Is there a particular person you’ve been eyeing for a while now? Have you been trying to move towards them for the longest time but true true they no de give you eye?

Well look no further! Here on be(coming) Nigerian, you learn the basic skills on how to not only survive Tinubu but also how to avoid heavy amounts of see finish!

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The trick isn’t abandoning your feelings, its remembering that if these people decide to cast you, you are finished for the rest of your life.

HAHAHA. Lol

# 1 Keep yourself busy

You see that saying, an idle mind na devil workshop- omo true oh! A lot of respective see finishes that were given to you were because you did not keep yourself busy. Keep yourself busy oh! Make them no use you!

Anything that could keep your hands away from disgracing yourself, my dear do it because at the end of the day; no means no so if you’ve already been rejected or you are on that path my dear brother and sister- remove yourself biko.

Go on a walk, take a run, swim- even if you don’t know how to just swim my dear!

Keep yourself busy so you won’t end up blocked since 2024(ahem)

2# Mind your business

In this case, I no de repeat myself. Mind your business. Oh, their babe broke up with them? Chai so sorry. Oh, they borrowed 3k and efcc arrested them- Eya, it is well.

They posted something about being extremely lonely and how they’ve not eaten and how they are in need for urgent 3k? My dear move on (unless its me, please take me very seriously abeg)

Simple.

In this life, you must avoid too much talk especially if we both know that they don’t like you or are showing you signs, omo carry yourself before you start to see wonders

To survive love, you must avoid it!

This life is not Hollywood. Atizzy.

Even advice, don’t go around advising anyhow- it is not your what? It is not your business!

Pele oh, unchangeable changer. Unprotected protector

That is for their baby to do, for their friends to do, are you their friend? No

Okay! Moving on.

3# Avoid stalking (say no to amebo!)

Amebo curry curry

Chicken nyash

What are you looking for in their reposts, eh? I caught youuuu!!

Fine boy, fine girl- you are doing yourself, take it from me.

I always say, “proximity makes room for a lot of nonsense”, but I forgot to mention that proximity can also make you or the other person senseless so biko let that not be you.

In this life, make sure you guide so that babe can come and look at you for GUIDANCE.

Mood!

You don’t need to know anything about their reposts, because at the end of the day- people are dirty liars so you’ll just waste your data looking for wetin no misplace

Better manage the data glo Is giving you.

They posted about missing someone, ah Goodluck to them

They posted about missing their baby which they clearly don’t have? May their baby come soon

They haven’t eaten? You have you eaten? Tor go and be doing provider, give them your last card to buy food- ololo

Ah something happened to them that’s not severe, Omo they’ll be fine sha. Abeg

That’s how you should move, ehen!

3# Stop seeking their attention

All you targeted posters, I’m talking to you guys oh. Small feelings, you’ve gone to download sad things to post so they’ll notice you. Small affection, you’ve gone to look for love songs or decided to post their interests, so they’ll notice you

Ololooooo, see your life!

My dear, leave them alone and the crazy thing is that they end up not responding or just responding with an emoji- you, see? After using your last card to buy data to post something so they’ll notice you- they didn’t.

Shame wear YOU gele.

Try and try not to seek their attention, let them want to talk to you about it but if its about their babe- COMMOT that area fast(unless they’re paying for your therapy sessions)

Anyhow sha, you know what to do.

Instead of being the attention seeker you are, go to your bank and credit me 2k. If you cant send me 2k then you shouldn’t be looking for their attention.

Gbam

4# Abandon your English

If Para venture, they decide that ah oh, it’s you they want to use and do advisor. You must be able to abandon your English.

Avoid too much talk! On your phone? With your data?? As how!

For Example:

They come in English= speak Yoruba

They come in Yoruba= speak hausa(yowa!)

They come in pigeon = speak igbo

They speak all the languages you speak= SPEAK IN TONGUES!

Scenario

You really like this person, and Iya Dami has told you to respect yourself and so you did for a while. As per na only you these type things happen to, you are dmed by the and they immediately start complaining about their babe and they ask you for advice.

In that very moment you start speaking in Latin, they are shocked so they as again what you mean but you are quick witted and before they start using goggle translate you miraculously switch to Arabic (ahan woaw) and then French.

Allô, allô ! Prends tes problèmes et déguerpis d’ic

- hello hello! carry you wahala from here, de go!

They get annoyed and they leave you alone. See finish avoided, steeze maintained.

Avoid too much talk oh! Before they’ll record your advice and send it to their baby and that baby says they’re going to beat you

They no de advice who de in love

Leave them.

5# Block them oh

Omo guy if worse comes to worse and they still keep coming to say nonsense, block am. Abeg and if their babe comes to defend them and ask why you blocked them- give am another blocking, block the babes babe too.

If the friend comes to ask- tear blocking for am too.

Avoid see finish!

Leave that babe alone testttt(LTBT)

You were rejected by this same person but they posted fine pictures on their Instagram; you want to like it and ask questions from who no send you but your thoughts were interrupted

They texted you. “Hey can we talk, my babe is getting on my nerves” What do you do

A) investigate

B) Give relationship advice

C) Abandon your english and start speaking in tongues

D) Confess your love so that their babe will read the chat and beat you

Send your answers fort!!!

Class dismissed

-Iya Dami

-Certified Nigerian survival instructor ™

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Are you single? Do you have a friend with an attractive boyfriend/girlfriend? Have you constantly imagined yourself being with them instead of their current baby?

Well look no further! This course not only contains how to avoid being killed by Tinubu but also educates you on how to avoid any type of see finish of any format!

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Today, we talked about how to accurately stay away from your friend’s baby.

Your friend’s babe is:

• These are people your friend is currently in a relationship with (could be on or off)

• Having a “situationship” with

• Talking stage (formal or present)

• Or they have some tension between them (maybe Ex’s or friends to lovers, sha all join)

If They are in one of these categories, Omo they are not yours o!

Bold of you to be falling in love in this economy but:

It’s normal to have feelings for someone but sha, we gats guide either way(abeg) One thing on this channel that we try to avoid, is see finish! Tor make that what you will.

Welcome to this episode of be(coming) Nigerian.

1# Don’t tell them shi shi

This isn’t Nollywood where youll confess your feelings and they miraculously leave their babe for you.

Kole work (It wont work)

Instead of doing that, don’t tell them anything. The same way you have that crush, you must be willing to die with that crush. And even at times you DON’T even have a crush on said person, you’re just a greedy pig who doesn’t want to see your friend happy OR or, you just like the chase and the feeling of not getting what you want.

If later down the line that babe decides to start liking you, then omo we go again, till them- commot your eye!

Sha either way, respect yourself.

2# Avoid certain settings/ conversations(block oh)

Wrong ❌

Right ☑

One thing I know, proximity de create nonsense. If you really think about it, the reason why you can be disrespected or someone can confidently tell you nonsense a lot of times has to do with proximity! When it comes to your friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to be able to stay by yourself! It’s not every time you want to go out with them, or you want to follow them

Follow follow

You must learn to stay away for a bit especially since you have feelings for them.

Ehen.

For example,

Let’s assume you are close with them both, so your friend and their babe. They invite you everywhere; the club, brunch or even Netflix and chill. You already peeped that you like your friend’s babe and naturally you’re feeling very guilty but as Iya Dami suggested, you didn’t tell them how you felt.

Now, they’ve invited you somewhere again, the pool where any ab and bumbum can make you run mad for them. You decide to stay home, giving an excuse that you’re tired and so they go alone. This saves you “yourself” and also any possible conversations of “back off”

The same thing applies to conversations; this their babe is your friend abi? So its natural for you to talk and get to know each other but NOW that you have feelings? Oga, go to bed. Go to bed and go to bed EARLY(better avoid adultery)

Avoid any “deep conversation” at night- You’ll fall in love oh!

Avoid any type of conversation about love or anything gen z call “deep” don’t worry we can have deep conversations in the morning, eh?

3# Delete conversations

If I were you, I wouldn’t re-read conversations, I would delete them. Fast!

If you really want to get over this person, I suggest that you delete any nonsense conversation, any voice note where they’re giggling and showing their personality. Their personality is for their babe to know and understand, are you their babe? No so move my dear!

Anything about them is for their baby to know and for them to talk about it with their babe. If it’s something regarding the relationship; Omo it’s a tricky one so I suggest you be wise, make you no fall in love!

Anything that doesn’t concern money, what do we do? We move

4# Gather witnesses

Better gather witnesses oh, because if you cast guy- omo na to go Jigawa! So you best bet id to gather as much evidence and witnesses as you can so that when the babe finally craze, you’ll be able to match up.

ii) I would have said seek advice The problem about seeking advice, mehn they’ll cast you oh! So, use your medulla to seek advice well even if we both know that e no mean anything but sha, go and talk to someone about it. I would suggest talking to someone in another country and has no possible way of knowing or casting what happened at least now, you shame is covered by the Blood of Jesus.

5# Avoid stupidity

In the rare cases that their babe starts liking you whilst being in a relationship with your friend or after, Heres what you should do:

• Still avoid them, your respect for your friend should be stronger than your feelings.

• Place very firm boundaries between you too, no fall for nonsense!

• Don’t be afraid to ask “wetin that one mean?” and “How that one take start?!” whenever you can

• Avoid staying alone with them

• Gather evidence, if not you go de explain explain tire!

Tor me, ive sha said my own

AMFBT (Avoiding my friends babe test)

You are al alone with your friends babe and the start moving towards you, touching you and saying nonsense. What do you do?

a) Kiss them

b) Tell them you like it

c) Scream and slap them

d) Wetin that one mean?

If you picked A or B, Just get out of this course! Make I no catch you

C, ahan- aunty and uncle are we fighting?

If you picked D which I KNOW you did, CONGRATSSSS you’ve learnt how to control your long throat!!!

Class dismissed

- Iya dami

-Certified Nigerian survival instructor ™

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Are you a Nigerian? Have you heard about the current out break called the “agbero uprising” are you worried tat you might be robbed of the last 5k you have? Have you been traumatized by their audacity? Are you also scared that you might be slapped or have your head broken in two?!

Well look no further! Here on Be(coming) Nigerian, I teach you survival skills, so we don’t die because of Tinubu!

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Agbero: An agbero is an evolved and more aggressive version of roadmen and they really don’t hesitate to use a broken bottle or pkako(wood) on you if you don’t give them what they want

Agberos usually hang out in market areas, outside clubs or local food areas or even your "oga mechanics" Shop. Agility is a pointer here, ask your babe  to jump on a moving benz can they do it? There you go.

‎Agberos gave a very special type of swag, the same as out bus conductors but shirt wearing is very optional on a good day, maybe scarfs on the head and cigars on the ears- you know the vibe!

‎No man is an island and agberos take that very literally, they always go in clans, groups and clubs. So if we really think about it, only you sir and ma can beat an agbero so no fear!

‎ Palatte. Thier palatte is what I would say quiet balanced; coke, bread, groundnut, black bullet,agbo, abacha, cassava flakes- hold the sweetener and you're good to go.

‎Weaponry. This one is a tricky one because a lot of agberos don't put cutlass inside their pant, na hand them de use so I suggest paying attention  to the veins and structure- hard hands, harder slaps. Remember that. Very rare cases, they have cutlass or koboko in their hands.

‎Eyes.I've never seen an agbero that his eyes aren't red. Factors could include alcohol, sisha, tinubu, etc keep your eyes peeled.

IF you still struggle with identifying agberos, tell your friend your friend to shout THIEF THEIF and point at you. You see the shirtless guy running with wood and Canes as he smiles? There's your answer

#1 Find your clan.

Not all agberos are bad people, that's just a stereotype; one we wouldn't be following. Some of them are nice and kind people, which is why you should befriend them.

‎It may sound crazy but as much as you know karate and how to run, there will always be an agbero stronger and faster than you. If you like test that theory, I pity you.

‎Your best bet is to befriend the nice ones and gain their trust and protection. After gaining their trust, make sure to have a signal for them it could be a cough, a fart or even AGBEROS I CHOOSE YOU! anything works really- it's up to you.

‎With that, you can delay your chances of being attacked but it's not removed entirely so egbon learn how to run, jump and fight, I beleive in you!

#2 Avoid certain types of settings (wetin no concern you, no go!)

Since we are talking in a more financial sense, I assume we are all in the same financial boat- occasionally begging for 2k here and there. It is highly expected that you respect yourself and where those 400-naira notes takes you to, In order to avoid being called and tapped on the shoulders

“Heyce come here”

“Boss, where you de go?”

