July and Intuition

In this blissful month of self-acceptance, my reflections have revolved around the question “What do I actually want?” I still don’t fucking know, but the one thing I 100% do want is 🌱GROWTH🌞 July has literally blown my mind, i think its my favourite month of this year, everything has happened with vibrancy and excitement, like watching coloured TV for the first time.

Has anyone else felt a strong pull to assess relationships?

My gratitude to Sun for creating space for attraction and confidence. You have allowed me to see how simple it is to self nurture and open myself up to the possibility of receiving pleasant experiences.

Better sober.

Depending on what your local witch may prescribe you, mine recommends taking a small dose of ‘chill pill’ daily. When I play, I am more present to give. Whether you resonate with astrology or not, I’ve been zeroing in on my Cancer Sun. What does it mean to be a Cancer and why are they so touchy feely with emotions? It’s silly but when I feel safe to express, my rawest self flows out like a stream on high pressure, showering anyone who accepts my pool party invitation.

I volunteered at the foodbank today and my friend was there. He recently turned 9 and has an incredible awareness of what is going on around him. His connection with his own inner voice may be the influence of his Cancerian Sun, as he is also born in July. I can tell he would make a strong leader from how he says thank you.

^{I am a Mother without trying}

I have the strength to demonstrate compassionate leadership. Like how a Cat Mum inspires her kittens to pee in litter and to kick the sediment with their hind legs.

Two days ago, I felt like wandering. It was a little after lunch so I popped into Royal Cafe on the High road. Instead of classical violin, they play trap while people are enjoying their meal, I always find the decision intriguing. The waitress is unsmiling but is pretty. A foreign pretty to mine. Her pretty is smooth, her pretty is divine.

After eating, I felt like going on a swing. Luckily for me, the park was so close by so I thought I’d pop in! There were children occupying the swings so I played on the large netted circular hammock and waited patiently. I sensed a kerfuffle arising on the other side of the playground. Two little girls on a swing like this:

Bigger children surrounded one end complaining to go on. An adult had entered but added no help to the situation. I felt useless watching one of the little girls hanging on her seat waiting to be swung. I went up to her and asked “would you like to be pushed?” She nodded emphatically. I said aloud “Excuse me, this little girl would like to be pushed, if you dont mind waiting your turn, thanks”. They all took a step back, I used my strength to run and push them both. “Weeee” I shouted, vicariously living through there joy as a random stranger girly ✨

I headed over to the available swing when another little girl approached me. She said “watch me go on the zip line!” I was confused but whimsically open to the safeguarding opportunity. She bravely jumped and pushed herself, I was impressed. Her sisters came to us and shared the fact that they are triplets, I was amazed! I don’t remember what happened in detail but they soon became attached to me in a short while and it was nice to have girl-friends actually. I learnt their names, age and observed dynamics. We decided to head into the football rink as it was free, we set up a picnic with my flamingo towel and raspberries and my company felt sincerely valued. The middle child asked me to pick her up, i did so and she was incredibly light in my arms. The maternal instincts kicked in and I felt careful towards them. Though they seem precious and adorable, they are also fearless and resilient women.

I made sure to empower them while versing the boys in football. I wasn’t allowed to play because a young boy said I’m an adult, so he said I can be the ref instead. I yelled “we can win with love” and “you got this”. The boy wearing a Portugal vest laughed “beat us with love?” he sniggered. We did a team huddle and shouted “sisters!” I’m out here healing my own trauma for free and I love that for me.

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Passing through, a polite Father said he loved my motivation, that made me joyful inside and out! Little did I know that his sons were the opposing players, I too complimented his parenting skills. Us girls got tired and resorted to the climbing frame, the little boy turned to me and said “I wanna be on the girls team”, truly the highlight of my day lol.

enlightened anger

Most times when I think about writing there are soo many topics worth exploring. However, the challenging part is perfection. I recently graduated from University, I’m thankful because I really didn’t think I would pass. I kinda hated the last two years and wanted to vanish. You can’t really talk about your raw feelings without being labelled psychotic. I’m psycho, genuinely. I hold a lot of anger and I want to let it out now. I want to create, destroy, consume and levitate. The levitating bit usually happens when I’m watching other people go through the enlightenment process of letting go.

I have this idea of creating a smashroom for claiming feminine energy that just wants to scream, babble, stick its tongue out— ya know, be a baby. Cry about it, let out your best violence instead of inflicting pain on yourself or worse, others.

An exercise that I’m currently toying with is saying a mundane word in an angry expression, such as the word ‘Hat’. Now shout it with anger. HAAAATT Good job, I’m proud of you 🧸

Intentional wishing up

As I’m writing this I went to see if my cat was available for treats. I heard my neighbour asking her grandchild if she could see the cat in the garden. I assumed they meant Lexi so I carried her there. The toddler had a packet of salmon sticks in her hand, Lexi’s appetite increased with enthusiasm. Seeing her mingle with a child sized human was so funny, she’s such a big cat compared to a couple years ago. The cute little girl hand fed Lexi and I appreciated the kind gesture. Free things are such gifts in life and its better when there unexpected! The weird thing was I wished she had those treats, and voila there they realised right in front of me.

I met a real life monkey man. I must’ve wished to have a boyfriend. Someone attractive to hold hands with, play, and make each other laugh. There I was, minding my own business, I ordered a hot chocolate from Costa and sat near the window to people watch civilians from above. I brought my laptop to do work, I assume if people watch me then I perform better. This is stupid because the purpose of religion and God is already suppose to make people feel watched over and judged from afar. I barely used my laptop to write, my truest emotions are kept in my journal /diary. Out of a dream, a BBC-presenter type guy appeared and started saying the word ‘journalling’ many times to relate to my actions. I asked if he wanted to sit on the empty chair opposite me and he stayed. I sensed early on that he was a goofy personality hidden inside a mannish presence. We played a game where we predicted features on people and then looked to the audience below to find. Like red shoes, black t-shirt, vest etc. He prompted a fun one, children playing. We couldn’t find any until we saw a little boy pointing at a restaurant, I guess that counted.

Continuing to talk, we decided to head out and explore. I had two bags while he left the house with his phone in his pocket and nothing else. That sense of freedom is very hot. I like when humans human instead of reducing themselves to walking bag pegs.

We held hands and entered the sand pit, he smelt nice and i liked that he wasn’t drenched in perfume. I like natural pheromones, I see them as helpful communicators. We ended up being affectionate on a bench somewhere and I felt okay with that, its not like anyone else knew that we had just met each other. I’m allowed to be anything and that is not a privilege, its a right. Freedom is the ability to do what you want, whenever you want and we deserve freedom.

To the beautiful soul that I’m writing this to, I hope you know that your generosity is deeply valued and you are surrounded by open arms. We wish you the best and we all love you ཻུ۪۪♡.

Has your perspective expanded recently? Comment below an experience that restored faith in your life ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.

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Innocent beginnings 𖡼 laying in the shady grass

The red ants were entertained by the dried cranberry i left in their tree. I thought it’d be nice to play God for the nearest creatures and gift them with sweet things.

I felt generous because I was singing. Well, trying to get good at singing. I was matching pitch with frequencies, I felt one with the Universe rolling my lips and humming my heart.

Butterflies flew around me and I saw another human smile.

2:20pm

A Man walked pass and I was intrigued by his red bike. Mines blue so obviously I wondered what his personality is like. He came back and asked for the time. I looked at my phone screen knowing I can’t read Arabic time yet. I have it there because I like to remind myself of the exotic life I can be living; where I can’t keep track of all the things I’m good at, like reading Arabic numerals. It’s a fairly easy skill to learn:

We rode to the nearest convenience store and he bought us canned cold drinks from the brand Trip. We talked about life and let our bodied communicate through Yoga. Our lives felt similar yet differently complicated. I liked his brown dreds.

Dunno if this sounds believable but I wished to see that scarf…oh those colours. I was meant to see that beautiful fabric. Peter bought it from Tenerife, he lived in a van in Spain and seemed like an all around great human. I’m meeting him later today for a catch up so my opinion may naturally change.

After parting ways I decided to take the a different way to my location, the braver choice. I guess a part of me was suppose to know of all of the precautions before daring a ride down this Lea Bridge Road. e.i. Vans parked on the bike lane and angry mothers picking their children up from religious institutions etc.

Near death experience

Not a coincidence that the only time I get into a major accident I was wearing flip flops and a little fashion purse flung on my shoulder. I know that I’m not that innocent in this predicament.

I was riding down the lane when i noticed there was a while van offloading product into a store. I think it may have been animal carcass, just a guess. There were people on the street next to the stalls so riding on the street was not an option.

Enviously I leered at other cyclists cutting through parked cars to hopp back onto the bike lane. I haven’t taught myself how to bike hop, so that’s going straight on the bucket list.

Still cycling on the road with parked cars on my left I tried looking for the perfect entrance to cut back onto the appropriate path.

AHHHHHHHHHHH a lady opened her car door on me and ooops there i go i’m falllllllling CRASH

Now she’s on the ground. Wondering why she didnt just get her bum off her bike and walk around the van. There’s people surrounding her, the lady asked if shes okay. she doesnt remember how she replied. She explains what happened and asked the lady why she didn’t look at her car mirror to check… WELLL BLAH BLAH BLAH BLEUGHH The lady erratically begins screaming at the girl on the floor. Knowing she should react calmly in a yoga vibe, the girl in pain yells back “I BET YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE”.

As you can probably tell, it wasn’t the best of interactions. I limped away shouting ‘now were karmically connected!’ and ‘pay for my bike its damaged’.

It wasn’t an accident

Instead of shouting at each other I know we should of shared the blame. The universe intended this ‘accident’ for both of us to reflect and learn. The pride in us was too big to admit either mistake. You know what was the weird wonky cherry on top? She looked exactly liked my sister when she was unhinged and taking care of her children. She gave me that exact ‘victim’ mentality vibe. She mirrored fears and emotions i had, which is why that even had to happen.

Luckily, I wasnt bleeding anywhere but my left knee feels dodgy and I sat against the mosque wishing i were dead, melodrama. A butcher man with kind eyes approached me and asked me if he could get my bike fixed.

Uncle fixed my bike for free and said I could claim insurance. I don’t really want to because it seems like a whole kerfuffle. Can someone else do it for me? I’ll insert a pic of her car plate at the end of the post :3 love you.

I acknowledge your pain and I’m sorry I put you through that. My psyche is screaming for help, to get out. I want to leave my home and discover peace elsewhere, I want out now. Universe, show me other possibilities a yellow path leading elsewhere. thank you

Trying to cycle home with a new fear of cars isn’t fun. I got off my bike and went into Abbots park. Walking around I saw two men sitting on a bench, they played Jamaican dub nasty music and I was electrified with a new sense of joy. I opened my body language while looking more wonderous. The Virgo asked me for my age, it was the first thing he said. I pretended he asked how I was and told them about my horrific accident while reeling in my tears. The Pisces offered me alcohol, I saw the apple juice and went for that.

The vibe had changed. I was no longer feeling dejected, I had purpose and humour. I gave myself permission to queue the next song as I wanted to sing, I played Pretty When You Cry by LDR. They loved to hate it.

Ultimately I talked to the pink flowers and took a couple hits from the poised plant that was being shared. I felt better and the virgo with a nice reading voice read out a poem from my book How To Love. it was about pride and telling people you love and feel safe with of your suffering. This was ironic because I felt like I had no one to tell. No one to care. No one to want to understand.

At the end of the day, I told my mother with my back to her staring at the window. Family is important, memories are valuable and I know I’m destined to be the best mother but I won’t find inspiration here because I feel like a spider trapped in a plastic jerry can.

Writer thoughts

Sitting at the corner of this brown leather sofa emulating the cadence of the Goddess that sat next to me. Read her Substack- Unpeeled, saucy writing!!

Although I suffered a tragedy— you may call me delusional if I believe better things are on their way. If I’m strong enough to survive, I’m smart enough to live.

Thanks for reading & being you courageously!

Magical, feathery magnet of energy

Prayer has served itself as an important ritual in my life for receiving new and great things. I’ve seen how it can uplift my circumstances just by transforming inner worries into outward hope.

24.06.2026

On Wednesday, I awoke to the sweltering heat and had the urge to buy prayer beads compatible with my personality. I never wanted them in the past as I thought they looked silly around peoples necks. Later that day, I hit up a charity shop in Leytonia. This charity shop is run by older women, mostly from the Muslim religion. The store has a cluttered, unkempt and jarring vibe. They had many different necklaces chaotically presented on a jammed rotating jewelry pole. I fiddled with a couple then decided I deserve the unexpected, the search felt unwarranted.

Gracefully, I hopped out and went to another charity store across the road. The atmosphere could not be more opposite. Their storefront richly displays plants, racks of clothes (colour-assorted), space to roam and clean air to breathe. Shopping has a hypnotic effect here. The abundance of greenery and spider plants is sublime and peaceful, you may never want to leave!

One time, I went in this store and all the workers were sucking on ice lollies —It demonstrated a chill dynamic to work in, adding to the amazing ambience! Plus, when you go up the counter to check out they address your existence in a low and soothing tone, almost like soft whispering.

I quietly left after deciding I didn’t want anything. I headed into a South Asian sweet shop and gazed at the gluttonous treats before purchasing a small palmful. A super tall guy entered the shop. I glanced up and mandatorily asked if he played basketball. To my excitement he said yes! He answered in the coolest way tho: “Yeah, I’m a professional baller”. Something like that haha. He wasn’t lanky at all and had quite a strong build, kinda like a giant or a average sized human multiplied.

The pleasant interaction didn’t stop there… I walked to where I chained my bike up and he caught me leaning against a pole in the sun. He complained about the heat and talked about getting a bus to his house that was in walking distance. He offered to share his samosa that he just bought from the store, I kindly declined to the experience as I wanted to get home and prepare myself to visit my mentor for the first time! We shook hands and his super-human grip strength didn’t damage my wrist (thanks for going easy on the handshake!)

A kind fellow stopped me on the narrow alleyways of Liverpool St to return this braided string that i tied to my bag. It dropped off and this small encounter led to me guessing what he worked as. He spoke very fast and had little to no imagination in his questions for me: Marketing phone caller guy. He was interested in yoga so this shows that getting out of your house into the scary places are business opportunities hidden in plain sight!

I headed to a coffeeshop on Brick Lane excited to meet my mentor. She’s employed by the big named publications in the UK journalism scene, so I knew her knowledge and depth of experience would without a doubt awaken me to the realities of being a working journalist.

I ordered something nice and refreshing and waited for her to arrive. I sat outside the store which the owner said is the best place to sit, I’m guessing he mentioned that because of the free publicity, way to go!

Thirty mins past and I knew waiting would be worth it, not only is she accomplished but talking with her in person would help my communication skills with pretty girls. At this point I had an inch of pink Kashmiri tea left and I couldn’t savour it any longer. She eventually found my number on one of her two phones and called me to say that she has left her workplace without remembering that she has a meeting with her mentee (meee) later that evening.

Initially, I thought it was comical because she clearly dgaf and her brain forgot to register my existence despite planning this meeting for literal weeks. I felt dejected but that’s not a negative feeling for me as it leaves more space to play by myself in the big world filled with fortune and silver linings.

She began speaking sooo quickly, apologising and insisting to contact the Trust to find me a new mentor. I felt more rejected because of her negativity. The universe is a forgiving space and we all make mistakes. I’d rather her be honest to the fact that she may be too consumed with her career life to be someone open to a learning opportunity outside of work. I don’t know if she’s being paid for this, maybe money would incentive her if directly influencing me isn’t enough lol.

In this lifetime I have been lucky enough to also be a mentor. Granted it was during sixth form and I had to help a Year 8 boy with reading but it was a great honour. I didn’t wait for my mentee to kma and show his eager interest, I simply put my best foot forward and accepted a challenge. Eventually he stopped turning up but his reading definitely improved overtime!

‘A good student is recipe for a great teacher '

— Zalayka Star

Channeling fearlessness into courage

After the no-show I headed to a park near Brick Lane. I appreciate the colourful memories inside this peculiar park. like the time I danced to “Sex with me” by Rihanna while I got high for the second time in my life, a seamlessly amusing adjustment.

I saw a little girl on the swings so i headed over to hang and transform my energetic state. Her dad was with her along with their furry dog. The swings were clangy and unpleasant. Their dog ran under my feet and the guy yelled its name, “Tilly”. I thought she was called Chilli, her dad said he wished he thought of that.

Facing the sun, I sat and recorded a short, surface level yoga class. Patreon only lets me upload files that are less than 10 mins long and its making me change my approach, so thanks for the opportunity i guess. Here, watch the trailer: Cooling yoga in the Sun | Patreon

I was getting thirsty and my water had finished. Genoursly the universe sent me an angel named Claudios. He approached my circle with a whimsy remark and offered to buy me a bottle of water as he was going to the shops. I couldn’t believe what he said… how did he know?! I played on a spinney contraption while edging my thirstiness and awaiting his return

He came back like a warrior from the convenience shop and handed me a fresh bottle of water with incredibly sweet jolly rancher ice lollies. He said he would come back for me as his friends are around the corner, I offered to come with him and meet his friends. I couldn’t believe what I said! The confidence on me hehe

His friends were cherished and calm. I liked their collective qualities. At one point, the sporty looking guy left, he dapped me up and I stumbles on my words, I said “sorry, happy to meet you”. There was a gorgeous woman with them, she was sitting in the grass on a thick towel 3 meters away from them. Her energy had a detached femininity, I could tell she was a mother by how she said “one second baby” while browsing on her phone. Obviously, she’s a Golden goddess who deserves worship.

I did lots of yoga with her and she revealed to have double ribs on one side and hips that can dislocate. The yoga was helpful until she pushed too much past her limit, I blame myself because I should of been more cautious of the contraindications of performing certain postures, I hope I can redeem trust from her soon. This mudra suited her perfectly, I’m grateful I could share a bond with such an ambitious person:

Despite hearing the scraping of suitcase wheels on the street floor, I feel no desire to travel on a plane this month or the next, but who knows. I haven’t planned anywhere for my birthdate yet, gonna wing it and see what happens.

