The fields are white with harvest; where are the laborers? Who can hear the souls crying out for hell, slipping into dark, eternal misery? When we hear the stories and skim the headlines, do our hearts not hurt? Do we not agonize over the souls slipping through the thin veil of the living and the dead?

I sit, meditating on the hope I have in Christ. The way I wake each day knowing He has gone before me and won my battles. The way I lay down to sleep each night knowing His mercies are going to be new the next morning. The way that even in dark seasons, I can smile and say, “It is well with my soul.”

Does it not cause us agony to think of those who can’t? To think of those who have never experienced the peace that makes no sense? To think of those suffocating in the bondage of their own sin? Does that not stir up our soul and fan our flame?

So many are searching. So many are giving it all one more chance, giving Jesus one more shot. So many are flocking to churches, filling up seats, looking, searching. The gaping hole in their heart being pulled apart with each passing day, with each fulfillment the world pretends to promise. They know there’s something more, something greater, something better than this. There has to be. But where? Where can they find it? How do they find it? They don’t know what they don’t know.

By the grace of God, we are aware of His unending love. But what if we weren’t? What if it was you and I that were the ones searching? What if we were the ones trapped in a cage with the door wide open, but unable to pick ourselves up to escape? What if we didn’t know where we were going when we died? What if we were the ones living each day with absolutely no hope of anything at all?

There are approximately three billion souls without Jesus. Three billion without hope. Three billion unaware of His love. Three billion without peace. Three billion.

God, help us. Stir our hearts. Fan our flame.

“Does it not stir up our hearts to go forth and help them, does it not make us long to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in darkness?”

— Amy Carmichael

I have known Jesus since I was a little girl, and I’ve always been in church, but it wasn’t until recently that I fully surrendered my heart to Him. I am tempted to say that that is unfortunate, and that I could be further along by now if I had surrendered everything to Him sooner. But when I take a step back and I look at how the Lord has shown up for me countless times these past several months, I realize that those years of me walking through the dark, aimlessly searching for the light of Christ were so needed. It was during that time that I realized I am absolutely nothing, and that Jesus is my everything. I tried and tried to do it myself. I can distinctly remember thinking, “Jesus, I can really do this on my own.” How silly of me! And to think that even with that, He kept pursuing me. He allowed me to be knocked down so that I could do nothing but realize He is my everything. In my weakness, His strength was perfected, and I learned to fully trust Him.

In this beautiful season of getting to know the heart of the Father on a deeply personal level, He has spoken to me about many different things. His voice used to feel so quiet and distant, but now it seems as though I hear it at every turn. It’s pretty amazing what truly turning your heart towards God can do for your relationship with Him. I used to only search for His voice in sermons or in the lyrics of worship songs, but He has helped me to see that He’s everywhere. His glory is displayed in the colorful sunsets that paint the sky at the end of a long day. His majesty is proclaimed in the sound of rolling thunder. His love becomes tangible when He gives you a beautiful church family who love and care for you the way He does. God’s voice doesn’t feel so foreign and distant to me anymore. Now it seems as though He talks to me throughout the day, just as a friend would.

The Lord has also given me dreams before, but I had one several nights ago that was unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

I was in the beginning stages of falling asleep, and I was just starting to drift off. I was in what I guess you would call a ‘dream-state’, so I was still aware of what was around me, but I was on the cusp of being asleep. Out of nowhere, I saw this image of a girl, probably fourteen or fifteen, being held back by a dark, demonic-looking creature. It had chains wrapped around her arms and was lifting her off the ground. In my dream she said, “We don’t know what we don’t know.” Before I had time to even think, my eyes shot open and I prayed, “Lord please use me.” It was all over and before I knew it, I was asleep.

It wasn’t until a few days later when I realized the weight of what God had shown me that night. I had sort of blown it off, and God brought it back to my attention and helped me make sense of it.

I am so very thankful that God has kept pursuing me the way He has. I have felt a call on my life from a very young age, but I have felt the weight of that call much more in these recent months. I know that He has me where I’m at right now for a reason, and that He is molding me into the person He wants me to be. I left my private school and started doing online school last November, and I firmly believe that if I hadn’t made that switch, I wouldn’t be the person I am now. It was so incredibly hard to get used to being at home all the time after being at school. There were many times during that transition where I thought, “It would have been so much easier if I’d just stayed at my school.” I started getting extremely restless and lonely doing my work at home. It was a difficult time for sure, but it was during that season where God met me and took hold of my heart. He helped me to see that His plan is always higher and better than mine, and that He had already won those battles that seemed impossible to get through.

I’ve since gotten much more used to doing online school, and I’ve come to really enjoy it. I have way more time to pour into my friends and family and reading books that I’ve wanted to read for a long time. I was also able to go back to horse riding, and as I’ve shared on here before, it felt like a little piece of me was put back together! I didn’t realize how much I missed the horses. I’m going to get back to competing soon, too, and I’m so excited.

I’m thanking God for this quiet season I’m in now, even though it was a hard adjustment in the beginning. The Lord showed me Isaiah 49:2 recently, and it brought me so much peace:

“He has made my mouth like a sharp sword; in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me a polished arrow; in his quiver he hid me away.”

