Tarot Pages in my 50s

Part 3

In my fifties, after at least five years of a perimenopausal rollercoaster I am ready for the light heartedness of the Pages. Pages are playful beings. They offer curiosity, beginner’s mind, wonder and freshness. The card this week is the Page of Swords, where the mind meets openess.

The Page of Swords in my 50s

Breathe

When the Page of Swords appears in a reading, I feel encouraged to give myself time to breathe. Swords are air element after all. With a son who turns eighteen this week and a fifteen year old daughter I need space, even though I do love them very much.

Writer

I rediscovered a love of writing in my forties. Midlife and creativity seem to go hand in hand. I wonder why? Maybe it’s the need for joy in a time of transition? Anyway, The Page of Swords is my reminder to explore and play when I write. She reminds me to notice and observe the details of life.

Sleep

Listening to the spoken word before sleep takes me back to my childhood. In the eighties I had a walkman and a story cassette which helped me doze off. Dozing off is no problem for me but the 3am wake ups now are so annoying. Comforting words in the middle of the night take me back to my childhood in this way. This childlike Page is lulled by stories too.

Be more me

The Page of Swords as card eleven means this card has double magician energy1–and the magician embodies Individuation. I feel this. I make space for my own ways of thinking.

Inner critic

In the suit of swords we see how challenging the mind can be. The inner critic. Anxiety. All that stuff shows up here. But the Page of Swords has a different take. On a good day she meets thoughts playfully and with a light heart. My meditation practice has helped in this way but every day is a new step.

Decisions

The Page–being related to number two in numerology–is at a crossroads. Like me in my 50s, she has decisions to make. Many of my decisions have been about career changes. The Page sees hesitations as a natural part of being curious and open minded. She pops up to remind me that decision making is part of life. There are no right answers. Staying interested and playful is more important than knowing the right direction to move.

Pauses

The older I get the more I want to be truthful. Swords are truth. I have spent much of my life speaking or acting in ways to please others. I haven’t lied but I have said the easiest thing to say. But now the Page is the pause before I speak. What do I really want to say. What feels truthful to me. This is not yet resolved in me. But the Page seeds the idea.

Student

Why do so many of us start a new skill in midlife? The Page of swords is thirsty for learning new things. I took up tarot and astrology in midlife. It is never too late to be a student again.

Grounded thinking

Last week I wrote about how the Pages are all earth element, this Page being earth of air. As a 50 year old I am grounded in my experience of life. I can have new ideas and stay rooted in my life experience at the same time.

Brain Fog

The Page of swords tends to be a little hazy. Glad I’m not the only one.

💬Thanks so much for reading this today.

Tell me which tarot Page you are drawn to most? Pentacles, cups, swords or wands?

By restacking this post and tapping the heart ❤️ you help me stay visible on Substack, which these days requires you to be online far more than is good for you.

See you next week for the last in the series on Pages.

Subscribe now

Out of the blue I have a mini series for you about tarot Pages. This is part 2. You told me you’d love to to hear more last time, so here I am.

The series is a glimpse into how I read Tarot Pages paired with some Page wisdoms for lets say the more ‘silver haired’ among us.

I seem to have found my way back to the midlife theme. Maybe it’s because my bones seem to be creaking evermore and it feels helpful to keep on exploring.

How I read Pages elementally

This week’s way of reading Pages has an elemental feel.

Tarot Pages are earth element as a basis. Sooooo…

• Page of Pentacles is Earth of Earth

• Page of Cups is Earth of Water

• Page of Swords is Earth of Air

• Page of Wands is Earth of Fire

So lovely to think of Pages in this way.

When I pull a Page I think of earth element as being a foundation. Earth is impressionable, fertile and ready to receive water.

So the Page of Cups is the part of us laying the ground for of all things cups suit.

The Page of Cups is the foundational part of our personality ready for watery themes such as love, friendship, intuition connection feeling and all things dreamy and poetic.

The page is the part if us trying to embody all this.

10 themes in the Page of Cups for women who say ‘oof’ when they get up of the floor. Just me?

1. Lay down strong foundations for experiencing new feelings through this life phase.

2. You feel grounded in yourself which helps you be in relationship with others in new ways.

3. You are steady enough in yourself to explore your unique self as it is now anew. Your poetic self. Your inner world. Your mystery.

4. You are more permeable to the feelings around you. This sensitivity needs sitting with.

5. Your intuition is felt at ground level. Be curious about your inner messages.

6. Life feels parched without a touch of soulfulness in your day. You are laying the ground for a life of heart.

7. Earth and water make clay. Begin Shaping your life into the form you love.

8. You are grounded enough to hold the neverending flow of new life stuff coming your way these days

9. Life at this stage can feel like being stuck in a bog of emotions.

10. Life gives you a lot to hold. Form a reservoir to start collecting all the things you are nourished by.

    ---

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate you.

Tap the ❤️ if any of the Page messages felt true for you.

