August Reflection: The First 100!!!

Thank you for being a part of the first 100 Subscribers!

It’s because of you showing up- just as you are - that this magical community is possible. Your presence is a gift to me!

A special recognition for my first paid subscribers…. EVER.

For someone who has been writing since fifth grade (Dear Diary, anyone?), being paid to write (and create community) has given me feelings I have never experienced, but I am relishing in feeling them.

Is the feeling thrilling? Yes.

Is it excitement? Yes.

Is it shock and surprise? Yes.

And woven into all of it, is gratitude.

Thank you for being my first three! I am so very grateful!

September: National Recovery (& Grief Recovery) Month

Cohort begins Tuesday, September 15

Artwork by

Whenever you see the above image

(created by a former Grief Recovery Method Alum),

it means that a cohort is starting to help hurting hearts.

Is your heart hurting?

The Grief Recovery Method (GRM) cohort is not therapy, but it is therapeutic.

The GRM cohort is not a support group, but it is supportive.

The GRM cohort is not a place to compare losses, but it is a places to have the feelings of your losses heard with some Hearts with Ears (the title of the above image).

To learn more about the group Grief Recovery Method Program (8 week cohorts), click any of the bold links below:

• LISTEN to my conversation with Julia Wieczorek (on YouTube or on the Raw & Real Podcast with TLC). Julia shares her experience as a part of the Grief Recovery Program.

• REGISTER for any of the next cohorts (September 18, November 10, January 5, March 9, May 4)

• SCHEDULE a complementary Clarity Session to answer any questions

• DISCOVER why I became a Grief Recovery Method Advanced Specialist)

• INTERACT with other grievers at the free Grief Commons Community

• EXPLORE my other publication, TLC (The Luzama Connection)

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Community Chat Feature

Today we begin the Community Chat feature.

It is available for ALL subscribers for September 2026.

Come play and interact with fellow human beings of the True Belonging Community.

Just click the link above to begin.

Community Check In

On the last day of each month at 12PM EST on the Community Chat feature, you will be invited to share how you are feeling about this community: is it too much, too little, not enough?

For the month of August, use this poll to share the future of our community.

My hope is to make our home here on Substack as stress free as possible.

How? With your input.

I will steer the ship, but you are all part of this crew.

What would be most helpful for you?

Practices? Poems? Reminders of upcoming events?

Fun stuff? Emotional Stuff? Heart Stuff?

I would love to create a space for some more delight and awe here.

How about you?

What are you curious about? What excites and delights you?

Until we meet at the most perfect time,

Bernadette

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If you visited my space, where would you relax for your Sunday Slowdown?

Or would you prefer a cozy bed? Or maybe the warm sun and chirping birds?

Dearest Beautiful Human Being,

Starting your week with a slow Sunday morning, afternoon or evening is a great anchor habit that could inspire a daily habit. This nourishment may support the depleting moments of your week.

Could you begin a practice of slowing down for twenty minutes on a Sunday? What is needed in order for you to pause, be still and rest? Here are some suggestions:

• Set up a special space in your room with a special candle to signal it’s time for a “slowdown”

• Prepare a special cup of tea or coffee that is to be enjoyed only for the “slowdown” moments

• Inside: cozy up with special blanket or pillows or chair; Outside: sit under a special tree and/or lay on a blanket

Once you have carved out a special physical space, carve out that time as a priority on your calendar. Anyone questions you, you tell them you are in a meeting and can’t be disturbed.

Enjoy meeting yourself again as if it was the first time.

You are pretty remarkable after all!

Until the most perfect time we meet (or reconnect),

Bernadette

PS- Scroll below to discover how we can interact as a community.

PSS- If you would like to work with me,

click the link below for a complementary “clari-tea” conversation.

Click here to connect

Slowdown Sunday Reflective Post Weekly Brew a cup of coffee, steep a cup of tea and slowly ease into your Sunday with the reflective essay of the week.

This is where you will find the nuggets of wisdom to remove distractions and replace habits that have been preventing you from coming back home to you, your true essence,your True Belonging. Comment, question and let’s get curious together.

