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In my 9 years of sobriety I have learned so much, lost so much, expanded so much, because when you are sober so much life happens and you are there for it all. I am not saying at all that I think everyone should be sober, it isn’t for everyone, and I am only sharing from my experience. I do think, from this amount of time though that I have learned some nuggets of wisdom; and I want to share some of them with you.

Me on my sobriety birthday this year -lucky to be alive!

1. Being sober IS cool - but only if you actually want to get sober.

   When I first attempted to be sober after experiencing near liver failure and told I was going to die, I thought being sober was the worst thing in the world that could have happened to me. I used to sneer at anyone who didn’t drink and actively laugh at people going for a run at 6am when I was stumbling out of a club. Now, I love a 6am gym session. What I didn’t know at the age of 22 was that sobriety would be the gateway to being my truest, most authentic self - and there is truly nothing cooler than that. Knowing who you are, and having the guts to be that person every single moment of every single day.

2. No one cares if you are sober.
   This works in both ways; no one is judging you (if they do it’s usually because they have an issue themselves), and no one cares WHY you aren’t drinking. I used to actually explain at the bar when I ordered a coke instead of a jack and coke why I wasn’t drinking, which in retrospect is so un-chic and actually really embarrassing. If you don’t want to drink, just don’t. It’s like boundaries - you don’t need to explain them. Just decide and know that no one cares either way, the good ones will just care that you are well and happy.
   

3. Your friendships will change - but usually for the better.
   When I first attempted to stop drinking 11 years ago (I didn’t stop properly for 2 years after my first attempt), I didn’t know who I was, but also I didn’t know how to be in relationships. I had always bonded over alcohol, had difficult conversations with a drink, or allowed alcohol to let me say what I really wanted. I didn’t know how to be in relationship without it, and my friendships suffered. I felt rejected by my drinking friends, but really, I withdrew. In sobriety I got to learn a lot about myself and changed very rapidly. This meant that there was a big recalibration for everyone involved and that meant a lot of my friendships had to change. In many ways it was quite painful, but on the other side of it meant more aligned relationships. It’s hard for someone to get to know who you truly are if you are pretending to be someone you are not. That means that true intimacy cannot exist, until you exist as your true self. I thankfully had the chance to navigate many of my friendships and the ones that meant the most had the opportunity to blossom into deeper and even more meaningful bonds.
   

4. Saying sorry will save your life - and relationships

   I am so lucky that I have learned to want to understand what my part is in any given time that I am disturbed by something or something. That can sometimes be really painful when you have upset someone, or they have upset you - and because we are human our natural instincts are usually to protect our ego and want to be right and not wrong. However, life doesn’t work in binaries - there not always a right or wrong, only perspective. If I have upset someone, I know that actually the path to freedom is within me trying to understand from the perspective of another. If I can understand where I have done wrong, I can say sorry and change my behaviour.
   One of my greatest learnings of this was with someone who I considered to be more than a friend; she was a sister, mentor, mother-figure and best friend all in one. I lived with her and when I did live with her (and was drinking) I did some things I wasn’t proud of. It had bubbled into resentment and avoidance, it hung over us and cast a spell of distance. I could feel it, so could she. Around 7 months into being sober, she was cutting my hair and I said sorry. For every thing I had done that I wasn’t proud of. It melted away a year of distance in an instant, she made fun of me, I cried and then that was it - she knew and I knew that what I had done was brave and she appreciated it more than words would ever express. I got to have 4 more beautiful years of friendship until she tragically passed away, and I thank god every day that I said sorry. Never shy away from admitting you were wrong, it robs you of everything. You never know what is going to happen.
   

5. There is absolutely nothing a drink will fix.

   It only delays it. The same goes for anything at all you are using to change the way you feel. If you are using a behaviour or substance to change your emotional state, as soon as you put it down you will feel everything. I believe from my experience, that all of these emotions we numb through alcohol, drugs, smoking, shopping, working, drama, scrolling, even overexercising, food - they do not leave the body or our energetic system - until we learn that we can sit through them. Pain doesn’t go away with these behaviours, it gets sedimented. If you do not address or sit through uncomfortable feelings, they will keep trying to come back up again and again. Sitting, being, feeling, looking at where things originate from and really being with it, is the only way to fix anything. We have to tend to our wounds, or they tend to us. Drinking, will never change that - only delay it.

