There is a trend on TikTok right now that sparked this entire article. Women have a list of “hard-to-pronounce” words on the screen behind them. Then they see if their boyfriend or husband can read the words and pronounce them correctly. And it’s as disturbing as you can imagine. More like a humiliation ritual, rather than a TikTok trend, if you ask me.

These are some of the words that were tested: faux, epitome, colonel, egregious, colloquial, fuchsia, cupboard (yes, CUPBOARD), buoy, hyperbole, forte. The list goes on. Quinoa and gnocchi were often on the list as well.

These men were not asked to define these words. And it wasn’t a spelling test. The words were right there, and they were simply asked to say them correctly. And in most of the videos I saw, they couldn’t. Completely butchering these words in ways that made zero sense, and sometimes just skipping some words entirely. They didn’t even try. Whatever happened to sounding it out?! More on that coming up…

What makes matters worse, is the women were just giggling in the background. And the men were laughing at themselves, which I recognize is a defense mechanism. I stated above that this was like a humiliation ritual. Think about it. These women are broadcasting these guys on the internet, showing them looking stupid. The internet is forever, y’all. What if their employers, future employers, coworkers, or clients see these videos? These women don’t seem so bright either.

And I think the women are laughing it off, because they don’t want to admit how unattractive it is that their men are dumber than they thought. Men are supposed to be the protectors and providers. Do you really want to raise children with a man who not only cannot read basic words but doesn’t even seem to want to try? I kind of dated a guy like this in my late twenties. It was a dark time in which I lacked self-esteem and self-respect. He told me he couldn’t read and I was so desperate that I said I didn’t care. Long story short, he was a total jerk anyway. Ladies: choose better for yourselves. Please.

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I often hear phrases like “oh, I'm not even gonna try to pronounce that” while someone is reading something out loud. And don’t even get me started on how much I despise when people “jokingly” say “wash-your-sister-sauce” instead of Worcestershire Sauce (which is not that hard to say, y’all), and “bone-apple-tit” instead of Bon Appetit (which is from an old YouTube video where someone did say it that way and now people still say it to be silly, but it just makes them look idiotic). I work in a grocery store and do you know how many times people say “canelli” beans when they are looking for cannellini beans? The “ini” is clearly right there. It’s not even a difficult word. Okay- that was the rant portion of this article. I’m calmed down now.

This trend got me thinking. Why don’t they even try to sound out the words? I totally understand not knowing the definition of every word, or even how to spell them. Maybe they don’t read a lot. I, myself am admittedly not a well-read person. (though I am trying to change that). But I can usually figure out how to say a word I’ve never seen before. Not just by sounding it out, but by context clues. What does the rest of the sentence say that could help you figure out what that word is? Let’s take epitome, for example. We’ve all heard this word hundreds of times. At first glance, one might say epi-tome, like comb. But all it takes is a second to be like “ ohhh. Epitome! So that’s how that is spelled.” That picture of Beavis and Butthead above shows the epitome of stupid guys.

I got fascinated by this topic, so I looked some things up. The reason many people cannot sound out words, is likely because the schools stopped teaching phonics. They actually stopped in the late 80’s, early 90’s. Right when I was a new reader. I was one of the lucky ones who made it through somehow and caught on quickly. But many did not. Shout out to anyone who remembers “Hooked on Phonics worked for me!”. Instead of phonics, they were taught to memorize.

Now, before anyone calls me a snob, or an ableist. I am not saying these people have less value as humans, or even that they are completely unintelligent. In fact, illiteracy does not equate unintelligence. And there is a difference between intelligence and intellect.

Intelligence is the raw processing power of your brain. It’s the ability to absorb information, learn quickly, and solve practical problems. Intellect is the ability to think critically, question deep ideas, and process abstract concepts. A person can have high intelligence, but a lower intellect. And vice versa. Of course, some have both, or neither. And the good news, is that both can be improved. Even in adulthood. I’ll share the how in a little bit. Keep reading.

This also made me look up how the words stupid, dumb, idiot, and moron relate to intelligence and intellect. Most of us have been using these words interchangeably in our everyday language. Which is fine, but I do think it is interesting.

The word Dumb was originally used to describe someone who couldn’t talk. Remember Helen Keller was called deaf, dumb, and blind? Now we say Mute. And still use Dumb in a more derogatory way. Moron and Idiot were both official medical and psychiatric terms before the 60’s and 70’s. Used alongside Imbecile, to scientifically classify levels of disability based on IQ scores. With Moron being the highest functioning category of all three. Idiot being the lowest, where the patient’s mental age was 2 years or less.

