My heart is longing.

You are calling,

But shall I go?

What if I fail,

or worse what if You do?

If my words arent eloquent enough,

then what shall I say?

Or worse,

what if I lose You along the way?

If I grab Your hand will you let go?

When did I lose my childlikeness?

When did I trade trust for doubt?

When did I begin to think you lost Your gaze?

When did I start to forget you are safe to love?

Inspired by Safe to Love by Genock Gabriel and Abbie Gamboa

https://music.apple.com/us/song/safe-to-love/1878818297

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You are the gaffer,

I am the glass.

You see right through me.

I am naked before you,

Nothing is unseen.

Your hands grab by delicate being.

You place me into your glory hole.

The heat rises,

And my imperfections are seen.

All I want to do is hide,

But glory to the one who stays inside!

I am formless,

I am ready.

To be sculpted,

Slowly and steady.

You are the gaffer,

Oh so divine!

I am yours,

And you are mine.

I look in the mirror,

Now it is time!

By Ashlee Camille

Reflection—

I got back from being overseas last Monday, and boy, did the Lord do some work! Not just in the people we encountered, but in me. He refined my heart in so many ways, many I didn’t know needed refining. Time and time again, I get so excited to be the Lord’s hands and feet, and more times than not, He does the most work in my own heart. At least from my perspective. Living a missional life (which we are all called to do) is nothing more than living a sacrificial life, a life laid down. I could go on and on about the work the Lord did while I was in Guatemala, but for the time being, I want to write about the picture the Lord gave me the other day as I was praying for our team.

I was on my way to work, and I began praying. As I began praying for one of the guys on our team, the picture of glass blowing came to mind. I was super confused why it did, but the picture began to unfold, that our hearts are this delicate and fragile thing that is in need of being put in the fire, a place of very high heat, and molded to look like Him. I started looking into this more, and WOW, the picture that He created!

How glass blowing works is a gaffer (the one doing the work) takes molten glass and places it into the glory hole (I literally gasped when I learned this is what it is called). The glory hole is a place of very high heat, a place for the molten glass to reheat and remain in a state that allows the gaffer to shape and form it. The gaffer shapes it by twisting and turning, with tools, and sometimes blows air into it. Tools are also used to remove imperfections or excess glass. The last step is for the glass to cool in an annealer, which is a temperature controlled oven. This process is slow because, if it is done too quickly, the glass can shatter or crack. I mean, come on, do I even need to explain this?!

God is the gaffer, and we are the glass. God must take us as babies in the faith (or molten blobs) and place us into His purifying and refining fire, a place of high heat. We must remain in this place at first in order to be shaped and molded into His image, to be sanctified. Sometimes, while in His holy fire, He uses the tools of life to remove the excess things we are holding on to and knock out imperfections. We need the ruach of God to blow into us, the same way He did into Adam, to give us new life in Him. We need His life bringing breath to birth something new in us, to birth a heart that is solely after Him!

Then, with His grace, we enter into our cooling process, where He slowly allows us to be completely transformed into His image. Once we are fully cool, we have entered into glory, the new Jerusalem, where we are entirely perfected.

I hope this poem makes a little more sense now. I hope that it leads you to ask the Lord to bring you into the glory hole and to refine your heart and life, to live a life laid down and for Him. It is going to be hard, Beloved, but thank God that His hand is attached to us the whole time. He never lets go, because if He did, we would break. Without Him, we are nothing but a molten blob. Reread this poem now, having a better understanding of the process. Let me know your thoughts!!!

The other day, I watched a movie with my fiancee called Fireproof. Behind the poor acting, the story and its underlying theme is what warmed my heart (I also am someone who at times loves a good cringy movie with poor acting, don’t judge).

The storyline followed a husband and wife whose relationship was going through the fire. They fought, the husband was addicted to porn, the wife was having an affair, and many other problems were ruining their relationship. In the movie, they were on the edge of divorce. As most would, the husband went to his [newly saved] father and sought some good ole dad wisdom.

