The biggest mistake we make when evaluating our decisions is to look at our results and, based on that, judge ourselves or our decision making as successful or unsuccessful. Good decision maker or bad at decision making.

That is wrong. Costly. And fatal in the long term.

When we make a decision, we are making a bet against the future.

Future = Unknown(s).

There are so many unknowns that can and will affect our results regardless of how sound and smart our decision-making process was.

Since that is the case, we need one more thing to have successful outcomes from our decisions. And that one thing is completely out of our control. It is called luck.

If your decision-making process is smart but good luck is nowhere around and bad luck knocks on the door, your decision-making process or capabilities will be affected by this.

On the other hand, if your decision-making process was wrong but good luck hit you, you will have a successful result.

So we do not get great results just because our decision making was great. We also don’t get bad results just because our decision making was not smart enough.

That brings us to the rule that results do not depend just on the quality of the decisions or the decision-making process.

This is called resulting.

For example:

You make a careful, intelligent investment, but unexpectedly lose money. If you say, “It was a bad decision because I lost money,” you are resulting.

That being said, it doesn’t mean that it is not important to always try to make the best decision possible.

Luckily, we can do a lot to improve our decision making and become better decision makers. Eventually, masters at it.

There are so many science-based, experience-proven tools to help us do that. That is why, in Part 2, we are going to learn the first tool to master the art and the science of making great decisions.

For now, look back and see where you were doing resulting.

Find a few examples. When you reflect on your own experience, analyze and understand it, it makes it easier for you to catch yourself doing it in the future too and stop yourself from doing it.

The next tool is one of my favorites. Can’t wait to share it.

Stay tuned

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I sat down to write. I am sleepy, though. I woke up too early. I am also physically and mentally tired from yesterday’s problems. I had issues at home, at work with my boss, and also with my business partner. These all exhausted me and threw me off track. However, I can’t let them take control of me. That is why I am writing these sentences.

Usually, when I want to write but can’t, it is because there is something my mind keeps thinking about, analyzing, and ruminating over, and that won’t let me write until I write it down and empty my head. It is so weird and interesting. As soon as I start writing about what has my attention, my brain starts to feel lighter and clearer. And after just a few minutes, I feel way more ready to write than I was before.

This feels more like journaling than an article.

There is a reason. I wanted to literally do it and show that sometimes you don’t need ideas to write about. All you need to do is empty your mind onto paper or anywhere else you can write. Once you do that, your mind gets freed up.

It is like you first have to throw away the trash so that you can open up space for creativity and flow.

Another big blocker is decisions you have to make but don’t or can’t. These decisions are important. Because of that, they keep your mind busy. They make you keep thinking about them, analyzing, worrying, etc. And the longer you wait to make a decision, the longer your mind is controlled and occupied by it. Sometimes, what you need is not to make a decision but to learn more about it and understand why it is bothering you so much in the first place.

As soon as you understand it or make a decision, you are ready to fully utilize your creativity.

It is like you are driving to work and you are late, but you are behind a trash truck on a narrow street. Then, suddenly, you find your way to the highway and start driving on a highway with no traffic.

Next time you can’t write, do this instead. Sit down and start writing or typing whatever is on your mind, whether it is the stuff you write about or not.

You can do this at other times, too, not only when you want to write. It will help you tremendously with your writing consistency, quality, and longevity.

You have to do boring stuff so you can get exciting stuff.

They don't happen without each other.

If you want exciting things in your life — real progress, real results — you have to do boring things. A lot of them. Day in, day out. No exceptions. There is no version of an exciting life that doesn’t run through a long stretch of boring, repetitive work.

So…

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The stress we experience often comes from the expectations we place on ourselves.

We want to get more done with the time we have. Which is great.

The not-so-great part is the limitations we ignore.

There are two of them.

Factor 1: Time

If you have a 20-minute window during the day and you want to work on a project you’ve been trying to complete, remind yours…

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When you focus on productivity, one thing happens to almost everyone: anything less than a very important task gets delayed until it becomes impossible to delay anymore.

It happens to me too.

Every week, I set high-priority tasks and intend to execute them.

It is super easy to get distracted by less important tasks, stay busy doing them, and end up making …

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I have found a simple solution to one of the biggest problems in my own life and also in my clients’ lives.

It is “to do” lists for the day which get forgotten before noon.

I have been wondering why this happens?

I write them down.

Plan my day around them.

