I’m sitting here recently, and I’m taking some time to look at what the last several weeks have been like when I’m working with clients and what is a reoccurring theme I can speak to.

Either in a live group setting or on a one-on-one session, I keep finding so many of my clients are either using the word “More” when they’re talking about what they want in a connection, or they’re using things that are very similar and basically expressing the same desire.

They want more.

They don’t want just somebody they meet through a dating app.

They don’t want just somebody that has some things in common.

They want more.

That word and that analogy let alone that feeling comes up so much and I’ve been trying to define what that means to my clients.

Well, while pondering that exact question I was recently scrolling through social media like I do. I mean, I don’t have this all figured out.

I am also a student. Life is a lesson the whole way through. So I’m always open to see what the universe has to say about the things I’m trying to unknot myself with and can help others with.

So when I heard a speaker in an interview talking about just relationships from general perspective, not twin flame soulmates dynamic, and they said three words that really resonated with me.

They said everyone who is seeking a connection, like a real connection, wants three things.

They want to feel seen.

They want to be held, and they want to be heard.

When I heard the speaker say those three words, I stopped.

They really resonated with me because I felt like that speaker has cracked open the coconut shell that is more.

That is what so many people are desiring, wanting, needing, craving, but not having a way to say that.

So many of us have been raised in a society that has us looking at everybody else’s needs and wants and not being self nourishing, not being self compassionate, not being self giving.

We are supposed to be selfless. That word alone has always bothered me because it simply says there’s less of you ever, selfless.

I want to be able to speak to that.

I have an audience of people in a huge range of ages that all want/desire/crave the same thing.

They all want more.

That more is they want to feel seen.

They want to be held, and they want to be heard.

These are what the more is when we crack that nutshell.

Right? And we open up that coconut. What’s the inside? Those three words.

And so I want to talk about that in this article because it’s not just about finding a connection.

It’s not just finding a title, like a twin flame soulmate, whatever the term may be.

There is something that they want that’s more. Is a soulmate or twin flame a top shelf item? You’ve probably heard those words a thousand times. Soulmate. Twin flame. Soul family.

They sound like magic. Like there’s some higher tier connection out there waiting for you, and there is.

But here’s what I’ve learned in all these years: those labels don’t mean much until you actually know who you are and what you’re asking for.

Any of those connections, whether it’s a soulmate, a twin flame, or something that doesn’t have a fancy name at all, it all comes down to the same thing.

Do you feel seen? Do you feel held? Do you feel heard? That’s the real marker. Not the title. Not the buzzword. The actual experience of being known.

So before you go chasing a label, get clear on what you’re actually hungry for.

Because once you do, you’re not looking for a soulmate or a twin flame anymore.

You’re looking for a frequency match. And that changes everything.

So when they’re reaching for more, what are my readers reaching for?

I feel that this speaker hit it. They are asking to be seen, to be held, to be heard.

Those are the desires that we’ve most likely don’t even understand. We’ve been taught to almost whitewash any of those things, push them down, pass them over, focus on everybody else.

We’re not taught to be self sufficient.

Well, in this article today, we are not just talking about soul to soul connections.

We’re talking about the most important relationship you’ll ever have, and that’s a relationship with yourself.

So first what does being Seen actually mean to you?

Does it mean that you have a partner that looks you in the eye when they have a conversation? Or is it that you find your partner may go and do little things that show that they are paying attention to what matters to you? Would that make you feel seen?

What does being Held mean? Is it just a hug? Is it your hand being held? Or is it that you feel supported? Or that you feel nurtured? Is that what being held means to you?

Now what about Heard? How would feeling heard feel like for you? Is it because you want to feel that when you speak, your partner is actually listening, not just waiting to respond? What does heard really mean to you?

What do these three things really mean to you?

Take a moment and sit with that.

Because when you crack open what seen, held, and heard actually feel like for you, that’s when the real clarity starts to happen. That’s where the work actually begins.

So once we understand who we are and how do we want to feel, how do we want to experience what we are actually desiring, we will be able to find the connection we really want.

So today, I want sit down, and I want to talk about that with you.

*Take a minute to grab a pen and paper, to take some notes.

We’re gonna sit down, and in this article, we’re gonna ask a lot of questions, but curiosity and audacity is gonna get you far.

Let’s do this.

First go ahead and let’s face the questions in this article and what this is bringing up.

Because if you’re sitting here reading this, you are like so many other millions of people out there. You want something different. You don’t want the same old, same old. You want something more.

It’s interesting how we are taught in our life to want more of other things, more income, a bigger house, a bigger this, a bigger that. But when it comes to relationships, it seems like the only thing we’re taught to want is very outdated goals.

You know? Think about it. What is the goal? You know…meet somebody, start dating, date for a while, get engaged, get married, have kids, don’t have kids, have dogs, don’t have dogs.

Whatever the case may be, it’s so cut and dry. It’s just that. It’s dry toast.

When you think about the fact that everything else is told we can have anything and everything we want in this world, why can we not have more definition of what a relationship or a connection with another soul can be?

Maybe it’s because we’ve become so disconnected in our relationship with self that relationships have stopped being a real focus.

They’re just another thing on the grocery list.

Like:

• dozen eggs

• gallon of milk

• loaf of bread

• a relationship

Well, what if we go ahead and take relationships off the grocery list, and let’s go take a wander down the path of curiosity.

Let’s go for a walk metaphorically.

Let’s say we’re just going for a walk out in the park, a local park on a nice relaxing, not crazy hot, but nice, comfortable summer day.

So, go ahead and ask the questions that we really need to.

Let’s take relationships off a grocery list, and let’s put it instead on a blank page because anything and everything is possible.

If we first really understand what it is we want... because if we walk into a restaurant tomorrow with a huge menu and we sit down and they, and a server comes up and says, well, what would you like? And we say, oh, just bring us anything. We’re hungry. Just bring us something.

Guess what? There’s a very good chance whatever just shows up, when we haven’t even put any thought or input into what we may actually desire to eat, we’re gonna end up most likely with something that’s not gonna suit us, something that’s not gonna taste good or be appealing.

Then what are we going to do? We’re going to be stuck with something that we didn’t want in the first place.

So let’s go ahead and take a look at us and our relationship with ourselves first.

Because the very interesting thing, and I will tell you this…how about I’ll share the first secret in this article.

The first secret is… The way you love others is the way you wish to be loved.

How about that statement?

I want you to sit there and think about it for a moment.

This is a good time to take a pause and sit down with that pen and paper I talked about.

Ask yourself these questions.

• If the way I love others is the way I wish to be loved, what does that look like?

• How do you love others?

• Do you go out of your way to make sure they always know that they matter?

• Do you always make sure that you show them you care?

• When was the last time you did that for yourself?

So go ahead and take a pause and pull out that pen and paper and ask yourself these questions right now.

Okay. So now that we’ve taken the time to answer those questions, we have a little more idea in how we treat others in relationships.

It’s interesting if the way we love others is the way we wish to be loved, take a look at that list.

What are some of those things on the list?

I bet many of them can speak to the fact that we want to be seen, we want to be held, and we want to be heard. Okay?

So now that we have a little more of an idea of how we love others, and we just now understand that guess what? That’s actually what we’re asking from others in the future.

Now that we know these details, this will put us in the right direction.

We have more of an idea of what we want to manifest.

Because this next part of the article is where we’re going to do another deep dive as we’re taking this walk and we’re thinking about things, let’s take a look now at what has happened in a very compassionate and loving and open way.

What has happened in past relationships for us and what didn’t seem to work for us?

When we take a look at that in just a very neutral way, in a way that with love and compassion and say, we can’t go back and change what has happened, but what we can do is understand the core of what was going on and where our needs weren’t met, then we have a better chance of being able to ask for and look for from the universe what would do that.

So let’s go ahead and take a moment now.

Let’s think about it.

Now if we know that the way we love others is the way we wish to be loved, what was happening in those connections with us?

• Were we always last on their list?

• When we would speak, were they even really paying attention?

• Would they look us in the eyes?

• Would they take the time to just spend time with us?

Well, the interesting thing is I want you to understand, no matter what has happened in the past, and in no way, shape, or form, am I discounting what someone has done and anything that was anywhere in the lines of toxic and abusive.

I am not discounting any of that, and I’m not excusing bad behavior at any level.

But what I am saying is if we can take a moment now and look at what was missing, what was actually happening.

If we were in connections with people and we were treating them at their full potential because we could see it, but they were never showing up with that energy, then this gives us an idea.

We need to start focusing on how we can be that for ourselves and then get a better idea of how we could not put things on a grocery list,

You know, a carton of milk, a loaf of bread….or the characteristics we want.

But maybe what we really need to do is an exercise that I love to do with clients.

It’s not a hard one to do and I’m going to go ahead and give you the instructions, and it’s not going to be hard. It’s very powerful, but not take a lot of time.

So all you’re going to need is twenty minutes.

*I recommend that a client grabs their phone and sets the timer for twenty minutes.

Now make a point of setting a timer and I know you may be good at watching time, but when you set the timer, you are telling yourself these matters.

This matters enough that I want to take it seriously, and this is important because this is important.

So set a timer on your phone for twenty minutes.

Now take a moment to find something to listen to that has no lyrics to distract you.

You can listen to music, but maybe instrumental. Maybe just go on YouTube, find the sound of the ocean rolling in or rain. Something that’s relaxing that’s gonna put you in a right headspace to be open and receiving, but not distracted by lyrics in the background. Okay?

Then I want you to sit down with a pad and paper and answer one question. And the first time you do this exercise, yes, I’m going to have you do this exercise three different times in one week or in a seven-day period.

The first time you sit down with this exercise, I want you to answer the question: How do I want to feel in a relationship?

Now I want to warn you, everything that you don’t want is what’s going to show up, especially this first time.

That’s gold. That’s what you want. You want to be able to answer that and have everything that is blocking you from getting into a connection clear the air.

Give everything that has happened in the past air to breathe. Everything you’ve pushed down, discounted, pushed away.

Let it rise. Let it rise and release it on the page. Everything and anything without judgment, get it on the paper.

When that twenty minutes is up, I want you to take a moment, take a deep breath, let that breath out, and tear that paper up into a ton of little pieces and throw it out.

Now give yourself at least a good two days break, then sit down again and do the same thing.

Twenty minutes, something to relax and listen to, answering one question: how do I want to feel in a relationship?

Which you will notice more of what you do want and less of what you don’t want will show up.

That’s good. Because by the time the third time we do this exercise, guess what?

More of what you want, most of what’s on that page will be what you do want and less of what you don’t want.

So by the third time you do this exercise, it should be a full seven days.

Guess what?

You now have a good list of what you do want. Everything that’s on the do want list, those are gonna be items that, don’t throw this page of paper away just yet, but I want you to take everything that’s on there that you do want.

I want you to sit down for just a moment and journal with it. Talk about it. Take a look at what you wrote. What are those things that you do wanna experience about how you wanna feel in a relationship?

This is going to tell you what type of vibration you will be set at internally, and that’s what you want to project, kind of like a radio signal. You are Wi Fi.

What do you want to set to the universe? You want to tell the universe how you really want things, not what you really don’t want. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what’s been happening.

You’ve been broadcasting a frequency without realizing it from past relationships because all that stuff that you didn’t want has been stuck in the inside. You’ve just now cleared it all out.

Now so far, we now have a much better idea of what we want, and I bet you everything on what you do want to experience in the relationship is either going to fall under you want to be seen, you want to be held, and you want to be heard. Now that we have that idea, now we can move forward.

So now we have some really, really good information in front of us.

We now know what more means. More means we want to be seen, we want to be held, we want to be heard. Now that you’ve done these exercises, you also now know what those things mean to you.

Everybody’s different. But the interesting thing is the more we are in sync with who we are and what our needs and wants are, guess what? We get to let the universe know what we really want.

So instead of sitting at that restaurant and saying, sure, I’ll just take a burger, but you don’t order it the way you really want it.

This time, we now, when we sit down in that restaurant of the universe, we’re going to tell them exactly what we want. If you want the brioche bun and the fresh fine tomatoes and extra pickles and Dijon mustard, order it. If that’s what you want to feel and experience in a relationship, place the order.

Now you know what ingredients you need to move into that connection.

So now that we know how to broadcast, now you really understand what the element of all of this is.

When we sit there with the desire for more, but we don’t know what that really means, now we are empowered because now we have a much better idea at the end of all of this.

That’s a good thing. Because I want you to understand, you just now had a deeper connection with self than you might have had ever. That’s good. That’s really good.

Because the difference between now and who you were before you started this article and these exercises, you have a much clearer picture of what more is. Now that you know what more is, the universe now knows what more means to you.

Now the last thing I want you to do is I want you to take a look at all these things you want to experience in a relationship.

I want you to sit down for the final exercise.

The final exercise is go down that list, and as soon as you think of things that you could do you right now, today, this weekend, next week, next month, that can hit those marks, start making that list.

Maybe you want to do things that you never had a partner that wanted to do.

Go to museums, take a painting class, learn how to play a different instrument. Maybe take a trip.

Whatever it is you wanted to experience and haven’t had a partner to do, start finding ways to start making that a possibility.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to travel to France.

Well, guess what? You may not buy that ticket tomorrow, but what could you do?

Maybe today, you can take a class in French. Maybe you can take a French cooking class. Whatever it is that starts tapping into the energy of what you wanna experience in a relationship, now by yourself, guess what?

You are now going to start broadcasting that frequency.

Many times, and I’m talking in the thirty six years I’ve been doing this, many times once a client resets their vibration to what they want to experience and they start doing things, whatever it is, and many times you got to step outside the comfort zone a little bit.

But when you start stepping into the energy of how you want to feel right now, you start manifesting experiences with others that will match that frequency.

So many times, I’m talking hundreds, if not thousands of times in thirty-six years, many times the client, once they get clear and they reset their vibration to an actual authentic frequency, they start connecting with people who are more authentically connected to them in the ways of what more means to them.

That’s what this is all about.

And many times, what you start to find out is that it’s more about being aware of who you are as a person, and when you’re able to do that, the universe is more aware of how to match you with the right fit for you right now.

You don’t need a title in front of that.

You just need a frequency match.

You’ve got this, guys.

Are you finding yourself standing there wondering what went wrong?

You spent hours going over your bio in a profile on a dating site or expressing yourself in writing online.

However, whenever you were connecting with others, you’ve put so much time, focus, and effort trying so deeply to not be in this space yet here you are once again finding that you’re at the end of the same loop just in another’s eyes.

I’ve seen this happen so many times in sessions when I’m talking with clients of what they’ve experienced and what they don’t want anymore and as an empath empowerment coach, my job is very simple in this, but it’s very powerful.

I want to put you back in the driver’s seat.

I want to be able to teach you the few adjustments that you can do that will make all the difference in this, and we’re going to first talk about the why, the WTF, the what the frequency.

But I want you to understand I’m not just speaking from the outside. I’m also speaking from my heart.

I spent many years in and out of relationships, marriages, long term commitments with people only to find that they weren’t the match that I really was craving, really was desiring.

I know what it feels like to experience that level of discouragement and start questioning yourself.

I have found myself on the other side of that disconnection and the difference is worlds apart from feeling like I need to translate my soul now in a connection that is celebrating me.

So I ask you to take a deep breath, my dear, and we’re gonna do this together.

The most awesome part of all of this, in all honesty, is when I tell you what it’s going take to shift this you will be surprised.

But the first thing I want to tell you is this…

What is actually happening is a frequency mismatch.

There is a mismatch between the frequency of what you want to experience and the frequency that you are emitting or radiating from you, be it through your energy, through your words online, which hold energy.

It is just a mismatch.

There is a disconnect between what your heart desires and how you are showing up.

So we’re gonna walk through this together and I’m gonna have some exercises at the end of this article that are really help you be able to do that.

But if nothing else, I want you to know it’s not your imagination.

Yes. You are stuck.

Almost like traveling somewhere, and you realize that you’re lost because you’ve now passed the same street sign six times.

We’re gonna help get you rerouted. We’re gonna help get you headed in a direction that not only works for you, but feels like home. So let’s do this.

Section 1: Why Is It the Same Pattern in a Different Partner?

So here’s what happens. You get out of one relationship and swear it’s different next time.

You learn the lessons. You heal some things. You feel ready.

Then you meet someone new, and somewhere around month two or three or even six, you realize you’re standing in the exact same dynamic.

Different face. Same heartbreak. Same frustration. Same feeling of being unseen.

You start asking yourself the question every single person in this loop asks: why do I keep attracting the same person?

The answer isn’t that you’re broken at picking partners. It’s not bad luck. It’s not the universe testing you.

The answer is so much simpler than that.

You’re broadcasting a frequency and you keep attracting people who match it.

Think about it like a radio station.

You’re tuning into a specific frequency without even realizing you’re doing it and every person who shows up is tuned into that exact same channel.

They’re not arriving by accident. They’re arriving because they match what you’re transmitting.

The reason the pattern feels the same is because the broadcast hasn’t changed.

You might have new beliefs. You might have done work. You might feel different on the inside.

But if the frequency you’re putting out into the world is still “I don’t have time for myself,” or “I’m not worthy of being fully shown up for,” or “my needs come last,” then that’s what gets matched back to you.

Every single time. Different body. Same frequency.

This is important: you’re not doing this wrong.

You’re not to blame for this happening.

This is how energy works. Frequency matches frequency. Like attracts like.

But here’s the thing that changes everything.

If you’re the one broadcasting it, that means you’re the only one who can change it.

Section 2: Find Where the “Short” Is in Your System

So how do you actually recognize what frequency you’re broadcasting? You start paying attention to where the disconnect is happening.

There’s a short in your system. And I want you to find it.

A short happens when what you say you want and how you’re actually showing up don’t match. When your desire for deep connection is broadcasting from someone who isn’t connected to herself.