You will receive this in your email or find it on our community page right here.

Monday Mentions (aka Private Community Chat.) Ongoing Here is were we will write and respond to each other based on returning home to The True Belonging of You.

NOTE: The Private Community Chat is currently open to the subscribers in our community. It is not open to everyone in other Substack Publications. Subscribed? Scroll to the bottom of this post to add your voice to the The True Belonging community chat.

Community Compass Monthly What direction are we going together? Upcoming events, reminders, and offerings will be shared here once a month.

Subscribers will receive this in a monthly email on the first Tuesday of each month.

Practice Together Live Sessions Weekly You are invited to connect in real time at 4PMEST for about 30 minutes on Substack Live.

• Beginning: Stillness practice in the beginning

• Middle:Comments, questions and answers based on the Slowdown Sunday Reflective Post will be the middle part

• End: Events, reminders, offerings will be announced at the end

• Monthly An extraordinary guest from the True Belonging podcast will join me for Q & A on what has helped them to return home to their true belonging

You will receive an email notification when I am Live on Substack. Click the link in your email or come back to the website where it says hat I am “live” on Substack. Click that link.

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The True Belonging Conversations Monthly On the last Thursday of each month, I share with you a conversation with an extraordinary human being. This is someone who typically has given me tools to help me get out of my way so I can come back home to the essence of my true belonging. It’s my honor to share them with you.

The recording will premiere the last Thursday of each month here, on YouTube and on most podcast distributors.

Fridays Feels There is a tendency to focus on what is wrong with our lives.

What would happen if we shared what is feeling fun? Feeling nourishing? Feeling alive?

Share yours on our Private Community chat by clicking the link below.

Still here? I’m so glad!

Send me a message anytime by clicking the button below.

Subscribe now

Our societies may have trained us to fit in, “stay inside the lines”, and do the “right thing”.

But what if the “right thing” was not always the right thing for us?

Do any of the following sentiments resonate with you? If not, what are you thoughts about fitting in?

Leave a comment

Fitting In

To fit in, you may say “yes” even when we want to say “no”

To fit in, you may “agree” even when we “disagree”.

To fit in, you may allow others to hurt and justify their actions.

You do not want to disappoint, cause a scene, or be “unpleasant”.

So ….

You may try to “do it all”

And become everything

To everyone

Because if you don’t

The result may be

exclusion

or

becoming an outsider

or

becoming an outcast

or

becoming the one that is talked about

or

being left alone.

The Cost of Being Everything to Everyone All the Time: Is it worth it?

Maybe like me, your body started to get sick:

Emotionally sick with being more overwhelmed and anxious than not.

Mentally sick with thoughts that don’t turn off.

Physically sick with undiagnosed illnesses such as digestive issues, thyroid issues, liver, kidney, hips, lower back, heart pain and so much more.

Spiritually sick with confusion of what was “right” and what was “wrong” for you that you just kept working and doing to the point of burn out. You don’t know what it is like to relax and rest without feeling guilt as if you did something wrong.

At some point, you begin to realize that when you look outside of yourself for approval and acceptance, you lose yet another piece of the essence of yourself.

You no longer feel anything so you ask yourself:

Who Am I and Where Did I Go?

Over time, you and me may have normalized …

… putting on a fake smile and wear the mask of “I’m fine”, when we are not.

… shoving down our truths walled in our hearts, locked up tightly.

… making pacts and promises with ourselves that some day we would retrieve from our hearts our truths.

It all became so normalized that we had forgotten any other way to live, except the way we thought and assumed others wanted us to be with them.

This was not normal.

in my opinion has created one of the best Notes on this:

My clients (like me) I had tried to “keep the peace” and “make things work” in most areas of their lives.

My clients (like me) had forgotten to learn how to “be” and allow themselves to show up. (Yes, even those “wild” bits).

This habit had made us all become professionals at “doing” what would make others happy and so as not to disappoint others.

The result of all of this people pleasing and trying to fit in?

