Tbh i don’t even remem…

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In the last country before this all ends.
It will be like 12 days when this all ends.

We went to Switzerland and then to Italy and then finally to Greece.

I learned a lot of things.
Saw the world in a new way.

As if we went out of our bubble.

I think we all needed this.

For me especially I could open my mindset up to accept and learn and unlearn a lot of things.

There’s a reason why all these countries are so ahead of us.

And that’s because of certain things.

Do you know what it is like when you travel in a metro in India…
They all stand in the elevator however they want.

In all these three countries, naturally people follow a line on the right.

So that if someone is in a hurry, they can quickly go through via the left side.

Haven’t faced racism yet.
Maybe there is a language barrier with old people.

But Google Translate to the rescue. And Google Maps…

I would say people are nice.

They kinda think India means amazing country lol types.

There’s no negotiation anywhere…
Lol but it’s all good.

I talked to different people in the train of Switzerland…
French couple travelling to Swiss, spending 12 days. They are both factory workers.

And yet they can afford this as a factory worker.

The couple on the airplane while coming into Switzerland also worked in some water purifying things and yet they can afford going to Japan and spending lavishly…

Another couple I talked to while going from Zurich to Milan they were from Japan, I started with Anata wa nihon sushindesu ka… lol that means are you from Japan… she started SUGGOI SUGGOI!!! Lol it means amazing.

Some common things I have seen across Europe are like they are educating the citizens about trash, the type of trash… There were 4 types of dustbins everywhere in switzerland & Italy. In India… everything goes into one bucket.

There’s no job that is looked upon as “small”, like we do it in India.

People have to complete their education… Yes, there’s no compulsion here to study beyond university but if someone studies they are like taken as really liking to study types of people.

Train tickets are so expensive in Switzerland that yk the last day our Swiss Pass had expired so like we bought tickets from station it was like valid for the entire day and then it cost us like 24k-ish for TRAIN TICKETS… that too second class train tickets… for 2 adults. Cuz dad had bought his swiss pass types…

Btw one thing i noticed is the selfless thing in people. If someone is in problem,t why would rather come up and helping them up with things… not everyone is thinking about their own profit.

People have work to do….

They have to work to get paid that’s what they must do.

There are so many people I am passing by the point in here is that most are tourists, different people from different backgrounds from different countries…

It makes you curious like wanting to know people and their lives. But almost every time sometimes I feel like it’s all the same. It’s all the same. In the end.

A family from Italy who sat beside us on plane like the mom travelled with her 2 sons for a 10 day vacation in Greece… I asked her politely if she was a single mother… she said her husband couldn’t come cuz he was working…

Just what an independent woman she is. Hats off…

If you are an Indian you can already understand the differences very easily through everything.

But yeah that’s what it was.

I think if I haven’t had seen if firsthand I would have never understood all these things….

The mindset, the luxury, the standard of living.

And the insane part is the standard of living is high and it’s good and common even for the COMMON people the lower middle class people in Switzerland. Not like India where we struggle to meet our ends sometimes.

A few more days… I will be back to my routine. I miss being in India, in my hometown, close to the one that matters ;)

But one some things I understood is money matters.

Money matters a lot.

But now I have something more concrete to look forward and put my goal to.

And ultimately the goal is to uplift and provide for a better standard of living than what we currently have. For the people I care about.

I do see it that maybe youtube or maybe my agency or my startup will be the way.

But I feel like my attention is getting divided. And sometimes that’s a bad thing.

My attention keeps splitting itself into fragments, and slowly I feel like I’m becoming a person who belongs nowhere entirely. I was sitting behind my dad’s car and I was just wondering what’s now…

Every second that passes through…
Every single moment is bringing us closer to our own death.
Even though we are living, to live is to die perhaps.

Slowly steadily you move towards your destiny.
Cuz in the end, death is the only sure thing in life.

You just don’t know how. the when.

Why? Cuz we were born.

It needs to end.
It needs to come in a loop.

How’s this selfishness of yours…
That we pick neither the sun nor the night.
But rather, we choose to live. And to live only.

We have tried going to the moon.
We did it!
We will conquer Mars, too.

We will become a Type III civilization… in the next two centuries if Elon Musk can create the Dyson Swarm around our Sun and move ahead.
But yet, our hearts will remain dry and empty if there’s no meaning.

We humans, have a big problem.
We try to become Gods.

Perhaps, becoming a God would only take us to that of the fate of the Homelander.

but the future is coming.
the future that i can see through isn’t as pleasant as you think it is.
things would be hard.

we will evolve, in a hundred years, we won’t be naturally humans anymore.
getting an organ replaced would be as common as getting IV drip mocktails.

premium but still possible.

i don’t know how to end this.
i randomly took up to writing cuz i didn’t write for a long time.

the rain caused it.
the rain changed everything.
we needed it. I needed it.

Nature as if healed itself.
And I think as humans we are nothing more than specks of dust trying to find meaning in this bare limiting existence.

And perhaps finding meaning is all that matters.
Cuz in the end it’s us. and our lives…
even though it’s small and meagre.

it matters.
to us.
and the ones who care about us.

I will start writing more often from now on at least like a weekly thing!
Thank you so much for reading me through.

You come to the world, that’s the new game. Our souls are the real players.
You come, and then you go through levels… Not every level is a guaranteed improvement.

It’s a game where our souls are the real humans playing it by becoming players.
Every year, you cross a certain level, but the levels aren’t linear.

Some players are born with better stats from the beginning.
Better money, better looks, better surroundings, better opportunities.
It’s almost like some characters start with premium upgrades while others have to grind from level one. Just imagine the conditions of someone born to Ambani, whereas someone born into slums.

Obviously, the richer one would have better ‘access’.

Just like in Solo Leveling, the stats increase… when the player is working hard.
Your intelligence, your money, and your EXP, I think they are all counted.

But maybe the funny thing is that most people spend their whole lives upgrading the wrong stats.
Some increase only money.
Some only chase validation.
And some forget that maybe the soul itself also has a level.

Maybe somewhere or the other, even if the EXP or the intelligence is lacking, the person still comes to the end… the win.