For example:

You have a group of friends who create skits so they naturally do those skits on the road as it’s a very normal thing for them, these friends are rich rich so they asked you- a brokie to come and watch them film. You already heard about how they are constantly being harassed and threatened by these very people but you still decide to go even if you have 500 naira in your palmpay and you’re owing gbese of 120k but you say no wham and decide to go.

You think that if you just meticulously hide behind one of your friends, agberos wont find you but you see, they do and they walk with wood and canes, asking for their daily funds. You try to run but they catch you(orobo) and drag you back, your friends clearly have no hold on the situation, and you HAVE to pay that money

Lol wetin you de think Tho?

Theres so much broke-ness can save your fat bumbum, if you had observed that settings, you go avoid am but no- you decided to go.

Sorry sha.

#3 Mind your business

Dear brother, mind you business. Genuinely- you save yourself from a lot of nonsense when you do. No be every time they shout “thief” you’ll go. It’s not every time you see someone running, you’ll run too.

Respect yourself and keep walking, you see man run pass- leave am, let him run. You see black jeep pass and people are being hailed, omo move.

You de club settings and then you’re suddenly hearing heavy amounts of Yoruba-carry yourself and move

Just because mavo is there, doesn’t mean you should be too- you guide pass tenski, don’t stress.

If agberos can’t see you, they can’t call you or hold you

Tor.

#4 Dress code

To avoid an agbero, you must be intentional. Especially with your dressing. When you dress up, they assume naso you rich but at the end of the day, you might just have 100 naira in your account. That’s life (in Uriel’s voice)

Possible clothing items to avoid.

- Designer clothing (very self-explanatory. If your shirt costs more than your account balance no wear am!

- Expensive watches: Avoid them, when you get phone, wetin you de use watch for?! Okay now, wear your watch now. Tenski won’t save you !

- Fresh white sneakers: First of all, nawa. Wear it and then tell me what happened to you later.

Anyhow sha, I've said my own. You can guide without exposing your next worth!

What to do when You have been spotted

“Heyce, come here!”

You’ve been caught by an abgbero. You can’t run; hiding behind danfo bus didn't help.

They don catch you

“Oh Iya Dami, they didn’t see me” Aunty, they saw your new balance sneakers.

No Panick, because if you Panick- you’ll fall down and your babe will laugh at you

But no fear, Iya Dami is here!

#1 Don’t make eye contact

Agberos eyes are predominantly red. So, looking them in the eyes are going to make their eyes even redder, respect yourself. When in the midst of an agbero, you must show you are not a threat, avoid eye contact, Be polite.

When called, keep walking because most times they might not be talking to you but if you make eye contact, their attention is diverted to you and ololo

The trick is to keep walking, until your characteristics are clearly defined.

For example

You're walking and you hear “yellow shirt” Come here. The guy opposite you is also wearing a yeow shirt so what do you do? You wait, till another feature is mentioned but even at that omo guy keep walking oh.

2# Speak the language.

Omo guy, learn how to speak Yoruba. If you know me, I always suggest you leave phoné at home, abi you want to be billed? Okay oh

Anyways, abgeros speak one of the two, broken english, or Yoruba.

Practice : how would you think is the best way to respond to them

A) I'm sorry, I don't have 4k

B) omo boss! Chai I no get funds, na garri I wan chop sef.

Just like me, they also don't have time for big Grammer and nonsense. Speak your broken english or better still cram a Yoruba phrase for them in your head and then nod as they speak so you don't have to talk to much.

3# Make them feel bad for you

Write this down: Tackle the suffering with your won suffering

Your suffering is negative and theirs is negative, by tackling the suffering you get:

➖ x ➖ = them letting you go which is positive (➕)

One thing I always advice is making people pity you sometimes. Look at it, in this case- if they think you guide. You must be willing to give them ten reasons or ways by which you de suffer. Honorable mentions:

• omo boss, I never chop

• I dont have money, the one I get set na my leg I use treat

• Omo guyyyyyy in fact 3 weeks now I never drink water.

• Oh this shirt? Omo I borrow am mehn, all my stuff don tear, you even giide pass me boss

• Ahan see now show your armpit hole

• Laugh obnoxiously, but sha guide as you're dowing it so you don't become a meme

  Pick anyone you like

4# Call your agbero friends

Remember point one!? Ehen, as you're being harassed and asked for money, you'll now use style and call your friends or better still shout the sound- you might be slapped sha because wetin be that?

Imagine trying to make ends meet and someone is shouting agberos I choose you? Like are you mad but guy calm down, no show emotion- chest the pain, cry later.

If your attempt at making agbero friends didn't work, you can easily just ask your friends to pretend they're agberos but sha hit or miss.

5# Assert dominance

This is the part where you get up and show them that omo you're not shaking. Dont cry, dont shout, just stand and be calm. Speak your pigeon and stay still. They might fight or want to fight but you dodge and avod blows and kicks.

My best bet, attack the leader fist and the rest fit scatter, then you put your hands in their mouth to assert dominance and then collect 2k each for wasting your time

While they're distracted:

6# Run guy

If my teachings and tactics didn't work, boss better run(you see how I'm soft launching the skill of running fast? )

Tor.

Time for your test (ASG)

Agbero survival grading

What do you do when you see an agbero?

1. Start dramatically running

2. Shout I'm a chosen I'm a chosen

3. Maintain your steeze and keep walking

4. Cry

You have no learnt how to avoid agberos ans what to do when they spot you.

Class dismissed

- iya Dami

Certified Nigerian survival instructor ™

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Tales from a chronic Begger.

Are you in search of quick or sharp 2k but are constantly getting turned down by peers and family members, look no further- Iya Dami is here and best believed, she will save the day!

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Welcome to Be(coming) Nigerian where I teach you valuable skills, so you don’t die under Tinubu!

It’s not even begging- it’s asking for things politely! So, pardon me, I’ll rephrase.

How to beg *ahem* ask for things politely

Disclaimer: This may or may not work, that one is up to you sha. Also, avoid me when practicing your methods. I'll block you

“Begging”

To ask (someone) for something in an urgent or humble manner: the way YOU begged me for urgent 2k.

The trick isn’t begging(asking) that it’s begging (asking) efficiently

#1 Know their financial situation.

They don’t post their wealth = they probably don’t have money

They post it a lot = cruise or they legitimately have it (hit or miss in my opinion)

They are Beggers like you= they have in excess or just as broke as you (hit or miss)

Before going in, make sure you scan your clients well.

Note: It’s not everyone you’ll ask for money! Avoid seeing finish!

You might not understand this now until you ask the wrong person for money and they just happen to be robbed of their last 200 naira by MTN and so, they unleash the anger on to you and swear for you entire blood line.

Yes, on top 2k

Or wait, even the worse one, your last 1k being taken by sportify and your card declining just as you’re about to pay for Garri and groundnut that’s meant to last you till tomorrow and then some olodo is asking for 2K??

Oga read the room oh, make them no insult you.

Make sure you know or have a grasp on their financial situation or their mood that day. Abeg.

#2 Have a sure plug

The reason why a lot of you get rejected is because you don’t have a sure plug where you can ask(beg) for money, you’ll just throw your net and pray one big fat catfish enters.

Ahan?

How can you throw net inside pond, then expect to catch a shark?

Ko possible

When you want to beg, make sure you beg and beg right. Go for your rich friends and family members, you fall in between one of these 2 categories.

A) if you ask your family for money, will they answer you or not?

B) Are your friends “Omo” and “it is well” candidates or will they find a way to join sources?

This tells me about your level of suffering.

A) You talk to them very frequently, not begging. Just casual checkups here and there

B) You’re a different monster, only checking to ask for money (be warned oh)

This tells me how suitable you are for this course.

The successfulness of A is 70-80 likely and there you go, your 2k secured and thus you have no need for this course. If you are person B then Omo, may God help you. The chance of being successful is 50 but chances of getting blocked or cast online na sure 100 percent. Ololo.

But But but. This isn’t a course without my perfect saving abilities. With begging, one thing I encourage is for you to plan ahead.

Scenario:

You have 10k meant to last you for 2 weeks if you really squeeze it very well but you have olojukokoro(you are greedy) and you wanted buy food knowing that there is a huge possibility that you wont like it but mehn since its 7k, it might be worth it. Right?

Spending that money only gives you 3k remaining and let’s be honest, you can’t survive so what do you do? You pick up a pen and paper and write down your most prominent begging sources from most effective to least effective, attack their numbers oh! Just in case your data finishes so you’ll borrow someone’s phone to call. Be smart

Ideally, you’re meant to plan and schedule your begging. Let’s say you have budgeted to be broke around September; we are in august. So, from august to that September you’ll be in CLOSE contact with these people, then gbam! Tell them.

But remember, change your strategy so they won’t know! Sometimes contact them 2 weeks in advance and then for others 2 years in advance

Sapa delayed is not Sapa denied

Open your eye!

# 3 Have humility (at the end of the day, you’re still a Begger)

Let’s say that by the Grace of God, you passed stage 1. On stage 2. The tactic here would be your humility. How badly do you need this money? The trick to begging is letting the beggies know that you need this money like mad but before that, don’t forget to give your reasons or fabricate reasonable ones because me, I will not give you my money to buy shawarma when I know Garri de your hostel

God forbid

At the end of the day, you’re still a Begger. If you’re feeling fancy, a sophisticated and polite asker, you need to be able to drop your smelling pride! Abeg. Ask for your 5k and commot, no need to aura farm.

When you’re not Mavo??

Eh aura salad?!

There are 5 magic words.

There are 5 magic words.

There are 5 magic words that I know:

Please, Excuse me

Sorry, Thank you

And the last one, pardon me

Practice: Out of these two people, who are you more likely to give 2k?

A) Could you please give me 2k?

B) Olodo, run me bands

Tor.

#4 Know your worth, you Sef, you are no small!

The same way I said that you should be humble, Oga, better guide oh! Not that you’ll be singing on vn for ordinary 2k

So that you’ll be casted?? No oh. Ehen

As you’re begging for your daily funds, keep in mind that before this you were up oh! Sapa was the one that decided to show up early.

When asking for money, ensure that you watch the door so that see finish does not reach your side, abeg. Infact why am I begging you? Frick around and find out.

Scenario #2:

You want to beg for 2k and naturally you have done your findings on their current financial situation like a sensible person, and you have established that ah okay, they are doing okay. Initially you did not want to ask that person for money because they are always proud of it, but Iya Dami said you should swallow your pride and ask.

Okay now.

You asked and they followed up, asking how badly you needed the money while laughing in your face and you reply and you say that you needed it very badly and urgently. They agree to give you the money- you saw that message at exactly 12:08. You thought it was over, then they typed again “bark for it”

You think, mehn you need this money oh but ah you can’t do something like that so instead of “okay” you ask, “how that one take start?” “because of 2k?” and so you block them to show dominance

Not that because you’re broke, you won’t guide Ke??

#5 How to beg (what to say and what not to say)

Now that we have established the basics, let’s now look at how to beg and how to beg. You must not:

1) Show that you are really suffering, only show what you need to- avoid see finish

2) Speak anyhow. Know your demographic. If they speak broken English, use broken English. If they speak Yoruba, Omo guy google am oh, Igbo and Hausa- say yowa!

3) Use unnecessary emojis, show them you’re serious about your begging. On top 3k, you de use eagle, wetin that one mean?

4) Send too many voice notes. Before they use you to release underground music titled “Begger”

5) Laugh too much, are you serious about it or not?

CONGRATULATIONS! you are a proper begger!

But before you go, it's time for your BET(Begger Efficiency Test)

On a scale of one to ten, how fast can you get 2k? 1 being the slowest and 10 being the fastest.

Omo it better be 10 sha if not you never ready atizzy

But before you go, abeg run me 2k😔

ABEG!

This is iya dami and I'll see you next class

-Class dismissed

Certified Nigerian survival instructor ™

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Would you like a side hustle where you can make money so you can make ends meet without having to use your exam sheet as suya wrap?

Well look no further!

Welcome to my new series titled “Be(coming) Nigerian” with your host Iya Dami. This series, we use resourcefulness, we use SATIRE and we use madness to learn how to optimize our Nigerian essence, so we don’t die under Tinubu!

#1 To be a bus conductor (The basics)

If there is one thing @auntydorcas taught me, it was that being a conductor is no easy task, it takes a lot to be able to carry out this job and I have taken it upon myself to train and teach every one of you on how you can successfully be a bus conductor.

