Ik werd door ClassicNL uitgenodigd om een ​​kort verhaal op LinkedIn te schrijven voor hun maandelijkse rubriek over muziek, vanuit het perspectief van iemand uit de muziekwereld. Ik accepteerde hun aanbod. En ik mocht ook nog het onderwerp zelf kiezen. Ik ben al heel lang gefascineerd door stilte in muziek, en dan vooral door de ogen van één persoon in het bijzonder… Natuurlijk heb ik er een uitgebreider artikel van gemaakt voor hier op mijn Substack (in het Nederlands en Engels), want er valt zoveel over te zeggen! En dit is pas het topje van de ijsberg.

Stilte is urgent.

De wereld lijkt soms wel een grote muur van klank. Dat maakt onze verbinding met stilte niet gemakkelijk. Voor veel mensen is stilte wellicht zelfs eng. Want wat ‘horen’ we in de stilte? Wat komen we daar tegen?

En dan is er stilte en muziek. Ik ben daar al heel lang in geïnteresseerd. Zeker vanaf het moment dat ik muziekwetenschap ging studeren, eind jaren ’80, begin jaren ’90, raakte dat een snaar.

Als ik zelf aan stilte in muziek denk, is de eerste componist die bij me opkomt Arvo Pärt. Zijn werk is doorspekt van stilte. Die speelt een grote, of wellicht zelfs een hoofdrol in zijn composities. De stilte lijkt elke toon als het ware te dragen of te omhullen. Daarom wordt, wanneer je naar veel van zijn werken luistert, stilte een daadwerkelijke ervaring. De bedding van de stilte geeft elke afzonderlijke klank alle ruimte. En het is alsof de stilte, de ruimte en de klank de luisteraar ook ruimte geven om de stilte in zichzelf te kunnen ervaren. Het is dus eigenlijk muziek die je heel makkelijk naar binnen doet keren.

Arvo Pärt vertelde in een interview:

“Stilte is voor een componist als een blanco canvas voor een schilder of een schoon wit vel papier voor een dichter. Tabula rasa. Enerzijds is stilte als vruchtbare grond, die als het ware wacht op onze creatieve daad, ons zaad. Aan de andere kant moet stilte met ontzag benaderd worden.” (NPR, 2014)

Wij kennen Pärt nu vooral als een componist voor wie stilte zo’n belangrijk ingrediënt is, misschien zelfs het fundament van zijn muziek. Maar in de jaren zestig was Pärt nog een avant-gardistisch componist die onder andere werken componeerde met twaalftoonstechnieken. Hij kwam echter in een crisis terecht, hij liep vast. Hij vond moderne werken spiritueel leeg.

Daarop trok hij zich jarenlang vrijwel volledig terug uit het componeren. Het werd een creatieve stilte, een periode van zoeken die ongeveer acht jaar duurde en hem uiteindelijk maakte tot de componist die wij nu kennen. In die meditatieve periode bestudeerde hij middeleeuwse gregoriaanse gezangen en polyfonie en verdiepte hij zich in de Russisch-orthodoxe religie.

Na deze louterende jaren wist hij hoe hij verder wilde. Dit was de geboorte van zijn beroemde tintinnabuli-stijl. Het is een compositietechniek die is geïnspireerd op de mystieke, heldere klank van klokken. Het gaat om de wisselwerking tussen twee stemmen: een melodische stem die zich voornamelijk stapsgewijs beweegt en een begeleidende tintinnabuli-stem die uitsluitend tonen van een drieklank gebruikt. Eenvoud alom - en juist die eenvoud ‘creëert’ stilte.

Een van de eerste stukken in deze stijl was het pianostuk Für Alina. Een adembenemend mooi stuk, en zo gedurfd eigenlijk. Zo weinig noten, zo ontroerend, zo verstild! En inderdaad, je hoort als het ware de klokken. Die klokken wijzen de weg naar binnen, als muzikale wegwijzers in een zee van stilte. Een bekende uitspraak van Pärt heeft hierop zeker betrekking: “Here I am alone with silence. I have discovered that it is enough when a single note is beautifully played.”

Na zovele jaren van stilte, en deze vervolgens een plek gevend in zijn werk en bestaan, was ook hij als mens getransformeerd. Als je hem ziet, zie je een ingetogen man; hij oogt bijna als een asceet.

En ik heb het enorme geluk gehad dat ik hem heb ontmoet. Dat was toen ik in 2012 in München was, samen met Volkskrant-journalist Robert van Gijssel, voor een van de eerste uitvoeringen van zijn destijds nieuwe werk Adam’s Lament. Ook bracht ECM Records op dat moment het album uit met een opname daarvan.

Destijds was ik productmanager van ECM Records in de Benelux, aangezien het bedrijf waar ik voor werk, New Arts International/Challenge Records, voor ECM de distributie en promotie binnen de Benelux verzorgde. Dat hebben we veertien jaar met veel passie gedaan. Regelmatig waren er fantastische concerten en festivals waar ik heen mocht.

Zo was het heel bijzonder om met een paar andere journalisten aan te mogen schuiven voor een afternoon tea samen met Pärt en zijn vrouw Nora en uiteraard ook ECM-labelbaas Manfred Eicher. Wat mij zo opviel, was dat Arvo Pärt in het begin bijna niets zei. Ik vreesde dat de journalisten geen woord op papier zouden krijgen. Nora had het hoogste woord. Zij maakte de weg vrij voor haar man, die duidelijk meer tijd nodig had.

Totdat Manfred Eicher anekdotes ging vertellen over opnamesessies van muziek van Pärt, waarbij de componist meestal zelf aanwezig was, en daarmee Arvo Pärt uit de tent lokte. Dat waren dierbare herinneringen voor hen allemaal en Robert van Gijssel heeft er een paar van opgeschreven in zijn artikel.

Pärt belichaamde precies dat wat zijn stukken in zich dragen: hij is naar binnen gekeerd en verstild en straalt een grote rust uit. Maar hij is ook innemend, bijna ontroerend als persoon. Hij is zo oprecht en ontdaan van alle opsmuk. Hij is misschien wel een van de meest authentieke mensen die ik ooit heb ontmoet, echt totaal zichzelf. Hij weet wie hij is!

Een van mijn lievelingswerken van hem is Stabat Mater (1985).

In dit werk zitten veel generale pauzes en letterlijke stiltes tussen de muzikale frasen. De tekst gaat natuurlijk over het intense verdriet van Maria, de moeder van Jezus, die huilend onder het kruis staat terwijl haar zoon sterft. Pärt deelt het stuk op in meditatieve momenten. Opvallend is de stilte na een heftige dissonante kreet. Een zeer beladen moment, met de stilte die erop volgt en die als het ware ruimte biedt voor verwerking. *

Maar Pärt heeft zoveel meer werken geschreven waarin stilte van groot belang is: Tabula rasa, Fratres, Spiegel im Spiegel, Silouan’s Song, Da pacem Domine - en zo kan ik nog wel even doorgaan. Daarnaast ontwikkelde hij zijn tintinnabuli-stijl verder naar een vrijere, bredere benadering, zoals bijvoorbeeld te horen is in werken als Miserere, Lamentate en Adam’s Lament. **

In 2007 ontving Pärt een eredoctoraat in de theologie in Freiburg. De speech die hij daar gaf is tekenend voor deze man: een nederig mens, dankbaar voor dit eredoctoraat, maar zich afvragend waar hij het aan verdiend heeft. Hij zegt er ook een paar dingen die mij zeer raken, zeker in het licht van de stilte in zijn muziek. Om te beginnen zegt hij over muziek dat het “a living being and a language which can become a ‘living word’” is.

En hij vertelt ook een prachtige anekdote:

“Some thirty years ago, I was in my great desperation ready to ask anyone how a composer ought to write music, and once met a street-sweeper who gave me a remarkable reply. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘the composer would probably need to love each and every sound.’

This was a turning point. This self-evident truth completely surprised my soul, which was thirsting for God. From then on, my musical thoughts began to move in an entirely new direction. Nothing was the same anymore.”

Hij kon dus bijna niet anders dan zijn nieuwe stijl ontwikkelen en heeft dat ook gedaan. Hij deed daarmee naar mijn idee iets radicaals, want elke toon geeft hij bestaansrecht en betekenis. Hij stelt zich telkens de vraag: “How can one fill the time with notes worthy of the preceding silence?”

Dat is misschien wel Pärts belangrijkste zorg geweest in zijn werk.

“Before one says something, perhaps it is better to say nothing. My music has emerged only after I have been silent for quite some time, literally silent. For me, ‘silent’ means ‘nothing’ from which God created the world. Ideally, a silent pause is something sacred… If someone approaches silence with love, then this might give birth to music. A composer must often wait a long time for his music. This kind of sublime anticipation is exactly the kind of pause that I value so much.”

(Jeffers Engelhardt, “Perspectives on Arvo Pärt after 1980”, in The Cambridge Companion to Arvo Pärt, Cambridge University Press, 2012)

Stilte is dus het begin van alles, het beginpunt. Zonder dat is er niets. En daarin vindt Pärt natuurlijk de verbinding met God, als gelovig mens. Hij weet dat als hij daar begint, bij de liefde, de muziek komt… of niet. Maar het is dus een overgave, een loslaten van verwachtingen: stilte die op je wacht en van waaruit alles zich ontvouwt. Het is ook een niet-weten en daarmee geheel oké zijn.

“Before one says something, perhaps it is better to say nothing…”

Ik vind dat een geweldige uitspraak. Het zegt niet alleen alles over de stilte opzoeken, de innerlijke stilte, het zegt ook iets over echt stil worden en daarmee weten wanneer er werkelijk iets te zeggen valt.

Het is een filosofie waarvan we in deze oorverdovende wereld veel kunnen leren. En daar hoef je niet per se een gelovig mens voor te zijn. Want laten we wel zijn: wat weten we nou eigenlijk? Van de wereld, van het bestaan en van anderen? Een klein beetje nederigheid zou de wereld goed doen. Ik neem Arvo Pärt daarin graag als rolmodel. Want wat weet ik nu eigenlijk? NIETS!

Soms voel ik een enorme urgentie om te reageren op de wereld, of in de situaties van het leven: een gevoel te moeten meedoen in de constante stroom van reageren. Maar wat als het, zoals Pärt zegt, veel beter is om eerst eens stil te worden? Pas daarna weet je of er een woord volgt, of in het geval van een componist: een toon.

Maar zelfs dan voert alles volgens Pärt uiteindelijk weer terug naar het niets, zoals hij daar in München tijdens onze afternoon tea zei:

“Je kunt visualiseren hoe een lege ruimte langzaam wordt gevuld en hoe de muziek uiteindelijk voert naar het niets, naar het zwijgen. Het lot dat ook de mens wacht.”

We zullen de lege ruimte hier in de wereld blijven vullen, met onszelf, met woorden, met muziek, en dat moet ook. Maar uiteindelijk is daar weer de grote stilte en gaan we terug naar het grote zwijgen.

Misschien is dat juist waarom stilte zo urgent is in een wereld die soms aanvoelt als een grote muur van klank. Niet om aan die wereld te ontsnappen, maar om weer te kunnen horen wat werkelijk gezegd, gespeeld of geleefd wil worden.

Love, Valentine Laout 💖

Subscribe now

Hieronder nog enkele noten ter verdieping

* Ik ben verknocht aan de uitvoering van dit werk door het Goeyvaerts Trio en Vox Luminis. Ik heb het geluk gehad dat wij juist dit album op ons label Challenge Classics konden uitbrengen.

Het bijzondere van dit album is dat het is uitgevoerd in reine stemming (just intonation). Dit stuk met een koptelefoon over je heen laten stromen is heel even bevreemdend, juist door die reine stemming, maar al gauw wordt het een emotionele, louterende en inderdaad verstillende ervaring. Niet voor niets kreeg deze uitvoering wereldwijd lovende kritieken, onder meer een Gramophone Editor’s Choice.

Reine stemming betekent dat intervallen worden afgestemd op eenvoudige, natuurlijke verhoudingen tussen frequenties, in plaats van op de gelijkzwevende stemming zoals die bijvoorbeeld op een moderne piano wordt gebruikt. Bij die gelijkzwevende stemming worden intervallen heel licht aangepast, zodat in alle toonsoorten gespeeld kan worden. Wij zijn aan die minieme afwijkingen zo gewend dat we ze doorgaans niet als ‘vals’ ervaren.

Op deze opname van Pärts Stabat Mater heeft het Goeyvaerts Trio echter de stoutmoedige keuze gemaakt om rein te stemmen. Daardoor kunnen stemmen en strijkers op bepaalde intervallen zeer nauw samenvallen en kunnen boventonen elkaar bijzonder sterk versterken. Met deze zuivere akkoorden ontstaat er een diepe, serene rust in de muziek. De stilte wordt tastbaar.

** Dit jaar zei Kristina Kõrver van het Arvo Pärt Centre dat Pärts tintinnabuli-stijl zowel een compositietechniek als een auteursstijl is, gekenmerkt door een esthetiek van stilte en reductie. Voor Pärt zelf is volgens haar echter vooral belangrijk dat tintinnabuli een taal is geworden: een communicatiemiddel waarmee hij zijn overtuigingen, zijn verhouding tot God en zijn zoektocht naar schoonheid en waarheid kan uitdrukken.

Het Arvo Pärt Centre brengt in 2026 een nieuwe bundel essays over vijftig jaar tintinnabuli uit. Daarin schrijven onder anderen Kevin C. Karnes, Peter Bouteneff, Leopold Brauneiss, Kristina Kõrver en Toomas Siitan. Er komen bovendien essays van uitvoerende musici over de uitvoeringspraktijk van Pärts muziek in.

En tot slot:
Een vrij recente documentaire over Arvo Pärt werd in 2019 gemaakt door de Nederlandse filmmaker Paul Hegeman, getiteld “That Pärt Feeling The Universe of Arvo Pärt”. De componist zelf werkte ook mee aan deze film. Bekijk hier de trailer. De volledige film is te zien op Prime Video

Leave a comment

I was invited by Dutch Radio ClassicNL to write a short post on LinkedIn for their monthly item about music, from somebody in the field of music. I gladly accepted the offer because I was free to choose the topic. I have been fascinated by silence in music for so long, and particularly through the eye of one person in particular….. I of course made it into a broader Substack article because there is so much to say about this! And I still only scratch the surface!

Silence is urgent.

The world can sometimes feel like one enormous wall of sound. And that does not make it easy for us to connect with silence. For many people, silence may even be frightening. Because what do we ‘hear’ in silence? What might we encounter there?

And then there is silence and music. I have been fascinated by the relationship between the two for a very long time. Certainly from the moment I began studying musicology, in the late 1980s and early ’90s, it struck a chord with me.

When I think of silence in music, the first composer who comes to mind is Arvo Pärt. His work is permeated with silence. It plays a major, perhaps even a leading role in his compositions. Silence seems to carry or envelop every single note. That is why, when listening to so many of his works, silence becomes an actual experience. The bed of silence gives every individual sound all the space it needs. And it is as though the silence, the space and the sound also give the listener room to experience the silence within. It is music, in other words, that very naturally turns you inward.