When you’re asking for presence from someone who’s running on empty. When you want to be loved for your realness but you’re filtering who you are because you’re afraid nobody will want that version anyway.

That’s the short.

Here’s what I see all the time. Someone will sit across from me and say they want a soulmate level connection. They want someone fully engaged, fully present, someone who shows up emotionally and isn’t just going through the motions.

Then when I ask what they’re actually broadcasting into the world, the story changes.

They’re working too hard.

They’re stretched too thin.

They’re giving everything to everyone else and keeping nothing for themselves.

They’re not even present to their own life, let alone available for someone else’s presence.

The universe matches that. Every single time.

Or there’s the person who says they want to be loved for who they really are. They want someone to see their uniqueness and fall in love with that.

But they’re not showing up as that person. They’re showing up filtered. Smaller. A watered-down version because they learned somewhere that their real self wasn’t safe to broadcast.

So what they’re actually transmitting is “I don’t trust my own realness enough to show it to you.”

Can you guess what kind of people show up for that frequency?

People who can’t see you. People who don’t know how to honor what’s real.

The short is where your desire and your broadcast are on different channels.

So I want you to look at your own life right now and ask yourself: where is my short? * Grab a pen and a notebook and take these questions for a test drive

• What am I asking the universe to deliver when the frequency I’m actually putting out doesn’t match that request?

• Where am I saying I want one thing but broadcasting something else?

• Where am I half-showing up?

• Where am I filtering myself?

• Where am I so disconnected from my own needs that I can’t even recognize when I’m doing it?

• That’s where the work starts.

Section 3: The True “Tea” on Why This Is Happening and How You Are Actually the One in Control

I want to tell you something that’s going to shift how you see this whole thing.

A newborn baby has no hesitation in letting their needs be broadcast immediately, usually at full volume, in both laughter and tears.

That baby doesn’t need permission. Doesn’t need external validation that they deserve to be heard. Doesn’t wonder if their cry is too much or too loud or too inconvenient.

They just broadcast. Full frequency. No filter.

You came into this world like that.

Somewhere along the journey, someone brought doubt into your life.

Maybe it was a parent who was overwhelmed.

Maybe it was a teacher who told you to be quiet and sit still.

Maybe it was a partner who made you feel like your needs were too much.

Maybe it was a culture that told you being selfless was the highest good, that taking care of yourself was selfish, that your job was to cater to everyone else’s comfort at the cost of your own.

So you learned to dim.

You learned to hide that full frequency. You learned to broadcast “I don’t matter enough to take care of.”

You learned to say yes when you meant no. You learned to give when you were running empty. You learned that your realness wasn’t safe.

That learned frequency is what’s been broadcasting ever since.

It’s not your fault. This wasn’t something you chose. You were protecting yourself the best way you knew how.

But here’s what I need you to understand, and this is the part that gives you all your power back.

You’re the one running it. You’re the one keeping it on. You’re the one who learned it, and you’re the one who can choose something different.

The people showing up in your life aren’t the problem.

They’re the mirror.

They’re showing you exactly what frequency you’ve been broadcasting. And that’s actually a gift because it means you can see it.

You can name it and once you can name it, you can change it.

This isn’t about them. This is about you taking back control of your own broadcast.

The person who doesn’t show up for you? They’re matching the frequency of someone who doesn’t show up for herself.

The emotionally unavailable partner? They’re matching the frequency of someone who’s abandoned her own emotions to take care of everyone else.

The person who doesn’t see your realness? They’re matching the frequency of someone who doesn’t trust her own realness enough to show it.

You’re not stuck because the universe is punishing you or testing you or because there’s something fundamentally wrong with who you are.

You’re stuck because you’ve been broadcasting a frequency that matches something other than what your heart actually desires.

Want to know the beautiful part?

You’re the only one who can change that.

Section 4: How Your Unique Energy Signature Is Your Super Power

Let me be really clear about something.

Your authentic frequency isn’t wrong.

It’s not something you need to fix.

It’s not something you need to earn or deserve or become worthy of.

Your authentic frequency is your superpower.

That thing you came into the world broadcasting as a baby? That full-volume, no-apology, here-I-am energy? That’s still in you. It didn’t go anywhere. You just learned to turn down the volume.

Your unique energy signature is literally what attracts a soulmate level connection that compliments your energy not complicates it.

Not some perfected version of you.

Not you after you’ve done enough healing or read enough books or become thin enough or successful enough or spiritual enough.

Not you after you’ve figured it all out.

Right now. As you are. Your actual self.

That’s what broadcasts the frequency that matches another soul who’s also broadcasting their actual self.

When you start connecting with yourself again, when you begin to trust your own realness, when you decide that your needs matter and your presence matters and your voice matters, that’s when your frequency starts to shift. That’s when you start broadcasting something completely different.

You start broadcasting: “I know who I am. I trust who I am. I’m not asking for permission to be here. I’m not apologizing for taking up space. I’m not filtering myself down to make someone else comfortable.”

And that frequency?

That attracts a completely different caliber of person.

Someone who’s also done that work. Someone who’s also learned to trust their own realness. Someone who can actually see you because they’re not hidden from themselves either.

This is the alchemy of a soulmate level connection. It starts with you becoming a frequency match to what you actually want. It starts with you coming back home to yourself.

Let’s Get Practical

Here’s what I want you to do right now.

Find a quiet space. No distractions. This matters.

Take out something to write with and something to write on. Paper and pen is ideal for this. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.

Write this question at the top of your page: What frequency am I actually broadcasting right now?

Then write.

Don’t filter it.

Don’t judge it.

Don’t make it pretty.

Just write what comes up. Write where you’re showing up half. Write where you’re filtering yourself. Write where you’re giving from empty. Write where you’re afraid to be seen. Write all of it.

When the timer goes off, read what you’ve written. Don’t try to fix it.

Just see it. Name it. Acknowledge it.

This is the short in your system. This is where the work begins.

Because once you can see it clearly, you can choose something different.

And that choice? That’s where your power lives.

Your Essential Frequency Inventory: The Needs and Wants List

Okay, so you’ve named the short. You’ve seen where you’re broadcasting something other than what you want. Now it’s time to get really clear on what you actually need and want.

Think of this like a grocery list.

When you go to the store, you know what you need.

Essentials. The things that keep you functioning. Then there are the things you want. The things that make life feel good. They’re both important. They’re both on the list.

Same thing here.

Find yourself in that quiet space again. You’ll need your timer, your pen, your paper. Set the timer for twenty minutes. This time, divide your paper into two columns.

On the left side, write: What I Actually Need

These are the non-negotiables. The things that feel essential to you feeling seen, heard, valued, and loved.

Not surface-level stuff. The real things.

• I need someone who’s actually present with me.

• I need to feel safe being myself. I need reciprocity.

• I need someone who follows through.

• I need emotional honesty.

• I need to be listened to. I need time alone to recharge.

• I need to matter to someone.

Write it all down. Everything that comes up. No editing. No judging whether it’s too much or the dreadful “ Needy”.

This is being emotionally present and self aware.

On the right side, write: What I Actually Want

These are the things that would make love feel like home. The qualities, the feelings, the experiences. I want playfulness. I want adventure. I want deep conversations that go somewhere real. I want to feel desired. I want someone who gets my weird. I want laughter. I want passion. I want someone who challenges me to grow. I want to feel chosen.

Write it all. Everything.

When the timer goes off, read what you’ve written.

Now here’s the important part. Look at that list. Those needs and wants? That’s what you need to start broadcasting.

That’s what needs to shift from being something you’re asking for to something you’re actively embodying and putting out into the world.

Because here’s what happens.

When you’re clear on what you need and want, when you’re not hidden from it, when you’re actively choosing to live that frequency, you start attracting people who match it.

People who also need and want those same things.

People who can show up for that.

Keep this list. Put it somewhere you see it. Not to obsess over it. But to remind yourself what frequency you’re working toward. What you’re actually broadcasting now. What the real non-negotiables are.

This is your conscious invitation to the universe. This is you saying: this is what I need. This is what I want. And I’m worth it.

I Want to Hear From You

Drop a line in the comments and let me know.

How did this land for you?

Did you find your short?

What came up when you did the exercises?

This is a conversation. Not a lecture. You’re not reading words on a page. You’re sitting in this with me. And I want to know what it brings up for you.

You got this dear soul.

Recently, I find myself sitting at my desk with summer sunshine streaming in, reflecting on the sessions I’ve had this week, and a pattern’s emerged across my clients that’s too significant to ignore.

So many of you are caught in what I’d call a magnetic tug of war, drawn to connections that feel irresistible, that pull at you with an intensity that’s hard to explain, yet when you really look at them, they don’t match what you actually want.

The timing makes sense, and it’s worth understanding why this is surfacing now.

We’re days away from August 8th, Lionsgate Portal, and every 21 years this gateway intensifies its already powerful energy. Whatever needs clearing, whatever needs releasing, gets amplified right now.

So, what you’re experiencing isn’t random. It’s surfaced for a reason and understanding that reason is the first step to working with it instead of against it.

Let me take you through what’s actually happening in these connections so you can see clearly, reclaim your power, and make choices from a place of knowing rather than confusion.

The Pull Is Real. But Here’s What It Actually Is.

That magnetic draw you feel toward someone is not an illusion and it’s not nothing.

What’s happening is a soul-to-soul recognition, a meeting between your soul and another soul that has a history across lifetimes.

That’s the first indicator that something real is occurring, and it’s worth paying attention to because recognition always means something.

But here’s where people get it wrong: recognition doesn’t always mean forever, and it definitely doesn’t always mean a soulmate in the way people throw that word around carelessly.

Recognition means your soul sees another soul it has a history with, and that’s always worth paying attention to, but it’s not a guarantee of anything beyond the recognition itself.

The pull has two parts to it that work together.

The first is pure Soul recognition, that magnetic quality, that feeling that this person is somehow familiar even though you just met them. That’s real and undeniable.

The second part is what I call the Ignition point, and this is where things get interesting because this is where most people misinterpret what’s happening. The ignition point itself has two layers that unfold differently.

The first layer is that instant burst when you first connect with this person and suddenly everything feels electric and amazing, like you’ve found something you’ve been searching for your whole life.

What’s actually happening is you’re experiencing the full potential of what that connection could be, and I want to emphasize that word carefully: potential, not guaranteed results, just potential.

Your nervous system is picking up on what’s possible between you, not what’s actually promised or what will definitely happen.

The second layer of the ignition point is when the triggers start to emerge, and a trigger means anything within your heart space or anything within their heart space that needs to be processed and released in order for a deeper soul-to-soul connection to actually happen.

These triggers surface and activate, and suddenly the connection that felt effortless becomes complicated and challenging in ways you didn’t expect.

So what you’re experiencing is real, the recognition is real, the intensity is absolutely real, but the meaning of it, the actual significance of what this connection represents, that’s where people get lost and confused.

Three Types of Soul Connections (And You Have Multiple Of Each)

Here’s something most people don’t know and it changes everything: you’re not out there searching for your one singular soul connection across all of existence.

That’s a myth. You have multiple soul connections, and they fall into three distinct types that serve very different purposes in your growth and evolution as a soul.

Type one: Soul family or deep friendship connections. These are nonromantic soul-to-soul bonds that come into your life to give you exactly that: deep friendship and understanding without any romantic element.

They’re the person you meet as a child and just instantly know, or the person you meet at work who becomes your best friend overnight, the soul connection that exists purely to give you deep friendship and soul-level understanding.

That’s type one, and it’s significant precisely because it has nothing to do with romance.

Type two: Romantic boot camp. This one gets misnamed constantly, and people call it a twin flame or a karmic connection or a false soulmate, but none of those terms are actually accurate.

Here’s what type two really is: a soul connection that exists only in romantic lifetimes with that specific soul, meaning you’ve never had a friendship only lifetime with them.

Every encounter across time has been romantic, and here’s the important part that most people don’t understand: this type of connection isn’t designed to be full union long term.

It’s designed to teach you something essential about yourself and about romantic love, which is why I call it boot camp. It’s intense, it’s transformative, and it’s temporary.

That’s its purpose, and when you try to make it into something it was never designed to be, you end up confused and hurt.

Type three: Hybrid. This is a soul you’ve had lifetimes with in multiple configurations, one lifetime you were deep friends, another lifetime romantic partners, another lifetime maybe both, so there’s a mix.

A hybrid connection carries the potential for a different kind of depth because you’ve actually known each other in different ways and different contexts across time.

Here’s the thing that’s essential to understand: you don’t have just one of each type.

You have more than one, you have multiple soul family connections, multiple boot camp connections, multiple hybrid connections across your existence. So when that magnetic pull hits, it’s pointing to one of these three types, but which one and what it actually means for you right now depends on something much deeper that most people never look at.

The Cast: Why You Can’t See This Connection For What It Actually Is

Now we get to the real reason you feel pulled toward something that doesn’t match what you want, and this is where everything connects.

Imagine you broke your arm, and at first your body needs protection and holds the bone in place while it heals.

The cast is essential, it does exactly what it’s supposed to do, but once the bone has healed, if you leave that cast on, it stops being medicine and becomes a cage instead. Your muscles start to atrophy from disuse, and the thing that saved you now limits you in ways you never intended.

This is exactly what happens with unprocessed relationship experiences, and it’s so important to understand this mechanism.

When you’re in a connection that’s draining or toxic or just not working, you start building a list, and this list contains all the reasons why this isn’t right.

The person is dishonest, they’re emotionally unavailable, they don’t show up when it matters, they take more than they give. You build this list because it serves a purpose, it protects you, it helps you recognize that you need to leave and get out of a situation that’s hurting you.

Then you do leave, you get out, but here’s what most people don’t realize: you haven’t actually released the energy of what happened.

That list is still there, still living in your heart space, still charged with all the intensity and pain from the experience. It becomes a cast, it holds you in place while your heart heals from the wound, and it’s necessary for that healing at first.

The problem is, when you move into a new connection before that cast comes off on its own, it doesn’t fall away naturally. It stays, and it broadcasts, and the energy of “these are all the things I refuse to experience again” becomes louder and more powerful than your authentic frequency. It becomes the signal you’re actually transmitting out into the world, whether you realize it or not.

So when you feel that magnetic pull toward someone who doesn’t match what you want, you’re not matching to your authentic soul self frequency at all. You’re matching to the cast instead, you’re attracting based on the unprocessed rejection and protection, not based on who you actually are as a soul beneath all that armor.

This is where it gets important and why the recognition matters: that soul connection might actually be a boot camp connection, designed to teach you something essential, but because the cast is in the way, you’re misreading it completely.

You think it’s a hybrid connection or potential forever union when it’s actually something else entirely. You’re not seeing the actual purpose of what this soul came to teach you because the cast is scrambling your recognition system and distorting everything you perceive.

Or maybe this is actually a soul family connection, someone meant to be deep friendship and nothing more, but the cast is pushing you to make it romantic, to make it mean something it was never designed to mean, and that’s where the whole thing falls apart.

The cast doesn’t just block your healing—it distorts what you’re actually seeing and what you’re actually being called toward.

Your Relationship with your Soul Self is key

Here’s what most people miss, and it’s the foundation of everything else: every single relationship you have outside yourself is a mirror, not a window into other people but a mirror into your relationship with you.

The connection you have with your soul self determines the quality of every other connection you’ll ever experience, whether that’s friendship, family, work, romantic love, money, opportunity, or anything else you encounter.

All of it reflects back what you’re broadcasting about your view of your own worth and how deeply you value yourself and your needs.

When that cast is in place, you’re not in an active relationship with your soul self because part of you is frozen, part of you is still protecting yourself from the wound, and that fractured relationship with yourself is what shows up in every connection you attract.

You can’t attract clarity when you’re not clear internally, and you can’t attract alignment when you’re still wearing armor that was meant to be temporary.

Many of us skip right over the foundational work because we want to leap into deep romantic love and deep connection with another soul without first learning how to love and nurture ourselves.

That’s how we end up in deficit, pouring from an empty cup because we haven’t filled it first, and that’s where the magnetic pull toward the wrong person becomes so loud and insistent.

The magnetic pull you feel toward someone who doesn’t match what you want is often an invitation, but not to pursue that person.

It’s an invitation to come back home to yourself, to recognize what’s been calling to you beneath the surface, and to tend to the relationship with your soul self that determines everything else.

Clear The Cast: An Exercise To Release What’s Blocking You

I use this exercise with clients and it works to release that cast, and I recommend you do this exercise a minimum of 3 times with a break or 2 to 3 days between each session.

1. 1) Set a timer on your phone for twenty minutes, and this needs to be uninterrupted time, just for this work and nothing else.

2. 2) Find something to listen to that’s soothing background sound without lyrics—the ocean, rain, instrumental music—and the reason is simple: if you’re listening to lyrics, your brain follows the story of the song and gets distracted from what’s actually coming up for you inside. You need to stay focused on what wants to emerge.

3. 3) Now sit down with pen and paper, and you’re going to answer one question: How do I want to feel in a connection? That’s it, that’s the whole thing, just that one question.

When you start writing, here’s what you’ll notice: most of what comes up at first is what you don’t want, and that’s gold, that’s the cast pouring out in real time.

Write it all down, no judgment, every single thing without hesitation.

If you never want to be with someone who squeezes the toothpaste from the center of the tube, write it down because it matters to you. If you’re tired of being taken for granted or you’ve been hurt by infidelity or neglect or emotional unavailability, write all of it because as you feel safer and safer in this process, the bigger stuff will come through and surface naturally.

Just keep writing for the full twenty minutes.

When the twenty minutes is up, take that piece of paper and tear it into tiny pieces, then throw it away, and what you’ve just done is take all that charged energy out of your heart space.

You’ve given it space and grace on the page, you’ve validated that this is how you’ve been feeling, and then you’ve physically released it, which is more powerful than you might think.

Wait two or three days, and then do the exercise again, and the second time around, similar things might come up, but you’ll start to notice a shift in the intensity and a growing clarity underneath it all.

