can rewire your brain by writing something down hundreds of times. He wrote, "I like public speaking." I’m gonna try it. "I like learning Spanish."

6. I went to look for the Instagram I was referencing and ended up watching reels for 15 minutes instead.

7. I jumped in the cold plunge this morning and it was glorious. I haven’t been doing it because some doctor I respect said it’s bad for women. I’m over wellness maxxing.

8. Let’s do what we want and wear what we want and enjoy what we enjoy??

9. Get me out of Florida. The mosquitos have taken over and my friend saw a gator from his balcony. In the bay. There are only supposed to be sharks in there.

10. I’m lovingggg Every Summer After by Carley Fortune.

11. I have this thing that I really want to do but something keeps stopping me. The problem with being all woo woo is I can’t tell if it’s intuition or self doubt??

12. Bobs are back baby, thank you Charlize.

The Q&A I was referencing earlier…

Currently on the way home from a heavenly trip to Paris and Greece. We try to go away together for a week at least once a year, and it is SO good for our marriage. I get major anxiety leaving the kids, but it’s important for them and it’s important for us. Well, mainly me, because I get all of his attention. I make him tell me I’m pretty/smart, we drink wine + eat baguettes – it works really well! I refuse to feel guilt about prioritizing our marriage!!! I also know that we are about to lock in with them for the summer and I’m going to be dreaming of sipping nasty nespressos by the sea whilst they wail about how hard life is after a day of arts + crafts and ice cream (can someone explain to me why kids turn feral during summer holidays??).

We spent the first three days in Paris and even though it was 150 degrees, I always love visiting the city. Dare I say it’s my favorite in the world? I was speaking to a friend who moved there four years ago and got a real itch to take our family over for a year. To plop our kids in a school and expose them to the world, raising cultured little petals who speak three languages and ask to go to the Louvre on a Sunday. I handle zero travel logistics in our family so it will be up to Andy to book flights and find us somewhere to live, but I’ll be putting the pressure on.

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Our next stop was Costa Navarino on the coast of mainland Greece. Divineee. Every time I go to a beautiful wedding, I get a tiny pang of regret that we didn’t go all out. I mean, I was thrilled with our 20 person backyard ceremony, but it seems so fun to celebrate with all your friends. Not to mention the gorg pictures. Maybe we will do a 10 year vow renewal and I’ll spend a year getting hot as shit with perfect skin and a Vivienne Westwood dress, and everyone will call it the wedding of the century. Guess I gotta start planning.

Our last stop was Zurich for a night to detox, and my god did we need it. I simply cannot hang anymore. Drinking takes me out, ugh. I used to be able to pound four skinny margs, wake up at 6am and run 10 miles. Anything over one glass now and I’m cursing the day I was born. We spent a heavenly day hiking through the forest and stripping our bodies of sin in the spa. Now we are back in business and ready to wipe butts (actually just Fords now, thankfully).

I’ll be locked in parenting and working on for the next week. WE RESTOCKED ICYMI, so I probably won’t have much (zero) motivation to write anything interesting. Thinking I’ll do a lil Substack q&a instead. If you have any Qs, pop them in the comments.

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In case you’re not sick of me yet…

The Corner by Claire Holt

I’m back from Cannes and I feel like a toad

Spending a week in gorgeous gowns with a full face beat will really give you reverse body dysmorphia lol. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror earlier (covered in toddler puke no less) and almost jumped out of my skin. On the flip side, literally nothing on God’s green earth compares to the feeling of reuniting with the loves of my life. Andy brou…

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3 months ago · 28 likes · 6 comments · Claire Holt

I actually had a pretty great time this trip – it only took me 5 years to get over my imposter syndrome. I’ve worked really hard on reminding myself that it’s not that f-ing deep. Like who cares if a grumpy frenchman bitches at me about the appropriate hour to wear feathers. Imagine what it’s like to live in that head. Sheesh. Now I just go about my day eating bread and cheese, rewatching my instagram stories over and over. JK I’m not that psycho. I also go for hot girl walks.

No but really I worked so much more this time because our restock goes live next week and there’s a lottttt to do. Those packages aren’t gonna ship themselves to the french riviera (YES WE ARE GOING INTERNATIONAL!!!). I’m really really loving everything that goes into building a business….except quickbooks….and coordinating duties and taxes…and managing inventory. But the rest is grand and this is your weekly reminder to start that thing that you’ve been dreaming about. Yes, you’ll work all the time and your brain won’t switch off and you’ll wake up at 2am and remember you forgot to order hangtags, but in the best kind of way.

