If you’re reading this, regardless of how different we are, I think you will relate to me on at least this account: you want to be loved. Whether that be romantically, platonically, or in any other way, shape or form, you want to be loved.

Congratulations, you’re human.

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Now, as a girl who has grown up reading YA romance novels, I used to think I knew what true love meant. Obviously love was the embodiment of a handsome, tall, funny, kind guy who only has eyes for me, right? Well, that crooked world-view of love had led me to create a list of “standards” 140+ items long. And some of them aren’t even logical. For example, I have “doesn’t use social media” and “has more than a thousand Instagram followers” both in that list. Crazy, right?

Not to 16 year old me.

And I guess I shouldn’t really be talking, because I’m only a year older and have ended the one relationship I was in since writing that list. But hey, I’m a firm believer that you don’t have to have experienced something to be knowledgeable about it, so here I am. Talking about how to know if the person you’re in love with is “the one.”

Now I want to start off with a disclaimer, because I assure you I have had the same thoughts before. If you’ve never spoken with this person, never had any type of interaction with them, and are only admiring them from afar, then I don’t think they’re the one for you. I’m sorry. 13 year old me would be devastated, but it’s the hard truth. The earlier you realize that, the better.

Okay, moving on to the good stuff. Just to preface, I developed this thought while watching Tom Holland and Zendaya talking about each other, as well as some other celebrity couples too. Normally I don’t really trust celebrities to define what love is (for evident reasons), but for some reason what they said about each other really struck me to the core.

In my own words, what they said was basically that the other “gives them an unbelievable sense of calm.”

Now I had never really thought of love in this way. I’ve always heard of love being characterized as a “fiery,” “passionate,” “consuming” feeling that “takes over your entire being.” I mean look at all those classic romances! Love caused Romeo and Juliet to die. Love caused Ariel to give up her voice for a chance with Prince Eric. Love was the reason Allie cheated and then left her fiancé to be with Noah. Sometimes love is irrational, and that’s the norm.

But I think it’s even more romantic to define love as bringing a sense of calm.

Everyone runs into problems in their life, no? Everyone has issues, bad days, and times where they’re so stressed they just want to drop everything and run away. But this person, “the one” for you, is able to calm you down just by being there with you. They don’t have to say anything, do anything, change anything. They just have to be there with you.

You know if they’re “the one” if you feel less calm without them than you are with them.

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Another striking thought I stumbled across while doomscrolling, was that the love of your life is going to have to carry you through the death of your loved ones. Just sit with that for a moment.

Now, of course I’m nowhere near finding “the one” for me, but it’s comforting to know that at least I now have a baseline to measure all my future relationships to. If they don’t make me feel calm, if they don’t take away stress from my busy life, then they’re not suitable for me. And that’s okay, because I know that there will always be someone who is [1].

Note:

[1] My wonderful friends and family.

This thought has been on my mind for a while, but it’s difficult to put down into writing without feeling a little bit anxious, but I’m done being afraid of admitting weakness.

When I traveled back to China a week ago with my family, I had been really excited. I had just gotten into Penn (my dream school) in March, I had an article for the Daily Pennsylvanian coming out, and I had a glow up since the last time my relatives saw me two years ago. I couldn’t wait to bask in their praise and validation, especially since I’ve never been that impressive to them for most of my life.

Did I get the praise I wanted? Yes. But I also got something else: consolation.

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I was confused. Why did I need consolation of all things? I had just achieved a bunch of my dreams! I sat there hesitantly nodding along as my relatives told me how if I had tried for Yale, then I probably would have gotten in and would be going there instead. They said that my tuition was too high, and that it’ll be a waste of money, that I should go to some place that gives me the most scholarships instead. They said that if I had just tried harder in high school, I would be able to go to an even better school.

Each time I smiled, nodded, and said: “You’re right, but Penn is my dream school,” as if to give myself a way out. I started to doubt whether or not getting into Penn was even an achievement.

