Watching everything from Italian Brain Rot, to Skibidi Toilet, to Poppy Playtime really lit a fire inside me, and made me passionate about supporting parents as they navigate this relentless world of screen time and content with their kids.

So, as an Engineering Manager by day and someone who likes to build things, I started building The Safe Screen Time Database, a free, searchable tool that tells you exactly how stimulating a kids’ show actually is, before your child ever presses play. It’s now live and you can search any of the 700+ shows (new shows added weekly), and filter by age, platform, or stimulation level, so you can know in seconds whether a show will leave your kid calm, or if it’ll leave them wired.

Access the Database

There’s no catch, no trial, nothing to cancel. It’s live and ready for you to use!

So, what did I stumble upon during my research. Well, here’s a few shows to be aware of:

Poppy Playtime

A horror-game franchise that’s exploded across YouTube through gameplay videos, theories, animations, and fan-made content. Combined, it’s generated hundreds of billions of views across the platform.

Skibidi Toilet

One of the internet’s most-watched viral video series, built on surreal humour, fast-paced action, and bizarre characters. Tens of billions of views, and climbing.

Italian Brain Rot

AI-generated content, packed with strange characters, rapid scene changes, and relentless stimulation, purpose-built to keep kids watching.

These aren’t fringe, hard-to-find corners of the internet. They’re some of the most-watched formats kids are exposed to right now. If a device is left unsupervised, autoplay will find this stuff, whether you’ve heard of it or not.

What is modern-day screen time so difficult to navigate? Well, every one of these shows is built by creators competing hard for attention, on platforms engineered to keep a viewer watching as long as possible, using devices designed to be difficult to put down. Here we have three different industries, all optimising for the same thing, aimed squarely at your kid. Watch time! And unless we have an awareness of it, so we can ensure our kids are watching the right shows, then screen time can escalate out of control.

The mechanism these shows use is almost embarrassingly simple once you see it: fast cuts, constant novelty, and emotional spikes keep a developing brain in a state of alertness it can’t easily switch off from. I actually counted this once. In 80 seconds of Mary Poppins, there are 8 scene changes. In 80 seconds of Italian Brain Rot, there are 36, a cut every 2.22 seconds. Same 80 seconds. Completely different experience for a child’s brain.

More watch time means more ad revenue, and content that leaves a kid a little more wound up than they were 20 minutes ago is content that performs.

Which is exactly the gap the database closes

Here’s what I kept running into: even once you understand why this content works the way it does, you still can’t tell at a glance whether the specific show your kid is asking for right now is one of the calm ones or one of the chaotic ones. There are thousands of shows out there. Nobody has time to research each one.

So every show in the database is scored across five factors, speed, emotional intensity, pacing, novelty, and sensory load, based on real research and direct study of scene-length and content patterns.

This isn’t about banning screen time. It’s not about becoming the “no screens” parent. It’s just knowing what you’re actually looking at, before you press play instead of after the meltdown.

Go try it on the show your kid’s currently obsessed with

You might be surprised, or you might feel a lot better than you expected to.

Access the Database

If you want the deeper version, the full framework behind the ratings, platform-by-platform breakdowns, and a real plan for the switch-off battles, that’s what I’m building next. But the database itself is free, today, for everyone, and you’ll also gain access to my free community via the link about too. So be sure to introduce yourself, I respond to every new member :)

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

School shoes that apparently no longer fit. A water bottle that disappeared sometime around June. Pencil cases, lunch bags, PE kit… And the sudden realisation that the thing you were definitely going to buy “at some point during the holidays” is still sitting on your mental to-do list.

So, as part of a partnership with Amazon, I wanted to share their Back to School Hub, which pulls together loads of the school essentials in one place. Whether you’re doing the full September restock or just filling in the gaps, you’ll find everything from tech, stationery, backpacks and lunch boxes through to school tech and other essentials.

And at this point in the holidays, I’m very much in favour of anything that saves me driving around four different shops with two children in tow. 😂

👉 SHOP AMAZON’S BACK TO SCHOOL HUB

We’ve been looking at some of the tech bits in particular this year, as Luca is doing more and more of his schoolwork through things like Google Classroom, which still feels slightly mad when I think about what “school tech” looked like when we were kids. I remember winning an award for a poster I made in Microsoft Word… when I was 11 :) These days kids are coding from 5yo!

But whether your list is three things or thirty, hopefully the hub makes that final back-to-school rush a little bit easier.

Good luck to everyone currently labelling jumpers, hunting for missing PE bags and trying to remember what day school actually starts. And if your little one is starting school for the first time next week, check out my Instagram post this evening, which brings to life a really impactful poem from Emma Robinson.

Cheers all,

Tom

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

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Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

This week I wanted to chat through a huge parenting shift that really worked for me, especially when it comes to remaining calm and better connecting with my little ones.

Like many parents, I used to focus almost entirely on the behaviour in front of me. If one of my children refused to leave the park, ignored me when I asked them to get dressed, or completely fell apart over something that seemed incredibly small, my instinct was to figure out how to stop the behaviour as quickly as possible. And if I’m honest, I’d take their behaviour personally!

But over time, I began to notice something. The moments that felt the hardest weren’t usually caused by my little ones who wanted to “make my life difficult”. They were caused when they were struggling with something they didn’t yet have the skills to express.

That realisation changed far more than my parenting, it changed how I saw my children.

Looking Beyond What We Can See

Let’s take an example. Imagine you’re having one of those positive days. The kids are having fun playing, laughing and running around without a single argument. Everyone is happy, and parenting feels wonderfully easy.

Then you say five words.

“It’s time to go home.”

Within seconds everything changes.

One child immediately protests. The other suddenly discovered there was one last thing they absolutely have to do before leaving. The laughter disappears and is replaced with tears, frustration and complete refusal to cooperate.

Thinking about this example specifically, years ago I would probably have interpreted that as defiance. After all, a lovely afternoon was being had together, so why end it like that? Why make such a fuss over something so simple? But parenting has taught me that what looks simple to us rarely feels simple to our children.

Leaving the park isn’t just walking through a gate. It’s saying goodbye to something they were deeply immersed in. It’s stopping an activity before they feel emotionally ready. It’s coping with disappointment while their brain is still developing the ability to regulate those feelings. I experience this most evenings, when I need to put a stop to playing football with our oldest, because it’s 8pm and we need to start bedtime!

We Often React to the Surface

I think this is one of the reasons parenting can feel so exhausting. We spend so much energy reacting to what we can see that we never get the opportunity to understand what’s happening underneath it.

• When a child screams because they’ve been asked to put their shoes on, we see shouting.

• When they hit their sibling after a long day at school, we see aggression.

• When they ignore us for the fifth time before bedtime, we see defiance.

But behaviour is only ever the visible part of the story. Beneath it might be tiredness after holding themselves together all day. It might be disappointment that playtime has ended. It might be anxiety about tomorrow, overstimulation from a busy environment or simply emotions that feel much bigger than the skills they currently have available.

None of that excuses hurting others or ignoring boundaries, those moments still need us to step in. But understanding the reason behind the behaviour changes how we react. Instead of trying to overpower the behaviour, we begin supporting the child who is struggling to manage it.

Curiosity Changed Everything

One question has transformed more difficult moments in our house than almost anything else.

Instead of asking myself, “How do I stop this behaviour?” I now try to ask, “What might my child be finding difficult right now?”

That response reminds me that children aren’t miniature adults making calculated decisions. They’re still learning how to cope with disappointment, frustration, boredom, waiting, losing, sharing and hundreds of other experiences that we now take for granted because we’ve practised them for decades. It’s not an easy shift in response, however being aware of it, and reading reminder such as this one, put us in a much better place to make intentional changes when it comes to how we respond to our kids.

We often expect emotional skills from children that they simply haven’t had enough opportunities to develop yet. When I remind myself of that, it becomes much easier to respond with confidence instead of control.

The Story We Tell Ourselves

Looking back, I think many of my biggest parenting reactions came not from what my children were doing, but from the story I was telling myself about what it meant.

If they ignored me, I worried they were becoming disrespectful. If they melted down in public, I wondered whether other people thought I couldn’t parent. If they argued over something tiny, I feared I was losing control.

And this will be different for every parent, we all respond differently to these situations. But try to reminder, children aren’t defined by their behaviour in one single situation. They’re defined by building it across thousands of ordinary moments where they experience disappointment, make mistakes, receive guidance and slowly develop emotional skills over time.

If this article resonated with you, I’d love you to download my free Parenting Without Punishment Guidebook. It explores this way of thinking in much more depth and gives practical examples of how to respond to everyday challenges without relying on punishment or fear…

Download The Guidebook

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

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Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Every parent has a moment they’d love to take back, we’ve all been there. The moment we raised our voice after asking five times already. The moment we snapped because we had a difficult day. The moment our child accidentally spilled a drink, made another mess, or pushed one button too many, and we reacted in a way that didn’t reflect the parent we want to be.

If you’re anything like me, those moments don’t end when the shouting stops, they stick with you. You end up replaying them in your head, and they sit with you long after your parent has gone to bed. That’s maybe why we find parenting exhausting at times, because we care too much!

The problem is, we’ve been sold an impossible version of parenting. Everywhere we look, we’re told to stay calm, regulate perfectly, validate every emotion and always know the right thing to say. Somewhere along the way, many of us have started believing that good parents never lose their patience. It’s why I try and share as much as I can through The Dad Vibes. Yes, I try and encourage parents to have calmer interactions with their little ones, but I like to think I provide a level of balance, and honesty in and around that content.

Because the fact is, parenting doesn’t happen in perfect conditions. It happens when you’ve had four hours of sleep, it happens after a stressful day at work, it happens when you’re trying to answer emails whilst cooking dinner, your toddler is crying because you peeled the banana the “wrong” way, and your nervous system has already reached breaking point.