Arvo Pärt once said in an interview:

“Silence is for a composer like a blank canvas for a painter or a clean white sheet of paper for a poet. Tabula rasa. On the one hand, silence is like fertile soil, which, as it were, awaits our creative act, our seed. On the other hand, silence must be approached with awe.” (NPR, 2014)

Today, we know Pärt primarily as a composer for whom silence is such an important ingredient, perhaps even the very foundation of his music. But in the 1960s, Pärt was still an avant-garde composer who, among other things, wrote works using twelve-tone techniques. Then he entered a crisis. He reached an impasse. He found modern music spiritually empty.

For years, he withdrew almost completely from composing. It became a creative silence, a period of searching that lasted around eight years and ultimately made him the composer we know today. During those meditative years, he studied medieval Gregorian chant and polyphony and immersed himself in the Russian Orthodox faith.

After these purifying years, he knew how he wanted to continue. This marked the birth of his famous tintinnabuli style. It is a compositional technique inspired by the mystical, crystalline sound of bells. It revolves around the interplay between two voices: a melodic voice that moves primarily stepwise, and an accompanying tintinnabuli voice that uses only the notes of a triad. Simplicity everywhere - and it is precisely this simplicity that ‘creates’ silence.

One of the first pieces in this style was the piano work Für Alina. A breathtakingly beautiful piece, and so daring, really. So few notes, so moving, so still! And indeed, you can almost hear the bells. Those bells point the way inward, like musical signposts in a sea of silence. A well-known statement by Pärt certainly seems relevant here: “Here I am alone with silence. I have discovered that it is enough when a single note is beautifully played.”

After so many years of silence, and then giving that silence a place in his work and his very existence, he too seemed transformed as a human being. When you see him, you see an inward, restrained man; he almost looks like an ascetic.

And I have had the enormous good fortune of meeting him. It was in Munich in 2012, where I was with Dutch newspaper de Volkskrant journalist Robert van Gijssel for one of the first performances of Pärt’s then new work Adam’s Lament. ECM Records was also releasing the album containing a recording of the work at that time.

Back then, I was product manager for ECM Records in the Benelux, as the company I work for, New Arts International/Challenge Records, handled ECM’s distribution and promotion throughout the Benelux. We did so with great passion for fourteen years. It meant that I regularly had the opportunity to attend wonderful concerts and festivals.

One particularly special occasion was an afternoon tea with a small group of journalists, together with Pärt and his wife Nora and, of course, ECM label founder Manfred Eicher. What struck me was that Arvo Pärt hardly said anything at first. I began to fear that the journalists would not get a single word down on paper. Nora did most of the talking. She cleared the way for her husband, who obviously needed more time.

Until Manfred Eicher began telling anecdotes about recording sessions of Pärt’s music, sessions at which the composer himself was usually present, and gradually drew Arvo Pärt out of his shell. These were precious memories for all of them, and Robert van Gijssel captured several of them in his article.

Pärt embodied precisely what his music contains: he is inward-looking and still, and radiates a profound sense of calm. But he is also endearing, almost moving as a person. He is so sincere and stripped of all pretense. He may well be one of the most authentic people I have ever met, completely and utterly himself. He knows who he is!

One of my favorite works by him is Stabat Mater (1985).

This work contains many general pauses and moments of literal silence between the musical phrases. The text, of course, is about the intense grief of Mary, the mother of Jesus, weeping beneath the cross as her son dies. Pärt divides the work into meditative moments. Particularly striking is the silence after an intense, dissonant cry. It is an emotionally charged moment, followed by a silence that seems to create space for what has just happened to be absorbed. *

But Pärt has written so many more works in which silence is of great importance: Tabula rasa, Fratres, Spiegel im Spiegel, Silouan’s Song, Da pacem Domine — and I could go on. He also continued to develop his tintinnabuli style into a freer, broader approach, as can be heard, for example, in works such as Miserere, Lamentate and Adam’s Lament. **

In 2007, Pärt received an honorary doctorate in theology in Freiburg. The speech he gave there is so characteristic of the man: humble, grateful for the honor, yet wondering what he had done to deserve it. He also says several things that touch me deeply, particularly in the context of silence in his music. To begin with, he describes music as “a living being and a language which can become a ‘living word’.”

And he tells a wonderful anecdote:

“Some thirty years ago, I was in my great desperation ready to ask anyone how a composer ought to write music, and once met a street-sweeper who gave me a remarkable reply. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘the composer would probably need to love each and every sound.’

This was a turning point. This self-evident truth completely surprised my soul, which was thirsting for God. From then on, my musical thoughts began to move in an entirely new direction. Nothing was the same anymore.”

He could almost do nothing else but develop his new style - and that is what he did. To my mind, there was something truly radical about it, because he gives every single note the right to exist and its own meaning. He continually asks himself: “How can one fill the time with notes worthy of the preceding silence?”

That may well have been Pärt’s greatest concern throughout his work.

“Before one says something, perhaps it is better to say nothing. My music has emerged only after I have been silent for quite some time, literally silent. For me, ‘silent’ means ‘nothing’ from which God created the world. Ideally, a silent pause is something sacred… If someone approaches silence with love, then this might give birth to music. A composer must often wait a long time for his music. This kind of sublime anticipation is exactly the kind of pause that I value so much.”

(Jeffers Engelhardt, “Perspectives on Arvo Pärt after 1980”, in The Cambridge Companion to Arvo Pärt, Cambridge University Press, 2012)

Subscribe now

Silence, then, is the beginning of everything, the starting point. Without it, there is nothing. And this is where Pärt, as a man of faith, naturally finds his connection with God. He knows that if he begins there, with love, the music will come… or it will not. It is therefore an act of surrender, a letting go of expectations: silence waiting for you, and from that silence everything unfolds. It is also about not knowing - and being completely okay with that.

“Before one says something, perhaps it is better to say nothing…”

I think that is a wonderful statement. It says so much about seeking silence, inner silence, but also about actually becoming still - and through that stillness knowing when there is truly something that needs to be said.

It is a philosophy from which we could learn a great deal in this deafening world. And you do not necessarily have to be religious to see that. Because really, what do we actually know? About the world, about existence, about other people? A little humility would do the world some good. In that respect, I am happy to take Arvo Pärt as a role model. Because what do I really know? NOTHING!

Sometimes I feel an enormous urgency to respond to the world, or to situations in life: a feeling that I have to participate in the constant stream of reaction and response. But what if, as Pärt says, it is much better to become still first? Only then do you know whether a word will follow - or, in the case of a composer, a note.

But even then, according to Pärt, everything ultimately leads back to nothingness, as he said there in Munich during our afternoon tea:

“You can visualize how an empty space is slowly filled and how the music ultimately leads towards nothingness, towards staying silent. The fate that awaits humankind as well.”

We will continue to fill the empty space here in this world - with ourselves, with words, with music - and that is as it should be. But ultimately there is the great silence once again, and we return to the great stillness.

Perhaps that is precisely why silence is so urgent in a world that can sometimes feel like one enormous wall of sound. Not as a way of escaping from that world, but so that we can once again hear what truly wants to be said, played, or lived.

Love,
Valentine Laout 💖

A few notes for those who would like to delve a little deeper

* I am deeply attached to the performance of this work by the Goeyvaerts Trio and Vox Luminis. I was fortunate that we were able to release this very album on our Challenge Classics label.

What makes the album particularly special is that the work is performed in just intonation. Letting this piece wash over you through headphones can feel slightly disorienting at first, precisely because of that tuning, but very soon it becomes an emotional, purifying and, indeed, deeply stilling experience. It is no coincidence that the recording received glowing reviews around the world, including a Gramophone Editor’s Choice.

Just intonation means that intervals are tuned according to simple, natural ratios between frequencies, rather than according to equal temperament, as used, for example, on a modern piano. In equal temperament, intervals are adjusted very slightly so that music can be played in every key. We have become so accustomed to these tiny deviations that we generally do not perceive them as being ‘out of tune’.

On this recording of Pärt’s Stabat Mater, however, the Goeyvaerts Trio made the daring choice to use just intonation. As a result, voices and strings can align extremely closely on certain intervals, allowing their overtones to reinforce one another with remarkable intensity. These pure harmonies create a deep, serene calm in the music. Silence becomes tangible.

** This year, Kristina Kõrver of the Arvo Pärt Centre described Pärt’s tintinnabuli style as both a compositional technique and an individual artistic style, characterised by an aesthetic of silence and reduction. For Pärt himself, however, what matters most, according to Kõrver, is that tintinnabuli has become a language: a means of communication through which he can express his beliefs, his relationship with God and his search for beauty and truth.

In 2026, the Arvo Pärt Centre will publish a new collection of essays marking fifty years of tintinnabuli. Contributors include Kevin C. Karnes, Peter Bouteneff, Leopold Brauneiss, Kristina Kõrver and Toomas Siitan. The volume will also include essays by performers on the performance practice of Pärt’s music.

A quite recent documentary about Arvo Pärt was made by Dutch filmmaker Paul Hegeman in 2019, called “That Pärt Feeling The Universe of Arvo Pärt”. The composer also contributed to this film himself. Watch the trailer here. The total movie can be seen on Prime Video

Leave a comment

It has been a while.

I have not been able to write here on Substack. I will not beat around the bush:

I can no longer practice A Course in Miracles the way I have over the past nine years.

What happened is that I pushed myself too hard. My perfectionist nature took over and, in a sense, used the book against me. Since the beginning of this year, I have been dealing with burnout, and I realized I simply could not keep going the way I had. I had been looking forward so much to the so-called post-workbook practice with the Course in 2026. I had hoped my practice would feel freer, that it would really take off.

It didn’t.

Little by little, I discovered that I simply could not do it anymore. I was exhausted. I could not do any practice at all.

Since childhood, I had believed it was necessary to keep my surroundings in harmony. If I was in control, I was okay. Then everything felt safe enough, and all was well. But that came at a price. Over many years, I shaped a perfectionist personality. Not that I was ever perfect - far from it. But perfection was what I was striving for.

Until now.

That is why, even on my spiritual path, I went all the way. After so many years of spiritual seeking, the Course had finally felt like home.

But I took it too far. I tried to be perfect in my spiritual practice.

No one can live that way forever - trying to control everything. And it turned out that I couldn’t either. It was as if I had been nailed to the ground.

That also meant finding myself in a spiritual desert. Nothing seemed to have any meaning anymore. Or rather, I no longer knew what anything was for.

Sound familiar?

That had to be something good then, right? What if you truly find yourself in that state of not knowing?

And indeed, it is. But I was paralyzed. I could not practice at all anymore.

And that… was new.

I felt deeply sad because I thought I had finally found my spiritual home in the Course. Now it turned out that it had been a bridge, not a home. That also meant I had reached the other side of that bridge, but I could not yet see what was waiting for me there.

There was only one thing to do now: wait and trust.

If I truly wanted to let go of the old patterns and behaviors that no longer suited me and become more of mySelf, I had to be patient and remain open.

And so I did……

Nothing came.

I could not write anymore either. The inspiration simply wasn’t there.

What was there to write about?

There was nothing to write about.

I waited longer.

The days went by. Every morning I got up because I had for instance to go to work. Even though I was dealing with burnout, I was grateful for the structure my work still gave me, especially with the adjustments I had made to build more moments of rest into my days.

One day I could feel reasonably well; the next I could feel absolutely terrible. Recovering my energy was a slow process.

Yet this slower pace - and the waiting - gave me something unexpected. It invited me to become more present in the moment. An experiential awareness began to emerge, giving me a sense of something very deep.

Years of studying and practicing the Course’s teachings and lessons so rigorously had given me a great deal of intellectual understanding. And that understanding was necessary.

But completely letting go of the practice did not mean that everything the Course had taught me was gone.

On the contrary.

It was only then that I began to realize I was entering a completely different level of understanding. Perhaps I was integrating these teachings into my life more deeply than ever before.

So, no more rigorous study or faithfully doing a workbook lesson every day. No more making this all into a ritual. But that does not mean I no longer have a spiritual practice.

I begin each day by sitting in silence and journaling. Then I go into my day. Of course, I often have a mental picture of what I think needs to happen. But over the past few weeks I have noticed that I am becoming more willing to let those ideas go and remain open to whatever comes my way - even at work.

And then something unexpected can happen.

Things come to me that I could never have planned. Sometimes I am a little startled, but I also feel an openness and a quiet confidence to simply go with the flow and let go of my own plans.

When I do, I suddenly find myself in a kind of space where nothing needs to be done. There are no worries. I even catch myself thinking, Who cares if anything needs to be done?

Sometimes I feel almost ‘blank,’ as though I can no longer remember what I thought was so important only moments before. It feels calm, peaceful and joyful, and for a little while I can simply remain there.

I cannot stay in that place for extended periods yet. I still have plenty of moments when I feel stressed or worried. But it seems that, more and more often, I am able to take my hands off the wheel and arrive at a place where I can truly be guided.

And then there is something else that has rekindled my inspiration, along with my love of writing and other creative things.

I had been listening to a series of lectures on Lectio Divina by Mark Gladman*. He explains the practice beautifully. What especially struck me was his point that Lectio Divina is not limited to Scripture, such as the Bible. It can also be practiced with other texts - even literature and poetry.

Now my ears really pricked up.

It touched on something I had been thinking about for quite some time.

In Lectio Divina, you slowly read a passage - for example, from the Bible or A Course in Miracles. Then you stay with whatever particularly stands out to you. It might be a single word or a sentence. You meditate on it.

“Why is this word or sentence standing out to me right now?” you ask yourself. (Or rather, you ask God.)

Gradually, more begins to unfold. The text starts to speak back to you - or rather, God does. As Gladman beautifully puts it, you come to the Word within the words.

In the final stage of the process, you let everything go and simply sit in silence.

You just are.

Nothing more is needed.

I have already been doing this with several of the stories Mark Gladman shared, and I intend to continue to do this. But not necessarily only with the Bible or A Course in Miracles. Because here’s the beautiful thing: you can also practice Lectio Divina with a painting in a museum, with something that arises while listening to music, while reading a novel, or even while (or after) watching a film.

It is important for me to do the things that come naturally to me, the things my energy naturally flows toward. I need that because of the burnout, but I also need it simply because of the stage of life I find myself in.

I want to sit in my garden and enjoy the flowers, the birds and the bees. I want to read a good book, visit beautiful art exhibitions, or enjoy a cup of coffee on a terrace. I love slow cooking or baking bread, without any sense of hurry.

I enjoy spending time with the people I love. If I have enough energy after a day’s work, I would rather spend it with family or friends than with spiritual books.

That means giving more attention to myself and to the people I love - not out of a need for control, but simply to enjoy life.

One story in particular stood out to me from Mark Gladman’s Lectio Divina series, and I have since prayed with it myself. It is the story of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38–42). It is a short passage, but it has become deeply meaningful to me.

Here it is:

Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

During my Lectio Divina with this passage, one sentence immediately stood out to me:

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing.”

It was as if Jesus were speaking directly to me.

I could almost hear Him say:

“Valentine, Valentine, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing.”

I am Martha.

This is me. Or rather, this was me for so many years.

And Jesus is lovingly telling me that I do not have to be so worried and distracted anymore. That I can allow a little more of Mary to emerge in me.

I have lived at one end of the spectrum. I will never become entirely Mary - and that is not the point. But I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to let go. To give myself permission simply to be.

A lot of things can wait.

In my often-hectic job in the record business, that is still quite a challenge. But even there I can stop and ask myself:

How much of this really needs to be done?