What I’ve realized, however, is that by saying that, I’m not also consoling myself. I’m reminding myself why I’m going to Penn in the first place. Why I applied early decision, bawled my eyes out after I was deferred, and then did it again when I was accepted. Why I make sure to wear my Penn merch once every week.

Because Penn is my dream.

They’ll never understand why I want to go to Penn, because they’ll never have the same dreams as me. Penn is arguably one of the best schools in the entire world to build a startup, which is what I’ve been itching to do since I left for vacation three weeks ago. Penn is the place that accepted me and told me I was enough after I got rejected from 5 schools. Penn is the place where I feel at home.

So the next time my mom goes to talk to her friends about college and they mention how their daughter also applied to Penn but didn’t get in because they did Wharton instead of CAS and she nods along and says of course she would have gotten in because CAS is a hundred times easier to get in, I won’t be secretly mad. Instead, I’ll embrace it. Because I don’t care what other people think of me anymore. I’m just going to keep my head down and keep building, and whoever wants to stay for the journey is welcome to. Likewise, if anyone feels like hiding jealousy behind casual conversation, then they can stay out of my mind and life. [1]

This quote by Feynman (my favorite scientist of all time) perfectly sums up my mindset now (and I hope you can take something away from it too):

You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.

- Richard P. Feynman [2]

Notes:

[1] To be honest, even writing this article made me feel pretentious. I got into my dream school, people got jealous, big deal. But I think that no matter the situation, I’m not going to care what others think anymore, even if I fail at something. Again, this just marks the beginning of a new me. A me who keeps her head down, works, and my life will be the answer.

[2] Of course he does not mean you should slack off and just do whatever you want without a care in the world. In fact, he was a proponent of quite the opposite. He said to study whatever interests you in the most irreverent way possible, and I agree with that completely. To me, this quote means do whatever you want, study whatever you want, and achieve whatever you want, because only you know what you want. Only you know your dreams, your capabilities, and the future you’re building. Who cares what others think about you right now? It’s so freeing to be unbothered.

I recently came across an Instagram reel as I was (regrettably) doomscrolling the other night that was about Tom Holland. I’m not a particular fanatic for him, but this video made me pause and really think for a moment. The caption said something like this: Tom Holland basically manifested everything that has ever happened to him. It then featured clips from his past interviews where he was asked questions such as “what superhero would you like to play,” “who’s your celebrity crush,” “what’s your favorite game,” etc., and after each of his answers it would cut to footage of him achieving what he said.

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Now to every other Instagram reel watcher, this was probably just another interesting video that quickly slips from their mind. For me though, this had me thinking about the concept of manifestation.

This reel wasn’t the first time I had heard of manifestation, and it definitely isn’t a foreign concept to me either. I had tried it at times in the past (like saying “I will get into my dream school UPenn” or “I will get a boyfriend this year”), and it seems to work somehow. All I did was either say my wish out loud multiple times or write it down and release it back into the world by placing it somewhere random. After stumbling on that reel though, I’ve begun to think that maybe its time to put my 2026-2027 hopes and dreams out into the world and manifest them to come true, because who can care more about them other than myself? That brings me back to why I’m writing this article. I want to try my luck at manifesting five of my biggest dreams into existence [1]. Comment below five of your biggest manifestations as well so we can chase after them together!

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Let’s start with number one: I will get a 4.0 GPA my first 2 semesters at college [2].

Despite all the “side-quests” I’m currently doing, one of the biggest aspects of my life is still my education, so I place it at number one on my list. Now I’m not going to do this because I need it to achieve another one of my goals (law school). Instead, I’m going to do this because I want to challenge myself and achieve something everyone else has been telling me is impossible (which it very much can be, I just want to try my hand at it first). So mark my words, I will be ending my first year of college with a 4.0 GPA.

Number two: I will finish writing 1 novel manuscript.

