This week:
🧠 3 studies
💻 3 from home
👶 Ages 3 –18 years
📍 Massachusetts · California · The Netherlands

💻 From Your Couch

How do children make sense of patterns?

Pattern recognition, cognitive development, abstract thinking

Children 3-5 | Online | Massachusetts Institute of Technology

What researchers are studying

Even at a young age, children can recognize simple patterns and sequences such as when objects move in front of or behind one another and when items are shuffled around. MIT researchers are curious about what happens to those abilities with patterns that are more complex or extended.

What your child will do

While on a video call with researchers on your laptop, your child will complete a series of 25 patterns on your tablet by touching, tapping, or pointing based on two choices of where they think a star on the screen will move next.

Who they’re looking for

Children ages 3-5 with English as one of their first languages.

The details

💻 Participate from home
⏱ 20 minutes
💵 $5 Amazon gift card
🧒 Ages 3-5
📱 Laptop with webcam, tablet preferred for the activity but laptop acceptable if no tablet is available

🔬 Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Early Childhood Cognition Lab

Interested? →

If you have questions about the study or eligibility, visit the lab website here.

Email Laura Schulz – nhcoates@mit.edu

Participate →

View the official study information and sign up (with a free account) to participate here.

How does witnessing labor distribution in the house influence children’s understanding of inequality and their future career choices?

Fairness, social reasoning, abstract thinking

Children 4-8 | Online | University of California, Irvine

What researchers are studying

What do young children understand or assume about how labor is distributed in the home environment, and how does that understanding influence future choices and their perception of inequality?

What your child will do

During a 25-minute Zoom, your child will be given a set of chores to distribute between two parents who live in a house. They will then answer questions about who does which chores in their own household and share their thoughts on varying careers. Parents will be given a brief survey about the amount of work they do within the household.

Who they’re looking for

Children 4-8 years who are able to complete a 25-minute Zoom call.

The details

💻 Participate from home
⏱ 25 minutes
💵 $5 Tango gift card for the child’s participation, an additional $4 for the parental survey
🧒 Ages 4-7 years
🔬 University of California, Irvine | Development of Social Cognition Lab

Interested? →

For questions, email the lab – dosclab@uci.edu

Visit the Development of Social Cognition website here.

Participate →

If you’re interested in participating, you can fill out a booking form here. When asked “Do you have a study game preference?” at the end of your booking, type “Household Labor and the Future.”

Children’s experiences with ADHD medication

Patient experience, pharmacology, pediatric ADHD

Children 8-18 | Online | Leiden University, The Netherlands

What researchers are studying

The adult experience of taking medication for ADHD is well-understood, but much less is known about children’s experiences with their meds. This project aims to give children a voice through a survey designed to help them express how they feel and think about their medication.

What your child will do

This study consists of one roughly 20-minute online questionnaire about specific side effects since starting treatment as well as their thoughts and feelings about taking their medication. Children can fill it out alone or with a parent/caregiver.

Who they’re looking for

Children 8-18 years old who are taking stimulant medication (Ritalin, Concerta, or others) for ADHD

The details

💻 Participate from home
⏱ 25 minutes
💵 None
🧒 Ages 8-18 years
🔬 University of Leiden, The Netherlands

Questions? →

Email Dr. Jacqueline Guicherit-Dicke – j.a.guicherit@fsw.leidenuniv.nl

Participate →

If you’re interested in participating, set up a free account and sign up here.

Are you a researcher recruiting children or families?

The Research Roundup features actively recruiting developmental research from universities and research institutions. If your lab is recruiting babies, children, or families for an in-person or remote study, submit it for consideration.

Submit a study →

Email your study details to neuroscience.nanny@gmail.com with the subject “Research Roundup Study”

The Neuroscience Nanny is not affiliated with or responsible for the studies listed above unless explicitly stated. Inclusion is not an endorsement of a study or guarantee of eligibility. Study participation and eligibility are determined by the research institution. Please follow the link to the original study page for complete information.

Subscribe now

Most parents know what daycare is. Most parents know what a nanny is. But mention a nanny share, and there is a decent chance someone will respond with some version of: “Wait. You can do that?”

You absolutely can.

A nanny share sits somewhere between traditional daycare and hiring a private nanny. Two families hire a single nanny who cares for their children together, allowing them to split the cost while the nanny earns a higher rate for caring for multiple children.

For families who love the idea of nanny care but, when they see the cost of employing one privately, immediately throw their calculator across the room as if it bit them, a nanny share can make an otherwise inaccessible form of childcare considerably more attainable.

And cost is only part of the appeal.

So how does a nanny share actually work?

The most common version looks something like this:

Family A has a baby. Family B has a baby. The families find a nanny they both love, agree on a schedule, and the nanny cares for both babies together during those hours.

Where that happens is surprisingly flexible.

The children might spend every day at Family A’s house. The families might alternate hosting on a daily or weekly basis. One home may simply make more sense because it has a dedicated playroom, better nap spaces, or a parent who does not work from home.

Some arrangements may even involve care in the nanny’s home, although families considering this option should first check their state and local childcare licensing requirements.

There is no single correct configuration. The important part is that everyone agrees on the logistics before the first Monday morning rolls around.

And yes, it can save families quite a bit of money.

This is probably the biggest misconception about nanny shares: if a nanny normally earns $30 an hour, two families don’t simply pay $15 each.

The nanny is doing a more complex job. They are caring for children from two households with individual preferences, communicating with two sets of parents, and balancing potentially different routines, ages, and needs. Their total compensation should reflect that.

Read more

Dana

This week:
🧠 2 studies
🏫 1 in person
💻 1 from home
👶 Ages 0 months–7 years
📍 Indiana · Anywhere in the U.S.

🏫 In-person

How do language skills, like understanding word structure, shape reading development in early childhood?

Language development, reading development, morphological awareness

For children 4-7 years | In-person | Purdue University

What researchers are studying

What young children understand about language structure and words with the goal of developing teaching tools to support children’s early reading skills.

What your child will do

You will initially complete a 15-minute online survey about your child’s language skills. In the lab, your child will be invited to play word games with researchers and complete language assessments – up to 2 hours of assessment, either in a single session with breaks or in multiple 30-minute sessions without breaks.

Who they’re looking for

Children 4-7 years who are able to complete a short visit to the lab.

The details

📍West Lafayette, Indiana
⏱ 2 hours 15 minutes
💵 $10 e-gift card per hour; children receive stickers for word game completion
🧒 Ages 4-7 years
🔬 Purdue University, Developing Minds Lab

Interested? →

Email Rebecca Marks – marks95@purdue.edu

Visit the Marks Lab Website.

Participate →

If you’re interested in participating, you can fill out an interest form here.

💻 From Your Couch

What do babies expect about sharing?

Social cognitive development, prosocial understanding

For babies 0-4 months | Online | New York University

What researchers are studying

The development of attention and memory over the first year of life, as well as how parent-child interactions might impact infant physiology and behavior.

What your child will do

You and your baby would be sent non-invasive heart rate sensors to wear while watching some short video clips over Zoom and playing together.

Who they’re looking for

Babies 0-4 months and pregnant mothers. Either English- or Spanish-speaking.

The details

💻 Participate from home
⏱ 15 minutes
💵 $10 Amazon gift card
🧒 Babies 0-4 months
📱 Laptop/webcam with audio required

🔬 New York University, Brito Baby Lab – Infant Studies of Language & Neurocognitive Development

Interested? →

If you have questions about the study or eligibility, call 212-998-5365.

Email the lab – britobabylab@nyu.edu

Participate →

View the official study information here and sign up to participate here.

Are you a researcher recruiting children or families?

The Research Roundup features actively recruiting developmental research from universities and research institutions. If your lab is recruiting babies, children, or families for an in-person or remote study, submit it for consideration.

Submit a study →

Email your study details to neuroscience.nanny@gmail.com with the subject “Research Roundup Study”

The Neuroscience Nanny is not affiliated with or responsible for the studies listed above unless explicitly stated. Inclusion is not an endorsement of a study or guarantee of eligibility. Study participation and eligibility are determined by the research institution. Please follow the link to the original study page for complete information.

A head of broccoli with an Elsa sticker on it, however, is organically grown in Arendelle.

This is an important distinction.

The first broccoli may sit untouched on a dinner plate while its owner explains, at considerable length, that they do not like broccoli and perhaps never have, and you’ve insulted them by offering it. The second one has been freshly harvested from the royal greenhouse off of Elsa’s ice palace kitchen and magically transported all the way to your dinner table. It is suddenly rare. Possibly magical. Definitely coveted. There is now a very real possibility that two siblings will argue over who gets to eat it first.

The broccoli hasn’t changed.

The child’s experience of it has.

If you’ve spent much time with young children, you’ve probably stumbled across this phenomenon yourself. The child who cannot possibly walk upstairs can suddenly gallop there if everyone is now a unicorn. Shoes that inspire complete indifference become urgent when you wonder aloud whether their feet can get dressed before you count to ten. The long walk home becomes considerably more manageable when the sidewalk cracks are lava.