But it’s different because, for every person, the win is different.
For someone, it would maybe be to cross a certain age or level in the game.
While for others, it’s probably about building their base, just like Clash of Clans.

Entire life is just like Clash of Clans.

We are nothing but mere characters that our souls pick from the subconscious.

What characteristics can a person really have?
Maybe it would be smartness, maybe it would be facial quality, maybe it would be physical strength, maybe money too, or something else.

It’s a giant Clash of Clans, with multiplayer clans actually building and running institutions and empires.

Maybe wars are nothing but clan battles on a much larger server.
Countries upgrade their defenses, train their players, collect resources, form alliances, and attack others to protect their own base.

Some wars begin for power, some for survival, and some simply because two clans can never agree on who deserves control of the map. The scary part is that every soldier is still just another player inside the game, trying to survive while the higher-level leaders move pieces around like strategy characters.

Maybe history itself is nothing but the replay log of different clans fighting to stay relevant before eventually collapsing and getting replaced by newer ones.

Maybe relationships are alliances between players.
Some stay loyal till the end while some betray for resources.
Some players heal your base while others slowly destroy it from inside.

Every country is a clan.
Some are big, some are small, and only perhaps an alien attack can unite them together lol. Instead of training soldiers, we are training our engineers, medicos, scientists, sportsmen, etc., to be better and to become first.

And religion may be just different clans trying to explain the same server in different ways.

Everyone thinks their map is the real one while nobody truly knows who created the game itself.

Every other money-taking person can be visualized as having some Level X gold mine. Elixir, which is water, is supplied if you are under a municipality or a sub-clan. There are builders, but of various kinds. There are schools, colleges, and universities, which are basically barracks with improving levels.

I don’t know what happens when it’s game over.

Is it just a game shift or maybe a complete player change…
Maybe now we are just pets, and our consciousness is changed with things.

Maybe dreams are glitches between realities.
Maybe déjà vu is the memory of another run.
Or maybe consciousness itself is proof that we were never just flesh and bones to begin with.

We call people talented, but maybe some souls are just older players who’ve played this game before.

Maybe existence itself is entertainment for something beyond us.
Or maybe souls play because staying still forever is worse than suffering.

Who makes these souls play? That’s the question…
Is it them, or is our reality just a smaller part of something bigger?
Maybe our reality is just a tiny game inside something infinitely bigger.

but anyways… I’m so glad that I didn’t ahve to stand in that queue for so long than the other ones lol. My roommates came late and then like yeah I remember fighting with my roomie lol :D

Anyways, I put up a curtain so that yk… anyways… but yeah.

I came back today by car, from the next year we will have a different hall (hostel).
We call our hostels as halls in IIT Kharagpur.

and yup… i think it will be more fun cuz from 2nd year we will mostly have departmental courses lol.

Had some crazy experiences with everything like managing this huge freedom life in the hostel where you can do anything you fcking want… nobody is there to monitor you out. Started off an AI voice agency, paused it and then did another set of market research only to realize that it won’t work now so quitting it.

Got myself as the CTO in a startup and also building another one, Abroadfit (this is gonna go big i have a small feeling)… Quit work in a good AI edtech company, because tbh I wanted to focus on my things up and yup… on my youtube and yes…

Earned enough to pay my own 1st year fees lol and still have like 50k extra or so… so yeah financially it’s good too. but we have to scale.

That’s why I’m building… HH… will keep it a secret. haha for now but yeah. this is exclusive shit. I hope something clicks through yk…

Amongst all the things that I’m doing I just hopean dI believe that something or things… would really crazily work out through. like yeah… and I will be one step closer to my goal.

The goal is freedom. not just financially but rather experiencing life in all its aspects and living them through so that nothing can distract me towards getting the full freedom.

Freedom from this cycle of life and death. There’s a power beyond science.
There’s no science there’s no logic… and I believe in a higher power.

I don’t know about you if you believe in god or not… but believe in karma.
there’s a god and there’s a higher being who’s playign his game and we are but freckles of dust.

man thinks himself as his own god. that’s wrong.
but the man must know his worth and know his play in the galactic zoo.

anyways, whatever i’m doing i know one day within the next 2 years, some thing would really be fruitful and when i win, you all win.

pray for me.

Btw if you are someone who wants to study abroad after 12th or after your bachelors, use our Abroadfit, and know which country is actually for you and your study abroad dreams. consultants charge you 30K - 2L for this shit that we are giving you for free.

lol. drop any suggestion that you feel like!

I'm on the train.

Cancelled the first one in the morning so that I can go in the evening one and i don't regret it at all.

It's been a long journey and she said sth that made me feel different. I see the darkness crawling unto me.

I was trying to do so many things at once tbh.

This and that, here and there…

There's a sense of clarity.

I've to do one single thing and be exceptionally good at it. I think I'll double down on YouTube and maybe on the secondary focus would be Abroadfit.

On the sides hustle house, inknarc and liquivest. Side things are the ones that don't consume a lot of my time.

I realise that I've 3 years more only.

And after that it's fate leading my life or maybe it would be just me if i can make it enough.

The truth is I'm tired of chasing after degrees.

And i honestly believe that adding actual value in this world so that I can make other people's life easier and better is the sole thing I should do.

Mom dad would say i need to get educated so that people listen to me. I think all i need in this era is a heck of a distribution.

YouTube went to 4k subs… i worked hard and have been consistent for 3 years. It's a show curve. But I think I'll dedicate the next 3 years into building this solely.

Cuz if you have trust no matter how shit your product is, you'll have enough sales to get you through the runway. And if you improve your product with every feedback you get, and still have that distribution… nothing can stop you from becoming a leader in what you do.

I think I wanna be like raj shamani. Maybe like Ankur warikoo on the content end. Guiding people thoroughly and throughout.

I have a gut feeling that this will work out.

It has to. And on the sides I'll have enough backup that I can do my things up.

I hope this exam goes well.

I feel like finding myself again as I've cut off the things that were holding my time in their hands.

I've time…

To create content, to hustle, to build sth.

And I'll put it all to help us and all around us.