Of course we’re going to get it wrong sometimes. We’re human!

And that realisation changed everything for me, because I stopped asking myself, “How do I never make mistakes?” and started asking a much better question.

“What do I do after I’ve made one?”

That question leads us to one of the most important parenting skills there is: repair.

Repair doesn’t erase mistakes, but it does turn them into opportunities, and transforms them.

It turns moments of disconnection into opportunities for deeper trust. It teaches children something that perfect parenting never could, that relationships aren’t defined by whether conflict happens. They’re defined by whether people are willing to come back together afterwards.

I think that’s such an important distinction because every relationship experiences rupture. Every marriage has disagreements. Every friendship has misunderstandings. Every family has moments where someone gets it wrong.

When we repair with our children, we’re showing them exactly that. We’re teaching them that love doesn’t disappear because somebody had a bad day. We’re teaching them that mistakes don’t have to end relationships. We’re teaching them that people can take responsibility, reconnect, and move forward together.

Clinical psychologist Dr. John Gottman has said that one of the most powerful things a parent can do is acknowledge their own mistakes. Just imagine what your child learns when they hear the words, “I got that wrong.” Or, “I’m sorry.”

If this topic resonates with you, then I definitely recommend checking out this week’s video over on YouTube (below), or if you’d rather, you can listen to the episode on all major podcasting platforms.

And if you want to explore this even deeper, right now you can save over $300 on my Calm Parenting System, which includes 3 of my most popular parenting toolkits. And gives you all the guides, courses and resources you need to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child!

Depending on when you read this, this link should take you to an exclusive offer, to secure instant lifetime access to all of the resources for $34.99.

Watch the video version of this post on YouTube.

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

I wanted to check in on the parents tackling the summer holiday juggle, how is it going? Laura and I have an 8-year-old and a 3-year-old, and we both work from home, so the juggle is real!

Currently we’re balancing annual leave with summer club a few days a week. We’ve got a few trips planned, a holiday in Spain, and the rest of time, we will need to lean on family and our little ones entertaining each other!

There’s so much pressure to make every day magical. Social media is full of perfect picnics, elaborate crafts and smiling family adventures, and it’s easy to feel like you’re somehow falling behind if your children are arguing over the TV remote before 9am.

The truth is, the summer holidays can be intense. Routines disappear, siblings spend every waking hour together, the house never seems to stay tidy, and by the end of the day many of us are running on empty. If that’s you, I hope this gives you permission to lower the bar a little. Your child won’t remember whether every day was packed with activities, they’ll remember how home felt.

So here are a few things that have genuinely helped us over the years:

• Don’t feel guilty about having “boring” days. Children don’t need constant entertainment. Boredom often becomes creativity once we stop rushing to fill every moment.

• Aim for one meaningful moment each day, not ten. A bike ride, a trip to the park, baking together or reading before bed often matters far more than expensive days out.

• Lower your expectations, not your standards. Your children are out of routine, probably sleeping differently and spending far more time together than usual. More conflict is normal.

• Remember that connection solves more than control. When behaviour becomes challenging, it’s often a sign that your child needs help with their emotions more than they need another consequence.

• Look after yourself too. Tag-team where you can. Take the shortcut dinner. Accept the messy house. A calmer parent benefits everyone.

Speaking of making life a little easier...

A few weeks ago we spent some time at Bedruthan Hotel, and honestly, it reminded me that family breaks don’t have to leave you needing another holiday afterwards. They had a craftroom for the kids, a playroom, indoor and outdoor pools, and it was a stones throw from the beach. So if you’re looking for a UK break with your little ones, check out the Bedruthan below…

Find Your Bedruthan Break

If you want to check out our trip to Bedruthan, click here to watch my highlights reel. We’ve been visiting the Bedruthan every year since Luca was born, it’s definitely our happy place!

One of the things we love most about the Bedruthan is how much thought goes into making it enjoyable for both children and parents. There are plenty of activities to keep the kids busy, beautiful spaces to explore together, and moments where we could genuinely slow down instead of constantly trying to entertain everyone.

If you’re still looking for a family getaway this summer, or even planning ahead, it’s definitely worth taking a look. Sometimes simply changing the scenery can make everything feel a little lighter.

Finally, if the summer holidays have brought out more shouting than you’d like, please remember this:

One difficult day doesn’t define your parenting. Tomorrow is another opportunity to reconnect.

Have a wonderful week all,

Tom

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

It’s a free guide designed to help you understand your child’s behaviour and stay calmer in the hardest moments! So if you’re looking to make a change today, this guide is for you…

Download Your Free Guidebook

Get instant help to stay calmer, and learn what to do instead of using yelling, punishment or threats!

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

When Luca first started playing, I thought he’d learn how to pass, shoot and maybe score a few goals. What I didn’t expect was how much it would help shape his confidence. He’s just turned 8, however this year he played an entire season a school year up. And recently, he was awarded the Manager’s Player of the Season Award.

I’ve watched him walk onto a pitch not knowing anyone and leave with new friends. I’ve seen him get fouled, miss chances, get frustrated, only to pick himself up, dig deep and push on in the game. Each experience seems to add another small layer of confidence that he carries with him into other areas of life.

One of the things I love most about team sports is that children learn they’re part of something bigger than themselves. They learn how to support others, celebrate other people’s successes and keep going when things don’t go their way. In a world where so much childhood now happens through screens, those lessons feel more valuable than ever.

Of course, football isn’t the only way children can learn these things. It could be dance, swimming, scouts, gymnastics or any activity where they feel connected to others and challenged to grow. But for Luca, football is that vehicle for now

As parents, we often focus on achievements. Did they win? Did they score? Were they the best player? But the older I get, the more I realise that confidence isn’t built through success alone. It’s built through showing up, trying, failing, learning and trying again.

Let me know if the comments how your little ones discover their confidence, is it through sport? crafts? performing arts? I’m keen to hear more as it’s such an important part of our kids childhood.

Talking of football, we’ve been bringing some of that World Cup excitement into our own home with the Monopoly Panini Prizm FIFA World Cup 2026 Game.

It’s been a fun way to keep the football conversation going away from the pitch, combining the excitement of the World Cup with a family game night that everyone can get involved in.

Lear More @ Smyths Toys

If you’re looking for a screen-free way to build excitement ahead of the tournament, it’s well worth checking out.

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

About a month ago, I crossed the finish line of the London Marathon in 4 hours and 33 minutes, and honestly, it was one of the most inspiring experiences of my life.

The atmosphere was incredible from start to finish. I spent so long putting together an inspirational playlist, but I didn’t even turn my music on, the support was relentless from start to finish. I made the decision very early on to pull back, not focus on my time and enjoy the experience. Thousands of people lining the streets, complete strangers cheering your name, runners supporting each other through the toughest moments… it genuinely restores your faith in people. There were moments where the noise and encouragement carried me forward when my legs didn’t want to, especially after 36km!

What struck me most was how many people were running for something bigger than themselves, charities, loved ones, personal battles, grief, hope, second chances. You could feel the emotion everywhere.

I ran in memory of our Baby Noa, who’s heart stopped back in 2021 when my wife was 5 months pregnant. And in her memory, I was able to raise over £2,000 for the Miscarriage Association.

The marathon challenged me physically and mentally far more than I expected. The final miles were tough, but crossing that finish line with my family waiting meant everything. I can’t say I’ll be running a marathon again any time soon, the training took it out of me, and I struggled to juggle everything at once. For now, whilst our little ones are young, I think I’ll stick to the half marathon distance, as for me right now, that’s far more manageable :)

During training and recovery, I also leaned on small routines that helped me stay on track including using Ensure NutriVigor as part of my recovery after long runs. Having something simple with protein, vitamins and minerals to support recovery and reduce tiredness genuinely helped during the tougher weeks of training. If you’d like to check them out, you can hit the link below, Ensure kept me fuelled throughout my training and recovery, and I can’t recommend them highly enough!

Get Your Ensure NutriVigor

Before I sign off, if you ever get the opportunity to experience the London Marathon, whether running or spectating, don’t think twice! Do it! It’s hard to explain just how special it is.

Thank you for being here and I’ll touch base soon!

Cheers,

Tom

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Let me say this : you are not alone, and you are not failing.

We’ve all been there, and with an 8yo and a 3yo, we’re are in the thick of it too right now! Parenting has a way of stretching us to our limits, not because we’re inadequate, but because we care! Frustration doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, it means you’re human, carrying responsibility, love, and pressure all at once.

And not to sound too corny, but parenting is hard for those that care! If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t be as exhausting as it feels at times!

But here’s the shift that can change everything.

If you’re feeling that frustration, often it can be easy to put it all on your child. But more often than not, it’s your mind and body saying: “I’m overwhelmed.” “I need support.” “I’ve been giving a lot, and I’m running low.”

And instead of fighting that feeling, or judging yourself for it, what if you paused and listened?

What if, in the middle of a hard moment, you gave yourself permission to step back for just 10 seconds… to breathe… to reset… to remember: your child is not giving you a hard time, your child is having a hard time!

And so are you.

This is where having the right tools makes all the difference. When emotions run high, it’s hard to think clearly… but simple, practical strategies can help you respond with calm and confidence instead of reacting in frustration!

That’s exactly why I created my Parenting Toolkits Bundle, a collection of ready-to-use scripts, calming techniques, and real-life strategies designed for those overwhelming moments.

If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself and want support you can actually use in the moment, you can explore the bundle here…

Right now you can save over $300 on my Parenting Toolkits Bundle, which includes 3 of my most popular parenting toolkits. And gives you all the guides, courses and resources you need to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child!

Depending on when you read this, this link should take you to an exclusive offer, to secure instant lifetime access to all of the resources for $34.99.

Because let’s be honest, you don’t need more pressure, you need support that works with real life. And when you don’t get it right? Because none of us do, all the time…

Repair matters more than perfection!

