I would raise my hands up like little fierce claws - once scratching my older sister’s face so it left a scar.

I threw a ceramic piggy bank on the floor in my other sister’s bedroom where it smashed. I remember feeling surprised.

I had thought it would stay intact on the carpet but no; such was my force, it scattered all over the floor and I knew I was going to be in trouble.

But the rage was short lived. It only came when I felt deeply outraged as something I thought was unjust. Mostly I was just happy in my own world…

As a girl I was often told I was, ‘away with the fairies’ (if only they knew how much I truly was!) and I learnt how to fold in that rage to function and perform as a ‘normal’ human.

In my early twenties, I worked as a mental health tribunal clerk for a summer job.

One day, I was given a full dressing down by a much older and more senior man, for literally nothing.

I had what was called an ‘aide memoir’ for the clerk - a bit of paper where I wrote down the names of everyone in the tribunal. The panel, the patient, the professionals. It was my job to ensure everyone had everything, the room was free, the patient had the people they needed to support them, everyone had water or whatever.

That aide memoir was literally created for me - to help me remember everyone’s names.

But the president of the tribunal (who was usually some sort of fine upstanding person deemed by society to have ticked enough boxes to be worthy of the role) decided he needed to see it.

And then he decided my handwriting wasn’t clear enough. So based on this - my handwriting on a piece of paper which was meant for my eyes only anyway - he told me off like a silly schoolgirl in front of the rest of the panel.

My face burned with rage but my conditioning kept me small and I nodded, rendered practically mute. Incandescent with humiliation and embarrassment, but mostly injustice.

Little moments like this, throughout my life - and yours too - are the reason my current reality, is my current reality. Same for you.

The job you have, the relationships you have, the business you have, the money you have.

Nothing is an accident; we have chosen again and again, the path which will keep us safest.

You can be born with everything society values most highly (money, education, a white face, contacts) and you can still be miserable, have no idea how to steward money or attract positive relationships, JOY or work which lights you up).

We taught women and girls that they need to adhere to guidelines.

They must follow the blueprint.

If they want to earn lots of money you need to be a lawyer, a consultant, a CEO.

If you want to honour your gifts, values and dreams though, then you’ll have to make do with less money, less status, less power.

And then women at the very top of their game are penalised for needing time away from the office for fertility treatment or period pain or endometriosis or pregnancy sickness or having babies or going through menopause.

They’re penalised by society constantly because the entire world is set up for men to succeed above women and let me be very clear: this set up hurts boys and men just as much as it hurts women and girls and the LGBTQI+ community.

NO ONE WINS apart from the tiniest percentage of the wealthiest people who are only as wealthy as they are anyway because of the society we built.

We are sitting around watching a tiny proportion of the world’s population wield insane power because the structure of our society consistently rewards the patriarchal blueprint as the only possible way to succeed.

And the entire planet is LITERALLY suffering. We can’t cope with the heat in the UK this summer because we were never supposed to experience this level of drought and warmth here.

The patriarchy’s obsession with growth fucked it all up so badly, the entire planet and everyone on earth is now having to deal with it.

Yesterday a bit of Elon Musk’s stupid rocket slammed into the moon at 5,400mph, unintentionally.

Just, careless space debris left over from some mad fucking ego trip.

THE MOON.

LEAVE MY MOON ALONE YOU BIG FUCKING DICKHEAD.

I’m not a gender equality expert or a feminist researcher and I can’t quote studies at you.

But I’ve supported thousands of - mostly women - all over the world going through the most vulnerable times of their lives while they try to have a baby and do what they’ve been told to do while they silently lose their soul to the whole thing.

Then if they DO have a baby they are given an insane amount of mental load to carry all while being criticised from morning til night because they let themselves go or they’re bottle feeding or they’re back to work or they’re not back to work. Meanwhile women who don’t have children are also attacked. For not having children. Whether they chose that path or not.

I have a son and two daughters and I cannot bear the rhetoric being fed or the structures in place.

• The President of the United States has to pay £3.7m in damages for sexually abusing and defaming a woman called E. Jean Carroll and we’re all just supposed to carry on and behave like THIS IS NORMAL.

• My MP defected to Reform and we’re all supposed to agree that this is fine.

• Money made from my children’s addiction to youtube as they fry their beautiful little brains goes straight to silicon valley tech bros (*youtube is now banned in my house by the way and my kids aren’t having smartphones until they are 16*).

• ChatGPT was the biggest donator to MAGA and we’re all using it to try to make our lives better because we’re so fucked by the society we’ve built in the first place. It’s like they all thought: how can we make life as difficult as possible for women and girls and then make obscene money from them trying to manage it and funnel it directly into our authoritarianism.

We are puppets.

And this is enraging me. I fear a kitchen door is not long for this world.

I am not an activist.

I am not a campaigner.

I salute those doing this work and support them.

I am choosing to wield my own power in the best way I can and that is to coach women to return home to their innate power; to educate them on the drains of their power which is too hard to see when we’re in it, to reconnect them to everything that lights them UP and to move all the fear out of the way, so they can rise.

My clients standards raise exponentially so they make massive decisions - like leaving relationships if they are not adored.

Women leaving corporate roles to create their own platforms and their own income.

Women saying yes to business opportunities and then charging what they are actually worth.

Women becoming seen, heard and paid and sharing their voice in ways which make the impact they might secretly dream of.

Women who are owning their mysticism and magic - like they always felt called to do but were told it was silly.

In my world: anything is possible.

I began to feel constricted in the fertility support space because I see now that my mission is wilder, bigger - it thrums through my blood, my soul.

I want women to value themselves so highly that they never abandon themselves. Maybe through fertility or motherhood or menopause I have no idea. That’s your experience.

That they come HOME to who they actually are and then let their own gifts and genius ripple out from them like rays of sunlight, spreading throughout the darkness of the world EFFORTLESSLY.

It isn’t harder to live life in your power, it’s a return. The part of you that already knows and is already there.

I refuse to believe we are supposed to do this on our own.

Working in groups of likeminded, intelligent and soul led women guided by a coach who is OBSESSED with seeing each one return home to her power is an indescribable privilege.

As the breadwinner with three kids my energy is sacred. I channel the best of it for three groups of people: my family, my friends and my clients.

2026 has lit something in me. I can no longer do anything that isn’t in full truth of who I am here to be. My clients are about to receive coaching more potent, more powerful and more effective than ever.

We can transform your life through identity and soul work - we can get you heard, seen, magnetic and paid. We can embrace the fear when we return to innate power.

We just need to get clear about your values and dreams - and behave accordingly every day.

So are you going to keep behaving in an identity you outgrew 5 years ago? Or are you ready to rise?!

This came pouring out of me today, I had no plan to write this piece and I definitely haven’t optimised it with AI or edited it. But now, at 13.30 it is time for me to share it, go for a walk and wonder who it’ll reach.

If it has reached you and it moves you on any level let me know. I am grateful to you. I cherish EVERY subscriber even though I am inconsistent AF on substack. I think you’re ace. And if you’re ready to make it happen links for coaching below.

Axxx

MAKE IT HAPPEN:

I have spaces for HAPPEN opening in September. Click here.

And I have a BRAND NEW THING (!) so subscribe to my emails here for a ridiculous (and limited) founder offer .

SO many of us are out here, doing everything because: we think we have to.

We keep going with whatever we’ve got in front of us, without actually listening to the whispers saying THIS IS BORING NOW.

We’re absolutely convinced that because we’re living in a capitalist society requiring bills to be paid that we must get up, do the job we don’t love; or keep plugging away at the business which if we’re really honest, we’re not loving it anymore…without changing course.

We’re convinced there is not another way and that we’re trapped. Perhaps forever. And we tell ourselves: who loves their work and life, really? We’re all just here surviving, getting through and managing…right?

Or maybe we do love what we do and we’re doing waaaaay too much; we never have any time to think and we don’t know how to stop?!

It’s not our fault (I feel this is obvious, but should be said anyway).

We’re exhausted from keeping all the plates spinning, caregiving and keeping other people happy (at home, at work, online, wherever) and carrying the enormous mental load so that we literally cannot access the part of our brains which allows us to see other ways out.

The little part that lets us feel calm every morning and spacious and able to spend time in deeper thought; letting our intellectual capability and creative capacity be opened up and allowed to soar.

So we get up every day, we have the same anxieties, fears, doubts and we go and do the same dam thing.

And then we get home and we put the kids to bed or perhaps we get out for a run and we feel a glimmer of spaciousness but actually we mostly lie, scrolling on our phones or binge watching Netflix and before we know it - another day got sucked up by mediocrity.

I don’t mean that WE are mediocre.

GODDESS NO, YOU ARE A QUEEN.

I mean we might be living mediocre lives which aren’t reflective of the shimmers, the sparkle, the fire that is desperate to break free and yet stays stuck behind the Inner Familiarity Cage.

Lemme tell you what this is.

Our brains will always choose familiarity over anything new unless we override the pattern, the MASSIVE GREAT MOTORWAY of a neural pathway in your brain which is so big and so busy and so established, that anyone would think we were mad to take a small, easy to miss junction off and onto a literal field.

No B-road, just…untapped, unknown rolling countryside.

It might SEEM completely mad to do this, INDEED, because why would you not take the easier road?

The one which is clear and easy to drive and gets you from A to B with clear signs and lights in the dark and keeps you, safely, in your lane?

What if coming off that main, safe but tedious road leads to endless resources?

We have to override the brain’s obsession with familiarity - and we have to be willing to fail because sure, the first turn off the motorway actually might lead to a sloppy big mud bog.

WHO KNOWS?!

Most people who know you will also question this decision - to walk away from familiarity and to choose risk, potential, adventure. They’ll think you’re mad. Because on paper it does look a bit mad.

But what if madness allows us to see something unseen and therefore untapped?

What if that wild part of you is exactly the part to listen to - because it knows and can hear something deeper, much deeper which your friend or your colleague or your parent cannot possibly hear…because it’s a direct line to your soul’s whisper.

What others cannot possibly know, is that living, crackling, electrical blueprint inside your soul is crying out for you to act on.

And that is why I needed to take an intentional pause from making fertility social media content, new podcast episodes, emailing and marketing this part of my business.

I need to think.

I have tried to think over the last 4 years - but with three small children, two businesses, two accounts, two websites, two email lists, two publications…it has been let’s say…limited.

I have tried various ways to collaborate, to outsource, to use AI - but nothing is quite landing. Yet.

I need to think.

I thought this was impossible without burning everything down or stopping completely which I don’t want to do - I love working and what I’ve built. Turns out that’s not the case.

I HAVE MANIFESTED SPACE, FLEXIBILITY AND TIME PEOPLE!

My brain is changing.

It is an extraordinary feeling which I do not see many women - particularly mums or caregivers and business owners - talking about.

It’s relaxation and spaciousness in ways I haven’t felt in years; it’s total trust in my ability to generate incredible abundance in my bank account and incredible results for my clients.

One clear goal. One clear focus.

I’ve let go of beliefs which were holding me hostage; which were chaining me to an obsession with reaching certain milestones which I thought I had to reach in a certain way and ready and open to see what the Universe will surprise and delight me with as I live in alignment with who I came here to be, once more.

I didn’t plan to write this piece but I AM THRILLED to be writing again and it would not have happened without this reset.

If you’re ready to stop doing the things which suck the space and time from you into JOY, potential and abundance…I have one space to work with me in May inside my coaching mindset and manifesting mastermind for soul led women in business: HAPPEN.