I’m currently in the middle of writing manuscripts for 2 young adult novels that I started earlier this year. For one of them (which I will be calling manuscript A), I am over 100 pages in and have yet to even start the bulk of the plot. The other one (which will be manuscript B), is half the length of A and yet already has twice the plot. Despite the differences of the two, I have learned many things about writing from working on them. I also love both of them equally, so I will finish at least one of them this year so I can move on with the publication process and show them to the world. I will be gradually introducing them and walking through the process of writing, editing, and publishing them, so if you want to follow along that journey make sure to subscribe or follow me on my socials linked below (which is another manifestation for this year)!

That leads me to number three: I will grow my TikTok, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Substack platforms to 100K+ across all of them.

Now I know how crazy of a feat it is going to be to do all that, but I’m dedicated and know in my heart that what I have to share to the world is important. I will center my platforms around endless exploration, motivating everyone to use their free will to keep exploring. One of the most important realizations I have come across is the fact that I have free will, and also numerous resources at the tips of my fingers to achieve anything I want. So I will use it. Instead of just being a consumer, I want to be a creator. I know to do that though, I am going to need to step out of my comfort zone of being seen and embrace attention. Which means I am going to also be sharing my journey with self-love, dealing with online hate (which will be inevitable), and acclimating to online attention. If you also want to do that or just want to follow along on my journey, I would love it if you become an early Builder with me!

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And here are my socials [3]:

Instagram: @bytracyxie

TikTok: @bytracyxie

LinkedIn: Tracy Xie

On the topic of building things, here is number four: I will grow my startup.

Yes, I am admitting to the fact that I want to found a startup just like every other person my age. And no, I will not be sharing what exactly my startup is yet. I want to keep it a secret so I can focus on building something useful to my users first. All I will say is this: if you’re a writer, my startup will be immensely helpful for you in your writing process, no matter what you write. I will share more details on my socials as I continue to develop the idea, create an MVP, find a technical co-founder, and apply to programs, so I would love it if you followed along! Again, my socials are linked above.

Number five: I will become student government President.

This is sort of a long shot for me, especially since I’ve never even been apart of student government, but I’ve decided that that ends now. Just like I’m gaining confidence to post on social media, I’m also gaining confidence to run for class president as well. Besides, one of the main reasons as to why I’m running for student government in the first place is so I can meet more people and broaden my friendships, so it’s a win-win either way. If I do get elected that’s just another plus.

I know that all of these are very career-focused, but that’s what I want to spend my time on right now. Of course I want to make new friends, start new relationships, and party as well, but I don’t think I need to manifest those things for them to happen. All in all, I’m mainly posting this for myself so I can A) keep myself accountable and B) release my manifestations into the world. I invite anyone reading this to again, try your own hand at manifestation. Comment below your top 5 manifestations for 2026-2027 and let’s grow together!

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Notes:

[1] Coupled with, of course, hard work and perseverance. I learned very early the fact that you can’t just rely on a wish or a manifestation to give you everything. You still have to work for it, and sometimes that work is going to be hard, but because of your wish or manifestation at least you’ll succeed in the end. So work hard.

[2] Notice how I said “I will”. I think that such framing is the key to manifestation. Not “I hope so-and-so happens,” but “it will happen.” It also changes your mindset about things and gives you a confidence boost as well. What better way to motivate you to go for something exists other than to believe you’re going to succeed if you do?

[3] I haven’t posted anything yet on any of them, but I will soon!

Today felt like the ending of a beautiful chapter in my life. I woke up and opened Path@Penn, then checked my AP scores for the final time. Were they all 5s? No. Was I happy anyway? Yes.

If I saw the fact that I had gotten four 4s and two 5s just a year ago, my entire day would be ruined. Scratch that, my entire month would’ve been ruined. For the longest time I had revolved my entire life around getting into college, and the uncertainty of it made me obsess over every little thing that went wrong. I got an A instead of an A+? Doomed. I got a 4 instead of a 5? No college will want me. I didn’t publish a research paper before fall? I’m behind. Little did I know it but my life was spent like a prisoner trapped inside the cell called “success.”

