(Please be aware, this post is a deep dive into the topic of death)

Enough of my own people have read and shared with me about Existential Kink for me to have an understanding of the deep transformational territory within which she has been focused in herself and her holding/teaching of others.

I know this territory very well inside and out, as it is inherent within the path of Tantra that I have been lead along. I understand what is required to show up to those dimensions of our consciousness and the courage needed to face and embody our darkest and most uncomfortable primordial wounds and delusions so that they can be alchemized into true perception and power through return to innocent wakefulness.

I didn’t know Carolyn Elliot and cannot speak to her death. As I understand it, she chose to end her life through suicide. I do not know what was transpiring within the intimate moments of her internal process that lead her to take action to end her life.

Because of my recognition of the shared territory that we have traversed and the resonance of our paths, her death gives context for something I have been meaning to share about my own experience of suicidality on this path for some time.

When I found out how she passed, I immediately felt that I could understand such an exit because I have been there. I have been there and have felt that it is important to share what it was like for me when I found myself on the brink, at a choice point of whether to consciously exit this life and body, or whether to stay.

I understood how she could make that choice and feel at peace doing it even when faced with “leaving her children behind”. I can tell you that while sitting at the precipice of that choice for myself, I knew that my child would be ok, that all life experience is valuable, that I wouldn’t actually be leaving her, even though she would have the experience that I did.

First I would like to say that any facilitator guiding people into these kinds of depths by definition has to visit this territory within themselves as a way of life. The visitation of these depths is an ongoing process, one that doesn’t finish before the dharma calls one to offer service to others navigating these processes within themselves.

The capacity to fulfill my service in the world requires me to fully show up within these depths and difficult processes within myself primarily. Thoroughness is paramount. All must be included, nothing can be missed.

Most of my work is preparation in unseen territory that gets little to no acknowledgment from others. I don’t get paid to do that preparation and people don’t necessarily see or understand that my every breath is devoted to this culmination.

The judgements of others as to how I’m fulfilling my role may have no grounding in the respect for the intensity or complexity of this path. The projection based scrutiny of how I appear as a way to determine my level of spiritual evolution comes from a lack of understanding of what it’s like to be a hidden demon slayer and tamer within worlds they don’t understand. The experiences in my life of mental, emotional and physical abuse, the incredible loss and betrayal that I have experienced relationally, are tiny, apparent tips of the icebergs of challenge hidden under the surface.

Even the people we are closest to, the ones we love the most, often don’t understand what it’s like to live within the intensity that the relentless alchemical processes present at all times of the day across all kinds of daily life experience. We become privy to, and therefore responsible to, levels of reality that most don’t even know exist.

The farther along the evolutionary spiral the greater the intensity of bliss and incredible, magical experience, while simultaneously the greater the challenges that arise. The challenges can be a lot to hold, testing our integrity when the leveling up phase is in progress.

At a certain point in this exploration and becoming, we exit the realm of ordinary understanding of inner work (trauma healing, parts healing, meditation etc) and enter into the realms of mythic imminent attainment of being the full expression of divine power of Self in each moment.

At this phase we are taken to task from one breath to another into the absolute surrender to becoming what the divine dictates as our completion.

Inevitably the full being dedication to a transformational path takes us face to face with varying levels of experiences of death until we reach the experience of ourselves as the union of life and death itself. This is a harrowing journey, one in which deeper, existential experiences of death appear, outside the understanding of any mental conceptual understanding of death. Those operating from the mind will not understand.

Mastery reaches its height too, and it is here that we realize we are fully sovereign to choose whether to maintain this life or offer it to the whole as a sacrifice done in the spirit of the sovereign choice to wipe the slate clean and start afresh.

In my own visitation of the theme of death over the years, I have noticed that for the first 15 or so of those years, the invitations into death were mostly what is referred to as “ego death”. Senses of self that awaken to the realization of their own irrelevance, their own painful separation from Source, and the need to surrender to that Source in a way that feels like dying without bodily death.

About 10 years ago the death experiences began to take on a more physical expression. I spent several years navigating recurring infectious disease in which sepsis was a real possibility, one that I consciously kept at bay. I got good at understanding the nuances of healing potentially death bringing disease with the natural medicine and mediation modalities I have expertise in.

There were several years in which I had heart disturbance presentations like palpitations, arrhythmia and severe blood pressure disregulations. I mostly dealt with this on my own, but I did go to the ER 3 times during this period. Toward the end of this heart theme I was dealing with the sense that my heart could stop at any moment, taking me into death without warning and without choice.

I notice that I exited that phase of the physical experience of death presenting and then entered the existential, the foundation for the “ego”, the mind and the body. It is here that mastery of physical death, as a part of the greater, deep Self mastery, needs exploration and integration.

It is here that the theme of death at the core of our reality shows itself within multiple layers of the mundane. It is here where loss and death sitting at the core of who we are illustrates itself in our lives and we can lose the material realities we have constructed - marriages break, people close to us die, money and assets can be lost. Loss and chaos within the material realm are amplified.

We can lose everything dear to us as the union of the core of our reality and all the other dimensions go through the process of confluence into the attainment of Totality.

Here, when something appears at the heart of our existence, it by definition has to show all its branches in our lives. Those branches shift and change our physical, mental and emotional reality wholesale toward being a pure expression of divinity. All things not illustrating this divinity must go or change.

When they do, the sense that all of our reality except for the core is painful, unruly, unmanageable and elusive of our mastery. We face pain and disorder as all that is left. Any possibility for bliss, coherence, mastery or enlightenment has disappeared.

It is here where our mastery needs to either align with the fundamental organizing factor of creation and the Source from which it comes, or we face eternal suffering.

It has been in this phase in which I have faced true suicidality for the first time in my life. I had become so intimate and familiar with facing death that it had stopped really fazing me. I always knew that I would die and be reborn again in this life or another. My victories over death were fortifying and confidence building. My skill at leading others through it reached expertise.

But last year, I fully entered that core death challenge as I described above. My life circumstances began to mirror the internal breakdown as I went through a relationship breakup of 10 years that resulted in the loss of my family unit, multiple scenarios that brought me into the experience of failure in the context of my work, and financial loss that left me on the brink of selling my home. I came to a point of not being emotionally and mentally functional to do more than a few individual sessions a week. My friendships were stressed due to the intense and long term need for support (my friends rocked this support so hard and this was a major factor in what got me through this period).

At the height of the difficulty, sitting at the core of myself, witnessing all of my reality as painful , never-ending chaos, my perspective was very clear, free of pain and carrying the full understanding that I could end my life freely without karmic consequence. I could choose to let go of the whole of the karmic playground of consciousness.