I have 7 extraordinary women currently, 2 more wonderful women coming in for May and one more returning. If you’re ready for a free Alignment Reset 15 minute call to see if you’re ready to take that junction off the familiar but boring as fuck life motorway; I have one or two spaces available for the next season… click here.

My coaching mastermind HAPPEN is a 3 or 6 month commitment. £2300 or £3450 depending on how long you’d like to work with me for.

Hi to anyone new, I am Alice. I’m a 42 year old mum of three (2 girls, one boy), Wiltshire based, coffee drinking, books and spirituality transformative coach. I founded a leading coaching platform in the first few years of my business and I am passionate about coaching my clients to live their big, full and beautiful lives through the seasons of womanhood, work and business. You are so welcome to join me on the Joy Voyage; you can subscribe for free and if you are curious about how I work with my Happen clients, you can explore this here.

I used to record all my guest episodes face to face with a little mini recording thing.

I would travel all over London and beyond to meet them in their homes; at my home and in various little quiet rooms I was able to arrange - and I loved it.

I had the time. I had the drive.

Then my life and the world imploded (kids! A pandemic! More things which I wrote about in other articles if you’re interested) and I just didn’t have the capacity to make my pod. The odd episode squeaked out. Under much duress.

And then I got in my head about it.

I realised, in the end, I just needed to outsource a few things and basically…get over myself!

I love having conversations, I love podcasts and I knew how much people loved it, so yes…IT IS BACK.

SO: what did it take?

• I made a decision not to bring it back until I had sponsorship so I could outsource the edit. I have too much going on and I get slightly obsessed with editing so I waited until that was sorted. YAY!

• I wanted to have chats with someone else on it regularly so me and Lucy, who works with me are having almost weekly chats with our message in a bottle segment - and it’s so fun! It brought the life back in.

• Planning. I really thought about who and what to speak about so it all hung together and made sense. No more winging it.

• Goals and letting go: I really had to get out of my own way with this. When I started my podcast I had more than 1000 downloads of each episode within the first 24 hours. After a long break, inconsistency on social media and starting a brand new account, I’m sort of starting from scratch…our first episode had about 100 downloads in the first 24 hours; and I just feel SO proud of our work - and it’s growing. We’re now on over 1300 downloads after 3 weeks back on the airwaves and I just think WOW. Imagine all those people standing in a hall?!

I’m proud to make a podcast about fertility which has a strong purpose: to help my listeners live through the journey of trying to bring home a baby and find joy day to day.

I absolutely love the conversations I have with my guests which are so varied - from leading fertility experts, to real life stories; my own coaching mini episodes on specific things (like how to prepare for events when you’re in the middle of infertility) and other experts on everything from breathwork to sleep.

Conversations I’m having are giving me life

I’m really proud to share a fantastic conversation last week with my guest Katie, from Afterglow.

Katie and I came to know each other through my fertility support in the Life Raft membership and she then became a client in my Happen mastermind.

After walking away from fertility treatment without a baby, Katie is building an incredible community for women looking for a positive space to belong when you don’t get the baby you’ve been trying to in forever.

As Katie says ‘it’s not to diminish the grief…but I don’t want to sit in that grief…’

I know that sometimes conversations about fertility treatment not working out can be too hard to listen to when you’re in the middle of it. So as ever, protect yourself if you need to.

You can have a listen to the episode here and you can find Katie here.

Other conversations I’ve had so far this series include a chat with my Lucy Sanger who shares her story of recurrent loss, IVF and how she kept going for the first time (which did end with a baby); a chat with Ro Huntriss an award winning fertility dietician who also chose to freeze her own eggs when her life also did not go to plan and we’ve got some more incredible conversations coming too.

Will you have a listen? Ever thought about making a pod yourself?

All I can say is GO FOR IT. Making a podcast is so much fun - just, y’know, outsource some of it if like me, you have far too much to do!

Every time there’s a school holiday I find myself transported to an in between world

I forget half my usual ambitious and excited  thoughts

I cannot be anything but fully in the moment with the noise, the mess, the life in my house

Instead, I vaguely recall commitments I’ve made and plans I have in short bursts of clarity; glimpses into the normal, pacing, work-y world that continues outside of my liminal school holiday universe

Where only the only the next snack or game or entertainment matters

Little pockets of time when my brain clicks into gear and I remember

OH YES.

panic, mildly.

And realise I can’t do anything about it

Not really

So I carry on removing banana peels from the windowsill, rescuing my dining table from even more paint, making a third jam sandwich, wiping another nose - or bum- and when the quiet moments come

The evenings

Late

After an old movie and dinner on the sofa and a laugh with my husband

I remember my plans and commitments again

They’re still there

Time isn’t really a problem

I’ll get to them when I can

This is a season

My life is unfolding perfectly on time

Time is an illusion

It’s ok

Be here now

It’s ok

I’m safe to relax

I don’t have to be productive every evening

I can relax

It’s ok to relax

It’s safe to relax

I won’t exhaust myself

I am already doing so much

Are you juggling childcare, dreams, work, business, everything? I hear you, I am you!

I’m a transformational mindset coach. I’m here to support my clients to live lives which feel magnificent, gentle, anmbitious and closer to their soul led ideas and dreams- even in the midst of reality. I’m so glad you’re here xxx

PS posting this on my phone at breakfast time before another day of mayhem commences…!

Does it make me unusual or not?

Do people feel things but just not let it show because it’s not ‘normal’?

Or do I feel things more deeply than ‘most’ people?

I honestly don’t know.

I want to write more, so here’s my poem I scribbled down after my walk.

I am not a poet. But I do love words and writing.

Is it normal to cry listening to music, when you’re out walking
because it is so beautiful?

Is it normal to dream of life without obligation,
while craving success?

What do I do with the push and pull?
How to honour my Dreamer and Warrioress?

And why is no one else being real? 

How are they doing this?! 

We are all human.
Fears, shame, shadows
Dreams, love.

Not everyone feels the pull to rise and rise and rise though.

To be all they can be

Or do they?
Why don’t they?!

It would be nice to just be
To not feel the pull to rise

But it is in me.

I am many things to many people

…but I am also just me

That is all I can be

Let me walk, let me breathe, dance, sing and love
feel the sun on my face, swim in the sea and the lakes
stand in awe at the bottom of waterfalls 
and the top of hills

breathe in flower sweetness
listen to humming bees.

I love my fellow humans even if they don’t know me and this is weird
But it isn’t, not really

Not when you can truly see

And there endeth my words for this week.

Perhaps, if I let myself write whatever I want to write, to be as me as I can possibly be, it will mean I show up here more. I’d like that.

On Monday I begin my new coaching season with ten coaching clients inside my mastermind, Happen. There are two more spaces for women to change their lives and I’d love to hear from you if you are ready.

Here’s the link

I love you.

Is that normal to write? I don’t know! Probably not.

Am I a good coach?

Yes.

I’m extremely good at what I do. My clients love my mastermind so much that last night on our call they were talking about getting Happen tattoos and flying half way around the world to be there for each other’s birthday celebrations.

Why? Because their eyes have been opened to a whole new worldview; the love and support combined with transformational coaching, tangible action and mentorship, strategy and guidance is second to none and the impact on their lives is so profound and lasting.

OK.

I’m going to hang out with my three noisy kids; sow some seeds in my garden and see if I can motivate myself to do some exercise today. Wish me luck.

And apply for Happen.

Love Alice x

PS. Is it normal though?!! Actually asking!

Intrigued? Click subscribe and let’s voyage together…

Subscribe now

This is the second part of my story which I haven’t shared before (here’s the first).

I realised it also needs space, because if I really want to do what I believe my soul came here to do (to coach women to transform their mindset and magnetise an abundance of peace, joy, money and success - without pretending real privilege is not also at play) then I have to share what’s happened for me in the last 5 years throughout the chaos!

So here we go. Settle in, I’m not holding back!

In 2020 I was recovering from a c section, had a brand new reflux baby; a 3 year old at home all the time and my mental health was the lowest it had ever been.

I barely slept.

I felt physically and mentally on the brink with no way to get proper support or even see a friend or my Mum for a cuppa because it was right at the start of Covid.

I remember one phone call from a health visitor - there were no actual visits of course.

She said: “are you OK?” . I cried and admitted that no, I was not OK at all.

I felt trapped and so disconnected from all the work I was so passionate about.

I think I may have gone a little bit mad that year.

I knew that the thing that would actually make me feel like myself again after sleep, a hug, some good food that someone else made for us, real life friends and family and normality - was actually to work.

I loved it, I was right in the middle of building something which had been getting great traction and there was no way I was going to stop.

I had already built an engaged and growing Instagram community by this point and with my BBC work; being a guest on lots of podcasts and my own podcast doing well too - my personal brand was on its way to becoming established.

So I didn’t have to focus so much on audience building and I was ‘lucky’ in that sense (well…lucky if you call working hard on audience building for three years luck!)

BUT I also had to keep ‘em engaged, stay visible and not completely fall off the fucking face of the earth if I wanted my business to succeed!

So, throughout that year, little by little and piece by piece, I put my signature RECLAIM course together for my fertility audience.

Sick with fear, nerves, imposter syndrome and all of the shit women create in their heads because of the nonsense patriarchal shite we’ve subconsciously ingested our entire lives: I launched it for the first time.

When the first person bought it (it was only £100 at the time) I felt UNREAL.

I remember looking at the money in my bank account and was amazed someone had given me one hundred british pounds!

Buying something I had made myself, completely from scratch from my own personal experience and painstakingly put together throughout this challenging year.

WHAAAAT.

And then…

More than 100 students signed up.

Immediately it changed my life.

In a week I made my first £10k and I have never felt more empowered; connected to my highest purpose and more able to think ‘fuck you’ to all the shitty people who tried to ‘bring me down’ (see previous piece!).

And yes, you can be spiritual and also say FUCK YOU!

My membership was created a couple of months after that and more than 50% of my course students signed up straight away. Things were going in the right direction.

In 2021 just as I thought we’d made it through the worst of the sleepless months and my mental health was steadying- I found out I was pregnant again.

The shock was huge. We didn’t think it was possible. We’d barely made it so it would be, even if we’d been the most fertile couple in the world!

My husband and I did not sleep that night (again) as we wondered how on earth we would cope.

At that moment: I did not want another baby. Not at all.

I couldn’t imagine putting my body or my mind through it all again, it had nearly broken me physically and mentally the second time.

Maternal (and paternal) mental health is WOEFULLY underfunded, understood and given space. I did not recognise myself on many occasions in 2020. We had some dark times which I don’t think anyone apart from me and my husband will ever truly understand because no one, not one person, was there to see it. Fuck you COVID.

Plus, I was so passionate about my business and community, which I’d worked so hard to build.

We thought about all the options and I considered abortion; deeply grateful I had the opportunity to do so. Never more than now as I look at reproductive rights across the world and how they’re being so ignorantly, viscously stripped away.

(Would I have considered abortion if we’d received the support we should have done and that all new parents should have received in 2020? We’ll never know. I suspect not)

After a lot of thought we made the decision. As soon as I did, I found that I was able to quickly accept my new reality. Within about a week we’d put our house on the market and in January 2022 we left London and moved home to Wiltshire.

I had my third baby, a little girl (a VBAC!) a month after we moved.

I don’t recommend moving house with two very small kids, leaving your favourite city in the world after 15 years at 8 months pregnant - I’m not sure I have ever been more emotional!!

Becoming the sole income provider with teeny kids

In October of that year my business became the sole income provider for our household as we both realised how much my husband needed to leave his job for his mental health.

He quit and we planned for us to work together on my business, with Si focusing on marketing so I could focus on everything else. We were excited - and nervous to lose a decent salary.

