Summer, 23^rd August 2024, Paris…

Another bright and sunny day in Paris, the light gently filtered lazily through partially open blinds, bathing the room in soft golden. Summers were a time for leisure, travel and vacations. Every Parisian followed this rule like their life depended on it…

Neil got up and stretched shaking the last dregs of sleep lazily from his warm and heavy body.

It had been a month since he had arrived here, this month had brought the most unsettlingly amazing memories.

The calls from home were a ritual that he looked forward to every evening at 4:00 pm which was 7:30 pm in Bombay.

It wasn’t a difference of just time zones; he had felt it in his skin. The quiet here wasn’t suffocating, but, in a way, welcomed him as though he was an old friend. Yet, the walls he had religiously cultivated around himself now had cracks, these cracks did not make him sad but happier in a way he never had been till date…

Andrea! An awkward flirting encounter at Maison Mulot and an unforgettable evening later he could not stop smiling…

His eyes went to his mother’s frame; he never let her out of sight ever. She was the first person to greet him every morning.

He smiled a little melancholically, “Good morning mum! Can you believe I have survived a month here, considering I almost did not want to be here… Never could I have imagined a straight recommendation by the Dean for the honors in Risk and Governance, the most lucrative elective at INSEAD, and next Andrea!”

His name was more than enough; Neil’s silence conveyed the rest. In that moment he suddenly caught the fragrance of Vanilla, as though his mother was smiling with pride at him…

He stared at the photo for a beat longer her smile somewhere deep in his heart. Today was thankfully an off with no classes, it was a waste to stay indoors when you could enjoy the sunny days outside.

He made his way to the kitchen, for his daily breakfast of overnight oats, fresh fruit and scrambled eggs, “Not French enough for Paris. Wonder what Andrea would feel about the choice?” he thought smiling ruefully.

He was planning to lounge at home doing nothing in particular while shit typing to Andrea, the staff handed him a thick cream-colored envelope, it had the neat slanting handwriting which he knew too well.

His expression softened and his eyes prickled with the memory, his very first time at a weaver’s workshop, the sound of the loom as it spun yarn into a unique pattern of peacock motifs, the weave was complex and delicate handiwork which bought together fabric and gold. It was priceless. His eyes had sharply followed the weaver mixing the fabric with gold in such precision that it was near impossible to replicate by anyone else.

His grandfather had been quietly watching him, his sharp assessing even before Neil had realized it was exam which he was giving!

His grandfather gently stopped the weaver and asked Neil to show if he could follow the same pattern, the weaver was making.

Eyes wide with shock, he had taken over and as if muscle memory kicked in, his hands moved with a quiet confidence that had shocked even the weaver into stunned silence! It had been impossible to distinguish his handiwork from the weaver’s…

His grandfather was not man of sweet words, but that day he received his first nod of approval, the Kabeerji acumen had indeed been passed on to him and combined with the Mukherjee patience and art.

The gift that had indeed been passed from his mother’s side of the family. Over the years, he had taken a deep interest in the textile business of the Kabeerji Holdings Pvt. Ltd.

The quiet focus of weaving, the priced satisfaction of creating something with your own hands had taken root that day! The quiet focus was his freedom to escape the otherwise fiercely rigid businesses of his family.

His grandfather had nurtured this skill and groomed him from a young age, to be a dreamer. Neil had known this clearly very early on that he would never inherit the business outright, it was not what he could foresee himself doing. Neil’s mind steadily brought him back to present, he opened the letter and unfolded to see his grandfather’s slanting and neat script…

My dearest Neil,

If this letter has reached you then I have been proved right… I still remember the first weaver’s workshop I had taken you to…. The same razor-sharp focus, the quiet confidence and a cadence of deep humility, you were to me the complete Kabeerji.

We are proud of ourself being the quiet carriers of legacy that sustains and nurtures the craftsmen who gave us the honor to showcase their art!

You emulate what we Kabeerji’s see ourself as, sustainable, quiet and kind to everyone who came to us. It is an emotional connect as much as it had the tangible benefit of money, reputation and status attached to it.

Our wealth never defined us; it was this quiet barter with skill for recognition of the faces behind who translated art into color and fabric! The business carried itself with its own merit not because we managed it…

You, my dear, are the invisible wall who kept being pushed aside by my foolish son for his lack awareness. Unfortunately, the day he realizes this, it will be too late! Your mother saw you, she took it on herself to make you the Kabeerji your father never managed to do!

Kindness that disarmed me with how you handled the strike of weavers, when you were hardly sixteen years of age, that my son, comes from your mother! Deeply empathetic, gentle as the quiet stream and fiercely protective for you…

I must apologize to you; we failed you immensely! I saw the desperation when you fought your father’s approval, and how battle stripped away the light from eyes…

There is no forgiveness for this travesty, I will go as far as to say, “My son does not deserve it, he sacrificed you and your mother at the cost his own inability for love!”

What I am about to say, please think on it, “Being invisible allows you freedom, from expectation, from change but also from Love…”

“You are worth every effort someone will take to know you, to see you and shine the light on you that you will feel to not recede into this darkness ever again! Faith and kindness are the gift you possess in abundance, it just needs to be shown to you by the right people…”

I have made the provisions where you will never have to stand in front of your father begging for scraps which he is too poor to give!

The lawyers will reach out to you, and my son, please do not think all is lost for you…

Always your loving,

Dadu

Neil sat frozen, unable to breathe because if he did, he knew he would lose himself in grief! Right now, it was close to where his mind was, too stunned to absorb the letter and the meaning it carried! Time seemed to just suspend itself in limbo…

His silence was broken with the sound of an incoming call, the lawyers had drawn the legal documents, the letter had set in motion with clinical precision. He sat waiting for someone to shake him out of the shock shouting that it was cruel joke, but none came.

Neil closed as his eyes and his fingers automatically dialed Andrea’s contact; he wasn’t expecting him to pick up but just to hear his voice could help him make sense of the shock…

Andrea picked up after three rings his voice teasing and that rich baritone that seemed to bring air back into his lungs.

“Neil! I was about to call you…just got done for today with my meetings. All good with you?”

Neil’s mouth opened but no voice came out, he closed his mouth and just swallowed the lump in his throat, “I…Andrea I…”

“Neil, is everything alright? Why do you sound distressed?!” Andrea’s voice had a worried edge.

“I am…I am fine, just wanted to hear your voice! I will speak to you later…” He cut the call before Andrea could reply.

The day progressed with same quiet and sunny breeze that had starting easing out the knot, the wounds had started healing slowly and steadily…

Paris was quieter than the usual din with some of the local stores and Restaurants closed for the vacations which the citizens spoiled and pampered themselves with, this time of the year.

Neil was dressed in a casual soft blue T-shirt hugging his athletic tightly and well-worn khakis, he strolled through a small park and took the lane cutting across leading him to the banks of the Seine, the city basked in the Paris Plages and misting stations.

A very Paris quirk that he found amusing and resourceful, the warm sunlight and the gentle wind provided the relief lest the sun got too intense for everyone.

He went about his usual Friday evening repertoire, casually strolling by the Seine and a quiet evening at the Maison Mulot for a flat white and a Rum baba…

Mme Chauvel was bustling replenishing the empty trays of confectionary and tarts when she looked up and spotted him. Without giving a second thought, she came out greeting him with warm hug and a kiss on his forehead.

She surveyed him with a smile, Neil blushed knowing she had seen what had transpired last evening.

“Comme d’habitude? Un baba au rhum et un flat white? “Neil nodded enthusiastically, “Oui, s’il vous plaît. Merci.” and paid his tab.

He sat outside in the little garden space and opened the worn-out leather journal untying the string and just took deep Wiff of the sweet leather and a faint fragrance of vanilla, his mothers.

He closed his eyes and his mind took him back to four years ago, when the cancer had yet not robbed her of her strength, she had gifted him this journal with just one simple thought, that stuck with him

, “You deserve to be heard, cared and loved…. There will be a day when this journal will bring to your chosen family, when you least expect but most need it…”

A tear fell from his eye onto the cover, wiping his eyes gently when, Mme Chauvel came with the tray laden with his Rum baba and coffee, she set it down carefully in front of him and saw the tears in his eyes and she rummaged through her apron pocket, an ornamental silver Fleur-di-Lis.

She took his right hand gently and placed in his palm. He didn’t know what to say, overcome with so much emotion he hugged her warmly, she held him tightly and wiped his eyes and in a soft but firm voice she said, “I know you enough to see how much you need the Fleur-di-Lis, and I also know how much Signor Castelini needs you in his heart…”

She pinched his cheek gently and went back to her usual bossing around and directing the scurrying staff.

He paused and opened his journal to his very first poem…

The silence of the lambs...

The way seems so short, so hazy,

My feet seem so lost & lazy;

A web of illusions cloud my mind,

The clattering hopes creak behind;

How haunting is the silence.... the silence of the lambs!

The threads of love have fallen apart,

The two heart beats have part;

The chains of delusion bound the soul,

As black, as dark like poisonous kohl;

How misunderstood was the silence...the silence of the lambs!

‘Till death do us apart’, seems so fake,

Now all stand selfish & enrapturing ache;

Sense & sensibility lost in blood,

Tears of repentance flow in flood;

How blatant despairing was the silence...the silence of the lambs!

The taste of flesh sinfully eaten,

Of lust & poison so easily drunken;

All at once as love lies defeated by lust,

The cackling voices triumph with gust;

How seductive was the silence...the silence of the lambs!

The clinking sounds arouse us forth,

Gluttony of money was never so sharp, never so forth;

Hearts & soul...feelings as whole have fallen short to this dark soul,

The power of gold outshone this tender loving soul;

How tragic was the silence...the silence of the lambs!

All doors of hope slammed shut,

As prettified frightened my eyes shut;

The haplessness of guilt curses my hearth,

The dawn of hope recedes the diminishing earth;

How tearful was the silence...the silence of the lambs!

Pushed deep & deep in the murky grotto,

Listless & sad lays tragedy in the shrouded Otto;

Joy was a distant memory no longer a reality,

Now grief strikes in with mind boggling severity;

How guileful was the silence...the silence of the lambs!

As he reread it, his mind was lost in the thoughts of what it would have been like to study literature, to analyze, assess and hopefully create his own world of thoughts, feelings and words.

The door of the bakery clinked and Sebastian Frost stepped in a cream white T-shirt and khaki shorts, his camera was of course the closest companion only next to his husband Ralf around his neck.

Mme Chauvel clapped her hands in excitement and walked up to Seb to give him warm hug and a kiss on his forehead, “I was wondering if you forgot me!”

Seb continued to banter with her while giving his order of coffee, a butter croissant and a slice of Moelleux au Chocolat.

Ralf joined him shortly and preferred an espresso, a slice of Opera cake and Pan Au Chocolat.

Ralf saw Neil sitting himself reading journal. “He is here Seb, like clockwork!”

Seb looked over and saw Neil, his striking slate grey eyes wrapped in deep concentration in his journal. Mme Chauvel saw them looking at Neil. Her expression softened and she let out a long sigh.

“The first day he helped with the crate of fruits without even giving it a second thought. The store was a mess that day, the accounts were completely off and I was not feeling well. He helped out with everything, the ledger, loading of produce all the while not expecting a single thing!”

She looked at Seb and Ralf, they had a deep sad look on their faces, “Such kindness is rare, so many people pass through these doors, but no one has ever helped out without expecting something in return. Signor Castelini really did make him smile yesterday. You must talk to him…”

Seb looked at Ralf who was looking shell shocked, Seb tilted his head and just pushed a very frozen Ralf towards Neil.

He was completely absorbed and oblivious to them standing about two feet away, close enough that he could hear them.

“Hey! Mind if we join you?” Ralf said giving him a smile. Neil was momentarily disarmed and speechless with the two handsome men standing close to his table, the taller one was muscular, ripped in way that could make angels weep!

He had shoulder length sandy, blond hair elegantly tied in a knot, he had sharp topaz blue eyes and a hint of stubble that accentuated his unbelievable high cheek bones, he was easily 3 inches taller.

“Good genes!” Neil’s mind screamed. In equally beautiful contrast was the man standing beside him, rich dark auburn shoulder length hair tied in an elegant knot. The most gorgeous emerald green eyes with flecks of gold and like him a lean swimmers build, he had a trimmed 7’O clock shadow that highlighted his angelic features.

Neil got up and extended his hand towards both of them. Ralf gave him a firm handshake and a knowing smirk while Seb enjoyed watching Neil squirm in embarrassment.

“I am flattered or rather we both are!” Seb laughed gently. Neil turned a shade of red and held his face in his palm.

“No seriously, we get this a lot more than one would anticipate-” Ralf added good naturedly but was interrupted by Seb, “You live for this babe, and that is also why you are such a narcissist…” “I photograph well, you know this better, Basil…” Ralf batted his eyes lashes at Seb coyly.

Neil was watching this banter with an expression of amusement.

“Before we actively scar this handsome here… I am Ralf Frost and this is my gorgeous but pain in my behind husband Sebastian Frost...” Ralf pointing at Seb with a spoon.

