Going Over the Bridge to Freedom


How can someone live without 
the person they trust the most?
I become my own trust manager. 

Some intuitive, caring being 
quietly enters my consciousness like fog 
crawling across the Golden Gate Bridge.

Fog spreads through my cracks 
and crevices forming creeks 
and rivers that soothe. 

Stopping the spread 
is the fear of being alone. 
Who am I now?

I can’t feel my center 
my feet smothered in fog
that makes them tingle and sweat.

I rise up and ride upstream 
in a fog river to my heart. 

My heartbeat slows 
to the rhythm 
of the flow of fog. 

I must cross 
the red bridge 
to adulthood. 

I hear the red winged 
blackbird’s call 
on the other side. 

Slow as molasses 
my feet move 
toward my future. 

The fog and I 
rise together 
we will be okay. 

I AM AN ATTITUDINAL RADAR




MY BODY DOES ITS OWN THING


MY EYES LOOK AWAY WHEN I WANT TO FOCUS IN
MY CORE STIFFENS UP WHEN I WANT TO MELT INTO A HUG
MY HANDS WON'T WAVE GOODBYE


AND I GET ATTITUDE 
LIKE IT'S THE NEON ARCHES 
AT THE FAST FOOD JOINT AROUND THE CORNER


I FEEL THE JOY AS SOMEONE OPENS THEIR HAPPY MEAL
I FEEL THE DISSAPPOINTMENT SOMEONE HAS 
WHEN THE PUBLIC BUS PASSES THEM BY
I FEEL THE ANGER DRIVERS HAVE 
WHEN MY MOM GOES TOO SLOW


I FEEL AND FEEL AND FEEL


PROFESSIONALS ONCE CLAIMED 
I HAD NO UNDERSTANDING OF OTHER'S EMOTIONS


THEY SAID THINGS LIKE 
NO SHARED GAZE MEANS NO SHARED EMOTIONS


HOW WRONG THEY ARE


I DON'T SHARE GAZE 
BECAUSE THE EMOTION I FEEL IS OVERWHELMING
AND SHARING THE GAZE IS OVER THE TOP FOR ME


EYE CONTACT IS SUCH AN AMERICAN THING


IN ETHIOPIA 
GIVING EYE CONTACT TO ELDERS IS DISREPECTFUL


MAYBE GIVING EYE CONTACT TO AUTISTICS IS DISRESPECTFUL


ABA IS ALL ABOUT "LOOK AT ME"


I FEEL AND FEEL AND FEEL


I PAY ATTENTION TO THE UNSEEN


THE SMELL
THE GAIT
THE TONE
THE SPEED


SO MANY CLUES MISSED BY NEUROTYPICALS


THIS IS WHY AUTISTICS MAKE GREAT ATTITUDE DETECTORS


LIKE SMOKE DETECTORS OUR DYSREGULATION IS AN ALARM
AN ALARM THAT SOMETHING FEELS OFF
OR ON TOO MUCH


I WISH I COULD MEET THOSE PROFESSIONALS AGAIN


THE ONE WHO SAID MY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE WAS ZERO
THE ONE WHO SAID I DIDN'T FEEL PAIN
THE ONE WHO SAID I'D BE AS SMART AS A TWO YEAR OLD MY WHOLE LIFE


TO ALL OF THEM WHO DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS LISTENING
AND REMEMBERING
AND FEELING


I TELL THEM ALL TO LOOK AGAIN
LOOK AT WHAT MY MIND THINKS
NOT AT WHAT MY IMPULSIVE BODY DOES


MY BODY DOES NOT REFLECT MY THOUGHTS
MY BODY DOES NOT INDICATE MY FEELINGS


I AM NOT MY BODY


PROFESSIONALS PLEASE EXPAND YOUR VIEW OF INTELLIGENCE
AND OWN YOUR ATTITUDES


IT'S A CHOICE HOW YOU SEE ME

Listening Yesterday


I am welding 
a sixth sense 
out of teal nails. 