We tend to think of these things as tricks, and, to be fair, sometimes they are. There is nothing particularly neuroscientific about slapping Elsa on a cruciferous vegetable.

But there is something developmentally interesting underneath it.

Children don’t merely have imaginations. They use imagination as one of the primary ways they interact with, interpret, and experiment with the world. When adults are willing to join them in that world, we gain access to a remarkably useful parenting tool: playfulness.

Playfulness is not the same thing as playing

Researchers studying parental playfulness define it as more than just sitting on the floor and playing dolls or Legos. It is the spontaneous use of creativity, imagination, humor, joy, and flexible thinking during interactions with a child.

That distinction matters.

You can be a playful parent without particularly enjoying pretend play. You don’t need elaborate sensory bins, 45 minutes of uninterrupted floor time, or the ability to convincingly voice six Paw Patrol characters.

Playfulness can be tiny.

It is putting their little sock on your ear and wondering aloud why it doesn’t fit.

It’s announcing that Bathtub flight 3917 is now boarding group 1A and asking passengers to take their seats.

It is looking at a child who doesn’t want to brush their teeth and saying, “Fine, but absolutely do not brush your nose.”

It is turning the walk from the playground to the car into a search for evidence that a dragon has recently passed through the neighborhood.

Researchers have actually begun trying to measure this quality. One recent effort identified several distinct dimensions of playful parenting, including general playful effort, teasing, playful rule-breaking, and rough-and-tumble play. The point isn’t that parents should be constantly performing for their children. It is that playfulness represents a way of interacting.

And importantly, it seems to be at least somewhat separate from simply being a “playful person.” Developmental research suggests that someone who is fairly serious in the rest of their life can still develop a distinctly playful way of interacting with their child.

In other words, you don’t have to be naturally goofy to get good at this.

Subscribe now

Your child’s imaginary world isn’t as imaginary as it looks

Developmental psychologist Paul Harris, of Harvard University, has spent decades studying children’s imagination, and one of the most interesting things about pretend play is how grounded in reality it actually is.

A famous example of his involves a toddler having a pretend tea party. There is no tea in the pot. There is nothing in the cup. And yet, when an adult “pours” the invisible tea, the toddler happily picks up the cup and “drinks” it as though it’s the real deal.

That looks simple until you consider everything the child has to understand to engage in that behavior.

The imaginary tea still has to obey the rules and physics of real tea. It comes out of the spout and falls downward. It stays inside the cup while the cup travels toward the child’s mouth. Given that tea comes out of teapots hot, they might blow on it to cool it down. That child is simultaneously holding reality and an invented version of reality in mind at the same time. That’s amazingly complex for such a tiny human.

That ability gives adults an enormous opening.

A preschooler can know perfectly well that mom’s car is a Honda and simultaneously accept that, for the next four minutes, it is also a rocket ship and everyone needs to get aboard before launch so the astronaut family can pick up their moon groceries.

Pretend doesn’t replace reality. It gets layered on top of it.

For kids, that layer helps to make boring, adult-centered reality much easier to tolerate and participate in.

Why play can work when another instruction doesn’t

Adults live in a world organized heavily around clocks, schedules, obligations, and often rather abstract future consequences, at least to a four-year-old.

We need to leave the playground because dinner needs to happen before bedtime. We need shoes on because preschool starts at 8:30. We need the toys picked up because somebody is going to step on a wooden dinosaur at 2 a.m.

Those are perfectly sensible reasons.

They just aren’t always particularly compelling to a child.

I know I repeat this a lot, because it is relevant everywhere: young children’s regulatory and executive abilities are still developing. They are gradually becoming better at inhibiting impulses, shifting attention, holding goals in mind, and stopping something rewarding to do what needs to happen next. They’re just not great at it yet, so there will inevitably be moments when the adult’s agenda and the child’s immediate experience are in conflict.

Our instinct is often to make our instruction firmer, more forceful, or more grounded in fact.

“We have to go now.”

“We’re going to be late.”

“I already asked you twice.”

“Get your shoes on. I mean it.”

Repetition here is often wasted effort, when what often works better is changing the frame.

Leaving the house to run errands might be a tough sell when a kid is happily playing, but reframing the errands as a game or a challenge lets the child take some ownership and participate in a way that aligns with how they see the world. It gives them a reason not to fight you on it.

The destination hasn’t changed. The boundary hasn’t changed. The parent hasn’t abandoned the requirement.

The experience has changed.

Instead of trying to pull the child entirely out of their own frame and into the adult’s, the adult has briefly stepped into the child’s.

It’s a subtle, powerful shift in approach.

Connection and cooperation often go hand in hand

There is also emerging research suggesting that parental playfulness is associated with some encouraging aspects of family functioning.

Parental playfulness is associated with certain cognitive and emotional dimensions of children’s own playfulness, including cognitive spontaneity and sense of humor. Previous research in this area has linked parental playfulness with outcomes including better emotional regulation, lower negativity, vocabulary development, and, in some samples, lower anxiety and fewer behavioral problems.

That does not mean we can say that being silly with your child causes better emotional regulation or fewer behavioral problems. Much of this literature is correlational, meaning that these factors are often observed together without one causing the other, and the field of parental playfulness is still relatively young.

But the broader picture is interesting.

Playfulness tends to coexist with warmth, enjoyment, flexibility, and engagement.

And those qualities are developmentally very valuable.

A playful interaction says something to a child beyond the joke itself: I see what delights you. I know how to come into your world. We can enjoy one another here.

Wonder is useful for more than cooperation

There is another reason I think parents should foster their ability to enter children’s imaginary worlds: imagination is not merely entertainment.

It is a cognitive tool.

Harvard’s Dr. Harris also describes experiments in which young children initially make predictable errors about where a ball will emerge when dropped through crossed tubes. When researchers prompt them to stop and imagine the ball’s journey before answering, children become more likely to reason correctly about its path.

The implication isn’t that imagination makes children magically smarter. It is that imagining possibilities can give them another way to work with information they already possess.

That knowledge alone gives parents a whole toolbox of silly but useful questions that teach kids to think about the world creatively and empathetically and to lean into life fully embracing the curiosity that already drives them.

“What do you think the moon would feel like under your feet?”

“Where do you think that ant is going?”

“What would happen if nobody ever cleaned up anything?”

“If you were the baby in that stroller, what do you think you’d be looking at?”

“What do you think our dog believes we’re doing when we leave the house?”

Childhood is full of questions adults have stopped asking because we already know the answers, or think we do.

Children haven’t stopped asking.

That is part of what makes being around them exhausting, but it’s also what makes childhood so extraordinary.

You don’t need to make everything fun

There is an important caveat here.

Playfulness should not become yet another parenting mandate.

You do not need to manufacture whimsy when you’re late for work, someone spilled milk in your slipper, the baby is crying, and your preschooler has announced that pants are suddenly incompatible with their values.

Sometimes the answer is simply, “It’s time to get in the car.”

Children also need to learn that some things are boring, inconvenient, necessary, or nonnegotiable. Parents are allowed to be tired. Those same studies I mentioned earlier did not find a straightforward overall association between parental playfulness and feeling less overloaded by parenting. Playfulness is useful, but it isn’t an antidote to the actual workload of raising children.

Think of it instead as WD-40 for when you’re at a parenting impasse.

So, what does this mean for real parents?

On any given day, with the dozens and dozens of instructions we give our children, they are bound to push back on at least some of them. When you notice yourself giving the same instruction for the fourth time, getting louder without getting anywhere, or approaching a predictable point of friction, ask one question:

Could this be a game?

Not: How do I make my child obey me?

Not: How do I distract them from having feelings?

Just: Is there another way through this moment?

Maybe the toothbrush is hunting for sugar bugs.

Maybe everyone has to whisper because the stuffed animals are asleep.

Maybe the laundry basket is suddenly a basketball hoop.

Maybe you’re secret agents who have exactly 90 seconds to get into the car without being spotted by the Russians.

And maybe tonight’s broccoli grew in Arendelle.

Children spend only a relatively short stretch of their lives willing to believe in the wondrous, fantastical possibility, at least for the purposes of tonight’s dinner, that this is remotely plausible.

We, adults, might as well enjoy it with them.

The Neuroscience Nanny take:

Playfulness isn’t just silliness. It’s a way of meeting our children where their developing brains already work especially well: through imagination, curiosity, connection, and play. You don’t need to make every moment magical, but when everyday friction starts turning into a power struggle, a little childhood wonder can sometimes give you an easier way through difficult moments.

References:

Anderson, J. (2022, October 28). The nature of imagination: How children's imaginations can inform education and parenting. Harvard Graduate School of Education.