I’m off to Europe again this weekend for a dear friend’s wedding (that sounded way more upper east side generational wealth than I’d like). I can’t promise I’m gonna keep my newsletter streak going, but I can promise to eat a lot and take cute pictures of my outfits.

In case you’re not sick of me yet…

Bonjour, mes chéris! Yes I did learn french in high school thank you for asking (I remember approximately 10 words). Coming to you live from the Cannes film festival because I’m fancy like that. I’m wildly impressed with myself for packing only a carry-on, made possible by a couple of space bags and my fierce will.

The Sunday evening 530pm house departure was guaranteed to result in a cacophony of screaming children, and they did not disappoint. I hate leaving my little petals and also wanted to scream, but galavanting around the French Riviera is my cross to bear in life.

I made it to the airport with plenty of time to spare – honestly unlike me – and parked myself in the lounge to do a little work. It is an entirely dickish move to send a flurry of work emails at 630pm on a Sunday evening, but my inbox was giving me heart palpitations. This is something I usually try to avoid given that I’m a tremendously anxious flyer these days. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who has developed a fear of flying coupled with a touch of claustrophobia since having children.) It’s like god was all, “Let’s make them extra sweaty, in pain, splattered with melasma orrrr break their ribs with baby feet and add just a dash… more….more… of crazy. Perfect. Don’t forget to take away their retinol!”

Anyway I f-ing love my kids and being crazy is fun so I can handle it. I boarded the plane and had an obligatory (for moi) mimosa before frantically googling what happens if you have an allergic reaction over the Atlantic. Concerns were *partly* assuaged (you gotta last 2.5 to 3 hours max before then can land somewhere) and then I got sucked into reading about underlings and heralds. TG for my portable fan, given that the Europeans have waged a war on air conditioning. I passed out for a few hours, guzzled one of the nastiest coffees on earth, and we touched down in Paris.

I hung in the lounge for a little before my next flight and thought about how wild it is that people leave their bags unattended for a nibble. WHAT IF SOMEONE PLANTS DRUGS?? In saying that, the old me would have left my net worth in a cash envelope on the chair, but times have changed, baby! Paranoia is my middle name! I boarded my flight to Nice, watched the entire plane eat those nasty ass white bread sandwiches whilst I smugly munched a jacob bar, and we were touching down again. I deplaned thanking my lucky stars for my 75lb carry on, grabbed one more redemption coffee so I was nice and shaky, then I was in the uber and off to the Martinez! About as seamless as it gets.

More from my ~Corner~ of the internet:

Another week in paradise aka Miami. The weather really is sublime right now and I find myself wondering why the entire world doesn’t migrate to this tropical oasis. Have I forgotten how rough it is to go through hurricane szn, panic-buying toilet paper whilst swimming through 1000-degree air? Yes. Because I have amnesia triggered by motherhood. But I know I’ll be reminded in a few short months and I’ll be begging to pack up our life and move to a farm in Colorado. I’m nothing if not predictable.

We had a really great weekend with the kids and while I didn’t quite keep my grubby mitts off my phone all day on Sunday (I cannot leave my MIL on read), I did stay off social and it was glorious. You really don’t realize what a habit you have until you go cold turkey. Or how much of the world you miss when you sit and watch someone making cottage cheese pancakes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about social media and how we show up for people both on and offline. I guess because I’ve tried so many new things lately, which are all kind of scary and a bit cringe, I’ve really noticed the people who support me. They engage and share. They call or text. They ask how they can help. And then others… crickets. It kinda sucks to realize that some people aren’t in your corner, especially when you’d do anything for them in return.

I think it’s important for me to say out loud: if you have a new side hustle, you’re putting yourself out there online, or you’re setting big goals and going after them (a marathon!!), I WANT TO SUPPORT YOU. If I see it – damn you, IG, for hiding things from me all the time – I’m engaging. I want to help. I want to cheer. I refuse to be that person hiding behind my phone wishing it were me. There’s plenty of pie for all of us.

And on that note, start a side hustle!!! Do the thing you’re scared of! It’s actually so much less scary when you take the first step. No one wants to be 80 wondering why they didn’t just go ahead and make the perfect white tee shirt, ya know?

Now, after I just told you to set a goal and run a marathon, I’d also like to tell you not to be an asshole like me and ignore your body. It’s cool to do hard things, but not to the point where your hip gives out and your knees crackle like rice crispy treats. I’m trending towards my gentle girl era and am actually very okay with it. I’m still going to do a triathlon because I said I would, and I’m a woman of my word, but I’m done trying to one-up myself and run farther, faster, harder, and beat all the boys. That’s ego and it’s just dumb. I’m good enough as I am (if I say it enough, I’ll believe it, right?).