Do it a third time, two or three days after the second round, and by the third time, here’s what happens: what rises up is how you actually want to feel, not the resistance and not the protection but your authentic frequency underneath it all.

That’s the cast falling away, that’s your soul self starting to broadcast clearly again, and that’s when the real recognition can happen.

Here’s the thing that lands hardest when it lands: how we love others is how we wish to be loved, which means until you get clear on how you want to feel, you won’t see what you’re actually looking for when it shows up in front of you.

Journal Prompts To Deepen Your Understanding

After you’ve done the clearing exercise, sit with these prompts and write without overthinking or filtering what comes through.

Prompt one: If my soul self was in a completely healthy relationship with me right now, how would that show up in how I move through the world and in how I attract connections? What would be different about how I show up, what I’m open to, and what I’m willing to accept?

Prompt two: When I look at this magnetic connection that doesn’t match what I want, what do I think it’s trying to teach me about my relationship with myself, not about the other person but really about me and how I show up in connection?

Prompt three: What does my authentic frequency actually want to feel and experience in a connection—and I want you to sit with this one carefully, not what I think I should want or what I’ve been told I should want, but what I actually want deep down?

*If you want to go deeper into soul connections and understand the full framework of the three types and the twelve relationship dynamics that exist within them, I’ve written that all out in Soul Connections, and you can grab a copy to explore the full picture and understand how these dynamics actually work in real time.

But for now, the work is simple: recognize what’s happening, clear what’s blocking your signal, and come back home to yourself. Everything else follows from there.

If this article gave you insight or brought up questions share them in the comments section.

I’m caught between a very interesting paradox. I feel untethered.

I feel scattered, and I feel that I’ve dropped stitches along my path this past year.

I’m taking a good look at this, asking hard questions, because this doesn’t feel like what I used to think it was.

Calling your power back. That’s been the lightworker framework for decades. But I don’t think that’s actually what’s happened.

In 2020, we stepped into a completely different operating system.

This isn’t a software upgrade. This isn’t about defragging your hard drive. We didn’t slip into uncharted waters of some section of an old ocean we’ve always known. We stepped into a completely different ocean. A completely different atmosphere.

Here’s what I’m realizing, and it’s not just about me understanding where I need to move and go.

We’re all kind of adrift in this. All of us.

We can’t figure out why we can’t get grounded, can’t get focused. We think we’re fragmented. But that’s not it. We’re acclimating. We’re adjusting to a completely different energetic atmosphere.

So this article is asking: If it’s not simply about calling pieces of ourselves back, then what’s actually going on? & how do we navigate this new paradigm?

I’m asking you to sit in this with me and to walk through unknotting this together.

The Framework We’ve Been Using

For a long time, the language was clear. If you feel scattered. If something’s missing. If you’re not whole. Then somewhere along the way, across lifetimes or in this life, you gave your power away. You overgave without receiving. You created an imbalance in the circuit. And so you need to call those pieces back.

That framework was built for the operating system we used to have. For the frequency we used to live in. And it made sense. It gave people something actionable. A direction. A way to understand why they felt incomplete.

But here’s the thing: we’re not in that operating system anymore.

What Actually Happened in 2020

The global reset in 2020 wasn’t just a pause button on the world. It wasn’t a bump in the road or a crisis we weathered and then moved past. It was a complete system download. A fundamental shift in how reality operates.

During those months when everything stopped, something woke up.

On a planetary level and even in the atmosphere itself, the frequency we all share and the planet had been vibrating at one frequency for thousands of years, and then something shifted. The frequency changed.

When that frequency shifted, so did everything operating within it.

We’re not in uncharted waters. We’re in a completely different ocean.

We’re not in the same atmosphere. We’re breathing something new. And every single system we built, every way we learned to understand ourselves, was designed for the old atmosphere.

That’s why nothing feels quite right. That’s why grounding is hard. That’s why people feel scattered and can’t quite pinpoint why.

The Drop Stitches Aren’t What We Think They Are.

I’ve been thinking about this like knitting. Imagine you’re sitting there for hours, needles moving, building something. And then you look down and realize you’ve dropped several stitches somewhere along the way. You have to go back and unravel to find them. You have to redo the rows to fix it.

But here’s what I realized. The stitches I dropped in this past year weren’t pieces of me I gave away and left scattered. They weren’t fragments I need to retrieve from people who didn’t honor them. They weren’t soul parts I left behind in past lives.

The stitches I dropped were threads from the old pattern.

Every place I traveled to. Mount Shasta. Glastonbury. The Yucatan. Costa Rica. The sarcophagus of Seti I in the museum in London.

Each one of those wasn’t a place I went and left something behind. Each one was a place that met me and rewired me.

That upgraded my frequency.

That showed me something about the new operating system I’m learning to live in.

The old pattern doesn’t work anymore. So of course it feels like stitches are dropping. They’re supposed to. They’re the parts of the old frequency that don’t translate to the new one.

Integration, Not Retrieval

This is the important distinction. For decades, the work was retrieval. Find what’s missing. Call it back. Integrate it. Make yourself whole again.

But that assumes the goal is to return to a previous state of wholeness. To fix something that broke. To restore what was lost.

That’s not what’s happening now.

What’s happening is integration of something entirely new. You haven’t lost pieces. You’ve been upgraded.

*Now read that again and let it sink in.

You’re in the equivalent of going from high school to college. You’re the same person. But the curriculum has changed completely. The textbooks are different. The requirements are different. Your capacity needs to be different.

The scattering people are feeling isn’t fragmentation. It’s the friction of adaptation. It’s the feeling of learning a new operating system while still wearing the muscle memory of the old one.

This is why calling fragments back doesn’t work anymore. There’s nothing to call back. There’s something to activate.

What we are Actually Missing?

People feel hungry right now and that something’s missing. Something isn’t online yet and isn’t working. The grounding isn’t there. The focus feels out of reach. The clarity feels distant.

That feeling is real. But it’s not about retrieval.

It’s about activation.

You have components of yourself that weren’t online until now. Parts of your consciousness that were waiting for the frequency to shift. Parts of your power that only make sense in this new operating system.

They weren’t accessible before because the infrastructure wasn’t there for them.

The planet wasn’t vibrating at a frequency that could support them.

But now it is.

So the question isn’t “what do I need to call back?” The question is “what do I need to call into being?”

Reality is created by what you observe and activate. By what you decide is possible. By what you’re willing to step into. You don’t retrieve your power from the past. You create it in the present by saying yes to the frequency you’re becoming.

How Do We Actually Navigate This?

The first thing is to stop looking backward.

Stop scanning your life for the pieces you think you left behind. They’re not there. The version of you that would have understood that loss is already gone. You shed that skin when you stepped into 2020.

The second thing is to get present to what you’re actually experiencing.

Not what you think you should be experiencing. Not what the old framework tells you it should look like. What’s actually happening in your body. In your energy. In your frequency right now.

That’s where the real information is.

The third thing is to ask yourself what integration actually looks like for you.

Because it’s not one size fits all. It’s not the same for everyone. Each of us is integrating these new capacities at our own pace, in our own way, through our own lived experience.

Let’s Get Grounded Together

I want to invite you into a journaling practice. This is going to help you get real clear on what’s actually happening for you.

Here’s what you’ll need:

Find yourself a quiet space. Pull up some music on YouTube that calms your nervous system. It could be ocean sounds. It could be instrumental music. It could be anything that helps you feel held and present. The point is to create space for yourself. Real space. Real grace.

Set a timer for 15 minutes. You’re going to spend five minutes on each question. When the timer goes off, move to the next question. Don’t overthink it. Just let whatever comes come.

Here’s what matters: These questions are designed to bring everything up. The resistance. The doubt. The fear. All of it. That’s the point. Because once it comes up and you see it clearly, it clears. It makes room. It creates space for what you actually want to feel and become.

So don’t be surprised if uncomfortable things surface. That’s the work.

Question One (5 minutes): How do I want to feel? You can ask it however feels right to you. How do I want to feel moving forward? How do I want to feel today? How do I want to feel in the coming months?

Just answer the question. What’s the feeling state you’re aiming for?

Question Two (5 minutes): What does lightness feel like to me? Or what do I think lightness feels like?

This one’s going to bring up everything that doesn’t feel light. Everything heavy. Everything dense. Let it come. Write it down. This is you clearing the path.

Question Three (5 minutes): What do I feel is holding me back? This is the direct question. No softening. No protection. What’s actually getting in your way right now?

When the 15 minutes are done, just sit with what came up. You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to solve anything. You just need to have named it. To have made it visible.

That’s the work.

I Want to Hear From You

Drop a line in the comments and let me know.

How did this resonate?

Did something shift for you?

Do you have more questions?

Is there a part of this I should expand into?

This is a conversation. Not a lecture. You’re not reading words on a page. You’re sitting in this with me. And I want to know what it brings up for you.

I had a question rise up in the middle of looking over some recent readings and sessions with clients. And every one of them seemed to deal in some way or form with somebody losing trust in another.

Either in a relationship that went sour, a friendship where more trust was given than could be held. In each one of these situations, somebody was feeling less than, losing faith with self in the after effects of having put trust in another and having that trust come up short.

The question that rose from that at the time was: is it truly with others where the real hold of trust is?

In no way, shape, or form am I saying that others cannot misuse our trust, whether it’s with people, places, things, money, whatever it may be.

I’m not discounting the level of cruelty that somebody can go to, even somebody we were in a relationship with, either romantic or just friendship. But what I am asking us to do is take a deeper look at what trust is and where it comes from.

The more I sat with this, I felt within me that it goes back to me trusting myself. Because I chose to look at this, and the only way I could give a complete, honest opinion on it was through my own personal look at it.

At fifty-six years old, I realized this line of trust goes back until I was about three or four years old. And I felt at the time that trust was something that lived outside of me. It was something I could give to others, and they could do what they wished with it. I had no say in it. I had no recourse in it. I had no way to shore myself up if there was a storm on the horizon.

When I sat with this question recently, what rose from that was: is that really true?

Does trust actually live within us?

Is it really that I may give trust to another, and then can they truly drag down the trust I have with myself? Or do I need to spend the time nurturing, caring for, loving, and being compassionate toward myself and build trust with me?

Trust that I will learn to choose me in ways that are healthy. That when I make a choice to say yes to something, is it truly a yes, or is it a yes because I am putting someone else’s needs before mine, and mine are never considered?

So trust in others actually starts within self. Because no matter what someone else’s actions are, no matter how cruel — and I’m not discounting in any shape or form the breadth and width of what somebody can do to us — the question I ask in this article is: where does trust truly live?

I believe its home is within us, and we have sovereignty with self.

The relationship we have with ourselves is reflected back to us through every other relationship in our lives.

So yes, others can misuse our trust, our love, our compassion. They can misuse it to the point of it being an incredibly negative thing. But the level of trust and nurturing we have with self is what will give us a more solid foundation to avoid some of that.

Because somebody who loves and trusts themself will be much less likely to give in and say yes to things when they know their heart is screaming no.

And that’s what this article is going to dive into today.

Discernment and intuition.

These are going to be two of the most valuable assets you will have in building your relationship with self, especially when it comes to trust.

Now, intuition is something that gets a lot of press. People are intuitive readers, they’re intuitive this, oh, I felt I had an intuitive hit.

After doing this professionally for thirty-six years, and at fifty-six years old being completely connected and aware of my abilities since the age of three, I will tell you: the two most valuable assets you will ever have are intuition and discernment.

They have to work together.

Intuition, no matter how detailed — and it could be so detailed that when someone walks through the door, you could literally read their Social Security number out of the air to them — is just information.

I want to say this again.

Intuition is just information.

Discernment is where we look at that information and process it.

Those two together create our clarity. When we are able to take intuition, the information that comes in, and use discernment with it, that is where the solid foundation comes in.

You don’t have to blindly trust yourself, because if you are putting in intuition and discernment as part of your process, you will find there is less need to feel like you have to hang on to trust for dear life and be part of the solution.

So today, we’re going to take a moment, and we’re going to create the space and the grace to sit down with ourselves. We’re going to work on building a loving, trusting connection with self.

When we were born into this world, we came in without any preconceived notion that outside of ourself we needed anything to move forward. We didn’t need to trust whether our steps would be helped as we got up and tried to walk, or whether somebody would help us reach for something.

We just did the things. We just trusted with distinction that if we wished to do something, we could follow through and we would figure it out.

Somewhere along the lines, especially in many of us, as we grew up and went into our twenties and thirties and beyond, we were shown by those who had their own filters on that trust was supposed to be outside of us.

That it was something outside of our control. We could do everything we could and then put it in someone else’s hands, and they held all the power, all the choice, all the decision. We were misinformed by those who were also misinformed in one way or another.

I’m not discounting or downplaying anybody’s negative connections over the years and how that distrust happened. But it happened, and it built up like layers in the earth.

This is one of the things I want to talk about, because as we start really reconnecting with self and building the relationship deeper with self, trust is a big thing. And the more we learn to be open to receive trust and compassion and care from ourselves to ourselves, the easier this part will become.

So one of the first things I want us to do is try an exercise. This is one I’ve used with my clients over the years.

In this one, I’m going to have you answer one question. But this question is going to be a pretty big one. I recommend you give yourself a good fifteen to twenty minutes at least. Get your phone out, set the timer. If you want to listen to some instrumental music or some background sounds, like the sound of rain, you’re welcome to do that. I don’t recommend music with lyrics, because the lyrics will distract you.

Set the timer for fifteen to twenty minutes. Find something calming and relaxing to listen to. Sit down with a pen and paper. And I want you to answer one question:

How do I want to feel about trust?

I want you to allow everything that comes up to hit the page. I don’t care if it’s something tiny. It could be, “I want to be able to trust that the moment I get out of bed and put my foot down, the ground will be there.”

Whatever comes up, don’t judge it. Get it on the paper.

When the timer is up, take that piece of paper and understand that nobody is ever going to read this but you.

Take a moment to hold the paper in your hand, take a deep breath, release it out, and say: thank you for the gift of release.

Because everything that got triggered up … and I’m telling you right now, most of it’s going to be what you don’t want to feel… that’s good. That means everything over the years that has been layers and layers and layers of distrust, misunderstanding about what trust is through others’ actions with you, will release.

The majority of what comes out in this exercise is going to be what you don’t want. That’s good.

I want you to do this exercise a minimum of three times. Take a break after the first time. I recommend waiting about two to three days, and then sit down and do the exercise again.

You should do it a minimum of three times to get the full effect, because by the third time, most of what hits the page is actually going to be how you do want to feel about trust. This gives you a really good idea of what trust means to you and where you can focus and work with self.

The next little exercise I usually have people do is make a list from that of the things you do want to feel. These are the energies you’re going to start focusing on integrating into the relationship with self.

There are easy ways to do this. You can make the list and read it to yourself before bed at night. You can create an audio file and speak that list to yourself and listen to it once a day.

Spending time connecting with what trust really means to you is going to make all the difference in building that relationship with self. First, it’s just being aware of what it is and what the parameters are. That’s good. That’s going to be important.

So after this, I want you to take a deep breath and relax and understand this is all part of the journey. You’re not too far behind. You’re not too far ahead. And you’re not lost. You’re never not on your path. You are your path, dear soul.

If this stirred something in you, I’d love for you to keep going deeper with me.

You can find more reflections and exercises like this one throughout the Soul Greenhouse archive.

If you want to go even further into healing the relationship with your soul self, my book Soul Hangry was written for exactly this and it’s available in print and as a digital download.

Today is June 19, 2026.

We are sitting right at the halfway point of the year and I want to just stop here for a moment with you. Because I think a lot of us are moving so fast through this year that we haven’t actually taken a breath to look at what we’ve already lived through, what we’ve learned, what we’ve quietly become.

And the sky is doing something today that I think deserves more than a scroll past.

Chiron, the wounded healer of astrology, crossed out of Aries and into Taurus today for the first time since 1984. If you felt something shift this week and you couldn’t quite name it, this might be part of what you were picking up on.

Here’s the full picture of what this actually means.

Chiron first dipped into Aries in April 2018 and then settled in properly on February 18, 2019. So for those of us who felt like something cracked open around that time, something around identity and who you were beneath all the roles you were playing, that wasn’t your imagination. That was the beginning of a seven year fire.

And what a fire it has been.

The questions Chiron in Aries put in front of us weren’t gentle ones. Who am I when I stop performing for other people? What do I actually want, not what I was taught to want, not what would make everyone else comfortable, but what do I genuinely want? Am I allowed to take up space? Can I trust what I know even when no one else is confirming it?

For the empaths, the sensitives, the ones carrying gifts they sometimes wish they could put down, this transit hit in layers. Masks burned. Relationships restructured. Careers dissolved or transformed. The version of ourselves built on surviving and proving and pleasing got challenged until it couldn’t hold anymore.

And now we are here. Halfway through a year that has already asked a lot of us. Sitting in the pause.

So before you rush into the second half, I want to ask you something.

What did the first half of this year actually teach you? Not the wins and losses on the surface. The real stuff underneath. What did you finally stop pretending about? What did you let go of that you’d been gripping for too long? What did you discover you were stronger than?

Because that is what you are meant to carry forward. Not the weight of everything that didn’t work. The wisdom inside it.

Now here is where it gets interesting.

Chiron stepping into Taurus today is a preview. It will be here until September 17 when it briefly returns to Aries for one final pass, what I think of as a last chance to tie up the loose ends of that seven year identity reckoning. Then Chiron comes back to Taurus for good on April 14, 2027, and it will stay there until 2033.

This hasn’t happened since 1984. That’s not a small thing.

What Taurus is bringing onto the table now is a completely different kind of question. Aries asked who you are. Taurus is asking something that goes much deeper for most of us.

Do you believe you are worthy?

Not worthy because you finally achieved something. Not worthy because someone chose you or stayed or came back. Not worthy because you outgave and outlasted everyone else in the room.