A great deal came to me while praying with this story through Lectio Divina - much more than I can share here. It was deeply relevant to my own life, often surprising, and, perhaps most importantly, profoundly inspiring.

It gave me energy. In fact, it even inspired me to write this post.

What excites me most is the idea of taking this much further and remaining open to wherever I feel invited to practice it - not only with spiritual texts. God is everywhere. I can enter into a dialogue with Him at any moment.

So this is not another spiritual practice I have to do. It is a way of opening myself to a dialogue with God. A way that feels natural to me, because it grows out of the things I already love. Rather than draining my energy, it gives me energy.

It reminds me of the way birds of prey use thermals to gain altitude. By circling on rising currents of warm air, they can travel great distances without wasting energy on constant wingbeats.

That is how I hope to live. I simply pay attention to what comes my way, and whenever I feel prompted, I can continue my own Lectio Divina in the midst of ordinary life. Because it is so deeply woven into life itself, it never has to become another dogmatic practice that I think I should be doing.

I would love to put that sentence from the story of Martha and Mary on a tile and hang it on my wall. But then I thought: perhaps I don’t need just one tile. Maybe I need four.

The first tile would be for those moments when I feel very worried and distracted again -which will probably happen many times. I could read the words and ‘hear’ Jesus lovingly say to me:

“Valentine, Valentine, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing.”

At other times, when I am only a little distracted, I could turn to a second tile:

“There is need of only one thing.”

And when I am already at peace - perhaps after sitting in silence, or simply as a gentle reminder during the day - I could look at a third tile:

“One.”

Then there would be a fourth tile.

It would have nothing written on it at all.

Completely blank.

Like a clean slate.

Even that blank tile would remind me. Or perhaps, by then, I wouldn’t even need the reminder anymore.

You know what?

I think I really am going to make those tiles and hang them on my wall.

That old story has given me more than I could ever have imagined.

Love, Valentine💗

[* ’s lectures and meditations I found in an app called Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/meditation-courses/the-sacred-art-of-lectio-divina ]

Leave a comment

Have you ever seen a lion crying?

I have.

It was one of the first days of January 2026. I was meditating, wrestling with some questions. I offered them up in my quiet time - and suddenly an image appeared: a deeply devastated lion.

When I looked closer, I saw it was crying.

I felt so sad.

And I knew this image had something to do with me.

My maiden name is Van Leeuwenstein. It comes from the German Von Löwenstein. And “leeuw” in Dutch - you guessed it - means “lion.”

The image also brought back a childhood memory.

In the seventies, my parents, my brother, and I were on holiday, driving to Austria. On our route we passed through Bavaria, in the south of Germany. My mother was reading the map- yes, long before navigation systems- and noticed a town called Löwenstein. There was also a castle with the same name.

Because our family name is Van Leeuwenstein, we were thrilled. Maybe we were related to nobility! We went searching for it. At first, we couldn’t even find the place- we probably took a wrong turn. But when we finally arrived, we discovered the castle was in ruins.

I think there is a photograph somewhere - stored in an old box- of the four of us standing beside one of the lion statues there, weathered by time. Forgotten glory. A lion - the ruler of the animal world- slowly eroding.

It was exciting to be there, but also disappointing. We couldn’t invite ourselves in for afternoon tea and be introduced to our long-lost relative, ‘Count von Löwenstein’!

Maybe one day I will return and see it with different eyes.

And that… is exactly it: seeing beyond the ruins.

Perhaps this memory foreshadowed what would later happen in our family. Some years later, we too would be in ruins. My parents divorced.

So why did this memory arise now? And why the crying lion?

The lion- the ruler of the animal world, or of the kingdom that was me- looked sad and deeply tired. And I recognized myself. I was done. Done ruling my kingdom the way I had for 57 years.

What was in that image?

There was loss. There was sadness. But there was also relief.

A letting go. Tears finally released. A burden carried for far too long.

When we come into this world, we begin building our own little kingdoms. We are kings and queens of our bodies and our personal worlds. We relate to the collective world through our own perception. In that sense, we are rulers of our world.

We believed we could build these kingdoms and rival God in our ‘creations’ here. But we forgot that we started building from a sense of lack - an illusion of separation from God and from one another.

If you see yourself and the world as lacking, you can build endlessly. Yet sooner or later, you discover that your castle cannot hold. It turns out to be a castle in the sky. Everything decays.

Because nothing here truly stays.

So why build and build?

Why work and work?

Why try so hard?

Good question.

A Course in Miracles teaches me that I have a Guide who helps me remember that I never left the true Kingdom - the Kingdom of God. And that I, the lion, do not have to keep building and rebuilding my own kingdom.

I only need to remember.

We all have inner guidance. A Course in Miracles (ACIM) calls it the Holy Spirit, but you may give it any name you wish. What matters is turning inward- away from the noise - and allowing that quiet voice to be heard.

No one is without it.

Even after years of spiritual study, I realized I was still focused too much on the outer world. It is not that I must withdraw from life, but that I must first be connected inwardly before going outward.

It really is simple. And yet, it can feel frightening.

That is why the lion was crying.

I had devoted my life to being the best ruler of my world: loving, caring, harmonizing, people-pleasing, helping where I could. It all came from love - but it was built on illusion, because it depended on the belief in the world as I thought it was.

Even though I had tasted truth, grace, and oneness, I couldn’t stay there long enough. I still believed I had to do so much. I worked hard at spirituality. I kept building. The old habit remained.

Letting go of the ego felt unsafe. Fear had become familiar - and familiarity feels like safety. The ego always builds from fear and separation. We all do this in our own way.

But when we remember the ONE Kingdom we all share, our separate little “I’s” - our bodies, egos, personalities - and even the world as we perceive it, gently dissolve.

The ruins transform.

I no longer need to be the kind of ruler I thought I was.

I can rule from the heart - the Heart of Christ.

Do not accept this little, fenced-off aspect as your self. ²The sun and ocean are as nothing beside what you are. ³The sunbeam sparkles only in the sunlight, and the ripple dances as it rests upon the ocean. ⁴Yet in neither sun nor ocean is the power that rests in you. ⁵Would you remain within your tiny kingdom - a sorry king, a bitter ruler of all he surveys, who looks on nothing but who would still die to defend it? ⁶This little self is not your kingdom. ⁷Arched high above it and surrounding it with love is the glorious whole, which offers all its happiness and deep content to every part. [T-18.VII.7]

The little aspect that you think you set apart is no exception. ²Love knows no bodies, and reaches to everything created like itself. ³Its total lack of limit is its meaning. ⁴It is completely impartial in its giving, encompassing only to preserve and keep complete what it would give. ⁵In your tiny kingdom you have so little! ⁶Should it not, then, be there that you would call on love to enter? ⁷Look at the desert, dry and unproductive, scorched and joyless, that makes up your little kingdom. ⁸And realize the life and joy that love would bring to it from where it comes, and where it would return with you.

The thought of God surrounds your little kingdom, waiting at the barrier you built to come in and shine upon the barren ground. ²See how life springs up everywhere! ³The desert becomes a garden, green and deep and quiet, offering rest to those who lost their way and wander in the dust. [T-18.VII.8-9]

That is such a beautiful passage, isn’t it? God is there, waiting for me!

ACIM also shows me that there is only one rule for me as the ruler of my mind:

Today I will make no decisions by myself. [CE T-30.I.3:2]

That is from one of my favorite Course sections ‘Rules for Decision’. These rules are written down for us very simply, because I have my free will to rule my mind, in the right direction, which is: to not make my own the decisions.

Does that sound paradoxical?

That the free will of ruling my mind is all about giving up my own plan, in favor of a higher plan?

Yes, of course it sounds totally like a paradox and the ego hates it!

But this way of ruling my mind, my kingdom, does mean freedom and an awakening more and more into the Kingdom of God.

And there, all is well. Nothing has ever changed there, and my Self has not changed one bit.

In Workbook lesson 236 it says:

I rule my mind, which I alone must rule.

I have a kingdom I must rule. ²At times, it does not seem I am its king at all. ³It seems to triumph over me, and tell me what to think and what to do and feel. ⁴And yet it has been given me to serve whatever purpose I perceive in it. ⁵My mind can only serve. ⁶Today I give its service to the Holy Spirit, to employ as He sees fit. ⁷I thus direct my mind, which I alone can rule. ⁸And thus I set it free to do the will of God.

The lion is already happier now. It can now step by step let go of tiredness. No need to be sad. It can reclaim its freedom.

And when it feels sad again? It can simply turn around.

Because it was only looking in the wrong direction for a moment. Love is always there - waiting with infinite patience.

And the ruins?

They were just an illusion.

Thank God.

With love, 💗 Valentine

A hand colored woodcut against isolation and solitary confinement and torture by the artist Elke Rehder.

“Mom, you have to read this book,” my daughter said to me as she showed me a little book called Chess (sometimes also known in English as The Royal Game) by Stefan Zweig. She was amazed and enchanted by it and wanted me to read it too, so we could talk about it. Of course, I did just that, and it took me only a couple of hours. This short novel contains so much—I was deeply impressed by what Zweig achieved here.

It was Zweig’s last novel, written before he and his wife committed suicide on February 22, 1942, in Petrópolis, Brazil, out of despair over the disappearance of his beloved World of Yesterday and the threat of the Nazi regime—from which he, as a Jewish humanist and pacifist, was fleeing. They took their lives “aus freiem Willen und mit klaren Sinnen” (“of free will and with clear senses”).

This novel is brilliant. There is so much in it that was relevant then and still is today. It’s hard to truly describe the story in just a few sentences. AI does a pretty good job:

“The novella takes place aboard a ship from New York to Buenos Aires. The two central characters: Mirko Czentovic (world chess champion, not very social, very technical, mechanical) and Dr. B., who, in captivity and isolation, memorizes a chess manual and plays internal chess against himself to preserve his mind, which ultimately leads to psychological decline when he loses control of that internal chess world. The game of chess is not merely a game or an intellectual sport, but functions in the novella as an illness, an obsession, a salvation, and a trap.”

That is well summarized. But I must add one more important thing: the very interesting persona of the storyteller, whose name we never learn. He is almost invisible, yet by the end, we know so much about him. We experience the entire story through his eyes—he is the observer, and a very skilled one at that.

What immediately struck me in the story was the importance of the mind. I was also intrigued by the recurring concepts of the void and vacuum. Dr. B. is imprisoned in an isolated hotel room, and here is what he tells us about it:

“my world consisted only of table, door, bed, washbasin, chair, window and wall, and I kept staring at the same wallpaper on the same wall; I stared at it so often that every line of its zigzag pattern has etched itself on the innermost folds of my brain as if with an engraver’s burin.”

[…]

“a complete void had been constructed around my self and even my own body.”

[…]

“There was nothing to do, nothing to hear, nothing to see, you were surrounded everywhere, all the time, by the void, that entirely spaceless, timeless vacuum.”

Terrible! This must drive a person mad. At first, when Dr. B. found himself in this emptiness, this void, he nearly lost his mind. But then he got hold of a book about chess and began to memorize all the openings and games in it. In doing so, he managed to keep his sanity. He trained his mind, gave it an important task in a life-threatening situation—because otherwise, he would have lost it. He redirected his thoughts away from fear and into structure. It was, truly, the most loving thing he could do for himself.

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) says some interesting things about exactly this vacuum and the void:

Recognition of meaninglessness arouses intense anxiety in all the separated ones. ²It represents to them a situation in which God and the ego “challenge” each other as to whose meaning is to be written in the empty space which meaninglessness provides. ³The ego rushes in frantically to establish its own “ideas” there, fearful that the void may otherwise be used to demonstrate its own impotence and unreality. ⁴And on this alone it is correct. [CE W-13.2]

But then, boredom crept in. It wasn’t enough. Dr. B. was tricked again (the Course would say by his ego), and fear of the void returned. He decided to start playing, in his mind, against himself. But to do so, his mind had to split. This drove him even further into madness. I won’t spoil what happens—but how Zweig describes this descent is absolutely fascinating.

The Void in Everyday Life

Of course, Dr. B. did what he had to do; he had no other choice. But it made me think about what we do in less extreme situations—everyday situations. We, too, are afraid of the void, the gaps, the empty spaces between us—and even more so, the holes within ourselves. We rush to fill them, as quickly as possible.

But the Course (ACIM) taught me that when I experience these holes or gaps, I don’t need to rush to fill them. I can simply look at them. They cannot hurt me. They can teach me something. A lot, actually. And only then can I allow myself to see things differently. For instance:

…“nature abhors a vacuum,” it does not follow that the vacuum is filled with hellfire. ²The emptiness engendered by fear should be replaced by love, because love and its absence are in the same dimension, and true correction cannot be undertaken except within a dimension. ³Otherwise, there has been a confusion of levels. [CE T-1.42.6:2-3]

[…]

The mind can be possessed by illusions, but the spirit is eternally free. ²If a mind expresses without love, it can make an empty shell. ³This can be possessed by evil thoughts. [CE T-1.33.3:1-3]

So interesting, isn’t it? And how often do I do this myself—rush to fill the emptiness I see within me, all driven by a maniac: the ego?

Reading a novel like Zweig’s ‘Chess’ makes me reflective, and I love it when literature does that. So many things can do this—even an encounter in nature with a wolf! ;-)

Can we accept such moments as gifts? They are everywhere—in art, in nature, in people, in dreams, in history. Even in our own backyards.

And there is so much more in Chess that I haven’t even mentioned. My daughter suggested we start a little book club together. Each month, we read a book and then meet up to talk about it. We both keep a book journal—writing, printing out pictures, drawing, or jotting down whatever we feel. We shared many of the same insights from Chess, but also many different ones. You can learn so much from each other—and from this fantastic book, which I highly recommend.

One of my dear friends also read the book. While I was fascinated by for instance that word void, she pointed out the word monomania, which Zweig also uses. What an intriguing word! We looked it up online together:

“The term comes from the Greek and means ‘one madness’ or ‘one frenzy.’ It was a form of partial insanity, in which someone had a single, pathological obsession but otherwise appeared mentally healthy. The concept was introduced in the early 19th century by the French physician Jean-Étienne Dominique Esquirol.”

Nowadays, the term is rarely used. But what amazed me even more was that there was an exhibition—just until September 14—in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam by artist Fiona Tan, called Monomaniac. Only two weeks left to go! My jaw dropped. I was perplexed. I saw it as a clear sign to follow. I had to go. I love that: synchronicity. It always leads to something meaningful. That day in Amsterdam gave rise to more ideas—and it still continues…

What one book can bring about. A lot!

The Gift of Connection

The next book in our little book club (which we’re now re-reading) is Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. Talk about the mind and the ego! This book is all about it. And so we go on. Sometimes I’ll choose the next book, sometimes she will. The books are one thing—but the conversations they spark are the real treasure.

Every time I spend time with my 18-year-old daughter, I learn something. She is a true gift to me and to my husband.

Books are one of the most important things in her life—and I’m so glad I was able to pass my love of books on to her. She now shares it with her peers and inspires them to read too. And I see more and more of them doing so. They even talk about the books. It gives me hope. This is how we learn—about ourselves and about the world. This is how we connect.

It is the opposite of emptiness, of the void. It bridges gaps. Doesn’t it? Love can flow again. At least, that has been my experience.

Even when we see so many literal and figurative holes around and within us—holes that hurt—we can ask ourselves:

With what do we fill them?

With hellfire, or…..with love?