Anyway!! Big week coming up! We’ve got our Saint Sirène Summer shoot and then I’m off to the south of France to eat baguettes and have a panic attack on a red carpet. I’m really trying not to let my imposter syndrome get the better of me, but I can’t make any promises. Here’s hoping I’m not seated next to a model who refuses to talk to me this time!

More from my ~Corner~ of the internet:

Saint Sirène

White tee x 3. The Girlfriend, the Boyfriend, the Best Friend.

Hi! Remember when I said I was going to do this more? And then I didn’t? Well, I’M BACK!

“Now Claire, what on earth makes you think that you’ll keep this up when you’re the busiest you’ve ever been in your life?”

Ummm, delusion? A desperate need for validation because I started a YouTube channel and it has about three subscribers? Man, is it humbling to start from scratch as a 37-year-old woman. Every time I want to quit, I repeat my new favorite mantra — “It’s cool to try” — and get back to business with my stupid little mic and camera.

I guess that’s really the theme of my year. Old lady tries new things! No offense if you’re older than me, but I do think I am allowed to say that because all of the cartilage in my hip is basically gone.

New thing numero dos: I launched a business!! If you haven’t heard about it, you probably have me muted. Saint Sirène is my newest love and Maddy (my business and, dare I say, life partner) and I have been working away for a solid year now. Full time. Whilst also working 72 other jobs and parenting and training and staying married and trying to keep up with dentist appointments and silly sock days. But it’s been worth it cause WE SOLD THE F OUT!!! Yep, I’m bragging a little, but only because I was terrified that no one would buy a single shirt except our mums. (Also, Saint Sirène has a Substack! We just joined but we’re excited to get started.)

We have been so blown away by the feedback. Not even my high school bully trolled us! The one who left voicemails on my phone telling me how disgusting my style was! SUCK IT ROMY I’M A DESIGNER NOW. Oh, and I’m also going to Cannes next week with legit designers who make stunningly beautiful dresses so I really hope she’s reading this.

Oooof I sound full of myself, let me get back to the reality.

I’m a bit embarrassed by how much work it is to start a YouTube channel and how few people actually see it. I feel like I’m a shit mum right now. I’m tired all the time and I complain to my husband too much. My skin is breaking out from stress and sugar.

I’m letting the ball drop in a lot of areas. But I’m also keeping that thing flying in others so I guess that’s all I can do? I’ve also set myself some wellness goals so I don’t fully lose my mind:

• A daily walk ALONE. No intensity, just fresh air and vitamin D and some good music. Ahhhh.

• Phone-free Sunday. Andy is 12/10 at this and leaves his phone by the bed all day. I touch it for emergency texts or ordering pizza but honestly I could probably cut that out as well. It’s been LIFE CHANGING. We lock in with our kids, our stress levels go down 500%, and we just…live. My favorite thing about the week.

• No psychotic training. I have no races scheduled. No deliverables. I’m giving my body a little break since I’m not on track for the Olympics like I thought I was. It’s actually really nice.

That’s about all I got. Hit me with Qs in the comments and I’ll chat to you next week (if I say it I’ll do it).

Xoxo,

C

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Also linking my YouTube here in case anyone wants to be subscriber #4. This week’s ep is a day in my life!

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I was thrilled when we finally landed. Just beyond excited to show them the place I grew up, at an age where they could appreciate it (if you’re thinking about taking a two-year-old to Australia - travel at your own peril). They’ve always heard me talk about it with so much love. The food is incredible, there are parks everywhere - better than anything I’ve seen in most cities - the coffee is a fifteen out of ten. People are kind. Health care is accessible. And there are no guns. The dream.

We made the most of our time. A new park every day, visits with friends and family I hadn’t seen in years, afternoons where the kids could run and play freely. I was blown away by how safe it all felt. Kids were riding their bikes to school without parents watching, playing outside without anyone hovering. Obviously the world is never without risk, but it was the kind of environment that makes you believe in the possibility of a truly happy childhood. And it reminded me that mine was, in many ways, exactly that.

I didn’t like the version of myself that existed in Australia the last few years before I left. I was an anxious teenager. Insecure. Wrapped up in things that now, as a thirty-seven year old, feel completely meaningless. I cared about how I looked, whether boys liked me, if I seemed cool enough. I cannot even imagine what I would have been like if we’d had Instagram or Tiktok. Every little thing that could make me feel less-than had the power to ruin my day.