A simple, honest moment like, “I’m sorry I got upset. I’m learning too,” teaches your child something powerful, that mistakes are human, and love is steady even when things get messy.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You just have to be a present one.

You are doing more right than you think.

With understanding,

You got this!

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

• It might be the hitting.

• The shouting.

• The complete refusal to listen.

• The meltdown that seems to come out of nowhere.

• Even the mess!

Whatever it is, it tends to feel personal. It can feel like defiance, like disrespect, like your child is choosing the exact moment you’re stretched thin to make things harder/ And when something feels intentional, the instinct is to correct it quickly. To stop it. To make it clear that it’s not acceptable.

That’s where punishment often enters the picture.

The Assumption That Changes Everything

Most parenting approaches, whether we realise it or not, are built on one assumption:

If my child is doing something they shouldn’t, they must be choosing it.

And if they’re choosing it, then consequences, discipline, or punishment should teach them not to choose it again.

But what if that assumption isn’t always true? What if the behaviour you’re struggling with most is not a choice in the way you think it is? What if it’s a signal that your child can’t yet do better in that moment?

Children don’t arrive with fully developed emotional and behavioural skills. The parts of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and flexible thinking are still developing well into adolescence.

So when a child hits, it is often because they don’t yet have the skill to handle frustration differently. When they scream or melt down, it is usually because their emotional system is overwhelmed. When they refuse, it is often because they lack the flexibility to shift from what they want to what is being asked.

In those moments, behaviour is not a sign of defiance. It is a sign of limitation. The behaviour is loud because the skill is not yet there.

Why Punishment Misses the Real Problem

When we respond to these moments with punishment, we focus on stopping the behaviour. And sometimes, in the short term, it works.

But the underlying issue remains untouched.

Punishment does not build emotional regulation, it does not teach flexibility, it does not strengthen impulse control. It simply adds pressure to a system that is already overwhelmed.

Over time, children may learn to suppress behaviour in certain situations. But suppression is not the same as skill-building. And when the pressure increases, when they are tired, hungry, overstimulated… the same behaviours return!

One of the most powerful shifts a parent can make is learning to see behaviour as information instead of opposition.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop this?”
You begin asking, “What is my child struggling to do right now?”

That question changes your response.

It slows the moment down and creates space for understanding. And it moves you from reacting to guiding, because if a child is missing a skill, they don’t need more punishment, they need support, repetition, and regulation.

The Behaviour That Triggers You Most

There is another layer to this that many parents notice. The behaviours that are hardest to handle are often the ones that trigger something deeper in us. The noise, the chaos, the lack of control, it can feel overwhelming not just because of what’s happening now, but because of how it lands in our own nervous system.

That’s why some behaviours feel manageable one day and impossible the next. There’s so much focus on our child’s capacity to navigate these stressful parenting situations, rarely do we take a look at ourselves!

And this is where punishment can become a reflex, not because it’s the best tool, but because it’s the fastest way to try to regain control.

When you shift from seeing behaviour as a choice to seeing it as a skill gap, everything changes. You still hold boundaries. You still guide behaviour. But you do it from a place of understanding rather than frustration. You begin to support your child through the moment instead of trying to shut it down. Over time, this builds something far more powerful than compliance.

Your child learns how to handle frustration, how to regulate their emotions, how to recover when things go wrong. Not because they were forced to behave, but because they were taught how.

And that learning lasts.

If This Resonates

If you’re finding yourself stuck in the same patterns: reacting, correcting, and wondering why nothing seems to stick, it may not be because you’re doing it wrong. It may be because you’ve been given tools that focus on behaviour, not development.

There is another way to approach this. One that helps you understand what’s really happening underneath behaviour, and how to respond in a way that actually builds the skills your child is missing.

That’s exactly what I’ve put together in my Punishment-Free Starter Kit.

It’s designed for real moments when things escalate, when patience runs thin, and when you need something practical that works with your child’s development, not against it. If you’re ready to move beyond reacting and start responding with confidence, you can explore it here…

Grab your FREE Starter Kit today, and I’ll send you the worksheets absolutely FREE too…

Get Your Starter Kit

If you want to explore this even deeper, right now you can save over $300 on my Parenting Toolkit Bundle, which includes 3 of my most popular parenting toolkits. And gives you all the guides, courses and resources you need to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child!

Depending on when you read this, this link should take you to an exclusive offer, to secure instant lifetime access to all of the resources for $34.99.

Get the System (Discount Link)

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

This might be one of the most addictive kids’ games in history. It has no characters, no levels, no ending, and no clear objective, yet both adults and children are struggling to stop playing it. Hours disappear into a game that, on the surface, looks harmless, repetitive, or even boring.

But when you look a little closer, this game becomes a perfect example of how something simple can quietly hijack the brain’s reward system, especially in children.

The game is Cookie Clicker, along with its many modern equivalents like Money Clicker and other “idle” or “incremental” games now found everywhere, including Roblox.

How Games Have Changed

When I was growing up, gaming was intentional. My first experience was on the Commodore 64, then the Sega Master System with Alex Kid, followed by Sonic the Hedgehog on the Mega Drive and eventually the PlayStation. Gaming felt special. You carved out a window of time, played, finished, and moved on to something else.

Today, games are radically different, not just in design, but in accessibility. Children now have constant access to tablets, iPads, Chromebooks, and phones. If a child has unsupervised access to a device, they will find these games, or their friends will introduce them. That’s why this conversation still matters, even though Cookie Clicker was created over a decade ago.

What Is Cookie Clicker, Really?

Cookie Clicker was created in 2013 by developer Julien Thiennot. It was originally intended as a joke, a parody of productivity culture, capitalism, and endless growth. The game was designed to be pointless on purpose, but ironically, that design is exactly what made it so addictive.

• There’s only one action: click a cookie.

• Every click increases a number.

• There is no ceiling. No finish line. No “winning”

As the game progresses, you can buy upgrades that click for you, even while you’re away. That means a child can be at school, in bed, or doing something else, while the game continues working in the background. Therefore, they’re thinking about how many cookies they’ll have when they return. The only instruction the game gives is simple: keep going.

Why This Matters for Children Today

Idle games like Cookie Clicker have exploded in popularity because they’re no longer confined to niche websites. They’re everywhere, especially on platforms like Roblox.

Games such as Money Clicker openly advertise that they are endless. The goal isn’t challenge or creativity, it’s accumulation. Some of these games have tens of millions of visits, and children as young as two are now regularly using screens.

According to Common Sense Media’s 2025 report:

• 40% of two-year-olds own a tablet

• 58% of four-year-olds have their own tablet

• Nearly one in four children have a mobile phone by age eight

• Children aged five to eight now average over three and a half hours of screen time per day

The Brain Science Behind the Addiction

To understand why games like Cookie Clicker are so compelling, we need to talk about dopamine. Dopamine isn’t the “pleasure chemical” we often think it is. It’s about motivation, anticipation, and wanting more. You don’t get the biggest dopamine hit when you win , you get it when you expect something to happen.

Cookie Clicker is built entirely around this loop.

Click → number goes up → dopamine spike
Click again → maybe a bigger boost → dopamine spike
Upgrade → exponential growth → dopamine spike

The game uses variable rewards, unpredictable growth, and constant anticipation. Combined with offline progress, it mirrors the same neurological mechanisms used in gambling and slot machines. For a developing brain, this constant stimulation of the reward system can be incredibly difficult to step away from.

While playing Cookie Clicker during my research, I told myself I’d stop at 400 cookies. Then 500. Then I noticed I was still clicking, even though nothing meaningful was happening. That’s the point. There’s no story. No skill. No creativity. Just repetition and reward.

And when a seven-year-old encounters this at school or through friends, it’s not surprising they’re drawn to it. This isn’t an attack on gaming, our own child enjoys games, however we try to focus on games with clear endings, skill-based progression, and meaningful goals. But games like Cookie Clicker are built purely for compulsion.

Why This Isn’t About Banning

This conversation isn’t about banning Cookie Clicker or shaming parents, it’s about understanding what’s happening under the hood.

When parents understand how a game works, how it impacts the brain, how it holds attention, then boundaries become easier to explain. Children feel less blamed and more supported, and conversations become calmer and more educational.

That’s exactly how we navigate this in our own home. Our child knows about Cookie Clicker, Roblox, and Italian Brain Rot, not because we allow unrestricted access, but because we talk about them openly, and we take him on the journey with us. Which makes setting boundaries much easier, so it’s less about “you’re missing out” and more about “this content isn’t right for you, and here’s why”.

A Final Thought for Parents

If screen time feels like a constant battle in your home, you’re not failing. You’re navigating tools that were never designed with children’s wellbeing in mind, only their attention.

If your child is playing games like Cookie Clicker, it’s worth asking why. Not from a place of fear, but from a place of curiosity. Because when we understand what our children are consuming, we’re far better placed to guide them, calmly, confidently, and without shame.

If you want to learn more, and see Cookie Clicker in action, then definitely check out my YouTube video below.

If you’re finding navigating screens, overstimulating content and the world of AI challenging with your little one, I’m currently building something powerful behind the scenes. Screen-Time Without Tantrums is a Hub that will help you understand why meltdowns happen, what YouTube and algorithms are doing to your child’s brain, and exactly how to create happier & healthier screen time.

Join the waitlist and be first to access it (plus you’ll gain access to early-bird pricing).

Watch the video version of this post on YouTube.

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

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Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

If you’ve experienced that cycle, it’s important to start with compassion rather than criticism. Yelling is not a sign that you are a bad parent. It is a sign that you’re overloaded. When stress builds and capacity shrinks, the body searches for fast relief and volume becomes a tool of urgency, not intention.

