Today, August 28th, the last eclipse and full moon of the summer will occur. What does this mean? Apparently this is also when a partial lunar eclipse will occur, where the sun, earth and moon align perfectly. What does this all mean? Luckily we Have Lisa Stardust to break it down for us.

Virgo season is here! The celestial energy will encourage you to be seductive when expressing your deepest desires and emotions to your crush. You may also suffer from a wave of jealousy if you are not careful to take a pause. Be open about your fears, and see how things will resolve if you allow yourself to be vulnerable at this time. This month also offers growth and transformation, allowing your love life to expand and change as things start to shift for you.

Aries

Single rams will be soul-searching and discovering more about themselves before diving into a new romance. Trust your gut and take the time to nurture your emotional well-being. This will allow you to broaden and grow as you fully realize what you want from love. This month offers opportunities for romance that is grounded in authenticity and mutual understanding. Stay open and remain receptive to the unexpected twists and turns your love life brings.

Taurus

The cosmos infuses your relationship with desire and passion. You can both make sparks fly and sizzle as you embark on thrilling escapades together. This is the perfect time to reignite your flame and explore new depths of intimacy. Single Bulls are being encouraged by the universe to step out of their comfort zone and embrace new romantic opportunities that may show up. Life could feel like a movie full of thrills, joys, and tenderness.

Gemini

This month brings meaningful conversations and deeper understanding with others. Reflect on the past to gain insight into your current relationship or what you want in a future one. Single twins may be looking for someone attractive in both body and mind. Look for someone who can challenge your perspective. Be mindful not to stir up a misunderstanding. Be patient and clarify any conflict with open communication.

Cancer

Home is usually where your heart is, Cancer. Although you have been committed to your abode, you are chatting it up with your crush on the app. You may feel as though you haven’t been giving or receiving enough attention, since the past few months have felt a little rocky and shaky, as if the foundation was cracking. Things are going to get better. You have to give it time and be patient.

Leo

The weeks ahead allow you to acknowledge the amount of TLC that your crush or significant other has been giving you. They’ve been nothing but sincere and genuine since the day you met — now you can appreciate how much elation and support they add to your life. The planets give you a chance to acknowledge the love you share with others, even if you do not know the right words to articulate these sentiments.

Virgo

Allow love to radiate, as Venus influences your relationships. Your detail-oriented nature will shine in thoughtful gestures and genuine acts of service. Single Virgos will find devotion in the smallest act that goes a long way. It is a great month to unite with someone who shares your values. Couples will focus on mindful dreaminess that lets you head roam in the clouds. Embrace imperfections and celebrate that which makes you and your relationships unique.

Libra

Right now, you are finding that the way you’ve gone about attracting others has sustained a lot, but it also has many cracks that need a tune-up. The good news is that you will be pleasantly surprised by your crush or significant other, who currently wishes to step up their commitment to your relationship and take things to the next level. How you move forward is purely up to you. Proceed with caution and heed.

Scorpio

You must listen as much as you speak. Single Scorpios, embrace your individuality and pursue what brings fulfillment. You have a magnetic aura that attracts potential romantic interests. Perhaps an old flame will try to make their way back into your life. Address them with compassion so that you can heal and grow in the relationship and as a person. Trust your intuition, and let it steer you towards deeper connections and friendships.

Sagittarius

Uncuffed? Not to worry, you will find a connection through wanderlust experiences. Take chances and embrace the thrill of the unknown. Gittariuses will want to bring playfulness into their relationships. Explore ideas and hobbies that nurture the friendship aspect of your union. Don’t be afraid to share your fantasies and listen to your partner’s aspirations. Find a way to build security in your relationship while also creating room for freedom to do your own thing.

Capricorn

Find a balance between independence and togetherness, and be cognizant of your personal needs. This is a lot to ask, but do not neglect yourself, as you may become burned out. This is a wonderful time to convey your feelings in extraordinary and distinct manners. Do not shy away from romance. A beneficial relationship is a dance of give and take. When you navigate the dance floor of love, let your heart lead the way.

Aquarius

You may find yourself having FOMO while assessing what you are looking for in relationships. This phase could lead to breakthroughs as you come to terms with your yearnings. Doing so paves the way for healthier partnerships. If you’re in a relationship, don’t hesitate to state your thoughts and feelings with your companion. This can make your relationship stronger and bring you closer together. Unattached Aquarians will use this time to improve themselves and grow.

Pisces

Perhaps engage more with your partner, or find some time to flirt with your crush. Maintain balance and avoid being controlling. Focus on deepening your emotional connections with honesty and understanding. You can also use the energy of the recent eclipse cycle to release what no longer serves you, which can mean putting someone on ice when you are questioning your feelings for them. This month marks a major release that will transform your heart.

As always, follow Lisa Stardust for more. Until next time! x

Sunday after the wedding I was officially a shell of a human being. Breathing hurt. We left our beautiful Belcombe and headed into Bradford-on-Avon to stay in town for the night before Owen and I headed to Mallorca. It was not what I would’ve chosen, but it ended up being the easiest option; there was direct flight from Bristol and since Owen had to head back to start the green card process, which does not allow him to travel internationally, I was going to meet Sara for her 40th birthday trip in Ibizia - so it was quick. And more importantly, the hotel Son Net where we stayed was on Amex Travel. And, we had to do something.

The Grand Hotel Son Net was one of the most impressive hotels I’ve ever been to. The remarkable interiors aside, the service was incredible, the food was amazing and the wine - epic. It’s an old Medieval Castle that has been restored, winery included, and my only regret was we left one night for dinner rather than just staying on property. But everyone is right - you should do something. Owen and I were too tired to even speak to each other the first 24 hours and only 48 hours after that I started to feel like a human. The adrenaline you’ve been running on for months finally leaves you thus rendering you exhausted and no longer a bride. A mere mortal.

I didn’t have the emotional fortitude to go to my storage center where all my summer clothes were so I resorted to wearing the linings of my Doen Sets (everything sheer, always); luckily everything I own is white.

Plus Packing:

• Doen is God. I have had these Arda shorts for years - they are the hero of my summer wardrobe and they are still available. I wear them well into fall with a cardigan and flats.

• I love sets, but only buy if I can wear set-arately. My girl Morgan Stewart gifted me this organza set that I wore in London and repurposed here. The Organza cami is v important.

• Give Good Hat. Gigi Burris not only did my veil, she is the genius behind my favorite packable hat that has lived many lives with me. It’s the Ida and she is v important.

• Just ‘cuz the wedding may be over, you don’t need to ditch the train. I got this Seidres dress on Moda last summer before I went to Europe and it’s one of my favorites, despite the fact that the train is completely impractical no matter how high my shoes. Love this floral version.

• I was traveling with an insane amount of fine jewelry post wedding, which was horrifying and a great reminder, you only need to really bring two amazing statement pieces on a trip. My go-to is my Juju Vera Choker and Eliza Earrings.

And then over to Ibiza to hang with my original plus one’s.

All worth it to celebrate my best girl on her big birthday!

Re-entry is as brutal as everyone says. There are so many ebbs and flows to the come down; some really amazing (wow I can read a book again?!), some … insane (who lies and says they didn’t have time to get their hair done a month after the fact?!) to also, just the sadness that it’s over and went by quicker than you thought. Ultimately, it’s the best, because you can move on with the life that you’ve always wanted. But I couldn’t shake the fact that we really hadn’t done enough of something. Unable to travel anywhere outside of the states felt very limiting and not to mention, astronomically expensive. I will spend money and yet, I am not paying 2k a night to go to Connecticut. We do want to do a big trip next year but hopefully, it won’t just be Owen and I next year so, I kinda wanted a trip now! Cue my fairy god-sister, Erika who offered us her Southampton Home for the week while she was on vacation.

While I stand by my brat-attack about not having a honeymoon, the week away playing house did more for us than any Kenyan Safari could. We got to re-center ourselves and take time to properly map out what we want our marriage to look and feel like. Before I met Owen, I was feeling really stuck in my life and depressed about dating. I did a course at the suggestion of my friend Samantha, called TBM - which is all about manifestation - something I always thought related to insects. One of the key teachings from TBM is about finding “expanders” - people that basically have what you want and don’t presently have. It teaches you to reframe jealous tendencies into positive thoughts; so rather than why not me it’s I can’t wait for it to BE me. When I learned to do this, quite literally everything changed for me. And a week in a beautiful house we aspire to, was a very expansive way to spend time with my husband.

It was also my birthday that week! Which I kept forgetting because after you get married, that does in fact, no longer matter.

Plus Packing:

• I really only want to wear baby doll dresses this summer. The ones I wore are older Doen, but you should check out the Sirona dress which I think will be perfect for fall transition.

• My Year of Ours navy workout set was more asked about than my wedding gown. They just restocked on Revolve, so make it YOURs.

• I do not agree with the NY Mag article that it’s time to ban taffeta, and I stand with Laurel Pantin of Earl IRL who I purchased these Chan Lu Pink Techno Taffeta pants from. I also got the shorts!

• Another highlight from my trip was that after S I X years of religiously doing Tracy Anderson at home - I went to a class. Every day. Solomons felt mandatory to fit in with my Creator though I escaped before the Free City sweatpants took hold of me.

• Again, everything sheer. My knit Posse top is one of my favorite things I bought this summer and I also love pairing my Herve Leger lace button down with something very non-herve like my Doen Iona shorts.

We capped off the week with friends in Montauk, proving that we are not a borring married couple yet!