Tapping the ❤️ also helps me stay afloat in the now overwhelming Substack universe, without having to spend hours in the social media aspect of Substack called Notes.

Let me know which numbers feel relevant to your life in the comments.

Claire

Read part one here The page of pentacles

You can vote for more posts about the other three Pages and how I see their guidance in my 50s by pressing the heart ❤️

About the numerology of the Pages and how it helps us understand them

This is the nerdy teachery explainy bit. Stick with it though. You’ll be glad you did.

When I pull a Page, I bring the High Priestess to mind to get a sense of the card.

I learned this from Mary K Greer and Meg Jones Wall.

If you are wondering why the Pages and the Priestess are so bound, read on.

For me the most helpful doorway into understanding Court Cards is through their numerology and their link to the Major Arcana.

The Pages, as you know, are card eleven in the suit.

Reduce eleven to a single digit by adding one and one to make…

Two

In this way the Pages have the energy of number two.

Tah dah!

This leads us back to card two, the High Priestess card in the Major Arcana.

And it makes sense doesn’t it.

The Pages are not action orientated.

They are creatures of curiosity and play which all requires the openess of the High Priestess.

You with me?

The High Priestess meets the Page of Pentacles

With the Page of Pentacles, the stillness and receptivity of the High Priestess meets the pentacles suit.

Work, money, nature, crafts, food, the body and all those other daily life matters.

The quiet wisdom of the High Priestess meets the Page’s curiosity and playfulness and desire to experience new things. The High Priestess plants seeds.

So how does this look in my 50s. What could the Page teach me (if only I would listen)

10 Ways I could learn from The page of pentacles in my 50s

See if you can you spot the Page and the Priestess together in this list.

1. Find more spacious ways of working. Forget the hustle.

2. Slow down as a way to more presence in life.

3. Say no to juggling projects. Prioritise simplicity.

4. Feel at peace with the hum drum without asking for more.

5. Know that life offers something much more mysterious when you really look. (I do this in spades)

6. Take time out to assess and notice the pushes and pulls in your career and finances. Your home life. You need quiet time to do this.

7. Start the new project, career or workout. Forget age. Be more ageless like the High Priestess.

8. Appreciate nature. Nature calms and becomes a great support through perimenopause.

9. Find peace with your changing body. Get to know your body as it is right now.

10. Rediscover playful creativity as a way to a more open way of being. Age doesn’t limit play.

• Tell me below which of these Page of Pentacles messages feels most helpful to you in the comments.

• Remember to press the heart if you would like to hear about the other three Pages.

Subscribe now

Friends I am on holiday with my family. Cicadas sing here all day and the sea and sky merge as a clear blue.

I thought I’d write short posts whilst away but I’m loving being offline so my writing is paused. Hope you’ll find a chance to have a break this summer. See you when I return.

Wish you were here

Claire

Subscribe now

Hello to you.Through the summer holidays I’m writing shorter posts in order to slow down and spend less time on screen.

My summer series posts are a simple invitation to draw a few tarot cards, journal and chat.

Our theme this week is friendship.

With summer wishes

Claire

When I was young the menopause was referred to as 'the change.' People would whisper it 'she's going through the change'.

‘Going through the change’ is an interesting way to describe menopause because the whole of life is change. From the moment we are born, even before, we are becoming someone new in every single moment.

So if change is something we live with from when we are born, why is the change in midlife highlighted?

I would say that change comes into sharper focus at midlife because midlife is when we are faced more of the truth.

When I say we face truth, I mean we face how precious and short our lives are.

Women in midlife meet with the truth of ageing biologically (more starkly than men in my opinion) and this reinforces the truth that life really is finite.

Periods stop. Breasts sag. The hips and waist thicken. The oestrogen drop causes anxiety and depression. Hair thins. The skin dries. (Sorry!)

But the phrase ‘going through the change’ should never have been derogatory or hidden. Being given the opportunity to face how things are should be celebrated. This is an opportunity to live wisely.

In this phase of life our inner crone becomes more fully conscious of the transience of life, and therefore has a chance to live from that knowing.

Imagine if all women in perimenopause were celebrated for becoming more conscious of how things really are.

I’d wear the T shirt.

Crone Conscious of Change or Falling Apart in the Wisest of Ways.

When I pull cards I do so in order to become more fully conscious of change. I see the cards as mirrors reflecting life back to me. And when confronted with change, the cards are good friends to have.

I asked my card today to tell me what the menopause is showing me.

I got the Three of Pentacles.

The three of pentacles is a collaborative card and I feel seen. I am collaborating with life rather than working against it when I accept the reality of ageing. Menopause is the master builder and I am the apprentice growing from the grounded truth, the solid facts of life. The three of pentacles encourages me to grow rather than shrink. This is not a phase for thinking I know it all already. In a funny way life has only just begun.

Would you like to ask your cards what midlife means to you right now. I’d love to hear from you.