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I thought I knew what being successful was. Wasn’t it getting into the best school in the country? Wasn’t it getting the highest GPA possible? Wasn’t it becoming a corporate lawyer? The answer is no. None of that is truly what success is. Success, from what I’ve learned, is finding joy in everything you do. Once you do that, everything else will follow.

That leads me to the first lesson I’ve learned. Do not be afraid to waste your time. Now that might seem really counterintuitive, considering the fact that time is so often preached as your greatest asset, but it’s actually one of the most important things you can possibly grasp. Looking back on my time in high school, I had so many ambitions, whether it be start a book club or write a novel or create some videos. Yet none of them ever ended up happening, and it was for one reason: I didn’t want to waste my time. To me, working on those things was taking away time from studying or doing something actually beneficial towards my college applications. What I know now, however, is that working on those things would’ve been even more important than studying, because it brought me joy while also teaching me in the process [1]. I could’ve developed leadership skills from starting a book club, I could’ve improved found my passion for writing and sharing essays a lot earlier, and I could’ve spent my time in a meaningful way. It’s true, time is your biggest asset, so spend it doing the things you love, not on the things you think you should be doing.

I would be doing everyone reading this a disservice if I don’t address the elephant in the room right now. College applications. Ah yes, it’s the Goliath that’s been sneakily haunting your every step, waiting for the right moment to pounce and suffocate you. Trust me, I know that feeling very well, and also trust me when I say that it’ll fly by. Before you know it, you’ll be sitting at your desk in June wondering where all the time has gone, and how you’re just a few months away from leaving behind everything you’ve ever known to start a new life. I would be lying if I said that I wish I could go back and savor every moment, because it was genuinely one of the most torturous experiences of my entire life, but I do mean it when I say that I wish I had been more present. During applications, I spent every second of every day dreaming of my future life and complaining about how horrible high school is. Thus, now that it’s finally over, I’m kind of disoriented about how time passed so fast. Now I know it’s because I was never truly present. So enjoy your last few months with your friends, your family, and your classmates. Talk to the person you’ve always admired yet never had the confidence to. Stay after school and hang out with your friends in the library. Strike up conversations with old acquaintances you’ve drifted from. Do everything you’ve been wanting to do before it’s too late. Someone had written in my yearbook “if we had spoken earlier, I bet we would’ve been great friends,” and that truly hit me hard. So many potential relationships lost because I wasn’t brave enough to start anything. Don’t be like me, and put yourself out there.

Now of course, not everything is related to education or academics in high school. Something that takes up the minds of most teenagers at one point or the other is social status, whether that be having friends or a partner or being the most popular person on campus. And for those people, I only have one thing to say: it doesn’t matter. Trust me. The people I was terrified of not sitting with? I haven’t thought about them in weeks. I used to be obsessed with making as many friends as possible and sitting at the “popular” table, but now after graduating I couldn’t care less about those things. In fact, once I got into college all the seemingly groundbreaking problems of high school seemed to vanish, because now I’d much rather focus on the life I have ahead of me than on the life I’m growing out of. So don’t worry if you’re not the most liked person in your school. Don’t worry if everyone else seems to have ten times the amount of friends you have. At the end of the day you are all going to go down separate paths in life, and it’s likely you’re never going to see any of these people again, so free yourself from all the pressure. Be you, and be proud.

Here’s a final note to everyone reading this, whether you’re an incoming freshman or an incoming senior: do not be afraid to live. It might seem impossible to do things as a high schooler, but trust me, if there’s a will then there’s a way. I wish I had been brave enough to face rejection and obscurity so that I could’ve started my SubStack earlier. I wish I could’ve found the time to work on my passions instead of study (and by study I mean doomscroll). But I guess everything I went through to get to this point was needed. As Steve Jobs said, “you can only connect the dots backwards,” and that has never been more true to me than it is now. Trust in yourself, your capability to grow, and the fact that you still have an entire life ahead of you. So go out there and live it.

Notes:

[1] This is very important to highlight. Do something that will teach you things. Do I enjoy watching YouTube videos? Yes, who doesn’t? But am I pushing for more people to watch YouTube videos instead of studying? No. What I am saying is if you love watching videos, go out there and create some of your own. Alternatively, if you love playing video games go and create some of your own. The point is create. Build. Grow. Don’t just be a consumer, be the producer.