Ralf gave him smile, “So, I am going to actually get to the point! You flirted with Andrea and he took you out on a date…” It was more a fact than a question, which made Neil mortified and blush nevertheless…

Neil recovered while Seb was looking daggers at Ralf for his lack of restraint.

“Well, he was my savior in a battle of wits with an orange…!”

Seb let out a laugh and Ralf nodded approvingly at Neil seriously impressed.

“This one here has a deadpan sense of humor! I am already a fan…” Ralf squeezed Neil’s shoulders warmly.

Neil genuinely felt happy and light meeting Seb and Ralf. The conversation went easy and light as Seb and Ralf continued shooting poking questions good naturedly at Neil over Andrea.

“So, it just cannot be only the flirting although I never knew he improved his skills! But seriously what made you say Yes? You do not strike me as guy who would agree to go on a first date with a stranger you met for the first time…”

Ralf also looked at Neil with raised eyebrow obviously for the tea…

“Andrea looks at me like I matter to him…like I am visible. He just made me feel seen, no one except my brother, aunt and uncle have done it till date…”

He stopped for a beat and looked at Seb and Ralf; they nodded at him to continue.

“We spoke in silence more than in words, he understood my vulnerability and never once made it an improvement project. To him, I was the only person existing in that Bistro yesterday evening!”

Ralf and Seb looked at each other with wide and knowing smiles.

“That is him, that asshole never stops being a gentleman but from what you just told us, I see the fire bright and burning like never ever before, Neil…”

Ralf nodded enthusiastically and Neil melted blushing scarlet in the chair.

“You will have plenty of opportunities this evening, we have Carlos and Chris as well as Andrea coming over after quite a few days for drinks and dinner. You are joining and that is an obligation, a hard one!” Ralf said dabbing a finger faux threateningly at Neil.

Seb and Ralf got up and took his number and both gave him a warm and tight hug and they left...

Neil dialed Andrea and waited, two rings this time and Andrea’s voice came irritable.

“Now you remember me, you can’t just do that to me Neil!”

“I was shocked, also I met Sebastian and Ralf right now…”

There was a solid silence of fifteen seconds…

“Motherfucker! You are invited this evening at their place?!” Andrea whimpered softly.

Neil almost lost it there; Andrea was being adorable at a level which should have been illegal.

“Yes, and I kindly accepted the invite, Andrea…”

Again, there was a longer pause and the silence was a tell, he knew what Andrea was thinking.

“Are you sure about this, Neil?” Andrea’s voice turned softer.

“Yes…” Neil said gently but firmly.

A beat later, “I am picking you up in an hour…”

Neil smiled, “Andrea, even I am lost in the Shape of You…”

“Neil… I am coming in half an hour!” Andrea cut the call and Neil held on, the realization dawning as to what he had just confessed…

He lifted the silver Fleur-di-Lis it sparkled against the setting sun and a smile formed on his lips…

The story continues in chapter 8: A Midsummer’s Dream… of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

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The summers in Paris were always a hit and miss, for reasons when the mid-days could be scorching hot with the early mornings and evenings a cooler and forgivable travesty. The Paris Summer Festival and Fête de la Musique were in full-swing and Neil was not going to let the opportunity pass off to soak in the local flavor.

His days ran like clockwork, getting up at 6:00 am sharp. Then head for a run through the Jardin des Tuileries, and a quick stop just admiring the handiwork of the city, fine lines, architectural grandeur and a different kind of romance in itself…

He had finished running his assignment through the plagiarism checker software, which was no less complicated than an already advanced workload in Governance and Corporate policy. He had just finished submitting it, he took a moment just sitting in the library when a TA informed him, he was expected in the Dean’s office.

He knocked on the Dean’s, Monsieur Dr. Nicolaus Stellmacher glass cabin door and waited.

“Enter…” came his sharp voice.

“Ahh, Neil please…have a seat…” He was a sharp gentleman with grey hair and alert eyes that were behind rimless silver glasses.

“I hope, there is no issue-” Neil started nervously but he lifted his finger and just smiled softly.

Again, a rare occurrence even in the privacy of his cabin, Neil was subtly mortified but nodded and waited for him to speak.

“I will put you out of the obvious nervousness young man! We are expected to start with the first examination of the academic year, but with the orientation scores, the assignments, the feedback from the industry mentors, and my fellow colleagues I want you to consider taking the honors elective in Risk and Governance for the Financial Markets.” He stopped and let the information sink in Neil.

Neil looked shocked and unsure as to how to react, “It is one of the toughest electives and I wasn’t aware I would be even considered for it…”

Dr. Stellmacher smiled knowingly suggested he expected the question.

“The scores and feedback are in front of us, do you remember your essay you sent during the application rounds? That also plays a significant role for us making an information decision. The Risk and Governance elective is toughest yet at INSEAD among all the campuses. An aptitude and knowledge in itself aren’t enough, you need to be able to convey it smartly enough…”

Neil was still shocked but nodded gently, “You think I have what it takes to crack it?”

“You are already asking the right question! Also, Neil please stop trying to sell yourself short…”

Neil nodded and just let out a breath, Dr. Stellmacher was assessing him with a smile. Before Neil could answer, he said in a firm voice that stopped anymore discussion.

“I have already informed the administrative team of the change, you will receive the new schedule by late evening today. Classes begin Monday onwards. Do not be late, young man!”

Neil got up and just whispered a soft, Thank you.” He left the campus, the day was still a Thursday, a normal almost monotonous work-day but somewhere the heaviness was no longer suffocating and constricting…

Neil did not realize until he was standing just outside the bakery Maison Mulot near home. He smiled and stepped in before his mind could tell him to stop otherwise. Mme Chauvel looked up when the bell rang, she smiled at Neil warmly and stepped out from behind the counter…

She was a short and a feisty woman who had offered him a Rum baba the first time he came in confused, but eyes sparkling with happiness. It had turned into a Friday ritual of sorts, coming in at 4:00 pm in the evening…

Today it was a Thursday, that in itself was an anomaly for Neil. A person who was a fiend for discipline and meticulous schedules, this was an oddity. But he did not feel strange, if anything it was happiness and a strange sense of the invisible feeling that was trying gently to prod at his nerves…

Mme Chauvel’s nephew came in hauling crates of fresh cherries, Neil kept his bag and his coat aside and rushed to help, he protested passionately but gave in once he saw it was Neil. There were four crates of cherries and a basket of oranges. Mme Chauvel was bustling trying to haul Neil away from carrying the boxes but gently held her hand.

“Please…it is no effort at all! It is the least I could do for how kind you have been to me…”

She smiled warmly and pinched his cheeks like a loving grandmother; Neil took the basket of oranges which considerably heavier than he anticipated. He walked carefully, but as clumsy as he avoided being, one orange fell and his left foot caught it and he lost balance, the basket already heavy pressed him backward, he was about to crash embarrassingly on his ass but a solid pair of hands held his waist and steadied him while Mme Chauvel’s nephew shook his head apologizing to him…

Neil picked up the fallen orange and laughed softly shaking his head, “Of all the things that could undo someone, the worst is this orange…”

The person who had caught him laughed gently, “I have never someone do Quick Step with an orange before…”

Neil embarrassed and refusing to look back gave a mildly dry reply, “My left foot doesn’t really understand synchronicity with its right counterpart….”

“You talk about synchronicity like it’s an option…Is your humor naturally this deadpan?” The person asked mildly amused.

Neil turned and finally made himself face the rich, gravelly and baritone voice. He was tall a respectable two inches more on him, with shoulder length hazelnut brown hair that was tied elegantly with a leather strap, sharp and warm hazel-colored eyes, the sharp Mediterranean features and high cheek bones, the jaw-line carved out of marble and a five-o-clock shadow…

He was built like Apollo, muscular but not vain enough to seem cocky about it. He wore a light cream-colored shirt and brown form-fitting chinos that left everything to obvious imagination. He was smirking softly letting Neil take drink in him…

“Show-off!” Neil whispered audibly and the man had the audacity to laugh out loud, the sound sent a jolt, which Neil tried hard to suppress too late…

Andrea surveyed him with unapologetic interest, the first thing besides how restrained his mouth was agape he had the most beautiful slate-grey eyes with a hint of dark black, swirls like smoke but still liquid enough to carry a twinkle in them, he was two inches shy of Andrea, messy dark brown curls making him look effortlessly young, youth also sharpened with his angular feature and high cheek bones. He wore a simple light blue shirt fitting his athletic runner’s physique like a glove and grey trousers…

“You could try be a little more inconspicuous…” Neil said clearing his throat, there was no bite but a shy undertone suggesting Andrea that he was welcoming this attention…

“I am enjoying this far too much for my benefit…” Andrea shook as he picked up his order and made way a free table in the quaint garden sitting area of the bakery.

“Now wait up…is it mine or yours…” Neil huffed a smile following Andrea and promptly sitting opposite him.

“Well, that remains to be seen…Andrea…” he raised his hand for Neil, Neil took it his grip slightly unsure but shook it fairly steadily.

“Neil… are you always like this with every new guy you meet in a bakery?!” His voice curious but no bite to it.

“If you mean you, who lost his evening battle with an orange, then yes, I am very much that guy!” Andrea said pointedly with humor.

“That is a fair assessment!” Neil said smoothly.

“Fair sounds much less like a compliment than an insult…” Andrea did a fake scowl which Neil somehow found too adorable.

“Well…that was good, sensitive, aren’t we?!” Neil said as he raised his hands in mock apology.

There was silence for a beat as Neil took a sip of his flat white Andrea watched the white foam moustache form on his upper lip, he had a sudden inclination lean and wipe it with his thumb and just lick and suck on it while looking straight in Neil’s eyes.

“Pace yourself sir…” Neil said in teasing voice.

Andrea let out a small laugh, the attraction was there, it had felt natural in sense that should have alarmed both of them, but strangely it did not. Neil would have never responded to such flirting and Andrea would have never flirted with an unknown in a bakery and this openly. But yet, here they were. Just smiling at each other knowingly while having their coffees.

Words now seemed to become an option as opposed to an obligation. The silence did not stop being comfortable, it just carried the weight better and deeper than words could have. Neil cleared his throat softly breaking the silence.

“I have never responded to anyone the way I did to you Andrea…” Andrea smiled, hearing his name coming from Neil’s lips thrilled him in a way that was both scary and exhilarating.

“I hope not, I don’t want you to respond to anyone else like you did to me…” The words left Andrea’s lips before he could hold them back, Neil’s eyes went wide and his cheeks turned red.

“Well, then aren’t you going to ask me out?!” Neil delivered it with that same lazy deadpan expression which made Andrea laugh out louder. Neil just stared at him; Andrea’s laugh was something he could hold on to for dear life.

Andrea took a breath and just closed his eyes, Fabio’s betrayal still made it difficult to breathe sometimes, the stab had turned blunt almost like a tap but nevertheless it was still there. The loneliness was warring with every coherent thought in his mind.

“What if he turns out the same…you have asked an unknown guy out in a bakery…what if he uses you the way Fabio did…will he notice the Andrea behind the mask, the one who wants to be held, to let go and be lead….”

Neil saw Andrea’s shoulders going tense, momentarily he felt guilty, for pushing this man towards something that stirred painful memories. He thought of getting up and leaving, out of his own cowardice, building the expectation which he might never be able to fulfill…

He was just about to get when Andrea opened his eyes and looked straight into Neil’s…

“Tomorrow, 8:00 pm. I will pick you up!”

Neil just smiled and let out sigh of relief…

“So may I have your number please, Andrea?”

Andrea smiled and saved the contact details in Neil’s phone all the while they continued to look into each other’s eyes. They both felt it but to say it meant accepting it, Andrea looked down for a moment feeling the weight of the silence and what it meant…

“I know…” Neil said gently, he gently placed his hand on Andrea’s not squeezing, not expecting just a quiet understanding that said more than Andrea ever could imagine.

“I will message you my address and Andrea, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow evening…” He gave Andrea a radiant smile, it landed where it should. Neil turned and left the bakery leaving behind a stunned but happy Andrea…

Neil…

I was still shocked and mystified of what happened today. I was never the person who flirted back with a guy so shamelessly. But for some reason, the warmth and honest interest that Andrea carried took my breath away. Now, I had a date with Andrea Castelini!

The name carried a legacy so formidable that he stopped himself from asking me out officially, this went on to show the weight he carried and how lonely the throne is for the custodian. I had been fortunate enough to step away from it, but never stopped being a part of it…

I like him, more than I could imagine and even allow myself to. The laughing lines had not hidden the past of his past, neither did it scare me to stop taking those steps towards him. At 26, I allowed myself to feel what feeling till date was forbidden and impossible...

Dinner was quiet, the schedule arrived at 9:00 pm like clockwork as informed by Dr. Stellmacher. Was the page really turning over for me! Shall I really dare hope…

Andrea…

My mind was still buzzing from residual heat from his smile, the ‘I understand’ told me everything I could have dreaded but hoped. Neil was not just a smart guy with killer eyes, but an intuitive and a warm soul who knew when to stop and when to pursue…

That was what had disarmed me, every instinct and fiber of my brain had screamed at me to offer a polite excuse but against that careful and controlled restraint I threw caution to the wind...