Still, though, end of the day I am tired, exhausted, had a busy day, almost no time wasted — but still…

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Focus is a rare skill in our day and age.

It is a problem we all suffer from.

Fixing it is possible.

There are so many science, bro science, and TikTok tips on how to do it.

In this article, I will share a different approach than all the tips, hacks, and scientific methods you can find with a “tell me how to strengthen my focus” kind of prompt to your favor…

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You don’t struggle with productivity because

you’re lazy.

You struggle because you expect the day to go the way you planned it.

You wake up with a clear idea of what you want to get done. You know your priorities. You even feel like today might be a good day.

And then the day actually starts.

A message comes in, you check it.
Someone calls, you answer.
Someth…

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The rule that ends self-betrayal

“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.” Amelia Earhart

It is a principle and rule that anyone who wants to build discipline in their life, who wants to develop and adopt a new habit, routine, or lifestyle, must make their personal motto, repeat consistently, and apply it daily.

It is a great method and approach.

It’s…

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One of the greatest habits you can build as an ambitious person is to spare some time every day to be still.
Just sit and do nothing.
Like the water of a quiet lake.
No movement, no motion. Just being.
Absolute stillness.

Our lives are insanely busy.
As soon as we wake up, we get bombarded with emails, Slack, texts, and everything else.
And the moment we arriv…

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You’re not broken — you’re just bumping into limits your mind built to keep you safe.

When things don’t go the way we want or wish they would, we usually blame ourselves or our environment and external factors.

Either we say, “It didn’t happen because I’m not enough. I failed because I’m not skilled enough. I couldn’t achieve my dream because I’m not smart enough.”

Other times, we say, “He or she blocked me. They didn’t allow me. I was lied to, betrayed, and taken advantage of, without any promises kept.”

Some of these might be true.
But this won’t make your life better.

Stephen Covey said it best:

“The real problem is that we define the wrong thing as the problem.”

When you blame something as the cause of your failure, you give power to it — especially if it’s not the real problem.
And since it’s not the real problem, everything you do to solve it becomes a waste of time, energy, and resources.
Even worse — since you won’t be able to move forward — you’ll lose your hope and belief too.

The Real Trap: Learned Helplessness

Ever noticed how things fall apart right after they start going well?
That’s not failure — that’s your brain trying to protect your old identity.

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This is the identity we decide to create.

It is not controlled by our past or other people, as I wrote in other sections. Identity is the most important factor.

Behaviors can always be changed, but for change to last there must be alignment between that behavior and our identity.

They must be the same. Behavior must be us.

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So when we describe ourselves, tha…

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Today we are talking about 4th identity — programmed identity.

3. Our Programmed Identity.
The identity “loaded” into us by family, society, culture and environment.
This is our most unconscious identity. We accepted this identity in early ages — before our ability to think and choose was formed.

This includes parenting styles, societal expectations, religi…

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According to Marshal Goldsmith, we have four identities:

- reflected identity,
- created identity,
- remembered identity
- programmed identity.

Remembered identity
The sense of self we form based on past experiences and memories.
This identity is our internal story: “I am the kind of person who…” The remembered identity is built on our past successes, failures, traumas, and life lessons. It defines the frame through which we think about what kind of person we are and what we are capable of.

This identity is formed based on events from our past, our personal history, events we remember or choose to remember. Some events are undeniable — we remember them more and in greater detail. If those events send us negative messages or thoughts about our identity, then the identity we form will align with that.

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This is not everything. It is not the end. It is not immutable. Because when we look at our past, we can also recall events we have never remembered or have barely remembered — events that would contribute positively, diversely, and strengthen our identity.

Think about it: how many times have you replayed a mistake from years ago, as if it still defines you? That’s your remembered identity, and it can be a prison.

No matter how many negative events we remember, with a new perspective and search we can always recall a more positive version of ourselves. Each of us has made decisions and choices in hard moments in the past that are worth remembering. Challenges we overcame. Results that show our strengths, our brave decisions, disciplined choices — these definitely exist. And we can focus on these positive and strong things.

Our past is raw material; looking at that raw material we can scoop only dirt into our palms, or with a bit more patient refinement we can process facts of gold value. These are not lies, not exaggerations, not absurd things. They are lived, strengthening facts produced by us.

If that is the case, then why not do something we haven’t done until now?

Why not, at least for a while, examine our past like a lawyer who will base his whole life and career on the facts he finds — obsessively searching to prove how skilled, talented, smart, brave, disciplined we were?