And being back in those same places brought all of it rushing back. Driving down familiar streets, seeing old schools, walking into the shopping centers I used to frequent, I felt that girl again. And I really did not want to.

Because I’ve been gone for so long, I haven’t had the chance to create new memories there as the person I am now. The version of me who actually likes herself. Who trusts her instincts. Who knows what matters and what doesn’t. Who feels steady in her choices and her values. That lack of new memories made it feel like I was stuck reliving a version of myself I worked hard to outgrow.

I also wasn’t with Andy this time. He’s such a stabilizing presence in my life, and maybe it would have felt different if he was there. More grounded. As it was, I often felt like I was drifting, uneasy in my own skin.

Because at some point, probably in my late twenties and definitely in my thirties, I started curating the life I really wanted. I became deliberate about the people I surrounded myself with, the community I built, the values I leaned into. And as much as I love my family and friends back home (and I really do - the night I spent with my high school girlfriends felt like no time had passed, and seeing my sweet sweet brother for the first time in three years was such a joy), the truth is that the life I want is the one I’ve created here.

That realization hit me hard. It was an epiphany, and a slightly uncomfortable one. I will always treasure my roots. I will always love where I came from. But the life that feels like mine is the one I’ve built now, far from those old streets. And accepting that has been an unexpected gift.

If you want to read more of my ramblings:

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Let’s start at the beginning. I landed in Cannes after one of the nastiest flights I’ve ever had. For the first time in years, full menty b. Ok maybe not years because those tend to happen every time I pop out a kid, but they don’t usually happen on a transatlantic flight. Something about the heat on the plane, the claustrophobia, the thought of being trapped over the Atlantic in a flying sauna, it completely rattled me. I dumped ice down my shirt and repeated mantras until I calmed down enough to be fully embarrassed of myself. Looking back, I think I was just in an anxious state overall. I had a dental implant coming up that I was dreading (dental work is one of my core fears thanks to some past trauma), and I always get anxious before events like Cannes. Every time I go, I feel a bit out of place. Somewhere between “actress” and “mom-toker,” like I’m not quite sure which world I belong to.

But the truth is: no one’s thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves. Their dress, their angle, their moment. Once I remember that, I can let go and enjoy the experience. And it really is amazing to get to work with these legendary fashion houses and attend wild, beautiful events. No, not for my movies (as my siblings so lovingly remind me), but still…what a dream!

So I landed, frazzled and jet-lagged, and had to go straight to an event for my friend Toni Garrn and her foundation. She’s hot, tall, smart AND philanthropic, and I’m very jealous of her. My room wasn’t ready, so I got changed in the spa, gave myself the world’s saddest underarm wipe-shower, did some extremely questionable makeup, and threw on a Frankie Shop suit my stylist Amarsana had left for me. She knows what she’s doing, and you can’t go wrong with a power suit, so it was perfect.

We got back to the hotel in the early evening and started fittings for the premiere. We tried a few dresses from smaller designers but none of them were quite right. Too see-through, too heavy, too TIGHT. Like teeny tiny. Like sized-for-my-four-year-old tight, but that’s a story (rant?) for another day. Needless to say, things weren't looking good after the first batch. Then the lovely PR for one of my favorite designers (who I’d worn at a previous Cannes) walked in with an armful of gorg gowns. My eye landed on a lilac dress: flowy, feminine, fitted through the bodice. It felt ethereal and so comfortable. I was sold. We told her that we thought this was the one but we’d let her know for sure the next day.

Amarsana also wanted us to go and look at the Carolina Herrera collection, and because I trust her with my life and my body, I agreed. Scanning through the rack we spotted it: a big, floral princess gown. Something I’d NEVER normally go for given I’m terrified I'm not elegant enough to pull that type of look off. Ya know - couture to dollar store kinda energy. There was also a rule this year that you couldn’t do anything too oversized since in previous years some of the dresses took up the entire French Riviera. But something about it spoke to me. It was just so pretty. Full but fitted in the bodice (snatchedddd). Beautiful red florals. Dreamy. When Amarsana echoed what I was thinking, I got excited.

I stepped in, and it didn’t zip up.

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I have what I lovingly refer to as “baby-making ribs." A slightly broader ribcage post-kids. I actually can't think about broad ribs without remembering the rumor we spread around the world about Marilyn Manson in the '90s. Wild that we managed that. I digress.

We zipped about 80% of the way up and then held our breath while the team called the designer to see if we could alter it. They often say no, given that dresses need to stay sample-sized for a multitude of reasons, but the universe was on my side this time. Cannes has some of the best tailors in the world quietly working behind the scenes, and they worked their magic to release it just enough in time for the premiere the next day.

