You cannot win all the time.

You cannot prove yourself all the time.

The world will humble you eventually.

We have all the devilish people, adversaries, and enemies in our lives to thank because they are the reason we pray to God.

Remember that the next time you want to punch someone in the face.

People will come and go throughout your life, but you are always going to be the one thing that remains constant.

Learn to distinguish your real self-your true being-over your physical form.

Understand the difference between the soul and the body.

There is a famous quote that has been attributed to the French Jesuit priest, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, that goes as such,

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

What does this mean at a deeper level?

It means we have been here before. This isn’t our first rodeo, and it won’t be our last. We keep coming back until we finally get it right.

Oh wait, that’s the concept of reincarnation. Whether or not you subscribe to the theory of reincarnation, it’s irrelevant if you grasp the meaning of a soul. Souls are transient beings, meaning they can transcend time and space. So when the physical body is no longer available, the soul departs and moves on to the spirit world.

Where it goes from there…heaven, hell, purgatory, the island in Lost, or simply reincarnated once again…if we can all agree on this on a spiritual level…we know not where we go in the end.

But the point is that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience rather than physical beings having a spiritual experience.

Where is the proof, though?

Have you ever walked through the bookstore, perusing the shelves, and seen the amount of books on how to be successful, how to lead with confidence, how to sell, how to be persuasive, how to be popular, how to convey your thoughts, how to be articulate, how to be assertive…you don’t need any of this in the spiritual world. On the other hand, this is all you will find in the material world. Turn on YouTube or doom scroll through TikTok, and you will be flooded with self-improvement, self-help, and self-growth videos. You will be bombarded with videos on how to be likable at work and lose the fear of saying “no”, how to traverse the corporate landscape, and how to win the rat race. But all that stoicism and managerial mindset won’t do you any good in gaining grace from the Divine.

That’s because the Divine isn’t interested in your ability to overcome small talk and carry on conversations like the words spewing out of your mouth came directly from Nora Ephron’s latest rom com. Nor does the Divine care that you are able to control the room’s attention like your speech was written by Aaron Sorkin. The Divine doesn’t care if you’re a genius. The Divine doesn’t care if you’re the inventor of a million patents. The Divine doesn’t care if you’re the richest man in the world. That’s great if you are those things, but it doesn’t get you a ticket in His Kingdom.

So then, what does The Divine want?

The Divine wants innocence and purity, that of a child trying to figure something out for the first time.

Essentially, the ability to admit that you don’t know everything; in fact, you know nothing when it comes to the spiritual world…not because you’re not a spiritual being…you are indeed…but you because you have been away from your home for such a long time you have forgotten the source. And all that is required is that you announce “I may know a few things about this world. I learned how to climb the corporate ladder. I learned how to win people over with my charisma. I have bought cars. I have bought houses. But I don’t know everything and I leave it to you to decide what I really need.”

The minute you understand that you are not in control and place your desires at the altar of God, you surrender.

That humbleness, that surrender, I believe is the key to His Kingdom.

Life isn’t about being a know-it-all. It is about humility.

A full mind leaves no room for wisdom. That is why every spiritual journey should begin with humility.

Be the empty cup.

Society places too much emphasis on success when it should be shifting its focus to eliminating people’s fear of failure.

There are two different trains of thought on polar opposite ends of the same spectrum.

The yin and yang. The head and tails. One can subscribe to either philosophy or choose to live on the edge, subscribing to neither side of the allegorical coin.

Don’t beat yourself up.

Forgive others. Forgive yourself.

Cleanse yourself every day.

Keep your home clean.

Make your bed every day. Even if you have a bad day, you can come home to a comfortable, clean bed.

Time heals everything.

Listen to music.

Dream big.

Be practical.

Strike a balance.

Learn from nature.

Make a list of all the positive people in your life. People who have helped you in some way and impacted your life in a positive way.

Be silent.

See a situation for what it really is.

You are not the body. You are not even the mind. All thoughts and emotions are just clouds passing by. Don’t get caught up in the maya of life.

If you don’t agree, you don’t have to advertise it. Don’t make a point out of everything.

Do not allow the evil armies of the ego to contaminate the soul.

If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts, happiness follows them like a never-departing shadow.

Radiate boundless love towards the entire world.

Good thoughts. Good words. Good actions. Good person.

Have you let the people in your life that have impacted you in a positive way know how important they are to you?

Are you living with guilt?

Are you holding on to anything? Is something holding you back? Writing is important but living is vital.

Be free.

Let those you care for know how much they mean to you.

If you are carrying any guilt forgive yourself and let it go.

If you are doubting yourself let that doubt disappear from your mind.

Cut the cables, set sail!

But despite its nastiness, it’s a reality in the modern world.

It has reared its ugly head among couples, families, artists, companies… no entity is immune to the threat of divorce.

For some of us, divorce has found a way to enter through the back door or back gate, uninvited, like a midnight marauder, an unexpected guest, an intruder, a thief who robs us of our joy.

It has infiltrated our home. When it comes to our house, it becomes a personal threat. No longer do you think of divorce as just an unfortunate thing that happens to “others”. Nope, now you or someone you love is also a victim of the dreaded divorce.

My sister recently went through a divorce. This hits home personally because this man she was married to was once my close friend before he began a romantic relationship with my sister, which eventually led them down the aisle, locking hands and becoming husband and wife. It hit my parents, who had treated my brother-in-law like a son. We remember his good side before he left his wife and his then 17-year-old son. I remember when he and my sister worked effortlessly, like magicians, cleaning my apartment before I moved into a home. They scrubbed, mopped, dusted, polished, and made my apartment new for the next tenant, and saved my deposit, which, if you have lived in an apartment, you understand, is held until you move out and returned to you only if your apartment is spotless. They did a better job than a professional custodian would have done.

Why does this memory stand out to me? What is it about this particular moment that has not left my mind? Because at that moment, I witnessed them working together as a team…as a single unit…with a clear mission…to clean my apartment so I could get my deposit back.

And they were selfless, and that touched my heart. That selfless act, that caring deed, strummed at my heartstrings. That song is now just a memory. I can never hear it played again.

Many people are left dancing with themselves. The partner leaves the other all by themself on the dance floor. That’s exactly what happened to my sister, who kept on trying, regardless of how badly her partner danced and even if she too missed a few steps along the way…the point is you keep dancing until those dancing days are done…not because one of you quits or leaves the dance floor…those dancing days are over when one of you leaves the earth. At least that’s what a marriage should be…that’s the idealistic version of it.

But that jerk left. He left her and their teenage son. Both my sister and nephew were left stranded on the dance floor, and the song keeps playing. The music doesn’t stop. Music is a metaphor for life. Life keeps going. Life doesn’t stop. People will come into your life and out of your life. But you’ve got to keep dancing.