Astrology has played a huge part in my life, especially when it came to my dating. When I wasn’t getting an answer back from the guy I was seeing, I would often turn to the cosmos for a reply. I realize that wasn’t the best use of my energy or money, but, that is no knock on astrology as a practice and a tool. As JP Morgan said, “Millionaires don’t use astrology, billionaires do.” And so should the most well in-formed brides to be. In this monthly series, we are so pleased to present horoscopes from the ever brilliant, Lisa Stardust, fashion’s favorite astrologer. Monthly, Lisa will give tailored horoscopes to each sign, best advising how to navigate your wedding planning process under each new moon. This goes for those in the planning to plan process; we don’t forget our single sisters here. It’s my birthday month (big Leo energy over here), so no better time to start, especially with the Lion’s Gate Portal open till August 12th! Lisa was good enough to come give readings to everyone at my bridal shower, where she shared that this Leo season will be especially powerful this year. Rawr-off queens.

Now over to Lisa!

Leo season, which lasts from July 22 to August 22, is a wonderful time to plan a wedding. The BIG Leo energy encourages us to be fierce and roar our desires. After all, it’s an acceptable moment to focus on how to fuse our wedding visions into reality. Be bold and direct in the upcoming weeks — especially during the total solar eclipse in Leo on August 12. The impact of this metamorphic moment is going to change our lives. Our hearts will be ready to use the stars to sweet-talk and love. Use the stars to guide your emotions.

Aries

When it comes to entertainment, you’re longing for a mix of oldies and recent jams for everyone to cut loose to. Play nostalgic tunes for your besties to dance the night away, too, to reaffirm the friendship. It’ll be refreshing to recollect with them by your side as you shine. Even if you’re unruffled, the stars are heightening your desire for pleasure.

Taurus

Your divine palate makes picking out a menu hard. Ask your bestie to join you on the quest for a tasting to give feedback. With their help, you’ll be able to serve the ultimate meal — from appetizers at happy hour to main courses and cake. Even if you’re not on the market for planning a wedding, you can grab a pal and sample champagne for fun.

Gemini

If a friend attempts to steal your thunder by offering a cheeky toast at happy hour or cocktail hour, squash it from the get-go. Be your own PR girlie and give them specific prompts to speak about that put you at the helm of the day. If they ever get from the notes, then jump in and rub off their ribbing with a joke that makes everyone laugh and forget their comments.

Cancer

You should take a moment out from all of the summertime hoopla and meditate to relax. All of the energy (from retrogrades to eclipses) is invading your aura and space, which is why you should plan for a trip with friends to avoid the projections being put on you. Massages are your BFF, as well as a pool day with no phones or work emails to respond to.

Leo

All eyes are on you! Triple-check your makeup, manicure, and hair dreams to ensure they are on point for the day of your nuptials. Dress up in your gown or suit a few times to get a feel for the direction you’re taking or need to change — so be it! If you’re single or not taking a major leap, understand that you are a star in every room because your style and personality are magnetic.

Virgo

Try to get your beauty sleep because late-night texts from friends and family, along with suggestions, might send you into 24/7 internet searching to check out their suggestions and advice. Know that they are trying to be helpful — even if the noise and chatter are causing you to spin mildly. Catch yourself and focus on what matters most.

Libra

Some friends may be unsure whether they’re bringing a plus-one to the dinner parties or double dates on the calendar. As a result, it’s creating issues in the guest count, even though you don’t want to add pressure. The compromise is simple: give them the option to bring a date, and then decorate the atmosphere once they are certain when the e-vite is signed, sealed, and delivered because you’re the curator of vibes.

Scorpio

The focal point of your summer is your grand vacation or honeymoon to escape the mundane. Choosing a hot spot might take negotiation with your friends or partner, so be open to their suggestions and feedback. The decision may be surprising, but the locale will have meaning and speak to the dynamic of the relationship. IKYK a hunting trip is a red flag, but a campout is cozy.

Sagittarius

Your adventurous spirit allows you to jump into situations freely, and part of your personality will bring you face-to-face with a new crush who teaches you a thing or two about yourself in the world. If you’re committed, then you might want to take a class with your significant other to enhance your dance skills for the wedding day, or the two of you can learn to simmer in the kitchen with cooking lessons.

Capricorn

The best things in life may be free, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to get decadent now and again. Whether you’re walking down the aisle or strutting on Madison Avenue, splurging on a gift for yourself may seem extreme; remember that it is Leo season, and you have to go big or go home. Never deny yourself a chance to be the Queen that you are. You can always create a registry and send it out for others to celebrate you.

Aquarius

Last-minute decisions are causing drama between you and your S.O./crush. You’re not arguing over feelings for each other, but the pressing minute details of any event are stressful. Invite them out for an evening without wedding or work talk, and then discuss the matters the following day. You can use a break from the high stress in your life and chill.

Pisces

Serendipitous encounters will manifest. With this energy present, your future can change within the blink of an eye, so be on the lookout for new paths to take. These vibes also bode well for embracing romance, and if you’ve been teetering on the edge of a relationship — you could get pushed one way or another.

Follow Lisa Stardust for more invitations from the cosmos.

Of course, I know that things go wrong at your wedding, or any event you plan. I just didn’t think that things would go wrong at my wedding. I’ll be honest, these are things that even my bridal party that I told too many things to didn’t know were wrong, but they are the things that keep this perfectionist, who was also the planner, up at night. And, they are the things I am happy to share with future brides, those past who would love to commiserate, and most of all, those who are still dreaming of their perfect day.

God Grant You the Serenity to Accept the Things You Cannot Change

Because S/HE did not do that for me. As I walked up the stairs to the Walled Garden at Belcombe Court I saw a male guest who either I had not met before or my cousin who barely said hello to me, probably my cousin, walking around with a Via Carota signature craft cocktail that was meant only to be served on Saturday at reception. This same male guest went and sat at the long blue and white striped table I had art directed from hair and makeup, in front of the wrong candles. It was too late to remove the drink from his hands or the candles from the table and at 3:07pm on our Friday welcome bbq, it was too late to have the perfect wedding. Even if I had, had an external planner from the start, something like this would’ve happened, without a doubt, but the fact that I did plan my own wedding and didn’t use the full production team for anything past day of support, meant I was going to know when something like this happened. Each. And. Every. Time.

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As a very single assistant at Oscar de la Renta I would anxiously await our bridal shows as anxiously as my attachment style. When I started wedding planning, I had to make many password recovery attempts to my Pinterest account, where I re-discovered my bridal inspiration board from my Oscar days. Apparently 23 year old Gabrielle thought she would be walking down the aisle in….

I had all the classic references, CBK, Grace Kelly, Audrey, etc and apparently, really loved a low back and a cumber bun waist. And Sophia Bush’s side messy bun. One sign that I may have had good taste was one of my style icon’s Vanessa Traina’s incredible wedding gown, which I believe was Alexander Wang for Balenciaga.

As I scrolled on IG and again, anxiously awaited Oscar’s Spring Bridal Collection, I realized that 38 year old Gabrielle may not be having a “say yes to the dress” moment. Jamie who has been forced to hear most of my over thinking, quickly cut my doom scrolling short and said you’re just going to have to have it made. She brilliantly designed her own wedding dress, working alongside a talented pattern maker to make her vision come true. There is a reason why there is so much emphasis on the dress. This is the dress that represents who you are, and who you want to be with the person you want to build your life with.

I customized my life, why wouldn’t I my wedding dress?

Except, I really knew what the dress was that I wanted, I just didn’t think it was possible.

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The fact that we had to have a tent also meant that it dictated a large portion of the wedding’s aesthetic, which we were very deliberate on, if you haven’t picked up on by now! For our colors we landed on electric blue, dusty pink and chocolate brown, the later saved it from looking like a baby shower. In addition to being favorite color combinations, they played off the natural beauty of Belcombe.

This was the mood board and vibe for the marquee. Things that went right include: whatever Matt did and the chairs. Things that went wrong, basically everything else.

Matthew Adams Dolan, is… well a fucking genius. We named each table after restaurants and hotels that we love, so our head table for instance was Via Carota, the restaurant we live above. Ever the publicist, we had a number assigned for each table, for easy seating. Matt did all the calligraphy by hand for the escort cards to the name cards. My favorite element, would of course be the martini menu. We stay at Sunset Tower when we are in LA and I wanted to do a martini service menu based on the legendary Sundae menu at Tower Bar. I had pencils made in pink and blue that said Pour L’amour that I am presently looking at, at my desk wishing I had a martini menu to make a drink selection.

The other man in my life, is our caterer Sam. Sam was essentially my co-pilot when I would fire (and re-hire) Owen on a whim. He also, made incredible food. I had some very fussy people at this wedding and while food is often one of my greatest sources of anxiety, this time it was on behalf of other people. All of these fussy people… cannot stop talking about how good our food was. And it was. We opted for family style because I think it’s a nice juxtaposition to the formality of a wedding event.

I changed into my second custom look designed with Christy Rilling of Guild of Hands for dinner. One thing that was great about the run of show for our wedding, is every event was very punctuated, so I was able to do quick changes that also made sense. I changed three times and all three of them were functional and speedy. The last thing I wanted was to miss the party because I was primping. Changing too many times is quite literally not a good look.

Music was incredibly important to us. While guests found their seats, our DJ blasted Grace Jones’ Le Vie En Rose. Owen and I ran into Just Can’t Get Enough by Depeche Mode and then in my one American tradition I was able to wrangle, we went straight into our first dance, Vivo. For two people that dance a lot together, we could’ve stood to practice once or more, but it was a moment I will remember forever. I told my father he couldn’t drink until after his speech, so he went first. His words were deeply moving, a bit cutting and of course, ever so cool. We danced to Danke Schone by Wayne Newton.

It’s true, when you know, you know and Owen and I knew right away we would have his brother Theo and my best friend Jen be our MC’s. They did a chemistry read and run-through but did not meet IRL till the Friday before. They were, in a word, perfect.

I know people think they have the best speeches at their wedding, but, we really had THE BEST speeches at our wedding. It was one thing that people keep saying to us when they reflect back on our wedding, and it’s a true testament to the incredible people in our lives.