Spoiler: we jumped in to this way too soon!!

From October 2022 to October 2023, in total transparency, we both felt stressed, exhausted and anxious all while navigating postpartum for the third time with a velcro baby who would NOT sleep anywhere apart from on us!

She would not sleep in the car or the buggy and absolutely not in her cot.

We eventually realised the working situation was not making either of us happy and after both of us admitting defeat (failure is OK! It’s just a portal to the next chapter!) he got another job that he now loves.

The energy in our house completely changed once we were both back in alignment with what we were supposed to be doing and honouring who we are at heart.

So, it took a year - but the experience of this actually led to both of us being SO much happier in our work than ever before.

(A whole other piece needed here on relationships/marriage through the early years of parenting?! Better check how ‘e feels about that!)

Launching my mastermind with a google doc…

That month, I launched my coaching mastermind, Happen, using nothing but a google doc and a few emails.

I got the timing, the pricing, the messaging absolutely spot on because I called in EXACTLY who I wanted to work with and they were so excited to work with me too. It was a dream.

I love my clients (I am still working with many of them now) and was so excited to be expanding my message beyond fertility support.

But…my community wasn’t growing.

My growth had flatlined.

I was essentially living off a community I had created between 2017-2022 and then it all stagnated.

I knew why (my content/energy/alignment/vision was all off - I could write an essay! Probably will tbh!) & while not the sole income provider anymore, (PHEW) I was now the breadwinner, so I had to work out a plan.

I invested in a business mastermind in July 2024 and within 6 weeks, things changed yet again.

It was like emerging from a very long chaotic tunnel of exhaustion, stress and confusion. I felt truly elated - you can read how I felt about last summer here. I finally had the proper support I should have invested in YEARS ago.

My business now…

In February 2025, my kids are nearly 3, just turned 5 and 8. No more newborns. No more babies. That’s a whole other conversation. ANYWAY.

My fertility platform has been offering constant 24/7 support to the community every single day since October 2020.

My dream Happen coaching client base is the most extraordinary group of kind, smart, high achieving women with massive dreams.

Over the last few years I’ve coached neuroscientists; lawyers; barristers; medical consultants. I’ve worked with wellness practitioners, other coaches and yoga teachers. I’ve coached HR directors and civil servants; corporate women who do jobs with titles I don’t understand and women who have co-founded businesses which do millions of pounds in revenue.

I’m still only working three and a half days a week and spending the rest of the time with my kids so my business is evolving as we evolve and it’s WORKING.

I am focused on a vision of even more freedom; huge positive impact; legacy; spaciousness; more creativity, opportunity, JOY and collaboration.

It hasn’t been easy - I think that much is clear, but if I’d given up all the times that I wanted to, I wouldn’t have the amazing potential I now have, with more energy, space and time now I’m out the other side of the fertility/pregnancy and really teeny child era, to really focus on what I want my legacy to be; to connect with my mission and soul purpose on a deeper and deeper level and to see radical, potent, lasting growth and change for my clients.

No one is more surprised than me that I have created a successful coaching business during this chaotic personal period of my life.

I don’t have a marketing degree.

I didn’t go to business school.

I have only had a business coach myself for the last 7 months (this was stupid, I should have got one MUCH earlier - learn from my mistakes and work with me immediately!) and I have only ever dabbled in ads (which, again, I don’t really understand and this is something I have to get over cos I do want to use them properly!)

What I do have is:

• A background in creative production: I know how to create things that people actually want to read/watch/listen to

• An ability to tell stories in lots of different ways

• Authenticity

• Ambition

• Spirituality

• A willingness to fail

• A willingness to constantly learn

• A knowing that joy is my highest priority!

• A connection to the part of us that most are told is not ‘sensible’ or too silly or whimsical. My passion for music, theatre and creativity means I am able to quickly suspend my disbelief and try things without first deciding I am ‘not that type of person’. I am the opposite of cynical and I have found that keeping my heart and mind open has allowed me to have more results and impact that I ever could have imagined when I started.

There’s loads more to say (obviously) on building a business while you’re having babies but this piece has already sucked up a lot of my (and your !) time.

I needed to get this out there to fully step into the next era of my work and business.

I need women to know what’s possible and how much nurturing, self- love, self compassion and self -belief you need to foster to make it happen.

If you want to do it. You can.

I see too many women telling themselves it’s not possible, they’re not meant to do it, they’re scared about what people will think, someone has done it before, they’ll never be able to make enough money etc etc so they don’t start.

But whatever you do:

WOW.

OK then that’s all for now. I hope in some way this inspires you to start whatever it is you need to start to BREATHE and to keep going with whatever you want to build, create or grow whatever stage of life you happen to be in. I happened to grow mine through this chapter of my story but not everyone has babies. That’s just my experience.

Yours is yours.

Did anything resonate with you in this piece?

Anything you want to ask me? Go for it in the comments.

Take care,

Axxx

I need people to know what it really takes to show up, why women supporting women matters so much to me and why I work with women at all stages of life to take up space and live their fullest potential.

Even if you’re an OG Instagram follower (hiiii, I’m so grateful to you!!) I have never shared this before. That’s not supposed to be click-baity although I know that when I read a headline like that I do want to know…what?! What haven’t you shared before and why are you being dramatic about it?!

Also I did not plan to write this in two parts but it became clear there were two parts to it…so, there we are. A two part-er.

So, for anyone new, helloooo I’m 41, a mum of three.

Here’s my story from the age of 34 to 38ish, INCLUDING the previously censored bits.

I started on Instagram in 2017 to share how I changed my life during a fertility and IVF journey ‘cos I thought it might help some people.

I was on Instagram at precisely the right time.

The fertility instagram community was just taking off and I really ran with it. I quickly started a podcast, ran my first live event which immediately sold out and all this other cool stuff happened.

I won a commission from BBC Radio 2/BBC 5 Live to produce a fertility week; I wrote for Red magazine; my fertility awareness (hilarious) campaign videos (before reels and tik tok were omnipresent!) were picked up everywhere and even shown at the Barbican in London as part of Fertility Fest.

I was invited as a panel and guest speaker at many different events and worked as a patient voice consultant for global organisations - it was wild and I’m deeply grateful for so much opportunity.

What you didn’t see was how hard I sometimes found it to show up online.

I had enormous fear about upsetting people; hating whenever people unfollowed me because I thought it must be because I hadn’t worded something sensitively enough & I knew they might be going through the hardest time of their life and, here’s the bit I have never shared publicly but it needs to be said…

I was also dealing with two separate cases of vitriolic, personal and aggressive messages from people who were/are known on Instagram and beyond, which deeply affected me.

I will never publicly share identities but for a time it felt grossly unfair to watch them appear to be pillars of wisdom and support with voracious media coverage, as well as my own friends online engaging and sharing their content, when I knew another side.

(It led me to research why on earth it was happening and that’s when I discovered what narcissism actually was. Mind. Blown.)

Not only this, but all my passion and hard work often did not land well with many of the ‘old school’ fertility campaigners and organisations.

I was even told by someone that it was only because of all the fertility campaigning work people before me had done, that they ‘finally’ created a BBC Fertility Week.

Ouch.

And also, EXCUSE ME?! Nope.

That happened because I had the idea, wrote a really bloody good proposal, got it shortlisted and presented the hell out of it at the Beeb!

Of course we all owe a debt to those who came before us, but the total lack of acknowledgement or encouragement for my vision, hard work and personal achievements from some in the industry was shocking and upsetting.

I was so proud of myself but there was not always kindness shown from others. There was active discouragement, belittling and downright unkindness. It was giving ‘who the actual fuck do you think you are’ vibes and even a “you are going to piss people off” (actual words said to me).

However, there was AMAZING collaboration and cheerleading from my peers and other ‘newer’ fertility voices, speakers and champions - we all tried to support each other and we got what it was like.

Women are told that other women are the competition.

It is bullshit, but I’ll share something else; without ever wanting to or understanding it was going to happen when I started trying to help people, I unwittingly ended up sort of vying for top position in this weird UK fertility support tournament I had found myself in too! I was sucked in. It was like a vortex. I’m not proud of any contributions I made to this energy, but I am full of forgiveness for my past self too.

Here’s what I think happened.

I am empathetic and compassionate. I am also competitive, ambitious and a leader. (as a child I remember once being told I was bossy - and I shrank. I didn’t want to be seen as bossy. I understand now that this was patriarchal guff. Guff is an underused word. ANYWAY.)

I wanted my work to be seen, I still do.

I was doing my work not only because I felt so compelled to help others ( I had no notion it would end up being my full time business at the start!) but to heal something else in me.

It felt vital as in, actually vital or I would die of frustration! I HAD to BE the version of myself I knew I could be; a version I had never embodied before to do what I needed to do.

I know now that I am a manifesting generator in Human Design - thank you to my friend and teacher Lauren Barber, you can read all about that here - and my Not Self theme is frustration and anger which means, if I am not living wholly in my Self, who I am meant to be - then that frustration and anger is felt VERY STRONGLY!

So, when I was building my community and sharing my voice, if anyone appeared to try and take that away from me or shame me for being as ambitious and as driven and as competitive as I was; I became a Mama Bear protecting her baby! The baby was my work and the past versions of me who had not yet fully self actualised.

I don’t think the narcissists had any idea who they were dealing with!

The Bear part of me, the warrioress, whatever you want to call her, is the part that women are often shamed for because it’s strong. It is not perfect, soft and feminine.

Looking back, I am amazed at my courage. I can also see that I was in a scarcity mindset; but I can also understand why and how.

I want to give younger me such a hug. I was brave and I made mistakes - of course I probably made plenty- but I am full of compassion for this past version of myself; I am full of forgiveness for her mistakes.

I was powered by absolute conviction that what I needed to share was important, for the highest good and could change lives. It did and it still does.

But I won’t pretend that the negativity did not sometimes make me question my own truth, all while parenting my then two year old and going through my FET (frozen embryo transfer) - and then afterwards when I was pregnant, then having a newborn in lockdown while showing up online every day.

What I needed was deep understanding, empathy and support.

I needed to be heard in all my ambition and drive and vulnerability and spirituality which also held the female human experience on a profound level.

I was unknowingly searching for this in online memberships or amongst people I knew and I couldn’t quite find what I needed (exactly why I created my coaching mastermind).

I needed to be championed and I am so grateful for my real life friends and family who always, always did. I had such incredible support from people in my life outside of the weird online world which was one of the ways I was able to keep doing it even when I wanted to give up many many times.

Even when I cried because the bullies were so fucking mean and passive aggressive and trying to make me feel like a dreadful person because of their own narcissism!

Women doing and working towards big things MUST be championed, heard, supported and loved for all of who they are.

I am really proud that this is also now part of my work inside HAPPEN

I am personally championing my clients but there is also a ripple effect.

The group champions each other; we witness each other’s magic and it is so unique, so glorious, so different to the absolute SHITE that is happening all over the world right now.

It is the antidote to it and it is how I am responding to That Man being In Charge again - channelling every part of my own soul and energy into lifting up the women I work with and letting that empowerment and ripple effect keep spreading.

I am, I suppose what they say in spiritual circles, a ‘light worker’. I don’t know how I feel about that term but that does feel like what it is.

Switching on my light, showing others it’s safe and necessary for them to switch on their own. Watching how one light ignites another. This is my work.

I’ll share the next part of my personal story in another piece (building my fertility support business while I was making and having babies) because it feels like it has its own energy.

Finally I know that a lot of women are plagued by a voice of questioning.