We must forgive the person who hurt us and who delivered us pain. Why? It’s a selfish act, honestly. If we hold on to the grudge, it destroys us. So we must let it go and move on. We do it for ourselves. We forgive and cut the cord. Why? Because again, we have to keep dancing.

My journey, especially when it comes to work, hasn’t been linear. It’s been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, loops, and frightful falls that can leave someone nauseated. I’ve had all kinds of jobs, from being a 3D animator and college instructor to an IT specialist and new home sales consultant (a real estate agent who exclusively sells homes for a builder), and most recently I worked a job that isn’t even worth mentioning because it didn’t sing to me. I got nothing from my last place of work, except that it was so unfulfilling that it sparked within me the fire, which enabled me to write again. So that job was exactly what I needed to get me creative again.

The yearning to hear the music of life again is what led me to write again. How sweet is that?

I wanted to be a writer from the beginning. I wanted to make movies. I then wanted to act in my own movies. I used to dream, and at the end of each dream, it would say, “A dream directed by Sai.” When you have dreams that vivid as a child, you’re bound to become a person obsessed with getting his voice out. The biggest fear is to die with your words still trapped inside of you.

Now, for a second, imagine an archaeologist could be like Indiana Jones, coming across a tomb that was locked away, hidden inside the catacombs. He and his colleagues brush away the dust and cobwebs, unlocking the tomb to reveal a skeleton with a crown on his head, a necklace with a medallion of significant meaning to the identity of the once prominent figure, and sleeping on a bed of sparkling gemstones and jewels. But nowhere to be found are writings. The archeologist and his colleagues only have the aforementioned to work with and base a story on. Whereas, if a note was left in the tomb, it would have been read, and a true recollection of a life well lived would have been told and truly resurrected…for the entire world to relive.

So, it is vital, to write down your words and share them…be it a poem, a short story, a novel, a song, a theater screenplay, a movie script, or a speech delivered…send it out to the world and don’t keep those precious words locked inside you…they are the real sparkling gemstones and jewels.

Which brings me to this next part. Not even the bands I grew up listening to are happy to make the music that made me so happy as a teenager. Why is that so?

Not even the musicians behind the music that help to create the soundtrack to our lives are immune to the word divorce.

Take, for instance, these famous rock bands:

The Smiths. New Order. Jane’s Addiction.

Just a few bands with strained relationships among the members.

The Smiths:

The feud between the guitarist Marr and the vocalist Morrissey. Miscommunication stemming from Marr’s break from managing the band that Morrissey misread as abandonment. Then, bassist Rourke and drummer Joyce sued both Marr and Morrissey over royalty distribution. And most recently, Morrissey replaced “The Smiths” merchandise with “Morrissey”.

New Order:

Peter Hook, the bassist for New Order and its predecessor, Joy Division, is known for creating the bass line that made the bands famous. But in 2007, Peter Hook departed from the band. We were “hooked” on that signature New Order bass line, and now it was gone. The lead singer, Bernard Sumner, Stephen Morris, and Gillian Gilbert continued on, and Bernard Sumner even got together with the ex-guitarist of The Smiths, Johnny Marr, to form the side project, Electronic.

Jane’s Addiction:

Perry Farrell, the enigmatic lead singer of the late 80s and early 90s punk rock band, disbanded in December 2025 when Perry threw a punch at the guitarist, Dave Navarro. And like the song “Jane Says” goes, she can’t hit…neither could Perry. His punch missed Dave, who skillfully dodged it, and Eric Avery, the bassist, stepped in and ended the scuffle. But when the original four worked together in the earlier days of the band, drummer Stephen Perkins, bassist Eric Avery, guitarist Dave Navarro, and vocalist Perry Farrell, had created magic in a bottle.

Not even magic is safe from divorce.

If a relationship is really important to someone, they will do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going.

For many years, I would think that doing something exciting or glamorous like being in a band or working on a movie set as an actor or behind the scenes as a movie director would be the safety zone that protected one from divorce, but that isn’t the case. Relationships can get strained over time, and miscommunication among members can cause ripples that lead to being swept into the waters of divorce.

Now, a few notable mentions of bands that have remained together despite the riffs that tried to tear them apart.

Oasis:

Noel Gallagher and Liam Gallagher are known for their sibling rivalry. When Oasis announced that they were getting back together for their Oasis Live ‘25 Tour, fans were overjoyed to hear the news. Tickets sold out within a few hours. Everyone expected the two brothers to get in a fight. Instead, what the crowd got was two brothers who walked out on-stage holding hands, a true sign of maturity, and playing their hits like the best rock stars they always claimed to be.

Blur:

Blur might have won the battle of Britpop, but Oasis definitely won the war. Even the lead vocalist of Blur, Damon Albarn, admitted that Oasis was better at connecting to the people than Blur. Both bands would admit years later that the Britpop feud was embarrassing. Blur changed their sound altogether, adopting a lo-fi indie rock style influenced by bands like Pavement, Sonic Youth, and Fugazi, partly due to the guitarist Graham Coxon’s admiration for those bands. Then, despite two successful albums, the self-titled Blur and the even more experimental 13, Graham Coxon was asked to leave the band in 2002. Graham Coxon continued to create music on his own and also work on creating the soundtracks for tv series, such as The End of the F***ing World. Blur went on hiatus, and during that pause, Damon Albarn began his animated pop group, Gorillaz. Despite a long hiatus, Blur rose from the ashes and surprised their dear fans with a reunion tour and new album, The Ballad of Darren, in 2023.

Red Hot Chili Peppers:

RHCP has had more guitarists than Spinal Tap has had drummers.

For the sake of this article, John Frusciante is the guitarist of RHCP. He left the band several times because of his drug addiction.

Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction stepped in temporarily, and as talented as Dave is, he just couldn’t match what John was able to bring to RHCP.

RHCP is back to their original lineup, after the passing of original guitarist and co-founder of RHCP, Hillel Slovak, who died of a drug overdose.

That is vocalist Anthony Keidis, bassist Flea, guitarist John Frusciante, and drummer Chad Smith.

The conclusion is this… if it matters, you will figure out how to keep the harmony alive. When true love is there, harmony can never be lost.

Let’s close this article with lyrics from one of my favorite songs, “Sing Your Life” by Morrissey, that I believe sums everything up about life and not dying with the words inside of ourselves…let them out…let them be heard…sing your life!

“Sing your life
Walk right up to the microphone
And name
All the things you love
All the things that you loathe”

The moment. The shift. The change. The drive. The catalyst. That cathartic moment, like the aha moment in Fight Club, when the protagonist realizes he is the antagonist…he is Tyler Durden. And then he destroys that part of himself, so he can go back to being his true self.