A particularly incredible moment was of course when Jen passed the Gabby Torch to Owen, who very happily obliged.

The best moment of the night, was also, one of the best moments of my life, Owen’s speech to me. Look I’ll be honest; because I wasn’t romantically loved for so long, I still have trouble accepting this is my reality. But in that moment, I accepted the love torch.

I think the most fun dinner parties are the ones you already can’t wait to dance to. This was one of those dinner parties.

I think you can catch the vibe….

So in the end, I fucking loved my tent. My mother in law and her art club made 180m of bunting out of fabrics that resembled the tent that I wanted. It meant we were all dining under something made from love and, our beautiful Primrose Marquee (not an ad, they were amazing) became the only place I want to gather with my nearest and dearest.

As Owen and I made our way from Holy Trinity Church in a vintage NYC checkered cab, my greatest triumph in party planning, I was the happiest. It was the closest to feeling both completely free and completely in control and completely at ease I’ve ever felt. It was heaven. And it lasted about 12 minutes until I walked into our cocktail hour and heard our first dance song playing on the loudspeaker and not the “Belcombe Welcome” playlist I had painstackingly labored over for months. When that minor crisis was averted, and I heard Hans Zimmer’s You’re so Cool from True Romance, I grabbed a glass of champagne and took it in. I fucking did it. Well, we.

When I was dating, I would try to picture what my wedding would be with that person and always, I hated it. A mocktail station for the guy (guyS) who got sober during our courtship? A 550 person wedding at the beach in TLV? Eloping because he probably would only commit until a day before? None of those things felt very, umm, ME. What was always very ME was a Jane Eyre Bat Mitzvah theme and marrying a Brit to help mend that inner child wound.

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Owen and I booked Belcombe Court before we got engaged. We knew we had to legally get married in NYC prior to any celebration for any future paperwork purposes, but doing event after event here and knowing how much things cost vs what you got the romance of a New York wedding was waining for me. Being Owen is half French and we spend a great deal of time in France, that felt the most likely option, but after an exhaustive research I found out that not only was this a logistical nightmare, but if we wanted to get married in May of 2026, by July of 2025 I was about two years from any venue we would want. One thing years of being single taught me, is to be an excellent internet stalker. Applying the basic skills of seeing if a guy you are dating is sleeping with other women, I started looking at vendors across London and Paris to see what venues they were tagged in. And that is when I discovered Belcombe Court. Love letter to Belcombe to follow.

Weather was a major consideration, as it is for 98% of weddings. Being spring in the English Countryside, it was anyone’s guess what we would end up with and as there are so many gardens to discover at Belcombe, I thought that a daytime event not only was the best use of them, but we would also be able to squeeze out the best part of the day. Additionally, I thought we would somehow manage to deter our friends from going too hard on Friday. At least the weather part worked out!

We planned for Friday up in the Walled Garden next to the pool at Belcombe as it’s not only spectacular, but the way the guests enter the other side of the home would remain a total surprise for Saturday. Unless of course half of your friends are NYC Publicists who love a walkthrough and go snooping (hi PRC crew!).

The theme Owen and I decided on was, Une Fête Américaine: Grill and Glamour. It was a real “kitchen sink” way to embrace that a half French, half British kid was marrying an American girl in the English Countryside over Memorial Day weekend. We went back and forth on a few iterations on how to make this work, one of which was doing a seated lunch for just family and bridal party after the Church rehearsal and then opening it up to everyone for drinks afterwards. We choose the more complicated option of inviting everyone. At the end of the day, we just didn’t want to be exclusionary and to quote my idol, Cher Horowitz, the more the merrier. For our vision for the day, it came from all things, fashion. While it was taking place near the pool and a BBQ I did not want a pool party. What the hell is a formal BBQ? I wasn’t very pro making a mood board since a great deal of the people attending the wedding tell other people what to wear for a living, however I am very glad we did because actually, what the hell is a formal BBQ?

This was all inspired by my dress. My girl Sara Nicole Vintage sent me directly a link to this Archival Ralph Lauren Purple Label gown that she had found back in August right after we had gotten engaged. I not only had to have it, I had to make an event around it. In November my dad sent me a photo of his white linen suit he planned on wearing, so, I guess it was fine if people wore white. In any case, no one was mistaking who the bride was in this gown.

Owen had not one but two looks made for him by his friend and soon to be legendary tailor, Ralph Fitzgerald. I had a meltdown a month before that the jacket was going to look awful with my dress. Owen made an AI image of us together to shut me up. He was correct. For the decor and furniture, even though it wasn’t a formally seated event, I still loved the idea of a long table.

While I was doing this…

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By Thursday I had champagne, Xanax and anxiety coursing through my veins. Apart from my table linens, everything seemed to be going right, which meant I was spending a great time in my head, thinking about what could go wrong. I headed to Teresa Tarmey for a pre-event facial, hoping that some red-light therapy might infiltrate my brain in ways years of therapy had not. I went back and forth on if we needed to do something on Thursday and a month later, looking back on it, I am glad we did. Everything everyone tells you about your wedding is true: it will go by too fast, you will not get to spend time with everyone and something, or a few things, will go wrong. That all happened to me.

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I kicked off my wedding week feeling about three days away from death. I got an emergency at home IV drip that cost a fortune and made me feel so much worse.

I had to pack for a week in London, the wedding and then a week in Spain where Owen and I were doing a mini moon at Son Net in Mallorca followed by me joining Sara on a girl’s trip for her 40th, and while the four suitcases may seem insane, I have to give myself credit; the pink see-through RIMOWA had my Veil and three Gigi Burris hats, and nothing else. The night before I left was quite surreal. Owen was already in Milan for work so I was solo, sitting on the floor with my dress laying on the sofa behind me. The Sofa I had fought with CB2 for three months during the pandemic because it kept getting cancelled and rather than give up, I got a Japanese floor mattress that I would roll out to watch movies. I was instantly reminded of one of the awful one-syllable named men I was dating at the time who would incessantly make fun of me for not just getting something else. When it finally came and finally he came over, he couldn’t understand how it had no arms. “THIS is what you’ve been waiting for all this time?” Well, it certainly wasn’t you Gary. Tom, one of my best guy friends who spoke at our wedding calls my apartment “Tiny House.” He can’t understand how Owen and I have cohabitated in this small West Village one bedroom for nearly a year. The thing is, I have a deep attachment to this apartment. It was the first thing I ever really did completely on my own; a one bedroom in the West Village based on my credit score and own money was the biggest pipe dream when I was in my 20s trying to make it. My family always helped where and how they could, but in the world of real estate I was mostly on my own. I’ve had every season of life within Tiny House. I’ve experienced the deepest disappointment across love, friendship and employment (one time, even all in one week!) and from that, completely re-built my life. Although my world and dreams have gotten bigger since I moved in the summer of 2020, the apartment has not and I’m keenly aware that my time here is numbered. That night I went downstairs to Via Carota, sat at the bar, had a martini and a meal, solo and celebrated that not only was it my wedding, but I had stepped into the woman that I had always dreamed of becoming.

My longest, possibly most toxic relationship has been with Delta. As a very single person I would imagine the time that I finally boarded the plane with my wedding gown and the fuss they would make about it. Maybe there would be a handwritten note from the pilot, def the better champagne. Alas, no one really gave a fuck. In fact, the flight attendant seemed annoyed she had to make space for my gown in the closet.

You know who did give a fuck however? Me. As you can tell from reading my wedding specific substack, I was not shy about the fact that this was my “wedding era” and I was planning on enjoying every last bit of it. Plus I had more white to wear.

My plan was to enjoy Claridges, get on the London time zone, hit the spa and really just ease into the week. And it almost worked. After not the softest landing, I was greeted by my incompetent linen vendor letting me know that my table linens for the dinner reception were destroyed by a previous event, but not to fear, they had a velvet option for me in kind of the same color. Formal rant pending next steps. After having a good shout and a cry, I got ready for my high tea with my co-Maids of honor Jamie and Sara, Flower Girl Raffaella and two of our dear friends Danika and Samantha, who also came a bit early to start the celebrations for Sara’s 40th, which was that Friday. We headed down the street to The Connought for what was an extra sweet time. I’m wearing my now sold out favorite Doen pants, but I suggest the Felise for summer, my Jimmy Choo bridal workhorses and a vintage Chanel Blazer I bought at my favorite Paris Vintage store, Plaisir Palace that I planned to wear to one of my wedding events three years before I knew Owen existed.

I was really there for the Champagne and company, rather the tea & sympathy.

Later on we went to my client Veronica Beard’s party to kick off the Chelsea Flower show, which was also happening that week. I fortunately was more of a guest than a PR at that function, which was greatly appreciated. It was great to see the incredible work that our friend, and very well dressed florist Kelsie Hayes of Popup Florist did for VB.

For dinner and drinks that night, we went to At Sloane, a place dear to Owen and I, as it was one of the most fun nights we ever had together on the trip that made us as a couple. My girl Morgan Stewart was unable to join us in London, but she was able to send clothes, and that almost made it okay. This Renggli Organza two piece I have been wearing in many iterations since its debut, pictured here.

I spent Wednesday doing some last minute beauty appointments and planning in time to finish and meet Cousin Mia and her husband Fred at Harrods to sip and shop. This was also the day that my twenty-three family members from the states descended upon London. All the anticipation and planning had come to a head and it felt like this was now finally happening. That night Owen’s father and Step-Mother came to meet us, plus Matt, Paolo, Sara, Jamie and her family for dinner at a casual Pub on the Thames that Owen suggested. I not so secretly was sad he wasn’t there to help entertain our families together, and also, just enjoy this time together. At the same time I also had a premonition that Owen was going to show up and it wasn’t just because I had an incredible reading with Lisa Stardust that Monday night. I was right and out of nowhere he appeared to everyone clapping and me crying.