Six feet under 
yester poems and 
tethered lives rise.

Ghost pipes unfurl 
in the shadow 
of a grizzly bear. 

Is that a bear? 
I thought it was 
my grizzly past. 

Listening, the bee
makes of the peony 
an echo chamber. 

He rises like 
sound, I no 
that poet. 
 

twelve years and counting 


a lot of my days 
are now able to be 
spoken about with my fingers 
because Soma was able to see 
the truth in my intelligence

it was beautiful Soma 
who first worked 
to tame my body 
and let the intelligence 
shine through the cracks 
of hope that had risen 
to the surface of my heart 
hanging on by a glimmer 
that I caught in Soma’s eye
when I first saw her 
standing in the doorway 
opening the door 
to an unknown future

her voice freed my mind 
from its boredom 
while she taught 
my fingers to talk 

on that day 
I made a silent pact 
with my mom 
to never look back 

making it out 
of the woods of despair 
takes time and sacrifice 
but when there are 
gains being made 
the questions emerge 
around what kind of life 
I can have now 
with communication 

what was once a bleak future 
became one filled with possibilities 

high school diploma complete 
fueled the desire for more 
into higher education I soared 

what would life be like 
without that fateful day 
when my world was changed 
forever by Soma?

there are many who try 
to say that it is not really me 
when I communicate 
but what I have to say 
in return is this

there are hard truths to accept 
about what is possible 
when someone like me 
is given the tools 
and support needed 
to unlock their simmering silence 

happy to sit together 
and change your mind 

and until then 
stop getting it wrong 
because we are in here 

WANTING


IF I KNEW WHAT I WANTED I COULD HEAD THAT WAY

WHY DON’T SCHOOLS HELP US LEARN TO WANT?

IT’S A SKILL

TO WANT AND NOT NEED

SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE SEEM TO WANT THE MOON

OR MARS

AND ARE HAPPY NOT GETTING IT

THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEED AND WANT

WHEN I NEED I BANK MY HAPPINESS ON IT TOO

I WANT WORLD PEACE

I WANT FAMILY HARMONY

I WANT GOOD HEALTH FOR ALL MY FRIENDS

I WANT TO BE HAPPY

OH AND I WANT A DOG THAT NEVER BARKS

WANT WANT WANT

WANT AND HOPE SEEM LIKE BEDFELLOWS

BOTH FEEL LIKE BUOYS ON A HARSH SEA

I JUST HOPE YOU WANT ME MOST OF ALL

AT A LOSS OF…

Dear moment 
Bring my life back
To me

When I feel 
All is lost
Nowhere to turn
Dear moment
Please…

Quite a distressed me
Is blind to the blessings
Left behind
Still return my life
Back to me
Please…

Perhaps I am not seeing straight
Through the events
That unfold 
In varying trajectories
And the million possibilities

Then enlighten me
I am ready to explore 
My choices
Lift me please
Out of this pit
And take me up
High enough
To see the smallness
Of this setback

Dear moment 
Bring my life back
To me

You know I need you now
More than ever

Good Morning


Reds and oranges alight the sky

Morning is coming soon, you can tell by the colors

As it slowly turns to day, the sun hits my face, warming up my body

Good Evening


As the new moon manifests itself

We await new beginnings

The stars tell us stories

The sky illustrates our mind

Orange peels on my face 

I screamed at first 
Until I realized
It’s sunshine through the window sills 

I squeezed the peels 
Wet, soft and gritty 
I like their texture 

A shield of citrus light 
A sensory sun 
I can control 

Sometimes faces are confusing 
Eyebrows mean things
Smiles mean other things 

But, orange peels 
Mean orange peels 
And that makes all the difference

peaceful protest


it is powerful people 
who think they rule the world

I think that we are able 
to make their power weak 
through our communities
woven together by threads 
of love, deep concern, 
and feelings of despair

I think our power sings 
and reverberates with hope 
that will conquer the hate
hiding in plain sight 
in the neighborhoods 
we cherish 

with our heads held high 
we have to show our solidarity,
our power, and our heart 
for one another 