That morning, I did a little hot girl walk since I absolutely DO NOT run in Cannes (don’t ask me why), ate some breakfast, read some of my faerie porn, and it was time to get ready. Obviously the glam is a very important part of the overall style, so I spent way too much time googling “Rosie Huntington-Whiteley makeup” and “Sienna Miller hair” until I found what I was looking for.

Last year I didn’t feel great about how I looked (again, a story for another time), so this year I just wanted to feel… pretty. Simple, soft, feminine. Amarsana initially suggested a more structured hair look to balance the drama of the dress, but I pushed back and told her I wanted to go full Princess of Genovia. She was definitely right from a style perspective, but she also knows that you gotta feel good to get “the shot” so she went with it. Rosy makeup, flowy hair - you get it. We picked out the jewelry (always a surreal process involving armored guards and contracts longer than my birth plan), I ate a couple of salad leaves so I didn’t bust a seam, and it was time for the dress.

I zipped it up and voila! Couldn’t breathe again! I know how anxiety snowballs if you don’t get a handle on it early, so I did my best to pull myself together in a room full of people. A couple of silent mantras, some calming, albeit shallow, breaths, and we were back on track. How tf does Kim K do it?

We took some shots (camera not tequila) then headed downstairs to leave the hotel. It’s always madness before the premieres. A billion gals in fancy dresses nervously ambling around in the lobby. Kind of like prom. Amarsana had arranged for a sprinter van so Toni could lie flat in her stunning silk archival, and I could fit the 8000 yards of fabric inside.

We thought the premiere started at 5:30 but it actually started at 6:30 (rookie error), so we sat in traffic for about a decade. I was doing my best to breathe, and Toni was lying flat as a pancake trying not to wrinkle her silk - an impossible feat. Eventually she just got out and stood next to the car with the door open, and I’m a sheep so I joined her. Two women in gowns, standing roadside in Cannes, just trying to keep our dresses from creasing. As you do.

Eventually, we made it to the carpet only mildly sweaty. It was busy but not too chaotic. I took my time. I reminded myself that this isn’t life or death. It’s just a red carpet. Just some pictures. Those security guards aren’t going to take you to jail. It’s not even your premiere! Literally nobody is thinking about you! It took the pressure off. And you know what? I felt good. I felt like I did the dress justice. I enjoyed myself. And when you reach the top of those Cannes stairs, there’s a real sense of relief. You just hope the shots turned out well, that the designers are happy, and that your team is happy. And then you get to sit down, watch a movie, and have a Campari spritz. Delightful.

And that’s the story behind the Carolina Herrera dress. Let me know if you’re into this type of stuff and I’ll share more. Maybe we can revisit some of the tragically styled red carpet looks I put together myself in the early 2010s. No money for a stylist, but somehow still managed to afford a weekly spray tan. And a wig. Priorities.

Credits
Styling: Amarsana Gendunova
Dress: Carolina Herrera
Jewelry: Mari
Shoes: Aquazzura
Makeup: Alessandra Nuovavia
Hair: Eduardo Bravo
Photographer: @yaninaphoto

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I’ll be back next week with something more substantial. Or not. Depends on how demanding my tiny bosses are. But here’s a collection of thoughts that I’ve written down while I struggle to maintain my gentle parenting ethos.

• Why do kids act like they’re possessed on summer holidays? My kids are having 75 meltdowns a day. The slightest inconvenience and they’re on the floor sobbing like I lit their favorite stuffy on fire. Can someone please explain what the f is going on? My gentle (ish) parenting style is not cutting it!

• I got a massage this week and I felt guilty. It was really painful, so not as guilty as I’d have felt if it was relaxing, but still.

• Being in the mountains is a spiritual experience. I am just totally awestruck every single day here.

• I saw my first moose. Pretty cool. Didn’t know they could take you out tho.

• Everyone thinks AI video is the future but it still looks fake to me? These robot influencers…who is even falling for that?

• The Coldplay affair guy is either exceptionally dumb (he runs a massive tech company so ….) or he wanted to get caught. Imagine hugging your side piece when you know there’s a kiss cam. C’mon. Also imagine having a side piece. I’m exhausted thinking about it.

• “I’m not stuck in traffic, I am traffic.” Seth Godin

• I used to despise ballet flats and now they’re all I think about. I want these.

• Every time I finish a marathon I forget how bloody tiring training for a marathon is. Kinda like pregnancy I guess. I’m currently in the “how the hell am I going to do this for another 15 weeks” phase. Mainlining sugar and caffeine. My skin is pissed.