Owen and his father very cooly didn’t let on that Owen’s rental car had been broken into while we were at dinner. His laptop, bag and phone were stolen. When we got back to Claridges in a bright yellow rental car with a broken window, we needed to decompress. We ran into Erika in the lobby with her plus one and joined them for a bottle of bubbles that set us straight.

One of the best things I have ever planned, was this damn tour bus the following day.

We were quite literally herding Katz (even tho this was my Italian side of the family) around London, some of whom did not walk well and all of whom loved to drink. I booked Le Grand Bus Tour, which took us around all the hotspots of London with high tea service. Afterwards, Owen took the boys for a cigar nearby at the Emory and I took the girls back to Claridges, where Aunt Carol treated to the only tea service we were really after, cocktails. We had a quick change for the first official night of Wedding programming, a pub quiz at the Hillgate in Notting Hill - this and more I very much look forward to sharing formally soon!

Tell us your love story, obviously.

I met Will about two years before we got together. We were seated next to each other at a dinner, and really we hit it off- I found him insanely charming and handsome. The only problem was I was serious with someone else, and Will was newly single. He asked about me to a mutual friend a few weeks later, but I was focused on my current boyfriend. We continued to see each other socially here and there, and I continued to find him insanely charming and handsome! A few years later, I had broken it off with the previous boyfriend, and invited Will to a dinner in Nantucket, where we both spend our summers. He assumed I was setting him up with one of my sisters. My breath caught in my chest when I saw him walk in. The seat was next to me, and the rest, as they say, is history!

When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?

We had spent a really fun weekend in Mexico, escaping NYC in January, about two months after we had made it official. I leaned my head against him on the plane ride home. It felt so special, and I just knew this was it.

When do you think he knew?

He says the exact same trip- something shifted this weekend that we did not want to ever be without.

Tell us about your engagement?

Will took me all around NYC one Saturday afternoon, bringing me to places that were meaningful to us individually and in our relationship together. We ended up on Bow bridge in Central Park, just as night was falling– one year after that trip to Mexico.

Did your expectation of the engagement meet the moment?

The butterflies far exceeded my expectations!

Tell us about your ring. Did you have any input?

We looked at rings together all over, and fell in love with one at Stephen Russell. It was utterly perfect- an amazing vintage stone- but I didn’t think he’d go for it, I thought he would get something similar! I was so surprised when he proposed with it. I love it so much and marvel at it daily.

Did the wedding planning process bring you closer together? Was there anything that surprised you about it in terms of your relationship?

Will was so sweet and chivalrous and really let me run with the wedding. He has great taste so I welcomed his input, but he really let me do my thing, which I appreciated immensely!

What was the most important thing about your wedding when you started planning? Capturing a feeling of family, togetherness, representing both of our families and upbringings, and an ineffable quality that you cannot imitate and replicate.

Where did you have your wedding and how did you decide on that place?

Nantucket- Will and I both have been there every summer of our lives! I took my first steps there. Our families love spending time there together, and it brings us both so much peace and happiness.

What was the overarching biggest stress?

Getting things on an island thirty miles out to sea in a post-Covid world.

What were your non-negotiables?

I didn’t really have non-negotiables. I am a very decisive person, so the challenge for me was communicating my vision!

Looking back at your photos was there anything you would change? Specifically, any style or beauty regrets?

I wish in a few photos I had straightened my train out. I tend to move quickly, especially when I am nervous and excited, and I was so happy and ready for the party to start that I sort of rushed through some of the photos. I love our pictures so much but I wish in one specific one I had fixed my train! Ha

Tell us about your wedding dress process. Describe in detail how you came to find your dress.

I’m quite traditional, and have always loved Oscar de la Renta bridal. I sort of knew that’s who I wanted to do with my dress.

Do you still like it? Yes!

Where is it now?

Good question- I think in the cedar closet at my parents’ house in Connecticut

Do you think your mom liked it? What about your mother-in-law?

Yes to both! My mom was at all the dress appointments with me

What did your husband say after your wedding about your dress?

Just that he loved it, loved the train and the drama of it, while still being quite classic.

Did you have any other day-of looks? What did you get ready in? After party change? If so please tell us about them.

I changed into a Brock x One/Of dress for the party portion. It was so light and gauzy– perfect for dancing on a humid island at the end of summer. I got ready in a frilly Doen robe!

What did you wear to your rehearsal dinner or day before event? Any other events and looks you want to share?

My father in law connected me with Chanel, who did my dresses for the bridal lunch, rehearsal dinner, and Sunday brunch. I love all of those very special dresses so much. So many happy memories tied to each one.

First Dance? Yes! INXS “Never Tear Us Apart.”

What song did you walk down the aisle to and what song played when you walked back up the aisle as husband and wife?

We processed to Ode to Joy, which was also played at my parent’s wedding

Did you have fun at your wedding? Yes!!!

If someone could send you a check for what you spent on your wedding, having spent that money and had the wedding, would you rather have that money or have had the wedding?

The wedding! It’s such a special memory for us and our families.

Did you have a something old, something borrowed and something blue?

Yes I did. The something blue was a small sapphire bracelet from my cousins Cory & Liz and my Aunt Nancy. Something borrowed/ something old were my diamond studs from my mother. And my something new was my wedding dress!

What was the come down from your wedding like?

We went straight on our honeymoon, so we had a long stretch to confab about everything.

Did you eat anything on the day? Did you drink?

I think I ate a croissant but I can’t really remember. Yes, I was thrilled for a glass of wine when we arrived to the reception!

What piece of advice would you give brides about the actual day?

Do something peaceful in the morning– I took a swim in the ocean and an outdoor shower.

What are you most excited to tell your kids about your wedding?

How much love was all around us, how special it made everyone feel. It really outlived every expectation.

What was your favorite moment with your husband at your wedding?

After the ceremony, we left in Will’s 1977 Jeep Wagoneer. We were seriously on a high, it felt other worldly– we drove to a nearby pond just giddy with excitement. It was one of the best moments of my life. Really, super special- like out of a dream.

What one piece of advice would you like to add to brides-to-be? What one piece of advice would you like to add to single people reading this?

For brides, do not concern yourself with making this “instagrammable.” Weddings have become so ridiculous and disingenuous. If you keep it authentic and true to you and your partner, the result will pay dividends forever and you will always feel joyful thinking back on this day! And for single people, trust timing, trust the process. It’s true what they say– “when you know, you know.”

What did you do that was very traditional and what did you do that was very not traditional?

I am a pretty traditional gal, so most of our wedding was just that! I suppose it was sort of untraditional that I didn’t want a band nor dancefloor near dinner? I just wanted a DJ/party after dinner so it felt like a dinner party with loved ones.

Read the full Vogue Article from 2022 Here!

In January I tore my ACL skiing. It was the last run of the last day on the hardest stretch of mountain that I had already skied once before. I was hungry and wanted a glass of Grüner. And I fell. Bad. As the Austrian mountain man strapped me into the rescue toboggan asking me to point to where it hurt, all I could cry was my wedding is in four months! Thank God he didn’t speak English.

Eight weeks in a brace was the least hard thing about my wedding season.

I debated writing about this for a few reasons, first and foremost being, I’m deeply grateful. My wedding has brought me so much closer and connected with people I love most. It’s been an incredible bonding experience with my in-laws as well as deepened my relationship and understanding of my parents. I’ve been overwhelmed with the great lengths, time, money and above all – energy – spent on me. I’ve been so surrounded by love that it’s made those who haven’t been able to show up in a place of love, glaringly obvious.

My guy friend sent me this Ask a Therapist column by Lori Gottlieb in The New York Times, and asked if SO AND SO had written it about me (as a joke).

The question came from a single woman whose best friend was getting married, and she didn’t want to go because she was single and unhappy about it.

One of my dearest friends is getting married next summer. It will be the second marriage for both my friend and the groom, and we are all in our 40s. The date is likely to conflict with my annual getaway to see my favorite band in one of my favorite cities, a vacation that another dear friend and I have done together for years.

I think that I should go to the wedding, because it would hurt my friend if I don’t go, and I would feel guilty about not going. But I would also feel guilty about hurting my other friend by bailing on our concert weekend — and resentful at missing my favorite weekend of the year for a wedding, an event that is loaded psychologically for me.

I am single, and loneliness and heartbreak have been near constants in my adult life. Last year I experienced a nightmare scenario at a group vow renewal ceremony. It was painful to hear multiple professions of love and commitment when my own journey has been alone. After that experience, I told myself I’d never go to another wedding.

As someone who was single for essentially the entirety of her adult life and not only attended countless weddings, but was in the bridal party of nearly ten (and by the way was never happy about it) I feel somewhat an expert in the space to weigh in here.

Regardless of being a bride, I found this advice to be completely whack, so I’m offering a counter.

Read more

All I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a fashion girl. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do in fashion, but I knew I wanted in. As a little girl, I would show visitors my clothes, not my toys. I loved Barbie because I loved to dress them up, and also, already play out some toxic dynamics with Ken. Growing up in the closest proximity to it all, made me want it all the more.

It was my mother who suggested I get into PR. I didn’t know much about it, apart from the NY Post article I had just seen about Publicist Lizzy Grubman purposefully running over people outside a Southampton nightclub in her Mercedes SUV. That sounded like the job for me!

While nannying and working part time for an interior design website running the social (it was a blogspot, twitter and facebook at the time) I became obsessed with OscarPRGIRL - the woman I would come to know as Erika Bearman, later as my boss and eventually as one of my dearest. As I trekked up the stairs of my one bedroom sized apartment I shared with two other girls, I would read and re-read her tweets from the outside, wishing I was - in. And then one day I was dropping the girls off at school and there it was, the tweet that changed my life: “So I’m looking for an assistant.” Now that was actually a job a million girls would kill for.