It would be easy. I wouldn’t even need to take physical action, as I had been shown how to leave my body without physically harming it. From this point of witnessing, “death” meant simply disappearing backwards into the ultimate foundation of all reality, choosing to move away from the never-ending chaos into the quiet, unperturbable Source of all that is. Shiva as the Singularity. Giving all of myself to God, closing my eyes into that Source, knowing that a new appearance would inevitably become me as my infinite and untouchable nature.

From this place the simplicity was refreshing. My understanding was that my child would be deeply impacted but in a way that was ultimately intelligent and life affirming. There is nothing essential that I would be leaving behind as I would always be in communion with her. The chaos that was left would simply recycle itself as it infinitely does into a new geometry. There was nothing I was attached to or responsible for tending.

All I had to do was the equivalent of a back flip into the infinite, leaving all chaos behind.

Both times that I was at this profound choice point, I wanted to listen before my final decision. I sat there in contemplation for a long while. I wanted to see if I had all the information, that I wasn’t missing anything first.

Through that listening, the idea arose. What if I surrendered my choice to live or die to what I have come to know as the primordial, active, yang aspect of creation? Father God. He who decides the nature of all form, when it should change and how. I decided that instead of me deciding in a place of separation from him, I should let him decide whether I should let go of all the chaos that most of me was and disappear into the Infinite or not. He needed to direct my most intimate movement, whether backward into the Infinite or something else.

When I did that, he entered into me and pushed me back into the chaos, this time with him instilled. I was going nowhere without him forever present.

I was reminded about all polarities needing to find their transcendent union, this polarity between infinite, absolute Source, and the painful chaos being no exception.

I knew that my surrender needed to include the fundamental identity shift that would happen through being materially changed by his penetration into me and the chaos together.

This is why I’m still here, embodied. And it would have been equally understandable and ok if I had chosen to leave, to shed all the chaos and disappear into infinite absolute peace. The deeper penetration of Shiva instead invited me into a greater capacity to accept, become one with and alchemize that field of chaos, having surrendered myself and my power to choose to the masculine aspect that was higher than me.

The merging of polarities at that fundamental level is a sign of progress of the soul’s evolution, but progress of the soul’s evolution is underpinned by radical acceptance of what is, of what I am in each iteration and moment.

Since then it has still been challenging but more ease is gradually returning. I don’t know whether I will visit this choice point again or whether it has had its fulfillment. My life is easing out now into more relaxation and grace. I am feeling myself in new ways, at new levels of communion with Source, the experience of totality and both power and humility.

I don’t know the details of Carolyn’s journey with suicide, as I have said. If nothing else though, I hope that this post allows us to have a greater understanding and compassion for those of us rare birds who are treading all the worlds, claiming ground that most others don’t see or don’t yet have the courage to traverse.

This is the way that the Golden age is forging itself into our reality through us. It is certainly not easy and pretty all the time. All those who die in the process are warriors in service to the culmination that we are all tasked with during this important shift. So much of the old has to die in order for this Golden age to take hold and come to fruition. Death of course is simply a decision to shed this form. The return is inevitable. That much has made itself clear to me in the many rounds of birth and death, both in this life and others, to which I have been privy.

There is one last point that I would like to make. This is the path of the immortals as I know it. It is only through full acceptance, understanding and mastery of death that physical immortality becomes a possibility. I see this possibility as one of many previously thought as “incredible” burgeoning within the coming Golden age.

~ Thessa Tara Sophia ~

P.s. I have since made a pact with my daughter that I will not leave her in the way of death or suicide unless it is out of my level of mastery to do so. I did not tell her the intimate details of my process, she simply intuited it, shared her fear that I would leave her, and from that place I made her the promise to stay.

***Image is my kitchen altar, my Buddha with flowers sent in support from my friends

The central channel indicates the illustration of primordial ground/The transcendent/existential reality. The outer planets are significators for active factors within that primordial ground. It is the primordial ground that underlies and informs the material reality and all of our physical and energy bodies within it.

Practically speaking, the cerebrospinal fluid moving through the spinal cord imbues its properties into the nervous system, which informs the endocrine system, and the 2 of them dictate all other systems.

Neptune signifies the primordial waters as the basic substance of pure consciousness. In vedic terms Neptune signifies Vishnu, the one who maintains creation. In the spinal cord it signifies the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF).

Uranus is the activating principle signified by lightning. In vedic terms he corresponds with Brahma the creator principle. Within the spinal cord Uranus symbolizes the activation of spirit into form via imbueing the CSF through resonance.

Pluto shown in the image as the morphing walls of the innermost container changing the foundational template of all form within consciousness itself. In vedic terms he symbolizes Shiva as the destroyer. In the spinal cord the change in the container, the walls that the activated CSF moves through, is dictated by Pluto.

Jupiter is holding the high values: Love, compassion, wisdom, integrity, justice, righteousness. He is the high priest that calls the transformative process to culminate in resonance with those high values. He is the factor that ensures that this shift ushers us into a golden age, calling for the reorganization of consciousness toward a grand level of coherence and beauty.

It is a grand, intense era not just for humanity, but for the whole solar system.

I wish for us all ease, grace and the courage and capacity to let go of the old ways, the old senses of self, within this big shift. We are in it together.

*I am grateful that I can now ask Chatgpt to whip up an image that comes close to illustrating what I see internally as it happens so that I can document these things better.

Because of this I find that not many people relate, and in fact what I hold most sacred and dear can be misunderstood by and challenging for many people. I am normally inclined to share experiences like this within very specific containers. This moment is an exception, as a beacon for resonant souls.

Those resonant souls need to know that the practice that I teach reveals everyone’s unique path through its application toward integration of consciousness. That path may have different qualities or language than that of what you read below and yet still cultivates realization and embodiment of your own divinity.

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It’s the middle of the night. I am awake and in bed. My heart is beating fast, I can tell my heart rate is too high for regenerative sleep.

I am wondering if it’s related to the healing process I’ve been in. There has been pain in the lower abdomen, and I have been treating it like I would infection (through natural means), along with inner alchemy, to see how it responds. Infection increases the heart rate. I hadn’t eaten late before bedtime. Doing so can also increase heart rate.

I decide to merge with my own heart, to see what holding it with Silence while getting more intimately into the heart’s rhythm might do in terms of bringing balance to the rhythm of the heartbeat.