Meeting these kind folk made me realise that the mentorship is already starting to have an effect, if I had not been there, I would not of been able to share a hearty spliff with a passionate group of kind souls and share the love of yoga, so thank you 💟

All while the children play

Beginning: Presently, I’m in a park passively watching four young humans unite; two pairs from different cultures, three boys, one girl. Their emotions are incredibly untamed and regular. All feels perfect. One feels united. The boy in sandals found a coin on the podium and tossed it to the ground. If it was me, I would want to hold on to it, think I was special and contemplate giving it away when timing feels right. But he immediately threw it to the ground because that’s how he felt in the moment. Kids are strong in their morals and I am grateful to be a visual learner from this impromptu playdate.

Signing off: Now, I’m in a pub sitting next to people talking about how they menial tasks get done past 7.30 am.

Embrace the weather, don’t overwork yourself — be mindful of your breathe x

Edit: I saw a beautiful brown beaded bracelet while I was on the central line heading back home. It was on the wrist of a teen girl who wore a large yellow shirt with a bee on it, she was apart of a environmental group. I complimented her and at least now I know what I want !

Dear Abba,

How did you expect me to live without you? what made you want to die? why didn’t you stop drinking? wasn’t I reason enough to quit? what did you enjoy about life? are you aware that you are the reason i cry so easily? do you feel happy now? what changes would of made life easier for you? do you still love me?

I miss playing football with you in the garden. I’d peek at you having a time out with that cylindrical silver drinking thing and wonder if it tasted good (it doesn’t). Despite how largely i looked up at you, your heart could fit in my child hand. i want to touch you, sit in your lap and hold your hand. You’re pride in me. I know how to do lots of things, like survival stuff, I have a keen interest in returning to a natural way of living, maybe in a foreign forest somewhere, with snakes, cockroaches and bears: fantastical beings.

My emotions have been more regulated recently, this is something I feel proud to admit. I’ve stopped looking at faces I don’t like- expressions that make be feel gross. I detach so easily, its like I love to leave. I seek only peace in everything i do. The more relaxed i feel, the easier it is to infuse joy throughout my world. I feel you with me when I need you, I know your heart was deep, words strong— you have allowed me to evolve into a wonderful person. I’m grateful that your power stands beside me, i love you now, thank you for protecting me, my angel 𖧷

While jogging back home last night, there were three large men surrounding the high street bus stop. I felt alarmed but one of them cheered in a Somali accent “Go girl!! That’s dedication, I’m so proud of you!” I adorably kicked my feet up and said thank you Sir while running away.

That’s all i ever wanted. The niceness of a random stranger in passing, something genuine and unreal. That comment made me realise how attractive I am, not entirely visually but from an energetic perspective. I was listening to a Russian podcast while running, the directiveness of the accent sounded abruptly motivational. However, on the other side, sweet kindness also encourages me. its weird. Do I live for love and suffering? Or are they the same thing… 🍓✧˚.🎀༘⋆ﾟ＊

I haven’t been in a physically abusive relationship before, but i have to say, there must be something enticing/repugnant about being told how to be a human. What to wear, how to style the body, how to perform in a role. Like having a job basically, which is why i choose self employment and no boyfriend! Take a look —I’m doing it!

I am my own partner

My dream of being a YouTube pop star is slowly turning into a reality. Although, it may have to pause for a while… Yesterday I got restricted from posting because the silhouette of girl parts was visible in a video. Its not my fault. It’s those damn Urban Outfitter shorts, that’s why 94% of my wardrobe is from charity shops. Haha of course its my fault, I’m taking responsibility and this 90 day ban is already transforming me, I’m even in the process of registering for tax as a self employed Queen!

You may find my video form content on Patreon, I’m embracing the culture over there since its more friendly towards nudity slips.

https://www.patreon.com/cw/Zalayka

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Talk to you later, its been really nice! Gotta go eat hummus and plantain xo Let me know what written content you’d like to see next! i went on a blind date and I cant wait to tell you about it :)

Trackstory:

Like many empowering past-times, my running journey began during Covid, lockdown. My Sister and I would gaily jog around the circumference of the Marsh field. Often we would chat while running, which would distract from the minor sufferings. I recognised she was far better a runner than I, or so it seemed. She took 9 mins to finish a single lap around— needless to say but i was impressed! My first mistake was probably comparing my style with hers. Though we may be Sisters, we are in fact not the same. Meaning our bodies and heart rates are different! Skipping forward to my current state for a moment, I have realised that breathing has A LOTTT to do with how well you can run a distance.

When sports day would occur at school, I had no qualms about being nominated for the relay race as my body gravitated towards fitness naturally and I enjoyed being physically stimulated (especially with peers watching). Most things felt wonderful yet temporary and the intensity was attractive, the light shined within. ⊹ ࣪ ˖͙͘͡★

However many years later (3)

For many years I had no ‘reason’ to run, unless I was getting late for work — getting on the bus, arriving to work tardy and out of breath. Its crucial to note that I barely arrived for school late until much recent years (2). During a winter evening, I remember a distinct memory of hearing someone yell ‘Oi’ in the streets of South London and I got scared so I ran. Also, at 18 I began smoking so that definitely impacted how I prioritised my breath and interacted with fitness. I was also getting investing in yoga at this stage, so it was perfect timing to learn the importance of ‘prana’ which in Sanskrit translates to ‘life force’, as well as ‘breath’.

Startling events would trigger me to run away from being chased, I have noticed that my body/brain goes numb for a couple of seconds then my flight and flight system would kick in. This, as well as being high was so not helpful! So here’s a quick tip: Learn to run (baby steps). If you’re a medically ‘fit’ smoker (made- up phrase) please let me know how you attained this magical state so we can both fly in the sky! ⚘. ˖° 𖤓 . ˖𖦹

Today🦋☁️🩵

I surprised myself by waking up naturally early this Morning at 6:00 AM. I hopped in the shower and thought a little about what my day would look like. After fumbling through my closet for way too long, I finally succeeded in finding a fit that I was merely happy in: Nice, thin black shorts doubled layered, yellow sports bra and a fitting but lightweight jacket zipper. I am ready for more nice things! જ⁀➴ just letting the Universe know that I’m open to new sports clothes :3 xoxo

I asked GrokAI what free apps are useful for tracking running, it recommended Nike Run app so I got it by smashing the download button on the Apple store ~ So far the app is pleasant and I like the commands such as ‘pausing workout’ and the other one ‘starting workout’. I posted my achievement on my Insta story (follow me there) and a pedantic person replied something about why i am not using Strava and its desirable features (there’ll always be one). He didnt seem supportive about my small accomplishment at all, however I am humbly happy that I left the house for a courageous run! i’m on fire— just be happy for a girl, dude! I told him to be happy with what he uses and be nice to others, he respected that and i felt like we both learnt something from the exchange 𓏲ּ𝄢

The current temperature we’re having in London was the inescapable cherry on top, at times it felt overbearing but it also felt like a fire blanket of love dwelling deep inside my own fire, mirrored externally as a beaming hole in the sky, lol.

Running tips❇️

How to respectfully get from point A: out of your house, to point B: running mode grrr 🐆

I know what your thinking: Soooo, I just leave the house right? Maybe, but some of you have to pack depending on how you feel that day. I take a small pouch that wraps around my waist. I have two of these pussy pouches but one has 3 zips and separate compartments, so it looks like I’m a tourist wearing it (I usually use it for airports to safely carry my passport). The one i like to use is thin and durable, its elastic with a clickable strap to easily place around me with keys, a twistable lip moisturiser and (maybe) a small tissue. My device is an Iphone which for me is typically the most obstructive item to carry…I’ve notice many runners clutching to their phone while running, i tried this and i locked my phone in emergency mode for a whole minute, also it felt like I was emotionally compensating holding a hand. I’m a bit strange, so I think when people hold vape in their hand while walking also symbolises hand-holding with another person, but no the device is void of human emotion.

Tip 2: Bring water if you want. I didn’t bring water as i hydrate before my run. I believe if i carry a water bottle it distracts me and i depend on the water when I’m strong enough to survive!

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Tip 3: Be inspired ✨while I was picking my clothes out I typed onto Pinterest ‘casual runner outfits summer’ and i liked how cute the styles were so its something to aspire to dress like as i continue navigating my journey.

𑣲 A magical light being guided me to allow my inner strength to soar. His name is Ky Ha and I attended his Yoga retreat that he hosted last year in the beautiful mountains of Porto, Portugal. It was truly divine and he would wake up early and ask fellow Yogi’s if we’d like to participate in a run with him. I secretly wanted to say “YESS, i wanna come!!” but I remembered that i don’t practice running— I think it would of been a good start as he can be encouraging with his ‘tough love’ motivational essence, thank you Ky Star.🌠

Tip 4: Go at your own pace. There’s no such thing as being bad at running, you just haven’t experimented! I get that being a powerful Earthling on our planet can sometimes feel overwhelming, but you can learn to use your energy for your own good and to be a role model for others :) Set a goal: The app said run for 20 mins, I ran, stopped to breathe, I ran stopped to appreciate, ran again, paused to acknowledge awesomeness. You got this!!!˖°𓇼🌊⋆🐚🫧

Mistakes as Mentors

Before running i went to Curry’s to search for headphones, I wanted the ones that wrap around your ear so its less likely to fall out. While I was at the till, the head staff man named Faisal was friendly towards me and informed me of how prominent my name is in the Quran. I was fascinated because I have little knowledge about the origins of my name. Ultimately, Yusuf & Zalayka get together and have a fun Garden Party at the end, or something along those whimsy lines. I mentioned that while i was struggling to finish my dissertation, I went on a walk and started crying while collapsing to the floor— A man (my age) approached me and asked me if im okay, he comfored me with supporting words and shared his story of becoming as a footballer and making his Mum proud, i resonated ( not with the football bit but latter) and we both shared a unifying spark at that moment, while he encouraged me to take a walk with him I asked for his name. ‘Yusuf’, he replied. I was simply amazed as God had sent me the encouagement that i needed, I am forever thankful and concrete in my unshakable belief that the Universe DOES listen and they DO care once you Know what Exactly you deserve.

Anyways, I got an orange and black pair of Skull designed headphones- so happy with my purchase 😻:

While i was walking to Curry’s i spotted these flats on Flat 41A bins’. I saw them and thought about taking them but i was committed to the race so i detached myself and hoped they’d still be there after my run… i cycled back after returning home to my Beauty Queen (image below) and checked to see if they were there. I slid them on and the fit was immaculate!! I couldn’t see their impression on my feet so i went to the nearest convenience store, opposite road, 8 steps. The woman on the counter emulated a chic, nonchalant yet grateful smile with one wired headphone in her ear and the other dangling, maybe 300 swag points? I asked her what she thought of the shoes and she liked them and the colour! said it matched my outfit— Yay!

Blessings to You (✿◠ᴗ◠)💐

Many thanks for reading all the way down here. You must feel confused and perhaps intrigued by the grammar errors haha! I’m not perf and thats cool with me 🫶 Have a beautiful day, with lots of love and gratitude thank you for being You ‧｡⋆🌻⋆｡‧˚ Subscribe for more kindness, Lovelies 𓍢ִ໋❀˚⋆

Yours with compassion,

Zalayka xoxo

Family. They don’t really know me and I’m ambivalent about it. If they knew the real me, I might accept the (imaginary) invitation to get married in Pakistan to a second cousin somewhere… I would do Muslimhood again, but this time I’d get super into it to the point I’d be unrecognisable in the streets, and have a mouth filled of enlightenment in the sheets. Zalayka? Who’s that? I only know the chick that got married at 16 and now she can’t think her own thoughts. My bad, that was a vague description of my eldest sister, rather than the after-effects: Moi✨

Since birth, I was appointed the role of ‘Sister’; it’s the highest esteem my soul has ever worked for in this karmic cycle. ‘Imbecile’, ‘Useless’ and ‘Bitch’ follow up quite closely.

Apparently, when I was little (carrying age) my middle sister dropped me on my head. I’ve always blamed it for my alleged inferiority. Maybe if she didn’t drop me I’d be able to do complex Math! But some simple things just won’t add up— the one two many knife fights, pointless arguments, forever-chasing conditional love, unrecognised self-worth and countless end-of-the-world moments. It’s like when everything happens in the now, consciousness bookmarks those memories as ‘heightened emotions’. A lot of the romantic, lovely times in my life have been overlooked by uprising violence. Interestingly, my nephew always greeted his mothers outbursts with giddiness and smiling as we hid behind closed doors, overhearing muffled brawls. Like me, he was a child, oddly entertained. I thought it was strange behaviour for him not to be scared sh*tless as I typically would be, perhaps his system found ways to cope with the trauma— by tricking the player. Although, undeniable pain caught up with him, eventually. ©️

Sister y Sister (currently)

After endless months of no contact, in order to respect ones limits, my middle sister finally decided to get in touch with me (her saner, little sister). I was surprised and open about the whole thing, she even sent me semi-emotional explanation paragraphs which I chose not to read because I prefer talking to my soul family face to face about feelings… Definitely an unprecedented stance in my lineage but hey, I’m a major rulebreaker: I once ripped through the paper packaging of an apricot- flavoured yogurt in a supermarket to access the free temporary tattoo:

We met up outside Vauxhall station to visit a South Asian bookstore. A super idea! On the surface it sounded a little boring but a well-researched icebreaker that’s for sure! And knowing us, the conversation always flowed if I contained my excitement to see my sibling by not interrupting her too much. I managed to do so and the Universe encouraged me to wear a specific shade of blue that we considered she may be wearing, this ensured there was an active symbol of relation she could identify with!

—I suspected the day might go well as a girl on the train complimented my “powder” scent, I wore a perfume I rarely use. Her name was exactly the type of person that gravitates towards me; Precious. I was so excited to hear that, i felt listened to by the Universe. Outside of the station, another person approached me. He was on his lunch break and we chatted about yoga and I offered him a blueberry. —

☆ Sometimes, I’d forget how nice she can be. When I was younger, she would belittle me and make me feel small(er) and unwanted. She would also accuse me of petty things and tattle on me to our unfeeling, homely Mother. Many times I felt an urge to physically hurt her, I remember slapping her on the bus…that was epic! It’s like she wanted me to prove how good of a sister I am. This was too exhausting as a mental option so I guess I compensated the void of reciprocated love by managing a boyfriend for a couple of years. I was nearly blindsided by his apathy towards my dysfunctional family situation so I slowly drifted away from him before the expected but saddening breakup (typically it would be before my Summer birthday as he was good at maths).

Our sisterly meeting went well and she admired that I met up with our other (older) sister in my free time. I don’t think the three of us have ever gone out solely together, strange lol. They really struggle to get on, maybe because they r more similar than they think! Sometimes I try to measure their energies, who is more like which parent. My mother argues that the eldest is a replica of our abusive father, who, in my opinion, was a self-deprecating child in a grown mans body—addicted to the baby bottle, aka the drink. My mother is similar, not an alcoholic, but she is artistically talented, though she barely notices her abundant creativeness which could possibly lead to entrepreneurial growth!

They both attracted each other with divine timing, as if they had similar trauma and shared humour. I’d like to think I was put on this plane for a purpose, to show the world that you do not have to be a victim of your circumstance, and if you laugh at yourself without hurting you (or anyone) the negativity slowly dissolves as you remember the simple bliss of smiling :)

⭑After the bookstore, we went to my second favourite Ethiopian dining spot and ate. I noticed how full I was becoming as the day transitioned into evening. I didn’t want to part ways because I genuinely missed her, she can be funny and silly once she is comfortable to do so and its nice like that. I don’t swear much and it’s nice to hear swear words used in enthusiasm sometimes, it adds a extra funkiness to whatever you’re vocalising. I cried and my wish came true—i received the first of many amazing hugs from my sister. A student of hers taught her how to comfort others so she learnt how to hug properly! It was so warm and inviting, yay her >ᴗ< ⭑

I saw a decapitated pigeon today. It’s feathers looked so soft and angelic, I found it difficult to swallow as I cycled away from the scene. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of Aries, fiery energy and I enjoy it. Fire signs typically always have something to say/ add. I’ve never met a vacant, shallow Aries, they are filled with knowledge, gumption and willingness (most of them).

I don’t know why I’m telling you this but, I’m sure its obvious now! I have tissues, and issues for my tissues. They manifest in friendships, who I attract and what I’ve become. My ‘trauma’ is literally my story, the lore if you will. I don’t even talk about the hurt I’ve experienced because, collectively we villainise pain as a bad and evil source of darkness. But what if you start to like anger? Does that make you enjoy the rush? I’m not suggesting that you should threaten me with a pointy dagger, that’ll for sure make me cry laugh. I’m saying— let’s talk about our experiences, our scary moments where the world almost exploded…but it didn’t. Here we are, intact, beautiful and attempting to love the self as the self always deserved.

My cat is the most royalty-like being I’ve ever known. I met up with a friend a couple weeks ago, we met at the women’s nude yoga sessions that I taught. She is academically gifted and was supposed to help me with my dissertation. We ended up chatting about astrology and she revealed how significant my cat is to me for my spiritual growth without me even discussing Lexi (the feline). I realised Lexi, is sort of like my trial child, I am her mother who fails to abandon her, I always forgive our mistakes and weirdly enough her scratches have stimulated dopamine in me…I want the best for her because she provides me with safety and she’s such a stunning creature, I can stare at her for hours.

Before I became a yoga teacher, I didn’t know how to describe the action of doing a correct posture (sometimes I still don’t!). A lot of the times when I would be practicing in the field, orbs would come up to me with their curious minds:

Somehow on this Earth, I have gained a small following on YouTube. It’s exciting yet questionable. If you would like to practice yoga with me, often on a daily basis for around 20 minutes you should kindly consider watching my vids! My yoga is called UpriseYoga and I like to follow my intuitive nature and others suggestions. I’m very grateful to have a community, this materialised extension of me scattered all over the cosmos, how wonderful!

disclaimer: I tried to use AI grammar checker but it wanted to rewrite the whole flawed thing for me and i thought “no, eff you”. I’m interested in hearing what you made of this slightly dark, greyish type of post. I haven’t written in a while so yeah, thanks for reading!

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Bucket heads

I met a millionaire at a ‘7 vibes journey’ rave type thing a couple of weeks ago and this guy was dressed so ordinarily. It made me think, is this what rich people spend their money on... meeting other people? That’s free, that’s called civilisation my duck. You can meet the most wondrous people on the road just by giving them glance, friendly smile or offering to pay their rent for 6 consecutive months. It’ll make you popular but I’m unsure if you could foster genuine connection that way.

There was also another rich guy at the party, I told him he looked like Willy Wonka, and he had no idea what that was. Something about his chocolatey smile and leering personality. Also, he wore this heavy gold sequinned blazer jacket that scratched my skin when he hugged me. Do people become less self-aware the richer they become.