Why Yelling Feels Effective

Yelling often appears to work. It cuts through distraction and commands attention. It can bring instant compliance in those chaotic moments, that immediate shift can feel like proof that raising your voice is necessary.

But what actually happens beneath the surface is different… When a parent yells, a child’s nervous system interprets threat, not instruction. The brain shifts from learning mode into protection mode. Some children shut down. Some cry. Others argue back or escalate. In every case, the response is rooted in stress, not understanding.

The behaviour might stop, but the skill behind the behaviour remains unchanged. Emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, and impulse control cannot grow in an atmosphere of fear. They grow in an atmosphere of safety.

One of the most transformative realisations a parent can make is this:

In heated moments, it is not just the child who is dysregulated. The parent often is too.

When a child refuses to listen or becomes emotionally overwhelmed, it activates something internal. Thoughts become sharper and more urgent and the focus shifts from curiosity to control. This reaction is not weakness; it is biology. The nervous system is wired to restore order when chaos appears.

However, when both parent and child escalate simultaneously, the situation intensifies. Two stressed nervous systems cannot create calm. But one regulated nervous system can begin to steady the other. That is where the real work of reducing yelling begins, not with better phrases, but with internal awareness.

Much like when an adult is having a panic attack, the presence of someone who is calm, works to bring them back to a level of calm, and this is exactly the same for our kids when they’re dysregulated.

If you want to dive deeper, you can download my brand new guide for 2026, What to Do Instead of Punishment. It’s totally free, and if you download today, I’ll send you two worksheets, all focused on showing you what to do instead of using yelling, threats, or consequences…

Grab Your Free Guide

This Isn’t Passive

Calm is often misunderstood because many parents worry that lowering their voice means losing authority. In reality, calm combined with clear boundaries is one of the strongest forms of leadership a parent can offer.

When you speak steadily instead of sharply, you communicate safety alongside structure. You send the message that the boundary stands, but the relationship is secure. Over time, repeated experiences of this steadiness shape a child’s internal world. They begin to associate limits with safety rather than fear.

You can learn more about this in my recent YouTube video, 9 steps to help you stop yelling →

Children learn emotional regulation through co-regulation. They borrow calm from the adults around them until they are capable of generating it independently. Reducing yelling is not about suppressing emotion. Suppression builds pressure, and pressure eventually surfaces. Instead, the goal is to create space between trigger and response, even a few seconds of pause can interrupt the automatic stress cycle.

That pause might look like taking a slow breath before responding. It might mean lowering your voice intentionally when you feel it wanting to rise. It might mean stepping into another room briefly to reset. These actions are small, but they shift the pattern and they move you from reacting automatically to responding intentionally.

Over time, those small pauses accumulate, and the capacity to stay steady strengthens. Change rarely happens dramatically, it happens through repetition.

The Power of Repair

Even with intention, there will be moments when your voice rises. But when a parent returns after yelling and acknowledges it…

“I was overwhelmed, and I shouldn’t have shouted”

The child learns something profound, they learn that relationships can withstand mistakes, and they learn that emotions can be managed and repaired. Repair does not reduce authority, it builds trust. Remember, children do not need flawless parents, they need parents who model growth.

Choosing Long-Term Connection

Yelling often delivers short-term silence, but long-term cooperation grows from connection. When children feel safe and understood, they are more likely to respond willingly rather than defensively.

If the goal is immediate compliance, raising your voice may appear effective. If the goal is resilience, emotional security, and internal regulation, a different path is required. That path asks you to regulate yourself first, even when it feels hardest.

I’ll leave you with this today, reducing yelling is not about becoming softer, it is about choosing long-term influence over short-term control. And steadiness, practiced consistently, changes far more than volume ever could!!!

If you want to explore this even deeper, right now you can save over $300 on my Parenting Toolkit Bundle, which includes 3 of my most popular parenting toolkits. And gives you all the guides, courses and resources you need to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child!

Depending on when you read this, this link should take you to an exclusive offer, to secure instant lifetime access to all of the resources for $34.99. Secure your bundle now before the price returns to $99.99.

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Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

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Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

If you feel like you’re constantly frustrated with your child, this mindset shift can change everything, and help you parent on “easy mode” more often.

Parenting is hard. And when things feel hard, many of us assume the answer is to try harder. We tell ourselves we need more patience, more control, more discipline, or that somehow we need to fix ourselves. But what I’ve learned over more than seven years of parenting is this:

Most of our frustration doesn’t come from our child’s behaviour, it comes from the gap between what we expect our child to be capable of and what their brain is actually able to do.

When we’re tired, overwhelmed, or running on empty, we don’t see that gap at all. And when we miss it, frustration grows, situations escalate, and parenting starts to feel like a constant uphill battle.

The Expectation Gap Most Parents Don’t Realise They Have

There’s a term I often come back to when I think about these moments is the expectation gap. Which as you can tell from the title of my Substack publication, “Too Much Too Soon”, it’s something I’m passionate about. I genuinely believe as parents, we’re constantly expecting too much, too soon from our kids, and that starts from birth. But when we’re conscious of this, and take steps to realign these expectations, parenting becomes much easier.

The expectation gap is essentially the space between what we believe our child should be able to do, and what they are developmentally capable of doing right now. When those two things are out of sync, parenting becomes far harder than it needs to be.

This isn’t just a feeling, there’s solid research behind it.

In 2016, the organisation Zero to Three, in partnership with the Bezos Family Foundation, surveyed thousands of parents to explore how well adults understand early childhood development. What they found was striking:

Most parents overestimate the age at which children develop key skills like impulse control, emotional regulation, and sharing.

More than half of parents believed children could resist forbidden actions before the age of three. Over a third believed children under two had that level of self-control. In reality, brain research shows these skills only begin to develop around three-and-a-half to four years old, and take many more years to mature.

The same pattern showed up with emotional regulation and sharing. Many parents believed toddlers could manage emotions or take turns far earlier than their brains actually allow. And here’s the part that really matters:

When parents hold unrealistic expectations, they’re far more likely to rely on control, punishment, yelling, or shame, not because they want to, but because nothing else seems to work.

Why This Gap Hurts Both Parents and Children

When our expectations are out of sync with reality, several things start to happen. We begin to take our child’s behaviour personally. Instead of seeing behaviour as communication, we interpret it as defiance, disrespect, or a power struggle. That perception makes calm guidance much harder, and reactive responses much more likely.

We also escalate instead of co-regulating. When we think “they should know better,” we reach for harsher discipline, raised voices, or punishment to force behaviour that simply isn’t neurologically available yet. Over time, this leaves parents feeling like failures. Guilt creeps in. Shame follows. We Google endlessly, wondering why our child “can’t” do what others seem to manage, and quietly question ourselves.

And for children, the message they receive is subtle but powerful. When they’re repeatedly punished or shamed for developmentally normal behaviour, they begin to internalise the idea that they are “too much,” “bad at listening,” or that their feelings are wrong. None of that builds skills. It builds disconnection.

What Changes When We Close the Expectation Gap

When parents realign expectations with development, something powerful happens.

• Behaviour stops feeling personal.

• Frustration softens.

• Responses slow down.

Instead of trying to control behaviour, parents are able to guide it, with boundaries, yes, but also with understanding and patience. Children feel safer to express big feelings. Parents spend less time stuck in guilt and more time actually enjoying their child.

Let’s take an example, for toddlers, it’s normal to hit, bite, or push when overwhelmed, not because they’re “naughty,” but because emotions outpace language and impulse control. It’s normal for them to say no constantly as they discover autonomy. It’s normal for them to struggle with sharing and to have multiple meltdowns a day because their window of tolerance is tiny.

Understanding this doesn’t mean allowing harmful behaviour. Boundaries still matter. But it changes how we respond. Calm responses help children co-regulate and come back to safety far more quickly than anger ever will.

A simple practice that helps is building a mental “manual” for your child’s age. Pick one topic each week, sleep, emotions, sharing, and spend five minutes learning what’s realistic. Over time, that knowledge reshapes how you interpret behaviour in the moment.

Seeing Behaviour as Communication

Another powerful shift is changing the question we ask ourselves.

Instead of “How do I stop this?” try asking, “What is this behaviour telling me?”

Tantrums often say, I’m overwhelmed.
Hitting often says, I’m frustrated and don’t have the words.
Constant “no” often says, I’m discovering I’m my own person.

When behaviour becomes information rather than a problem to eliminate, we stop fighting the child and start supporting the need underneath.

Here’s is an important hack, if you struggle with frustration. Every parent has moments where the expectation gap widens, mornings, transitions, nursery drop-offs, bedtime, busy weekends. In these high-stress windows, children’s capacity is lower and so is ours.

Lowering expectations during those moments doesn’t mean giving up. It means recognising that regulation will be harder and connection will matter more. That awareness alone can prevent escalation before it starts. Remember, Children don’t need to be happy about boundaries for boundaries to be effective. You can hold a clear, consistent boundary and still make room for the feelings about it. Expecting emotional neutrality only sets parents up for frustration. Boundaries create safety, but feelings are allowed to come along for the ride.

Adjusting Expectations of Ourselves

The expectation gap doesn’t only apply to children. Parents often expect themselves to stay calm at all times, never raise their voice, always know what to do, and enjoy every moment of parenting… that standard is impossible! You’re human with your own unique triggers, stress levels, and of course, no formal training for this role.

Adjusting expectations for yourself is just as important as adjusting expectations for your child. Repair, accountability, and self-compassion matter far more than perfection. When expectations align with development, parenting feels lighter. You yell less, not because you’ve become magically patient, but because behaviour feels less personal. Your child feels safer being themselves, you spend less time stuck in guilt and more time actually enjoying the relationship.

Parenting will always have chaos. But it doesn’t have to be filled with constant frustration. And helping parents enjoy more of their parenting journey, even the hard parts, is exactly why I do this work!!!