Why not do that?

In the end we are simply investigating the truth and will find the truth. Doing this will have another benefit for us. Sometimes we keep remembering a big mistake we made years, or even decades, ago to explain ourselves. The reason we made that mistake at the time could be many things.

Maybe we were tired, maybe we were rushed, maybe it happened because of pressure from others, maybe there wasn’t enough information or the gathered information was wrong, maybe we chose to believe someone unbelievable, maybe our experience at that moment was insufficient, etc.

The reasons and factors can be many.

For any reason we made that mistake, but despite the years that passed during which we learned, developed, our experience increased and our perspective changed — meaning we are a completely different person who would never make that mistake again. Yet we still see ourselves as if we are the same person. This limits us.

Sometimes, because we see ourselves that way, we repeat similar mistakes or our hands get tied and we cannot take advantage of opportunities that arise in similar situations. We accept this as normal. We call it fate and bow our heads and continue.

But it should not be this way. Change is difficult for us but it is certainly something we can do. Looking back at our past and choosing which results define us is very, very easy. For that we just need to recall past memories as we always do. But with one difference — this time, not the automatically recalled memories, but only and exclusively the positive ones.

We will be selective. We will choose only the positives, think about them, analyze them and replay that moment in our mind for a few minutes. Doing this will not instantly erase negative beliefs about ourselves. Nor will it change our life in a day.

However, if we do this at set times, make it a long-term routine or an interesting practice, then you will start to see changes. The brain needs no prompting to orient toward and remember the negative. It does this by itself without our doing anything. But the brain is very forgetful or lazy when it comes to remembering positive events, especially when we were the ones who made the event positive.

By saying we were the ones who made it positive, I mean an important factor: the event was positive because of the choices we made at that moment, the decisions we took, the things we did even though they were hard or we didn’t want to, and the risks we took — so the event became a positive one. In other words, we had direct participation there.

If we do not make any effort to bring these back to our agenda, the brain usually buries them. And if we always play our mistakes and negative occurrences on the stage of our brain, then we will think of ourselves as the ones who make those mistakes, the ones who experience those failures, and as the habits, character, and identity that lead us to do them. That is, we will see them as those errors.

For a person who sees themselves this way, forming discipline and achieving good results is extremely difficult. For example, if you see yourself this way, no matter how much you want it, you will not achieve your desired results. Not because you are not capable. No — you are capable. But the negative memories that have ruled in your mind for years do not allow it.

You cannot see the power, potential, skill, and essence inside you. Even if you see it, you do not believe. You do not want to accept because for years the you in your mind is a completely different person.
Should this remain so? Of course not.

If you keep defining yourself by who you were, you’ll never allow yourself to become who you could be.

Change is possible and you will do it. One way to do this is to see what you remind yourself of from your past, what you call to mind, and how much those things are on your agenda.
For this, you will recall the choices, decisions, and behaviors that prove and show the best version of you — selectively, as noted above.

If you think for a few minutes you might say there is nothing, nothing comes to mind. I have encountered people who say this, which is why I write these lines now. Don’t be impatient and try to remember — there definitely are.
Another important point is: do not belittle any action, choice, or decision. Each is valuable. Approach this as if you are collecting evidence. Think that you are gathering proofs to present to a judge to demonstrate the strong you you want to be. In the judge’s decision, it’s not only important that the evidence you bring be major and significant, but also the quantity will play an important role.

For this, select past memories by quality and impact. Collect even the smallest and seemingly insignificant ones.

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Mastery looks mysterious from the outside. Watching Serena Williams dominate a court, Elon Musk launch rockets, or Kobe Bryant train at 4 AM, it’s tempting to assume they were born different. But the truth is far less mystical — and far more encouraging. Greatness isn’t gifted, it’s built.

Decades of research in psychology, neuroscience, and education re…

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When we think of discipline, we usually imagine people who are tough, strong, always motivated, full of energy — somehow different from the average person. The picture we form in our minds of a “disciplined person” often looks like this. But the truth is, none of that is necessary.

To be disciplined, the first and most important step is not being strong …

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The part of you you’re ashamed of is the part that makes you unstoppable.

You’ve got a dark side.
So do I.
Everyone does.
It sneaks out as envy when someone else wins. It’s that pulse of anger you try to swallow when someone disrespects you. It’s pride, greed, lust, obsession — all the messy stuff we’re taught to hide.

We were taught to hide, we can hide, bu…

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