This story... I don’t even know where to begin.

So let’s just walk in.

If you’ve been thinking about getting a job because your business is struggling, or you’ve been searching and feeling passed over, lost, angry, and like hot dog shit on the pavement, this is for you.

Because sometimes you think going back to the old thing will save you.

And sometimes the universe will let you try it just long enough to remind you:

You’re not supposed to go back.

I spent 13 years in corporate recruiting. Jobs were always easy for me. People chased me. I was good at what I did.

My most recent corporate role paid $180K.

So when my business income became inconsistent, I thought:

Why don’t I just get a job?

I’ll have stable money. I’ll pay my bills. I’ll breathe again. I’ll run my business on the side.

Simple.

Except it wasn’t.

I started interviewing.

Three interviews for one contract role. Didn’t get it.

Another company chased me. I interviewed. Sent my thank-you. Silence.

Three weeks later, they finally came back and said they wanted me for round two.

Round two happens.

The interviewer is ten minutes late.

Fine.

It goes well.

Then I’m told I’m moving to round three with the CEO.

The CEO gets on the call, puts the phone on the floor, looks like something terrible just happened, and has to reschedule.

Okay.

We’re now about 30 days into this.

Eventually I meet with the CEO.

It goes well.

I send my thank-you.

Then I get the message:

“We’re excited to move forward.”

The next day they ask my salary expectations.

Now, this is where I start getting suspicious because this is not how I recruit.

The job was advertised as a permanent role at $100K–$150K.

I ask what their range is.

Suddenly:

It’s temporary.

And it’s $80K.

Excuse me?

I’ve been recruiting for 13 years.

My first recruiting job was $100K in 2009.

My most recent role was $180K.

And now, after 45 days of interviews, you’re telling me this is a temporary $80K position?

But whatever.

I was desperate for stability.

So I told them I could start in a few days.

And then she says:

“We haven’t made our decision yet.”

What??????

You just told me you were excited to move forward.

You asked my salary expectations.

I told you I could start.

And now you’re still deciding?

Then another nine days passed.

Silence.

At this point, I’m fucking flabbergasted.

I’m actually really fucking angry because this is dysfunctional.

Because while they’re casually playing with my time, my actual life is happening.

My home is falling apart.

My car needs work.

My credit is being destroyed.

I’m trying to show up for interviews while still running my business.

Trying to buy supplies.

And I’m a capable fucking person.

I used to have a $13K minimum bank balance.

I saved.

I invested.

I planned.

I gave money away.

I was a functional adult doing functional adult things.

And suddenly I’m sitting here feeling like a fucking degenerate because I don’t have enough money.

Now I have no problem when things don’t work out because what people see as rejection is redirection but how dare you play with my time.

And I realized something:

I didn’t actually want a job.

I wanted safety.

I wanted my bills paid.

I wanted quiet.

I wanted to stop feeling helpless.

I wanted money to stop being a daily fucking emergency.

And I thought a job was the way back to that identity.

But maybe that’s exactly the problem.

Here’s the real lesson.

I’ve spent my whole life walking between worlds.

I’ve survived things that should have broken me.

Cancer.

Abuse.

Loss.

Starting over.

Building again.

And every time I thought I was going backward, I was actually being pushed into something I couldn’t see yet.

I even remember rock climbing for ten years.

I’d be halfway up a wall and realize I didn’t have enough strength to make the next move.

So what did I do?

I climbed backward.

Back toward the hold I knew I could reach.

Back toward safety.

And that’s exactly what getting a job felt like.

Going backward because forward felt uncertain.

But here’s the problem:

You cannot build a new identity while constantly auditioning for the old one.

My corporate career ended.

The business is the thing I chose to build.

And somewhere along the way, I started treating it like it wasn’t real.

Like I needed a backup plan.

Like I needed someone else’s company to validate that I was still successful.

Like I needed a paycheck to prove I was safe.

That was the identity I was trying to go back to.

And maybe you’ve been doing the same thing.

But hear me now: you cannot build from survival mode and expect yourself to create from expansion.

Survival is reactive.

Building is creative.

Survival asks:

“How do I get through this?”

Building asks:

“What am I creating?”

Those are completely different operating systems.

And every hour I spent applying, interviewing, waiting for recruiters, checking email, and wondering whether someone was going to choose me was an hour I wasn’t spending building the thing I said I wanted.

That’s split focus.

And split focus produces split results.

I call this leaking energy and doing the Hokey Pokey. One foot in and one foot out...what’s that all about?

And here’s the one that really got me:

The job wasn’t going to fix my money problem.

It was going to pause it.

Because money isn’t just a number.

It’s an identity.

I know this because I already had the money once.

I knew how to save.

I knew how to invest.

I knew how to plan.

I knew how to create a six-figure career.

But when my identity changed, my relationship with money changed too.

So maybe I don’t need to go backward and recreate the old life.

Maybe I need to become the person who can create the new one.

At that time I didn’t know what would happen next.

Maybe the business would take off.

Maybe another opportunity appears.

Maybe I get a job.

Maybe I told them to fuck off.

Actually I did.

Back then I was like I don’t know.

But what I did know is that as my father says: “I can do bad on my own.”

I didn’t need anyone to choose me so I chose myself.

And.

I’m wasn’t pretending to know back then.

But I do know this:

I was done letting other people make me feel like I’m waiting for permission to move forward.

If you’re standing in that same space right now, between the old identity and the one you’re becoming, I want you to know something.

You aren’t necessarily stuck.

You may just be standing at the exact point where going backward feels safer than moving forward.

And I know that feeling.

I’ve lived there.

But eventually you have to stop climbing back down to the hold you already know.

You have to reach for the next one.

Even when you don’t know if you’re going to make it.

Because the old life already ended.

Maybe it’s time we stop trying to resurrect it.

And if you want or need support I would love to work with you.

xo Vyolet

Sadly there is never a way to build a wealthy life while secretly remaining loyal to the identity who survived the old one.

There is a strange moment that happens when your life begins to change.

You don’t necessarily feel excited.

Sometimes you feel irritated.

Restless.

Bored.

Angry.

You look around at your house, your clothes, your work, your relationships, your bank account and suddenly everything that used to feel normal feels intolerable.

I know you know what I’m talking about. Like ew, I want something else now.

You start thinking:

I can’t live like this anymore. I would almost get this rush of wanting to change the space, my clothes, every single thing around me in an instant. To be transported into something dreamy and beautiful and different. This becomes especially true after financial struggle for months and years.

In the craft one of the girls asked why Nancy was upset. To which the other girl replied “I don’t know she doesn’t want to be white trash anymore or something.’’I always found that line to be so funny because I knew exactly what she meant.

But here is the truly uncomfortable part.

You really don’t know yet how to live differently. Or even what to do.

So you stand between two identities. Can you relate?

The old one is familiar.

The new one is calling you. It is a whisper then a roar and you really want more.

And neither feels completely like home.

Walking in between worlds is so confusing and painful even. This stance can be a drain on your energy as confusion mounts.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve realized something about reinvention that nobody really talks about:

You can want a new life while continuing to make decisions from the identity that created the old one.