Worthy because you exist. As you are. Right now. Before any of it.

That’s the one that gets most of us isn’t it. Because we can know who we are now after everything Chiron in Aries put us through. But receiving? Letting good things in? Believing we deserve them before we’ve proven ourselves again? That’s the wound sitting quietly underneath everything else for so many people.

Can you receive love without bracing for it to disappear?

Can you let support in without immediately calculating what you owe?

Can you rest without calling yourself lazy in the same breath?

Can you let abundance move toward you without stepping out of its way?

Taurus doesn’t overcomplicate this. It points outside and says look at how the earth works. It doesn’t justify its existence. A rose doesn’t negotiate with the sun before it blooms. A river doesn’t apologize for moving.

They receive because receiving is just part of the natural cycle. Not earned. Not negotiated. Just part of how life flows.

So here we are. Sitting in the pause between everything the first half of this year asked of you and everything the second half is waiting to offer you.

This is not a moment to push. This is a moment to gather. To take stock of how far you’ve actually come since February 2019. To look honestly at what you’re still carrying that was never yours to carry. And to ask yourself what it would feel like to step into the second half of this year not from a place of proving but from a place of knowing.

You already did the fire.

Now it’s time to learn how to receive what the fire made room for.

The second half of this year is yours. Not because you earned it. Because you’re here.

And that has always been enough.

From my heart to yours.

Crystal

I want to talk to you about something that only recently landed for me and when it did, it reframed everything.

About a week ago I came across something about Chiron, the asteroid known as the Wounded Healer, and a seven-year cycle that began in February 2019.

I don’t usually go digging into what’s coming astrologically since I prefer not to let future energy color how I experience the present. But when something is brought to my attention or my guides toss me a sign and it finds me rather than me seeking it out I have learned to pay attention.

And when I saw February 2019 as the start date, I stopped.

That was the month I met my now ex-partner.

More than that and it was the month I stepped into what I now understand was the beginning of a complete life excavation.

Because just weeks before, in December 2018, I had closed a business I had spent fifteen years building. Fifteen years. Not to mention a divorce a long time coming.

I had to walk away and pressed reset on everything. And then, almost without realizing it, I walked straight into a seven-year Chiron cycle.

Looking back now I can see it so clearly. At the time, I just thought I was rebuilding but on muddy ground that felt like roller skating up a mountain.

If you had asked me at any point in the last seven years how things were going, I would have told you I was moving forward. And I was. But it felt like sliding back down that mountain more than gaining traction.

Two steps forward, wheels sliding back. Start, stop. Start, stop.

In early 2019 I was registered to run the London Marathon in April. My new partner at the time convinced me it was a great idea to roll the entry over to the following year and we’d go together, make it something shared. I agreed. It felt like the right call.

It wasn’t the right call. It just never happened. Enter Pandemic 2020.

Around the same time, I had over 25,000 words written for a book about how I had put my fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis into remission through energy work and neuroscience-based meditation.

I was on track for a TEDx talk that September. I had recently invested in a Microsoft Surface something more portable, something that was supposed to make the writing life easier. It was set up to back everything up to Google Drive. Or so I thought.

A week or so after I met my partner, I was traveling on my commute through Seattle when my laptop was stolen. And it was only after it was gone that I discovered the backup had never actually synced.

Not once. Twenty-five thousand words. Gone. Just like that.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that within the first few weeks of this Chiron cycle beginning, I lost the marathon, lost the book, lost the TEDx path not to mention handed the decision-making on at least one of those to someone else.

That’s Chiron in Aries doing exactly what it came to do. Stripping back the identity.

Asking — “Who are you when the plans dissolve and the work disappears?”

Then a global pandemic arrived, and anything still standing got swept into the tide along with everything else.

Cocoon or monsoon?

Or both?

Here’s what I now understand about the last seven years of my life and maybe yours too.

When I closed my business in late 2018 and stepped into 2019, I thought I was going into a cocoon. A conscious retreat. A reset. And I was.

But what I didn’t know was that the cocoon wasn’t a shelter.

It was the process itself. And it was happening in the middle of a full monsoon.

That’s what Chiron in Aries has been for all of us.

Since February 2019, this cycle has been asking us to heal our deepest wounds around identity. Around who we are when we strip away everything we built, every role we played, every version of ourselves we performed for the world. Aries rules the self.

Chiron rules the wound that becomes wisdom. Put them together for seven years and you get exactly what so many of us have been living … intense, purposeful, relentless excavation.

You weren’t failing. You weren’t stuck. You were mid-transformation in the middle of a storm; inside a cocoon you couldn’t fully emerge from yet.

Because the timing wasn’t yours to control.

What this cycle has actually been uncovering

The clearing that has happened and the relationships that ended, the identities that fell away, the projects that stalled, the plans that dissolved and none of that was loss.

It was excavation. It was the cycle doing exactly what it came to do.

Chiron doesn’t wound us to leave us wounded. It surfaces what was already there, buried beneath the doing and the becoming and the pushing forward. And sometimes that surfacing looks like chaos. Like a monsoon. Like roller skates on a mountain.

But underneath all of it? There is something being uncovered that couldn’t have been reached any other way. That’s the treasure this cycle holds.

For me it’s taken until now and the final weeks of this cycle to feel the ground starting to level. To see the clarity that was waiting on the other side of the storm.

I want you to know that if you’re still in it, still feeling the intensity and the resistance and the sense that something is ending but the new thing hasn’t fully arrived yet …that is not a sign that something is wrong.

That is the cocoon expanding and we are in the final weeks

Chiron moves out of Aries on June 19th, 2026. We are in the threshold right now. The liminal space between what this cycle excavated and what the next one will build.

This is not the time to push harder. It’s not the time to force the emergence. It’s the time to ask yourself with honestly and gently, what has this period been asking you to release? What identity, what wound, what old story about who you are and what you’re capable of, has been loosening its grip?

And what has been quietly uncovering itself underneath all of it?

I’d love to know what’s been true for you. Drop it in the comments. We’re all riding this out together.

And if you want to go deeper — look up your Chiron placement in your natal chart and where Aries falls in your chart. What you find there will likely make a lot of sense right now.

Before you close this tab, I want you to sit with these.

Grab your journal and let these questions breathe for a while.

Don’t overthink them. Just write what comes.

• What did you close, release, or walk away from between February 2019 and now that you haven’t fully given yourself credit for?

• Where have you been roller skating up a mountain and what would it feel like to finally put the skates down?

• What has been quietly uncovering itself underneath all the intensity of the last seven years? What’s there when you stop and actually look?

• What is the cocoon still protecting you from and do you feel the pull to emerge?

Ready to go deeper?

If these questions stirred something in you and if you’re feeling the weight of this transition and want clarity on what it means specifically for you, I’d love to sit with you in a one-on-one session.

This is exactly the work I do. We look at what this cycle has been excavating in your life, what’s ready to be released, and what’s waiting on the other side of this threshold for you.

Click here to book session

With love peering out from inside the cocoon,

Crystal

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned fifty-six years old, sitting in London, in a city I have been returning to since September of 2017 … a city that has always felt, to me, like a place that holds something for me that I have not yet fully unwrapped.

I am midway through the year I gave myself a whole year of geographic curiosity. A year where I said yes to the version of myself that needed to move, needed to breathe new air, needed to see what she was made of when the familiar scaffolding was gone.

I am not exactly where I thought I would be when I made that promise to myself back in October.

I am somewhere better.

But here is the thing about better …it does not always announce itself clearly when you are in the middle of it. Better can look, from the outside, like detour.

Better can feel, in your bones, like you missed a turn somewhere. Better requires you to stop, spread out all the maps, look at where the storms took you, and recalibrate.

That is what I am doing right now. And that is what I want to teach you how to do.

Think about a ship’s captain two hundred years ago, crossing an ocean on a long voyage.

No GPS. No satellite. Just the stars, the compass, and the knowledge that open water has its own plans.

Now imagine that captain has sailed through several storms. Each one has shifted the course. Each one has pushed the ship further from the original line drawn on the map.

When the sky finally clears, the captain does not stand on the deck and berate herself for the storms. She does not make a list of every moment she failed to outrun the wind.

She pulls out the maps. She looks at where she actually is. She takes a reading from the stars. And then she asks the only question that actually matters: given where I am right now, where do I want to go?

That captain is you. Those stars are your soul. That compass is your heart.

This is what I am calling Soul Archaeology. And I want to teach it to you today.

The Old Way Is Costing You

Here is what most of us do when we sit down to set new goals.

We start by going back and look at the list we made last year, or last season, or five years ago when we were full of fire and intention. Then without even realizing it, we put on the boots.

We walk straight into the archaeology site of our own past and we begin kicking things. Why didn’t I finish that? Why did I let that fall apart? What was I thinking? How did I let another year go by without doing the thing?

The self-kicking is so normalized we don’t even notice we’re doing it. It shows up dressed as accountability. It calls itself being honest with yourself. It masquerades as motivation.

It is none of those things.

What it actually is?

It is the archaeology equivalent of driving a bulldozer through an ancient site. You’re not finding anything. You’re destroying the evidence of what was there.

Because the past is not a crime scene. It is not a pile of rubble after a storm. It is a site full of artifacts, each one carrying information, beauty, texture, and meaning. And it deserves to be approached like one.

What Soul Archaeology Actually Is

Soul Archaeology is the practice of entering your own past the way a trained archaeologist enters a dig site… with curiosity, with reverence, with tools instead of boots, and with the understanding that nothing you find there is worthless.

An archaeologist does not go to a site hoping to find only gold coins. She knows that a piece of broken pottery tells a story. She knows that the way something shattered reveals information about the life it held. She knows that even the smallest fragment, held in the right light, can illuminate an entire civilization.

Your life is that civilization.

Every relationship that ended. Every dream that changed shape. Every goal you set and then quietly let go of. Every version of yourself you outgrew, shed like a skin, left behind at a particular address or a particular age. None of that is failure. All of it is artifact.

When I look at the past year of my own life, I could, if I chose the old way, make a very tidy list of things that did not happen the way I planned.

My second book came out later than I intended. Certain financial goals moved more slowly than I mapped. Things I thought I had fully processed came back up to be looked at again, the way old pottery comes to the surface after rain.

Or I could pick up the brush.

I could look at that piece of pottery and realize that the delay in the book meant the book became what it was supposed to be. That out of that longer, messier process came something I never would have created if I had stayed on the original schedule. I could see that the thing I thought I was building was just the outer layer of the thing I was actually building.

The excavation does not lie. It only asks that you look without the boots on.

The Tapestry Your Soul Is Weaving

I want you to imagine your soul as a piece of fabric. Not cheap fabric …no we are talking about something extraordinary. Something that starts at three hundred thread count and, with every single experience you move through, adds another thread.

Some of those threads are silk. They slide in smooth and beautiful and they catch the light. A friendship that lit you up. A moment of grace that arrived when you least expected it. A decision that turned out to be one of the best you ever made.

Some of those threads are rough. They are thick, almost coarse, and they were not easy to work through the weave. A relationship that ended in grief. A chapter that cost you more than you anticipated. A year that took things from you before it gave them back.

But here is what I want you to understand about that rough thread: when fabric is woven, it is the combination of textures that creates its strength and its depth. A fabric made only of silk threads is beautiful, yes. But it is also fragile. It is the rough threads, worked in alongside the soft ones, that create something that holds. Something that lasts. Something that, when you hold it up to the light, has a richness to it that takes your breath away.

That is your soul. Three hundred thread count in the beginning. Three thousand thread count by the time you have really lived. Same square inch of self. Infinitely deeper.

There are no wasted threads. There are no wrong threads. There are only threads, each one part of the tapestry that is you… and that tapestry is extraordinary.

The Shattered Pottery Is Not Debris

I want to say something about the pieces of yourself you think you broke.

They are not broken. They are shed.

A butterfly does not break out of its chrysalis. It dissolves into it. It goes through a process so radical that it is technically no longer the same creature it was. What it leaves behind on the floor of that chrysalis …those fragments, those remnants of the thing it was before it became what it is?

That is not wreckage. That is evidence of transformation.

If you find, in your archaeology, pieces of an old self you do not fully recognize anymore and a version of yourself who stayed too long, who settled, who was smaller than she needed to be?

Do not kick those pieces. Hold them gently. Learn from them. Thank them for the threads they added to the tapestry.

You are not who you were. That is not a failure. That is the whole point.

New Year’s Resolutions and the Instagram List

I want to be honest with you about goal-setting as it is usually sold to us.

Most of it is a performance.

The New Year’s resolution list. The vision board covered in images of someone else’s version of abundance. The five-year plan that looks impressive but does not actually feel like anything.

The goals we set because they sound like the right goals to have at this age, at this stage, in this season of life … whether or not they have anything to do with what our soul is actually hungry for.

I am not interested in that.

What I am interested in is teaching you to set goals that are soulful. Goals that come from the real archaeology of where you have been and the genuine compass reading of where your soul wants to go. Goals that feel like a north star rather than a to-do list. Goals that, when you read them back to yourself, make something inside you lean forward.

Those are the goals worth moving toward.

And to set them, we have to do the dig first.

Creating Sacred Space Before the Expedition

Here is what I want you to do before you write a single word of your dig.

I want you to create the energy of the space.

Sacred space is not just a location. It is an energy field. It is a signal to yourself and to the universe that what you are about to do matters. That you are taking yourself seriously. That this is not another Sunday afternoon spent half-heartedly journaling with one eye on your phone.

This is an expedition. Treat it like one.

Choose two to four sensory elements that will set the tone for your space. These are yours and there is no wrong answer. It might be a particular scented candle that makes you feel settled. It might be instrumental music, something jazzy and soft that keeps the left brain from taking over. It might be waiting until the evening when the light changes and you can adjust the atmosphere of the room. It could be a glass of red wine or a fragrant cup of herbal tea, something your hands can hold while you think. A particular blanket. A piece of jewelry you feel powerful in.

Choose your elements. Set them out. Light the candle, press play on the music, pour the tea. And then … and this is important… do not start writing yet.

Sit in it for five to ten minutes. Close your eyes. Just savor the space you are creating. Let your nervous system soften into it. Let the quality of the air in the room shift from ordinary to intentional.

This is not wasted time. This is the most important thing you can do before the dig begins, because you cannot do this work in a dysregulated body. You cannot find treasure when you are braced for an explosion.

The space and the grace come first.

The Guided Meditation: Opening the Crates

When you feel settled, I want you to close your eyes and let this image find you.

You are at a beautiful estate. An old one, the kind that has been lived in deeply, with warmth in the walls and history in the bookshelves. Maybe it is a country home on the English countryside, quiet and green outside the windows. Maybe it is a stone cottage in the Swiss mountains with a fire in the hearth. Maybe it is a gracious old hacienda surrounded by bougainvillea. Wherever feels like home to you — that is where you are.

You have just returned from an expedition.

The room is a study, a library, the kind of space that smells of old books and good wood and something indefinably sacred. There are shelves full of the accumulated curiosities of a life well-traveled — small pieces from ancient Egypt, fragments from ancient Greece, a stone worn smooth by a river that no longer exists, an arrowhead from a civilization that left almost no other trace. This is a room that holds things that were found with reverence and kept with love.

And in the center of the room, there are crates.

Your crates. From your last expedition.

You are not afraid of what is inside them. You are curious. Because you know, with the certainty of someone who has been doing this work long enough, that there is nothing in those crates that will harm you. There are only artifacts. There are only finds.

You begin to open the first crate.

Inside, you find pieces of pottery. Old ones, beautiful ones — some intact, some broken, each shard a different color, a different texture. One might be a piece of an old relationship, the clay still carrying the fingerprints of who you were when you made it. One might be a dream that changed shape. One might be a version of yourself you wore for a long time and then finally set down.

Pick up a piece. Hold it. Look at it in the light.

It is not rubble. It is archaeology.

You keep opening crates. In each one, something different. Old letters tied with ribbon — decisions you made that felt impossible at the time. Small figurines — people who shaped you. Seeds in a glass jar — ideas you planted that have not yet bloomed. Rolled maps — paths you took that led somewhere unexpected.

Each crate is a chapter. Each artifact is a teacher.

Stay here as long as you need to. You are not on a deadline. You are not being evaluated. You are simply here, in this beautiful room, in this estate that belongs to you, opening what you brought back and learning from it.

When you are ready, you open your eyes. You pick up your pen.

Now we begin the dig.

You have done something most people will never do. You have created the sacred space. You have settled into your own body. You have approached the past with curiosity instead of judgment.

What comes next is the work — the actual dig, the field notes, the protocol for moving through your artifacts with intention, and the process of charting the next leg of your expedition from your soul as north star rather than from someone else’s map.

That work is waiting for you inside.

Read more

Vulnerability.

Just the word alone can make people flinch.

Some of you reading this just felt something tighten in your chest. Others felt a familiar urge to skip ahead, or close the tab, or suddenly remember you have laundry to do.

That reaction? That is exactly what we are going to talk about today.

Because vulnerability does not mean what most of us were taught it means. And once you see what it actually is, you cannot unsee it.

What the dictionary gets wrong

The standard definition describes vulnerability as exposure to the possibility of being attacked or harmed. Physically. Emotionally. Financially. You name it.

No wonder we run from it.

If that is the operating definition living rent-free in your nervous system, then of course vulnerability feels like standing in the middle of an open field in a thunderstorm.

Of course you have built structures around yourself.

Of course you have learned to be strategic about what you show, when you show it, and who gets to see the full version of you.

But here is what the dictionary misses completely.

It captures the risk. It says nothing about the reward. And it says absolutely nothing about what happens to you when you spend your life avoiding it.

How I learned this the hard way, in motion

Since November I have been traveling full time. No fixed address. No lease. No routine that looks the same from one month to the next. Just me, my work, my research, and whatever city I happen to be in on any given Tuesday.