We all go through that moment at least once in our lives.

We’ve all had moments in our lives that, in hindsight, we wish we had handled differently. We have all acted in ways that were beneath us and unlike our character. We all have a bad day that can lead to bad months, bad years, bad decades… but that moment should never lead to a bad life.

That moment…that fall from grace, that stumble, that falter…should lead us to walk onto another path. It should be the catalyst that alters our course in life, the shift in our character. Every great character ever written in a play or screenplay goes through a moment that changed them for the better. It’s okay to have skeletons in your closet, to have something you’re not too proud of, to be ashamed of, especially if you make steps towards bettering yourself. The world looks at what you are today. We live in a culture that digs up the past and throws the dirt in people’s faces, reminding them of their checkered past and preventing them from moving forward. We understand character arcs and praise the characters who go from bad to good, but when it happens in real life, the people who love these stories, go on a witch hunt. It’s ridiculous and needs to stop. If people fail to see who you are today and punish you for what you did yesterday, let them throw their stones. The ones who throw the largest stones are usually the ones who are hiding behind the falsest costumes, full of deceit and lies.

It’s never too late to become the best version of yourself. Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “There’s nothing wrong with me; I’m living my best life.” If that’s the case, feel free to stop reading. This article is for those of us whose feet are worn and scarred by the stones, pebbles, and shards of rock we’ve encountered along the way.

It’s for those of us who’ve come to realize that we’ve been stuck in a ceaseless cycle of repeating the same mistakes. If this strikes a chord with you, I commend you for acknowledging life’s transience. You’ve realized that waiting for a tomorrow that may never come is not the way to improve yourself. The time to start is today.

Albert Einstein famously said, “Repeating the same thing and expecting a different result” is the definition of insanity.

The first step is to refuse to label it a mere “mistake”; rather, be determined to turn it into a valuable “lesson”. Allow yourself to ponder the questions of life. Is there a God up there, looking down at us, evaluating our every decision, measuring our rights and wrongs? Is life meant to teach us these lessons? Do we decide which family we are going to be born into, who our friends are going to be, who our enemies and adversaries are going to be, who our lovers are going to be, who our dreaded bosses are going to be? There is a theory that says just that. We basically prescribe what we need to better our souls. It’s like we’re our own soul doctors.

No one gave us a roadmap on this voyage of life. It’s why many of us feel like vagabonds.

And that’s okay to traverse the world searching for answers like a vagrant because by the end of the journey, you will have gathered all the experiences you need to be rich in life thereafter.

Only we ourselves hold the key to changing our lives. Yes, we can ask for guidance, but ultimately it’s we who have to take charge. No one else is going to do that for us.

This article isn’t about culmination. Culmination is what happens at the end of our journey, and we aren’t there yet. This article is about the steps we need to take to change ourselves so that at the very end we can leave this world peacefully without any attachments. It’s about climbing the mountain all the way to the top…the peak and looking across the horizon, realizing we did get through this arduous journey mindfully. We chose the right paths. We can look back with a smile on our faces.

Chapter 2: The Five Elements

The five elements that make up our composition are not simply physical substances. They represent the fundamental aspects of our being. They are the mechanisms behind how we “feel” and “perceive” the world. The same five elements exist in all of us but for each one of us, they work differently because we’re all individuals.

I begin by speaking of a primal force, one of the five essential elements that sustain our existence in this world.

Within each of us, there resides a fire.

Fire: Go to any Hindu temple across the world, and you will witness priests reciting ancient prayers and chanting the many names of the gods, as the people they are praying for repeat those names while throwing the most precious foods and belongings into the fire. A mixture of all the good, whole foods and material belongings are thrown into the raging fire. Beautiful garments floating in a fiery mixture of honey, ghee, nuts, raisins, and coconuts, breathing in a new breath of hope into the air, from old regrets and burdensome hurdles of the past. You need fire to ignite you to start anew. But be careful because that fire that’s meant to motivate you can also go to your head, igniting your ego, and destroy your true self.

Earth: Be solid like the ground underneath your feet. Be resilient and able to withstand life’s wear and tear.

Air: The funny thing about air is that we can’t live without it. It fills up our world, and as much as it is everywhere, it’s always passing in and out, reverberating in our every breath. It goes beyond our home, our street, our community, our city, our state, our country, and passes through every soul - be it man, mammal, amphibian, fish, ant…any creature that breathes life.

Water: Be like water. Be adaptable, as water is. Water can fill any vessel. It morphs, it changes, it transforms, it shapes itself to what it’s given. Whatever life gives you, learn to fill it with all of yourself.

Ether (Akasha): The fifth element is often neglected yet equally significant. It is the element of space, complete emptiness, the medium through which sound travels. In Sanskrit, it’s known as Akasha. Ether is the bridge to the divine, the channel through which we communicate with the higher power. Call him the good Lord, or Ishvara in Sanskrit, and communicate with him using vibratory sounds such as chanting and sacred hymns. “Om Bhur Bhuva Swaha Om” represents this divine connection. It is the primeval sound (Om) permeating through the physical (Bhur), mental (Bhuva), and spiritual (Suvah) realms.

These five elements exist within us. Respect them and use them like you would your hands, feet, eyes, ears, and tongue. They are part of your existence, and you must learn to use them for your betterment.

Chapter 3: The Observer

Our minds are complex and frequently unruly, capable of both great wisdom and destructive chaos. If we fail to keep control over our thoughts, our minds can lead us astray, often into dangerous territory. Therefore, it is vital that we become keen observers of our own inner workings. Our thoughts, words, and behaviors should never control us.

Observe your inner workings like a hawk observes its prey. Only once you have understood yourself are you able to understand others. Know your triggers, your weaknesses, and your strengths. This will help you follow the paths laid out before you on life’s journey.

We have all heard the famous saying, words are sharper than knives. So always remember the cardinal rule of being a human: “If you cannot say anything nice about a person or situation, it’s better not to say anything at all.” In other words, it’s best to keep your mouth shut if you don’t have anything nice to say. Learn to shut the fuck up. Speak less. Listen more. Listen intently. Don’t just hear words. Distill them. Filter them. Take only what you need. Don’t mix emotion with logic.

Be mindful. Don’t speak ill of others. That includes yourself. I used to pride myself on my ability to deliver self-depracating humor. Don’t clown yourself in front of others. Some people can’t appreciate a sense of humor or understand a joke, so know your audience. Some people can interpret your confidence as an easy target for their own self-doubts and decide to trap you so they can make themselves look stronger.

Learn to fight negativity with positivity. If someone insults you, simply reply that they have the freedom to think whatever they want about you, but that doesn’t make it true. Then smile and walk away. The world will pull you up just to pull you back down. It happens more often than we would like because the world is never satisfied. One day, the world loves someone; the next, it hates them. So don’t get caught up in the world’s fickle-mindedness.

