My flight was delayed over 24 hours, and what was first an inconvenience became a clear picture of God’s faithfulness.

This past weekend, I got to stand in one of my best friend’s weddings! Tyler and I flew to Lynchburg from Atlanta with one connection in Washington D.C.

Our flight on Saturday was supposed to get in at 9am, but as we sat in the airport, we slowly watched a tiny delay continue to get pushed back. We met two other kind ladies who also happened to be going to a wedding in Lynchburg. AND GET THIS, the wedding they were going to was of someone who was my neighbor freshman year!! She lived on the same hall, in the room beside me😂. After her wedding, she ended up DMing me on her honeymoon that the lady we met was her mom’s best friend. Crazy God connection and side quest 😂✨💅🏼

Anyways, after an hour of waiting, I texted Taylor (the bride) to let her know about our delay, and to my surprise, she told me her sister (the Maid of Honor) and her husband were also likely on our flight. Spoiler alert: They were!

We ended up meeting them and enjoying free meal vouchers from the airline while we waited.

After about ✨three hours✨ of waiting and continued delays, I had this gut feeling that we needed to look into other options—mainly because her sister and I needed to be there by a certain time for the rehearsal dinner that night.

We (being Tyler, Taylor’s sister and her husband, and the two other ladies) all decided to leave the airport and attempt to rent a car.

Tyler and I took Taylor’s sister and husband, and the other ladies rode together directly to the other wedding.

After about an hour of driving, it hit me: we didn’t have our luggage. I had to go to a rehearsal dinner in about four hours and was a bridesmaid the next day. If you can imagine, the stress and temptation to panic was high, but instead of letting myself freak out, I went into “fix-it” mode. My bob the builder upbringing really came out. Niche referenced but iykyk.

That’s truly when I started praying hahah. I was like, Lord, please let one of these girls be my size because right now all I have are my athletic shorts, an organic cotton t-shrit ;), and a pair of new balances.

I asked Sydney (Taylor’s sister) if any of the bridesmaids I didn’t know were my size, and she said one was. I quickly got her number from the gc and texted to see if I could borrow a dress and potentially shoes that night.

I figured that I could probably find a dress to fit or at least look presentable, but doubted we would have a close enough shoe size. BUT GUYS, let me tell you—GOD IS SO GOOD. We were the SAME shoe and dress size!! AND she was willing to let some random girl--who she had never--met borrow her stuff with less than a 2-hour notice 😂 Amen to that.

We ended up making it on time, and the airline paid for our car rental, gave us meal vouchers, and refunded our flights. (We ended up making money from this initial inconvenience).

However, I was still really stressed about our luggage because of my bridesmaid dress, so Tyler (husband of the year award winner (truly)) drove me to T.J. Maxx that night. AND with the favor of the Lord, I found the perfect bridesmaid dress. It was so perfect that even though our luggage came in the next morning, Taylor liked the T.J. Maxx one more and had me wear it instead. I mean, come on now!?! Can we just talk about God’s faithfulness?!

I share this story because I am constantly blown away by God’s faithfulness, but it has been a season where I felt like He had been working more behind the scenes, and this trip magnified His provision in my life.

To me, what looked like an inconvenience turned into a financial blessing and an opportunity for God to display and remind me of His faithfulness. Tyler and I gleaned new friends, free meals, a free rental car, and a new dress WOO! But most importantly, we saw His character on display in our lives, and because of this, everything worked out better than I could have imagined.

The same is truth echos in other areas of our lives. When we face hardships and struggles, it can be so discouraging to not see the other side, yet God is always working in the details to bring Himself glory and take care of our needs. He is faithful in everything, even in shoe sizes and missed flights. He is a good Father who sees our struggles and is faithful to carry us through them.

If you made it this far thanks for reading and welcome to my blog The Romance Report! I write about all things love and relationships, and I am so glad you are here.

Xx,

Mary Margaret

hi friends!

I am officially a married woman now which is kinda crazy and so exciting! (Half the time I don’t feel old enough to be an adult, but here I am.)

Tyler and I’s engagement season was a time that I wouldn’t trade for the world but also would never want to live through again. It was filled with such joy and also so much stress—which I never envisioned in my single years when dreaming for the day to come. I wanted to share with you guys first hand a few things that I learned and encountered during this period of life.

These are in no particular order but here goes it:

1. The enemy is going to try to bring disunity to your relationship

Satan hates love, and he hates unity. Anything that he can do to try and destroy the good gift that God has blessed you with, he will do. John 10:10 states, “The enemy comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy, but I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.”

For Tyler and I, there were times where the enemy was evidently attacking us in different ways. It was a season of heavy spiritual warfare. Yet, instead of getting discouraged, it honestly made us that much more stoked to be married. Mainly because we could tell that the enemy didn’t like our union—because we are going to be a POWERHOUSE couple for the Lord and the gospel!

If you and your partner are on fire for the Lord, expect to receive some heat from the enemy and be on guard. Do not be afraid for God is with you, and your marriage will be such a blessing that the schemes of the Devil pale in comparison. (At least that has how it has been for Ty and I).

2. Pray more than every as a couple! Pray over your relationship/marriage and over your wedding day

Because of this, we prioritized prayed more than ever, and every night before bed, we would call and pray with each other. This habit really brought spiritual unity to our relationship, and helped me stay centered in a time of heavy planning and preparation.

3. Everything will probably be more expensive than you think.

This was so frustrating to me. There were several vendors who charged more for the same exact service offered at other times just because it was a wedding. Knowing this ahead of time can help prepare your mind and wallet. Just beware and do your research to know about what things cost, and be ready for it to likely be way more than you think.

4. It is more important to prepare for your marriage than your wedding day

I could probably write a whole blog post on this point alone. Planning a wedding is genuinely so fun, but it can also become unhealthily consuming. It is really easy to get fixated on an idea—whether invitations or color palette or welcome party details—and loose sight of the big picture: your marriage.

My mom used to always say, “Mary Margaret, it only takes 20 minutes.” (Which is crazy but true)—the actual marriage ceremony is an average of 20-30 minutes—thats it. Then you have a lifetime of being married to that person. If you spend your entire engagement only planning for a wedding, you will miss out on preparing for the rest of your lives together.

I love being creative, so this was a really fine line for me to walk, and something that I was convicted of often in this season. To help with this, and to prepare for our marriage, Tyler and I read two pre-marital books, and went to pre-marital counseling through our church. Which leads me to my next point:

5. Go to premarital counseling!

If you are engaged or seriously debating getting married, counseling is a must. It will help you learn to communicate better with your partner and navigate things that you likely would not have thought of on your own. It also is a great way to gage your compatibility apart from personality and attraction. Counseling has been such a gift to our relationship, and I have grown so much because of it.