Funny how this time the reminder was a little too intense … we have a change of hall (hostel) in the first year. So we live in LBS and then when you come back in 2nd year, you've a change of hostel.

So yeah it's the second last week in LBS and the reality strikes me.

The time really flew by and yet…

It's crazy like I still remember how the line was for the hostel that day. The starting day when students from all over the campus came in.

I think of those days when I was fighting with my roommate lol 😆 but yeah having fun and all those shits.

It has been quite an amazing journey.

Learnt a lot of things, working on different projects… working in a rising AI startup, gaining experience in a variety of things…

Seeing IIT Kharagpur as what really is.

Everytime you pass through the roundabout in front of the main building there's a different feeling yk.

As if the main building is trying to speak to me.

Something it wants to say….

Let’s just say you are preparing for an exam for some months, and then you fill up the form, and then you pay the money, and then now, after 3 months, you realize that…

The exam that you were working hard for… even though you cracked it, you can’t take admission into this… whatever it was. Because you don’t meet the eligibility criteria in the first place.

I didn’t open my laptop since morning today, cuz i was just way too… shocked tbh to start to work on the things. I was sad too.

You are going good, you are dreaming of a new life, but suddenly life stops you with reality. I don’t know, but that’s how it is.

Friends become strangers.
The ones you thought never meant come out to support you in the dark times.

I’m not saying that things are bad;
things are just shit bad… sometimes, and you can’t do anything about it.

Last night I watched Samay Raina’s debut, it was fantastic, btw, you should watch too.
And I couldn’t help but feel relatable when he described how fcked up he felt when he realized that he had 3 FIRs against him. The CM of Assam was against him.

The media is a hungry dog.
The internet is a shitty game people play as the characters in order to get money.

In the end, you are just there. With yourself.
maybe with your wife or husband or with your family.
But in the end, it’s just you.

Our emotions don’t matter, nor would anything else. Because with the passage of time, we will just be stardust in this vast universe.

the man thinks he is his own God.
the God merely laughs at this stupidity and gives the man the superpower that, until or unless he crosses his limit, he will have the power to feel the destiny which he creates.

The line between confidence and overconfidence is a thin one.
The moment we cross it, the moment things break down as if it were a glass.

Empires fall only to be rebuilt again.
Dreams burn only to be seen in a better way.
Things don’t make sense, but I’m sure what you feel would.

There’s a better future awaiting you.
Even though it’s not working as you think it should, things would turn in your favour.

Believe in it.

Finally it's a long, big 3 week stretch.

Away from home.

The clouds are pleasant.

It's not a sunny day. It's the aftermath of the showers that graze the dew on the grasses that pass. Sun shimmers through these clouds like a child playing hide and seek.

The constant train hums through me.

I don't know what to feel.

I feel like assimilating with this wind and be a cloud far far away. Away from this chaos.

Chaos of life.

Maybe clouds have a peaceful life. Merging breaking, falling through as the rain. Creating thunder when they are angry…

But the best part about them is they flow.

With or without purpose. They move on.

They move, the world watches.

I wish I could back to the life when I was a child. Oh my god it was so carefree.

Go to school, come back eat watch Doraemon or shinchan… sleep play and study.

These 3 days i took a complete pause in life i think. No work. Just bare minimum which was needed. I watched movies. Completed Matrix and felt like really I'm living in a matrix.

Spent time with her it was the best.

And yup created memories.

Realized that I've to take care of myself amongst all the things. Putting time to self care, helping myself out whenever I need, pushing and working hard when it is needed.

I don't wanna drift away like these clouds.

Maybe I'll be a cloud. I wanna be a big one that provides shade in the hot problematic Sun for a lot of people. I wanna provide. I wanna be a symbol. I wanna be a great person.

And I hope someday all this struggle will come to fruition.

I know that day is coming very soon.

And if you are in the same boat, great things are

awaiting you. Miracles are awaiting.

I feel awe at how quickly life passes by.

It was as if yesterday I was in dilemma that I couldn't get to abroad and yup I knew that the price is a little too much for me.

Putting it all in JEE ADV, I cracked into IIT Kharagpur. I was satisfied. I wanted to study physics and I wanted to stay near home without compromising on the quality.

I got in.

And yup, here I'm…

The first year is about to end in 4 weeks now.

I feel scared. Sometimes it's just that the feeling that so much time has elapsed is what makes us feel the fomo.

They have done this, he has done that all those shitty non sense coming into your head making you scream inside.

The fact is i don't think any of this matters.

I'm building my agency and also my startup Abroadfit at the same time. Going through a lot which most students or college people don't have any idea about.

Maybe the closest guy who might even slightly relate would be someone who is paying his own college pays, like me.

It's hard.

Academia, leaving a stable job, trying to make things work when the world feels like it's against you. But maybe it's not and in that flame of your belief, you stuck to whatever shit you can count on for yourself.

That's bravery. Maybe it's idiocy hidden in something else. Maybe it'll all work out in the end. Maybe it was fcking god's plan in the end.

Nobody knows.

And yet you call yourself the captain of your ship.

Maybe things are the way they should be. Maybe it's all part of the plan. Maybe it'll work out.

In the end sth would for sure.

Don't what matters more now is not to lose hope and do the work done. Even if it's some improvement on that end… here and there it still counts.

No matter what, things will turn out amazing for you. Miracles are awaiting you. Don't lose hope.

You got this.

Not the glow-up.
Not the comeback.
Not the “finally made it” post on IG.

Sorry, I haven’t been writing lately.

I’m talking about the season where you’re functioning… but somewhat unsure.

Here’s what I feel happens:

You wake up with plans.
You end the day wondering what you even did.

You tell yourself you’ll study.
You end up finishing half a series of Shōgun in one sitting.

And somewhere between episode six and seven, a question come in my head:

What am I even doing…
What are you escaping from?

I studied psychology a little too in depth for class 12 cbse and I think this is the answer:

It’s not laziness.
It’s an overload.

When your brain carries career pressure, money anxiety, relationship uncertainty, health insecurity, and family expectations, the brain looks for sedation.

Not entertainment.
Sedation.

Read that twice

But the real issue isn’t the show. It’s the direction.

Because I think when direction is unclear, distraction becomes attractive.