Note: This course is tailored towards those in Lagos region, aka Lagosians. The same method might not work for other states. You could be rejected, laughed at or even slapped! But sha, I don tell you.

The fundamentals of being a bus conductors are split into 3 areas or what I like to call “GSG” Before we actually become a conductor, we need to look at the basis first.

G(GRIT): courage and resolve; strength of character. As a bus conductor, you should be courageous, yes. You must be brave enough to stand up for what is right- go and ask that military man for his bus fare! knowing fully well that he can beat or slap you at any second. As a bus conductor, you shouldn’t be easily intimidated- yes, people may hype a particular short man as the strongest man in their clan but no fear, he won’t do anything to you! Collect your money, Jare!

S(STAMINA): You need stamina my friend, you need to be able to run. You can’t run, no conducting classes for you- better go and learn how to run. Yes! If you can’t run to catch the bus, how will I trust you to run after 2k? Ko possible (It’s not possible) so please be warned. If you want to learn how to run after bus, don’t worry! A training session will be set for all you fatty bumbums

G(Garri): Cassava flakes if you’re feeling fancy. You must drink Garri; Garri is a universal element. I assume a lot of you hoping to apply for this job know how to drink and soak Garri, right?! You’re not a bus conductor if you don’t drink Garri! Ahan, what are you doing with your life? Soak Garri and drink or Abi do you want to make friends there?

“Ahan Iya Dami, what about water?” Water? WATER?! My dear you never ready for this work! We don’t drink water here, either its cassava flakes with floating berries and sweetener or Agbo or maybe black bullet. Pick your poison.

This is the first stage, know this and know Yaba.

Note: Omo hope you Sabi/know math? I can’t teach you that one sha, go and learn jo!

#2 Language

Before we get into this part. Let’s take a look at candidate A and candidate B and tell me which one you think should be considered for the job.

A: Excuse me sir, you haven’t given me your bus fare- you can’t ride if you haven’t paid.

B: Heyce Oga! Before you board bus, make sure you get money with you oh! If not I no go let you enter!

Which was more successful in passing their point?

This part is very important, if you can’t speak the grammar, you’re not getting the job very simply. As a bus conductor, you should be able to pass your message- people must respect you wherever you’re going. You’re a Nigerian, Nigerians not de what? No, de carry last!

These are popular terms you should know:

Owo dada : Use case, The fair money is exactly 1k, they give you two 500-naira notes and BECAUSE you know maths, you say owo dada meaning Money is complete

E wa: Use case, a fine babe wants to enter your bus, but she realizes that it’s too expensive, and bargains with you to let her in for 850 instead of 1k. You like her so you say? E wa.

O wa: Depends, I no tell you say I sabi English.

Owo: Money

And many more sha, na you go find out.

And my personal favorite, Aunty/uncle commot! Or wait Shift abeg!

Now we are going to talk pronunciation.

Yaba

Yaaaabaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

You see there’s a difference? Make sure to shout as loud as you can and make sure each worrddddd issssss strectchedddddddddd cannnn youuuu seeeeee?

Practice: oshoooodiiiiiiiiii, yabbbaaaaaaaaaa, you deeee crazeeee ohhhhh

You gats learn the language, if not- no job for you!

DROP YOUR PHONETICS AT HOME

Second stage O ti pari, time for the 3rd!

#3 Creativity

As a bus driver you must be creative oh! It's not about running for 2k. You must be creative, design your bus! Yals in Jennifer's voice .

You must design your bus, use phrases- abi you don't want people to remember your bus? Your bus is your brand my dear so better use it well

If you can't draw, my dear- use phrases. Yes now! Those things are VERY important oh if not no business for you and tor, sha I've said my own

Creativity is not only the design but you must be creative with your insults too! As a bus conductor you must be prepared to be insulted. No fear, irs natural but as a good conductor, you must say your own back!

If they talk one, you talk 1k, is that clear

Last but never the least:

#4 Dress code:

Just because you’re a bus conductor, no mean say you no get swag! You have to get swag, because without swag, nobody will come to your bus, and you’ll be there.

Ah no oh

You must have swag. It’s that same swag you’ll use to toast girls and men to enter your bus, me I’ve told you sha.

Dress Code Requirements:

• Your shirt must be able to survive 4 Lagos summers BACK-TO-BACK

• Trousers must be short for breeze but long enough to minimize mosquito invites and increase running capabilities.

• Slippers with firm grip to avoid falling when it rains. Aura salad sneakers, recommended by professionals.

• Sunglaziz for increased aura

• Cross bag for money. Strap it well oh, let no one steal your funds

• Deodorant and perfume, as you’re running for 500 change, atleast be smelling nice.

Result: Increased swagger activated

Congratulations! If participated in this course which I KNOW you did! You’re one step to being a conductor!!! I'm so proud of you!!

You've learnt grit

Youve learn’t stamina

You've even learnt the importance of Garri

Ahan look at you!

You're ready to take on the road!

But more importantly, you've learnt how to maintain steeze and guidance whilst doing it.

Time for the final test:

Can you chase someone for 2k?

If your answer is yes then congratsssss you're now a bus conductor and ready for employment

If your answer is no, my friend commot this settings. Avoid me oh

For those of you who passed, subscribe to get your certificates, it'll be delivered to you shortly. I don't know how but I have faith, sha subscribe!

Class dismissed!

-Iya dami

Certified Nigerian survival instructor ™

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Hi my lovelies and sweets. This is the moment we have all been waiting for, I’m even more surprised that I waited a long ass time to write this but eh I still rise, I guess.

Another day, another gist of how your silence will indeed make you suffer. This time it was in secondary school

May you read/listen and be blessed.

Okay so before we actually get into the details of whatever the Frick happened to me. I just wanted to talk about how I was in secondary school. You see, I really was a weird kid- I mean I carried all the way from primary school TO secondary school

I didn’t even glow up.

My secondary school experiences were what shaped and molded my character as it is today, I mean there really no two ways about it.

I’m a dope human being because of secondary school; though I wish people were nicer to me but eh

So, this was in JSS3 and really at the time, being in the hostel was one of the coolest things that could have happened to you. Like they had the gist, the fun and it all best believe I wanted to go there and be like yoo wasssupppp but again blood of Jesus.

I had friends who were boarders who wanted me to come over there, and I really wouldn’t lie- it was shaking me, I wanted to go there by fire by force like absolutely nothing could stop me. I already pitched the idea to my mum, and I was like I’m GOING. She was like no, and my dad was like common let the kid go and honestly guys.

This was the beginning of my suffering lowkey.

So in under a week, we went out and bought everything we needed. The brooms, the plates, the stupid steel cup that came in clutch later? We had it.

When I came, I really didn’t miss my parents, so I always wondered why these girls were crying over theirs, I mean at the end of the day everyone Is different and I still kinda believe it made me want to live on my own. As in love my parents from afar.

FAARR FAARR AWAY.

I can’t remember when exactly this happened, but what I do know is that it happened a bit after I had moved into the hostel and man oh man, ladies and gents- we had a problem

An ant problem. Literally.

Of course, I knew it wasn’t me, but since I was the new girl- the fresh meat, oh lord people blamed me like mad mehn.

The ants crawled from the window to MY side of the bed or the bunk, so I don’t blame these people for blaming me but STILL.

I had a friend crush on this girl at the time, I mean yes- we WERE friends, but I really wanted to be close to her like mad (I mean we are friends till this very day so yay win win)

So at the time, she was best friends with someone else and man e pain me oh but not as much as her talking about me in my front about the ant issue that dirty clothes might cause it and I had a bag of dirty clothes- ZIPPED I might add.

I mean even I knew it was bullshit.

Now you may think that oh shoot, I defended myself and beat the 16 people in that big ass room but no maam and sir. I stayed quiet and still while I was constantly blamed for that issue.

I know I’m messy but girl I’m not DIRTY. Like leave me be abeg!

I mean my set mates at the time might have stories about me but as I say, old things have passed away but me forget this one?

NEVER OH

So, I had a friend who was my neighbor in regard to bunk mates now, this babe had a “sweet” tooth. Not knowing the same sweet tooth would cost me my nonexistent reputation. I think her bunkmate was cleaning the bed and stuff and then found her cup!!!

Lord knows I’m laughing as I’m writing this. GUYYY, I wan craze and the funny thing, see Choco milo inside oh, with ants dancing!

GOD ABEG!

I wanted to cry so badly and cry my eyes out and it was her oh and lord lord LORD. It wasn’t just that it was her who caused it, it was the fact no one apologized.

I was so pissed and this was the beginning of a long ass train of events that cost me my life because I didn’t speak up. Maybe if I spoke and defended myself I would have- I mean I don’t even know, sha speak up

If you like no talk, you go cryyyyyyyyyyyy!

In all honesty, when I started writing this article, not only did I feel disgust wash over me knowing that it has really gotten this disturbing, so much so that writing about it now is not enough. I also felt like I did not do enough justice when talking about these issues.

It really is that bad.

I have dedicated the time to accumulate valid points and reasons why I even decided to talk about this issue today to the best of my abilities

Enjoy.

They mock us and use us for the very instrument that gives us power.

The vagina, one of the many aspects of a woman. The vagina is a vessel of life, identity and power; pride and dignity. The vagina is a freedom of expression, to stand and say, yes, I am a woman.

For the longest time, women did not even think to know or embracing the very gift given to us as a whole- we just simply ignored it.

“I was worried about vaginas. I was worried about what we think about vaginas, and even more worried that people did not think about them. I was worried about my own vagina; it needed context, a culture, a community of other vaginas”

- Eve Ensler

The vagina represents a woman’s entire life story, when a woman is disconnected from her vagina, she is disconnected from herself.

And when we think about the significance of the vagina, the way it is viewed, treated, acted on; you really cannot help but wonder where it all went wrong.

The truth is, it had always been wrong from the beginning, news articles, movies, books, no one understood that this would play a very big part I modern day society. The vagina was no longer seen as an instrument of power; not like the way it is now.

The vagina was treated more like a tool for men’s pleasure.

You cannot help but wonder how the very organ we owned was still taught to be accustomed to a man’s taste.

The cynicism of Modern-day brain rot

I want us to understand something: the day we were given our phones were the day we were doomed, so honestly, we have been doomed since the beginning.

Technology opened up so many opportunities and so many liabilities, one of which has been the manosphere, which I genuinely believe escalated all this.

The manosphere is an umbrella term for a network of interconnected online communities that promote strict, heavily aggressive definitions of anti-feminism and extreme misogyny

Why does this seem like red pill content (or some variations of it)

Although a lot of people defend and debunk this saying that it really has no impact whatsoever on men. Do you really expect me to believe that?

Brain rot. The mental fog and perceived decline in attention span caused by endlessly scrolling through fast paced, poor quality social media content.

We all know brain rot; we have accepted it even.

The jokes, the memes, the poorly designed animations, as long as it looks like a child throws it up then it is brain rot.

The cynicism of modern-day brain rot is believing that no one is a good person anymore because the internet has slowly destroyed how people think.

Now apply those two together and what do we have? Violence, misogyny, ill leave the rest to you.

This is why issues regarding women safety; people have the need to joke and laugh about it. For instance, I watched a documentary of a lady who was killed in Japan, extremely gruesome way and honestly, I pray no one goes through this.

Imagine to my surprise when I saw that her cause was made with sexual and idiotic memes instead of us actually dealing with the situation on why men cannot just take rejection

They even made us believe we were the more emotional ones.

This is also adding the rape academy men signed up to, was it last year?

Reducing Value to Anatomy

Buzz feed: Men describe and draw their ideal vaginas

When I first saw this, I was looking for resources that strengthened my article(even though it was a while ago, and times have changed since then). I was surprised. What does the “perfect vagina” look like? What did it mean to have the perfect vagina?

What surprised me more was that the men actually admitted that they did not know what a perfect vagina was, so now who is trolling whom?

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Looking at other interviews with men, you clearly see how that narrative shifts. The vagina shifts from an instrument of life to a disappointing standard of cosmetic perfection caused by unrealistic standards learned from the manosphere and heavy amounts of porn.

If we then debunk that and then acknowledge that while women spend billions of dollars on cosmetic procedures, trying to make the vagina look “lighter”, drinking remedies to make it “tighter” or just “manageable” we can not help but take not of the fact that men do not also know what the “perfect” vagina is meant to look like because they were not taught.