6. It is going to be impossible to please everyone when planning a wedding

Most family members will have expectations for what they think their son or daughter’s big day should look like. They also have dreamed and thought about this day since you were little, and all of the emotions you are feeling, they are also going through. It is important to hold space for their emotions and love them where they are at. However, this does not mean that you have to agree with them or do everything they suggest. You are your partners preferences are what matters the most for your special day.

7. Something MIGHT go wrong, and that is okay!

For us, the flowers weren’t as I envisioned and the welcome sign was misplaced. Which was initially a little sad, but was it really that big of a deal—no. The day was beautiful and no one knew except for me—and now you:). All that really matters is that Tyler and I are now married!

P.S. When you start to feel stressed ask yourself, “Will this impact my future marriage or the ability to get married?” if the answer is no, then breath. It will be okay! If the answer is yes, then freak out. Just kidding hehe that’s why you have a maid of honor (shout out Elise)! Hehe just kidding part 2; breath, and gradually work towards a solution.

8. Planning a wedding is fun, but is also probably one of the most stressful things you will ever do

Before planning a wedding, this reality honestly had never occurred to me. I thought it would sunshine and rainbows and not stressful at all. I normally enjoy planning things and am type A, so I discredited anything that said the process could be overwhelming.

For me, planning became stressful when trying to balance the fact that all that really mattered was getting married, but also it is one of the most important days of your life. This is a fine line to walk because I wanted our wedding to be beautiful and to reflect God’s hand in our lives.

9. Even if your groom says, “I don’t care, you choose” to most things, loop him into all decisions that you can

This was something I learned the hard way because I assumed that Tyler did not have preferences on things that he actually did! By the end of the process, I learned to loop him into decisions, so that we could make the final call together. This helped us to grow in communication and start functioning more as a unified team.
(I have read and approve this message -Tyler)

10. SOAK IT ALL IN! It goes by so fast! — and it only gets better from here.

It really will fly by, so try and enjoy where you are as much as you can. The enemy will try to steal your joy, and make you stressed, but choose peace. God is faithful, and He will work everything out if you give it to him.

I also saw a bunch of instagram reels about post wedding depression, and I can understand how it is a shift in pace from such an exhilarating time to normal life again can be difficult, but honestly being married to your best friend is so awesome. It only gets better after the wedding.

Xx

Mary Margaret

Oh my word, it has been so long since I wrote last, and so much has happened. I got engaged! (AH!) So, I wanted to document our story and share about what God has been doing in my life.

First off let me introduce you to Tyler:

Next, let me shout out the Lord. Every part of meeting Tyler, I credit to the Lord’s faithfulness and sovereignty. From the timing—to how we actually met and started dating—this was not something within our own hands or that we could have orchestrated.

Our story is that of a hallmark movie, and I say that with utmost gratitude. I am truly humbled by this reality because for the longest time—I am saddened to admit— I lacked the faith that my time would come, or that God would actually have someone for me.

I wanted to share this with you guys, not to boast in our own merit or love, but instead to bring glory back to the Lord—the One who deserves all the glory—the One who writes the best love stories, and to encourage the soul still longing to meet their person: God’s plans and timing are genuinely so much better than our own.

So, with all that being said, here is our story (the long version):

Ty and I met last January in the Atlanta airport. We both were on our way to Life University to tour their Chiropractic School.

T-minus 30 minuets before we met, mom and I were sitting in the exquisite Atlanta airport Carrabba’s, and I pulled out my prayer journal and proceeded to show her reflections on what I wanted in a spouse one day and ways I had settled in my past. I was specifically looking at how I had grown over the past years while being in Grad school at Liberty. There the Lord had opened my eyes to several daunting realties involving our health, and I realized the importance of a likeminded spouse in this area.

From there, mom and I traveled to the baggage claim area where we were meeting our shuttle. There were several prospective chiropractic students that had begun to congregate around the pick up area because we were all going the same place.

That’s when I first saw Tyler. He was talking to one of our tour guides about teaching Chemistry at Vanguard University. I immediately thought he was intriguing and joined the conversation including that I helped teach Greek at Liberty.

We pretty much hit it off right away and spent the entire weekend together just becoming good friends. That weekend he also asked me to get coffee with him, and we went out for the first time—which ended up turning into a six mile adventure.

On Sunday, Tyler had to leave the hotel at like 3am for his flight, and I woke up early to meet him by the elevator and bid him farewell. This was a really sweet and also scary moment, one I had to truly give to the Lord—because I had just spent an entire weekend getting close to this guy who I may or may not ever see again. AND OH, the cherry on top was that he lived on the opposite side of the country from me. But there I went, with either an optimistic peace or morning delulu grogginess (maybe a bit of both honestly) to say bye to this guy. We hugged each other goodbye and then to my surprise, he handed me two handwritten notes, one for my mom and one for me.

I remember being so touched by his intentionality and not being anxious about what the future would look like. This alone genuinely made no sense to me because I had always been anxious in past relationships. Yet here I was, on the precipice of such an unknown, and in total peace. It had to be the Lord.

From that point on, Tyler kept pursuing me through online chess. Yes. You read that right hahah. We played chess online everyday, and flirty text messages turned into facetime calls, which turned into him flying from California to Virginia for my graduation.

That weekend was so much fun, and Tyler got to meet so many beloved people in my life from my time at Liberty. Following graduation, God opened another door for us to be together that summer before starting our doctorates in the fall. I got hired to work alongside him at Hume Lake Christian Camps, and it even counted as a needed internship credit for my master’s degree!

That summer we worked in the stunning mountains of California telling elementary school kids about Jesus. It was where we really fell in love and saw each other through different highs and lows. We had to work through conflict and different challenging work dynamics, but through it all God continued to lead us closer to one another and to Himself. It was both a refining and beautifully fun season.

We also dressed up as legos everyday. Anyways moving on.

After camp, Tyler and I did long distance again for a few months before moving to Georgia for Chiropractic school. This fall, we finally got to date and be a normal couple. It was awesome!

Fast forward to December, and the weekend before our final exams. My roommates and I had plans to get coffee and work on homework. My idea of this was sweatpants and drive through latte from SevenBrew. Yet, to my utter amazement both of them had dressed up and even done their hair? I was so confused, but begrudgingly I agreed to put REAL pants on. (Little did I know, I was getting engaged that morning.)

We went to a coffee shop, and once we had been there for a little, Tyler called me and invited us to go on a walk with him and his buddy. I told him I had to check with the girls because we were having girl time lol. They of course said that’d be fun and we should go. (Guys at this point I was still genuinely clueless.) Well pull up to the trails that Tyler and I went on our first date on, and I exclaim this to my roomies!! (Still clueless). He ended up proposing, and I was clueless until he got down on one knee.