I think love is the only dream that asks you to grow bones you didn’t know you needed. It begins like light — warm, easy, unquestioned. And then one day it becomes architecture.

And I find myself staring at a future I never thought would be possible. At least no solo guy would do it. And I’m happy in a way. Because imagining a future with the person you love gives you a different peace.

Measuring my worth in titles.
In future visiting cards.
Whether my name sounds “secure” enough when spoken in a room full of elders.

Love turns into a mirror.

It shows you who & what you really are & who you should perhaps become for your and her happiness.

And from all the things…
Money stands apart.

It just exists. It has a weight everyone feels.
Sometimes you talk with people, and there’s always that friend who labels everyone by their income. I think that’s useless. I think people should start building their own first.

It sits at the dining table like an invisible guest and changes the tone of every conversation.

I don’t dream of gold ceilings or imported cars.

I dream of not flinching when the future knocks.

Of choosing love without calculating cost.

I wanna be strong. And wealthy enough so that I don’t have to think twice about paying for something I actually need.

Illness has a strange way of reminding you that your dreams run on muscle and sleep, not just willpower. I have been sick for the last week, sort of… viral cough, fever, etc.

There’s a phase in life nobody posts about because it doesn’t photograph well. It’s not aesthetic. It’s not triumphant. It’s you sitting with half-finished plans, a paused episode, a heavy chest, a lighter body, and a mind that won’t stay quiet.

If you are going through something similar, maybe this phase isn’t about solving everything. Maybe it’s about alignment.

Maybe the universe has a way of showing you the path that’s destined for you.
Maybe the universe is changing & recreating the future that was already written for you. Maybe there could be a million things… But always know, as long as you are not quitting.

That whatever I’ve achieved wasn’t earned—just stumbled upon.

Luck. Timing. Some accidental alignment of stars.

And yes, maybe a bit of willpower.

But maybe, it was never me.

The thing is sometimes I think like I never deserved being born into a family where all my needs were met. All my wants were taken care of.

The more I became aware how the world works out of money, I kind of reduced how much external shits I want in life.

Yes I do buy and spend.
But I only do it when I need it. I became frugal. That’s the reality.

Sometimes I think like I never deserved having someone to love me irrespective of what I’m.
Sometimes I think like I never deserved being in IIT.
Never deserved the good things in life.

However, I’m extremely grateful about getting all of them, not losing my grandparents, having found the one & all other things.

I don’t know.

Sometimes this sadness sweeps over me.
I don’t know how to fight it back.
Most times I just turn emotionless about things.

I don’t like arguing with the people I love.
My mom, her, etc. I would rather just compromise on my end to keep them happy.

Most times, I know what I’m doing with my life.

I have direction. Plans. Systems.

But clarity doesn’t cancel confusion.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments where I feel like I’m lost.

I feel the darkness that calls me.

I have a different bond with the night sky & the moon.

I think I love the moon. Like with devotion types. More than I love the sun.

Sometimes I talk with it.
I feel calm. It’s like the darkness listening with open wide ears to my plights & problems.

Is this what I truly am, God?

I think time is an artificial concept that we have only created just to quantify the gaps of the eternity. It’s increasing and increasing but the one who runs the world knows the start & the end. We are mere puppets.

Most importantly we are only the stardusts.
Only the mere stardusts here to create a living out of nowhere.

I don’t see a point to any of this.
And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe life doesn’t need a grand purpose.
Maybe it just needs continuity.

Wake up.
Follow your routine.
Keep your habits alive.
Show up—even when you don’t feel meaningful.

Plan small things.
Do them daily.
Let consistency replace clarity.

Maybe that’s enough.
Maybe existing honestly is the point.

And if not—
at least the moon will still be there, listening.

I know this should work but it isn’t working.

I’m not getting clients. I am not able to earn money.

Sometimes I think it’s like God is making me wait for something better or bigger but I really don’t know. All I want is to be in a position after 3 years so that I can live the next years of my life with the person I love.

I want to provide her with everything.
I wanna be rich so that money would never be an issue.

I don’t want money for flex.
I want it so I never have to watch someone I love suffer because I couldn’t afford the solution.

I wanna be a good human being so that I can protect our mental peace, us & support us throughout everything no matter how hard it is.

Life is hard.

It shouldn’t be easy.

It’s like a game inside my head.

Damn, I should write more often now, I think.
I’m drowning, let me bleed.

I guess sometimes you have to bleed first,
before life recognises you as someone worth rewarding.

People won’t understand, they are just busy after the clubs. After the different things like the CP competitions, hackathons, after a lot of eating & drinking, and going after girls…. vice versa.

I don’t know God.

But I am scared that I would fall behind my friends who are grinding so hard on their CGPA to get a good fucking job.

I am scared that my mom’s words would be true… like my friends earning 5x what I’m earning today… :(

It’s not like I don’t want them to earn.
But rather, I want to be rich so that I can provide.

I don’t want to be the king.
I want enough power to be the kingmaker.

I think that holds greater power.

It’s like, who would you save, the mother or the child?
I don’t think I would ever choose the child, if that’s the question.

God, I want to be a lot of things.
I want to achieve a lot of things.
Help me achieve them.

Make me strong. Make me smart.
So that I can manage all other aspects & focus more on becoming the person I’m destined to be.

And if You stay silent, I’ll build the ladder myself.

Back to the same room. Same walls. Same ceiling.
But not the same headspace.

I don’t know how to feel about it.
I don’t feel sadness, I don’t feel happiness.
I can see things through. And that scares me more than being sad ever did.

It’s like another 6 months.
Another 6 months in my hand to move up my CGPA, build my foundations, and to build all my passive income streams. Haven’t been getting any traction on YouTube. I decided to ditch the second channel of IIT KGP.

And focus on one single channel…

Time feels heavy when you know you can’t afford to waste it.

But yes, I think it’s time I try something new other than just simple SEO.

Built this thing but yeah let’s see all that’s left is to sell.

Maybe going towards this AI receptionist and pitching directly… double down on the outbound — cold calls, emails & LinkedIn DMs.

And I want to find a way to scale things through.

