The 9x9 Universe

A unified world of art-led businesses to transform imagination
into reality, ressources, and world impact

This article is different, because I don’t feel particularly passionate about this topic. I even considered not writing it, but first, I said I would, and I don’t negotiate with my own commitments. Second, this pattern is so repetitive in my work with mentees and clients that I absolutely need to address it.

See, I am not arguing against drinking water, exercising, cleaning your house, getting dressed, eating properly, having routines, or taking care of yourself. But, as a creative director and business mentor, I am arguing against turning (endless) self-maintenance into a prerequisite for creation.

As promised in the title, here’s your daily checklist;

In case you need more productive ideas.

□ Wake up early (5am).
□ Make the bed.
□ Drink water (2L).
□ Skincare.
□ Protein.
□ Creative-journaling (1 page).
□ Meditate.
□ Exercise (1h).
□ Walk (10,000 steps).
□ Shower.
□ Get dressed.
□ Haircare.
□ Clean the house.
□ Go to work #1.
□ Go to work #2.
□ Pet your dog.
□ Play with your kid.
□ Answer emails.
□ Organize your calendar.
□ Regulate yourself, lol.
□ Finish the little tasks.

□ Then create.

Sigh, imagine. This list doesn’t even tell you what you should avoid or restrain yourself from doing every day. Anyway.

My job today is to make you realize that completing this impossible list shouldn’t leave you thinking, ‘‘Wow, I had such a productive morning.’’ But it should definitely leave you with, ‘‘Well, I fucking avoided my life’s work all day.’’

Something has gone terribly wrong with the hierarchy.
Because the worst part is that you don’t even feel well.

But I get why you keep choosing the checklist

Creating something as important as a creative business is terrifyingly uncontrollable. I truly get it; you definitely can write the book and nobody reads it and then build the infrastructure and fail and then make the painting and absolutely hate it and then follow an idea for three years and discover you were all wrong.

But you can drink the water (sometimes).
You can clean the kitchen (sometimes).
You can get your 10,000 steps (once every 3 months).

Those things have wonderfully clear success conditions, it’s like; you did it or you didn’t. But, art and business doesn’t give you that psychological luxury. So when an artist feels overwhelmed by the enormous uncertainty of their life’s work, self-maintenance kind of offers hundreds of tiny places where they can successfully say: done.

And done feels oh so fucking good.

Another thing! A lot of ‘‘wellness language’’ turns behaviors into identity. The person who wakes at 5:30, exercises, eats well, maintains an immaculate bedroom and follows a routine, they’re presented as disciplined, sexy, regulated, successful, and therefore the opposite (you) starts feeling morally suspicious.

You go to bed very late, you drink Coke from a chalice in the morning, you paint naked your apartment windows fully open, you spend six hours obsessively scrolling through Pinterest, you forget your walk, your dog pissed on the floor again, your eyes are burning from writing on Substack for the past four hours at night in bed, and your back hurts like hell.

None of those things inherently tell us whether you are a serious artist (or even whether you’re healthy overall) but for some people they can feel like evidence that you’re failing at taking care of yourself, or being a proper adult.

That’s where your “acceptable human being” title becomes interesting to you. Because we both know that underneath: ‘‘I should make 10,000 steps first.’’ There can be: ‘‘I need to prove that I’m a good and put together person before I’m allowed to disappear into my own weird little world for the next two weeks.’’

This one is interesting, but here are a couple more things I’ve observed in the loops and patterns of my World-Builders that might explain why you keep putting endless self-maintenance before creation:

1. Productive procrastination (you get to avoid the important thing without experiencing yourself as lazy)

2. The dopamine of completion (laundry gives you done, but art often gives you ‘‘I have no fucking idea whether this is finished.’’)

3. Need for permission (you say things like; “Once I’ve been responsible enough, I’m allowed to make art.”)

4. Perfectionism transferred onto the self (instead of requiring the artwork to be perfect, you require the artist to be perfect before beginning.)

5. Self-optimization as identity (improving yourself becomes something you are, rather than something you do for the benefice of your art.)

6. Avoidance of uncertainty (this one is a good one; you know what “drink water” means, but you may have absolutely no idea what the next chapter, painting, business, or world requires.)

7. Avoidance of difficult decisions (creation constantly asks: this or that? keep it or kill it? commit or change direction? But, a routine has already made the decisions for you, right?)

8. The reward-before-pleasure model (this one is the ‘‘do everything you’re supposed to do, then you can play. I think this one is intimately tied up to your childhood conditioning around responsibility)

9. Social conformity (I think this one is the most important; the optimized lifestyle is culturally recognizable. People understand ‘‘gym meal prep work clean home.’’ But “I spent Tuesday constructing the mythology of an imaginary city” requires much more self-authority. Like, following instructions feels safer than authorship.)

Tell me in the comments which one made you go, fuck, that’s me... so I can investigate that particular sneaky little sickness further.

Maintenance exists to support the art,
the art does not exist to complete the maintenance.

What does the artist actually need?

See, there’s a massive difference between health as an ideal in every way and care as infrastructure for creation.

I used to try to do all the things, until the beginning of this year. I just dropped everything when I integrated the fact that my job is not to become the healthiest, hottest, most well-functioning version of Vae. My job is to make imagination real.

I don’t need the physical capacity to run a marathon to be a writer, I don’t need perfect looking hair and body to build a business around imagination, I don’t need a spotless house to serve my mentees, I don’t need to be dressed, optimized, perfectly fed, perfectly rested, perfectly regulated, or in the best shape of my life to make something fucking extraordinary.

My job and art doesn’t require me to be everything.

And I think my list of need is interesting because it’s responsive rather than prescriptive, and this changes a lot on the daily:

• Daily shower, basic hygiene.

• Healthy snacks to nibble on throughout the day.

• More water when I need energy.

• A walk when I need to move.

• Stretching at night when my body needs to loosen up.

• An completely empty bedroom so my mind is focused.

That’s it. I take care of myself in service of what I am trying to do, maintenancxe should be functional, not aspirational! Very embarrassing for my general emo aesthetic, but I genuinely feel healthy and happy… Unfortunately for my tortured-artist reputation, I’m less stressed and infinitely less exhausted.

So here’s a very simple question to explore; which things actually support your ability to create, and which things are standards you think you need about what a well-functioning person is supposed to look like?

Because you might be sacrificing the work of your life to become a person nobody asked you to be, and no 9x9 God asked for your step count.

Finally, something useful: eccentricities

You are an artist. Maybe you write from midnight to 4 a.m, maybe you need three hours every morning where nobody talk, maybe you wear the same five outfits because clothing decisions bore you or you walk around naked because you love the feeling of using your body like a paint palet. Maybe your workshop looks insane, maybe you eat pasta for breakfast at 2 p.m, maybe you walk for four hours barefoot in the woods because that’s where your ideas show up. I don’t know. Maybe you spend an entire Tuesday researching medieval burial rituals just for fun.

The point is, stop correcting your eccentricities when they’re functional to the work. Become functionally eccentric. Do you see? Of course you see. Not only do you see it, but part of you dreams about it. You’re meant to live a life of weirdness, irregularities, and singularities. And when you spend years correcting all of that, you just become increasingly well-adjusted to a life that was never designed for you.

That hurts, truly.

So I thought about writing a section about What does your work actually require from you? but none of us need it. Because this is what I say to all my mentees and clients: your own nature will determine exactly what your actual art asks of you. Work with your own artist’s flow, and that will always be closer to the truth.

And don’t tell me that your natural artist flow is to cocaine or shoot yourself through life. Even though I’m not against experimentation, that’s obviously not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the most authentic conditions under which you naturally make things, and keep making them.

Go be an artist, spread your eccentricities, and forget everything about being an Instagram influencer.

And if you’re an Instagram influencer, I don’t know, maybe ask yourself whether you’re living a life or producing evidence of one, and leave my artists out of your fucking morning routine.

Love,

V.

Work with me, today.

What actually produces action?

‘‘The meta-crises of our times will not be solved with technology but with ontology.’’ —

Ontological claims

Ontological claim #1
Realize that you are not separate from or superior to nature.
V.B Human beings are part of nature, not above/beneath it.

Ontological claim #2
Understand that your DNA and biology connect you to every shred of the cosmos.
V.B Your existence is fundamentally relational.

Ontological claim #3
Feel this interconnected web of life coursing through your veins, then we have a chance.
V.B You must experience your interconnectedness, not only think about it.

_
Which of these; realizing, understanding, or feeling, actually leads to acting in accordance with that ontology? Asks .

^{Essay I}
The mechanism of transformation

I don’t let myself think that much anymore. See, returning to thinking-mode to explore a question that grows far beyond the direct experience I have with the people I work with is like, sliding back into an ancient diving suit, it’s heavy. And gosh I know what waits for me down there: paralysis, confusion, books, sleepy masturbation and… maybe poetry (if I am lucky.)

Update: I am editing this essay and yes, I am confused.

On a more serious note, to me, the moment asks what leads to acting in accordance with an ontology, the discussion ceases to be about ontology itself and becomes a question of transformation. And, I happen to have spent the last 23 years trying to transform every particle of myself (and the world, apparently). So let's begin with a little backstory, shall we?