6. Waking up without a hangover every day is actually really great

   I mean, I won’t say I’ve woken up feeling fresh every single day - sadly when you’re hyper sensitive and have autoimmune issues food can make you feel just as bad as alcohol, sadly - but to have had over 9 years without a hangover has meant that I’ve been able to get quite a lot done. And get it done with mostly joy. Without the looming and numbing of a hangover, I am incredibly productive and also truly want to do everything I say I’m going to do. The thing that I need to get better at is being deluded in how much I can actually do in a day, and even if I CAN do it, it doesn’t mean I should. I love not being hungover. I love being a morning person, and I love being in tune with how I am actually functioning.
   

7. I couldn’t do my job if I wasn’t sober.
   Firstly, I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want to get energy work from someone who was a big drinker. It’s not that I think you have to be sober to do energy work or be spiritual - I just think it dampens all of it. The data is very confirming, alcohol is very bad for your body. Not long ago, I listened to a podcast where one of the Whoop scientists confirmed that all of their data and studies showed that after 1 drink it takes your body a minimum of 3 days to return to baseline. 3 days is a long time, and to be a clear channel I want to be in optimum health. There is absolutely no way that I could responsibly practice Reiki after having drank, because it would be a disservice to my clients. In the same way that when I’m treating people during the week, I will ensure that I go to bed early and have a morning routine to set me up to be as present as possible. Please be clear, I am not condemning anyone who drinks at all - I am just saying for me that I could absolutely not do my job if I was drinking, I know it in my bones. Also, it is because of my sobriety that I have everything in my life, it has rendered me useful and turned me into a person who lives a life of service.
   

8. You can still do bad things when you’re sober
   Just because you don’t drink it doesn’t make you a good person - trust me there are many insane people who don’t drink. Sometimes I think that sobriety can be a thing that people use to make themselves feel holier than thou, a wellness badge of honour - any length of sobriety in our society is something to be applauded - but it doesn’t automatically make you better than everyone else out of proxy. I’ve made some terrible judgements in sobriety, especially when I was trying to do it all alone. I used to get in the most terrible rumination loops and convince myself that the world was against me and awful things were happening to me. I would be having arguments with people in my head I hadn’t seen for years and in some cases in my early sobriety years be very difficult to work with because I replaced alcohol with drama. It is the emotional depths that you get to explore when you take away the escaping, that allow you to be a good and understanding person and access maybe some wisdom - not simply the removal of the substance. Also we are all human and therefore make mistakes and have the human experience. None of us are immune to that, and we will always do things wrong and can’t please everyone. What matters is how you deal with that.
   

9. Being sober is the least interesting thing about me.
   I saved the best until last, it was the best piece of advice I’ve ever been given about sobriety. Don’t make it your whole life or identity, it’s not that interesting. I am lucky that I got sober before we shared everything in our lives on social media, because I can see how easy it is for people to make an identity and also monopolise it. I see sober curious, sober coaches, sober influencers - the list goes on all sharing their journey and frankly, it is actually really boring. Also, who wants to get tied to an identity? I didn’t want to tell anyone I was sober for the first 5 years, I thought it was embarrassing! I’d only tell close friends or people who asked me why I wasn’t drinking when I was out (the people that notice your’e drinking a diet coke usually have drinking problems themselves). Also, there is so much more to us than the behaviours we decide to commit to. We have more depth than a label and it’s being on the journey of finding those nuances and interests that give us access to build and be in our deep inner world. All of those things take place outside of a screen, in private and aren’t experiences to be commodified. Being sober has allowed me the space to access the magic - but the magic was always there. It’s found in yourself, community and a trust in something bigger than you.

I hope you enjoyed this little summary. I obviously have so much more that I have learned, this is what just came out of my head today. I also wanted to say, if you ever want to speak about sobriety, I am always here for anyone seeking it. x

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The BIG NYC BREAKDOWN

If you have been following me on instagram you may have gathered that October was the most eventful month of my life. I left my old studio, moved into a new one, got a new kitten (Scully), Mulder my cat almost died, I went to NYC and held Cacao Ceremony for Goop, held Cacao and Scent Ceremony at Vyrao, then I landed back and spent 3 days crying over taps and befriending my builder in the most epic treatment room turn around of the year. It was…actually pretty hard and I’ve found it incredibly overwhelming both personally and professionally, spiritually and physically.