Bureau, J.-F., Bandk, K., Deneault, A.-A., Turgeon, J., Seal, H., & Brosseau-Liard, P. (2023). The PPSQ: Assessing parental, child, and partner’s playfulness in the preschool and early school years. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1274160. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1274160

Seal, H., Bureau, J.-F., & Deneault, A.-A. (2025). The associations between parental playfulness, parenting styles, the coparenting relationship and child playfulness. Behavioral Sciences, 15(7), 867. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs15070867

Wei, Y., Lei, Y., Zhou, D., et al. (2025). Relation between parental playfulness and child playfulness: Mediating role of parent-child interaction. Humanities and Social Sciences Communications, 12, 861. https://doi.org/10.1057/s41599-025-05253-5

Some of these studies are in-person, some are hybrid, and some are entirely remote and can be done from home. Each week will feature a blend of modalities and geographical areas, so hopefully there will be something for everyone as time goes on.

This week:
🧠 3 studies
🏫 2 in person
💻 1 from home
👶 Ages 36 months–8 years
📍 South Carolina · Boston · Anywhere in the U.S.

Let’s get after it, shall we?

🏫 In-person

🔬 How well does the PATCH wearable measure sleep and activity in kids?

Development of a new pediatric wearable

For children 3-8 years | In-person/at home | University of South Carolina

What researchers are studying

In the Platform for Accurate Tracking of Children’s Health (PATCH) study, researchers want to compare a USC-made device meant to measure activity, energy expenditure, and sleep in children to other similar devices currently on the market. They hope to make a free-to-use technology that will be available to researchers everywhere, which is a huge win for science all around.

What your child will do

This study involves one visit to the lab for about 90 minutes. Afterward, your child may be asked to wear the PATCH device and a different device for comparison at home for three days, during which you will answer daily 3-5 minute surveys about their activity.

Who they’re looking for

Children ages 3-8 who are able to perform at least 20 minutes of physical activity and walk without assistance.

The details

📍 Columbia, South Carolina
⏱ 3-4 days
💵 Up to $150 in gift cards
🧒 Ages 3-8 years
🔬 Arnold School of Public Health, University of South Carolina

Interested? →

Reach out to Dr. Armstrong’s team:

Instagram - @patchprojectUSC | Phone - 803.768.5652

Participate →

If you’re interested in participating, you can fill out an interest form here.

🔬 How do three-year-olds use memories to make a plan?

Numeracy, memory, spatial attention

For children 36-48 months | In-person | Boston University

What researchers are studying

How memory of a stored object helps three-year-olds make a plan to help someone else complete a task

What your child will do

Your child will learn how to retrieve a selection of colorful beads from a “magic bead box.” Once they understand how the box works, they will be asked to use that understanding to help a stuffed monkey find the beads to finish his treasure maps.

Who they’re looking for

Children 36-48 months old who can complete a short visit to the lab.

The details

📍 Boston, Massachusetts
⏱ 10-15 minutes
💵 Free parking on campus, babysitting provided for siblings if needed, children receive a prize for their help
🧒 Ages 36-48 months
🔬 Boston University, Developing Minds Lab

Interested? →

Email – devmind@bu.edu | Phone - 617.358-1830

Participate →

If you’re interested in participating, you can fill out an interest form here.

💻 From Your Couch

🔬 How do kids with autism see faces?

Facial recognition/social development

For children 4-8 years with ASD | Online | University of California San Diego

What researchers are studying

How the perception of faces develops in children with autism spectrum disorder and how it supports their social understanding and communication skills.

What your child will do

Over Zoom, your child will see two faces on the screen. The top parts of the faces will either be identical or different. Your child will be asked whether the top halves of the faces are the same. Before wrapping up, parents will be asked to complete a questionnaire regarding the child’s ASD diagnosis.

Who they’re looking for

Children ages 4-8 with a professional diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder.

The details

💻 Participate from home
⏱ 15 minutes
💵 $5 Amazon gift card
🧒 Ages 4-8 years
📱 Laptop/webcam with audio required

🔬 Developmental Neuroscience Lab, University of California San Diego

Interested? →

Email Anna Pusok: annapusok@ucsd.edu

Participate →

View the official study information and sign up to participate here.

(Parents, you will need to make an account first, and then you’ll be able to access the study at any time.)

Thanks for reading! If you’d like me to include research going on in your city, leave a comment or send an email to neuroscience.nanny@gmail.com. I look forward to sharing many excellent research studies with all of you in the future.

Subscribe now

Are you a researcher recruiting children or families?

The Research Roundup features actively recruiting developmental research from universities and research institutions. If your lab is recruiting babies, children, or families for an in-person or remote study, submit it for consideration.

Submit a study →

Email your study details to neuroscience.nanny@gmail.com with the subject “Research Roundup Study” to be considered a future post.

The Neuroscience Nanny is not affiliated with or responsible for the studies listed above unless explicitly stated. Inclusion is not an endorsement of a study or guarantee of eligibility. Study participation and eligibility are determined by the research institution. Please reach out to the labs directly with any questions.

The answer is a little less dramatic than the internet often makes it sound.

Sleep sacks aren’t something your child needs to outgrow by a particular birthday, nor are they something you should plan to hold onto indefinitely. Like most sleep decisions, the right choice depends on your child’s development, mobility, sleep habits, and family routine.

There isn’t a universally “correct” age to stop using a sleep sack. Instead, think about whether it’s still helping more than it’s hindering. Here’s how I think about it.

Like most sleep decisions, the right choice depends on your child’s development, mobility, sleep habits, and family routine.

Why Sleep Sacks Became the Standard

Sleep sacks became popular for a good reason.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends avoiding loose blankets during the first year of life because they can increase the risk of sleep-related infant deaths. A sleep sack functions like a wearable blanket, providing warmth without introducing loose bedding into the sleep environment.

For infants especially, sleep sacks solve a practical problem: babies can’t reliably keep blankets on themselves. Unlike adults, they don’t wake up and pull a blanket back over their shoulders after kicking it away.

Instead of repeatedly waking because they’re cold, they stay comfortably covered all night.

They Become Part of the Bedtime Routine

One of the biggest advantages of a sleep sack has very little to do with temperature.

It’s more about what a sleep sack represents.

Sleep researchers have consistently found that predictable, multi-step bedtime routines improve children’s sleep. Regular bedtime routines are associated with

Read more

Sincerely,

Dana, The Neuroscience Nanny

Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that good parenting means keeping children a delicate combination of comfortable and entertained. Thanks, Instagram.

We rush to prevent boredom before it appears. We distract around any disappointment. We try to optimize every quiet moment. We over-explain every “no.” We scramble for the fastest way to end tears.

The intention is understandable. None of us enjoys watching a child struggle with frustration.

But childhood, like the rest of life, isn’t ever going be completely comfortable, as much as we might wish it were.

In fact, many of the skills we hope our children develop—patience, flexibility, frustration tolerance, resilience, persistence—are built by purposefully working through those small, manageable moments of discomfort with the support of a trusted adult.

Not because discomfort is inherently good for a child, but because learning that they can handle discomfort is, and that is preparation for adulthood.

The difference between support and rescue

Developmental psychology has (thankfully) moved away from the idea, common in past generations, that frustrated or upset children simply need to “toughen up.” Research now better understands that young children borrow regulation from the adults around them long before they are able to regulate independently.

That means our job as their adults isn’t to leave children alone with difficult emotions, but to stay involved enough to help them move through those emotions rather than around them.

Research on frustration in preschool-aged children shows that emotional regulation relies heavily on actively developing prefrontal brain networks that are still very much under construction. Children who tolerate frustration more effectively appear to recruit these regulatory systems more effectively during challenging tasks, but they still need adult support as these abilities mature.

The goal isn't to make children comfortable all the time. It's to help them become confident that they have the skills to handle discomfort.

We’re not after independence overnight. What we’re working on is a gradual transfer from caregiver support to self-efficacy.

Children are always learning what works

I like to think of young children as little inventors. They’re spectacular at recognizing patterns in their environment, particularly how and when they can influence it, and then tweaking their approach. The thing is, children don’t choose to repeat challenging behaviors because they’re inherently manipulative. They repeat when they know that a specific behavior has worked for them before.

Every interaction with their environment and caregiver teaches something. Their takeaway varies depending on whether a problem was solved for them, whether they were distracted from it, or whether they had a caregiver’s support while navigating a tricky feeling or task.

Sometimes the lesson is:

“Waiting is hard, but I can do hard things.”

Sometimes it’s:

“The answer stayed the same even though I was upset.”

Sometimes it’s:

“I couldn’t solve it immediately, but eventually I figured something out.”

Other times, the lesson becomes:

“Someone else will fix this feeling for me/if I get upset enough, they might give me something else I want/I don’t have to try myself first.”

None of these patterns develops from a single interaction.

They emerge across hundreds of ordinary moments.

Boredom isn’t a problem to eliminate

One of the most interesting findings from recent research is that boredom itself isn’t the enemy.

The ability to tolerate boredom is part of healthy self-regulation.

Children who were more prone to boredom tended to show lower effortful control and greater negative emotionality. They also relied more on others for stimulation than on engaging in activities independently.

That doesn’t mean boredom is automatically beneficial. It means boredom creates an opportunity.