But women were taught everything, how to satisfy a man, the anatomy of a man’s genitals was embedded in our minds even when we did not ask for it so much, so we too started believing the lies and even started becoming the very misogynists we swore to hate. The hymen theory, how a woman’s virginity and “purity” determined her value, purity culture; how it was extremely conditional for something that was meant to be culture, that is carried out by all.

Men weren’t taught about vaginas as much as women were being taught about penises.

All of a sudden, there was a right age to impregnate a woman. I saw a post one time where a famous podcaster came out saying the best time to have sex with a lady is when she was 16.

He was 40, and he spoke again about a woman’s “purity” he said 16 is the age she’s ripe and ready, and that was when the vagina was perfect.

A woman was pure until she decides not to sleep with you, until she decides to maintain that very purity you gawked about; then she’s disgusting, she’s a slut, and she’s the scum of the earth, I see?

How to please a man

You should give it all for your man

Why would you speak when your husband speaks

If he wants sex, give him sex

How to make you man happy

How to be wet for him

How to make him happy in bed

How to have oral sex with a man, what you should do what you should not do

How to shave so that you man is not “grossed” out by your body

New styles to try to make your man cum faster.

HIM.HIM.HIM

But men were not taught the same, they weren’t taught how to coexist with women; but to rule over them. A lot were not taught in depth about the standards for pleasure and how sex was a thing for two people, a lot of them find it hard to understand or accept that women have their own intellect, their own desires and their own means to live.

Men were actually taught the importance of education and making a life for themselves, women were taught to be in the kitchen?

That’s odd.

Asides from that, who was the perfect woman? How did her body look like? These were things which fed us from when we were young, so we grew to hate

I hated my vagina. I really hated it; I hated that it was not as pink as the women these men spoke about. I hated that my vagina was “weirdly shaped” as some girls called it, and not as “portable and dainty” I was taught it was meant to be.

My boobs weren’t as perky and, in some traditions, when your boobs have sagged even by a little bit, they tell you that you have “ruined” your boobs.

Mind you I was a child, thinking this.

The perfect vagina was a myth and a scam caused by patriarchy. Stop wasting your time. You are perfectly fine and healthy.

Why are did we care about what men had to say about our bodies than they actual owner of said bodied needed to say? Why did I care about what a man though of my breasts, my butt and my vagina more than what I had to say?

Has misogyny and the patriarchy successfully convinced us that we were made for men to the point nothing else mattered apart from serving them?

My value as a woman now depended on my vagina. Not the fact that I have a vagina, but my value lied on whether or not it was accessible, whether it was useful or if it could lead to high levels of ecstasy. That was it, my value as a woman was whether or not I could make you cum, do the dishes or have babies whenever you wanted, let’s not also forget being “pure”

Shouldn’t purity be addressed with respect. Yet we are still met with violence even when it came to pleasure; rail, smash, pound. The list really does go on.

Are feminists liars?

Feminism has made a way for women to have their own voices. To be able to say back off! And still feel confident that we did so. Feminism as people refer it as a “thing” right now, everyone is doing it. Feminism is an ideology, something to live by something to live for. I mean the standards for dating also revolved around feminism.

“I cannot date a guy who isn’t a feminist”, which is crazy to admit giving their fact that feminism is simply advocacy for human rights so relace human rights into that sentence:

I cannot date a guy who does not care about human rights which is crazy because how can you not care about human rights where you therefore are a human?

Let’s add more to it shall we? When a woman comes upfront and says that she is not a feminist, this is what I hear

“I do not care about human rights” Simply put.

Feminism has always been subjective, subjective enough that you can learn what it actually means instead of relying on the nonsense people have to say.

Would I now be surprised if a man follows feminism without knowing anything about it just to have sex? No, I would not.

I remember having a conversation a few months ago where I acknowledged that a lot of men do not care for feminism at all, they just follow anything they can to sleep with women or at least, get in their favors and really? Should I be surprised?

i) Feminism is not just about not raping or beating women; if you think this way, then for shame! You make it seem like raping and not beating and killing women is a very big ask.

ii) Feminism is not equal to loving female bodies and vice versa, so if we really think about it, a lot of men are not feminists. They just love our boobs and butts.

iii) Feminism applies to different sections of a woman’s wellbeing and safety, so just because you don’t do one thing doesn’t then erase your capabilities of doing another. Just because you did not rape a girl does not then mean that you are not capable of beating her and killing her; what really matters is where your head is at.

Do you think women should be recognised as one of the foundational pillars of society or not?

Men talk about our bodies all the time and then pass it on, saying that they are feminists.

You say you’re a feminist, but you still refer to the vagina as a toy. You call the vagina pussy, toto and all other disgusting names instead of actually giving it the honor it deserves.

Now, there has been a trend on TikTok where certain creators are called out for apparently defending women because they want to sleep with them; there were edits about this, and it is really that bad.

Mind you, these are people I follow, and for reasons (primarily me not being sued), I would not be mentioning the names of these creators, but what I would say is that the trend is stupid and a complete waste of your and my time.

The creators who defend women’s rights are the ones I follow, and I can confidently say that I do not fully agree with a lot of their takes. I mean, they are men, of course, they are not going to know and understand everything that happens in the mind of women, but I respect that they stick out for what is right.

What I do not understand is why they are being ambushed, and I mean the same thing happened to a lady who came out and spoke seriously about men’s mental health.

Society has messed us all up to the point we don’t even accept that. So, we pull and drag down people who actually want to speak up about it.

We are so collectively distracted that the simplest things take our attention and focus; instead of really thinking, we are out here making edits of people who at least still try.

What if it were your sister? Your mother or any other woman or friend in your life?

Men do not like women. It really is as simple as that, if men really did like women, then this all-feminism thing would not have existed, or two would not be an actual debate where we are trying to explain and even over-explain that women are still human and our lives should be considered.

So, I don’t even know what the fuss is about.

I saw a post where the man spoke about how much men despised women. He told a short story of how he was in his hostel and he overhead a conversation that men had regarding women.

And what did he do? He confronted them

You would think that they would back off or even reflect about their actions and how much it does affect the course of society where major or minor. As long as you’re here then you are an active member of society.

They proceeded to say, “someone else would do it to their sister”

I remember feeling so disgusted when I saw it. Imagine being very okay with other men sexualizing or harassing the women close to you and then acting like it is the norm.

Women also raise misogynists because they, too, grew up in misogynistic environments, thinking it is the norm. This is exactly why we have issues where someone to be considered an “elder” has a problem with taking her son accountable when she hears about him doing nonsense; to her, he can never do wrong.

This is also considering favouritism with parents, especially how they treat sons and daughters differently, but again, it would take more time than intended.

This entire “thesis” is an entire spectrum showing how many issues like this are in depth that even this research document does not do as much justice as it is meant to, but I hope it’s just the start.

‎The other day, I went out on a walk with my mother. I really didn't want to go on that walk that day but I used it as an excuse to leave the house because I wanted to check out a gift I had in mind for my friend so I said I was going on a "walk" To that she said she would love to come with me.

‎As we took a stroll, I remember looking at her and how much she smiled, her dimples and white teeth making me smile as well and I just went into deep thought.

‎My mothers sadness.

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‎The moment I realized I was grown wasn't when I got my first period or when I started noticing my body chanced. It was the moment my mum invited me in, to her sadness.

‎I was a child people told "one that had not experienced life yet" I was always the butt of the joke, the one people left out of “mature” conversations because I just couldn't get it.

Maybe it was true, or maybe I was being prepared to witness something much worse and my body and mind was only savoring the bit of my childhood till I was forced to grow up.

‎That day, I would never forget, the day I realized my position as the eldest daughter wasn't just a place I took because I came first, it was a role, a lifestyle and something I would have to carry over time.

It dawned on me that the weight of my family some how stayed heavy on my shoulders; I was in jss3 and I was only 13/14. Tears streamed down my face because I was scared, I mean all I learnt about growing up, about being happy in my Lamborghini as I had all the sweets and drinks I wanted- was only a lie?

‎My mother realised that the reality I had to face at a young age was too much, so she invited me into it, she came to me and decided to talk. We talked, and we still have this talk years later. The "talk" I had with my dad came later on but my mother's was now. It had to be now.

‎I always saw my mother as one who was happy, smiling and just a bit angry at times and I never really understood why until she started to open up to me.

I can't even remember how it started but I know it did and even now, I would have my hair braided by her as she told me about the events in her life, how they shaped her; her family, her marriage and just our lives together.

My mother was sad, but she hid it well. With me, she spoke the truth. My mother was what you would call the angry daughter, the one who lashed out, the one who appeared aggressive all the time but deep down just wants to have peace and thrive.

She carried a weight, that she herself said that no one could understand and I believe her because I too carried that same weight as the years went by, something I couldn't explain, the feelings of want, desire, passion and just this never ending grief ‎

‎I grew up too early.

‎While people dabbled on about friendships, laughing and sharing moments, I was in thought- did people really care about me? Was I enough? Was I important? If I was gone today, would I be missed or was I just a season everyone sought to forget?

‎Sometimes I always wondered if I was ever that important. If rooms lingered with expectancy after I left.

‎Hm. I guess I wouldn't know.

‎It was late in the afternoon, my mother and I sat as we watched her Yoruba films where I showed my dissatisfaction with the current situation ofthe movie and naturally, she used that opportunity to share another story and I felt bad, not out of pity but because she deserved so much but

‎But...

‎She broke down in my face one time, her hands used to cover her face; my mother never cried in my front before. Her gentle heart broken again by expectation and maybe that triggered something in my brain

To not be like her and be hurt, to shield the beauty of my heart.

‎What they cant see, they can't hurt.

‎If I didn't show I cared, if I wasn't vulnerable- If people couldn't see me then what did I have to lose?

‎Maybe that was why I became so avoidant in my teen years.

‎Maybe that's why even now, I still have a hard time allowing myself be and cry- it's so unnatural that I just cant explain

‎ Ẹnìkan kò lè fẹ́ràn rẹ tó ìyá rẹ

‎ -No one can love you so much like your mother.

My mother, so beautiful- yet was told to be small. She would look at me, her darkskin and lovely dark hair. The most beautiful woman I had ever seen, wasn't sure about her beauty, for some reason, it broke me. I looked her one time and asked how she was able to cope. How was she able to keep going, smiling and just holding it all together?

My mother gave so much. To her marriage with my father and I just fell back and wondered, why women gave so much? Why were we raised to get married and not to experience life for the beauty it held?

‎Why was suffering an indicator of being married?

‎To marry is to suffer. To give yourself away as sacrifice for your husband and your children.

‎Oh.

‎I didn't want to get married, to give myself away as door mat My children said God forbid to later on. I didn't want to give myself away only to be reduced to what my husband said I was instead of who I say I am..

‎I loved my mother too much to do that to myself

‎My mum didn't want me to be like her, to make the same mistakes she did

That's what I owe her.

‎Dear mother,

Words can not describe how much I love and value you, even when I fail to show it or meet up where you need me. You are an amazing woman which a heart of gold

I love you so much and all you've done for me.

‎

‎

‎

‎

I always knew the type of love I wanted - who my type was going to be and how I wanted that relationship to work out; I mean everyone does that.

But in truth, I doubt if I would be of use when that love comes.

I always had these thoughts for a very long time and reading an article basically confirmed that I was not alone. The author spoke about not wanting a relationship even if her crush asked her today; because in her mind she felt like she had nothing to offer

That was my thought process as well.

Being a lover girl was simple; you daydream, you grieve and you ponder. It simply means that you would spend most of your time daydreaming about the perfect guy; who he was and who you wanted him to be, how he was going to touch you and play with your hair, how his smile was; not too creepy but also not too cute- just. Right.

But after every giggling session, there was a quiet grief on whether or not I would actually be good enough for him to pick me. I remember having this conversation with at least two of my friends and each had a different answer; one concluded that I was enough to just the way I was and that the man for me will see that. The other just listened as I ranted on because in truth, what could he say?

I always view the whole “you are being enough” as somewhat limiting. I mean yes, I know that I’m enough at it is, but shouldn’t you feel enough to want to know more? To want to improve and just see how much your body is willing to take?

We have romanticized having the perfect partner so much that we don’t even care to be the perfect partner, and I think it’s a bit disappointing.

I always asked myself, if the man of your dreams walks through your doors or you see him conveniently at the grocery store- what are the chances he would actually pick YOU

We are so focused on finding the right person instead of being the right person.

I have a theory that people strip away humanity from the idea of having a perfect partner, like those partners are not meant to feel disgust, anger or even an inch of sadness- sometimes I wonder if people want an alien or a human.