I see & feel the darkness.
It shows up when the room is silent and my phone stops buzzing.

It’s all around me.
There’s a part of me in it too.

Maybe that doesn’t matter at all for others.
But that’s all I have of me in the darkness.

I don’t know God, what have I done or what is there… and I’m still walking.
With every passing second, I grow closer to my destiny that awaits me with open arms.

Like a lost child, I fall upon and look up on the road that I have travelled through.

I don’t know… God.
I don’t know…

It’s a DO or DIE for me.
I don’t want to go through these things anymore.

I am not dependent on placements. I have to do something much bigger.
So that I know that I’m stable enough in life. For the part after my Bachelor’s.

I don’t know where this road ends.
But I know I’m not standing still anymore.

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None of us came here with a strategy. Or a brand. Or a content plan.
We came with feelings, fragments, poems, late-night thoughts, half-formed identities, and a need to be seen without being performed.

This is a small collective time capsule
— written by a few writers who found each other here in 2025.
These are our stories of how we found Substack, what it gave us, what it changed, and what we hope to carry into 2026.

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But as humans who write.

— Curated by The Teenager’s Diary (TTD)

— Vidhan

writes Every Step Matters

I joined Substack last year, and my experience has been really great. I met a lot of different people and had meaningful conversations. On most social platforms, you usually meet ordinary, everyday people, but on Substack, you meet people with genuinely brilliant minds. They talk with perspective, depth, and clarity.

What I like most about Substack compared to other platforms is that people don’t try to force their beliefs on you. Unlike many places where people refuse to change their minds even when they’re wrong, here you’ll find people who are always open to learning. They guide you, help you, and share their journeys, how they started, and what shaped them, and how you can read and truly connect with people through their writing.

I’ve subscribed to many writers, and every single one has a different personality – from funny and poetic to builders, philosophers, storytellers, and deep thinkers.

Everyone is ambitious about their craft, and that pushed me personally me too to also evolve, experiment, and try new things in my own writing at more faster rate.

I experience everything here — from existential crises (what/why I was doing this in my life) to self-acceptance (I’m the most beautiful, charismatic, gorgeous animal in this universe). On a personal level, six months of my life weren’t great, but the last six months were incredibly adventurous. I talked to a lot of writers, had long DMs, and even did some really good collaborations. I never expected this from 2025, but it turned out to be a beautiful journey.

I think 2026 is going to be even better. I didn’t read many books this year, but next year I’ll try to read more. Right now, I’m more interested in blogs and articles understanding different perspectives, psychology, and how people think, and talking with different people’s really gives a different kind of rush. Still, I plan to read books that mostly focus on psychology and marketing. That’s part of my plan for next year.

This year was truly amazing and will always be memorable for me. In 2026, we’ll be much closer to 2030 than to 2020 and none of us really knows how these six years passed so fast.

I recently saw a fun fact saying that on December 20, 2025 (when I was writing this)
it had been 2,020 days since 2020. Time really flies.

I hope the world becomes a better place and that AI doesn’t take over our existence by 2026. One of the most meaningful things I have from 2024–25 is my journals. When I read them, I can feel exactly what I went through, why I reacted the way I did, what changed me, and how I grew. This year gave me many hellos and a few meaningful goodbyes, and that made it unique, so that’s all for me!!

Tnx for Sayak for making me part of this – You're really doing great work at a really young age, keep it up bruh!!

Every Step Matters

Actions —> Perfect —> Perfection

By Vidhan

— Shreya

writes Shreyology

2025 broke me open in ways I’m still trying to understand.

I spent most of that year struggling, not the kind of struggle that looks like something from the outside, but the quiet, suffocating kind where you’re just trying to keep your head above water and you’re not even sure why you’re drowning.

Then March came. I found Substack, and at first, it was just a wall. A wall I could throw my emotions against when they got too heavy to carry. I wasn’t writing for anyone.

And I kept throwing. March, April. Just me and this wall, trying to say something, anything, that felt true.

June.
July.
I found myself in a group.

Oh god, oh lord friends. Real people who saw me, who stayed.
For a while it was overwhelming.

Too much noise, too much presence when I was still learning how to exist again.
So I pulled back, went quiet.

But these last few months?
These last few months have been good.
Genuinely, unexpectedly good.

I’ve made connections here that feel rare and beautiful in their honesty, in how unforced they are. I don’t know if these people are my forever. I’ve stopped asking that question, stopped putting that weight on things that are still growing.

What I do know is this: whatever I have with the people here is genuine. And I’ll hold onto that onto them for as long as I can, for as long as they’ll let me.

Maybe that’s what healing looks like.
Not fixing everything that broke.
Not even knowing what comes next.

Just finding people who make you want to stay, and staying as long as it feels true.

— Vivianne

writes viivianne.substack.com

Life has been strange in ways that broke me, stitched me back together, and sometimes left me not wanting to be whole at all. There were moments when I wanted to stay broken. And that’s where my writing began in fractures, in half-formed feelings, in words that held me when nothing else could.

In 2024, I started writing everything out, the good, the bad, the ugly, the things I didn’t know what to do with. Writing became a place to put emotions that had nowhere else to land. Somewhere along the way, writing stopped being something I did and became something that kept me.

Around that time, I discovered Substack through Kirti Sanchan. I loved reading her email letters, the intimacy of them, the slowness, the honesty. I told my offline friends about it, sat with the idea for two or three months, and when I finally joined, it wasn’t with a plan or a strategy — just a feeling that maybe this was a place where my words could exist without being rushed or judged.

My first post went live quietly, without expectation. What I didn’t expect was the people. I found readers and writers who appreciated words without expecting anything in return. People who encouraged me gently, helped me grow out of my shell, and created a space where there was almost no fear of judgment.

Substack widened my perspective in ways I hadn’t imagined through short stories, poems, rants, and sometimes entire chapters of stories written with so much love and passion it felt intimate to read them. What I love most is this quiet connection, knowing people through their writing, meeting them in the spaces between their sentences.

It also pushed me to write freely, not in a condensed niche or through the lens of a fixed identity, but what I feel in the moment when I am about to post.