If you want to explore this even deeper, right now you can save over $300 on my Calm Parenting System, which includes 3 of my most popular parenting toolkits. And gives you all the guides, courses and resources you need to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child!

Depending on when you read this, this link should take you to an exclusive offer, to secure instant lifetime access to all of the resources for $34.99.

Watch the video version of this post on YouTube.

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

But over time, many parents quietly realise something else is going on. The hardest part of parenting isn’t the behaviour itself, it’s what happens inside us when the behaviour shows up.

This is different for every parents, but when situations escalate out of control, the urgency to regain control builds before things feel like they’re slipping. This then leads us to react quickly, often negatively and harshly, which I’m sure we’ll all agree, isn’t good for us or our child.

Why So Many Parents React Before They Choose

When a child becomes dysregulated, it doesn’t just test our patience, it activates our threat system. In those moments, the brain stops asking thoughtful questions. It isn’t curious about development or emotional needs, it’s scanning for danger and relief.

• That’s when yelling feels automatic.

• That’s when punishment feels tempting.

• That’s when control feels safer than connection.

Not because we believe these responses are ideal, but because they offer a brief sense of order when everything feels chaotic.

Most parents were never taught how to stay regulated while someone else is overwhelmed. They were taught to comply, suppress, or endure. So when our child struggles, our body reaches for the fastest strategy it knows.

If you want to dive deeper, you can download my brand new guide for 2026, What to Do Instead of Punishment. It’s totally free, and if you download today, I’ll send you two worksheets, all focused on showing you what to do instead of using yelling, threats, or consequences…

Grab Your Free Guide

What Behaviour Is Really Communicating

When we slow down enough to look beneath behaviour, a different picture emerges. Children don’t misbehave because they lack morals or respect, they struggle when their internal systems are overloaded. Right now our kids are 3 and 7, and it’s fascinating watching them both navigate the processing of their emotions and autonomy differently.

• A meltdown is a sign that capacity has been exceeded.

• Refusal often points to inflexibility or overwhelm.

• Aggression frequently emerges when words are unavailable.

In those moments, children are not choosing their behaviour, their nervous system is choosing for them. This is where punishment quietly works against us, because it might stop the behaviour, but it does so by increasing stress, the very thing that caused the behaviour in the first place.

The Shift That Changes Everything

At some point, many parents reach a quiet turning point. Not because things suddenly improve, but because they realise something uncomfortable:

Their child doesn’t need them to be louder, firmer, or more intimidating. They need them to be sturdier.

Shout out to Dr. Becky Kennedy for sharing the importance of being a “sturdy” parent, and if you haven’t already definitely check out her book, Good Inside.

That realisation changes everything, because steadiness cannot be faked. It requires regulation, awareness, and restraint, especially when things feel hardest. Staying calm in moments of chaos is not passive, it’s difficult. Think how easy it is to YELL, to stop our child in their tracks, to force them to be compliant. Being calmer as a parent is an active, deliberate choice that often goes against everything our body is urging us to do.

And it’s far more demanding than punishment.

Calm gets a bad reputation in parenting, it’s often mistaken for permissiveness or lack of authority. But calm, when paired with clear boundaries, is one of the most powerful forces in a child’s development.

Children learn how to regulate their emotions by borrowing regulation from us. Over time, repeated experiences of safety, containment, and connection build the internal skills they don’t yet have. And that’s the key, punishment leans into the now, we want a behaviour to stop NOW! We want our child to do as they’re told NOW! But being calmer focuses on the longer-term, we are trying to give our kids tools to last a lifetime. Which can be a difficult shift to make, but trust me, it’s worth the effort!

This is co-regulation and it’s how emotional resilience is formed, think of it like this…

A boundary delivered with fear might be obeyed, but a boundary delivered with calm is integrated and teaches our child the skills they need to do better next time.

If you want to explore this even deeper, right now you can save over $300 on my Calm Parenting System, which includes 3 of my most popular parenting toolkits. And gives you all the guides, courses and resources you need to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your child!

Depending on when you read this, this link should take you to an exclusive offer, to secure instant lifetime access to all of the resources for $34.99.

Get the System (Discount Link)

Discipline Without Damage

True discipline isn’t about controlling behaviour, it’s about increasing capacity.

• Capacity to tolerate frustration.

• Capacity to recover from mistakes.

• Capacity to experience big emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Those capacities don’t develop in moments of punishment, they develop through repeated experiences of being supported through difficulty. If the goal is emotional safety, self-regulation, and long-term resilience, then it requires parents to pay attention not just to what their child is doing, but to what’s happening inside themselves in those moments. That work is invisible, it rarely brings instant results and it often feels thankless. But over time, it changes the relationship and relationships are where behaviour truly shifts.

If you’ve ever walked away from a hard moment thinking, I know better, why did I react like that? this isn’t a failure of knowledge. It’s a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do. Change doesn’t start with perfect scripts or techniques, it starts with awareness, compassion, and the willingness to slow things down, especially inside yourself. Awareness is the first steps to making positive change, and I hope with these emails, my Instagram content, guides and toolkits, I can help you along your journey in making those changes.

Parenting becomes transformative when we stop asking our children to do what we haven’t yet learned how to do ourselves.

Discover practical strategies and learn how to start parenting without punishment, yelling, or guilt with my Calm Parenting System. The exact tools I’ve used to help over 60,000 parents move from reactive parenting to calm, confident leadership. Depending on when you click the link below, you can save up to $300 on everything…

Get the System (Discount Link)

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Throughout 2025, this exposure to AI in my worklife got me thinking, it made me well aware of the potential impact it would have on our kids. So this year, through The Dad Vibes, I’m going to be learning and sharing out loud, to bring other parents on the journey with me, so together we can understand the potential impact, and work with our kids as we both embrace, and navigate this new world as safely as possible.

Most parents don’t need convincing that something has shifted. They can feel it in their homes, in their children’s behaviour, and in the constant low-level uncertainty about screens, learning, and attention. It’s about the environment our children are growing up in, an environment shaped by systems that learn from them, adapt to them, and optimise around their attention. Apps and platforms are learning more about our child than we’ll ever know, so it can serve the content, videos and games it knows with certainty, our kids will want to engage with, even before our child knows.

This article isn’t written to alarm you. It’s written to orient you. Because when parents understand the forces shaping childhood today, a great deal of guilt and confusion begins to fall away.

The goal isn’t to raise children who avoid technology, but children who can grow up well alongside it.

I’ve always been obsessed with technology. In 2001 at the age of 14, I was the first in my school to learn how to code websites, I was so far ahead of my peers, my school asked me to build their official website, which I coded from scratch in between my exams (and yes, I billed them for my time). At 17, I became an eBay PowerSeller for products I was imported from overseas, at 20 I was working for eBay at their European Headquarters in Dublin, and at 21 I graduated University with a First Class Honours in Computing.

This isn’t to brag, this is to show you how much I love technology, and how I understand the importance it has in our lives. However since 2001, we’ve come a long way, and now as a parent, my obsession has shifted from the technology itself, to understanding how I can support our children in this unique world.

At the end of this article, I’ll share my CALM Framework, which helps parents guide their children through the AI age without bans, battles, or guilt. It shows you how to reconnect effort with reward, add healthy friction to screens, and build regulation that lasts beyond the device. This isn’t about controlling technology, it’s about protecting our child’s developing brain.

Artificial Intelligence Is Not a Tool, It’s an Environment

Most conversations about AI begin with tools. When we think AI we think ChatGPT or Google Gemini. Parents ask whether their child should be using a chatbot, an app, or a new piece of software. But this framing misses the deeper truth. Artificial intelligence is not simply something children use; it is something they increasingly live inside. And when we appreciate this, we are immediatley in a better position to support our child.

AI already shapes what your child sees, what gets recommended next, how quickly content moves, and what emotions are rewarded with attention. It decides which videos survive, which creators are amplified, and which experiences quietly disappear. Even for you, when you interact with websites, those websites are now adapting in real-time, using AI-driven decision making to tailor the website to keep you on-site for longer. Unlike a tool, this influence doesn’t require permission, it happens passively, continuously, and often invisibly. This distinction matters because it reframes the role of the parent.

You are not simply deciding whether to allow or disallow a product. You are guiding a child through an environment that has been designed to shape behaviour.

When parents feel like their usual instincts aren’t working, it’s often because they’re responding to an ecosystem with rules designed for tools.

So What is AI??!

Artificial intelligence is frequently misunderstood because it’s described in human terms. It’s said to “think,” “know,” or “understand.” In reality, AI does none of these things. At its core, it is pattern recognition at extraordinary scale. AI systems are trained on vast amounts of data to predict what is most likely to happen next: the next word in a sentence, the next image you’ll respond to, the next video that will keep you watching.

Think of it like this, when you hand your child an iPad and allow them unsupervised access to YouTube, YouTube is using every millisecond of your child’s interactions to decide which video to serve them next. Which thumbnails they click on, how long they watch a video for and when they dropped off a video. And with the autoplay feature turned on by default, they’ll have your child’s next video loaded and ready before your child even realises they want another.

Crucially, AI systems do not ask whether something is beneficial, meaningful, or developmentally appropriate. They ask whether it works. Whether it holds attention. Whether it increases engagement. But when children are among the most responsive users on the planet, that mechanical optimisation has developmental consequences.

This is why Italian Brainrot gained tens of billions of views in 2025, it’s highly addictive AI-generated content optimised for engagement. And after my deep dive, I quickly learned, kids are watching it but parents are unaware of the dark themes that run through that content. I won’t share them here, but check out my deep dive for more.

Understanding this alone can be freeing for parents. It helps explain why content feels harder to switch off, why platforms feel more persuasive than they used to, and why children seem so drawn to experiences that don’t necessarily nourish them.