Right now, mine is saying: literally no one cares. Why have you spent so long writing this piece which is completely self obsessed anyway?!

And my answer to my inner critic and to you if you’re wondering why you should share your story is: you never know who is listening.

How I got through my own fires becomes someone else’s survival guide. Or whatever that excellent expression is (someone please tell me in the comments if you know!).

So please tell me if you’ve got this far (and well done and thank you if you have!):

• Have you ever had narcissistic bullies try to take you down when you’re stepping into your power like me?!

• Have you forgiven your younger self for her mistakes?

• Are you living in your fullest version of you? Do you know what that fullest version of you wants to do? What she feels like?

Thank you for reading, thank you to my followers, my supporters, my champions. Thank you for everyone who has always believed in my work and to those that feel that I need to pipe down: I’m not going anywhere.

With love and gratitude,

Alice x

Hi to everyone who is new here, I am Alice. I’m a mum of three (2 girls, one boy), Wiltshire residing, London loving, coffee drinking and lake swimming fan. I am passionate about coaching my clients to live their big, full and beautiful lives through the seasons of womanhood including fertility, parenting or not parenting, menopause and beyond. I have two websites - one is specifically for anyone on a fertility path now and my coaching site here, for women at all stages. Please join me on the Joy Voyage; you can subscribe for free and if you are curious about how I work with my Happen clients, you can explore this here.

Except it doesn’t feel like a challenge - it feels LUSH.

It’s feels like plugging in to a steady, calm electricity grid which is constantly pulsing away with a sort of golden magical energy but that we usually completely ignore.

It feels like potential, possibility and freedom: daily.

It’s not costing anything - a very small amount actually because I love to be guided but hardly anything.

Nothing externally in my life has changed since the New Year; but I feel completely different.

What I’m Banging on About

• Doing visioning work for 2025 led me to my words of the year (Devotion, Soul, Legacy).

• Finding my words led me to my daily actions, the most important being: Soul Connection.

• Daily Soul Connection or a Daily Soul Practice is leading to huge realisations and clarity; already I am making changes to my two IG accounts (one of which has nearly 20k followers and changed my life because it allowed me to build my breadwinning business while raising three small kids - just telling the truth here cos I need women to know what’s possible) and I know it’s about to change it again.

It’s only the third week of January, we’ve been dealing with multiple illnesses with kids almost constantly at home - and my husband being unwell too - and yet every day I’m being moved (often to tears) with my meditations, journaling, chanting, (I know! Witchy!) and more.

Don’t get me wrong, my Rage Dragon has come out to play this month too.

I feel like I’ve been on house arrest needing to look after so many people constantly plus as I am always working from home this combo has made me feel trapped.

The other day I had a little throwing things party when my Rage had to be embodied - I threw pillows, nearly threw my new glasses (restrained myself), threw toys and anything else I could find that wouldn’t damage anything.

So it’s not all blissful euphoria!

But a) Rage is absolutely fine and women are allowed to be angry and b) that’s why I need the Daily Soul Practice.

I can confirm that so far, it IS changing my life.

It is so easy to tell ourselves we don’t have time isn’t it?

It’s not usually the issue.

It’s more that I sometimes am not prioritising the things that will move me to tears or move me to believe in myself so deeply, with such unwavering steady confidence.

I spend time on the urgent tasks or spending time numbing out cos you’re I’m so exhausted.

Euphoria? Really?

The first time I experienced this feeling of euphoria and internal liberty was more than ten years ago when I did the Artist’s Way.

I became free of my limiting beliefs, connected to my Soul and started radically changing my life - deep in the middle of my fertility journey.

That experience led to my work coaching, advocating, speaking, writing and campaigning for the fertility community which I still do: my membership offers the only consistent, coach led support for women experiencing a fertility voyage in the world. It is the only platform of its kind which does not focus on outcome and is available 24/7 for the wraparound support necessary. It’s been running without a break now since 2020- all through my most chaotic personal years.

Now, with my three kids a little older (about to be 3, 5 and 8) but still very young (!) I feel more… capacious. Great word.

Anyway, I feel capacious (not, like, physically!!) I feel ready and I feel totally confident that what I do needs to be seen and heard FAR more widely than I have had the capacity to drive over the last five years of my life, since I had my second (and the world had a lockdown shaped meltdown).

But it’s not just because my kids are a tiny bit older.

It’s because of this daily Soul Practice.

I don’t feel like I’m pissing in the wind and hoping for the best (what a horrible image!).

I feel like I’m supported, guided and held every time I do my Soul connection.

I feel like my inner mentor, my future self, all the spirits and angels and goddesses are calling me forward!

“Come on babes!! Do it!! Be the version of you that we know you are!!”

I feel like I truly don’t give a fuck anymore what anyone thinks of me.

I just. Don’t. Care.

I’m free.

I’m driven by a deep motivation to support women to live their most abundant, empowered lives, creating multiple income streams, finding things hysterically funny every day, being completely true to themselves and smashing the patriarchal agenda by refusing to belittle their dreams or vision.

Yeah!!

On that note, I have to go because I have a sick kid and husband at home, 2 more that need collecting soon and friends for dinner 😜

I don’t know how to end this piece.

I’m showing up and working it out.

I’m here, you’re here, that’s all that matters isn’t it!!

if you want to find out how to make things happen in your life amongst all the chaos and feel euphoric every single day you can head to my website here.

No time to make this ending tidier- my 4 year old needs me!

Bye readers, thanks for being here and if you like this piece or if you have questions or thoughts - do leave a comment! Or like this piece. Even better, subscribe for free and stay connected with me and we’ll go on the Joy Voyage together!! X

I used to find this bit of the year disconcerting. No routine. No productivity.

Well, I was a fool!! I was a silly fool! IT IS THE BEST!

I’ve been on long misty hill climbs with family and friends.

I’ve had properly hot baths with my new fancy bath stuff.

I’ve eaten plates of delicious food with leftover Christmas pudding and cheese and ham and port.

I’ve played padel for the first time in my life even though I haven’t played any sort of racket sport for about 10 years! So, yes. I’m a convert.

SEASONAL LIVING

If it’s winter where you are, then really letting yourself rest, retreat and hibernate is so delicious. Be like nature. Do as nature does.

And also…

You can start sowing the seeds for your own personal Spring whenever you feel ready. Not before. We’re not rushing here. I refuse to rush, in fact I might make this a mantra for 2025:

I am perfectly on time.

Ooo that feels nice.

Anyway, I have had the highest story views ever in the last few days on Instagram with thousands of people watching me share pictures of my walks (?!) and I thought I would take advantage of the algorithm working in my favour by seeing how many people, like me, had regular New Year rituals.

I was really surprised that nearly 60% of voters in my poll said they didn’t have any rituals but they wanted some - so voila!

I am sharing what I do every New Year.

MY NEW YEAR RITUALS

• The Word of the Year

• The Vision Board

• The Present!

Ritual One: The Word

This is an anchor for me through the year.

I love choosing a word rather than make resolutions, it feels much more expansive and flexible!

It’s usually the antidote to what I don’t want and helps me focus more on what I do want. In the past I’ve chosen Joy, Surrender, Focus.

In 2024 my word was Growth and it served me really well. It didn’t manifest in the way I thought it would, instead, it became real financially. I was totally OK with that!!

When choosing your word, you want to think deeply about the things you want to let go of and get quiet for a moment. What do you want to feel every day?

The tangible action and plans you’ll make to get there will become clear later but this is the anchor. This is your compass, your North Star. Without this, the goals or targets like ‘go to the gym 3 times a week’ will just die a death within a few weeks. It’s not deep enough. It needs to pierce your frickin’ SOUL.

What do you want to feel like?

Ritual 2: The Vision Board

A vision board is a brilliant, simple way to consistently wire your brain every day, to focus more on what you want. Neuroscience says repetition rewires the brain. So looking at what you want every day is a quick, powerful path to reminding yourself where to focus every morning right?

Now, the next bit I’m going to share is probably the opposite to how other mindset/vision board coaches might advise you to make your board, but in my experience this has the best results!

You don’t have to be specific when you’re creating a vision board.

I find a lot of people will tell you to be as specific as possible. Personally I find that really honing down on what I want to feel while letting go of exactly what has to happen to get me there, means I am far more open to more potential and possibilities than believing only one outcome or goal will make me happy.

Finding words, colours, pictures and things which speak to all of what you want to feel, have and be is powerful.

Maybe you want to feel supported? Peaceful? Abundant? Maybe you want to feel confident and light hearted? Perhaps you do want to include specific goals like a promotion? Have you got a business idea? Maybe you finally want to decorate your bedroom? Book a trip to Paris?

If you haven’t made a vision board before, do it! It’s so much fun when you let yourself play. No limits here. Go to town. Go on. I dare you.

You can do a cut and stick job with newspapers and magazines, use a Pinterest board on your phone or even use a Canva presentation slide and set it as your desktop background.

Ritual 3: A present!

I know we’ve just had Christmas but this is a great thing to do in January which can feel a bit bleugh. Choose something that reflects your word of the year and vision board. Something which helps you connect with what you want to feel. It might be a nice new pair of knickers! Some meaningful jewellery? A new self development book or subscription to Insight Timer or other wellbeing app? You don’t have to spend loads of money here. It could be that you gift yourself an hour of time every Saturday morning.

It’s also something about the ritual of taking a moment to honour yourself for all the things you got through this year before you start the new one afresh; it’s a way to take ownership and declare that you are very, very much worth it.

IDEAS FOR YOUR PRESENT

(Contains affiliate links of things I think are really great)

The Tapping Solution - an amazing app to teach you and take you through lots of little EFT exercises, great for anxiety, doubt, comparison and helping to refocus your thoughts

I have ONE space left on my coaching mastermind HAPPEN. It is pure magic (90% of my current clients are renewing their contracts - unheard of!)

Get yourself a gorgeous Vivida silk eye masks or match me and splash out on one of their puffas - honestly, best coat I’ve ever owned and it’s helping me get outside so much more cos it keeps me so cosy! (10% off with code THISISALICEROSE)

My Life Raft membership is the perfect option if you are in the middle of a fertility journey. We will be opening our doors in February but you can join the waitlist here

Comforting Reminder:

'Take a moment to thank 2024 version of yourself for getting through the year before you tell her what she can do better'

Will you do the Rituals? Do you already do them? I’d LOVE to hear your word of the year below!

Take care and a very Happy New Year. Thank you so much for reading this and being here, I am determined to be here more in 2025 (and my word of the year…I think…is Discipline. It feels unlike me. But that - I think- is maybe the point for my next chapter! Who will I be if I am disciplined?! What might I achieve?)

Take care,

Axx

It was a piece on looking at things through another lens and asking whether maybe the greatest flex might be: what if we focused on having less.

Less stuff, less money, less pressure and less debt and making a cosy life which “feels safe and comfortable”.

I read it and found myself nodding along, agreeing that yes, she is right, maybe we don’t need the ‘bigger life’ . 

And yet.

I am ambitious and driven, two attributes also raised as things perhaps we need less of. 

I DO want all the things mentioned in that beautiful piece; I want time and spaciousness and to look at the trees and the stars and to feel blissful and peaceful.

And actually, even though my life is full and a little chaotic (3 kids/business/the usual inexplicable demands of school WhatsApp groups) I do have peaceful and relaxed moments.

I suspect this is down to the fact I seem to have accidentally mastered the art of not really giving a f**ck about lots of things (perhaps this is one of my super powers?!) but I also wonder if I would be able to truly feel peaceful in those moments if I didn’t also feel that I’m living an aligned life, a life of growth and ambition reflecting who I am and want I need to do to feel lit up and ‘all the way alive’ as Lauren Barber calls it; a life where I am striving to build something big and I can’t help it. I DO want more.