As for my goals here in the new year, they’re simple and intentional. I want to write more, not better, not smarter, just more honestly. I want to read more, connect more, and keep meeting people through their words. I want to keep exploring the many sides Substack has to offer.

— Sahil

writes sahilsiraj.substack.com

So, hello everyone

2025 has been a mixed bag for me. But overall, it has been a good year for me. Ups and downs are always there, but life has been good. I started my Master’s, and met a lot of good people in my new Uni. I do love it there.

I found Substack in the middle of this year, by pure chance. I didn’t know anything about this website. I follow a poet on Instagram, “BipolarBegum”(She writes really well). She mentioned that she is making a Substack account and will post some stuff there. So I got to know about Substack. I looked into the website, and I really liked it here so I made an account the same day and made my first post. And then the rest of the journey unfolded.

Like everyone else said, the best thing Substack gave me were the people here. It provided me a place to share my stuff with people who enjoy the art form, and helped me get even better with their feedback. I don’t think that without this platform, I would have progressed much in my poetry, and I wouldn’t have written so much either.

The people here made me feel motivated to write more.

Although we are all faraway, some people in different countries even, but I still love whatever connection we share. I truly appreciate every one of them.

I am not a person who likes to talk about myself much. I am not an open book. But this place gave me the opportunity to open up a bit. I opened a little window in the walls I had made, through the Ramblings post I made. People didn’t judge me for what I posted, everyone is so kind 😭.

Let me pivot now, otherwise it will just become a post about thanking everyone💀

So, about my hopes for 2026. I wish to write a lot more, and also diversify my writings. I will still write Ghazals, but I want to do more freeverse Hindi type stuff as well, and in more genres. I also want to write more longform Ramblings type content. And most of all, I want to get to know everyone more, and maybe meet some people(if possible?😭).

Thanks Sayak for giving me this opportunity.
I wish that everyone will have the best life in 2026.

Sahil Siraj

Just a place to put my thoughts, poems and ramblings

— Sayak

writes The Teenager’s Diary.

I don’t know without Substack how my life would be tbh.
I was just writing on my own in Class 9 in Blogger just for the sake cuz I didn’t have any friends to share my thoughts and feelings with. Someone who would understand me through.

I thought “Yes, let’s make money by writing blogs.” 🤣
Lol. And then I went from Blogger to Ghost, tried WordPress, and then finally met Substack by chance. My TTD was already 2 years old when I switched to Substack.

And I was consistent with it. Every Sunday at night, there would be a new post.
I didn’t know how to share it through, or maybe Blogger wasn’t that good of a distribution channel. Lol.

But I’m glad that I met Substack by accident.
Because Substack was the reason I got my first compliment from her.
I still remember her first compliment. It was about my writing. And I guess being a writer meant something to her.

For the first time, I felt like I was someone. I really was someone.
It was like someone saw me through.

And I have continued writing lol.

For me, Substack gave me a platform, I think.

I think it gave me a voice.
A voice which I thought never existed yk.
I’m at 2k+ subs. All thanks to my wife.

But I think for me, Substack had always been THE platform for blogs and a place of writing for the true writers. When we started our S&R blog, I barely thought this would blow up.

But it did. We have 15 blogs, and we are over 2k subs lol.

That’s insane. But I think Substack is still going to be one of the reasons why we became closer.

S&R is still something we maintain together.
And it’s our responsibility. And we like it.
I think 2026 would be a fantastic year.
And this would be the year when I will have my breakthrough.

A lot of things happened tbh.
A lot of things…

From going from dropping out on clients to JEE MAINS to JEE ADV to getting into IIT KGP. And then getting a shitty CGPA of 7.59 in my first sem :) ok…

But I think I finally know what I want in life.
What I want most in life, and there’s a different clarity that hits me.

And that’s why 2026 will be my year.

The Teenager's Diary

Making you RETHINK on Life, Love & All That Matters.

By Sayak Moulic

If you’re reading this and you’re new here — welcome.
And if you’ve been here a while — thank you for making this place what it is.

See you in 2026. 😉

7.59 isn’t failure. But it’s not the version of me I was betting on either.
My dad is disappointed. Mom is shocked. I’m a little shocked.

A small part inside me is happy that I didn’t fail. Because tbh I was thinking I might fail in the CS course that we have. Honestly, it’s hard. I won’t lie — I dropped the ball too. I got a D. I had missed one assignment cuz I didn’t attend it, but yeah…

What I Wish Someone Told Me in the First Semester

If you are IIT, please take care of these quite a few things before I start off again on the main shit:

1. Don’t take class tests casually.
   I did this, and trust me, I messed up like 20% of the course’s CGPA… Each class test is 10%. There are 2 CTs in a sem. So yeah… Maybe I just got a 12/20 on physics and less than 10/20 on the Maths one… Ik I took it casually, and I regret it.
   

2. Make sure you are studying consistently.
   It doesn’t work. Not at IIT. Not long-term. If you are thinking I will study just a week before the exam, it will work out. That’s bullshit unless you are a really good topper type shit. Midsem went total shit due to that 17/30 in Physics… Endsem was far better compared to midsems.
   

3. Please prepare medical leave if you are absent…
   I didn’t do this. Generally, the prof pro-rates the assignments based on past things, but I got 0 in one because I literally forgot to show it… so yeah…
   

I don’t think I’m good at studies.

Research isn’t for me. Honestly, if I went to IISc Bangalore, I’m pretty sure I would have gotten a F on it… I’m glad I’m in IIT KGP.

Tbh I’m more interested in scaling businesses, finding better opportunities to help other people. I wanna create impact because I find joy in doing those things. Like genuinely, I don’t like writing research papers.

I already have 3 papers published, and I don’t want to do it tbh… :(
That should’ve made me confident. It didn’t. It just made things clearer.

So yeah, that’s enough clarity for now atp…

Why I’m doing physics at IIT Kharagpur even though I could have gotten other streams… well, I liked physics. And I don’t wanna go into engineering. I know I’m not a fit for it.

Maybe having the best CGPA would get your name into the cupboard of our department yk, the gold medal shit. But I would rather trade this respect for a massive income stream.

I just want to survive tbh.