Why Children Are Especially Sensitive to AI-Driven Systems

Children are not failing to cope with technology. Their brains are doing exactly what they are meant to do. A developing brain is wired to seek novelty, avoid unnecessary effort, and respond strongly to reward. These traits are essential for learning and survival. They become problematic only when they are placed inside systems designed to exploit them relentlessly.

AI-driven platforms remove friction. They eliminate waiting, reduce effort, and deliver novelty on demand. For an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex, this can distort habits. For a child, whose self-regulation systems are still under construction, it can shape expectations about effort, stimulation, and reward.

For most of human history, dopamine (the brain’s pleasure chemical) was tied to effort, anticipation, and meaningful reward. It surged when we hunted, built, learned, solved problems, or worked toward something uncertain. Dopamine didn’t arrive instead of effort, it arrived because of it. The brain learned a simple rule: do something hard, get something valuable. That loop trained patience, resilience, and motivation.

In today’s passive, AI-driven digital environment, that loop has been fundamentally disrupted. Dopamine is no longer primarily linked to effort or achievement. Instead, it’s increasingly triggered by consumption without contribution. A swipe. A scroll. A tap. The reward arrives instantly, with little friction and no requirement for skill, persistence, or agency.

Read more

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Download the Free Healthier & Happier Screen Time Checklist →

For many families, screen time isn’t a break, it’s the most stressful part of the day.

What starts as something meant to be fun or helpful quickly turns into negotiations, raised voices, tears, and guilt. Parents feel trapped between wanting peace and wanting to do the right thing for their child. Children feel suddenly cut off from something that has their full attention, and emotions escalate fast.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not failing. Screen time is genuinely hard to navigate, not because parents are doing it wrong, but because screens interact directly with a child’s developing nervous system.

Screen time doesn’t need to be perfect. But it also doesn’t have to end in meltdowns.

Why Screen Time Triggers Huge Emotions

When a child is watching a screen, their brain is highly engaged. The stimulation is fast, colourful, and rewarding. When that stimulation suddenly stops, the nervous system experiences a sharp drop. For young children, that drop can feel overwhelming.

What we often label as “bad behaviour” is usually a child struggling to regulate that sudden shift. If the screen is removed abruptly, or if boundaries feel unpredictable, the child’s stress response kicks in. When that stress is met with urgency or frustration from the parent, the situation escalates, not because the child is defiant, but because their system is overloaded.

Meltdowns aren’t a sign that screens are evil or that children are addicted. They’re a sign that transitions are hard when regulation support is missing.

Safety, Not Control, Is the Goal

Many screen-time battles turn into power struggles because the focus becomes control. But children don’t calm down when they feel controlled, they calm down when they feel safe.

Safety comes from predictability, connection, and calm leadership. When a child knows what to expect, feels emotionally supported through the transition, and trusts that the boundary will be held without anger, their nervous system has a chance to settle.

This doesn’t mean they won’t protest. It means the protest doesn’t have to spiral.

Predictability Changes Everything

Unpredictable screen time keeps children on edge. If screens end suddenly or rules change day to day, children stay in a heightened state, bracing for loss instead of enjoying the activity.

Predictability allows the nervous system to relax.

When screen time has a clear beginning, middle, and end, children cope better with the transition, even when they’re disappointed. Over time, resistance reduces not because the child likes the boundary, but because they trust it.

Connection Softens Transitions

Most meltdowns happen at the moment of disconnection. A child absorbed in a screen is deeply focused, so being pulled away without emotional acknowledgment can feel abrupt and unsettling. When parents pause to connect first, getting close, making eye contact, and naming how hard it is, the child feels seen. Remember, connection doesn’t remove the boundary, it helps the child move through it.

Boundaries delivered through relationship land differently than boundaries delivered through force, if you want to dive deeper into this, I share specific tips within my YouTube video.

Calm Leadership Regulates the Room

Yelling often shows up when parents feel powerless. But children don’t need louder voices, they need steadier ones.

Calm leadership means holding the boundary without escalating, allowing emotions without fixing or shaming them, and staying regulated even when the child isn’t. Your calm presence becomes the anchor that helps their nervous system return to baseline. This isn’t about stopping feelings. It’s about guiding children through them.

No family handles screen time flawlessly, and screens are part of modern life, so meltdowns will still happen sometimes. The goal isn’t zero tears. The goal is fewer power struggles, less stress, and a stronger sense of safety around boundaries. When parents shift from control to regulation, screen time stops being a daily battleground and becomes just another part of the day.

I hope you found this one helpful, screen time can be challenging, but with clear and consistent boundaries, it transforms into an enjoyable and helthy experience rather than a constant battle.

I have weekly videos going out over on my YouTube channel, and I’ll be touching on screen time regularly. A few of my videos are below, which will help improve your awareness, so you can make informed decisions about what’s right for your child:

• 3 Ways YouTube Hijacks Your Kids' Brain (And How to Stop It!)

• Italian Brainrot Is Destroying Kids' Attention Spans (Here's Why)

• 3 Ways to END Screen Time Battles (Without Meltdowns)

Thanks all,

Watch the video version of this post on YouTube.

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Download the Free Healthier & Happier Screen Time Checklist →

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Most parents don’t wake up wanting to punish their children. They want mornings with less tension, evenings without shouting, bedtimes that don’t end in guilt, frustration, or that familiar knot in the chest where you replay the moment and think, I wish I’d handled that differently.

If punishment shows up in your parenting, think about things like time-outs, raised voices, threats, taking things away, it’s rarely because you’re cruel or careless. It’s because you’re doing what generations before you were told was necessary. You’re reaching for the tools that were handed to you.

And that matters, because before we talk about change, parents deserve something first, and that’s… validation!

You are not failing. You are not broken. And you are certainly not alone.

Most parents were raised in environments where obedience mattered more than understanding, and behaviour mattered more than emotional safety. The parent child relationship was all about power and control, and I still see it in many of the parents I engage with over on Instagram. Punishment has always been framed as discipline, which means that compliance was framed as respect and ultimately, silence was framed as success.

But becoming a parent forces an uncomfortable realisation… What worked on us doesn’t always work for our children.

Why Punishment Feels Effective

Punishment has one very convincing feature… it often stops behaviour in the moment. And if that’s the main objective of the parent, then in the short term, it works!

A child goes quiet. They freeze. They comply. The room settles. And as a parent, especially one who is tired, overwhelmed, or already stretched thin, that relief is powerful, therefore it can mask itself as proof.

But the problem is that punishment doesn’t teach. It simply interrupt behaviour, and does nothing for developing understanding. Underneath that compliance, something else is happening, a child’s nervous system is shifting into survival mode, which essentially is them going into fight, flight or freeze.

So while the behaviour may stop, the reason for the behaviour remains untouched. That’s why the same patterns return again and again, because parents are asking punishment to do a job that only safety can do.

What Children Actually Learn From Punishment

Children are always learning, the question is what they’re learning. When punishment becomes the primary tool, children don’t learn emotional regulation or responsibility.

They learn far subtler lessons:

• They learn that their feelings are dangerous.

• They learn that love and connection can be withdrawn (and is conditional).

• They learn that mistakes threaten belonging (when we all make mistakes as humans).

Over time, many children become compliant on the outside and dysregulated on the inside. Others push back harder, escalating behaviours because connection feels unstable. Neither outcome builds resilience, self-control, or emotional intelligence. It simply delays the work.

Discover practical strategies and learn how to start parenting without punishment, yelling, or guilt with my Calm Parenting System. The exact tools I’ve used to help over 60,000 parents move from reactive parenting to calm, confident leadership.

Get Instant Access

Parenting Without Punishment: A Reframe

Parenting without punishment is often misunderstood as permissive or passive. As if removing punishment means removing boundaries. In reality, it asks for something far more challenging:

It asks parents to move from control-based parenting to skill-based parenting. Which I’m sure you will all agree, is far more challenging.

Instead of asking, “How do I make this stop?”
You begin asking, “What skill is missing here?”

Because behaviour is not random, it’s always communication, which isn’t always nice to hear as parents, as it does make our job more challenging.

• A child who hits is overwhelmed.

• A child who melts down is dysregulated.

• A child who refuses is often lacking flexibility, not respect.

These are not moral failures, they are developmental gaps. And skills don’t grow through fear, they grow through repetition, modelling, co-regulation, and safety.

The Moment Everything Shifted for Me

There was a moment early in my parenting where I realised something uncomfortable:

My child wasn’t learning from my reactions, they were learning around them.

So I slowed down and I focused on regulating myself first. This was around 7 years ago when our son was almost one, he was finding his feet and I’d just finished reading Calm Parents, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham. I prioritised connection before correction, and I stopped expecting emotional maturity from a brain that is still under construction.

That shift didn’t make parenting easier overnight. In many ways, it made it harder, at least initially. It required more awareness, more intention, and more patience. I’m sure you’ve all heard the quote:

Parenting is only hard because you care.

Discipline was never meant to mean punishment. Its root is the word disciple, to teach.

Teaching requires presence and patience. And it requires us to stay connected even when behaviour is challenging. Discipline without damage sounds like holding boundaries without humiliation, it sounds like calm firmness without fear, and it sounds like saying, “I won’t let you do that… and I’m right here to help you through it.”

When children feel safe, they borrow our calm, and when they borrow it often enough, it becomes their own.

• That is how regulation is built.

• That is how responsibility grows.

• That is how trust survives childhood.

Parenting without punishment is not about being soft. It’s about being strong enough to stay regulated when things get hard. Wise enough to recognise behaviour as communication, and brave enough to parent differently than you were parented.

If you’ve ever felt caught between “being firm” and “being kind,” you’re not alone. That tension lives in almost every parent who is trying to break cycles rather than repeat them. Just remember:

You don’t need perfection. You don’t need endless patience. You simply need tools that work with your child’s nervous system, not against it.