What I did not expect is that full time travel would become one of the most intense personal development experiences of my life. Not because of the places. Because of what the constant movement stripped away.

When you are at home, in your city, with your people, your routines do the heavy lifting of keeping you comfortable. You know which coffee shop has the right energy. You know which friend to call when you are in your feelings. You know how to move through your days in a way that requires very little of you emotionally.

Take all of that away and you are left with yourself. Just yourself. And then you have a choice. You can isolate, which is always an option. Or you can open.

I chose to open.

The hostel experiment

I have been traveling solo internationally since 2017 and have tried a fair share of hostels all around the UK and branched out into ones during my recent trip to the Yucatan too.

The travel I do now since November has felt different and for good reason because I gave up the house I was renting to curate my life down to a small storage unit and a backpack and a small rolling suitcase to travel full time for at least a year.

I enjoy the social level by choice that you can have when you stay at ones geared more to traveling digital nomads and not to the spring break all year crowd. I enjoyed the occasional conversation especially to learn more about how and why people end up in a more nomadic lifestyle to share with my readers.

About a month into this chapter I spent a week at a social hostel in a country new to me. For those who have not done it as an adult, it is exactly what it sounds like. Communal spaces. Shared kitchen. Coworking areas. Strangers becoming temporary companions by virtue of proximity and circumstance.

I will be honest. My first instinct is always to be pleasant but contained. Warm but boundaried. Present but not really fully open. The first weeks had honestly become a place where I needed to release and process a ton of information, emotions and old mindsets.

But something shifted. I got more curious instead of just careful. I started actually talking to people. Asking real questions. Sharing real answers when they asked me things back. Not performing openness. Actually being open.

And the Tulum moment crystallized it for me perfectly.

I was at an hostel in Tulum and struck up a conversation with a fellow guest. I offered some thoughts on something she was navigating, just genuine input that felt relevant. Easy. Natural. No agenda. We talked again over the next few days and several minutes into the conversation I realized I recognized her online name because I had subscribed to her Substack just weeks before because her writing genuinely resonated with me.

She was someone whose work I admired. Whose voice I had found inspiring and meaningful. And here we were, having a real conversation at a table in an open air dining area in Tulum, because I had chosen to show up instead of stay small.

That is vulnerability. Not the dramatic kind. Not the falling-apart kind. The quiet, unglamorous, everyday kind. The kind that says I am here, I am real, and I am willing to let this be an actual moment between two actual people.

The performance problem

Here is where it gets interesting and a little uncomfortable.

There is a version of vulnerability that is not really vulnerability at all. It looks like it. It sounds like it. In fact it has become so common, particularly online, that we have mistaken it for the real thing.

It is performed vulnerability. And it is everywhere.

You know it when you see it. The carefully worded confession that reveals just enough to seem relatable but not enough to actually risk anything. The “raw and honest” post that was edited seven times. The oversharing of surface level struggle while the actual tender thing stays perfectly protected behind it.

Performed vulnerability is strategic. It uses the language and the gestures of openness to create connection without actually requiring you to be exposed. It is armor dressed up as authenticity.

For empaths especially, this is a deeply familiar pattern. Because we are so attuned to the emotional landscape of the people around us, we become extraordinarily skilled at calibrating how much to reveal based on what we sense the other person can handle. Or what will land well. Or what will keep us safe. We have usually learned this because real openness got us hurt somewhere along the way. So we created a version of vulnerability that felt safer. A measured dose. A controlled release.

The problem is that performed vulnerability creates performed connection. And performed connection, no matter how warm it feels in the moment, leaves you lonelier than if you had said nothing at all. Because you were there but nobody actually met you.

What real vulnerability actually is

Real vulnerability is not about how much you share. It is about whether what you share is unfiltered you.

It is the moment you say something and you genuinely do not know how it will be received.

It is telling someone something honest about yourself without first calculating whether they can handle it. It is letting a moment be a real moment instead of a managed one.

It is also, and this is important, knowing when to choose it. Real vulnerability is not the same as having no discernment. You do not owe everyone access to your tender places. Not everyone has earned that. But when you are choosing to stay closed with someone who has earned openness, that is worth looking at.

For me this has shown up most clearly in the non-romantic spaces first. In the hostel conversations. In the Tulum dining area. In the friendships that deepened this year because I stopped performing fine and started saying what was actually true.

That is where I learned that vulnerability is not exposure to harm. It is the willingness to be genuinely seen. And those are not the same thing at all.

The bridge to love

All of that, every bit of it, is the foundation for what happens in romantic connection.

Because you cannot be truly available to another person if you have not practiced being available to yourself and to people in the lower stakes moments first.

Stepping back into dating after more than two years away taught me this at a level I could not have predicted. Not because of any one person or any one moment, but because the whole landscape of it asked me again and again:

Are you showing up, or are you managing?

That is a question worth sitting with for a long time.

I also did an exercise I give my clients called the Open Letter to the Universe, where you get very clear on only one thing: how do I want to feel?

The reframe

Vulnerability is not a wound you manage. It is not a weakness you work around. It is not a liability in a world that can be unkind.

Vulnerability is the mechanism through which real things happen. Real connection. Real intimacy. Real belonging. Real creative work. Real life.

The risk is real. I will not pretend otherwise. Sometimes you open and the moment does not hold you the way you hoped. Sometimes people cannot meet you where you are.

Sometimes it is tender and awkward and imperfect and then opens up into a beautiful wide open field blossoming with possibilities and reflecting back to you the relationship with yourself.

But the alternative is a life where nothing really lands. Where connection happens in the shallows. Where you are technically present in every room and genuinely absent from every moment.

That is the actual harm. Not the vulnerability. The avoidance of it.

Before you go: sit with these

These are not questions to answer quickly. They are questions to carry with you for a day or a week and see what surfaces.

1. Where in your life are you performing vulnerability rather than practicing it? What would the real version look like in that same situation?

2. Think of a relationship, friendship or otherwise, where you consistently reveal less than what is true. What are you protecting? Is it still serving you?

3. When was the last time you said something honest without knowing how it would land? What happened? How did it feel afterward?

4. What would you do, say, create, or pursue if you were willing to be genuinely seen doing it?

The bravest thing you will ever do is not dramatic. It does not require grand gestures or public declarations or perfectly worded confessions.

It is just being real in a moment when you could have been managed.

That is it. That is the whole thing.

With love and zero pretending, Crystal

Soul Greenhouse is where empaths come to stop apologizing for how deeply they feel. If this resonated, share it with someone who needs permission to be real today.

A call for authenticity in the dating world but when you show up they either trigger like a fireworks show or ghost you like a haunted house?

There was a line in a movie years ago that had Jack Nicholson saying “you want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” No truer words have been spoken in the dating realm. Where the desire for connection on a deep level is a hunger driving the pursuit, why is it that if you have the audacity to show up with that energy you trigger them more than a fireworks show ending on the Fourth of July? It doesn’t mean you need to pull back or water down your you, if anything it’s time to be even more bold in your own sovereignty and if it triggers someone be grateful it’s now in the beginning stages and not months or years down the road when the mask begins to slip.

So let’s talk about what that looks like for you and how to coax your inner unique goddess, and I say goddess not as a gender specific term but energetically, because that energy lives in all of us.

When I work with clients on anything as big as manifesting a partner I have them really sit with one question. “How do you want to feel?” Because I have found in 35 years of working with clients that the way we love is how we wish to be loved. You don’t need a complicated chart to figure out your love language because you have been moving in that energy throughout your life.

I can remember being 3 years old and newly living with my mother after the first 3 years spent with my grandmother. I went from laughter and love to cold silence and anger and frustration. I have been painfully aware since then that I carry a beyond human level of feeling and emotion and even then with no outlet for what stirred in me to give, I did the only thing I could think of which was to put my hand on my heart and one on the soft green grass and lay with one cheek against that grass and pour out the energy overflowing my heart. My whole life I have never stopped. I just for a long time was always craving an outlet for that level of love and would manifest relationships, both love and friendship, that were craving to be loved deeply but I was never on that list.

In the past few years, now fully understanding what I want to feel, I can love freely and openly but first with myself and then pour from that place to others. I know I have the tendency to over compensate for others and I need to hold compassion and care for myself to have a healthy boundary, to hold space and energy for someone, but I cannot grip the handlebars so tightly while I help them learn to ride the bicycle themselves because they will never truly be able to and I will burn out.

So moving forward in my quest to manifest the right resonance with another I build that foundation from within by learning how I want to feel and how I love others. So yes, there is alchemy in this.

Do I think there are only those looking to deceive out there in the dating pool swimming like sharks after the scent of blood or weakness?

Most definitely that is possible but overall I think that people’s desires and what they are willing to show up for are not in alignment. The dating world has advanced in the age of technology to give us a wider reach than the matchmakers or public events of yesteryear but it has also made it all too easy if not alluring to window dress profiles harder than Macy’s or Harrods in the holiday season.

So yes, the common day profile is honestly many times just that, a window display to entice you inside and the store is never as magical as its window display by design. They want you to get lost among the aisles searching for that elusive alchemy that drew you in so you will find yourself investing in way more than you bargained for.

Getting more clear on how you want to feel and how you love is a start, then as you move through reading profiles take note of how reading them makes you feel and why, and literally take notes because this is another layer of self discovery and a way to clear the static of poor matches. And yes some may be pursuing you and on the surface seem appealing and there is nothing wrong with feeling good about other singles feeling drawn to you.

Being attractive though is sustainable through how you feel from the inside out.

I teach my clients to explore their own energy by doing exercises like playing songs like Buddy Guy’s “What Kind of Woman Is This” and moving their hips to it and enjoying being in their own bodies, not waiting for someone to give them permission or inspiration to feel attractive.

Putting on perfume or scented oils to sit home and spend the day with yourself is sexy AF and that is what will build the confidence, but most importantly someone can’t dim a light you lit from within like this. Also finding out what turns you on mentally and in the movement of your body is important, that is what makes you magnetic, but to the right frequency for you, not one you have to conform to. Now that is when things get downright delicious.

Also in the discovery phase is a time to discover yourself so talk and have conversations with others on the dating site but be open to everything and attached to nothing. You will start to notice patterns and responses that you have instinctively that will be treasure in getting your frequency accurate because ultimately that is how you find your fit. Is this asking too much? No, actually it should be the bare minimum. You deserve to dance in your now and a partner should be able to meet you where you are and both of you feel the desire to personally rise side by side.

That desire to expand, to step fully into potential unapologetically, is where the alchemy is.

Now in no way am I saying you both have everything figured out or need to be fully healed because healing is a journey not a destination. But when two people focus on loving and nurturing their soul self and they choose to take the journey together, well that is alchemy that no slickly produced profile can fake.

So can you show up unapologetically you and stand out from the sea of complacency and facades?

Most definitely, and if you are like past clients of mine that express concerns on filtering so well it knocks almost everyone out of the running? Well that is the plan dear, to get all the bullshit out of the way and leave the one that is the most in alignment with how you want to feel and matches your authenticity.

If you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster with the attention bombing that happens frequently in the direct messages then take a few steps back and love and nurture self because there is nothing wrong with you dear soul, you are just experiencing a wobble as you clear years of bad programming out. It’s kind of like the smell of burnt popcorn in a microwave, it won’t disperse instantly but it will clear the more room and movement you give it.

I will be including some exercises at the end of this article to help you clear through the BS and help you craft an authentic profile and conversation starters to get out of the awkward initial BS and get into the delicious part of putting yourself out there and enjoy the discovery phase of not just others but most importantly yourself along the way.

I want to help empower you to find your way home dear soul, not through another but within self and attract the kind of connection that will not only meet you where you are at but fan your flames and share time with, share a life with, not an IKEA project level fixer upper. You have worked too long and too hard on yourself to start shopping for love on a clearance rack.

So yes take a moment and close your eyes and think about how lit up you have been at times in your past, like when you bought something sexy to wear or got a text out of nowhere that makes you blush and laugh. That was not someone else’s attention bringing that to you, that was your inner goddess rising and reflecting back to you what is already within. There is nothing more attractive than when someone is finding their inner rhythm and allowing themselves to embrace all those facets without limits or judgement.

That isn’t an impossible thing, it is the journey you are on right now and one we are going to help you learn to dance to in your now. Not more fit, more financially stable, not more brave, not more happy, not more confident. No, the beautiful complex tapestry you are, with every thread from everything you have been through, makes you Kinetic Art. Not something to deal with or handle but to be appreciated and savored, and that starts with you on the inside.

I promise no matter how it feels right now, after all the not right fits there have been in your heart space, there is a connection that will be as easy as breathing and as playful as the spring breeze through the new blossoms.

Because we did come here as a soul in this body to experience all of the possibilities, and love in a human body and mind is at the top of the list.

So back to what to do if you have shown up so authentically as yourself and have triggered or even been ghosted or had them pull back. First off let’s look at stepping back to know there is a message here. If you show up authentically and they have been triggered or retreated it’s not what you did but what you reflected back to them and what they need to work on. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. If anything dear you did everything right.

You do not need several suitors in the end but yes in the beginning after not feeling seen that can feel intoxicating and that is perfectly normal my dear, just don’t stay in that energy with no movement.

We want to craft a space of frequency that is so perfectly you and so deeply you that only the right match to that will come through.

I want to share a secret with you. When you get your alchemy in alignment the one who will show up to match that is already walking that way with the same desire to connect in the exact way you desire. No compromises just clarity, no doubts of self because you both will be aware and desire the same alchemy.

One of the biggest messages my guides have been channeling to me for months is that we are headed into the largest reconnection and connection of soul matches in over 12 thousand years. It’s part of how we will be healing humanity across the planet and raising the vibration. I know it doesn’t feel that way yet because we are still shedding the layers of old varnish we have been struggling under heavily for hundreds of years so yes it’s a rough ride but what is coming is more of this, deep connection and vibrational resonance.

I will include an exercise to recalibrate and process that if it happens so you don’t spend one more minute being accountable for other people’s work my dear. It is a gift and yes it might smart when it happens and it may bump into some old wounds that need more love but I will have an exercise for that too. I got you dear.

So let’s head down to the exercises below and

get your chakras in line and readjust your crown my dear, because one person’s inability to handle your fire just means they don’t belong in your kitchen, not that you need to adjust the menu or drop your spice level because you showed up to be met fully.

And trust me when we help recalibrate your frequency and not drop your vibration to help them feel more comfortable you will attract in a much better fit and that is when things get delicious.

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Nobody warned you that the deeper you go into yourself, the more complicated it becomes to invite someone else in.

That is not a flaw in your design. That is the design working exactly as it should.

Here is the question that keeps surfacing in my sessions lately, asked in different voices but carrying the same weight:

How do you date successfully when you are still mid-becoming?

How do you open a door to another person when you are still renovating the house?

How do you move more fully into yourself and navigate the dating waters at the same time, when the current of one seems to pull against the tide of the other?

The honest answer is that you cannot fully pre-plan your way through it. There is only so much you can place into a profile. There is only so much that early conversations, however thoughtful, however intentional, can reveal.

The nuances of who you are, the specific texture of what you need, the particular frequency you carry when you feel safe and when you feel threatened, so much of that will not come into focus until you are sitting across from someone and your nervous system has an opinion.

That is not a failure of self-awareness. That is what self-awareness actually looks like in real time. It is not a meditation. It is a practice.

The Pre-Screen Question

One of my clients came to me recently sitting with exactly this tension.

She is intuitive, self-aware, genuinely doing the work, and standing at the threshold of re-entering the dating world after significant time spent healing and integrating.

She wanted to know: how much of her empathic nature, her sensitivities, her spiritual framework should she lead with? What can she reasonably expect to attract if she is fully herself? And where, honestly, does she draw the line, knowing she can only pre-screen so much before the rest has to happen on the actual playing field?

I told her what I believe to be true. The most accurate clarity you will ever find about yourself does not live in the preparation. It lives in the day to day unfolding of the journey itself. The profile is the invitation. The conversation is the lobby. But the real information, the stuff that actually recalibrates your understanding of what you want and who you are, that comes from showing up and letting it move through you.

What you attract is a direct reflection of the frequency you are genuinely broadcasting, not the one you are performing or the one you aspire to. When your frequency is authentic, what begins to come toward you becomes more accurate. Not perfect. Not painless. But honest. And honest is workable.

She also needed to hear this: the process of dating while awakened is not just about finding a match. It is a stripping away. Old ideas about what love should look like. Old patterns dressed up in new people.

Pretense you did not even know you were carrying.

It will peel back layers, and if you are expecting the gentle unfolding of a delicate croissant, I want to be straight with you. Some of it is going to feel more like an energetic Brazilian wax.

That got a laugh. And then a long pause. Because she knew it was true.

The uncomfortable feelings that arise are not a red light. They are not a sign to turn around. They are an invitation to turn within.

When the wobble comes, and it will come, resist the reflex to flee from it. Instead, pull up a chair. Ask it to sit down. Ask it its who, its what, its why. The wobble is not your enemy. It is the most honest teacher in the room, and if you let it speak, it will tell you more about your readiness, your edges, your healing, and your desires than any conversation on an app ever could.

The Bullhorn and the Garden Hose

Then there is my other client. And her situation stopped me in my tracks the first time she described it, because it is more common than people realize and almost never talked about openly.

She is highly sensitive. Deeply intuitive. The kind of person who can walk into a room and within moments have a read on the emotional landscape of everyone in it. She has spent years honing this, learning to work with it, learning not to be consumed by it. It is her gift and it is very real.

But here is what happens when she is the one standing in the emotional landscape. When it is her own feelings on the line, her own heart leaning toward someone, her own vulnerability sitting out in the open on a first date. Suddenly, all of that exquisite sensitivity goes quiet. She reaches for the signal and gets crickets.

I want you to understand what is actually happening there, because it is not a malfunction.