Becoming one with the organ, feeling myself contract and expand as the beating of the heart, I am feeling all the physical sensations, thoughts and emotions that arise, together with the deepest Silence I have access to.

After a few minutes I was struck by the insight: “The heart is not determining its rhythm, the BLOOD is!”

With that insight came an automatic shift in perspective. Instead of being the heart, looking and feeling myself as that, I became the blood, moving through the heart.

Very quickly, I was all of the blood moving in various vortexing ways all throughout the body and also independent from the body.

Almost immediately, the river of blood that I had become, with all its branches and geometries of movement, turned utterly and totally BLACK.

It was blackness moving, with that movement creating subtle perceptual distinctions of black within blackness.

I was taken aback for a microsecond but was not afraid. I have known this “blackness” as the foundation of consciousness itself. Long gone are the days that it scares me. Instead that fear has been replaced by relief, recognition, opening and love that ushers me into a deepening of union with the foundation of consciousness itself.

After all, the process I am in is that of realizing that foundation as Self, and embodying it as all aspects of self, including this body.

In this moment, that means as this BLOOD.

The insight was loud: “THIS IS THE BLOOD OF KALI”

And I remembered the night 7 months prior, in which I had experienced The Black River of Shiva’s Tears in that very same bedroom.

I had awoken in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, only to immediately see a river of blackness moving within the blackness of night. It was not in my mind’s eye, I was seeing it with my physical eyes at the foot of my bed, I could tell it was moving in the same way I was now experiencing the movement of my own blood. (I wrote about this at the time and published it on Substack under the title The Black River of Shiva’s Tears)

Upon remembering that event 7 months prior, I immediately realized that I was witnessing a progression into a greater embodiment, one that I had forged through meeting the intensity of life events within that time period.

The witnessing of this river as something outside of me matched the Shiva activation and the experience of that river as my blood matched the Kali embodiment.

Fundamentally Shiva and Kali are not distinct, they are one.

And yet, the term Shiva can be used when the forward facing aspect of fundamental consciousness is yang, as witness, while the term Kali can be used when the forward facing aspect of fundamental consciousness is yin and an expression of embodiment.

Tantra is the path of the merging of them both.

The movement from seeing this river outside of myself to feeling it as my blood was a movement toward the embodiment of the foundation of consciousness. Or rather, a deeper realization of what already is.

I began to chuckle and grieve at the thought of what I had to traverse in the integrative process in the 7 months between these 2 experiences in order to make that movement.

Those 7 months have been some of the most intense and challenging periods of my life, ones in which I felt that I had lost (almost) all that was important to me both personally and professionally.

The containments and piercings of my own unique nature into the body (some people call this kundalini) had me utterly embroiled in my process, unable to function normally at many levels, mental, emotional, physical.

I relished in chaos into total erasure and didn’t recognize myself anymore. It felt like what was needed, in the moments when my tools and the vision and faith that had lead me up to that point went out the window.

My own kundalini awakening process began 19 years ago and has had a few chaotic rounds, but this took the cake.

Kali was cutting off my own heads again, this time those most intimate to the embodiment of pure consciousness. I am speaking of identity shifts of course.

Now it is her blood as mine that is what remains.

The experimental period has dawned, and I am watching how this latest development renders what I now am into daily movement, state of mind, my reception and engagement with the world. I am at the beginning of life again, slowly forming anew, to my inevitable surprise.

The first glimpse has been what it’s like to recognize the tendency within the pure frequency of true nature toward bringing coherence to all it engages with. This is the healer archetype. I am being lead through the process of its acknowledgement, surrender, and subsequent refinement. Perhaps I will write about that next.

Om Param Trik Mika

The reproductive area, the uterus and ovaries specifically, are being activated through primordial yang rising from below, piercing the womb, stimulating content within the womb to arise for awareness and alchemization. Practically speaking that content arising is creating changes in menstruation, cramping and pain, stagnancy of fluids in the abdomen and fatigue.

This is happening simultaneously with an opening of primordial yin in the center of the head. That yin appears as a dark and empty space of gravitas, presenting as Absence that is silent, while the observer and therefore the awareness, surrounds the Absence.

This setup has the signature of Ketu (the south node), who is headless. It is “all body”. It is all body that is fundamentally illustrating the foundation of consciousness as instinctual, somatic and visceral.

Ketu and this phenomenon is illustrating separation from Divine Mother, who I also sometimes refer to as Dark Mother, or the Mother of all Mothers. It is Para Shakti. No descriptive term for this primordial aspect of consciousness can substitute your own direct experience of the Mother of all Mothers. That direct experience is paramount for healing here and is part of the process.

Practically speaking, in relationship to the womb and head centers within this phenomenon, the center of the spine is a deeper causal dimension than the reproductive area and the center of the head. The origin of the separation between the womb and the center of the head can be found there. When that separation is bridged, the center of the head and the womb merge through unification with the heart.

One of the main signatures of separation from Divine Mother is shame. The identity work here tends to highlight areas of shame that are deeply intimate to core identity.

It is this identity work, which is the process of reunion of our sense of self with Divine Mother, that allows the light of true nature to fulfill where it was previously lacking, shifting shame into self fulfillment, and self loathing into the unconditional love that the Divine Mother models for, through and as, us.

The integration moves us from shame to loving oneself to being love itself, with the womb now having the capacity to create life from the foundation of the Self as Love.

I would love if any of you can relate to what I am noticing and have shared. This post is also an experiment in how well I can translate a deeply esoteric understanding into something relatable to a wider audience. Your feedback is welcome.

Om Param Trik Mika

*Image is Eucalyptus by Valerie Milo and can be found here: https://valeriemilo.com/.../eucalyptus-original-oil-painting

P.S. Astrologically I’m looking at this as a collective activation shepherded by Mars in Bharani nakshatra (Yang penetrating the yoni and womb), Venus in Ardra nakshatra (difficulties that lead to greater coherence when allowed), Jupiter very close to its entrance into Cancer (Jupiter representing Divine Masculine activation and Cancer representing the Divine Mother with all her aspects of unconditional love) , with the Moon transiting Virgo and Libra this week (healing and relational capacity, which is one of the main powers of the womb). The main Dasa Mahavidyas activation being deeper union of Matanghi and Tripura Sundari

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It’s a key turning point, one whose signature is poignant. Like New Year’s eve sets the tone for the whole year to come.

4:20pm is Jupiter’s official entrance, while the ruler of Cancer, the Moon, has just entered Jupiter’s sign of Sagittarius. They are exchanging signs, in a most auspicious way, starting off the next 12 months with uprising of the sweetest, purest kind.