Tomorrow, I had a date, a real date with Neil, that Neil who was defeated in a bakery with people around by a single orange. I had been fortunate to steady and hold him up, the more I thought about him, the more unsettlingly happy I feel…

Summer evening, 23^rd August 2024, Paris…

Andrea…

It was 5:00 pm and I could not restraint myself with patience anymore, which was both cute and unsettling by all means. Neil had sent me his address and I promised to pick him up at 7:00 pm sharp…

Both of us agreed to keep it easy and conversational. The unspoken rule remained; sex was not agenda. Neither for me nor for him. I had just come back from the private Gym and an intense workout but all I could think of was Neil.

I was never going to hear the end of it from my quartet, but for once I needed to have this one evening where I did not control the surrounding, be answerable or restraint myself.

I just wanted Neil, like really bad! Dangerous thought…

I pushed aside the chaos and started getting ready, I chose a modest light blue shirt keeping the top buttons open with sleeves folded twice, clean and precise. Next came my form-fitting tan slacks with my leather loafers. Simple, clean and understated…

I put on my fragrance for the evening, woody and spicy with a hint of smoke nothing that could make his mouth water…

I handed the driver the address and we started. I sent Neil a quick message to let him know we would be there in thirty minutes with the traffic…

The anticipation to see his smile was palpable, I was smiling more than I had ever done! I could not wait for the evening to begin…

Neil…

Andrea’s message nearly made me have a panic attack! He was thirty minutes away and I was still embarrassingly covered in a towel after a warm shower post a quick run through usual my route…

I needed it more than the exercise, my nerves were all over the place, in the best possible way! Dangerous thought and I welcomed it. I took a deep breath and chose a soft slate-grey sweater that always went well with my eyes underneath grey t-shirt, simple white slacks with my vanilla and smokey fragrance…

I looked at myself in the mirror, I did look good! A first, the only person who told me that was mum and Samar back home. That brought a pinch of sadness in me...

I stepped out into the foyer when my phone rang, “You are not planning to run right!” Andrea smirked lightly.

“Wish I could, but I promised this guy!” I said with a fake air of haughtiness.

Andrea let out a small laugh, “I am here…”

“See you in a minute…” Neil stepped out and saw Andrea standing leaning against the door of his car effortlessly handsome and gorgeous. He caught Neil’s eye and his mouth fell open slightly as he took him in…

Neil walked the few steps while Andrea continued to gawk at him…

“So, we are going right?” Neil said lightly with a shy smile putting on Andrea’s shoulder.

A tremor passed Andrea and he snapped out of the freeze, he cleared his throat and held the door for Neil, the gentleman…

Neil climbed in as Andrea settled next to him, close enough but leaving a respectable space to not crowd each other…

Neil broke the silence, “So, was I really looking that put together or you were just being kind gawking me!”

Andrea’s shoulders relaxed a bit and he let out a small laugh, “Jokes apart, you look gorgeous Neil!”

Andrea’s warm hazel eyes held Neil’s deep slate-grey and momentarily both forgot the car, the movement and even the seats…

Somewhere unconsciously Neil’s fingers touched Andrea’s and he threaded them together just holding and pressing but just grounding. This simple gesture made Neil happy, the knot in his stomach loosened gently and he leaned and kissed Andrea gently on his cheek…

Andrea felt the touch deep within his heart and squeezed Neil’s hand gently…

The silence was its own answer…the Bistro was one of the underrated spots in the 17^th Arrondissement. The table was a private booth away from the hustle of the main Bistro…

Neil settled and just did a quick glance of the place, understated, quaint and hidden…

“Thank you…” he whispered to Andrea.

“I know, and to many such dates…” Andrea gently clinked his glass with Neil and took a slow sip.

“So, could I ask you something?” Neil said in a measured and an unsure voice.

“Go on…” Andrea said as he extended his hand and covered Neil’s grounding him.

Neil looked at their hands entangled and smiled, “How did you know I was awkward in too much spotlight?”

“It is simple, you think a lot before offering the thing which you know you can give. Although there are exceptions to it! Also, for someone who feels too vulnerable facing the glances of people it isn’t easy. And I was not going to put you in a place that could have taken away your sense of safety, Neil.” Neil held Andrea’s hand firmly and gave him a soft smile.

Andrea took a sip of his sparkling water and leaned forward, “May I ask you something?”

Neil nodded smiling, “You are not a person who would outright flirt with any guy, plus I see you hold back as though afraid. What changed for me?” Andrea asked in a genuinely curious voice.

“I am not sure, if this is convincing enough…I just felt safe to open up, the way you held me from falling it felt secure. I felt somehow seen after a long time…” Neil looked down obviously emotional and vulnerable.

Andrea’s heart ached with understanding, “A touch is far more intimate and lasting than words could ever be, and knowing I made you feel safe and secure even in that small movement makes me happy, Neil!” Neil looked at Andrea as though afraid he would joke but his expression was steady and calm and that was enough…

After that the conversation was light, their fingers remain threaded together just holding the moment. At one time, Neil passed another dry joke which made Andrea laugh openly and freely, Neil smiled shyly imprinting Andrea’s laugh in his memory…

The food was simple, the conversation easy and the atmosphere quiet in way that did not demand anything from either of them. For that evening, Andrea forgot the betrayal, the Castelini legacy and the restraint that came with it. Neil forgot his loneliness, his grief and his pain…

It was almost 10:00 pm and the streets were quite with a gently breeze of a cool summer that calmed Neil and Andrea, they were standing outside Neil’s home in silence not ready to let the evening recede...

“I had the best time with you, thank you for the spoken and unspoken comfort Andrea!” Neil held their joined hands firmly.

“Thank you for giving me the honor of showing what Neil is truly like this evening!” Andrea held Neil’s hand and kissed it softly.

Neil withdrew his hand still looking in Andrea’s eyes hoping this night would not end with them going in opposite directions to their homes…

Andrea closed the space between him and Neil, “I feel it with the intensity that I never thought was possible Neil.” His right hand gently rested on Neil’s jaw.

Neil leaned in his touch with pure instinct like it was muscle memory.

“I am scared Andrea…because I feel it with the same intensity as you do!”

Andrea’s expression turned soft and before either could realize they leaned and kissed. It was tentative and testing for both but Neil’s palms settled on Andrea’s chest feeling his heart beat with the same rhythm as his own. Andrea gently stroked Neil’s jaw and pulled him in a deep and kiss which stole their breath away, Neil’s hands went around Andrea’s neck pulling him deeper into him…Andrea parted his lips as Neil’s tongue entered his lips while his hands held Neil’s waist firmly pulling him closer…

The kiss had told them everything without words, they leaned in forehead resting and looking into each other’s eyes…

Andrea in soft voice whispered, “I am lost in The Shape of You, Neil…”

Neil’s throat closed with emotion as he hugged and held tightly while Andrea gently stroked his cheek…

The story continues in chapter 7: ‘The Fleur – di – Lis’…of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

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The sunrise brought in a stream of light breaking through the curtains illuminating the marble floors which gently spread the light across the ceiling and bringing with it spring summers which meant Paris with her inhabitants would bask in the precious few weeks before the showers set in…

Seb sat in heavy silence in the Ottoman his eyes transfixed on the portraits hung on the alabaster walls of their bedroom…

The warmth of the early sunshine cast a glow on his long hair; his jaw was set firmly but his lips quivered with the pain of the night. He was a wreck; guilt was still stabbing at him sharply…

Not one text or a call from Ralf, though even if there was one, he knew, he would not be able to say anything, as there was nothing left to say…

The door of the room opened gently and someone stepped in slow and careful steps he stopped short and looked Seb sitting in the Ottoman looking destroyed staring at the same portrait from 4 years ago, that had him obsessed and mad the first time they met at the conservatory for an adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’.

The irony was not lost on him. ‘Basil Hallward’, Ralf had said playfully after the show when Seb had shown him the portrait. He had laughed it off genuinely but he had seen the pull and desire burning bright in Ralf’s eye…

He shuddered thinking about Basil, the painter who was deeply captivated and in love with his muse ‘Dorian Gray’, he had implored him to repent for his acts committed against the souls…

In a fit of rage Dorian had stabbed Basil right in the heart when he saw his hideous portrait completely destroying the last vestiges of the person who could have saved his soul…

Seb felt the warm hand on his shoulder, turning he saw Ralf looking at him with a fearful and equally wrecked expression…

He stood up with tears spilling from his eyes and started going towards Ralf, Ralf also moved towards Seb but he stopped dead, realization hitting him square in the chest! Last night, the blurry photo, his own control snapping and the brutality of the fucking he given Spencer! Tears fell fast as he stood fixed on the spot unable to move an inch towards Seb.

Seb saw it, his own heart hammered. The beach, the brutal railing he had given to Arnaud, the message from Ralf not being able to come, snapping his restraint and Ego viciously. His eyes stung with tears, he turned his back to Ralf and cried silently…

“Sebastian-” Ralf’s voice shook as he tried to move towards him.

“No-just don’t!” The response stunned him as he stood frozen and hurt.

The silence was suffocating, Seb still refused to look at Ralf, Ralf sobbed silently sitting on the bed.

“I am going to freshen up; you should as well…If you wish…” He did not wait for a response from Ralf and walked out closing the door behind him gently.

Ralf’s mind was numb with a mixture of hurt, grief and anger, “Am I the only one to be blamed here?! He railed that whore and someone sent me that God forsaken photo…on the beach openly…”

Ralf looked at the door and sighed, “So much for the arrangement and keeping it in your pants…” He sighed and went to the bathroom for a hot shower, hopefully trying to calm his mind!

By the time they were ready, Sebastian stood at the door in same blue dress shirt that Ralf had gifted him last year for his birthday. He wore his faded blue form-fitting denims, his hair was tied in an elegant knot. His eyes though were completely dead, red rimmed from crying…

Ralf came down in an aquamarine T-shirt and form-fitting hazel chinos that matched Sebastian’s eyes. His dark auburn shoulder length hair was tied in a messy knot. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot…

The ride to Andrea’s was silent, not a word spoken between them. Each was hurt and angry for how everything had exploded in one night! Now both of them carried it like a coffin too heavy to be buried…

By the time they arrived, breakfast was already served and the staff was bustling about with their chores. The Spring air smelled of Roses and rich leather. Andrea’s townhouse was immaculate, the blinds thrown open for the sun. Fresh lilies and roses in the vase and not overdone on the interiors. They heard footsteps descending on the marble stairs. Slow and unhurried, the quiet was in itself a premonition of what was about to unfold this morning.

Andrea Castelini walked in, his eyes scanning the table finding Sebastian and Ralf sitting opposite to each other refraining eye contact. Sebastian and Ralf saw him, he was dressed in pale cream-colored dress-shirt with the top two buttons undone, revealing a sculpted and a light dusting of hair.

He wore tan form-fitting chinos and his leather loafers. He had a neatly trimmed 7’o clock shadow and sharp honey hazel-colored eyes. He held a rare distinction of entering a room and silencing it without raising his voice, the calm and unreadable expression he wore right now terrified both Seb and Ralf. He sat gently poured himself some coffee and took a slow sip, his eyes shifting from Seb to Ralf and back.

“Ironic and pity, you both up until last month would climb on each other and now…sitting at the breakfast table opposite to each other, says a lot!” Sebastian took a sip his boring into theirs.

He allowed the silence to stretch painfully thin, as he buttered himself a slice of warm sourdough bread...

“So…right on time! Do I consider myself flattered enough today…” His voice that dead-pan calm which caused both their breathing to quicken.

Seb looked down at his hands his eyes burning with tears and Ralf turned sideways breaking silently at the sight of Sebastian’s tears.

“It is quite late for this Sebastian, and as for you Ralf, I hope you dug hard on that photo last night…”

Ralf eyes went wide with shock and his mouth fell open but no sound came, Sebastian looked at Ralf’s shell-shocked expression and looked at Andrea with a terrified look, “What photo…?”

Before Andrea could answer, Ralf’s control snapped his breathing paced and in a furious voice he screamed, “Don’t…don’t you dare! You fucked that slut puppy Arnaud on the beach in the open…how could you?!”

Sebastian’s expression darkened he got up the chair scrapping the floor loudly, “You are the one to talk…practically drooling over that fuck boy Spencer…what was it, thesis…Spencer…I am a nobody right, you cancelled the fourth one this month…”

They both were breathing heavily looking daggers at each other ready to lunge at each other’s throats, tears sparkling in their eyes...

“Enough…sit down Sebastian and pace yourself Ralf!” Andrea’s voice turned ice! Sebastian and Ralf looked at Andrea, his expression was calm but his eyes burned with fury!

“I will speak now and you will listen, and you will do well to remember this!” Andrea said in a razor-sharp voice.

“Ralf, yes, it was me who sent you the photo! You have a penchant for literature and that affinity that extends the same misplaced courtesy to carry that inspiration in your personal life as well, is it?!” Andrea said icily raising an eyebrow at Ralf. Ralf looked down at his hands.

“For your information, Spencer Reid is being rusticated and blacklisted as we speak, he is under investigation at Columbia, for doing the exact same thing there as well. So, what made you so naïve enough to NOT believe you are anything other than just a piece of gum he will chew and throw away! Do you want a more comprehensive list of his ‘accomplishments’?!” Andrea’s voice dripping with sarcasm.