2018-2022

I first gave everything to understanding, and thinking wasn’t something I did from time to time; I built part of my life’s work around it. I studied and taught Shadow Work for a couple of years, which is all becoming aware of the Shadow-Self. So, I worked very hard through every philosophical, psycho-logical, metaphysical, and spiritual rabbit hole I could find, convinced that reading, studying, and memorizing were truly changing me. I knew a lot, my students knew a lot, but none of us embodied much of it. A lot of words, wipped-cream philosophy, thoughts and discussions about books and podcasts, school-talks, but no real transformation. I had accumulated knowledge and theories about myself, nature and technology, but nothing really stayed. And, the day I became aware of this, I had a complete breakdown, ‘‘all of that work, for what…’’

2023-2025

…so I became obsessed with feeling. I sat for hours on the floor in front of a mirror in silence without any distraction, staring into my own eyes. Four or ten black eyes at war with one another, while sensation flooded every cell of me, soul and body. One time I stared so long and so deeply that my face no longer seemed to belong, it became demonic, then old, then I don’t know… but knowing was not the point of the experience, I felt until nothing had a name anymore. There was no sadness, no rage, no joy, only colourful move-ments. In ten days, I wrote my first book Feel More; From Void to Vision; a poetic and philosophical voyage from overthinking to feeling a completely new vision for myself as an artist.

Feeling slowed my heartbeat dramatically, it connected me to the mechanics of being human (the soothing dance between thinking and living), it gave me a fascinating glimpse of what intuition might actually be, but it also made me even more narcissistic, as if no world was happening outside of myself anymore. As suggested in his note; yes, I felt like I was not separate from nature, all nature. But it was profoundly boring, like I was not meant to go live there… not at all.

hm, bref.

Understanding eventually led me to feeling, and one of the greatest reliefs of my life came right there when I learned how to make love with both of them, at the same time. As a deeply sensitive woman, and once a profoundly emotional little girl, I can say that before those years I didn't know how to feel at all (and you probably don’t know either.) I knew how to think about my feelings, I knew how to explain and analyze them, but I didn't know how to let them move through me. I remember standing in the middle of a Walmart when an ordinary item reminded me of a conflict I had with my grandmother. My mind immediately began doing what it had always done: analyzing, explaining, narrating, doing whatever… But I didn’t name the energy in motion (emotion), I just let my body feel what it had already begun to feel. For the first time, I trusted that my body (the actual meat-sack) knew how to complete an experience without my mind trying to do the whole thing.

Integration is what happens when understanding and feeling merge.
As for awareness, it is the capacity to witness that movement and act on it.

Transformation remains the change in lived behaviour.

To me neither realizing (awareness), understanding, nor feeling alone leads to action (except feeling had the most crucial effect on me regarding transformation) That said, action happens when understanding and feeling are integrated through sustained participation in reality.

Awareness witnesses the process; changed behaviour through action is the evidence that transformation has occurred… something like that.

^{Essay II}
The deepest sustained participation

I could hand you the blueprint for the exact play you need to perform to transform your life so you can master the art of Being and find heart-led solution for the meta-crisis of our generation, but it would still be profoundly silly and useless. Why? Because transformation unfolds at the speed of lived experience, not at the speed of knowledge, thought, or even feeling. So, the moment you become obsessed with transforming, fixing, or improving yourself (or the world around you) you begin trying to outrun the very process that makes transformation possible. You attempt to arrive before experience has finished shaping your heart and you and I don’t integrate because we understand enough, but because life keeps inviting the same shits until understanding and experience become indistinguishable.

Actually, I think we integrate the most when we devote ourselves with all of our hearts to the particular part of the world we’ve been entrusted with, not when we’re trying to carry crisis on our shoulders. There's something profoundly seductive about trying to save the world, I know because I think about it all the time. It makes me feel responsible, necessary, worthy, as though I mattered just a little more than everyone else. God’s favorite. While pulling me away from the very gifts through which I am actually meant to participate in it.

I guess our calling is far smaller than the world’s crises, but that doesn’t make it less important, it’s quite the opposite. A gift is never just for you (the person who carries it) it truly becomes a gift when it enters into relationship with someone else. The painter gives beauty, the teacher gives understanding, the philosophers gives fucking headache, the gardener gives nourishment… The reason we transform through those gifts isn’t because love possesses some magical power (actually, yes it does but that’s for another essay), it’s more because love keeps bringing us back there, it creates repetition, and repetition transforms. It gives reality thousands of opportunities to shape you me us. With ease, we return to the same work, the same people, the same limitations, until what we once had to remember slowly becomes the way we naturally move through life.

That’s how the world evolves after all, not because we abandoned our calling to fight every battle there is (especially the ones against the evolution of technologies), but because enough people became radically devoted to the one thing that was truly theirs to give.

What’s your gift?
That’s the only thing I want to know.
That’s the only thing you have to act on.

And, the very beautiful part is that much of this happens without your conscious human intervention. You can forget everything about what’s outside of what you deeply love to serve. Okay, okay, relax… Of course you can participate in it (I know you can’t resist trying) but participation is different from wanting to control the transformation.

Transformation happens anyways.
So, yes Love, the world has a chance, always.

^{Essay III}
You belong in crisis

What about that damn technology? To be honest, I’m the kind of creative who stays awake until 4:18 a.m., eyes burning, headache, lower-back pain, building whatever things with AI. I am profoundly excited by technological expansion and every new tool feels like another extension of my imagination, but, what we’re working with today is that ‘‘The meta-crises of our times will not be solved with technology but with ontology.’’ Or in other words; technology evolves exponentially and human integration doesn’t. Yes, we can now build in an afternoon what once took a year, we can reach millions of people in seconds, we can lose weight while sleeping, and sometimes it really feels like our tools evolve faster than our hearts do.

It’s overwhelming, yes.
But that doesn’t mean it’s out of balance.

We’re nature, aren’t we? It’s in our DNA? The chemistry? Biology? Do you feel this vast interconnected web of life coursing through your veins? So why would technology stand outside of it? I don’t know tbh, but technology is as much a part of nature as we are. So is crisis. You belong to crisis just as much as you belong to Substack. To me, there isn’t more crisis than before, human history has always unfolded at the edge between order and chaos, every generation believes it is witnessing the exceptional collapse of civilization. Most are simply witnessing the human condition and technology bears everything about ourselves because it is born from our shit, it grows as we grow, it exposes our brilliance and our immaturity in equal measure.

But, crisis seduces the ego.

“We must fix civilization.”
“My opinion is desperately needed.”
“My outrage matters.”
*moan.*

You’re human.
Your task asks something much smaller, but much more magical.

Crisis is pure awareness, and perhaps that’s why I love tech so much. It is the most honest and efficient mirror we’ve ever built, and you better be looking right into it today, like right now. What do you see in there that tells us everything about you?

It reveals what we value, and love. It amplifies what we fear, it reflects our desires, our contradictions, our generosity, also our vanity. But, if we are willing to look in that mirror and feel, it gives another opportunity to understand ourselves more deeply, to feel both our differences and our kinship and of course, to continue expanding beyond what we once thought possible.

Anyways.

What time is it?

I’ll go back to doing what I do best: creating magic from both love and pain, being as honest as I am aware of my own lies, praying to the gods and demons of my imagination, dreaming of legacy, making shitty art, and writing immature thoughts riddled with typos… until one of you asks me something again.

Or maybe we’ll talk about stewardship soon, I don’t know.

Hm, I love this song.

V.

Before doing what philosophers do best which is, dissecting, analyzing, interpreting, may I invite you to notice what this essay set in motion within you? Just let it land, before going too deep into your mind.

Feel it, just a little bit more x

Thank you for reading.
I appreciate you.

You’re saying: “I don’t know what I am inviting people into.”

The 9x9 Universe

A unified world of art-led businesses to transform imagination
into reality, ressources, and world impact

Field notes from reality

A little back story, shall we?

I started my business in 2018, grew my shit over two years, and everything was flying-easy. I had multiple six-figure years and, more importantly, the profound feeling that my work was serving a purpose. Everything crashed eventually, for reasons I've spent the last two years exploring with the open world (you). Then I started again from scratch: zero audience, zero revenue, zero positioning... again, and again and again, each time exposing myself to months of confusion, uncertainty, deep stress, and self-doubt.

*catching my breath*

At this point, I can start a business and do every fucking thing there is to do in 3 days; build a website, write copy, define an offer, create a brand, build a community, launch shit, make first sale, content, programs, whatever, generate momentum… But what about expanding beyond the first sale or your first collective impact? That’s a completely different game, right?

So, it’s no longer about creating; it’s about staying.

Committing, repeating, promoting, getting out of your comfort loop, studying, reaching visibility, notoriety, and reputation.

I was dreaming about this for that exact reason: I needed something to put my everything into. Actually, that’s not quite it; I needed something that could survive my everything, not something shallow or flimsy that I knew would go straight out the window the second I got my period, had a spiritual revelation, or evolved into someone new (because that happened a lot).

That was pure suffering to me.

Pain in my heart, pain in my body, endless nights. The eternal feeling of being lost immature stupid, with no immediate vision, only static images in my mind of a potential future, nothing solid.

Faith, I had faith, fucking faith.

The only thing you truly need and yet faith is impossible to stand on, it doesn’t replace the ground beneath your feet; it simply gives you the courage to keep walking before the ground appears. That said, my job is to make sure you don't break your own heart and run back to your 9-to-5 while you're living through one of the most uncertain periods of your life as an artist or creative entrepreneur.

Let's begin where our life seems to fall apart.