I was so ecstatic. I was so overjoyed and actually in shock. Tyler also had broken his foot a week earlier, which threw me off even more because I was not expecting him to propose. After getting engaged, he surprised me with all of our family being in town and brunch at a cute restaurant on the square.

Then that night, the girls and I had tickets to the nutcracker ballet, which I had been thinking for months was a girls event. But they surprised me with both our families and Tyler at the show as well. It was so sweet.

The next day, Tyler had one more surprise left. He planned a surprise engagement party for me with even more of our family and close friends. It was so special and truly such a fairytale weekend—one that I will treasure forever.

It was so cool because I told Tyler that all I really wanted for our engagement was to be surprised, and I was so surprised over and over again. He was so intentional in his planning, and I felt so loved and blessed.

I tell you guys all of this, not to boast in myself or in our story, but to share the kindness of the Lord in my life. My prayer is that you would be encouraged to:

1. Don’t settle for less than God’s best for you

2. Trust that God knows what He’s doing— in HIS timing

It sounds so simple, but it can literally feel impossible when we cannot see any hope or possibilities in front of us. I wish I could go back in time and shake my single self and tell her, “Stop it! Don’t date people you know you don’t want to marry! God’s got this! He has so much better for you! Just enjoy where you are and the friendships he has put around you right now!”

Too often in my flesh, I would try to make a relationship work or fit something into my life that God didn’t want for me long term. Now I am so thankful for those heartbreaks, and for the fact that I didn’t marry any of them. Why would I want a marriage or a love story that I manufactured myself, when I could have a love story that the Lord desired and wrote for me? Tyler and I’s story was not just chance. It was the Lord’s providence and blessing over our lives.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading hehe. I hope it was encouraging and I hope to keep writing more. I’d love to hear what you guys would like more content on. Comment below here:

Leave a comment

Xx Mary Margaret

1. get competitive and play some mini golf !

2. If you’re still in school, plan a study date somewhere fun that neither of you have studied before

3. (this one is kind of cheesy) walk on the beach and collect seashells, then make seashell silhouettes of each other <3

4. pick a nice day to go kayaking on a lake, or river, or ocean (you get the idea) near you

5. play disc golf at a park :) if you have never tried it, disc golf is so fun, and it is normally freeeee

6. go to a coffee shop and bring a chess board: take the afternoon to learn chess together

   

7. try out an aesthetic rooftop restaurant or bar around sunset— you’ll get a good meal and some pretty pics

8. go paint pottery at a local studio!

9. do a powerpoint night—each of you create a funny powerpoint or two and then take turns presenting for each other

10. attend a stand up comedy show and afterwards get matching tattoos! I am just kidding guys lol don’t freak out

11. try out pickleball— it is such a fad these days, and it honestly is really fun and very easy to learn

12. go to a concert of an artist that you both like!

13. have a D8 night in and complete a paint by numbers while co-cooking up some dinner

14. attend a new church together and after, talk about it over brunch— this can be a cool way to discuss what you both value in a church, and experience a different Christian culture together

15. grab some coffees to-go and check out your local bookshop for a reading date (an introverts dream)

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16. set up a hammock or two somewhere scenic and enjoy a beautiful afternoon or sunset

17. test your luck with some fishing! There are tons of spots that allow people to catch and release fish for free

18. go to a local history or art museum— this is a great date for interesting conversation and cute pictures

19. go ice skating year round at an ice rink near you!

20. go play laser tag and see which one of you is the best shot ;)

21. go to a drive in movie! These can be hard to find these days, but they do still exist!

22. tour a local winery or brewery and grab a bite to eat there afterwards

23. Go watch a football or basketball game— these are so fun and entertaining, plus there are still moments to talk and get to know your partner

    

24. Go to the circus or the county fair! I have never been on one of these dates, but I think they would be so fun!

25. Have a nerf gun war in one night, loser cooks dinner :)

    send to your person <3

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Whenever anyone asks me for advice on what book to study or go through with their significant other, my response typically shocks them. “I don’t think it’s wise to do quiet times with someone who is only your boyfriend or girlfriend.”

I know. Initially, this sounds crazy. I am encouraging you to not spend time in God’s word with your significant other. However, I really believe that the intimacy of a quiet time should be saved for the covenant of marriage. You do not want to connect with someone on a deep spiritual level only to get your heart broken by them.

Afterall, we are interconnected beings of mind, body, spirit, will, and emotions. In the same way that we should guard our heart emotionally while dating, we should also guard our spiritual intimacy. You do not want your view of the Lord to be marred by the treatment or teachings of an ex.

Furthermore, here are a few reasons why I think it’s wise to wait to have one-on-one Bible studies with a boyfriend or girlfriend:

1. One’s relationship with the Lord should be the most intimate relationship they have, so I don’t think it’s wise to bring someone into that who’s not in a committed covenant relationship with you.

As many of you can relate, my relationship with the Lord is the most intimate relationship I have on this Earth. To bring someone else into that, before they are my spouse, seems highly inappropriate.

In the same way, that I would guard my physical body, and not give it away to someone other than my spouse, I also want to guard my heart and not it give it away prematurely.

2. Every relationship ends in one of two ways: You either get married or you break up. If you happen to break up, you will not only have to heal from the emotional loss and heartbreak, but also from potential spiritual wounding.

After growing accustomed to spending time in the word together, there will be memories of scripture and spiritual depth tied to your ex. This could present a challenge when coming to the word of God because It’s going to bring up those memories that y’all spent together.

3. It places an unhealthy amount of pressure on the guy to “lead spiritually.”

A boyfriend is not a husband. While this may seem obvious, often I find women placing unrealistic expectations on their boyfriends to lead them as if they are their spouse. Doing Bible studies together, puts an unhealthy amount of pressure on the guy to “spiritually perform” for you. When in reality, spiritual leadership should be modeled after the life of Christ, which looks like sacrifice and humble service.

4. It can cause you to unhealthily compare your spiritual maturity to your boyfriend/girlfriend.

When specifically studying or reading God’s word together, there can be an unhealthy pressure of having to perform to impress your person. You want them to know you love Jesus as much as they do (or more ;), Yet when this happens our focus shifts from knowing God’s heart to trying to impress man.

This is not motivated from a spirit of fear, but instead, a recognition that we are to be good stewards of our hearts. Trust me when I say that you do not want to have to heal from spiritual wounding, as well as emotional, if you go through a breakup. In waiting to share this part of your life with a partner, it can save you so much grief.

I also think it can be really healthy to study God’s word in community while dating. Instead of doing a one-on-one study, get plugged into your local church and join a group study together. This will allow you to grow in community with your person while having less pressure and intimacy than a one on one quiet time.

Cheering you on friend! I would love to hear your story/what you are wrestling with. To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on, click here: Submit Anonymously Here :)

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XoXo,

Mary Margaret

1. go to a hockey game and grab some hot cocoa after

2. sunset picnic somewhere scenic

3. go line dancing or take a dance class together!