There was a scene that I have really just been sitting on. The husband in this movie was a fire fighter. He was someone who would run into a burning building to save a life ofsomeone he did not even know. He worked late hours for little pay and sacrificed a large part of his life. From his eyes and standards, he was a good man. He thought he was a man of honor and worthy of respect.

His dad said something that made an issue I wrestle with very clear. The issue of why do “good people” go to hell. Think about the great humanitarian work that nurses, fire fighters, and police officers do. Think about someone who is on the front lines of fighting sex trafficking or other injustice issues. How could these people who do such sacrificial work go to hell? How could someone like my dad who I love and is a great human go to hell, if he doesn’t give his life to Christ?

In the movie the husband’s dad said something along the lines of, ‘you are a good person in your standard, but God’s standard is very high. In His eyes, even just lusting over someone with your eyes or mind is adultery. If someone as has hatred in their heart, they are guilty of murder.Why? Because the cost of holiness is perfection. There is not a world where we can enter into Heaven, if we are 99.99% holy. If there is even one law that is broken in your life, you have committed them all. God’s standard is nothing short of perfection. If you somehow lived a life where you were completely sinless, but then at the very last moment you broke one of the 613 commandments of God, you are guilty of every single one.

For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.

-James 2:10 (ESV)

You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment

- Matthews 5:21-22

You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

- Matthews 5:27

This is why He sent Jesus. Not in an act of lowering God, but in the act of showing how holy we must be. There was no other way for God to commune with us apart from the blood of Jesus. Animals’ blood brought forth forgiveness but God could not dwell within us. This is the Gospel!!!! Jesus did not come in a messy manner, got rid of the law, and said we are forgiven. No, he came and fulfilled every single law. 613 commandments were fulfilled in the life of Jesus. He did not forget to complete the words of the prophets before Him, no He proved Himself to be true in the flesh!!!

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

-Matthew 5:17

The life of Jesus is not dumbing down the righteousness and wrath of God. It is exposing the layer of His heart so grand, His mercy and grace. The wrath of God will only last a minute, but His mercy? Oh it is forever. FOREVER!!! In all of eternity we will sit and dwell in the depths of His mercy and steadfast love. We will lay our heads on the pillow of His holiness and warm ourselves with the blanket of His mercy and love. But how? The blood. Mercy was not a trait He developed as He saw the state of the world. No, His mercy was established before He created the Heavens and Earth. When God gave Adam life through His breath, He was breathing the mercy of Jesus into His lungs knowing well Adam would fall. Yet He still chooses to give Adam life, why? You guessed it, His mercy!!!!

For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning

-Psalm 30:5 (ESV)

Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.

Oh, give thanks to the God of gods!

For His mercy endures forever.

Oh, give thanks to the Lord of lords! For His mercy endures forever:

- Psalm 136:1-3 (NKJV)

Who remembered us in our lowly state, For His mercy endures forever;

And rescued us from our enemies,

For His mercy endures forever;

Who gives food to all flesh, For His mercy endures forever.

Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven! For His mercy endures forever.

-Psalm 136:23-26

God’s standard is to be looked upon not in trembling, but in awe. Awe that in His wrath, He met us in mercy. In the mercy carried out through His suffering, mockering, and beating. In His hands that were nailed to a cross, in the blood that flowed from the eyes of the One whom we love. In the 613 commandments, He fulfilled. In the words of the prophets, He inspired. This should be the catalyst and fuel to live our lives unto Him. Goodness, beloved, if you just sat in His mercy and love, the world would become so silent. Beg God to bring understanding of His love for you. There is so much freedom in His mercy.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

-Hebrews 4:16 (NLT)

By no means am I preaching a prosperity Gospel, to sit in His mercy and love and knowingly sin, or to sit in His mercy and love in order to receive blessings and prosperity. No beloved. In His mercy, you WILL meet His suffering. What does that look like? No clue. I do know that in your suffering, there is a light. There is a Man who is holding you and loving you in the midst of it. There is a Man who is suffering with you. There is a Man who is working on your behalf. There is a Man who is coming back to renew ALL things and when that is finished (and it will be), there will be a celebration with that Man.