“It is wonderful, the thesis, gives a very grounded and rational view of vanity of unchecked beauty and desire! So remind me again why I cannot call you a hypocrite? And don’t say long distance and exploration, I wasn’t born yesterday, and neither are you!” Andrea’s eyes bored into Ralf, he took shaking gulp of water.

“A Picture of Dorian Gray is one of the finest examples of how blind influence, worthless desire and narcissism destroy a person. The worst is that the person in his full mental competence knows what he is doing, and yet ends up self-detonating himself! That is exactly what Basil tried to tell Dorian! Need I go on as to what happened to Basil? The portrait took on every moral and physical flaw in Dorian’s character, ultimately, he ended up refusing to accept the consequences for himself…” Andrea held his gaze without breaking.

Sebastian watched it unfold in front of him but he dared not to say anything, bracing for his own impact.

Andrea let every word sit in fully in Ralf’s mind, he watched as the younger man go lower in shame.

“And you, Sebastian. Don’t pretend this makes your doing any less despicable!” Andrea stabbed a finger in his direction.

“I will ignore the dynamic for a minute, enlighten me as to why you chose to fuck, on a beach, in the open, with a whore, who has bartered his hole with half the models and agents of the Paris circuit and God knows which other places, also anything that can walk on two feet!? I am mystified by your choice, was the itch so unbearable?” Andrea’s voice had a dangerous edge now.

Sebastian had no words; his gaze fixed on Andrea unblinking.

“I did not send this photo to break you both up! Considering now, you both did it yourself six months ago! And Sebastian, if your insecurity and Ego were so bruised in the last six months, why did you not communicate the same with Ralf?” Andrea’s voice cut through Seb’s pretense.

Andrea continued calmly staring at Seb, “Why make a joke out of your own relationship! You had every right to take back the consent, consent given can be taken back! Do you know the consequence of your evening soiree in Crete? The bartender of the shack took close to five photos; I sent Ralf the one which somewhat graced your dignity! The press loves a good guy turned man-whore! Do I even need to go on…?”

“And Ralf, you are the best example of good sense gone south…nearly lost your position, reputation and credibility with Prof. Blake Pearson! However, you had enough sense to install motion sensing and high-resolution spy cameras in your study! Well done for sending it to Pearson before catching the flight! It would have been a very different story if you hadn’t done it last night!” Andrea held Ralf’s gaze steadily.

Ralf and Sebastian were at a complete loss of words, no reason was enough to justify how badly they had screwed each other as well as themselves.

“Speak, for god’s sake! You both have enough brains to understand consequences, or have they gone to your dicks! Oh yeah, they have…” Andrea let out a humorless laugh.

He shook his head taking a bite of the warm buttered sourdough. Ralf and Sebastian looked shaken, hunger completely vanishing away!

Ralf cleared his throat, his voice came as a hoarse whisper, “I screwed up, I took the thesis and the case study too literally! There is no undoing for what has happened…Seb, I-”

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat and in shaking voice whispered, “You don’t get to take the blame alone, I am responsible equally here. Last night when your message came through, I lost it…”

“What made you even think you had it, in the first place Seb?!” Andrea said mildly using the shorter version for the first time since they had arrived.

Ralf got up from his seat and went over to Sebastian; he gently wiped his tears. Sebastian took his hand and held onto it with all his life. Ralf could feel the tremors; the hurt was still there but it had now crystallized into awareness and a profound realization of how close they had come to loosing each other…

“I would be lying if I say we can move past this, I am sorry Ralf but I cannot, my heart cannot accept you in another man’s arms! I won’t stand it…”

“Neither can I, I took the want for desire and beauty too literally, and ended up hurting you and myself! There is no apology that can erase these last six months. Can we please work it out, professionally seeking guidance from a psychiatrist?!” Ralf’s eyes sparkled with tears and pain.

“Only if we do it together! Never alone, being away from you destroyed me Ralf. I cannot stand the pain; it hurts more than I can describe in words!” Seb wiped away Ralf’s tears gently.

“Sit, both of you, I have a few more words to say…” Andrea gently spoke.

He took a deep breathe and took Seb and Ralf’s hands in his gently and held them tight.

“Desire and Beauty without virtue are the biggest undoing of men…There is a fundamental difference between Ralf and Dorian, Ralf is self-aware and deeply grounded in reality…he is not Henry’s version of Dorian.”

“And similarly, Seb is not as helpless and unconvincing as Basil, you of all people should have seen it. He feels with the same intensity with which he loves you Ralf! And there is no doubt in this…”

Seb and Ralf got up and hugged Andrea tightly their finger intertwined.

“Both of us owe you Andrea, we truly do…I promise we will be there for you through thick and thin!” Seb whispered his voice choked with emotion…

“For now, concentrate on you and Ralf Seb, I can survive just fine…” Andrea smiled and winked at both of them.

*****************

Ralf and Sebastian sat in silence looking down at the rug in Chris’s clinic, Dr. Christoph Odile their oldest and closest friend looked at them intently with calm and patient eyes.

“So, both of you, I can accept the reasoning till it being long distance, conflicting schedules and obvious sexual needs… what I don’t understand is, if there was resentment, lack of communication and zero emotional fulfillment then why stay in it?”

“I don’t think even we understood why we continued it in the first place…” Seb said his hand threading in Ralf’s and squeezing it gently.

“Don’t insult mine and your intelligence Sebastian, I would refrain from using this language with any other of my clients, but with you both, its different! We know each other for years now, Carlos is as equally baffled as I am with this…” Chris’s voice was calm but his eyes weren’t.

Ralf and Seb looked down ashamed and silent, they both did not have any answer to this question…

“Therapy and honesty, to me and to each other! You continue coming until I say we can stop. I have some homework for you! Since this arrangement has made you self-destruct so spectacularly, I want you both to start talking about this from the day you started the conversation. Every detail, minute, sexual or as embarrassingly uncomfortable it is, I want it in that list. Are we clear on this Seb and Ralf?!” Chris said his voice a little calmer.

“Yes.” Seb and Ralf nodded looking at him.

“For God’s sake the cat hasn’t died…yet…pull yourselves up and dinner at my place. Carlos is cooking and Andrea will get the better wine. We need this if we have to help you both pull it off….” Chris said getting up and nodding at both Seb and Ralf as they exited the cabin….

A year later…

25^th April 2023, Palazzo Avino, Amalfi Coast, Italy

“You have fidgeted enough with your tie, Seb! It’s frankly irritating now!” Andrea remarked scornfully as Seb proceeded to unknot his tie for the fifth time.

“So much for perfection and details...” He swiped of Seb’s hands and proceeded to tie it with easy precision.

“You know it won’t change color if you straighten it out with that much care…” Carlos said shaking his head at Seb.

“Thank you, Carlos!” Andrea said rolling his eyes at Seb.

Seb checked himself in the mirror one last time before turning to face Andrea, he was dressed in a sharp white mandarin collar shirt, a black tie and deep slate grey trousers. His hair was elegantly tied in a knot with a leather strap. He looked the good kind of wrecked this time.

“Do I look like a groom, or-” Seb biting his lips and staring at his reflection doubtfully.

“As much as a groom has to look dashing, its nearly time and we are not doing this today!”

Andrea pulled him towards the marquee as Carlos followed them both. The venue was decked with the deepest red Roses with grape intertwined gracefully. It had been a highly private affair including only thirty people, the press of course snapped at their heels but Andrea had taken explicit care to make this a fiercely private and happy day for both his closest brothers.

The string quartet started playing its tune and Ralf appeared radiant in identical white mandarin collar shirt, a black tie and deep slate grey trousers. His hair was sleek tied elegantly in a knot with a leather strap. His eyes only sought Sebastian, and his heart thundered as he walked the distance to the alter held by his father.

Chris, the officiant for actually sorting out their relationship patiently for a year and making them realize what dicks they had beenin those last six months…

He did his bit about the usual small talk and it came to their vows…

Sebastian cleared his throat as a tear fell from his right eye, “Ralf, one year ago we almost destroyed the life we had built brick by brick through trust, patience and passion. We could have walked away but we decided to be better for each other and learn to forgive ourselves.” His voice choked but he continued looking into Ralf’s eyes. They were wet and tears falling freely, “We became better not for others but for each other. If it weren’t for the dressing down, we got from Andy, Chris’s patient sarcasm and Carlos’s deadpan delivery, it would have gone to a place I would never wanted it to go. I promise to keep choosing, loving and obsessing over only you! You are my only and forever for life!”

Ralf wiped the tears from Sebastian’s eyes and cleared his throat and in a shaking voice began, “I still remember the day I called You my Basil! The difference is we snatched us back where we nearly destroyed us a year ago. If it not were for Andy, Christoph and Carlos, it would have ended there and I am not sure if I would have even wanted to live. I lost myself one year ago, but we worked through that pain and the hurt! I cannot tell you enough how much I love you, Sebastian! Forever is not enough for me!”

Sebastian took Ralf’s hand in his and gently kissed him deeply. Ralf wiped the tears from his eyes and whispered softly in Sebastian’s ear, “I cannot wait till later Seb, I need my husband right now!”

That was all it took, Sebastian took his hand and they ran towards the honeymoon suite leaving the guests stunned and a very agitated Andrea, along with laughing Chris and Carlos to calm the guests…

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Andrea smiled at Carlos and Chris they nodded softly, “They deserve it!”

The honeymoon suite overlooked the coastline; the view was breathtaking. The air was thick with want and desire. Ralf pushed Seb on the bed his eyes shining with love and desire. Seb pulled Ralf on himself, he kissed him deeply and hungrily. Ralf’s lips parted and Sebastian traced his lips with his tongue before beginning a filthy open-mouthed kiss that left them both breathless. The clothes fell in a pile on the chair.

Sebastian pulled Ralf beneath him, his finger tracing a seductive line on his jaw. Ralf’s breathing hitched as Seb planted kisses on his collarbone and the sensitive place below his earlobe. Ralf moaned out undone, Seb traced a line and took his nipples in his mouth biting them gently and bathing them thoroughly with his tongue.

Ralf arched his back and thrust his chest up for more, Seb happily obliged. The slow descent of his tongue began, he traced Ralf’s flat stomach and continued planting gentle kisses on his pelvis. Ralf was wrecked, “Seb, don’t make wait any longer…want you inside me!”

Seb grasped his cock, as tremor passed Ralf’s spine. He let out a groan as Seb took his leaking cock in his mouth. The warmth of Seb’s mouth was excruciating; Ralf was now completely at his mercy. Seb continued to expertly suck and love his cock. Ralf pulled Seb into a toe-curling kiss that struck Seb in his cock which hardened into a thick and heated shaft!

They broke momentarily and Ralf whispered softly, “Seb, please…please reclaim me! I want to be loved by you!” Seb grasped Ralf’s legs and parted him, exposing his hole. Without warning, he dived in and hungrily ate him. The taste was exquisite and just pure Ralf! Ralf was now completely undone and begging Seb.

Seb picked up the lube from the side table poured a generous amount coating his fingers, he carefully prepared him gently all the while his eyes fixed on Ralf’s eye. He added a second finger and scissored him open. After adding a third finger, Ralf begged Seb wordlessly.

Seb coated his cock with lube and positioned between Ralfs legs lifting and gently placing them on his shoulder. He pushed in gently and firmly breathing deeply as he felt familiar soft heat gripping his cock. He gave Ralf a minute to adjust to him, Ralf lifted his right-hand Seb intertwined his fingers and began a deep and smooth rhythm. Ralf’s eyes closed lost to the sensations of home of the one thing he wanted. The room echoed with the gentle wet slaps on Seb’s powerful hips on Ralf’s ass. Ralf was silently praying looking at his Seb’s sweat slicked body moving seductively as he brought them both to the edge.

Ralf let out a groan his fingers tightening around Seb’s his eyes flew as he came hard wiping his vision white. Seb watched enraptured as he watched Ralf’s body convulse and arch with his dick spewing eight streams of thick cum all over him, Seb increased the thrusts making them short and hard. His breathing labored and he let out roar as he buried himself to the hilt and his dick kept on spewing warm cum inside Ralf. The orgasm shattered his heart in the most beautiful way…

Seb opened his eyes; tears were falling on Ralf’s chest while his husband was sobbing harder than ever. Seb still inside Ralf pulled Ralf in his arms gently whispering loving words in his ears. The sun was setting in burnished gold outside while inside Seb wiped Ralf’s eyes gently and kissed him pulling him tighter with the promise of a lifetime!

It takes a special kind of hell sometimes to make us realize how much we stand to lose what we often disregard. Love asks for a brutal test of wits and will, but when it rewards, the emotion transcends beyond words…

The story continues back in present day in chapter 6: The Fleur-di-Lis of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

The sun caught smooth almost pale white sand, spring was in its full bloom with the air wafting with sharp saltiness of the sea mellowed with the fragrance of sage and thyme. The assault on the senses was myriad mix of cool relaxation and the warmth of desire brewing steadily between those two.

Seb stood shirtless with his long blond hair tied in a knot, his hands grasping the camera angled, his posture highlighted the V cut and the flexing stretched the sinews of his shoulders obscenely. The tan gave him a sensuous burnishing glow and the beads of sweat pooled and slid on the waistband of his briefs only made it impossible for anyone in the crew to hold their attention and breath.