That’s the trap. We all do this. I see this daily with clients.

The person who survived is not necessarily the person who gets rich.

There is an identity that is incredibly useful when you’re trying to survive.

You know how to be resourceful.

You know very well how to make do because you had to.

You tolerate. You tolerate so much.

You settle. You settle oh so much.

You wait. Way to much waiting because you feel so freeking drained.

You figure things out.

You accepts less because something is better than nothing.

You keeps the old client because at least it’s a client. The ones that are a pain in the booty.

You keeps the old offer because at least somebody buys it.

You wear what you have because you don’t feel safe to spend money yet.

You stay quiet because creating conflict feels dangerous. You don’t need anymore stress. Like seriously your head is just barely above water with this whole who am I and what am I doing adventure.

You say yes because you don’t want to lose the opportunity.

You work harder when the money isn’t coming. This one was a big pattern for me at first.

You panic privately and performs competence publicly. This is the good girl to a T. Just be quiet and take it.

And sometimes that woman is extraordinary. You are extraordinary! Yes you.

This version gets you through things you genuinely didn’t think you would survive.

But eventually you reach a point where survival skills become wealth-blocking behaviors.

Not that these are really wrong.

But.

Because the environment changed. What you want has changed.

And you didn’t realize your identity had to change with it.

I used to think reinvention meant becoming someone else.

New clothes.

New house.

New business.

New name.

New aesthetic.

New income.

New everything.

But I’m starting to see it differently from a whole other perspective.

Reinvention isn’t about pretending you’re already wealthy.

It really isn’t about buying things you can’t afford so you can “feel abundant.”

It definitely isn’t about forcing yourself to act like a CEO while your nervous system is screaming what the actual fuck, no more.

And it certainly isn’t manifesting a completely different life while continuing to make the same decisions.

Reinvention is changing what you consider normal.

Upgrading and expanding your nervous system capacity to a new normal.

Upgrading and expanding your mindset to a new normal.

Upgrading and expanding your subconscious to a new normal.

Upgrading your actions and discipline to a new normal.

These things are much more powerful.

Because once your internal definition of normal changes, your decisions begin changing with it.

You stop thinking:

“How do I convince this person to buy?”

and start thinking:

“Is this actually my client?”

You stop thinking:

“How can I keep everyone happy?”

and start thinking:

“Does this relationship belong in the life I’m building?”

You stop thinking:

“How do I make this old business model work?”

and start thinking:

“Why am I protecting something I’ve already outgrown?”

That’s identity work.

The weirdest part of becoming wealthy.

Nobody talks enough about how uncomfortable it can be to stop identifying with struggle. People will chop off your legs when you say I don’t struggle as they are instantly triggered. Why has she figured it out? You think you are better than me?!

Because struggle can become an identity too. Many people identify with struggle.

You can become incredibly attached to being:

The one who is rebuilding.

The one who is almost there.

The one who is trying.

The one who is surviving.

The one who has potential.

The one who is waiting for the breakthrough.

And there is a strange psychological safety in that identity.

But it also holds you in chains because the frequency of almost and waiting means you never get there. Reality can only show you what you believe to be true for you.

Because if you’re still “becoming,” you don’t have to fully claim the responsibility of being the woman who has already arrived.

You can keep preparing.

Keep researching.

Keep redesigning.

Keep waiting for the right clothes.

The right house.

The right website.

The right audience.

The right circumstances.

The right amount of money.

The right version of yourself.

Meanwhile, your actual life is happening right now.

The lesson I keep coming back to.

You don’t need to feel wealthy before you make wealthy decisions.

You need to start making decisions that are consistent with the woman you’re becoming.

That might mean saying no.

It might mean raising your price.

It might mean firing the client who consumes everything and respects nothing.

It might mean making the video before your house is perfect.

It might mean publishing the article before you feel like an authority.

It might mean stopping the endless preparation.

It might mean taking the job while you build the business.

It might mean leaving the business model that once worked.

It might mean admitting that something you built no longer fits.

And sometimes the wealthiest decision isn’t spending more.

It’s stopping the leaks.

Energy leaks are detrimental to the life you are looking to embody.

Your new identity needs evidence.

This is the part I think we get wrong.

You don’t wake up one morning and magically become the new woman.

You give her evidence.

One decision at a time.

You say no.

Evidence.

You keep your word to yourself.

Evidence.

You publish when you said you would.

Evidence.

You stop chasing people.

Evidence.

You charge what the transformation is worth.

Evidence.

You walk away from something that isn’t aligned.

Evidence.

You put money aside instead of immediately consuming it.

Evidence.

You make the uncomfortable call.

Evidence.

Eventually your brain has enough evidence to say:

Oh. This is who we are now.

That’s when identity starts becoming real.

Maybe your next level doesn’t need a new personality.

Maybe she needs fewer apologies and stronger standards.

Maybe she needs to stop explaining herself and let things die instead of trying to resurrect things that have already ended.

Maybe she needs to stop treating visibility like something she has to earn and stop waiting for permission.

Maybe she needs to stop confusing struggle with virtue and understand that being powerful doesn’t mean never struggling.

It means you stop allowing the struggle to define you.

This can feel really hard when it seems everyone online is winning and skipped the struggle.

Your circumstances can be difficult without becoming your identity.

Your bank account can be temporarily low without making you a poor person.

Your business can be rebuilding without making you a failure.

Your career can be changing without making you behind.

Your life can be unfinished without meaning you’ve lost.

The woman you’re becoming is already making decisions

She isn’t waiting for everything to look different.

She’s making different decisions inside the life she has right now.

That’s where the shift begins.

Not when the money arrives.

Not when the house changes.

Not when everyone finally recognizes you.

Not when you finally look the part.

Now.

Because your next life cannot be built entirely by the woman who survived your last one.

At some point, you have to let her rest and then let her go.

It is time to let the woman who wants more take the wheel.

She’s been waiting long enough.

If you are ready to recode your identity and break the patterns holding you back then this is for you.

xo Vyolet

SHADOW

I used the skills I was born with and the ones I acquired in business. This made me better than many offering the same services. In fact no one offers the services I offer. Anyone can cast a spell but I bring an ability to instantly read people and their innate patterns and I break them. I break patterns blocking the manifestations. Casting spells is the easy part. My ability to set up systems and processes makes it all work.

What I noticed early on is either people were working with fake witches who scammed. Meaning they sent them money and nothing was casted or they casted and they got no results. No support, no tools to break patterns or reprogram the subconscious just magic. And that isn’t how magic works. Case in point, wanting a job but not knowing how to be at peace while waiting usually results in no job. Because wanting and waiting attracts more wanting and waiting. And wanting, the state of wanting is never the state of having.

All my life I brought my desire for excellence with me wherever I go. When clients find me after being scammed they are shocked you can work with someone who does what they say they will do. I set up support for you, free work built into your service depending on the results, energy tools to get my clients into being the person who has what they want and results come fast.