(Read more about the art work of Elke Rehder here: https://www.elke-rehder.de/stefan-zweig/chess-story.htm)

Love, Valentine 💗

When you feel lost in a situation, or in the world, and you do not know what to do. -what do you do?

In this world, it is natural to feel lost. We do not always notice it, but ever since our minds became split and we found ourselves disconnected from everything, with holes and gaps between ourselves and others, we live in a constant state of loss.

We also believe that the gaps serve us, and that we are “protecting” ourselves (our bodies). The world seems to force us to do so. Yet the “balance” we try to hold onto in this world always slips away. Trying to keep that balance ourselves is exhausting, because how often do we find ourselves in situations we cannot control or improve—even with the best intentions?

I often find myself in such situations. They give me the opportunity to truly let go of control and hand everything over to Spirit (non–A Course in Miracles students might call this inner guidance).

Recently I had a day that seemed to go completely wrong. There was nothing left to do but to literally say: “I don’t know what to do, Holy Spirit, so I give this situation to You.”

The Course lesson of that day was perfectly fitting (as it always is!), and I knew God was with me:

³He is my home, wherein I live and move; the Spirit Which directs my actions, offers me Its thoughts, and guarantees my safety from all pain. ⁴He covers me with kindness and with care, and holds in love the Son He shines upon, who also shines on Him. ⁵How still is he who knows the truth of what He speaks today! [CE W-222.1:2-5]

God is with me and has sent the great Comforter, the Holy Spirit. And when I asked Him what to do, He suggested I go for a long walk. So I did. I walked alone in the woods, hardly meeting anyone. I kept “talking” to the Holy Spirit, repeating parts of the lesson and other phrases from the Course. Gradually, I was able to release the situation.

Eventually I arrived at a peaceful place—both literally and figuratively—and spent a few wonderful hours there. A couple of friends I was texting also reminded me that I was never alone in anything. These friends are Course students too, so we know what to do when moments like this come up ;-)

After a while, I found myself in a much better place. It was incredible, actually—I felt so peaceful, almost purified.

Much earlier that same morning, I also had an encounter with a wolf. At first, I thought it was a deer. He crossed my path about 50 meters ahead of me, stopped in the middle of the path, looked at me briefly, and then ran into the woods. It was when he started moving again that I realized: it was not a deer, nor a dog—it was a wolf!

It was a powerful moment: a living being crossing my path with purpose, because the encounter carried meaning. For me it was a sign, a message. After all, as Course students we know that the Holy Spirit can use anything.

I own the Animal Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams, and here is a brief summary of what the Wolf card says:

Wolf – Teacher
The wolf is a teacher, sharing wisdom with others. Find a place where you can be alone, so you may discover your true self. Once you have found your true self, you can help others and share your knowledge. Seek the balance between your own needs and the needs of others.

It was only after the situation had resolved that I searched for the deeper meaning of this encounter with the wolf. I don’t often use the cards, but when an animal crosses your path so clearly, it is absolutely a sign. The Holy Spirit knew what I needed. It was a very special experience, one that brought me something deeper.

The wolf also represents strength, family bonds, protection, and the subconscious (howling at the moon). All of these themes resonated with me in that moment.

That day I thanked the Wolf for coming into my life—he was as a beautiful reminder of what is true. And even when I may have felt lost in certain moments, I realized I am never alone, nor lost. Through surrendering the situation, a solution always comes. And it did, and that made me happy and grateful.

As the Course passage above says, the Holy Spirit is here, and He guides our actions. If we act together with Him, we walk this earth with God as our Source. What we do in this way originates from God—even though God Himself, of course, has nothing to do with the world of illusions.

By going Home to God during the longer and shorter practice periods, and truly feeling connected to Him, I was able to handle my “situation” that day. I am indeed never truly alone—even when I feel sad, ill, confused, nervous, or whenever I feel something that is not of peace.

The lessons, especially in part two of the Workbook, can be so practical and helpful. The real question is: will I let them help me in moments of lost peace? Will I use them to forgive my brothers, and the world (of illusions, which is my own perception)?

What do I do when I feel lost?

I may be lost in a single moment—or in the world itself. I can take a walk, in my mind or outside (or both), to find my Self again. For within us all lies the peace that never left us, and never will, and to which we can always return.

So STOP now, if you feel lost, fragmented, disturbed, or sad. Take a deep breath. Allow yourself to be comforted. Spirit is always with you.

Just follow the trail inward.
Just follow the signs. They are there for you.

The thought of peace was given to God’s Son the instant that his mind had thought of war. ²There was no need for such a thought before, for peace was given without opposite, and merely was. ³But when the mind is split there is a need of healing. ⁴So the thought that has the power to heal the split became a part of every fragment of the mind which still was one, but failed to recognize its oneness. ⁵Now it did not know itself, and thought its own identity was lost. [CE W-WI.2.2]

Love, Valentine💗

It is said that forming a new habit takes time. But I read somewhere that the popular idea of a 21-day average is actually a myth. In reality, it can take anywhere from 21 to 254 days—or even longer—to establish a new habit or to let go of an old one.

But what if we’ve developed habits with such deep grooves that it takes real effort to undo them? For example: how can I take on the habit of asking for guidance instead of constantly trying to figure everything out on my own in every situation?

As Course in Miracles students, we are taught to ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit (or you could call it your inner voice or knowing). And yet, we tend to forget this—constantly.

Okay, I’ll speak for myself: I forget it constantly.

And… I also do ask for guidance quite often. But as a Course student, I know I could ask far more than I currently do. So it’s a process. That means I’m not yet able to give my whole day to the Holy Spirit. At this moment, I’m still in the process of changing my habit. I need to shift out of my ego-driven DIY habit of deciding everything myself, so that it can gradually swing to the other side—to the habit of easily and naturally giving my day over to God.

This morning, when I did ask for guidance, I was directed to a former study I did on exactly this very interesting word habit! First, I looked it up again in the dictionary and worked with that. I love the meaning and etymology of words - I probably mentioned that before in my articles - because they carry hidden treasures.

It wasn’t the regular meaning of ‘habit’ that the Holy Spirit wanted me to dive in deeper. The ‘normal’ meaning of the word habit, the one we all know is: a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior, or an acquired behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary. But the Holy Spirit especially wanted me to notice another meaning of it, and that is: a nun’s habit.

Nuns and monks wear these garments called habits. They put them on when they wake and wear them all day long. Their lives follow a strict daily rhythm of prayer, starting very early with Matins, then Lauds at dawn, and continuing throughout the day until they close with Vespers and Compline, the final prayer of the day.

In Christian monastic life, there was and still is a deep need for this structure—to anchor day and night in prayer. My late uncle (the brother of my father-in-law) lived in a Benedictine monastery in Egmond (The Netherlands)—a beautiful place—where they still wear these robes and follow this rhythm together with ease. In such a life, prayer becomes second nature, an involuntary habit.

In Dutch, we call this a habijt, meaning “symbolic robe” or “orderly garment.” It comes from the Latin habitum or habitus—attitude, manner, habit—and from habere, meaning “to have.” So, this robe is a symbolic garment they put on, which serves as a constant reminder throughout the day of what their function is here: to be of service to God, to serve in His name.

During my quiet time, I was aware of my body—there was a sensation of heaviness and fatigue and a bit of lower back pain (although it is lessening). I was told to take off my lead coat of fatigue and lay it beside the lilies of forgiveness on my inner altar. I did just that—and it felt liberating. I thought of Jesus’ words: “my yoke is easy and my burden light” [CE T-5.III.11:5] and I smiled. My only ‘burden’ is indeed light—it wraps around me like a cloth, and I carry it with me.

From now on, every time I ask for guidance, I could easily check: Which robe am I wearing? How do I feel? What is my body telling me? What am I carrying—which thoughts, feelings, problems? What have I not handed over to the Holy Spirit? What am I still trying to carry on my own?

Indeed: which garment ám I wearing? Is it my lead coat again, or some variation of it? Or am I wrapped in light and free to hear guidance and perform miracles?

The more this asking becomes a habit, the more I will wear the symbolic habit of light—and maybe one day, it will become involuntary. This image, just like it does for nuns and monks, can help me. They put it on—and they know what to do. It’s very simple.

I’m sure the Holy Spirit gave me this word and image to work with. It’s not about becoming rigid, ritualistic, or strict. It’s about taking a symbol and repurposing it for God’s use. Sometimes, that purpose lies hidden in a word and its history. We only need to be open to the meaning the Holy Spirit brings to it—and He is always happy to work with me.

So, I will consciously take off the heavy robe of my ego-driven thoughts and habits, and ask the Holy Spirit for His guidance. And each time I do, I feel lighter—in mind and body—and guidance comes more easily.

It also coincides perfectly with my lesson (153) for today “In my defenselessness my safety lies.” [CE W-153:1] because I can lay down all my ego defenses, all the armor and protection I thought I needed for the attacks of this world and I can instead be totally defenseless, because I am totally safe, like the lesson tells me, and it is not for nothing it talks about ‘clothing’ here isn’t it?

Today our theme is our defenselessness. ²We clothe ourselves in it as we prepare to meet the day. ³We rise up strong in Christ, and let our weakness disappear as we remember that His strength abides in us. [CE W-153.18:1-3]

… that light has come to you… [CE W-153.11:4]

The light is with me, it is wrapped around me and it can flow through me. It comes from God and I can bless my brothers and sisters with it as well. The only thing I need to do, is remember, on a daily basis, and put on the new habit (of light) deliberately.

The light is always there. A new habit CAN be learned!

Love, Valentine 🩷

Leave a comment

“Everyone seems to have his own special problems. ²Yet they are all the same, and must be recognized as one if the one solution which solves them all is to be accepted. [CE W-79.2:1-2]

For all our problems, we seek ready-made answers in this world. We look for solutions precisely there: in the world. And if we do not find them, we panic. Let’s face it—we all frantically try every day to address the problems we face, especially on a global scale, considering everything that is happening. Solutions must be found. Yet, instead of solving problems, we seem to drift further and further apart. And that is precisely the issue: the sense of separation and the tendency to see things as separate.

Nothing stands alone. Everything is connected. We seem to be separated from each other—each in a different body—and also divided by time and space. However, according to A Course in Miracles, this is not true. Separation is the great illusion because we are not apart—we are one.

Now, when we look at a problem—any problem—the Course asks us to examine it more closely. While problems may seem different, we must look beyond appearances and ask ourselves what the problem truly is. In our Course practice, we ask the Holy Spirit (or, if you prefer, inner guidance) to reveal the true nature of the problem—and then, we wait.

This morning, after a night of hardly any sleep, I lay in bed knowing I had to get up early for work. Before rising, I read my lesson for the day and practiced Lesson 79: Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved. [CE W-79:1]

I focused on my ‘specific’ problem: how to cope with the day ahead after barely any rest. I asked, “What is the problem? Let me recognize the problem.”

At first, I thought my problem was simply struggling through the day while feeling exhausted, fearing that I wouldn’t manage at work. But I sat in silence and waited for an answer. And, of course, it came. The answer was: “The problem is that you think you are alone.”

That was not something I would have come up with on my own.

Yet, the answer was so illuminating. This was, indeed, my version of the problem of separation! I feared that I wouldn’t cope because I believed everything was up to me alone. But that is not true. I am not separate from everything else. All things work together for good if I trust that I am guided and allow myself to be led. I realized that it did not even matter what I specifically did at the office—it was more about remembering that I was not alone. Everything was, in fact, already as it should be. This realization allowed me to truly enjoy my day of togetherness with my colleagues!

The lesson states:
No one could solve all the problems the world appears to hold. ²They seem to be on so many levels, in such varying forms and with such varied content, that they confront you with an impossible situation. ³Dismay and depression are inevitable as you regard them. ⁴Some spring up unexpectedly, just as you think you have resolved the previous ones. ⁵Others remain unsolved under a cloud of denial and rise to haunt you from time to time, only to be hidden again but still unsolved. [CE W-79.5]
[…]

²If you could recognize that your only problem is separation, no matter what form it takes, you could accept the answer because you would not lose sight of its relevance. ³Perceiving the underlying constancy in all the problems that confront you, you would understand that you have the means to solve them all. ⁴And you would use the means because you recognize the problem. [CE W-79.6]

[…]

⁴We are trying to recognize that we have been given the answer by recognizing the problem, so that the problem and the answer can be brought together and we can be at peace. [CE W-79.8:3-4]

And so, this applies to all problems. Take, for instance, a common issue we all experience from time to time: “I feel like my loved one or friend is angry with me. What do I do with this ‘problem’?”

I ask: “What is the problem? Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved.”

The real issue -and the answer of what the problem is- is that I mistakenly believe that behavior has the power to separate. However, neither behavior nor judgment can divide what is one. The awareness that the problem and the answer are already united brings peace. I know that my loved one and I are already connected in every way that truly matters.

I realize it is crucial to allow the true answer to come to me during quiet reflection on the lesson in which I state that so important question of “What is the problem? Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved.”. Otherwise, the ego mind will hijack the problem again and turn it into something complex.

If we could immediately recognize the root of every problem—namely, separation—we might not be so easily deceived by the ego. But the ego is a trickster—so who am I fooling?

Until… the day comes when we are no longer fooled by the ego at all. And that day might be now—in the blink of an eye. Because in this moment, all is quiet, peaceful, and joyously alive within me. I sense the infinite oneness. And the more moments of oneness we experience—woven together—the better we become at turning away from whatever illusions the ego tries to present as (many) problems.

From many problems to one problem.
From many solutions to one solution.
A solution that is already present—because the one central problem has already been answered.

⁵One problem, one solution. [CE W-80.1:4-5]

Love, Valentine 💗

Leave a comment

How does a flock of birds, like starlings, know how to fly together as a group without crashing into one another? How is it that my cat, Didi, senses when my husband, my daughter, or I am coming home before we even enter the street? Almost every time, we find her waiting by the door. You see this phenomenon throughout the animal kingdom, says biologist Rupert Sheldrake, in director/filmmaker Ky Dickens’ podcast The Telepathy Tapes. Sheldrake says: “We know that telepathy is a two way process. I think there are actual resonant connections between members of social groups. That they remain linked, even when they are far apart. When they are together it is clear they are part of a field that they all share and you see this with flocks of birds, where you can have hundreds or thousands of for instance starlings and they change direction, almost simultaneously without bumping into each other. They all know where their neighbors are, they are responding to something bigger than themselves. This is true for social animals right through the animal kingdom, including ants and termites, flocks of birds, herds of bison, packs of wolves, schools of fish, etc.”

Animals indeed seem to communicate as a unified whole. It is fascinating to see. And that one sentence from Rupert Sheldrake—They are responding to something bigger than themselves—resonated deeply with me. They are connected to each other and to something greater. But how far have we as human ‘animals’ strayed from that principle?

In today’s society, the focus is on individuality—on being and developing yourself, which often translates to standing alone, separate from others. When nations close their borders and refuse to cooperate, the priority becomes self-preservation. But where is the we, the togetherness? I believe this is a denial of who we truly are. It goes against our very nature.

Eight Minutes of Connection

This morning, my daughter shared something beautiful with me. She told me that she had heard that when a person is deeply sad, simply talking to a trusted loved one for eight minutes—without judgment, without solutions, just being heard—can be incredibly healing. The person feels acknowledged, stronger, and sometimes even no longer sad.

Just eight minutes of attention. No fixing, just listening. And yet, in this world, even that seems to be too much to ask.