And those tools can be learned. Just give yourself awareness, time and the patience to grow into the parent you want to be.

Discover practical strategies and learn how to start parenting without punishment, yelling, or guilt with my Calm Parenting System. The exact tools I’ve used to help over 60,000 parents move from reactive parenting to calm, confident leadership.

Get Instant Access

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

So why would I attempt to run a marathon? I’m a regular dad, with a full time job, 2 kids and a demanding side project with The Dad Vibes. Well, this year I’m 39, and I’m always looking for things to challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone. My wife and I are blessed with 2 healthy little ones, however we’ve navigated 7 pregnancies and in 2021, our daughter, Noa’s heart stopped too soon when my wife was 5 months pregnant. I’ll share more about Noa later in this article, but in short, even though she isn’t here, she continues to have a positive impact on our lives. And motivating me to do this is a perfect example of this.

I’m blessed to have the opportunity to run the London Marathon, as part of Team Miscarriage Association. The Miscarriage Association is a national charity that offers support and information to anyone who is affected by miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy. They work with health professionals to encourage good care; with workplaces to promote compassionate policies and with the media to raise public awareness of the facts and feelings of pregnancy loss.

I’m working hard to raised £2,000 for them, and so far I’ve raised just over £700. So thank you to everyone who has donated so far, and if you can, please hit the link below to learn more, keep me motivated and make a small donation:

You Can Donate Here →

My Training Plan

My aim for the London Marathon is simple… enjoy the experience with my family, complete the race, and finish healthy. The competitive side of me needs to set a personal goal, so I’d love to finish in under 4 hours, however right now, my focus is to get to a place where I actually finish :)

I’d like to give a personal shout to to my coach, Chris. I’ve worked with many personal trainer’s in the past, and I’m always left feeling like I’m failing, like I’m not doing enough, or not prioritising my fitness. The fact is, I’m always busy, and I always prioritise time with my wife and kids above everything. But the refreshing thing is, Chris gets it. He’s a dad of 2 himself, we’re aligned on so many personal values, and he understands a training plan for a parent needs to evolve and change week to week and even day to day, and he’s always super supportive of that.

If you’re a busy parent looking to focus on your fitness in 2026, then Chris is your guy. He’ll check in with you via WhatsApp weekly, keep you accountable and be super supportive (and understanding), something I’ve never seen from a PT before.

Chris has kindly offered any busy parents linked to me, 4 weeks of free coaching. So if you’d like to learn more about Chris, feel free to hit the link below:

4-Weeks Free Coaching →

My Motivation

Trigger warning: Please note the below is more about our story and I talk about loss and our journey in detail…

In 2017, my wife, Laura, fell pregnant for the first time, but unfortunately, we miscarried at 8 weeks. Laura fell pregnant again that summer, and in March of 2018, we were lucky enough to bring our healthy baby boy, Luca home.

We began trying again in 2020 and Laura fell pregnant, only for the pregnancy to end in another early miscarriage. At this point, we knew the stats, we knew that 1 in 4 pregnancies ended in miscarriage so we put it down to bad luck. At that point, Laura had given birth to our healthy baby boy, so we decided to try again. We got pregnant again in December 2020. It sounds strange to say, but when we saw the positive test we didn’t jump for joy, we just looked at each other and it was as if we could read each other’s mind: “I hope this pregnancy works out”.

Thankfully things went well, and all was well when we went for the 12-week scan. All of the signs were positive, things were progressing and we went for a checkup at 17 weeks, thankfully, we heard a healthy heartbeat.

The 20-week scan quickly came around, they call this one the “anomaly” scan. I hate that word. I remember arriving at the hospital and Laura looking at the scan photo token machine and saying “we won’t buy a token yet, I don’t want to tempt fate”.

We enter the room and joke with the sonographer as the baby’s due date was Aug 21st, my birthday.

I’m well aware that at this point, 3 minutes in, he knew. It’s as if he was just figuring out how to break the news. He turns to us both. “I’m sorry, it’s not the news you were hoping for today!”. I sank into my chair. Laura shot off the bed inconsolable. Then we looked at him just to clarify and check it wasn’t just a bad dream. But no, there was no heartbeat, our baby had died.

There are very few moments in life where the world is swept up from underneath you. This was one of those moments. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on, but Laura knew immediately what was to come. “I’m going to have to give birth to our baby, is this really happening to us?”. From this point, our life changed forever.

I can’t quite describe the feeling. I don’t know how we continued through the day. Laura remained inconsolable and in complete shock. We had to drive to another hospital to see a doctor, then we returned home to our 3-year-old son.

Baby Noa was born on April 2nd 2021. We were lucky enough to spend a magical few hours with her. We took photos, talked to her, told her how loved she was and told her all about her big brother Luca. Then it was time to say goodbye, after a big kiss they took Noa away.

The days, weeks and months that followed were the hardest of our lives. Watching Laura struggle to get out of bed was difficult, but with the support of our family and friends, we slowly began to find our new normal.

After some time we decided to start trying again, only to suffer a further 2 miscarriages. We had so many questions. What do we do? Is it reckless to keep trying? Do we just keep trying and keep losing babies? How on earth did Luca arrive safely? At this point, we had suffered 4 first trimester miscarriages and Noa died when Laura was 5 months pregnant.

It was a 13-month wait to see someone on the NHS, so we decided to see a private consultant. After many tests and finally getting to the bottom of what might be going wrong, we asked our consultant, “will we ever be able to have another child?” His reply was brutally honest, “Yes. But for parents in your position, it comes down to how much heartbreak you’re willing to endure.” That message hit home.

We knew if we were to ever have another baby, pregnancy after loss would be a traumatic journey, one with lots of stress, worry and anxiety. So we paused and tried to have a stress-free Christmas as a family of 3; it was our first Christmas since losing Noa so we knew we had to try and be as kind to ourselves as possible.

With our consultant on hand, a plan of action and hopefully the right combination of medication, we started trying again in 2022. It was a daunting start to the year – what further heartbreak could we be letting ourselves in for? Unlike all of our previous attempts at trying to conceive, Laura was on medication from the get-go. We quickly fell pregnant in March 2022, finding out just days after Noa’s first birthday.

I’m happy to share that in December 2022 we welcomed baby Mia into the world. Fast forward to 2026 and we have found our new normal. Luca is almost 8, Mia is 3, and Noa continues to bring light into our lives. Every training run I go on right now I think of Noa, she’s the motivation behind me pushing myself hard to achieve this. I want to do Laura proud, Luca and Mia proud, but I want to do this for Baby Noa too, and help support more families who have to experience this every day!

If you’d like to come on this journey with me, I’d love to have your support. So if you can, please consider making a donation below:

You Can Donate Here →

Thanks for reading all. I appreciate this might have been a difficult read, however it’s so rare that dad’s share openly and honestly about loss, so conversations like this are important <3

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Recently, I was invited by the BBC to be a guest on their Parenting Helpline podcast. The focus of the episode was something I care deeply about: helping new and expecting dads feel more confident and more connected as they navigate early parenthood.

I want to start by saying a huge thank you to the entire BBC team who made it happen, and especially to Charlie Hedges, who hosted the show. Being invited onto a platform like that felt like a big moment and, if I’m honest, a slightly intimidating one too.

If you’d like to listen to the full episode, I’ve linked it below, including the BBC iPlayer version so you can watch it in full (this might be restricted to UK viewers only).

Listen to my BBC episode on Spotify

Listen to my BBC episode on Apple Podcasts

Watch my BBC episode on BBC iPlayer

In this post, though, I want to expand on three of the key ideas we discussed in this episode, and share a bit more of the personal journey behind them…

Pushing Past Self-Doubt

Appearing on the BBC felt like a huge step for me, largely because for years I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome. When I create content for Instagram, YouTube, or my own podcast, I’m in control. I decide the format, the pacing, and the message. Being a guest on someone else’s podcast removes that safety net, and for a long time, that made me uncomfortable.

A few years ago, I was invited onto one of the most popular parenting podcasts in the UK. We had a long, thoughtful conversation, around 90 minutes, covering parenting, emotional regulation, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and my experiences as a dad. I was genuinely excited for it to be released.

Weeks passed. Then months. Eventually, communication stopped. When I finally heard back, I was told the episode had been cut down to a four- or five-minute snippet. That experience really knocked my confidence, and after that I started saying no to podcast invitations altogether.

At the time, my Instagram following was around 200,000. Today it’s closer to a million. Somewhere along that growth, my mindset shifted. I realised I’m not trying to be an “expert” in parenting, I’m sharing my journey, learning out loud, and talking honestly about what has and hasn’t worked for our family.

I’m an expert in my experience. And that’s enough.

That realisation made saying yes to the BBC possible, and I’m really glad I did. So let’s dive into some content that I genuinely believe will provide support for new and expecting dads. However, it may prove helpful to any new parent or caregiver.

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

One of the biggest challenges new dads face is expectation. Before becoming a dad, most of us have no real frame of reference. We absorb ideas from films, TV shows, and social narratives where fathers hold their baby for the first time and are instantly overwhelmed with love and connection. For some dads, that happens. For many others, it doesn’t. And that’s completely normal.

For some, the bond forms immediately. For others, it takes days, weeks, or even months.

When expectations are set unrealistically high, that gap between expectation and reality can create doubt, guilt, and distance. Dads may start questioning themselves or pulling back, convinced they’re doing something wrong.

My biggest message here is simple:

Keep showing up!

Show up for your baby, even if the connection doesn’t feel strong yet. Show up for your partner. Show up for yourself. Bond is built through time and repetition, not instant emotion.

Early parenthood can feel like a thankless task. Babies need feeding, changing, burping, and soothing, often around the clock, and they give very little back. But there will come a moment when your baby looks at you and smiles, reaches out for your face, or settles in your arms. That’s when connection begins to deepen. And you only get there by staying present through the early days.