Comically Avoidant

I met up with my mothers eldest daughter AKA my sister in a colourful and whimsy café with high ceilings. I didn’t expect to confront my biggest fear until I realised she is nothing to be scared of, this transactional system is. I was cycling in the area she used to live, the area I used to visit my niece and nephews in. I remember we would get on our scooters and bikes and race around the square block, they were so innocently playful, these were the times joy felt effortless. But not for her. I always thought her to be an inauthentic character who has malignant tendencies. But after all that’s happened I still question why she goes on these rampages for lower quality men that weaken her immune system. I know childhood patterns play a huge factor but what if she meditates to accept instead of trying to understand. Whatever’s easier I guess.

Anyway, she sat there like a fish, all drugged up, numbed of whatever emotion was too powerful or simply wanting to be heard. I wouldn’t know how those medical injections feel and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

A few days before this meeting, I coincidentally saw my other sibling on the high road while I was walking to the post office. I was shocked to learn that she was in the area and didn’t think to visit me, her amazing gem of a younger sister. She was short of a tenner so I excitedly lent her one, this was no biggie for me because apparently my moon is Taurus so right now I’ll do whatever to make things feel secure and growing.

Innate Hypocrisy

The Papa John’s worker has a really cool name; Farsi. I was like woah that’s a language! He made me a medium size pizza which I instantly regretted purchasing because I was cycling without a bag so where would the pizza even go? The other chef with transparent glasses gave me a small paper bag which couldn’t fit even the corner of the box. I cycled past the new Leytonia leisure centre, when did that get there? They even have this fountain which sometimes works and shoots really nice colours:

Near here, there were approximately eight guys sitting, talking having a generally good time and my first thought when I saw them was that I’d like to offer them some pizza because I had too much. But instead of acting out this kind gesture in reality I biked past them and decided to be greedy, because that’s the way ! As soon as I reached the bendy traffic lights, I saw a bunch of slices from the pizza slide out of the cardboard box as I was poorly managing to cycle one handily while keeping it straight up. I call this INSTANT KARMA, and especially deserved. I could barely enjoy the pizza knowing they may have said yes and welcomed the offer, note to self: don’t be selfish and listen to your instincts.

Yesterday, I drank coffee. I don’t drink coffee much but when I do, I celebrate. While I was peeing near lots of Hedera Helix (Ivy crawling up trees —it was so beautiful) I plucked this purple flower from the ground. It reaffirmed what my fav colour is, purple. Purple goes so well with green, like most colours!

Good news! My yoga biz, Uprise Yoga is slowly paving its way. My clients range from euphoric beings to calm transient vessels. They enter my life in such God sending ways and I’m truly so grateful to share my love for yoga. I care for each and every one of them and I even have began to compile homework and feedback for them, I find it exciting because I include cut out pictures of them in docs, I use bright colours and non-intimidating whimsical font:

Lately the Sun has been emerging since the start of Spring. When the Sun begins to tease us like this, it feels like the air is infused with love, and we drink the water to hope it will stay and nourish us all. As I live on a busy road, sometimes my mind feels chaotic, a mirror for what's bubbling up outside my gate. It feels scary and alarming; the sirens, the vehicles, the everything. I wake up to channel the ‘productive mode’ then my mind races with surreal ideas, I think huh it would be easier if I had a job to go to so my mind would fixate on not being late. Is that what society is made for? To help us think in a linear way. I like being crazy, I like not knowing everything, in fact I like not knowing a single thing.

If you have any suggestions, I would love to know the techniques other Earthlings use to help calm their pace of thinking. Currently I’m learning the Maha Sudarshana Mantra, one of the longest and most complex mantras for developing the fully conscious and awakened power of the enlightened mind. I can’t wait to sing it for all of you ༄˖°.🐞

Hot Tips:

Are you seeking a casual place to chat and do your laptop work in London? Go to The Standard, I swear this place is kind of gatekept. It’s a brilliant bougie style scenery to do your business in. However the good-looking security guard said yoga isn’t allowed while I stood beggingly in Tree pose. Its a great place to meet people. Simply by being me and friendly I somehow got access to the secret bathroom hidden in the wall!! There was girl sitting next to me who didn’t even know about it even though she said she’s been coming for a while, haha. I went there on a university music tour thing and yeah its a cool, chic place. Also, I was somehow in love with the shape of their glasses:

๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï๑ï

Thanks for reading beautiful, I hope you have a lovely rest of your day xoxo Zalayka

I have been practicing exposure therapy, whereby one faces their fears in a calm and safe environment. Instead of facing ‘fears’, I decided to face an odd desire of mine: Public nudity. You can imagine how bizarre it was, I first began by removing my socks, got a few stares, but nothing too alarming. Then my shirt, unbuttoning all the way down. The pants: this is where it gets challenging, a couple wide eyed stares from European dads, the ush. Standing in my underwear now, go for it, the full kablam! Without even sliding my panties off whooosh they vanished! The Universe must of predicted where I was going with this. Out of uncontrolled euphoria I shrilled in an unknown mother tongue “OOOOLAMEEOWWW” I roared and ran across the street. I seemingly created a wave of love and ecstasy, people couldn’t help but touch each other in agonizing pleasure. Sending tingles down my spine, I sensed that authority was on the way! Unlike the usual incessant sirens they trotted in silence and on purple horses (dyed in beet juice). Out of respect to my temple they slid me over a paid of golden cuffs, a tear fell straight out my eye. I locked them in place and the wind engulfed me in one single rapture. Words fall short of describing the experience, however, I was softly penetrated by the piercing rays of sunlight. All of humanity was pulling me up toward them to taste the divine message. It felt like a millennia up there amongst what you perceive as the ‘clouds’. Despite it’s everlasting joy, well, I came back. Turns out you’re not there yet so I’d rather wait till we’re both ready :)

Clearly none of that happened but uncaged imagination is something I truly adore about life. In all honesty, I’m in my third (and final) year of university and somehow I haven’t dropped out yet…my compliance is dangling by a thread and something feels inauthentic over there. But there is this one cool teacher that I do like, he projects his voice loud and clearly while maintaining eye contact with the audience and he doesn’t seek external validation. Of course I had to speak with him after the lecture, his name is Stuart, and he represents a beaming light of hope at this very moment. Plus, he had on these heavy looking steel rings which I inquired about. Poetically, he revealed that the rings were replicas from a 2003 Swedish comic called 'The Phantom’.

He wore the Good Mark Ring, with a Greek symbol known as the Chi-Rho, used by ancient Greek scholars to mark valuable or noteworthy passages in the margins of a text. He also told me about The Skull Ring which was always worn on the Phantoms right hand and is known to leave a permanent skull mark on those it touches, typically when punched in the face or jaw. At first I thought he said ‘karmic’ instead of comic which naturally enticed me because that’s what yoga is all about.

Portrait of pink:

Art is an expression of life, thus your imagination paints your upcoming experiences. To think of existing as an act of love reflects the exact moments of your conception. Whether it was desire or greed that brought you into this world, you still became a thing. Someone who listens, breathes, smiles, sniffs, shares, wonders, shouts, whispers, and cries. Your ability to manifest into life started from when you were first thought about, before birth and after. People are always thinking about YOU, right now you are on somebody’s mind. Our thoughts carry unseen networks that connect us. After all, memories of beloved friendships paint specific colours of emotions, from simpler times.

When we was 8 or so I was blessed with a profound friendship, we’ll call him Sule. Being around him always created a safe enough space to express our collective greatness. I was at his home one day and I remember his vibrant mother would allow me space to relax without surveillance or in demand. I felt like an undisturbed child. Anywhere his family took me felt exotic, wildly unfamiliar yet so near. There was this one time we were sitting on his bunkbed and he asked me to sleepover, it would of been my first so I was pretty chilled to be away from the chaos that occurred in my house that day. His mother called mine and she denied, the heartbreak faded but the wondering never did. My question: Does your cheeky smile still orbit the Earth?

Land of Us

The unexpected nature of situational context is purely bizarre and I’m all here for it. The moment, time and place you currently exist is far from a mistake. Honey, you were meant to be here— the sooner you trust the Universes waves, the easier it’ll be to accept not knowing everything, because secretly you kinda already know, ya know? Hehe, life is confusing but at the same time, its explicitly clear what causes what and how pure joy should be acquired.

Listening is a skill that requires awareness. When we tell someone to listen, we rarely mean ‘listen to me’. We suggest that the person should attend to their inner opposition, the internal fear they’re fighting. By this I mean, reassess your level of peace, in what ways is it slipping? Inhaling new air when deciding how to consciously REACT always helps. Now, let’s say I’m attracted to a person I barely know — For my path, I see my best friend as someone I have already known for many lives despite barely speaking with him. I know rushing is not an option for me anymore, because he may already recognise our connection if one even exists. If you lack self-reflection, you may have been anxious about them not talking to you or not giving you ‘enough’ attention. However, when you recognise that wherever you are is enough for someone like you to love you; the chasing becomes futile. Life is already an Ouroboros, you may as well give it an opportunity to blossom by not suffocating the chance of anything happening:

Minor tangent but recently, my appreciation for PND has escalated, and not just cuz he’s a Cancer. Admittedly, it probably has a huge affect on why I like his art so much. His music tantalises me in the most unrecognisable ways, I dance to him as if I’m being watched by every cat within neighbouring distance, and they meow to approve. I hope to attend to a concert of his.

I enjoy the quiet symbolism of this song. Warning: Explicitly toned. To avoid being unnecessarily triggered, I suggest to let the noise flatline. Try not to overanalyse the lyrics so much, simply listen without the expectation of understanding. 🙃

Showering in the dark and eating in silence

Something that I’ve really been enjoying lately has been showering with no lights on! It may seem strange but not so much for me because I used to close my eyes when I was younger while my mother would wash my hair, so why not shower with eyes closed the whole time? Obviously if your gonna shave use a light or candle so you don’t cut yourself.

Whenever I make a meal it feels very honouring to Krishna, the Earth and my temple. When cooking for my mum I try to use diligence to cook as slow as possible, almost like a meditation or making a concoction. Before I would conditionally turn on the tv to watch Mr. Bean but now I allow myself to wonder what food would taste like without the distraction. Typically I appreciate consuming food while also appreciating my surroundings it contributes to a sort of contentment. The best place I had the pleasure of dining was on the yoga retreat I went on last summer, where the outdoor Portuguese environment was truly breathtaking and with scenic wildlife. I ADOREDD ITT⋆. 𐙚 ˚

The sounds in the background were of a soulful being and I discussing one of the many pleasures of being. I miss your presence Michael xx (He just lives in America)

You never know what’s next!

The thing about planning, an activity which I do not do in my life as much as others is that most lifechanging moments weren’t planned. You cannot assume that X day will change your perspective, if you already know change is coming wouldn’t you preemptively change anyways…or not change at all. What I do is I think about something which has yet to happen to me.

For instance, there’s this Ethiopian restaurant called Café Bana located in the old Stratford mall and one day I thought “Oh it would be nice to just meet someone there at the café and talk to someone” because there’s always this family vibe — it’s very friendly and communal and everyone’s really happy to see each other, so I thought like oh it would be nice I meet someone there who I didn’t know prior and then I talk with them. Literally the next time I went there (I didn’t even plan to go there) I was gonna do something else but unexpected events led me to go there, so I went there. While I was eating a man (with electric bike) came in and he was an electrician and he was telling me all about like electrician and solar panels and like what phone to get what car to buy and then I gave him a yoga class and it was really wonderful and he really taught me a lot and so I really appreciated that because it wasn’t planned like I just don’t my life, it isn’t planned you know Yeah.

On this occasion I forgot my phone at home and he walked me where the nearest library so I can get a library card, the librarian was eclectic!

Also that same day I left with an extra crochet keyring in my bag which I was going to give to a kind stranger but I ended up giving it to a loving woman, the owner and chef of the cafe, she’s oh so sweet and you must pay her a visit. Anyways, she hugged me with gratitude and revealed that the centre colour of the keyring was actually her favourite colour, like a warm mustardy yellow— you see that wasn’t planned either, its simply lovvvvvve!

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Okay another cute thing happened that day that I just remembered. There was a little girl with the cutest braids and she had a red balloon that was attached to a white plastic stick. As I awaited my food, her mother was speaking to the owner so she was getting a little restless waiting so she began to make drum sounds with the end of her stick, banging it to the table with rhythm. I thought her style was cool so I offered her one of the stickers I had in my bag, she chose the star with a Christmas hat on and sticked it on her balloon. I found her to be kind and precious, like the star she is! ⭐

Pick yours ₊‧.°.⋆✮⋆.°.‧₊

Before I took this video, there were two guys sitting on the table adjacent to me. They exchanged very little words to each other as they both sat with their phones in landscape mode watching videos out loud on their digital screens. It made me a little disheartened because I’m fond of intimacy and social union, however it felt unappreciated by them because they ate their food while gazing into a different environment. I’m sure both of the boys were interesting enough for engaging convo, but no talking took place. The last words I heard was along the lines of “I’m finished, let’s leave.” The matter of the fact is, there is no ending, there is only transformation, like the beautiful metamorphosis of the butterfly. I can’t wait to see experience what we all become ‘after’ this.

If you missed my face here’s a weird and unflattering pic of me that I feel no embarrassment in sharing! Upside down is the best way to achieve joyˋ°•*⁀➷

For those you love you would sacrifice your own joy for their sake. I would never want to make you sad on purpose, I wish you the best, only peace and eternal relaxation. i hope the sky applauses you every time you step (left foot first) outta your house. You are so loved and the Moon wishes you well x See ya next time Earthlings.

Oh yeah, forget about liking and subscribing, just share my shit so whimsy is the next trending news format! yyayy (No grammar checker has been used for this article, clearly)

Last November, I had the pleasure of visiting Rudralife’s 5th Grand Exhibition. A passionate devotee and friend of mine invited me along with him, I was thrilled to experience authentic wisdom.

The celebration of rich Indian heritage and miracles associated with Rudraksha beads attracted many believers to Wembley. Hosted at the Sattavis Patidar Centre, I walked up the spiral of stairs decorated with yellow and orange garlands, I already knew something special awaited me here.

The term ‘Rudraksha’ translates to “the eye of Rudra”, another name for Shiva, the destroyer and transformer in the Hindu trinity. Often worn as a necklace or bracelet, the essence of Shiva’s spirit is renowned to have the power of supreme consciousness and cosmic vision.

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These cherished seeds derived from the Elaeocarpus ganitrus tree has been honoured for millennia as a powerful spiritual tool in Hinduism (especially Shaivism) and Buddhism. Rudraksha beads come in different “Mukhis” or facets, each with its own unique energy and benefits. Every Mukhi has its own deity and planet, such as ones with five Mukhi/faces, which represent gaining health and peace. It is also widely used for chanting and meditation. When someone wears a 5 Mukhi Rudraksha, they carry the powerful blessings of Kalagni Rudra, a fierce and protective form of Lord Shiva. This divine form destroys negativity and lights the path of truth.

As written in the revered scripture of Shiva Purana, Rudraksha is deemed enchanting due to its celestial beginnings. These earthy-hued beads are thought to have originated from the tears of Lord Shiva, shed in moments of joy or compassion for the pain experienced by all living creatures.

Suddenly I was living my own ‘How I Met the Tears of Lord Shiva.’ Expecting a quick browse, I encountered ancient malas that felt peacefully alive—transformative beads that even a non-Hindu like me couldn’t ignore.

Desired by many, at the centre of the room sat the highly rare Indra Mala, which my friend Mintu was especially excited to see. The Indra Mala is one of the most unique and powerful Mala consisting of the Rudraksha beads from 1 Mukhi to 21 Mukhi. According to Rudralife, “The Indra Mala is more than just a pendant, it is the penultimate encapsulation of power and auspiciousness, a significant source of inner strength and inspiration, and a defining embodiment of divine bliss.”

If purchased directly from Nepal, the typical price for the Indra Mala depending on the quality and size of Rudraksha beads ranges from £100K - £150k. However, the more affordable seeds are ones with less faces, which you can find on the Rudralife website from £5- £100. These blessed accessories and meditation helpers are financially reasonable for many people, suggesting that there is a global demand for those seeking to benefit from this sacred gift from nature.

At the exhibition, I met with the founder of Rudralife, Dr. Tanay Seetha. He had an assertively calm vibe about him; I was intrigued to unveil my queries and some misconceptions about the seeds with him. Unknown to me, selecting the right Rudraksha is based on Rashi (zodiac sign), date of birth, Nakshatra (constellation), and the Ruling Planet, individual variables pivotal in maximising its benefits.

As the Doctor assessed Mintu’s birth chart with him, I sat cautiously and was amazed by his reading. He recommended three types of Mukhis to wear, each with time placed in between to gradually progress onto the higher Mukhi.

It was my turn. I felt my blood pressure increase as he wrote down the digits of my birthday. Using math’s to calculate the numerology of my date, he gesticulated with a pen in his hand and concluded, “Artist.” I couldn’t help but uncontrollably squeal, “I know right!” It was strange to finally be seen when you feel something so deeply inside and spirituality confirms your beliefs. Dr. Seetha recommended that I wear a certain number of Mukhi for leadership, which I resonated with.

I wondered if people from other cultures are permitted to wear Rudraksha, Dr. Seetha replied, “In all the scriptures it said that it is for all mankind, for all humans. Differences are irrespective”. Meaning that Rudraksha is truly a gift to humanity that transcends social classifications, offering benefits to anyone who approaches it with sincerity and respect. He adds, “It’s a seed of a fruit, the benefit an apple will have doesn’t make a difference in a person’s upbringing, or an orange, so it benefits everything.”

However, in embracing the inclusivity of this spiritual tool, the doctor suggests that one follows certain rules; “At night you can take it off, wear it the next morning, and after bathing. Eating food while wearing it does not have any effects, as well as drinking alcohol with it on.”

Research indicates that the seeds possess not only aesthetic appeal, but also that wearing a Rudraksha rosary “interacts with the electromagnetic field around the human body, it functions as a dielectric, conductive, resistive, capacitive, and inductive material, exhibiting both para-magnetic and diamagnetic characteristics.” Several studies reported impressive results in “cardiovascular, neuronal, microbial, cancerous, hypertension, diabetes, nephro toxicity studies of wearing Rudraksha.”