Moves toward emotional integrity, high guidance in the internal turnings and navigatings, reorientations of the mind toward rightness and unconditional love. It doesn’t have to reach perfection, the joy is in the movement toward greater coherence.

The Moon is in Mula nakshatra, conjunct the galactic center, indicating a reorientation dictated by Source. Mula holds deep, dark mystery, offering it under the counsel of Jupiter the high priest, bringing in the possibility of its penetration into collective mind.

We have a year. With some time for refinement along the way. Ketu and Jupiter are seeking each other. Back and forth from Leo to Cancer. The karma needs to have its warp and way.

I will find you there. Let us be reminded of the play.

*Image is Moon, Jupiter, Venus conjunction on May 19, 2026

“Sit down” he said.

“But I really need to pee. I’ve had to go for a while now.”

I had been sitting there for 3 hours, deep in a healing process, sitting next to my partner, who was in the same process.

We had been directed to go into our belly buttons and look out. It was there that key elements of healing programmed relational trauma were to be found, according to this man, who would soon demand that I see him as my teacher.

Whatever we encountered in the space of the belly button was determined to be places in which we were subject to “authority over”, as opposed to our own personal sovereignty. Healing there was part of his experiment in becoming absolutely sovereign, by healing any aspect of ourselves that was either subject to or illustrating parasitic consciousness.

He had been studying parasitic consciousness, had realized that we were all subject to it in some way and that it was affecting all aspects of our lives, including our physical, mental, and emotional health.

In this he was eventually proven to be right through my own direct experience over many years. Yet I later discovered the source of this mechanism, which also educated me as to the underlying mechanics. Now I realize that he wasn’t yet privy to the source of the phenomenon, which resulted in his misunderstanding of how to be freed of it.

He was obsessed with finding healing protocols that would relieve humans from that tendency to engage in parasitic consciousness, which he called “The Borg”, named after a similar character in Star Trek: The Next Generation. He termed it that because he had found its properties to be similar: Inorganic beings functioning as a hive mind, whose goal is to consume organic beings for their own survival, which resulted in keeping organic beings from spiritual liberation and the full realization of their own power.

His obsession around it turned out to be an illustration of the phenomenon, not a correction of it.

This was after Carlos Castaneda introduced inorganic beings to the world through his books. It was after the Matrix movies, with the invitation to “exit the (inorganic) matrix”. It was before Paul Levy introduced the concept of Wetiko. But the subject was the same.

“You are just trying to avoid something important that has come up in the process” he said, referring to my statement that I needed to go to the bathroom.

“I will just pee and come right back to continue the process. I am dedicated to it, I promise!”

I wasn’t just dedicated to it. I was excited to be exploring the nature of consciousness in such a concentrated way. We had a small group of about 5 explorers that were all research arms of his drive to attain the peak states of consciousness that he considered our birthrite.

We had rented a big beautiful house in the Findhorn community so that we could dedicate all our waking hours to meditation, inquiry and healing, under his premise that all inaccess to peak experience and peak ability was trauma that could be healed. He had found that trauma healing processes could reinstate peak states and abilities, therefore returning us to our natural selves in all its power.

His premise was intimate to my own dharma. The return to the natural state, the remembrance of our power as an illustration of our exemplification of divinity and purity, has always been the most intimate drive within my own heart.

He began to speak to the group based on my need to pee as an example of what was needed for full dedication to the cause that he had totally committed himself to. He referred to us as “tools”, stating that we needed to let go of all personal agenda so as to completely dedicate ourselves to this service to humanity. No personal needs were important.

As part of that process, he stated that it was important particularly that I declare him as my teacher. That did not sit well with me. It seemed he was experiencing my need for the bathroom as a challenge to his capacity to lead the group toward achieving his goal. He even declared that he was just a tool toward its fulfillment.

When I didn’t declare him as my teacher, and still voiced my need to pee, he said

“If you get up right now, don’t come back.”

I was familiar with this kind of relational power struggle. I was aware that it was an opportunity for him to express dominance over me as a way to test my capacity for surrender into his direction. I was also aware of its insidiousness, as my childhood was dominated by this kind of dynamic in my home. My familiarity with it was both comforting and horrifying. I was left with “I know this dynamic so well, I can do this”.

I did get up to pee. Then, I left the house, because it had been made clear that I was not to return to the group. All I had there was my car. And thank God for that. I went into the sand dunes on the coast of the North Sea to meditate. I stayed there for 2 days, escaping to my car at night when it got frigid cold. I had nowhere else to go and everyone I was most connected to at that time was in the group of researchers that I had left behind.

So, I decided to return to the house after a few days. When I did, he let me back into the group. I’m not sure why. I didn’t declare him as my teacher. I felt like I didn’t give him what he needed to allow me back in, but he did.

This experience was at the beginning of my 2 year, very close working relationship with him and our research and teaching group. Throughout those 2 years there were many times that I was aware of the distortion at play in the execution of his mission and the way he related with those of us who had joined that mission.

I am grateful that our research process was based in direct experience meditation, focalized in the somatic experience. It was because of this that I never gave up my sovereignty to him. I learned to trust myself as opposed to taking on his way of seeing things. I learned how to put myself through the process of coming into right perception and to recognize when that perception was distorted.

It was only 6 months before this story occurred that I had been introduced to my inner guides. These guides were teaching me internally. They showed me the subtle nuance involved within inquiry and key pieces required to achieve healing. They asked the right questions at the right time. Their presence illustrated to me deep friendship and peer relating as opposed to hierarchical relating that this man insisted upon when he wanted me to declare him as my teacher.

This ended up being my saving grace. At many points in the 2 years I was training and working with him, my internal guides reminded me that I needed to be there, in this situation that many within our group were beginning to refer to as a cult type experience, just until I mastered some key operating elements for my own dharma.

In order to learn what I needed with minimal harm to myself, it required me to walk a fine line, a razor’s edge, for 2 years. The fine line was a line of integrity appearing within and through a mire of distortion and power games, founded in an essence of truth, headed by him, through his way of directing the group.

It was the line of essence of truth within a complicated sea of amazing techniques, powerful openings, mind games, cruelty, incredible healings, recognition of my unique skill and pitting group members against one another, all steeping in the basic premise that humans are fundamentally fucked up.

It was when I discovered the Void as an imperative element within all healing processes that I was free to leave according to my internal peer guides. This discovery made me realize that all search for healing is actually rooted in the calling to realize, return to and embody the true, natural, Self. When I shared this with him, he pointed out how this was a deep divergence from his perspective.