And I got an interview.

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When else in your life will an ice sculpture of your tits be erected in your honor? For some the answer is never, for me, it was the night following my bridal shower.

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You can only ask your guests to get on a plane once. I’ve held that belief since Kelvin was a filter and not just because the only mode of transportation I could afford when my friends started getting married was the meg bus. I used to joke with two of my best friends from college and bridesmaids, Jen and Katherine, that I was going to get married in Dubai on Memorial Day because most of my friends got married over some fashion week (in fairness there is always a fashion week) and I often would have to arrive Friday to welcome drinks having changed in the airport bathroom and leave Sunday morning on the first flight out to head straight to the office. While we did speak Memorial Day into existence, the English Countryside felt remote enough, so I was very happy to have a local run of show. I’m from New York, it’s my favorite place in the world, and frankly, I’ve been poorly behaved here since I was 15, so of course this is where I should have my bachelorette.

Jamie got married during Covid and we planned a hybrid bachelorette and shower combo, which I always loved. We banged everything out in one weekend and the shower served as a main event as part of the programming. Five years later, I got to do that.

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Tell us your love story, obviously.

It’s a long and very crazy funny story…

My family moved to Hong Kong when I was 7 years old and I was sent to the German Swiss International School and ever since then I’ve always made German, Swiss, Austrian friends wherever I’ve gone - in boarding school, at college, in NYC when I moved there when I was 23. So I had this great group of very close German guy friends in the city. I had left the city for a 2 year sabbatical - I travelled and then lived in LA. When I moved back to the city my now husband Andreas had just moved to nyc and was friends with my German guy friends from school and from skiing in Europe. So he was sort of just there one of the guys…. The first time I met him he joined us at the nightclub Cielo in the Meatpacking and he was so quiet and polite. We then met up again at a friends house and as were were all heading down the elevator (all the guys much taller than me) he looked down at my head and plucked out the one grey hair I had… I couldn’t believe it and I swore at him and then thought he was just weird. Then shortly after there was a big dinner party where at one point he changed the name cards of the placement and came and sat next to me and then told me he had been carrying me with him the whole time and pulled my white hair out of his wallet. I then thought oh wow he’s a bit of a stalker but hey he was definitely original. I then knew he had a crush on me and I wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship at the time coming off 2 prior and just moving back from LA. About one year later after a Chinese New Years Eve dinner party he came home with me after dinner to walk my dog and let’s just say we’ve basically been together ever since.

When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?

It took us a long time. We both are very guarded people and really wanted to know / we were together for 7 years and actually took a break. We both knew after being apart was so torturous.

When do you think he knew?

Same as above

Tell us about your engagement?

Ever since we started dating we went to St. Barths every spring. I had no idea but Andreas was being super annoying about me remembering to lock the safe in our room (I should have thought something was fishy). We were sharing a house with 2 other couples that are some of our closest friends who we always when to St. Barths with. Then one night he asked me to go look at the full moon outside after dinner and I think I said why it was full the night before and he then insisted I go outside with him.

When I got out there he told me he wanted to build the rest of our lives together so why not start by building my ring together and he took out the most perfect diamond and in the one cut I had always wanted a rose cut. I cried and cried I was in shock and deliriously happy.

Did your expectation of the engagement meet the moment?

Beyond

Tell us about your ring. Did you have any input?

He knew me so well and that I would be super particular about my ring and I wanted something unique and different. The one thing he knew was that the only stone I wanted was a rose cut diamond and then he left it for us to design the ring together. We chose this super talented jewelry designer Edmond Chin - he used to head up jewelry for Christie’s Asia and is considered the JAR of Asia. By chance I caught him on the last day of his first trip to NYC in 8 years. I told him I just wanted something special that reflected me - he asked me questions almost like being a therapist and we gave him the stone and the process started from there. With sketches, then the mold then the ring.

Did the wedding planning process bring you closer together? Was there anything that surprised you about it in terms of your relationship?

It was really seamless - we both wanted the same things. He knew I had this picture in my head of almost everything for the wedding from an aesthetic and creative standpoint and he let me do my thing. He did think I was a bit batty when I started having shells shipped to Anguilla. He took care of all the food, drinks and music as that was also really important to him.

What was the most important thing about your wedding when you started planning?

We just wanted everyone to have fun - and that there would be no ends to the nights. We wanted to make sure people could party and dance and drink as long as they wanted. No closing down the bar! That was the one non negotiable with the Viceroy - they couldn’t shut the party down.

Where did you have your wedding and how did you decide on that place?

We got married at the Viceroy in Anguilla which is now a Four Seasons. We originally thought we would get married in St. Barths but with 200 people that proved challenging. Anguilla was close by and the Viceroy was new at the time and I loved that it was modern but also very beach. We had 3 nights and days. One day at this private island Scilly Cay where we had grilled lobsters, lots of rum punch, live music and just dancing and swimming all day. After our wedding about 30 of us spent one week in St. Barths together for what we termed our “Funnymoon”.

What was the overarching biggest stress?

The seating arrangement each night! As a European tradition one night we split up all the couples at completely different tables and when you do that you really want everyone to feel comfortable and have a lot of fun meeting new people and making new friends. Then it was just actually having the time! I was non-stop traveling those days at Bergdorf’s so had no time to sit down and actually do the seating charts for all 3 nights.

What were your non-negotiables?

Great food, ever flowing drinks and great music. My father in law also made sure we got Joe’s stone crab claws to the island from Miami for our rehearsal dinner. That was a huge hit.

What was something that happened by accident or that was uplanned that you were happy it did?

No

Was there anything you spent money on that you regret to this day?

No

Was there something you didn’t want to spend money on that now you are happy you did?

No

Looking back at your photos was there anything you would change? Specifically, any style or beauty regrets?

I didn’t want Andreas to see me before we walked down the aisle so we didn’t have pictures of just the two is us taken. And the sun had set after our vows so we didn’t have enough time to capture more pictures of us. So I don’t regret the timing as I really didn’t want him to see me before but I do wish we had more photos of us.

Tell us about your wedding dress process. Describe in detail how you came to find your dress.

Running RTW at Bergdorf Goodman including the bridal department made it both easier than most people but also so more difficult since I saw absolutely everything and also felt like it would have been to hard to choose one bridal designer since I was personal friends with all of them. My bridal buyer at the time no joke made a special bridal binder for me. But there has been one show I had seen in Paris many years before that was not even white it was this black and silver gown by Andrew GN that somehow I fell in love. And I use to joke with him at the time that that might be the perfect wedding dress for me. Anyway Andrew is like a brother to me and from that show on I always knew he would design my wedding gown. He was the 2nd person I called after my mother after Andreas proposed. When I went to his atelier in Paris Andrew had all these ideas and sketches and dresses and I said to him remember that black and silver dress? He had it taken out of his archives and I tried it on and we both knew that was it. He did re-design a little - he changed the train to make it more dramatic and I said I didn’t want a super dressy fabric since the wedding was a beach one. He chose the most exquisite cotton organza eyelet. I did all my fittings in Paris and of course Andrew and his husband were guests at our wedding.

Do you still like it?

I still absolutely love it.

Would you ever wear it again?

I don’t think I’ll wear jt again but I definitely would love to pass it on to either my niece or one of my god daughters

Where is it now?

In a special box in storage at my husbands family home.

Do you think your mom liked it? What about your mother-in-law?

Yes they both loved it.

Did you have any other day-of looks? What did you get ready in? After party change? If so please tell us about them.

Oh so many! Thursday night was a smaller dinner for family and the wedding party (well we both had 11 bridesmaids and Groomsmen each). And then we all went to this crazy local reggae club. I wore this short white flirty Cushnie et Ochs dress with yellow suede Gianvito Rossi pumps.

For the rehearsal dinner I wore this silver Alaia dress and these white suede with a silver studded detail sandals that Mr. Alaia personally gifted me for my wedding present as he knew how much I feel in love with them when I saw them during one of his defiles in Paris. Then the wedding day I wore the Andrew GN gown of course with these lace peep toe Valentino heels with a slight platform. For the after party I had just discovered the designer Sally LaPointe. She had shown me her very first collection. She had this black spiderweb lace I had fallen in love with. I asked her to make me an ivory version of the lace and design a fun after party dress I could dance all night in.

What did you wear to your rehearsal dinner or day before event? Any other events and looks you want to share?

My dear friend Marie France van Damme who designed my island beach day caftan also designed these special pareos we gifted all of our wedding guests.

Did you have a first dance? If so what was the song?

We did- it was sort of ruined as our DJ got very drunk and accidentally played our first dance song instead of our entrance song when we both entered the dinner after the wedding. That was the only time we both almost lost it- I was very upset. Our first dance song was Islands in the Stream by Kenny Loggins and Dolly Parton.

What song did you walk down the aisle to and what song played when you walked back up the aisle as husband and wife?

O mio babbino caro by Gianni Schicchi - we had a small local orchestra play.

Did you have fun at your wedding?

So much fun - we didn’t get back to our room until the sun was up and all the rose petals the hotel had strewn over our bed were wilted and candles in the bathtub were burnt out.

Most of the groomsmen ended up in the pool. It was a wild night.

If someone could send you a check for what you spent on your wedding, having spent that money and had the wedding, would you rather have that money or have had the wedding?

The wedding! I would never want anything else but to celebrate this special moment with all closest family and friends.

Did you have a something old, something borrowed and something blue?

Yes my mother had gifted me these beautiful large baroque pearls of hers and we had them made into earrings paired with chalcedony which is a pale blue colour surrounded with diamonds. Then my mother also lent me her diamond Art deco watch.

What was the come down from your wedding like?

We luckily didn’t really have one as the Monday after as I shared us 30 of us flew to St. Barths and spent a week partying together after the wedding. By the end of it all I was absolutely shattered. I was too exhausted but then to even feel any come down.