The benefits of appreciating this miracle from Lord Shiva are truly immense. To enhance the effects further, Seed mantras of each Rudraksha in the combination can be chanted nine times. For instance, for seven Mukhi, one can chant “Om Hreem Hoom Namah” or “Om Mahalakshmi Namah”. These mantras are associated with the Goddess Mahalaxmi, who is the Goddess of wealth, prosperity, and abundance.

Celebrated once a year on the 15^th of February, Maha Shivaratri is one of the most sacred festivals dedicated to Shiva with immense devotion across India and by Hindus worldwide. Mintu shared with me the importance of completing Rudrabhishek. The sacred rituals performed on Mahashivratri. It involves bathing the Shivling with holy substances while chanting Vedic mantras.

After reciting the Shiva mantra 108 times, Mintu states, “When we make a wish, it is fulfilled.” It is important to mention that the Rudraksha mala should only be worn for a minimum of four hours following the chanting of prayers and the performance of Rudrabhishek.

A psychological study investigating the effects of Rudraksha on mental wellbeing revealed “Stress relief is more pronounced among spiritual users and astrologer-guided consumers, reinforcing the role of belief in well-being. On the other hand, those who buy Rudraksha as an accessory might not connect it with any intrinsic worth, so their well-being impacts might be less.”

The study indicates that true worshippers and believers of faith are more likely to attain the benefits of the energy from the divine. In the end, perhaps the real question isn’t whether Rudraksha truly works—it’s why something so small can make the chaos of modern life feel a little less chaotic... unless, of course, it’s all in our heads. But then again, isn’t everything?

Originating from India more than 5,000 years ago, yoga has transformed into a worldwide wellness practice that seeks to challenge society’s material illusions (Maya). By addressing the sources of stress through meditation and promoting a slower pace of movement, yoga has played a significant role in reshaping masculine ideals over recent decades, particularly following the mid-20th century boom in its popularity.

More men than ever are discovering that yoga isn’t ‘soft’—it’s the hardest kind of spiritual discipline there is.

As yoga studios proliferate and grow globally, the practical challenges associated with operating a physical studio entail considerable expenses, such as commercial rent (particularly in cities like London, where prime locations escalate costs), selling memberships, and ensuring consistent revenue through regular student attendance. This evident transition towards profit-oriented models and intense monetisation has occurred at the expense of prioritising and nurturing authentic relationships with yoga instructors and practitioners.

The pervasive media representation of the “skinny white woman” as the embodiment of numerous yoga poses showcased on the websites of various studios has been a deliberate targeting tactic employed by many wellness businesses in London. This has led to a significant number of diverse yoga advocates raising concerns about inclusivity and the true accessibility of yoga for all individuals.

With more than 30 years of experience in fitness and wellness, including co-founding Whole Shift Wellness and directing retreats centered on hormone-balancing sessions, Eugene Sabala has empowered thousands to redefine what it means to be “strong” beyond the confines of the weight room.

In a UK environment where men account for only 15–20% of practitioners, his program demonstrates that yoga can be just as challenging and life-changing as any gym workout.

In a sunlit yoga studio located in Clapham, I stumbled upon Eugene’s vibrant Bikram yoga class, an experience that remains etched in my memory. The sensation of being in harmony with all my senses as his soothing dialogue led me through the various postures was truly unforgettable. As a male instructor who merges traditional yoga with strength-oriented and accessible formats that resonate with men— Sabala challenges the notion of yoga as ‘feminine’ by incorporating tools like the wheel, calisthenics-inspired conditioning, and a focus on practical advantages (such as recovery, core strength, and hormone balance).

Eugene, who was raised in Dallas, Texas, has a background in martial arts, bodybuilding, and testosterone-fueled pursuits. He found himself drawn to the yoga scene while working as a supervisor at Starbucks. In 2006, a serendipitous meeting with a customer resulted in an invitation for him to participate in a Bikram yoga class at a studio located in the same shopping mall that she and her husband owned.

“It was hot and it was a ninety-minute class, I thought I could go in there and use the testosterone driven drive which I had through the forms of exercising that I was exposed to, but it kind of kicked my ass. I was in triangle (Trikonasana) and it humbled me, when I looked over to my right, there was a woman who was pregnant who was just on it, she was banging it out and what the hell, look at me here a beast up in the gym. Look at this shit, she’s just like going for it.”

I asked further; “So, it taught you a different layer of strength? He replied, “100% it humbled me; it kicked my ass. I was in good shape because I had a level of flexibility, but it took me somewhere different. It taught me how to breathe and take my time, and how to work with your breath. If you have breath, you can get through anything in life.”

Exploring the cultural shifts and diverse viewpoints that the practice embodies, Eugene found yoga before it had been popular with the rest of the world. “I was exposed to yoga in the day when I was probably the only black dude in there, I had flexibility, but I was very muscular and they were surprised that I had both qualities. Every time I practiced, I was the only black (African American) guy in there. There were a few Indian chicks in there, but it was mainly skinny white chick dominated, the stay-at-home moms, their husbands were doctors or lawyers, and they could practice yoga and get their nails done all day.”

According to Data from Statista, yoga remains a more commonly practiced sport among women in all countries. “With the United States, the United Kingdom and Spain, reflecting a roughly 30 percent to 10 percent split of women to men who at least occasionally participate in sport or exercise. South Korea stands out for having the biggest discrepancy between genders, with a particularly high share of women enjoying the sport, at 43 percent. India, where the ancient practice originated, has the largest share of people doing yoga overall, with 31 percent of the country’s female respondents that do sport saying they practiced it between April 2022 and March 2023, versus 22 percent of men. When looking at the data from the rest of the world, this is particularly high for men.”

“The living beings are by constitution feminine by nature. The male or enjoyer is the Lord, and all manifestations of His different potencies are feminine by nature. “ Srimad-Bhagavatam, 1.11.33 Purport cont. — Reviving the natural color of the living beings

In the peaceful realm of yoga, balance isn’t just a physical act; it’s a conscious awareness of the energies that flow within us. At the centre of yoga philosophy is the beautiful interwovenness of the feminine and masculine forces, symbolised as Yin and Yang. “It defiantly awoken and gave me more of an understanding of receiving because yoga is a feminine driven practice. Feminine meaning receives, relaxes, pull-back, rather than doing; it’s the opposite of doing.” Says, Eugene.

As Ancient Chinese philosophy introduces us to the powerful concept of the contrasting forces. Yin represents receptivity, gentleness, intuition, and nurturing- qualities that embody the feminine. Contrastingly, Yang emanates characteristics like activity, strength and assertiveness, suggestive of the masculine. However, these energies are void of contemporary gendered binaries as they both co-exist within us.

During yoga practice, Eugene expresses how a Bikram yoga class requires a balance of forces: “You’re doing a bit of both in there, but you make it much more harder if you’re not going in there with a sense of receptivity and relaxing, so you end up fighting and making the class really bad. Surrendering a little bit into the practice and not feeling like I need to power through or muscle my way through helps you to develop”.

‘Don’t show tears, tears are a weakness’. Throughout history, emotional tears have been considered a limiting factor in many cultures, as it is often generalised as a feminine trait. However, encouraging boys to suppress their emotions and be tough and stoic can have damaging consequences for their mental health and future relationships. Boys are often labelled as ‘Man of the house’ when their father is off to work, this early exposure of an unhealthy power imbalance can result in associating vulnerability as a weakness and toxic masculinity as a strength.

The benefits of yoga allows men to open, emotionally, as Eugene puts it: “We have a lot of men who are traumatised here to this day and it would make their lives much more longer and less stressed out and less suffering of pain and tightness because we still hold on to the masculine aspect of being, meaning of doing, ‘I have to do that and that’. I lost those barriers to my feminine aspects. I lost the barriers that were preventing me from being that way”.

Addressing the negative stereotypes that some people have about the concept of yoga, Eugene says their reluctance to practice comes from a “level of insecurity”. “We don’t want to know what we don’t know. We don’t want to do something because we just might like it, and if we like it, that’s going to challenge the whole idea of who we are as a person. Now the person does not exist anymore, because they have this newfound realisation, so people don’t want to experience what they haven’t experienced yet. It’s more prevalent in men than it is in women.”

I reflected on our conversation for a moment. I inquired, “If someone told you, as a Starbucks worker your life would completely change after one class you wouldn’t exactly believe it, would you?” He replied, “No, not at all, not at all.”

“What does stretching do? It elongates the body- it puts us outside of our comfort zone. Most people want to stay in their small box and never branch off. Yoga stretches you mentally; it makes you more flexible mentally.” Poses such as Child’s pose (Balasana) stretches the length of the spine while your forehead meets the mat; extending the depth of your reach.

Mental health research has proven that men are not alone in their fears, they share common anxieties with women. Eugene adds, “You might have a man, where on the outside he looks strong, but men have issues too, all type of dysfunction. A lot of men that I work with have performance anxiety, their insecure about their bodies and when you start to stretch the body out, they feel vulnerable. ‘Hold on, my dad didn’t do that, my grandfather didn’t do that, why do I need to do that?’”

Yoga helps men to discern themselves from the unfair expectations society has placed upon them, Eugene recommends the practice as it identifies that “Man is taught to be the provider to strive and not complain, suck it up buttercup type of thing. If you practice yoga, it’s a good outlet to help de-stress and to actually increase your mental and physical circulation. Men have a shorter life span than women for so many reasons, so many odd reasons. It’s not a waste of time and it’s not just for women; yoga is not gender-based. Man has x and y chromosomes, signifying the masculine and fem chromosomes in us, we have both. I want them to know that yoga practice would increase the quality of their mental life and physical life. If you stay consistent with it, eventually overtime if man wants to grow old gracefully and still be able to be functional and have good energy flow this is the practice that he can do for the rest of his life. You’d be surprised that certain postures help with your libido.”

Many yogis, like me perceive yoga as yoga an act of gratitude to the Earth and our creator, whomever that is, Krishna, Jesus, God etc. In pinpointing the expression of yoga as the kindness one discovers is in oneself, Eugene says, “practicing yoga for me is like saying thank you. Thank you to the Earth, because from him we come and to dust we return. Thank you to the Sun, because without the Sun we wouldn’t live. Those two honor our body, our spirit and our temple resides in there.”

“Yoga is something you can do for the rest of your life. I’m all about staying active till the day you die”. Eugene emphatically declared.

Another misconception people often project onto yoga, is that you must have prior flexibility, which is just not true. Yoga mostly involves the flowing connection between the body and mind. Eugene explains, “For me to be flexible and to retain that flexibility I must remain flexible in my outlook first. If you ever met a pessimistic person, who believes something is always wrong, always anxious with anxiety; they’re tight. Those are constricting qualities. It’s the hips and the neck; the neck is the bridge of what you think and feel, the bridge between your head and heart. All these things are very real, and it influences us in a very subtle but over time it becomes super obvious, when we have tight hips tight this or we must have fused disc in the neck or back, hip replacements, knee replacement. (Through yoga) You are attending to your body in a way people normally don’t. Particularly in the Bikram practice because it focuses on a lot of bandhas”. Bandhas are known to control the flow of prana (life energy) within the body.

He notes, “Bikram contains a lot of forward bending, suck your stomach in, round the spine, chin locks, chin to chest all these things are going on. That’s why it’s such a powerful practice for me. Even though I love the gym, after the gym I make sure I always do some stretching and that’s what makes it complete for me.”

By engaging in yoga, practitioners are motivated to connect with their Child Self or Essence. Embracing joy in the simplest of things, while fostering a light-hearted and carefree spirit. Yoga serves as an important gateway for spiritual growth and self-discovery, allowing individuals to experience the pure, inherent desire to explore and learn.

Eugene chuckled, “I am totally a child. I’m not afraid to do almost anything, I’ll try anything at least once. I’m friendly with everyone, I love everyone, I say hi to you, I’ll smile at you even if I don’t know you. That’s something I choose to keep awake in me in an environment that doesn’t nurture that. I’m very malleable, that’s why all the animals and babies gravitate towards me. I’m good with kids’, animals, yoga has kept me child-like. Childlike meaning knowing what to know and knowing is not all that, because the child doesn’t know anything but instinctually starts working its way- starts following its inner nature to start to crawl.”

Currently, in his spiritual journey Eugene has realised that winning and being the best is not everything, as a former competitive yogi, who participated in many Yoga Asana championships, showcasing his commitment of excellence to yoga, his practice has consciously transitioned. “I still do handstands, backbends, inversions and all that other stuff but it’s not with the intensity and ferocity as I used to before. I used to do a lot of intense yoga, super backward bending and competitions – I did that, now I don’t feel the desire to do that anymore. My practice has taken on a slightly different dimension now. More alignment than depth. Being there with the being, that’s doing. Because the being that’s doing is invisible, were always one foot in and one foot out as humans, you only see one side of a person, there’s always the invisible side we don’t see. The only way the invisible side becomes manifested is if they talk, walk, and do movement with their body. It definitely allowed me to be more connected with the unseen. With the mover behind the practice, ‘am I doing this? Whose doing this?’”

With no favorable styles of yoga, Eugene wholeheartedly believes that “there’s no such thing as favourite postures, because then you’re separating. Yoga is not about separating, it’s about unifying.”

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Delving into his experience as a boy, he shares. “As a child I didn’t grow up with a dad who knew how to access his emotions, he didn’t tell me he loved me till he lost his parents. He never gave me a tight hug and held me for a long time. Now that I have these realisations of myself being fully human, I give him a tight hug, and I just hold him even though he gets discomfort and wants to loosen. I give him a kiss on his head, and he freaks out. Because man needs that, imagine just going to your dad and kissing him on his head, he might start crying because man craves it, but he doesn’t know how to let go. Because we’ve been so conditioned.”

An exercise that Eugene recommends to slowly start deconditioning yourself is to “write down on a piece of paper what do you feel that you are conditioned about, approach one at a time.” As an avid taker on the perspective of the mystic, Eugene concludes that “life is your best teacher, have sound judgement, not trying to put myself above you psychologically or emotionally but just to understand that we are all one in essence and we all go through the same thing, a lot of us have karmic debts.”

Introducing Sam Cruickshank, a charismatic yoga and fitness instructor based in London, renowned for his classes at studios such as Brewer Street Yoga and Bikram Yoga London. His high-energy Inferno Hot Pilates sessions have become incredibly popular among his dedicated students; his distinctive teaching approach empowers women to express their inner savage while strengthening their core stability and strength.

In an article by Triyoga London blog, titled “Why don’t more men practice yoga?“ Cites UK surveys and Australian studies showing that men reported not seeing themselves in media depictions, viewing yoga as “not a culture for men,” and associating stigma with it being “not socially accepted” for men.

Engaged in community-focused projects, Sam launched specialised classes such as “Yoga Roots for Men”—a program designed to make yoga more approachable and appealing to male students. As a male teacher providing sessions tailored for men, his efforts represent a commitment to including underrepresented yogis, breaking down barriers, and fostering relatability for those who might feel disconnected from the pronounced gender disparity that can perpetuate a cycle of unease for men.

In the steamy world of hot yoga, where guys often show up in minimal gear to survive the heat, mishaps are inevitable—and hilarious. Sam recalls one unforgettable Speedo surprise: “I’d ordered these things online and I thought, yeah, this will be perfect and ideal, it’s incredibly hot and the less you’re wearing the better...I got there early for class, I put these things on and I didn’t have a pair of backup shorts in case. I just remember looking at myself in the mirror and it triggered this memory from school when I brought my swimming kit on gym day and the teacher made me play basketball in my swimming trunks. It was a deliberate act of humiliation. All of that came flooding back as I stood. It took me honestly half an hour to get out of the changing room.”

Shifting from the surface to the core, Sam advises men who fear confronting their emotions and are confined by the narrow view of marketing by the yoga industry to embody their past self, for instance Sam references the boy he used to be who would “fiercely go outside and be with nature, I think I have a lot to learn from him”. The vulnerability Sam shares strip away pretense and showcase yoga’s true strength lies in owning the awkward. He adds, “If you run away every time, you’re building more resistance.”

Reflecting on the importance of the mirror in Bikram yoga to highlight the acceptance of oneself as a man and human, Sam divulges, “Very few people look at their best when they’re in the middle of a 90-minute Bikram class looking in the mirror, it’s not about vanity or performing best, rather simply showing up.”

Something every dude goes through is finding the perfect yoga outfit. “It’s got to be a good fit to move with your body, and minimal. I went from baggy sports shorts to a pair of tight speedos.” Sam graduated to speedos a year into his practice, he recalls “I started doing 30-day challenges and it was all getting more intense, I got fed up every time we were about to do awkward pose or head to knee and you’ll see all the guys hitching their shorts up at a certain point. It’s like part of the ritual.” I laughed in total surprise, “Really? That’s hilarious.” I replied.

Efforts by Guru’s like Eugene and Sam show change is happening through inclusive, strength-emphasised formats, but broader shifts in marketing, representation, and cultural attitudes are needed to make the scene truly welcoming for men. As Sabala neatly puts it; “I am the change that I want to see.”

Hey Earthlings, if you felt a little bit emotional reading this (I shed numerous tears while writing), I softly recommend you to send this article to a fella or girly that may be screaming for help but just doesn’t have the words (right now) to ask for it. Your support can change a special someone’s life, thank you for reading Angel 💫 See you at the next rainbow!

Greetings, Earthlings. What you telling me? Apologies, I thought I’d immerse you in some of the urban lingo that I oft hear on the streets, particularly when I meet a familiar guy on his motorbike, with illegal goods stashed in all eighteen of his pockets.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of releasing my inner beast in a hearty Bikram yoga class, strictly for beginners. I’ll walk you through my day, beginning to end, lets go!

I woke up a little later than expected. I sat on my bed the night before contemplating whether I dared to smoke with my current breathing difficulties. Don’t fret, I’m not a smoke-addled maniac. But I totally would be if I had the means to puff endlessly undisturbed on a sandy beach, submerged in a hammock made of candy.

With two hours left to go before class, I rushed to the nearest supermarket wearing a cute outfit that I did not capture with a photo. Passersby were delighted to see someone not dressed in all black with a puffer coat obscuring their identity. I felt so important scurrying around Asda with my Hush Puppy booties guiding my every move; I gathered the necessities and hit the road. The girl at the till next to me with butt-length extensions was on a phone call via her earbuds; she was taking so long to pay for her things, as she was distracted by the person she was on call with. It made me silently ponder: I am more efficient when I am solely concentrating on the activity at hand; there is no voice except for when I speak, and I make one appear with purpose.