Arnaud, who was Creole by heritage was two inches shorter, a smooth hairless body that was religiously waxed giving him deep honey skin tone, he was what they say a twink wet dream with an impossibly hard to ignore ass that seemed to be held in place held by prayers and the thin mesh bikini briefs which hid nothing and left everything for imagination.

Seb was concentrating and clicking effortlessly holding Arnaud with ease in his line of sight; at one point Arnaut flexed his biceps casually and Seb conspicuously enough licked his lower lip; Arnaud caught it and gave Seb a knowing smirk.

Once the last of the shoot was wrapped Seb had settled on one of faded blue and white reclining chairs leaning with his arms crossed behind his head and closing his eyes just lost in the rhythm of the sea and the quiet satisfaction of a day’s work.

His phone pinged with an incoming notification, Ralf’s name flashed, he smiled quietly. He opened the message and read it, his expression shifted to anger instantly. “Babe, I have to work on my argument defending my thesis, have to cancel coming to Crete tomorrow! I am sorry, will catch up on Wednesday back home. Love you!”

He went to the shack nearby and ordered a stiff Vodka. The bartender passed it wordlessly, he downed it in one shot and banged the shot glass harder than necessary, he signaled for one more. The bartender obliged pouring the shot glass, by the time the sky turned burnished gold, he had downed four shots of Vodka when his vision softened at the edges. The anger had only amplified his desire and lust.

This was supposed to be his Ralf’s stolen vacation after a month of conflicting schedules.

The rush of anger and frustration clouding his mind in a thick fog. He was already getting hard, his thick and leaking cock filling the pouch obscenely and straining against his jockstrap.

Seb’s mind was a storm of anger, hurt and helplessness. The thesis, Dorian Gray and Henry Wotton had completed taken over Ralf. Ignore as much as he wanted but the fracture was evident now and he was helpless…

His mind raced back to this morning when he had a quick check-in with Ralf. They talked albeit not as much as they could but when they did, honesty was the ground that held them tightly bound, consent and an arrangement that resonated with one of Ralf’s favorite quotes from Oscar Wilde’s A Picture of Dorian Gray:

‘The only way to get of a temptation is to yield to it’

The arrangement had been the result of careful discussions where sex all the way through, was off the table and trust that no matter who they were with, home was always Ralf for Seb and Seb for Ralf!

But lately that trust was eroding slowly like sand slipping down in an hourglass…

Seb’s patience for Ralf was bordering dangerously on the verge of snapping, at that time the arrangement had made practical sense, fun outside their equation with conditions but now it only added to the humiliation of seeing Ralf in the arms of another man, regret was having its last laugh!

Seb’s eyes burned with anger and humiliation. The lust and ache were rising in his chest like a storm; a dangerous game was unfolding on the quiet beach in Crete…

Arnaud who had been circling Seb shamelessly the entire day approached him, the setting sun casting a dark shadowy blanket on the sand, with the first stars twinkling the sky. Seb saw Arnaud approaching smirking devilishly, “Seems like trouble in paradise…I might help with that.” His finger seductive traced the thick outline of Sebastian’s cock.

Sebastian’s breath hitched, the pupils of his eyes blown wide with hunger and lust.

Arnaud gently straddled Seb’s powerful waist, there were no words spoken just the rhythmic sound of waves and the seductive grinding of Arnaud’s ass over Seb hardening cock.

Seb groaned in agreement as Arnaud closed the distance between their lips; they clashed hungrily devouring each other’s lips. Arnaud swallowing Seb’s moans emitted by hunger and desperate need.

Sebastian broke the kiss, his expression dark with rage, his mind was a train wreck, a thought crossed his mind. “If Dorian could do it this boldly without consequence, then I would do it too…”

The thought broke cracked open the flood gates and in low growl Seb gripped Arnaud’s ass tight enough to leave bruises and pulled him deeper into the filthy and heated kiss, a duel of their tongues, Arnaud not falling lifted his ass just to strip the slutty briefs and threw them away.

Seb broke the kiss slightly their lips connected by a thin strand of spit. Arnaud got up and settled himself prostate on the warm sand between Seb’s parted legs and pulled his shorts down with a quiet efficiency, causing a sharp tremor to run through Seb’s spine and he felt an ache in his loins!

Sebastian closed his eyes breathing heavily lost in Arnaud’s expert lips as he hollowed out his cheeks and took his thick and long cock deeper down his throat, he was no less an expert having had a go with nearly everyone in the closed circuit. “A filthy whore”, thought Sebastian.

He was lost in the moment, his eyes half lidded and whispering filthy profanities to Arnaud who only deepened the intensity of his effort!

The orgasm struck Seb in waves of pleasure that blanked out his mind, his eyes half lidded seeing stars and a hoarse groan that cut through the rhythm of the waves. Arnaud continued to nurse his thick cock not wasting a single drop of the warm load, till Seb’s flaccid dick fell with pop from his lips.

Seb still leaning back, breathing deeply and raggedly looked at Arnaud smiling. “That was… fuck…hot”. Arnaud’s smile glinted in the dusk, “Maybe it is time we revisit the arrangement…?”

Seb stiffened, Ralf’s face filled his head, laughing and enjoying the company of his colleague and maybe doing it all the way through…

The regret was now openly gnawing at his heart, the promise of finding his way home to Ralf momentarily faltered his erection, he held his breathe running a hand through his hair in frustration.

“You know you want it, have at it Stud…” Arnaud smiled menacing turning and showing his thick ass...

His gaze darkened in anger and lust, he kept his lips tight knowing it would only release the hurricane of emotions devastatingly…

He got up slowly eyes fixed on Arnaud’s lips, the same swollen lips that pleasured him expertly not many moments ago.

His mind was a battleground of lust, anger and unhinged desire, his hand went in Arnaud’s hair pulling him up, he sliced away the wrapper of the condom and gently rolled it over his hard cock eyes never leaving Arnaud’s.

Arnaud’s eyes glinted in lust, Sebastian spat on his cock lubricating it daring Arnaud. Arnaud did not need further encouragement, he stood up and gripped Sebastian’s thick cock lining it against his slick hole but Sebastian had other plans, he turned Arnaud roughly face down on all fours, in one brutal thrust plunged himself inside the moist and smooth hole….

Arnaud let out a moan of pain and pleasure, moving his ass in the same brutal rhythm of Sebastian’s thrusts. Sebastian’s mind had gone blank with lust and rage, he closed his eyes and Ralf’s face appeared angelic and innocent, the hurt and sadness burned and angry tears fell but he shook them away.

Ralf’s voice calling out his name filled his ears completely taking over the raw and violent lust, his failing restraint snapped clean and his thrusts became animalistic.

The wet slaps of Sebastian’s powerful hips sent sparks behind Arnaud’s eyes, the orgasm that followed crashed like a storm; Sebastian roared as he emptied himself inside Arnaud, sweat pouring like liquid fire making him look like sin!

As his heart slowed due to exhaustion and sadness, he pulled out of Arnaud, snapping the condom off his cock, got up, pushing Arnaud face first into the sand and walked away with his shorts without even acknowledging or touching him…

Anger had now given way to pain, hurt and blinding regret in his tear-streaked eyes.

His own desire and unchecked rage swept away the trust and the bond that was now as good as destroyed…

The flight back to Paris late that night was heavy with emotion and gagging sadness, towards touchdown his phone pinged three sharp rings, Sebastian’s travel bag and gear was already loaded.

The car ride back home. He slid in the back seat and took a long sip of water, the one stray drop sliding of his lips, he remembered the notification, putting on his Air pods he clicked on the notification, and saw messages from Andrea sent half an hour ago. It was far too late for him to be awake! The call came through just as he was staring at his hands because thinking was a luxury he longer trusted…

Sebastian answered his voice shaking.

“I presume you are heading home.” It was more a statement than a question.

“Andy-” Sebastian’s voice broke.

Andrea voice cut through Sebastian’s pretense.

“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic…” Andrea let it sit for beat, Sebastian blinked back fresh tears.

“10:00am tomorrow morning, my place, both of you!” The line went dead. The silence in the car had its own fear.

Sebastian realized one thing, his and Ralf’s madness was about to cost both of them dearly…

14^th April, Spring 2022, Oxford, evening…

The dance floor glowed with strobed LED lights: Red, blue and white enveloping the dance floor with the hypnotic beats of DJ Snake’s Magenta Riddim.

The speakers seem to carry the frequency of waves making it seductive and hypnotic, everyone moved with the same filthy passion…

Right in the center of the floor stood two men, Spencer, facing away swaying his hips and grinding his ass against the substantial hardness of the man with dark auburn brown shoulder length hair.

His right hand was possessively cupped on the man’s slim waist guiding him to move to the sound… Both men shook in synch clearly high on the vibe and heat coursing through their sweaty bodies…

As the DJ switched to the next track mixing it, Spencer turned and faced Ralf he gently took Ralf’s right hand and dipped his middle finger gently sucking it deeply, his tongue tracing the ridges and dips all the while not breaking steps and his deep black eyes holding Ralf’s emerald one’s seductively. He flicked his tongue took his deeper with clear heated intent…

Ralf gently withdrew his finger from Spencer’s mouth licked it tasting salt, sweat and lust. Spencer pulled Ralf in a possessive searing kiss.

Ralf moaned in response the sound went straight Spencer’s dick which throbbed in response, Ralf parted his lips offering his tongue in blinding duel that made the music, the bodies and the rhythm foreign.

They held each other tightly while Ralf broke the kiss, his lips although red and swollen, a thin strand of saliva connecting with Spencer’s. The fifteen minutes to Ralf’s loft were a daze…

In a rush of urge and the spilling heat, Ralf guided Spencer to the bed at his modest loft near the university campus, outside there was silence but inside Spencer had undressed himself and Ralf ripping his clothes feverishly…

Ralf’s hand slid at the back of Spencer’s neck pulling fistful of his hair, he growled, “I am going fuck that pretty throat of yours tonight and feed you my cum, slut!” Spencer’s eyes darkened with lust and want.

He dived straight Ralf’s leaking dick, tracing a line from the head and suckled it deeply not breaking eye contact with Ralf. In one breath he took Ralf’s dick and deep throated it greedily, the wet sounds and Spencer’s whimpers were already pushing Ralf towards an orgasm that started when his balls tightened.

His dick swelled thicker and spurt after spurt hitting Spencer’s throat, he swallowed it greedily not wasting a single drop…He fell back panting as the last vestiges of the orgasm faded…

A notification pinged on Ralf’s phone from a private number with no name; he snatched it from the side table and opened it to see blurry but clear form of Sebastian hammering Arnaud mercilessly on the beach in Crete in the setting sun...

The timestamp showed 7:00 pm in Crete that would make it 5:00 pm here in Oxford. The exact time he was engaged with Prof. Person on the closing arguments of his thesis.

A stream of angry tears spilled from his eyes and anger bubbled like lava as his hands shook.

His expression turned furious, “He broke the arrangement, he went in all the way through…” Ralf’s lips moved wordlessly in the dark.

The blurry image now a trophy of Sebastian’s infidelity, his phone slipped from his hand and landed with a dull thud on the side table.

Spencer came back carrying a bottle of water, his naked form gleaming softly in the warm light cast by the lamp. Ralf’s eyes locked on him, a bolt of hunger passed through him, his pupils blown wide in lust and desire. The trust wounded and finally broke...

Ralf’s rage surfaced, his restraint snapped. The cocktail of lust and anger so potent that he roughly pulled Spencer flipping him on his stomach.

Slicing open the wrapper he, slipped the condom in one flourish on his aching hard cock. He spat on Spencer’s hole and inserted two fingers roughly into his heat, Spencer screamed into the pillow arching and offering his hole desperately.

This was no seduction, this was a punishment to himself, his mind, a blaze of rage. A twisted revenge against Sebastian, the anger cut deep.

His breathing picked up as a tremor of heat passed right his cock, his mouth watered at the sight of Spencer’s slick hole, gaping and inviting him…

In one brutal thrust, Ralf rammed his cock inside Spencer’s hole; the pain and pleasure knocked the air out of his lungs.

Ralf set a punishing and animalistic pace battering Spencer’s hole. His mind was racing with anger, lust and unhinged desire. Spencer arched his back taking Ralf deeper, Ralf withdrew his cock completely out of his hole and in one hard thrust rammed it deeper…

The pace was punishment for Ralf; the violent desire and lust broke all sense of restraint in him. Sebastian’s handsome face flashed in front of his eyes, he closed them.

The desire was completely blindsided with guilt, and heavy sadness.

Biting his lower lip hard till he tasted his blood; filing away his hurt, he gripped Spencer’s hair and pulled him in doggy style.

The new angle battered Spencer’s prostrate brutally, Ralf felt the tightening of his balls, he gripped Spencer’s hips brutally leaving angry bruises.

The punishment was going to be complete, in one destructive thrust his orgasm crashed as he roared in rage, blinding his eyes momentarily, his thrusts continued while emptying inside Spencer’s heat.