But what I also noticed was people liked being victims. They liked giving their money away and hoping and then crying about how they didn’t get results but didn’t want to do the work.

People were and are confused about why they don’t get results when the work is simple. But regardless of which camp they chose, do the work or not I saw the same patterns over and over.

What it takes to get what you want is a whole other article so stay with me. I saw the same patterns I struggled with years ago in most of my clients.

There were patterns emerging with clients from Hong Kong to Australia to London to Singapore. Same patterns. Different timezones.

When I woke up I saw that my client from Hong Kong had messaged me in the middle of the night.

She had apparently been awake for hours, crying and upset.

Replaying the last conversation with her and her SP. Looking for the moment the energy changed again. What was the exact moment she pulled away again?

Now this client is smart and she understands what is going on but she is stuck. She is capable. She runs her own business and is a go getter.

But in her current relationship she is so stuck she devours my work by the week for relief. After I cast she would get relief for a few days and then she would sabotage it. After they spend time together her SP always pulls away and starts talking about getting back with her husband.

And I can see why the spells hit and work exactly as they are supposed to and then why it falls apart the same exact way every single week.

Over and over and over.

In Australia, there is another woman. Different life but really the same question.

She left a relationship that was physically dangerous. Her ex used to hit her while she was sleeping. She started doing the work. She has even been in therapy. She journals, is aware, and knows what shadow work is.

The person she is seeing now well she doesn’t hit her. She just disappears. Goes cold after closeness. Pulls back every time she lets herself relax into it.

She tells me it is better than before and she is right but it is also still the pattern.

I talk to many of my clients every few days. So she’s hitting me up on Discord and she says: I know I’m meant for more but like I just don’t know what’s blocking me. I’ve done everything.

And I get it she is so freaking frustrated and I’ve been there.

Thing is knowing isn’t embodiment, I think we all get that by now. She knows her triggers but as she’s losing it it’s like a train wreck she can’t stop. Watching horrified it’s happening again. The worst part is knowing and being stuck and not yet able to change the pattern.

I really want to say something that will be very uncomfortable to read.

It isn’t the chaos you are addicted to.

Addiction implies that you want it. It implies some part of you is chasing the feeling, seeking the drama, choosing the destruction.

And I know that that is not what is happening.

What is really happening is that your nervous system learned a language early.

This used to be my only language I was fluent in this as well. Your body learned what love sounds like. It learned what safety feels like. What closeness looks like.Your nervous system learned all of this inside environments that were inconsistent, unpredictable, or conditional.

Your model of reality of what love is isn’t healthy or safe and you know it doesn’t even make you happy it just drains you.

And sadly that thing you want most you can’t hold yet because when something feels calm and chosen and stable, your body does not register it as love.

Your nervous system registers it as unfamiliar.

And your nervous system does not distinguish between unfamiliar and unsafe. It treats them the same.

I want you to understand that your nervous system finding farmilairty in choas and dysfuction is not evidence that you are broken or that you choose wrong or that you are somehow interested in pain.

This is fluency.

You became fluent in a specific emotional language. And now your nervous system keeps selecting people and environments where that language is spoken, not because you want chaos and dysfunction but this is what home has always felt like to you.

What is this fluency you speak of you may be asking.

Here is what fluency looks like in actual motion.

The client in Hong Kong is not choosing unavailable people because she enjoys the chase. She is choosing them because the pursuit feels like proof. There is this intensity of wanting, the uncertainty of not knowing and the relief when she responds. It is that crazy little cycle that activates something in her nervous system that registers as connection. And it isn’t. It’s a trauma bond and a lesson. Calm, consistent, chosen love feels flat and boring. Clients will even tell me, “I don’t like people who like me.” Like there is no spark. And that is a scary thing to be into.

I can tell you all of them come back at some point and tell me I was right. Of course I was; I lived this. I only teach what I have personally experienced and integrated.

The client in Australia left one dangerous relationship only to find another dangerous one. She left the most obvious version of the pattern and found a subtler one. Because her nervous system did not update when she left. She changed her circumstances but she did not change her identity. So she attracted someone who matched the updated version of what she believed she was available for, which was slightly better than before, but still inside the same fundamental dynamic.

And I’m gonna say something strange but I believe in it. After every relationship I take 3-7 months absolutely alone. I do this because we have a responsibility to process heal and upgrade so that we don’t keep doing the same dumb shit over and over.

My last unhealthy relationship was so abusive my hair was falling out. He threatened to crash my Audi into the high way wall for asking a question.

And there I was; I just woke up one morning and knew I had cancer again. And I did. I walked my dog calmly, then I came back to my home in California where he never once paid anything towards it and kicked him out. I made my appointment to get the cancer out of my body again after 24 years in remission. No job. I had my operation spent my birthday crying and staring at the wall and wondered why I ever had such low self-esteem; I thought this was what I was worth. Nope, never ever again.

Most of my clients have done the work but are still stuck because no matter how much information you drink from a fire hose it will not change your identity. And your identity is where you decide what to accept and what you deserve you are worthy of. Even having insight does not update your subconscious. You can understand your pattern completely and still be run by it. I know because I am human and I live my own patterns on the daily. This is the beginning of the conversation, not the end of it.

The pattern is not about the people. It is about you. Unpopular take here: This is also why I find people complaining about others’ behaviors to be so strange. Because an adult understands that you need not consent and that ends it. You can only be responsible for you so stop accepting behavior you no longer want.

I want to be very clear here because this is where most of the conversation goes absolutely wrong.

The unavailable person isn’t really the problem. The one who pulled away after the first real weekend together isn’t really the problem. The one who pursued you and then disappeared isn’t really the problem. The one who was dangerous and the one who is subtly cold are not really the problem.

They are simply information you keep ignoring.

They are showing you the exact frequency your nervous system is currently broadcasting on. And the quantum is listening all day every day.

I know what you want but you can’t get it because you are not a match to it currently.

And right now, I know you know you are way better than this.

I see you.

There is a version of you that exists underneath all your bullshit.

This person is real and waiting for you to choose this version. You don’t have to earn this version of you.

This identity is the you that you have not yet fully inhabited.

You move between higher and lower self, the hokey pokey dance you do. In and out of versions of yourself.

Let me tell you what changes this for you.

You don’t need another course, or another reading, or another spell casting at the symptom instead of the root.

The patterns cockblocking you from what you want end when your identity shifts.

When your nervous system stops registering calm as boring and starts registering it as safe.

When your self-concept updates from someone who keeps attracting this to someone who is no longer available for this.

A lot of issues are solved by saying you are no longer available for that behavior ever again.

When your subconscious stops running the old program because you have replaced it with something that matches who you have actually chosen to be.

While working on your mindset is good it is more than that.

This is identity work. Subconscious reprogramming. Nervous system regulation. All three together, simultaneously, until the new pattern is not something you are trying to maintain but something you are simply living.

Break the pattern today or the loop will repeat again tomorrow.

And so it is done.

If you recognized yourself somewhere in this piece, that recognition is not an accident. It is the beginning. The next step is here.

xo Vyolet

Reclaim Your Power

My client was waiting for a job for a year.