Would I always have a nagging, anxious feeling of frustration if I let go of my ambition and drive? If I aimed for cosy, safe, gentle and comfortable?

I’m fully grateful right now, I have everything I need and have worked for, I feel valued, recognised in my work and life and it is enough…

AND yes, I want more money: to have even more choice and freedom in my days and for my children and my husband and for the bigger picture and to make more impact and have more fun and be able to donate to causes I’m passionate about and to build good things and and and… I also see the beauty and bliss in letting go of ALL this.

I see how having enough to be comfortable can be gentle and abundant in itself.

I also want even more success. 

I want to be a role model for my children, to show them you can be a mum and have a great business which does good and still leaves plenty of time for life.

I also see how a role model can also be a fully relaxed and happy and blissed out mum ‘cos she’s not constantly striving for more! But I don’t think I can do that without my work and my vision? Perhaps this will change as I get older and become wiser.

I remain open to the possibility that I might be completely wrong on, well, everything.

While also feeling intuitively right now that I am in fact, correct. Ha!

I do however fully subscribe to the idea that perhaps we don’t all need the bigger life; that the assumption we always want more and more and bigger and bigger is endless and useless and unsatisfying.

So maybe it’s that I want more of the right things. 

More money 

More space 

More freedom 

More joy

More love 

I want more of all of this. I want less comparison, hate in the world, conflict, expectation, yes I definitely agree with that one. Less stress - sure thing! Sign me up for less of that. 

So in some ways ‘less’ feels like a total relief. 

In others, I feel it takes me away from who I am and what I love receiving: abundance.

There’s also something about knowing it IS ok to want more.

It’s not greedy or grabby or selfish or arrogant or egotistic and I think perhaps women especially struggle with the idea of asking for more, expecting more, wanting more - a pay rise, a promotion, recognition for their services and work. 

So perhaps, as always, it’s a combination - there’s a grey area. Because life is never black and white. ‘Less’ is peaceful but ‘more’ is OK too. And what if we can just have both?

What if we can be cosy, peaceful, safe and gentle while honouring drive, ambition and craving impact and vision?

More is more than ok - and we should give ourselves permission to want it (with an added side of less expectation, drama and stress and debt?). And also to know that more is absolutely available for us if we want to receive it…

Do you want less? Or more?? I’d love to know.

If you’re new, hello! I’m Alice, a transformative coach for women. I work 1:1 and run a coaching container called Happen. It’s absolutely magic, applications are open and I will be confirming January spaces (there are 10 - we are currently at capacity) next week.

It’s been ages since I wrote and I know we are small in number here, but I feel VERY pulled towards this space and feel like this year has been a real line in the sand moment for me. Determined to write more and also for my new publication here which focuses on all my fertility support work. I finally finally feel I have 2 proper outlets for my many, many thoughts. Now it’s a matter of capturing them and getting them out there!

The reason was multi-factor, let’s see now….

• I joined a high level biz mastermind

• Because of this, I have been doing a deep dive on my business and focusing on what’s going to bring me the most peace and greatest profit

• I was doing waaaaay too many things without a clear strategy (ha- well I knew that already but couldn’t stop myself until an outside eye reined me in!)

The greatest news is thus: I have indeed found a FAR more peaceful approach to run my business. I can’t believe how at peace I feel as I write this fanny-deep in the school holidays (there is STILL a week and a half to go!!) and we have not had any childcare for the entire time.

No summer camps, no babysitting, no days - not one day - without all three children with us (ok there were 3 days at the start when my big girl went away but that’s it!).

AND YET here’s the controversial bit: I am peaceful. I am supported. I am, crucially, highly profitable once more.

Yes I’ve had days where I want to scrape my own fingernails down a blackboard because it would be preferable to hearing my children ask me for ANOTHER snack buttttt…

Honestly? I haven’t felt this chilled at my core in such a long time.

And it’s because the cash flow is back, I’m having fun, I know what I’m doing again and my nervous system default mode is relaxed after the chaos years (two babies, pandemic, moving house, being the sole income provider...those years).

Reflections:

• Sometimes Growth (my word of the year) looks like investing in SUPPORT. It is so much harder to grow when we feel frazzled, scared, on edge and exhausted. Which is something I have felt quite a lot since 2020.

• Support (proper support, expert, high level support) means that some of my mental load can be put down. I feel light, I feel like anything is possible. That’s because I’m not trying to do all of this myself anymore and I’m not worried about the bills anymore. 

• Sometimes getting that support means taking a massive leap of faith. Here’s the absolute truth: I wanted to join this mastermind but I didn’t have the money. I turned it over and over in my mind until I finally made the decision that I wanted to do it, and I was working out how to make the first payment. Two friends offered to help…I hesitated (for five minutes) then said yes please. I am so proud and happy to say, not only have I paid them both back within 6 weeks, I have put aside money for the next two payments already, not to mention a list of other calming financial moves I’ve also been able to make in the last few weeks.

• Financial security and income is a major contributing factor to your overall wellbeing. Creating wealth sometimes looks like investing in the support you need to make it happen with a clear strategy and plan.

• Once you have cash, it’s so much easier to make more of it. Money begets money. It’s sort of ridiculous when you think about it. When you have more money, it’s easier to make better decisions on how you spend it; like buying a massive block of cheese in the supermarket for a better price than the tiny one; it’s better value. But you can’t buy the better value one when you’re broke! See? Ridiculous. 

• Visualisation, tapping, scripting, future self work and accountability WORKS!!! You might think you’re being ridiculous and delusional in what you’re hoping to create or do -  but that’s kind of the point. You have to see it before it’s real, you have to see it before other people see it and you have to work, consciously and with determination: to keep going until it’s actually real.

What’s happening now

Unbelievably, I’m strolling into quarter 4 in my business with a 50% sold mastermind and still more than 3 weeks before we start (more at the bottom on this); currently running my RECLAIM course without feeling burnt out and offering excellent support for my students inside the group and planning to launch in October again using ads for the first time (eek wish me luck!) and finally feeling like I have the capacity and drive to bring my podcast back too - plus a couple of new ads I’m making for a collab on my IG account and some other opportunities I’m working on manifesting too!

Oh and a string of 1:1 clients who I’m excited to work with. Many are returning clients who I coached through their fertility journeys and are now a few years down the line - some with children, some not, some wanting to start a business or side hustle, a really beautiful collection of focus points.

I started this year feeling so excited for 2024 - then I got sick for like, 7 weeks - and it knocked me off course completely.

Now, the passion and excitement I had in January is back; but it feels more measured and steady. This is not sustained by passion alone anymore! This is driven by metrics, strategy, clarity and a deep connection to my WHY, plus support. Oh the support.

As well as my conviction that without a Joy First approach, you’re just gonna lose the plot as a working mum…so I’m keeping it light and jazzy.

Yes, jazzy. We’re jazzy, we’re light, we’re nimble AND we’re steady, we’re sustainable and we’re profitable. 

I kid you not I was JUST thinking about the piece on whether you can ‘have it all’ as a woman, making some tea yesterday and a few minutes later I idly picked up Playing Big by Tara Mohr (one of my faves) in which she writes about exactly this.

“I’m not sure it’s socially acceptable yet for a woman to talk about not feeling overwhelmed, to say she feels like she measures up. Standing in the conviction that one is a great mother and a thriving professional and saying, “yeah, I’m resting in the goodness of both, and it’s fabulous”, is still transgressive- probably because when a woman declares that kind of enoughness about herself and her life, she has so much power”.

And this, my friends, is where I currently find myself.

No, I don’t know what’s around the corner. BUT I know this to be true, right now I feel fabulous about being a thriving professional and a great mother. I have built a sustainable, scalable business that I love. I am the breadwinner. I have three kids. I feel peaceful. I feel supported. I laugh a lot! I love where I live. 

So I say this having been through a pretty tumultuous, challenging time full of scarcity thoughts which I tapped my way through and to the other side where I’m now sitting, comfortably with the plan and knowledge that things can keep getting better.

And no I don’t worry about tempting Lady Fate. What will be will be and I will get through whatever is to come. So I might as well expect abundance, miracles and more fun right?! Why not? If it all comes crashing down, so what?! Who cares? I’ll learn and start again and on we go!

The Joy Voyage is back on course and the wind is in her sails my friends…and I guarantee I will have a massive vulnerability hangover after sharing all this like I do with everything but as usual, I’m an open book and this is my current chapter!

Ax

P.S If you want this level of dreaminess too, you should talk to me about joining my Mastermind HAPPEN. It’s a coaching container for women about creating a life of your dreams, giving you the tools to survive the challenges and the community to support you through anything. 

Since I started it last October, my clients have been through A LOT. 

From discovering cheating husbands; failed IVF; successful IVF; parenting small kids while looking for new jobs; growing side hustles while working full time and parenting; leaving corporate jobs to start full time in their own business; emergency trips to specialist children’s hospitals and yet, through it all…they are doing the work of surrender, connection, manifesting and transformation. 

Here’s a message I received yesterday:

“I am completely convinced that I would not have got through those first few weeks if it wasn’t for what you’ve taught me. We all came to you with dreams and determination, and you’ve helped us achieve incredible things. But look how much more you’ve given us. The ability to be strong when we need it most, the ability to see through the turmoil and know exactly what we need in those moments. You have given us so much power in an unrelenting world and I will be forever grateful. And on top of that the most incredible friendships..I really wanted to message to make sure you take a moment to recognise the incredible work you do and the most amazing thing you have created”

Yes I cried in the Tesco car park reading that.

No I don’t worry about crossing boundaries of professionalism with my clients.

My clients are my people. 

My work is part of my happy, full life. 

My business is built on meaningful relationships. 

My job is to raise the happiness levels, strength and joy of women around the world, whatever they are going through. Because when we lift women up, when we show them they no longer have to be the good girl, when we show them that self care and empowerment is a radical feminist act: we change this messed up world, one positive story at a time.

When you work with me, we focus on exactly how you want to feel. We look at your goals, sure and we work out how to get there. But really, this is about you as a fully alive, untamed and lit up woman in a world trying to make you smaller, be good and do your job. 

There is power in softness and vulnerability. 

There is power in self compassion. 

There is so much power in community.

There are just 5 spaces left to join this intake of HAPPEN in September. I cannot wait to see who joins me. Maybe you’ll meet the brilliant Chloe @thatholidaymum who says: 

“Looking back at what I’ve achieved in under a year since I started Happen, it’s been such an acceleration of big life goals. I’m joining again because I don’t want to lose that momentum. It’s a process of compassionate accountability that really works for me while I’m reaching for a life that is actually of my dreams”

Axxx

Lo: the Summer Holidays Hath Arrived.

I’m lucky. I can work around the kids over the next 6 weeks which is great…right? ANDDDDDD also incredibly stressful - if I let it.

Simon and I will share the juggle between us - I’m grateful for this team-like approach. We have a varied, quite complicated rota across the Summer with various days off, 4 day weeks and time away. I’m going to half wing it and half do a week by week check in on a Sunday to make sure I know what the fluff is happening and who is in charge of what!

Things I want to respond to that have been in the media the last couple of weeks

Fertility Anxiety 

There was an article in Stylist about this. Now, I haven’t actually read this as it’s behind a paywall and it’s just not something I want to sign up for and forget to cancel at this point - but the headline was something I felt strongly about.