• I’m in a reading slump. Probably cause I can’t keep my eyes open past 9pm.

• We are making some real progress on the white tees! Can’t wait to fill you in soon. Loved all the feedback you gave. I owe ya!

On the harder days, I remind myself how blessed I am to have kids who are healthy enough to be wild.

Love,

C x

So if you’re sitting there thinking, I want to start running but I have no idea where to begin, this is for you. I’m not going to talk about how I got started. This is more of a practical, mildly chaotic guide. The products you’ll need and the things to remember. Simple.

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The gear

Shoes: Number one. Start here. I love the Hoka Skyward X and Hoka Cliftons. I've tried a bunch, but those are my go-to's. That said, what works for me might not work for you. Try some on. Get fitted if you can. And please, I beg you - don’t do all your runs in carbon-plated racing shoes. They’re fun and cool and fast, but your feet will hate you.

Shorts: I hate running in leggings. I always end up rage-yanking them the whole time. Shorts are the move. I have a stash of cheap running shorts from Amazon that have lasted forever. You do not need the $80 ones. Unless you want them. You do you!

Sports bra: Non-negotiable. I’m in the itty-bitty-comittee so don’t need a crazy amount of support, but I still like to feel nicely tucked in. I wear mostly Alo these days.

Top: I almost always run in a bra and shorts because Florida is a sauna, but sometimes I’ll chuck on a tee or singlet if I’m wearing my hydration vest. I have a couple of long sleeve tops in case I have to run in a snow storm (I’ve never run in a snow storm). Bandit and Tracksmith have some cute stuff.

Hat + sunglasses: Wear a hat!!! Also sunscreen!! No one wants to look like an old leather bag. During the peak of summer I love my visor from Omius that has fancy cooling technology. Maybe it works, maybe it’s placebo. Don’t really care which. I’m also obsessed with running glasses. Apparently it reduces perceived effort which may also be something I read that has no scientific backing whatsoever. Andy used to make fun of me until he came home the other day wearing his own pair. GOT HIM!

Headphones: I use the Shokz OpenFit Air. They sit outside your ears, so you can hear traffic, nature, and weird men breathing too close behind you. They’re light, comfy, and don’t fall out like my old AirPods did during long runs.

Running belt: ​I love this one. Stores your phone/keys/gels and doesn't bounce. Super comfy. Don't hold your phone in your hand, it's way too annoying.

Hydration vest: You don't really need this unless you’re running for over an hour but it’s good to think about. I have this classic hydration vest. It works great but is kinda ugly. I'm eyeing one from a new brand called Mileoff which is currently sold out but I’ll be first in line when the restock. Way cuter.

Hydration belt: For races I always use a hydration belt because my #1 fear (aside from sharks) is being thirsty. I’ve run all my marathons with this belt and honestly love it. Not chic, but essential for me. I don’t wanna be battling 1000 elbows for a little cup of water only to spill it everywhere.

Body Glide: If you're running long distances, this is imperative. I can’t tell you how many red welts I’ve had on my body cause I forgot to lather up. You can use Body Glide or just swipe on some Aquaphor like a 90s mom.

Sports watch: Do you NEED this? No. Do I feel like the world is ending if I wake up and find my apple watch isn’t charged? Yes. Do with that what you will.

The fuel

Not eating enough before, during, or after a run is the #1 reason you feel like garbage. If you’re going longer than an hour, you probably need fuel in the middle.

I use Precision Hydration gels, and sometimes the Maurten gel. My coach would prefer for me to use natural sugars like honey or maple syrup, so let's see if I can make the change. He also wants me to avoid coffee before my run (which is never happening). I’d rather be slow than uncaffeinated. Great guy tho!

Carbs are your friend. Don’t let the diet culture ghosts whisper to you mid-run. Carbs = energy = the difference between feeling happy or horrendous.

Full guide on my website

Some of the links in this newsletter are affiliate. If you happen to buy something I might make a commission.

I love celebrating kids. I love tacos and balloons and yes, even the petting zoo goat that’s bleating loudly when I’m already overstimulated. But I’ll be honest, it’s a little jarring to show up to a mini Coachella and then feel like I’m supposed to top it off with a $50 toy. I just really struggle to understand why a parent would send a link to a wish list (this happened) when their kid already has so much.

Maybe I’m so desperate not to raise spoiled kids that I’ve gone too far the other direction. I keep thinking about a moment from a visit to rural Uganda, where I watched children light up over a pair of shoes or a soccer ball. It's hard not to think about that moment when I see a mound of presents as big as Everest at a 4th birthday party.