I don’t believe we will ever fully understand the complexity and depth of the mind of God, but I do find it so grand that He came in mercy and is coming back in judgement. Each day He does not return is yet another extension of His mercy. He could come backright now and bring forth judgement, but His mercy: it is more.

So speak and do so as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgement is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

- James 2:12-13

Edited by my lovely fiancee !!!

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I am always praying for my friends on here. If there’s something specific you’d like me to pray for, message me!!

Today was the first day in a while that it has been sunny and beautiful.

Of course it is everyone’s reaction to roll their windows down and blast tunes, at least it is mine.

As I was looking around, everyone (including me) had only their windows cracked, not all the way down. I had mine cracked because I did not want the wind to mess up my hair.

I wondered why others had theirs cracked as well.

Was it the same reason as mine?

At times,

I am a half cracked window on an early Spring day.

My fear from letting the fullness of the wind mess up my hair,

prevents me from allowing it to go down all the way.

If it is all the way up there is no air,

But I am not quite there.

I can’t see His glory,

And how much He cares.

If it is half cracked,

It is right where it needs to be at.

Still in control,

The plan is still mine.

And if it is all the way down,

It might cause a frown.

My plan slips between my hands.

How often do we prevent the fullness of His glory from totally captivating our lives, because we are afraid He might disrupt our perfect little plans?

Lets take it to a smaller scale, how often do we let His Holy Spirit move in us and disrupt our schedules to preach the good news to: a coworker, a person in the grocery store, a person in the gym, or wherever our schedules take us.

How often do we let God in just enough to feel Him, but not mess up our hair?

Oh beloved,

It’s time.

It is time to let Him in,

To roll the window all the way.

To mess up our hair,

I promise you won’t even care!

Goodness is it just me or has this month FLOWN bye!! I surprisingly found lots of new tunes to play. The vibes are all over. Some are an attempt for me to forget about the snowpocalypse that hit, some bring me deeper into the heart of Jesus, some that thank God for what He is doing in my life, and some are an attempt to touch up on my Spanish before going on mission. I also did something new for this series, I made an actual playlist!!! Each month I will make a new playlist so we all can listen to it together (if you’re on apple sorry Spotify ladies or gents). Scroll to the bottom link to find.

To the noises of the inbetween of life; Ashlee’s Turntable: February.

Starting off strong with one of my favorite worship artist, Mrs. Abbie Gamboa. She released a new song this month which I have been BLASTING and screaming in my car. It made me remember how much I love her album Pure. So here are my Abbie songs of the month.

• There Goes That Man by Abbie Gamboa

• Too Good by Abbie Gamboa

• Window For Glory To Slide In by Abbie Gamboa

• Consider Him by Abbie Gamboa & UPPERROOM

The weight of Too Good hit me the other day. I think it is because I have been reminded this month that I am VERY weak and in desperate need of a saviour.

Another worship artist I love is . She has such a gifting in worship and much like Abbie her music just is a dagger to heart or pogo jump to the sky.

• FORM by Eniola Abioye & Circuit Rider Music

• No One Like The Lord (We Crown You) by Eniola Abioye & Circuit Rider Music & Black Voice Movement

She and UPPERROOM sang this at Jesus 25’ and when I tell you I was a pogo stick in the air… I was about to touch heaven. Their set was Saturday Afternoon if you want to give a listen on Youtube!

• Jesus the Healer by ZION WORSHIP ft. Eniola Abioye

This song was really meaningful to me this month. I came across it at the beginning of the month and at the end got lab results back which came back insanely good. Jesus really revealed Himself as healer this month so this song was also indeed blasting.

Other worships songs from this month were

• Vow My Love by Tiffany Hudson

• Worthy Lamb of Endless Praise by David’s Harp & Gregory Brunot

• Heart & Flesh by Leeland & Taya

• The Lords Prayer by Malik Brookins

Some groovy worship songs and songs that have a unique touch to it are..