They stopped using these terms because the words became insults. And get this- they replaced those terms with Mental Retardation. Which we also no longer use. They now use Intellectual Disability. They used Intellectual here to prove that a diagnosis is not a person’s overall human worth or emotional depth. A person can have an intellectual disability while still possessing high emotional intelligence, profound empathy, and immense creative talent, The diagnosis targets the brain’s abstract processing unit, not the human soul. If we think of the human brain like a computer, intelligence is the processor and intellect is the software. When the DSM-5 and the medical community diagnose Intellectual Disability, they are not declaring that the person’s entire biological processor is broken. It simply means the brain faces roadblocks when running “intellectual” software. The specific coding required for formal schooling, advanced math, and long-term abstract planning.

The word Stupid is often used to describe someone of low intellect. Stupidity is actually a behavioral choice. It occurs when a person possesses plenty of brain power but allows overconfidence, impulsivity, or stubbornness to override their logic. A highly intelligent intellectual can in fact be stupid sometimes. That actually makes me feel better about some of the stupid things I’ve done. But still be annoyed by all the stupidity I see every day and as someone who has worked with the general public for my entire adult life and who is chronically online, I see plenty.

Now even though I looked up these terms and am fascinated by what they actually mean, I don’t think it matters so much. It does and it doesn’t. We have been using these terms colloquially and casually as they have become deeply embedded in our collective vocabulary. Intelligence is even all over literature, when they probably really meant intellect. But we all know what it means. And I reserve the right to call myself an idiot if I do something stupid or call someone a moron for walking into traffic because they can’t keep their eyes off their phone. And since we learned that stupidity is more of a choice, rather than ability, I will definitely still be using that word to describe people who don’t even try to learn when they are perfectly capable to.

A note on Intellectual Laziness. This was (and still might be) an article idea I’ve had for a while. I already have pages of notes on the subject. But for now, to keep this article from being hours long to read, I’ll keep it simple. It’s the reluctance to engage in deep thinking, critical analysis, or complex problem solving. Preferring simplistic answers and existing biases over intellectual effort. It’s characterized as a lack of curiosity, avoiding challenging ideas, and accepting information at face value. It’s a huge problem that I will elaborate more on in a future article. But it is relevant to this trend I’m talking about. Especially the lack of trying to figure things out for ourselves.

The men in this TikTok trend might be intelligent in other aspects of their lives. They might be loving, caring, sweet, and excel at their careers. But the fact that they are unwilling to learn to read better yet are willing to look stupid on the internet disturbs me.

Yes, they could have had shitty parents or grew up in a low-income area that didn’t have the best schooling. I totally sympathize with that. But they are now grown-ass men in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and even 50’s who are totally complacent in their intellect. Barring a severe learning disability, there is no excuse. There are so many resources and tools available to help one improve their literacy. Right in their pockets. It is voluntary ignorance and incompetence.

The dumbing down of society is a real thing. Even before the use of AI for everything. Some of our favorite tv characters are stupid and sometimes written to be even more stupid as the seasons go on. Take Joey Tribbiani on Friends for example. We all love him. But he was the dumb one. And it got so much worse in later seasons. Remember when Phoebe was trying to teach him French? That episode has always bugged me. Like, he can’t be that stupid. I still adore him and the show, but I would probably not want to date him.

It’s normalized on tv and in film. Social media has of course played a huge hand. I think we all know that. Social media creators who are relatable-y stupid on the internet has a ripple effect. Kids think it’s funny and okay. We don’t do basic math in our heads anymore because we all have calculators in our pockets. We don’t need to read maps anymore. The kids are no longer taught to write in cursive, or to read a clock. Not to mention that so many people lack the understanding of nuance, which will probably also need its own article from me in the future.

Truth is, stupid people do succeed. They have less shame, don’t overthink, and have the sheer audacity to just go out and do things and keep doing them. Sometimes highly intelligent or even intellectual people do not possess those traits. It seems unfair, to be honest.

I do believe that the powers that be want us to remain stupid. We are easier to control. Dumb, Divided, and Docile. We are told what to do, think, and buy all day long. We can take our power back by not refusing to remain willfully ignorant.