It’s not that I don’t want to give. I do. It just feels like somewhere along the way, childhood celebrations became less about the moments and more about the stuff.

Here’s a thought: If we’re lucky enough to create big, beautiful parties for our kids, maybe we can also use them as an opportunity to teach gratitude. We could ask guests to bring toys or books to donate. Or share a charity that matters to our family. Or simply say "no gifts" and mean it. Because otherwise, what are we teaching them? That birthday parties = consumption on consumption on consumption? That love = more stuff?

This isn't about being a buzzkill. It’s about being aware. It’s about saying: we have enough. Let’s share. Let’s celebrate with intention. Let’s teach our kids that their worth isn’t tied to how many packages they tear open, especially when half of them end up under the couch later that afternoon.

If you’re planning a big party, amazing. I hope it’s magical. Let me show up, sing “Happy Birthday,” cheer your kid on as they whack a piñata, and eat way too much cake. That’s the real gift.

Since I’m in Europe and cannot muster the brainpower to write anything profound, I figured I’d just share a collection of thoughts.

1. How do we convince Europeans that air-con won’t make them sick? I get so frazzled in a hot room. I don’t understand why they won’t at least give it a shot?

2. Running is so much nicer without humidity. The sharks, the sweat… Miami is falling way behind in the rankings.

3. This was my first time in Dusseldorf and let me tell you, they know how to live. I saw so many people on picnic blankets in the park. Playing cards, reading, painting. CHIC. Not a phone in sight. I was the only asshole taking a video of myself running.

4. Why do so many people drink aperol spritzes? They taste like medicine.

5. Apparently 2000s style EDM is making a comeback. I heard it from a cool DJ.

6. I’m kinda sick of reading fantasy. I HATED my last book (and rage finished it because I simply cannot stop halfway) but it put me in a slump. I think I need a trashy palette cleanser.

7. I can’t believe men text the way they do with each other. One word replies. Just “ok.” No emojis. No exclamation marks. So scary.

8. Season 2 of Mormon wives is messyyyy. I love the show so much but they’ve gotten so mean and it makes me sad. I feel like the producers pushed them to fight more?

9. I’m really missing my kids on this trip. Like more than ever. They’re so fun right now and I simply don’t know how I’m supposed to let them go to sleep away camp in a few years, let alone go to college. I can’t believe my mum encouraged me to move to another country to chase my dreams. I’m not sure I’ll be able to be that selfless.

10. Currently in Ibiza and reminded that for the 10th year running I have not accomplished my New Year’s resolution of becoming fluent in Spanish.

11. If you read that as Ibitha I’m going to need you to unsubscribe.

Love ya!

C x

What made you choose to live in Miami vs NYC, LA, CHI, etc?

I joke that Andy hoodwinked me into it (he was living here when we met), but the reality is that it’s an awesome place for our kids. They are outside the whole year - swimming, fishing, and playing sports. We live 7 minutes from the beach. It really is a dream life for a kid. I have a love-hate relationship with this city, mainly because of the damn heat. Have you ever tried running 18 miles in Florida in August? DO NOT. I’m a bit of a nomad by nature so I’m always pitching a move to a new city, but I also get how insane that is with 3 kids in school. It’s not like we can just move right back if I’m not into it after a month, you know? Anyway, Miami might not be forever but it is pretty damn great most of the time, and we are happy here for now.

How do you balance mum/work life and the pressure of being in the entertainment industry?

Balance is a triggering term for me because it makes me feel like there should be this sweet spot when it comes to work and family, and if you haven’t found it you’re doing something wrong. The reality is that it’s a swinging pendulum. Some days you’re building forts and swinging from monkey bars, and you don’t reply to a single email. Other days you’re in a flow state with work and your kids are banging at the door begging you to play with them. It’s taken me a few years to find a rhythm, but at the end of the day my highest priority is my family. As long as I stand by that and show up for them in the moments that matter, I’m ok with whatever professional outcome that generates. Perhaps that means I don’t get to be as successful as I’d hoped, or that I don’t get to take an acting job that shoots for 9 months in another country. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ll keep working and aiming for creative and intellectual fulfillment (because I know that makes me a better mum), but I’m never going to do that at the expense of my family. In fact, I have a vision board that I stare at every day with all of my hopes and dreams, and in the centre is a picture of the 5 of us with the phrase family first. I’m 100% committed to that.

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Can you share your running routine and average pace? How long have you been running?