• Babylon Is Gonna Fall by NewWorldSon

• Children, Go Where I Send Thee by NewWorldSon

• On Heaven’s Bright Shore by Alison Krauss & Union Station

Spanish worship songs because mission prep!

• IMAGEN by Genock Gabriel

• LAZARO by Genock Gabriel

• LLENAME by Nate Diaz ft. Genock Gabriel

• La Iglesia by UPPERROOM (ft Genock Gabriel, Andre’a Alexis & Jos Morales)

• SANTA OBESION by Genock Gabriel

Can you tell I am on a Genock kick lol. Lastly are my non (clean) worship songs!!

• Tobeloved by Parcels

• House of the Rising Sun by Lizzy McAlpine

THIS SONG MAKES ME REALLY WANT THE GIFT OF SINGING!!

• Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan & Lizzy McAlpine

• As by Stevie Wonder

• Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder

That is all for this month. She was full of great tunes. Maybe March will top Feb? Idk, but until next time!!!! Adióssss!!!!!!!

ASHLEES TURNTABLE: FEB💌✨

I lay my head to rest,

I am brought to this holy hill.

At His feet I bow down,

My face into the ground.

His life mocked,

His body beaten,

His side pierced.

A perfect Man hangs,

With utterances of pangs.

All I can say is,

Glory to His name.

This is the punishment,

it is meant to be mine.

I am the branch,

and He is the vine.

Who is this man?

They shout crucify Him,

as I scream crucify me.

I look up,

and lock eyes with this King.

“They know not what they do, forever we will remain and sing”

His blood hits my open palms,

and all I can bring to Him are my broken psalms.

Who is this man?

His life was laid,

so I can be made.

Here in His presence,

this is where I’ll stay.

A veil torn into two,

Faithful and true.

A promise,

He is coming back for me and for you.

Who is this man?

Upon a white horse,

He remains on His course.

Eyes of fire,

and hair like wool.

For this King has made His enemies His footstool.

His name is Adonai

King of kings,

and Lord of lords.

The judgment laid upon him,

remains in His hands.

He came back,

but not to again die.

A sword in His mouth,

and righteousness on His lips.

He is crowned in glory,

and in a robe that is dipped.

I remember that holy hill.

I bowed as the whole earth does before Him now.

Upon the thousands,

our eyes lock once again.

He grabs my hand and pulls back my veil.

“Now all that was has been redeemed,

You can joyfully sing!”

This is the Son of Man,

Glory to the risen king!

My goal with my writing is not to deepen your theology, but for you to be captivated by the One my soul loves. I pray encounter hits the depths of your soul and glory strikes you. I pray you, on the other side of this screen, remain in first love. That your eyes never lock on anyone else besides the King. That all you know is Christ and Him crucified.

May the peace of God be with you!

Amen.

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Meet Him at the table,

It’s set for two.

Freshly pressed linens,

With a gift He has prepared for you.

Letters He has written,

Signed, and sealed.

He’s as sweet as wine,

So loving and kind.

Days with Him,

I long for more.

His lips so sweet,

His eyes so pure.

Take a seat,

With the King.

Until it’s time,

For the wedding bells to ring.

He calls you lovely,

You are His.

Meet Him at the table,

Greet Him with a kiss.

My first poem! I hope you love it. I had fun writing this, maybe more in the future? Who knows (Jesus does hehe)!!

As I was praying on my way to work recently, I asked the Lord

“What is an attribute of yours I don’t fully know or understand?”

The scripture the Holy Spirit led me to was Nehmiah 8:10:

“And Nehemiah continues, Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” NIV

This made me think, sure I have experienced joy, but what is the joy of the Lord? What does the Lord delight in, and how does that strengthen me?

Man, did this question open a can of worms.