Learn that the responsibility of making the world a better place doesn’t fall on your shoulders. Start with yourself. Work on yourself. Once you have mastered yourself, the world will respond, and those who seek guidance, will naturally gravitate towards you.

Repent. Surrender. Heal. Meditate. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to scream, then scream. Don’t hold it in. Let it out. Let it go. Whatever is holding you back, cut the cord. Release it.

In meditation, you can still your mind and let go of guilt and pain. With a clear understanding of your shortcomings and bad habits, you can chart a path toward self-improvement. Just as the Hindu god of destruction, Shiva, clears the way for new creation, you too can renew and transform yourself.

Only you possess the ability to cure yourself. It’s within you right now as you read this, and it’s always been there.

Chapter 4: The Oyster

Look around you. Up until this point, your journey has remained a deep exploration of your inner self, but now it’s time to take a detour and shift your focus outward. I want you to submerge yourself in the world beyond, to become acutely aware of your surroundings.

Start by absorbing everything around you, as though you were taking a mental snapshot of your environment. Be fully present and engaged with the external world and your own thoughts. Realize that your existence extends far beyond the physical space you occupy. It stretches beyond the room in which you read this article, beyond the building that houses that room, beyond the street that the building stands on, beyond the city you call home, beyond the state or province, beyond the country, beyond the very planet we reside on, and as the Beatles so eloquently put it, it extends across the universe.

We’ve all heard the saying, the world is your oyster. The saying came from William Shakespeare’s play, The Merry Wives of Windsor. When Falstaff refuses to give his friend, Pistol, money, Pistol announces a profound statement, “Why then the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.” What does that mean exactly? It means that within an oyster rests a hidden pearl, but getting to it requires hard work. One must be dedicated to the pursuit of wealth. What is wealth? Well, that is the deeper question, isn’t it, my friends? Genuine wealth in my opinion is happiness. Yes, we need monetary wealth, money, to afford finer things in life, but then why is it that the richest people in the world can’t find happiness? So what is your pearl? Just money and fame? Or is it something deeper? Happiness is beyond the pearl, and that is why the world is your oyster.

Learn to be grateful. Sit back and take it all in. Every experience. Good and bad. Each one mattered. No matter how traumatic. No matter how gut-wrenching. No matter how torturous. It was there to teach us something. Like an alchemist, take those hardened metal emotions and transform them into gold.

Once you have gratitude, you will automatically come to appreciate each mouthful of water you take, every meal you relish, and every handshake you make on the trail of life.

Now think about that family member, that friend, that coworker, that boss, that pastor, or that stranger who told you about something that led you to where you are right now…that person who said to look at a certain job board, or to join a running meetup group, or who recommended an author that is now your favorite novelist. People come and go in your life. Some stay longer than others. Some are with you on most of your journey. Some only temporarily. But whatever time you spend with them, make it pleasant. And if those people who join you on your path are unpleasant, know that they are sharing the path with you for a reason, so deal with it and remain cool and composed. Be like a mindful Buddhist monk. Stay steady on your path and don’t be distracted. You have a place to reach, and no one should take you off your path.

That’s why gratitude is so important, because when your path becomes difficult, or the people who are walking the path become annoying, you can always reflect on what you do have, and such gratitude will give you the strength you need to carry on.

Chapter 5: The List

Have you ever gone to the grocery store and got everything the store had to offer except for the very thing you really needed? Like that gallon of milk?

That’s why you need a grocery list.

The same applies to the journey of life.

Create a list of commitments. I will share mine from two years ago:

My Journey List:

1. Go Vegetarian for Good

2. Read the Bhagavad Gita

3. Meditate and Chant Daily

4. Stop Using Profanity

5. Volunteer at the Temple

6. Go to the Temple Every Saturday Religiously

Everyone’s list will look different depending on what’s important to them.

For me, these items were significant for me at the time.

Chapter 6: The Path of Wisdom

The journey is about transformation. Lessons are learned and changes are made.

Life teaches us lessons in the most enigmatic ways. We never stop to think that sometimes the most difficult times are actually molding us to become a better version of ourselves. New and improved. We have heard it a million times…what happens is for our good. What exactly does that mean? Let’s break it down.

Even though an experience may seem horrible, it happened to teach us something. What we take from that experience, is up to us. Each experience along this mysterious journey called life is meant to shape us towards a better version of ourselves.

However, some things are unfathomable. Some news is unbearable and too horrific. It falls under the file of things we never speak of.

I heard a news report about a man who lived and worked at a hotel in Texas and was beheaded by a coworker. The poor man was chased down by this maniac in broad daylight, and his wife and child came out of their dwelling, to try and protect him. The wife and teenage son could do nothing, as the criminal used a machete to impale the man’s head from the rest of his body. Imagine seeing that horror unfold in front of your eyes as a wife or teenage son.

What would that do to you? How do you recover from that? How do you make sense of that? How do you believe in God after that?

These questions only arise when the worst happens.

Until then, it’s all fun and games. It’s all stop and smell the roses. It’s all whistle while you work.

I don’t have the answers for a tragedy such as the aforementioned.

Karma is real though and the lunatic who murdered the man will eventually pay for his bad deeds. Know that. In Hinduism, the universe is comprised of 14 realms. There are 7 heavenly realms above earth and 7 subterranean realms under earth. Naraka is similar to the concept of Hell, but it works more like a purgatory, a place where the soul undergoes suffering to pay for the bad karma and evil deeds accumulated on Earth.

Chapter 7: The Masterplan

Words hold immense power.

Think about the way we speak of work.

I work for XYZ company.

Now say I work with XYZ company.

An adjusted nuance in the way we describe our relationship with our employer can make a difference in the way we perform at our workplace.

Having a goal, a clear vision of what you aspire to achieve, is the basis of progress. But a vision without a plan is merely a dream. Devise a concrete plan that will work as roadmap that outlines the steps to reach your goal. Work diligently along this steady path, even when difficulties occur. Remember, opportunity often wears the disguise of obstacles, and true leaders recognize them as golden tickets on the road to success.

Success is just a door down from failure.

Learn to silence the mind.

Wisely choose when to speak and when to listen.

Let the trivialities of life work as instruments that help to orchestrate your life. Let the hurdles, setbacks, obstacles, and challenges be the drumbeats, the pauses, the break beats, the high hats that create the soundtrack to your life’s conquest.

Chapter 8: The Better Version

The point is this: Make a conscious decision to pause and choose actions that correspond with your authentic self. Once you’ve made that commitment, you’re on the path to becoming a better version of yourself. It’s important to acknowledge that you will make mistakes along the way as that is part of being human. The most accomplished people in the world are not immune to making mistakes. Remember that. So if you fall, get back up, and continue the climb.