The journey to the studio takes about 40 mins, but Lexi, my feline companion, still needed to be fed. I cleaned her feeding area and occupied her tiny face with kisses. She slow-blinked me goodbye, and I made my way to the station at last!

From what I can remember about the initial carriage I got on, there was a dad explaining to his small daughter where babies come from: for some reason it made me cringe. If I ever had a kid ask me where they came from, I would turn the question around and make them describe the journey they had before reaching Earth.

While arriving at Shoreditch, I emerged outside Old Street station, and there was a man selling magazines. I had to refuse him precisely because I was not convinced by his sales pitch. Walks up to me. “I’m homeless: buy a magazine.” Dude, I know. At least ask me how I’m doing; that would’ve made a difference to me. Despite not having any cash, my impression of him would have differed if he had not put so much attention onto his current state; a bit of a damp selling technique in my non-professional opinion.

The walk to the studio is always quite magnificent; it feels like the heart of London with all the cascading glass buildings surrounding the land. A casual bustling Sunday afternoon. I stepped into the studio and waved au revoir to any traces of fresh oxygen, as the hot yoga studio resides in a spacious basement, so you’re immediately hit with the warm air as soon as you enter.

Floating near the desk at reception wearing a baby pink hoodie, I was greeted by the renowned teacher of the class, also known as my bestie Sam! I had to book in for the class; I typically get away without paying, but since it was so cheap, I offered to pay? I even rented a towel for the measly price of £3!! I partially regretted giving them my money after class, as I realised I should have been paid for being the demo for all the postures! We’ll get to that shortly.

The women’s changing room was heaving with ladies in shoes, but what if my tootsies get stepped on?? Omg, please leave your shoes outside and only wear slippers, thanks. It was super busy because the studio was reeling in memberships and new students to get signed on. Out of nowhere the fairest girl had spawned next to me. We had the same hairstyle, only hers was cooler. We both had braided pigtails, and her ends were dyed ocean blue. She wore scuffed-up Air Forces; from the first glance I had of her character, I couldn’t help but compliment her shoes. She laughed and reiterated the torn condition; little did she know that was the exact part I aimed to compliment. Ha, I’m only realising now the irony of this paragraph!

I asked the fairy if she had done this type of yoga before (Bikram yoga). She replied no, but she has done yoga in the past; in fact, she attended the class to accompany her friend as a birthday treat. I’m guessing her friend was too shy to fulfil her curiousity by herself and needed the support of a companion—something I can understand, as Bikram yoga is often slightly intimidating, and I believe yoga studios should make the effort to make it more friendly and accessible to all, as it should be. I accidentally may have scared her a little, as I warned her to not freak out due to the heat and remain steadily breathing through the nose. She smiled and took to the challenge.

Sam advised me on the best mat placement to practise on for most people to see my postures. I wasn’t too shy, but I felt a bit funny, ya know? Typically in that space, I would watch the award winners practice at the front while I try and imitate their calm, stoic gaze, but this time it was me… Unprecedented jelly flavour.

I didn’t try to be anyone else; I found myself in the middle of peace with the people around me, the yoga mentor at the front of the class correcting postures, running around to help others, and the careful art of poised breath control. Magic is yoga, and yoga is positive intention for you and for all.

I said hi to my third eye; I let myself see into the portal of being, to feel held by my own body, to feel touched by my sweaty palms. I let my outer body be watched by those who hadn’t seen themselves like this before. I allowed myself to feel…happy. I’m trying not to cry as I write this…too late. I felt solemnly honoured to witness their first experience of Bikram yoga; not one person had left the room, everyone had made it to the end, and we did it together.

Imagine receiving dialogue as clear and pronounced as this, I’m truly living the dream!

Observations:

To the chick in the white vest and white shorts two rows behind me. While I directed awareness to myself in the mirrors, I noticed erratic movement in your essence; it was saying, “Breathe gently,” but the mind said “What am I doing?!?!” You knew what you were doing because you were already doing it. If only you had let the body calm down and, instead of looking around, maybe found the simple spot in between your halves, the centre of your entirety, ya forehead. I saw myself in her, purely because she didn’t trust her capability; we’ve all been there. But we have the consciousness to try; the attempts we make are always worth something. So if you like a girl or a boy, you should make an effort to make it known. If you get rejected, it’s kind of a good thing because you have more information about what works for you and what doesn’t serve you. Discernment is healthy.

In the showers, a woman with, I think, a Cartier bracelet (the one with the clovers) was complaining about the temperature of the showers; she didn’t know how to use it, so I showed her, but that didn’t seem to satiate her needs. She also asked the teacher during class when we were going to do the Happy Baby pose, which isn’t in the Bikram sequence. Another lady joined me in de-clothing; I complimented her apparent beauty, and she reciprocated the statement, stating how she was admiring me the entirety of the class. She claimed to have been practicing next to me, but I hadn’t recalled her image till after she said she was wearing a headscarf. When naked with other gorgeous women, it’s almost like they are wearing a really cool t-shirt with a sentence on it, but you’re not cool enough to read it, so you just have to remain engaged in eye contact. But I did get a glimpse, and can I just say BAHZINGAA!! 😍 Women are truly magnificent & I can’t get enough.

After class I strolled through Spitalfields market in Liverpool St to find the Ethiopian food stall. As my belly desires, I shall provide! His name was Hassan, and he was oh so handsome, with the sweetest smile.

I sat on a bench with a Portuguese speaker; true bliss. Thank you for reading Cosmic Kittens ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ See ya on the next wild ride!

Song in my head after class, finally found it:

Surrender to being

When you realise life is simply a dream and all you truly have is power to control your reality, you radiate a knowing. Soaring, no effort needed throughout the sky, the wind picks you up and lets you know you are here to stay & feel cared for.

In life, in cosmic realities, in this timeline…who…are…we trying to be? A person reminded to me that we are all on our own journeys, personal growth yada yada. If you have any…What are your siblings like just outta curiosity? I first realised that my family was unlike others when a friend told me who her favourite person was; her sister. It’s ironic because I’ve oft thought of my sisters as problematic, we are influenced from the environment and our parents weren’t glowing figures of expressing emotion so I guess its because I endured the least trauma that i get to see the bigger picture in expressing feeling there and then? Idk I’m the last child and I was passively ignored when I’d try to end arguments as a kid, it taught me the stillness of pain in the moments of total silence, like right before you fall asleep. 💤

Self-importance means to protect Oneself

Some peeps get off on exuding secretive and manipulative energy. They attempt to control you by subtly feeding into alleged negative traits that they think you have. And when its benefitting for them, they’ll selectively indulge your ego with compliments on characteristics that you possess, so they can milk your soul golden liquid.🐟

See my friend, we all operate on assumptions, even science to an extent. We think and we do when we think its time for it it to be ‘done’. The actions you do now will definitely affect your future, if you’re an inherently rotten child to the core— driven by guilt, fear and anxiety then I’m guessing you lie to by. Its a choice, for sure. But don’t you get exhausted of tracking all of your lies? Spinning multiple webs all at once…what gets you to relax in your skin? I’m just curious

I think what makes a liar is someone that needs to make their lives more interesting than how they perceive others to be. When I was younger I would lie about the charm on my school trousers. I told some girls that my mother would communicate with me through the butterfly charm attached to my waist, but I needed to be in close proximity to my pull-out tray (with my belongings) for her to effectively transmit telepathic communications through my trouser, like how friggin ridiculous!

For many, seeing your own self as important isn’t as much fun as placing all your ‘love’ and energy into something/ someone else i.e. A deity or muse. We saliently become whatever it is we think is wrong with the world if you are a negative thinker, i.e. “No one is capable of actually changing”, you will make no effort to change to suit your own definitions and assumptions of your privatized life. However, if expanding your consciousness is an exploration that fascinates you into learning more about yourself while becoming more of a conscientious thinker than fab, right? Whatever gets me to communicate with more people who usually I wouldn’t, is my goal. In my case, I thought I’d die before 18 so really many (small) things, that you may typically ignore in your life regards as a huge achievement in mine. Also, nowadays I’m retracting assumptions of the "‘normal or usual’ way of living— just cuz you may have two functioning parents that provided a ‘good’ childhood does not mean that this way of existing should be classified as normal/regular, is spinning on a rock in the middle of space normal to you? Yeah, we wake up to it everyday but the more we appreciate this phenomenon we may actually consider appreciating its Earthlings as well, perhaps taking care of one another without expectation of gaining something in return.

Someone I considered a friend accused me of being promiscuous yesterday when he abruptly decided to open his subconscious, also people still use that word? The biggest distinction between Person 1. A stay at home virgin and Person 2. Someone who enjoys genuine intimacy, is that P1 sees no end in achieving imaginary targets of wandering, they see no potential for luck or naturally stimulated happiness in sight when outside of their comfort zones, as they have infinite internet access to both animated distraction and gamer humans to partially satisfy themself.

Rather P2 knows everyone has the ability to love, give and receive, they are simply traversing though life’s mystical journey and bonding with those who share the commonality of wanting, nay deserving more through genuine attraction/curiosity. I believe the one way we feel more Godly in life is through sex, its animalistic, unstructured bodily communication and you are in awe with each other as much as you are in love with yourself. I am currently learning this by reflecting on people who are attracted to me as they mechanically demand the yearn to be with me through their not so silent gestures. Saying no has its powers and I’m proud to reject things without having attachment to the possible friendship that may have blossomed if they didn’t completely ruin it by popping a pin in the implicit sexual bubble. If only we were taught to appreciate the company of another without invading intentional touch to their body, spiritual affection exists morons, master that then I might consider.

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Render Resistance🌸

A being not worthy of me making up a false name cherry-picked me from a bunch of weirdos on a academic/corporate app. After conversing with me in-person and bribing me with material goods, it said to me “You have no power”. At the time of hearing this, I believed it for a second— i took their implied authority as credibility and genuinely thought myself to be powerless, but then I realised… why would someone with soooo much real power to transform lifestyles stoop to my underwater level and render me powerless…what could he/she possibly gain from contacting me, luring me into their humorously dry cage then finally claiming me as powerless. The plan seems awfully contrived just tell someone they ain’t it and they never will be…or so I thought.

Currently, I have realised my true influence (will share more below) and I now am solid in my initial belief: they feared my power and saw it as a major threat to their influence. The person I am referring to is a major landlord of such and gently gloats about his position on the ladder. But in real life, he vibrates at a low level, very little smiling or joyful expression, scattered appreciation for the things not in his ‘control’ and a lot of “I did this”, if you know what I mean. An alleged “door opener” to X amount of people, and probably a head bower/kneeler to those truly in "charge”.

The reality is I couldn’t give a flying duck about who he is what he does and how much he thinks I’ll genuinely obey to his emblem of broken masculinity. If he’s all that, he’s better off ducking himself dry and learning more about yoga postures to achieve that, but alas his reluctance to even learn yoga demonstrated his inflexible character than any of the zeros in his bank account could ever. The feminine energy attracts, while masculine chases. In this case he was doing neither so he must be an androgenous freak… so am I… but his nonchalance was so ughhh. Edit: Now that I think of it, he was actually more feminine as he was under the impression that he has everything he desires and that I should be the one chasing into his material abundance, i definitely was not, if anything, i found his face kind of handsome and his physical outline okay, but the internal stuff— personality, caring qualities, heartfulness nope, Nada, zilch.

However, yesterday (months after last spoken), he called me from an 020 number after I was done shopping at Asda and was unlocking my bike. I called the number back and it was answered immediately….Silence….I waited for the first response…"Hello”, I recognised his voice, “Ewww” I replied. Childlessly, he replied “You called me”…I already knew I was bored, simultaneously chuckling because clearly I’m still relevant in Mr. ‘You have no powers’ mind.

See the lesson here kids, is that we can be always choose to be a student, detaching from the situation to observe… Listen, Learn & Extrapolate your findings. Also, be careful with who you mess with, emotional baggage is real and you don’t want to be muddled up with unresolved items/people, they will likely try and mould you into something unauthentically you, which you will go along with because they trick your subconscious to believing that YOU need THEM. Typically someone that plays wicked games often needs their prey more to survive, sit and think about it.

Mantra Destroys Negative Energy✨✨

How to get rid of emotions that are not yours and beyond your control to get rid of. Intelligence has left us, but we are smart enough to know we are a soul in human form experiencing anything. Getting rid of negative energy, what evil spirits make us think about. Negative energy hates this mantra. All our experiences are real

Tejo - Brightest light of intelligence that protects you and surrounds you

Bhutho- Evil spirits

Vinasha - Destroy

I got this helpful spiritual information from a magnificent soul that I have friended on social media.

As much as it feels like I’m living everyday, it also feels like unexplainable parts of me are slowly fading into nonexistence. My formless desire to maintain friendship with girls still beguiles me, its almost like I’m blind to gender, but when it comes to females it gets scary? I even made an online attempt to engage in conversation with a girl on LinkedIn the other day:

The conversation may have had potential to go somewhere if I started with a simple ‘Hi', in all honesty I never thought she’d reply so I fumbled it before I even began!! Idk how you guys get by as dudes, Women are like nuanced Rubik’s cubes to me.

Omg I forgot to mention— A woman hit on me the other night when I was at a soiree celebrating the Iranian longest night festival. While ordering a drink she (soberly?) leaned into me while I was sitting on a stall near the bar, embroidering. I noticed that she was pretty, so I complimented her on the fact, she laughed and admitted she prefers the word ‘handsome’ to describe her beauty. Something intrigued her to me as I sat on my lonesome surrounded by magical forces. She returned with a pen, promptly I gave her my arm and she engraved her phone number into the meat of my forearm. I’ve never been so overtly hit on and I quite enjoyed it. I still haven’t added her number tho, I should definitely do that.

Teeth on the street

I found teeth on the street the other day like I wanted to. I stopped in my tracks to fully observe this strange materialised ideation. I didn’t even know what to think, i simply stood in wonder. A passerby joined me in this unique observation of teeth on the street. The gentleman picked it up, “its just a toy!” he exclaimed.

I casually hope it all works out for me. I know what I want, something more than material, an essence that unites us all. A machine that zaps us to thinking more like children again!! Yay, ahh I joke, probably a way to make the mind less visible and the body more prominent, not through fashion, not through clothes, but through unveiling the layers of warmth that surround us all, this eternal connection that makes me want to lick the ground, do I have a B12 deficiency?…its likely :(

Yes, the world is semi-subjective, BUT… we have the resources to change our thinking machines that sit neatly in our infinity box, but slowly as we realise societal pressures of earning money through wasting your time (for someone else) means that we can never be still. We will seek vengeance for peace & confront the emotions we have always been hiding in fear of harming others with our truest thoughts, usually assumptions that we are scared to inquire about… Emotional Purge anyone? With me and my kitty as joint Queen of course.🐈‍⬛👑👧🏽

When I meet special people that reveal their surface level intentions after a while of sharing company, I no longer feel attracted to them anymore. In a world of nuance and silent gestures, I recommend to get your entertainment from the planet and stars we see visible. The Moon and Sun, it helps filter out all the garb other people feed us, want from us, strip us of. The Sun will always nurture.

Ciao for now wanderers, I gotta go charge in the Sun — catch you on the slippery slope! 🌄

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People gaze. Pictures are taken. Strangers shout the same question every few miles: “Is that thing actually made of wood?”

Kidus Tesera, 24, Ethiopian-rooted Londoner and Imperial College student, grins from the saddle. “Yep. Built it myself. In two months. I never really planned anything- An idea takes me to another idea”.

What started as a self-challenge— Prove the shaky contraption could somehow pedal forward—morphed into a 780-mile odyssey down the length of the UK: from the wild northern tip to Dover’s white cliffs. Along the way, he raised thousands for Age UK, slept in tents courtesy of kind strangers (many elderly, whose warmth turned a solo stunt into something bigger), and became a rolling legend on socials as “King Raphael” conquering kingdoms on his wooden steed.

This isn’t just a bike story. It’s proof that the wildest ideas, born from scrap plywood, old bike bits (even an Adidas flip flop for the brake), and sheer bloody-mindedness, can carry you farther than anyone—including yourself—ever thought possible.

Buckle up. The ride is about to get real.

Kidus arrived in the UK from Ethiopia eight years ago. He studied biochemistry at Imperial College and despite landing himself in a great position for career trajectory; he dove into something radically self-directed. Taking a gap year to build and ride a wooden bike from scrap — despite skepticism from family and friends, Kidus rejected “the normal way of doing things” and chose to create his own path. With no prior woodworking skills, and massive practical compromises (no gears, solid tyres, wobbly frame) — it is a literal act of taking control back into his own hands.

Kidus’s wooden ride wasn’t about distance; it was about reclaiming agency in a world that hands us ready-made lives. As he put it: “We don’t have to accept the world we were handed.”

As he grew distant from a degree he once wanted to achieve, Kidus began to miss his homeland, especially the warmth of the Ethiopian sun and the vibrance of his culture. He felt like an outsider looking into an individualist country, trying to find where he belonged. “I didn’t know who I was anymore,” Kidus confessed, his words echoing the disorientation of many young migrants.

But his creation spawned a new-found sense of purpose and sparked peoples innate curiousity. Believed to have been guided by a “higher power”, Kidus’s journey allowed him to discover new people and new territories along the way. “People would say ‘wow what is that?’ and project all these positive things onto it. The bike seemed to open a lot of people’s hearts, which is a good thing,” Kidus reflected.

“The inspiration comes from the pursuit of being free”, Kidus says. For him, freedom lies in the people you meet along the way, the uncomfortable situations you endure, and the new social connections you build. It’s about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and into higher platforms, where real magic happens. He discovered, the journey is more important than the destination - As Kidus so eloquently put it, “It takes you wherever you want - you don’t have to rely on anything or anyone.” There’s something beautifully liberating about that thought; the freedom to ride wherever the wind blows you.

An interesting variable along the ride was the technical challenge of maintaining a wooden bike over long distances. He explained how the natural flex of the wooden frame meant that he had to keep the bike incredibly lightweight – “I needed to keep it light, so I fully relied on people whenever I didn’t have a place to buy anything, I would knock on peoples doors and ask for biccies (biscuits)”.His lack of baggage, including excess clothes and food symbolises the value of life and the importance of spiritual well-being over material possessions. It serves as a reminder that true value lies in the soul and the pursuit of righteousness, not in the physical needs of the body.

This bible verse that I have included further highlights society’s inclination to overproduce material goods, and how we have taken our bodies and the nature of our souls for granted through several distractions we see as ‘necessary’, just something to contemplate.

