I’m Never Gonna Feel Ready For This, But Doing It Anyway

Julia Melville — Sat, 22 Aug 2026 08:06:07 GMT

Hi and welcome to my first post. Thank you for making it here! Doing something new ,that I’m not yet good at, feels very vulnerable, but I guess we have to start somewhere, even if it doesn’t necessarily meet our own, anyway, unrealistic expectations.

People often say that you find yourself in your thirties. My current experience, however, is far from that, and I’m 33. Since entering my thirties, I’ve been questioning my purpose and who I am becoming more than ever, which I don’t think is a bad thing at all. It just shows how much more aware I’ve become of myself and that I don’t want to settle for something less than I deserve. If you have been there too, I know it can be a very confusing place.

Somewhere between moving countries, leaving the life and career I built behind, and traveling across the world to finally settle down in New Zealand, where I became a mum, I lost touch with my intuition and my courage to go after the things I truly desire.

During that time, staying invisible and within my comfort zone felt safe and like what I needed, but something inside of me has been longing for creative expression, deeper connection, and the feeling of building something of my own.

This is why I’m taking this leap and following a gentle pull from within to start this Substack, with the hope of inspiring and reaching people who resonate with where I’m at in life. For my first article, I wanted to share something that usually stays hidden in the depths of my mind — the things I find inspiring and that have impacted me in the last little while.

I’m sure the format and structure of these posts will change and improve over time, but I just needed to start somewhere — and not doing it perfectly feels like the exposure therapy my inner child needs to break out of its own ways.

My Current Expander: Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy

The concept of an Expander has been something I’ve been referring to a lot over the years. I was introduced to the idea by Lacy Phillips from To Be Magnetic when I first started on my growth and self-development journey back in 2020 — which I might get into more in a different post. Basically, people who serve as Expander help guide us towards the life that truly feels aligned with what our soul desires by mirroring to us what’s possible.

When we meet people who have certain traits, gifts, a lifestyle, or a career that makes us obsessed with who they are, it usually uncovers something deeper about us that perhaps we haven’t allowed ourselves to express or even dream of. It can even feel like jealousy or envy of something that the person has that we subconsciously believe we don’t have, simply because we’ve learned at some point in our childhood that this trait or desire wasn’t safe to express.

It probably happens to most of us, but if we aren’t aware of it, we might miss these subtle ways the universe is trying to guide us in the right direction towards achieving what we truly desire.

So, with this little disclaimer, I have absolutely devoured the TV show Love Story. Carolyn Bessette’s story has touched me on so many levels, but what has really stayed with me is her unwavering sense of self.

I’ve been feeling so drawn to people like her, who have this quiet confidence that doesn’t need to prove or perform for anyone. There is something about Carolyn’s style that embodies this too. It never feels overly styled or focused on trends, but always considered and distinctly her. It was a great reminder for me that personal style is about knowing what feels like you and repeating those formulas, rather than looking at others for inspiration and trying to replicate what looks great on them.

My Current Obsession: Cultivating a Self-care Ritual

Sleep Infusion Masque | Goji Body + Face Cleansing Oil | Activator 7 Body + Face + Hair Oil | Tuttofare Gua Sha | Baina Bath Towel

After a season of giving a lot to my family and sacrificing parts of myself during the postpartum period, I feel the need to cultivate a ritual to pour back into myself. I believe it’s about finding the balance between seasons in your life where a lot is asked of you and you simply don’t have much of a choice other than putting your own needs down the list, but there also needs to be a time when your own needs matter more. It’s the ebb and flow of feminine and masculine energy.

In the last month, I’ve felt this deep need to shift the focus back to myself and start implementing small ways to honour my own needs more. I’ve been diving deep into the world of natural skincare and facial massage, with the goal of creating a ritual that makes me prioritise myself, while also helping me feel my best in my skin and counteract the signs of sleepless nights.