Did you eat anything on the day? Did you drink?

I basically could hardly eat all day or night but did start drinking during the dinner and then the after party. I finally really ate when we had the late night snacks come out around 3am - sliders, fries, chicken fingers, mini grilled cheese and mini pizzas. All the foods you crave when you have a big night out.

What piece of advice would you give brides about the actual day?

Just have fun and enjoy every moment. It goes so quickly so make sure you savour and live in each moment and remember it as it just goes by you in a flash.

What are you most excited to tell your kids about your wedding?

No kids

What was your favorite moment with your husband at your wedding?

Both of us just couldn’t stop smiling that whole night. But when he gave his speech there wasn’t one dry eye in the house. It was the most beautiful, most touching memorable speech of my life. He had also never told me this prior but we had our dog named Porter at the time and she was our baby we loved her like our child. He had Edmond design our wedding bands so that they both captured her hair in an air pocket he made within the gold bands. When he shared this story I was speechless and sobbing from the emotion that came over me.

What one piece of advice would you like to add to brides-to-be? What one piece of advice would you like to add to single people reading this?

It took me a long time to find the right guy someone I wanted to marry. I married late - I was 39 years old but it was worth waiting. I realise before after a few bad relationships that I’d rather be happy and alone than be lonely in a relationship. And when I had decided to just be single is when I met Andreas.

What did you do that was very traditional and what did you do that was very not traditional?It’s funny because I always considered myself non traditional and had thought I would do everything in a non traditional way but in the end it’s a wedding and we ended up doing most things traditionally.

What are your biggest coulda, woulda, shouldas?

I just want to do it all over again. One day we’ll throw our Funniversary!

Tell us your love story, obviously.

Jimmy and I met while attending undergrad at Indiana University. We were friends throughout college, but it wasn’t until the end of our senior year that we started dating. Just before graduation, we decided to brave long-distance. Jimmy moved back to his hometown of Manhattan Beach, and I returned to mine in Chicago. Six months later, I moved to Los Angeles for an internship… and the rest is history.

When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?

I knew I wanted to marry Jimmy because he truly makes me a better person. He is the perfect complement and has always taught me so much. He also got me to expand my palette and try sushi for the first time, and that alone warrants marrying the person, I think??

When do you think he knew?

He always ties it back to my devotion to family and how it is the center of my world. I’d like to think it was immediate, but I think it was when we started spending more time with each other’s families in Chicago and LA.

Tell us about your engagement?

I had absolutely no idea it was happening that evening. That morning, I was running late, rushing out the door in a sweatshirt, vintage Levi’s, and bed head. Jimmy just laughed, noticing I wasn’t nearly as put together as usual for work.

The rest of the day felt super normal. I went to my office, had a nail appointment, and ran a few errands. We were leaving for Chicago the next day to visit my family, so I had a few last things to check off my to-do list. When I pulled up to our house, alll the blinds were shut, which I thought was odd. As I turned the corner to our doorway, I saw yellow rose petals scattered and sort of knew it was happening.

When I opened the front door, I walked into a house glowing with candlelight and filled with yellow roses. It was kind of magical. Jimmy got down on one knee and asked me to marry him- I was completely overwhelmed!!

Did your expectation of the engagement meet the moment?
I didn’t know what to expect about the actual engagement, honestly. I was a little nervous about it because it was something out of my control– and that usually drives me a little mad. When it happened, I was sooo overwhelmed, I was so happy it was just us in our home. He was so comforting, I was bawling. Words cannot describe the feeling. So many emotions all at once! So special.

Tell us about your ring. Did you have any input?

Definitely! But more behind the scenes. We didn’t do any ring shopping together, which is kind of shocking knowing myself. I was very specific about the setting and Jimmy picked the diamond! I was working in fine jewelry at the time and have always dreamed about my ring being in the industry. I knew I wanted an Old Mine cut diamond and Jimmy hand picked the stone!

Did the wedding planning process bring you closer together? Was there anything that surprised you about it in terms of your relationship?

I think if you can get through wedding planning, you can get through anything. It definitely brought us closer to work on such an intimate affair for that long. A lot of long week nights and weekends planning it all together. We did almost everything together and I really wanted Jimmy to be involved in every decision (even if I didn’t like what he had to say about what I wanted to spend). At the end of the day you want to make each other happy, so we tried our best to make sure that was at the forefront of the planning, even if there was a disagreement.

What was the most important thing about your wedding when you started planning?

Having all of our favorite people in one place to celebrate with us. It’s rare that it will ever happen again, so that idea felt surreal and definitely was the most important thing to us- to make sure we could have as many as our people with us. This ruled out doing our wedding in Greece, which was always in the back of my mind, but we wanted to make sure most of our guests could be there and didn’t want to risk it with the further destination.

Where did you have your wedding and how did you decide on that place?

We had our wedding in Los Angeles, where we live!! It wasn’t always our first choice. We actually really wanted to get married in Santa Barbara, there is even a beautiful Greek Orthodox Church we were excited about.

When we began to discuss and research wedding venues, nothing felt like it was coming naturally. Each venue we looked at in Santa Barbara just didn’t feel right. We started to broaden the search to LA. We thought about our favorite spots in LA and started to inquire at our favorite restaurants. It was another dream of mine to have a restaurant wedding- I just love how understated they feel. A few weeks later, we went to Sunset Tower for a tour of the venue space and we signed a contract almost immediately. After the tour, Jimmy and I had dinner at Tower Bar and it all clicked– it felt so right. Hosting our wedding weekend in Los Angeles represented both Jimmy’s roots and the city where we built our life together.

What was the overarching biggest stress?

Guest list, for sure. We both come from big families and had a very strict number we couldn’t exceed at the venue. It was so hard on both of us (and our parents) to decide who we could invite. It all worked out though!

I also think the flow of the day really stressed me out. We didn’t have a conventional venue setup with a dance floor in the middle of a big room or tent, we actually had to flip the room after dinner and then move guests out and then back in, so making sure that was done tastefully and seamlessly was on my mind a lot! Other than that, I think just making sure every detail had been thought of, I always felt like there was more I could be doing!

What were your non-negotiables?
Getting married at a Greek Orthodox Church, the venue having great food, and nostalgic photography.

Was there anything you spent money on that you regret to this day?
Honestly, mainly the panic orders from amazon of silly things I definitely didn’t need.. And yes I missed the return window on all of it.

Was there something you didn’t want to spend money on that now you are happy you did?

I think our live cake experience was something we didn’t know if we should splurge on and it was probably our favorite part of the wedding! We had the chef from our favorite bakery come and make a millefoglie cake when we moved our guests to the outdoor terrace during the room flip. We danced to Italian 80’s hits while the cake was made and passed around- it was such a fun surprise for everyone and so special!

Looking back at your photos was there anything you would change? Specifically, any style or beauty regrets?

Not at all. I am so happy with how everything turned out– I’m only 6 months out from my wedding, so hopefully this never changes! Ask me again in 20 years...I tossed around timeless a lot and tried to let that guide all of the decisions with how I approached my styling and beauty. We all want to have a timeless wedding, but it’s not always easy to achieve. Especially if you want certain elements to remain unique to you. Before making a decision I would ask myself, if this was in the year 1970 or 2070, could you tell what year it is?

Tell us about your wedding dress process. Describe in detail how you came to find your dress.

My wedding dress was one of the first dresses I ever tried on. But I think I really found my dress months earlier. I went bridal shopping with my best friend about 6 months before I went for myself. She actually tried on my Vivienne Westwood gown at LOHO and I remember loving it on her. I kept telling her I just love that one. I was rooting for that gown on her, without even thinking about myself loving it (I wasn’t even engaged yet). Almost a year later, when it came time for me to try on dresses at LOHO, I added it to my list of try-ons. I had saved so much bridal inspiration leading up to trying on. A lot of ball gowns. Most of the dresses on my moodboard weren’t current, they were either 90s bridal or true antiques. I even saved the original version of my wedding dress: the blindfolded bride that walked the Spring Summer 1997 Vivienne Westwood runway.

The first appointment I had felt like I was playing dress up, and almost like I was wearing costumes. When I put on my dress, it felt different. I immediately knew I felt like myself and I loved every part of it. I was trying to find a reason not to love it because it felt clichè to go with the first dress I loved. It was the first dress I truly lit up and didn’t have anything I wanted to change about it. It was the first dress that made my sister cry. I think we all knew, but I am quite indecisive. I wanted to try on more VW and went to their flagship in LA alone. I ended up trying on my dress again there and knew it was the one. I explored ordering the gown in a newer and different fabric to switch it up and make it feel a little more custom, but ultimately I loved how the fabric draped on me and surprisingly loved how a more true ivory looked with my skin tone versus the warmer ivory dresses I was trying on. Before I could commit, I wanted to be very certain that I didn’t want to go the custom route, so I spoke with Patricia Voto of One/Of who I knew would be making my veil. I loved the idea of creating something that was one of a kind, but I knew I would always have the VW gown in the back of my mind, and she agreed. I moved forward with ordering my dress and started to work on my custom veil with One/Of. I have always loved Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music, and have been obsessed with her bridal look since I was a little girl. I wanted the veil to embody that veil: cathedral length, dramatic, yet simple. I decided to keep the veil without any lace or beading and really let the silhouette speak. I also did a floor length blusher, which was so fun to style all day and definitely brought the drama.

Do you still like it?
I still love it. Because it was a re-edition of a vintage gown, it really felt like it would be something I will always love. There’s no embellishment and it has a timeless column silhouette, similar to a lot of wedding gowns in the 60s. It goes well with that rule of could you tell the year?

Would you ever wear it again?

I hope that one day my dress is worn by a daughter or family member!! One can only hope and dream it will get another night out. I plan to wear the Danielle Frankel + LEIN dresses again (as long as they fit!).