I love that my daughter brought this up today. It could become a beautiful sort of code between family and friends, couldn’t it? One would only need to say, “Do you have eight minutes for me?” and the other person immediately knows—this is not just a casual chat; it’s something deeper. You make time for each other. You recognize that connection and joining matters. Individualism can be good—to a point. But today, it often leans more toward egocentrism. And communication is more and more with screens in between! If we see ourselves communicating that badly compared to what could be possible in communication, then I say we have a whole lot to learn….or rather re-learn. So even if telepathy is maybe something too woo woo for many at this point, maybe these eight minutes would be a good place to start!

A New Perspective on Communication

We communicate in so many ways, and what we can learn from animals—and, as The Telepathy Tapes explores, especially from autistic children—is phenomenal. These autistic non-verbal children (or savants) are the true stars in The Telepathy Tapes, plus the parents, caretakers and teachers who are brave enough to help them and talk about it and truly want to give them a ‘voice’. Giving them a voice is actually to investigate how they connect without words, through the mind. They got a whole lot to tell us and it is fantastic that people like neuroscientist Diane Powell and biologist Rupert Sheldrake make a case to learn more about these autistic children and that they think research is necessary.

It may seem like an abstract concept now, but I don’t find it strange at all. In fact, I believe telepathic communication may be even more natural than speaking. The insights from this podcast series are astonishing. I highly recommend listening to it, even if you’re skeptical.

These nonverbal autistic children communicate with each other over distance, with their mothers or teachers, and they know things that seem impossible. They are not sick—they simply struggle to fully embody their physical bodies, and most of them cannot speak. But that does not mean they are unintelligent. Quite the opposite.

These children communicate effortlessly in a telepathic way via the mind with each other and with their loved ones. But they see speaking and physical interaction as heavy and difficult. And is it really so strange? When you don’t need to be in the same room to communicate, why struggle with speech? If we believe in them, they can teach us so much. They are not self-made individuals climbing the ladder of success, earning fortunes. What they bring is love and connection.

Are we willing to take the time to listen and learn?

I’m looking forward to season two of The Telepathy Tapes and I’m grateful to everyone who makes this podcast possible. And every time I listen to an episode, I am amazed at how many connections there are with A Course in Miracles. For instance, look at these quotes that speak about how all things are one and communication is unbroken. It is astonishing:

Look lovingly upon the present, for it holds the only things that are forever true. ²All healing lies within it, because its continuity is real. ³It extends to all aspects of consciousness at the same time, and thus enables them to reach each other. ⁴The present is before time was, and will be when time is no more. ⁵In it are all things that are eternal, and they are one. ⁶Their continuity is timeless, and their communication is unbroken, for they are not separated by the past. ⁷Only the past can separate, and it is nowhere.
[CE T-13.VI.5-6]

[…..]

In the holy instant the condition of love is met, for minds are joined without the body’s interference, and where there is communication there is peace. ²The Prince of Peace was born to reestablish the condition of love by teaching that communication remains unbroken even if the body be destroyed, provided that you see not the body as the necessary means of communication. ³And if you understand this lesson, you will realize that to sacrifice the body is to sacrificenothing, and communication, which must be of the mind, cannot be sacrificed. ⁴Where, then, is sacrifice? ⁵The lesson I was born to teach, and still would teach to all my brothers, is that sacrifice is nowhere and love is everywhere. ⁶For communication embraces [CE T-15.XI.4]

In short, nothing—absolutely nothing—exists in isolation. I think it is time we start realizing that.

Love, Valentine💗

Leave a comment

I love patience. I confess that I also have an ambiguous relationship with it, but that is mostly because I have not always been as patient as I wanted to be in the past. However, I was fortunate to have the best teacher of patience in my life: my dear mother. She is the most patient person in the world—truly, she is. I have always been amazed by how she manages it. She exudes patience with grace and even a smile on her face. I have always admired her for that.

Since becoming a student of A Course in Miracles, I’ve noticed how patience is described in this profound book, and it has inspired me to dive deeper into understanding what patience truly is. Thanks to the Course’s teachings, I have grown much more patient over the years. But just last week, I had an epiphany about patience—an open-door realization, really. Still, as is often the case, most truths are right in front of us, yet we fail to see them! We are blind to so many things. I believe I now have a deeper understanding of what patience truly means, and I am determined to apply it in my life even more intentionally.

But first, let me return to my mother. What were her demonstrations of patience? I can give you a vivid example that has been a cherished family story since my childhood. When I was a little girl, my mother and I went to the mall one day to shop. I loved being there so much that I didn’t want to leave. But of course, eventually, it was time to go home. When my mother told me we were leaving, I refused. I became angry and threw myself onto the floor, crying, kicking, and screaming that I wanted to stay. And what did my mother do? Nothing. She simply stood there quietly, waiting beside me. She didn’t walk away, nor did she try to stop me. She just waited.

Passersby must have thought, “Why isn’t that woman doing anything?” Perhaps some even thought she was a bad mother. But she remained calm and patient. It didn’t take long before I stopped kicking and screaming. I stood up, took her hand, and we went home.

Now that is patience. It is also trust. And it is love. This wasn’t the only time she displayed such patience. It is simply part of who she is. She is also a master of distraction. When children get upset because they don’t get their way, she can redirect their attention to something else. In doing so, they forget about what made them angry in the first place. She does all of this with a smile and genuine care and love for the child.

When my daughter was young, my mother spent one day a week with her while my husband and I were working. They had a wonderful time together, full of laughter, patience, and attention. My mother’s patience extended into every moment they shared.

In A Course in Miracles, patience is explained in this way:

Your patience with your brother is your patience with yourself. ²Is not a child of God worth patience? ³I have shown you infinite patience, because my will is that of our Father, from whom I learned of infinite patience. ⁴His Voice was in me as it is in you, speaking for patience toward the Sonship in the Name of its Creator. ⁵What you need to learn now is that only infinite patience can produce immediate effects. ⁶This is the way in which time is exchanged for eternity. ⁷Infinite patience calls upon infinite love, and by producing results now, renders time unnecessary. [CE T-5.VIII.10]

Patience is infinite because it means being fully present in the now—attentively, fearlessly, and peacefully. It is the doorway to the infinite moment of now. By being in the moment so wholeheartedly, without wanting anything else and with complete trust, patience can only have an immediate effect. When I let go of my desires and expectations and hand them over with patience and trust, it undoes my attachment to outcomes. This opens the door for the holy now to ‘manifest’ results, even in the physical world.

This, I believe, is exactly what my mother does. She might say that her patience with young children has lessened as she’s grown older (she is 80 now). But I think this has more to do with physical energy than her inner capacity for patience. She still has the ability to live in the moment and enjoy it fully while being patient when it is needed.

She taught me this, and I have used it in my relationship with my daughter as well. When I give her my full attention—putting aside whatever I’m doing and really listening to her talk about her day—I am often rewarded with extraordinary moments. She’ll share wonderful miracle stories or we’ll have deep conversations that strengthen our bond. I’ve found that the same is true in all my relationships, including my marriage.

For example, during my husband’s radiation therapy, I made a daily effort to be patient with his process and to simply be there for him. This patience made us even closer and strengthened our love.

This principle applies universally, doesn’t it?

In the present moment—where eternity and the physical world meet—patience opens the door for love to flow. By being willing to wait as long as it takes, with infinite patience, I invite infinite love to come in. And because love is the answer to every question, it arrives immediately.

So, when we are truly patient, love comes rushing in.

I wish you a day of patience and love,💖

Valentine

Leave a comment

I have a big family. On my mother’s side, my grandmother Yarda and grandfather Leo had seven children: five girls and two boys. They all had children, and now most of those children have children of their own.

My grandmother was a devoted family woman. Sadly, her beloved Leo passed away when my mother was just 17 years old, leaving Yarda to raise a large family on her own. She managed as best as she could. Yarda loved being surrounded by family, and at least once a year, around her birthday at the end of October, we would gather for a family weekend. These weekends usually meant spending one or two nights in a large house together. It became a cherished family tradition, as many of us live too far apart to see one another often. But each year, we would pick up right where we left off, and it was always fantastic. One thing that stood out every year was the joy and laughter we shared.

From a very young age, my brother and I made these weekends extra special by putting on short plays, treasure hunts, radio dramas, songs, or other kinds of performances. (I’ve written about the bond I share with my brother in this earlier post about the importance of laughter part 1.) But as life got busier and the pandemic disrupted our traditions, we weren’t able to create something every year. Still, even without our performances, the joy and connection during those weekends never diminished.

In November 2024, we fully returned to our old ways. For the 80th birthdays of my mother and uncle, we wrote a play together, performed by and for our family. Their milestone birthdays inspired the theme: an 80-year war. Through the play, we made it abundantly clear how senseless war is. It’s absurd, unnecessary, and insane—so much so that you might as well stop it immediately, because the only thing that truly matters is love.

The play consists of five scenes and nine characters. My uncle and mother, playing the king and queen of their respective kingdoms, simply sat silently on their thrones, watching the events unfold. The audience also have an active role in one of the final scenes, where they act as “the people,” shouting slogans in anger. It was hilarious! Before entering the room, each audience member picked a slip of paper from a hat with a word or phrase written on it. These were the slogans they would yell during the chaotic penultimate scene.

The play begins with enchanting medieval music playing through speakers and a voice-over (performed by my sister-in-law, a voice actor) narrating the story:

“Once upon a time, there were two kingdoms. In the distant past, they were friendly neighbors. But 80 years ago, in November 1944, when the crown prince and princess were born, a quarrel broke out between the two kingdoms. That quarrel grew into an 80-year war. Today, the crown prince and princess sit on their respective thrones, but the war continues, with no one remembering why it began. Now, the people have had enough. The public prosecutor will resolve this senseless conflict once and for all. What caused this war? Who is to blame? Justice must prevail!”

Witnesses, including a court wizard, a jester, a detective, and a drunken footman, are now called to testify, but none of them can explain the reason for the war. In the climactic scene, the people (the audience) erupt in chaotic shouting, voicing their frustration. The judge cannot keep the order any longer. Just when the chaos reaches its peak, a foreign king enters the room to the sound of regal music.

The foreign king declares:
“War—what is it good for?...... Absolutely nothing.”
The court wizard responds, “Say it again?”
The king repeats:
“War—what is it good for?...... Absolutely nothing.”
The court wizard responds, “Say it again?”
Then the king repeats for the third time:
War—what is it good for?...... Absolutely nothing.”
And the court wizard responds, “Can you say it again?”

But then the public prosecutor interrupts, asking, “If war isn’t the answer, your majesty, what is?”

The king replies with a smile:
“All you need is love.”

As the famous Beatles song, All You Need is Love, plays through the speakers, everyone joins in singing. And that is the joyous end of the play.

The performance reminds me how important it is to nurture family traditions. Writing, rehearsing, and performing the play together brought us immense joy and countless laughs. It was a memory we’ll treasure for years to come—a reminder that love and togetherness are at the heart of everything.

As A Course in Miracles says so beautifully:

God, being love, is also happiness.
Let me remember love is happiness and nothing else brings joy. And so I choose to entertain no substitutes for love. [CE W-117.1]

God’s will for us is happiness, and I feel that love is extended when we gather with family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers. This divine presence is evident in the joy and laughter we share.

God’s will for you is perfect happiness. ²Why should you choose to go against His will? ³The part that He has saved for you to take in working out His plan is given you that you might be restored to what He wills. ⁴This part is as essential to His plan as to your happiness. ⁵Your joy must be complete to make His plan be understood by those to whom He sends you. ⁶They will see their function in your shining face, and hear God calling to them in your happy laugh. [CE W-100.2]

In 2025, I want to carry that laughter with me as that echo of heavenly happiness. It reminds me not to take myself—or the world—too seriously. Laughter is lightness, sparkle, and connection. Even in sorrow, a touch of humor can lift us out of darkness and bring healing.

As A Course in Miracles says in lesson 190:

I choose the joy of God instead of pain.
Here will you understand there is no pain. ²Here does the joy of God belong to you. ³This is the day when it is given you to realize the lesson which contains all of salvation’s power. ⁴It is this: Pain is illusion; joy reality. ⁵Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. ⁶Pain is deception; joy alone is truth.
[CE W-190.9-10]

So here’s to joy, laughter, and the lightness of love.

With love,

Valentine 🥰

P.S If anyone is interested to receive the full 12 minute play in English or Dutch (for instance for your own party or reunion among friends, family, colleagues) just send me a personal message.

I wish you a happy 2025, the New Year is here!

For me, it will be a year of doing another round through the Workbook of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). And since I have a study group, I will do the lessons all over again myself as well. Because every time I do that, it deepens my understanding of them on another level. Next year I have other Course-plans, but this year I will dive into the Workbook again with pleasure and energy.

This time around, I want to look at the Workbook from a slightly different angle. I want to follow closely the instructions of the lessons, absolutely, but the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear that with the commentaries that I write for my study group, I get to incorporate the Text in there as well. My group consists of students who are not Course beginners, so I can pull in the meaning of the Text teachings to clarify the lessons. I really look forward to that. We go in fresh, but we also use our experiences and all we learned from this wonderful book through the years. I will also bring that that to the articles I will write here on Substack in 2025.

Today I want to begin the new year with an article about the word “work”. I do this because it is called a Workbook, these 365 lessons in the Course. It is a workbook with lessons and that means I have to work with those lessons. It does not mean that I read them in the morning and then leave them hanging there or read them as a great inspiration for the day.

Why do we need this ‘work’? I think it is because of the nature of the ego that this work is needed.

But first let’s look at the definition of the word ‘work’. I looked it up on the Merriam Webster page, and I selected a couple of meaningful definitions I could work with. I could actually work with all of them, but I made a choice. Below you will find a definition followed by my take on how to look at this in relation to the ‘work’ in (and of) the Workbook:

to perform or carry through a task requiring sustained effort or continuous repeated operations
Look at a construction or building site for example, where workers are busy building houses. The tasks must be done in order get the job done. If we look at the Course it is totally the same way. We know that in order to help ourselves in letting go of our belief in the ego, we engage in the sacred work in doing and applying these lessons on a daily basis. It is a sustained effort from our part.

to exert oneself physically or mentally especially in sustained effort for a purpose
We actually sit down and do the lessons, work with them mentally and we know why we do it: our goal is to awaken to the reality of our true nature; our goal, our purpose is God. Plus we work with the lessons during the day as well: apply and demonstrate what we have learned.

to produce a desired effect or result according to plan or design
The plan, the design is obvious: houses must be built, the workers know what they are doing and what it is for. Again, with the Course it works exactly the same: it is the Holy Spirit who is in charge of the Plan, and we make sure we work with Him on these lessons.

to make way slowly and with difficulty: move or progress laboriously
Yes, our work with the lessons sometimes may seem slow, full of resistances and setbacks. We can find ourselves temporarily in the desert, but the lessons (the work we do with them) actually are there to get us out of that desert. Every lesson can do that for us, every day. If… we want it to be that way and trust the process. And if we wander off, and that will happen for sure, we just go back and work with the lessons again, without guilt.

to sail to windward
Wikipedia explains: “If the destination is 'in the wind', that is to say in the blind spot, it is not possible to sail directly to the destination. By steering as far as possible towards the wind (luffing), the course to the destination is best approached. […] The courses form a zigzag pattern, with the next course being more or less perpendicular to the previous one.”