“Stylist spoke to Women who have lived through fertility anxiety, experts in the field and what got them through”

There’s a quote pulled at the top which reads: “I can’t get that time back”.

Now I can’t comment properly on this because, you know, I haven’t read it.

BUT as I’m all about efficiency today (I have a timer on so that this piece just gets DONE as I don’t want to miss another week!) shouting loudly that there is a positive, gentle and self compassionate route through the fertility ride is literally why I do what I do.

We really don’t need to live with fertility anxiety if women - and men - know that the support, understanding, community and ability to access life changing therapy or coaching so you know how to master your inner narrative: is there.

For more than 6 years I’ve been supporting people to find that they have far more control over their inner world than we are lead to believe - I keep reading instagram posts with people saying “I’ve heard the horror stories and I don’t want to put myself through it”...and I just think: hold on.

How can we make a life changing decision about whether or not to have fertility treatment which will affect the rest of our lives, on the basis of what someone else’s experience of it was like?

There are SO MANY variables.

The medical side obviously. Their socio-economic background. The support they have access to. How much narrative they’ve heard about navigating it all and feeling OK vs how much they’ve heard which tells them it’s going to be utterly horrific and ruin everything from finances to their marriage to their bodies?

It should go without saying that I’m not minimising anything here. I know that for many it CAN be brutal and sometimes it doesn’t work - but I’m also lucky to know many women who have been through it and who have built incredible lives afterwards.

My friend Aisha, the amazing Katie and the fantastic Jody Day whose writing I just adore.

But I’ll stand by my point. We shouldn’t be increasing fertility anxiety and fear by ONLY publishing stories in the media (mainstream and social) about how horrendous the whole thing is and without sharing the stories and lives of the women who do not have children after IVF who are deeply happy and comfortable with who they are and what their lives look like.

I have been creating as much support as possible for the last 6 years online. Right now, I’m about to run my online course RECLAIM with a new cohort, the 6 week mindset programme I created in 2020. 

Over 1000 students have taken this course. It works. With evidence based techniques to guide people from a total and utter fertility induced fog to a whole new world (or as one person said “a whole new realm of possibility”). You can sign up here. Be quick if you’re reading this on Friday because there’s 50 quid off until 8pm with the code RECLAIM50.

A "bunch of childless cat ladies with miserable lives".

This is just the most insane thing ever. HOW HOW HOW are we living in a world where the possible Vice President of the USA has, in one fell swoop, reduced women’s value to whether or not their uterus has housed a child?

My coaching and courses work with women to understand their worth as a human and that the value of their lives has NOTHING to do with whether or not they have had children born from their loins. 

This inane comment, broadcast to the world, causing so much rage, is a reflection of a view so etched in our societal makeup that the women I work with feel they have failed, they feel shame, they don’t believe they are of value. 

Of course the same opinion is not put upon men. Of course it’s not.

Jennifer Aniston responded with a post on social media:

"I truly can’t believe that this is coming from a potential VP of the United States. All I can say is… Mr Vance, I pray that your daughter is fortunate enough to bear children of her own one day."

"I hope she will not need to turn to IVF as a second option, because you are trying to take that away from her, too."

So to sum up: fertility anxiety is heightened and the worth of women has yet again been questioned. Nice.

Last night I watched Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo di Caprio and Meryl Streep in the satirical Don’t Look Up. It was alarmingly close to reality. 

The end of the world is coming in 6 months. Scientists have confirmed it. And the only thing those in power are interested in is maintaining control over the population and mining the comet for minerals. The manipulation through rhetoric, spinning narratives, social media - is all far too close to home and FRIGHTENING.

The fact that reproductive rights for women in the US are in question right now is desperate and while we in the UK think we’re safe: it’s imperative those that have something to say on this, stand up, say it, shout about what we know to be true and gather together so that somewhere, somehow, anyone about to go through a fertility journey, or going through it right now: know where to find the support, sense and information that they so desperately need.

World IVF Day

Was yesterday. I am never really organised enough to post about awareness days on social media, but I did share something on my stories last night.

Because as ever, this sort of day brings up a wealth of feelings.

For some, it’s a day to be thankful to science for their families. Me included. After saying goodbye to our frozen embryos and donating them to research last year, my time with IVF is well and truly over - and mix of relief and sadness that my own baby making years are done.

For others, the day brings up alienation: as above…IVF doesn’t always work. And the day on social media, seems to be all about the babies born from the science - not about the ones that aren’t.

So to anyone affected in any way by a day like yesterday; news headlines and very very stupid people making extremely ignorant and offensive remarks (JD Vance it’s you, you are the stupid person) remember that your story is important.

Remember YOU are important.

And if you feel lost in the journey, come and do my course, RECLAIM with me.

We start August 2nd and I promise you have the potential to feel completely different at the end of it.

Alice x

PS thank you, thank you thank you to over 100 subscribers!! I’m thrilled!! Also if you know someone who is lost in the fog of fertility right now, you might want to send them my way. I can really help.

Subscribe now

This Monday I got on a flight to Amsterdam to go to an Awards Ceremony as my work on Fertility Life Raft was shortlisted for Best Fertility Service by the European Fertility Society! Woo! 

To be on the shortlist you have to:

• Let go of imposter syndrome or fear of failure (otherwise you’ll never do the application)

• Find the time, cognitive energy and belief in yourself to read through the submission process and categories and work out which ones relate to your work

• Find the time and cognitive energy to write and submit the application

• Let go (again) of attachment to the outcome while you wait to find out

I applied for two awards because that’s all I had the mental capacity to do. (If you read my last Monday Diary you’ll get a good idea of what my life is like!!). 

The way they create the shortlist is by points. So if the judge ticks a certain number of boxes, you’re on it.

I wanted to go to the ceremony in Amsterdam to be part of the international community of fertility professionals making things better and I bought myself a frankly excellent new suit (!) and off I went.

(Making bold choices, being the version of yourself who does this kind of shit sends a signal that we belong in the room with the movers and shakers and you can’t be a leader without first believing in yourself enough to take a chance.)

My online business manager Beth Raymond came with me which amazing. To have the two of us there, flying the flag for the Fertility Life Raft, felt really special. 

So, the question is: did I win?

No. I did not win my friends. In fact, as they were reading out the shortlisted categories, they stumbled on the words and read out: “Family Life Raft”. 

Fertility Life Raft people! IT IS CALLED FERTILITY LIFE RAFT!!

Yes it was annoying. 

Is it worth continuing to be annoyed? 

Nope!

So yeah, I did not win. I cheered and clapped for my friends who did. 

And look, let’s not pretend it is easy to stand on the sidelines and watch others be interviewed, bright lights shining, professional pictures taken, sharing on their social channels that they’ve won, knowing the content will be fantastic and the boost to their business, networks and all the other things will be brilliant as a result.

Would I have loved this experience? Of course! 

Am I genuinely pleased for the friends I have in the fertility world who won? Absolutely. 

Here’s what I’ve been reflecting on since Monday; giving me some major drive and lots of THOUGHTS.

The focus for my work on Fertility Life Raft has never been and will never be about getting pregnant as the main outcome. 

Over dinner, before the awards, I was asked - by someone who has met me multiple times at various events over the years, who follows me on IG and (I thought) understood who I was and what I did - how I made money.

I am a bit perplexed by this! It’s not the first time it’s happened - in fact a few people really close to me, for some time, thought that all I did was ‘social media’. 

(Recently a professor I know said she’d get me on her podcast to speak on my ‘lived experience’ . Now, I am always pleased to share my personal story but also, with respect to fertility influencers: I am not one.)

SO, I explained: I am a certified life coach. I have clients. I have a membership, I run courses. I speak, I consult, I write. My name is on the side of pregnancy test boxes in Sainsbury’s!

(I am not so self-absorbed to believe everyone should know who I am or what I do by the way!! But on multiple occasions, people I have actually met and spent time with have clearly not had a clue what I actually do!)

I think there’s a lesson here somewhere for me and my fellow business owners: never assume people understand what you do or who you are! Be as CLEAR AS DAY, repeatedly! 

And for me personally: what do I need to change so people understand my work AND take it seriously outside my echo chamber? 

I am not a counsellor, I am not a medical professional. I’m not a psychotherapist. I’m not an embryologist. I don’t run a fertility clinic. 

Is it not vital to provide the community, resources and mindset education for those going through this, so they can navigate the waiting, the pregnancy announcements, the cancelled cycles, the ability to find acceptance when life looks different to their friends, the ability to keep going when it seems nothing is going to plan - which is NOT counselling because sometimes that’s not what the client needs? And that is available 24/7 because that’s necessary too? And that is affordable for pretty much everyone? 

Wednesday evening: processing

This is only the second week committing to a weekly diary but it’s already fascinating to me to see how my mindset and self compassion supports me through all the ups and downs of my life!

I definitely felt a sense of disappointment yesterday. But please: do not feel sorry for me! The feeling needed to be there, it’s a normal human reaction which I allowed and then almost physically felt move through me and, as Tara Mohr says in her book, Playing Big, it was like a ‘pop’ inside.... I had processed it. And in an instant, I felt it - as I dragged my suitcase up the hill to retrieve my car back on English soil, I returned to myself. 

I’m so proud of my work even though I didn’t win an award this week. I provide an exceptional global service for a community who really needs it and are underserved - in fact what the last few days has also given me is a real drive to expand awareness and find more innovative ways to grow this part of my business. 

I am also very pleased with myself for managing to actually get the bloomin’ applications in on time in the first place!!!

And you know what, it’s pretty brave to throw your hat in the ring - I look back at my younger self and think how far I have come. So if you’re reading this thinking of starting something DO IT! You never know where it’ll take you…

Welcome to the Monday Diaries. Ta Dah! Here’s why I’ve decided to do this:

1. I needed a structure. I want to write. I love writing. This will help me!

2. There is always a LOT going on in my head after a day spent with my two younger children, which I do every Monday. It makes sense to channel it. Or not. It might be ABSOLUTE DRIVEL. Let’s find out?!

I hand the kids over to Si the moment he walks through the door on Mondays and go for a run or a shower (heaven) and during the half hour or so I’m finally alone again, I come back to myself after being, frankly, ravaged by motherhood every week. 

While I’m running or listening to my music or letting the hot water pour over my head, thoughts or feelings or fairly cohesive ideas drop into my mind. I then have another hour or so to channel the last remaining energy of the day before I collapse onto the sofa or my bed and let Bridgerton or The Bear do the work and I can mentally switch off.

The Monday Diaries will be a truthful exploration of the business of joy seeking - this is, after all, the Joy Voyage - even when you feel as I do right now:

• Physically exhausted

• Resentful (I’ll expand)

• Tearful

• Frustrated

• Apprehensive

Doesn’t look an optimistic list does it!!

Will I have turned around these feelings by the end of this post? Will writing help to process them? Will some space give me the mindful distance I need to look at the feelings, thoughts and activate my logical brain to focus on new ones?

Let’s get started on the Monday Diaries, Issue 1.

*please note, I will be sharing my motherhood experience in detail in these diaries because this is what I do with my time every Monday. It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, that I am OF COURSE grateful for my children especially after many rounds of fertility treatment and I must be truthful about my experience: three of them age 2-7 while running my business which happens to be the current breadwinner for our household. For Fertility Support please see my website www.fertilityliferaft.com*

MONDAY 1ST JULY

It was a teacher training day today so my eldest was also at home. My local friend popped round with two of her kids for a cuppa. I thought: perfect. That’ll keep us busy for the morning, I don’t have to go anywhere and I’ll have a coffee and a chat with my pal while our delightful children play.