Claire

This year I have filled four notebooks and am half way through my fifth–good going for me. Consistency has never been my strong point, but my new approach to journaling has moved things along.

Read more

A tarot tip today-a good one for beginners. An invitation to chat at the end.

Last week was so full for me.

I led a day retreat, supported another then gave a talk about shrines. I mean I loved it. Except for the feeling nervous part. I didn't love that.

On top of this I had all the usual mum stuff happening, including hosting a birthday sleepover for my teenage daughter and two of her friends.

The girls ended up shouting "carpe diem" from our balcony at midnight. They had just watched Dead Poets Society you see. I guess if shouting latin is as raucous as parties get at this stage then I am indeed very blessed.

Anyway after the antics I needed a rest.

So I asked my cards this morning why rest is important.

Now here is the part where I give you an alternative to daily cards.

Instead of pulling one card, I draw three, all for the SAME question.

There are no spread positions. Just the question and three cards.

You read the cards right to left, like a story, with a beginning, a middle and an end. This is something Liz Worth teaches.

There's real pleasure in pulling three cards for one question. You get more detail, more of a story arc and more of a sense of transformation through the reading.

I got the empress, the sun and the fool.

Now this is only a quick synopsis and not a full reading. I wanted you to get the gist.

The empress is breastfeeding in this cosy witch version of the card. She is the archetypal mother looking after everyone else.

The Sun card is vibrant. Full of energy .No longer giving herself to others, the woman in the card is soaking up some rays to replenish herself.

The Fool stands in front of her mirror. She is back to a renewed sense of herself, and even her own cat–who is pawing her ankle for a saucer of milk–is made to wait.

All three cards together are telling a story. The story arc moves from nurture to replenishment to renewal.

And the real treasure is to answer your question about rest, by making the message of all three cards into one neat and supportive sentence.

Like a mantra for the day.

My mantra looks this way:

Rest is important because…

…when you are a caregiver, rest recharges you and helps you rediscover your own joyful centre again.

Empress. Sun. Fool.

Story telling with the cards is a powerful way of knowing what is true on a heart level rather than a head level.

To me pulling cards, seeing their stories and journaling is just as healing as the answers. The whole ritual of it creates a sense of wellbeing.

So now how about you? Would you like to give this a go?

Why not ask your cards the same question as I asked mine about rest.

Remember to pull three cards instead of one.

Meet me in the chat thread with your thoughts or your cards.

With the temperatures set to soar again, I've been wondering how to manage myself. Move more slowly. Drink truckloads of water. Sleep with a single sheet, because no sheet feels warmer for some reason.

I was wondering whether animals ever hibernate in the summer. The heat makes me want to hide in a dark room and sleep. Do you find this too?

So I googled 'summer hibernation'. And yes, there is a word for it. Aestivation. Hiber means winter, aeste means summer. Aestivating animals seek out cool underground cocoons to cope with drought and heat.

A cool subterranean cave sounds alluring. But as with every July in family life, there are unavoidable demands. College open days with my daughter. A summer holiday to book for the family. Birthdays, school concerts, BBQs, work, and all the other end of term shenanigans. I feel like I just have to get on with it.

July always feels full. In fact, when I think about it, around the winter and summer solstice I feel a tug between needing rest and having too much to do.

The Sicilians know how to live with the sun. In my younger days I spent long summers there with locals. Some businesses closed through August. Daytime was spent indoors. The apartments were made for heat with marble floors and shutters at the windows. Indoors was the most restful place to be.

Life began at sunset there over August. The locals met in cafes late evening over a ristretto and cannolo. Then the passeggiata would start, people walking through the town in the cooler evening air.

With all this in my mind I got curious about what the cards have to say. What would it look like to aestivate over July and August? The card I received was surprising. I had imagined the four of swords, or the nine of pentacles. Perhaps the empress. But instead I pulled the death card.

The death card does make sense to me though. In an obvious way, here I am faced with the very image of a dark, cool underground cocoon. Time away from the light.

The figure we see also has a scythe. She has cut back on her activities and has come to a standstill. A culling of over activity has taken place.

However, the death card feels more of a collective shift. If we are to survive the summers to come, there must be a letting go of the old ways in which we have lived. Maybe there needs to be a cultural move away from our routine.

We still have a nine to five life on the whole in the UK. They say only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun, and to some extent we are still so delighted when the sun appears that we tend to go a little nuts.

Instead, with the way the weather is becoming more extreme, we may need to die to our old ways and take some hints from our Mediterranean friends. Aestivation looks like a complete cultural shift. A death.

How are you responding to the heat?

Subscribe now

Thank you for reading this. To support my page please do press the heart if you enjoyed it. In this way my writing is seen by more people. Thank you.

Claire

Find my tarot readings here

Today a post from the archives with an additional ten new tarot spreads. My favourite is number 26!

I was too hot to think or write so the post I had in mind is still on the go.

30 two card tarot spreads for grown up women.