The Loop of Creative Death (Searching → Launching → Restarting)

1. You conceptualize something that feels (very) true

   And this feeling is very real, it’s the excitement! You’re finally translating something inside you into the world. For a moment, the gap between your inner world and reality kind of disappears. You have an offer, a message, a purpose, and a positioning that are true to who you are today, to your current level of transformation, your personal lore, and the questions that are alive within you.
   
   You think, “This is it.” And “this is it” doesn’t just mean you’ve crafted a good offer, it means you’ve not only found the heart of your life-work, but also a container strong enough to hold all of your energy for the next three to five years. A place where everything you’ve learned, become, and imagined can finally accumulate instead of starting over.

   
   Wow.

   
   You build everything; and you launch.
   

2. You promote it once

   The assumption is this: ‘‘If it’s true, people will immediately respond.’’

   Maybe not thousands, but enough. Enough to be paid, enough to be validated, just enough to reassure you that you’re on the right path.
   
   And well, two weeks goes by and nothing really happen. You say ‘‘not enough people have seen it, I was wrong, it wasn’t the truth after all, I am trash’’. Your belief is; ‘‘If something is truly mine, it should work immediately because it already feels true to me.’’ Uh oh…
   

3. You lose faith (panic)

   Silence doesn't just disappoint you, it invalidates your entire perception of reality, so you overthink and question everything. You’re mad at yourself, and at everyone that is trying to help you. You say things like ‘‘My positioning is bad, my message is not clear enough, nothing works, my colleague and mentors are useless, I don’t have a straight purpose, I evolve too fast to ground myself somewhere safe, etc.’’ And then you lose your shit because you don’t know. You don’t fucking know what you’re all about.
   
   Uncertainty creeps in again, you have nothing; no vision, no plan, no money, no ressource.
   

4. You invent another possibility
   Generating ideas is your superpower, you will never run out of them. So instead of sitting with uncertainty and explore ways to reinforce what you’ve done, you chase something new. And every new idea brings immense relief... Until you create something that finally feels true again. And you know… this one, is the one!
   
   Back to phase 1!

Please leave a comment if this section feels true to you and why. My goal is to create the infrastructure I wish I’d had to help you navigate the pain and confusion of expanding beyond Phase I.

Let's unpack the loop

You’ll probably hate this statement, but you’re obsessed with the loop. It’s your addiction. Every stage of the loop is an attempt to recover certainty.

I remember believing I had to go through that loop to make it, that every new shit was bringing me closer to the one that would finally work. Every time I found something that felt profoundly true, the uncertainty disappeared for a little while, that relief became the good-ass hit, not because I loved creating, but because creating temporarily freed me from not knowing. And, because everything about me deeply believed that the loop is how it worked, I ignored everything else.

And, well, the loop has no end.

You’re not lost, everything is true

The truth is: they’re all true. Everything you created through your business since the beginning, is the truth.

One day you’re all about travel, the next, you’re all about spiritual expansion.

One day you’re certain you’re here to work with women, the next, you know you’re meant to collaborate with men.

One day you’re consumed by fiction and fantasy, the next, documentary feels like your calling.

One day you’re convinced your future is in an online business, the next, all you want is to build something in the real world, surrounded by people.

One day you’re writing poetry, the next, you’re dreaming of becoming an architect.

None of these versions of you are lying, none of them are mistakes, they’re all real, they’re all you, they’re all part of your life’s work. The tragedy is simply that your work never had the chance to live and expand so it can become a container large enough to hold all of you, not just one part of you.

The container large enough to hold all of you

When you choose a container, you don’t have to figure out which version of you people are following this month. They enter one place, they understand where they are, they know what kind of world they’re stepping into, and from there, they’re free to wander.

A container is simply one place where everything you create goes from now on. It’s not that deep, it’s simply the thing that allows your life’s work to accumulate instead of constantly restarting. That said; the container is NOT the vision, okay?

It can literally be:

• a website

• a Substack

• a popcorn bowl

• a YouTube channel

• a Discord server

• a physical building

• a publishing house

• your own name

Got it? It should be very fucking simple.

Every article goes there.
Every offer goes there.
Every new obsession goes there.
Every business idea goes there.
Every project (old and new) goes there.

See, the 9×9 Universe is my container, a very large map, and it happens to live on a website. Writing, mythology, architecture, mentorship, business, poetry, theology, philosophy, clothing, technology, education, community, my passion for rollercoasters... they’re not separate businesses. They’re different land under the same territory. Most importantly, it’s the one place where I invite people in.

With a container; people don’t have to chase you across five websites, three abandoned brands, four Instagram accounts, and six identity crises. *I see you* They now know where to find you (even if you feel you still haven't found yourself.) They’re free to choose their own road because the mess is organized. That’s what a good container does! Of course, it doesn’t trap people, it orients them, it gives them a place to arrive, a place to explore, and a reason to stay.

*teary eyes*

Here's my one and only door

Now, why should another human care about entering your Universe?

Most of you are naturals. You are imaginative, you communicate in innovative and unexpected ways, you are wildly creative and exceptional at solving problems. You write, you sing, you build, you have it all! You are covered in what people would call gifts.

But, people don’t buy gifts, they don’t buy features, right?

It’s one thing to say, “I mentor world-builders, I am a spiritual channel, I am a painter, I am a model, I am a writer…” (Ok, who cares?) But, it’s another to say, “Welcome to my Universe.”

Whatever you do and what your gifts are; people buy tickets to you, to the place you’re inviting them into. In your heart, your mind, your body. They come to experience your world (the whole thing); to feel your presence, to get help, to have fun, to let themselves be submerged by your imagination.

Of course, you don't see the whole picture yet, but you now have a door leading to countless rooms or plots of land, one for every damn project. You'll find everything by doing, not by thinking about it.

Now watch everything finally begin to stack. When your work stacks, your audience stacks, your reputation stacks, your knowledge stacks… SEO, network, mythology, confidence, credibility, opportunities, etc. Accumulation truly matters, because eventually the heart of your life’s work starts revealing itself.

*sigh* So, the rest of your life is no longer about finding yourself; it's about building something large enough to keep finding yourself inside it.

Now go lost boy… go expand beyond what you know.

V.

Work with me right now

The goal isn't to have better ideas.
The goal is to give every good idea the same home.

In 2018, I started my first business with the same problem that had been following me for most of my life:

Oh believe me, I could build communities, businesses, stories. I could build waves and movements, I was born for it. But I couldn’t find a single container (a fucking niche) large enough to hold all of it. So I spent years wandering and scattering myself.

Witchcraft, occult, coaching, writing, art, film-making, direction, teaching, psychology, community-building, business, mentorship, ballet, poetry… you get it.

I built entire universes and abandoned them all, grew audiences and confused them all, made ton of money and lost it all, changed directions more times than I can count because I couldn't find a single container capable of holding all of me. Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t really trying to build a business and a following, but I was trying to build an entire world.

(And i wasn’t the only one)

Today, the 9×9 universe is home to all of me and to the world-builders developing businesses, communities, projects, movements, experiences, and fictional worlds alongside one another.

The mission is to transform imagination into worlds that other people can visit and expand within.

Substack is where I share my field notes from reality and the imaginal.

From reality, I document what I’m learning through mentorship with my own mentor, mentorship with my mentees, and my experience building businesses, communities and all sort of creative shit.

From the imaginal, I share the personal mythology, stories, characters, and worlds that shape my work from the inside out.

What you’ll find here daily

➜ essays on how to building a business within your inner world
➜ notes on business roadmaps for (very) imaginative people
➜ world-building as a real-life practice
➜ behind-the-scenes of the mentorship inside the 9×9 universe

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Start reading

➜ Too depth-oriented to act simply
➜ The terrifying realization that money is relational
➜ The fear of dying with a life-work made of a thousand pieces, but no picture
➜ The tragedy of never letting your life's work grow beyond phase I (from concept to first sale)

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Welcome to the 9x9 Universe

Over the past eight years, I have mentored 200+ creators, supported 20+ businesses, hosted 120+ events, and built communities reaching more than 20,000 people. Today, I document the construction of the 9×9 Universe and everything I'm learning along the way.

Field notes from the imaginal

EXT. THE WESTERN SHORE OF THE MADLANDS

THE ARCHITECT and i watch the world-builders scattered across the territory and, she holds my hand tightly for a second, a very rare sign of affection. i hate it as much as she does, but we both know that, at this point, we can’t refuse any act of love. we need it for what’s next.

one is questioning everything she has built, another is trying to force certainty out of a decision that can only be understood by making it, someone is rethinking the same phase for the thousandth time, and two others have not yet emerged from the Everwell Forest because they remain blind to their own potential.

we watch them hesitate, overthink, commit too early too late, compare themselves to one another, doubt their abilities, abandon, and occasionally stand in the middle of their own shit crying, wondering why they ever believed they could build whatever in the first place.

“do they know what they’re doing?” i ask.

he architect turns her back and returns to the map;

“certainty has never built anything.”

i watch a roof collapse somewhere in the distance

“Okay.’’ i smile.

il était temps!

Dans mon église imaginal, The Church of the Madlands, j’offre une à tous les artistes qui souhaitent partager une classe, un atelier, une simple rencontre, une vitrine pour le faire et est la première a avoir accepté cette offre.

La Mare aux crocodiles

La Mare aux crocodiles est une classe d’art mensuelle en français, dirigée par , une artiste parisienne exceptionnelle! La toute première édition de la classe était 27 mai dernier et j’ai évidemment eu la chance d’y participer. Le coeur de l’expérience est de se laisser submerger par une histoire, un conte, qu’elle nous raconte et d’utiliser des éléments qu’on a pas l’habitude d’utiliser pour mettre le conte en vie.