For most empaths who are highly tuned to others, the energetic channel they use is calibrated to receive outward. It is built for reading what is beyond the self. When the source of the signal is internal, when it hits too close to home, something shifts. It is not that the gift disappears. It is that the instrument changes. What was a bullhorn becomes a garden hose.

And in the middle of a date, when you are trying to read your own feelings in real time, the garden hose can feel like a betrayal.

It is not. It is your system protecting you from being overwhelmed by your own emotional data at a moment when you are already stretched open. It is actually a form of grace, even when it feels like static. What it is asking you to do is something that does not come naturally to the highly intuitive: to slow down, to be present in the body rather than the field, to feel rather than read.

This is where I introduce something I call the WTF principle. What the Frequency.

Your frequency when you are dating is not a fixed thing. It shifts based on proximity, vulnerability, history, and hope. The work is not to get a perfect read on every date in real time. The work is to come home to your own signal afterward. To sit with what the experience stirred. To notice what lit up and what went flat. To trust that your system is gathering data even when it is not delivering the instant intel you are used to.

The clarity comes. It just comes in layers, not in a single transmission.

The Wobble Is the Work

Here is what I want to leave you with, and I am not going to dress it up into something more comfortable than it is.

Re-entering the world of dating as someone who has done real inner work is not easier than it was before. In some ways it is harder, because you can no longer numb yourself to the parts that feel misaligned. You feel everything more precisely. The hope is louder and so is the hesitation. The longing is clearer and so is the fear.

But here is what is also true. You are not the same person who last did this. You have spent time alone with yourself in a way that most people never do. You have asked questions of yourself that most people avoid. You have sat with your own discomfort and come through it. That is not nothing. That is the whole foundation.

The wobble you feel when you step back onto the playing field is not evidence that you are not ready. It is evidence that you are present. That you have something real at stake. That this matters to you in a way it perhaps did not before.

So I am not going to tell you to push through it or rise above it or power past it with your manifesting intentions pointed forward like a compass.

I am going to ask you to do something harder. Stay in it. Let yourself feel how strange and tender and strange again it is to be seen by someone new. Let your senses come back online slowly, the way a limb wakes up after it has been still too long. Let the wobble mean something instead of running from what it is trying to tell you.

Because on the other side of the wobble is not certainty. It is something better. It is a clearer, truer version of what you actually want, what you will actually accept, and who you are actually becoming.

And that person deserves to be met. Fully. In person. Not just in theory.

Soul Greenhouse is a space for empaths, intuitives, and deep feelers navigating the inner life with honesty and intention. If this landed for you, share it with someone who needed to read it today.

What comes next is the part we actually do together.

Reading about the wobble is one thing. Moving through it with intention is another. Below, for Soul Greenhouse members, I have put together two somatic practices to help you come back into your own body and signal, five journal prompts designed to move you through the crickets and the wobble toward genuine clarity, and a personal manifestation script you will record in your own voice to play in that soft threshold moment just before sleep, when your subconscious is most open and most ready to receive.

This is where the work gets real. I will meet you on the other side.

The following content is available to Soul Greenhouse paid members.

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By Crystal Bella Ambrose | Soul Greenhouse

The Goddess Rising Era — and Yes, I Am In It Too

I want to get personal with you first. Because I think the most useful thing I can do here is not just hand you a framework, but it is to stand next to you inside the experience.

I am 55. I have been in an intentional pause for just over two years and not by circumstance, not by lack, but by deliberate choice after my last almost 5-year relationship became my greatest teacher.

My book Soul Hangry rose from the ashes of that chapter of my life and I chose me.

I made a decision to stop, turn inward, and do the deep work of becoming someone I genuinely love being. And somewhere in the middle of that and between the travel and the writing and the shedding of everything that no longer fit and something extraordinary happened.

I started enjoying just being in my own body. Fully present. Not performing. Not managing. Not bracing. Just here, in my own skin, and genuinely happy about it.

That is the Goddess Rising moment. And once you arrive there, something shifts in what you want and how you pursue it.

I am not looking to fill a vacancy. I do not have a help wanted sign in my window. But I will absolutely interview the right candidate.

Because here is the truth about this era that no one talks about loudly enough that a woman who has done this work, who has crossed over into genuine self-fulfillment, who is living in her full expression, she is a hot commodity.

She knows it. And she is not about to spend her energy or risk her peace choosing in haste.

I want the full expression now. I have stepped well past curious.

What I want is someone who can ride this energy with me and someone who can hold my fire without trying to douse it, who fans the flames and keeps the fire extinguisher up to date.

Someone who meets me in my fullness without shrinking from it or needing to manage it.

That is not too much to ask. That is the minimum bid.

I do not want to try choosing my next life partner in this fire — but I also do not want to settle for less than everything I deserve to honor this.

The Old Train Station

Before I became a full-time nomad, I had a studio. Decades of one, actually — layered over years like sediment. Shelves of reference books. Tools with their own muscle memory. A collection of textile “necessities” that only a hardcore thread nerd could truly appreciate. I will never deny the heady sense of discovering a new method to do impossible things with fabric. There is real joy in that.

But somewhere along the way I had started to feel like an old train station that hadn’t seen a remodel in thirty-plus years. Grand bones. Dusty corners. The trains of my former life still pulling in and out on schedule, but something in me knew the schedule needed to change.

Long-form travel has a way of doing what therapy sometimes cannot. When you strip away the accumulated architecture of your daily life like the studio, the familiar routes, the objects that quietly define you.

You find out fast what was actually yours and what you were simply maintaining out of habit.

What you miss. What you do not. What you were carrying for other people without ever being asked.

It was out there, somewhere between a lesser-known Maya ruin and a café in London in the middle of the afternoon with Rick James playing in my head, that I understood something fully for the first time.

We are not bolted to the seats in our inner theater.

We are the screenwriter and the director in one.

Everything showing on the screen in front of you is a reflection of something inside. A fear. A wish. A doubt. A desire. A curiosity. A hunger. An expression of soul light trying to find its way out. That is not blame. That is power.

Because if you wrote it, you can rewrite it.

The Wooly Mammoth in the Corner

Before we go any further, I want to name something directly because I respect you too much to tiptoe around it.

Yes. There are absolutely people in this world who will demonstrate their capacity for heavy contrast through their choices and their behavior toward you. Toxic. Abusive.

A full spectrum of harm that I am in no way minimizing or dismissing. I have been on the front lines of that battle and I have the scars and the wisdom to prove it.

Here is what I know from that place… No apology, no closure, no satisfying answer to why is going to be what heals you.

Waiting for any of those things keeps you locked in a loop that serves only the loop.

So with my whole heart I say this — let’s give ourselves permission to quit karma watch duty.

Not because they don’t deserve accountability.

But because you deserve freedom more than you need their confession.

The most radical act available to you right now is to redirect your magnificent attention back to your own feed.

You Are the Algorithm

Here is the metaphor that changed everything for me.

Your For You Page does not show you random content. It is not luck. It is a precise reflection of what you have engaged with, lingered on, returned to, and rewarded with your attention.

The algorithm learns you from your behavior, not your intentions and your life works exactly the same way.

Where your focus goes, energy builds. What you keep engaging with and what you linger on, return to, give your precious attention to, that is what your life learns to bring you more of.

Not because the universe is punishing you. Because that is simply how the system works.

The question that cuts through everything is this —

Do I own this and embody this, or does it own me?

Sit with that one. Apply it to everything.

The Curation Framework: Three Layers of Your Inner Feed

Layer One: What You Consume. The content, the news, the conversations you let play in the background. Ask yourself — does this inform and inspire me, or does it colonize my nervous system? Do I own this input, or does it own me?

Layer Two: Who You Allow In. Energy is the most precious commodity you have. Not time. Energy. Some people add to your energy bank every time you connect and others have you overdrawn before you have hung up the phone. An honest audit of your relationships through this lens will tell you everything you need to know. The goal is not to villainize anyone. It is simply to get clear on the exchange.

Layer Three: What You Repeat. Your thoughts. Your internal narratives. The story you tell about why things are the way they are. These are the habits of your inner feed and they are the most powerful and the most overlooked layer of all.

At each layer the question is the same… do I own this, or does it own me? Is it adding to my energy bank or leaving me overdrawn every month?

Here is the secret hiding in plain sight — when you start removing what drains you and balancing it with what fills your tank, you begin to become magnetized. You stop broadcasting static and start broadcasting signal. And the universe, bless it, is a very responsive receiver.

A Quick Reset When You Need It

Before you can curate anything you need a clean palette so here is what I want you to try. It takes less than a minute and it does five things at once.

Place one hand over your heart. Take one slow breath in. One slow breath out. And as you exhale, say quietly or in your mind — I release and realign.

Then, and this is non-negotiable, put on one song that makes your body want to move. Not think. Move. I am currently writing this in a London pub in the middle of the afternoon listening to Rick James and I will not pretend I am not fighting the urge to stand up and dance. Music is energy and the kind that moves your hips is telling you something important. That there is stuck energy in your body ready to become motion. Let it.

Do this in the morning. Do it before bed. Self-nurturing does not have to be elaborate or painful to begin and learning to love yourself that consistently? That is the most attractive thing you can do.

The Landing

Now let’s talk about what happens when you actually do this work… because it does not just clean up your daily life. It completely rewires how you show up in love.

Too many women have spent so long tuning their frequency to everyone else’s needs that when they finally step back into the dating world they go in starving. And we all know what happens when you go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. The decisions are not great. You reach for what is familiar and fast, not what actually nourishes you.

I have watched women come out of a long emotional retirement — especially in their 40s and beyond — and the way they reenter varies beautifully. Some ride the full intensity of their goddess energy with a younger partner who can match that current. Others gravitate toward someone with enough experience and self-possession to meet them fully without ego. Neither is wrong. Both are valid. What matters is that you know what you are bringing and what you actually need — not what you have been conditioned to think you can have.

And here is the truth that nobody says out loud enough — your type up until now may have been dialed into an older version of you. The one who needed different things. The one who did not yet know what she was capable of. You have upgraded, love. Your criteria get to catch up.

Couples that start in the goddess era can absolutely build something deep and lasting but that should not be the limiting goal out of the gate because you are still discovering what your real type even is in this version of yourself. So do not go grocery shopping starving and do not go into the dating world depleted hoping someone else will fill the tank.

Going into a jewelry store and browsing is not desperation. It is discernment. You are not there because you cannot live without a piece. You are there because you have a specific sense of what fits you, what complements where you are in your life right now and you are simply looking for the one that is exactly right.

Remember — what you ping to the universe is how your experience order is placed. Get clear on how you want to feel first. Build that internally. Then let the universe receive your signal clearly.

Take stock. Realign. Do the breathing. Dance in public if you have to. Ask yourself at every layer — does this own me, or do I own this? Fill your tank first and watch what you magnetize.

Nothing is more attractive than a woman who knows exactly what she wants and has the audacity to fully embrace it.

You did the work to get here. Now let’s ride this energy in its absolute fullness.

Crystal Bella Ambrose is a spiritual practitioner, intuitive coach, and author of the Soul Series. She writes from wherever in the world she happens to be.

You know that feeling.

The one where you are putting in everything you have, showing up, doing the work, following the advice, trying the strategy, and it still feels like you are trying to roller-skate uphill. In the rain. Backwards.

That frustration is so real. And for empaths especially, it hits different.

Because we are not just tired in our bodies.

We are depleted at the soul level.

We start questioning ourselves.

We start wondering if abundance is even meant for us. If love that actually nourishes us is even possible. If maybe we are the problem.

Here is what I want you to sit with for a moment: what if you are not doing something wrong? What if you are just going in the wrong direction for you?

Most of the advice out there about building income, attracting love, and creating a magnetic life is built on someone else’s Venus blueprint. And when you, an empath who already feels everything more deeply and gives more freely than most, keep pushing yourself into approaches that were never designed for your energy, burnout is not a failure. It is a love letter from your soul saying honey, this is not the way.

Venus is the planet of love, beauty, pleasure, values, and abundance. She governs how we attract, what we are naturally magnetic to, how we create, and how we receive. Your Venus sign is your personal energetic signature for drawing in what you desire in your work, your relationships, your money energy, and your creative expression.

Living against your Venus sign does not just feel hard. It slowly drains the very frequency that makes you magnetic in the first place.

This article is your invitation to stop fighting the current and come home to yourself. Because that is where everything you have been working so hard for is already waiting.

First, How Do You Find Your Venus Sign?

Your Venus sign is not your Sun sign, the one most people know from their birthday. Venus moves through the zodiac on her own timeline, so your Venus sign depends on your exact birth date and sometimes the year too.

Here is how to find yours in about two minutes:

Go to astro.com, which is free. Click “Free Horoscopes” then “Extended Chart Selection.” Enter your birth date, your birth time if you know it, and your birth location. Look for Venus in your chart, she is marked with the symbol ♀, and the sign she falls in is your Venus sign.

You can also simply search “Venus sign calculator” and enter your birth date into any reputable astrology site. If you were born close to the first or last few days of a month, knowing your birth year helps since Venus can shift signs mid-month.

Once you know your Venus sign, come back. Your blueprint is here.

Your Venus Sign: The Full Picture

Each sign below covers your natural gifts, your shadow tendencies (the sneaky places burnout likes to hide), and how your Venus energy wants to move in love and money. Read yours slowly. Let it land.

Venus in Aries

Your magnetic gift: You are bold, pioneering, and electric when you are in motion. You attract through your courage and your fire. People are drawn to your directness and your beautiful refusal to play small.

In love: You thrive when there is chemistry, a little chase, and genuine aliveness between two people. You need a connection that feels exciting and that respects your independence without making you beg for it. When you settle for slow or passive, you start to dim without even realizing it.

In abundance: Your money energy lights up when you are first, launching, leading, initiating. The empath shadow here is over-giving at the very start of something, a business, a relationship, a collaboration, and burning out before it has had a chance to actually build. You are not meant to sustain at sprint speed forever. You are meant to ignite, then breathe.

Shadow side: Impatience and people-pleasing that disguises itself as passion. You can say yes too fast because you get excited, and then feel quietly trapped when reality does not match the spark.

Alignment practice: Let your yes mean something again. Move fast, yes, but build in spaciousness so your energy stays electric rather than empty.

Venus in Taurus

Your magnetic gift: You are deeply sensual, grounded, and magnetic in the most embodied way imaginable. You do not attract through hustle. You attract through presence. When you slow down and fully inhabit your own life, people and opportunities genuinely come to you. This is not a metaphor. It is just how your frequency works.

In love: You need safety, steadiness, and beauty. You thrive in relationships that feel like coming home, consistent, warm, sensory-rich, and real. You do not do well with hot and cold energy, no matter how exciting the person seems at the start.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by quality, patience, and building something that lasts. You are not a sprint person. You are a compound interest person. The more you trust slow growth, the more your abundance actually compounds. Trying to copy fast-launch culture goes against your entire energetic design, which is why it feels so exhausting every single time.

Shadow side: Stubbornness that keeps you in something far too long, a relationship, a business model, a belief about money, because it feels familiar even when it stopped feeling good ages ago. Security can become a very comfortable cage if you are not paying attention.

Alignment practice: Your body is your oracle. When something feels genuinely luxurious and right in your nervous system, not just comfortable but truly nourishing, that is your Venus signal. Follow that.

Venus in Gemini

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your mind, your wit, your curiosity, and the delicious variety of you. You are magnetic when you are stimulated, learning, and communicating freely. Trying to make you pick one thing and stick to it forever is like trying to make the wind choose a direction.

In love: You need mental connection first. A partner who can genuinely keep up with you intellectually and who finds your ever-evolving nature a gift rather than a flaw. Boredom is your relationship kryptonite.

In abundance: Your money energy flows through multiple streams, storytelling, teaching, writing, connecting, and conversations that open doors in unexpected directions. Trying to do only one thing, one offer, one platform, one approach, goes against your energetic nature. You are beautifully built for range.

Shadow side: Scattered energy and surface-level commitments. You can start ten beautiful things and finish none of them, then wonder why nothing is quite building the way you imagined. Freedom is wonderful. Follow-through is where the abundance actually lives.

Alignment practice: Give yourself full permission to have range, and then choose your core platform and show up there with some consistency. Gemini abundance is built through connection that deepens over time, not just connection that sparkles and disappears.

Venus in Cancer

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your warmth, your emotional depth, and your extraordinary ability to make people feel genuinely held and seen. You are magnetic when you feel safe enough to be soft. Which, if we are being honest, is not always easy for an empath who has been burned before.

In love: You need emotional security and real intimacy. You thrive when love feels like a sanctuary. You are one of the great nurturers of the zodiac, which is a beautiful thing, but you must be nurtured in return or you will empty out so gradually you almost miss it happening.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by work that feels meaningful, that creates safety, and that connects to your values on an emotional level. Your gifts, holding space, creating sanctuary, intuitive wisdom, are genuinely precious. The empath wound here is undercharging and over-giving because something in you still believes it is wrong to put a price on care.

Shadow side: Emotional withdrawal and caretaking as a way to feel needed rather than truly loved. You can give from fear of abandonment rather than from genuine overflow, and the two feel very different even if they look the same from the outside.

Alignment practice: Receiving is not selfish. Practice letting abundance in, in love, in money, in praise, without immediately deflecting it or quietly giving it back before anyone notices you had it.

Venus in Leo

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your radiance, your generosity, your creative expression, and your unapologetic aliveness. When you are lit up, everyone in your orbit feels it. You are basically a walking sun and that is not a small thing.

In love: You need to be seen, celebrated, and genuinely adored. And you give that same energy back in return tenfold, which makes you one of the most generous partners in the entire zodiac. You wither quietly in relationships where you are taken for granted.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by visibility, creativity, and leadership. You are meant to be seen. The empath shadow here is performing for external validation rather than expressing from genuine joy, and then feeling crushed when the response does not match the effort you put in.