1. My relationship with [name] | how it has changed

2. Old stuff | New stuff

3. My conditioning | The unravelling

4. Stagnant energy | The breakthrough

5. Unfamiliar terrain | Treading wisely

6. The Midlife quest | Me as the heroine

7. The unexpected gift of ageing | How it changes me

8. The season I am in | The fruits of the season

9. How I feel about my body | How to cherish my body more

10. Who I thought I’d be | Who I have become

Read more

In today’s post

Nature writing and a tarot card. Simply standing still in a field like the solstice sun. Inviting you to join me in spirit.

The elderflower scent is thick in the air. Not sweet like syrup. More pungent. I won’t gather any elderflower this year. Several times in my life I have made cordial but have always been alarmed by the amount of sugar needed. The elderflower tea I dried last summer is in an olive jar on my desk. I enjoyed the foraging and bottling but less so the taste.

Bees and bluebottles buzz around blackberry flowers. The fruits are already showing, hard and green with the promise of autumn and crumble with custard.

A red admiral flits between the nettles loaded with seeds. For me, early spring is nettle at its finest when the long winter is woken by green again. Fresh green. So good with mint. The window for fresh nettle tea has been and gone though. You know the leaves will be bitter once the flowers come. Some herbalists harvest nettles with bare hands. Ouch. The sting is seen as a blessing from the plant. But I once fell into a nettle patch at school and memory stops me from touching the leaves.

I sit under an oak on a log and pull out my cards. Carrion crows, wrens and blackcaps call. Summer is heavy with life. And death. Nettles yellow and curled at the edges. Empty acorn cups from autumn past. The stem of the English ivy devoured by blackfly and the field maple leaves already dark, weighing the branches down.

There is no real reason for drawing a tarot card. No questions in mind, nothing to discover or know. Only creative curiosity and a need to pause. Stand still. Stand still. The ritual is in being here now.

Drawing a card in a field makes me feel wild and at the same time conspicuous. I hear two walkers chatting behind the elderflower trees and wait for their voices to fade before witchery commences. Will the witch wound ever fade?

The wood pigeons beckon me. The sun dried oak leaves sigh. Mixing the cards in my hands, I draw the ace of pentacles and place it on the earth next to my feet.

Pentacles, like seeds, belong to the ground. I wonder if I leave this seed here what would grow?

The parkland is full of seeds. The yellow dandelion flowers have turned to clocks. I no longer tell the time with them. The last seeds always cling on for dear life and the hour is always later than I hope it will be.

The tops of nettles bend heavy with nutty seeds, which I once read can be sprinkled on salads. Rusty red sorrel seeds wait to be stripped from their stalks by passers by. There's wild oat, foxtail and barley too. Summer is teeming with seed and hope.

The summer solstice is near. Summer is only beginning, and already we sense the birth of darkness. A sombre light. For a few days the sun will stand still. Pause. Then darkness becomes a seed in summer’s womb. The days are shortening. The pentacle on my card is like the sun, sinking towards winter. For a while we won’t notice the fading light, perhaps not until the first harvest.

Summer joy is in my heart alongside the sultry descent into death. The ace of pentacles is a marshmallow over the campfire. A beachball blown across sands. Olive. Tomato. Grapes, strawberries, raspberries, peaches and nectarines. A five pence piece in the slot machine on the pier. The ace of pentacles is the promise of summer to come.

Tell me. Will you stand still long enough to take summer in?

Claire

With gratitude to for passing on her knowledge of foraging.

If you enjoyed this please do press the tiny heart and make a solstice wish as you do. Thank you.

Subscribe now

Subscribe now

Body Image at Midlife

• Card one- My body image in my twenties

• Card two- My body image now

• Card three - A healthy body mindset moving forward

Card one: my body image in my 20s. The Star.

I have never thought of the star card as a goddess before but as I turned her over there she was. Like the Venus di Milo. Beautiful and out of reach. A body unafraid to be on show. A woman at ease with herself.

I did not see myself this way in my twenties. Like a goddess I mean. Maybe there were moments. I do remember one summer in Sicily. I lived on Mediterranean vegetables, swam in the sea, tanned myself beyond recognition. I felt confident then. But on the whole I remember always trying to have a better body.

I was a teenager when supermodels came on the scene. When Wonderbra arrived. I knew I could never look like they did. But I must have unconsciously swallowed the message that I was meant to. So the Star was a card of ideals for me. An image of how I was meant to feel and look.

*

Card two: my body image now. The Wheel of Fortune.

Maybe you think that now I am in my fifties the Star card represents a healed version of me. You might think I have kicked society’s idea of beauty out of the high tower and landed on my feet, content and more at ease.

It isn’t so. I am still hoping for a better version of my body.

A few weeks ago a woman asked me whether I was pregnant. I forced a smile, managed a quiet no, then sloped off to my room. There I inspected myself sideways in a long mirror, then sat on my bed and cried. So when I turned the Wheel of Fortune over I thought not of change or the cycles of life or forward motion. I think of the word ROUND. I feel round.