The orgasm had wrung out every bit of strength but guilt and regret now surged dangerously high…

The quiet that followed was the worst kind of quiet than death as Ralf came down from the brutality of his madness. Spencer panting his legs shaking violently whimpered completely spent…

Ralf removed the spent condom and headed for the mirror; his sight stunned him. He was in all honesty become the very form he had passionately argued against in his thesis.

The reflection smiled viciously, Dorian Gray had the last laugh…

The clock struck 10:00 pm and outside the fog had settled thick plunging the streets, illuminated by the lamps in darkness. mind; the arrangement, the desire to explore, unchecked… and the guilt that clawed razor sharp cackling at him mockingly in the dark warmth of his bed, the words echoed softly…

His phone rang, but before picking it up he turned gazing coldly at Spencer, “Get out!”

Spencer looked dumbfounded but quietly picked up his clothes and hurried off. The front door clicked shut about 15 seconds later.

Ralf picked up the call and in shaking voice, “Andy-”

Andrea’s calm cut through his façade,” Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic…” Andrea paused a beat letting the weight of it settle like rock on Ralf…

“10:00 am tomorrow, my place! Sebastian will be there too, don’t forget to carry yours and his dignity along...” Andrea said in voice devoid of any scope of argument.

The line went dead.

He needed to do one thing more, with shaking hands he downloaded the video footage from the high-resolution spy cam and sent it to his mentor, the department chair Prof. Blake Pierson, below it, he wrote just two words: ‘Proof and innocence’.

Pearson would know, he had already briefed him about his suspicions about Spencer. His phone pinged with a thumbs up from Pearson.

Another notification came through from Andrea, “The jet has already taxied on Hertfordshire private hangar, your time starts now….”

The third notification of voicemail from Sebastian finally broke him,” Baby… I lost us, destroyed us, it is killing me…Please! love you Ralf…!”

Angry tears spilled from Ralf’s eyes, he let out a broken howl and fell to the floor, legs giving way.

The anger and rage towards Sebastian dimmed as he realized late, he was equally responsible for destroying the life he and Sebastian had built for eight years.

And that regret was a luxury neither he nor Sebastian could hide beneath tomorrow morning…

Sometimes, we fail to see the one person that matters is standing right in front of us, yet we chase a temptation which looks alluring but comes with a harrowing cost…

The flashback tale of Seb and Ralf continues in chapter 5: Basil and Dorian… “of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

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5^th July 2024, Paris...

A promise and a tense week of snapping at everyone he knew existed later, Andrea stood outside the clinic of Dr. Christophe Odile on a cold and breezy Saturday morning, his secretary had confirmed his first consultation on Thursday stating he had come as a highly referred patient.

The irony wasn’t lost on him. Ralf had quietly pushed him out of his shell and he saw himself making an effort which he thought would have never been possible. The clinic as expected was a sterile chamber of polished glass walls overlooking the central banking district of Paris, which had a steady line of people dressed in severe formals.

A glass tumbler placed in front caught the light filtering through the window and the condensation still fresh enough to suggest being filled just a moment before he arrived at the clinic. A lemon verbena diffuser sat in corner with just enough scent wafting to calm his frayed nerves.

Thoughts of self-doubt, confusion and the blanket feeling of being judged for his feelings gripped him, suddenly he was roused out of it by the secretary in calm voice to enter the cabin on his right where Dr. Odile was expecting him. Andrea nodded getting up, his feet as though made of lead dragged him slowly towards the cabin, stopping just outside he let out a breath, his hand pressing against the cool handle.

Dr. Christoph, Andrea noted looked calmly at him, an imposing and muscular man in his early forties with grey just starting to show at his temple and side-burns, a full seven-o-clock shadow and sharp black eyes with a warm smile , as he flipped the pages of a book he had just taken out from its place in the Rosewood shelf which he noted was lined with scientific journals and books, the wall next to it showed his awards and most notably a photo with a handsome man, against the backdrop of Paris Pride.

Dr. Odile noted Andrea looking at the frame with a quiet expression and offered in a warm voice, “My partner Adrian, we celebrated ten years together last year. This was a candid shot taken by Seb.” Andrea looked at him surprised and the knot that had formed in his chest loosened considerably.

Now he knew, Ralf and Seb would always be there for him in ways less visible to him but in essence and quiet gestures. Adrian, “Dr. Odile I…” “Christoph please… I am doing this out of deep respect for Seb and Ralf and also for you. We don’t always ask for help in much obvious ways, but our body and feelings convey a lot more than we give it credit…” Christoph gestured for Andrea to be seated in the Ottoman and he sat in the leather chair opposite him.

For a minute no one said anything, the silence stretched just a little too uncomfortably.

Andrea looked at his hands woven tightly, “I am angry, I feel betrayed, scared out of my wits, sleep illudes me, there is no appetite for food or anything routine, I have been snapping at people more than I ever had and most of all I… I feel broken, utterly broken that nothing I ever I hold onto lasts… it just slips away…First my parents to a car crash at 18, now the person who I thought I knew but now, I feel like an outsider to his own life who is clueless that he was being betrayed”

His voice cracked with emotion and vulnerability he continued, “I stopped having unprotected sex with him in the last one year of our relationship, the night I went to the penthouse was surprise to finally make it official, instead…. I felt revulsed and sick to my stomach with what I saw, the syringes all over the lounge, a harness and Fabio in a gag…, I booked a complete and thorough blood panel for all the possible STD’s HIV, Hepatitis, Herpes, Syphilis, you name it” breathing heavily while he dared not look into Christoph’s gaze.

Christoph filed it in his notes and in a knowing voice stripped of any judgement, “You are allowed to be angry, to feel betrayed and scared…” Andrea finally looked up and a silent acknowledgement passed between him and Christoph, “The Black Leather club” the words slipped before he could stop.

Christoph’s gaze never wavered, “I have studied their setting intimately, not as a member but as my thesis on paraphilia’s among gay men. It used to be legitimate till two years ago, a safe place for men to practice their kinks and fantasies in safe and consensual environment.” Andrea snickered darkly, “Then Leo Macaron happened…” “Yes.” Christoph agreed simply.

“What happened with you was unforgivable, what he did was sadistic and wrong. The first step when a couple agrees to this experience is communication and trust. More so important is that you know that at the end of the day you stop when it goes out of the agreed and documented safe zone.”

“Consent once given can be revoked and when it is a NO, it is a NO! Respect is not an option, it is mandatory. The ‘The Black Leather club’ used to have a three-step process to assess the tolerance level of their patrons, their hard stops and a complete psychological evaluation of the couple or patron wishing to register themselves.”

His face burned hot with shame and humiliation, his hands shook violently and his breathing came out strangled, “I have nightmares, dreams where I am kneeling in front of a masked man nude, directed and verbally abused to do his bidding! The worst and shameful thing is I am sexually aroused by it! It is despicable…”

Christoph got up, took a chair and sat in in front of Andrea at a respectful and professional distance, he poured a glass of water and handed it Andrea, who took a sip with shaking hands.

“I want you listen carefully Andrea, our brain doesn’t always separate our emotional and sexual conditioning neatly. What you saw happen on that evening, is and make no mistake, traumatic! Add this betrayal to the loss of your father, who to you was the dearest because he gave the thing we gay men need and yearn, unconditional love and acceptance.” Andrea’s breathing slowed slightly.

Christoph continued in a calm and gentle voice, “Bear with me through this please; when you entered the penthouse, you were already high on excitement, nervousness, hope and love. What you expected to find was not what you saw, that shock and humiliation along with the verbal assault triggered your body’s survival mode response. You had a complete emotional and psychological breakdown; your brain has encoded the scene as an emotionally overwhelming memory”. Andrea’s expression darkened…

Christoph continued in a calm and professional voice, “Add this to your already complicated tug-of-war with grief, your nervous system reacted before the conscious mind and so is the conflicting feelings of arousal, disgust and shame.”

Andrea closed his eyes for a moment and held his face in his hands, his breathing was calmer but his heart still raced in his ears, “I am sorry, to me this does not make sense!”

Christoph smiled kindly, “It does not have to, because that is not the core which we need to work on. The loss of a close parent, your carefully constructed safe space with your ex was dismantled in a shocking way. We need to work through grief, betrayal and your obsessive need for control. Anxiety, the underlying depression and the trauma induced PTSD is what I will work with you.”

Andrea looked straight at Christoph’s eyes, “But the arousal? The debauched fantasy of BDSM!? Does it make me a pervert?!”

Christoph did not waste a beat, “No it doesn’t! But right now, this discussion is irrelevant, we will circle back after the major issues are addressed…” Andrea gave a nod and he asked in soft voice, “Could you tell me a little about your research?” Christoph maintained a professional posture but his voice went softer, “Curiosity is no sin, Andrea. I will give you an overview of it.”

“What the community now is associates as BDSM is far from what the actual concept is. The basis of a healthy BDSM exploration is based on emotional maturity, trust and aggressive communication with regular check-ins for both or multiple partners. The rules are set after having a detailed discussion between all individuals who partake in it. Respect is an obligation, open line of communication before and after is vital. Consent is the benchmark of it, and it can be given or taken away as the individual feels. With me so far?” Andrea nodded at Christoph.

“My research is mainly targeted with the practice of cuckolding and how the taboo element of humiliation, degradation abuse fundamentally changes the dynamics of the relationship. It touches upon consent, dubious consent and non-consent.” He stopped for a beat.

“Cuckolding in itself is common in heterosexual and homosexual relationships, if consent is given taking into strict consideration rules mentioned above, it can result in an increased harmonious and sexual chemistry within two participants. As a positive rein enforcement, it can also result in high influx of romantic feelings for the respective participants. If you consider the non-con and dub-con aspect of it, it fundamentally falls under the category Paraphilia.”

“Paraphilia?” Andrea asked his expression tense.

Christoph’s expression turned somber, “Psychologically and as per the DSM-5 it falls very closely in conjunction with Exhibitionism, voyeurism, Pedophilia, Sexual sadism, Sexual Masochism, Fetishism and Transvestic Fetishism. In short, leaving out Pedophilia and Transvestic Fetichism you can very well gauge what happened with you that evening was a combination of all the rest.”

Andrea got up and went to the window just staring outside as the Spring sun was setting. “I see it now…it isn’t about the kink being bad itself, it is more about which method it is being practiced with. But that doesn’t make it normal!”

Christoph held Andrea’s gaze, “It doesn’t, most couples explore it with no proper emotional, mental conditioning and preparation. The result as you saw yourself, is there in front of you. Add drugs to the mix and that gives us a layer of questionable rationale and decision making that compromises a person’s physical and mental well-being.”

Andrea poured himself a glass of water and drank it one gulp. He let out a slow breath and some of the tension in his shoulders eased, Christoph noted and filed away that point as well.

“What would it take for me heal? To let go of the past…?”

Christoph sat back in his chair and spoke in a matter-of-fact but gentle way, “Time, and effort, see it in this way, you already have proved yourself and the world the kind of businessman you are! The process of healing for yourself is the most difficult one…because healing demands sacrifice, more precisely letting your mind acknowledge that you are not in a continuous SOS loop. Once you do that your body starts responding positively to motivation, stress and Love.”

Andrea shifted in his chair, looking at the rug the patterns tracing with rapt concentration.

“One more point, no alcohol or smoking. I will know if you do it!” Christoph smirked good naturedly.

“The day you get to a level where it is manageable, I will offer you the good stuff myself.”

Andrea let out an unguarded laugh. His phone pinged with a notification from Seb. “Dinner at home, Ralf is cooking!” It was not an invitation but an obligation. His chest was lighter; he was more aware than he had ever been. A push was all it took to start the journey to forgive himself..

6^th July 2024, Bombay…

Neil’s breathing came even and synchronous as he ran the last stretch of the beach in the cold, wet and moisture laden air of a Sunday morning. The noise in his head now had turned into low grade throbbing which still hurt but was slowly recovering after the storm, he huffed the last leg and stretched his lithe but muscular body gently shaking of the last dregs of sleep. It was a grey 7:30 am morning, the beach was surprisingly low on runners who considered Sunday strenuous activities a sin.

Coming back home, he took a warm shower washing off the sweat and little grime from his run and joined everyone at the breakfast table.

His uncle looked up from his Business Times and gave him an approving nod; Samar was busy feverishly typing on his phone sending out a string of texts to his friends shutting off any plans for the next fifteen days before Neil left for Paris. His aunt who was busy diverting the kitchen and pantry for the day made his day seem less dark more like home. His father had preferred to retreat in his study locking himself up and intending to spend the day there.

His uncle folded the paper neatly and smoothed the crease with unusual care, a telltale sign of his nervousness to unload news which was to be accepted with no scope of resistance.

“I will not allow you to use the hostel facilities, you will be using the townhouse in the central district.

” Neil in an attempt to dissuade, “It is not really…” “I will not be argued with or convinced otherwise, and I presume Samar, you covered the rest last night?” looking at Samar. “Yes, he has promised me, and intends to fulfill it!” Samar smiled at Neil. “I will, I will heal and live to be the better version of myself” Neil said softly looking between his uncle and Samar.

And just like that Sunday went by and so did the remaining fifteen days, suddenly the day of his departure arrived on cold and grey Wednesday. The rains as always threatened to play spoilsport on anything that remotely tried to be on time, then again this was the Bombay momentum, nothing seemed to perturb the people in the City of Dreams.