Despite challenges, the trailblazer’s determination and resourcefulness saw him through the 780-mile journey. After crossing into the Scottish border, he decided to turn his personal journey into a force for good - his selflessness inspired a community of supporters, as he raised over £2,600 for Age UK. Kidus demonstrated that even the most unexpected adventures can have a profound impact with amazing dedication and generosity from his supporters, both online and from chance encounters while on the journey.

By day, Kidus was a biochemistry student at Imperial College London, but his online persona told a different story- one of frustration and disillusionment with university life and the false promise of security. While addressing the power of our personal agency, Kidus adds, “We’re so much better at teaching ourselves, because we are more likely to be engaged in our interests than this collective interest that we have to follow”, suggesting that society expects us to ‘do that’ to its commands.

Kidus argues young people are coming to the realisation of the financial disillusionment that entangles itself with finding freedom in opportunities in London. With hard work alone not guaranteeing happiness, or progress.

“They inflict the kind of success”

“I’m very comfortable to carry on doing this degree, doing what I am told, but there’s no guarantee that I’ll be happy at the end and that I’ll get a job. It is a very safe space, but I always try to escape the safe spaces. As much as I would like to be in them and feel certain about things, I don’t think the conditions and the situation that most of us are in allows us to be that. I think it’s good trying to take control of your life by yourself.”

In escaping the shortcut to social validation through grades and and degrees, a psychological perspective sheds light on his “pursuit to be free” reflecting a strong sense of agency and self-directed behaviour. His decisions indicate “self-authorship,” which refers to the ability to take ownership of one’s life, fulfilling actions that align with ones own values and goals, and navigating complex situations with confidence and self-awareness.

We all could learn a lesson from his determination to be freely himself. So what does freedom look like? Well, his story exemplifies being free from the internal chains of self-doubt, fear, and abandonment - Whatever truly thrills you, will open the magical door to boundless freedom.

Feeling the boundaries between himself and the universe dissolving each turn of the wheel. The rhythmic cadence of his pedals became meditation, synching his heartbeat with the pulse of the Earth. “I felt alive the entire journey,” he recalled, “I felt deeply connected to something higher.” It was as if the open road had become a conduit to the divine allowing him to tap into a sense of oneness with our world. “This is our home,” he said, his voice filled with a sense of smiling wonder. “This is our place to exist.”

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Kidus’s journey on his wooden accomplice ‘Splinter’, took him to the heart of cities, where the warmth of strangers’ kindness often clashed with the uncertainty of the open road. As he settled into the comfort of urban havens, he’d find himself torn between the security of a warm bed and the call of adventure.

“I tend to stay there longer than a day, maybe five,” he confessed. “You get comfortable in a normal life. You find someone that lets you stay for whatever days in their home, it’s very hard to leave.” Cities like Edinburgh, Newcastle, Leeds, and Nottingham became bittersweet havens, where the comfort of human connection made the uncertainty of the road ahead all the more daunting.

Showcasing his willpower and ability to push through emotional hardships, Kidus says: “You get to adapt, but the moment I left, I’d have to deal with the uncertainty of not having a place to camp or sleep for the night.”

I’ll admit it – I wasn’t prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that was interviewing Kidus. His story is so authentically powerful and inspiring. We chatted about his incredible journey, and I found myself tearing up, nearly three times. Yes, I’m a crybaby and a sucker for a good story, but there’s something about Kidus’s spirit that’s just truly infectious. I did fumble with his surname - I kept referring to him as Kidus Teresa, convinced there was a connection to Mother Teresa! But Kidus kindly corrected me, explaining that his surname is Tesera, meaning “It is made”.

“I was made to make, it is made”.

An interesting tidbit that Kidus shared was his new-found fondness for the Newcastle accent which at first, he thought was a strange one that he hadn’t heard before; I couldn’t agree more!

Kidus’s story is a poignant reminder that the greatest challenges often lie not in the journey itself, but in the spaces between – the moments of transition, the uncertainty of what’s to come!

In difficult moments, Kidus came to the realisation that freedom isn’t always comfortable. “You have to be in a worse place than you are to go to a higher ground”, he said, his words a testament to the transformative power of discomfort, “I was forcing myself to fight…”. It’s a mindset that’s inspired me, and I’m sure it’ll inspire you too.

In this sacred space of the mystery of the open road, he recognised freedom - not just from the confines of a traditional life, but from the limitations of his own perception. As he rode, the world became his temple, the wind - his mantras, and the earth - his altar, where he could connect with the very essence of existence.

Through his pilgrimage, the brave explorer discovered that identity is not a fixed entity but a mosaic of experiences, cultures, and passions. He found solace in the connections he made along the way: “What gave life to my journey more than anything was the fact that I was able to build social connections with many people across the entirety of the journey, and that gave me meaning- the desire to keep going”, he warmly stated. “Hope” I added to his realisation.

In the end of his quest, he made a bold and brave choice: he dropped out of his third year of university to forge his own path, trading textbooks for agricultural farming in Ethiopia and academia for authenticity. Currently, the courageous explorer is roaming his homeland in Ethiopia. Most likely conceptualising more ideas to come, Kidus now volunteers at various farms with the vegan milk brand Teff-ly, collaborating with him on his magnificent journey.

Take aways: This story is a reminder that sometimes, it’s the darkest moments that we find the strength to forge our own path, stay faithful to your values and you will always emerge shining like the star you truly are ☆ Send him your love, thank you for reading Earthlings! ♡︎

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A Sprinkle of the past ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

When I turned eighteen it was moderately fair to say I had a lot on my plate: frustrating family chaos, what University to pick (Uni wasn’t my first option) and my first time having true agency over my life, after a boyfriend of four years had decided I wasn’t right for him (we shared different values).

Simultaneously, I felt liberated and lost. My family was being torn apart, I had no support, no one to compassionately understand my burden. But I knew this was something to share, I care and that’s what matters, my heart is huge and undefended - why should this be a fault that I need to fix? Naturally, I gravitated toward the profession that I assumed accepted the most heart, ✨a Journalist💞. I want to write on paper that gently rips as it submerges in my tears; reminding me that I, Zalayka and all humans are anti-fragile. We can endure pain, stress, fear but still we victor by engaging in challenge that strengthens the mind, adapts in the body and makes a soul resilient.

Fate, chosen

“The world needs creativity”, a slogan that I completely resonated with and hooked me right from the moment I began to read it out loud. So just by that, I picked UAL (Uni of the Arts, London) to study a journalism degree at.

Despite loathing 96% of this course. I don’t fully regret choosing this because being there has made me more anti-conforming since I’m stuck in a course at an institution that doesn’t engage me at all, I literally have no idea what I’m suppose to be handing in for a next assignment. I’m in my last year and I’ve come to the desperate realisation that this course will never be unstructured, imaginative or fun. The impartial lecturers will continue spreading boring agendas that don’t stimulate true social change, only feeding into the dead-hungry eyes of homogenous corporations that lack individual agency / creativity. This is the design and layout of the classroom of our future storytellers or robo-writers everyone:

I don’t know how I didn’t see it much clearer, I had received offers from both UAL and Goldsmiths, but why, oh why dear Krishna did I pick UAL over a university that literally has the element of ‘Gold’ in its title!? Gold is a symbol of power and I respect the jewelry that I wear on my skin that reflects my rich heritage and culture of Pakistan and India, yes I’m from both countries and only realising now how cool that is!! I have been failed by my course, but I am not the only one alas I won’t be the last. For anyone reading this, you deserve the BEST, not middle, not mehhh… THE BEST! Do not let dull, liminal spaces like this (image above) convince you that this is what you need to stimulate stories, inspiration and creativity. You should spend time in places that make you feel free and open to everyone and everything, peace should fill the wind around you, effortlessly— not a boxy mind prison bursting with grey, white and black in its seams. I don’t remember committing such a heinous crime that I had to pay financially for this course (9k a year and more for international students) while also paying in my discomfort, resentment and disdain. Journalism does not emerge by looking at your Mac screen, it happens when you go outside and expect the World to come to you, let it be and you wait and see…

Just to prove how they really don’t give an F about BA journalism students imagination, look at the MA (Master students) learning space and make your own comparison by using the front bit of your marvellous brain:

Anyone out there who has managed to get down to this section of the post, please describe if you can what journalism means to you… thank you kind Earthlings 💛

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The university isn’t innately bad and its core, I just find their priorities humorously atrocious, and need of re-evaluating urgently. Clearly this course isn’t what attracts students to study here — it’s the novelty of studying at an alleged ‘creative, artsy environment’, which to be honest is what I initially fell for. Maybe I should go into PR and design a useless makeup device to make women envy each other more than they already do. Also my course is filllled with chicks, its like being back at my secondary girl school but instead of being semi-popular and generally accepted i spend most of my time thinking about yoga and expanding on my career as a yoga teacher. Truly I think yoga and journalism go hand in hand. Yoga builds flexibility while journalism shapes general opinions. I have no intention to teach anyone, because I have realised that people cannot be changed by force or lecture. People will adapt with positive or negative guidance and live accordingly. I have had a mix of both, but most recently I had the honour of meeting a raw, daring Artist that demonstrated to me & the globe of his active social change while paving an innovative path toward genuine journalism. In the two days I spent with him I learnt more about myself, and the worlds current state and direction of change than studying the whole of two years in my course at uni. Send help immediately 🚨

Look, I know what you’re thinking…Well, why don’t you just decorate your classroom? I definitely would, but the air of attachment to the new black building opposite the road which is said to be the new university that will replace this one has made yearning for transformation feel redundant. Imagine going to a new place and being told, oh well this is old news… I can’t wait for the new building to finish which is apparently, just as boring-looking as the old one (inside info from a staff member who has seen the blueprints).

Students illuminate shared knowledge beyond the degree of formality:

I recorded an audio interview from a conversation with a fellow peer from my BA journo course to get the inside scoop of what paying students really think about the course, for privacy reasons, they decided to be anonymous. P.S. Keep in mind that journalists were once fighters for the truth, who refused to succumb to bland, limiting structural factors of categorisation. Enjoy! 🫧

The person I interviewed needs more recognition, it doesn’t matter what they ask for, it matters what they are saying and what you can take from it without personal attack. Rather understanding, carefully. I expect my teachers to be more open to students opinions, to respect them as if they are a fellow educator, which I can argue they are, probably more than the lectures; people have the power to use their heart, unashamedly and represent the equal foundation of what steps real change should proceed with, listening to others with the intention of being respectful, regardless of whatever bias you have, the humanness does not fade.

As a floaty being who has continually perceived education as power, I can’t shake the eerie feeling that this course as well as the individualist teaching is shunning us from our own creative potential within the classroom which should inspire us on the outside. Let’s start by being less obsessed with facts, and more obsessed with our feelings….Don’t be scared, we can guide each other— without boundaries 🪷

This is I want, I want space to be wild and free without judgement for what I am, which is a mirror of your feelings, even the ones you wouldn’t expect others to know you feel:

If you were curious about my five values… hehe… Also, should I do a voiceover for this article? I really want to, so… I think I should right ;?

Wait! Before you leave don’t forget, that we are:

Substack, in my opinion is a great, ad-free platform with zero-distractions that allow One to connect with others art, while showcasing your own creativity for anyone to see. During my first week back to University in the beginning of October, a lecturer who is the sub editor of yada yada yada (One of the bigger media companies) stated while laughing “Substack is not real journalism” to a group dynamic that I was in. Patiently, I waited till it was my turn to use my tongue, “I’m a proud, emphatic Substack writer” then I told her to shantay away and she left the building, embarrassed by my unprecedented comeback. F teachers who won’t respect you; they lame. She didn’t actually run away don’t worry.

A few weeks later, my post Death of Shame: Norwegian Travel Tips #2 blew up in readership and circulation. I brought the stats to one of the lecturers who I still find annoying but I’m more prone to agreeing with because of his established position as a journalist stated, “Substack is real journalism and many journalists are using it, especially in America” something along those lines. I was mainly befuddled with the disharmony amongst teacher views on independent writer supporting platforms. #whattothink #canteachersbefriends? #helpnews

Norwegian trees 𓇼 ⋆｡˚ 𓆝⋆｡˚ ⋆｡˚ 𓆝⋆｡˚ 𓇼

Life’s sound waves become more pellucidly apparent when your high, like the musicalness of everything is seen and comes alive… This post will contain a loose narrative of how I obtained one of the best highs of my life. Not due to drugs, but rather stumbling across a chance of friendship in an unprecedented place. As someone that enjoys (a bit too much) being high, I have a love hate relationship to the word ‘stoned’ to describe cannabis intoxication.

Unplanned Vision

Presently, as I am writing this, I have taken a break from the joyous pleasures of pretending I’m a fire breathing dragon until further notice. (My wisdom teeth are coming in and currently enduring achy jaw pain on my left side.)

During my second day in Bergen, I began to grow curious of the weed quality in the area, hedonistically I just wanted to get intoxicated by my fav gift from nature. 🌿

Sam came along for the can-we-get-weed adventure so we grabbed chips from the local fast food joint and headed to Florida (town in Bergen) to sus out the vibes. It was around 10/11pm so I assumed certain peeps would be active around this time. We predominantly witnessed dog walkers and late commuters around the town, so without possession, we decided to head back to Nesttun and metaphorically closed the curtains to the cannabis venture . Until I came across…

3 Musketeers & Zalayka 💁🏻‍♂️💁🏼‍♂️💁🏽‍♂️👧🏽

The most spectacular event in my peripheral vision…Cool guys smoking AKA Stoners!!🌠 I saw three guys loitering in the distance with smoke surrounding them in a parking lot in Nesttun (2 mins where I was staying), it looked shady so I skipped toward them with the biggest grin on my face…”Yay, weed!” I exclaimed (even though I couldn’t smell it straightaway- I had a feeling), they smiled and asked if I smoked.. I said ‘yes’, they then shared their joint with me after refusing to accept any cash, I was amazed. “Wow, I didn’t think I’d find any weed in Bergen, I was scared to approach teen Norwegian roadmen.” Benjamin, who’s name I guessed correctly asked if they looked like a roadman, I replied, “No, you guys look sophisticated”. They really did, honestly this exchange was so beautiful and the one thing I regret was not taking any pictures of them in the yoga postures. I think its because they were individually so warm and accepting of me that it felt a bit surreal. Before I had met any of them I already predicted a tattoo one of them had on their neck. It was a rose silhouette and I really can’t explain how I had already seen it before I did, but when I noticed it, there was so surprise only believing that its real and that I have an unexplained power that I cannot fully articulate as of right now. It was like this, below his left ear:

🌊I admired Joe, he had charm and charisma that was so easy to get along with ( tall, patient & had nice teeth). His family had religious beliefs, so much so that even his surname was ‘Christian’, literally his name was Joe Christian. I may not be spelling it right, but when he told me, I was like “Why?” He laughed and went on a short ramble about his family’s background with religious behaviour, no disrespect he’s still a very attractive being. His triangle pose (Trikanasana) was fabulous & he was familiar with hot yoga as he had partook in the strenuous activity before .

🦔🦔🦔

They all spotted something crawling on the edge of the carpark, it was a hedgehog!! I had never seen one in my life so I has so thrilled to be near one and they are so cute in real life (not intimidating at all when the spikes aren’t activated).

Noah was my second favourite because it seemed like he had the most lore, he was very calm mannered which obviously meant that he had the most to say. He was 19 and worked as a security guard for Bergen’s largest oil company, he wasn’t proud of his job and perhaps dreams of a better career path than his current tamed opportunities. He wore beige sliders, white socks and a dark beanie. Secretly, I wanted to be cuddled by him in his deceptively homely puffa jacket. He convinced the others to remove their shoes for the sitting down postures, which I respected. Joe had ACL surgery on his knee a year ago, so I was happy to provide cushioning support to his knees with my alpaca scarf ( I found it at Elephant & Castle station a year ago).

Ben exuded playful energy. I had to physically remove the blunt from between his lips while he stood in Vrksasana, Tree Pose. He was obviously the unhinged blond one with the most lustful eyes, I saw him dribbling a little as I was demonstrating one of my favourite postures (Dhurunasana). He was an inpatient student that I would definitely teach again, lots of breathwork needed. He required a little help with initial adjustments but when he got in the full expression of each posture he began to reap the benefits and showcased his beautiful smile, while letting out necessary moaning and groaning (which i adored!). His backbends had a lot of potential and he was quite flexible! I felt overjoyed observing them innocently play with their movements while sharing the spliff around :) Wholesomeness immersed my soul. 💞

My favourite aspect about the whole encounter was that we were of similar ages. Joe was 21 and the other two were 19 so it was like I was the missing link (20). I’ve always wanted to bond with guys my age who have similar maturity to me, it felt like we were growing kids just having fun and messing about. Thank you for this gift Norway! Before leaving the scene, we shared a group hug at the end and my heart felt complete, i hope one day I meet my friends again…On the last day i wrote them this note with sweets attached hoping they will find it. So far, no contact has been made :(

Last day in Bergen:

Enthusiastically, we awoke that Thursday morning and joined the studio owner in a 90 min Bikram Yoga session, I was pumped and ready to sweat! Here’s a timelapse vid of the practice if you wanna check it out, feel free to follow my insta:

Tone, the studio manager was also beside me on the other side of the camera, it was a pleasure practicing next to such an accomplished and powerful presence, I strive to become a woman that other girls admire and want to befriend. I assumed being on my menstrual cycle would exacerbate getting into certain postures, but it made poses feel more beneficial to my condition, such as Ustrasana (Camel Pose) and Arda Kurmasana (Half Tortoise pose). Even the balancing postures were testing my patience, Standing Bow felt nearly impossible yet I held it for at least 4 seconds! We were listening to pre-recorded audio led by Erik Persson, which came through the studio speakers. It felt like a great honour to partake and it almost felt like the real Erik was in the room! Of course if he was I’d probably exhaust myself trying to impress him in the earlier postures such as Pranayama (Deep breathing exercise) and need to rest in savasana for the following postures. I was super proud of myself for not dropping my forearms during Utkatasana (Awkward Pose). I kept the strength in my arms and felt the burn.🔥

After the hot yoga class we made our way to a delicious naked sauna on a boat that Sam had booked for us. I was eager for a relaxing meditation in the naked sauna but unfortunately had to keep my panties on as I had only started menstruating the day before.