Round like jam doughnuts. I see the card and think of the jeans I donated to charity because the zip no longer goes over my round belly. I think of my apple shape.

Then I notice, there is no person in this card. Just a wheel. I feel distant from my body. I rarely look in a mirror. I delete photos of myself. I wear shapeless T shirts that cover the tops of my arms and wear trousers with elasticated waists. The card tells me of alienation.

But the wheel is about forward movement. Maybe that is where I start. I really need to get into my body and move. I could look up swim times at the local pool. I could charge up my step counter and actually use it. The wheel is about seasons and cycles. Summer is here. I could eat June’s strawberries and raspberries.

As much as I am resisting change, this card wants me to look change in the face. The increase in weight. The change in muscle tone and the stiffness in my knees and ankles in the morning are part of the ageing process.

*

Card three: a healthy body image moving forward. The Chariot.

I saw a beautiful naked woman in the Star card but now an armoured figure looks me straight in the eye.

Does the Chariot want me to just cover up my body and get on with it? Am I meant to hide under oversized clothes?

The armour does not speak to me of hiding away. The Chariot is a strong and confident card. It makes me want to stand tall, take control and actually move. This is mountain pose in yoga. A runner at the start line waiting for the pistol to fire.

My body is mine now. Not something to be admired or shown off. The armour is about being upright and strong.

Most of all the Chariot reminds me to build physical strength for the future. I think of lifting my dumbells. I think of a body that gets me round and lets me move.

Where the Star was wistful and gentle, the Wheel and the Chariot are asking me to get my arse in gear. Where the Star was a submissive bow to society’s expectations of beauty, the Chariot is a strong stance. I am not going to book a gym induction to finally look like Kate Moss. I am going to do it because a healthy body means enjoying a powerful, strong body. Time to crack the whip and get those sphinxes up off their feet.

Thank you for reading this post. If you enjoy my writing consider a tarot reading here with a discount code JYC5JLA6 until the end od July.

Reading

Meet me in the comments

Claire

In today’s post

A three card tarot spread to help relax into being a nobody for a while.

This one is a reflective one. Not a problem solver. For the thoughtful folk who are changing their idea of what success is. Not practical guidance. More my queen of cups voice today.

Little warning. Somebody has made a copycat account in my name. This has been reported now.

Welcome back

These early mornings are a pause between the dream world and the day and my chance to enjoy being nobody. I’m nameless. I have no role to play. Nobody to listen to or guide or say the right thing to. My age doesn’t matter. My gender is irrelevant and nobody asks me what I do for a living. In these moments before the family gets up and the street becomes noisy I’m free of labels and demands and projections and duty. Being nobody feels alluring and soft.

This morning my tarot cards are in a rough pile on the coffee table next to a mug with cold tea at the bottom. My car keys, the remote control and a comb sit next to a book about meditation. It’s all a strange mess. I am a strange pile of objects too.

I clear the comb, the keys and the mug with its tea stain as if to make space for a little more time being nobody before the world wants me to be a somebody again.

I tap the tarot deck on the coffee table to gather the pile together and shuffle the cards. My journal is open and I write down a few spread positions and arrange them in a way that will allow a story to emerge.

If you, like me, find yourself a little later in life wondering what all the fuss and bother was about being somebody and getting somewhere, if you are wondering whether you could let go, even if just a smidgeon, then this tarot spread is for you.

The art of being nobody tarot spread

Card one: How do I feel when I think I have to be a somebody? The Nine of Swords (keywords anxiety, nightmare, fear)

Description: In this Nine of Swords you’ll see a bird who has made himself a nest amongst nine swords. The bird sits enclosed within the nest. Almost safe.

Guidance: In the tarot the swords are an interesting suit. Each sword is a narrative. One we tell ourselves. Or maybe even a narrative we’ve picked up from the culture we live in and the people we hang out with. When you want to be a somebody you make a safety net out of narratives, you’ve collected along the way. You tell yourself you need a successful career, a certain amount of money, a good house. But the narratives are bothersome. Once you have built a sense of who you are, once you are somebody, it has to be upheld. You become entangled, eager for the story not to let you down. The bird sits in his nest of swords. He is almost safe yet threatened by the very things that protect him.

Card two: How life feels when I give myself a chance to be nobody at all. The king of cups (keywords emotional mastery, compassionate leader)

Description: In this card a squirrel sits on a rock, the fish in the water below jumping freely, the waves ungraspable and unpredictable around him. He has the freedom to plunge into the waters at any moment. Not trapped by his own stories. The king's cup is ready to receive. This is an animal led by fluidity and movement, unlike the bird who is ensconced within the house he built for himself.

Guidance: When you give yourself the chance to be nobody, the sharp edges of your demands on yourself disappear for a while and you are left with more flow and softness. In being nobody you no longer need to be any better than you already are. You are, like the kings, at the top of your game as you are with buckets of kindness to boot.

When you don't have to be a somebody you can go where the current of life would like to take you.