Being disappointed with ourselves and feeling dead inside instead of delighted and in awe of this one most precious life.

Habits Can’t Be Broken, But They Can Be Replaced

This week we will be practicing and exploring where in our lives our “wild and wonder-filled” selves begin to show up.

Before we can change the habit of “being everything to everyone”, we need to take a look at the origin of this habit.

Your mission (should you choose to accept it):

Become a detective and notice when, where and with whom your body is relaxed and when it is tight.

Keeping it even more simplified: when are you feeling nourished, and when are you feeling depleted?

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Practice Together Wednesdays

Join the True Belonging Live on Substack this Wednesday, August 26th at 7PMEST.

Here we practice, explore, comment and question the weekly Sunday Reflection. All you need to do is subscribe. You will get an email with the link on Wednesday.

Subscribe now

Can you Help Me with All of This, Bernadette?

Yes! It would be an honor.

Start with booking a complementary Clarity Conversation.

Reminders:

• I am beta testing the Feelings Freedom three session program for $99. ($333) in the future.

• The next Grief Recovery Cohort begins in two weeks on Tuesday, September 8th. Register before August 30th for the special rate.

• Click here for the list of other offerings.

My hope is to make our home here on Substack as stress free as possible.

How? With your input.

I will steer the ship, but you are all part of this crew.

What would be most helpful for you?

Practices? Poems? Reminders of upcoming events?

Fun stuff? Emotional Stuff? Heart Stuff?

I would love to create a space for some more delight and awe here.

How about you?

What are you curious about? What excites and delights you?

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: “Bernadette, how can we interact with you and each other?”

COMMENT When you are receive emails from me and/or read any of the posts, you can comment and question.

MESSAGE At the bottom of each post, I will have a button to directly message me.

NOTES This is like Facebook posts, except shorter and more concise. At the top of our website, click Notes. You can see who I have interacted with on Substack as well as the Notes “posts” I have created. Anyone on Substack can comment.

COMMUNITY CHAT I am going to begin our first community chat next week. There you will see a question for Thank-filled Thursdays, reminders of upcoming events, reminder practices and Fun-Fill In Fridays.

Leave a comment

Watch/listen or read for practice reminders, offerings and navigating this new space.

Get more from Bernadette Luzama in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Subscribe now

When we turn to overproducing (our economies love this), over functioning (our families love this) over avoidance and withdrawing (our inner child appreciates this) we may …

Read more

Artwork by

A Heart With Ears

There is a quiet kind of loneliness that has nothing to do with being alone.

It happens at dinner tables.

In meetings.

In families—even families where love is present.

It happens when someone hears our words but never quite hears us.

Most of us are fluent in speaking.

Far fewer of us are practiced in truly listening.

We offer advice.

We reassure.

We compare stories.

We rush to solve what has not been asked to be solved.

We fill the silence because silence makes us uncomfortable.

And over time, these experiences teach us something:

Be careful what you share.

So we edit ourselves.

Minimize what hurts.

Softened the edges of our stories.

Say “I’m fine” when we are anything but.

Not because we have nothing to say.

But because somewhere along the way, sharing stopped feeling safe.

And safety is more than the absence of threat.

Sometimes safety is simply the feeling that I can be fully myself here.

That is belonging.

When Someone Really Listens

Maybe you’ve experienced this kind of listening.

Someone who doesn’t rush to reply.

Doesn’t fix.

Doesn’t diagnose.

Doesn’t make your story about them.

They simply stay.

With you.

They let your words land.

They don’t rush to fill the silence.

They are comfortable enough to sit inside it with you.

And something begins to happen.

Your breathing slows.

Your shoulders soften.

Your mind stops racing quite so fast.

Your nervous system realizes it doesn’t have to be on high alert.

For a moment, you don’t have to perform.

You don’t have to explain.

You don’t have to make your pain easier for someone else to hold.

You can simply be.

And perhaps the story you’ve been carrying feels a little lighter.

Not because someone took it from you.

But because, for once, you weren’t carrying it alone.

Most of us don’t need to be rescued.