The sauna was a wonderful experience. Before you actually go into the hot room, one must dive into the cold Norwegian sea to alert and awaken the immune system. I dipped my toes in and courageously threw myself overboard! It was FUCK**NG FREEZING!! I tried relaxing my shoulders for the mere five seconds i was in there, but I couldn’t I was too scared of the immense benefits of a cold plunge. I rushed out by climbing the steps and wrapped myself in a towel, then proceeded to hop inside the sauna boat. Huber, the sauna master was the nicest presence ever. He welcomed us and made us feel extremely comfortable. I hope one day I have the opportunity of being a sauna master myself and make others feel seen and accepted. He told me that when he became a pensioner he felt a need to radicalise his look so he got his ear lobe pierced and accessorises it with a gold stud.💛My absolute favourite thing about the sauna was that it was fully nude, which I super appreciate as it can seem like a novelty to the sauna’s I’ve come across in the UK. Plus, wearing clothes in a sauna sucks, it was brilliant — the freedom and the steam on all of my skin. We had towels which folded into seating cushions for our bottoms not to overheat. When it became empty toward the end I managed to get a little lay down on the bench, I asked if it was okay to nap in the sauna. Huber laughed and replied “If you nod off, we’ll take care of you, just relax”. It felt like I was consciously sleeping as the boat rocked side to side, catching glimpses of the sea and coast through the open window. Also being nude in Norway means you encounter all the weathers, sunny, rainy, windy — which we did! Norway is spectacular and I urge you to visit if you’d like the opportunity to find peace in the eye of the storm.

The food and dining experienced exceeded any subconscious expectations. I noticed a few people dining by themselves which I thought was amazing and truly demonstrates how well prepared the food is. I feel like its quite rare to see people eating alone at restaurants in London, its something I enjoy doing but I’d like to see more of? My fav bit of the eating experience was those thin shreds of ginger, literally mouth-watering. Below, is the last pic I took of Bergen, there’s beauty in the simple things:

Diwali, or the Festival of lights, is known as one of the most important Hindu festivals celebrated in India and increasingly worldwide by Hindus, Jains, Sikhs while also observed by Buddhists. Outside of India, Diwali is widely recognised in 10 countries as a public holiday, such as Nepal, Sri Lanka, Mauritius, Fiji, Guyana, Suriname, Trinidad and Tobago, Malaysia and Singapore. ⋆｡°🕯️✩.˚₊

Writers background: I’m a London- born, 20-year-young South-Asian woman who has never experienced the festivities of Diwali before. My mother’s family is Sikh, originating from Punjab, India. Whereas, my father’s side is Pakistani, raised on Islamic values. Despite this unique cultural blend, I often feel displaced in both of my heritages, as my Western ideologies can’t help but dominate my identity. Since I’ve lived in the UK my whole life and have limited exposure to my ancestors’ cultures, on the 18th of October I chose to embrace the Hindu tradition of Diwali and immersed myself in the euphoric crowds of diverse collectives:

The main day of Deepavali begins on the night of the new moon during the thirteenth day of the month of Kartika, which is determined by the Hindu Lunar calendar. Ritually, the lighting of a diya signifies a torchlight of the divine innate power inside all of us. Ignorance is often symbolised as darkness, but when the lamp is lit with intention, the energy and space of calmness aligns with natures rhythm.

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“Out of compassion for them, I, who dwell within their hearts, destroy the darkness born of ignorance, with the luminous lamp of knowledge.”

~Shree Krishna, Bhagavad Gita 10.11

Deriving from the Sanskrit word dipavali, literally meaning “row of clay lamps”, the annual celebration lasts for five days and is symbolised by compassion, renewal and togetherness, inner light and cherishing knowledge over ignorance. Many people use this time of peace as an opportunity to reflect and rediscover the warmth of relationships while reconnecting with loved ones through kind gestures to remind them of how much they are valued. Others worship and seek protection from spiritual darkness by welcoming Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity, and other deities such as Ganesh, the remover of obstacles.

Rooted in ancient stories from Hindu mythology, the festival primarily honours the victory of good over evil, more specifically the tale of Lord Rama’s return to Ayodhya (City in Uttar Pradesh, India) after defeating the demon king Ravana. Children often listen to these legends about hope triumphing over despair while preparing for a night of Diwali fireworks to be set off. Unusually, this year, the fireworks I observed were fairly sparse, and I expected more of a boom. The weather in London could be a possible factor for the timid explosions of light and colour.🎆

My first Diwali Celebration˚⊱🪷⊰˚

While many long-time devotees honour the family union of Diwali, plainly due to the disjointed nature of my family, they weren’t able to attend with me… So, I took myself to the Greenwich festival to relish in the vibrant atmosphere while dancing like no one’s watching to the tunes of remixed Bollywood music! I was thrilled to have met a range of festival enthusiasts from small children teaching me how to Bhangra dance, to solo festivalgoers who like rewarding themselves with the unparalleled freedom of self-discovery and meeting new peeps.

Initially, I only wanted to capture the cool headbands of these small yet fiercely talented girls, but I ended up picturing their joyful family in the frame, which I couldn’t argue against, because it’s just too adorable!! Observing the friendship between these two sisters was enough to heal my childhood trauma. Their compassion for one another balanced with cautiousness for their younger brother on the dance floor made me realise the purpose of smiling and showing kindness wherever I could. Truly inspiring parenting, and I could feel the supportive home environment from one exchange. The girls informed me that their Nani (grandma), who stepped out of the frame, bought them these headbands for the festive night of Diwali.

It felt natural to kneel down when saying goodbye to them. They were above my height and in many ways I wish that feeling were permanent. I shook both of their hands and wished them the most prosperous and adventurous lives, they did the same and the unwavering connection we made felt everlasting. 🦋

Watching the event from the sidelines while enjoying a cigarette, I approached this couple to compliment them on wearing serene shades of green. In Diwali, green is believed to enhance healing energy, making it a soothing and calming addition to the vibrant Diwali palette. Plus, I loved that they were matching! 💚💚

Surfing the crowds in search of a friend, I spotted Aditi celebrating her first ever Diwali in London. Born in Uttarakhand, a state in Northern India often referred to as the “Land of Gods”, Aditi’s dental ambitions led her to study in the UK for a degree.

“Everyone gets together and celebrates something, it’s the biggest festival in India”. She also informed me of another festival widely celebrated known as the Festival of Colours, “Holi is celebrated in March, it’s a spring festival.”

Aditi’s dazzling jewelry caught my attention immediately. When asked about her first impressions of the Greenwich Diwali festival, she took a slight pause, looked around and replied, “It could use some…Warmings”. I agreed and said “Yeah, there should be more people in big clothes making people happy.” She nodded with interest and completely saw my vison, I think I was referring to these guys:

After I mingled, I rushed to the front of the dance floor where the DJ was blasting remixes of contemporary meets classic Bollywood/ Hindi songs, creating all-round satisfying dopamine hits for everybody. Dancing or whatever body movements I was conveying at the time felt enlivening, I was filled with the zest of being alive and sharing this planet with undefended hearts, capable of embracing life, being vulnerable and unafraid. Jumpy and smiling, joy was naturally multiplying around the space beyond my fingertips, but through energy, pure energy. It felt like we were a giant organism or cell communicating with the wider world with all our emotions translated through movement and subconscious expression.

A beautiful human danced in front of my camera and the energy was sublime, it makes me happy simply watching it. Here's a wacky vid of the crowd:

The event hosted dandiya stick making workshops for festival attendees, It was my first time seeing this type of traditional dance, I had an opportunity to learn all about it:

Before leaving, I made sure to try the catering, so I ordered Aloo Mattar, a vegan meal from one of the stalls. It was quite spicy but a delicious take on potato and peas, with my paratha underneath the curry… The aesthetic of the food was unforgivable because I needed the paratha to scoop the curry with my hands and I couldn’t because it became soggy and flaccid, submerged in curry sauce, way to go chef.

I sat on the benches to rest my feet from all the energetic dancing, and was joined by a warm and calming essence named Surabhi. We discussed the event and our lives! Surabhi even introduced me to a delicacy typically eaten during Diwali, called Son Papdi. I’m unsure if I’ve ever come across it before, but I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it with a full conscience as Indian delicacies typically contain a lot of butter, which derives from exploiting a lot of cows for milk. (Very sad indeed)

While chatting, I couldn’t help but feel like fate existed at the festival. She shared her journey of living in London and how it has metamorphised her life from living in Delhi, facing high air pollution and then residing in London to work as an auditor for a university in the UK. She even mentioned how London requires a lot more footwork and walking to each destination, which naturally made her lose a lot of weight, I thought that was a beautiful story as I sometimes take London for granted, which I will not be doing now :)

Conclusion: So, to every soul reading this: Come, join the celebration. Light a diya in your window, not because it’s “your” tradition, but because joy multiplies when shared. Diwali isn’t for one ethnicity—it’s for humanity’s heart, beating as one. From mine to yours, Shubh Diwali. Let your light shine, and feel the warmth of being truly, wholly included. 🌟But you, sweet Diwali, leap oceans. Let Diwali leap into your heart and effervescent soul 🫧

This post reminded me, I need more cardamom!! Also, look how pretty:

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Thank you for reading The Garden Party, drop a comment to discuss your thoughts💭. Until next time, have a good one Earthlings! 💗

Typically the headline (title) is the first thing I write — but this time I’ve decided to take the advice of my lecturers and write the headline last…so I’m kinda going in blind but fueled with hope, let the literary magic begin! 🪄

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

‘My Soul Transcended, so I had to visit The Gateway To The Fjords’

Before this trip, I had no prior plans of ever visiting Norway, that was until my best friend Sam, who is not only a thriving Bikram yoga teacher, but also an affordable life therapist for all my drama. While being known for his wondrous classes, he was invited to teach in Bergen at Yogahuset Fana. The gestalt of the studio was represented in how easy comfort came while adjusting to the new environment, in addition to how calmly approachable the studio manager is, truly a pleasure to have even set foot, never mind practice in that radiant and transformative ground.

! If you don’t know what Bikram Yoga is, have a skim through this article here, it explains a little about the transformative effects of introducing the self to hot yoga activity :)

The Schengen zone requirements means that UK citizens can only reside/ work in Europe for 90 days at a time. While teaching for over a couple months Sam invited me over for a tour around the city, mountains and more. Needless to say that he had been deprived of his daily doses of annoyance and wittiness combined. Despite reciprocating emotions, distance has taught me a much broader lesson by retreating away from co-dependent behaviours/ patterns of relying on echo chambers in forms of other humans, to in a sense, echo or repeat similar ideologies back to you- which you may (subconsciously) know they’ll reinforce or disapprove, cuz their your friend dawg or closest enemy, depends how you view relationships I guess :8

Karma Yoga in Bergen

AKA the yoga of action, focuses solely on the action itself rather than personal gain or the outcomes of those actions. I witnessed Yoga in everything when I was in Bergen, breaths of air, walks of people, smiles of faces, all weirdly familiar yet far.

Air porting slightly intimidate me because of the luggage, safety, endless loitering and huge planes. 12 hrs before I rifled through my piles of clothing until I found appropriate warm outfits to wear for the cold weather. It wasn’t an easy job so i made sure I left enough time to pack *sarcasm. I was waiting at the bus stop before arriving to the airport and there was a lady singing and matching her rhythm to this song. Whether she was intoxicated or not was irrelevant, she was a super passionate person. Symbolic, it made me question what life would be like without others and how a quantifiable number of people represent hope. 🌟

The Norwegian passport control officers were really friendly, one of them even spoke Urdu to me and wished me a nice time in Norge (I think). Since I live in London, I would love the opportunity to connect with more Urdu speakers to strengthen my mother tongue, if you do, comment in the chat! :)

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The city was well-kempt at first sight and the air was incredibly breathable, it was like my first ever breath of fresh air (in my life!!). Recognising that it was my only time being in Norway, I made sure divert any undue attention away from me, respecting the law of Jante.

It started pouring shortly after I arrived in the city, thankfully my raincoat was on me. The type of rainfall that occurred was certainly unique, it reminded me of water sprinklers set on the lowest level. My first exposure to being hosed was in my childhood best friends house, she was really nice (pretty) and accepting, also her mother introduced me to boiled noodles doused in ketchup sauce, 10 year old me was in culinary heaven.

Commuting on city transport was so simple, efficient and surprisingly speedy! The train alerts were very heartwarming and friendly, I was happy with the way passengers were politely addressed on public transport. A few risky times I managed to get away without purchasing a tram ticket, but the inspectors were quite thorough at their jobs and made sure to check all the tram sections in groups, a bit intimidating:

Unexpectedly, I bled the morning of my first day; Moon Time had commenced. I was pleased to have my period in a different environment and happily welcomed the nature, trees, they comforted me and eased my pain & worries away. I hesitated to the effects it would have on my yoga practice… Luckily I had been practicing backbends y forward bends the day before so it countered any abdominal pain. (Tip for the girlies)

Up the Mountains we go

We took a Floybahnen, Bergen’s most visited attraction to oversee the city ontop of the mountains. I noticed that there were a lot of East Asian tourists and schoolchildren also wanting a ride up the mountain, of course we could of just climbed up but that would of took ages, we made it back to the city on foot though!

Everything was so peacefully beautiful. I was only a tourist but it never felt like I could get lost in this foreign place, it all felt so homelike, I belonged to the trees…wait I am a tree!! 🌲Peace was in me, around me and in everything, tranquil whisperings and fortuitous meetings only type of vibe.

We arrived at a cafe in Bergen Sentrum and I noticed what dazzling blue eyes the barista had, he was also wearing a cool hat which I made sure to compliment:

I noticed the lack of compliments given to the quirks of Norwegian people. They live in an awesome and rich country and have amazing nature to be proud of, however, it seemed like they sacrifice personal achievement and don’t get enough recognition.

The Janteloven prioritises collective identity so potentially it could damage personal expression. I witnessed dissimilarities to the individualist culture here in London. Truthfully, I often feel anxious to walk or cycle in my own neighbourhood but in Norway there was a lot more space to make mistakes because errors didn’t appear irreparable or too big. Smiling felt natural, happiness was a default, maybe being away just has that effect, unknown and found again. Conforming to an uncomfortable life here in London is not something I’d like to do for the rest of my life. I want to wear hiking clothes and strip off to sunbathe with the trees, that’s it. Shamelessly compliment other human bodies, crochet naked in the wild and ban computers, with the only exception for when I’m writing to you that is ᨐᵉᵒʷ. I’d like to be a part of natural collective, also look at this cute lost cat poster:

This post is getting too long, stay tuned for #2 ( I partake in a blunt rotation while teaching yoga to Norwegian guys that were my age in a parking lot). See ya soon! ﾒ૦ p.s. if it isn’t obvious enough I'm not using any grammar or AI spell checker, sorry! 🤖

The rain pitter-patters, I secretly loved it—

Back then

One of the best memories I had the pleasure of being alive for was when I was 6 and in Pakistan. I enjoined the exuberant feeling of being carried, piggy-back style on a playful, yet adventurous hike. Beaming Sun made me sleepy so I had to be lugged somehow, and I guess it wasn’t a problem for my older cousin to carry me on her back as i was still little; which at that time felt like forever. Expanding mentally while in the process of developing bones; wicked. I was also accompanied by the younger sides of my family, a mixture of boys and girls. Although to me, they were each mystically more aware of life than I was. Everything was completely different over there, open spaces would echo in the winds, i still remember sniffing the toxic petrol smells that filled the air making me feel lucky to be alive.

After my initial fatigue my head bounced up off her generous shoulder to regain consciousness, I was birthed to the unfamiliar scene of lime green leaves, neon blue skies and the friendly companionship of my family close by. I spotted a distant white temple on one of the dry high mountains, it was all white and marbly, super sacred once inside!

🔥This tiny yet fiery memory has sparked an idea: I would love the opportunity to travel back to my wonderous home land, uncovering the hidden beauties and the many disparities that the news won’t cause any discussion for, if you’d like to help finance my ventures after I complete my degree next year feel free to visit this link! thank you beautiful people :)

Major tangent but this lentil soup I’m currently feasting on is the bomb, to experience this yumminess, visit the Horizon cafe in Leytonstone and enjoy the simple pleasures! 💗

Two days ago Alex made a fire for us (I helped). We eventually got naked and began honouring the flame with various made up yoga postures and fire salutations. We warmed the palms of our feet by facing it towards the fire. I’ve never put my naked butt adjacent to open flames so the new experience was amazing & super toasty! Apparently you can even get a tan by sitting next to the fire, is this true??

Multiplying:

Question: What makes Us want to multiply - to expand? A query that I’m newly inviting into my space of compassionate curiosity, I’m learning to expand my thinking through challenging myself to be in frequent propinquity of others. I’m able to further distance myself from fully comprehending the spiral of randomness vs fortuity- Aren’t they the exact same thing or are we all just pieces of the same puzzle? I don’t really say the word ‘Propinquity’ enough because I don’t hear is as often apart from in my A-level English literature class. It means to be in close proximity or being near someone of something, its also a bit difficult to pronounce because of its unusual letter combination, but can be broken down into four syllables: pruh-pin-kwit-ee. Yay! You said it :))

There’s a lot of things I miss from being in college, the confidence I would of had if I was taught the power of expressing parallel or conflicting interpretations. Segue, but if i had a time machine i think I would go back to one of the endless presentations we gave for analysing poetry in my English class and centered it entirely around my true opinions of the poem ‘Late Spring’ by the commendable poet, Owen Sheers. It entails the toxic romanticisation of barbarically castrating baby lambs on a farm land. I would of brought in fake blood and vomited it - done a Carrie, or smeared it on my breasts while my partner pretends to hack them off, how empathetic would she (the teacher) been to that scene? Speciest much?! Yes! Truthfully our lessons mostly consisted of her sharing her rigid opinions of each poem in the anthology and making us agree with her, using the interpretations of past year students in her defense, it would of been super fun if she just trusted our analytical skills to dissect the literature. Also, I was in an off again, on again relationship during the two years of my college experience, its ended now and I would of totally talked to more guys at my sixth form to learn about how boys my age functioned.

why intimacy is so important:

I’m aiming to experience a greater feeling than happiness; pleasant contentment, not wanting too much and possibly realising how much I undervalue the closeness of others because I usually associate it with non-consensual intimacy such as travelling in tight spaces on the public transport, underground & train etc. We all need love, more importantly closeness to one another. This article mainly features pics of woman hugging, but men are allowed to hug men too & women, just in case you forgot :)

Somehow it’s still the summer holidays for me and my neighbour keeps asking me when I will be returning back to school as if I’m her child, this morning I finally admitted to her how I’m not really looking forward to going back as I don’t agree with the way they teach journalism, its unimaginative and regressive (lemme no if you want an article dedicated to what I would change about the way my course is taught). It will be my final year there (3rd) meaning I will have to write a lonnnng dissertation about something that the lecturers will initially disagree with, making it hard for me to have reciprocal communication with them without the fear of being completely and utterly judged. One of the lecturers who is also my personal tutor does this body language thing when I’m talking to him and it kinda pisses me off, its like :

Plus they r so anal about meeting the expectations of conventional news industries; very little attention is focused on supporting freelance writers/ gonzo journalists who value subjectivity over stoopid objectivity. If anything, studying Journalism on this course has made me less want to work anywhere near the traditional pathways of gaining internships in the news industry. I’m not really into the whole “yes sir/ ma’am/ head editor” thing, they all use AI anyways and how are readers expected to trust large language models to write their headlines & articles rather than the true, raw experience of a fellow Earthling? You tell me, whatchu prefer:

I’ve been noticing how strong my nails have been growing recently, this has been making me a little happy because I used to wear acrylics or else I’d bite my true nails from stress or anxiety. But post acrylic and oiling my cuticles erry-day with sweet almond oil has made me feel nice and might i say a bit girly. Also what the hell does being a woman even mean? Am I just a girl and can I be just a girl forever?