For example, you have really bad hygiene and let’s say you lost the relationship because of that, and you’re told that it’s a problem and it has to be fixed because I mean we are all human and that is a reasonable issue to discuss, especially for your and their well-being.

You then saying that the man for you wouldn’t care that you have very bad hygiene isn’t going to solve it sweetie- we can’t keep acting like the partners for us aren’t human, they are so, believe they would express themselves, just not in a way that would kill us slowly.

I just have urge to rule myself out of certain things sometimes because in truth, it’s rarely about these people; the man or the friends. It’s more about me and my value and whether or not I actually think I’m a person of value

Whenever I speak about things like this, I have a feeling people immediately assume it has to do with insecurity which honestly, I don’t agree with.

I just always had a sense of doing more and wanting to do more without feeling trapped or having a man in my way of understanding who I am.

To me, the feelings of inadequacy don’t always translate to insecurity, I think it shows how much you care about your own growth and how you are not necessarily lead by your ego as well as false confidence.

“The reason why our relationship between us with you and daddy is the way it is, is both you and dads fault”

This was the very statement I made to my mother the other day. The statement wasn’t met to be “rude” it was meant to show how much a parent’s actions can affect the outcomes of relationships between them and their children.

Naturally she was very confused by that statement and wondered exactly what I meant by that “tell me more” she said. In her eyes, how could I say such a thing? hasn’t she practically sacrificed her life for me for me to then say that we aren’t close enough and it was your fault.

One thing people need to understand about children is that they remember.

I wanted to talk about it in a calmer way not really saying “mum you’re shit” but more so saying this is what I have noticed as I was growing up. I understand that parents are new to parenting as much as we are new to living but how long do we tell ourselves that to avoid accountability?

While eating my food, I explained “Mum you were aggressive” but I mean I didn’t WANT to use the words aggressive but I just told her that “you were angry” and I wanted to explain how I felt that subconsciously it might’ve been pent up anger that she had(I have a feeling a decent amount of mothers are all” angry daughters” but I digress)

Now I wasn’t abused as a child, I just grew to realize and question the way discipline has been carried out in African home particularly.

Naturally she was still confused but honestly, I remember bits of it and now I wonder, was she just angry about the situation at hand that maybe led her to hit me with a tad bit more force when correcting my errors? I mean I wouldn’t know.

That wasn’t even why I wanted to write this article in the first place, I wanted to talk about the discipline fetish Africans seem to have.

I always understood discipline; it was culture at most. From breaking my aquarium, to breaking my vase and using black tape to seal it or even playing outside late even when I instructed not to- these actions always had a consequence; one way or another.

Maybe that’s why I don’t do stupid things anymore Thanks guys! :)

I saw a painting today and if you know me, you know I enjoy looking at African art especially because they are left to your interpretation

This picture was created by Cynthia Ugwudike titled: And she saw me bleeding. This picture was the inspiration behind this entire article.

When I saw this picture, I immediately understood, there was a woman, a mother holding a thick leather belt, her daughter laying on the floor as her blood decorated the place and I stiffened. I knew and understood what this meant almost immediately.

Why were our parents so angry?

Back to the conversation with my mother. I think I always had a theory that black mothers or African mothers were always particularly angry because subconsciously, they were stripped from any means of authority every since they were little girls(men included) so let's think of this having their “lick” back.

Let's just say they took authority a bit too far.

I had seen videos prior to this talking about a woman whose child misbehaved not even that badly, but she was beaten to the point where she bled. I hated that I understood this so quickly, I hated how discipline felt like a near death experience. I hate how parents casually said they would do the same to us whenever we messed up or even worse.

To be it seemed like discipline became the new fetish. The backhand was not enough so we switched to objects around us, belts, sandals, spoons, irons, hangers; just anything we could find. I’m glad to say my parents stuck with belts and traditional Cains but what about the others, the other children almost being killed because of minor mistakes.

“It’s your parents first time parenting” but what about me who has to live and figure out life out, would you have me dead before I did so?

I remember my first or second year of college when I spoke to my friend who is Irish about ways at which black kids were to be disciplined and he told me verbatim “That’s abuse” and I paused I mean I didn’t think it was abuse, I became a responsible person because of it but where do we draw the line exactly? Because I could throw a chair at my kid and say oh, they needed to learn a lesson

So, you decide

I saw another video where a child went out behind her mother’s back to get her nails done and her mum ransacked the place, giving the daughter blows on the head and face because she wasn’t going to pay for that. I mean hey, the mother is allowed to be upset; hey she was twelve, any mother might be upset but again- almost killing her by giving her blows to the head?

I don’t know if it’s just Africans or black people in general because honestly I don’t know or understand why our parents are so angry and its funny because when I complained to my mother a while back, I believe last year; she told me that I should be happy that my father did not raise my sibling and I the same way his did and I’m like oh wow, I see.

Beating the child relentlessly for anything they said or did that you did not like even punishing little girls, beating them for being and admitting that they were sexually assaulted, the same thing applied for boys as well and then you wonder why exactly children bottle up their feelings, hide or even fall back into addictions and you STILL blame the children.

You push the children away, but you are angry that they actually did go away.

My friends and I play Minecraft together and sometimes we all just chill on the phone together and talk, I remember one time we were talking about how our parents disciplined us and as much as we had funny stories, some were in fact a bit worrisome but we completely decentered that reality and laughed about it.

Maybe it was a trauma response or maybe it was genuinely funny, either way I still do not believe that children have to die first to be held accountable.

Friday 13th 2010

‎Sometimes I wonder if you'd notice me

‎Maybe if I wore contacts, changing the brown I've always known to the green you like ‎

‎Maybe if my breasts were as perky and pink as you described; you know, the ones from the porn you watched.

‎Or my waist was smaller

‎If I wasn't fat

‎If I was skinny like the girls in the Magazine

‎I started throwing up again.

‎I can't stop myself, your words echoing at the back of my mind.

‎My fingers to my throat. Home.

‎I threw up my favorite ice cream. For you.

‎Maybe then you would have noticed me.

‎If I pretended I loved the rain, and I did not always cry whenever thunder made a statement.

‎If only I did not cry; I cry for movies, I cry during shows.

‎You said you did not like it, it made me look tacky.

‎If I wasn't such a cry baby in general.

‎Would you have seen me?

‎Taken note of my presence?

‎Would you..

‎Would you have taken time to at least understand dthe depth of my heart? Or my mind, maybe my soul?

‎Did you want to understand my soul?

‎To be loved is to be seen. You didn't even need glasses and you still couldn't see.

‎You told me to count my calories.

‎That I was too fat to wear mum jeans. I hated mum jeans

‎I saw Jennifer in school today and I saw how much your eyes lit up when you saw her.

‎If I was blonde, If I wasnt tall, fat and ugly.

‎If I wasn't black.

‎Would you still call me pretty?

‎Would you have noticed the scars on my breasts as I taped them together, trying to lift them up us they can be as perky as you liked.

‎After everything, you left. You left. I wasn't your taste, I wasn't up to your standards.

‎You said you knew your worth, but you still dated barfy Betty.

‎Yes I know you guys hooked up. It hurt me you know?

‎Sometimes I wished I died. So I can blame you for what you did, so I can write a long letter saying you killed me and I stay watching you suffer for your actions.

‎You said I was too ugly to be prom queen. No one wanted a girl with a gap tooth to be prom queen.

‎No one wanted "black face" You said.

‎I smiled even though it hurt me, you made sounds- monkey sounds everywhere I went.

‎I tripped on the banana peel you threw at me,you said you wanted me to be prepared to "act the part"

‎You hated my hair, you said it looked like a gorilla-another reason why I didn't run for prom queen.

‎You told me my hair reminds people of pubic hair; the very ones you didn't even shave since you were in the 8th grade.

‎We are in college.

‎I ate nuts. The very nuts I told you I did not want to eat, that I couldn't eat; I could have died.

‎You made me eat it, you did not care and when I fell on the floor and started convulsing; you called me a chipmunk.

‎Not before you posted it on SNARE for all to see, I had to take out peanuts out of my hair for weeks.

‎I wonder if you would have notived that the bad rash you made fun of me for was herpes, the same herpes you got from Barf Betty and YOU gave me.

‎You told me not to run for prom queen because you wanted her to win.

‎Jennifer.

‎You wanted her to win that you locked me up. I wasn't even planning to run, my name just got put there but you didn't want your sweet cheating Jennifer to lose did you.

‎You locked me up, not before you took my clothes. I loved that sweater, my dad gave it to me before he left.

‎You knew that.

‎You left me alone in that tight space, I'm not scared of spiders, I'm claustrophobic.

‎You forgot. Of course you forgot.

‎You said you were going to leave me there for 30 minutes, at least till cheater won.

‎It was 3 hours.

‎The guys game in drunk and needed a place to piss. I was their toilet.

‎They pissed on me and had their way with me, Steven.

‎You left me and they weakened me.

‎I pleded for them to let me go home, I would find a way but they put me pack in.

‎"Not our property" They said.

‎I died.

‎You didn't expect me to die did you?

‎I was a strong girl, your strong girl

‎Ha! I saw your face when you found my body. You were horrified.

‎You tried to bury me but you failed at that too. The same way you were a bad boyfriend.

‎Last I checked you've been arrested.

‎Jennifer left you and got pregnant fot her ex. ‎

‎Now that I'm dead, do you notice me now?

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(A simple Sunday read)

Whenever I hear people talk about the fundamentals of love- they always describe love in the more general sense. The butterflies when they’re near you, the spark, the chemistry with every kiss and touch.

I read an article about love, in the perspective of what it meant to the author and yes I would agree that love is mostly all of those things but as sweet as love is

It’s one of the most devastating emotions you can ever experience.

If it doesn’t choose you that is.

For the longest time, I always followed this philosophy “if they loved you- they wouldn’t do that”

it’s something I stood by for the longest time, at least until I came across of a video which explained it further.

The creator explained how we often used love as a way to be tolerant, to stay even when we were supposed to leave- having hopes that they’d change if we stayed a little while longer

We always accept the love we think we deserve

To choose people who will never choose us

She then explained how you could be loved by said person, but you could be treated other wise.

Were the feelings never there? No they were but, the connotations of love have become more romanticized than it was originally meant to be.

Love has always been an emotion we can and will never fully understand, so we rely on people’s interpretations and meanings as a way to keep ourselves afloat.

Love is one of the most beautiful and like I said one of the most devastating emotions

When you choose love but love doesn’t choose you. Love does not want you.

Love is the new manipulation

From the time I was a little girl, I’ve had to bear witness or hear things which questioned the view I had on love at the time. In my eyes, it felt as though love was the equivalent to tolerating huge amounts of disrespect, sitting still instead of speaking up or as a means to avoid accountability.

“But I love you”

“It’s because I love you”

“If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t correct you”

These sentences were used as convenient puppets for manipulation whenever the time came

I love you. Rather than a means of expression- a weight used to hold people down.

And we romanticized it even more.

There’s so much sadness when it comes to love- an emotion I admired but also feared deeply

At some point, love felt transactional, consequential, overly sacrificial. Branded even.

(even up to the loss of our sanity)

limerence/ˈlɪm(ə)rən(t)s/

Limerence is an involuntary state of intense romantic obsession and infatuation. It is characterized by intrusive thoughts, a deep longing for reciprocation, and the idealization of another person (the "limerent object").

This was our “ Love”

Love was treated like a business transaction rather than a form of declaration. Like I had to sacrifice all I had so I could be treated with respect or I had to do something so heavy, just so I could be accepted.

Love then became an embodiment of lust. It felt like I had to give up my body for an invitation into my soul.

Love became survival rather than comfort

We walked out on people who cared deeply about us because we were scared. We became terrified of mere forms of affection.

Cheating skyrocketed because we weren’t just satisfied with one person

All this so we don’t end up alone.

Was this really the version of love I wanted?

The selfishness of grief

We talk about the good parts of love and how love was meant to be, but we never talk how love came with a loss

What happens when the one you were made to love didn’t love you back?

What happens when it feels like your heart was forcefully ripped out of your chest?

What happens when you're only loved halfway ?

My halfway love

You dont know? Because you hadn't thought of it had you.

The Bible categorizes love as one that isn’t selfish- I agree. But with selflessness comes a certain grief, knowing that the one you love would never be happy being by your side

So you let them go, and you watch as they grow and live their lives like you never existed.