Real change takes time, and the process can be grueling.

Society wants us to conform. Be this way. Be that way. The only way is your way. March to your own rhythm without a care if anyone is listening. If only your heart listens to the beat of your drum, then so be it.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s this: Your ultimate goal in life is to be happy. Happiness is the essence of a life completely lived. So, let’s add it to the top of the list, as #1: “Just Be Happy.”

1. Don’t bring your full, authentic self to the office. Work isn’t the place to share everything about who you are. Most people get this, but for some, it’s tough to put into practice. We have to remember that we can’t be an open book at work. Remember, you’re there to work, not play. 9 to 5 or 8 to 6: Show up on time, do your work, occasionally smile, and be a team player. Then get the fuck outta dodge.

2. Don’t treat your office like it’s your living room. Save those living room conversations for your close friends. Be your real self with them. That’s what evenings and weekends are for. When you get home, you can talk about all the stuff that really interests you, with your partner, your friends, or whoever you spend time with. Work isn’t for making friends. The people there are coworkers, not your best friends. No matter how well you get along, always remember, “This is a coworker, not my best friend.” Don’t give away everything about yourself. Not everyone needs to know your secrets. It’s okay to keep some things to yourself. Not everyone deserves to see your true self. Your real nature is a gift for those who earn it. Remember that.

3. Don’t just watch a show like Game of Thrones, for entertainment; watch it to learn how the real world operates. If life is a game, then the world is the game board. The world is full of people who are great at playing their role or not. Those who can’t play their role…well, we’ve all seen how horrible it can go in Game of Thrones. It’s not as tragic, but you get the point. Take for instance, those whose roles are higher up at work. Are they not the best actors? Some could win awards for how well they play their roles. People wear many faces. There’s a face for work, for home, for your spouse, for your kids, for church, and for friends. We show a different side of ourselves in every situation just like the characters in Game of Thrones.

So when can you really be yourself? Honestly, my biggest struggle is being too real. It’s hard for me to separate my true self from the version I show at work, and you can see that in my job history. I stay in a job for a few years, then move on, usually because I’ve shared too much of myself and it backfires. I act naturally, and sometimes that hurts me. It’s not as bad now as it was when I was younger. I even saw Vedic Astrologers and studied my chart to figure out why I couldn’t keep a job. As I’ve gotten older, things have improved in ways I can’t explain, except through faith in God and perseverance. I’ve learned to let go and trust God’s plan. At some point, when you figure out you don’t know shit, you surrender.

Sometimes I come up with odd analogies to explain things, and only my closest friends really get them. Well, at least they say they do. If I share these ideas at work, people usually laugh and say they understand. Behind closed doors, they may be having conversations about how strange I am. As you get older though, you care less about what others think of you. But the truth is that we still have to play our role at work until the day we retire. After that, maybe we can finally be ourselves. Sadly, by the time retirement comes, most of us forget who we were before playing the role and wearing the mask.

Growing up in the deep south as a skinny Indian kid taught me a few things. It taught me how to explain Hinduism so that a five-year-old could understand it. Classmates would often ask, “Why are there so many gods in Hinduism?” The simplest answer is that Hinduism is seen as polytheistic, while Christianity is monotheistic. Hinduism has more gods than you can count with all ten fingers and ten toes; Christianity and Islam focus on one. Allow me to explain Hinduism from the perspective of a first-generation American. I’m an American-born South Asian, the child of Indian parents who moved here in the late 60s. My childhood was always about balancing Indian culture at home and American culture everywhere else. At a Hindu temple, you will witness all the deities: Hanuman, the monkey god; Ganesha, the elephant god; and Krishna, the blue god playing the flute, with goddess Radha by his side. Ganesha had one full tusk and one broken one, which meant something: the full tusk stood for faith, the broken one for knowledge. Faith should be stronger than knowledge, because knowledge without faith doesn’t carry any weight. Hanuman symbolized courage. Krishna, in the company of the Gopi girls and holy cows, stood for love and charm. As a kid, I’d go to Krishna to channel his charm and be popular. I wanted to be like Krishna, because everyone loved Krishna. Goddess Lakshmi represents wealth and prosperity. Like many American teens raised in Hindu homes, I’d pray to the god who handled whatever I needed. If I were bullied, I’d pray to Hanuman for the courage to stand up for myself. I still do that when I have a tough coworker or boss. If my faith is wavering, I pray to Ganesha for help in strengthening my faith. If the world is making me cold and bitter, I pray to Krishna to soften my heart and allow love to fill me. If I want prosperity, a job promotion, or a raise, I will pray to Goddess Lakshmi. In today’s world, we all play many roles: worker, spouse, parent, friend. That’s what Hinduism shows us. It’s one God, one person, taking on many roles; not many gods and many people.

And then you, too, grew older, and you, too, stopped looking over at the forest. And you, too, told your children in the same condescending way that what they saw was nothing more than their childish imagination at work. Well then, let me be the adult in the car that tells you that it was everything more than your childish imagination at work. Let me be the one to tell you that there are strange beings, sometimes helpful and kind. And if there are helpful and kind beings, there are monstrous beings too, who are vile and vengeful. And don’t be fooled by looks! Oh no! Looks can be deceiving and can be the traveler’s biggest foe…for I’ve been fooled many times by the sly grin of a charming man and chided by the wicked smile of a buxom lady. Friends and foes come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes, too, in capes and disguises!

Have you heard of the spirit guides? And why do you think they are called the spirit guides? Because they carry with them soul books, of all shapes and sizes, and sometimes, too, in drapes and guises! And just like those strange beings who can either be pleasant or downright repulsive, soul books, too, can be a pleasure to read or grotesque. So once again, I remind you, don’t be fooled by the fancy sleeve of a book, no matter even if one is draped in red velvet or adorned with sparkling jewels, for it could be a clever guise, meant to trick you. Once the soul book is opened and those dormant words on paper are read, they come back to life, reincarnated, only it is you who has to live that soul’s journey! So be wise when choosing a book, and don’t judge it by its cover. You will discover, sometimes, that the most inconspicuous, boring-looking book that has collected so much dust over the centuries, as it sits hidden at the bottom of a soul guide’s sack, could be the most precious gemstone you have ever read! The spirit guides chronicle the entire course of a soul’s journey. It could be on our planet, or it could be on another planet, but that’s an entire other story that’s to be continued. There is a soul book for each soul that has roamed Earth and every other planet in the universe, no matter how short or how long their life was. It has all been recorded in the journal known as the soul book. Not only do the spirit guides carry these books with them, but they also update them. To make things easier for them and the souls they try to guide, they lay out choices in front of the souls. When the soul chooses either one, the spirit guide writes it down in the book.