4. check out a local rodeo and grab Texas Road House for dinner

   

5. attend a worship night at your local church

6. go hiking and pack a charcuterie board

7. try out a fun workout class (like cycling or goat yoga)

8. go rock climbing or take a rock climbing class

9. cook a new recipe together and have a fancy date night in

10. Go see a play or musical at your local theatre!

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11. Go to a board game cafe (they are real I promise) and play some games, or have a game night in

12. go roller skating and get ice cream after

13. take a walk around a park and maybe try your luck at pedal boating

14. Go to a bookshop and read each other your favorite children’s book from when you were a kiddo

15. Take a queso tour — go to a few mexican restaurants in town and only order queso to evaluate who has the best (you could also do guac or salsa if you don’t like queso— I personally cannot relate but no judgement here)

16. check out ur local music store and play some random instruments

17. go bowling!

    

18. find a way to volunteer and serve the community together— this could be through serving meals to those without homes or volunteering at a pet shelter

19. play some trivia at a local pub or diner!

20. tour a historical site near you — these can be great conversation starters and some are even free

21. go to an aquarium and get seafood after (i am joking, lol kind of;)

22. go to an amusement park! This would literally be such a dream date. Kind of expensive though, so maybe do this for an anniversary.

23. Take a tour around a local farmers market. (Guys buy her some flowers if you go;)

24. Try your luck at an escape room! These can also be pricey so maybe consider doing this as a double date with some friends.

25. Take a bike ride on a (preferably paved) nature trail or around a scenic part of town. You could also stop and catch a meal at a little cafe.

    send to your special someone :)

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I struggle with homosexuality, so I’m worried that no one of the opposite gender would ever want to date me due to this sin struggle of mine. Whenever I start talking or dating someone of the opposite gender, I become worried because I know at some point, I’ll have to tell them about my struggle, and I fear the relationship will end.

Thanks,

Reader

Dear Reader,

There is no way to sugar coat rejection. Unfortunately, all of us have faced our fair share of it. I am so sorry for the fear this has caused you, and the ways that it has hurt your heart. You are not alone in your pain.

Whether it is in dating, or on the athletic field, or in the classroom, or within our families, we have all felt the sting of rejection. While your sin struggle may feel more pointed than others, know that you are not alone. We are all just trying to follow Christ to the best of our abilities.

In order to speak into this, I first want to clarify what you mean by struggle. If we were having a cup of coffee, I would simply ask you for more of your story… However, because I am typing this into my laptop at an ungodly hour, I can’t do that.

I want to encourage you that you are not defined by your sin struggle and nor should you identify in it. In our world today, we tie so much of our identity into our sexuality. Yet nothing in scripture points to our sexual desires as equating to our self-worth or identity. Instead, it is clearly taught that we should identify as dearly beloved children of God. Our relationship to our Heavenly Father, as reflections of His image, is where we derive our self-worth and identity.

Ephesians 5:1-2 says, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Paul continues in verse 8 saying, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light…”

Yet being adopted into God’s family does not mean we can take advantage of his grace and act however we want. Instead “..among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Eph 5:3).

As God’s holy people we derive our identity from our relationship with him. And being His Children means we have the responsibility to walk in holiness and love.

If you’re anything like me this seems very intimidating. Like does God really know how messy my life is? How can he expect me to live in holiness?

Even just typing these questions makes my hands clammy. But the cool thing is, God does not expect us to walk out this lifestyle alone!! He has given us His Holy Spirit to enable is to walk in holiness. He has literally given us the ability to walk in victory free from sin and shame.

So yes, while you are a Christian who has wrestled with homosexuality, you have been adopted into the family of God. Your identity is not defined by your past struggles or lifestyle, your identity is rooted in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Romans 6 teaches us that, “Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God.

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.”

(I bolded that last part because it is just so good.) You are no longer enslaved to your sin! You are free from it and with the Holy Spirit, you have been enabled to walk in that freedom! You have the ability to experience true heart change to walk as a child of the light.

This does not mean that it will be easy, but it does mean that with the Lord empowering you, you have the ability to abstain from sin and faithfully follow Christ.

Now as far as your personal wrestling goes, it is one thing to be tempted, it is another to act upon those temptations. If you are in a season where you are still operating in sin, you do not need to be dating anyone. I would encourage you to seek out accountability and discipleship within your local church. Surround yourself with people who are going to love you well and call you higher.

Once you have gained victory over those actions, then it would be more appropriate to pursue someone. If you feel like you are already in that season, amazing! I am so proud of you and the discipline you have had in your life!

It can be so scary to put yourself out there knowing this is something you have struggled with and maybe even been ostracized for. In closing, I want to encourage you with this: Your story and your struggles will never be too much for the right person. I cannot promise you that the journey will be easy. (It probably won’t be.) But even in the face of potential rejection, know that shame is not the author of your story. God is. He has chosen you, and He has redeemed you. You are not defined by your past mistakes, and in Christ you have victory over your sin. The right person will understand this.

Additionally, as far as communicating this to a potential partner, this should not be a first date conversation. This should not be something to be brought up super early in a relationship. I was mentoring a girl once who had recently started dating an amazing guy. After a month or so of their relationship, she met with me one evening and was heavily wrestling with how to tell him about her sexual history. She was recently saved and had done some things in her past that she felt ashamed of. I immediately told her not to share those pieces of her heart with him until further in their relationship.

A man (or woman) should not gain the most intimate parts of your story (especially your sexual history) until they have committed to you. You do not owe them certain parts of your past until they are your fiancé, and you are planning to have sex with them. Then, and only then do they need to know everything.

Some may disagree with me on this, and that’s fine. However, I personally hold that it is more wise to withhold certain intimate details until there is an engagement ring in the mix. That sweet girl I mentioned earlier took my advice and waited to tell her man when he did in fact become her fiancé. They are happily married now.

This is just one story, and I would encourage you to seek discernment on when to share this with a potential partner. It also would be good seek wise counsel from your local church when you do start dating someone. It would be great to meet with a mentor or someone older from your local church to hear more of your story and be able to speak into your relationship. They can help you with timing and the way in which you share this part of your story.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY, we all have a past. There are certain people who will feel uncomfortable with your sin struggle, but the right person will have the maturity to understand that your past sin does not define your present position in Christ. You are no longer held captive to the things of this world. You have been set free by the gospel of truth and have been given the ability to walk as a child of the light! You are a beloved Child of God my friend! Rejoice in your position in Christ and know that your sin does not define you—God’s love has sought you out and has radically changed your life for the better. The right person will delight in this too.

Your friend,

Mary Margaret <3

I would love to hear part of your story! To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on (anonymously ofc), click here: Submit Anonymously Here :)

Or feel free to email me back!!