We want to be witnessed.

The Grief We Don’t Talk About

Every human being carries some form of invisible grief.

Not only the grief that follows death.

There is grief after abandonment.

Betrayal.

Illness.

Moving.

Losing a home.

Losing a love.

Losing a child—or the dream of becoming a parent.

There is grief in becoming a teenager.

An adult.

A parent.

There is grief in losing a dream, a language, a culture, a sense of safety, confidence, identity—or a version of ourselves we thought would always exist.

Much of this grief goes unnamed because we haven’t created enough spaces where it can be spoken about safely.

So it becomes invisible.

But invisible does not mean insignificant.

Sometimes what we need most is not an answer.

We need someone willing to sit beside what hurts and say, in a hundred quiet ways:

I am not afraid of your story.

What If We Became Hearts With Ears?

What if belonging isn’t about finding people who agree with us?

What if belonging begins when someone makes enough room for us to tell the truth?

And what if we all have the capacity to become that kind of person for one another?

We don’t need to become experts.

We don’t need the perfect words.

We don’t need to know how to make someone’s pain disappear.

We can learn to listen before we speak.

To become comfortable with silence.

To resist the urge to fix.

To stay curious.

To say:

Tell me more.

And mean it.

There is something powerful about being fully present with another human being.

Something happens in that space.

The pretending can stop.

The performing can stop.

And two human beings can simply be there—together, exactly as they are.

Perhaps this is one of the most precious gifts we can offer one another.

Our presence.

Our attention.

Our willingness to stay.

One Heart Being Heard at a Time

So what if we paused the opinions?

Quieted the noise?

Resisted the urge to have the right answer?

What if we surprised one another with our stillness?

What if, without saying a word, our presence communicated:

You matter.
Your story matters.
I am here.

When someone feels heard, something inside them can soften.

When something inside us softens, the world can look a little different.

A little less threatening.

A little less lonely.

A little more possible.

Maybe we don’t change the world with one conversation at a time.

Maybe we change it one heart being heard at a time.

Maybe this is where True Belonging begins.

We were never meant to carry life alone.

Thank you for taking the time to read this publication. Subscribe to experience The True Belonging community. You belong here.

A Practice for This Week: Listen Differently

This week, choose one person you care about.

Ask them a simple question:

“How are you, really?”

And then listen.

Don’t fix it.
Don’t compare it.
Don’t offer advice unless they ask.

Just stay.

Let the silence be there.

If it feels right, say:

“Tell me more.”

Notice what happens when you give someone the gift of your undivided presence.

And then notice what happens inside you when you don’t have to have the answer.

Maybe this week, we practice becoming a little more like hearts with ears.

Who could use the gift of being truly heard by you?

Leave a comment

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Come Practice With Me

Wednesday, August 12
7:00 PM EST
30 minutes

Free for All for August

This week, we are exploring what it means to become a heart with ears—to listen without fixing, comparing, rushing, or trying to make someone’s pain disappear.

Now, I’d love for us to practice it together.

Join me Wednesday evening for our first True Belonging Live:
A Heart With Ears: Our First True Belonging Practice.

This won’t be a lecture or a polished presentation.

It will be a place to arrive.

We’ll check in about the listening practice from this week’s essay, share what we noticed, and spend a little time experiencing what it feels like to be listened to without having to perform, explain, or be “okay.”

I’ll also share a little about what I’m imagining for this True Belonging community—and I’d love to hear what you’d like this space to become.

Come as you are.

You don’t need to prepare anything.

You don’t need to have the right words.

Just bring yourself.

Maybe this is where we begin:

one heart being heard at a time.

^{HOW TO JOIN: You will receive an email or push notification from The True Belonging publication. Click the direct link in your email, open the Substack mobile app, or visit the The True Belonging's Substack homepage where the live stream plays at the top of the page. I will see you there!}

If this is touching something deeper for you...

Sometimes being heard is the beginning. Sometimes we’re ready to do more intentional work with what we’re carrying.

My next Grief Recovery cohort begins in September.