Within 3 days of working with me she was offered a job. The crazy part is she didn’t even apply. She was just existing and someone sought her out for an exciting opportunity.

A lot of the women who come to me as clients have done the work.

They have been in therapy.

They have done the journaling about their feelings.

They have spoken the affirmations day in and day out.

They have made all the vision boards.

They definitely have done the courses.

They did breath work.

Maybe even the healing retreats.

And yet they are still in the same place.

Does this sound like you?

Because it definitely was me at one point.

The tools are often wrong. Because none of those tools changed the identity running the behavior.

You cannot think your way into a new life from the same self that created the current one.

This is what Manifest and Move is built on.

Not motivation. Not mindset tips. Not another framework to add to the pile.

A five-day system that changes the internal state you are operating from, so your decisions, your actions, and your results change with it.

The women who get results from this are not the ones who needed the most convincing. They are the ones who recognized the pattern the moment they read this and said yes before they talked themselves out of it.

Five days. One shift that changes everything after it. This is how you make things move. I look forward to supporting you in getting everything you want and deserve.

xo Vyolet

MANIFEST

Now this is strange because my dad is a very modest man.

Like humble pie. Likes delicious things but he’s not trying to do too much.

Except for his car theory.

At 18 I obtained a job making $100k as a graphic designer for CBS.

He told me something most people never register just before I ran off to live in NYC from NJ.

He impressed upon me that no matter how much money I made, I should never live beyond my means. Invest, save and plan. Be modest with my finances.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You may be confused because I just said my dad has 4 cars, 3 of them luxury.

But stay with me for a second.

He explained that if you can’t control your spending no matter how much you make you will always have money issues.

If you are anything like me, you’ve had times of money anxiety. I believe it is something we all face at one point or another on our human journey. Times where bills are late, and you can barely afford food or necessities.

There is a belief running underneath your money anxiety that has nothing to do with your bank balance.

And it sounds just like this:

I need to check my account, anxiety bubbling up. I need to see proof. I need the outer world to confirm that it is safe to feel okay.

And strangely you don’t really see anything wrong with this because your actions run on programming and auto pilot. So you keep doing this day in and day out.

You aren’t even thinking...your belief is, “This is me, I’m just doing me.”

Meanwhile you are auditing your life meticulously looking for ways to make more money and what you could be doing wrong and not much is coming up.

You are chasing down all the wrong avenues for answers and we have been programmed to think doing more is the answer. It never is. Reacting to circumstances is ruining everything for you.

And quite frankly you are stuck manifesting the same stuff over and over because your inner state is the same. You live in anxiety and lack.

I say this because we both know you deserve so much more and you are capable of receiving so much more.

And the moment you start looking to reality to tell you whether the money will be there, you have already handed your frequency over to whatever the current number says.

Now I need you to really let this land, lock in with me now.

If you truly feel powerful you wouldn’t hand your power over to circumstances.

If you truly felt calm you wouldn’t let circumstances make you feel anxious.

If you believed that you are the operant power in your reality you wouldn’t let anything change your focus. You would stay fixed on living in the end.

The negative lays over the undeveloped picture before you ever see the image.

Most people do not know that belief is there. It runs in the background the way a filter runs over everything you see. Subtle. Constant. Shaping every financial decision before you are even conscious of making one.

I have been broke and I have had money.

Through both, I drove a luxury car. I had the BMW M roadster, the Audi convertible, I had a Benz.

Not because I was reckless. Because that was always an experience I could call in. The way money at the last second has always come. Not because I was lucky. Because I stopped letting the outer world set my inner state.

The work is not checking less.

The work is building enough internal safety that you do not need to check at all.

I beg you to ignore reality and make your inner world your only reality.

Stay locked in. Hold calm. Hold the power of attraction through belief. Be present. Knowing you vibrate with infinite possibilities when you are calm and content.

This reality control system is focused on fucking up your frequency.

No matter my bank account I stay locked into always having a luxury car.

So, I guess in a lot of ways while I don’t agree with my dad that I need four cars, I will

happily always have one. That is part of my identity and that hasn’t changed for me.

And reality catches up to the identity.

The identity you are choosing not the one reality beats you into.

That is what the subliminal I built does. It goes underneath the thought to the belief that is generating the anxiety in the first place.

Reality reflects identity.

And so it is done.

LISTEN NOW

And if I may...with such ease.

I was so full of myself in the best possible way.

I wanted it and I got it.

No manifestation techniques, no praying no struggle.

Rich, spoiled bitch was my identity and so it was.

I had a 6 figure job at 18.

A strikingly beautiful graphite BMW M roadster convertible.

I worked nights in NYC at CBS in Manhattan. When I zigzagged out of the Lincoln Tunnel every morning at 7 a.m. under the sun, topless, I felt invincible.

Let me just say that my parents didn’t inherit money, they slaved away for it.

Both my parents worked multiple jobs and so we could summer in Martha’s Vineyard every year.

I learned that hard work was the way. They encoded me for success under all and any conditions.

I’m a product of the by any means necessary generation.

So all was well in NYC...

And even when cancer attempted to strike me down a few months later I just couldn’t be knocked down.

I remember the doctor saying I had cancer and my mom started crying.

There was so much fight inside me; I was like, “Hey Mom, I got this.”

8 months later I was cancer free.

I did in fact have it. I handles it with enthusiasm, like a puzzle I had solved many times over.

Never for a minute did I think cancer could put me 6 feet under.

Dying wasn’t even an option. It’s easy to be cocky when you’re young.

I was raised with this inevitability that I always get what I want and that I was capable of receiving it.

My 20’s were an emotionally crazy time but a wonderful time.

I traveled the world.

We built a house from scratch, with a rental property.

I ran and rock climbed most days from Brooklyn to Nj.

I meditated most days for 20 years.

I started a company, generating $20k months with ease.

All the first class trips to Europe every year any girl could ever want. A trip before Christmas to unwind, one at spring break. Bank balance stacked. Investment accounts stacked.

But.

I wasn’t at peace within but I had all the things people cry and wish for.

Deep down everyone wants to change their life to some degree.

It really is the grass is greener mentality. As humans we always find something to complain about.

The thing is while I was winning in the physical world, my spiritual dragging was just about to begin.

Or perhaps it had begun very young I was quite unaware of the lessons and hurdles I would face because I had such a zest for life.

Maybe even zestier than the cool ranch doritos.

But let’s stay on topic here, this is important.

Very few people realize that change almost never begins with action.

It begins with regulation.

And I’ve noticed something about the moments I’ve made my worst decisions and I see this in my clients too.

None of them happened when I was calm. I had high levels of anxiety back then and I felt out of control.

Things always went wrong when I was overwhelmed.

When I felt behind.

When I felt like I needed the world to validate me.

When I believed I had to fix everything immediately.

I wanted to be perfect back then.

When my mind convinced me that urgency was wisdom.

Looking back, it wasn’t.

It was survival.