Solidarity

Slowed everything in my life   
Organized for predictability, not perfection 
Limited social demands & emotional overexposure 
Identified non-negotiables - health, charity and recovery time 
Distanced myself from neurotypical expectations 
Anchored myself to people who understand disabilities 
Reduced focus to what actually matters
Integrated accommodations into daily life 
Trained the environment, not just myself 
Yielded to solidarity, not isolation 

UNWRAPPED




RECYCLE BIN FULL OF GREEN RED BLUE


CARDBOARD STACKED


LINE FOR GOODWILL DONATIONS DOWN THE STREET


STORES BUSY WITH RETURNS


STUFF STUFF STUFF


NONE OF IT GOES WITH US


WHEN I DIE


I WANT PEOPLE TO SAY HE LEFT ONLY WORDS


WORDS THAT FILL THEIR HEARTS


WORDS THAT FILL THEIR IMAGINATIONS


WORDS THAT WERE NOT AI GENERATED


WHEN I LIVE I WANT TO FILL MYSELF WITH WORDS


WORDS THAT BEAT IN MY HEART


WORDS THAT ARE MY IMAGINATION


WORDS THAT I CREATE


ONE LETTER AT A TIME


LIKE EACH SECOND OF THE NEW YEAR AN OPPORTUNITY


AN OPPORTUNITY TO USE STUFF


STUFF BEFORE I DIE


MY OMA GAVE ME A NAMIBIAN DOLL YESTERDAY


SHE IS STARTING TO LET GO OF STUFF


I DON'T NEED A DOLL


AND I LIKE THINKING ABOUT NAMIBIA


BUT THE DUST ON THE DOLL I CAN DO WITHOUT


HOW CAN I LOVE STUFF AND DO WITHOUT?


NOW THE DOLL IS MINE


MY FRIENDS GOT POSTERS OF OUR ALBUM COVER 


BEAUTIFUL BUT THEN WHAT?


WORDS TAKE UP LITTLE SPACE


THEY DON'T COLLECT DUST


AND CAN EASILY BE REFRESHED


IN THE NEW YEAR I’M GOING TO FILL MYSELF WITH WORDS

What Fits in the Palm of Your Hand


I.

My treasures: torn branch, green needles 

I smell the bitter tar from 
weeping wounds

caused by my roving hands 


II.

Carrying leaves: green
primary with air 
and nutrients 

Hands that crave the movement of not growth 
but fibrous length 

and pleasing to my palm


III.

Now I carry and walk

My hands explore 
smells being made 

through sinuous 
torn matter


IV.

I am a pirate of little things: a bounty of leaves
and twigs and branches 

small and carried 
on walks 

like many keepers

Let’s Dream Beyond Limits 


I walked bravely 
Bravely 
Bravely 
Into AuSM’s Autistic Community Summit 
To speak about how to thrive together 
In co-created neurodivergent spaces 
A much needed discussion 
As legislation has been rapidly changing 

My brain shut down
Eyes teared up 
As the summit agenda
Flashed in front of my face
I was mad at first 
That we are meeting to save our future 
Instead of celebrating our growth 
I wished we were instead collaborating 
On how to broaden our lives 
Broaden, yes - broaden 

Imagine a day when services are bleak
And it’s too late to advocate for survival 
Friends, now is the time 
It’s never too late 
To join hands, to care, to co-create
We are living on a land shaped by ancestors 
Who held on to each other 
When systems failed them 
We carry that same power 
That same fire
To stand up as a community 

Let us build the spaces 
That legislation forgot to imagine 
Spaces where neurodivergent brilliance 
Is not squeezed into depression 
Where we decide together 
What care means 

For thriving is not a luxury - 
it is our right 
And co-creation is not optional - 
It is our survival 

Let us dream boldly 
Act gently, yet fiercely 
Step by step, voice by voice 
We walk bravely, even now 
Towards a future we will build together.