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My adventures began with me reading the context Nehemiah wrote this in. To give the CliffNotes version, the Israelites had been exiled from Jerusalem. Starting in the book of Ezra and ending in Nehemiah it is their return to the city. Nehemiah is tasked to rebuild the destroyed city walls and community, spiritually and physically. In Chapter 8 Nehemiah is reading the Mosaic laws (Exodus 19-24). Once the law is read, understanding hits their hearts, and this causes those who were in attendance to fall down and worship God. Then, they began to weep, and this is where Nehemiah interjects.

Nehemiah says ‘this is not a day of weeping but a holy day. Rejoice and celebrate, for you hear God’s word and understand it!’

The word used in verse 10 for joy is ‘chedvah’. The only other time this word is used in the Old Testament is 1 Chronicles 16:27, in a song written by David, when the arc is returned to the temple in Jerusalem:

“Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place”.

It’s worth noting both verses were set in Jerusalem, but more importantly, the theme outlined between the two is the fulfilment of the Lord’s promise and His restorative nature. God’s joy is rooted in His promises to us. Our joy is rooted in His faithfulness but faithfulness cannot be separated from the other attributes of God. God’s faithfulness is just as important as His holiness, His love, His kindness. God is not 20% holy, 20% loving, 20% kind, and 20% faithful. He is 100% of all His attributes at all times.

I can imagine great joy when a parent promises something to his child and fulfills it and the child’s joy when the promise is received. The joy in knowing who your father or mother is despite what your sibling, neighbor, or others say about him.

How much more is this with a holy God! We know who God is because of the word He left us and our relationship with Him. How personal is the God we serve that He delights in keeping His promises.

Deuteronomy 7:9 says,

“ Understand, therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.

Psalm 5:7 says,

“Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe”.

The Hebrew word in Deuteronomy for lavishes is ‘heshed’. It expresses love that goes beyond emotion. A love that represents a binding, relational, and action-oriented love. Doesn’t this sound familiar? The cross!!!! How beautiful do these two verses connect? It shows the holiness, faithfulness, and mercy of God. His unfailing love is a gift and His faithfulness is our strength!! That is what Nehemiah is telling us and the entirety of the Bible!! To the Israelites, it is the faithfulness of the coming Messiah. Now that He has come, it is the return and reunion to our groom.

Isn’t it great that we serve and love a God who not only sacrificially laid down His life, but every promise He makes is kept? Where there is faith, there is hope! Our hope does not perish or can not be taken away, but is EVERLASTING!!! Forever. Unchangeable.

So beloved, what does this mean? It means everything. I looked up a list of promises God has made and I listed them below. These promises should captivate our hearts and grow our love in Christ. Not only does He keep His promises, but He loves doing so. No one is forcing Him to, no one bribes Him into it; God enjoys making promises to His children and fulfilling them. We should look to the one on the cross and the promises He made after so that we are able to endure the race. So that we do not grow weary or lose heart.

Fix your eyes on Him, who was and is and is to come!

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

I encourage you to take a moment to read through the promises of our faithful Father. To dwell and rest in His never changing faithfulness!

Promises of God in the Old Testament.

God promised to bless Abraham and, through his descendants, the whole world (Genesis 12:2–3). This promise, called the Abrahamic Covenant, pointed to the coming Messiah for whom Abraham looked (John 8:56).

God promised Israel to be their God and make them His people (Leviticus 26:12–13). Old Testament history is teeming with examples of God fulfilling this promise.

God promised that if we search for Him we will find Him (Deuteronomy 4:29). He is not playing hard-to-get. “Our God is near us whenever we pray to him” (Deuteronomy 4:7).

God promised protection for His children (Psalm 121). He was the vigilant watchman over all Israel.

God promised that His love will never fail (1 Chronicles 16:34). He is faithful in every way.

God promised Israel that their sin could be forgiven, their prosperity restored, and their nation healed (2 Chronicles 7:14). Repentance opened the road to fellowship and blessing.