Neil stood in his room in front of his mother, a single tear about to fall when his aunt caught and wiped it gently from his eye. “She is proud of you, of your courage and of your promise to find the best version of yourself! Never forget that...”

She hugged him tightly and gently kissed his forehead, he extended his hand and wiped the tears from her eye, “You will not leave me alone, will you?” “Never, but this is the journey where you have to leave the weight of the past and step forward…”

His luggage packed and loaded with a stiff and an awkward hug from his father, the car took him, Samar and his uncle and aunt to the airport well within time. Helping him find a trolley, they ushered him to the priority counter of Air France, there were no words but a hug from his uncle and aunt that weighed heavy on the promise that he will take care of himself. Samar stopped and held him gently but firmly by his shoulders, “Dr. Christoph Odile, the best in Paris, he is queer affirmative and highly recommended! Promise me, you will reach out to him?!” Neil held his gaze and his hand with a quiet promise, “I will, I promise…”

And so, after completing the checking and immigration procedures roughly taking three hours, he gazed outside from his seat into the receding skyline of Bombay, his eyes drooped his hand closed around the charm that was given by his mother, his heart lighter and conscience intact towards a future and a journey that promised of change, love and healing.

It doesn’t matter how much darkness we hold onto in, it has to be filed away when healing becomes inevitable.

One has begun his journey of self-discovery, two are with him every step of the way, and one has left the life he lived to find another home in a place where paths will converge and broken bridges may connect…

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The story takes a pause diving two years ago in chapter 4: The Picture of Dorian Gray of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

2^nd July 2024, Mumbai….

Neil’s feet had taken five steps in the direction of the raging sea, the waves hypnotic and deadly trap slowly pulling him towards his demise, his mind raced with his father’s shunning words, playing with an unstoppable loop that was edging and mocking him. The rain and the cold had now seeped deep into his skin right into his soul, the vibrant and soulful eyes now a ghost of their former self.

Just when everything seemed to slip away from the grasp of life into the sea, a firm and warm hand came resting on his right shoulder grounding his feet to a stop, the salty high tide continued making an effort to pull him again in its hypnotic dance. The rain had stopped its shower him and a black umbrella stood between the incessant beating drops and him.

The voice behind him carried, quiet but deep with that unhurried pace that always acted as his anchor and gave him the sense that he was still wanted. “Neil… would you really insult her memory by giving up today?

The door he closed on you out of his own blind Ignorance and Ego, the only choice you had?” Neil closed his eyes and just sighed in pain and turned slowly facing his older brother Samar eyes fixed on the wet sandy beach muttering in a broken voice, “Because I do not have the strength left to fight, everything I ever did to make him proud has only fueled his hatred for Mom supporting me and increased his anger towards me”.

Samar put his long-muscled arm around his left shoulder and pulled him into his arms; Neil shook not with the cold but a deep tiredness that only came after fighting a loosing battle for years he had forgotten to count at twenty-one.

Samar with his effortless strength guided him away from the raging sea towards the car, waiting to bring him to the one place where he belonged, his home. No one said a word when he sat wet and soaked on the handsome interiors of the car, Samar sat beside him and gave a small but a firm nod to the driver. They quietly moved with precise efficiency avoiding the serpentine queues of traffic along the Western Express Highway towards home, in the silent but substantial Malabar Hills.

Samar’s arm was still firmly in place like the protective brother he was for Neil, Neil had closed his eyes allowing his tired mind to rest in the white noise, the hum of traffic, the chaotic din of his mind and his own ragged breathes to calm his racing heart.

The car stopped in front of the porch, and the driver had graciously opened the passenger door for Neil to step out, “Thank you” he said in a quivering voice flashing a weak smile, his muscle memory. The driver gave him a polite nod.

Samar guided him towards the door and waiting with a furious expression; on the porch, stood his uncle with an expression of deep, harrowing grief mixed with the defiance of rage. “I…” Neil started but he raised a hand and enveloping him in an embrace gently and took his both hands pulling him inside, “Go and change into warm clothes, then we shall talk…” His father stood next to the couch, with an expression conflicted between anger and grief.

Too hollowed to speak to him, he quietly went to his room and closed the door, 15 min of a warm shower and a few stray tears later, Neil came out of the room in warm pullover and sweatpants to find his uncle (his father’s elder brother), Samar and his aunt watching him with a gentle but careful expression making him feel deeply fragile and also like he was X-rayed. His father stood with his back to him tapping his left foot, a tell when he knew there was storm of emotions going through him.

His uncle let out a sigh as though holding it too long might knock the wind out of him and turned toward his younger brother. “Anger and hatred never justify the words or the behavior you have shown towards Neil…” His father opened his mouth eyes darting towards Neil but his brother continued silencing him, “Not today, you listen! If not then we can discuss the exile…”

His father fell silent, gagged out of respect and guilt. “The coward here is you, not Neil, he chose to come clean and opted for dignity. That takes… in my books, true strength of character and self-awareness. You know the failure is not only yours, it is ours as a family who allowed this to happen and also in Shobhana’s last words it could not deter your Ego and Prejudice?! Disappointment is a small word! I am afraid I am ashamed to even call you my brother today.”

There was this specific silence that was screaming at Neil, his hands flew on his ears and he uttered in broken voice, “I will step away, vanish like I never existed. But please stop this…”

His aunt gently took his hands of his ear and wiped the tears. “The fault is his, the choice is his, you cannot undo it no matter how much you try to own it…” His father truly looked at Neil, his broken and fragile son, an emotion passed through his eyes and without a single word he walked past him and vanished into his study. Neil just closed his eye and shook his head lost for words…

Just then his uncle had brought a glass in front of and poured water halfway, in gentle voice he asked him to describe what he saw. Neil replied simply and automatically, “It’s a glass half empty.” His uncle smiled knowingly, “Is it?! Because I see a glass half-full…” he tipped it towards Neil urging him to drink and Neil quickly took it and drank a messy gulp, wiping his mouth with the back of his palm, he looked up to find all three of them smiling at him.

“I see it now…” managing a weak but a small smile. Samar added in decisive voice, “You will be going to Paris, the confirmation has already been sent to INSEAD. Absence of love does not necessarily mean it can never come to you! Who knows what this journey might hold, I know this, you will mend this broken bridge for yourself!”

His uncle put a hand cupping his cheek and kissed his forehead, “We are here, we are never going to let you go. For us, you still remain the ever-elusive prankster who never stopped charming his way out of trouble with your smile and innocence.” His aunt chimed in enthusiastically, “Besides, Shobhana will be proud, for the courage and also for the ability to forgive yourself for His mistakes that are never yours to carry!”

He nodded slowly understanding and walked to his bedroom tired and exhausted. He sat on hi bed and picked up his mother photo, the last moment before the light and happiness was dragged out of her body by cancer. “I wish you were here Mom; I feel so lonely, everyone tells me to move on but how can I bring myself to do it... I am just an empty shell right now.”

Outside the rain had settled into light and almost a quiet drizzle. There was a soft knock on his door, he got up and opened it to find Samar with two hot steaming cups of cocoa. He smiled and opened the door taking his mug carefully. Samar sat down and just looked at Neil. “You know I don’t discuss anything more than it should be and deserves! I want you to listen to me carefully, and think hard and long on what I am about to tell you.” Neil nodded, his expression serious and sharp.

Samar closed his eye momentarily and put his hand on Neil’s shoulder gentle and grounding. “Paris is not even a discussion now, you are going! However, what you must also do is stop picking up the pieces of someone else’s failures, it is not your problem to solve. I want you to seriously think of consulting a good psychiatrist and start therapy, you have the base in front of you, leaving India and going to a new city where no one knows you!” He paused holding Neil’s gaze, “How you mold yourself in its flow, is what will define happiness for you, going forward.”

There was a long silence except for the slow sips of the cocoa from both of them, as surprising as it sounded Neil let out a nervous laugh that eased something in him and Samar. He nodded firmly and smiling finishing the few sips of cocoa.

And for the first time in twenty-four years of his life, he felt like forgiving himself and thinking, albeit hesitantly still, that Paris no longer looked daunting as it had in the morning…

2^nd July 2024, Paris….

Luca paced outside the closed door of the study, heart hammering, muttering his favorite swear words. It was directed more towards himself rather at anyone else.

The aftermath of that evening at the penthouse had turned Andrea into a devastated recluse, the entire media circus around the busted ‘The Black Leather Club’ controversy headlined by every major news outlet with Fabio’s name among the accused who had traded in sexual favors in exchange of so-called professional development and a twisted power trip.

The phones kept ringing, the staff had fought off two nosy reporters off the property lines with legal threats that could plunge half the families in shock!

Some of the nosy and invasive questions that Andrea’s security team had to field away were downright horrible. In this crisis, Luca could only think of two people who could steer Andrea out of his own destructive mind.

The marble corridor echoed with rapid approaching steps, he looked up and inhaled air of relief and the tense breath left his body, Sebastian and Ralf Frost stopped just two feet away from Luca, Seb looked towards the study gently, “How long?” he asked simply. Luca’s eyes instinctively went low in shame, “He has only been out twice in the last twenty-four hours, both times to beg the reporters to leave him alone.”

Ralf put a hand on Luca’s shoulder and soothingly murmured, “You stopped him at a time which was crucial for protecting his sanity, that matters. Me and Ralf will take it from here.” “Luca, don’t worry!” Seb said flashing a genuine smile at Luca. Luca nodded allowing them to push the study door open…

Andrea was sitting still in his chair his eyes fixed on the report he had been struggling to finish for the last three hours, the fire crackled warming the room but it did nothing thaw his icy interior.

First the loss of his parents, more for his father at the age of 18, and now this betrayal from Fabio, an entire secret life of debauched kink fiercely guarded for a year…! Leo, the main orchestrator of his humiliation, had taken away the one person, he thought he knew! The words “Cuck” hung deep in his mind playing in an infinite loop.

The door of his study opened gently and bringing with it a gust of wind, momentarily making the flames dance, illuminating the two people standing at the door Sebastian came in with Ralf closely following him; closing the door of the study with a soft click.

The flames had caught Seb’s tall muscular 6’3 stature, with long sandy blond hair elegantly tied in a messy knot at the back. His sharp topaz eyes assessing Andrea with a careful and gentle calm, there was no hint of pity in them just a clear shared pain a brother felt. He crossed the room in four long strides, Andrea stood up and Seb pulled him into a warm hug as Andrea silently shed tears he had held back.

They stood in silence for a minute, and Ralf let out a soft chuckle. Andrea looked at him, at 6’, no less imposing with a lean swimmer’s frame and shoulder length dark auburn brown hair, an enviable angelic face with emerald eyes that sparkled playfully in the crackle of the flames. Both Seb and Ralf dressed in identical leather jackets and well-worn faded denims.

“I was expecting an earful of bad ‘Divine Comedy’ quotes, but yeah, we can work well with just tears” Ralf said in a playful voice sans no real bite. The tension that even the warmth of the

fireplace could not cut through left the room making it visibly lighter.

Andrea stared down at his hands, fidgeting with nervousness. Ralf and Seb observed it silently and exchanged serious looks. “Andrea…Andrea…” Ralf gently putting a hand on his shoulder, “I am so sorry, never did I imagine we had to act on the promise I made two years ago in 2022…”

Seb was looking at him with such intensity that made Andrea blink and hide himself by staring in the blank space, the safe space. He got up went to the bar and poured himself the same amber Cognac, swirling the glass gently so that the ice globes clinked lightly, he said in voice higher than usual, “Six years…Five of which were the most beautiful ones I had…And then that club happened.”

Closing his eyes and blinking back the anger, “Imran and Leo happened! Late nights reeking of some cheap cologne, high as a junkie... By the six-month mark I had vigorously tested myself, a full blood panel for every possible infection Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Herpes, HIV etc. Went on Prep, never could bring myself to trust him with my body, my health, with anything…” he paused blinking and shaking his head. “The few times he initiated, I wore protection! Clueless and stupid as he was, he never once questioned me.”

Andrea picked up the glass in his right hand and threw it hard on the floor; it shattered into pieces and the fragments glinting angrily. Pointing at the fragments, he said in broken voice, “This is exactly what my heart is right now, shattered! My body is healthy but my mind…my heart is broken in a million pieces. Lost my parents at 18! Had to pull myself together to hold the family name, the legacy…the money, the businesses.”

Andrea paused poured himself a fresh glass of Cognac neat and swallowed it in one gulp, “Control…Restraint…Weakness…. And above all a fortune that is just useless if I want to buy my way out of this pain…”

He closed his eyes blinking back fresh tears with his back turned to them, “Bobbo and Mamma left me at 18! Bobbo, he left…he just left when I needed him the most! Do you know Seb he loved me for who I could have been; taught me I was not abnormal for being gay…not a burden because I wanted a man…every bit the man to carry the legacy of Castelini-DeSantis!

“And in all the name, I have lost Andrea, the one person who wants so desperately to be loved, to be taken care of! An obligation to grow up at a time I could have explored myself, be me! He would have wanted me to have it, for once not obsess over controlling everything! Not be the ruthless assassin for my competitors…And here I am, a pathetic joke of man! Weak and subservient to a pedo’s game!” Andrea’s expression darkened and his breathing heavy and turned into gasps.