Learn more by clicking the link here.

Share The True Belonging

First Tomatoes of the CSA Season Here in NJ

This is where I know I belong.

Hello Beautiful Human Being!

Whether you have been with me from the beginning or you are new to The True Belonging community, I am so very glad to have you here!

On the first Tuesday of each month, expect to find this 🧭 Community Compass 🧭 in your inbox. You will receive information on the offerings for the month ahead, upcoming gatherings, and new opportunities to learn and practice together.

Some gentle reminders:

• There is never any pressure to try to “do it all”.

• Everything is an invitation (no “shoulding” on yourself).

• Choose what speaks to your heart.

Reflection of the Month: On Belonging

Each month there will be a prompt to reflect that is in alignment with our theme. This Reflection of the Month will be also in the chat.

This month replace, “Who do I need to become?” to “Who have I always been?”

Explore one or more ways to begin interacting with it:

1. Post it

2. Put it as an alarm

3. Say it out loud

4. Make it into a song

5. Chant it

6. Dance it

7. Drum it

8. Paint it

9. Journal with it

10. What else?

    This is a practice for YOU to BE with YOU.

    There is nothing wrong with the answer that arrives.

    It is YOUR answer.

    Your head needs to hear what your heart already knows.

    Leave a comment

➡️ Are You Ready for It?

Feeling Freedom (Beta Group) Three Sessions ($33)

From the first session, you will receive clarity and some simple and easy to use tools that will naturally fit into your every day life. By the end of the three sessions, the hope is that you will be experiencing some emotional freedom instead of emotional strain. Join the first launch of this brand new program and help shape future members of The True Belonging community with your insight. Register here.

Tough Tasks Together Free for Everyone in August

Many of us suffer in silence frustrated that we can not complete some of the most mundane tasks or the most difficult ones. “Judge Should B. Able II” shows up in our minds and instead of completing the task, we are frozen and unable to start. It does not matter, the reason why. It matters that it can be completed when we do it together. Here, you are not alone. Don’t believe me? Give it a try for free this month. Register here.

Clari-Tea Session Complementary

Bring your tea and presence, I will bring mine. Together we will find some clarity about how to untangle a difficult decision, a transition or a season of your life. This complementary 20 minute session may be the starting space for you to find your True Belonging. Register here.

Grief Recovery Method® Program Registration is open NOW for the September gathering.

Do you have a backpack of losses that you have been carrying since childhood? Some acknowledged, some dismissed and some that you do not know what else to do with them? This is an evidence based program that will give you the tools to grief recovery and emotional freedom. Register here before August 22 to receive $40 off this life changing program.

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✨ Magical “Wondering” of the Month: On Belonging

Each month you are invited to see what the world wants to show you. All you have to do is ask, believe and allow yourself to receive at the most perfect time. Want to give it try and see what happens?

Based on this month’s theme of “Belonging”, say out loud the following:

“I wonder where in my life, I wonder what spaces and places, I belong to myself (besides the obvious answers).”

There is no need to try to “solve” or “get this right”. Simply allow your heart to be open to receiving some answers.

Subscribe now

1. ❤️‍🩹 A Heart with Ears Moment

Each month you are invited to explore a tenant of how to be a “Heart with Ears”.

Bases on the theme of belonging for this month, what can you do to create a safe space for someone who is suffering?

• Could you “fix a little less”?

• Could you listen a little longer?

• Could you leave the advice for when it is asked?

📗 Recently Published:

It’s time to be you and learn to belong to you first, most beautiful human being.

The first post for our community, “The True Belonging” is ready for you to read by clicking here. It introduces the vision for this very special community and the heart of it all.

⏳ Until the Most Perfect Time that We Meet

Thank you for helping to create this new community. Many have struggle to believe that their presence is enough. Here it is not only true, but it is where you belong. Truly Belong.

With the hope for lightness in your thoughts and love in your heart, Bernadette Luzama Noll, MEd, GRMS Founder of The Luzama Connection (TLC) Be Still. Be Here. Be Well.