God, under the terms of the Mosaic Covenant, promised prosperity to Israel for obedience and destruction for disobedience (Deuteronomy 30:15–18). Unfortunately, Israel eventually chose to disobey, and the nation was destroyed by Assyria and Babylon.

God promised blessing for all who will delight themselves in His Word (Psalm 1:1–3). Simple faith has its rewards.

Promises of God in the New Testament.

God promised salvation to all who believe in His Son (Romans 1:16–17). There is no greater blessing than the free gift of God’s salvation.

God promised that all things will work out for good for His children (Romans 8:28). This is the broader picture that keeps us from being dismayed by present circumstances.

God promised comfort in our trials (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). He has a plan, and one day we will be able to share the comfort we receive.

God promised new life in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). Salvation is the beginning of a brand-new existence.

God promised every spiritual blessing in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). Whereas, in the Old Testament, Israel had the promise of physical blessing, the church today has been promised spiritual blessings “in the heavenly realms.” Our inheritance is reserved for us (1 Peter 1:4).

God promised to finish the work He started in us (Philippians 1:6). God does nothing in half measures. He started the work in us, and He will be sure to complete it.

God promised peace when we pray (Philippians 4:6–7). His peace is protection. It will “guard your hearts and your minds in Christ.”

God promised to supply our needs (Matthew 6:33; Philippians 4:19). Not that we get everything we want, but our needs will be taken care of. We are more valuable than the birds, and our Heavenly Father feeds them (Matthew 6:26).

Jesus’ promises in the Gospels.

Jesus promised rest (Matthew 11:28–30). Burdens are lifted at Calvary.

Jesus promised abundant life to those who follow Him (John 10:10). Following Jesus brings us more spiritual fulfillment than we could have anticipated. We leave boring behind.

Jesus promised eternal life to those who trust Him (John 4:14). The Good Shepherd also promised to hold us securely: “No one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28).

Jesus promised His disciples power from on high (Acts 1:8). In this power, they “turned the world upside down” (Acts 17:6, ESV).

Jesus promised that He will return for us (John 14:2–3). From then on, we will be with Him always.

There are many more promises of God that could be listed. All of them find their ultimate fulfillment in Jesus Christ, “the radiance of God’s glory” (Hebrews 1:3). “No matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:20).

GotQuestions.org. “What Are the Promises of God? | GotQuestions.org.” GotQuestions.org, 16 Apr. 2014, gotquestions.org/promises-of-God.html. Accessed 6 Feb. 2026.

Many consider February the month of love. Some look forward to it, while others do not. I remember both seasons of life. When I was younger, I loved buying candy to put in my classmates’ paper bag mail boxes. This year I look forward to the day to spend with my future husband, and celebrating his birthday in the days after. In all reality, there was a time where I was not excited for Valentines, the day that reminded me of my singleness and what felt like loneliness.

Now, as I am out of the season of singleness and entering into marriage, I realize what most Christians say about singleness is true! I remember all my leaders or friends who are married saying “singleness is a gift, enjoy it while it lasts”. I remember that statement irritating my soul. Now, looking back, I can clearly see where my frustration was rooted in: the lack of completion I had in Christ and His love.

Marriage is a gift from the Lord. Let me say this again.. a gift, not a promise. Marriage is only an earthly reflection of Heavenly covenant. It is a promise of the coming of our Lord and Savior. It is the greatest reflection of Christ and His people. Marriage separated from the one who created it is merely a bad replica. It’s like ordering real crab with your sushi and getting imitation meat (honestly, this comparison doesn’t compare in the slightest but all I could think of).

Beloved, marriage is rooted in Christ. If Christ has not captivated your heart, your blueprint for marriage is faulty. In all honesty, we are not promised a husband! The only thing believers are confident in, is the return and marriage to Christ. This is the truth that must make us rejoice, not a husband or a family. This is not me saying these things are bad. In fact, family is in my opinion the greatest gift, but our faith and hope can not take root in these.