Where is it now?

Preserved, in a box, at my in-laws haha

Do you think your mom liked it? What about your mother-in-law?
My mom and mother-in-law both loved it. It was actually my mother-in-law’s favorite dress when we took her to see my top 3. The only dress that made my mom and sister cry. My mom owned a bridal store in the late 90s, so she was obsessed with the wedding dress shopping experience.

What did your husband say after your wedding about your dress?

I will actually never forget this because I loved his reaction and kind of took me by surprise. Right after he saw it he said, “It’s so chic!” Jimmy’s not really the kind of guy to throw around chic, so I really felt honored that he thought so! He also thought there was a lot of drama in the skirt/back of the dress and I thought it was funny that it shocked him that I went with a ballgown.

Did you have any other day-of looks? What did you get ready in? After party change? If so please tell us about them.

I started the morning wearing a vintage YSL men’s tuxedo shirt (one of the first things I bought for my bridal wardrobe) and later changed into a very special LEIN Studio piece sourced by Loho Bride in LA. Underneath, I wore a SKIMS set paired with satin kitten heels by The Row.

I did have a party dress, which was epic! It was love at first sight when I tried on this silver, liquid dress at LEIN, featuring striking Italian lurex fabric with silk chiffon. The perfect touch of glamour for our after party at Sunset Tower and the dream dress to carry a martini in.

I told myself I wouldn’t get a second dress unless I loved it as much as my wedding gown. I almost felt like this dress found me! During a last minute visit to LEIN’s gorgeous studio in NYC, I decided to try on the Lila dress for fun because I loved the halter silhouette. It felt straight out of the 70s, and that was exactly what I was going for. I wanted to customize the style by making it floor length. With the addition of a loop to carry the train on my pinky, it made for the perfect dress to dance the night away in. A pair of Jimmy Choo platforms relieved my feet and allowed me to keep up with everyone on the dance floor.

I also found a vintage dress from the 80s at Arcade vintage with the most stunning draped jacquard fabric two weeks before the wedding and I wore that Thursday night for a dinner at Sunset Tower to kick off the weekend.

What did you wear to your rehearsal dinner or day before event? Any other events and looks you want to share?

I think my welcome party look was the coolest, most modern piece I wore all weekend. It was a Danielle Frankel gown named “Noemi” in the most gorgeous transparent silk-organza that mirrored waves of water. The shape and the horsehair hem was so fun. I clocked it as soon as it was released in the April 2025 collection.. They weren’t sure if it could be ready in time, and they made it happen. It was perfect for our LA outdoor welcome party at Great White in West Hollywood. I paired the dress with a vintage Chanel raffia clutch and silver Jimmy Choos.

Did you have a first dance? If so what was the song?

Real Love Baby by Father John Misty

What song did you walk down the aisle to and what song played when you walked back up the aisle as husband and wife?

We got married in a very traditional ceremony, so the options for bridal recessional were limited. I decided to not overthink this one and go very classic with Bridal Chorus and I honestly felt like I was in a movie walking down the aisle.

Did you have fun at your wedding?

One of the best nights of my life! I felt like I was in heaven. You look around seeing the most important people in your life and you can’t believe they’re all in one place, and there for you!

If someone could send you a check for what you spent on your wedding, having spent that money and had the wedding, would you rather have that money or have had the wedding?

I think I have to say have the wedding… maybe a slightly paired down version of the wedding (if I’m being honest)? A true restaurant wedding might have been the perfect route, but I wouldn’t change anything looking back. I definitely think there are areas where I could have listened to Jimmy more– but even he says we will never regret it either.

Did you have a something old, something borrowed and something blue?

Yes! Something blue was worn the night before- custom Starling Aquamarine Emerald Cut drop earrings, which is Jimmy’s birthstone! My something old were my mother in law’s diamonds I had reset into new studs by Arielle Ratner and wore on my wedding day. I actually did my something borrowed for my bridal shower! I wore my mom’s chiffon cape she wore getting ready for her wedding, my godmother’s wedding shoes and my mother in law’s pearl/diamond earrings.

What was the come down from your wedding like?

Brutal! I never thought I would be that girl- but I had a very hard time coming back from my honeymoon. I felt so emotional! I definitely didn’t miss the planning at all.. I was so happy that it was over with, but I missed the weekend and being with everyone. And the build up!

Did you eat anything on the day? Did you drink?

I made sure I had plenty of my favorite things to eat in my bridal suite the morning of! We ordered Sunset Tower breakfast and catered Leora. I remember I had a Leora chicken caesar wrap, and Jimmy also sent McDonalds breakfast to my suite (a little inside joke). I also got my favorite chocolate chip cookies in LA from Fleurs et Sel for a little treat for everyone because I couldn’t help myself. I drank a little during the cocktail hour and reception, not as much as I thought I would! I had an Aperol Spritz and a couple martinis, but I was too busy running around to really savor an entire drink. I did enjoy the champagne my Dad sent us during the wedding dinner to complement the steak frites.

What piece of advice would you give brides about the actual day?

I got this advice from a friend at my welcome party that stuck with me: really just try your best to keep your feet on the ground! You feel like you’re floating, but stay present in each moment. Try to stay close to your partner and find each other if you drift to opposite ends of the party! Also, don’t overthink, everyone is having a great time and just let it all go! Now is the time to enjoy.

What are you most excited to tell your kids about your wedding?

Just how special it was being in LA where we really fell in love and built our life together! And that time stopped when our families took over Sunset Tower.

What was your favorite moment with your husband at your wedding?

Honestly, probably the moments we shared were just us two. In the morning, we exchanged private vows in our suite. Our first look ended up being one of my favorite parts of the day and I thought I would regret doing it. I felt so at ease once I saw him and was so excited to go to the church with less nerves/anxiety! After the ceremony, we took a beautiful vintage car back to Sunset Tower and it all felt so surreal!

What one piece of advice would you like to add to brides-to-be? What one piece of advice would you like to add to single people reading this?

Brides: Instead of trying to do 100 things, do 2-3 things really well. I spent a lot of time on our paper suite and that was one of the things I decided to do really well. We wanted understated flowers, so we put a lot of emphasis on our custom draping to bring more design to the space.

Stay true to you and your partner. Don’t do something just to do it. If a venue doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Think outside the box. Explore your favorite places. Remember what the day really means and stay centered in that.

What did you do that was very traditional and what did you do that was very not traditional?

Very Traditional - Church ceremony and dad walking me down aisle, Greek dancing

Not traditional - stayed together the night before, private vows, no flower girls, no dancing during dinner, and a first look!

What are your biggest coulda, woulda, shouldas?

There’s always something! Honestly, not much I can think of other than I had a large shot list to be taken with all my girlfriends and women family members before my first look with Jimmy and we nixed it from the schedule to make sure we had room for other photos and to stay on time, but looking back I wish we kept that and I also wish I made a similar one for Jimmy to have in his suite with his people, including his parents! Something to think about, brides!

Tell us your love story.

My husband and I actually met seven years before we reconnected. We had so many mutual friends but the timing just was not right. Then in 2022 we both happened to be at a wedding in New York City and that is where everything shifted. That wedding led to our first official date, which was another wedding in Portugal. After that, the rest is history.

When did you know you wanted to marry him?

It felt calm and easy. There was no chaos or guessing. He made me laugh constantly and I felt completely at peace. That is when I knew.

When do you think he knew?

When he invited me away with his family. That is when I realized this was serious.

Tell us about your engagement.

My ring is an elongated cushion cut diamond with a pavé band. It is timeless but still feels strong and modern.

Did the moment meet your expectations?

Yes, completely. He proposed at Disney, which makes people laugh, but we are very much Disney adults. I have always celebrated milestones there, even with past boyfriends. So it felt very us. Some people assumed I would be upset about a Disney proposal but if you know me it could not have been more perfect.

Did you have input on the ring?

I did not. The women in my husband’s life are incredibly stylish and they helped him. I trusted the process and they nailed it.

Did wedding planning bring you closer?

In some ways, yes. But planning a wedding when you are very Type A and a bit controlling can be intense. It was my dream wedding but I definitely learned a lot about myself during the process.

What mattered most when you started planning?

I always wanted a destination wedding, somewhere that would transport our closest friends and family into a completely different world.

Where did you get married?

June 6 through 8, 2025. It was a three day wedding weekend in Monaco.

Biggest stress?

The numbers and trying to make everyone happy.

Your non-negotiables?

Fashion. Completely. I spent a lot on my clothes because fashion is everything to me.

A happy accident?

Our after after party was barely planned and it ended up being the most fun part of the entire weekend.

Any spending regrets?

Honestly, no. I managed the budget well and everything worked out exactly how it should have.

Something you are glad you spent on?

Same answer. I do not regret any of it.

Any photo or beauty regrets?

Wedding photography is very specific. Danilo and Sharon are incredible at editorial glam wedding shots and really understood my vision. If I could change one thing I might have thrown my hair up at some point. I never found a stylist who fully resonated with me so I made very in the moment choices.

Tell us about the dress process.

It was the fourth dress I tried on. I could not stop thinking about it. I went back a month later and bought it.

Do you still like it?

I loved it. But my style is always evolving so I might choose something different today.

Would you wear it again?

Yes.

Where is it now?

I sold it. I do not have emotional attachment to my clothes and if it brought me that much joy I wanted someone else to experience that too.

Did your mom and mother in law like it?

At first my mom said wow that is a lot of fabric but she loved it. I think my mother in law liked it too, I should probably ask her.

What did your husband say about your dress?

He loved it. He cried when he saw me.

Did you have other looks?

I curated my looks for over a year and I loved every single piece. I felt like it all told a story.

What did you wear to the rehearsal dinner?

I wore a vintage 1990s Versace gown with a fully beaded back. It was so chic.