If you’re reading this right now, I bet you would relate to this experience: texting someone who responds with a curt message, then spending the next few hours spiraling over whether or not they’re mad at you.

Trust me, I get how mentally torturous it is, but also trust me when I say that there’s a way out. I’m living proof that there is.

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My Backstory

It all started five years ago during the COVID-19 era. I was an isolated seventh-grader who had zero friends and zero social life. All I did was scour the internet reading posts from Quora or Reddit instead of listening to my teacher’s lesson on Zoom. Thus, when school opened up again the following year, I was anxious beyond imagination. It got to the point where I resorted to watching videos on YouTube titled “How to Make Friends in 10 Steps (Easy).”

In my mind I thought that the actual easiest way to make friends would be A) say yes to everything, and B) act as nice as possible. I bet you can already see where this is heading.

My first resolution quickly developed into A) never being able to say no, and the second became B) be a pushover. After three years of doing this, it’s safe to say I turned into a chronic people-pleaser.

The saddest part is I didn’t even make any real friends. Did I make friends? Yes, but did I make friends that truly understood me? No. Shockingly enough, it turns out faking my personality all the time doesn’t support genuine connection.

I needed a way out.

Exploration

One of the most transformative periods of my life happened in the span of one month: on a band tour across Europe the summer of my freshman year in high school [1]. The life-changing aspect didn’t start on the tour, however. It started before.

My band teacher at the time had made an announcement to the entire class about the opportunity to spend a month traveling to seven different countries while playing in a band, and despite the fact that I was interested in it, I resolved not to sign up because none of my friends were going (I wasn’t about to cross the world with no friends).

By chance one morning, I arrived early and saw my crush (at the time) handing in his check to go on the trip. I don’t really know what came over me, but by the next morning I too had signed that permission slip and submitted my own check.

Some may call me foolish for going on a month-long trip just because my crush (whom I’d never spoken to by the way) was going, but let me tell you this: if given the chance, I would choose to go every single time.

When I got to the university in New Jersey where we were set to practice for a few days, it didn’t truly hit me that I was on my own for the first time in my entire life until my parents closed the door. The silence was deafening. I didn’t know what to do. What truly scared me wasn’t the fact that I didn’t know anyone anymore, it was the fact that I had all the independence I wanted, and that meant I had to take care of myself. People pleasing had to come to an end.

I forced myself to start small and stick up for my own thoughts (like instead of agreeing to a restaurant everyone else picked I voiced my own), and to say no when I wanted to (like not going to buy Swiss Army knives instead of eating fondue). This proved harder than I ever could have imagined because what no one tells you is after years of putting yourself down, your inner voice diminishes. Your habit becomes not looking out for yourself, but to look out for others instead. And although that may sound philanthropic in a way, you’ll soon realize that no one is truly looking out for you.

This subtle shift in mindset led me to make dozens of friends on that trip whom I thought truly saw me for the first time in my life, and whom I could be me with. I didn’t feel the need to hide, to say yes all the time just to keep them as a friend, or be scared to say my thoughts. This even led to my first friendship fight in my entire teenage life, and guess what? We worked through it. We got over it. And we continued being friends.

Maybe the fact that I’d never see them again after that tour helped me not care to keep up a persona, but the lessons I learned from them are nonetheless invaluable. Once I got home, those lessons didn’t end there. I continued to build, expand, and develop them, and thus the new me was born. The ex-overthinker.

Lessons

Here is the part I bet you’ve all been waiting for: my lessons on how to stop overthinking. Before I dive into that, I just wanted to preface that everyone’s journey with people-pleasing and overthinking is different. What worked for me specifically might not necessarily work for you, but I guarantee you that if you just go out there and live a little, do the thing you’ve always been scared of doing, you’ll come out a changed person.

Lesson 1: Trust in the other person to communicate their feelings.