Our souls thirst for belonging and one to understand our heart. That thirst will never be quenched by our husband or even children. Only Christ alone can satisfy. Our hearts must thirst after Christ. In fact, the one who truly knows the depths and truths to our hearts is Christ! There is nothing of us that is unseen by Him. The one who created us, knows us deeply.

Does your soul long for Christ? Do you believe His love is better than life? If God called you to remain single for the rest of your life, is His love enough? Would you spend your time in sorrow or preaching the Gospel? These questions are to convict you and bring light to an issue for many, remain in the dark. Is Christ the love of your life? Does His love satisfy your soul and quench your thirst? If your answer to this is no, that’s ok, it was once for me too. Don’t remain there. Sit and look at the Cross! If the Cross does not captivate your heart, you haven’t pondered on it long enough. You have not meditated on the cost of the covenant He paid for. Christ shows us what marriage is to look like. Submission, sacrifice, and unconditional love. This is what should captivate our hearts. This is where loneliness and sorrow is defeated. This is where our belonging and love is found, in His nail pierced hands and crown of thorns. In His pierced sides. In the lips of those who mocked and spat on Him. In the hands of those who whipped and tore out His skin.

Do you know what the word for healed is here? Rapha, which means to heal, cure, mend, repair, or make whole. By His wounds, we are made whole, our hearts should reflect that. His wounds should complete us. In His wounds, we lack nothing!

With that being said, I present to you: Ashlee’s Turntable, a collection of my favorite songs per month. I listen to a mixture of things and hyperfixate on songs and play them until I find another (seriously, I’ll play a song over and over in the same sitting). Some months my turntable may consist of one song and another ten, but that’s the joy of it all! So grab your earbuds or speaker, open your music platform (Apple Music girlies rise), and sit back and enjoy Ashlee’s Turntable: January!!!

Recently, I have been into disconnecting from my phone, and that includes playing music on it. I try to spin my vinyl while in my quiet time, but my collection of Christian vinyl is small—but I treasure all two of them.

My first (and favorite) vinyl is Soul Hymns by Mark Barlow & Isla Vista Worship. Favorite song: “My Portion.” IT’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL! This song makes me want to do pirouettes and fouettés forever (ballet girlies IFYKYK).

My second and last Christian vinyl is He Hath Done Great Things for Us by The Bridge. This 1977 vinyl brings the most immaculate vibes. I discovered this vinyl by searching in the micro mini Christian section in a store in my city and found it for $5. My favorite song on the album: “I Never Met Anybody Just Like You.”

Now moving away from vinyls (not for long I want to grow my Christian collection this year), we are entering into my repeated songs on Apple. My winter vibe has been soul, vintage, euphoric vibes, and Sam Cooke always meets them:

• Jesus Gave Me Water by Sam Cooke and The Soul Stirrers

• Touch the Hem of His Garment by Sam Cooke and The Soul Stirrers

• Stand by Me Father by The Soul Stirrers

Similar vibes to Sam Cooke is Sweet Holy Spirit by NewWorldSon. Someone help me figure out how to teleport back to the ’90s so I can saturate all the gospel music from back then.

Other honorable mentions this month are:

• Dame a Cristo by Marcos Brunet & Abbie Gamboa

• Lindo, Lindo + Solo Quiero Verte a Ti by TOMATULUGAR, Marcos Brunet, & Jorge Szczecko

My Spanish grandmother was in town for celebrations, so I had to whip out the Spanish worship.

Wrapping up my turntable for this month, we have…

• Christ and Christ Crucified by Lindy Cofer, Circuit Rider Music, and Mitch Wong

I went to Jesus ’25 this year and first heard it there and cannot stop playing it.

David’s Harp Vol. I (Live) is such a beautiful album I physically can’t stop listening to it. My favorite three from the album are:

I Have Decided / Jesus Paid It All by David’s Harp & Gregory Brunot

• At the Cross by David’s Harp & Gracie Binion

• Hallelujah (Moment) by David’s Harp & Gregory Brunot

The last song is not Christian but SO BEAUTIFUL. I can’t explain my love for this song:

• Amsterdam by Gregory Alan Isakov & Colorado Symphony

This song already had my heart, but with the symphony… I was transported, and I don’t know where.