Survival is underrated when you’re not born with a safety net.

Yes, I wanna keep a decent CGPA of 8.5+.
But I don’t wanna come into a rat race :(

I really don’t wanna do this.
This studying and studying would lead me nowhere…

At least I don’t see it in the long run.
I don’t know where I will go in the next years…
I just want to be stable.

I just wanna be enough on the money side so that I don’t want to think about this factor in life. And all I want to achieve is this.

Having a life I want. Building a life with the one I want together.
Being able & capable so that I can help us & our families with everything possible.

And I want to be capable enough to protect the people I love.

That’s all I’m asking for 2026.

I don’t know how to put this in words.
But sometimes it hits different when you’re a guy.
And the thing I’m feeling right now — most men don’t even have the language for it.

The Offer I Walked Away From

I rejected a job offer a few days back.
A big name.
A clean 1L per month.
I would’ve been earning more than my dad.

But I let it go.

Hybrid role.
Not possible for the life I’m trying to build.
Not possible for the man I’m trying to become.

And the worst part?
I don’t even feel proud.
Just… blank.

The Faces You See When You Slow Down

I see people every day.
I see a lot of people, strangers & women while I’m travelling on the train.
The good thing is that I have broken through that internal barrier that I had of yk talking with strangers, no matter who they are or what they are.

And sometimes, it’s like I have seen through them mostly.

Some are still happy, a couple are talking, and their smiles are hollow because they have lost their only son in the last years. They have nothing. Nothing to hope for.

For a moment, it was like I was in their shoes.
Maybe I’m an empath. In the end.
I have seen so much that it makes me humble.

The Roof & The Universe

Every night, if I can, I go up on the roof.
Just to look up.
Just to remind myself how tiny I am.
How big the universe is.
And how none of this — literally none of this — will matter the day I die.

It won’t matter at all if I die the next day. Maybe it would matter to my mom, dad & my sister & my wife, but… they will find a way through.

I’m scared about my wife tbh.

I won’t lie — she scares me sometimes.
Not in a bad way.
In that “how did I get this lucky?” way.

She’s an 11/10 in my eyes.
And I still don’t know why she chose me.
I’m not the Gen Z Instagram guy.
I don’t know the trends.
I’m not the “cool story every day” boyfriend.

Sometimes I get insecure.
Not because of her.
But because she’s so damn beautiful that it triggers the darkest parts of me —
the parts scared of losing something good.

I don’t know what to feel tbh.
But she’s my weakness.

She’s not my weakness, honestly.
She’s my mirror.

The Hollowness

There’s a hollowness in my chest these days.
Not the dramatic kind.
The quiet one.
The one that sits in your lungs and makes every breath feel borrowed.

It feels like something inside me is waiting —
waiting for a sign,
waiting for a chance,
waiting for life to finally make sense.

And I don’t know if this is normal,
or if this is the price you pay when you want too much out of yourself.

I’m doing everything I can.
Working.
Writing.
Thinking.

Trying not to drown.
Trying not to break.
Trying not to let the weight of “become something” crush me before I even start.

Sometimes I feel like the universe is testing if I still want the life I once prayed for.

But Here’s the Truth I’m Slowly Learning

This hollowness?
This weird emptiness?
This silent ache?

It’s not a sign that you’re lost.

It’s a sign that you’re changing.

It’s the emotional stretch marks of growth.
It’s your soul outgrowing the shell it lived in for the last 18 years.
It’s the pain of becoming.

Nothing grows without tearing first.
Nothing transforms without breaking a little.
Nothing becomes lighter without letting go of the weight it carried.

Maybe that’s all this is.
A phase.
A transition.
A shedding.

And when the dust settles,
when the chaos stops shaking,
you’ll look back and realise—

this hollowness was simply the space being cleared
for the man you were meant to become.

Sometimes life feels like this weird blur where nothing is sorted and you’re just… walking through fog with your eyes half-open, trying to pretend you can see the road.

But I’m glad about one thing — that I chose IIT KGP over IISc. Sounds random, but there’s a strange sense of peace in that choice.

The peace of knowing I can see my person… just 700 meters away every weekend.

One hug, one smile, one stupid little moment

— and somehow both of us recharge like broken devices that suddenly decide to work again.

And now I get to stay home for almost a month.
By the time you’re reading this, I think I’ve already reached home.

Five whole weeks.
This time I hope I won’t count the days like I did during Durga Puja.

Everyone Else Adjusted Somehow

My friends? Most of them have settled into this whole hostel+mess+survival circus.
Some even love their branches.

“CS at IIT KGP” sounds shiny on paper. But the truth?

My friend is WBJEE AIR 1.
I have another friend who is a three times bronze medallist at the CS Olympiad.
I know many droppers and high talented people who took their branch just because they were getting into IIT KGP.

And trust me, the guy in CSE is competing against the best minds from all over India. And if you entered with a quota… bro, the margin is brutal.

Catching up is hard.
Thinking differently is hard.
Training your brain till it sharpens into something else entirely — that’s hard too.

JEE doesn’t define your life, sure.
But getting a good rank in JEE? That takes work.

Real, painful, obsessive work. But sometimes it really sharpens your intellect.

Why I Didn’t Choose IISc

People keep asking why I didn’t pick IISc Physics. Why choose IIT KGP?

Because KGP felt right.
Because home was close.
Because I wanted people I could vibe with — people who think big, dream bigger, and don’t sit around pretending they’re sorted.

But truth? I haven’t found many.
Mindset is rare. You don’t meet people like “Tharun Speaks”.
He’s not on campus but I try learning from him anyway.

Honestly, if I didn’t get Physics at IITKGP for undergrad someday… I would’ve gone for Chemical in JU or maybe Physics in IISc. That was the backup after my backup.

But deep down, something kept telling me:
If not abroad, then IIT KGP.
And maybe that’s why I stalked the ORCR list right after my January attempt.
Why I wanted exactly that AIR around 2k.

Why I wanted to choose my own poison.

Choosing your own poison in college basically means…

taking ownership of the pain you’re willing to tolerate.