The products I’ve been reaching for lately are by one of my favourites, Sans Ceuticals. The Goji Cleansing Oil has been a staple for over a year now, and I’ve slowly incorporated more products into my routine as their philosophy aligns so beautifully with my own values.

Their mission is to reduce excess and simplify routines by creating multifunctional, high-performing products that are pure, clean, and free from unnecessary ingredients. I love finding brands where everything, from brand aesthetic to product quality, feels considered and intentional.

My current favourites are Goji Cleansing Oil, Barrier+, Activator 7, and Superdose Sleep Infusion Masque for an extra boost of nutrients. The Activator 7 Oil makes the perfect base for my face massage ritual and smells so divine. Taking those five to ten minutes to massage my face, slow down, and actually pay attention to how I feel is something I can realistically fit into my day. I’ve found that the ritual itself has become just as important as the products.

There is something different about approaching skincare this way. Rather than trying to correct or fight what is changing, it’s more about learning how I can best support my skin throughout all phases of life.

My Current Wishlist: Timeless Staples

I’m currently re-entering the workforce after my second maternity leave. With that change in my routine, there has also been a shift in my wardrobe. I have been gravitating towards more polished pieces that I hadn’t really been able to work into my daily mum uniform. I realised that, despite trying to look the part, I don’t fully feel like myself in an outfit that is too casual and sporty. That’s likely why I’ve been feeling so lost in my style since becoming a mum.

If I were to describe my personal style in three words according to Allison Bornstein’s Three Word Method, I would probably land on classic, effortless/undone/relaxed, and considered/elevated. Who would have thought that going back to work would feel a little like coming back to myself? Now that I’ve started using my styling muscle a little bit more, I actually find it easier to dress for any occasion when I keep those three words in mind.

There’s just something about putting on an outfit that feels like you that can change how you move through the rest of the day. I’ve put together a wishlist of items that would work perfectly in my current wardrobe — pieces that can be worn in the office but can also be easily styled casually on days with my kids in tow.

My Current Mantra: “You don’t need more, you need more meaningful.”

When I heard this quote, it was almost like a realisation of the things I had been feeling lately that I needed to hear from someone else to feel validated.

Rather than accumulating more of everything in an attempt to reach a level of enoughness within myself, I’m trying to allow some spaciousness before making a decision or purchase, which means more often than not saying no to things and opportunities. Because the more we have, the more responsibility comes with them takes up space inside of us: more clutter, more commitments, more people to keep up with. Sometimes I think what I’m really craving isn’t more, but enough space to actually experience what I already have. In the end, it doesn’t matter how many people we know; we can still feel lonely if we don’t have meaningful connections.

I don’t think this means living with less for the sake of having less. It’s more about becoming selective about what deserves a place in our lives. So, the questions I’ve been asking myself are: Is this worth my time and energy? And does this add value and meaning to my life?

My current source of inspiration: Almost 30 Podcast

Sometimes the universe serves us exactly what we need to move towards a new path or realisation. I’m so glad that this came up in my recommendations when it did. The hosts, Lindsey and Krista, describe their podcast as being for women who want to get the most out of life, and everything inside me agreed with that. I knew right away that I’d take away something meaningful from every episode. The podcast spans topics from motherhood, spirituality, and wellness to deeper, honest conversations about identity and growth — all topics I feel so deeply passionate about.

The episode that drew me in was Episode 889: What Every Ambitious Woman Needs to Hear About Motherhood. The host, Lindsey, reflected on how motherhood is one of the most fulfilling and purpose-led parts of her life, making everything feel so much more meaningful, while also experiencing the grief of losing her freedom and her former identity — and how both of those feelings can coexist at the same time. You can feel incredibly grateful for the life you have and still miss parts of the person you were before it.

I’ve definitely felt this before, but haven’t allowed myself to express it because I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining or ungrateful. However, the way she explained it was so nuanced that it finally made sense to me.

For now, this is me starting somewhere.

I hope you found some inspiration along the way.