Most of the world is dysfunctional because their inner world is dysfunctional.

The nervous system has one job: keep you alive.

When it senses a threat, whether that’s a dangerous situation, financial uncertainty, rejection, or relentless stress...it shifts your attention toward getting through the moment. That response can be incredibly helpful in genuine emergencies.

The challenge is that many of the situations we face today aren’t life-threatening, yet our bodies can react as if they are.

When that happens, the future disappears.

Your world becomes smaller.

Your thinking becomes narrower.

Your creativity fades.

Your ability to recognize opportunity shrinks.

It’s difficult to make thoughtful decisions when your body is focused on immediate protection.

I have to say, when the world throws me chaos I won’t rush, and I won’t lose my mind, I will not react.

Like fuck off. I purposely slow down. I am not a peasant and neither are you.

Rushing is poverty.

That’s why I no longer ask myself,

“What’s the next move?”

I ask,

“What would this look like if I were calm?”

That question changes everything.

Because calm isn’t passive.

Calm is clarity.

I am in control of my reality and you control yours.

Stop to drink some champagne, eat a beautiful meal, go stare at the ocean.

Calm is the super power that solves everything.

It allows you to distinguish between what actually needs your attention and what your fear wants you to believe.

Without clarity, you choose chaos and dysfunction.

I’ve learned that some of the most important decisions I’ve made didn’t come from pushing harder.

They came after I stopped.

After I detached from everyone and everything.

After I stepped outside.

After I took a slow walk without trying to solve anything.

After I let my breathing slow down.

After I allowed my body to remember that not every uncomfortable feeling is an emergency.

You need to remember that you are in this world but not of it.

The irony is that the answers I was desperately chasing often arrived only after I stopped chasing them.

Multiple times this week I’ve painted in my studio and taken a nap and woken up to money that came as I rested and I was calm.

The universe doesn’t suddenly rewarded you but your mind can finally have enough space to notice what had been there all along.

We live in a culture that glorifies urgency.

Respond faster.

Produce more.

Optimize everything.

Do ten things at once.

No the fuck I won’t.

But urgency and wisdom are not the same thing.

Some of the most expensive mistakes we make begin with one sentence:

“I need to figure this out right now.”

Sometimes you don’t need another strategy.

You need enough calm to hear your own thinking again.

There is a version of you that makes decisions from panic.

And there is a version of you that makes decisions from presence.

The decision may look the same on the outside.

But the life it creates is completely different.

Maybe that’s why breaking patterns isn’t about becoming someone new.

It’s about creating enough safety within yourself that you no longer confuse survival with truth. Because clarity doesn’t arrive when you force it.

It arrives when your body remembers that, in this moment, you are safe enough to see clearly.

So remember today that no matter what happens in your world you are a rich bitch who is calm and abundant.

And so it is.

xo Vyolet

Payday came every two weeks.

$180k salary and unlimited PTO.

Easy as butter melting in the pan.

Money was inevitable.

I contributed to my 401(k). I invested. I paid my bills without thinking twice. I saved. Every dollar had a place to go, I was responsible.

I didn’t wake up wondering whether I’d make enough that month. I wasn’t obsessing over having enough clients or refreshing my bank account waiting for payouts.

Financial stability wasn’t exciting, it was simply my normal. It was my normal. Most of the world makes money like this.

The agreement is trading time for money.

The thing I was most confused about was that at the time I had low self esteem and was in a very abusive relationship but money was easy.

When I raised my self esteem and got into a healthy soul mate relationship and stopped with the dysfunction I was making way less money now in my own business.

But then I realized, these are 2 different identities.

When I look back, I realize my body had also practiced that abundant life, for 13 years.

My body knew what consistency felt like.

Then I started my business.

Enter chaos and insanity. Like crazy cray.

Everyone talks about leaving corporate as if you step into freedom. What they don’t tell you is that your nervous system doesn’t care about your vision board. It cares about what it’s repeatedly experienced.

Year one was humbling. The level of dragging was wilddd.

Tons of money and no money at all. From overflow to overdrawn. Trying to develop offers, constantly making Tik Toks and writing content. Marketing took tons of time and so did doing magic. Both were equally draining.

Instead of guaranteed income, there were launches that flopped. Clients who didn’t want to do the work. Months that looked promising until they didn’t. Revenue that could swing dramatically from one month to the next.

I kept wondering why making money suddenly felt so hard.

It wasn’t because I’d forgotten how to earn.

It was because I was asking my body to operate inside a reality it had never rehearsed.

I had never been here before. The crazy part was I made good money doing less, like when I was relaxed. Get up early down an insane amount of matcha and start casting magic, coaching clients, and spelling products. At 5pm I would go lay on my deck under the California sun with my gorgeous blue eyed baby girl.

Money would pour in with minimal effort.

So in the beginning it felt easy. DMs were full and clients buying daily.

This is freedom. I have finally exited the rat race.

In corporate, my identity was reinforced every single week.

Show up.
Do the work.
Get paid.

Eventually, those days became automatic. There was no emotional charge around money because my body expected it to arrive and it did.

Entrepreneurship shattered that expectation.

Now the sequence looked different.

Create.
Sell.
Wait.
Launch.
Adjust.
Hear “no.”
Keep going anyway.

Be overdrawn.

Fall behind.

Not planning my future because there was no money to plan anything.

Get stressed out because it seems like WTF am I even doing. Maybe this was such a bad idea. Doubt my entire existence. Dream about buying gothic black dresses moving to the UK and walking a topiary garden and finding a job that would give me stability. Day dreaming even more about no longer writing or sharing my gifts but hiding away with my family. I could be ordinary and stop being witchy.

In my business there wasn’t a paycheck validating my effort every other Friday. There was uncertainty, there was doubt and confusion.

I realized I wasn’t just building a business. I was teaching my nervous system what this new life felt like.

That’s the part we rarely talk about and I think it’s important to call this part out.

Most people think changing your life starts with changing your thoughts.

I think it starts with repetition.

Your body learns through lived experience.

It learns what is safe by what you repeatedly survive.

It learns what is normal by what you repeatedly practice from day to day.

It learns what to expect by what consistently happens next to you.

That’s why a new identity can feel strangely uncomfortable even when it’s exactly what you want.

Not because it’s wrong.

Because it’s unfamiliar.

I’ve stopped asking myself, “Why isn’t this easy yet?”

Instead, I ask:

How many times has my body actually practiced this version of my life?

How many times has it practiced selling without panic?

Receiving a large payment without immediately expecting something to go wrong?

Trusting that another opportunity will come in time to pay bills.

Leading instead of proving?

That one is big because the number of times I’ve held my clients in a state of dysfunction while my account was overdrawn. While I was wondering if this business was even right, doubting my abilities and yet I just consistently trained myself to show up.

Those repetitions matter more than another affirmation ever could.

Identity isn’t built in a single breakthrough.

It’s built every time you respond differently than you did before.

Every invoice you confidently send.

Every boundary you keep.

Every offer you publish.

Every month you refuse to abandon the vision because the results haven’t caught up yet.