One of the most common and time-consuming pitfalls of overthinking is wondering: “Is this person mad at me?” Because I’d bet you that nine times out of ten, they aren’t. I used to waste so many hours thinking oh, this person left me on delivered for ten minutes instead of replying right away like they always do, so they must be mad, or oh, this person texted back “ok” instead of “okayyy,” I bet they hate me now. See how useless these thoughts are? And yet it took me the most time to realize that. What finally clicked was when I resolved to change my thinking to this: if this person is mad, then they’ll tell me. I can’t read another person’s mind (despite how badly I want to), so I’m going to trust in that person to communicate what they’re feeling to me instead of blindly guessing [2]. This resolution works in another way too, in that it helps filter out the people that actually communicate with you versus the people who don’t. I’m assuming everyone wants to have friends that communicate well, so you’re essentially killing two birds with one stone if you think like this.

Lesson 2: Don’t be so controlling.

I used to obsess over my texting style. If I send a message, I needed to type out multiple iterations of the last letter so that it “softens” up my text and makes it seem less “demanding.” I never left people on delivered or read and always responded with something. I would spam random letters (for example: LOLKIEIOFEWIF, which is essentially a more enthusiastic form of LOL) to make myself seem more friendly. Once I got a life, I realized that none of this matters, and that people’s feelings are not so easily hurt. No one’s going to be mad that you didn’t add an emoji after a short text. They’re too busy doing their own thing to care. This works the other way as well. Don’t develop this preconceived notion that the other person must text a certain way (most often the way you do) otherwise it’s proof that they’re upset. Let them text the way they want to. Instead, use that time to pick up some hobbies. Start some side projects. Go out for a walk. Explore. Texting is never that serious, and it should not take up most of your thoughts when an infinite number of way more interesting things are out there waiting for you. (This isn’t just about texting, by the way.)

Lesson 3: You matter.

I cannot stress this point enough. YOU MATTER. Your thoughts matter, your feelings matter, and what you want MATTERS. No one in this world is capable of reading your mind or feeling your feelings, and I’m glad that’s true, because it means that you have something valuable to contribute. You are unique. You are irreplaceable. Do not shy away from voicing your thoughts, because otherwise, who will? No one is ever going to think the way you do, so that makes speaking your mind even more important. Who cares if someone else disagrees? They’re their own person, and you’re you [3]. Be proud to be yourself.

Lesson 4: Embrace the hard conversations.

The primary reason why I spent so many years unable to say no is the fact that I didn’t want to fight with anyone. To me, fighting and arguing meant the death of a friendship, and for someone who had no friends, this was scarier than doing something I didn’t like. My change in perspective on this is thanks to one of my closest friends who showed me that fighting isn’t what should be avoided. Hatred is. If you fight with someone, talk it out, and then grow from it, you’ve made your relationship stronger. On the flip side, if you avoid talking about it, bottle it up inside you, and hold a grudge for years, then hatred defines your relationship. Fighting shouldn’t be seen as an evil force anymore [4]. Instead, it should be seen as an opportunity for a new beginning.

Lesson 5: Live.

Go out there and experience everything the world has to offer. That’s the only way you’re going to change and become the person you want to be. There can be a million essays that you read claiming to help you overcome overthinking, but the only true cure is to live. Live, live, live. The world is your oyster, after all. Your life is what you make of it.

Live Differently

Overcoming overthinking has been a journey five years in the making, but that’s because I had to do it on my own. Yes, I did read articles and watched YouTube videos on how to do it, but none of them ever truly stuck with me. What really helped was just going for it and working through my anxieties one step at a time. If you’re scared of public speaking, force yourself to sign up for a presentation, and follow through. Trust me, it’s transformative. If you’re scared of sending a text message without softening it, do it anyway. You’ll see that no one even notices because there are way bigger problems in their life. If you’re scared of being left out, start a hobby, pick up a project, or join a club. You’ll meet people that will change your life. Most importantly though, remember that your life is what you make of it. Don’t waste your time living for others. Live for yourself.