Every degree sucks in its own way — workload, competition, profs, projects, placements, whatever. But when you pick it out of your own interest, the suffering feels lighter because it’s your decision, not someone else’s pressure.

And college gets easier once you stop trying to impress people and start aligning your time with things that’ll actually matter five years later — skills, network, side income, personal brand, health.

You don’t need to win every race.
You just need to pick the race you’re okay bleeding in.

That’s the game.

College Is a Jail — Let’s Not Sugarcoat It

College is not some dreamy coming-of-age montage.
It’s a prison with WiFi and assignments.

The only escape?
Money.
Freedom.
Independence.

A job won’t build wealth for me.
I know that.
If I don’t build something in the next 3.5 years, I’m stuck. And I can’t afford “stuck.”

So yeah… I’m building a passive income source. Something that prints quietly when I’m asleep. Something that carries me out of this loop.

The Next 4 Years Will Break Me and Build Me

I’ll be juggling everything —
studies, content, side projects, freelancing, my brand, my health.
There’s no pause button.

But I’m glad about one thing: I chose Physics.
Not because it’s “better” or “worse,” but because it feels like mine.

BTech or BS — who cares?
Half of us end up doing something completely different anyway.

Maybe I’ll Escape This Loop Soon

Maybe I rise up faster than I expect.
Maybe all this pressure builds something better.
Maybe I walk out of this “jail” with something to call my own.

Till then… keep me in your prayers.
I’m trying.
Really trying.

No reason. No logic.
Just that one stupid thought that flips your whole system.

It’s crazy how the mind works.
You can be doing fine — friends okay, life okay, future kinda planned —
and then it finds the one thing you genuinely can’t afford to lose
and whispers, “What if everything goes wrong?”

And you break a little.

Love is brutal like that.

Sometimes it scares you.
Sometimes it scares you so that you can improve on yourself to a degree you never thought it was possible.

Everyone talks about butterflies, but nobody talks about the fear.
That subtle pressure to grow up faster, to become better, to not screw it up.
It’s terrifying and beautiful at the same time.

I’m honestly glad I have someone who makes me want to try harder.
Someone worth getting my shit together for.

Then life hits from the other side

— money, ambition, the pressure to escape your circumstances.

I lost a big client today.
I was thinking maybe if I could scale on this, I could easily make 2L per month. Like it was as many brands as I can take up. But something happened, and yup, instead of finding my contract, I saw an email that said I wasn’t the right fit.

Yeah… after going on a call for over 1.5 hours… (It actually ended nicely because we were serious when we discussed the stipend.) But yeah…

The money wasn’t the real pain.
It was the sense of freedom slipping by for another year.
You realize you’re stuck in this loop of trying to outrun your own timeline.

Three years suddenly feel like a countdown.

Every rejected opportunity feels like a locked door.
Every setback feels like a reminder that you’re not moving fast enough.

And yet…
Somewhere deep down…
You know you’re not actually done.

The pressure hurts, but it’s also making you sharper.
The desperation is ugly, but it’s honest.

I feel like this is my destiny, yk.
I need to break out of this.

I need to be free.
Not just financially, but mentally.

I have a number in my head — 14.89 crore.
Not for flex, but because I know what I want to build once I’m safe.
But rather what my aspirations are after I earn more than what my target was.

I want to bring a change, I want to uplift people from poverty and provide access to basic education, which the underprivileged children lack.

But yeah, that’s a long way for now.

Here’s the truth most people won’t admit:

You’re not scared of failing.
You’re scared of failing while someone you love is watching.

You want to build.
You want to provide.
You want to be the version of yourself that she deserves — not because she asked, but because you want to show up fully.

You want to break free from the financial mess.
You want your YouTube channels to work.
You want your tools, your ideas, your startups — all of it — to finally click.

You want a life where you can buy her gifts without calculating your bank balance the night before.

You want success, not for flexing…
But so your love doesn’t suffer for your circumstances.

That’s not greed.
That’s responsibility.

I think it’s devotion
— the real kind, the kind people don’t post on Instagram.

So what now?

How do you survive this phase without breaking?

You write.
You breathe.
You fix one tiny thing every day —
even if nobody notices —
until life bends again.

Because it will.
It always does for the ones who refuse to give up.

Sometimes life’s a little hard to get by.
You don’t really know what you’ll come across —
or how something so random can stir a storm of thoughts inside you.

I feel enslaved sometimes.
Like I’m living in a dream.

I’ve good friends, parents who can spend a little, and a healthy family —
And someone who loves me for what I’m truly.
I have some things, many don’t.

And I don’t want to lose any of it.
I want to get better.
Not just for me, but for them —
for the people who believe in me, who come to me for help.

I want to give my wife a better life.
I want us to live free.
Because I think true freedom starts when money stops deciding your limits.

I want to buy mom all the jewellery she’s ever wanted.
She loves those little things — but most of the time, she can’t.
Dad’s not earning big, and we’ve never been the lavish kind.
But one day, I’ll change that.

I love my wife more than anything.
All I want is that assurance — that we’ll always be safe, always okay.
At least materially.
I want to be free from the chains of money.

The Real College Game

As I write this, I see so many talented people around me.
It makes me think — maybe college isn’t about cracking JEE or chasing a brand.
Maybe it’s a launchpad, yeah, but for something deeper.

You don’t just come here to “find yourself.”
You come here to find the things that actually matter to you.

Maybe it’s friends.
Maybe it’s the love of learning.
Maybe it’s money.
Maybe it’s realizing you’re homesick.

People confuse this a lot —
but the truth is, everyone’s path shifts once they realize what they really want.

College isn’t just 4 years of studying some random branch.
It’s 4 years of figuring out what your thing is.

And once you find that —
the people who share it with you become your best friends… or your worst enemies.

As you discover what matters,
you start setting priorities that give you a bit of permanence — a direction.

For me, that thing is money.
It controls more than we admit —
where we live, how we dream, how we move.

I’ve realized that’s what matters to me.
And maybe that’s okay.

Because in life, sometimes you’ve got to stop pretending everything’s pretty.
Even if your CGPA dips.
Even if you skip a few dumb classes.

Bhaad mein jaye sab kuch.
Except the things that truly matter.