Read that part again, the results haven’t caught up even though you are doing everything right.

There is nothing wrong with you.

The life you’re trying to create isn’t waiting for a better mindset.

It’s waiting for enough repetitions that your body finally says,

“I’ve been here before.”

That’s when what once felt impossible starts feeling ordinary.

And ordinary is where real transformation begins.

If you’re looking for business or life support and want to work with me message me.

I would love to see you win, so let’s begin.

xo Vyolet

Being seen, heard, and felt is what we all crave. But at some point you label yourself the wild one, the weirdo, and then you carry on not concerned with how the world sees you. You accept it as fact and it becomes your identity. We all do this with certain things.

My father taught me as a child to ask questions, listen to comprehend, and think for myself. He said learning to think for myself would be my greatest asset, and to trust the wisdom of my body.

Enter my fascination with metacognition. Metacognition is the psychological process of thinking about your own thinking. It involves being aware of how you process information, recognizing your cognitive strengths and weaknesses, and actively managing your mental habits to learn and solve problems more effectively.

From a young age I thought about how I think, and how others think.

Even as a kid I was strange. I didn't go right to sleep at night. I would stay up and think, and I loved the way the world went silent.

Less chaos. The energy was calm. The hum of the world turned way down.

I could finally hear myself think clearly. Almost five decades later, the witching hour is still magical to me. Creatives like me thrive at night. Maybe you do too.

When I was younger I easily manifested a $100k job out of art school at 18. I had the glitzy NYC life: the BMW, first-class travel, parties on yachts. Christmas in Cancun. Oktoberfest in Munich every year, then off to Italy. European summers in your 20s hit different.

We were always traveling, always eating out. We built a house from scratch. Anything was possible.

I had all the things, but deep down I was bored out of my mind. This is the part where I wish I were dumber.

Wanting more peace, wanting to live my purpose, completely changed my trajectory.

Maybe if I didn’t think so much, feels so much, ask so many questions I would have been happy just living the same existence day after day, year after year staying in the same place.

When I found out I had cancer at 18, I only took a few weekends off for chemo treatments every other Friday. My dad and I would get hot dogs after my treatments. For a long time I was really put off by hotdogs.

But anyway.

In 8 months I had beaten cancer. In 2023, I beat it again. But when I lost my corporate career that same year, I lost something cancer never touched. I lost my identity. My minimum bank balance on a bad day was $13k. I was good with money. I saved, invested, made plans, stayed responsible. I did the adult things that make you feel slightly safe.

At the same time I started my business, my hormones changed. I felt like a ghost in my own body, back in survival mode for the first time in decades. Money was all over the place.

How can you plan anything, invest in anything when nothing is steady? Inside I wasn’t steady.

I went overdrawn every Monday. Not being able to keep up with my responsibilities made me feel like shit, and the stress kept building.

Some say your body betrays you as it changes. My outlook was still: I could call this weakness and cry about it, or I could listen to the messages, sort out the issues, and solve the problem. Nothing is wrong with crying. I just didn't have time for that.

So I got on hormone replacement and kept handling things. But things kept handling me.

Then it started.

Every time I ate, I broke out in a face rash. What the actual fuck? Then my whole body itched. Maybe I have cancer. Maybe I'm dying. I don't have time for this.

I would lay awake at night so itchy I couldn’t sleep. I would ask is this my life now?

This went on every single night for six months. I had a permanent mark on my face from scratching now. Not only was I stressed building a business, I felt so insecure I didn't want to show my face. God hates me. Like, really hates me. And I didn’t hate myself but I felt deeply discouraged.

But I kept going even though I was really sick of all this shit.

Then I surrendered to the path I had asked for. Yes, I remember asking for more. I did hit the floor. And yes, I got up for more.

That year was brutal. Because deep down I knew I needed to become the person who already had what I wanted. But how do you plan, invest, or build anything when the money is all over the place? So I stopped paying attention to reality. No matter how I felt or what happened, I showed up daily, felt gratitude, and kept building like everything was fine.

I took the action. As my bootcamp instructor used to say I got comfortable being uncomfortable.

I walked between two worlds. Okay and not okay. Calm and angry. Confused and then clear. Practicing lack and then abundance. I walked between who I was and who I was trying so desperately to be.

In time my business evolved. I found a system that made the magic stronger, faster, and more precise. But people wanted a spell and refused to change the identity creating the problem. I'd offer free work. They wouldn't do the work. It felt like being married to someone who drills a hole in the boat while you're rowing.

I started burning out.

Then.

I started saying no. Started honoring my standards. Started breaking my own patterns. Because leaders go first. I can only hold space for others at the depth I hold it within myself.

Then my clients disappeared and it got quiet.

Then I couldn't pay rent.

I don't have time for this.

So I took a loan. And had to face every shadow I had been too busy surviving to look at.

The universe gave me a whisper, then a roar. There is more.

This is the work. Make time for this. This is the way, that is all I gotta say.

It dawned on me, as my father always said: think about things carefully. Every issue you have in reality is literally you. Life is your mirror. Everything you refuse to look at, address, own, and integrate will keep manifesting and blocking you.

"People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls."

- Carl Jung

In time I understood. I stopped leaking energy. I held my frequency regardless of circumstances. Then things began to flow.

Here is what I know now.

Survival mode is not the same as building. You can beat cancer, outlast abuse, rebuild after loss, and still be running a pattern that keeps you small. The pattern does not care how strong you are. It runs until you change the identity underneath it.

I am mentally strong. And I know you are too. But I also know you are stuck too just like I was.

I did not need more clients. I needed to stop accepting ones who confirmed my old belief that I had to earn my place by giving more than I received.

I see clients every day that keep waiting to be chosen and keep trying to earn the love their parents never gave them.

Everything changed when I worked on my own patterns.

When I changed, everything changed.

The right clients found me. The work got cleaner. The results got louder.

My standards are my foundation. My standards are the way I channel my energy into the right things.

You already know what needs to change. The only question is whether you are going to keep negotiating with the version of yourself that got you here, or build the one that gets you there.

That decision does not require more time. It requires a higher standard.

xo Vyolet

But.

They were just the only one speaking.

You stayed quiet because you were taught that keeping the peace was the same as being safe.

I know. I did too. For a time.

But.

It is not.

Keeping the peace kept them comfortable.

It kept you contained.

This is how it works.

The abuse does not need force if it has your silence.

Your silence does the work for it.

Every time you swallowed what happened, you taught the pattern it could stay.

Not because you were weak.

Because you were trained to believe that your voice was the problem.

I know you know, I would speak and he would rage at me. Nervous system collapse.

My voice was never the problem and neither was yours.

It was the solution you were not allowed to use.

There is a version of you that knows exactly what happened.

It lives within you.

You have known for a long time.

You have been waiting for permission to say it out loud.

You do not need permission.

You need to understand what the silence has been costing you.

Bondage does not always look like chains.

Sometimes it looks like a relationship where you edit yourself before you speak.

Sometimes it looks like a job where you perform gratitude for being underpaid.