It reminded me of when I had asked him if he had ever used the state of love in healing processes. He said “I tried it but never found it to be useful.” I laughed incredulously, not telling him that his perspective was a huge divergence from mine.

At that point, 2 years in, I had all of the elements available to me to continue my research and refinement alone. When I left the group I no longer had the external research team that was so dear to me, but it was replaced fully by the presence of my internal guides that had become my closest dharmic teammates and consultants.

Leaving him and that group was paramount to my next level of development. I was very aware of the cult like setup that we were operating within. I was also aware that my mission was to remain within it until I gained what I needed, without losing myself in the cult like trip that was prevalent in the group feng shui.

I have so many stories that I could tell in the illustration of how this group exemplified as a cult. I could “out” him and warn people about him, as he is still heading up the same group as I understand it.

But if I could share the most powerful thing I took away from this experience, it’s the way of finding sovereignty from within the belly of the beast. There was so much power in staying within the situation, always finding that razor’s edge to walk, until eventually I gained what was paramount, while also coming into new levels of sovereignty and power, through alchemizing every experience that arose, whether cult like or truly connecting.

It was a chance to rewrite my childhood and the powerlessness that had been instilled through being subject to an adult dominating over me. It was a chance to recognize that my power is independent of circumstance. That it’s independent of others, no matter how they are behaving. I am reminded of this every time I find myself experiencing powerlessness.

That lesson wasn’t over when I finally left his group. I’m still refining along this topic today. Varying experiences bring varying dimensions and nuances of the cultivation of power through internal alchemization. Without those life experiences, good/bad/ugly/beautiful, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to cultivate specific levels of realized and embodied power. – specific facets of the diamond that I am and am becoming.

When my partner at the time and I did leave after 2 years, it came with this man threatening to harm us psychically, which could also lead to physical death.

I laughed it off at the time, but in 2022 when I got COVID, I found his intention to harm buried deep within my heart space, attached to an internal death wish. I am grateful to finally be free of that. I am grateful to be progressing in my continual exploration of sovereignty. I am grateful to be trained through these kinds of experiences how to walk that razor’s edge, finding my power and natural expression from within the circumstances instead of in the rejection of them. It is my sense that this wisdom is the key to the union of the archetypes of cult leader and cult member, bringing the state of their transcendent union, embedded with freedom from both.

Om Param Trik Mika

*Image is “God is Light” by Lourry LeGarde

My hypothesis was that the results of using the tool under darkness conditions would amplify its effects. It moves lymph in the face and neck, encourages bone integrity in the face and jaw, contributes to gum health and skin health.

I also use it over my closed eyes. Red light therapy has been shown to improve eye health and vision. I’ve always had excellent vision but in the last 5 years it has diminished in that I couldn’t read fine print anymore and would sometimes need readers to do so. I also could have periods of diminished sight under stress.

It was a controversial decision. I wasn’t exactly sure whether it could somehow damage my eyes. Using it in the darkness retreat was INTENSE. It was SO bright, even with my eyes closed the whole time. I was overwhelmed with the light but decided to take the chance by sticking with the practice daily.

When I got out of the retreat, during the re-acclimation to the light, I noticed that I had fuzzy vision. I didn’t think much of it at first, but I began to get concerned when it wasn’t shifting back to clear vision within a couple of days.

After about a week I started to panic a little. Had I somehow damaged my eyes?

But at about 10 days post retreat the fuzziness cleared. I sighed relief. It wasn’t long after that I could read fine print again! I mean, really fine print! I tested it again last night, 2 months post retreat. I also haven’t experienced the diminished vision under stress!

I have my excellent vision back, I am so excited!

Fundamentally what I do is co-meditative journey with people. After 8 years of clinical practice and my academic, healing, yogic and shamanic training, in 2012 I was offered a core practice by my teacher that simplified my training and experience up to that point into a very poignant spiritual practice that applies to all inquiry, evolutionary phases, healing and levels of awakening.

The foundation of consciousness itself and therefore the source of all experience is presenced immediately within the practice, hence it is applicable in all moments of time and every realm of awakening, including healing and transmutation.

The practice and journey that it unfolds us along is independent from and also compatible with every other spiritual practice, tradition and healing modality - because the unfolding is most deeply intimate with the natural timing and phases of your own unique journey.

I encourage those I work with to explore any other tradition or modality that they feel called to. Coupling how we journey together with other modalities improves their functionality. For this reason I work with many different types of healers and they are often inspired to bring what they learn into their own healing modalities. Some examples are psychologists, therapists/counselors, body workers, tantra practitioners, TCM and breath work practitioners, and medicine keepers.

All spiritual paths and lifestyle choices, including atheism, are welcome here and will be honored and uplifted.

“I have practiced Vajrayana Buddhism for 3 years and this session is the first practical experience I’ve had of those teachings” - (Said to me recently in a first session)

It has been many years now that I have offered this practice to people in individual sessions, group trainings onsite and online. Most of the people I work with are deeply devoted to their spiritual and/or healing paths. It is a main priority in their lives and they devote a significant portion of their lives to their spiritual practice.

The feedback that I have continually gotten the most over the years is awe at the power of what we are doing together, that the person has known nothing else like it, and the journey that they are taken on through the application of the core practice and my holding as a lineage keeper is a secret way of power, a hidden gem that they can’t believe they have discovered access to.

My own journey of growth has been forged through diligent application of the core practice to all phases of life, awakening and transmutation. I am 90% practitioner and 10% scholar, who has been in direct experience meditation 2-6 hours daily for 20 years now.

Over the years the lineage in which I have been operating has illustrated itself in a titillating unfolding of breadcrumbs over time. When all the pieces finally came together, the essential way of Tantra as taught to me by my teacher Adi Yog, a form of Shiva, illuminated itself. I have found the way illustrating through me is akin to Kashmir Shaivism, and he has instructed me to call it Tantra Soma, meaning the essence of Tantra. (See the interview provided in comments for more on details)

One of the main principles of Tantra is that of all-inclusion. The practical application of this in terms of the core practice is the cultivation of radical acceptance and allowance of all aspects of ourselves, no matter the flavor. This radical acceptance is the main driver of integration of consciousness, deepening states of oneness in which our unique nature is equally illustrated through our embodiment and daily living.

“I can’t find anything wrong with myself anymore” -(A long time participant in our group programs said this last year in our closing call for the program)

In session we journey together as a way to illustrate the core practice in action so that you can learn to apply it yourself within all situations from the deepest sitting meditation to the most pragmatic, traumatic, heightened, troubling, boring, peak experiences, of life. We become sacred friends in the most intimate journey there is, together.