Allowing Your Life and Identity to Evolve

Becoming a dad requires evolution because overnight, your world changes. Every decision now has another human at its centre. That shift can feel confronting, especially if you’re trying to cling tightly to your old life. This doesn’t mean your old life disappears, but it does need to adapt.

The dads who struggle most with the transition are often the ones fighting that evolution. Resentment, frustration, and disconnection can grow when identity refuses to move forward. The same is true for relationships. When a baby arrives, you and your partner become a team navigating a new normal together. Time alone becomes scarce, priorities shift and communication may feel harder, but it becomes more important than ever. Creating space to talk honestly, to check in with each other, and to acknowledge how hard this stage can be makes the journey far less isolating.

Creating Moments That Are Just Yours

Confidence and connection grow through routine and repetition. One of the most powerful things dads can do is create moments with their baby that are theirs. That might look like nappy changes, rocking to sleep, night-time soothing, or baby wearing around the house. These moments might feel mundane, but they matter.

Baby wearing, in particular, was huge for me. While my wife breastfed on demand, I carried our babies in a sling, which enabled me to keep them close, and I was hands free, so I could get things done around the house. Give it a go!

Protecting Your Space as a New Family

One thing that rarely gets talked about is the importance of setting boundaries with friends and family. When our first was born, my wife and I created a small bubble around ourselves. It was several days before anyone visited, including grandparents. That space allowed us to find our feet, make mistakes, and learn without a constant stream of advice.

First-time parents are vulnerable. With no frame of reference, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or steamrolled by well-meaning opinions. But every new parent needs to hear this:

You are the expert in your baby.

Setting boundaries early builds confidence that carries through toddlerhood and beyond. It gives you space to think on your feet, trust your instincts, and grow into the role.

A Final Word to New Dads

Confidence in fatherhood doesn’t arrive overnight. It’s built slowly, through showing up, staying present, and allowing yourself to evolve. If you’re in the early days and it feels hard, uncertain, or underwhelming, you’re not broken. You’re becoming the dad you need to be.

And that’s exactly how it’s supposed to feel. If you want to dive deeper, view the YouTube video below when you have time…

Watch the video version of this post on YouTube.

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

I shared the contents of this post with 4 sets of parents before publishing, and each of them were blown away. Firstly, they had no idea what Italian brain rot was, but secondly, they now have the awareness to navigate this content with their kids, who will be exposed to it in some capacity, even if it’s their friends talking about it at school.

In 2025, a strange corner of the internet exploded into children’s feeds almost overnight. Italian brain rot! It’s loud, chaotic, hyper-edited videos featuring absurd characters, nonsense language, distorted visuals, and relentless stimulation. This content has amassed tens of billions of views across YouTube and TikTok. And many parents didn’t even realise it existed until their child was already watching it.

Our oldest is seven, almost eight, and while we’ve made the decision not to allow him to watch it, many of his school friends are. That alone was enough to make me stop and pay attention. As a parent, I always want to stay informed about the world my children are growing up in, so I decided to take a deep dive into Italian brain rot.

And what a deep dive it was.

The more I learned, the more I felt it was important to share, not to tell parents what to do, but to help them make informed decisions about what their children are consuming.

Most Parents Don’t Know What This Is… But Kids Are Watching It

Before making this video, I asked my Instagram audience, over 700,000 parents, whether they knew what Italian brain rot was.

79% said no.

And yet the viewing figures tell a very different story. Kids are watching this content. Many are consuming hours upon hours of it. That disconnect is the problem.

If parents don’t know what something is, they can’t make an informed decision about it. My hope with this article is simply to raise awareness, whether you’re a parent of a baby, a toddler, a school-aged child, or you just want to stay informed.

What Is Italian Brain Rot?

Italian brain rot is best described as nonsensical absurdity.

It’s AI-generated content that looks and behaves like a strange, hyper-stimulating TV show made up of bizarre characters, nonsense language, loud sounds, and constant chaos. There’s no storyline. No resolution. No beginning, middle, or end. Just relentless stimulation.

The characters are deliberately designed to be addictive, even their names are engineered to roll off the tongue in a way that makes them memorable and chantable.

Let’s explore some characters

One of the most well-known characters is Bombardino Crocodilo, which is a crocodile’s head attached to a World War II bomber plane. In various episodes, he drops bombs, sometimes explicitly on children. Each character also has a song, catchy, repetitive, and easy for kids to chant.

Another character is Ballerina Cappuccino, a cappuccino cup for a head with a ballerina’s body, constantly involved in chaotic storylines, violence, and dramatic scenes.

There’s also Tung Tung Sahur, a drum-like character named after the pre-dawn Ramadan meal. He carries a bat, beats drums and people, and appears in episodes that many viewers say mock religious traditions.

These characters may look silly on the surface, but the themes layered underneath are often dark, violent, or culturally sensitive, hidden behind catchy tunes and absurd visuals.

Why Kids Are Being Served This Content

One of the biggest issues is unsupervised access to YouTube. If a three- or four-year-old has autonomy over a device, YouTube’s algorithm takes over. It learns what holds attention and serves more of it, instantly, endlessly, without pause. The more I’ve spoken to parents about this content, the more I’m learning children are watching it unspervised. Due to the addictive nature of the content, and the fact it’ll keep kids fixated, kids will eventually get served this content if they’re using a device unsupervised.

Italian brain rot thrives in that environment because it is:

• highly stimulating

• visually chaotic

• loud

• confusing

• emotionally intense

• There’s no break in play

• No natural stopping point

• No opportunity for a child to step back

The confusion itself is part of what makes it addictive. It spikes dopamine, keeps the brain engaged, and encourages longer viewing.

Watching an Episode: Overstimulation in Under a Minute

I watched a random episode titled Brain Rot Fusion – Trippy Tropper Trala.

Within less than a minute:

• A coffee cup character was dangling above a meat grinder

• Violent threats were shouted

• Characters cried, screamed, stabbed each other, and suddenly got married

• Scene changes happened every one to two seconds

There were 30–40 scene changes per minute.

The tone throughout was angry, aggressive, dramatic, and fear-inducing. Even as an adult with a fully developed brain, I felt overstimulated watching it for sixty seconds.

I dread to think what that does to a two- or three-year-old. If you want to check out the clip I watched, you can watch along with me below:

Dark Themes Hidden Behind Catchy Tunes

During my research, I also came across darker elements embedded in some episodes, this isn’t common for all episodes, however the below was found throughout the content on YouTube:

• Swearing at God and Allah hidden in rhymes

• Jokes about bombing children in Palestine

• Mockery of religious practices

• Violence framed as humour

Children may chant these songs without any understanding of what they mean. That alone should give parents pause.

Comparing Italian Brain Rot to Alternatives

Our three-year-old currently loves Mary Poppins, the 1964 version which is an absolute classic.

When I compared one minute of Mary Poppins to one minute of Italian brain rot this is what I found:

• Mary Poppins had around 8 scene changes

• Italian brain rot had 40+ scene changes

That difference matters. Slower content allows the brain to breathe. Italian brain rot does not. And it’s not just Italian Brain rot, this is common for all modern content for kids. Whether it’s CoCo Melon, Rabbids or the usual content kids get served up by YouTube, non of this is good for the developing brain!

Why We Removed YouTube

One of the decisions my wife and I made earlier this year was to completely remove YouTube. Not because YouTube is bad, but because nothing our son was watching there felt valuable enough to justify fighting the algorithm. You cannot out-parent an algorithm.

Whether it’s YouTube Kids or standard YouTube, the goal is the same: keep the viewer watching for as long as possible. The creators behind Italian brain rot aren’t thinking about child development, they’re thinking about engagement and ad revenue. And I think we all know the answer to who that ultimately benefits.

This Is Not the Child’s Fault

Children aren’t seeking this content because they want disturbing material. If a child has unsupervised access to a device, this content will find them.

That’s why monitoring matters.
That’s why conversations matter.

We haven’t shied away from talking about this with our son. He knows what Italian brain rot is. He knows it’s AI-generated. He understands the goal is to keep kids hooked. That understanding makes the boundary make sense to him.

Final Thoughts

Italian brain rot isn’t just “silly internet content” or another passing kids’ trend, it’s a signal of how far children’s media has drifted from supporting developing brains.

The issue isn’t that it’s weird, absurd, or makes no sense. Kids have always loved nonsense. The issue is how this content is engineered. Italian brain rot is built to overwhelm the senses. For young children, whose brains are still developing attention, impulse control, and emotional regulation, the level of stimulation the content they’re watching provides really does matter.

When content is designed purely to hold attention for as long as possible, it can make calmer activities feel boring by comparison. Transitions become harder. Emotions feel bigger. And children are often blamed for being “addicted” or dysregulated, when in reality they’re responding exactly as their brains are wired to respond.

This isn’t about fear-mongering or shaming parents. Most families don’t even realise this content exists until it’s already found their child. Algorithms are doing the choosing, not kids, and not parents.

Children don’t need content that hijacks their attention. They need experiences that allow their brains to breathe, imagine, and recover. They need stories with rhythm, play that invites creativity, and boundaries that protect their developing nervous systems.

Italian brain rot may be popular, but popularity doesn’t equal healthy. Awareness gives parents back agency. And when parents are informed, they can guide, not panic, and make choices that support their child’s long-term wellbeing, not just short-term quiet.

To learn more, please watch my deep dive into Italian Brain Rot below…

Watch the video version of this post on YouTube.

Listen to the podcast version of this post on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.

Thank you for being part of my community. Too Much, Too Soon is a reader-supported publication. If you can and value my work, or if you take value in my daily content over on Instagram, please consider becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month), so I can continue to show up and make a positive impact.

Subscribe now

Tom Piccirilli, Founder of The Dad Vibes