William had forgotten all about those creatures in the forest. The doldrums of everyday life, the constant ringing of the alarm, stumbling out of bed, drinking coffee without breakfast, shuffling out the door, driving an hour commute on a highway that would be a challenge for Mad Max, working a job that didn’t inspire him, coming back home dead tired, eating something in front of the TV, going to bed, and repeating the same steps, was eating away at poor old William. Yeah, at some point in his miserable life, William decided to “check out completely” and give up on any sign of his dream. He was content with a slow march to the grave or, as he often dreamt, drifting into the Ganges River, where his ashes would become one with the holy waters that pilgrims dipped their bodies in.

It was on his drive home from work that it happened: his catharsis or his most pathetic, shameful moment. He let his work get to him. He thought everything was going fine but after a performance evaluation with his boss, he wrestled with the news that he wasn’t delivering the way he was expected to. William is someone who takes his work very seriously and to hear that was a blow to his pride. The unexpected news hit William so hard, he went back in time. Back to when he was eight years old and had dreams of becoming a movie director. It’s the reason why he went to art school and why he drove clear across the country to Hollywood shortly after he graduated. Yet there he was twenty-five years later having to hear that his performance was not up to par in a job that he wasn’t too excited to be doing in the first place. His big dreams were now lost in a forest that he stopped searching for mysterious creatures roaming around in. Those dreams were lost in the pages of his soul book and somewhere, his spirit guide, was flipping through the pages, sobbing for William.

No one can govern your own happiness. This is true, but it’s difficult to follow this doctrine, when you’re just completely exhausted. That was the case for William, who felt defeated by the world.

William would bite his tongue, until he tasted the iron in his blood. He would clench his fists, and punch at the sky imagining that he was smacking the entire world out of the galaxy. Why? Because poor William was sick of all the nonsense.

William grew up listening to The Smiths. He believed in Morrissey’s lyrics more than anything coming out of his pastor’s mouth in Church. William especially resonated with the song, “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”. Morrissey sang “I was looking for a job, and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now. In my life, oh, why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die?”

William knew Morrissey was right. William knew he was expendable. He knew at any time he could be replaced and that thought concerned him. In him grew a fear and uncertainty of the future. William always wanted to do something he enjoyed. But it seemed he could never catch a break and every time he would try to do something he enjoyed, an obstacle or roadblock would appear in the form of a horrible boss or vengeful coworker, that would derail him off his path to success. So, William just gave up chasing his dreams and he gave his life away for a mediocre job that didn’t feed or nourish his soul.

That’s why it’s important to find something you enjoy. Especially when you’re getting older like William was. William was tired of trying to prove himself all the time and having to constantly learn something new instead of doing something he was just good at. He dreamt of doing something that came to him like second nature. People would come to William to learn how to draw. As a kid, drawing was how William would explain what was happening to him…he would draw it on a piece of paper. That was his language. That’s all William wanted to do. Draw and listen to The Smiths.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Why doesn’t William just get a job drawing for Disney or a comic book artist?

But most of us never get that “dream job”. Most of us have to slave our days away at a job we’re not too thrilled about and learn to get along with people who we wouldn’t have hung out with in high school or college. That’s just life.

William has friends who graduated with him from art school, and they manage their own design studios and get to work with all the “cool kids” producing advertisements, movie title openings, and television show title sequences. William knows it’s a sin to have envy in his heart, but he still envies his friends.

At 51, he still thinks, “Why not me?”

And when his poor parents called, William just let it all out. His dad is 82 and his mom is 76. By the time his parents called, everything from the last year at work overwhelmed William to the point that he just exploded. When his dad tried to explain, that management is just testing him since he’s finishing up a year at his new career, William just heard Thom Yorke sing, “I’m a reasonable man, get off my back,” and that’s exactly what he wanted to yell at work.

And then it happened, William unloaded and told his dad that he wasn’t equipped to deal with the world. Then he went on to say that’s why he was single, that’s why he wasn’t married, that’s why he wasn’t a father, and that’s why he didn’t want to have kids. Because he was not equipped! And he yelled it at the top of his lungs. It was so loud that he busted his own eardrums, and he shook his car with his roar. Then he continued. It should have been me who was aborted! I should never have been born! That must have hit his parents like a ten-ton truck. At that point, he could hardly steer the car. He had to pull over onto a dirt road pull-off in front of some old church, which he passed by every day on his way home from work. The cars behind him passed by and looked over as he buried his head into the steering wheel. His heart was beating so rapidly, it felt like it was going to burst out of his body like an alien, turn around, and devour him. He busted out crying hysterically like a little child, wheezing, and whimpering. He was shaking like an addict addicted to self-sabotage. Then he cried out I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m like this. I’m so sorry. His parents both kept repeating, “It’s okay, son”. His Dad, consoled him, “We are here for you. We are always here.” And then he yelled back, “No, you’re not! I’m all alone.” Then he paused.

William glanced over to see a creature in the wooded distance, staring at him, crying profusely. The shaggy furred creature’s tears flooded the plains, and the weeping stream rushed towards me. The creature’s furry hands were holding a journal so thick that its golden pages were almost falling out.

Looking at the gigantic journal in his spirit guide’s furry hands, he realized that he had managed to pack so many lives into one lifetime. William worked as a prop designer on films, a theater director’s assistant, a technical school instructor, a technical support engineer, a freelance illustrator, and real estate agent, and now at 51, he couldn’t figure out how he got here, sitting in his car, having a mental breakdown.

William was just tired. Not burned out. Not silently quitting or any other explanation that the corporate world likes to use. William sat back in his car seat and felt his soul shrinking in exhaustion. The soul gets tired when the meaning of life has been sucked out of it.

He immediately wiped his tears and softly said to his parents, “I’m sorry, I know you’re here. You’ve always been with me. I’m strong. We are strong. We are a family. I’m okay. I will be alright.”

And his dad said, “You are alright, son. You are alright, and we love you.”

I will end this story with a happy thought.

William had a vivid dream that night.

He was standing in front of the forest and there he saw his spirit guide, the furry creature, carrying a knapsack, swung around his back. And in that knapsack was William’s soul book, hanging out slightly, its golden seam shining and reflecting in the sunlight.

William called out to his spirit guide and asked, “What’s the meaning of life?”

And the spirit guide whispered back, “Just be happy.”

Before I found Morrissey’s voice paired with jangly guitars, rhythmic drums, groovy basslines, and intense lyrics that questioned life, I just heard music.

The Smiths made me use my mind, heart, and ears.

Now, let’s break down my top three favorite Smiths songs.

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now:

“I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I’m miserable now. In my life, oh, why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die?”