Card three: The bridge from somebody to nobody The Empress (keywords ease, abundance, belonging)

In this card a little squirrel sits on top of a log throne and looks around at the trees and rabbits and plants and mushrooms growing on the forest floor. This squirrel is queen of her realm and the scene is comforting.

This is one of those cards whose message feels simple and direct. The Empress is a card of total ease, relaxation and pleasure. She is the card of being happy in your own skin. The bridge from being a somebody to relaxing into being nobody is about ease at heart. An ease in not having to present yourself in any particular way, but sitting back and being you. When you are easy with yourself do you even need to be special? She relaxes and yet still knows she belongs without having to force herself into the shape of a somebody.

Wishing you ease.

If you enjoy my writing please do press the heart button and restack it. Thank you.

Claire

Subscribe now

In today's post

• A three card tarot spread you can use any day

• How to use it

• A reading I did with it recently

• 💬 An invitation to share your cards

Rather imaginatively, I've called this the Any Day Spread. Took me ages to come up with that, you know.

This is one of those spreads you can reach for in all sorts of situations. A way to check in with yourself, understand the ground you're walking on and notice the tools you have to get through the day. It's a way of meeting your situation with a creative mindset.

Card one | You

This card represents YOU today. How you are before you get going. A chance to check in with yourself before you do whatever it is you're doing. You could ask yourself how you are without pulling a card, of course, but how often do you do that really? And don’t you think an image says more?

Read more

I am officially overheated with a fried brain in this heat. Hope my writing makes sense ☀️

I am home from my meditation retreat, still trying to cling on to some of the spaciousness and energy I found there. You may have read in my last post that we were in silence. No podcasts. No emails. No small talk. No screens. No talking for more than a week. I really loved it although once in a while I missed telling jokes and I ought to say I did text my kids twice. They deserve to hear from their mum.

The silence made everything so simple yet rich. When I say simple I mean small worlds I might normally bypass had a fullness of their own.I remember how a greenfly on my journal watched me write. He crawled across the page towards the nib of my pen and I let him explore with me. The page was as much his as mine. When you simplify life, you see life is full of goodies waiting for you.

I freely admit, I had been giving my energy away before the retreat, mostly by consuming too much media. I knew I was doing it but could not stop so I have tried to reduce the unnecessary noise since my return. When I say noise I mean information. Imput. I have been taking too much in. At least I quit social media around six weeks ago. That’s a flipping good start.

I have made some tweaks in my life at home.

For now at least bath times are only for bathing. Not podcasts. Just me and water. The dripping tap and heat lapping over my body. Car journeys are for driving. No Radio. No audiobooks. Just me and the engine. I wind the window down and I let the air cool my neck as I drive. Bedtimes are for lying down on my back. The phone is downstairs and the window is open. Tonight a crescent moon sits near the tops of the trees. We share the quiet.

Of course I pulled a card with all of this in mind. I wondered how I could nurture the quiet I’d found. The seven of pentacles came out.

The seven of pentacles message for reducing the noise

Traditionally the Seven of Pentacles is a card where you stop and consider how far you have come and how you managed to bring about your achievements. It is a card of patience, pauses and slow progress. At first glance it’s not the obvious card to receive for this question.

Perhaps here, the seven of pentacles seems to point at reducing noise as something we have to nurture. We have to treat our own awareness, or minds, like we would treat a plant and prune away unnecessary noise.

If our minds are like plants, we have to feed them only the information that lets them grow. We have to water them regularly with time offline. We have to not leave them wilting on the window ledge of overconsumption of news and media.

The Seven of Pentacles is a card of taking time out and assessing our lifestyle. Each moment we have to step back and consider whether we growing a busy mind or a quiet mind through our actions. If you want a mind like a ripe tomato plant or a trellis full of fragrant sweet peas, what care do you need to give it? If you feed your mind with too much information, how would the plant look?

How are you reducing the noise in your life? Tell me below.

Hello and welcome

You really are welcome here. There are millions upon millions of pages dedicated to tarot cards and yet here you are on mine. I have no idea whether this is serendipity, or the wonders of the algorithm.

I have read loads of advice about how to write an about page. But I am ignoring it (ha) because they never sound like me. So here goes.

I am Claire, and I have been writing this page for three years now. I once was a Bestseller with a bright orange tick, but these days I make all my posts free. I feel happier this way.

So if you subscribe, you will find me in your inbox fairly regularly.

I write about all sorts. Sometimes I am down to earth. Then something takes over and my voice becomes more poetic. More magical. I have no say over where or when this happens, so I am learning to go with the flow.

I meander around many themes. The seasons, Buddhism, nature, life in my fifties, creativity, everyday life, and magical things, but always through the lens of a tarot card. Three years in, I have learned that I can talk about anything under a tarot umbrella.

What I would like to offer now is thoughtful writing. I am a deep thinker. I am sensitive to life, to beauty, to people, and that comes through in what I do.