Reader, the morning was an utter shit show. A non-stop carousel of moaning, hitting, throwing, arguing to the point where I thought my nervous system might give up completely with unbearable over-stimulation.

I am only just holding my shit together on some days. On others I am not holding it at all.

Soooo.

Here’s the honest truth: at this moment I feel resentful because if one of my children was less challenging, my days would be so much more enjoyable; I could go to more places, I could see more people.

I am feeling apprehensive: how how am I going to do this for 6 weeks through the Summer holidays? We do not have childcare arranged. I am rethinking this. 

I was feeling tearful an hour ago when Si came home; it’s already passed.

Now I’m just…so…tired. And frustrated.

On Thursday the country will vote on who they think should get a crack at running the country next. Bear with me, there’s a link here somewhere.

I work hard.

I have created a business and a platform out of nothing, that makes a positive difference for thousands of people. 

I’m going to get really transparent here and share some numbers.

In the last 12 months my coaching business has generated around £60-70k in revenue. My costs are low. It’s not bad for the amount of hours I’m actually able to work around my children, for something I started myself. I’m proud of it.

You’d think we’d be doing OK right? I’m married, we both work, it’s a decent income.

In truth we are struggling to pay our bills every month. I really debated sharing this. I want to support women to start and grow their own businesses and I want people to know it is possible to create lives which feel really aligned and spacious and positive.

I LOVE my business, I love what I’ve created, the autonomy and freedom I have over my days is amazing and I couldn’t be without it. And…

After Simon took a career break and then went back to work with a massive pay cut (a joint decision and definitely a good one - he is MUCH happier and so am I), I am now the breadwinner.

Our outgoings are high with a mortgage, childcare, cost of living. The amount I pay every month is outrageous and the fact we even have to worry about how we’re going to afford everything makes me angry.

Why is it all so EXPENSIVE? Why do I have to pay so much corporation tax?

Why are my energy bills ridiculous? Because the country we live in has so royally cocked up on so many levels.

I am angry that even though I run a profitable, successful and impactful business while looking after three young children: I still have to worry about whether I’m going to be able to pay for everything every month. I will be voting. I hope you will too.

BUT.

There’s also something I have to do here.

My own mindset and manifestation work.

STAY WITH ME PEOPLE.

I know I can’t be stuck in a victim mindset or let resentment fester or basically, be a moody cow if I want to change my reality.

I know that I have to feel the feelings, process it, embody who I want to be, focus on gratitude and abundance. 

I understand it, I practice it, I embody it. I am tapping most mornings. 

Now, as I stop to think about it I remember.

I remember the abundance I’ve received in the most unexpected ways over the last week or so. 

I have taken a big fat decision in June and taken some aligned action to support me in going to another level with my business and I am so excited and I know I’m going in the right direction …but also: there needs to be space to be angry, to share the frustration. 

Two people who work should be able to pay for their bills, get their kids the things they need and go out for dinner once in a while without it being a struggle.

This isn’t extravagant living. This is just…living.

I believe I have to feel this, process it and let it go instead of pretending not to feel it in the first place if I want things to change.

ALSO if we want realities to change then it’s a collective thing, not an individual thing. Together we make change. I see that we are all connected. I am not on my own here. We are all one.

The issue with some mindset, manifestation narratives and spirituality language though is that it bypasses societal injustices or systemic issues which are also feeding into the realities we live in. 

I plan to use my vote on Thursday. I hope you will too. 

I wondered if I would shift out of the feelings I had when I started writing.

I think, I hope you can sense it: yes. It has shifted. I am still dog-tired (!) but the bitterness, the resentment, the frustration has dissipated. My nervous system has regulated. My brain networks have switched on. THANK GOD FOR THAT!

I have relaxed back into my default mode: grateful, optimistic, relaxed. 

I am on a mission. I am driven. I am tired but energised.

Gratitude is the key and I practice it every night:

I have created this life which is flexible. I decide how I’ll spend my days.

I am wealthy in so many ways.

I am ambitious, I am empowered and I am manifesting a life beyond my wildest dreams.

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!!!

Ax

P. S don’t know who to vote for? I’ve just been through this in detail and it’s brilliant.

Vote for Policies

P.P.S issues I’m particularly passionate about are women’s health, fertility policies, childcare, tax, immigration, NHS…so if you are passionate about these things too, go through the quiz above. Make sure you know who and what you are voting for. (GET THE TORIES OUT IF YOU CARE ABOUT WOMEN’S HEALTH, OK BYE )

(oh and if you’re even remotely thinking about Reform please, please, please do lots and lots of research and maybe, just maybe…don’t?! PLEASE?!)

Leave a comment

Well I personally enjoy a good yarn so let’s start.

I planned to reveal my new website on the Gemini New Moon on Thursday 6th June 2024.

What a perfect day for it. How auspicious! Momentous! The stars had aligned for the perfect timing. All my kids are in childcare/school on a Thursday too, “I’ll have lots of space to focus on it”, I thought happily. 

Plus, one of the words for this new moon was Growth (according to the ‘Magic of i’ email I got in my inbox) my word of the year! It was meant to be!

Naturally, I left it until the very last moment on Wednesday evening to press the button to make it live.

Because I will never, ever learn.

Something in my brain insists on leaving things RIGHT TO THE LAST MOMENT. When I’m hosting a webinar, I will go to the loo or make tea or casually start scrolling on my phone literally one minute before I’m supposed to start it and I really couldn’t tell you why I do this. 

But I do. Every, single time. And I host a lot of webinars.

ANYWAY.

So I pressed the buttons I thought I was supposed to press. 

Nothing much happened. It said it can take some time to connect some sort of certificate (a certificate sounds much more congratulatory and fun than this one turned out to be). So I didn’t feel too concerned and went to bed, thinking I would finalise any launch content in the morning and just share it that day.

But no. It turns out that actually, I had pressed the wrong buttons.

I had broken everything so monumentally, that not even an email could be received - let alone a new site launched.

After HOURS AND HOURS on technical chat support to godaddy and squarespace while badgering poor Lauren Barber and Beth Raymond to death because I was so completely in a realm of technical hell I needed as much support as possible, I LITERALLY HOWLED IN RAGE AND FRUSTRATION in my kitchen!

Seriously. It was loud and it was long and not only did I howl with rage and frustration, I was dealing with all manner of old mindset nonsense.

Shame came along. Shame because I’d said I would launch on this day and if I don’t then this is obviously hugely embarrassing, I thought.

Shame because I HAD DONE IT TO MYSELF! I hadn’t left enough time, I had pressed the wrong buttons, I ‘should’ have been in a position to have been able to pay someone properly to do the whole thing for me so I wouldn’t have to touch any tech because it is not my Zone of Genius (the understatement of the year)!

Shame came again and again because I suddenly was in shame spiral.

My Comparison came to say hello too.

She was having a field day. It was exhausting. I was exhausted.

I thought about not going to the event I’d been invited to that evening. 

I thought about curling up and going to bed early and not showing my face because I really wasn’t feeling myself and I felt physically so drained and tired. (And if I had chosen this, that would have been ABSOLUTELY OK).

But something in me knew that what I actually needed, for more energy and to claw back my true sense of self, confidence and joy was people, a change of scene, a new space.

So once I had accepted there was indeed nothing more to be done, that the website would not be live that day, that I had failed, I dragged myself to the bedroom, threw a few things in a bag and drove myself to the train station. I went to London. My old home.

As soon as I got there I felt a mix of emotions and nostalgia. This city, this pulsing energy, this old home of mine where I lived with Si for the first time, where I had many rounds of fertility treatment, where I eventually grew all three of my babies, flooded me with new thoughts, new feelings.

I went to the event. I spoke to amazing people working on the cutting edge of women’s health. I met new people. I had a few glasses of wine. I felt tired but also - I felt inspired. I felt motivated, re-energised. I had regained perspective and the powerful energy of the city and of the women and not being in my usual environment enlivened me.

I felt good. More than good, I felt happy and aligned.

And you know what happened on Friday?

I woke up, got a coffee from a lush little cafe, ate a croissant on a sunny balcony, ran a coaching call for my members and then: I FIXED THE FUCKING WEBSITE BABY!!!!

OK I didn’t do it alone. I did it with help from the best person on the planet: Edward from Go Daddy Support. Yes Edward. I mean it. You have no idea what your kind, confident demeanor and USEFUL and helpful voice on the end of the phone did for me. 

I jest. The best people on the planet are the next two I’m going to mention.

Lauren Barber. An angel on earth who went above and beyond her role as exceptional space holder, designer, brand alchemist. Not only did Lauren guide me through creating my gorgeous new branding with her programme Essence, she designed the site and THEN: She helped me get the dam thing online. And I cannot thank her enough.

And Beth, oh Beth! Beth another angel; the kindest and also most brilliant person you’ll ever meet: my technical fairy and business support queen.

And I’m sure ACTUAL fairies and angels were involved because one moment it wasn’t working and then, the next moment: IT WAS WORKING. 

Let me be clear for a moment: this is not just a website. 

For a year and a half I knew I didn’t have an online presence which truly reflected who I am now, what I offer, the experience I’ve got, the services I provide. 

BUT I couldn’t get my messy, post-partum brain to work out what needed to go on it, where to start, how to get new branding. 

I couldn’t figure out when or what I would wear for new photos. I felt on a carousel of confusion and indecision. I tried to make a new site. I got quite far. But it felt all wrong. I couldn’t write the copy. I didn’t know what bits should go where.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, this is A MOMENT, a moment for me to take ownership of the chaos of the last 4 years since 2020:

• When I had a toddler and a newborn, recovering from a c section in lockdown.

• Launching my business in the October of that year.

• Discovering I was pregnant again unexpectedly the following Summer.

• Moving house and leaving London after 15 years.

• Running my business as sole income provider in our household for a year.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE: I now declare the Chaos Years………over. 

From now on there will be no more fertility treatment, pregnancies, births, postpartum or newborns or anyone under the age of 2 years old in my house. 

Home is still VIBRANT, do not get me wrong. I’ll experience other seasons, other challenges - I know this. But nothing, ever, will be anything like the last 4 years.  

A new chapter for me personally and a new era of my business has begun.

So I’m delighted to announce the arrival of my fourth baby: 

www.thisisalicerose.com is now OPEN!!!!

HOORAAAYYYYYY. And you know what? The fuck up, the shame, the reminder I’ve just had, is exactly why I do the work I do. This is why I create the warm, safe powerful spaces online for high achieving smart women to come together!

Because I needn’t have felt any shame this week. In fact what I also did was gave myself was to tap my way through my thought patterns, affirm new ones, repeat them softly until I had soothed my nervous system and gently, gently allowed the waves of rage, frustration, shame and comparison to flow through me until they dissipated and disappeared…

My online coaching spaces teach women how to do this, support them through it so they can discover what they can truly do OR how they can STOP doing so much.

My work supports women through the messy, hormonal chapters of our lives and STILL be goddesses who feel worthy, loved, safe and abundant because we do it TOGETHER. My clients are barristers, HR directors, neuroscientists, creatives, small business owners, mothers, women figuring out what on earth they want to do, producers, media professionals, writers, solicitors. THEY ARE AMAZING.

So welcome to this new era. Welcome to the Joy Voyage…

Take advantage of my launch offer by grabbing my Ignite course with a whopping 50% off using the code IGNITEMEUP. Apply to join my exclusive Happen Club. Have a think about 1:1 coaching with me. Hire me for your business or organisation to speak on wellness, mindset and fertility support. 

Because I am so ready to do the work I was always supposed to do.

Let’s make some magic!!