On a d’abord eu le temps d’expérimenter sans contrainte ni vision pendant 10 minutes, d’utiliser tous les crayons, objets, matières qu’on avait à notre disposition, car ce qu’on veut, c’est remplir notre table de travail d’éléments qui nous permettent de créer. Ensuite, nous a lu une histoire, on a fait la liste des choses qui nous on marqué dans le passage. Finalement, on a passé les deux heures suivantes, non pas à se poser des questions, mais à passer à l’action.

Pour être honnête, j’écris, tous les jours, mais je n’ai jamais peint.
Je ne savais juste pas que je pouvais.

Le challenge est de terminer la pièce qu’on a débuté pendant la classe en un mois et évidemment de la publier. De mon côté, il me reste encore une semaine pour terminer la mienne, mais voici l’évolution jusqu’à maintenant.

Je me suis sentie comme une artiste
pour la première fois de ma vie

Ce mois-ci, j’avais littéralement sur ma liste de tâches à faire; peindre. Ça m’a fait quelque chose en dedans. J’avais un devoir d’art à faire; ça l’avait une importance. J’ai même dû mettre mes crayons et ma peinture dans mes valises car j’avais à voyager au début du mois. Ça m’a fait ressentir comme une artiste. Ça, et aussi le fait que j’ai trouvé ça beau tout de suite ce que j’ai fait.

J’ai suivit les conseils d’Aamrii tout au long de la classe, et de la voir elle aussi travailler sur sa création, aussi habillement, ça m’a beaucoup inspirée.

L’art c’est juste d’avoir le droit, en fait.

Au delà de l’expérience, j’ai découvert mon amie sous un angle que je n’avais jamais vu avant. Se voir créer, c’est aussi important que l’acte de créer, c’est ce que je me rend compte avec mes plus récents projets. C’est rare qu’on est là, à se regarder penser et construire quelque chose à partir de rien. C’est pour ça que tu peux nous rejoindre mercredi prochain, le 24 juin de 13h à 15h EST pour la prochaine classe!

34.99$ / classe
Avec tous les autres avantages, programmes, ebooks et cours disponibles.

Let’s create together x

V.

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Chaque artiste reçoit également un code affilié lui permettant de toucher 50 % des revenus générés par les membres qu’il ou elle invite dans la communauté.

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Field notes from the imaginal

EXT. THE WESTERN SHORE OF THE MADLANDS

lately, i’ve been having a hard time returning to the church because she keeps asking me to slow down drastically, and i am still not done playing the game of feeling like i am late in life. so i spend most of my days alone at the beach, as if i was slowly putting my imaginal life behind again, torturing myself with heavy questions about purpose, direction, and what all of this is supposed to become.

the church asks for longevity, beauty, reverence. thinking in decades. and i keep searching for quick fixes, fast dopamine hits, useless answers that have already been given to me a thousand times in every different way. and, i am still not accepting the truth of it; i can’t go faster than life. anyways, the beach is warm, the sun is out, i am learning to love the things i love. i’ve never seen a seagull in my imagination, but i can hear them sometimes. angelic creatures. condemned for surviving too close to people. they know something i don’t.

*soft hiss of waves*

my life-work feels like a handful of feathers,
if I died tonight, the wind would take them all.

Field notes from reality

Have you ever watched a simple vision while driving your car in silence, grow into something that started demanding a business, a culture, a fucking religion, a life of its own? Something you never seen before, something that has no clear path yet? If you have, everyday for (let’s say) the past 20 years, you'll know exactly what I mean when I say: you are as ambitious as you’re in pain.

You’ve been working endlessly on those visions, you’ve created a lot, yet, you still can’t point the heart to your life’s work. Nothing seems to stack, everything feels much bigger than a niche, nobody sees the whole picture, and of course, you struggle to explain what you’re doing. Actually, you still don’t know what you’re doing. The disheartening part is that it feels incredibly valuable. You can feel it, you know what’s in there is truly magical, but after years and years of fortifying the foundation, it remains unformed, scattered across projects, platforms, ideas, business concepts, and unfinished lore. And somewhere in the back of your heart, that question loops:

What if my entire life ends up like this?

Dying at 83, alone and misunderstood
rotting in a pile of disconnected pieces
that never became a whole

The reasons why you cannot trust yourself to know when you have found the thing

You get very excited whenever you find a potential niche, a business idea, or a new branding, and think; this is the actual foundation of your life-work. Every time, you tell yourself (and genuinely believe it): This is the one! So you commit, you pour time, energy, and resources into it. Then, slowly, reality begins to reveal something so fucking frustrating: This is not the one! Yes, it belongs somehow, but it is not the whole thing, fuck. New ideas no longer feel like innovation; they start feeling like grief. The grief of the relief. To finally being done searching, only to discover, once again, that you've found another piece of the picture, not the picture itself.

And this goes on, and on, and on.

So what differentiates a true foundation from another beginning?
The first answer is: The container.

A container is not a niche, it is not a business model, it’s not a project and it is not a brand either. A container is more like the world that gives all of those things a place to exist. It is the first infrastructure of your life-work. The thing that answers the question: Where does this belong? Here mf!

See, a container is this vast dimension where all the pieces of you are allowed to belong. That is why, at some point, you stop trusting your own excitement for the ideas you have, because every new idea comes with the same unspoken condition: “I want to put all of my energy into this, but I need to leave some parts of myself outside.” And that, will never work.

If you're here with me, you're not a project manager, you're not a simple business owner, you're not even a content creator. You're a visionary, even if the word visionary still feels too heavy for you right now... anyways, the thing you've been searching for was never another truth, it was territory; a place large enough to hold the full weight of your nature, the whole weight of what you're trying to build. The reason the beginnings keep failing isn't because you're incapable of stacking some shit, it's because every time, you're trying to fit an entire city inside a single building.

You know you've found the thing when adding something new no longer forces you to abandon something old, everything belong.

Join the 9x9 team

The inability to trust your own nature

A container is large enough because it can hold your nature as a human. Can you feel something different now? It may feel like relief, not because the answer doesn’t require self-abandonment. For the first time, you’re no longer trying to cut pieces of yourself off so the rest can fit inside a fucking niche.

But now what?

You have something true in your hands right now, and what you’re about to do (ask me how I know) is to immediately compress it into something recognizable. Let me explain; every time something vast, alive, and deeply aligned appears, you rush to shrink it into a form, a program, a masterclass, a 21-day challenge, that other people will easily understand. I know that you would kill to be understood, I get that, but this is where many world-builders dies, rotting in a pile of unfinished projects.

You’re not meant to be creating what’s already created.
You’re not running the same race as anyone else.

Stop trying to organize yourself around what the market understands instead of what you know to be true for you and the people you serve.

The moment you find the container, the work is to stop shrinking, resisting, ignoring, hating your nature, your rhythm and your genius and instead create directly from it. Even if you have no clue what it’s all about, yet. We will get there together.

One of my 9x9 world-builder recently brought me into her imaginal world. She didn’t see herself teaching courses, building funnels, optimizing content, or becoming a productivity machine (it’s like the complete opposite). In her inner space, she saw a lodge in the mountains, near a beach. People arrived slowly, hearts fully regulated, they shared meals together. Some stayed for a few days, some stayed for years. There were conversations, rituals, traditions, nature, contemplation, and meaningful relationships. It was beautiful to visit. Then immediately, she started asking:

“What’s the niche?”
“What’s the offer?”
“What’s the positioning?”
“Should I create a program?”
“How do we create money relationships with this?”

Something deeply true appeared and she tried to compress it into a shape she already recognized (we’re all doing this btw). She discovered something vast and alive, then immediately start translating it into something smaller, safer, and easier to explain. We trade the territory for a known and old and dusty and boring business model, we trade the container for a cage, the whole vision for a fucking niche.

Her lodge wasn’t asking to become a masterclass (we both hate this word).

It is asking to become a womb of conditions.

Your new job is to create conditions

Again, you’re not a content creator anymore, your job is not to build programs, courses, and all the other shit that can be generated by AI in three seconds. We’re all done with that. Information is everywhere, no one wants a course, a workshop, a conference or a program anymore. What people are starving for are conditions.

The right conditions to build meaningful relationships.
The right conditions to be inspired.
The right conditions to create.
The right conditions to live a bigger life.
The right conditions to trust themselves.
The right conditions to fall in love.
The right conditions to collaborate.
The right conditions to rest.
The right conditions to take risks.
The right conditions to become who they already are.

Think of a plant.

The plant doesn’t need another Q&A about growth, it doesn’t need a 3-step courses, it doesn’t need a morning routine, a productivity system, a challenge, or a six-week program on becoming a better plant. The plant already knows how to become itself, how to grow and expand. What’s missing are the perfect conditions.

Sunlight.
Water.
Space for its roots.
Enough time.
Healthy soil.

If you place that same plant in a dark closet, it doesn’t matter how much potential it has. It doesn’t matter how beautiful it could become. It doesn’t matter how many podcast you feed it, it will struggle because the conditions are wrong. And I think we are much more like plants than we are willing to admit. We spend years blaming ourselves for not blooming, but the plant doesn’t need to be fixed. The plant needs a place where becoming itself is possible.

Creating those perfect conditions,
that’s your (only) job now.