Researchers increasingly view boredom as a motivational signal. When the brain isn't receiving enough meaningful stimulation, boredom nudges us to seek something new and novel. For children, that often means exploring, experimenting, inventing games, or creating their own entertainment rather than relying on someone else to provide it.

Periodic boredom gives a child the opportunity to notice:

“I’m not entertained.”

And then ask:

“Now what?”

Sometimes the answer is building a fort.

Sometimes it’s drawing.

Sometimes it’s staring out the window for five minutes before inventing a game.

Those moments aren’t wasted time; they’re a chance to give kids practice making decisions without someone else supplying the next activity.

Small habits shape expectations

Most of the parenting choices below aren’t harmful on their own. Context always matters.

The question isn’t whether you should ever use these strategies.

It’s whether they become the default response to every uncomfortable moment.

Explaining endlessly during a meltdown

When children are highly emotionally activated, their ability to process language is reduced. A calm presence and a few clear words are often more effective than lengthy explanations. Remind them that they’re not alone and that you understand they’re having a difficult time, but that the boundary is still there.

Once they’ve moved through the swell of emotion and are feeling more regulated, you’ll have the opportunity for teachable moments.

Changing a boundary because the protest became bigger

It’s perfectly appropriate for a caregiver or parent to change their mind when they’ve reconsidered a decision or circumstances have changed.

However, changing it because the intensity of a child’s reaction increased teaches a different lesson: that persistence changes the boundary and ultimately, boundaries don’t mean as much.

Repeating directions over and over

After enough reminders that aren’t coupled with follow-through from an adult, children begin to expect that the first instruction isn’t the one that matters.

If your child is throwing sand at the park and you repeat yourself multiple times that throwing sand isn’t okay, but continue to allow the action, they learn pretty quickly that your words lack meaning.

Instead, try restating the rule about throwing sand and explaining the consequence: that if they do it again, you will remove them from the sand and bring them to sit with you on the bench to keep them and other children safe. Then follow through. If they repeat the behavior and the consequence comes to pass, they learn that they can expect you to mean what you say.

Keep in mind that it’s far and away most effective to stay as neutral as possible when carrying out a boundary or consequence. If you get upset, believe it or not, that’s a type of behavioral reinforcement. Neutral is best, but we’ll get into that in another post.

As tough as it can be to enforce a boundary in the moment, with repetition, your child will come to understand that boundaries matter and are real. What’s hard at first becomes globally easier with repetition.

Clear expectations paired with predictable follow-through communicate worlds more to children than repeated warnings.

Using screens to erase every moment of boredom

Screens serve a purpose and can be a wonderful tool in the right context for those who choose them. In situations where you absolutely need to have a moment of focus, say at the DMV or to take a critical phone call, screens are a tool in the broader parenting toolbelt.

They’re not the root of the problem on their own.

When every quiet moment is immediately filled with a screen, however, children have fewer opportunities to practice generating their own solutions to boredom and come to expect digital entertainment on demand.

Keeping constant background stimulation

Silence isn’t something children should experience only at bedtime.

Periods of lower stimulation allow attention to settle, a chance to practice interoception (or internal awareness), conversations to emerge naturally, and children to become more aware of their own thoughts and ideas.

Using food to soothe every emotion

Food can absolutely be comforting, and sharing snacks is part of family life.

But if every disappointment is followed by eating, children may gradually learn to associate emotional relief primarily with food rather than developing a broader set of coping strategies.

Our role isn’t to erase frustration

A study from 2021 examining how parents respond to children’s frustration found that the most helpful responses weren’t simply about making frustration disappear.

Children benefit when adults acknowledge emotions while gradually helping them shift attention, solve problems, or see situations differently once they’re calm enough to do so.

That’s an important distinction.

The goal isn’t to avoid comforting children.

The goal is to help them become capable of doing more of the emotional work themselves over time. It’s through guided example that our children learn how to comfort themselves and try again during times of stress.

Resilience grows quietly

We often imagine childhood resilience as something dramatic. In reality, it’s usually built in remarkably ordinary moments.

• Waiting five more minutes. • Losing a game. • Being told no. • Having to finish cleaning up before playing with another toy. • Sitting through a car ride without constant entertainment. • Recovering after a disappointment.

These experiences don’t feel significant in isolation, but together and over time, they teach children something remarkably powerful:

“I’ve been uncomfortable before.”

“I recovered.”

“I can probably do it again.”

Those experiences gradually weave together to become confidence.

Not confidence that life will always feel good, but confidence that difficult feelings don’t have to be feared or escaped immediately.

The Neuroscience Nanny take:

Emotional regulation develops over years, not weeks. Young children rely on adults to co-regulate while gradually building their own regulatory abilities. Research suggests that frustration engages developing prefrontal brain systems involved in regulation, while boredom tolerance is associated with broader self-regulatory skills and independent coping strategies. Rather than eliminating every uncomfortable feeling, supportive adults help children experience manageable challenges, recover from them, and gradually develop confidence in their own ability to cope.

Souces:

Anderson, A. J., & Perone, S. (2024). The kids are bored: Trait boredom in early childhood and links to self-regulation, coping strategies, and parent–child interactions. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 243, 105919–105919. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jecp.2024.105919

Deichmann, F., & Ahnert, L. (2021). The terrible twos: How children cope with frustration and tantrums and the effect of maternal and paternal behaviors. Infancy, 26(3), 469–493. https://doi.org/10.1111/infa.12389

Perlman, S. B., Luna, B., Hein, T. C., & Huppert, T. J. (2014). fNIRS evidence of prefrontal regulation of frustration in early childhood. NeuroImage, 85, 326–334. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2013.04.057

Seiler, J.-P. H., & Dan, O. (2024). Boredom and curiosity: The hunger and the appetite for information. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1514348. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1514348

Sight. Sound. Touch. Taste. Smell.

But when you spend enough time around young children, you start to realize something is missing.

A child can see the snack you’re trying to eat before they notice you. They can hear a helicopter in the distance, and find it on the horizon. Yet they still tend to miss what feels obvious to you as a parent:

They’re exhausted.
They’re hungry.
They’re overwhelmed.

That gap comes down to three lesser-known systems quietly doing most of the work behind the scenes:

• Proprioception

• Vestibular (balance)

• Interoception

These are the senses that tell a child:

• where their body is

• how it’s moving

• and what’s happening inside it

When parents understand that these systems are still under construction, kids’ behavior starts to make a lot more sense.

The One That Explains the Most About Early Childhood: Interoception

Interoception is often called the “eighth sense.”

It’s the system that helps us detect and interpret signals from inside the body, including hunger, heart rate, breathing, pain, and internal temperature.

At its core, it’s not just about feeling something.

It’s about assigning meaning to what you feel.

A young child might experience:

• a racing heart

• tightness in their chest

• a drop in energy

But without interoceptive awareness, those sensations don’t translate into:

“I’m anxious.”
“I need a break.”
“I’m getting tired.”

Instead, they show up as:

• meltdowns

• impulsivity

• “out of nowhere” behavior

Why This Matters for Emotional Regulation

In young children, higher interoceptive awareness is associated with stronger emotional regulatory abilities.

Before a child can regulate an emotion, they have to:

1. Notice a change in their body

2. Interpret what that change means

3. Connect it to an action

Interoception is step one.

Why Interoception Is Harder to Teach

Unlike movement or balance, interoception is invisible and abstract.

You can see a child running.
You can see them talking to a peer.

You can’t always see:

• hunger building

• anxiety rising

• fatigue setting in

Which means children often need explicit teaching and language to understand what’s happening inside them.

This is where tools become especially helpful.

(Please note, as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Those purchases help support the work I’m doing here interpreting developmental science for parents and caregivers.)

For example:

• A structured activity like this interoception game can help children connect physical sensations to meaning (https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Sensory-Self-Regulation-Interoception-Activity-and-Game-Bundle-2-11302966)

Books can do a lot of the heavy educational lifting here, because stories give children a way to visualize abstract concepts they can’t directly see.

Two that I come back to often:

• Every Body Talks: Interoception for Small Bodies Learning Big Ideas by Grace Choi (https://amzn.to/4bOU3kN) *paid link*

• Body Detective!: Decode Your Sensory Signals (https://amzn.to/3Odm5gG) *paid link*

For parents who want a deeper framework behind what’s happening:

• Interoception and Regulation by Emma Goodall and Charlotte Brownlow (https://amzn.to/3OjUo5T) *paid link*

The Other Two Hidden Systems

Proprioception: “Where is my body?”

This system lives in the muscles and joints and constantly sends information to the brain about position, pressure, and effort.

It’s what allows a child to move through space without having to visually monitor every step.

But beyond movement, proprioception is one of the most important systems for force control and body awareness.

It’s what helps a child:

• judge how hard to push a door

• hold a crayon without snapping it

• climb without using excessive force

• sit upright without slumping

And, this is where it starts to show up in everyday life in ways parents don’t always expect.

Getting dressed is proprioceptive.