It’s time to “be” you and learn to belong to you, first.

The “you” that was there when you were born, a child, a teen a young adult and now.

However, that “you” went “underground” due to being shamed into silence for being “too much”, “not enough” and everything in between.

Your heart has been ready for you to speak her story, her truth, her feelings without being judged, criticized and/or demonized.

So then what is the problem? Why do you struggle to “be you” in all areas of your life?

Fear

Your ego brain is wanting to protect you (fear of not belonging), but you are not belonging any spaces in your world because you are not able to speak your emotional truth. Instead you have contorted to fit in to everyone else’s definition of you, instead of being the “you” that is in your heart.

Trust

Those in your life- some with good intentions - have been the “authority figures” of your life. They believe they are the ones who have the right to tell you and influence your decisions in you life even as an adult. You have been programed to believe that they should “know best” right? After all, they are your family, your friends, your co-workers, your relationships, your partners so they must love your right?

However, they most likely do not honor your boundaries, they are seldom accountable for their actions and they are not always reliable. These are just some of the core components of trust. Does this sound familiar? Even a little?

Modeling

How can you switch from contorting yourself to “fit in” to “belonging to. yourself first” with ease and grace? You need to prove to your brain- you need evidence - of relationships that honor your boundaries, are accountable for their actions (and in-actions) and are human beings that you can rely on their presence and showing up for you. How can you say “no” to someone confidently when you have never been taught the skill of doing this OR you have never had anyone in your life demonstrate how to do this without emotional fallout or conflict? This is a practice and it takes time.

Practice

As someone who attended a Catholic school where I was trained that producing and “being perfect” to please others was rewarded, I am in recovery for being a “people pleaser”, an “overachiever”, and someone who was enmeshed in relationships. What I have learned in my recovery is that life is a practice, not a perfect. And now, I am ready to share those tools with you and in community with others.

Community

Human beings were not meant to live in isolation: we are hard wired to be in community with each other. The derivative of community is from communion: “Old French comunion “community, communion” (12c.), from Latin communionem (nominative communio) “fellowship, mutual participation, a sharing”.

The True Belonging community is now ready to begin. (as of July 24, 2026)

Maybe you would like to begin your new life with us too?

If you would like to be a part of this experience- this lifelong practice- and you believe in your heart (not head) that ready to be “in communion” with others who are looking to:

• break the pattern that no longer serves them

• reclaim the voice that has been waiting to be heard and

• live in your authentic truth with peace, grace and emotional freedom

then you are welcome to subscribe below to “be” the first one hundred subscribers of The True Belonging Community.

Subscribe below to get full access to the newsletter, priority registration, discounts for beta classes and newly formed classes and programs as well as and publication archives (including live videos and prerecorded ones)

This is your space, your place, your home. Your presence here will change it from “community” to a vibrant community.

Subscribe now

The True Belonging Community

There is something for everyone here.

Not ready to take choose a path? It’s okay. No guilt and no shame.

Enjoy poetry and pieces that you will receive in your mailbox as well being able to join the free “Tough Tasks Together” study hall. More information can be found here.

However, if you are ready to start that journey of a thousand steps looking for a path for yourself to begin, you can become a paid subscriber and/or meet me for “clari-tea” by using this link.

Paid subscribers ($8.88 monthly or $88 year), receive all of the above AND

• Listen and participate in live True Belonging gatherings, featuring Enhanced Teachers & their unique practices.

• Access to the community chat feature with practices to explore, ask questions & connect

• Full access to archives

Subscribe now

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No longer interested? You can unsubscribe anytime with one click on any email that is sent to you.

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Patience, please.

This community has been a labor of love and a work in progress for over a decade and in some ways over a lifetime. We will be on this journey of growth together.

Still here?

Fantastic! You are invited to the first beta group “Feeling Freedom”: three sessions for $33. It’s a ridiculous low amount because I will be looking for your feedback. Send me a message and you will be on the list!

Ready to dive right into the next intensive? Next one starts in September: register here.

To learn more about the tech platform that powers this publication, visit Substack.com.

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