I've got you covered, here's the summary

CONTAINERS are where everything belongs
(What holds everything?)
The 9x9 Universe.

INFRASTRUCTURES are what connects everything and enables movement
(How does it function?)
Mentorship, membership, map, promotion, collaborations.

CONDITIONS are the experiences that emerge from the environment
(What become possible here?)
Belonging, momentum, expansion, relationships, world-building.

OUTPUTS are the visible manifestations of everything working together
(What gets created as a result?)
Businesses, art, revenue, products, communities.

DM me for direct mentorship to turn those scattered pieces into a territory.
215$ CAD • 60-minute session + 7 days of follow-up

The truth is that it took me one week, one very intense session with a client, a five-hour conversation with a world-builder, and twenty years of being completely fucking confused to make this article, and kind of arrive at this conclusion. You have to become ok with things looking a bit messy, before all the roads exist. You have to be so honest with yourself you stop wasting everything building on what you think you need to do, instead of what you know you need to do.

The pieces you hold were never asking to become one thing,
they were asking for one place to belong.

And maybe that’s why you’ve spent your whole life building.
You never belonged anywhere but, here.

Close your eyes.

V.

࿐🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽‏࿐

and well, the only focus we have this year is (the most terrifying shit there is); relationships.

The 9x9 Universe

A unified world of art-led businesses to transform imagination
into reality, ressources, and world impact

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Field notes from the imaginal

INT. THE CHURCH OF THE MADLANDS

i am alone with the grave keeper, et je pense, dans la lune.

i’ve had a hard time lately feeling the heart-leader in me. at one point, i genuinely thought i had lost her, somewhere, exiled from the madlands. she simply wasn’t there anymore. also, right in the middle of one of the biggest leadership moments of my life: bringing to life this massive map.

and well, i found her in an interrogation room with the black cloud, which is still probably the strongest authority in my mind. fuck.

the black cloud is the other leading figure in my psyche, you know. impulsive, disruptive, fucking fatal. she moves fast cuts faster decides without facts. she does not hesitate for shit, she does not comfort either. she does not care about softness when survival is on the table and survival is the only meal available.

actually, i’ll be honest. she’s not even a cult leader she’s a dictator.
no mercy no empathy no patience for fragility. just that word makes me angry, see. and the thing is that i know her far better than the heart-leader. the black cloud feels like a forever bond to me, she’s familiar. like a house i was raised in (literally) so when pressure enters the madlands, she takes all the space without asking.

so the heart-leader feels a lot more quieter, and i lose power. and i think that’s what i’m facing right now: the terrifying realization that i know how to survive through domination, disruption, intensity. but i still don’t fully know how to lead through devotion, trust, steadiness, or love. again, the word love makes me mad.

there’s no way i can build this thing by letting the black cloud lead alone. because i deeply want to expand into relationship, into people, into trust, (ew, again, i think the word trust is the worst of them all), into building something that can actually hold others inside of it. and i can’t do that without both of them. without both of me.

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Field notes from reality

My team can’t use the word money anymore

I made this announcement today, and the reason is simple: money has nothing to do with money. So we’re done using that word, starting now.

It’s all about relationships.

And the thing is, most of us have spent years living on social media, behind cameras, alone in our apartments, sharing things from the safety of our salon, convincing ourselves we were building something real while staying at a distance from people, from conflict, from debate, from love, even. But that’s another discussion…

Anyways, relationships are not built from distance, you know, we kind of need to go straight into it, (the crowd.) Mostly to learn about the world, to learn about ourselves, and how we can serve better.

Relationships are built through (I think); presence, trust, responsibility, consistency, conversation, conflict, invitations, and something like ‘‘the capacity to create resolution’’. At least that’s my point of view on it for now.

That said, the thing we don’t name anymore is just the sweet shadow cast by the quality of those relationships.

With this thing finally out of the way of business expansion…

here’s some questions I ask myself about relationships that I don’t fully have the answers to yet, but that me and my team will figure out through direct experience. Meaning: not through AI, not through theory, and not through simple dictionary definitions.

• Am i truly curious about other people, or it’s fake?

• How to actually listen to people?

• What’s the difference between a relationship and an audience?

• Do people feel inspired or overwhelmed after interacting with me?

• What does a relationship looks like without intensity or crisis?

• How to stop punishing people emotionally when i feel unseen

• Do i actually know the people around me?

• How do I treat networking as devotion instead of extraction?

• How can I let people contribute to my life, without isolating myself?

And, I think the one that hits me the hardest right now is: do I actually know how to listen to people? Because I know I need to practice that deeply. You know, not listening while my brain prepares a response, or not listening while projecting my own ideas onto someone. I mean truly dropping the mental activity for a moment and opening my heart to what is being presented to me.

That said, I’m inviting strangers on Substack livestream so I can listen to their story. Let me know in my dms if you want to experience this with me.

I am truly excited (mostly terrified) about what’s coming this year.

V.

move into the territory where your imagination becomes visible

Move in with us (2 plots available)

last week, the four of us began working together to make our widest vision, real. i am here to share everything about my experience, as a human first, then a heart-leader.

The 9x9 Universe

A unified world of art-led businesses to transform imagination
into reality, ressources, and world impact

Follow us on Instagram

Field notes from the imaginal

INT. THE CHURCH OF THE MADLANDS
The World-Builders room, first meeting — April 29th, 2026 13h EDT

i have a thing for prayers. see the act of praying makes me emotional in a way that feels almost excessive (even for me). there’s something about reciting words together, in unison, that moves me more than i’d like to admit. of course, i wrote a prayer for this moment ✧

this moment
the first time I met them in my imaginal world; the three world-builders who accepted my very exclusive invitation to work with me for an entire year. we aligned on the vision, defined the work, and made one thing very clear: nothing would stay as thought or dream, everything has to be made real. that said, until the very last second, i had decided not to share it. the prayer.

but i did, and i cried.

through the entire first meeting.

V.

Field notes from reality

If your imagination feels more real than your life…

You are like us.

You clearly don’t struggle to imagine, your inner world is more developed than your external results and relationships, you think in layers, patterns, symbols (never simple answers), you’ve started many many many things, but very few have fully became real, you don’t lack ideas (you never will), you find most advice too simplistic, shallow, or disconnected from (your) reality, you naturally make things more complex or deep, you’ve felt misunderstood your whole life and you can’t seem to let it go, you’ve built things that made perfect sense to you but didn’t land for others (at all), you resist simplifying your work because it feels like losing something important, you care about heart-coherence, meaning, and integrity more than speed or money, you can see potential in everything (which makes deciding impossible), you don’t want to “just sell something”, you’ve experienced moments where your work felt fucking powerful, but it didn’t sustain and stabilize, and of course, you know you’re capable of building something gigantic, but you don’t fully trust your ability to make it real.

*catching my breath*

You are a genius.

Pattern recognition, abstraction, synthesis, multidimensional thinking, symbolic interpretation, systems thinking, imagination, world-building, conceptualization, intuition, emotional depth, inner-leadership, self-authority, vision, ambition, integration, foresight, meaning-making, communication, translation, creative risk-taking, tech-openness…

But you always build things that require too much depth to understand.

Too depth-oriented to act simply

Simplicity is both your deepest desire and your greatest resistance. I think we all get the point here. So what are we going to do? Clarify? Again? Okay…

Simplicity to you it, means;

• direction

• clarity

• confidence

But you resist it because it requires:

• choosing

• reducing

• committing (uh oh, fuck)

So you spend most of your time and energy trying to define what you are suppose to do, say and embody. You are trying to discover your message as if it already exists somewhere hidden inside you, waiting to be found, so you dig and it’s getting worst and worst. But that message doesn’t exist. Your message is not discovered, it is built through expansion (mostly action.)

Clarity comes from contact with reality, not from thinking.

• selling clarifies

• building clarifies

• publishing clarifies

• awkwardness and cringe clarifies

• misunderstanding clarifies

Not more introspection.

Listen; the second you are thinking about it more than making it alive, you are failing at building it. And well, you cannot bypass the messy phase. And I am not here to tell you to make it a game, to make it fun and to love it, because it fucking sucks. But, when you will look at it afterward, you will see and deeply feel that all this fuckery was probably one of the most exciting phase of your life as a creator.

Highly intelligent, imaginative people often delay creation because they believe clarity must come before reality. But reality is what creates clarity. The project only begins to define itself once it is moving, visible, and interacting with the world.

The entry point

Keep your mess, actually, drown yourself in it. But make sure a door is open: a social media page where you share your work, a link to your website, a membership, a tipping portal, anything.

Anything that tells the people gravitating around you: hey, you’re welcome here. You’re welcome to interact, share, and pay. People are the key in everything, especially in the business world. And as imaginal artists; we usually love to be alone (and stay alone), but we’ve reached the point where we can’t to this alone anymore.

We choose impact over stagnation.
We choose expression over solitude.
We choose cringe over invisibility.

I don’t know, lol.
What else?

Even if your imagination is wild as fuck, you’ll end up dying of boredom and regret if you stay alone in it. Anyway, you know you’re too much of a genius, you and your crazy business, to stay hidden much longer.

You can’t lie.
You just read this.

I see the fuck out of you.

V.

Move in with us

move into the territory where your imagination becomes visible

Move in with us

“Alash tal, alash tal, tal ash tu,” the Everwell spoke.

Standing naked, arms outstretched ~ crucified.