I really want this substack to be, well, real. It can be hard to show the internal bits of what goes on behind my business, because I don’t really have much spare time, and also because I don’t like moaning when it feels like such a privilege to be able to do the work that I do as my livelihood. But I think that you may have come here because this will likely be a bit less filtered and lets be real - I always max out the instagram caption anyway! Without that in my way there’s no stopping me and my stream of consciousness, so prepare yourself.

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Lets start with the mega NYC recap

New York New York! First of all, I love NYC mostly because it is home to two of my two best friends - Megan and Eric. I probably wouldn’t say that NYC is my natural habitat, but it does have this crazy energy that almost totally resets you because of how BIG it is. My main draw to coming here was because I got offered some incredible opportunities but mostly because I got to be there drinking Cacao with one of my best friends Yasmin, AND I was desperate to visit my soul people!

My first stop was staying with my absolute soul sister Megan. She’s an Aries too and whenever we spend time together we both feel like we can take over the entire world. Aries have a way of really revving each other up, and Megan and I definitely knew each other in another life, cosmos and everything in between. She’s my soul sister and being together is always the most inspiring time. I felt so lucky that we got to spend some time together at the start of my trip because truly I wish there was a portal for us to be linked together all of the time. Sadly we have never lived together in the same city but any chance we get to stay at each others homes is taken!

Megan and her beautiful husband Cedie kindly housed me for the first few nights of my trip and their gorgeous kitties Goshi and Leila helped me with feeling homesick for my two Mulder & Scully. I obviously made us Cacao every day that Megan and I would sip and spend a few hours dreaming and scheming ways to world domination. It was also insanely warm when I arrived so we basked in the sun in their garden, and I made Megan do my workout routine with me (seen pictured below hiding behind the mat) and just generally landed in the best possible way. I was taken such deep care of by Megan and Cedie and on reflection I realised that this isn’t something I’m necessarily used to and from this trip realised how deeply needed it is in my life. Not to go down a different route of what I was intending to write about, but our chosen family are truly everything. I have many beautiful friendships that are deep and wonderful, but only a handful of friends that are really chosen family. The ones who’s homes I go to and feel comfortable enough to raid their fridge and nap on their sofas. These women carry me in ways that I am so grateful for, so valued, because those types of friendships are pure and rare and really mean everything. I sadly lost a friend a few years ago who was a woman who had truly seen every part of me and I miss her every single day. These friendships should be cherished and held onto, the cheerleaders and the sisters who hold you and hold a mirror to you - they are everything.

Being able to land in this way set me up for what was to be an utter whirlwind of a trip. I knew that being here would be huge, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for how much would happen or how quickly time would go by. I was there for 11 days and it felt like three months. Truly I cannot believe how much happened!

Day 3 and I held a beautiful private day retreat for a dear friend and her girlfriends (and husband). That looked like 3 back to back Reiki sessions, a Cacao ceremony and then a Reiki session for her husband. It was honestly just so so beautiful to hold everyone and felt incredibly powerful. I’m not able to do these types of services at home because I am usually booked up with 1-1s so far in advance, but having the space to do this actually felt so magical. I wasn’t quite aware of how much I would love the intimacy of holding this type space.

I’d love to do more of this private space holding - lets see how it lands. Now I have my new studio, it’s more possible for me to curate these bespoke environments and experiences. Being trusted to hold groups of women is one of my favourite things in the world. Women are everything, they need to be held and our friendships and love for each other is so strong and so sacred.

This is where the Reiki magic also started to kick in and prepare me for what truly would be the time of my life. I had been approached a few months prior to hold Reiki and Cacao Ceremony for none other than…goop. Usually I am booked out and have been for months in advance which means that I never usually have space for opportunities that are more spontaneous. I had booked off the entirety of October because it just so happened to be that I was moving studio and needed time off to do the build, and the retreat just so happened to be at the same time I was also going to be in NYC to hold space for Vyrao. So divine timing worked out perfectly (as it always does) and I got to truly have the time of my life.

First of all, I am a working class girl. I have been in many incredibly environments due to working with amazing people, but I never assume that I will get special treatment and absolutely never expect it. I was not expecting to be treated as well as I was during this trip, and was completely blown away by the generosity and hospitably.

First of all I got picked up in a Mercedes that had heated seats that massaged you, filled to the brim with snacks and Goop products to help make the ride more comfortable. I felt like I was in a movie and I loved it.