How do you find contentment in the Lord in a season of singleness while most of your friends are in relationships and engaged this Christmas?

Thanks,

Reader

Dear Reader,

If you are tired of that pit in your stomach when your grandma asks too many questions about your love life this Christmas, then this post is for you. The Christmas season is a special time of year, but it can also be incredibly difficult.

It can be challenging to feel content in your singleness when surrounded by friends and family who all seem to be happily married or in serious relationships.

This is especially true during the holidays when everyone is snuggling up to see Christmas lights and drinking hot chocolate by a warm fire. It can feel like a stab in your heart to see mistletoe hung and be reminded that your “perfect match” is still nowhere to be found.

I want to acknowledge that loneliness and encourage you that you are not alone. We were made to do life with others, and you are not alone in your desire for a spouse. Especially if marriage is something God has for you, it is totally normal to feel that need.

Yet, I also want you to recognize that are you are not “less than” for still being single this Christmas—no matter how much pressure your family may be putting on you to find the one.

You are not behind on God’s timeline for your life, and there is not a set order of events that must transpire for you to be “successful.” God does not call us to the world’s timeline; instead, He calls us to Himself. He calls us to be faithful exactly where we are. And often when we get stuck in this worldly comparison mindset, we miss out on the fullness of life that God really has in store for us and blessed us with.

In the same way that Jesus came into the world as a Baby and not a mighty king, God works in ways we often don’t initially understand. But we can trust that his timing is good, and He is a good father who knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He is taking care of us and working in our lives even when we cannot understand how or why.

As you move through the holidays this year, one way to find contentment is by practicing gratitude. I know it sounds so simple, but it is really powerful. Instead of fixating on what you long for, send up a prayer of gratitude for what God has blessed you with.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 encourages us to, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” While this does not literally mean to pray without ceasing, it shows us the importance of practicing an attitude of gratitude. Cheesy, I know, but effective, I promise.

When we change our perspective and lean into the Lord’s will, it changes the disposition of our hearts. A powerful prayer you can be praying during this season is, “Lord align my heart with the desires that you have for my life right now. Show me your will for me today and grant me the courage to be obedient wherever you lead.”

When you shift your perspective to that of gratitude and dependence upon the Lord, you will experience new joy and freedom in who God is this Christmas. Instead of dwelling upon what has not come to pass in your life, lift up prayers of thanksgiving for all the ways that God has blessed you.

This life is not easy, and you are not alone in your struggle. I am so proud of how far you’ve come friend! For more guidance on what this can practically look like, check out my free singleness prayer guide here: https://marymargaretoverby.myflodesk.com/liuvfjft9n

As always, I would love to hear more of your story or questions! Feel free to email me back or anonymously submit here: https://forms.gle/YtAheKm7VBHaQh2j6

Merry Christmas,

Mary Margaret <3

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I’ve been in previous relationships that have left me dealing with heavy emotional baggage. I want to date/marry, but how do I know when I am ready to start that again? Do I have to completely work through my baggage first or can I do that as I’m dating?

Thanks,

Reader

Dear reader,

This is honestly such a good question, and it is a difficult one to answer because everyone’s story and circumstances are unique. Because of this, I am not going to tell you what to do, but I will give you some things to consider.

The truth is all of us have heavy emotional things that we have walked through. Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine about how I was sick of being anxious. Yet she kindly challenged my mindset. “Mary Margaret, you are not an anxious person. Instead, the things you have walked through have led you to experience anxiety.” This hit me right to the core because I had let my shame narrate my story instead of the truth of God’s word.

Why do I share this? Well first, I want you to know that you are not alone. We all have been impacted by sin and we all experience baggage, trauma, and wounding. [I personally do not like the term “baggage” because it insinuates action on your end, yet often trauma is not the result of something we have done or chosen. It is not a bag we picked out or decided to carry. Rather, it is the effect of sin upon our lives.] There are no perfect humans nor perfect partners. Each of us are impacted by sin. There are no perfect dating relationships, and there are certainly no perfect breakups (this is basically an oxymoron lol).

Because dating can become a very intimate relationship, breaking up can be incredibly traumatic. It is a loss, and depending on how close you were, it can feel like you are grieving someone. This can be so incredibly painful and traumatic. The influence it can have over yourself and your current or new relationship is substantial, and it is important to understand this when moving forward.

With all that being said, here are three tips to know you are ready to start dating again:

1. You no longer miss your ex.

   This may sound simple, but it is REALLY important. If you start talking to someone directly after your breakup, you are not actually letting yourself heal. However, this can be dependent upon the intimacy of the dating relationship you were in. So if you were not super close or only went on a few dates, you probably don’t need that much time, if any, to heal. Yet a good indication of this is if you are still missing your ex. If you are longing for them or find yourself reminiscing on the good parts of your relationship, you should not pursue someone else, but instead, give yourself time and space to focus on the Lord and heal. If you don’t, you will bring unworked through hurt/trauma from one relationship into the next. Trust me. I have been there. It’s not worth it. You would much rather take the time to heal, do the work, go to counseling if you need, get honest before the Lord in your pain, than attempt to suppress your heartache by jumping to the next guy.

2. You are not bitter towards your ex.

   This can be easy to overlook because there is often some element of justice that walks hand in hand with anger coming out of a breakup. However, it is important to not let the emotion of anger fester into the sin of bitterness. If you find yourself making crude jokes about your ex or only listening to angry Olivia Rodrigo songs, let these be indicators that maybe you have some pent-up bitterness that you should confess to the Lord. The thing about bitterness is that while it can feel safe, it is only hurting yourself and holding you back from experiencing freedom and joy in Christ. Instead, choose to forgive so that you can fully let go and experience healing from your past.

3. You are in a healthy and grounded life season.

   Before intentionally seeking to date someone, you want to make sure you are healthy. You should not be so consumed with any type of illness (both physical and mental) that you are unable to function and carry out the tasks of everyday life. If you are debilitated with depression or anxiety, please get help before seeking to add a romantic relationship to your life.

   Additionally, it is wise to make sure you are stable. You want to make sure you are in a season where your whole world is not about to change. (For example: if you are planning on moving across the country in a month, it’s probably not the best time to start dating that cute guy from work.) Sometimes change happens and we cannot control it, but in the cases that you can, set yourself up for success (not prolonged long distance;). You should not be so unhealthy that you are only looking for an emotional support human, but instead, you should be looking for a life partner. Someone that you can come along side and spur on to be better versions of yourselves. Again—this does not mean you are perfect because there is always room for growth—but being grounded shows maturity and health.

These are a few things to consider when deciding if you are ready to pursue a relationship. I am so proud of you friend, and I will be cheering you on!

xoxo,

Mary Margaret

I would love to hear part of your story! To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on (anonymously ofc), click here: Submit Anonymously Here :) Or feel to email me back or message me on Instagram or Substack! I would LOVE to connect with you!