The Universe or my Subconscious has presented me with a romantical challenge, his name is three letters long and he claims to be a major overthinker. I met him in a chain supermarket (he works there) and my desires were purely animalistic when I first exchanged words with him > Instead, now I’m learning how to be patient and understanding while also mirroring his potentially harmful mannerisms making him more aware of how he gatekeeps his identity to himself, playing videogames with (online) friends and not really going outside much. I guess you are like my online friends but I wouldn’t even consider calling you that, just by reading this your attention span is aligning more with my thinking pace, omg are we totally soul-bonding right now?!! I’m a major slut dragon so don’t get too attached, or do, whatever tickles your fancy! and if you like me sooo much, you can even become a paying subscriber!! Goodness, when did I become so slyyy.

Anywho, he told me a hurtful truth of the girls he’s attracted to; girls with long hair, and if you read my last post, it revealed my mental state throughout the whole of last year, consisting of how I was chronically stressed which negatively impacted my physical health, hair falling out, skin worsening yada yada yada, read alla bout it. So naturally, I closed off and began self-loathing for like an hour then I remembered how cool I am and how I love being in life and I stopped hating myself and comparing me to others. I don’t really think he’s attracted to me despite his reassurance that he is, most likely he wants to feed off my exuberant energy and build his social skills in the wild and I guess I’m okay with that? i dunno he’s funny and has potential to be a butterfly, though he’s a pessimist and is gradually dimming my glow.

On Saturday, I had the honour of hosting my crochet stall at a Methodist church where I volunteer at the foodbank! There was a table top sale and i ended up buying more from the stalls next to me than I sold crochet haha, still had a great time tho! My friends visited me and one even brought their lovely mother :) I got there an hour late (11pm) and I spotted another crochet stall, I gasped, “ I’ve got some competition!” I exclaimed to the nice couple, we joked and they offered to help set up my table next to there’s. Barry asked me if my family was going to join to support me, I chucked “Support? No”. Gloves were very popular among the people, so next time I will make a plethora of winter crochet clothes and hopefully they will come flocking!

As always, its been a pleasure writing to you Earthlings, there’s so many things I haven’t mentioned like how recently I’ve been missing my phantom Dad. “Abba”, I wonder how he is and what he’s doing in the white blur, does he know his girls don’t talk? Does he know it’s because of him…? i love you…wherever you are, bye Earthlings and until next time! 💫

Xoxo, Zalayka from The Garden Party 🌴🥥

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Also, please encourage me in the chat to tidy my wardrobe, its like a swirly den filled with fabric in there, seeping from the sides. And if I don’t tidy it before I start uni, I’m afraid I might go crazy with how messy the insides are when I’m picking an outfit. #kelly #blurrypic #jag

We’re all ‘just’ something, so what are you?

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Beauty in mysticism appears when we encounter other beings that we are instantly fond of and want in our lives ‘forever’, but one can still bore themself with this selective commentary. Who’s to say that you aren’t incredibly phenomenal and that your energy and passion refuse to be gatekept by a singular person or homogenous groups/institutions…. Perhaps your power is greater than you could’ve ever imagined, you smile in the face of danger and you confuse those who fear the glow emulating at your fingertips. Oh, the overlooked joys of being alive…let’s uncover them together! Continue reading to find out the natural remedies of unlocking inner harmony and organic happiness derived from self-embracement.

Hi Earthling, I’ll be discussing delicate subjects regarding my personal mental health journey, so approach reading this with a little sensitivity to my vulnerability, thank you muchly xx ⋆🐾°. So, since last July 24’ to this current month of September 25’ I have been learning a lot about my spiritual health, mental and physical and let me just say I am in the best state I have ever been throughout this whole year. This time last year I struggled to not cry daily from looking in my own two eyes in the reflection of the mirror. Maintaining social eye contact with others during conversations was like hell for me, I hated myself for the view I was giving them, my face felt like it was my own enemy.

I’ll break this down for you if this all sounds a bit random and overwhelming. I had been stress-picking at my own face, and self diagnosed myself as having dermatilliomania, in a literal sense I had driven myself to scratching the surface of the abyss, in this particular case of mental mania I was peeling off a new face like a reptile shedding its damaged skin, however unlike snakes, there was not a fresh new layer of tight skin underneath, only a ruined, crying epidermis. I’m okay now tho so don’t worry too much :)

But how did you get this way?!

He called me ‘Perfect’. It sounds ridiculous but it really affected me on a deep subconscious level so pls don’t be too mean. I was seeing an older guy quite often during last summer, he was a relatively more mature than me but I’m used to hanging out with “older” dudes, I influence them with my open perspective and they share their wise experiences of life, men are interesting when you get talking to them, also (most) of them are loveable fluff balls, that ultimately want control over you…joke? I’ve realised that I struggle with receiving positive compliments, I’m unsure why…as a kid i was consistently mediocre I thought, in primary school I used to be in the middle set, labelled as ‘green group’ up until I was like 10. I fu*king hated the colour green, but now ya know of course I love it, and I can watch nature and fully start crying because of how overwhelmingly beautiful it all is. Anyways, I remember being dissatisfied by being called perfect, because he didn’t just call me perfect, he said everything is perfect now, but I was not feeling like that…I refused to stagnate, their had to be more to achieve, I’ve always believed that perfection is a made up concept like beauty standards and that we are all peacefully complete in our own ways. I felt like he was projecting the way I should feel when I was in his presence, maybe because he was a (successful?) entrepreneur with a stoic and calm as a daisy persona, but also quite dark- shadowed. In a month I had already fell bored of the patterns of our relationship, I’d come over, behave well, he’d cook, we’d smoke and be animals. Until he made me do something unspeakably degrading that I can’t repeat to any living soul, I could’ve said no but I put his satisfaction above mine, which was solely the mistake I made and dealt with the karmic repercussions throughout the following months and ultimately year.

Climbing out the self-dug hole

It started with one spot you see, a single imperfection that I overly fixated on which costed a year of my life, several dermatologists and all of the money I had saved from working.

Also around the beginning of this timeline, I was fired from my job of being a receptionist at a holistic health clinic in London. A work colleague/ older female receptionist that was hired around the same time me had continually underestimated, infantilised and envied me, who knows why? Absolutely no clue mate, I just wanted a job and shifts, I wasn’t there to play mind games with the people who took over for me after my shift. I sincerely hate people that tattle-tale on others in the workplace over small inconveniences, this job was the cause of my stress and I was working there so much I had bowel issues, constipation. I was literally frightened just to take a shit in case the manager was calling on the work phone and I wasn’t there to pick it up, I mean how silly is that? Being a receptionist is seriously hardcore and you have to play a lot of social antics, the nice game on work group chats and whatnot, I only wanted to be real. I did not expect to be hated or disliked for the way of being me, they feared my age and inexperience and applied pressure on me until finally I broke. In the airport, a day after my birthday last year the manager sent an email saying I was fired as she found out I was late this one time, tattled on by another receptionist who had remarked that I was lucky to have this job as a university student and she wished she had the same opportunity when she was studying, a friendship I mistook as real, but alas she was predictably bitter that I had a social life outside of work and displayed her true colours by being a dogmatic employee, well done babe, gold sticker.

From there my skin picking began and I went slightly crazy, not because I was jobless but because I was still called perfect after all that happened. Honestly, I felt like shit, I was good at that job and I felt like I had potential to grow my relationships with the therapists that I had grew healthy rapports with. Also I liked folding towels for my favourite therapist; he was really funny and said I would eventually become a capitalist and my anarchist ways will slowly fade as I age like his did… I’d like to prove him wrong and continue living my wild life.

Social media probably caused the most damage to me as I was surfing the web (daily) to see what remedy would best work for my skin. Of course they recommended everything and so I bought everything, from expensive foreign skincare to prescribed steroids and nothing really worked until I met the most caring dermatologist (ever). Mital, if your reading this, thank you so so much. She was incredibly empathetic and shed a hopeful light in my life, she was warm and I was simply grateful for her reassurance of my situation. I had 3 micro needling sessions and my skin repaired itself with the vitamins, it was all so expensive at the time but I would of sacrificed a baby for my skin to return. Not only was I miserable, but I had realised just how beautiful I was…before… skimming old pictures made me feel so unworthy and ungrateful of myself in the purest form pre picking. “I was so pretty” i’d tell myself. As a child I was never made to feel beautiful either by my mother or sisters, they had their own self-esteem issues that I was unaware of. Even at my primary school disco party where I wore the most sparkly pink dress, the brutal memory of my mothers’ remark of how skinny my legs appeared, “chicken legs” overshadowed the experience of my first kiss, even he managed to insult me, he commented on my armpit hair (which I was not even aware existed!!) Ahh I think he was probably bitter that my hair was longer than his. My sisters have never really felt like ‘sisters’, another tendency i’ve recognised is that my friendships with females may have not been quite as successful because I have this preconceived expectation of finding a best girl friend who I can call my sister (aww), this trait of mine is kind of toxic as I clearly want to love another woman as how I would love a younger or older imaginary sister, giving them the affection that I failed to receive. Anyways, I’m semi-over it, trying not to get too emotional at the moment. Truly I love life, i really do, I love that my childhood was traumatic and the glimmering moments that were true bliss let me live to the fullest extent, let me be free and smile with all my teeth. I do not bare the pain of others, its not my pain, its not my energy that should be wasted. I understand this now and throughout the years I have informed my mother of the pain she inflicted, I have forgiven her but she must learn to forgive and love herself as I so have through the ways of yoga.

Me, nowadays:

A year later I’m the main (only) yoga teacher at a queer nightclub that hosts naked yoga for the FLINTA* audience. 1FLINTA* is a German abbreviation that stands for "Frauen, Lesben, Intergeschlechtliche, nichtbinäre, trans und agender Personen", meaning women, lesbians, intersex, non-binary, trans and agender people. The asterisk represents all non-binary gender identities. They also do gay men’s yoga if you’re interested in either and are close by, visit their insta @covenhackney or msg me to find out more!

When I first started practicing yoga, doing a nude class somewhat appealed to me but experiencing my personal hell for a year, naked yoga was at the back of my mind and being self conscious about my appearance was at the forefront. Yoga was the one thing that stilled life, mind & soul. All my yogic friendships were sent from the clouds, I cherish each of them and am eager to learn ways I can appreciate the people around me more. One way is to simply smile more often :)

Crocheting stairs to the gateways of heaven, here’s a video of me from this year of me whispering about one my projects as my confidence slowly returns:

This is how they came out. They are a medium size (10-12) if you’d like to purchase them, they are £20, all yours!

You may recall a live i filmed right here in this spot, it was fairly insignificant but I let you listen to the nature, birdsong, while i enjoyed my sense of self returning.

join the party, free entry!

Greetings everyone! 🌞I hope your summer is dwindling down beautifully and you’re still finding ways to keep active :) Mine is going really well despite spending all of my money (literally how am I surviving right now?— my moon sign is Taurus.) Anyhoo, I thought I’d walk you through the whimsy events that have been going on throughout my life. Some things mentioned will probably sound pretty serious and daunting but no worries, I’m a big (adult) girl and I can deal with anything, even emotionally inept narcissists!

I feel like I haven’t blogged in like half a year or something *exaggeration*, however I’ve been updating my paper journal as much as I can, with handwriting so unintelligible I have to squint when I read it back. -.- Also, I’m still alive in case many of you thought i died since my inactivity may have been worrying haha, just been riding the ol’ fantastical wave of life.

Struggle bus can be a hoot sometimes

I would be lying if I denied admitting that the invisible standards of perfection have been refraining me to write online and I’ve only just realised how many people are impacted by my work. Some of my male counterparts go so far into luring me to furnished apartments, providing me with shelter and basic necessities while in return I show my appreciation ( I got bored pretty quickly with this setup if you can imagine). If this isn’t a cry for help from the whole of the masculine identity then I don’t know what is. Truth to be told, I think our men of this era need more feminine energy in their life. More female friendship, more intimacy, not just sex but physical touch, a longing soul hug, a soft palm gripping the hair at the back of his head, lips grazing the neck, whispering to him that he is loved, and reminding him that he is enough. And vice versa.

Life is kind of like a surprise box, its even a surprise to you because some of the traits we possess are also confusing to us… making us feel like “hey i just realised I’m like this, why is this so?” For me its judging people too quickly, like I can just see a person walking on the street with a negative grumpy look on their face and I’m like, “why’s everyone so sad/ angry?” without even acknowledging any of the emotions i may be projecting. Or I see a really happy child (usually a girl) with her father and I used to envy their joy, sometimes I’d fear it. I’d wonder, what could possibly be the result of a girl well-fathered, what would she grow up to be like? The powerful thought of a young female growing up with a healthy level of self esteem used to make emotional or perhaps cry, but now I feel empowered by it. You don’t need to look up to a media favoured celebrities on ya mobile to feel motivated to change your life by the jealousy amalgamated in resenting the lavish lifestyles of others.

Here’s me playing my singing bowl to give you some sonic inspiration✧･ﾟ:*

send me to the galaxy!

Simply look at nature, look at the fundamentals, a child is born into this world as a bundle of joy, essence. Then they are fed false facts about the Earth they live on; the capitalist regimes they must follow and money hungry governments that one is expected to have an opinion on. Fuck that sh*t, journalism is dead and you can be paid to have the ‘right’ opinion nowadays. Realness matters and people are starting to notice, yeah I’m not like other writers, I’ve never ‘scheduled’ a post, okay maybe one time I did, but my point is we can find natural ways to reconnect with nature while simultaneously abolishing billion-dollar owned chain companies, I want to see more culture and people becoming more emotionally rich through altruism, not another f*cking Starbucks.

Naked in the forest🌲🌳

Yep that’s right, I got naked in the forest. Thanks Alex!! Okay, but seriously - I GOT NAKED IN THE FOREST, YAYYYYY! Being absolutely bare in the wild was never something i had on my bucket list until i had met a special certain someone that believes we are all born beautiful and that one day we will return to the Sun.

I was sat in a an open field relaxing with tall trees nearing me. I glanced up to see a shadowy male approaching the tree 30 metres behind me, cycling towards me to get to the tree, parking his bike somewhere in the heavy leafy trunk of the greenery. My curiosity peaked as I had a feeling that I was about to witness something that I had been flashed with before, although this time was different, I hadn’t felt the disrespect and the ‘disgust’ that one may feel in ignorance to naturism. As I lit up my recreational spliff, he had done the same with a cigarette, concealed in the branches, revealing his peachy ivory dangling participle. I was in awe of his bravery and genuinely thought what he was doing took real balls! (no pun intended). I yelled “what are you doing!” he replied excitedly “I’m a naturalist”, which I just thought was code word for flasher. Later learning about his adoration for nature, and his profound connection to the plants I was enlightened by his pure bond with the trees, grass and anything that moved in the wind. I felt his soul being lifted when he talked about the Earth, I desired this interconnectedness with nature too. I felt my curiosity for this synergy with the forest grow stronger; I was intrigued, but also slightly scared.

Now you see, twice before in the same green land but in a different area I was flashed by guys (separate occasions) that wanted to hang brain near the river stream, I was offput and slightly amused by both persons. Although the last one I saw wore a brightly coloured baby blue cap, clearly he wanted to be caught in the activity! Which I thought was infanilising and darn funny. Anyways, the next day after I felt safe with Alex as my other friend had met him and we all had bonded quite well with each other with the initial cautions of creepiness, I felt comfortable to be alone with another Earth- lover. He took me deep into the forest where no one was seen in, only the sunlight had opportunity to peek in through the branches and he stripped down 3 metres away from me and provided me with the safe pillow-y soil to absorb anything left of shame, embarrassment and hate against my own, body, soul & mind; I was free and have felt this magnificent way ever since. Although my crocs and socks were still on, I’d like to do it again either with more people, less or just in the safe arms of Alex, where we would go completely bare (including footwear) and id chase him around the forest playing like naked children, extremely fitting for this Virgo season! ♍ #releaseyourinnerchild #befreeinthewild

Friend or Enabler?

Do you often find yourself feeling uninspired after meeting with a friend? Feeling unsatisfied by the way you perhaps wanted to discuss wider topics while they would rather prefer to stay in their echo chamber living in fear than living in the motion of change? How could you positively influence yourself, the world and your poor friend, well I’ve got the solution… take them to a mantra lounge!! Make them listen to the beautiful sounds of chanting many of God’s names, the pure bliss and ecstasy you will feel will be enough to fill your heart with warmth and kindness to yourself and others for years. Truly, I always find myself so emotional when I hear a fellow Earthling singing from deep inside their soul, its so moving and i always cry because i’m so happy and people are soo magnificent if you allow yourself see, in this case hear their beckoning beauty.

Hearing wonderful things from other people is all good, but how do you speak to yourself? What do you say to yourself that is kind and thoughtful? Because I would assume you are the type of person who thinks carefully before they say anything nice to someone else, but do you also treat yourself the same way? For me, I’m always so amused by my clumsiness, honestly i feel like a blind cat sometimes, maybe because i have too much stuff? Ahh idk only my yarn really matters to me and this new necklace i got from a charity shop! Isn’t is soo pretttyyy….

See ya at the next post where I unashamedly discuss my current financial state! hehe