I am trying to be as much me as I can here. In a way, writing on Substack is about becoming oneself more and more. Writing is about learning who you are.

Join me, and I will bring you something thoughtful about the cards while learning to write more like myself along the way.

I don’t run a subscription as such, my health doesn’t allow for it,but some kind folk support me anyway. I think they just like what I do. I am super grateful for that.

Subscribe now

On Friday I begin a nine day Buddhist retreat near the Malvern hills and have been trying to slow down before I go. There’s no good turning up to a retreat feeling rubbish, otherwise it takes a week to unwind before you can really get into anything. However, with food shopping to order, clothes to pack and housework to do, not to mention the horrible cold I have, realistically I will be tired on arrival.

I haven't been away from the kids for this long for years, and even though I know they will be loved and well looked after, I will miss little things.

Mostly we will be in silence on retreat. Silence is beautiful once you are into it. Silence is often rich in sound, birdsong, morning tea being poured into cups. Sometimes people sigh or giggle.

Despite the silence, there will be a way of being together for us retreatants. We won’t do sign language or writing in the air. We won’t mouth words. But we all know we are in eachothers company. We pass one another the salt at dinner. We sit together on the bench near the pond. We sit quietly after meditation in the stillness of the shrine room. Companiable silence I’d call it.

It feels timely that I am going and I want to find my feet with meditation again. I am so off and on with my practice. For years I would reguarly meditate for forty maybe fify minutes in the morning, but I lost momentum which I deeply regret.

Despite this wavering in my meditative life, there has always been a thread of practice, even if it is off the cushion. My writing, my tarot practice, my connection with nature all support mindfulness.

I will be turning my phone off for the nine days, except for when I take photos that is. If you have been reading along, you will know that I left social media. That was a month ago and honestly, I haven't missed it at all. I wake up feeling less anxious as a result and thankful I don’t have so much stuff in my head.

I am looking forward to having time to do less. When on retreat I notice the slower pace. How much care I am able to take over the small things. I make up my bed, fold my pyjamas, put my clothes on unhurriedly. I eat porridge, sometimes taking time to peel the skin from an apple all in one go and chopping the fruit into neat chunks to mix into my breakfast with cinammon and sugar. I notice other retreatants moving slowly. The birdsong. The sound of the tea urn. These small things become a source of contentment, so much so that I wonder why I don’t do the same at home.

I have been wondering whether to take my tarot cards with me. I have taken my cards with me before but they never get a look in there. It isn't because I am busy. Retreat has a richness to it and nourishes my heart in a way I am rarely in touch with when I am home, and somehow it doesn't occur to me to get the cards out in these circumstances.

I know I have been painting a pretty picture of retreat but things can be hard sometimes, which you have to work through kindly. In silence, all you have is you and your own mind. But the retreat, being skillfully led in the context of Buddhist practice seems to be able to hold all that.

I look forward to seeing you on the other side.

Claire

Maybe this exploration sounds messy but it isn’t to be hard on myself. I just find honesty quite freeing.

Self care

I don’t think I really need to flip a card to know why I can’t write. I am tired. I’ve started working a few days a week. This takes time and energy and my writing tends to go on the side. Then when I get tired I tend to look after myself less well. The opposite of what is needed. I eat rubbish things like crisps to keep me going, or drink cans of coke instead of water. I also slump on the sofa more rather than go for a walk. Walking is where nearly all my creative ideas happen, so when I don’t walk my writing feels forced. On top of this, this is the first week for a long time where I’m not journaling quite so much. Journaling helps me feel more connected to myself, and therefore more connected to my writing.

Comparison

Something else going on too is that I am getting frustrated with my writing style. I’ve hit a plateau. I don’t have a clue about writing really. All I know is that I want to keep my voice thoughtful, clear, honest and readable. It does admittedly makes me feel inadequate when I read stuff by other authors here on Substack, there is SUCH talent here. All this is blocking my way to writing anything coherent, except for when I write about not being able to write. Which is flowing out just fine because it is live and honest.

Shoulds

There are a lot of shoulds that can get in the way when you are a writer, especially when you are seen as a bit witchy. When you are a tarot reader, the shoulds come out. You know. I should be talking about Beltane. I should have done some nature writing. I should do a full moon spread. I should write in my more magical voice. I haven’t written about midlife for a while. I should.

Right now

But honestly, my connection with Beltane and Taurus season consists of me walking and stopping to sniff lilac or gaze at buttercups, and there is not much more to it than that at the moment. I don’t think I can stretch it into a whole article right now. As for midlife, well It can’t be pinned down in writing without sounding like one big fat stereotype and so I tread round the topic befuddled.

Why pull cards then?

I don’t pull tarot cards because I don’t already know the answer. When I pull a card I do so because I need my imagination to be engaged. I know the answers logically, but the tarot takes what I know and takes it deeper. I decided to type all this out without pulling any cards, so I am going to pause and do that now. I’ll keep it simple because I am probably too tired for anything elaborate. I’m going to ask what is blocking me, and what will help my writing flow again. I hope it is something you can use in your art or writing or gardening or whatever else you love.