Sometimes it looks like a family dynamic where the rule is: we do not talk about what happens here.

The mechanism is the same.

Your compliance is the infrastructure the pattern runs on.

When you remove the compliance the pattern has nothing to stand on.

Your spirit already knows this.

That is why it has been restless.

Restless is right before the big boom.

Where you release and make room.

That is why the silence has been getting heavier.

That is why you are reading this.

Speaking is not about them.

It is not about making them understand.

It is not about getting an apology.

It is not about being believed.

Speaking is about you refusing to be the container for something that was never yours to carry.

The moment you stop being quiet about what happened to you, you stop being available for it to happen again.

Not because speaking scares them away.

Because speaking changes you.

It changes what you will accept.

It changes what you broadcast.

It changes what arrives.

Your silence was never protection.

It was the wrong direction.

It was a cage with no lock.

Time is the ticking clock.

You were always free to walk out.

And so it is done.

$180k a year.

A partner.

A title.

A life that looked like proof.

And I was performing every second of it.

Performing competence at work.

Performing desire in my relationship.

Performing stability for everyone watching.

I was a whore for validation.

Not in the way people use that word to shame women.

In the way that matters.

I was selling myself, my time, my body, my energy, to whoever would give me the feeling that I was enough.

The job bought it with a salary.

The relationship bought it with attention.

And I kept showing up.

Kept performing.

Kept collecting the payment and calling it a life.

My relationship with myself was toxic and dysfunctional.

So my relationship with my partner was toxic and dysfunctional.

So my relationship with my job was toxic and dysfunctional.

This is how it works.

The pattern does not stay in one area.

It runs everything.

When I stopped performing, everything collapsed.

The corporate career ended.

The relationship ended.

The version of me who needed external proof to feel real, she ended too.

And in the space after the collapse, something shifted.

I stopped being a whore for validation.

And I became a whore for something else entirely.

My own standards.

My own presence.

My own reality.

I went from $180k in corporate to $1k an hour soaking in my blacked out gothic tub.

If you saw this tub you would be obsessed and it has moroccan tile I had installed when I bought my home in California. It is a dream bathroom.

Ok as I was saying…

Thousands in a day. I remember thinking that this money was easy money.
No longer slaving away for someone else’s company earning thousands in a week.

It was happening in a day. One day.

I was now receiving and existing in the gifts bestowed upon me at birth.

Not because I worked harder.

Not because I found a better strategy.

Not because I finally believed in myself enough.

Because the pattern running under my mental slavery changed.

I killed the old version of me. She died. Like I literally killed her.

I no longer operated from that version.

The pattern was this:

I am only safe if someone outside of me is choosing me.

That pattern made me perform at work.

Made me stay too long in relationships that were costing me.

Made me confuse being wanted with being worthy.

Made me sell myself to whoever was buying.

When the pattern changed, the broadcast changed.

When the broadcast changed, what arrived changed.

Same woman.

Different identity.

Completely different reality.

Be a whore for what matters.

Your standards.

Your presence.

Your relationship with yourself.

Because that relationship is the only one that determines every other result in your life.

Reality reflects identity.

And so it is done.

xo Vyolet

I was like wait, what are you saying?

Not because I thought he was wrong. My dad is a wealth of knowledge and I mean not just the repeating of information or facts, he taught me the most important thing ever. To always think for myself and not to just believe things. He taught me how to think things out. To trust the wisdom of my body and how things feel when I speak them or when someone conveys information or their feelings to me or their perspective.

But back to the idea that I would have only one or two real friends in this life, and why that made me sad thing.

Because I wanted to love everyone. Serve everyone. Connect with everyone.

And.

That desire never left me.

I realized that it just followed me into my business.

I still catch myself entertaining clients who don’t actually want to change.

They want to feel understood. They want to be seen. They want someone to sit with them in the pattern.

They don’t want to leave it. They want the shortcut. The cheap thing.

And I have spent more time than I want to admit trying to be of service to someone who had already decided to stay stuck.

My father was right about something I didn’t understand then.

Not everyone is your person.

And trying to serve everyone is how you dilute the work for the people who are actually ready.

Right now I have clients investing $1,000 a week to work with me and I am so proud of what I’ve built in the past 3 years. From lost job, to cancer, to leaving an abusive relationship and not sure how to make money to abundant.

Not because I convinced them.

Because they recognized something.

They had already tried the courses, the affirmations, the spells, the journaling, the tarot, the podcasts.

They knew more than most people.

And none of it had become transformation.

When they found me, they didn’t need more information.

They needed someone who could see the identity running beneath all that effort and actually change it.

That is a different kind of client. With an open heart and open mind they jump into a new view with me. They are done being stuck.

That is the client who grows enormously. Because the work is powerful when the person is ready to let it work. To let the work in and to win.

The lesson my father was actually teaching me:

Proximity to the wrong people is not service. It is sacrifice.

Your energy, your work, your gifts belong to the person who is ready to receive them.

Not everyone is that person.

And the sooner you stop trying to convince the ones who aren’t, the faster the ones who are will find you.

Not everyone is your client.

And that is not a failure of your love.

It is a standard that protects the work.

The crazy thing I’ve realized is that a pattern in a relationship can also be a pattern in business because we are the common factor in the equation. Life is funny, you can leave one pattern behind in one area and it can still exist growing like a weed as your garden grows in another space, same face, time to erase.

P.S. If you keep doing everything right and nothing is shifting, the problem is not your effort. It is the identity running beneath it. My PDF breaks down exactly why. Why Nothing Is Working For You. HERE

I’m sure you’ve told these lies to yourself too, I think we all do to some degree.

It’s like you slowly settle until it breaks you into a million pieces.

And for a long time I thought that was about them.

I remember the night he came home incredibly drunk because he always had to get super drunk every single time, black out drunk. I did wonder some times in the beginning with compassion, what happened to him? What was so bad he needed to forget? What was he running from? I felt smug and above him because I told myself I had been raped in college and that made me want to crawl out of my own skin with shame over that violation. But. I never ever drank to the point where I abused anyone or hurt anyone. I let my pain make me better and why couldn’t he? Eventually as he drained my looks, my spirit and my soul with the late night fighting I began to feel disgust for him. Why was he so weak? There are those of us who alchemize our traumas and learn and grown and get better and there are those of us who destroy others. I could and would never destroy anyone because I never wanted anyone to feel what I have felt or been through. That was not ok.

Eventually though I realized and many don’t this was not about him this was about me taking ownership of what I was consenting to. Of what I was allowing. And I started to wonder why am I a match to this behavior? Why do I think this is ok?

He wasn’t going to change but I could.