This song strikes at the heart of a sentiment that Generation X feels very strongly about.

Excess performative productivity and empty corporate culture seem soulless to Generation X.

I Know it’s Over:

“It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate. It takes strength to be gentle and kind.”

These lyrics always hit me where it hurts the most.

My heart.

Our first response to mistreatment is revenge.

We rarely respond mindfully, like a calm monk.

We want to teach the other side a lesson, but end up hurting ourselves.

Because when you forgive the other side, you’re not really doing it for them. You’re doing it for yourself. You’re doing it for your peace.

The song makes me think of bullies—quick to hate, laughing at victims. Through their hate, they create an even greater, monstrous hate against themselves. The victim who resists hatred and revenge shows real strength through kindness.

I do admit, though, I was always on team Carrie. Those jerks got what they deserved. And we see this sentiment played out time and time again in film and television.

The most recent example of this is the audience’s satisfaction when Billy Butcher finally destroys a powerless, subordinate version of Homelander in the hit series The Boys.

And how can we forget when Sansa Stark feeds Ramsay Bolton to his own starved dogs?

That was poetic justice.

Shifting focus, let’s remember earlier musicians who wrote about the world’s struggles—war, famine, poverty, and other calamities.

Dear God, by XTC, comes to mind.

It’ the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine), by R.E.M., is another one.

Among these, one of the most underrated and least discussed is The Smiths’ Death of a Disco Dancer.

Death of a Disco Dancer:

In the song, Morrissey sings, “Love, peace and harmony? Oh, very nice, very nice, very nice. Maybe in the next world.”

He’s given up hope, accepting that the world won’t change. He suggests world peace is idealistic and utopian, so why bother?

I think the leader of the Buddhist monks who went on the recent Walk for Peace put it best: “We walk not to bring you peace, but to remind you it never left.”

This philosophy holds that suffering is inevitable, yet we can awaken inner peace and be mindful of our actions.

So, listening to The Smiths and The Cure isn’t just about gloom and doom after all.

There’s a positive perspective if you choose to see it.

If you’re intrigued, pick up a Smiths album—I recommend Louder than Bombs—and give it a thoughtful listen.

After all, the intelligent “cool kids” always listened to them, and that still holds true today: The Smiths make you stop, look, and listen.

Although lately, I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern in the shows we obsess over.

Dexter. Breaking Bad. Ozark. Baby Reindeer. The Boys. The Walking Dead (before it went downhill). Game of Thrones. Peaky Blinders.

Do you see the pattern?

Every modern hit series listed is a merry-go-round revolving around deeply flawed people. These are characters largely composed of criminals, sociopaths, killers, and vigilantes. Sometimes, we watch ordinary individuals being driven into morally dark territory. At other times, we watch monsters with no redeeming qualities hiding behind charm.

All of them justify what they’ve become.

Everyday humans, like you and me, pushed to their limits and into moral collapse.

Survival. Power. Greed. Revenge. Trauma.

Let’s break it down.

Dexter Morgan, the vigilante serial killer at the center of Dexter, represents modern television’s obsession with morally justified monstrosity. A serial killer who kills other killers. Someone so consumed by his own depravity that he hides behind “The Code.”

“The Code” justifies his murders because, in his mind, his victims are worse than he is. He is above the law. He controls the system.

Walter White in Breaking Bad begins with a lie. He tells himself he’s doing all these terrible things for his family. Then he finally admits, “I did it for me. I liked it.”

By the end of the story, Walter White has fully transformed into Heisenberg.

Marty and Wendy Byrde in Ozark are relentless in their efforts. They constantly rationalize laundering money regardless of the price they ultimately pay.

“To what cost?” should be the question they ask themselves. Yet they never do. They continue destroying lives because protecting their family becomes more important than morality itself.

Tommy Shelby in Peaky Blinders believes the world respects power alone. Manipulation and violence are not flaws for him. They are indispensable weapons in his arsenal.

In Game of Thrones, there is a tacit understanding among all the major players in the Westeros universe. The Seven Kingdoms agree on one thing:

“When you play the game of thrones, you win, or you die.”

Survival comes before morality, and one must become powerful in order to survive.

Whether a character desires the throne, wishes to fulfill a destiny, remain loyal to family, or simply stay alive, betrayal and murder become justifiable means to achieve it.

Baby Reindeer is where the lens becomes blurry.

Although Donny doesn’t fit the traditional definition of a villain, he is guilty of falling into the abyss of unresolved trauma, which leads him toward profoundly unhealthy choices. Donny is his own worst enemy, unable to function properly because of his incessant need for validation. Ultimately, his self-loathing is what erodes his humanity.

Playing the victim becomes just as uncomfortable for the character as it is for the audience watching.

The Boys is perhaps the clearest lens of all. Modern morality is placed on full display without shame.

Home Fucking Lander.

I had to pause for a brief moment and exhale before writing this next sentence because… Homelander.

The Boys has done something brilliant with the superhero universe. The controversial series inverts the ancient script of superhero folklore, presenting the audience with the raw machinery of the human psyche at work.

Homelander presents himself as a savior and a beacon of hope for the lesser species of humanity. Yet underneath the patriotic costume lives a sociopath consumed by narcissism. He isn’t protecting humanity. He is protecting his image.

Because he wants to be worshipped.

The perfect ending to The Boys would be Homelander dead while the Stone Roses song plays in the background:

“I don’t have to sell my soul… he’s already in me…
I don’t need to sell my soul… he’s already in me…
I wanna be adored.”

Every successful story hinges on opposite sides of the spectrum. Whether it is Batman versus the Joker or Superman versus Lex Luthor, every superhero has an archenemy. They come in pairs like shoes; except they don’t match because they are opposites.

That is, if you follow tradition.

But The Boys breaks the rules and rewrites them.

In Taoism, the yin represents darkness, while the yang represents light. This concept stretches far beyond ancient Chinese philosophy, functioning as the bedrock upon which classic heroic fantasies and epic stories are built.

But in The Boys, Billy Butcher knowingly becomes a monster in order to stop other monsters. Butcher will go to any lengths to destroy his nemesis, the evil Homelander.

It’s fighting fire with fire.

It’s yin and yin.

This dynamic between Butcher and Homelander is what keeps us enthralled. The tired and conventional good-versus-evil trope is turned completely inside out.

Homelander represents evil pretending to be good.

Butcher represents the good that, over time, consciously becomes evil in order to eradicate evil.

And we root for Butcher.

We understand him.

We justify his actions.

And then there’s Squid Game.

If the characters in Game of Thrones are driven by ambition, then the characters in Squid Game are driven by desperation.

They are gathered together on a remote island for one purpose only: to participate in a series of games where the outcome is brutally simple. Win or die.