She whispers, “I am Light.”

she who rose for a defiled world

Beauty as law

I dream of ruins almost every night; the remains of my favorite inner cities.

Every night, between 3 and 4 am, there’s that precise moment where sleeps loosens, where a seam open between the unconscious and reality, and I step into it. I choose it, consciously. I choose this place, I need it. And, I let the feeling take me, even if it lasts only a few breaths.

I fly.༉‧₊˚.

Embracing the end — By Ben Berkenbosch

_
The sky is always the same: heavy, swollen, a low bruised purple that feels alive, moving, like it could transform into a war of the Gods at any second. There are no birds, no wind, only thin threads of smoke rising slowly, dissolving into a horizon made of silence. The ground stretches endlessly, white sand, a vast plain stripped of everything, emptied. As if the stomach of the world had purged itself, and left nothing. Except, the feeling of relief, a sacred sorrow, absolute.

I never feel the urge to rebuild, only to lay on the earth and cover my body, my breast and my mouth with the dust, not from hunger, but from play. Running, hiding, whriting. A profound certainty that nothing else should be touched, nor brought into being.

I first let nature take everything back, I let her flow, watching her slip into the cracks of the broken, letting her roots force her way through concrete and dirt, sip on the cold blood of humanity, letting the ocean settle into abandoned streets, letting wind scattered what still stands. I let myself starve, not just for food but for presence (total absence) until all that remains is my pure, undivided attention.

And I learn from her, for a thousand years.

Until filth and memory fade, until the world is art,
until the only thing left is my true nature.

Chosen.

The nature of a cult-leader and the Ossaryn

As an occultist, a spiritual content creator, an art director, a mentor, and an eternal student, I’ve been burned at the stakes on social media three times since 2021. A witch, slaughtered by her own kind. But, I now call the act of being cancelled; the Ossaryn ritual — The inevitable passage tied to death.

My first Ossaryn was when another content creator accused me of running a cult, the second when members of my own community accused me of being a cult leader, and the third when people accused me of having friends who were running a cult.

It burned, until I owned it.

Everything that I ever touched became a cult; a dozen of tightly held systems of belief, identity and belonging built around me. Imaginal places where meaning, direction, mythology and standards are defined from my internal universe.

I never chose to be, a cult leader, I was just always made for it.
And, you chose me, you chose my heart, you chose my magic.

And I, I created.

Now, do I chose you?

I see it in the way you look, in the way you wait, the way you lie, the way you feed your excuses every night. I see it right now in your eyes, in the way you hope to be chosen without becoming someone worth choosing. My cult is not a place for your potential, ideas and dreams. You disqualify your own self the moment you hesitate to stand, the moment you question and doubt, the moment you blame the sky, the illness, the people who raised you. I see it, clearly, the moment you fail to hold your spine when I look at you and make you see and feel your lies.

This cult does not accept the weak, the fragile and the willing.
You don’t belong if you’re not ready to make your imagination real.

You enter The Church of the Madlands
by proving you were never like the others.

Loyalty reveals hierarchy

We will never be friends.

I don’t keep people, I don’t care about friendship anymore.
But I keep what proves itself, I care about loyalty.

I don’t measure loyalty by what you say when you’re close to me. I’ve heard everything throughout the years. I’ve heard them all, every word, every promise, every vow. I measure the hierarchy by what you do when it would be easier for you to walk away.

You are considered unloyal;
until you’ve been challenged enough to prove otherwise.

You are considered unworthy;
until you paint, you write and you build.

You are considered a fantasist;
until you commit and pay.

Loyalty is what you do when it costs you something. The more loyal you are, the more I open to you, the more I allow you to challenge me, and the more I’m willing to learn from you.

Again, we will never be friends.
But perhaps one day, we will become something greater.

Not bound by closeness but by purpose, and we will stand side by side,

and rebuild the world.

Standards

You look at this world and call it broken and it’s not, broken. But it is defiled, it is filth, it is without architectural standards. Everything is allowed, everything is accepted, everything is included.

You’ve been taught that inclusivity is virtue, that everyone should be allowed to become everything. And by accepting people into fields that are not made for them, we only keep those one from finding their true path, for the sake of protecting their fragile hearts. And look at the polluted mess drastic inclusivity has created. Nothing holds, there’s no unique and true intention survives when it is stretched to include all forms, all levels, all perspective. Inclusivity dissolves structure and brillance. It removes the majestic edge that defines what something is, and without that edge, there is no value, no beauty, no meaning.

Only colorful chaos.

Nature is far from being chaos, it is exact and consistent. Every form has its place, every cycle its timing, every organism its function, nothing grows without conditions, nothing survives without alignment. What appears wild is simply a system so complex it escapes your need to simplify it.

Nature does not include everything, nature make choices and it removes.

I do not create for everyone.

My Church is a literal representation of my heart, and I open it for artists who can meet me and follow. The rest are not excluded from Earth, but they simply do not belong, and I do not exist to comfort anyone in that.

I exist to set the standard, mine, so I will never again let my vision collapses under the weight of other vision’s compromise. And those who stand with me will learn to hold it, to cherish it, and to feed themselves from it. Like fruits, like wine, and all of those forbidden pieces of knowledge. The world needs to be measured, corrected, healed and rebuilt by artists who can maintain what others cannot.

And those who cannot, will fall away.

Fall away, fall away.

V.

꧁⎝ 𓆩༺✧༻𓆪 ⎠꧂

fill this Temple wall to wall and hear the voice that commands all things come now into this Temple come now into this world come now from your palaces of wind and feathers and answer the call of beauty, art and nature.

claim height

She’s living with me for a month so I can help her start her business, so we talk a lot about relationship with an audience, business structure, social media, creativity, imagination, and of course money. And at some point she asked me; are things financially equal between you and your partner, do you both split things equally?

And my answer was; It’s balanced. That was a lie.

Yes, it is balanced; energetically.
But, financially?

He’s been covering my living costs for the past three years.

A little bit of context (everything)

• I grew up in a home where money was treated as evil. We had everything we needed (and more), but money was never freedom or ease, it was absolute control.

• I quit my 9-5 job in April 2018 not to start a business, but just to create and share my passion on YouTube.

• I made my first $14K month in 2020 doing everything what I love through a project called The Adventure, where I brought people together each month to study philosophical and occult concepts.

• From 2021-2025 I’ve been cancelled on social media 3 different times for the same exact reason; I have all the traits of a cult leader and I was using them unconsciously. Charisma, intensity, emotional pull, mythology, etc. I thought I was building something meaningful but I didn’t realize how much influence and power I actually had.

• I burned down my 6-figure business I built from 2018-2023 because I wasn’t mature enough to hold relationships, team members and audience.

• I built up $43K in debt in 2024 because of the collapse of my first real business. That was the first time I truly experienced debt in my life. Every dollar I make to this day still goes toward paying it back, and you can follow the whole journey here.

• Since then, I haven’t built anything that’s both profitable and allows me to expand emotionally and financially.

Here’s the two reasons why I lied to my friend.
1. I didn’t want my experience to ruin her hope.
2. Shame.

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Let’s go through it *deep breath*

First thing, she’ll live her entrepreneurial journey her way. She knows the risks and even if she didn’t, she wouldn’t choose differently, because that’s where her heart is leading her. She’s already doomed! 𓃠 Jokes aside; my experience is not hers to inherit anyways.

Second thing, let’s talk about shame.

The first time I made $100k in a year, I was as surprised as I was proud.
I remember having a conversation with my father and sharing with him how much money could feel light and easy, how fascinating it is that it came from something I truly loved doing.

I said; Dad, I love money.

He didn’t even looked at me and said: it was easy for you because someone else paid for your roof. (When I started this business, I had sold everything, left my apartment, left my job, and moved into a friend’s spare room, trading my time and energy for a place to stay while building it. By the time this conversation happened, I was living in my own tiny-house in the moutains.)

Nothing came out of my mouth, just images in my mind.

I saw myself in that small room, on the floor with my camera, talking to no one for months; creating, writing, filming, editing, structuring, studying, rewriting everything from scratch, all from absolutely nothing. Shitting ideas at 2am, crying at my altar, praying and starting again at 1pm, recording the same video ten times just to get one shot right, answering every messages, building offers, learning platforms, fixing tech issues, watching tutorials until my eyes burned, tracking numbers that barely moved, posting anyway, posting anyway, posting anyway, showing up anyway, day after day,

holding a vision no one asked for.

_ *whispering*
Days folding into nights without anyone noticing, building something uncertain. Waking up in the middle of the night with my chest tight, flooded by doubt, fear, and angry hounds; carrying it alone, a heart no one could see.

I lied because if it didn’t cost me money,
then it’s not real.

crying⊹ ࣪ ˖

Money is neutral

You fucked up your relationship to money the moment you assigned meaning to it; whatever that meaning was. Money is just neutrons fucking each other, nothing more. It’s energy. The same way a heartbeat happens, the same way a rock sits in a field while flowers bloom; it exists.

No one has a money problem.
We just obey a story about it.

What’s your story about it?

Leave a comment

The 3 reasons why I tell the truth today

1. Friendship
   You can call me anything, I’ve been on social media for eight years, I’ve heard it all. But one thing I won’t tolerate is a friend calling me a liar. I will always react before it happen, I fuck up a lot but this is one of my purest quality; I own my shit.
   