He will be upset…upset I let him down, choosing ignorance over control…what did I do, what did I do… why I can’t be enough? Why can’t I matter more than the Castelini-DeSantis name…?” His voice came out dead calm.

Ralf had tears in his eyes, Seb stood transfixed lost for words for Andrea, hapless at being stunned into introspection. There was silence, the kind that would make your skin crawl and throat dry with fear!

Andrea’s knees gave way and he fell hard on the marble floor but both Ralf and Seb swooped catching him firmly and steadying him on the floor. He swayed slightly and let out a wounded and an anguishing cry.

Ralf snapped, his control and instinct sharp, he took Andrea’s hand and said in low soothing voice, “I need to say this! Its good riddance to bad rubbish. You have already dismantled their lives… disemboweled their reputations…, they are essentially kryptonite! The Police are having a field day and the press has crucified them! They will relive this nightmare, for what they did to you.”

“Ralf did the part of putting them in their place right now Andy, what I am most concerned about is your mind and heart. You are carrying a trauma that has made you a formidable and a ruthless businessman, but it is destroying your mind and heart! The betrayal from Fabio and the loss Uncle Armando has pulled in a haze infinite self-loathing loop! I cannot allow this to continue any longer than it has… their actions will yield the consequence and if it doesn’t, I will ensure it does…, but now I think it is time you take course of yours!”

Seb got up and urged Ralf to pass the crystal glass; he filled it 3/4^th with water leaving two fingers worth of space. “Tell me, what you see?”.

Ralf rolled his eyes too loudly for Seb’s benefit but Seb ignored him. “A glass half-full. And it’s a terrible analogy, mind you…” Andrea chuckled and Ralf hastened nodding excitedly. “So, you see, yet I had to ensure my husband’s eyes nearly fell out of his sockets?!” Seb shot Ralf a pointed look.

A ripple of laughter passed between the three. Andrea looked up and held both their hands tightly, “Stay! Let me make it up to you for dragging you here on your Anniversary…” “That is going to be one hell of a payback then…” Seb snickered hugging him tightly. Ralf not one to be one-upped said in quiet but a firm voice locking eyes with Seb, “This can only work if you agree on one condition…”

Andrea raised an eyebrow suspiciously at the pair of them, “I am listening…” Ralf’s eyes held Andrea and, in his signature, deadpan voice, “I think it is time you seek help, real professional help from the best Psychiatrist and therapist, we refer to as well.”

Seb nodded approvingly at Ralf. He looked steadily and assuring Andrea in a soothing voice, “We are with you every step of this journey, you need not do this alone…and you are allowed to be angry…”

Andrea swallowed a lump forming in his throat. He pulled Seb and Ralf in a tight embrace which they returned with genuine warmth and love. A lot of unsaid emotions were spoken in that hug between three of them.

Sometimes, all it takes is a cliché and an overused analogy to realize that despite being in our darkest hours, we still can find ourselves, if only one remembers to keep their loved ones closer!

The story continues in Chapter 3: Through the doctor’s lens… of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

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June 25^th 2024, Bombay...

Neil Kabeerji had an unnatural and a captivating aura in every space and every seclusion he inhabited.

Features cut out of a monolith with a sharp jawline and high cheek bones, sharp slate grey tinted with smoky black that seemed to sparkle in this cutting, humid Bombay heat. Standing at 6’ with wiry arms and an athletic build that gave off someone who religiously ran and spent his early mornings sweating it out on the quiet stretches of Juhu beach. His jawline though still sharp, had over the last two years gone soft since his mother’s loss softer with a scowl of a man who had forgotten that he was wanted…

The sun’s blaze had settled and given way to thick line of grey, murky clouds casting a long shadow on beach. The warm air had suddenly turned cool, even breezy and Neil’s slate grey eyes that till now gleamed in the sunlight, had gone dark, the kind of dark that left no doubt of the storm that was slowly picking up speed in him. The once calm wind was now howling ominously, the storm within him now manifested itself around him, the air thick with a sickly stench of the salt had become heavy and damp. Neil let out a broken and hoarse sigh and at the exact moment his eyes prickled and a tear from his right eye landed on his knee, the weather mirrored it with ease, the clouds gave way and the deluge began! The sky cracked with thunder and burned with lightening striking the sea as if setting it on fire! Yet, Neil stoic, unmoving, his soaked body was trapped within the internal whispers of the howling winds...! And those whispers stabbed like poison; the truth from a man, who he with dedicated desperation, tried in vain to make him proud!

“You are no son of mine! Men are supposed to be the pillars of a family and you…you are weak, too sensitive…too gay! I lost all expectations the day your mother chose to look away from this…this abnormality!” he had spat furiously knocking the tea cup on floor and it shattered into pieces just like his last resolve to live… This sentence played in a loop with the lightening as its crescendo and the thunder as those drums that pierced his heart rather than his ears with the clinical precision of a scalpel.

Rooted to the middle of the rusted bench, he replayed the conversation from this morning at the breakfast table when over a piece of toast, in earnest hope he announced to his father about his acceptance for the Master in Finance program at the prestigious INSEAD (headquartered in Fontainebleau, just southeast of Paris) on full scholarship. His father in a cutting sneer had uttered the very words that destroyed the fragile relationship that clung in devastation like a hook lodged deep in Neil’s chest.

The rain did its best to wash away his tears but could it really fill the hollow empty vessel of his soul? His ears filled with his mother’s cries trying to snatch back his thoughts, his feet and the urge of his soul to stop! With no strength left to fight the despair, the rejection and life, Neil shakily got up, his feet screaming with the invisible pain that was clawing in an effort stop him from taking that one step that would silence his pathetic existence without leaving the trace of the gorgeous and effervescent life that Neil had given to those impoverished and unlucky…

June 25^th 2024, Paris…

The light was cascading off the crystal tumbler as the amber liquid flowed seductively on two perfectly shaped globes of ice, the Cognac caught the light and dispersed swirls of weak golden and amber streaks on the vintage mahogany desk. Behind it stood with his back to the towering chestnut wood book shelves looking at a worn out leatherbound cover of Dante Alighieri’s ‘The Divine Comedy’, that also honored Shakespear and Oscar Wilde to name a few. There was this quality of old money and blue blood silence in the study with the occasional hiss of flames crackling merrily in the fireplace casting a warm, gentle glow without trying too hard to scream wealth.

The silence stretched almost painfully, Andrea stood stoic, but there was a tense energy on his handsome mediterranean features that were carved out of marble, the hazel eyes however betrayed the storm that was deeply plaguing him since that balmy, summer evening. His angular jaw otherwise relaxed was set with a terrifying effort that controlled his trembling lower lip. A shiver of fresh fear ran down his tall 6’2 lithe, muscular frame and his heart beat with a blinding thud that seemed to stretch his warm hazel sweater obscenely on his wider musculature.

A week ago, after a particularly harrowing and intense four days of negotiations and cracking the closed external audit of his company, he had planned with meticulous precision, a night with his partner Fabio, an upcoming model on the Paris circuit. The night that would change everything, a proposal and lifetime worth of promise that would bind him deeply and firmly with the love of his life, with Fabio. With his loyal bodyguards stationed outside, Andrea had rummaged the keys to the lock of the penthouse, a gracious gift to Fabio on their six-year anniversary celebrating together. Yet, deep down an ominous, dark and almost suffocating fear gripped as the locked clicked and the door swung inward as though offering a resistant half-hearted welcome!

The smell that assaulted his senses was immediate, this ketonic, metallic odor that twisted his stomach, wordlessly! The only logical and acceptable explanation his brain gave him was ‘Molly’. The lights were dimmed, the ceiling to floor French windows concealed by thick and dark black blinds. His step caught in the leg of the rich mahogany coffee table, and a shattered glass frame that held together, the distant memory of the first day in this very penthouse when he had made Fabio his grandmother’s bolognese and a bottle of his family’s signature Shiraz from the Firenze countryside in Italy. This was the specific moment captured when the camera had caught Andrea leaning in for a loving kiss with Fabio’s arms protectively around him! The broken pieces of this frame now glinted angrily, mocking him and in a way preparing him for the horror that unfolded two steps ahead in the lounge!

Splayed and lying on his back with his hands tied behind his head with a black leather bind, stood two men their eyes glinting hungrily at the naked bound form of Fabio, his immaculate features now sleeked filthy with sweat and what surreptitiously looked like come, the pupils of his deep grey tinted blue eyes were blown wide with an animalistic lust and hunger that Andrea never thought was humanly possible. His sleek, sweaty athletic build looked to be abused and folded over like that of discarded baggage. The worst however was yet to dawn, as the silver haired man, the same one who was his manager and coordinator was pistoning his girthy tool inside Fabio with an animalistic, hard rhythm while the second younger man, his best friend of two decades fed his long, hardened member stuffing it unforgivingly in Fabio’s agape mouth and throat. The site if not for the horrifying abuse would have even shamed the most depraved men. Andrea who worshipped Fabio’s body with the reverence of a Saint was overcome with a wave of powerful nausea, dropping the small velvet box that housed the 10-carat diamond studded in delicate waves of platinum ring on the floor, his right hand instinctively clutched his chest as he retched violently unleashing a wave of vomit across the coffee table. The clattering of the box and the retching seemed to finally snapped the three out of their filthy tableau! His Manager Leo uttered in a cold drawl sending a kick of humiliation through Andrea, ‘’let’s make way for the cuck Fiancé, it would be good if you take the mess elsewhere Mr. Lanzoni or best, be a good sub and clean it up!” Imran, the best friend with a quiet smirk, “About time, one year today isn’t it, Leo?” he said as a slap echoed sharply on Fabio’s right cheek where Imran’s palm had connected. “Use me masters Leo and Imran…” a hoarse high-pitched voice of Fabio croaked. Leo nonchalantly slid behind Fabio untied the leather and pulled him roughly on his feet, Fabio high on the sensations running through him stood, his mouth wide open and slick with spit and sweat rolling down his face just stared straight into Andrea’s horrified expression. Imran with a cool swagger got behind Fabio his both hands-on Fabio’s hips spat on himself and in one brutal motion thrust it deep inside Fabio, “Watch!” his eyes locked on Andrea’s frozen pallor.

He stood frozen with fear and pain as all the good times, six years flashed in front of his eyes; their first kiss on a lazy spring evening outside the Louvre, the first time he took Fabio home, in Florence and the most painful of all today when the jeweler had congratulated him saying the man he was set to marry was indeed lucky. The realization for the last one oblivious year hit like freight train, ‘he had been blind’! Blind to the exhaustion, the secrecy, the Friday evening soiree’s that stretched to Sunday evenings. Not realizing, as Leo like predator walked and stood with his back to Andrea, he grasped Fabio’s throat hard pulling him forward with his nails digging his skin leaving angry red marks on his pale skin and growled in his ear, “Tell him.”

An invisible thread snapped clean as the reality of his lover unfolded in front of him. Fabio stood up shakily trying to balance himself as Imran thrust relentlessly and in a rough voice mumbled, “You weren’t enough.” This one confession brought back Andrea, in dead whisper he replied, “We are done! You humiliated me! And for what? “This” shaking a finger the direction of the three, “a failing modelling career and ‘The Black Leather Club’…?” Imran and Leo smirked coldly and high-fived each other.

Andrea took one step towards Leo, but a firm and warm hand stopped him, Luca his bodyguard held him not in persistence or force but a silent understanding of his destruction, “No”; that was the first kindness in its own right he had witnessed from a person as close as his brother. Luca steered Andrea towards the door of the penthouse Andrea looked back at the dazed expression of Fabio and the calculated smirks of Imran and Leo, his voice echoed loudly in the silence, “Brace yourselves!”

The aftermath was quick, clean and devastating, Andrea had sent a legal notice to Fabio to vacate the penthouse in twenty-four hours, he had the good sense to still retain the title and ownership of it. As for Leo and Imran, ‘The Black Leather Club’ went under legal scrutiny for its ‘rumored’ allegations of drug and sex trafficking. Contracts and clients shunned them publicly with a class action lawsuit filed by seven victims of physical and psychological abuse.

Andrea blinked hard and drank his Cognac in one quick gulp, the amber liquid searing his throat and breaking the hold of the horrifying memory, if only temporarily. The storm inside him was raging since the betrayal, the unforgiving infidelity and blatant lies. His soul was raw with rage and cried for violence against those that wronged him. The Bridge of his soul was destroyed in that storm by the thing that held it together in the first place, ’Love’…

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The whispers of the howling winds raging between two men divided by oceans, and distant land but unified by a single horrifying betrayal at the hands of their loved ones. Neil’s wet eyes scanned the high tide and the raging sea on the beach, every step taken towards dimming the pain and Andrea drinking to dull the ache that was hollowing out his fragile soul scarred by the blade which had destroyed his the Bridge of his faith, trust and belief in Love…

The story continues in Chapter 2: The Glass half-full of “Love and Broken Bridges…”

What happens when their paths converge, can Love truly heal the once Broken Bridges…? Dropping soon… Love and Broken Bridges…

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