It is hard work, this way of sailing, isn’t it? And I am sure that this is necessary sometimes in the sailing sport, but also in spiritual work. It is when we have some hard lessons before us and realize we have to do ‘the work’, looking the ego in the eye. We may need the zigzagging-work, in the wind. But then suddenly we have reached the destination, in the middle of that storm where the still center is. It is in there where we find ourselves in peace and tranquility. The Holy Spirit guided us through this storm.
But there is another side to this because, why should we make things difficult for ourselves!? If we have the proper goal before us at the beginning, we do not need that storm or go through it. We just turn around and away from the storm and use the wind to work for our benefit. The lessons then work for us. We speed ourselves on our spiritual path faster that way (we can make giant strides). The Holy Spirit can use anything. If we must work our way through the ego-storm, He helps us, and the lessons help us and guide us. But if we turn around and we decide to let the lessons be the wind in our sails, then that works even better and on such a day we sail fast. It all depends on how much grip the ego has on us. But God is everywhere to be found, in the midst of a storm or totally on the other side.

to bring to pass
(And Merriam Webster actually gives this example: work miracles!)
Isn’t this meaning of the word ‘work’ simply amazing. It is all there, in the word itself. However badly we interpret a word, in every word there is the light of God. Maybe it is hidden, but it is there. ‘Work miracles’ is the opposite of sacrificing. It is the best thing we can do on this earth. Expressing love to our brothers and sisters in all kinds of ways. Letting the Holy Spirit guide us to wherever we are needed. That is what working miracles is about. That is the effect of this work in the Workbook: it all points, in the end, to the miracles of forgiveness.

If I look at all of the definitions I choose here, of the word ‘work’, it might indeed seem as something that is quite hard to do, a lot of work. Why can’t we be enlightened here and now? Why do we have to work our way through all of this?

As we do the lessons of the Workbook, we will go through all the stages of the ego and see its many faces. That can be huge resistance, intense anger, profound sorrow, feeling guilty, complete indifference, mild irritation, frustration, exhaustion etc. The ego will show its ugly face and we do not like it. Why do you think a lot of Course students hate the Course and want to discard it entirely, or want to walk away from it before they have finished it? That is because the Workbook gives us a mirror we do not like.

What the Course does, in a genius way, is show us what the ego is capable of. But I can decide now, with every lesson, that I do not want that. And then the lessons will work with me, step by step, to help me to get to a point where I can say: ‘to ‘hell’ with the ego, it does not serve me anymore!’

It is a work in progress!

There is indeed another way of looking at ‘work’, it is a higher way, a totally different and fresh way of looking at it. It is the way that the Holy Spirit loves to use for us. And it is also in the lessons themselves. But we have to be open and willing to see it. It is right under our noses and it has to do with the lofty meaning that the Holy Spirit has given to this ‘work’. It is holy work. And it is even tucked in the dictionary definitions, because they help us to see what lies beyond them. It all depends on us, how we interpret ‘work’.

I think that trust is key. I have learned to trust these lessons. It is not about a total understanding of them, it is about my faith that they will work for me, no matter what situation I find myself in. And that can speed me up. And the evidence in my life that the lessons help me with everything, is piling up and this pile is becoming higher and higher, until it reaches the heights of a mountain!

Suffice it, then, that you have work to do to play your part. The ending must remain obscure to you until your part is done. ³It does not matter, for your part is still what all the rest depends on. As you play the role assigned to you, salvation comes a little nearer each uncertain heart that does not beat as yet in tune with God. [CE W-169.10]

This year invest in truth, and let it work in peace. Have faith in what has faith in you. Think what you have really seen and heard, and recognize it. ⁹Can you be alone with witnesses like these? [CE T-16.II.10:5-9]

The Holy Spirit must work through you to teach you He is in you. This is an intermediary step toward the knowledge that you are in God because you are part of Him. The miracles which the Holy Spirit inspires can have no order, because every part of creation is of one order.
[CE T-7.III.3-4]

The Holy Spirit must work through opposites, because He must work with and for a mind that is in opposition. Correct and learn, and be open to learning. You have not made truth, but truth can still set you free.
[CE T-5.IV.14-15]

I rest in God.
I rest in God today, and let Him work
in me and through me while I rest in Him
in quiet and in perfect certainty.
[CE W-120.1]

The power to work miracles belongs to you. [CE T-1.26.7:1]

I will happily contribute my time and effort to the Workbook this year, with all my heart. If you do the Workbook also in 2025, or if you have done it, please let me know your experiences with it. And how you see this ‘work’. I will regularly post about the Workbook lessons here as well.

I wish you all a blessed, joyful and wonderful 2025.
Love, Valentine🥰

I have begun to read “The Idiot” by Fyodor Dostoevsky. It tells the story of the saintly Prince Myshkin, who, according to most, acts like a naïve idiot. However, even in the first chapters of the book, you realize that it is not he who is the idiot—it is everyone else, the world itself, that is the true idiot! The way Myshkin behaves, and simply exists, should feel completely natural and normal. The fact that the world isn’t this way and that we mostly act in self-interest is striking.

I plan to return to this book in a future post once I’ve finished it, but even now it reminds me that seeing the good in people—or rather, recognizing that there is good in people, even when their behavior or appearance suggests otherwise—is incredibly important. And I do not want to forget that I as well can behave very unkind, I am not excluded from this ‘worldly’ behavior.

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) “trains” its students to look with forgiving eyes on a daily basis. It can be very challenging at times, but that’s why it’s considered a form of mind training. We judge others, the world, and ourselves constantly—often without even realizing it. My Course practices help me do the opposite of judging. By trusting and believing that there is goodness, even when the “veil of madness” hides it from me, I open myself to what a higher principle—or, in my case, God—has to say about it all. This shift provides a new perspective on the world, separate from my own projections.

A few days ago, I visited the old city of ‘s-Hertogenbosch (the Netherlands)
with my mother, my daughter, and a friend of my daughter. It was such a joyful and wonderful day. I use trips like this, where I meet other people, as an opportunity for what I call a “blessing journey.” In my mind, I bless every person I meet. It is so uplifting and feels so fulfilling. This mindset helps me truly see the goodness in people. Regardless of how they behave, I strive to look beyond the “façade” of the body to the little light within them, a light that exists in everyone.

When I get triggered—and of course, this can happen—I pause to reflect, provided I remember to do so. I’m no saint, and I work daily with the Course’s practices to let go of my many judgments. In such moments, I remind myself that I want to see the person differently. Their behavior does not define who they truly are.

Later that afternoon, my mother and I attended a Christmas concert
while my daughter and her friend stayed in town. The concert featured Cappella Pratensis, a fantastic vocal ensemble. They performed music from the Middle Ages and Renaissance, drawn from the Den Bosch Choirbooks of the Onze Lieve Vrouwe brotherhood, as well as Gregorian chants. I love Gregorian chant; it carries centuries of mystical devotion and always touches me deeply. To me, it feels like an “echo” or reflection of the eternal. I can almost “hear” the silence within the music.

When I read the following passage from the Course’s Text, Chapter 29, it resonated with what I experienced internally through the music:

“There is a place in you where this whole world has been forgotten; where no memory of sin and of illusion lingers still.²There is a place in you which time has left, and echoes of eternity are heard. There is a resting place so still no sound except a hymn to Heaven rises up to gladden God the Father and the Son. Where Both abide are They remembered, Both. And where They are is Heaven and is peace. Think not that you can change Their dwelling place. For your identity abides in Them, and where They are, forever must you be.” [CE T-29.VI.1]

The concert transported me to a place where the “veil” between this world and Heaven felt especially thin. In today’s loud and distracted world, such experiences seem harder to find. Yet, being at this concert and hearing this music made it easier to connect with that quiet, still place where God resides. It also made it easier to carry that stillness, peace, and love with me once the concert ended.

Why did such a moment with others during this concert feel so alive, peaceful, and silent?
Everyone present seemed deeply immersed in the experience of the now, captivated by the beautiful singing. I have often felt this collective unity during concerts, as though we are lifted together to a higher consciousness of oneness with each other—and, I believe, with God. This gives concerts a mystical value, filling our hearts with kindness and connection.

The same experience can occur in church during Mass or other celebrations. Though I am not a frequent churchgoer, I’ve had such moments in the past. Even now, when I do attend church, it reminds me that separation is an illusion. Beyond doctrine, the church has always provided compassion, help, community, and art.

And concerts are of course ideally suited for fostering such unity! And what about when Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount? Thousands of people gathered together in a similar way.

This kind of connection can also happen in everyday interactions. During our trip to ‘s-Hertogenbosch Bosch, we had so much fun together with the four of us, but we also connected briefly with strangers in the street, in a café etc. Wherever you go, there’s always an opportunity to bless others. This is reflected beautifully in this Course quote from the Workbook:

“We look on everyone as brother, and perceive all things as kindly and as good. [CE W-WI.14.3:3-4]
[…]
Ours the minds which join together as we bless the world. And from the oneness that we have attained, we call to all our brothers, asking them to share our peace and consummate our joy.” [CE W-WI.14.4:2-4]

That day in ‘s-Hertogenbosch, I brought God with me, but He was already everywhere.
He was in every face I encountered—whether grumpy, cheerful, tired, or rushed. It didn’t matter. I simply wanted to meet everyone as a Child of God. This way of being with God is healing. Remarkably, despite a long day of walking, we didn’t even feel tired.

When we look at everything with kindness and seek the good in all things, as the Course suggests and as Prince Myshkin demonstrates, we leave behind our “little” ego selves. This morning, a small rhyme just came out of nowhere. It is really something that can help me remember. It goes like this:

“Oh, my pity, petty self,
I’ll place you on the dusty shelf,
A book about a time that’s passed,
So I may run to God at last.

Love, Valentine💗

Joy, laughter and humor have always been very important things in my life. I grew up with a brother who was (and still is) also my best friend. We had our own bunch of friends but we also did a lot of things together. We wrote plays and performed them for my parents whether they liked it or not. We made radio shows and in our big family on my mother’s side we also made and performed plays for the family, made video films, video clips, radio plays, and treasure hunts.

Besides that, we could joke for hours on end together. I remember vividly a trip to Tuscany with my parents. While my father was driving, my brother and I were making variations on a famous and silly Dutch commercial. What we came up with was so hilarious (we thought) and we could go on for hours laughing and laughing. That my parents did not go crazy because of that was a miracle, but then again, my mother has told me that she always enjoyed how much fun we had together. I think my dad thought the same.

When my parents divorced -my brother was 17 years old and I was 20- we made a pact together: that year we would have more fun together than ever before. We did this because we sensed deep down that joy and laughter would help us in the healing of the divorce, we needed it. And it did heal us, we enjoyed such a wonderful year together. It was not escapism, it was true bonding, it was love.

In one of my next posts I will talk more about how my brother and I still have, after so many years, a lot of fun together. And how also my daughter has joined that party. And don’t forget my husband, who joined the band of jokers a long time ago. If he and I would not have had fun together and there would have been no laughter, we would not have been together for nearly 40 years now!

In Dutch we have a term around this theme of laughter that has become very important in my life. It is a verb and it is this: “keten”. In English maybe one would call this “goofing around”, but that does not totally cover what it means in Dutch. ‘Keten’ is for instance what you do during school camp at night in the dormitory with your classmates. It is having a great laugh and good time, often when it’s technically ‘forbidden.’ You are supposed to go to sleep but of course the kids have a pillow fight! I see this as a bit of life style actually. My brother and I made that into a sort of a life style. It does not mean that one acts like a kid in every situation but rather: it shakes things up a bit and brings the light-ness of joy (which comes from God) in everything. When I am open to receive the joy of even situations that seem to have no joy, it can all transform in front of my eyes.

I have been in tears often. And that can be the tears of pain or sorrow. Haven’t we all? In such moments it is difficult to find the fun, laughter or joy. But it happens so often that when I step out of the loop of my ego-belief in pain, misery, sadness, grief, worry, hate or anger or anything else disturbing my peace, I often receive a playful reminder from the Holy Spirit that is so funny. Or it comes to me via a family member, or a friend or even a stranger. And then I am in a different place, I have turned to the right side of my mind again, where the Holy Spirit can work through me and with me. And then tears may come as well but more in the sense of rolling on the floor with laughter (ROFL). The Holy Spirit can be truly hilarious with His cosmic winks.

So many family, friends and colleagues in my life make me laugh and support me in countless ways and I am thankful for each and every one of them. If I cannot laugh anymore, I might as well stop breathing.

Two of my best friends and study buddies are and (they are here on Substack with me), and we keep each other sane with a lot of laughter. We need our daily dose of it. If we cannot laugh about situations and ourselves, life would not be worth it. I think laughter illuminates the path to Heaven, like a flashlight in the dark. The more flashlights, the lighter and the merrier the way!

To conclude this article, I want to share a famous quote from A Course in Miracles that I often recall, which helps me get back on the track of laughter once again:

“Into eternity, where all is one, there crept a tiny, mad idea at which the Son of God remembered not to laugh. ²In his forgetting did the thought become a serious idea, and possible of both accomplishment and real effects. ³The instant that the madness of the cause is recognized, it can have no effects. ⁴Together we can laugh them both away, and understand that time cannot intrude upon eternity. ⁵It is a joke to think that time can come to circumvent eternity, which means there is no time. ⁶A timelessness in which is time made real, a part of God which can attack itself, a separate brother as an enemy, a mind within a body, all are forms of circularity whose ending starts at its beginning, ending at its cause” . [CE T-27.X.6]

This weekend, we had a leak in the house, and water was running down the stairs. It felt symbolic of what’s been going on inside me emotionally. I feel like a river overflowing its banks. When I think of everything I need to do, I feel completely stuck. The leak in the house demanded immediate action, and we handled it naturally, taking care of it on the spot. But everything happening inside me—my emotions, thoughts, beliefs—feels just as overwhelming as a flooding river, leaving me in a state of panic. What if I can’t handle it all this month?

My husband is undergoing daily radiation treatments, and I usually drive him to and from the hospital because he can’t drive himself right now and I want to be by his side. On top of that, I have my regular job, where I put in my hours; my ACIM study group, for which I write daily commentaries; a training program I’m attending; and ACIM friends I want to connect with daily. And what about a social life? That’s on hold for a bit now, but my family and friends still want to see me and I them as well. And on top of that there’s of course the housework, shopping, cooking, and the need to exercise daily, whether it’s walking, or qigong.

I’d love to step into stillness right now, be with God, catch my breath, and listen for His Will. But my ego has spun this intricate web of obligations around me. So, what now? How do I hear God’s Will amidst all this? How can I commit to daily Advent journaling to cut through the ego’s noise? How can I follow God’s Will in what I truly need to do? How do I hear His Voice? And most importantly: How can I stay with the healing journey I set out to do, together with my husband, and where I write about in my post about The Great Rays?

I keep telling myself I’m procrastinating, but am I? If I skip a walk or leave a chore undone, does that make me lazy?

Am I losing my mind? What’s wrong with me?

I know what it’s like to be led by the Holy Spirit—the peace, joy, and love that fills such days. Yet I let the ego make me crazy with its endless demands. Now, as I write this, I feel a sense of calm returning. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not guilty! Everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. I am allowed to breathe, to listen to God’s Voice. I am perfect as I am. Even when I stumble or make mistakes, it doesn’t change who I truly am—God’s creation.