First dance song?

One and Only by Adele. It was one of the first songs we ever listened to together.

Aisle songs?

We walked down to instrumental Disney music played on violins. Can You Feel the Love Tonight and A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes. Some people might find that cheesy but I loved it. It was part of our story.

Did you have fun?

So much fun. I look back at the photos and feel pure happiness. I was also very happy when the planning was over. I did not have wedding blues.

Money back or wedding?

Now that it is over I might take the check, but that is only because I already had my dream wedding. In the moment it is such a rite of passage.

Something old, borrowed, blue?

I did not follow that tradition.

What was the comedown like?

Totally fine. I was just excited to start our married life in New York City.

Did you eat or drink?

I barely ate all weekend. You are just not hungry. I definitely drank on the wedding night.

Advice for brides about the day?

Try to stay in the moment. You will still black out parts of it but be present. I had someone taking content on my phone so I was never on it.

What are you most excited to tell your kids?

Showing them the photos. There was so much glamour and I think they will love seeing that.

Favorite moment with your husband?

Our vows. Everyone was sobbing.

Advice for brides and singles?

For brides, no one notices the tiny details you obsess over. People remember the warmth in the room. The font color on the menu does not matter.

For singles, when it feels calm and easy that is usually it.

Traditional and not traditional?

We did dinner before dancing and I would not change that for anything.

Biggest could have would have should have?

None. It was everything I ever wanted

Read more on Charlotte’s Wedding in British Vogue and The Wed.

Famously, Vera Wang started her eponymous Bridal Line in 1989 when the former Vogue Editor was left feeling more than meh about the options out there.

Her own gown was so well received that a year later Wang took a space in the iconic UES Carlyle Hotel and built what is now her bridal empire.

With the trend in fashion turning towards re-sell, I went to bridal heaven aka Happy Isles for my first and really only traditional bridal appointment. Naturally I gravitated to their incredible Vera offering.

I loved Feed Me’s creator Emily Sundberg incredible vintage Vera for her NYC nuptials this past fall. She sourced it from Tab Vintage and ordered without even trying it on. We should all be so cool.

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It’s very interesting the ideas you have about what your wedding is going to be like before it actually becomes a reality. For every man I was imaginary engaged to before I was real engaged I had a very DISTINCT idea about what I wanted and just like I’m thankful I didn’t marry any of them, I’m very happy those ideas didn’t come to reality. I’m also a bit surprised, and also very comforted that I returned to a vision that is both nostalgic and ultimately, the most me.

90s fashion is enduring and at this point, obvious. What’s more, it’s impossible to ignore the current fever around the FX docuseries American Love Story, but that feels like a post for another day.

CBK’s Narciso dress aside, I wouldn’t exactly say the 90’s should be known for it’s bridal fashion. Not sure you clocked that hat in the earlier photo, but leaning too heavily into the rend when it comes to bridal could look like you lost the plot.

However, this Vera Wang Jean iconic style from 1997 is currently on Etsy and I would LOVE to see someone find a way to keep the shape of it, but remove some layers of tulle for a more sheer bottom to update her to present day.

And for those feeling particularly adventurous, you can be your very own Elizabeth James.

For someone who only dabbles in the woo-woo, Jen became a constant light that would guide me, and so many others, through the dark. When things got particularly hard in dating I just remember collapsing on her table in tears and exhaustion WHY!! She asked me the same question she asks herself in this essay: If true love does not happen for you in this lifetime, can you accept this without closing your heart? This horrified and ignited me. I finally shifted my focus to falling in love with the life I was creating and filling it with the people who brought me joy. And then suddenly and not sudden at all, I found true, romantic love. On this Valentine’s Day, I’m so honored to share her words.

Becoming Love

I am a born romantic — a lover of love. As a little girl, my dolls enacted elaborate courtships, and by adolescence I was composing love poems inspired by the early nineteenth-century romantics for every new crush that stirred my heart. I was thoroughly enchanted by the mystery and magic of soul mates, and I was certain I would find mine.

For most of my adult life I was a serial monogamist whose relationships never exceeded three years. Then, unexpectedly, in my late thirties I entered a longer season of singledom that left a dull pit of worry in my belly that I rarely spoke aloud.

Dating during that first year of singledom was a mixed bag of mostly not great. I insisted to myself and others that I wanted the right partner, marriage, a shared life — but that was not what the all-knowing Oz behind the curtain seemed to be serving.

After navigating countless labyrinths of dating disappointments and confusion, I did what many 39-year-old single women are terrified to do: I put the kibosh on all dating and relationships for the first time in my adult life. I removed the external thing causing me so much suffering with the hope of finding the internal reason why relationships were a source of heartbreak in my life.

I did not know it then, but something in my core was becoming ready for a different kind of relationship.

My internal Eat, Pray, Love journey began without ever leaving town. I devoured everything I could find on intimacy and relational trauma and enrolled in an intensive two-year training called the Art of Intimacy. The first year focused on intimacy with self and I was devastated to discover that I could not feel my own heart. This realization shocked me. I had always considered myself intuitive, empathic, and deeply relational. Yet my life revealed a pattern of addictive pendulum swings: running away from people that I felt suffocated by or running toward people that could not love me back. Both patterns kept me separate from my heart.

A floodlight of awareness was cast on my crippling mistrust, codependence, avoidance, projection, and disconnection from my body & heart. I found myself gazing into the smoky mirror, and for the first time, I could see flecks of my face flickering through.

My unresolved childhood attachment wounds were singlehandedly selecting who I paired with.

Shortly thereafter, I made a list of the ideal qualities I wanted in a partner and examined each one with ruthless honesty, asking whether I embodied the quality myself. Again, I was stunned. It turns out, I wasn’t actually a very good partner.

I avoided conflict and when it found me, I often met it with defensiveness, attack, or “peace out.” I did not stay when things became difficult. I did not stay when things plateaued. I did not fully communicate my truth because I was afraid of being judged, attacked or abandoned.

I had been unfairly asking for qualities in a partner without being able to offer them back in reciprocity.

Turns out, navigating relational conflict and repair is a learned skill. Few people know how to do this, and most are unconsciously repeating what was modeled for them. This is why there is so much pain in relationships.

When I lost contact with my heart, the consequence of this rupture inevitably surfaced in the way I met and related to others.

The reframe is clear: I did not communicate my truth because I could not feel my own heart. Because I couldn’t feel my heart, I couldn’t discern my boundaries. Without boundaries, I couldn’t trust myself — and if I didn’t trust myself, I certainly wasn’t going to trust anyone else with my heart.

And still, after all this humbling self-examination, a part of me refused to release the dream of finding my soul mate — that soul merging, ride-or-die across dimensions kind of love.

When I mentioned “the one” to my intimacy therapist, in her irreverent fashion she replied, “Enough with the soul-mate shit, Jen. Stop searching for the one. The one doesn’t exist — it will only leave you disappointed and alone. Why don’t you give someone a chance who is here now, courageously doing his inner work and grounding his work in real relationships?”

Her words stung. They also rang with unmistakable truth. Despite all the work I had done, partnership still eluded me. But that day, a seed was planted. And by the grace of something far greater than my own will, the breakthrough came soon after.

One evening in meditation, I felt an ache radiating through my energetic heart—a quiet but insistent plea for my attention. As I turned my awareness toward it, I sensed myself falling down a very deep, long, dark tunnel that seemed to never end. I surrendered to the invisible force drawing me toward it.

When the descent finally stilled, I found myself in an unfamiliar, subterranean chamber of my own heart. There dwelled my ancient longing for my soul mate—timeless, tender, and fiercely alive—yet it was tightly entwined with a devastating fear:

What if true love is possible for others, but not for me? If true love does not happen for me in this lifetime, can I accept this without closing my heart?

For the first time, I did not turn away. I allowed the fear to penetrate me completely. This was the missing piece I had long avoided. I met the terror and the heartbreak of possibly never receiving the love I so deeply longed for—and, at the same time, I let myself fully inhabit the magnitude of my longing for true love.

I lingered in this mysterious threshold, allowing my yearning and my uncertainty to occupy the same space. My heart remained open and became vast. I witnessed all my child-like projections and fantasies about soul mates slowly vaporize before my eyes.

Not long afterwards, in a family constellations workshop, I met my partner, Dan.

Today I find myself in a partnership with a depth of love I did not know was possible. We share a profound friendship and humor, a living polarity, and a deep alignment of values and purpose. Each of us is devoted to our own healing as well as the healing that unfolds between us. When things become difficult, we stay because we are committed to love. Each new challenge is an opportunity to deepen our capacity to love.

When conflict arises, I breathe. I soften my belly and consciously open my heart, even when it’s painful. If anger, hurt, or misunderstanding surfaces, I let my body yield rather than brace, allowing the tenderness of my vulnerability beneath the pain to be seen. I speak my truth even when it’s hard, doing my best to avoid criticism or blame. When our relationship stirs my deepest wounds and everything in me wants to run, I feel my heart and I stay.

Each time Dan and I choose to remain in the fire together, a new depth of intimacy reveals itself. Over time, this willingness has nurtured a quiet, abiding trust—one we can lean into day after day.

I did not find the relationship I longed for by chance. I helped create it by reclaiming my connection to my heart, letting my fantasies of love fall away and cultivating within myself the very qualities I sought in a partner.

If our deepest wounds are born in relationship, it is also there that our most profound healing becomes possible. When my partner loves me from a depth I cannot reach alone, I access the parts of me that can love more deeply in return. This is the quiet miracle of partnership. This is how I am learning, day by day, to become love.

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Jen Gnisci is a Healer, Astrologer & Relationships Coach dedicated to helping individuals align with their soul’s purpose. She founded The Opening Point, an alchemical healing system that integrates physical, emotional, mental & energetic wholeness. You can follow her on her Substack, Unsealed Letter