Jimmy was a hoax. A fraud. A fruit gone bad. He passed his expiration date the second he told me he was leaving. I didn’t throw him out though. I watched him get soft and mushy, exuding his sickly sweet pungent odour. I watched him bruise when pressed. I puckered my lips as I bit into his flesh, rotten and stringy. In reality, I watched him drift further and further apart. I watched him harden around me, grow stiff, turn avoidant. I watched as he moved away and I let him. I felt like a dog with no owner. I felt my leash grow longer and longer until it finally dropped and I was alone.

Now Jimmy, I’m not saying you didn’t treat me well because you did. After a year. The thing about being used by men and treated like a dog is, you get used to being on a leash. You get used to neglect and abuse. Used to sparing treats and loving words. But dogs are loyal. Dogs are faithful. Dogs, like most women, will never leave your side. That is our fault. I watch you sitting by the sea with those black rimmed glasses thinking you look grand and of course you will think so because I told you how grand you look a hundred times before this. It shot up to your head Jimmy. Your vain little head. You’ve bought me a diet coke. A cheap can. But you smile now as if I have the stars in my hands. You blush and tell me you have a secret. I try to maintain my composure but I can already feel my tail wagging. I want your secret to be how much you want me. How much you need me. I can feel my tail thumping against the ground eagerly.

“I’ve slept with my friend’s girlfriend”. Thump. It falls flat. I am speechless Jimmy as you can imagine. You go on though, enjoying my wide eyes and open mouth. This thrills you. This competition you have already created between this poor girl and I. You talk about her body like it is poorly put together art. You dissect, you criticize, you shame and I am already slapping myself for wearing such a low top. You talk about sex like it is a game. Something fun for you to do. It is not Jimmy, you stupid, idiotic man. A few months later, I am in the same position as her and I can tell you for a fact Jimmy. It was not fun.

We started dating because I cannot live without a man in my life. You buy me gifts and take me on dates and my tail goes thump thump thump, faster faster faster. I am the other woman. In a contest with a host of other women. Your women. I watch you ogle Jimmy. I watch you stare. I dare not look into your phone. I watch you kiss your girl friends on the cheek on our anniversary. I watch you be embarrassed of me. I watch you shoot videos with all these girls for the world to see. I watch you hide me. I watch my tail go thump thump thump. Until it stops.

You see Jimmy, I am not a dog. You dropped my leash but I will not stagger behind you aimlessly. I will not beg for treats. I learned my lesson. Hurt before you get hurt. You’ve become an angel now Jimmy, sweet and coy. You’ve become my dog. I entertain men as I please. Older men, younger boys, shitty guys my age. I let them ogle. I let them stare. You will read this and laugh Jimmy. At me calling you my dog. You will call me pathetic and a hypocrite and tell me to assess myself. You will walk away, wagging your tail. I do not care Jimmy. I turned a blind eye to your crap. Now you can do the same. You’ve dropped my leash several times Jimmy. You liked hearing my footsteps running behind you. You have your clique. Let me have mine. I love you Jimmy. But I think I may love him more.