I need to stop and move in slow motion. These are words the Holy Spirit has spoken to me before, and they resonate deeply now. The flood of thoughts and feelings? With the Holy Spirit’s help, I can let go of my belief in them. The ego tries to trap me in disaster thinking, but all I need to do is step back and not panic. I am okay. There is no flood, no disaster—that is just an illusion. I am alive. God is close to me. When I take a deep breath and exhale, I will remember Him. A sigh of relief. The imagined flood dissolves.

Does everything on my to-do list really have to happen right now? And if it doesn’t? Will I drop dead? Of course not. Breathe in. Breathe out. “I am here,” my Father whispers in my ear.

God sees me—and all of us—as He expresses in His Final Judgment in the Course (the most loving declaration of all):

“You are still my holy Son, forever innocent, forever loving and forever loved, as limitless as your Creator, and completely changeless and forever pure. ²Therefore awaken and return to Me. ³I am your Father, and you are my Son.” [CE W-WI.10.5]

That Truth brings me such peace.

With love,💖 Valentine

Each of us will have moments when someone close to us is going through a difficult period, and we stand by them to support and love them. Today, I am here for one of my loved ones, ready to put this into practice. When I learned what was happening, I asked myself what role I could play in this situation. As students of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), we turn to the Holy Spirit with such questions. He is our great helper, comforter, guide, and more. The answer I received was immediate: I was directed to a section that talks about “the great rays” in the Course.

This moved me deeply because it resonated perfectly with the situation and inspired me. I knew this was the best approach I could take, literally. Over the coming weeks, I will focus on the great rays and work with them. I am fully confident that this will have a healing effect on everyone involved, especially for the person concerned.

Here is a powerful quote from the Course about the great rays:

[…] ⁵The power of one mind can shine into another, because all the lamps of God were lit with the same spark. ⁶It is everywhere and it is eternal. 

In many, only the spark remains, for the great rays are obscured. ²But God has kept the spark alive, so the rays can never be completely forgotten. ³If you but see the little spark, you will learn of the greater light, for the rays are there unseen. ⁴Perceiving the spark will heal, but knowing the light will create. ⁵Yet in the returning, the little light must be acknowledged first, for the separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness. ⁶But the spark is still as pure as the great light, because it is the remaining call of creation. ⁷Put all your faith in it, and God Himself will answer you.
[CE T-10.IV.7-8]

The beauty of this is that I have complete trust in it. I feel guided to work with the great rays daily in this situation, and I am confident it will have an effect. This is because I will be working with CAUSE—and that is the great light that comes from God which is always present. When I work on the level of cause, the effects are not separated from that, because WE are never separated from that.

Physical appearances may suggest otherwise, but what is eternal—the cause—remains unchanged. This realization helps me feel less fearful in this world. The body is temporary, but my mind (not to be confused with the brain) is eternal, as ACIM teaches. My cause, my identity in the Mind of God, is already established. We never know when our hearts will beat their last in this physical realm, but that’s not the point. We heal our minds through love, connection, caring for one another, and seeing others as whole, not broken. In other words, by recognizing that spark in them, which is part of the great rays. Disconnection and seeing ourselves as separate from others is more damaging than we might think. But when we see the spark in one another, we open ourselves to that connection and we understand that we are not truly separate. This is healing on many levels—far more than we realize.

Today, I read ’s Substack article “Trauma is a Defense Against Love”, and by then, my own post was nearly ready to publish. In his article, Sean writes: “And that is what it feels like to see the Light of Christ in another, and realize that what you are seeing—what you are sharing—is your own light.” That is so true and wonderfully said.

I am not surprised by the synchronicities between his article and mine. I often experience this with my dear friend , not only when we’re writing but also in our small buddy group, where we chat daily to share our Course practice, struggles, and insights. Returning now to her post from last week, I see, of course (!), that she also writes about fear and worry and how we can make decisions in a loving way, in her article: The loving choice . It all aligns, doesn’t it? And how often do we see related themes emerging on a larger scale among writers, journalists, artists and others, for instance here on Substack? These themes are significant for the times we’re living in.

I hope we do not give up, even when we find ourselves in such dark and uncertain times. I hope we keep recognizing the spark in everyone, even if it seems totally obscured. I say “seems totally obscured” because, according to the Course, this is an illusion. It only appears that there is no spark, but perhaps we’re simply not looking in the right way. The Course teaches us how to see with forgiving eyes.

“Perceiving the spark will heal,” the earlier quote reminds us. Each moment is a good moment to do this. I still have work to do, and I can tell you: it’s the happiest ‘job’ on earth. While it doesn’t bring millions, it fills one with joy and the healing strength of this way of perceiving others and the world. It goes beyond the “me, myself, and I” mindset. I feel it’s truly time to move beyond that. So, let the great rays dispel all doubts and fears, extending LIGHT to everyone.

You are a ray of light in God’s Mind, protected and sustained by His being. [CE T-10.II.4:1]

Love, Valentine💖

The teachings and lessons from A Course in Miracles (ACIM) constantly support me throughout my day: whether I face a problem or feel a lack of peace, be it a minor irritation or a major crisis. Whether it’s a mild cold or a more serious illness, reading and applying the lessons in my life works remarkably well.

“The aim of the exercises will always be to increase the application of the (lesson) idea to everything.” [CE W-In.5:3-4]

Each day’s lesson is applicable to everything I encounter throughout the day. I’ve come to realize that this is not only true but almost eerily accurate. It makes you wonder, how is this possible?

As Course students, I believe we all have our favorite lessons that we return to because they’ve helped us profoundly. Recently, I’ve noticed that these go-to lessons and sentences not only help with recurring problems and beliefs in our lives but also reveal something about who we truly are.

My absolute favorite lesson from the Workbook is Lesson 286. According to ACIM, we are all part of God’s Mind. We never left His Mind, though we think we did. Lesson 158 provides an excellent explanation for the ‘state’ we believe we are in now:

“Time is a trick, a sleight of hand, a vast illusion in which figures come and go as if by magic. ²Yet there is a plan behind appearances which does not change. ³The script is written. ⁴When experience will come to end your doubting has been set. ⁵For we but see the journey from the point at which it ended, looking back on it, imagining we make it once again, reviewing mentally what has gone by.” [CE W-158.4]

Now, let me delve a little deeper into Lesson 286 and especially its accompanying prayer. The overall idea that accompanies this lesson is: The hush of Heaven holds my heart today. [CE W-286:1]

This sentence alone gives me a glimpse of its meaning. Deep in my heart, at the core of my being, I am held and protected by the hush, the stillness, the peace of Heaven. This means I am still in Heaven now, and the essence or ‘heart’ of my mind will always remain there, even as I navigate the physical world.

Moreover, even as I move through this world—and believe that I do—Heaven comes with me in my heart. I carry it everywhere. Wherever I go, Heaven goes with me because we are never apart. While we perceive the heart in this world as a physical organ, in this lesson, it represents the love we carry and the decisions we make from the higher principle of Love.

This sentence holds two simultaneous levels of meaning: it acknowledges that we are eternally in the Heart/Mind of God, while also affirming that the peace of Heaven is always present wherever we go, carried  in our ‘hearts’ here.

Then follows what some refer to as the “I Need Do Nothing Prayer”:

“Father, how still today!
How quietly do all things fall in place! This is the day
that has been chosen as the time in which
I come to understand the lesson that
there is no need that I do anything.
In You is every choice already made.
In You has every conflict been resolved.
In You is everything I hope to find
already given me. Your peace is mine.
My heart is quiet, and my mind at rest.
Your love is Heaven, and Your love is mine.” [[CE W-286.1]

This prayer touches me deeply. It refers to God’s peace and the stillness we are all part of. We’ve become afraid of stillness. I mentioned this in a previous post called “The Still Centre Of The Storm” how crucial it is to connect with the peace and stillness within our minds. In this lesson, we learn that now is the time to understand the lesson that:

 “There is no need to do anything.”

If everything is already done from a higher perspective (or is a re-view), I truly do not need to do anything. When I realize that the journey is already over, I can simply be still and observe it. This brings peace, which is exactly what the prayer and the lesson convey.

The madness of this world is not over yet, and I still have to move through it and make decisions. However, if my mind stays connected to the idea that everything is already done, it shifts something within me. And when that shift happens, I can see things differently and look past the chaos of this world.

The Course asks me to hold both things at the same time. I do not deny the madness and I ask to look past it. When I apply the lesson, I do exactly that—allowing God’s peace to work through me and extend into the world.

Typically, we feel the need to do something and react constantly. I know I have that tendency—I’m quite the control freak. But the prayer tells me to stop and simply do nothing for a moment, to rest in stillness. Take a deep breath and let everything be. How else can we hear the inner voice, the voice of unity? In the Course, that’s the Voice of God. In that important moment of pausing and being with God, I can return to my daily life with a higher perspective. While I am not yet at the end of my journey and still have things to do, by connecting to the journey’s end—God Himself—I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me Home more swiftly. Every decision I make is soaked in LOVE. How could it be otherwise? I’ve been Home, even if just for a moment. This way, Home grows on me, and one day, I will wake up truly and fully Home with God. Isn’t that a hopeful thought?

Now, let’s return to the second sentence of the “I Need Do Nothing Prayer”:

“In You is every choice already made.”

This tells us that everything has already happened, and every choice has been made, according to the Course. We are looking back from the point where we are Home with God. If that is true, there’s no need for strain. All I need to do is relax, and I will know what those choices were and what they mean. It gives me the chance to see things differently—to not judge or attack but to simply look with the eyes of love.

In the Course, everything we see in this world seems to happen in time and space, but it has actually all occurred in one single moment. We now view a kind of slow-motion replay of it, like a film playing before our eyes.

On to the next sentence of the prayer:

“In You has every conflict been resolved.”

There are no conflicts between us, for we are all One in God’s Mind. There was never a conflict to begin with—we made that up. If we encounter a conflict in this world, we can step back, connect with God’s peace, and know that all is well. We are safe, and all has been resolved. Wouldn’t that change our entire perspective on problems?

This is why the next line makes perfect sense:

“In You is everything I hope to find already given me. Your peace is mine.”

God’s peace is mine now and forever. And we all have immediate access to it through for instance practicing this lesson.

The prayer continues:

“My heart is quiet, and my mind at rest.
Your love is Heaven, and Your love is mine.”

This is so comforting and brings joy. Whatever happens around me, I don’t need to worry. This prayer instantly brings me into a deep layer of silence and trust, even when life’s circumstances are harsh.

I know this prayer by heart, and the more I softly recite it to myself, the more I realize how ridiculous my ego is. The decisions I make purely for myself, the subtle unkindness, the little ways I turn my back on others—they all stem from my belief in the ego. Look around, and you’ll see what our egos throw onto the world stage every day. It’s overwhelming. I must admit, the ego is incredibly inventive. But it makes me restless, guilty, and fearful. This prayer does the opposite.

The prayer and the lesson (like every lesson in the Course) give me the courage to trust God’s Plan and to hand over control to the Holy Spirit when making decisions. I often want to handle things myself because I think I know better, but the evidence in my life proves otherwise. When I surrender control and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, miracles of connection and healing happen.

The last paragraph of this lesson beautifully encapsulates this idea:

“The stillness of today will give us hope that we have found the way and traveled far along it to a wholly certain goal. ²Today we will not doubt the end that God Himself has promised us. ³We trust in Him, and in our Self, Who still is one with Him.” [CE W-286.2]

Can we fully grasp this prayer while we are in this world? Perhaps not entirely. Some aspects will remain a mystery until we are fully awake in God. But in the meantime, we can hold this lesson close, recite the prayer, and let it work for us—because it is meant for us, as long as we are willing to accept it.

And this applies to every lesson or practice from the Course. If we are willing to apply them, they will set things in motion, as we have given permission for that transformation.

In summary, Lesson 286 means the following to me:
It reminds me of my true identity and nature
It shows me where my safety lies
It represents radical trust
It speaks of oneness and peace
It feels like a riddle, but it’s not a riddle at all
It is God whispering to me that I am Home.
It is something I understand on a deep level.
It is the truth that I carry with me wherever I go.
It explains why I feel joy when I extend love.
It reveals why doing nothing is, in fact, ‘doing’ everything.
It opens the door to God that was in truth never closed.
It represents the core of ACIM for me.
And perhaps most importantly, it expresses what I truly believe about myself, deep down.

I may have many beliefs about myself in this world, based on nationality, gender, background, or the roles I play in life, but these are all irrelevant. Deep down, there is a knowing that what I truly am, is all that this lesson speaks of. Most of all, that God’s peace is mine, and His love is mine. This is the Truth I know about myself, and until I fully embrace it once again, I have ‘work’ to do. Or, more precisely, not to do—if you catch my drift?

To do or not to do….that is the question!

Love, Valentine ♥︎

Sometimes I reflect on the world and everything happening in it, and I wonder to myself, “How do I even dare to go out on the street?” The world doesn’t feel safe to me. In my home, I feel somewhat secure, but even there, many things could go wrong.

When I think about all the wars, the poverty, and the increasing natural disasters—like last week’s intense Hurricane Helene and the devastation it caused—I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, and I am overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness. Everything is magnified; we are constantly exposed to the world’s events, and we build walls around our hearts to cope. I feel like I must always be on guard, ready to defend myself if attacked.

But as a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), I am taught to do the opposite! Instead of responding to attack with war or defense, ACIM asks me not to defend myself. It teaches that instead of arming myself with weapons, I should put on something completely different:

Today our theme is our defenselessness. ²We clothe ourselves in it as we prepare to meet the day. ³We rise up strong in Christ, and let our weakness disappear as we remember that His strength abides in us. ⁴We will remind ourselves that He remains beside us through the day, and never leaves our weakness unsupported by His strength. ⁵We call upon His strength each time we feel the threat of our defenses undermine our certainty of purpose. ⁶We will pause a moment as He tells us, “I am here.” [CE W-153.18]

Don’t be alarmed by the word “Christ.” It simply refers to the one true Self we all share. It is present in all of us. We are not separate from one another; we are one. When I fight with you, I also fight with myself and everyone else. This is why the wounds of war go deeper and deeper in our shared collective consciousness.

If nations attack each other with bombs, I can have an opinion about it. But I must start with myself: what attacking thoughts do I harbor, from mild irritation to intense rage?

What I see “out there” is also within me.

Have you ever heard the story of Augustine and the stolen pears? It goes like this:

There was a pear tree close to our own vineyard, heavily laden with fruit, which was not tempting either for its color or for its flavor. Late one night--having prolonged our games in the streets until then, as our bad habit was--a group of young scoundrels, and I among them, went to shake and rob this tree. We carried off a huge load of pears, not to eat ourselves, but to dump out to the hogs, after barely tasting some of them ourselves. Doing this pleased us all the more because it was forbidden. Such was my heart, O God, such was my heart--which thou didst pity even in that bottomless pit. Behold, now let my heart confess to thee what it was seeking there, when I was being gratuitously wanton, having no inducement to evil but the evil itself. It was foul, and I loved it. I loved my own undoing. I loved my error--not that for which I erred but the error itself. A depraved soul, falling away from security in thee to destruction in itself, seeking nothing from the shameful deed but shame itself.
-       Augustine “Confessions” Book Two, Chapter IV

Haven’t we all, at some point, done something simply because it felt good to attack, as Augustine describes? If we are honest, we have. Denying this or believing that others’ actions are far worse than ours is delusional. Observe your thoughts and words, and you may catch yourself being hateful, cruel, unkind, and unloving. It happens more often than you might think, and if you pay attention, you’ll notice it.