Practically speaking, the core practice should be applied generally and specifically. Some common themes people come wanting to explore are:

*All things relationship

*Divine purpose and detailed expression of that purpose

*Mental, emotional, physical and spiritual healing and integration

*Integration and exploration of any aspect of the spiritual journey: Peak states of consciousness, Kundalini awakening and integration, existential and identity crisis

*Psychedelic experience integration

In terms of my lineage and what is naturally embedded within my holding and guidance, there are several key topics that eventually enter into play, or are already at play when we begin working together. For example:

*Heart, Belly (womb), Head center openings and blockages

*Shiva/Shakti integration (Masculine/Feminine, Yin/Yang, Inner marriage)

*Self Mastery and cultivation of integrated personal power and siddhis

*Self discovery through Identity exploration

*Kundalini awakening and integration

*Existential questions on the nature of reality through direct experience investigation

*Dasa Maha Vidyas direct experience exploration

*Cultivation of Totality as subjective experience

My teachers have come from varying spiritual traditions while also being considered to be rogue or pioneering new ways. For example Osho and Max Christensen (From Primordial Alchemist). Collectively my teachers have come from shamanic (Hopi and Apache), academic (transpersonal psychology), and yogic (Kriya Yoga) traditions, with Adi Yog being my main teacher and guru, illustrating the source of all spiritual tradition. He has guided me to study Tantra, Tibetan Buddhism, Vedanta and the Siddha lineages.

My background and training has been concentrated in:

*Regression therapy

*Somatic experience

*Spiritual Emergence

*Mapping of the spiritual journey and esoteric anatomy and physiology

*Trauma healing of all kinds but focalized in Prenatal and birth trauma including conception, cord cutting, pregnancy and birth support for the mother

*Shamanic research groups for the exploration of peak states and peak abilities through healing key developmental moments (specifically Parkinson’s disease, hearing voices, autism spectrum, MS)

*Bio-hacking for optimal health, with a focus on Longevity and Immortality

*I have degrees in both herbalism and nutrition, with concentrations in allergy elimination

*I have been studying vedic astrology since 2000 and use it in conjunction with our journey time if and when appropriate.

I have been trained as a therapist in Europe and do not hold any therapist licensure in the US.

Fleur Inanna has been teaching with me for many years now and she is especially seasoned at delivering the foundational material that has come through me in the form of trainings over the years. Her devotion to her own process and capacity to deliver the foundational material has been a key support for the dharma moving me and us. She also holds individual sessions and trainings with my recognition and appreciation.

I do offer a free 20 minute chat in case you would like to discuss how this work may or may not meet what you are currently exploring in your own process, and whether we are a good fit. Feel free to contact me over messenger in that case. I will also put session details, including price and length of time, in the comments of this post.

Finding aligned people is always a special occasion and I look forward to the beginning of that journey together with those who resonate.