With love, there would always be uncertainty. The eyes you grew to love, may be the eyes you start to hate. The laughing you adore becomes the very thing that drives you insane.

The reason for love may be some the bane of your existence.

This is the strangest I've ever felt in the longest time, like things are really out of my control. It's been a while since I wrote on here and honestly I doubt people would see this. I want people to see this so maybe I know that my voice is being heard.

I think I'm lost, i just feel so empty sometimes and I don't know why I felt this way. I started spending more of time on tiktok and just drowning and right now, I really don't know what to do.

I don't like when people tell me it's just a phase because I feel like a big brain in a lazy body but how long would I keep saying that im just “lazy”

Even if it is a phase, wouldn't you think it's too long?

My birthday is in a couple of days and I just feel this pressure to do well and make something for myself, you know just start to be great and live according to how I see fit but now I feel stuck and trapped.

A lot of things went down as well including my relationship with God, I went from writing letters and just yapping to him to now, picking my phone up and going straight to tiktok without any care in the world.

Judge me if you will.

I think about relationships a lot and maybe it's because I just want to talk to someone, anyone and share my thoughts and deep feelings but as of now, I see sonder in real time.

We all have our own lives and dreams so much so that we can't just drop it all for a single person.

I just feel like disappearing for good, well not for good-just for a while until I feel okay, I mean it's something I was always doing but I cant (unfortunately)

I saw something that ruined my mood yesterday and I couldnt help but feel like something was wrong with me, something had to be wrong….right?

I don't want to seem like such a sad soul but can you really blame me?

There's a lot of grief that comes when you grow older and now you just feel alone and isolated and really no one can understand you more than yourself but you dont want to be understood by just your self, you want to talk.

I want to talk but.

I feel so weird and unprepared, like I'm just not ready and I want to cry and keep crying it out but I want to talk and learn more because deep down

GOD knows how tired I am, how tired I feel.

I feel so alone and isolated and honestly I don't believe fully that it's all part of “Gods plan” I'm a Christian but I can't just keep telling myself that. It may be true and also it might be something I'm doing wrong.

I thought to myself the other day and I came to the conclusion that I was fascinated with relationships and the thought of someone loving me because that's all I ever wanted. I always laughed and giggled about falling in love and talking and him just listening to me and then I realized again, I wanted to talk. For someone to listen and just look at me not out of pity but because I have been strong for so long.

A part of me feels guilty when I talk about things like this because others go through so much worse so what is my suffering compared to theirs? Sometimes I feel guilty about a lot of things, things that are completely out of my control.

I want someone to ask me what I think, what I love, who I want to be but then again I really cant blame people for not asking, we are all in our own worlds and solving their own issues.

But man, I feel so empty and hollow.

Am I becoming less happy? Was I always happy or was I just coping? I don't know and I don't know if I would ever know.

I think as you develop, it becomes increasingly hard to start explaining how you feel other than sad, angry, disgusted, etc.

It becomes very personal; sometimes I feel lost, Im surrounded by happiness but I still feel grief.

It's understanding that two truths can now coexist other than pretending all the dang time and I admire people who have it figured out at a young age.

I feel pressured by myself, like I am pressuring myself but again, am I to blame? I don't want to be stuck in the same stupid circles. Life feels so fast but so still and I just feel like I'm drowning.

As much as I want to send this to my friends honestly I dont want anyone to pity me or feel bad for me

I hate it

If you resonate with this, I just want to ask how YOU keep it all together.

This whole thing is a journey for me to find out who I am.

This statement was made by Lady, Sen Remi Tinubu I believe a few days ago. And quite frankly, I agree- yes, we should learn how to fry akara instead of wanting to be better, instead of dreaming big and fighting for jobs- we should learn the dynamics of the best corn anyone has ever tasted.

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We should learn the art of bean making while we continue to suffer.

No really, we should. It’s still a job, is it not?

Let us all sit and learn how to do the same jobs the media is still going to make fun of us for. Like we have not read books, they claim it is a job or it is STILL a job nonetheless and yet we see kids’ novels, diaries and stories making fun of the very people who only do that to make ends meet.

Honestly, Nigerians should learn how to fry akara. I mean would that not be better than to want or hope for the best?

This is just in, Nigerians try your best, buy corn; study it and fry it and be the best you can be!

Instead of us as your government to make you feel comfortable, we are still going to make you work until you die and still tell you it is not enough

Nigerians, Stop being so lazy!

It doesn’t take much to start a business that its security and maintenance is a gamble. Its really not that hard.

Why do you guys want justice? It is not like you’re going to get it anyway; we are just going to keep telling you to pray while we do absolutely nothing about it and dance with your money!

Nigerians. You need to work harder. Your laziness is very tacky!

Work. Work and you know Keep working

What we would do is raise the prices of food, water, transportation and make jobs a bit harder to find and then we would tell you that we are trying, I mean people still believe we are

Have you seen our campaigns for Tinubu?

Tinubu is trying. Yes, he is I mean to look at it. You can barely eat; there is no light and wait national security? It’s still up for debate.

Nigerians use your sense. You are lazy, Insolent and deranged people. We do not care about you, and we are only going to keep taking from you and making sure you practically plead for a drop of grace from our hands.

Nigerians try your best! As we put you in situations where trying is impossible.

Nigerians learn how to make kuli kuli! We certainly would not give you the resources for it but eh..you can figure it out. I mean you did do your master’s in business.

Did you not?

Or wait what about your engineering degree and PHD? We like you; you are not like the rest of them but honestly, we are going to make the job market tough so you might have to use the papers for suya really.

Nigerians. Learn how to fry akara.

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The fear of blending in, wouldn’t be something one would classify as a “fear” on its own or something to be explained in its own context yet, its one of the fears, slow motion like a snake but carries enough impact like a venom of the black widow- it’s not like the fear of the dark..no, that’s common or perhaps the fear of being struck by lightning?- that’s weird but you could say its specific but the fear of blending in is not, it hides under green grass like a rabbit avoiding being spotted by its prey. The fear of blending is the realisation that no matter how you try, you’d always be “similar” or the same as someone else.

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Sure similarity is cute as one would think, I mean it’s good to share the same characteristics as another- for you to talk about till the sun comes up and till the moon says its time to rest- it’s a reminder that you’re not insane for liking the things that you do and that there is someone out there who is maybe as mentally demented as you to like peanut butter and ice cream.. but I’m not talking about that… I’m talking about being the splitting image of someone else to the point that noting is particularly different about you, like a splitting copy of someone else, like they’re the person and you’re just a shadow, meant to mimic every gesture and like every interest.

The fear of blending in is like being stuck in quicksand, no matter how much you try to think of a different way of getting out, someone has already done that and now you beat yourself up for not being the first. You try, try, try but nothing seems to work.

Some people want to blend in, want to feel among, to feel normal but you? That’s no you- you want to stand out, you want to be different, unique, rare- you can’t settle to just blend in, BLEND IN?! you can’t! you wont! It can’t just happen.

We are told we are unique, yes that’s true but why does it seem like a you’re sharing a part of you with someone else? Why does it feel like no matter how we try we can’t just be different, our own person? The fear paralyses you every day- that andkhints of being an imposter is like the cherry on top isn’t it? So, what do you do? you try as much as possible to learn stuff, over time becoming a perfectionist but with bit of laziness- you want to learn everything, not just to improve, for knowledge or growth but also as a way to differentiate between others.

One way or another.

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Disclaimer: Again im” blind” and I can't see most of the mistakes I make, bear with me will you?

Okay so today I had church and one of my roles was with the kids

I'm a children's church leader.

Today we were talking about the beatitudes of the bible you know? The kids sat in a circle and all of that and was listening to the other teacher as she read the bible to them and explained things to them.

The beatitudes are a set of right blessings delivered by Jesus Christ (Matthew 5:3-10)

Jesus began His teaching with eight statements of correlating blessing, instruction, and promise, which have come to be known as the beatitudes.

• Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

• Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.

• Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.

• Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.

• Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

• Blessed are the clean in heart, for they will see God.

• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

• Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I didn't really pay attention to what was being talked about because I was attending to another child; he wanted to play Jenga and honestly, how could I say no to that cute face(he did punch me and make me carry him lol)

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I took a break from Jenga because he was just too good and he kept beating me(no that's a lie lol im the GOAT)

Anyways I took a break from Jenga and went to check on the rest of the children and that's when the question was asked

“Has anyone told you anything bad because you were a Christian” I smiled awkwardly I mean I didn't expect them to say yes but imagine my surprise when they did. I was shocked.

One of the kids said how he was called a sh*t and the N-word and we all agreed that it was racist. Others spoke about times where people were racist to them because of their skin color or their religion and my heart broke.

I mean I'm an adult now and when I was a kid, I didn't really understand racism till I relocated to another country. Although it wasn't often I could still say I had my fair share of experiences I mean men were calling me the n word so many times on omegle so I obviously understand the gist and I can take it to an extent but kids? That's where I draw the line.

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Imagine at 6-8 years old, a child? Scared to make friends not only for their skin color but for their religion and why is this level of hatred normalized? My focal point is both racism and religion but I'm speaking more on racism because I believe more people relate to that but if you relate to both then that's fine as well.

I watched a video last year by Niko(from beta squad) where he went to the most racist parts of England where you could legit get beat up badly for being black but obviously he wore a custom and did special effects on his body to appear white and my oh my and it hurts even more that parents condition their children this way.

I've never understood racism or any form of discrimination for that matter and honestly if youre on this app and you think like that then you need to get yourself checked

Respectfully.

It hurts more knowing that all these things are taught, are learnt. Misogyny is learnt, discrimination is learnt, racism is learnt I mean. Who have you seen that was born a racist? Or a misogynistic person? Isn't later than the line you see how much its being normalized?

Imagine growing up to resent your skin, resent your identity, resent your religion-hating yourself each day and wondering if it's worth it. if being black is worth it. If being a Christian or a Muslim is worth it because people don't care to learn, don't care to understand.

Black people are killed everyday at very high rates, black women were being murdered in the US like they're flies. Black being are ebig shunned and discriminated against because of their skin color because of their hair, their teeth and their culture and people are laughing

PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING

What's the joke, what's funny, why is my culture and melanin a joke to you? Why should I be conformed to stupid stereotypes(some funny and relatable but others extremely disrespectful and distasteful) Why should I be afraid to talk about my religion to talk about my race without feeling like I'm stupid? Without fearing my going to be the next meme, the next joke of the day, the next skit all because of what I believe in and it's sad, it really is.

Mind you the kids at church are from year 2-4 so imagine being so aware of that, being so isolated at a very young age for your faith, for your beliefs or your skin color and we think it's funny. We sit and say that's how the world is

Why should the world be this way? Just why?

Imagining being skeptical before making white friends. I saw a post on tiktok(unfortunately I couldn't find it) where his friend who was white was indirectly calling him racial slurs in a joking manner, telling him to pick cotton, to eat watermelon, calling him a monkey and all sorts of stuff and still yet we are laughing abi ? It's funny because they're our friends but when do we cross the line and we are here talking about giving people who are not of color the “Nigga pass” Are we normal?

If this is something you have no problem with I mean sure do what you want I don't care but know when to start calling these things to order because it's weird and it's stupid.

You're being called horrendous racial slurs and you're laughing because everything is a joke nowadays..

Isn't it?

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• Was Jesus really relevant?

Now, this statement comes from the moral influence model. The moral influence model states that on a technicality God could just forgive all sins and we would be happy for ever and ever and in a sense, there was no point of Jesus or blood sacrifices being in the story at all.

To that statement I would somewhat agree with that because it is a sensible view to argue God as it targets his attributes being all knowing and all loving but then again there is a fault to the argument.

Think of it this way, If a judge lets a murderer go free without paying for his crimes, he is not merciful; he’s corrupted.

That puts God in a corner if God forgave all sin- he wasn’t just and he’s ultimately implying that there is no consequence of sin stripping us from the ability to grasp the depth of sin. If God made us all die then he was wicked and then striped us from understanding the depth of his love.

So what exactly do we want God to do?

This brings about the question how exactly God can be all loving but also practice mercy

What does it mean to be just: To be just involves the conceptual understanding of both rights and wrongs in order to say “wrongs must be rights and crimes must be punished”

If I follow that argument of why cant God just forgive all sin and we all have ice cream in heaven then in tat sense God ceases to be just if he could quote “Forgive them all”

It just cant work that way; take the moral-cosmic for example.