In Workbook Lesson 21 of ACIM, the idea for the day is: “I am determined to see things differently,” which fits perfectly here. The lesson states:

[…] Then close your eyes and search your mind carefully for situations past, present, or anticipated which arouse anger in you. The anger may take the form of any reaction ranging from mild irritation to rage. The degree of the emotion you experience does not matter. You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury. 
Try, therefore, not to let the “little” thoughts of anger escape you in the practice periods. Remember that you do not really recognize what arouses anger in you, and nothing that you believe in this connection means anything. You will probably be tempted to dwell more on some situations than on others, on the fallacious grounds that they are more “obvious.” This is not so. It is merely an example of the belief that some forms of attack are more justified than others.

As you search your mind for all the forms in which attack thoughts present themselves, hold each one in mind and tell yourself: 
I am determined to see ＿＿ [name of person] differently.
I am determined to see ＿＿ [specify the situation] differently.
[CE W-21.4]

This early Course lesson is so powerful because it forces me to recognize that if I harbor judgments about the darker figures in the world, I need to stop and examine my life and mind. The world, with its dictators, murderers, and thieves, does not need my judgment—it needs my healed perception. It needs my forgiveness, which helps both me and everyone else. If I, and other spiritual students, do not do our inner work, and then also demonstrate what we have learned in our daily life, we all will remain trapped in a collective ego loop.

When I practice lessons like these, I notice instant changes in how I feel and how people around me respond. It’s amazing. Simply recognizing my thoughts of anger and judgment, and stating, “I am determined to see this differently”, helps me see the world in a new light. It really works—you just need to keep doing it.

What a great pair of lessons I have when I combine this with Lesson 153: In my defenselessness my safety lies. [CE W-153:1]! This lesson teaches me that my true strength comes not from defending myself, but from being defenseless. Defenselessness is not vulnerability—it is immense power. As I quoted at the beginning, we “clothe” ourselves in this defenselessness like a jacket of light, feeling protected. Of course, we don’t walk into a minefield or jump off a cliff thinking we are physically invulnerable. While our bodies have limitations, we make wiser decisions when we stay in communication with the one Self we all share. From this inner dialogue, we are guided to make decisions rooted in love and a broader perspective. This way of being and decision making, that is what we learn in the Course. Its lessons are so profound! It is a fantastic training of the mind!

There is a Dutch saying that goes like this: “Je vindt geen appel onder een perenboom”. In English that is “You won't find an apple under a pear tree”. In other words, searching for the impossible is pointless. It’s pointless for me to constantly worry about all the attacks and dangers in the world and feel like I must solve everything right now. But I can change how I view things and how I move through the world.

[…] reassure your mind that all its frantic fantasies were but the dreams of fever that has passed away. Let it be still and thankfully accept its healing.
Each hour that you take your rest today, a tired mind is suddenly made glad, a bird with broken wings begins to sing, a stream long dry begins to flow again. The world is born again each time you rest and hourly remember that you came to bring the peace of God into the world, that it might take its rest along with you.
[CE W-109.6-7]

So, I will continue following my daily Course lessons, and after my moments of silence, I will carry those lessons into the world. And perhaps I will plant a pear tree, so I can share my pears with both hogs and my brothers and sisters alike!

Love, Valentine💖🍐

What I find so wonderful about my spiritual path A Course in Miracles (ACIM), is that each lesson can be applied in your life as a solution to any problem or disturbance of peace in your mind.

Of course, as Course students we all have our favorite lessons. I must admit I have quite a few, but I believe lesson 135 is my absolute favorite. It’s quite a daunting lesson, but it aligns perfectly with my struggles, bluntly telling me that my usual way of doing things is not the correct approach. The lesson idea is this: If I defend myself I am attacked. [CE W-135:1]

What am I defending? I defend practically everything I do all day. I think I have to protect myself against everything and that I must be on guard. I judge things, people and situations in thought but also in behavior and a lot of the times I am not even aware of it. And I’m not alone—we all do this! But there is one more crucial point and that is so interesting: we plan everything in detail. According to the Course, planning is just as much a defense against the truth as our judgments or other forms of attack.

I am normally quite perfectionistic in certain areas. Did I ever imagine that the minute controlling of my time would be a defense against the truth? Lesson 135 explains that this doesn’t serve me at all; in fact, it’s a form of attack. One could even argue it's quite arrogant to plan, as it suggests I believe I know everything and always know best.

When I read the following from the lesson, I can only think ‘WOW’:

And it is this you do when you attempt to plan the future, activate the past, or organize the present as you wish. You operate from the belief you must protect yourself from what is happening, because it must contain what threatens you. A sense of threat is an acknowledgment of an inherent weakness, a belief that there is danger which has power to call on you to make appropriate defense. [CE W-135.2]

To plan, is to live from fear. It is wanting to predict the future, to secure it, to manage your own time because you do not want to sacrifice your time for something you do not feel like doing at that moment. But it closes the door to possibilities that you yourself cannot see, but that could give you and others so much.

When I tune in to what the Course calls the Holy Spirit (you can also call it a higher knowledge within yourself, or source or unity) and ask what I am supposed to do, a completely different ‘plan’ emerges. A planning that is open to what comes my way in the moment, because I have opened the ‘door’. A planning that is aimed at serving not only me but also others.

Despite my perfectionist, systematic nature, I long for that alternative: I want that higher planning. You could even say that that is my real nature. Wanting my own planning, that is completely unnatural! I find lesson 135 so brilliant because in 27 paragraphs it explains in detail that I can let go of my defense mechanisms of plans, judgments, attacks etc. and be defenseless. I can drop my ‘weapons’. If I am irritated or react grumpy to someone, I am defending myself. If I have a judgment, I am defending myself. If I am suddenly very tired, there is a big chance that I am resisting something. And if I make my own plans for my day then that is actually a defense against the Truth.

That is why silence is so important. How else can we hear what we are supposed to do, or how we can approach things? I do not want to defend myself; I want to hand over my day and clearly receive the guidance of what I am to do from that higher perspective and not my own narrow view.

Even in my work I can get guidance about what I can do, for instance: how I write an email, or who I can call or what my next task is etc. Yesterday I wrote an email to a musician. Someone that I had to reject. He wanted to release an album with our record company. We decided we would not work with him. I could have sent a cold impersonal email that we are not interested in him. I didn't do that, I asked for guidance (from the Holy Spirit) and I wrote this person what we didn't like about his recording very honestly. But I wrote it from the perspective that I really wish him all the success and that I can see the inspiration and passion in him. And I wrote from the perspective that I am SURE he will find his way, even if it is not with us. That way my email was honest but very kind and loving. When I 'reject' someone from that perspective I always get an email back in which they thank me for my sincerity about why I said ‘no’, but specifically about the tone of my email that shows real compassion. This is a human being that deserves all the respect in the world. He is not a number and that is how we should treat each other and everything that lives.

This is how I want to engage with people, whether I ‘meet’ them via email briefly or whether I work with them for years. Whether they are friends of mine, or family, or someone I only meet for a few seconds on the street. I want to truly see them.

If I am open to the ‘higher planning’ which sees everything from a higher perspective, then the most beautiful things can happen. Then there is room for miracles. My rejection email and the email I received back from this person, that was a miracle! I did not write that email with my limited personal brain; I wrote it with an open and loving mind. We all have access to that. The only thing I did was tune in to that part of my mind, which works from the principle of love and unity. The only thing one needs to do to achieve this is be still for a moment, and be willing to let love speak through you, instead of speaking with the ego-voice, who always speaks first.

The Course gives me the lessons, the means for all of this, every day with each lesson. And isn’t it wonderful that it explains to me how I can actually heal my mind? It is all there, in that lesson 135 (which I will quote once more below). But in fact you can find it in every Course lesson: it will give me clues and exercises to heal my mind, my perception, and that is nothing short of miraculous!

A healed mind does not plan. It carries out the plans which it receives through listening to wisdom that is not its own. It waits until it has been taught what should be done, and then proceeds to do it. It does not depend upon itself for anything except its adequacy to fulfill the plans assigned to it. It is secure in certainty that obstacles cannot impede its progress to accomplishment of any goal which serves the greater plan established for the good of everyone. [CE W-135.12]

What would happen if we all would be tuned in to this higher guidance, which is available to all of us, and slowly would let go of our own strict and frantic planning? I used to love my own ‘To-Do Lists’, also for the mere fun of checking the boxes. But guided ‘To-Do Lists’ are made from another perspective, a unified goal. And since I just simply ask more and more what it is I am to do, in each moment, I am so much happier. It gives me joy, meaning, happiness and peace. I am not saying I have totally given up my old ways of knowing it all and being perfectionistic, because I tend to forget asking for guidance a lot. This way of living takes courage, but when you step into it, it changes your life. A slow process for sure, but I will get there in the end.

Love, Valentine

Our world is full of sounds. It is hard to avoid them. We have become so used to
them that, in a way we seem to be addicted to them. We fill our days with sounds, so that the noises can outvoice the constant loud stream of our thoughts. In comes the ‘silence industry’. We book holidays and go to retreats so we can bathe in a ‘well-constructed’ silence. A silence that will help to fuel us up again, so we can go back to our busy lives and handle the noises again.

When we travel, we put in earbuds to listen to podcasts, the news, music and we even watch our series on the go. Just sitting in silence and staring out of the window, let alone talking to fellow travelers, is seen as odd and undesirable. Walking in nature with only the sounds of the wind through the trees, the waves rolling onto the shore or the singing of the birds? These sounds can already be experienced as too ‘still’. And I must confess, I also often listen to a podcast, audiobook, or music while walking. And have you done this lately? Putting the TV on for no reason, just to break the silence?

But still, silence is something so fascinating. Since I studied musicology, I was intrigued by it and tried to find out what composers said about silence and how they use it in their music. It had an enormous attraction for me, but I also feared it at the same time, because the subject was so vast, so elusive, that I dropped my idea of using it as my thesis subject.

When I became a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), I immediately saw how often the words peace, stillness and silence appear in the book. And it triggered my fascination for the subject again. The Course asks us all the time, in every lesson, to still our mind. To take a few minutes or even seconds to move toward the still center that is in all of us. In the beginning that can be hard, but we make progress when we just keep doing the lessons every day. To open our mind to a layer of peace that seems deeply hidden, but that we all can reach. When I simply begin to focus on the spaces that can be found in between my thoughts, it can already give me a sense of freedom and relief.

This moving toward peace is one of being in the moment, without the past and future interfering. And when we train this silence muscle it can even bring about something very profound and unexpected! I have had several times in my life when I found myself all of a sudden in an even deeper layer of silence. It happened not while meditating but in a moment of crisis, where I just did not know what to do. The only thing I could do, was use the repetition of some simple Course phrases in my mind, like I rest in God, I want the peace of God or I will forgive and this will disappear. For instance this short prayer I have used so many times:

I want the peace of God.
²The peace of God is everything I want. ³The peace of God is my one goal, the aim of all my living here, the end I seek, my purpose and my function and my life while I abide where I am not at home.
[CE W-205.1:1-3]

It makes me feel calmer soon and in these kinds of situations it can be that at that moment it is for me the only way I can give up all control and totally hand over the situation. I then do not see any other solution, everything is beyond my control. And with that surrender, through the mere repeating of the lines, I seem to be lifted temporarily above time. A deep sense of peace and a knowing that all is well then comes over me instantly. And with it comes extreme trust and joy. This peace that came with it stayed with me for hours or even more than a day. It had nothing to do with the buzz of the world. It probably is what the Course calls a revelation, but it says that it is not really possible to put such an experience into words because it is so personal. And that is absolutely true.

The Course helps us again and again to go into the silence, in our meditation time in the morning as we set the tone for the day, or in the evening. But also, in brief and frequent moments of tuning into stillness during our day. Those moments are very important. It is not necessary to live as a monk and meditate for hours, because A Course in Miracles trains us to find stillness even in our hectic everyday life and to extend that stillness to others: to be in the still center of the storm.

I have tinnitus. And there are millions of people who have that. How on earth can I come to stillness when I have sounds in my ear all the time? And don’t we all hear sounds around us all the time?

But the silence that we move toward here is not a physical silence, it is a silence of ‘being’. It is like I rise above my tinnitus, or just simply ‘walk’ past it. I can often do the same with a ticking clock, or a dog that barks.

The Course says:

There is a silence into which the world cannot intrude. There is an ancient peace you carry in your heart and have not lost. There is a sense of holiness in you the thought of sin has never touched. All this today you will remember. Faithfulness in practicing today will bring rewards so great and so completely different from all things you sought before that you will know that here your treasure is, and here your rest. [CE W-164.4]

Course teacher Tara Singh wrote in his book ‘A Gift For All Mankind’:
“Each sentence of the daily lesson must bring you to silence. Then by the end, you are in a different space. There is a vitality within you that you’ve never felt before. This is the vitality of silence – the strongest experience you can ever have. Silence is not touched by words. It is a state where contradictions end and a renewal takes place.”

And that is exactly what we do every time we tap into that silence. It seems to even work in a cumulative way. Not a moment spent in silence is wasted.

To go back to the topic of silence in music: a lot of musicians and composers philosophize and think about the importance of silence in music. Not thinking about silence would in fact in my opinion be quite strange. To me silence seems the absolute foundation for every piece of music. The more the silence has a space in music, the better I think it is.

Listen for instance to ‘Part 3’, one of my favorite Keith Jarret improvisations. It is from his live album ‘The Carnegie Hall Concert’. You hear in this piece how it is built up from silence and it takes a flight and then is carried “on wings”. It all happens automatically. Jarret said the following about silence in his improvisations, in an interview:

“I start in silence, and then I have to grow into the silence. That is how the music comes to me.”

Here you can listen to this wonderful piece played by Jarrett:

A contemporary composer for whom silence is also an essential element in his music is Arvo Pärt. His piece ‘Für Alina’ is so basic, silence plays a leading role in it and this composition is breathtakingly beautiful because of it. It mainly focuses on single tones and the stillness is tangible. Here an exquisite example of this piece played by the wonderful French/Georgian pianist Kathia Buniatishvili:

If we compare this to our life, or our spiritual practice and journey, we know that silence is foundational for everyone. The question is, do we realize it and use it? Do we embrace it or do we fear it? And do we actually know that in this silence we are at Home? And that everything is perfectly okay in that peace and stillness?

I navigate more and more toward stillness, in brief moments and longer ones and I notice how beneficial it is for me.

Let me close with my absolute favorite prayer in the Course. One that helps me immediately go into silence and to trust that everything that is said in this prayer must be true:

Father, how still today! 
How quietly do all things fall in place! This is the day
that has been chosen as the time in which
I come to understand the lesson that
there is no need that I do anything. 
In You is every choice already made. 
In You has every conflict been resolved. 
In You is everything I hope to find
already given me. Your peace is mine. 
My heart is quiet, and my mind at rest. 
Your love is Heaven, and Your love is mine. [CE W-286.1]  

PS My dear friend Margaret Reyes Dempsey also wrote a post about this topic and she touches on another important issue around silence and stillness: PATIENCE! I highly recommend it: Toasting Marshmallows over a Glass-Top Stove

Love to you all, Valentine