A child has to:

• feel where their arm is without seeing it

• grade how much force to use when pulling a sleeve

• coordinate both sides of their body

The same is true for using the bathroom.

Successful wiping requires:

• accurately reaching behind the body without visual guidance

• applying appropriate pressure

• coordinating movement across the midline

When this system is still developing, children may seem:

• clumsy

• unusually rough or unusually gentle

• frustrated by tasks that “seem easy”

What helps is “heavy work.”

Activities that involve pushing, pulling, carrying, climbing, or resisting.

This is why things like:

• pushing a loaded laundry basket

• pulling a wagon

• crawling, climbing, or hanging

are not just ways to burn energy.

They are simple ways to make the body easier to feel.

And when the body is easier to feel, behavior tends to organize.

Vestibular: “How is my body moving?”

The vestibular system, located in the inner ear, processes movement, balance, spatial orientation, and gravity.

Movement is how the brain learns where the body is. During movement, the vestibular systems acts as the body’s internal reference point for where it is in space.

When it’s working well, a child feels:

• grounded

• oriented

• physically secure

And when it’s not, the world can feel unpredictable.

Some children seek constant movement.

Others avoid it entirely.

And not all movement is the same.

The system distinguishes between:

• linear movement (forward, backward, up, down)

• rotational movement (spinning)

• changes in head position

• speed and unpredictability of motion

These differences matter because they affect regulation.

• Slow, rhythmic movement tends to calm

• Fast, unpredictable movement tends to alert

Where This Shows Up More Than You’d Expect

The vestibular system supports posture, coordination, visual stability, and attention.

Which means it shows up in skills your kids need for everyday tasks.

Climbing into the car requires:

• balance while climbing up or down

• orienting the body in space

• stabilizing the body with their arms

Drinking out of a cup requires:

• balance of the arm

• balancing the cup

• hand-mouth coordination

Even sitting still and focusing depends on vestibular input.

Because this system helps regulate:

• arousal

• attention

• and visual tracking

When it’s not well integrated, children may seem:

• constantly in motion

• easily distracted

• cautious or fearful

• physically disorganized

What This Looks Like in Real Life

If you want to support these systems, you don’t need complicated setups.

You need experiences that make the body easier to feel.

That often looks like:

• jumping

• swinging

• climbing

• spinning

For example, one of the simplest ways to build interoceptive awareness is to help a child feel a change in their heart rate.

A few minutes of jumping on a small trampoline (https://amzn.to/3Qg6AoJ) *paid link*, followed by:

“Put your hand on your chest. What do you notice?”

That moment is where interoception begins.

Similarly, movement like swinging can help children organize their vestibular system and feel more regulated in their bodies (https://amzn.to/4bO1KYl)*paid link*.

Simple matching-based games that pair movement with awareness can reinforce proprioceptive and vestibular integration (https://amzn.to/3PDiZmJ) *paid link*.

The Bigger Picture

Mastery of these sense doesn’t develop overnight.

It’s built through repetition, experience, and guidance.

Just like language.

Just like social skills.

Just like emotional skills.

Before a child can regulate their behavior, they have to be able to feel, understand, and organize their body.

When we shift from “why are they acting like this?” to “what might their body be trying to tell them that they don’t yet understand?” we start to see behavior differently.

Not as something to fix, but as a cue to interpret.

Sources and further reading:

Amin, R. (2023, March 8). The Importance of Balance and Coordination. Pentagon Play. https://www.pentagonplay.co.uk/news-and-info/importance-of-balance-and-coordination

Božanić Urbančič, N., Battelino, S., & Vozel, D. (2024). Appropriate Vestibular Stimulation in Children and Adolescents—A Prerequisite for Normal Cognitive, Motor Development and Bodily Homeostasis—A Review. Children, 11(1), 2. https://doi.org/10.3390/children11010002

Interoception and toileting - ERIC. (2022, September 15). https://eric.org.uk/interoception-and-toileting/

Opdensteinen, K. D., Schaan, L., Pohl, A., Schulz, A., Domes, G., & Hechler, T. (2021). Interoception in preschoolers: New insights into its assessment and relations to emotion regulation and stress. Biological Psychology, 165, 108166. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2021.108166

Schaan, L., Schulz, A., Nuraydin, S., Bergert, C., Hilger, A., Rach, H., & Hechler, T. (2019). Interoceptive accuracy, emotion recognition, and emotion regulation in preschool children. International Journal of Psychophysiology, 138, 47–56. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijpsycho.2019.02.001

Yanvera. (2025, August 21). 20 Occupational Therapy Activities for Vestibular Sensory Processing Skills. New Horizons Wellness Services. https://nhws.us/2025/08/21/20-ot-activities-for-vestibular-sensory-processing-skills/

‌Zhou, H., Gao, Q., Chen, W. and Wei, Q. (2022). Action Understanding Promoted by Interoception in Children: A Developmental Model. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. doi:https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.724677.

You ask, calmly, “Did you draw on the wall?”

They look right into your soul and say,
“No.”

I know it’s hard. I know, but trust me. Pause there for a second.

Because in that moment, your child’s developing brain is working a lot harder than it appears to be on the outside.

What This Isn’t

It’s not manipulation.
It’s not defiance.
It’s not a sign you’re raising a “liar.”

What you’re seeing is a developing brain trying to do three things at once:

• Avoid consequences

• Make sense of what just happened

• Manage your reaction

And in tiny humans, those systems aren’t fully online yet.

1. The Classic Denial: “I didn’t do it”

This is the one most parents recognize immediately.

The rule is in place.
The evidence is obvious.
And still, they deny it.

Here’s what’s happening under the hood:

Young children are actually quite motivated to tell the truth. They can often identify what a lie is and even say it’s “bad” or that you “shouldn’t lie.” But in the moment, something else wins.

Impulse.

Avoidance.

Emotion.

Their brain is trying to suppress the truth (“I did it”) and replace it with an alternative (“I didn’t”), and that requires inhibitory control. That skill, which is essential for later rule following, emotional regulation, and school readiness, is still actively developing.

Which is why this happens next:

You ask a follow-up question.

“What did you use to draw that?”

And suddenly:

“A marker.”

Right.

That’s what researchers call “leakage.” Kids can tell the lie, but they can’t hold the details together across multiple steps yet.

That distinction matters, because it shows you that this isn’t a calculated deception or your child purposefully manipulating you. It’s a sneak peak at a system that’s still under construction.

2. The Almost-Truth: “I brushed my teeth”

You ask, “Did you brush your teeth?”

They say yes.

The toothbrush is dry.

The sink is untouched.

Their breath reeks.

This one feels like lying, but it’s actually something different. It’s performance without completion.

They started the task.
They intended to do it.
Maybe they even did part of it successfully.

But they didn’t follow it all the way through.

That gap is executive function.

• Sequencing steps

• Sustaining attention

• Completing a goal-directed task

Those types of tasks are governed by a brain area called the prefrontal cortex, and in children, that area is actively under construction.

So when they say, “I brushed my teeth,” what they often mean is:

“I interacted with the toothbrush in a way that, in my mind, counts.”

In examples like this, treating the behavior as intentional lying misses the mark.

They’re not trying to deceive you.

They’re trying to match your expectations with incomplete skills.

3. The Blame Shift: “The cat did it”

Now we get to the one that feels the most… deliberate.

Food spills.

You ask what happened.

They say:

“The cat did it.”
“Brother did it.”
“Spider-Man did it.”

This is where something new and abstract is coming online for the first time. Your child is starting to understand:

You don’t automatically know what they know.

And that means they can influence what you believe.

That’s a major cognitive milestone.

It’s tied to something called theory of mind. The ability to understand that other people have separate thoughts, perspectives, and knowledge.

And once that clicks, a new possibility opens up:

“I can tell a different version of events…and maybe you’ll believe it.

That’s not a step backward. That’s a major cognitive leap forward.

Theory of mind is the first step in the development of empathy and social competency. From it comes better cooperation and the ability to share, enhanced understanding of the emotional states of others, and a grasp on social rules that lead to the development of moral judgment.

The development of theory of mind in childhood has been linked to better participation in school and overall higher educational attainment.

So What Are You Supposed to Do?

This is where most advice goes wrong.

Because it treats all three of these behaviors as the same.

They’re not, and your response shouldn’t be either.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay, but what do I actually say in the moment?”—this is exactly the kind of scenario I’m going to be walking through step-by-step in an upcoming subscriber-only workshop, where we break down real interactions like this and practice what it sounds like in real time.

Instead of asking, “Did you do it?”

You already know the answer, so why ask the question?

That question puts them in a position where they are unsure, and possibly a little nervous to find out what comes next, making their best available option to deny.

Which they will.

Narrate what you see

Instead of backing them into a corner with an accusatory question, just list the facts out loud in a neutral way.

“I see marker on the wall and marker on your hands.”

This removes the trap.

Now they don’t have to choose between:

• Telling the truth and getting in trouble

• Or lying to avoid it

Lying is developmentally normal behavior. There’s plenty of time for them to learn about the morality of lying as they get older. Right now, avoid that altogether and just focus on guiding the development that is happening.