The cosmic moral (or moral-cosmic) would collapse then because then crimes would have no real consequences(the cosmic moral implies that the universe is not just governed by physical laws like gravity( oh what goes up must indeed come down) but also laws in regard to individual morality(justice, truth, etc) which as you know, both carry weight.

If God decided to follow that principle, then that whole logic crumbles, leading to the question of what exactly the point of laws in the first place if all crimes were to be forgiven and never spoken of again and that challenges Gods character.

Okay then, lets remove the prospect of religion and substitute it with logic.

Law and order had to be initiated by a supreme being or governing body or entity who followed that principle or both physical laws as well as moral laws. Not attaining to them disproves the existence of consequences to actions or the validity of justice.

Can God forgive without punishment? ¹

According to “stand to reason” we argue that justice without retribution to the condition for justice would have never been met. Forgiveness without justice contradicts moral intuition and diminishes the righteousness of God.

Would we consider the government “just” if they do not punish any crime. The fact that we see them actively let rape cases Go or are heavily partial proves that they are not just.

Now the absolute law of reciprocity

The law of reciprocity just simply implies that whatever you do will eventually return back to you.

If I do evil to you, someone would eventually do it back to me

If I am kind to you, someone would eventually do it back to me or be kind to me.

The argument for that would be that when someone commits an act of evil, an imbalance is created, a debt which theologians argue has to be paid back

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Now your argument would be that since bad things happen to bad people and God things happen to good people then what about Job who we see the bible called righteous yet suffered greatly or Rapists who are “on top of the world now” and again leads you to question God’s character.

To that, the bible rewrites that logic.

Actions matter and have consequences, but present circumstances are not a reliable measure of a person's moral worth.

Which you could also see that the bible does in fact bring justice to people who have been wronged and punishes evil. But when does it happen?

The same day you sow a seed isn’t the same day you reap it.

Would you say that method is ideal in modern day times, No I would disagree.

Hopefully you understand the picture

In order to really grasp the basis of sin it is important to take note of the fact that God was infinite, and so Christian theologians would argue that God saw sin as an infinite crime.

An infinite crime could not be paid by a finite man it had to be another God, so what did God do- split himself to come down to prove a point so tahts Man-God(Jesus)

We are going to back track a bit where we talk about Gods justice co existing with his mercy.

Romans 3:25-26 talk about this very well and I’m going to use that to explain.

Whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Theres a word there; Propitiation ¹

According to the dictionary: Propitiation means the action of propitiating or appeasing a god, spirit, or person atonement², especially that of Jesus Christ.

The word was used in Greek terms which ultimately referred to buying the anger of gods so like a substitute for our sins or wrongdoings

David Guzik really breaks that passage down that in the Old Testament, yes sacrifice had to be made as an atonement of our sins; atonement as a covering for our sins that when God judges it or the time for Gods judgement; he does not see it but it was only temporary.

²“The idea is that through the animal sacrifice of the Old Testament, those who looked in faith to the coming Messiah had their sins “covered” by a sort of an “IOU” or promissory note. That temporary covering was redeemed for full payment at the cross

At the cross, God demonstrated His righteousness by offering man justification (a legal verdict of “not guilty”), while remaining completely just (because the righteous penalty of sin had been paid at the cross).

I. It’s easy to see how someone could be only just — simply send every guilty sinner to hell, as a just judge would do. It’s easy to see how someone could only be the justifier — simply tell every guilty sinner, “I declare a pardon. You are all declared ‘not guilty.’” But only God could find a way to be both just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

ii. “Here we learn that God designed to give the most evident displays of both his justice and mercy. Of his justice, in requiring a sacrifice, and absolutely refusing to give salvation to a lost world in any other way; and of his mercy, in providing THE sacrifice which his justice required.”

So yes, Jesus had to come. From that chapter alone, paul explains that if God pardoned all sins then he is just nature is questioned heavily(How ca I follow a God with no sense of justice or moral) If he kills us all(How can I follow a God who just killed without mercy)

“But God did kill without mercy I mean didn’t he support genocide I mean look at Noah’s ark and the Amalekites”

Noah’s Ark (Genesis 6)

Before we get into that, lets explain how the world was pre flood, the chapter concludes a state of moral depravity- Everything was evil.

Now let’s question

If God was the foundation of everything good, just and lives by order THEN a reality soaked in evil is an active deterioration from its own life source. If a judge allows for unmitigated violence, then he ceases to be just do it not?

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The idea of God killing without mercy. It’s been argued that in regard to Noah, Justice and mercy was implemented perfectly, according to the book of Genesis. God still gave them time which I believe is 120 years while the ark was being built.

Am I suggesting free will (yes I am in a way) would I continue on that merit? No because I want to make a point.

Let’s leave free will out of the question

In a more logical sense we dive into philosophy and that is the Law of Essential Nature(responsibility without alternative)

The Law of Essential Nature implies law of nature, in the philosophy of science, a stated regularity in the relations or order of phenomena in the world that holds, under a stipulated set of conditions, either universally or in a stated proportion of instances. (The notion is distinct from that of a natural law—i.e., a law of right or justice supposedly derived from nature.)

Okay lets think of it this way A snake; extremely venomous. Did the snake choose to be venomous(if you said yes they you’re just mad) but it didn’t. It just acts and inflicts poison based on its human programming. Okay lets say it enters a nursery- the caretaker then neutralises snake. Assuming the snake had not yet bitten any of the children, you would say that the caretaker does not directly hate the snake for its actions but that its inherent nature is incompatible with the safety of the children.

The foreknowing creator doesn’t completely change the incompatibility; its like re reading a book 1000 times and still knowing how it ends which is what we see in the perspective of Noah(again ill speak more on it later)

If God knew something bad was going to happen, why did he let it happen?

If God knew I was going to sin, what’s the point of sending me to hell fire when

1) I didn’t ask to be born

2) He knew I was going to sin

When we strip the concept of free will, we are left with divine sovereignty. So saying I didn’t ask to be born is very valid to ask but holds no legal weight to the creator.

Bringing to the potter and the clay argument.

The key passage is Romans 9:20–21:

¹"Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?"

• God is the Creator (the potter).

• Humans are the creation (the clay).

• As Creator, God has authority over His creation.

Therefore, humans are not in a position to demand that God justify every decision He makes.

The books we write on substack, cannot sue us(the creator) for writing It

If we are just “mere clay” why should we have to be morally responsible. I mean if the potter made the clay a certain way, then why should the clay be held responsible for how it turned out.

You see how I’m not saying anything about free will.

Free will is more human attributed but since we are taking it out of the question, we take out the words blame and fault as well.

Here we focus on teleological accountability (based on purpose, not choice) where an object does not need to have a choice to be held accountable to its purpose. Under this view “moral responsibility” does not ultimately mean you had the freedom to choose otherwise but you are fully identified with your outputs. If clay was made in a vessel filled with dust, rocks, sticks it held accountable to how it came out and it is simply discarded.

Structural incompatibility

Free will again is out of the question. Structural incompatibility implies that two coexisting factors cannot exist in the same place without destroying each other.

God is described as perfection so in theology If a piece of clay is molded in a nature which produces corruption, deceit or cruelty then its fundamentally toxic to Gods environment. Even if the potter had molded the clay for a temporary purpose in history, that corrupted nature cannot physically exist in the realm of absolute perfection

Back to what I was saying:

Why does God let bad things happen when he can just “swoop” in to help. I mean is he not all powerful?

The English is that suffering and evil both play a role in the universe, the doctrine of divine purpose.

Logically, you cannot know or define a concept you have not experienced; if you didn’t experience happiness, you wouldn’t know what sadness was. If you didn’t experience success, you wouldn’t understand failure.

Theologians argue that one of the primary reasons why God lets evil play out is so that his attributes are more visible. So, in that sense, in a place of chaos; you find God’s peace. In a place of foolishness, you find his wisdom and you appreciate it more.

The question I have for you is if nothing bad ever happened, would you still look for or hear God?

Whats the point of a superhero if theres no one to save? Exactly

Now the hell fire scheme

Why is it set up so harshly

If we remove free will, then believing isn’t a choice that you make; it’s a state of rewriting your nature.

God didn’t make hell out of spite, the Significance of hell is eternal separation from God- through believing in Jesus, God can now change that persons nature.

But how can he change the nature of a person who doesn’t want to be changed, a sick person who doesn’t want to be well? Let's also consider that there are many interpretations of what hell is

To be continued…

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‎Where do I start?

‎I've been having back and forth Conversations with my friends on the basis of Christianity for what.. a week now? and honestly, I have nothing to say

‎the origin of the Conversation is something I can't remember from the top of my head but I know it often lead to calls where he would have to tell me he wasn't mad at me and we just sort it all out.

‎He often sends me videos of what people say on tiktok, asking me what I thought. I mean these types of conversations were not new to me- sometimes I get asked questions and I answer them to the most of my capacity or flat out say that I dont know but this time.. this time was different. in all honesty, I was never promted to do certain types of research if not for my friend.

‎I mean if you see this shout out to you(even though your questions really rile me up)

‎The questions he asked were very generic In a sense, I mean so many people ask those questions or make certain assumptions:

‎1) God likes genocide

‎2) Jesus Christ wasn't relevant

‎3) God likes slavery

‎4) If God knows we're gonna sin then what's the point ?

‎5) God was a misogynistic being.

‎6) The concept of faith

‎7) Whether or not free will is an illusion

‎And other questions.

In all honesty I remember getting so determined that I did research on those questions and since then I haven't been moved to do more which is fairly bad.

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And that's one of many screenshots/points I made. If you want to see it I can copy and paste it here.

‎*Sigh* okay okay okay, I did take note of a lot of assumptions and questions and I did do enough research I think on that merit as I said before and with every answer my friend had another point.

‎The thing I love about our friendship is that we can confidently tell each other that we don't agree with certain points we make backing up a topic. For example, I don't agree that God loves genocide and he doesnt fully agree on Jesus's relevance but all in all he asks questions, I run to find an answer and my wisdom improves

‎Win win

‎If you asked me anywhere if i would do a Christian debate.. my honest answer would be no. Not because I didn't believe in God, that's not it- I just feel like to an extent I respect my level of knowledge and I have acknowledged that it might not be enough to hold down an argument and I still have a lot to learn.

‎No shame in that.

‎When I was having conversation with my friend, we appreciated that we could talk to each other about certain types of issues without being invalidated to a sense or something and I remember him telling me he was happy and grateful for me and I felt a bit happy as well that I'm able to provide that sense of comfortability but also being aware that not all conversations are healthy to engage in because it does plant thoughts in your head.

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‎Lets remove religion, it's the truth the things you consume either physically or the media you view does affect your sense of thinking.

‎Am I wrong?

‎I inconsistently watched Christian debates and podcasts, some very impact full I mean look at cliff, you see how well he incorporates Christian theology as well as faith and so leaning into the notion that faith can coexist with logic.

‎Back to what I was saying

‎One of our many conversations was how surfaced level it all was. I mean if I went to a Christian an asked them a very serious question a lot of them just brushed it off, saying faith and Love(no offence to them but yes)

‎***

‎Sometimes I had a problem with Christian debates, especially the one on cruise(in all honesty is cruise a sustainable source for information? not necessarily I mean their name is "cruise" what exactly do I expect)

The cruise videos often dweels on bringing two opposing sides and makes them "debate" eh okay then. I came across a video right and it was Christians vs Atheist and I remember thinking to myself that I was sat.

‎I watched the whole video and I was very disappointed on the Christian side; defending your religion okay I mean yes you defend what you believe in but why did it seem like you didn't target the questions exactly, you're just talking about faith and love(at least from what I can remember, I might be wrong)

‎Dont get me wrong, faith in Christianity is a big thing but then we are talking about societal issues, and as a Christian I don't want to keep telling you "have faith" without considering the issue at hand.

‎I might be wrong but this is just a heavy opinion of mine

‎Imagine using Henry danger to carry your argument, to defend Christianity?

‎”According to Henry danger, when you generalise you tell general lies”

‎check the video above (idk what's wrong with substack but pardon me)

‎How do you expect people to take this religion seriously?

‎Look if you want to defend your belief, do that but do that with consideration with other perspectives and real life issues otherwise it just seems flat.

‎Nigerians are very funny sometimes in defending their religion. A simple question becomes a screaming match or an insult battle or whatever, I just think its not bad to say you don't know, I mean I'm a Christian and even I don't know everything and I've accepted that.