The cards

In this photo the king of pentacles is the block and the the nine of pentacles is the flow.

Mastery

Is there part of me that wants to have mastered the skill of writing before I put it out into the world? (king) Maybe it helps to think more in terms of leaning into what I know, and finding joy in knowing there is always more to learn. You are never done. (9)

Bogged down

The pentacles suit can have quite an organised feel. Everything has to be sorted and tidy. Maybe I am a bit bogged down by the routine (king) and I just need to throw caution to the wind and enjoy the craft in a more organic way that suits me (9)

Responsibility

In the first card the king is with a guard dog, and I can feel how this king is overloaded with responsibility. The King of Pentacles can sometimes be responsible for everything, and then he freezes and can’t get around to anything. When you have too much to do, this gets in the way of creative freedom. The 9 of Pentacles feels like a nudge to go and do something you really enjoy before you write.

Get wild

The king has a domestic animal sitting loyally at his side. The 9 of Pentacles is setting her falcon free into the wild. This is permission to get wilder in your writing. Write about the unsaid things. Get them out in the open rather than what you think is your duty to write.

Generosity

The king writes for others. He loves to be generous. But the nine of pentacles knows she needs to luxuriate in writing because it is what she loves. Maybe I just need to write something for myself.

Get outside

There he is, this king in his red room. He looks caved in. And to be honest I am not getting out much either a bit like him. The 9 of Pentacles is prancing about in her garden. She is stretching out. I think I’ll go and find some buttercups then.

Are you a a writer? What frees you up? Claire 🍄

Subscribe now

My morning pages are a bit of a scrawl but reading over them again, I see that for quite some time, I have been fed up with how often I glue myself to my phone. I have been stuck in this pattern before.

When I spend less time on a screen, I feel quiter within myself. The quiet gives me a chance to see how I really am, where scrolling takes me away not just from myself but from life.

Just on Sunday, I was waiting for my husband in the car and rather than filling the moment with scrolling, I rested. In resting, my senses came alive. I became aware of clouds moving through the sky. A blackbird landing in a treetop. There is nothing I could ever find on my phone that could offer this kind of goodness.

With this in mind, I have decided to make more of an effort to create healthier boundaries around phone use. Pretty much everything is on my phone though so this will be a work in progress.

My first step was to delete my Instagram page as well as Facebook. My only online space now is here. However, just because Substack is a more creative platform than other online spaces doesn’t mean I always engage with it in a creative way though. I am not free yet.

Journaling has helped me reduce my screen time and my tarot cards have too. As I explained, my morning pages showed me a repeated wish to move away from my phone, which formed the basis of the tarot spread I am about to share.

Maybe you find yourself with the same heavy heart as me when you think of how much time is spent on a screen. If you would like to have a healthier relationship with the online world, perhaps this tarot spread could be your first step.

The three card spread

Read more

One of the best things about tarot is how it encourages me to notice its card energies in the world around me. I see them in the seasons, myself, flowers, art. To be a tarot reader is to be a magpie collecting meaning wherever I go.

I often find card energies through books, so I’ve been trying to make space for reading as part of my morning routine. Recently, The Heart’s Awakening by Bodhipaksa, has given me food for thought.

I came across this passage the other day, and it sparked a reflection on how I think about the suit of cups.

I think I subconsciously see the suit of cups as a journey towards happiness, which of course it can be. But what if the path led to kindness?

Happiness, as Bodhipaksa says, comes and goes, but kindness can be present no matter what. I hope you find the journey through the suit helpful.

The path of kindness through the cups suit.

In the ace you cups you tune into your own natural capacity for kindness even on sad days.

In the two of cups, this natural kindness flows towards the people you meet and the things you do, even when you are not at your best.

In the three of cups kindness spreads and harmonises. Even if community is a hard place to be happy, you can still be kind there.

In the four of cups, making space for your feelings is the kindness, even if the feeling is an unhappy one.

In the five of cups kindness leaves no stones unturned. It allows everything be felt, not just happiness.

In the six of cups kindness flows easily and life feels safe and sweet.

In the seven of cups kindness holds uncertainty in our lives. Which choices feel kind?

In the eight of cups kindness means saying no to the things that no longer feel kind.

In the nine of cups kindness is integrated .Cups can easily spill but now you know how to handle it.

In the ten of cups kindness has no limits. There is always room for more. Kindness was always the way to a happier heart.

The page of cups is the part of you willing to know what kindness is.

The knight of cups is the part of you willing to try kindness out.

The queen of cups is the part of you that knows kindness starts with yourself.

The king of cups is the part of you that naturally offers kindness to others because it is within yourself.

With kindness Claire

If you have enjoyed this post please do let kindness flow outwards and like and restack. Thank you. I also love hearing from you. Let’s chat. Which cups card feels relevant to you?