There's this girl I know from high school. I wasn't really into her initially, but she was the one interested in me. Gradually, I grew to know her and actually like her back. I've started university now, however, and I told her we need to wait another year at least, just to "know" ourselves, and meet other people, and make new friends.

It was difficult for her, especially because she had been expecting a relationship sometime in the semester, and I feel bad for not telling her sooner. The thing is, I did plan on furthering the relationship in a timely manner, but due to wiser people advising me, I decided that it would be best to wait.

I am trying to use this time to focus on my relationship with God and with others, and not let her consume my thoughts. At the same time, I want to keep in contact with her and not totally forget her, and still be friends. Any thoughts or advice on maintaining a balance for that and/or growing closer to God through this time?

Thank you, I greatly appreciate it, and love your blog!!

Reader

Dear reader,

First off I am so proud of you for listening to wise counsel and following your convictions! I am a big advocate for not rushing things. This shows maturity and trust in the Lord’s plans and timing.

It can be so easy to fall into something when the timing is wrong. The best way to avoid this is by setting healthy boundaries. You can’t control who you fall in love with, but you can control how much time you spend with someone.

When it comes to setting those boundaries in order to maintain a friendship with this girl, it is best to communicate your expectations clearly to her, and then also make sure your actions are matching that which was communicated.

Once in college, I had a guy communicate to me that he was interested in me, but he wanted to wait to enter into a relationship. He did not feel ready to step into something, but at the same time was not willing to let me go. This turned into a really unhealthy situation because of the amount of time we were spending together “as friends.”

We were acting as if we were dating without having any of the commitment or responsibility, and it ended with us both hurting. It would have been better if he would have genuinely acted as my friend and waited to see what the Lord had when he (the guy) was ready to step into something.

Now, I look back and am very thankful that we did not date. Yet, I wish that we had not crossed emotional lines and spent so much time together. I tell this story not to scare you, but to provide perspective. It would have been more loving for my friend to actually take time and prepare for a relationship, instead of stringing me along and using me to prematurely meet his emotional needs.

Please do not do this to this girl! If you really care about her, it is actually more loving to just genuinely be her friend—not sending mixed signals—than it is to try and hold onto her until you are ready. It can feel more risky this way, but it will allow you to greater depend upon the Lord.

If you have not already, (which it sounds like you have had one conversation with her) I would talk to her again and make sure your a really clear about where you stand. Be honest and communicate that you are interested in her, but also explain why the timing is not right and that you do not want to string her along.

Let her know that seeking to set boundaries is not because you do not care about her, but actually because you really care about her. If she is a woman of character and maturity, she might be disappointed but will respond with understanding and grace.

I also want to caution you to really pray about this conversation. While right now you feel like you are interested in this girl, it is hard to know where you are going to be a year from now. You do not want to give her false hope if you think you would change your mind in a year. So again, within your conversation with her, try to approach it with as much clarity and truth as you can.

For what boundaries I actually recommend setting, check out this post I wrote on how to navigate friendships with the opposite gender: Healthy Friendships with Those of the Opposite Gender

I am so proud of you, and thank you for sharing part of your story with me.

To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on, you can email me back or click here: Submit Anonymously Here :)

Xoxo,

Mary Margaret

Why is it, that sometimes you can do everything right, and a guy still won’t commit? A few weeks ago, I met the perfect guy: tall, handsome, former marine, driven, funny, etc. and he just led me on for three weeks. Turns out he took me on two amazing dates just to “be polite”. Why do guys do that? It’s a total punch in the gut.

- reader

Dear reader,

Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with me. The question of commitment is a common issue I have noticed and experienced in dating today. First, I want to encourage you, that you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. The heartache you are experiencing is valid, and I am so sorry that you are having to walk through this.

It can be so painful to have a connection with someone and then have it either not reciprocated or suddenly cut off. I want to reiterate that there is nothing wrong with you; it is likely that this was just not the right person for you.

Before I jump into why men can have trouble committing, I also want to emphasize that men are not the issue, sin is the issue. Unfortunately, due to the fallen condition we live in, sin infiltrates every area of our lives—including dating. My youth pastor used to say, “Sin is like a spilled paint can, messy, and it gets everywhere.” This is very true, so as believers we need to navigate all relationships, but especially dating relationships with intentional clarity and grace towards others.

I’m not saying this to justify his actions (or any man’s slanderous actions), but rather to remind us that:

^“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

At the end of the day, we wrestle not with flesh and blood—i.e., men are not the issue, sin is—but we wrestle with evil or the sin of this world.

Now as far as your question goes, "Why is it, that sometimes you can do everything right, and a guy still won’t commit?" here are some possible answers:

1. He just was not that into you

I know. It sucks. I’m so sorry, and girl I have been there too. But let’s face it, if he wanted to pursue you, he would. He could have lost interest for several reasons, and you cannot blame yourself for this. As you stated, you did nothing wrong! While he seemed like the “perfect guy,” he obviously wasn’t the right fit for you. If he was, ya’ll would still be going out— so he might have just not been that interested.

2.     He could have past trauma that he has not healed from

Past trauma, that is unworked through, can prevent people from committing. I am not an expert in this area (Taylor Joy Murray could speak more to this, whose Faith and Feelings Substack and Podcast I highly recommend), so I don’t want to say too much. But I do know that unhealed or unworked through trauma (with is probable if he was a marine or had any major childhood wounding) can cause issues with commitment.

3.     He could have things in his own life going on that you know nothing about

The truth is you really don’t know this guy. He might just have some personal things going on that you know nothing about. He might have a second identity as an FBI agent. He might be a serial killer. You never know. While he seems like Mr. Perfect from the outside, I promise no one is. It is like that episode from The Office where Michael is “Date Mike.” While his attempt at this was terrible, the underlying message is very true. When it comes to dating, people always put their best selves forward. You are basically trying to convince this person that you are worthy of a relationship with them. It is sort of like an interview. So, underneath, there may be some serious things going on that he needs to work through before he will be ready to commit to someone—Or he’s in the CIA and just passing through town and wanted a fling. I’m joking. (Or am I? ;)

4.     He is emotionally unavailable, or his emotional needs are being met by another woman

One thing that draws men and women together is their emotional connection. If he is emotionally unavailable (because of trauma, or lack of self-awareness, or just immaturity) he will likely not commit to you—or really any woman. Additionally, if his emotional needs are unhealthily already being met somewhere else (i.e., through his mom, sister, ex, or close girlfriend) he might not treasure the emotional connection he has with you. If he already has incredible connections with tons of women around him, there is no need to find that somewhere else. His emotional needs are already being met by another girl (who has likely been in his life a lot longer than you), so why invest in a risky relationship? (Also, I’m not saying this is good, I am just pointing out his potential mindset)

5.     He probably thought he was interested or ready (but then realized he wasn’t)

If this guy only took you out to “be polite,” I am genuinely so sorry. If I’m being completely blunt with you, he probably just said that instead of being honest about why he really lost interest.