VISIT THE WEBSITE HERE.

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I stop for a second, holding her pyjamas in my hand and look up at the sky, close my eyes and breath: he’ll be home in a minute, my shift is almost done. I do a quick calculation: 11 hours. 

11 hours playing, feeding, cleaning, tidying, school runs, soft play, multiple negotiations, bath time...

Today was a good day. I laughed a lot with my kids, we had fun under the perma-grey sky.

I love my children and looking after them…is work.

No question.

Parenting is work. And that’s ok - I’m not averse to work. Work is not the devil. 

In the Netflix doc Stutz, he explains that if you can accept that life is basically always gonna have pain, uncertainty and work then you’re onto a winner.

Freedom awaits. (He’s right. I have experienced this many times and also have to learn it again and again…).

Naturally I have no idea exactly what I want to write after that 11 hour shift. 

I’ve had many potentially interesting thoughts rudely interrupted by various minor incidents:

“That’s a road! Stop!”

“Don’t pour it all over the floor….oh,”

“It’s her marble Reggie! Leave her alone!”

“Luna. Luna stop sitting on Reggie.”

Thoughts have included:

I really should order that parenting book

How can this comfy safe, normal world be real and at the same time thousands of children are getting blown up and how can I even write this, wrapped in a clean towel after a hot shower while my husband puts my children to bed in their warm, safe rooms, and why is this thought sounding so…basic and how can I educate myself more when I can barely find time to get the things done I need to get done on a daily basis??

I have got to write about the Alabama ruling that embryos are ‘children’. Jesus.

I will die at some point and so will everyone I know and this is not actually thoroughly depressing but is in fact, just a fact, which I’ve known for most of my life but, for the majority of the time, have paid little attention to - and when I do consider it, it is freeing and motivating (yes I read 4000 Weeks. Loved it). 

Also:

What a privilege it is to muse and ponder about death and have the time and health and safety to do so

*Must write letters to all my children and family in case I do in fact die this week.

*Also do something about what should happen to my business in the event of my demise.

And a thousand others.

How do we ever get anything done?!

It ain’t sexy but if I had to pick one thing? Prioritise.

I’m the fucking QUEEN of prioritisation. If it doesn’t move my business or my life forward and it’s not essential or it can be passed on: it’s off the list.

I’m not sure how I ever functioned without this epic skill which I’m truly proud of (!).

Without it I feel I would perpetually spin, frazzled, probably splattered with a bit of yogurt, nappy in one hand, laptop in the other, never actually getting anything done outside absolute essentials.

(Which, let me be clear is TOTALLY OK when you’re right in the thick of something. Survival mode is real. I’ve been in it many times especially in the last 4 years. But then I emerge.)

Not getting things done equals stagnant energy. Low mood. Frustration. Self loathing. Mini-egg marathons. Doom scroll binges.

It also means I don’t make any money and as a business owner this is, you know, QUITE IMPORTANT.

So how does one snap out of one’s cottonwool-comfort-bit?

When I get things done I’m motivated, extremely pleased with myself (self talk is epic tbh) and creative. I basically start feeling like I can probably do anything and in fact, that I probably should. (Except perhaps open a restaurant or go into anything ‘sporty’). 

The difference is stark, stark I tell you. So, I prioritise. Do something important that will actually move the needle towards my current goals.

Crack on and await my inner mind champions to rock up and pat me on the back, waving their little pom poms so I sort of feel almost obliged and quite happy actually, to go on and do something else too.

So. There you have it. A return of sorts to the Stack.

Very little coherence. A bit of death chat. A strange sort of segue into how to prioritise.

But! I’m back, after an unexpected COVID related, half-term exacerbated three week pause. And done is better than perfect.

Done is JOY. How’ve you been?! x

I’m standing in blackout-blind-dark holding my nearly two year old.

My body aches with Covid, my brain foggy, my nose blocked. 

Her little body, rigid in my arms, pulls away from me screaming in my face, screaming, screaming with her whole being because I’m saying: “it’s time to sleep”.

She points, angrily, to the chink of light by the door- she wants to go ‘that way’.

Me too babe. I’m looking for my own chink of light honey. 

The morning had started with my nearly 4 year old, also screaming in my face. 

He didn’t want to go to nursery (except he did really, he just didn’t at that precise moment).

He’s loud, really, really loud. 

It was 7.25am. 

I felt tired, my throat hurt. 

I wanted water, a shower, coffee. 

My day, bookended with nervous system overstimulation on a body and mind which ached to be still, quiet, rest. It’s the second day of my period. I’m bleeding too. It’s a full moon - of course. Why wouldn’t it be?!

My muffled brain, clouded by Covid and childcare, moons and blood, tries to remember the essentials. That email. That idea for my business . No, not essential.

Come back to now.

Another day- the weekend at least, but I feel physically worse. My husband is here but he can’t even get out of bed, he’s got it too…it’s on me.

Screens feature heavily. I drag us all out for a fresh air afternoon boost to the little playground around the corner, I breathe in the sky. Briefly thankful for the beauty of our surroundings…

I wrote ‘book proposal’ in my planner for today. I had scheduled a yoga class last night and had hoped for a cafe escape for a couple of hours to write this morning. We were going to buy paint and start to decorate our bathroom after two years of living in a white box.

Nothing could be done, on a day like today.

If I think too much about these things, my eyes fill with frustration. My responsibilities feel so great, my time so very precious. When it’s stolen I have to blink away the sadness, because it is a sadness to lose time with myself, my dreams, my work, my joy, my body.

After a decade of giving so much of my head, heart, soul and physicality to creating, making and raising children - this time now, beyond the baby years, feels like the Reclamation. 

So when any of it has to yet again be sacrificed, it is a mini grief. I miss me, time for me. I miss making progress…

There’s no mindset reframe I want to make on days like today, there’s no joy in looking for one. The joy comes in unexpected, gentle moments - a funny movie with my eldest, a bunch of flowers I bought myself, a new member signing up to my membership…and finally, the blissful, blissful moment the door closes on the day, the bedroom is mine and no one is asking anything at all of me…that is my joy. 

That is ecstasy!!

And of course there’s so much joy in the gratitude-  we are safe, the house is warm, we have a bed, there is food, the children are happy, I am supported, we have Netflix, Disney+, hot water. We can pay our bills. We are really living in luxurious comfort. 

AND there is joy - a release; this writing as a creative expression -  in sharing the truth: this week has been a challenge and that’s OK to say. There is simply no time to waste and I will not waste one more moment of my life, not being truthful with myself. Is this ‘moaning’? Is it a problem even if it is?

For years, all stages of the womanhood experience, from adolescence to the fertility chapter, motherhood or not motherhood and finally menopause and beyond - have not been truly SEEN.

They have not been heard. They have not been taken seriously. They have been gaslit (over and over and over again). They have been ignored.

On a day when the papers are reporting that one in four males aged 16-29 believe that feminism has done more harm than good and a fifth of men look favourably on Andrew Tate, I am feeling the fire.

My fertility, motherhood and business experience in a world where a GP with an instagram following of over 60k is collaborating with a big brand selling deodorant for vulvas (yep - it’s completely and utterly bananas and wrong and shouldn’t be allowed) is important because all of our experiences are important; this is foundational to the way our society functions.

I believe being seen, heard and receiving support without judgement; this is where true and powerful transformations can occur. 

Holding compassionate and transformative spaces for women to be all they want, dream and can be, while hearing and seeing the specific challenges they might be navigating, just like I am myself-  is what I do.

Right now I am welcoming in new clients to my coaching mastermind, sharing the stories of transformation on my instagram. Some are mothers, some are starting businesses, some are going through fertility treatment. All of them experienced deep transformative change through our work together.

You can read more here . We start on the 9th. If you’d like to chat about working with me, let me know. 

Today is Imbolc.

February is a month for new beginnings, a month to look for beauty and extraordinary every day. Right now, my head is pounding, my Covid still lingers - but there is so much joy in writing this, showing up and seeing who I connect with. The writing must happen now - I will lie down in a moment - but it must happen now before the children come back and bedtime starts again…

Take care,

Alice

My greatest fears when I started my fertility support IG account 6 years ago:

Who am I to share my story?

Who am I to tell people what helped me, in the hope it would help them?

Who did I think I was?

What would people think of this mum of a one year old, striding into the fertility community, all: ‘hey everyone, I can help!’

I wasn’t a professional (then).

I wasn’t an ‘expert’. 

I was just another fertility gal. 

And I didn’t just want to share a fertility story (I actually thought my fertility story was the least interesting part). To me, the mind-blowing story was that I had found a way to live, with joy and wholeness, in an apparently unending limbo - and it was this that I felt so compelled to share - but seriously, who was I to do it?

All I had at that point was my personal experience. 

These fears and beliefs nearly stopped me from getting off the starting blocks.

We are so scared of what people think, aren’t we?

I had already been through a lot of failure and rejection before I even got to infertility. I truly believed I simply wasn’t “enough” at that point.

It took some transformative, deep and active, consistent mindset work, creative healing and self compassion to change the narrative.

These are some of the things which helped me make friends with the Fears (they get a capital F cos they felt BIG and blocky and in my dam way!).

These things allowed me to do what I wanted to do, which snowballed and became much more than I could ever have imagined (and now serves thousands of people)…

Here they are in no particular order.

The things that helped me get out of my way:

1. I connected with my higher purpose. Starting an ig account wasn’t actually about me at all. I was sharing my story, using my skills as a content creator, communicator and writer, yes. But the POINT of it was to share what I truly believed was life changing information for others as well as creating community and safe, positive spaces.

2. A friend of mine sent me this Marianne Williamson quote after I shared my fears:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

This puppy right here: ‘your playing small does not serve the world’ dropped in like a golden lightbulb into my fearful mind. 

I began to see that, in fact, I had almost a duty to share and write and talk. It changed everything.

* Language which can spark so much emotion, like: ‘God’ instantly makes my little social media conditioned brain go on alert; someone on Instagram, if I shared this, would comment or message their strident thoughts on why it is BS and I am therefore an uneducated fool to share it, preying on vulnerable people’s needs or something. Well I am showing more of myself here on Substack now. Marianne uses ‘God’ in a spiritual universal way which aligns with my views and beliefs. This conversation really is another article isn’t it. I’ll stop here for now.

3. I’d worked on the self worth thing and perfectionism wasn’t an issue for me. Perfectionism is linked to our belief that something we create or produce must be perfect or it’s worthless a.k.a we are worthless. So I had that going for me and could press share on my first ever post. Taking ACTION. IT FEELS SO GOOD TO TAKE ACTION!! See point 4…

4. Momentum breeds momentum, action=/__u/thejoyvoyage.substack.com/happiness.%3C/strong> I know now that all sorts of cool stuff happens in our brains which form new neural pathways when we take action and when we are being who we are truly meant to be.

5. Tuned out all the noise and concentrated on my own words, ideas, thoughts and creativity. Comparison thieves an’ all that. So this bit was super important. It really didn’t matter what anyone else was doing. It still doesn’t. 

So there you are. Five things - there were many more, which became the springboard to my life as I know it now. 

A business owner, podcaster, advocate, speaker, mum of three and certified Transformational Coach. NONE of which would have happened if I hadn’t got out of my own bloomin’ way.

You are enough.

Perfect doesn’t exist.

Your voice matters.

Do the things you want to do; you never know where it’ll take you. 

(And there’s so, so much joy in the voyage - even the scary bits.)

The doors to my HAPPEN coaching mastermind are open…there’s an Earlybird offer until next Tuesday. Click here for the details or send me a message to ask me anything!

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