An adult with lower intelligence or intellect can improve their cognitive skills and functional abilities through a process called neuroplasticity. Your brain can physically rewire itself in response to learning. Your crystallized intelligence (your vocabulary, knowledge, and experience) can continue to grow your entire life. And your brain reserve can grow by engaging in mentally stimulating activities.

Here’s a few things we can do to improve brain health and keep sharp (which we should be aiming to do as we age anyway), and to improve our intelligence and intellect:

1. Reading. I think this is obvious. Just read. Fiction and non-fiction. It will be hard to remain focused if you’re not used to reading a lot, but the more you try, the better you’ll get at it. Find a book you’re interested in, go to a quiet place, and get to reading.

2. Write. You don’t need to become an author or a blogger. Just write in a journal. Dump your thoughts onto paper. You can start off with the boring stuff, and if you keep writing, the words will eventually flow. And write by hand- in cursive is even better.

3. Learning a musical instrument or language. These force the brain to form entirely new neural pathways.

4. Take classes. There are free college courses available online even.

5. Aerobic exercise. Enhances blood flow to the brain and stimulates hormones that grow new brain cells and support your neural paths.

6. Targeted cognitive training. Puzzles! Memory games too.

7. Stop scrolling so much. Enough said.

8. Hang out with people smarter than you. Be open to learning.

There is hope for us all. I unfortunately don’t think everyone who should get smarter will even try. Some of them may even get offended by this article. If they even read the whole thing. But I believe some are willing to learn. I, myself, am one of them. Still learning, still growing, even at 43. I hope you’ll join me.

This took me hours to put together, so please forgive any typos or bad grammar in this article about stupidity. And please consider subscribing so I can write more.

with love,

Amanda

let’s be friends on Instagram :)

The global anti-aging industry is worth billions. It is projected to surpass $100 billion within the next ten years. That is wild to me. People are spending hundreds of dollars per botox session alone… which they’ll have to go again for in a few months. Not to mention thousands on plastic surgery.

I honestly have no problem if you want to get botox or any other enhancement. I am all for doing what you want to your own body. I do urge you to ask yourself why, though. Is it something you think you have to do? And do you think you have to do it because that’s what everyone else is doing? Is it to impress or compete with other women? Is it because you think that’s what men want? Is it to conform to the beauty standards of the time being? I say “time being” because the beauty standards- whoever actually creates them- change all the time. Remember when someone saying you had a big butt was an insult? Now people are paying to have fat injected into their buttocks. Which I recently learned is an extremely dangerous procedure, by the way.

Okay, enough about butts. Back to botox. I know it’s touted as generally safe when done by a professional. But there are still safety risks, even in an office. [ I know some people get botox for migraines or tmj pain. I’m not talking about you here. ] People have botox parties, which seems crazy to me. And I just saw that there might be a take home version available soon… not sure if that is true, but please don’t try that. And sometimes these procedures actually make people look older.

The most concerning part of the botox/filler craze, is that young, impressionable girls think they need it. A 21-year-old does not need beauty injections! That, I will stand by. and a 12-year-old does not need a 15-step skincare routine with retinols or any other anti-aging ingredients. And no young girl should be feeling bad about how they look, simply because of what other people, influencers, and celebrities are doing.

I am all for taking care of our skin! It’s important. I am all for wanting to look healthy, glowing, and vibrant. But why are we trying to look 25 when we are 40?

You know that if you look 25 when you’re 40, you’re still 40, right? Looking younger doesn’t magically add 15 years to your life. It’s perfectly okay to look your age. And who even knows what 40 is “supposed” to look like anymore anyway?

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I absolutely love crow’s feet! I think they are adorable. And smile lines. It means you laughed a lot. Proof of life, if you ask me. Why would I voluntarily get botulism toxin injected near my eyes, with the risks and the hard-earned money spent, to get rid of those cute little lines that show how much I love to laugh?

Those little lines, the silver strands, even the stretch marks… I earned those! I earned those by living. Here’s some photos of a few pro-aging celebrity women:

You cannot tell me these women are not beautiful! The little lines and silver strands add to their beauty, if you ask me. <3 It’s refreshing to see gorgeous faces like these when it seems like everyone is trying to look the same nowadays.

Now, if you feel 25 at 40 because you’ve taken incredibly good care of yourself, and you feel vibrant, healthy, and fit, then that is amazing. I want to ask those who are getting or looking into anti-aging procedures- how do you feel?