There are a few scenarios I think are likely here:

a.  He was interested in you, but then after going out, for who knows why, he lost interest. But instead of being honest about why he lost interest, he played the “polite card.”

b. He might have never been interested and wanted to take you out to be polite. This is highly unlikely because that is a lot of effort for a man to put in if he sees no hope in it playing out.

c. He could have thought he was ready for a serious relationship, but then when the time comes to move forward, he realized he wasn’t ready. He liked the idea of being in a relationship but was not ready to put pen to paper. (This could be because of reasons 1-4 listed above.)

Most genuine Christian men are not intentionally going on dates and leading girls on just to hurt them. Sometimes, they might think they are more ready than they actually are, or you might just not be the right person for them to commit to.

d.  He might not be financially in the life season to provide for a woman or take on a serious relationship. I see this a lot with college students. Sometimes guys aren’t willing to commit before they are able to provide. In some ways, this is a sign of maturity on their end. They do not want to bring a woman into their life until they know they can take care of her—or at least be on trajectory to do so.

Whatever the reason was, I want to encourage you that there is nothing wrong with you. This man is clearly not your person, and I promise the Lord has something so much better in store for your life.

The right person will want to spend time with you again and again. He will love your company so much that he will desire to spend the rest of his life with you. I know this guy seemed to have it all but looks can be deceiving (and they fade ladies). Look for a man who treats others with kindness, who is emotionally available and aware, who does not overcommit, but follows through on his word, who walks humbly and genuinely seeks the Lord.

I know it does not feel like it, but there are still so many incredible guys out there even if you haven’t met them yet. (And you probably have met some, they likely just aren’t the right fit for you). All it takes is one person. Don’t lose hope, and don’t settle for less than God’s best for you.

Xoxo,

Mary Margaret

I would love to hear part of your story! To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on (anonymously ofc), click here: Submit Anonymously Here :) Or feel to email me back or message me on Instagram or Substack! I would LOVE to connect with you!

The reel was exploding with engagement (no pun intended), and people were eating it up. The captions were filled with, “yasss this is gonna be me” and “I am ready to submit to someone’s son.” I’m not joking ya’ll.

Honestly, I was so taken aback at first. Not from the desire of women longing to get married, but with how “Christians” were so easily buying into a “name it claim it” theology. Then the dots connected for me, and I realized how closely this mindset was associated with the new trend of manifesting.

Based upon the very reliable source, Urban Dictionary, manifesting can be defined as, “to hope for a desire until it comes true…” This act is part of the new age movement. It emphasizes wishing for the things you desire so that they will come true. Yet, this idea is very contrary to scripture.

So much so, that when the disciples ask Jesus how they should talk to God, Jesus responds to them with:

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one. (Matthew 6:9-13 NIV)

It is interesting to note the way in which Jesus teaches them to speak to the Father. It is not a self-centered prayer filled with the concerns of this earth, but instead, it is a God-centered prayer with an emphasis on His future kingdom.

The prayer starts by recognizing who God is. It signifies His holiness, and how He is greater than the things of this earth that (let’s be honest lol) we often have our minds set upon.

Another key element of this prayer is found in the line “your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus is literally teaching the disciples to pray the Lord’s will over their life—not their own desires.

This is very counter to what we would consider manifesting. Jesus does not teach them to pray like: “Dear God, I am speaking my best life over myself this year, and I am going to get married to a hot finance bro in 2025, Amen!” Instead, he teaches them to recognize that the Father’s will is better than their own, and to pray for His will to be done and His kingdom to come.

Because manifesting is essentially hoping or speaking a desire for it to come true, it is a very inward focused act. It places the power back into our own hands instead of trusting the Lord with our futures. It is almost (if not always) self-motivated. It is completely focused on bringing one’s own desires to reality to benefit themselves.

Yet, nowhere in the Lord’s prayer does Jesus ever even bring up our own desires. He does not say, “continually profess your wishes before the Lord, and it will be done for you.” Instead, he says to pray the Lord’s will be done—which is sometimes contrary to our own.

Now I am not saying that you cannot bring your concerns and dreams before the Lord. (1 Peter 5:7 teaches that we should cast our anxieties on the Lord because he cares for us). But what I am saying, is that we should not be manifesting OUR desires and acting as if we have power to speak things into existence. (When looking at Genesis, only God has the ability to do this).

We were not put on this earth for our own gratification or to just find our person. We were put on this earth to bring glory to God, live in relationship with Him, and tell others about His goodness! While marriage can be a wonderful by-product of this, our first calling is not to a spouse, but to be a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ.

As believers, and as Christian singles, we should not be manifesting. We should be surrendering our will and our plans to the Lord. Instead, let us come before the Lord in humility and recognize that His will and His kingdom are so much more important than our own agendas.

While God delights in blessing his people, following Jesus is not a get out of jail free card, nor is it a guarantee to a happy marriage with four healthy babies. Jesus actually said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” (Matt 16:24)

This is a very different description than: follow Jesus, speak your desires in Jesus’ name, and they will come to pass! This name it claim it mindset is not the true gospel. Manifesting is not the true gospel. In fact, to use the Lord’s name in this way, is to use it in vain.

To follow Jesus means to recognize that His gospel is the most important thing on earth. It is a surrendering of one’s own life, will, desires, passions, and dreams to make much of His Name. It is both a recognition of Jesus as savior and as Lord. When one does this, they recognize that they are to live as a servant to others and a representation of Christ, willing abdicating their own will for the sake of others knowing Christ. This is not a guarantee to an easy life. It is a commitment to taking on the role of faithful servant (or as Paul identified himself) slave following God wherever and to whatever He calls.

There is no room within the life of a faithful servant of Christ to be manifesting their own desires.

As true believers, we need to know God’s word so that we are able to recognize these false teachings within culture. We should not be indulging in what the world is manifesting as truth. Just because someone proclaims it, does not mean it is really so.

Cheering you on friend! I would love to hear part of your story! To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on (anonymously ofc), click here: Submit Anonymously Here :)

Or feel free to email me back!!

Xoxo,

Mary Margaret

Once one of you starts seriously dating someone else, the dynamic of your friendship shifts. You might not have the closeness you once shared, because your friend now has a girlfriend or boyfriend.

This shift is natural and healthy! It reflects the newfound intimacy and commitment that one has chosen to pursue with their new partner. You as their friend should no longer be their first call, and if they are calling you before their partner, there is probably an unhealthy dynamic within their dating relationship.  