But the fascinating part is why they were chosen in the first place.

Not talent.
Not intelligence.
Not exceptionalism.

Debt.

Financial desperation becomes their Willy Wonka ticket into psychological warfare. As contestants in the most grotesque game show imaginable, viewed only by the elite, they gradually abandon their humanity in exchange for money and the chance to escape their debt to society.

And that’s what makes Squid Game so disturbing.

This article wouldn’t be complete without mentioning The Walking Dead.

Imagine awakening to a world in peril at the dawn of a post-apocalyptic nightmare. The world, as you once knew it, is now overrun with the resurrected dead. And you quickly realize the undead aren’t even the real threat. The true danger is the people trying to survive in this new world.

Everyone is forced to adapt and transform into something unrecognizable or perish.

One single line spoken by Rick Grimes encapsulates the entire show:

“We do what we need to do, and then we get to live. We are the walking dead.”

Now let’s talk masks, because after all, this is an Ultramask article.

Every single show mentioned hides its characters behind one.

What’s more terrifying than the literal masks found in Squid Game?

The psychological death masks.

The sinister and mechanical smile worn so casually on Homelander’s face before he murders someone.

Dexter Morgan is hiding in plain sight as a forensic analyst, studying blood splatter at the scene of a heinous crime.

Walter White is hiding in plain sight as an underwhelmed, undermined, and underpaid high school chemistry teacher while transitioning into the Heisenberg persona.

The masks hijack the personalities and become the identities.

If you have read my article, The Role is Not You, then you’re already familiar with role engulfment.

The character plays the role so long that the role consumes the character completely.

Walter White → Heisenberg

Daenerys → Mad Queen

Butcher → Monster

Why are we obsessed with shows about people who become the roles they perform?

What does that say about us?

Maybe the deeper reason is that beneath the fiction, we see fragments of ourselves in these characters.

We understand that modern society demands that we perform.

Over time, we ourselves can forget who we were before we put on the mask, just as the characters in these stories do.

An alter-ego.

But he understood something that modern society needs to understand.

People confuse their assigned role with their actual identity.

People become their title.

As Tyler puts it so eloquently in Fight Club:

“You are not your job… You are not your fucking khakis.”

The modern world is full of people walking around in their fucking khakis.

People cannot deactivate their roles.

The corporate suit comes home, scrutinizes his wife and child, and gives them a performance evaluation, measuring them with metrics.

He forgets that they are his family and not his employees.

And when he goes to work, he tells his employees, “We’re a family.”

He’s got it the wrong way around.

Bad parents negotiate with their children like they’re in a boardroom.

Intimacy between husband and wife, between lovers, becomes procedural and mechanical rather than organic.

The mask doesn’t come off at 5 PM anymore.

People remain permanently in character.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung warned us about this. He called it Persona Possession. He claimed that people can become consumed by the social mask they present to the world. This “persona” begins as a functional adaptation, but eventually the individual begins to identify with it completely.

American sociologist Edwin M. Schur warned us about role engulfment. It is a horrifying condition in which a single role, deemed by the individual the “master status,” becomes so dominant that it begins to eliminate all other roles, eventually consuming the individual’s identity. The “master status” becomes so powerful that it swallows the human being underneath the costume!

Austrian neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, introduced us to the concept of Ego Identification. The individual unconsciously absorbs traits, behaviors, values, or attitudes from someone or something outside of themselves and incorporates them into their own identity.

In the beginning, this form of identification is common and completely normal, if not altogether necessary.
For example, children observe their parents, teachers, siblings, superheroes, etc. As a result, they mimic them, and it is then that the identities take shape.

This is also how personalities develop.

The problem is when identification becomes excessive or seeps into the unconscious, like an unwelcome guest.

Instead of assuming a role, the ego begins to identify with the role.

The person forgets that they are performing a function.

The person begins to believe the function is who they are.

This person can be:

The CEO who identifies so intensely with authority and control that he is unable to stop managing people when he’s at home.

The influencer who identifies with audience approval and experiences life only through acceptance, becoming a slave to ritual performance, instead of embracing authenticity.

The spiritual leader who identifies with being so highly “evolved” that he’s unable to admit his ordinary humanity and all the flaws that come with it.

The political activist who identifies so strongly with an ideology that any disagreement is perceived as a personal attack.

The ego absorbs the role like a sponge.

This is why modern life can feel so heavy and exhausting at times.

It’s because people are carrying around their inflated egos everywhere they go and don’t care where they leak!

The reality is that civilization requires us to wear masks.

The real reason people struggle to remove the mask is that their ego has become one with the mask.

Removing the mask would be a psychological death to their ego.

There, all alone, they would stand completely naked, without their ego, to nurture them with its false sense of pride.

And the most frightening part is that they feel that without their ego, their role, there may be nothing underneath.

This is why so many people remain permanently in character.

Deactivating the role would mean confronting the possibility that the performance consumed the real self a long time ago.

There is hope in this story, though. There always is. In psychological death lies the possibility of catharsis.

Catharsis is not comfortable, though.

It is your most passionate purging of the senses.

It is an emotional release.

You collapse from grace.

You fall and break apart.

Your identification cracks open.

It’s the glorious moment when the mask crumbles and the true self finally exhales.

The first breath after possession is to say out loud,

“I am not my role.”

And that is how you deactivate the role.

A brand is an identity, and what good is it if you’re going through an identity crisis?

Everyone asks the same question.

“Who are you?”

When asked, the modern world responds universally: it rewards performers and punishes non-performers.

So we adapted. What else could we do?

In adapting, we became versions of ourselves equipped for survival.

We disguised ourselves with different masks:

1. Employable masks that come with niceties and small talk so that we can be liked in the corporate world.

2. Holy masks so that we can be admired, revered, and respected by our fellow house of worship members.

3. Masculine masks so that we can assume the role of the knight in shining armor.

4. Intellectual masks so that we can hold our degrees and titles up like a sword and shield, ready for battle.

Most people wear these masks willingly, conscious that it is a game. Yet, over time, many aren’t aware that the mask has fused to their identity.

What began as protection, as a survival mechanism, has gradually become an obsession.

The mask was a way to navigate hierarchy, earn money, gain acceptance, and avoid rejection.

Over time, the mask was no longer just something worn to protect ourselves.

Every mask begins as a performance.

Remember that performance repeated long enough becomes identity.

And an identity that is worshipped long enough becomes possession.

Don’t become the executive possessed by status.

Don’t become the celebrity possessed by fame.

Don’t become the activist possessed by a sense of moral superiority.

Don’t become the spiritual teacher possessed by the image of enlightenment.

The world doesn’t lie to us.

We lie to ourselves.

Don’t forget who you were before you wore the mask.