We drove almost 3 hours from NYC to upstate, to Inness which was this incredible hotel located in the most picturesque environment. When we arrived I checked in and went straight to my room which had the biggest and most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in, the room was also filled with Goop treats and everything a girl could ask for. I was obsessed! I literally threw all of my skincare in the bin and immediately became a Goop addict.

Then I had approximately 15 minutes to get ready to attend the cocktail party to meet the guests and attend the Goop podcast recording which I absolutely was not missing out on for love nor money. After a quick turn around (and totally destroying the room in the process to put together a look) I was out and ready. We had our Aura photographed and I got to chat to the guests who I would be holding space for. None of them at that point knew I was holding ceremony, and in the queue to have our Auras read two of the guests told me how excited they were to try Cacao and Reiki which made me so happy.

The podcast itself was actually a true honour to listen to. Gwyneth is incredible. I knew she was divine anyway, but hearing her speak in person was so wonderful. When I got a chance to meet her after, I told her it was truly so beautiful to hear her speak, that she had the language of the heart and that is so healing for so many as it allows them to access that part of them too.

After a quick gym session to calm my nerves before the big day I hopped in the shower and had the best nights sleep EVER, that bed lives rent free in my head. If you get a chance to stay there I recommend it just for how comfortable everything is! I also as you can clearly see from the above picture, fully embraced my new Goop skincare regime which I am still in love with.

Then I was up bright and early to make the Cacao. I chose to use my love María Cacao for the ceremony - being able to make Cacao in this stunning kitchen was just such a special experience that I’ll treasure forever.

The Ceremony itself was beautiful. The women we were space holding for are BUSY. New York is a different pace to London, it’s intense and it is hard to carve out time to be still. To introduce so many of them to both Cacao and Reiki was an honour and I had such incredible feedback, many saying it was the highlight of the trip and how grateful they were for the time to just be and receive the messages that they needed.

After the Ceremony was over, I packed up, had breakfast and then was whisked back to NYC in my car to my next stop The Moore - a cute boutique hotel my bestie Eric works with in the heart of Chelsea. I of course enjoyed the massage chair the entire way back home.

Whilst I was there I took full advantage of being by myself, getting up early, journalling and exploring the vast workout classes I loved of NYC (skyting and The Class being my go to’s) which is a luxury I don’t really have at home as I am immediately greeted upon awakening by two hungry cats and a partner who likes to have Cacao in bed with me. It was actually quite liberating to operate like this, another realisation I had when I was there was that I need to be a little more selfish in how I operate as these mornings were so nourishing for me.

After Goop, I went straight into Vyrao. For those of you who don’t know my career background, I actually used to be Vyrao’s Brand Manager so the brand has a huge place in my heart and DNA. Yasmin Sewell the Founder is one of my favourite people in the entire world, a soul friend and conspirator. A psychic sister and expander and I am so insanely lucky to have her in my life. To be invited to hold Cacao and Scent ceremony in their pop up was a huge honour and one of the most fun and magical experiences of my life. When I walked into the store I cried. Not just because it was so insanely beautiful, had the best vibes of any shop ever and was just amazing in every possible way; but also because I know how much Yasmin has done to get to this point and how much of her heart and essence is within the brand. It is rare that product, ethos and mission are authentic and genuine. What Yasmin has created at Vyrao isn’t just game changing because she has created mind blowing fragrances and tools for healing - it’s because its intention is true and pure and every single element has been thought about and executed at the highest level. It is magic.

Being in the store was also SO FUN. Yasmin and I always discuss how shops are Portals - spaces that aren’t quite real life, that allow people to step away and have a moment for themselves and experience something new. I prepared 5-10 L of Ceremonial Cacao for them each day, developed a recipe for them for the store and taught the team how to make and serve it each day. I also held Cacao and Scent Ceremony, held a team Ceremony and gave mini Reiki sessions to customers. It was so wild and fun and a whirlwind and I loved every second of it!

After 4 days of non stop talking about the fragrances, Cacao, Reiki and how wonderful Yas and the team were, it was sadly time for me to leave. When it was the day I was flying home I started crying because I felt like the movie was ending and I was leaving a dream.

I also think I was crying because I knew that I was going to have to come back home to a studio that wasn’t finished, an ever decreasing timeline and an open day that was giving me mild (/not so mild) panic) tbehind the scenes in NYC. Back to reality as it were…

Any guesses on what my next substack will be about? (Spoiler…it’s part two of my October / November whirlwind…making the studio happen!)

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