Biblically, within marriage, we are told to “leave and cleave,” but our dating relationships should progressively begin to model this type of loyalty as the relationship progresses. Genesis 2:24 states, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

In the Greek (the Septuagint translation of the OT), the word used for “be united to” can also be translated to mean “cleave, cling, stick, or hold onto.” It is the same verb used in Deuteronomy 11:22 which states, “If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him and to hold fast to him…”

The Lord expects an exclusive love and devotion from us, and this type of union should also be modeled within the marriage relationship. Arguably, this level of devotion and loyalty cannot healthily be carried out while having BEST friends of the opposite gender.

Another painful shift that can happen within guy-girl friendships is the dreaded catching feelings.  You get a heart sparkle for your guy best friend, and tragically, he does not feel the same way. So, you are left to wallow in self-pity or set boundaries and limit time spent with him until the dust settles.

This change does not always happen, but I am not going to sit here and pretend like it never happens. It is quite literally the elephant in the room surrounding this conversation.

So how can we navigate these challenges and potential shifts well?

Very simply, I’d say the best answer is: boundaries.

You want to guard both your heart and your time when it comes to friends of the opposite gender. You certainly still want to have them, but you need to learn how to navigate those relationships with healthy boundaries.

Here are a few examples of what that can look like:

1.     Limit the amount of time you spend texting and talking on the phone with them. Remember they are just your friend, so you should not be doing so much life with them that the lines become blurred into a relationship. You should not be texting them updates every single day of the week. Instead try only to text about logistics of meeting up, and try to limit and shorten phone calls when possible.

2.     Do not hang out one on one. Spending time in groups is a great way to get to know people without the pressure of more intimate feelings forming. It is so much better to genuinely be friends by only hanging out in groups than it is to act like you are dating without actually dating. You would much rather get to know this person as a friend first, and then if he’s genuinely interested—he’ll ask you out! (if you’re a guy and you become interested in a girl in your circle— ask her out! It does not have to be this big deal, just see if you guys would click on an actual date.)

3.     Do not spend time together like you are dating. This really is reiterating the first two pieces of advice, but for the sake of your emotional health do not act like you are dating if you are not dating. Do not spend time together like you are a couple if you’re not a couple.

When people act like they are dating without the commitment, they end up meeting each other’s emotional needs without any commitment or responsibility. You’re basically giving this other person access to your heart, thoughts, time, and life without any commitment or accountability on their end. They could just stop texting you or hanging out with you at any point— and not even owe you a conversation because well…you weren’t actually dating. Because of this I’d encourage:

Women: Do not emotionally give yourself away to men who have not committed themselves to you. I know you love the attention, but it is not worth the potential heartache. If he is not willing to take responsibility for the beginning of the relationship and ask you out, he is likely not ready for a relationship. Do not be afraid to set boundaries with your guy friends, so you are not the one meeting their emotional needs.

Men: If you are interested in a girl, be brave and ask her on a date. Do not let a female friend fill your emotional needs. If she is filling your emotional need for connection, consider asking her on a date. If you know she is not the right girl and your friendship is starting to feel like a situationship, make sure you have clearly and kindly communicated your intentions to her, AND make sure your actions are matching your words.

Spending time together like you are dating can not only be extremely damaging for your emotional health, but it can also be very confusing for outsiders. People looking in are going to think you guys are taken, or they are going to think that emotionally your heart belongs to someone else, which even has the ability to drive out potential partners. If you look like you’re committed to your guy/girl BFF, you’re going to look committed to your guy/girl BFF… You see what I mean?

4.     Make sure you are prioritizing friendships of the same gender over those of the opposite gender. Lastly, because of everything mentioned above, prioritize your friendships of the same gender over those of the opposite. These friendships are much more reliable long term because you don’t have as many changing factors. Also, if your friends of the opposite gender let you down, your girl friends (or guy if you’re a dude) will always have your back. Even when one gets married, these dynamics shift slightly, but not nearly as drastically. Your same gender friends can really be lifelong besties.

I hope this helps you moving forward. This is in no way motivated from fear of getting hurt or fear of rejection, but rather from recognizing how best to steward one’s time and heart. You should absolutely have friends of the opposite gender, but make sure they really are just friends—in action and truth ;)

Cheering you on friend! To submit your question or situation you’d like me to write on, click here: Submit Anonymously Here :)

xoxo,

Mary Margaret

I remember how quickly people started pairing off into couples within the first week of being on campus. It felt like a modern-day Noah’s ark.

My friends and I coined this rushed dating movement as “the freshman frenzy.” This freshman frenzy was almost as contagious as the coronavirus. We were genuinely shocked at how fast people wanted to jump into relationships.

The truth is that moving into college is an incredibly exciting and monumental experience. There is so much change going on, and while it can be easier to cling onto one person, it is not actually healthier for the longevity of your time at school. Often when people do this, the neglect building friendships because they are so consumed within their new relationship.

Because of this, I would encourage you to not feel pressured to date your freshman year. Despite what everyone may be doing around you, you don’t have to date your freshman year. Honestly, I would highly discourage it.

Instead, use this time to pour into making friends and building community around you. Focus on finding your people and trust that love will come when the timing is right.

One issue that comes when dating your freshman year, is that you dedicate so much time into this new relationship, you unintentionally forfeit building other friendships. Then when sophomore year comes around, if you break up, you’re left without any community to walk alongside you through this difficult time. You do not want to end up in this situation.

It is so much more important to be present where you are than to throw yourself into the deep end of a relationship.

Additionally, your senior self is going to be so different from who you are today. Every year of college I grew so much, and the men I would have dated my freshman year are very different from who I would choose to date now. Not that they were bad guys, I’ve just grown so much— and you will too! You will look back on your freshman self-one day and almost laugh at how different you are. This growth is normal and good, but because of it, don’t rush to tie yourself down with someone when you are still figuring out who you are.

Not only that, but if you start dating, you’re going to have to wait 4 years to get married… If I were you, I’d focus on your besties in this season and trust that love will come. The Lord is faithful to provide in His timing. By setting boundaries, you are not going to miss what God has in store for your life.

Okay I know what you’re thinking, “Mary Margaret, I met THE guy, you just don’t understand.” Oh, but I do. The thing about advice and wisdom is that it is not always a “one size fits all.” Maybe you have met the right guy already, and if that is the case, I am so excited for you! I would caution you to move forward with discernment and always assume that you’re the rule and not the exception. It never hurts to wait a year and see where you both are.

If you do choose to date your freshman year, make sure you are still investing into new friendships. Do not devote all your time into this new relationship but set some boundaries to make sure you are still present for the other new people within your life.

And if you choose to wait to date until later in college, you are not going to miss out on who God has for you. I promise if he really is the right guy, he will be secure enough in himself to wait a year to date you. There is no need to rush it. You are not going to miss what God has in store for your life. I am cheering you on friend!

xoxo,

Mary Margaret

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