Om Param Trik Mika

~~~~~~~~~

I was in the 7th grade, sitting in language class, directly across from Ben (not his real name), at a table for 2. I knew Ben as raucous and rebellious. He was a class clown who laughed a lot, loved to cause a little trouble and had a charming sweet and smooth side. We weren’t really friends, Ben and I. We ran in different circles. But I liked him.

We had both been seated in front of the teacher’s desk because we had been reprimanded multiple times for continually talking to our friends in class. The teacher put us where she could hear every breath coming out of us while also being far away from our friends.

On this Monday, Ben was called out of class, to the principal’s office. I knew why. The weekend prior, at a school dance, he had been busted for having weed on school property. We all wondered what was going to happen to him.

When he was called into the principal’s office, I imagined that it was for that reason.

Upon his return to class, he stayed quiet and inward, looking down, fiddling his feet under the desk, and obviously not listening to the teacher’s lesson.

I looked at him, wondering what had happened in the principal’s office… how he was feeling… what was going to happen… and suddenly - something happened to me.

I became overwhelmed with anxiety… with fear, and sadness. My body trembled while I desperately tried to stay contained in my chair. I was sweating. I wanted to run but knew I wasn’t allowed to move. Besides, where would I go? I was thinking about the drastic actions my parents would take. Whether we would move again, being taken away from all my friends. It felt like the end of the world was here and there was no way out.

I was aware that under the anxiety and worry about what would happen to me, there was a deep chasm in the center of my body that felt like death pulling me in. Ultimately I was worried that that death chasm would swallow me whole. That worry appeared along the edge of the chasm, emanating into the rest of me. It caused great discomfort and an experience of deficiency and lack of self-worth on many levels.

Then, just as easily as I slipped into this experience, I suddenly remembered myself. It was like waking up in the middle of a dream, realizing that I was dreaming being someone else. Now I realized that person wasn’t me. I understood that I was feeling Ben. And I wasn’t translating his experience into my own via mental evaluation. I was BEING Ben in that moment.

Upon realizing this, I was overwhelmed with compassion for him. I wanted to reach out to him, but knew that it wasn’t the right time, and that his emotional state was all consuming. So I simply continued to feel him, to be with him in the way that was accessbile. The communion felt comforting to me.

It wasn’t but a few days later that Ben was removed from school and I never saw him again. I found out that his family did in fact move. It felt like such a shame to me. That a family could take such drastic action in punishment for an act so small and insignificant in comparison to the importance of tending Ben’s heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Om Param Trik Mika

Secret’s out! A couple of years ago I modeled my basic longevity protocol after Bryan’s. But I noticed he was missing some things.... the magical substances mentioned in the ancient alchemical texts and how to couple them with meditation and longevity practices. Recently he has added some of these substances to his research protocol and is reporting on the effects on longevity.

What I like about it is that he is finally bringing in the element of states of consciousness as more fundamental than supplements, nutrition and lifestyle practices. Coupling them together amplifies the effects on longevity.

These substances, often provided by the earth herself through plants, illustrate those states of consciousness so that we can remember and attune to them. That process of attuning brings opportunities to work through any material blocking that state of consciousness from blooming in full, independent from any substance.

They are an invitation into our own true nature, and the process of becoming what they illustrate is the inner work that requires much more than taking a substance. They are powerful allies while also not to be used as a crutch because they are holding space for the realization that they are simply showing you what you already are.

Mastery of our state of consciousness specifically can come through the DMT state. Endogenous DMT is one of my most beautiful allies. There are practices that cultivate and create space for it. For example I recently spent 8 days in darkness retreat, immersed in varying levels of the DMT state induced by the darkness, coupled with a particular breathing practice.

Over the years I would say that peak state and psychedelic experience preparation and integration are some of the main themes that people work with me on. It’s no accident given that meditation and medicine work are delivering us all into the same heart of reality. Holler if you need assistance. We work pre and post experience, not with the substances in session. We journey together with a simple practice that you can also do on your own.

A couple of months ago I posted about Bryan’s report after a session taking 5 grams of mushrooms. This report

is after his experience with 5 MEO DMT. I’m excited to see the longevity data.

.

All of me is the free moving essential heart of the reality of all things. The dynamism of unified breath and the love that it generates and moves, inherently awake to itself.

The body and all of its biology and physiology shows itself as fluidly moving, blue diamonds, organizing according to divine will. Self regenerative, self reflective and fluorescing.

In order for this to culminate, I was invited to give up everything. For a long time.

Integration still happening.

Darkness is Yin. It is ultimately Silence and Stillness. It is Void. It has no properties of evil. In fact it has no properties at all when it is all that remains!

It is the lack of full realization of Void that leads to the capacity for evil.

The primordial properties of darkness are reclaimed as foundational to Self through the left hand path, through merging with the earth, through communion with Divine Mother, by exploring and alchemizing the obscurities of its nature presented by our own fear, terror, lust and shame.

The intelligence of your body is intimate with and grounded within this dark yin, within Void. It is that intelligence that is trying to illustrate itself to your awareness through and within physical sensations like pain, tenderness, contraction, anxiety, infections, and even joy, happiness and pleasure.

Through the practice of holding Silence with all other experience and dimensions of self, we eventually discover that it’s not just available inside you as experienced in the depths of meditation, it represents a fundamental aspect of consciousness itself.

It IS you. It is also absence. It is all pervasive. Your wholeness is founded in absence, not just awareness!

At its purest, Void births all phenomena. It is the ultimate mother. It is no accident that the ultimate mother has been distorted into an agent of evil. That distortion was directed by Shiva itself as a way to culminate Kali Yuga. It is intelligent. And, it is time to unpick this now.

Reclaiming that darkness as primary is a part of the return of the feminine and the clarification of masculine that marks this period of history and our movement into Golden Age Human.

The true nature of darkness is key for the cultivation of Innocence.

This eclipse window (from about January 17 to April 3, 2026) is the perfect time to presence the power and importance of darkness as a key transcending and alchemizing factor of evil.

(An excerpt from a longer piece that is still NOT the longest piece on evil that I am preparing LOL)

Om Param Trik Mika

#Kali #Shiva #Dhumavati

(If you want to skip the story and commentary, go down to the full healing protocol under the heading titled “Here is my full healing protocol (links are not affiliate links”).

The basics: At minimum I broke my 5^th metatarsal on my right foot, but I did not go to the doctor nor get xrays to verify. What I did do is a Chatgpt on the topic, supplying a picture of my foot on day 1 of the break while also reporting my pain points. Of course diagnosis with Chatgpt is limited, and, it did say that given the information I provided, it points toward Zone 2-3 fracture/s that have a high risk of delayed healing time and non-union, with radiographic union around 8-12 weeks and a return to impact activity within 3-4 months.

I also had a lot of tissue damage including to ligaments and the tendon in my right root that resulted in bruising and pain through the whole foot, not just the bone.

The general conventional medical protocol as I understand it in these cases is immobilization (medical boot), icing, xray and keeping the foot raised.

My healing approach used meditation, the regenerative state accessed through meditation and sleep, herbal bone healing formulas and therapies like red light, hydrotherapy, nutrition and massage. I did keep my foot raised in the beginning.

The Story:

It happened as I was doing many things at once in preparation for a friend’s all night birthday party. I was carrying multiple things down the stairs of my home, including a floppy latex mattress that I planned to put in the car for the party. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, stepping onto what I thought was the ground, I actually stepped on the mattress that I was carrying. I stepped on it wearing hard bottom house shoes (not much support) in a way that twisted my foot while I was also putting all of my weight on that foot as if it were placed squarely on the ground. I felt and “heard” internally a SNAP!, with an immediate collapse onto the floor with pain.

The following is the Facebook post I made on day 1:

I managed to get myself onto the couch and sat for about an hour. First was being with the shock, taking the time for impressions that would otherwise freeze in time to be visited now to maintain the flow of the psyche and prana.

Then I called and texted several people to let them know. This got me in touch with the tears, and I let myself cry like a small child, again supporting the flow of consciousness toward release.