Here’s what I think we should be focusing on instead, when it comes to aging:

Being healthy, strong, and active as we get older. We want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs when we are 80. Or to pick up our grandkids. To be independent as long as we can be. Go do some strength training to help prevent things like osteoporosis and dementia. Eat a healthy, nourishing diet full of whole foods that you love. Find out what you really want to do in this life, and work on making that happen. Live and enjoy your life without worrying about what other people think. Dance, sing, play. Spend time in nature. Try to lower stress. Stay hydrated. These are all actually good for your skin as well as your entire well-being. Being happy looks good on everyone.

Aging is a privilege denied to many. Try to embrace it and go live your life without seeking the approval of others. And if you still want to stick to your anti-aging regimen, then go do you! I want us all to feel free to look how we want. I just want you to do it because you actually want to.

with love,

Amanda

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I’m 43, and I think it’s long overdue that I start really putting myself out there. I have always been someone who is in my head. all. the. time… I’ve got countless thoughts, feelings, and ideas floating around up there. I’ve been trying to write those ideas down lately and currently have pages of topics that I want to expand on with my content.

I’ve been sharing on the internet since 2012, when I got Instagram. Back when I wanted to be a vegan blogger, (more on that in another post). I was so happy to share photos of my food, pets, and filtered photos of myself. Sidenote: the elder millennial in me is already having a hard time not typing “lol” after a sentence like that. And that one..

Over the years, I’ve gone back and forth with wanting to actually create content to put out there to the world. If you’ve ever tried to post and grow on social media, you probably know what I’m talking about. It’s not easy. Just putting yourself out there is hard enough. Then you have to struggle with your posts even getting seen. You create and post, and feel a sort of rejection over and over again, and it can eventually take the fun of creating away and leave you feeling uninspired.

Nowadays, there are all these “experts”, telling you how to grow on social media. They all say the same things. You have to have a niche. You have to post seven thousand times a day, at certain times. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Use this trending audio that ten million other people have used.. blah blah blah. Yeah, we’re not listening to them anymore.

We are actually blessed at this time to have multiple ways to share what we want to share on the internet. I truly believe that if I keep creating - and I mean actually create things myself from my heart, and not by copying other people or using ai to make my content for me, that the right people will find me. I have scrolled for long enough to know that there are others going through the same things as I am. I am not alone. And neither are you, my friend.

I am at a point in my life, where I desperately need to get my act together. I am nowhere where I want to be at 43. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, a few people who love me, and a full-time job. But some things definitely need to improve. I’m working on prioritizing my health, increasing my income to get out of debt, and expressing myself creatively so I don’t go insane. I have felt stuck for a long time. This will be a place where you can join me or just follow along on my journey to becoming who I want to be.

On this platform, I will share about all those things, but also so much more. I’m a very observant person and there are many things I have been noticing in our culture that I’d like to write about. Once in a while, I might share more light and fluffy articles like “things i’m loving lately”. Maybe some recipes will show up here (although I don’t measure anything unless I’m baking, so that will be a bit difficult for me). If you stick around, you’ll also get some stories from me. Many posts will be free for all to read. Some things will be for paid subscribers only. Mostly things that might be a little more personal to me, and longer, more in-depth pieces that take a lot for me to write. I also set up an option for founding members- those who just want to support me in what I’m creating <3. There are a few different subscriber options at the button below.

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This space will be imperfect, to say the least. I am not a professional writer or journalist. There may be some bad grammar here and there. This is not a collection of college papers or NYT articles. Think of it as just your friend writing to you. I want it to sound like me. It has been many, many years since I have had to write in long format, so bear with me. It’s not that serious over here anyway. We’re just friends, remember?

This little corner of the internet is where I’m just doing whatever I want. I may take longer to grow, since I am not boxed into a niche and I definitely do not want to bombard you with a million posts a week. But that’s okay. The topics may be completely different from post to post, but they will all have a common thread. Me. And I think that’s enough of a “niche”. This is me, becoming who I am meant to be. Getting out there and learning to thrive instead of just surviving. Taking what I have learned and experienced and sharing it all with you lovely people. Whether you’re on a similar journey as I am, or you just think I’m cool and want to read what I have to say, you are all welcome here. And I’d be honored if you stuck around in this little corner and subscribed.

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Much, much more to come. :)

Love, Amanda

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