‎I want to know what Christianity is for myself because it felt like every since I was a child I mean there was a "systematic" way of being a Christian at least so it seemed like at the time. I mean you watched the cartoons, added extra vowels so that your parents didn't smack you for finishing your prayers early or just any other thing and yes obviously I want to understand what I'm following I'm an adult for Christ's sake.

‎I mean it gets to a point really where you grow and start to wonder what you're doing with your life and who you are, what are your values and all of that and I wanted to know what Christianity was and in all honesty I'm pretty bad at it because I just haven't tried or not hard enough and man..

‎I always say things like "its not that simple" whenever talking about the things of the bible especially when its extremely heavy topics. I know to say that because I did enough research which opened up so many possibilities so no Susan, I'm not trying to avoid the conversation (maybe I am which I am not or maybe I don't know enough yet and refuse to just assume that its just like that)

‎ps there's no one named susan.

‎Free will. Free will has been one of the most important aspect of Christianity theology because I mean to a degree I domt think you can just argue on theology without considering that humans can amme decisions but that's a discussion for another day.

‎So apparently, people hate free will or rather the concept of it being constantly used in an argument because free will is seen as a way to avoid an argument and honestly, I see that now but on the other hand, it really is your decision at the end of the day but then again its a discussion for another day.

‎I had another argument with some of my other friends and I left that conversation in tears(online obviously) because it's just that overwhelming and I just felt so defeated because I refuse to believe that's just it. That's just it? I should just take it like that and call it a day?

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‎I don't understand, why should I just take it like that and say okay. Let me let you in on my thought processes. If someone comes to me you know because they decided to give their life to jesus Christ you know like ayeee but yes back to what I was saying.

‎If someone comes to me with questions, it is just that's how it is I'll tell them? or I'll just shove the bible in their face and then scream at them to read it? This is what I'm saying.

‎To tell you, I've had a conversation with a Christian on this app and in all honesty again I just felt meh. the conversation was me talking about my laziness to read my word and all of that jazz and I noticed a pattern. From what I can remember not once did he ask me why I felt that way but instead just shoving solutions in my face. Do this, do that, watch this and sure sure I appreciate I just felt like wow.

‎Dont get me wrong I don't feel like I have to be babied, I can handle corrections as long as they are not disrespectful.

‎I also had a problem with the way he(the guy not my friend,my friend is cool) carried the conversation in such a way that I had no prior knowledge of what I was doing and I picked it up like I'm fully aware I just don't know why I do it.

‎And like ugh

‎Im stubborn and my other friend has told me to have that stubbornness to actually find out and ask questions and honestly I will, because you can't tell me that's just it? like that's all I get?

‎NO NO NO NO

‎So when someone tells me I only want to hear God is love. I get pissed off because I won't even bother If that was all I cared about and thats what i feel people don't understand.

‎I mean dont get my wrong I have questioned some parts of my religion, I have becauss I desire answers, to feel and experience so no Karen it's not is love I use to sleep at night.

‎Not only that but I noticed a trend with Christianity, like it's a way to avoid bad behavior and as far as I know, no matter how much you know you word, it doesn't matter- you HAVE to take accountability, you can't just use the fact you're a Christian to do rubbish.

‎My dear don't let anyone deceive you(hold people accountable whilst giving grace)

‎I remember getting so angry on sunday, I mean if we tell ourselves that a man disrespecting your entire life because he apparently saw something "spiritual" then I should see those things too. The same way you're hearing God, I want to hear him too. The same way you're saying God told you something, I want him to tell me too.

‎I'm sick and tired to sitting in a place and just accepting things the way they are and calling it a day I mean I'm in a religion that being made fun of every single day and it bothers me HEAVILY

‎I read an article on God not being a misogynistic being and I agree normally because it doesn't just make sense to me because how? I thought God was meant to be consistent so how is he hating on other women but we have Ruth, Esther, Deborah?

‎I also heard someone make a point of God being a misogynistic being is because jesus didn't have any female disciples( this is another problem I have with arguments like that because a lot of them just don't make sense. I can have a class full of women- is it fair to say that I hate men and you SEE women actively support Jesus's ministry so what are we talking about?)

‎The verses of the bible, I mean we've heard it over and over again where men would just say "Wives submit to your husband" to win a stupid argument but as far as I know its meant to be mutual submission not just me submitting to my husband my husband should also submit to me. That's how it should be.

‎Parents, your own takes the cake too. Parents have quoted that children should honor their fathers and their mothers and all of the scriptures which talk about respect that all of that but FORGET the bible also talks about Parents leading their children to anger

‎Ephesians 6:4

‎Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

‎Fathers in this context referring to both men and women so yes even your mum.

‎So stop using Christianity to back up wickedness and actually start paying attention.

‎Im so tired! I've seen the jokes, seen the insults and all of these things and this is a religion I chose to follow so how can I agree that the same God people lay their lives for, people cry with joy of experiencing, the same God who made these dope ass angels with intricate designs, the same God who is so cool and intricate is evil and bad because people say so? because people don't understand? no.

‎Because if what you're saying is true, that God is a misogynistic being, that God loves slavery, that God is evil and bad then the people who risk their lives for this man are lying because why on earth would you want to follow that type of person?

‎Thats my take(the analogy might not be adequate enough but Im just trying to make a point)

‎I don't even care how I'm perceived from this article, I want to know and I want to understand and so I won't just sit and accept "well thats how it is"

‎Pastors! Why are you worshipping your pastor? did you come for God or your pastor. You can have reverence for them I mean i don't care, it's just respect.

I mean for all their efforts to share the gospel(I mean the good christian pastors and teachers) but people need to stop, genuinely it's annoying. You can be just as spirituality vast as your pastor or teacher so stop worshipping them.

‎Note: I would admit, the way I'm going about this article is a bit scattered but in all honesty I'm don't feel like structuring it, it's 1am and I didn't plan I just started writing so be proud of me.

‎I grew to give grace to all because in my opinion I dont fully agree that certain levels of christian theology as often was taught especially in nigeria so if someone doesn't know how to answer those questions, it doesnt just translate to them being "bad" christian and the same goes for atheists.

‎A lot of atheists have had very valid questions, questions which were often dismissed or became the basis for unnecessary amounts for disrespect and in all honesty it really shouldn't be like that.

‎This post alone doesn't do enough justice to a lot of aspects regarding Christianity. It really is just the surface.

Before I posted this, I sent it to my friend and he approved(I mean either way I was gonna post it hahahah)

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I sat facing the crowd in this packed auditorium, glancing at each one of their faces- all telling a story, each of them having a different reality to face but only one thing in common made them the same “me”

They stared, waiting for the last question to be asked by the interviewer- eyes glistening with expectations and excitement, worry and anxiety, confidence and pride- they waited, the silence was so loud even I could hear it.

“Okay Miss Crawford, this question would determine the outcomes of your life when you leave this place” the interviewer asked but strangely, I wasn’t anxious, scared or even worried I was going to lose. With an ease that puts your spirit at rest, I turned to the interviewer with a big smile “go ahead”

“How would you describe the color blue?” Taking the mic I stared into the crowd, my eyes locked in with my husband’s gaze, I let out a slight chuckle- he’s always wondered why my favorite color was blue- to him, it was a guy thing, so it was kind of an inside joke with us.

I let out a sigh and let the emotions speak right through me.

Blue wasn’t a color that was easy described unlike yellow which one would say reminds them of joy, sunshine and ethereal bliss- blue. Blue reminded me of comfort- the type of comfort that lingers when the clouds have no other words to utter, they pour with rain and scream with thunder until, they don’t anymore- I paused.

Blue reminds me of sadness, the type of sadness you have when you lose a loved one, but who says that has to be a bad thing? Blue is that reminder that you cared- the reminder that you loved, and you let go - blue is the memory that bring you peace each night.

Blue is like an oceans breeze, flowing through you, blue is that reassurance that everything will be fine, that you’ll be okay at the end of the day. Blue is an energy, feisty but subtle, confident but shy, energetic but calm- it’s not like the color red, the color that doesn’t care who or what anyone has to say- that fire that burns within you..no, blue isn’t that-blue relies on the hands of time, that’s the only difference.

For me, blue is gentle, blue is kind, blue enjoys company, blue loves silence, blue isn’t obnoxious- she wants to be understood, blue carries sadness because she holds memories, blue is peace- she doesn’t enjoy noise, she isn’t as energetic as red, or as nurturing as green but blue brings life- through memories, comfort. She isn’t as loud as yellow, energetic as red or royalty like purple, but she still matters.

That’s how I would describe blue, the friend you always need but never acknowledge.

We are all blue; just different shades of it.Some light that you barely notice-some dark enough we leave traces like ink wherever we go.

‎late night conversations

‎I was sitting in my mums room, frantically thinking to myself and worrying about the fact that I hadn't done anything today and I really couldn't bring myself to do anything especially because I had school work the next week so I needed to get it done before then.

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‎That bothered me

‎I was still lost in thought when I received a call, I initially thought it would be one of my other friends because we often spoke and worked together but it was my other friend.. my brother

‎I was shocked he called me, he was shocked I answered as it past 11pm so why on earth was I not asleep?

‎I thought he was going to start the usual gists on the things going on at our school(for context, we did attend the same school but it was different campuses) but this time he told me that he's been thinking about me and my other friend(whom he's in a relationship with) said the same thing.

‎oh?

‎It's like he already knew how I felt. How my brain made so much noise and couldn't calm down, how I was deeply worried about the what ifs.

He started to encourage me and honestly thinking about it again, It moves me to tears thinking at you could be considered and reached out to when it felt like you've been alone for so long.

‎He told me one thing "You are doing enough" I always found that hard to believe because I always had expectations and if I didn't meet them then I wasnt me. i wasn't who I was without what I had achieved because my achievements were things I could hold on to when everything else crumbled.

‎He told me again that I was doing enough and I argued that I wasn't doing anything at all so I would I know I'm doing enough or better still doing my best and to that he said that he knows that I'm doing my best .

‎He told me how much he missed the past versions of me and how he can't help but feel like a part of me had gone, had died- or has been hidden, buried under the harsh realities of life.

‎'You were so happy' I was so happy, was I happy now? I mean I seemed happy and I had this eternal joy but was it still not enough to hide the grief I carried with me wherever I went to the point he noticed.

‎i listened, I didn't argue, I didn't say anything. I just listen to him tell me that I shouldn't lose myself to the pressure, that I should let myself breathe and that it was okay to not be "okay" but in question

‎was I really okay ? or did I want people to think I was so they don't have to worry about me.

‎To be fair I don't know.

‎I don't know a lot of things, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know. if I'm doing okay or if I'm actually doing a good job.

‎I dont know

‎I'm distracted and it sucks, sometimes I feel suffocated in the things and the passions I have, to the point I don't want to do anything.

‎Maybe it is burn out

‎it feels like I have to pull myself. by chains to really do anything because I'm. really that tired, there's more to. this life but I hate how I dont feel interested in it

‎Like I'm in a box

‎To be fair, I just want to take a moment to cry all the tears in my tear ducts. I never let myself cry fully and to that I still dont know why so no, I couldn't agrue with what he said

‎"What if the things you felt like you couldn't do where just for a time period and the things you did do were what you were capable of doing at the time" woah I didn't think of that.

‎"I can confidently say I feel you're not okay" another thing he said and again, am I okay? what does it mean to be okay? are we all truly okay or do we just mask it better?

‎I think one of the reasons I fear saying I wasn't okay was because I felt like I was surrendering to it, like I was saying well I give up or that people would assume I was depressed or something

‎meh

‎He told me other things how I was one of the smartest people he knew which was nice to hear especially because sometimes I felt I was dim witted and utterly stupid.

‎The highlight to all this was me actially believing I was okay and that I would be okay and to be fair I need to do that a lot, sometimes I feel like I'm in a box or I'm suffocated but all I really want to do is breathe and just feel but my mind just can't settle down and is constantly trying to distract itself.

‎"I know you, you're smart enough to figure things out but don't make it your mission to do so" Little miss figure it out, I always loved figuring things out but overtime it felt like a chore that sometimes I have to do because of others and irs just so tiring and boring.

‎Why does it feel like I always have to figure it out, I always have to know. Why can't I just live without constantly feeling this way?

‎I want to do more, to see more but not because my life depends fully on it but because I want to and I believe I'm capable of doing it.

‎Thats nice you know.

‎Im not mad he told me. the things he saw, whether or not it was true to me. I was just a bit grateful I had people who noticed when I wasn't in touch with myself or I had lost something even I didn't see and I think that's the beauty of it.