My family was out and had a trip planned. They returned home with crutches from goodwill and to assess the situation. I made it a point to share from my little girl heart how I didn’t want them to leave me. I was more predisposed to leave that part out and tell them to go ahead with their trip plans, I would be fine, which I also did.

A family process ensued in which we all visited our reactions to the situation and communicated intermittently. Then we had a beautiful dinner and watched Back to the Future on Netflix.

Before they returned home I managed to hop on my left leg into my apothecary and pull out my handy dandy Bone Flesh and Cartilage herbal formula from Dr. Christopher (https://christophersoriginalformulas.com/products/bf-c).

I once supplied this decoction to a friend who had been hit head on by a motorcycle, breaking most of her ribs and arms and legs. She was told she likely wouldn’t walk again let alone continue her chiropractic practice. She was walking within a few months and back to work in a year.

The bone healing herbs were on the stove for about 3 hours before I soaked a cloth in the tea, wrapped my foot, put the whole thing in a plastic bag and sat like that for about 3 hours.

I also took homeopathic arnica, vitamin d, k and magnesium. Then I did red light therapy gua sha on my foot several times.

I also spent about an hour working with the regenerative state in meditation.

I have had great improvement so far.

Right now I can move my toes and the internal of half my foot without pain.

Yesterday I had no mobility of my foot without pain. The bruising is minimal and I can put a small amount of weight on it which I couldn’t do yesterday. I’m going for miracle healing status on this puppy because I want to dance on Saturday night

I will diligently continue the healing protocols of course.

First foot picture was taken about 3 hours after the fall and the last picture is when I woke up this morning about 18 hours later.

~End Facebook post~

*On day 7 I wore my medical boot for the first and only time in order to go dancing until 2am. I didn’t wear shoes for the first week, then only wore well supported flip flops until week 3.

*By day 10 I was able to move like this:

*By day 21 I was on the stair stepper at the gym.

At 4 weeks, when I was thinking “it’s basically healed!”, I had a set back for about a week after stressing my foot practicing a group dance for a performance that I was in on January 9. This is when I realized the importance of massage in the healing protocol. I had been doing massage but didn’t realize that I had dropped that therapy too soon.

After this stress period I walked a fine line in the healing process that required me to dance on the foot as a way to prepare for the performance while also dedicating rest periods in between rehearsals as a way to recover from the stress.

Alternating stress and rest had already shown itself as important in the process up to this point and I was betting that I could continue to do so as a way to be ready for the performance on January 9. And I succeeded!

By January 9 I was ready for the performance and successfully participated in 4 shows that weekend. By the end my foot was minimally stressed and easily recovered with a few days rest afterwards.

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At the center of the trembling leaf that I am when I feel the whole region on the cusp of this winter storm is Kali, rising.

For some this is where fear might alight. I felt Kali and her presence very clearly as I was standing in the river that was once our 4 acre field during Helene. Her presence marked an intelligent, important and terrible destruction, perfectly timed.

Sometimes I still wonder, at the height of my attunement to all the nervous energy in the region, all the trauma activated, all the potential for damage and loss of life, what is the use of being so sensitive? That I can feel all these feels in the collective. Really? Shouldn’t I stop that nonsense? Does it have to be so all encompassing and to what end? It makes it hard to think clearly and organize my mind.

Then of course I remember the dharma. I learned during Helene that my best contributions in times like these is feeling the whole of it, grounding into The Absolute, then letting the alchemy rip. I need to concentrate myself primarily in meditation to do this, not running about trying to make sure everyone is ok (more than needed).

Kali is making herself available for that. The greater the merging between her and all the feels and fields, the greater the ease of the blessed transmutation she is bringing. The way paving that creates space for the new.

I’m not meditating to stop the storm or to make it go this way or that. I trust that the integration at any scale will simultaneously usher in the intelligence that she brings while also allowing for more ease in its delivery and integration. She is compassion after all. Maybe we can think of Pluto as this compassion, one that benefits us and our agency to align with instead of run from. To do this we must face, then embody, then eat, our fear. In the process protection is possible and shall be called upon.

For me these processes are intense, and I must move from nervous system overload to utter complete absence over and over until the 2 and all the material between them unifies. This is my service and is never guaranteed to create a palatable outcome, yet so often seems to.

The nervous system light up gave me a brief heads up around New years. I had a couple of days of contractions in my solar plexus that felt like dry heaving. Then it was gone until mid-January, when it returned with a vengeance. I’ve been holding this field before I knew what it was or what was coming.

You can see below my notes to my friends on January 17, before I knew of this storm on our doorstep.

For those working in the underbelly of reality, let us commune in the coherent ushering in of the new through the blessed destruction breaking down the old.

Om Param Trik Mika

*My voice is in blue in these screenshots with my close ones.

Its birthing process is getting hot and heavy now with the Saturn Neptune conjunction that is currently culminating into its height in mid-February 2026. This conjunction is happening in the sidereal zodiac at 7 degrees of Pisces and is signaling a key movement in the process.

The coherent design of Golden Age Human has been brewing within the Transcendent, represented by Pisces, and now it has come to the point of readiness to penetrate into cyclical time and space, making it more available within the dimensions of embodiment.

My sense is that this period of penetration and alchemization of old into new will extend into 2028 when Saturn enters Aries in the sidereal zodiac.

Neptune is the culminator and carrier for this highly coherent design into which humanity now has the capacity to align. It points to the Dasa Maha Vidya called Tripura Sundari, for which Neptune is an indicator, as the transcendent deliverer of this coherent design.

This great cosmic power known as Tripura Sundari is the coherent fruition of the primordial vibration birthed from primordial Intent married with primordial energy.

She has the power to integrate all Trinities within space/time through modeling the source of beauty within dimensional consciousness.

The design that Tripura Sundari culminates into is directed by Divine Intent, the pure awakeness of Shiva, who is dictating the organization into Golden Age Human, namely through mastery of Time at Source.

This new design is being delivered into the old design through penetration, into all levels of mind, cosmic to personal. All dimensions of your body, biology, esoteric physiology, mental, emotional, energetic systems are open for reorganization.

That collective structural design within all levels of mind is Saturn. It is being systematically broken down and rebuilt, in the process of becoming the structural vehicle based in Tripura Sundari’s grand design.

That grand design creates new pathways and possibilities for unlimited expressions of consciousness.

This is a galactic shift in consciousness driven by Divine Intent, its energetic vehicle the delivery system, modeling beautified movement and flow.

All we need to do is breath in and let go. Breath out and let ourselves move as flow.

The year of the fire horse illustrates the metaphor of Kalki riding in on his white horse, delivering a new age. The second coming of the Christ is an equal metaphor.

The process I describe is the tangible experience through which we all have direct, intimate access through our own witness, our unique essence, our body, heart and mind.

The second coming of Christ is us, through our consented alignment to and communion with grand design.

Om Param Trik Mika

*Image is Kalki by Jose Patricio Aguirre

That original erection within the original womb illustrates through pure and simple non-conceptual communication, just being there as it is, pure and penetrating, as foundational purpose: “THIS is what we are doing babe -THIS creation, THIS universe, give all of of yourself to me for THIS”.

The response from the Void body is YEEEEEES. ALL YES!

It feels so good to be pared down, cut out of infinite cloth. The infinite potential of what she could be gets named and claimed into making something that is, that will be.

THAT turns the Void on, makes the whole of her potential show up zinging as his confident, pure, focalized definition.

This is the origin of the containment that every woman seeks, that every man carries.

It is also the origin of Self containment and dynamism in terms of co-creativity showing up across all genders and beings and feng shuis.

It gives the woman the capacity to create containment within the grand container and the man to be contained within the containing.

Om Param Trik Mika

*Art is N. C. Wyeth (1882-1945) Walden Pond Revisited, 1942

(Containers within containers within containers)

I took a deep dive inward for the solstice and into the new year. It has been an intense rewriting. Coming up out the other side now. Protecting dignity through self containment and appropriate use of energy preserves my God given and cultivated power. That is the fire horse I’m riding in on.

#onthestairsbeforethemakeup #happynewyear

Absence is holy,
That from which
Shiva and Shakti co-arise
The origin of every body.

Found at the heart,
The ground,
The source
Of your sleeping awareness,
As Your body remains.

When the body of creation is gone,
Absence remains.
Before awakeness,
The non-essence of breath.

Om Param Trik Mika

#Anuttara

Happy New Year and Happy Full Moon

*Artist is unknown, but the image is signed