Move quickly to the boundary

“The wall is not for drawing.” “Drawing is for paper only.”

Clear. Neutral. Non-negotiable. Not a punishment.

Then give them the next step and redirect

“Let’s clean it up.”
“I’ll help you.”
“Next time, we use paper. Can you show me where we keep it?”

This is where the learning actually happens.

These are the kinds of everyday moments that look small but carry a lot of developmental weight. I spend more time breaking these, and other everyday parts of early childhood, down in my subscriber sessions, where we walk through what to say and how to respond in real time.

The Bigger Picture

Here’s the part that tends to surprise people:

The same skills that allow a child to lie are also the ones that support skills you want them to have:

• Perspective-taking

• Social awareness

• Self-control

• Flexible thinking

In other words, this phase is not something to shut down.

It’s something to guide.

Over time, as executive function strengthens and emotional regulation improves, honesty becomes easier for children to access in the moment.

Not because you forced it or scared them into it.

Because you taught them how to navigate it and their brain has grown to support it.

Sources and further reading:

Evans, A. D., & Lee, K. (2013). Emergence of lying in very young children. Developmental psychology, 49(10), 1958–1963. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031409

Simpson, A., & Carroll, D. J. (2019). Understanding Early Inhibitory Development: Distinguishing Two Ways That Children Use Inhibitory Control. Child Development, 90(5), 1459–1473. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13283

Talwar, V., & Lee, K. (2008). Social and cognitive correlates of children's lying behavior. Child development, 79(4), 866–881. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2008.01164.x

Theory-Of-Mind Ability In Childhood - Purdue Business. (2023, November 30). Purdue.edu. https://business.purdue.edu/news/features/2023/theory-of-mind.php

When Young Children Lie. (n.d.). ZERO to THREE. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/when-young-children-lie/

‌Wilde Astington, J. (2010). The Development of Theory of Mind in Early Childhood . https://www.child-encyclopedia.com/pdf/expert/social-cognition/according-experts/development-theory-mind-early-childhood

‌

If you have a young toddler who is just starting to talk or not quite there yet, I’m going to make a strong case for something simple that most people overlook.

Take them to the grocery store.

Not just to just sit them in the cart while you rush through your list, but to slow down in the produce section and let them experience it.

Because that space is packed with exactly the kind of sensory input a developing brain is wired to learn beautifully from.

When toddlers are in that early language window, their brains are building connections between what they observe, what they feel, and what they hear you say. That’s the foundation of vocabulary. Not flashcards. Not apps. Real, physical experiences paired with deliberate, repeated language.

The produce aisle offers endless opportunities for this with absolutely no prep on your end.

Texture Talk

Take a moment to look around the next time you find yourself on a grocery run.

Hold up an avocado and say, “This one is bumpy,” then let them run their fingers over it as you repeat the word in a couple of ways. “Bumpy. The avocado feels bumpy on my fingers.” A peach gets linked to “fuzzy.” An apple helps to communicate “smooth” and “hard.”

You’re not just labeling objects, you’re giving them sensory anchors for new nouns and new adjectives to apply broadly to their world. That’s the kind of approach that helps language to wire in.

The beauty is that you can layer complexity as they grow. At first, it’s just novelty, exposure, and repetition, but their level of participation will evolve as they grow.

• “Can you find something green?”

• “Which one is bigger?”

• “Can you show me a small one?”

You’ve just turned a grocery run into an “I Spy” game, which is essentially early descriptive language practice disguised as play.

Should We Sniff It, Maybe?

Fresh herbs, citrus, strawberries, and even the slightly earthy smell of potatoes.

When you pause and say, “Let’s smell this,” your child is tapping into an entirely separate sensory system with strong associations to learning and memory.

And arguably more importantly, they are practicing how to use their sense of smell to learn about the world. You’ve just equipped them with another tool that they can apply when investigating their surroundings and taught them how they might use it.

Opposites Attract Educate

• Dry magically becomes wet when the misters turn on.

• Big and small show up when you hold a watermelon up next to a lime.

• Heavy and light become evident when an onion is in one hand and garlic is in the other.

These concepts are foundational for both language and later problem-solving, and here they are, built right into a normal errand.

But one of the most underrated benefits has nothing to do with vocabulary.

It’s behavioral.

Berry-Related Boundaries (Why is it always berries?)

The produce aisle is one of the best places to start teaching toddlers how to navigate what I call the “gimmie gimmies,” (thank you, Berenstain Bears).

The moment they see something and let you know they want it. In their loudest voice. Repeatedly. Whether or not it’s coming home with you.

As embarrassing or frustrating as it is in the moment, it’s also a place for repetition of boundary reinforcement.

You can acknowledge what they want.
“You really want to eat the strawberries.”

You can let them touch, smell, and explore.

And you can still hold the boundary.
“We’re not buying those today. Should we put them on the list for next time? Where on the list should I write it?”

In that exchange, they practice the feeling of disappointment (albiet, sometimes a little loudly) and that wanting something and getting it are not always linked. They learn that their emotions may be present, they might even feel overwhelming, but they do not necessarily determine the outcome. And they learn that you are steady and calm, even when they are not.

Now this grocery run has become a workshop in real-time emotional regulation.

Concept Mapping

Over time, something else starts to happen. They begin to participate.

They point.
New words get used for the first time.
Ideas and concepts start weaving together.
“Big apple.” “Hold green one.” “Smell good.”

That’s not accidental. That’s the result of repeated, meaningful exposure in an environment where language has real context that can be held and touched. Soon, those descriptive concepts will start showing up organically (forgive the pun) in unrelated contexts.

And it doesn’t require anything extra from you beyond slowing down for a few extra minutes and letting them engage.

After professionally navigating early toddlerhood a dozen times, this is one of those practices I come back to again and again because it works throughout early to mid-toddlerhood, across personalities, and has exciting and new learning outcomes at different stages of development.

It’s an activity that meets each child exactly where they are and gives them just enough structure to stretch a little further.

You don’t need a special setup.

You just need a grocery store, a little time, and the willingness to let your toddler possibly bruise an avocado or two (maybe focus on the textures of things that are currently on sale).

Yours in science,

Dana

Sources and further reading:

Barrett, K., Moding, K. J., Flesher, A., & Johnson, S. L. (2023). “The kale is green” and other things caregivers say when feeding infants and toddlers are associated with child rate of acceptance. Journal of Nutrition, 153(4), 1297–1304. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tjnut.2023.01.034

Dazeley, P., & Houston-Price, C. (2015). Exposure to foods’ non-taste sensory properties. A nursery intervention to increase children’s willingness to try fruit and vegetables. Appetite, 84, 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2014.08.040

Hassinger-Das B., Bustamante A.S., Hirsh-Pasek K., & Golinkoff R.M. (2018). Learning landscapes: Playing the way to learning and engagement in public spaces. Education Sciences: (Special Issue) Early Childhood Education, 8(74), 1–21. http://dx.doi.org/10.3390/educsci8020074

Pesch, A., Fletcher, K. K., Golinkoff, R. M., & Hirsh-Pasek, K. (2025). Evidence-based meets community-centred: A new approach to creating informal learning opportunities for children. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 43, 5–11. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12511

Ridge, K. E., Weisberg, D. S., Ilgaz, H., Hirsh-Pasek, K. A., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2015). Supermarket speak: Increasing talk among low-socioeconomic status families. Mind, Brain, and Education, 9(3), 127–135. https://doi.org/10.1111/mbe.12081

Shapiro, A. L. B., Lawless, M. C., Charlifue-Smith, R., & Johnson, S. L. (2024). Complementary food exposure and children's early understanding of food words: the approaching eating through language (APPEAL) study. Frontiers in Nutrition, 11, 1237698.

Webber, C., Blissett, J., Addessi, E., Galloway, A. T., Shapiro, L., & Farrow, C. (2021). An infant-led approach to complementary feeding is positively associated with language development. Maternal & Child Nutrition, 17(4), e13206. https://doi.org/10.1111/mcn.13206

Happy Tuesday, everyone! Time to learn something cool about brains.

If you have ever watched a toddler sing “the ABC’s” flawlessly, but draw a complete blank when asked to “say the alphabet,” then you’ve already experienced this firsthand.

That’s not a quirk. That is an example of neuroscience at work.

When a child sings, they’re not simply using language. They’re activating entire neural networks.

Singing Makes Language Use A Whole-Brain Activity.

We’ve all heard people talk about being “left-brained” or “right-brained.” The truth is that very few parts of behavior or brain activity happen only in one hemisphere, with speech - both producing and understanding it - being a notable exception. The brain areas used for the production and understanding of language (Broca’s area and Wernicke’s area) are both on the left side of the brain.

However, when a child sings, they activate both language-related and non-language networks simultaneously:

• Auditory Cortex (sound, pitch, tone).

• Motor Cortex (airflow, articulation, prolonged phonation).

• Cerebellum (time and rhythm).

• Limbic System (emotions, rewards, memories).