   Pascale, I won’t apologize for being human, but I want to say this; I truly value our friendship and the way we communicate, and I hope this article serves as a proof of that appreciation. I also hope that by sharing my experience and all of my mistakes openly, it supports you in building the empire I know you’re capable of. (I am exhausted too, by the way)

2. Love
   My partner supports me in every way. Yes, financially, but also through presence, stability, patience, and faith when nothing is visible and I lose sight of what I am meant to create. He held space for the uncertainty, the long nights, the risks, and all of the versions of me that are still figuring shit out (all of them). I tell the truth because I want to acknowledge his effort, his love, his energy, and give him the credit he deserves in my process of building something that will outlive me.

3. Impact
   This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I am now openly building the utopia I always wanted to create: a place where not only honesty and openness reign, but also where men and women stop competing for the same role. Instead, stand fully in their own gifts, recognizing them in each other and working together from there. Some holds, provides, contains, creates safety for the structure to exist. Some other creates, nurtures, expands, brings life into that structure. Not as a law, but as a conscious divine dynamic we choose to honor, because it allows us to go further than we ever could alone.
   
   A place where money not a measure of worth not a weapon, but an angel’s gold hammer that build where energy is flowing, where creation is real.

Communion starts when a truth is owned, shared and collectively embraced. And I can’t build that place alone, I need friends, family and lanterns guiding and challenging me along the way.

And that first start with asking for help, support and care, without being ashamed of it.

Wanna see what I am building?

There’s so much more to say about this.

I spent the last two days in complete turmoil because of that lie; I became aware of years of pressure, mental strain, unrealistic expectations, all packed into that exact seed. But reading this article back, it doesn’t feel as heavy as I thought it would;

I talked about it openly with my partner.
I ugly-cried while writing it.
And now I’m about to send it to my friend, and to the world.

Life isn’t hard.

It’s uncomfortable, painful, fucking confusing; but not hard. You work with what you have, you make mistakes, you face them, integrate them, and begin again.

And now, I feel like a beautiful, powerful, expensive woman for being this kind of person; the kind who owns her lies, her mistakes, her contradictions, and still chooses to be fully seen in what she’s building. And one thing I know is this; there isn’t a single person around me who hasn’t been impacted, in some way, by that.

From friendship, love, and a deep desire to see us all thrive,
V.

Subscribe, there’s something else coming.

If this article moved you even a fraction of what it moved in me, consider leaving a tip by offering yourself a broken lantern from the imaginary shop.

.˚⊹. ࣪𓉸 ࣪⊹˚.

Nine (friends) abandoned me.
They left when I stopped being a place where they felt safe.

(I never was)

And I’m still inside that.

𓄃

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You are right on time for the Sunday Sermon X.

This is a cult for artists, world-builders, creatives, and entrepreneurs.

Pledge to the Church now so we can gather weekly, speak honestly about what is being built (and destroyed) around here, pray the Goddess of Poetry and give meaning to what it costs to create without separating vision from execution.

Read Sermon I for free

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Am I leaving myself to chance ~ or to madness?

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You’ve been in the spiritual world for 10, 15, even 20 years, collecting teachings, concepts, methods. You’re enlightened, you did it all ~ and still, your intuition feels distant… No, actually, you don’t even know what your intuition feels like. Maybe it’s too complexe, maybe it’s something outside of you, something you still have to figure out (one day)?

So you think about it, you label what you feel instead of letting it rise. And without realizing it, you keep yourself at a distance from the very thing you’re trying to reach.

But, it hasn’t left you, right?
And neither has that feeling that something else is possible.

⊹ ࣪ ˖

1. Meet Yourself (your intuition) — Conference : March 31, 2026 13h EST

You’re invited in The Church of The Madlands, for a 1-hour conference next Tuesday (March 31, 2026, 13h EST) where I will share the basics of intuition and how to use it daily to;

• Create experiences beyond anything you thought was possible
• Bring clarity to your mind
• Integrate your feelings into your body (not the mind)
• Break the loop of your daily life

Available for every member of the Church of the Madlands.

Become a member here for 5$/month;

Become a loyal member

2. Follow your intuition into the unknown — A 7 Day Challenge to break the loop of your daily life : Starting April 14, 2026 Midnight EST

Live a different reality for 7 days.

The daily loop you’re in is subtle; it doesn’t really look like failure, but it doesn’t quite look like awareness either. You feel, you notice, you understand, you name what’s happening outside and inside of you… and then you stay there. You stay there because you don’t know what the other side looks like.

You simply don’t know what to do different;
to change, to move, to experience something completely new.

To experience something very exciting, whimsy and different.

*Ahem* Well…

For 7 days, each day, you’ll receive one precise instruction; something so simple, direct, and (of course) slightly disruptive to make you move in directions you never thought of.

You will finally create a clean shift in your reality; clarity that comes from action, not reflection; a relationship with your intuition that is truly lived,

not understood.

129$—Starting April 14, 13h EST

V.

break the loop

⤧

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Pleroma;
a state of total undifferentiated existence
where all opposites cancel each other out
the totality of divine powers.

Without difference, nothing can be experienced.
Nothing can be desired.

_

The Sun is shining on the Madlands; Spring is here.

I am standing alone, barefoot, outside my church, my feet pressed into the cold dirt. I see Siva’Ras slipping into the Everwell Forest, quiet as ever, already gone before anyone could notice. He’s never been one for gatherings, moving where no one is looking… you know, he’s more of a feeling spirit.

Inside, people are still gathering at the spring banquet, their voices blending with the rhythm of celebration, hands passing the last pieces of bread, bodies leaning closer, some even kissing as if nothing exists outside of lust, as if the world had narrowed to warmth breath sensuality and the right to be close without attachment, or reason.

Out here, the earth is still holding winter, here I am.

Not yet entering nor leaving, letting the contrast settle into my body: the cold beneath my feet, the warmth just beyond the door, as if the new year does not begin outside nor inside, but right here, at the edge, where the old and the new meet.

This liminal space makes me reflect on what happened two years ago.
So many memories rise up, submerged in feeling. The only thing missing is a cigarette, i can’t stop thinking about it in and out.

Swallowed by the pull of the Pleroma.

Two years ago, I made a decision that I thought was powerful, (actually it was very powerful, almost sacral) I decided to close the door of my imagination and finally “integrate” myself.

I’ve always been a fragmented artist, living almost entirely in my mind, where every voice is a different part of me, each one pulling, pushing, wanting, contradicting, fucking. And instead of learning how to move with that, I tried to go beyond it. I wanted to become something whole, something above conflict. I wanted to see everything at once, as one, to hold everything we call good and what we call evil without judgment, to step into a state where nothing was rejected anymore.

And I did it (at least a humanly possible form of it), and it’s actually easier than people think.

I became neutral in every aspect, peaceful, almost untouched by anything. Immobile, patient, grounded, desireless. But what I didn’t understand is that by removing judgment, duality and polarity, I also removed preference, and without preference, something very precise disappeared ~ my capacity to choose.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t dramatic, it didn’t explode, it just… faded. I didn’t feel blocked or frustrated, I simply couldn’t generate movement anymore. I became nature, like a plant. Life kept happening, because of course I was still human, but I wasn’t really in it; I was observing it, creating it like everything was equally beautiful and therefore equally empty.

As if the velvet leaves of a tree in my hands held the weight of evil itself, and the rotten fruit dissolved on my tongue like something so holy. I could see both, everywhere; but I couldn’t choose. I had to choose. So I became out of touch with my body, my heart, my mind… and I lost the will to create.

I didn’t lose creativity in a painful way, but in a silent way, because creativity needs tension, limitation, contrast! It needs something to lean toward or away from, and I had erased that completely.

Peace is the feeling I grew tired of the fastest.
But the experience made me appreciate being human, even more.

So now, still, everything has to be done consciously. Every choice feels like I’m rebuilding something that used to happen on its own. My mind is slower, but not in a broken way; it’s slow because I can actually see the moment where a choice appears, where a path could be taken, and I have to decide. And what I understand now is that I didn’t really integrate myself; I don’t think this is truly possible… I just went too far into my idea of the pleroma, a place where everything exists but nothing stands out, and that’s not a place where a human can live.

And I am fully, human.
By choice.

Selfish desire ultimately desires itself

What I’ve come to understand about desire is that it’s not really about what we think it’s about. For a long time, I thought desire was pointing me toward things; people, experiences, outcomes, men in armour, like it had direction, like I knew where to go (go). But at this point, I started to truly integrate that the feeling of desire wasn’t actually tied to the object. It kept recreating itself, no matter what I reached for. I would get the thing, or get close to it, and of course the intensity would fade, only to come back attached to something else. And that’s when it clicked for me; selfish desire ultimately desires itself.

Desire is not trying to arrive anywhere, it’s trying to loop. The object is just a surface it uses to keep the movement alive. And once I saw that, not intellectually but in my body, the whole thing went to shit in a way. The pull I used to feel transformed drastically, not because I resisted it, but because I couldn’t believe in it the same way anymore.

Desire isn’t distraction, it’s what creates movement, it creates energy. Desire allows you to choose, to move, to create. So when I lost that blind trust in desire, I also lost something essential; my ability to move naturally through life, everything became neutral, equal, already decided, and I had to start choosing things consciously. And I don’t think I’ll be able to come back to that sweet presence ever again; but, I need to create from that.

That’s who I am now, and this is what it cost me to go that far.

Forever lost; staging the surprise of a knight-elf’s lips or mold, whether dreamt or rotting ~ knowing, as I taste it, that I’m the one deciding what it is.