That’s all for this song session—see you next month (maybe with the same songs I love all these)!!!

BYEEEEE

Recently, my fiancee and I have been reading through the book of Proverbs, which many may know as the book of wisdom… the book of God’s wisdom.

In my time with the Lord, my favorite part is going back to the simplicity of things, including the questions I bring to Him. So I asked the Lord,

“What is wisdom?”

Many Christians quote Proverbs 1:8: “fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” The question hit me: what is the middle or the end? Why should we be wise? Why is wisdom valuable? So like most people (it could just be me who knows) I went to Got Questions and asked away. I love the answer it gave me, it said that wisdom is the action of knowledge. Knowledge is knowing the light is red, and Wisdom is stopping. So, Godly wisdom is taking the words we are left with in the Bible and acting, which in turn makes wisdom obedience. To be wise, my friend, is to be obedient.

Recently, a frustration has burdened my heart: why is it every time someone mentions obedience and following the ways of God, people say it is legalistic? When correction is brought, people call it condemnation. You know what the Bible calls it? Wisdom. Wisdom separated from obedience is nothing. Wisdom begins with fear and reverence for the Lord, but it is sustained with humility and surrender.

Mark 1:23-24 reveals a harsh reality to us: that even the demons know of Jesus. In fact, they know that He is holy and of God. So, what makes a believing Christian and demon different? Obedience. My heart is burdened because many Christians and pastors have traded refinement, for comfort and removed obedience from the commandments of God. They have created this image that obeying is a set of rules that can be taken if wanted but isn’t a necessity to the Christian walk. They have written a narrative that if you long for obedience and love the word of the Lord, you are someone who is self righteous or as Gen Z would say a “pick me”.

Obedience is worship because obedience is found in sacrifice. Obedience is costly, as we see in Genesis, when the Lord commanded Abraham to offer Isaac on the mountain. When worship is first introduced in the Bible it is portrayed as something of great cost and value. Our obedience should bring discomfort. It should be difficult. It should be worthy of His death

Now the question for some may be, where is Wisdom? In the honey of His lips. This picture is so beautiful as I read Song of Solomon 1:1: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your lover is better than wine”. I pray that the Word of God is as intimate, lovely, and gentle as a kiss. That His Word is familiar. As you read the Holy Scripture, may the weight and depth of His love pierces your heart.

From Genesis to Revelation, wisdom is packed and present. Jesus is written in it all and wisdom is rooted in the Son. The Bible is God. In Revelation 19:11-13, it says His name is faithful and true, His name is the Word of God. How do we know He is faithful and true? His WORD!! You can not separate God from the Bible. If you do, your view of God is dangerously low. The Bible is not written by man. It is not some Jesus and a lot of men. It is God’s precious words He left as a valuable gift, so that we are not left without instruction. It’s a love letter between bride and groom. It is medicine to our souls. Goodness, if we valued the Bible as we did the cross, freedom would be knocking at the door. The Bible is not a supplemental vitamin, it is an essential nutrient. If you don’t believe me, believe God!

“Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly.” -Proverbs 3:18

“Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose words are twisted.” -Proverbs 2:12

“...I am the light of the world. If you FOLLOW me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” -John 8:12

“Wisdom will save you from the immoral women, from the seductive words of the promiscuous women.” -Proverbs 2:16

“My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.” -Proverbs 2:1-7

“My father taught me, Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom; develop good judgement. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you could do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgement. If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you. She will place a lovely wreath on your head; she will present you with a beautiful crown.” -Proverbs 4:4-9

Father, I pray that the fear of the Lord would capture the heart of the reader and wisdom and understanding begin to develop. To those who preach your word, to the young or old, are hit with the weight of Your Word. That Your Word is not to be taken in pieces, but in completion. Restore obedience and first love in their hearts. Amen!

Edited by my lovely fiancé <3