Why Melody Unlocks Language Faster

Early language acquisition is not just a matter of being exposed to language. It is also a matter of detecting patterns.

Melody makes the patterns more apparent.

When a child listens to someone speak:

• Sounds move quickly

• Boundaries between words blur

• Processing demand is high

When a child hears singing:

• Sounds are stretched

• Rhythm highlights syllables

• Repetition reinforces structure

In other words, singing slows language down just enough for little brains to study it.

Memory Loves Music (For Good Reason)

There’s a reason adults can more easily remember song lyrics from 20 years ago than what they walked into a room for.

Sure, it’s a little bit of the nostalgia factor, but it’s also encoding.

When words are paired with melody, they’re stored in multiple formats simultaneously:

• Verbal

• Auditory

• Rhythmic

• Emotional

In neuroscience, this is called dual coding, and it dramatically improves retrieval.

Add in limbic system activation and dopamine release, and now you’ve got something even more powerful:

A brain that wants to remember.

Children consistently show better vocabulary retention when words are sung rather than spoken, because melody creates additional memory pathways

The Bilateral Brain Advantage

One of the most interesting takeaways here, especially from a neuroscience perspective, is interhemispheric communication, or the halves of the brain communicating.

Language tends to lateralize left.

Music leans right.

Singing forces neural cooperation.

And that cooperation strengthens the corpus callosum, the bridge connecting the hemispheres.

In early development, this matters more than we often realize. You’re not just building language. You’re building cognitive flexibility.

Children who engage both hemispheres regularly are better able to:

• Shift attention

• Integrate sensory input

• Adapt to new learning demands

When Speech Is Lost, Music Finds Another Way In

One of the clearest demonstrations of how powerful this is comes from stroke patients with aphasia, or loss of speech. Some individuals lose the ability to produce speech almost entirely after damage to left-hemisphere language areas.

And yet, many of these same patients can still sing.

Not perfectly, not fluently, but enough to reveal something important: language isn’t gone, it’s just inaccessible through its usual pathway.

This is the foundation of Melodic Intonation Therapy (MIT), a rehabilitation approach that uses melody and rhythm to help those patients rebuild speech.

By engaging right-hemisphere networks that process music, patients can bypass damaged left-hemisphere language circuits and gradually re-establish the ability to speak (Schlaug et al., 2008; Wan et al., 2010).

And that’s the part that matters for parents: if singing can help rebuild language after injury, it’s not just a workaround, it’s a blueprint.

It shows us that melody creates additional pathways into language, which is exactly what we want while a child’s brain is still wiring itself for the first time.

Why This Matters in Real Life, For Your Kid

This is where this stops just being interesting and starts being useful.

You don’t need a fancy music program, and you don’t need a perfect voice.

What you do need is rhythm, repetition, and consistency. Start by building music into your daily routine:

• Transition songs (like cleanup time, putting on clothes or leaving the house)

• Songs to name things (colors, body parts, opposites, routines)

• Songs to help regulate big emotions (lullabies, soothing melodies)

• Movement songs (where actions or movements go along with the lyrics)

When you link lyrics to actions and real-world examples, you’re not just adding to what they are learning. You are improving how the information is delivered.

Conclusion

Singing is fabulous for enrichment, but it is so much more than that. It’s a neurological shortcut.

When children sing, they use more areas of their brain than during speech alone. Singing activates more of the brain, creates stronger memory traces, and builds language through multiple parallel pathways instead of one.

And in early childhood, where everything is about wiring, that difference shows up quickly.

Or, said simply:

The brain doesn’t learn language best when it’s efficient. It learns best when it’s engaged.

Most of what works with kids isn’t about doing more. It’s about using the brain better.

Thanks for reading,

Dana

Sources and further reading:

Daniels, B. C., Flack, J. C., & Krakauer, D. C. (2017). Dual Coding Theory Explains Biphasic Collective Computation in Neural Decision-Making. Frontiers in neuroscience, 11, 313. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2017.00313

Hahn, L. E., Benders, T., Fikkert, P., & Snijders, T. M. (2021). Infants' Implicit Rhyme Perception in Child Songs and Its Relationship With Vocabulary. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 680882. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.680882

Liu, T., Gray-Bauer, H., Davison, K. E., & Zuk, J. (2024). Preschoolers' home music environment relates to their home literacy environment and parental self-efficacy. PloS one, 19(11), e0313218. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0313218

Politimou, N., Dalla Bella, S., Farrugia, N., & Franco, F. (2019). Born to Speak and Sing: Musical Predictors of Language Development in Pre-schoolers. Frontiers in psychology, 10, 948. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00948

Schlaug, G., Jäncke, L., Huang, Y., Staiger, J. F., & Steinmetz, H. (1995). Increased corpus callosum size in musicians. Neuropsychologia, 33(8), 1047–1055. https://doi.org/10.1016/0028-3932(95)00045-5

Schlaug, G., Marchina, S., & Norton, A. (2008). From Singing to Speaking: Why Singing May Lead to Recovery of Expressive Language Function in Patients with Broca's Aphasia. Music perception, 25(4), 315–323. https://doi.org/10.1525/MP.2008.25.4.315

Zarate J. M. (2013). The neural control of singing. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 7, 237. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00237

They’re stirring mud with a stick.

Stacking rocks.

Poking at leaves like they’ve just discovered something extraordinary.

They’re quiet. Focused. Completely absorbed.

And then it happens.

We feel the urge to upgrade it.

A new toy.

A game suggestion.

A “better” activity.

Because good parents can’t be good parents if they don’t make childhood magical… right?

But here’s the problem.

When we constantly seek to upgrade play, we accidentally teach children that ordinary life isn’t interesting enough.

The brain adapts faster than we think

Children’s brains are especially responsive to novelty because the dopamine system is still developing.

Dopamine helps the brain notice and pursue rewarding experiences. When a child encounters something new or exciting, dopamine activity increases, reinforcing the behavior and encouraging exploration.

But when stimulation is constantly elevated (new toys, fast-paced shows, frequent novelty), the brain can begin to expect that higher level of reward.

Over time, slower and simpler experiences may feel less engaging.

This is why a child who can happily play with a cardboard box one day may suddenly seem “bored” when their environment becomes saturated with high-intensity stimulation.

When stimulation is constantly upgraded, the brain’s reward system adapts. The result isn’t a happier child. It’s a child whose brain now expects higher levels of novelty to feel engaged.

The kind of play that actually builds the brain

The moments that look the least impressive to adults are often the ones doing the most developmental work.

When children direct their own play, they are building executive function.

Executive function refers to a set of skills largely coordinated by the prefrontal cortex, including:

• attention control

• planning

• working memory

• impulse regulation

• flexible thinking

These networks mature slowly through childhood and adolescence.

Importantly, they develop best when children must direct their own behavior rather than simply following instructions or consuming entertainment.

When a child decides:

• what to build

• how to solve a problem

• how to keep playing when something falls apart

they are practicing the neural circuits involved in executive function.

When children invent their own games, their prefrontal cortex is doing the heavy lifting. That’s the part of the brain responsible for focus, self-control, and problem solving.

In other words, the exact skills parents worry about later.

What boredom is actually doing

When children are quietly exploring, daydreaming, or playing pretend, the brain often engages the default mode network (DMN).

This network becomes active during internally driven thought, including:

• imagination

• storytelling

• mental simulation

• creativity

Unstructured play gives the brain time to engage these systems.

Constant external stimulation, on the other hand, keeps attention focused outward and leaves less opportunity for internally generated thought.

When children appear to be “doing nothing,” their brains are often busy imagining, experimenting, and telling themselves little stories about the world.

What looks like boredom is often the beginning of creativity.

A small parenting experiment

Next time your child is happily absorbed in something simple, try this.

Sit nearby.

Don’t suggest anything.

Don’t upgrade the activity.

Don’t interrupt the moment.

Just watch.

Let them stir the mud soup.

Let them line up the sticks.

Let them stack the rocks and knock them down again.

Let their joy be enough.

Because a happy child doesn’t need more happiness.

Sometimes they just need permission to stay there.

Subscribe

If you’re interested in more information, here are some academic papers for further reading:

The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children

Development of the default-mode network during childhood and adolescence: A longitudinal resting-state fMRI study

Less-structured time in children's daily lives predicts self-directed executive functioning

Have you been feeling as though you could really use a “toddler-to-understandable English” dictionary lately?

Start at the dinner table!

One of the simplest, most overlooked tools for supporting toddler speech development is something beautifully low-tech. An open cup.

Yes, really.

Long before articulation worksheets or speech therapy exercises, the muscles that shape speech are being trained during everyday routines. Drinking is one of them, and how your child drinks can make a real difference.

The Hidden Link Between Drinking and Speech

Speech is ultimately a motor behavior. Understandable speech depends on coordinated strength and control of the lips, tongue, and jaw, all of which takes time to develop and practice to learn how to apply all together.

It’s a lot of skills combining into one action!