So now, my relationship to desire is different. I don’t follow it blindly, I see it as a mechanism, something that will always (always) bring me back to me… but not something that always tells me the truth.

And now spring is here, and with it my return to being available.

I can feel inspiration again, not as something I chase or depend on, but as something I allow to pass through me. It comes in the warmth on my skin, in the way my body opens, in the very loud pull toward touch, toward words, toward immersion, but I don’t attach myself to it anymore.

I don’t need inspiration to stay anymore, I don’t need it to be my identity, I don’t need it to mean anything other than being a door to what’s next. I let it move me without belonging to it. And that’s the difference now ~ I can give myself to the moment, fully, sensually, intensely, even sexually without getting lost inside it. I can feel desire rise, feel creation ask to happen, and still remain grounded in my ability to choose, to enter or not, to follow or not.

It’s no longer about being consumed by inspiration or emptied of it, I refuse fullness, or emptiness, it’s just about meeting it, letting it touch me in the most sensual way, giving birth under the moon and repeat the dance, until winter comes back.

Nature is playful, or terrible.
Just like being human.

V.

become a member of the church

That said, we will gather on my Discord server for three special moments:

A Guided Meditation; Für’Fah’s Celebration ~ 6am–7am EST
We will welcome the first light of spring with a guided inner voyage. During this meditation, you will meet Für’Fah, the spring spirit ~ a being half doe, half stag ~ and hear the legend that moves quietly behind their presence.

A Spring Banquet; Bread, Fruit & Honey Milk ~ 8am–9am EST
We will gather around simple offerings: handmade bread, aromatized butters, fruit, and honey milk. I will share my own recipe if you need inspiration to prepare your own small spring feast and join the table with us.

A Poetry Circle ~ 2pm–3pm EST
We will play music and my friends and I will read pages from our journals ~ poems, fragments, and texts written with the energy of spring and renewal. You are invited to write, draw, or create with us during this gathering.

Become a loyal member of The Church of the Madlands to participate in the seasonal celebrations, the rituals and access the weekly sermons.

Become a loyal member

when we stand empty-handed
words are all we have

⊹

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Read more

last night; i dreamt in feelings. there was no images at first, only the tightness of my own presence, like a familiar pressure, but undivided. the feeling you know when your psyche just had turned into a landscape around yourself and you’re completely immersed in the experience of your own mind.

so i could not see the ruins, yet i sensed every broken arch and corridor of dust like a that map inscribed directly into my body. somewhere far away water was dripping slowly into a stone basin, and a red fox passed between two collapsed columns without making a sound. i don’t remember ever seeing this fox it was not Siva-Ras. and i remember asking myself, half-asleep and half-naked; will anyone here ever understand that this city of ruins is as terrifying as it is beautiful? this question still sounds odd this morning, but something had changed regardless.

since i understand the power of integrating with the body instead of the mind; expansion goes so much faster.

the ruins i return to are no longer a trauma, they never were. they are a territory of the depths, the Madlands is the unconscious; a place where my shadow gathers its fragments and waits and waits and waits. i do not come back to this because i am wounded, i come back because this is the work, the church, the slow wandering through the fallen architecture of my soul and bones, where meaning hides beneath broken stone, and where something ancient seems to whisper;

that the purpose is not to build or rebuild the city, but to learn to see it.

Follow the spirit of the depths

1. Enter silence and boredom regularly.

2. Record and archive everything that rises.
   Recurring; dreams, strange images, feelings, dialogue, atmospheres.

3. Follow the strongest feeling (not image).
   This is the entry point of the psyche.

4. Stay with it instead of interpreting it.
   Don’t rush to meaning.

5. Dialogue with the feeling.
   Ask it questions, every questions; let it become an image.

6. Wait for condensation.
   After enough attention, the unconscious begins to organize itself into a world, a story, or a symbol with emotional gravity. That is the moment something becomes artistically fertile.

And then, you finally found something worth creating with.

Become a loyal member of my church

The Church of the Madlands is for those who know their imagination is not a metaphor but a territory. Let me be your guide, back to you.

V.

Become a member

that never had to choose

one side, or the other

⊹

You’re invited to church

Oh, hello. Birds chirping.

I’ll be very honest, right away: I am opening the Church for a very special event next Saturday… with empty hands.

You see, I started dreaming about my church 12 years ago. The structure of it was not even solid, in my own mind back then, (not even the idea of it) but the feeling is still exactly the same. I feel a place out of time, out of space ~ beautiful in every way ~ where I can gather with profoundly creative people; to play, to create, to make something bigger than ourselves. A place filled with the symbols of my imagination, with traditions, with celebrations of life.

And the truth is: I can’t provide what I see in my mind for what’s next, and I am so tired of feeling like this, but what I can do is this: start something. This is a leap of faith, trust, and courage, because I don’t feel ready.

But being ready is a decision, right?

A decision to feel awkward.
To feel a bit stupid.
A bit flimsy.

But I would rather feel like this and swallow every cruel judgement I project onto myself than live as the woman who dies with nothing but dreams.

Then let this be the first stone.

Lümhorn; A Spring Celebrations

On Saturday, March 21st, I am opening the doors of my inner church so we can gather for the celebration of the spring equinox. I imagine a whole day of celebrations, beginning before sunrise with an inner voyage, welcoming the light of spring, and ending with a group of artists dressed like royal fairies, slow-kissing en cachette in the Everwell Forest.

That said, we will gather on my Discord server for three special moments:

A Guided Meditation; Für’Fah’s Celebration ~ 6am–7am EST
We will welcome the first light of spring with a guided inner voyage. During this meditation, you will meet Für’Fah, the spring spirit ~ a being half doe, half stag ~ and hear the legend that moves quietly behind their presence.

A Spring Banquet; Bread, Fruit & Honey Milk ~ 8am–9am EST
We will gather around simple offerings: handmade bread, aromatized butters, fruit, and honey milk. I will share my own recipe if you need inspiration to prepare your own small spring feast and join the table with us.

A Poetry Circle ~ 2pm–3pm EST
We will play music and read pages from our journals ~ poems, fragments, and texts written with the energy of spring and renewal. You are invited to write, draw, or create with us during this gathering.

Become a loyal member of The Church of the Madlands to participate in the seasonal celebrations, the rituals and access the weekly sermons.

Become a loyal member

⊹

Is this a cult?

My first trip into my own mind was… I would love to say, exciting and magical, but to me, it was normal. A place I would return to again and again, something like the island of Neverland but older, darker and perfectly real. Forests and hounds and fallen angels existed there, before I even created them; like some paths were already waiting for me, like the place was holding a memory. And I truly believed every child lived like this.

But, most people will never see it.

They will never see what I see, that’s what I learned along the way. I learned that I might be forever alone in this experience, and that I also could never allow it to remain unseen. So, I became the girl who went too far inside the mind and came back with a map, an altar, and a thousand ways to make imagination real.

Carl Jung’s daughter;

Curious about darkness, her darkness,
spends long, long hours in solitude,
learning to speak the language of the mind:
metaphor, symbol and dreams.

Deeply imaginative.
Wakes up every morning, asking;
what piece of me is begging to exist?

She longs for only one thing:
a dangerous beauty,
the kind people build churches for.

_

Do you hear the bells?

The Church of the Madlands is calling

You have already been here, somewhere, in your own inner landscape, wandering; imagining a place where you start noticing recurring symbols in your life, where your imagination finally stops feeling childish, where your inner characters become creative sidekicks, where your inner world becomes material for art, thought, language.

The Madlands is my version of that place. My version of Neverland, from Peter Pan, but instead of a mermaid creek and a lost boys tree, there’s a church, an infrastructure that translate the symbolic world of my mind, into culture. A deeply imaginative and shared religion where artists of the unconscious gather around stories, rituals, and language to explore their inner life and create from it.

Notice how your mind immediately starts building that place?
Your place.

I hear you think;

Something important is supposed to happen,
through me.

Become a member of the Church

Modern artists still need religion

Imagine it; a Church, surrounded by a forest filled with legends, creatures and meaning. The door is always open, day, and night. And you enter for the first time, thinking you are so strange for carrying entire landscapes, stories and people, inside you. And within seconds, you realize you are surrounded by others who see just as vividly.

Ideas spark, hearts shine.

And you hear someone speak about their dream, you hear another whisper something about building a sanctuary, and within you a new world begins to appear. And after a day of ritual, celebrations and creative communion, you return to your life as if you had spent a thousand years inside a dream, outside time and space, carrying a map.

We still experience numinous psychological forces, but without shared symbolic structures those experiences become confusing or isolating. We may have stopped caring for religion, but we never stopped needing something sacred.

And as Carl Jung said:
Humans cannot stand a meaningless life.

And of course, as a rebellious daughter, I would add:
Imagination refuses a meaningless world.

Every father leaves unfinished rooms in the house he builds, and someone eventually has to open the doors, right?

Jung mapped the psyche like an astronomer charting distant stars, and where he drew constellations and dream about giants, I make it real.

Discover more about the Church

Be curious about the unconscious,
stay grounded in ordinary life.

_

The Naissance of the Madlands
A 1-hour livestream video about the origin of my inner island

The Lantern Hour — Feeling-based weekly ritual
A short article about our weekly feeling-based ritual

The First Sermon — A weekly article series on Substack
where imagination passes into reality,
and reality dissolves back into imagination.
A series of Sermon script featuring my inner parts.

Become a member of the Church

V.