At the end when I finally left I retreated to my parents beach house with Miles my maltese. There I unraveled minute by minute, hour by hour. I hated myself. I kept thinking what the hell is wrong with me? The shame I felt drowned me. From the moment I woke up I was a mess. I failed in this marriage and I had tried but I was only half the equation. I couldn’t force him to respect me and to act right. I thought to myself I will never ever get married again. I was rowing a boat while he cut holes in it and now I was drowning. What kind of a loser does that? I was so angry. And then as I was forced to wait in separation I stopped being able to sleep. In the almost 50 years of my life on this planet I have always been a great sleeper but now I had insomnia. There was no fucking escape. When I took valerian to sleep it gave me nightmares. FFS. There really was no escape. The universe wouldn’t even allow me sleep. I was like ok universe let’s go, what do I need to process, learn, let go of because I will not be living in this state of mind much longer.

And then I did the work, the work that many avoid. But I would rather do the work and find my calmness and sanity then behave like a coward and run for years.

My brother once had a bully and he finally got up the courage one day in our street to punch him square in the face. My dad was at the end of the driveway and my brother turned to run and my dad said., “ Evan don’t run.” You deal with it and he did.

This has always been my approach, deal with it and never run from things and it will save you a lifetime of staying stuck and leaking energy and time to issues you could have sorted out rather quickly.

I realized it was about the self-concept I was running underneath every single one of those choices. On the outside I looked confident and if you asked me if I loved myself I would have told you yes. But I really was quite clueless about what self love was or even looked like or how to nurture my spirit, body and mind.

The woman who believes she has to earn her place in a relationship will keep finding men who make her earn it.

“Beliefs are not true. They are constructs around which we organize our behaviors. So, we each behave as though our beliefs were true. And for this reason all our beliefs come true, for beliefs, whether empowering or limiting are self- fulfilling prophecies.

• Sue Knight

So why was I people pleasing so much and why did I believe I needed to earn my place in my relationship? Because I believed it.

I was not unlucky. Quite the contrary, I was and am very lucky in life but I was struggling in my relationships. I recognized that dynamic as familiar. Familiar registers as safe to a nervous system that learned love comes with conditions.

Do you believe love comes with conditions?

You do not choose unavailable people because you do not know better.

You choose them because they match the identity you are carrying.

The identity that says: I have to wait to be chosen. I have to prove I am worth staying for. I have to manage someone else's instability to feel needed. I have to shrink so they do not leave.

I know that identity intimately. I lived inside it for years.

What changed it was not a better man. It was not affirmations or spell work or deciding I deserved more.

It was the slow, deliberate, unglamorous work of changing what I believed I was at the subconscious level. Changing what my nervous system registered as safe. Building a self-concept that did not require someone else's consistency to feel stable. I see this a lot with clients. The constant reaction of the other person triggers them into a state of freak out and anxiety. After my last relationship I told myself I would never ever be attracted to disrespect, dysfunction, not feeling safe, settling for hot and cold or someone not sure about me. These are signs you have a very low self concept and are starving for love and validation. No healthy person in their power is attracted to those things.

When that changed, my choices changed.

Not because I tried harder.

Because I was different. I even said when they would come back and they always come back, that girl is dead and gone. She doesn’t exist. I killed that version and I know you can kill her too. Don’t be too sad she was never the real you anyway. You always deserved so much more and you always will.

If you are reading this and you recognize the pattern, you are not broken. You are running an old program. And programs can be rewritten.

That is the work we do here.

Patterns repeat until behavior changes. Behavior changes when identity changes.

xo Vyolet

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I was laid off in 2023. If you’ve been laid off then you know how devastating this can be and is. I would say I’m a mentally strong person. I’ve been coaching clients for ten years. I see one door closing and others opening. As jarring as it can be I also feel more excitement then fear. I’ve disconnected myself from conventional thinking in many ways, but your entire identity begins to crumble when stability ends and everything changes, in a instant.

So as I said I was laid off.

Not fired. Laid off. There is a difference, but my nervous system did not care about the distinction. What it registered was: the thing keeping you safe is gone. AND. I need to be honest with you because I totally don’t want to start a relationship with you under false pretenses, so I promise to tell the whole truth because I actually did this to myself. I was making really good money. My corporate job was paying me $180k and I was working remotely. I was managing recruitment for a 6 billion dollar organization. My minimum checking account balance was $13K at the time and I was ok with that. I felt safe and had more than enough. My life was humming along, but then I wanted more. This is where it started. I was bored out of my mind. 13 years in the same space showing the same face.

So I did something you shouldn’t do unless you’re sure you want it. I whispered into the wind that I wanted more. I wanted to do what I came to do on this crazy little rock floating in space. Then I forgot about the asking.

I noticed something was off with people at work and I knew something was about to go boom. That feeling deep in my gut that inner knowing. And there it was. We no longer need you. So bye. Within 3 hours I had my last paycheck and they had picked up my company laptop.

Every emotion blasted through my being. I felt the energy cords disconnected from me. I felt lighter. No more dysfunction. Freedom.

But not yet.

But then despite what I asked for I did what I had always done when something external disappeared.

I went looking for a replacement.

At the same time I ended a toxic and abusive relationship. I was awaiting my operation to remove cancer from my body. This was all in the same week. You see, mentally strong right? I will absolutely talk more about this in another post.

But.

I refreshed job boards every morning. I checked my email like something urgent was always about to arrive. I rewrote my resume. I networked. I applied. I waited to be chosen. Probably like 50 rejections later I launched my business because hey that is what I said I wanted.

And while I was doing all of those applications and trying to figure out how I was going to make money, I told myself I would relax once I got another offer. Once the paycheck came back. Once someone picked me.

What I did not see yet was that I had been doing this my entire life.

Waiting to be chosen.

By a company. By a man. By a doctor who would tell me I was finally clear. By a body that would finally stop betraying me.

I had beaten cancer at 18. Eight months. Gone. I told myself that was the hard part, that everything after that was borrowed time I should be grateful for. So I built a life that looked like gratitude. Corporate career. Stability. A title. A salary. Things I could point to and say: see, I made it.

What I did not build was a self that felt safe without any of it. And I’m gonna be so clear when I say this, most coaches teach absolute nonsense fluff. Fluffier than your kitty cat’s booty. At the core of everything, we want safety and stability, so we can thrive. What I am saying is if you coach someone there needs to be a system or structure that gives a client the best chance at transformation. This is why there are whole groups on Reddit dedicated to the worst coaches out there. Anyway, sidebar… I get really fired up about coaches that really don’t teach past that fluffier than fluff.

So when the job disappeared, I collapsed back into the loop.

Fear. Waiting. Seeking certainty outside myself.

It took me longer than I want to admit to ask a different question.

Not: how do I get my old life back?

But: who do I need to become to build a completely different one?

That question changed everything.

Not because it felt good to ask. It did not. It felt terrifying. Because it meant the answer was mine to create, and I had spent years outsourcing that responsibility to external structures that felt safer than my own judgment.

But I asked it anyway.

And I stopped waiting.

This newsletter exists because of what happened after that question. The work I did. The tools I used. The identity I had to dismantle and rebuild from the inside.

No one helped me and I went up and down and all around. Then I started using the same methodology with my clients and they saw amazing results.

If you are here, you have probably asked a version of that question too.

This is where we work on the answer.

Reality reflects identity. When the identity changes, the reality follows.

So excited you’re here.

xo Vyolet