When toddlers drink from bottles or hard-spouted sippy cups, they use a forward sucking pattern where the tongue pushes forward in the mouth. Lip stabilization in this position is low-demand, and doesn’t lend itself to building movement patterns needed in early speech. 

That pattern is appropriate for infancy but is not ideal long-term.

Open cups, on the other hand, encourage a more mature swallowing pattern. The tongue moves back into the mouth with every swallow instead of pushing forward, building strength over time. Their lips have to form a seal at the rim and their jaw has to work for stabilization.

All of those movements directly support clearer speech production.

Remember to subscribe for more early childhood conversations and some upcoming looks into emerging science!

Subscribe

What Open Cups Build for Speech

1. Strong Lip Closure

When a child drinks from an open cup, they must seal their lips around the rim to control the liquid.

That lip closure is essential for producing sounds like:

• /m/

• /p/

• /b/

Weak lip closure can lead to imprecise articulation. 

Practicing with an open cup strengthens that seal naturally during daily meals.

No flashcards required! 

2. Better Tongue Control

Open cups promote a resting tongue position inside the mouth. The tongue moves back during swallowing rather than thrusting forward.

This matters for sounds like:

• /t/

• /d/

• /n/

When a child develops what is sometimes called "sippy tongue" from prolonged hard spout use, the tongue may habitually push forward. Over time, that forward pattern can contribute to lisping or distorted sounds.

An open cup gently supports a more mature pattern.

3. Stronger, More Stable Jaw

Clear speech requires jaw stability. The jaw provides the foundation for precise tongue movements.

With an open cup, toddlers must control the flow of liquid without relying on suction. That builds subtle jaw strength and coordination.

It is small work. But repeated dozens of times a week, it adds up.

4. Prevention of “Sippy Tongue”

Hard-spouted, anti-spill cups often encourage a forward tongue thrust. The tongue presses against or over the spout to control flow.

Over time, this repetitive forward motion can interfere with typical speech sound development and contribute to frontal lisping patterns.

Open cups and straw cups are generally preferred because they support more developmentally appropriate oral motor patterns.

When Should You Start?

You do not have to wait until toddlerhood.

Many pediatric feeding specialists recommend introducing an open cup around 6 months, or when you begin solids. At this stage, the goal is exposure and practice, not perfection.

Expect spills. That is part of the process.

How to Practice Without Losing Your Mind

Here is what works in real homes:

• - Start with very small amounts of liquid.

• - Think a tablespoon, not a full serving.

• - Use tiny cups. A small open cup or even a shot glass-sized silicone cup gives your child control.

• - Offer support at first. Hold the cup with them. Tip slowly.

• - Practice once or twice per meal rather than at every sip.

You are building a skill, so don’t expect them to get it right away.

The Bigger Picture

As someone who cares deeply about how early experiences shape development, I love recommending tools and tips that are simple, accessible, and grounded in physiology.

An open cup is not magic. It will not prevent every articulation challenge. But it supports the muscle coordination and swallowing patterns that make clear speech more likely.

And unlike many interventions, it folds seamlessly into daily life.

No extra appointments. No added expense. Just a small shift in routine.

If you are thinking long-term about your child’s communication, start small.

Start with the cup.

Hiring a nanny can feel like standing at the edge of a very expensive cliff.

On one hand, you’re exhausted, stretched thin, and you need help. On the other, you’re about to hand over your child (and a significant chunk of your income) to someone who is, at least at first, a stranger. If you’re worried about both the financial risk and the emotional risk of getting it wrong, you’re not being dramatic. You’re being a thoughtful, conscientious parent.

Here’s the good news: finding the right nanny isn’t about locating a flawless, Mary-Poppins-level candidate with a perfect résumé. It’s about finding someone who is flexible, emotionally grounded, and willing to adapt to your family’s way of doing things. Children thrive on consistency, and that consistency matters far more than any single technique or credential.

With that in mind, let’s talk through the ten most important questions to ask, and why they matter, in a way that actually helps you avoid a bad (and costly) hire.

Subscribe

You’re not hiring a robot, you’re hiring someone’s good judgment

The biggest mistake parents make in interviews is focusing too much on credentials and not enough on how someone thinks. Degrees, years of experience, and certifications matter, but day-to-day childcare is about judgment calls made when no one is watching.

A great place to start is simply asking a nanny to walk you through a typical day with your child. Listen closely. Do they talk about balance? What about play, rest, structure, flexibility? Do they seem curious about your child specifically, or are they reciting a generic schedule? Pay attention to the questions they ask. You’re not looking for perfection here, you’re listening for alignment.

—

Discipline tells you everything (even when it’s uncomfortable)

Asking how a nanny handles challenging behavior can feel awkward, but it’s one of the most revealing questions you can ask. Discipline styles vary wildly, and mismatches here create stress for everyone.

You don’t need your nanny to parent exactly the way you do. That’s an impossible ask because they aren’t you. What you do need is for them to respect your approach and be willing to integrate it into their own. Children do best when boundaries are predictable from adult to adult. If a nanny is rigid, dismissive of your preferences, or overly focused on discipline, that inconsistency will show up in your child’s behavior and in your stress level.

Look for answers that emphasize calm, consistency, and emotional regulation over control and that indicate a willingness to adapt to your parenting style.

—

Experience matters, but reflection matters more

When you ask a nanny to describe a difficult situation they’ve handled, you’re not testing whether they’ve had problems. Everyone has. What matters is how they reflect on those moments.

Strong candidates can describe challenges honestly without blaming the child or the parents. They talk about what worked, what didn’t, and what they’d do differently next time. That willingness to reflect and grow is far more valuable than a spotless track record.

—

Emergencies aren’t hypothetical when they involve your child

Emergency questions aren’t about scaring anyone, they’re about preparedness. You want a nanny who can stay calm under pressure, act decisively, and communicate clearly if something goes wrong. This is particularly important given how children so often look to their adult for cues on how to respond under stress. 

The best answers sound grounded, not panicked or vague. You don’t need a medical professional. You need someone who understands when to call you, when to call emergency services, and how to keep a child safe, and feeling safe, in the moment.

Confidence here buys you peace of mind and peace of mind is priceless.

—

Emotional support is not a “nice to have”

How a nanny responds to big feelings (tantrums, separation anxiety, frustration) will shape your child’s emotional world more than any enrichment activity ever could.

When you ask how they support a child’s emotional needs, listen for validation and patience. Children don’t need adults who shut emotions down; they need adults who meet them where they are and help them move through them. And again, consistency matters. When children receive the same emotional messages from multiple caregivers, they feel safer and are more able to self-regulate.

—

Boundaries protect everyone, including you

Talking about boundaries early can feel formal, but it prevents resentment later. A professional nanny understands that clarity around roles, communication, and expectations is healthy, not cold. Ask what tasks they would or would not be comfortable with and be clear in your expectations and what help your family needs to run most smoothly. 

When tasks and expectations are clearly defined from the beginning, your life (and your nanny’s workday) will function like clockwork. Remember, you can always revisit this conversation if you find you need more from them or if certain tasks become too much as your children grow and evolve. 

—

Communication can make or break the relationship

Many nanny arrangements don’t fail because of childcare, they fail because of miscommunication.

Ask how they prefer to share updates, concerns, or problems and make sure to suggest regular conversations to check-in with how it’s going. You’re looking for openness, not defensiveness. Someone who can bring up small issues early will save you from big ones later.

—

Safety instincts are often more important than rules

When you ask about non-negotiables around safety, you’re learning what someone prioritizes when no one is watching. Supervision, sleep safety, screen use, visitors—these answers tell you how seriously they take responsibility.

If their instincts match yours (or they’re willing to adapt), you’re in good territory.

—

Patterns matter—especially with past jobs

Why someone left previous nanny positions often reveals more than references alone. Thoughtful, neutral explanations suggest professionalism. A trail of blame or conflict may signal trouble.

Do remember that a nanny is also looking for the right fit, which they may not have had with previous families. A shorter tenure here or there isn’t necessarily a red flag. Just ask open, curious questions and their answers will tell you a lot. 

You’re investing emotionally and financially. It’s okay to look for stability and for a nanny who cares about finding the right fit, not just any fit. 

—

Motivation matters more than perfection

Finally, ask what they love most about being a nanny and what they find hardest. This question humanizes the interview and gives you insight into burnout risk and self-awareness.

The best nannies aren’t perfect. They’re present, adaptable, and genuinely invested in the work. They’ll also show you an understanding of the depth and dedication required in their role by comfortably and respectfully acknowledging the difficulties inherent to early childhood. Good humor here is a green flag!

The most important reminder

If you’re worried about the cost, remember this: the most expensive nanny is the wrong one. Turnover, stress, inconsistency for your children, and misalignment cost far more than taking the time to find someone flexible, personable, and open to learning your parenting style.

Trust your instincts. Ask the questions. And remember, you’re not looking for someone to raise your child for you. You’re looking for someone who can support and care for your child with you, consistently and thoughtfully, day after day.

You’ve got this! 

❤️🧠 Dana