Shadow side: Tying your worth to what other people think of you. When the views are low or the launch is quiet, the spiral can feel so much bigger than the situation actually calls for.

Alignment practice: Create from love, not from need for applause. Your abundance genuinely expands when you are performing for the version of you who already knows she deserves to be celebrated, not for an audience you are hoping will finally agree.

Venus in Virgo

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your discernment, your skill, your reliability, and the exquisite quality of everything you touch. You are magnetic when you trust that your attention to detail is a rare and beautiful gift, not an inconvenient personality flaw.

In love: You show love through acts of service and through the thousand small ways you make someone’s life genuinely better without being asked. You need a partner who notices those things and brings their own integrity to the relationship. Someone who shows up the way you do.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by mastery, thoughtful systems, and service that genuinely improves people’s lives. You build wealth through refinement and reputation. The empath wound here is perfectionism that keeps you from ever launching, ever charging what you are worth, ever deciding your work is ready enough to be seen.

Shadow side: Chronic self-criticism and analysis paralysis dressed up as high standards. You can spend so much energy making something perfect that it never actually gets to reach the people it was made for. Which is a quiet heartbreak, when you think about it.

Alignment practice: Done is a form of love too. Your Venus wants to serve, and she needs you to release the work into the world so it can actually do what it came here to do.

Venus in Libra

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your grace, your beauty, your ability to create harmony around you, and your genuine delight in partnership. You are magnetic when you are in balance, when you are giving and receiving in something resembling equal measure.

In love: You are one of the great romantics of the zodiac and you deserve to be celebrated for that rather than apologizing for it. You thrive in relationships that feel elegant, equitable, and deeply connected. The shadow is staying in relationships well past their expiration date because you would rather keep the peace than face the discomfort of honesty.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by beauty, aesthetics, collaboration, and environments that feel genuinely harmonious. Trying to hustle alone in chaotic or ugly circumstances drains you faster than almost any other Venus sign. You need beauty around you to think, to create, to attract.

Shadow side: People-pleasing that quietly erodes your sense of self over months and years. You can give everyone around you exactly what they need while slowly losing track of what you actually want.

Alignment practice: Your opinion is not the enemy of harmony. Knowing what you want and asking for it is how you create the kind of partnership in love and in work that actually sustains you over time.

Venus in Scorpio

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your depth, your intensity, your beautiful mystery, and your extraordinary capacity for transformation. You are magnetic when you are fully in your power and not when you are shrinking to make other people comfortable.

In love: You need total, soul-level intimacy or honestly you are not that interested. Casual does not satisfy you and you have never quite understood why anyone would want it to. You thrive in relationships that transform both people. The shadow is giving everything to someone who simply cannot meet you at that depth, and then feeling devastated when they cannot hold what you offer.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by depth, research, transformation, and working with what is hidden or taboo. You are often drawn to healing work, investigative work, or fields that most people are afraid to enter. That is not a coincidence. That is exactly where your power lives.

Shadow side: Control and withholding as self-protection. When you have been burned, you can shut down your magnetism entirely, which cuts you off from both love and abundance at the same time without meaning to.

Alignment practice: Vulnerability is not weakness for you. It is actually the most magnetic thing you can offer. True power for a Scorpio Venus is staying open even when every part of you is convinced it is not safe to do so.

Venus in Sagittarius

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your freedom, your expansive philosophy, your adventurous spirit, and your ability to make people feel like the world is bigger and more possible just by being near you. You are magnetic when you are in motion, learning, exploring, and genuinely expanding.

In love: You need a partner who is also a companion. Someone to explore life with rather than someone who holds you in place. You wither in relationships that feel like confinement, even beautiful, loving ones. The shadow is commitment-avoidance that disguises itself as a love of freedom.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by expansion, travel, teaching, publishing, and anything with a reach that goes beyond the room you are sitting in. You are genuinely not designed for small. Trying to play it safe and stay contained quietly cuts off your energetic flow.

Shadow side: Overcommitting to too many directions at once, or running from depth just as something is about to get beautifully real.

Alignment practice: Freedom and depth are not opposites, even though they can feel that way. The most abundant version of your Venus commits to something meaningful and then discovers the infinite possibilities that live within it.

Venus in Capricorn

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your ambition, your integrity, your quiet authority, and the sense that you genuinely have your life together in a way people instinctively trust. You are magnetic when you own your expertise without apologizing for it.

In love: You need a partner who is actually going somewhere, someone with ambition, reliability, and genuine respect for what you are building. You are not particularly interested in potential. You want to see what someone is actually doing with their one life.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by long-term strategy, clear structure, and reputation that builds over time. You build slowly, but what you build tends to last in a way that other people genuinely envy. The empath shadow here is denying yourself pleasure and rest in endless pursuit of worthiness, as if you still have to earn the right to simply receive.

Shadow side: Emotional unavailability and workaholism worn as armor. You can be so focused on building abundance that you are not fully present to enjoy it or to let love find its way in.

Alignment practice: Success is not the destination where you finally get to receive. Receiving is available to you right now, today, in this exact season of your life. Practice it like it is a skill, because it is.

Venus in Aquarius

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your originality, your vision, your ability to see what others cannot yet see, and your genuine care for people on a collective level. You are magnetic when you stop trying to fit yourself into spaces that were not made for you and fully commit to being exactly who you are.

In love: You need a partner who is also a real friend. Someone who respects your mind, your independence, and your need for breathing room. You thrive in relationships that feel like a meeting of two whole, interesting people who also happen to adore each other.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by innovation, community, social impact, and doing things in ways that have genuinely not been done before. Copying what everyone else is doing is the fastest way to turn your Venus frequency completely off.

Shadow side: Emotional detachment as self-protection, and a tendency to be so focused on the future that you miss the beauty and the abundance that is already present and asking to be noticed.

Alignment practice: Your uniqueness is not a liability to manage around. It is your greatest asset. The more fully you lean into what makes you genuinely different, the more magnetic you become, without trying.

Venus in Pisces

Your magnetic gift: You attract through your empathy, your creativity, your spiritual depth, and your rare ability to make people feel understood at the soul level. You are magnetic when you are connected to your own inner world rather than constantly attending to everyone else’s.

In love: You need a love that feels like poetry, deep, tender, and a little transcendent. You thrive in relationships where your sensitivity is treated as the gift it is. The shadow is dissolving so completely into another person that you eventually lose the thread back to yourself.

In abundance: Your money energy is activated by creativity, spiritual work, healing, and art. You are often one of the most gifted intuitives in any room, and one of the most likely to undervalue that gift simply because it comes so naturally. If it feels effortless for you, it does not mean it is not extraordinary.

Shadow side: Escapism and martyrdom. You can give until there is genuinely nothing left, and then feel quietly resentful that no one is giving back, when in reality you needed to stop long before you reached empty.

Alignment practice: Your sensitivity is worth more than you are charging for it. Your creativity is worth more than you are charging for it. Abundance for a Pisces Venus begins with truly, fully believing that and not just saying it.

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There is a kind of love that does not arrive softly.

It doesn’t politely knock, introduce itself, and settle into something manageable. It ignites. It consumes. It rearranges the entire landscape of your inner world, and once it has touched you, nothing else quite feels the same again.

And then it changes.

Not into something lesser, but into something quieter. Something harder to understand.

This is where many of you are sitting now.

In the quiet.

In the space where the fire that once roared between you has softened into something else, something dimmer, but not gone. Never gone. Just beneath the surface, like embers glowing in the dark.

You feel it constantly.

The pull. The craving. The full immersion in the longing itself.

It’s not just that you miss them. It’s that the feeling of missing them has become its own presence in your life. A rhythm. A companion. A fire that refuses to fully go out, no matter how much time passes or how far apart you drift.

And it’s exhausting.

Because part of you keeps waiting. Waiting for the spark. Waiting for the wind. Waiting for something to reignite what you know is still there.

But here is the truth that often gets missed in this space.

The fire hasn’t disappeared.

It has transformed.

What once burned as a full, consuming flame between two people now lives as a sacred ember within each of you.

And embers have a purpose.

In nature, fire doesn’t only exist to blaze.

It also exists to clear, to reset, to make space for something richer to grow. After a wildfire, the soil becomes more fertile. After a volcanic eruption, the land, though destroyed in the moment, returns more abundant, more alive.

But in those in-between phases, it doesn’t look like growth.

It looks like loss. It feels like absence. It hurts like something is missing.

This is the stage where so many people get caught.

And part of why they get caught is because the information available about these connections is overwhelming, contradictory, and often more confusing than clarifying.

You’ve probably seen the lists.

20 signs you’ve met your twin flame. 33 signs it’s a twin flame connection. The ultimate checklist.

And you read through them, nodding at some, uncertain about others, and you still walk away not actually knowing anything more than when you started. Because those lists are pulling from multiple completely different types of soul connections and lumping them all under one label.

Here’s what most people don’t know.

Every soul connection has a formula.

Core Element + Relationship Dynamic = Your Soul Connection

There are three Core Elements that define the fundamental nature of a soul bond:

A Soul Friendship, a deep non-romantic connection that is no less significant for the absence of romance. A Romantic Soul Connection, the bond most people are trying to decode when they land on those lists. And a Soul Match Hybrid, a connection that carries both elements simultaneously, which is often the most disorienting of all because it refuses to be categorized neatly.

Within those three Core Elements, there are 12 distinct Relationship Dynamics, 12 specific archetypes that define how the connection unfolds, what pattern it runs, and what it is designed to teach.

When you try to apply a generic list of signs to a connection without knowing your Core Element or your Relationship Dynamic, you’re not getting clarity. You’re getting noise.

That’s not a failure on your part. It’s a gap in how this has been taught.

Because the instinct when you’re caught in this space is to reach outward.

To fix. To reconnect. To do something to bring it back to life.

But this phase, the ember phase, is not asking you to reach outward.

It is asking you to turn inward.

The sacred fire between two souls cannot remain in full flame at all times. If it did, it would burn everything down without allowing anything new to take root. The intensity that draws you together is the same intensity that requires space, healing, and integration.

Separation is not punishment.

It is preparation.

But when you don’t understand that, the longing becomes a loop.

You start feeding the ember not with presence, but with depletion.

Overthinking. Checking. Replaying. Reaching energetically, emotionally, sometimes even physically, over and over again.

And instead of gently tending the ember within you, you exhaust yourself trying to turn it back into a wildfire before the ground is ready.

This is where the burnout begins.

Not because the connection is too much, but because the direction of your energy is misaligned with what this phase is asking of you.

The ember stage is sacred because it is intimate.

The fire is no longer something happening between you.

It is something living within you.

And that changes everything.

Because now, the question is no longer “How do I get back to them?”

It becomes “How do I tend to what this connection has awakened inside of me?”

The longing you feel is not just about another person.

It is a signal.

A doorway.

An invitation into the parts of you that were activated by this connection, your depth, your sensitivity, your capacity for love, your wounds, your patterns, your power.

If you only chase the reunion, you miss the transformation.

If you only focus on the absence, you overlook what is being built.

The ember does not need you to force it into flame.

It needs you to protect it. To honor it. To sit with it without trying to control it.

Because when the time comes for that fire to rise again, whether in reunion or in a completely different expression of your path, it will not come from grasping.

It will come from alignment.

From wholeness.

From two individuals who have allowed the fire to refine them, not consume them.

So if you are here, in this quiet, aching space,

If the longing feels constant, the absence feels heavy, and the questions feel endless,

Pause.

Not to give up.

But to redirect.

Let the fire rest.

Let it breathe.

Let it do what sacred fire has always done, transform what it touches into something stronger, deeper, and more true.

You are not losing the connection.

You are being asked to become someone who can hold it differently.

And that begins here.

In the ember.

If you’re ready to move out of the exhaustion and into real understanding, I created something built for exactly this space.

My two-book Soul Series bundle brings together Soul Hangry, focused on nurturing yourself and rebuilding your inner foundation, and Soul Connections, where I walk you through the full Soul Connection Formula, including how to identify your Core Element and your Relationship Dynamic so you finally have a map, not just a feeling.

Inside Soul Connections you’ll also find a guided quiz that reveals your personal soul-to-soul connection equation, giving you clarity on the purpose, path, and process of your specific connection, so you can heal, mature, and move forward with understanding instead of confusion.

Both eBooks together, as an instant download bundle, for $22.

This is for the part of you that’s ready to stop chasing the flame and start becoming the one who can hold it.

Click here to purchase as an instant download

I am two days away from the end of my first visit to the Yucatán and I am finding that this past month has been as wonderful, crazy and fly-by-the-seat-of-intuition as any of my adventures yet.

I flew into Cancún with the goal of starting in Playa del Carmen to be close to the ocean I missed after growing up in Miami and a 35-year absence of having it so close.

What I found out quickly was that you don’t know how resourceful or how brave you can be until you walk into a country that is completely new to you, with a language that is very rusty after 35 years -- let alone accidentally tangled with Italian. * I gave up feeling embarrassed that I naturally said Grazie instead of Gracias and just decided that if it happens, smile.

Something else I discovered quickly was how easy a daily rotation of fresh local food could be ….and I mean cantaloupes so good you could cry, Greek yogurt, local cheeses and freshly baked goods not loaded with sugar and preservatives.

Not only did that make up the majority of what I reached for every day, but wonderful things I had always loved became so accessible, like hibiscus iced tea.

It wasn’t just my body that relaxed and felt nourished my soul felt like it could breathe.

I stopped reading labels because 98% of what I ate was local and farm to table, purchased at farmers markets and roadside stands.

Being creative with my meals and opting out of restaurants for the most part, I also found I stopped reaching for coffee or tea because I simply didn’t need them anymore let alone the Tylenol PMs at night.

My sleep cycles eased out. My mornings stopped starting with dread or that low hum of panic they used to carry.

I found myself waking into a peaceful, neutral place.

And it is from that space that I am writing this.

I think when we chase happiness, we are trying to hit a high note and sustain it.

Any great opera singer can do that better than any of us but even they know it isn’t sustainable.

And honestly, who would want it? One long, loud, high note with no end?

Well, that is the secret.

It is not about chasing happiness.

It is about seeking that neutral, peaceful place where we can actually nurture our soul.

So many of us… myself included … have spent time in some form of therapy struggling because we don’t know how to be happy.

We chase so many things: love, amazing food, travel to exotic places, the latest gadget.

Not for what those things actually are when they arrive, but for what we believe the chase will bring us.

What I found during this trip is that yes, happiness rose many times but not like a dopamine hit.

More like running into an old dear friend.

I also found that so many things I thought I needed to feel comfortable were things I had been holding onto because I believed they would fill the happiness basket … or at least plant the seeds.

What I didn’t realize was that I was planting seeds for vines that, once they grew, would choke out the sunlight and drain my emotional resources dry.

So, what is that neutral, peaceful place?

Funny enough, when I tried to describe it to myself, I found myself sitting right inside the title I gave this publication … the Soul Greenhouse.

I created this space after years of coaching clients on how to become master gardeners in their own greenhouse. And I want to challenge you to look honestly at what you are trading in the pursuit of happiness and instead begin to create and nurture a space for peace.

Because that is actually where happiness blossoms.

I am so grateful for the wonderful souls I met along the way this month from the smiling faces that sold me wickedly delicious produce, to the fellow travelers I crossed paths with at hostels, people from all walks of life and all corners of the world.

I originally came to the Yucatán to visit a few of the lesser-known Mayan ruin sites, and I did that too.

That also taught me how to navigate the amazing transit system here, since I travel with just a backpack, a carry-on and good walking shoes.

The sites recalibrated me emotionally and energetically in ways I cannot begin to fully express … but some of my most poignant moments came from completely impromptu, unplanned flashes of everyday life caught in a photo or a pause.

So yes … let’s learn to create and nurture the space for peace within.

Here are two practices and three journal prompts to help you cut through the clutter and get clear on what truly lights your path.

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What a difference a month makes when you choose you.

Nothing fancy just been eating local produce like crazy and drinking tons of Hibiscus iced tea along with writing and exploring.

I don’t stay in fancy hotels and I’m actually in an awesome hostel in the Yucatan in the ac coworking space working on my next book.

I’m going to be 56 in May and I cannot wait. 🪷

I want to address a big issue that holds so many people back from creating lives that truly feel like living.

It’s not about big bank accounts or waiting till everything lines up.

The biggest speed bump, and yes not a roadblock, is what keeps us stuck in the energy of not being able to get past the vision boards.

Everything you are wanting is literally right on the other side of your comfort zone. Every freaking thing.

I know because I am literally writing this from a table at a hostel in my fourth city in the Yucatan. I don’t know one soul in this whole country and my Spanish is rusty AF after 35 years away from growing up in Miami. The funny thing is I was also fluent in Italian at the same time and every time I go to say Gracias, I say Grazie. But instead of being embarrassed I smile and I am kind and generous with my appreciation and the message still gets across.

Before I took this trip I am on and I wanted to make at age 5 by the way, I was scared and nervous. I’m 55 and until last year all my international trips were UK based.

Not everything went my way even with careful planning, but many things were freaking amazing. I just found out I am so close to Chichen Itza that in a few days at the Spring Equinox I can be there to witness it myself. Totally unplanned and epic AF.

This is the alchemy that starts happening when you push past the fear and doubt like big uncomfortable curtains. Yes! That is the secret. They are not a brick wall.

And the comfort zone looks different for everyone.

Maybe yours is the job you have stayed in for ten years not because it serves you but because leaving feels terrifying. It stopped being a job somewhere around year three. Now it’s a sentence you keep showing up to because at least it’s familiar. Maybe it’s the relationship you already know is past its expiration date but the idea of being alone feels worse than being slowly hollowed out by staying.

Or maybe your version is something that looks crazy from the outside, like wanting to spend a year driving a camper van through national parks, and you keep talking yourself out of it because who does that, right?

And then there’s the loneliness of wanting something different in the first place. When you look around and nobody in your circle is doing the thing you want to do it can make the want feel wrong. Like maybe you’re broken for wanting it or naive for thinking it’s possible. You’re not broken. You just outgrew the room you’re standing in.