I’ve been running since my late teens. It’s like a religion for me. I’m obsessed with it in a way that is hard to explain because I love it so much but I also hate it?? Like 8 out of 10 runs just suck balls. I guess if you weren’t trying to get faster or hit certain mileage goals, it would be a lovely experience. Nice zone 2 runs every day. No pressure.

The problem for me is that I usually have a goal in mind which requires WORK. My last marathon I ran in 3 hrs 42 mins with an average pace of 8 mins 30 seconds per mile (5 mins 17 seconds per km). When I started my training block, that pace was hard for me to hold for even a few miles. It takes work to get faster but it’s possible! I’ve had to rebuild my fitness many times so I know it requires patience, but it always comes back. I plan to write another piece on running/the marathon in the future so let me know if you have other specific questions!

What do I do if my man is very close with his ex?

I meannnn there’s so much nuance to this question. My husband is still really close with one of his exes and I think she’s amazing. I’m super close to a boyfriend from my early 20s and my husband loves him. I think it just depends on how the relationship ended. Do you suspect lingering feelings? If so, you need to talk about it, otherwise it’ll go down a path you’re not going to like. Respect and boundaries are important, but you can have those without being cray or controlling. If you’re confident in yourself and your relationship, I don’t see any harm in him being friends with someone he used to date. They broke up for a reason, ya know? HOWEVER, if your intuition is telling you something and you don’t feel good about what’s going on, trust yourself. Plenty more fish in the sea!

Could you share your pre- and post-run stretches?

I absolutely suck at this. I’m lucky if I do a few hip circles and calf raises before I bolt. It’s SO bad. Once I get back into a marathon training block, I really try to prioritize the warm up so I don't get injured... but for now it’s the wild west. I’ll revisit when I have an actual program to share but until then you can go on Youtube or IG and find lots!

Is it true that you used to have a relationship with Joseph? Or is it just a rumor?

I have never ever had a relationship with a costar. Ever. Not even a hook up lol.

I love your discipline, how did you get it?

I dunno maybe some trauma? JK I think I was just conditioned that way as a kid. I was super dedicated to martial arts which really helped with discipline, and then I started working a full time job at a young-ish age. There was no time to mess around. I had to show up for work at 5am, learn all my lines, finish my school work. It was a lot. But I’m glad for that conditioning because I think it’s the reason I’ve achieved a lot of my goals. Just like Andy always says to our kids: you can't cut corners.

As someone who does a lot of cardio, what do you do to build muscle?

Listen, I’ve been trying to build an ass for a decade and I still don’t have one so I’m not sure I’m an authority figure here, but I’ve definitely been able to build a little muscle in other parts of my body whilst keeping up my cardio. I lift heavy weights 2-3 times a week, eat a lot of protein, take creatine, and try to train to failure. I recently started working out with a trainer at the gym and that’s really helped because I have access to heavier loads than I do at home. I also love online programs (especially Linsday Harrod) and think you can get a great outcome for a reasonable price.

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How did you find the transition from 2 to 3 kids? I’m due with baby number 3 in January and I'm so nervous.

I love it so so so so so so so (there aren't enough so’s to properly articulate this feeling) much. I am beyond happy I chose to go for number 3. I really feel like we are a complete unit now. That’s not to say it wasn’t challenging - it can be especially hard on your relationship. 3 feels like a lot more than 2. You just gotta remind yourself that everything is a phase and you will eventually sleep again or go on a date again or wash your hair again or go to the toilet alone again. Remind yourself that you don’t have to do it on your own and try to build a good support system around yourself if you can. It’s all worth it. Also, don’t tell my older 2, but the 3rd child is the coolest.

Tell us about how you haven't enjoyed being pregnant? I want kids but I’m scared of pregnancy.

I shared a lot on The Corner during my last pregnancy (so if you feel like a deep dive you can go back and read), but the TLDR is that I just wasn’t a great pregnant person. I was so sick with both my boys - not Elle, surprisingly, but she was a covid baby so that had its own challenges. I felt really out of control of my body, and just didn't enjoy what felt to me like “restrictions." I get it, growing a baby is a beautiful thing and you need to have grace for yourself - but that’s just not something I’m good at. I was annoyed that I couldn’t run or jump or chase my kids the way I wanted to. I was upset that I hurled my guts up all the time. I didn’t like that my ribs were a punching bag, or that I had a boulder on my bladder. With that being said, I would absolutely do it all over again to get James, Elle, and Ford. They are so beyond worth every minute of struggle and pain. At the end of the day, the sacrifices were an honor. I am so lucky to be their mum. So yes I hated pregnancy, but I am also so infinitely grateful that I got to do it.