Notes:

[1] I want to say a quick thank you to my friends on the American Music Abroad tour, you’ve truly changed my life in a way I bet none of you would have ever known, and probably will never know (unless you stumble across this essay). I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you all.

[2] Of course there are nuances to this, one being if you’ve done something so obviously wrong you don’t need to guess whether or not the other person is mad, because it’s safe to assume that they are. At that point don’t overthink it and just apologize. It’ll save the two of you a lot of time and energy.

[3] This doesn’t mean ignore all other perspectives and only believe in your own, because that’s prime breeding ground for radicalism. Instead, be open to other people’s opinions while sharing your own. Don’t consider an attack on your opinion an attack on yourself or your intelligence. Instead, view it as an opportunity to grow and become an even more well-rounded individual.

[4] During the fight it’s important not to let your hatred or hurt take over you at that time either. Learn to control your emotions so that you don’t say things you’ll regret later, and always keep an open mind to the other person’s side. From what I’ve learned, arguments don’t have someone who’s purely right and someone who’s purely wrong. There may be an imbalance of right and wrong, sure, where one person might be a bit more right than the other, but at the end of the day everyone is also a bit wrong too. Embrace that.

Specialization.

I have probably heard this word more than a hundred times in the last four years of school.

It feels like everywhere I look, there’s pressure to be exceptional at something. Students are urged to identify a singular path they will follow for the rest of their lives, workers are told to develop “irreplaceable” skills to survive AI takeover, and businesses focus on expertise that can be measured, credentialed, and marketed. In an age obsessed with efficiency, specialization often feels less like a choice and more like an expectation.

But that is not how I want to live my life.

I have always been the typical “history nerd” and “literature fanatic” in school, opting for courses such as literature and history rather than calculus or physics. I struggled to cultivate a love for STEM, since it never came easily to me. I gradually convinced myself that it simply wasn’t where I belonged, so I contained my life to only the things I’m good at.

Yet the questions that fascinate me the most rarely fall into a category I love. Just the other day I was listening to a Tanner Lecture from the University of Oxford titled On the Origin and Nature of Values, where cosmologist and philosopher George F. R. Ellis touched on the idea of science unable to determine whether or not something is inherently “good” or “bad,”because science is only a study of facts. He brought up multiple examples (of which I agreed with most of them) that proved his point, then he mentioned the polar bear idea. He argued that a polar bear losing its habitat and going extinct from global warming cannot scientifically be classified as bad. That stopped me. If the extinction of the polar bear, which is a keystone species, destabilizes an ecosystem, why doesn't science consider that bad? Where does scientific description end and moral judgement begin, and are the two ever really separate?

And once I started thinking about that, it kind of opened up a larger question for me. If science alone can’t tell us what is good, then what gives life value in the first place? Before long, I found myself wondering why we, as humans, fear death, and is it possible to overcome that fear through a change in mindset alone?

It’s hard for me to sit with a question unanswered, so I did the only thing I could think of doing: research. I took to Google and began to explore the biological reasons why we fear death, then the psychological reasons, followed by (believe it or not) the economic reasons, and then finally the philosophical reasons. After arriving at a tentative answer, I looked back and realized that I had actually jumped across a multitude of disciplines, most of which I thought I was no good at. It turns out I had unconsciously proved myself wrong. STEM can be a part of my life in an interesting way.

These essays are where I follow questions wherever they lead, even when they span history, philosophy, psychology, economics, biology, or fields I once thought weren’t meant for me. They’re an invitation to be curious beyond the subjects we think we’re “supposed” to love, or the ones we’ve confined ourselves to. It’s natural to explore. It’s beautiful. It’s human. No one person is two-dimensional, and neither should their learning.

Perhaps specialization is necessary for careers. But curiosity doesn’t have to specialize. Mine certainly won’t.

I don’t know where these ideas will lead, but that’s precisely the point. Every essay begins with a question and ends somewhere I couldn’t have predicted. If that sounds like the kind of journey you’d enjoy, I’d love for you to follow along.