And here’s the part nobody warns you about. When you actually do the thing, some people leave.

Not because you did anything wrong but because your boldness held up a mirror they weren’t ready to look into.

That’s not your fault and it’s not yours to carry. That’s their comfort zone talking.

The ones meant to travel with you into your next chapter will still be there.

The ones who go quiet were never really cheering for you.

They were just comfortable with the version of you that stayed small.

The comfort zone isn’t protecting you. It’s just fear with better furniture.

A year ago this month I was crying on my ten minute breaks at a job that wasn’t just testing my nerves it was draining my soul battery dry. It took me five months to get past the comfort zone I was hiding in but I finally said let’s do this messy and uncertain and just do it. I quit. I built my online business into my full income.

I curated my whole life down to a small storage unit and became a full time traveler.

And now I am here. Nervous and figuring out local bus schedules in a country where I barely speak the language. Same person. Completely different life.

That’s the jump. That’s all it was.

Now you will hear a ton of noise about how unsafe it is for women to travel solo. And I will say yes there are very specific places where that deserves real attention. But it’s not the sweeping truth they want you to believe.

I have not felt unsafe once in a month and I am intentionally in the non tourist spots. I am here to commune with these sacred hot spots, to recalibrate myself and to recalibrate for my clients through my one on one work and my books.

So back to the main message. If I had stayed scared just looking at my comfort zone and let it keep me in the waiting stage and out of the doing stage I would still be in that bathroom on my ten minute break. I want to help you move from wanting to doing.

Look at it this way. You can stay scared and not doing the things or you can be scared and doing the things. The fear doesn’t have to leave first. You just have to move while it’s still in the room.

I say go for it and watch just how hard the universe will chase you down to woo you. I am about to witness the Spring Equinox at Chichen Itza where thousands gather every year and ride that wave, and I didn’t even plan it. The universe just lined me up because I was already moving.

You got this. And if you are still reading this you are already moving from wanting to doing. Keep going.

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The question in that title hit me last week on a walk. I was thinking about what to write next, at the tail end of editing my book about Soul Connections, and when the clarity came it felt blinding, then so vast that it has woven through my thoughts even this morning.

Because here is what I know to be true after decades of working with women on their souls and their stories: a woman’s sensuality, her hunger, her erotic aliveness.

It was never his to give.

It was always hers.

She just needed a loophole to access it. And the bad boy has historically been that loophole.

Let’s talk about why.

The Good Girl Conditioning

As a society, women are conditioned to believe that doing anything purely for the pleasure of it is somehow dirty, or at the very least, not good girl behavior. We have been so thoroughly trained to be useful, to be appropriate, to be palatable, that we can’t even relax in a bubble bath without running through our to-do list or quietly kicking ourselves about something.

Pleasure for its own sake? That requires justification. And desire, the deep, embodied, unapologetic kind, that gets locked in a box. The box only opens under very specific conditions. Namely: someone else’s wanting.

Women are taught, subtly and relentlessly, that their sensuality exists as a response system. Not a source. A response. Her beauty, her hunger, her erotic nature. These things are only valid in relation to male desire. She does not inhabit them. She activates them when called upon.

The result is a woman who has no clean relationship with her own wanting. Who has catered so hard and so long to what is outside of herself that she genuinely does not know how she wants to feel. I see this in my practice constantly. When I teach classes on attracting a soulmate, I begin with one deceptively simple question:

“How do you want to feel?”

Most women struggle with it. What comes up first is almost always how they don’t want to feel. Which is valuable to release, but it speaks volumes about how disconnected a woman can become from her own inner landscape when she has spent a lifetime orienting toward everyone else’s.

I had a woman attend one of my classes with a fully built Excel spreadsheet of specifications for her future partner. When I told her she wouldn’t need it. We would be focusing on her own needs and desires, on calibrating the signal she was transmitting rather than curating the recipient, and she short-circuited. It took real convincing. I told her she could keep the list, but only if she could honestly answer one question first: how was the carefully written list working out for her?

She set it down. And got curious instead.

That is how deep this goes.

Enter: The Bad Boy

He walks in and he doesn’t care about the box.

He is bold enough to have his wants and desires not only spoken but catered to. He doesn’t ask permission to take up space. He is unapologetically alive in his own wanting. And something in her, her soul, her body, the part of herself she has been disciplining for years, exhales.

Because with him, the good girl rules don’t seem to apply.

She finds herself wandering through the lingerie section, picking out something sexy. She wears the dress. She says the thing. She lets herself want, loudly, unapologetically, without asking if it’s too much.

But here is the subtle tragedy inside that awakening: the sexy underwear she slips on under just jeans and a sweatshirt isn’t because it feels sexy to her. It’s because she hopes it will turn him on. Her desire becomes tethered to his. Her blossoming is oriented entirely outward, toward him, shaped unconsciously by his preferences. She thinks she is channeling her inner goddess. But she has handed the goddess over.

This is not empowerment. This is awakening in service of someone else. Concubine energy dressed up as liberation.

And it creates depletion. Because she is not renewing from the source. She is a water pitcher poured endlessly outward, never into her own cup. The intimate connection that should restore her ends up in a deficit, because she brought her awakened self to the altar of his desire, not her own.

One look at what women are consuming tells the whole story. The top spicy books, the Fifty Shades phenomenon and everything that followed, reveal a hunger that goes bone-deep. Women are craving permission to explore themselves. They just feel they need to receive that permission through a partner’s hands rather than their own.

Hathor Doesn’t Bloom for Anyone

In Egyptian cosmology, Hathor is the goddess of love, beauty, music, and pleasure, but she is also sovereign. She is not beauty in service of the observer. She is beauty as a state of being. She does not turn her radiance on when someone worthy enters the room. She simply is.

The Lotus is the same. It rises from the mud, toward the light, complete in itself. Not for the pond.

Women are not taught that this kind of sovereign, inside-out sensuality is available to them. They are taught the concubine version: beauty and desire as offerings, not birthright.

The artist who understood this completely, and lived it so visibly that it rewrote what we thought was possible, was Prince.

From his very first televised performance, Prince walked onstage in thigh-high heeled boots, a tiger-print speedo, and a matching vest, and he did not look like someone asking for permission. He was not performing his sensuality for the audience. He was not calibrating himself to what anyone expected or desired of him. He was simply, completely, unapologetically himself, and the music, the style, the erotic sovereignty were inseparable from who he was.

All the way through his life. Not just in his most well-known work. Always.

Prince didn’t bloom for the audience. He was already in full bloom. The audience just got to witness it.

That is what it looks like to embody your unique soul signature. That is Hathor. That is Lotus energy. And that is what women are not being shown is possible for them, not just in their bedroom, but in their whole life.

And while we are talking about music, let’s talk about anthems.

The song so many women have been handed as their empowerment soundtrack is Beyoncé’s Dance for You. Beautiful song. But listen to what it is actually saying. She is thanking him. Thanking him for what he brings out in her. Her own sensuality, her own aliveness, her own awakening handed back to him as a gift of gratitude.

The conditioning is so complete it got set to a melody and sold to us as empowerment. *eye roll* I want to replace it with something that will do something entirely different to you:

Buddy Guy’s What Kind of Woman Is This.

Notice the difference. Buddy Guy is not being offered anything. He is being undone by a woman who is not performing for him at all. She is simply fully inhabiting herself, curves, bounce, sway and all, and her presence is so unapologetically sovereign that he can barely stand it.

The sway of her hips is not an invitation. It is a personal statement of ownership.

She is not moving for anyone in that room. She just happens to be moving near him. That is the whole difference. That is the whole article.

I actively encourage my clients to put it on, alone, and move to it. Not for anyone watching. Not as practice for anything. Just for the pure, sovereign pleasure of feeling their own body move. To celebrate the curve of their hips. To enjoy the feeling of moving them for the sake of movement itself.

Because here is something that does not get said enough: women carry grief in their hips. Sadness, loss, unexpressed longing, years of contraction, it lives there. The hips are not just a physical structure. They are a storehouse. And the simple, sacred act of moving them with pleasure and intention, just for yourself, just because it feels good, is its own form of healing. It is not performance. It is not seduction. It is a woman coming home to her own body, on her own terms.

That is a sacred practice. Full stop.

You Were Already the Music

Here is what I want you to sit with:

Women come fully equipped with the kinetic art of foreplay for themselves, within themselves.

It lives in them as an intrinsic quality of being, not as something that switches on in the presence of the right person. The sensuality, the hunger, the creative erotic aliveness. It is not a gift he activates. It is a state of being she has been taught to suppress.

The bad boy isn’t magic. He’s chaos. And chaos is just disruptive enough to knock the good-girl conditioning sideways for a moment, creating a gap she briefly slips through to touch her own aliveness. She mistakes the relief of that access for love. For chemistry. For fate.

But the aliveness was never his. It was always hers.

How a woman is emotionally and physically intimate with others is a direct reflection of how free she secretly desires to be within herself. And until she turns that mirror inward, until she asks not “what does he want” but “how do I want to feel,” she will keep outsourcing the key to her own kingdom.

What she actually needs is not a bad boy. What she needs is an inner kitchen stocked with self-rising flour, not all-purpose, waiting to be activated by someone else’s recipe.

She needs to learn to write her own menu, regulate her own heat, and tend her own fire. The right partner, when they arrive, doesn’t take over the kitchen. They bring their own ingredients, help keep yours stocked with your favorites, and know to keep the fire extinguisher current.

Because the fountain doesn’t need a reason to flow. It just flows.

An Invitation

My purpose in writing this is not to indict the bad boy, or the women who loved them. It is to trigger a conversation within yourself, regardless of which side of the bed you sleep on. I know this will ruffle some feathers. Good. Ruffled feathers mean something landed.

If this piece cracked something open in you, if it sparked even a flicker of curiosity about what lives in your own inner kitchen, stay with me. The exercises below are where the real work begins.

It’s time to take the help wanted sign out of your window. Not because you don’t want partnership, but because you’re done outsourcing the sun.

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Those words didn’t walk into the room softly and caress my attention patiently.

They bitch slapped me in the third eye with a blinding light of clarity.

That wakeup call I had hit the snooze button on so many times it was finally time for a time out.

Those words weren’t something I read in an intentional post somewhere.

They came out of my own mouth at the end of a long, exhausting road with my ex. The same conversation on repeat. Me trying to translate my soul and they... well, let’s just say that after two years of healing and detoxing from it, that relationship was my single greatest lesson.

But back to the conversation. I was trying to find yet another way to express what was wrong, why I couldn’t do that cycle anymore. When those words came out of my mouth it was my raw soul pleading with me to finally let go.

It would take several more months after that including moving out of the home we had shared for four years, unwinding from an engagement that in hindsight was a carefully spun sugar castle before I was truly free.

Here is why I’m sharing this today.

After 35 years of doing readings for clients and the majority of them about soul-to-soul relationship dynamics even I had misread my own soul two years before I even met him.

After my divorce was filed, after the best friends who got married and ended up as roommates finally separated, I decided I needed to learn to love with an open heart.

So, for two years I committed to a continuous 80-day cycle of mala bead meditation, chanting to open my heart to love.

Silly me. I thought that meant I was scared to love someone else with an open heart.

All along it was me.

That is why that one sentence held the entire essence of the lesson that relationship came to teach me. Because the way I loved him with the patience, the tenderness, the endless translating of my soul trying to be understood was exactly how my own heart was asking to be loved.

I was pouring outward everything I was starving for within.

And that is the key for you too.

The way you love others is your soul broadcasting what it is hungry for.

Every quality you pour into your connections like the loyalty, the presence, the depth, the care that is not just generosity outward.

That is your heart writing you a love letter and handing it to someone else to deliver.

The quest for love and connection begins within. Not as a consolation prize. Not as the thing you do while you wait for the right person to arrive.

As the actual destination.

Because here is what I know after 35 years of sitting with people in their most vulnerable moments of longing and confusion is that what we choose to broadcast from our heart center is what the universe matches and sends back to us.

We don’t attract what we want. We attract what we emit.

And what we emit is always, at its deepest level, a reflection of our relationship with our own soul self.

So, the real question is never “why won’t they love me the way I need to be loved?”

The real question is “am I loving myself that way yet?”

You get to make that mix tape. You get to write that playlist.

Here is how we start.

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Let’s start with the truth nobody’s putting on a motivational poster: courage is not the absence of fear. It never was. Courage is looking fear dead in the eye and saying, “Thanks for your concern. I’ve got shit to do.”

I know this because fear and I have been in a long-term relationship. It shows up in the form of scarcity thinking, in the pull of nostalgia for a life I deliberately chose to leave, in the moment before I hit send on something that matters deeply. Fear is not the enemy.

It’s the uninvited passenger who wants to narrate the whole road trip.

This article is for everyone carrying an unfinished symphony.

A book that’s been in your heart for ten years, a YouTube channel you keep almost starting, a life reset that’s sitting in the draft folder of your soul. It is for the creative, the wanderer, the world-changer who almost gave up right before the moment that was always meant to be theirs.

Because right now, the Karmic Tide is turning. And the universe is waiting on you.

The Two Months That Held a Lifetime

After my first journey as a full-time nomadic traveler, I found myself back in my hometown for two months between trips. On paper it was a soft landing being close to the waterfront, the library as my office, walking distance to everything. In reality, it was a spiritual pressure cooker.

Those two months held more emotional weather than most years. Grief for the life I had deliberately released. Nostalgia dressed up as doubt. Fear of scarcity as my income streams were shifting. A very loud, very persuasive inner voice that asked whether I had lost my mind.

I had not lost my mind. I was shedding a skin.

Here’s what I did with those two months anyway, despite the noise:

I took the big first step on a book project I had stumbled into just weeks earlier in London and research that felt too important to just sit in the ‘wanting.’ I submitted a request for a professional consultation. I dove into the annotations, the calculations, the deep work.

I taught myself an astronomical dating system using Mars retrograde patterns and software I had never touched before. Seven hours of focused learning later, I could do what I had previously thought I would need an expert to do for me.

I also opened myself to friendship in a new way. I allowed people in. I let myself be seen. I spent my last week before departure in real, present, unhurried conversations all still a little scary, completely worth it. And I left knowing that two book projects are now pulling me back to England and Egypt this year.

None of that happened because fear went away. All of it happened because I stopped waiting for it to.

The Traffic Jam Called ‘Allowing’

‘Manifesting’ is one of the most overused words in the spiritual community — and I say that as someone who lives and breathes this work. We talk about intention, visualization, frequency alignment. All valid. But we gloss over the place where most people actually get stuck.

Allowing is where the traffic jam is.

Opportunity will knock. It will knock loudly and repeatedly. But if your porch light is off and you’re tangled up in the wanting, the needing it to look a certain way, the obsessive checking for signs, you will never taste the doing. You will stay in rehearsal for a performance you’re too afraid to give.

My own fear of scarcity had its grip on me during those two months. My TikTok income had shifted. My entire life structure had shifted. And there is a very particular kind of dread that lives in financial uncertainty when you’ve chosen a non-traditional path. But I had to look at that fear honestly and ask it: what are you protecting me from? And is the thing you’re protecting me from worse than staying small?

It wasn’t. It never is.

The moment I stopped trying to control the shape of what was coming and simply made myself available to it and the porch light went back on.

The new doors found me.

The Cage With No Walls

Here is something I need you to hear clearly: your comfort zone is not your friend. It is not a healthy boundary. It is a cage with no walls outside of your own mind.

A healthy boundary is a line you draw to protect your energy, your values, your wellbeing. Your comfort zone is the line your fear drew for you a long time ago to keep you from the thing you actually want. They are not the same thing. Do not confuse them.

So much of the good stuff … the real stuff, the life-changing stuff .. lives just on the other side of that invisible line. Your book. Your channel. Your reset. Your

“yes” to the terrifying invitation. None of it is as far away as the fear wants you to believe.

And here’s what I know about you, reader: you are limitless. Not as a platitude. As a literal description of what becomes possible when you bring enough audacity and enough curiosity to the table.

We are not only capable of pushing the envelope.

We can redesign it.

The Cosmic Alignment You’ve Been Sleeping Through

Let me tell you what the universe just did, in case you missed it.

In the span of a few weeks at the start of 2026, Neptune moved from Pisces into Aries for the first time in over 160 years. Days later, the Chinese New Year shifted from the Year of the Snake into the Year of the Horse. And just after that, a Snow Full Moon rose — illuminating a sky that was essentially Aries, the God of War, on a powerful charging horse, under a blazing full moon.

If that is not the cosmos saying ‘get some epic things done,’ I genuinely don’t know what is.

Neptune in Aries dissolves the old illusions and lights a fire under bold, pioneering energy. The Horse brings momentum, freedom, and the kind of forward-charging vitality that doesn’t wait for permission. The full moon illuminates what has been hidden — including the gifts you’ve been sitting on.

The scales of Karmic justice are genuinely trying to rebalance right now. But here is the thing about karmic rebalancing: it requires participants. The universe is like an angel investor at this moment in history, and there are very few people even submitting an application.

The light in you is being asked to join the fight. Not the fight against the darkness and the fight for the beautiful thing you are here to bring into the world.

On Grieving What You’ve Left Behind

Before I give you the exercises, I want to say something important about grief.

Big change, even the change you chose, even the change that’s exactly right for you and comes with grief attached.

I felt it in those two months at home. Nostalgia for a structure I had outgrown. A specific kind of loneliness that arrives when you have made yourself unfamiliar to your own life. An ache for the version of things you can no longer go back to.

Grief is not a sign that you made the wrong choice.

Grief is what happens when something real ends. It is respect for what was. And it deserves a proper container.

Allow it. Name it. And then release it intentionally, so it doesn’t quietly become the anchor that holds you back from the new.

Exercise One below is specifically designed for that release.

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