I don’t believe the Lord isolates His people for the sake of us being alone, but I do believe that He allows us to go through quieter seasons where we are more “hidden” and have more time to focus on Him. When all distractions are at bay and our eyes have nowhere to look but on God, He does amazing things in and through us. So, in this season, I am learning to trust that He is crafting me into the person He wants me to be. I am feeling the weight of what He is calling me to, and so I’m learning to cling to Him and trust His plan through it all.

“In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

— Proverbs 3:6

Thank you so much for reading! I pray this blessed you in some way. 🤍

For several months now, the Lord has been speaking to me about the body of Christ and how important it is to be vulnerable with one another. He has given me this beautiful mental image and revealed to me the fact that we are all just flawed sinners walking along the Narrow Way. We were not created to walk this path alone.

Before I was fully aware of this wonderful truth, the enemy was able to make me believe that we don’t really need other people and that it is wrong to want someone to lean on. The enemy of our soul will do anything to get us to take our eyes off Christ, and I believe that a main way he does this is by getting us isolated. By getting us to believe that nobody understands us and nobody cares. If he can get you inside your own head and far from the loving arms of God’s people, his lies are much louder and become easier to believe. Unfortunately, I fell into the trap and believed those lies for a time. It was a very hard season, but I know that it ultimately led me closer to Christ. It was during that season when I became completely undone and realized that God is everything to me. Every middle-of-the-night, tear-filled prayer helped me tighten my grip on His hand. Each time I fell to my knees, it brought me closer to His heart.

Now that I am on the other side of that season, I feel so very thankful for it. If it weren’t for that time of uncertainty and darkness, I wouldn’t be nearly as grateful for the blessing of being able to walk in the light!

I was recommended Francis Chan’s book, Beloved, by my cousin not too long ago, and the Lord used it to speak to my heart, specifically about the family we have in the body of Christ. He wrote about how we are incomplete apart from the body, and how we were made for fellowship with one another. He says,

“At that point in my walk, I didn’t know the church was supposed to be a family. Looking back, I can see God was pouring His grace out on me. Most people know theologically that the church should love like a family, but they never experience it. Maybe some of our doubt in God’s love comes from the lack of love we’ve received from His body. We shouldn’t be doing this alone. We’re incomplete. It’s when we’re together that we most fully experience His love.”

I have gone back and read that paragraph so many times, and each time, the Lord highlights something and imprints it on my heart. Reading what Francis Chan wrote about the family we have in Christ felt like receiving water after being in a parched land. God used his words to speak right to my heart and help me to realize that I wasn’t made to be isolated and alone. We experience God’s unending love the most when we are together.

Not long after I was recommended the book, God led me to a Bible study made up of the most amazing women with the most beautiful hearts. That kind of fellowship is what I had prayed for and wanted for so, so long. God put the desire for sincere connections deep in my heart, and He made a way for it. I didn’t grow up with grandparents in my life, and I lost two aunts who were very dear to me years ago, so the fact that I get to spend time with older women and pursue Christ alongside them leaves me speechless. Truly. There really aren’t words to describe how thankful I am for what God has done. That season of feeling alone was hard, but it was needed. Now, I am on the other side of those tears and God’s faithfulness has been revealed to me in a very personal—almost tangible—way. I look back now and I can see how God went before me. The battle that I spent so much time fretting over was already won.

On another page in Francis Chan’s book, he said,

“I have felt blessed by Christians, but I somehow separated that from God. I now see that they love me because God loves me. He sent them to love me in His name.”

God gifted me the most beautiful church family, and I truly cannot thank Him enough. I had felt so alone, and now I feel so beyond blessed. It reminds me of Philippians 4:12 which says,

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”

The love that is shared within the body of Christ should mirror the love that God lavishes upon His people, and I feel that I have seen that firsthand at my church. I have watched God knit hearts together in a way that is only possible when we are anchored in His love. When we, as Christians, are full of the love of Christ, we can’t help but allow it to overflow into those around us. We were not made to walk this path alone. We were made to link arms with other believers and pursue Him.

Thank you so much for reading. I pray that this encouraged you.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes before you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

— Deuteronomy 31:8

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

— Galatians 6:2

My pastor said on Sunday morning, “Jesus didn’t get beaten and brutally killed so you could be comfortable in your sin.” And I think that is what it essentially boils down to. So many Christians have become so painfully comfortable with their faith and their pursuit of Christ. They have heard, “Christianity isn’t a religion—it’s a relationship!” Which is very true, but while Jesus is my best friend and I talk to Him as if He is sitting right beside me, He is still the King of kings and the Savior of the world. There is still a level of respect and a healthy fear that needs to be present in our relationship with Him.

I relate it to the relationship children have with their parents. While there is quite a bit of laughter and silliness and fun, at the end of the day, they are still the parents. They are still the rule-makers, the ones who establish order. And just like children should try and please their parents by following their rules and representing them well, Christians should do the same for Christ. And I think that’s what is lacking in the church. There’s a lot of talk about being covered in grace, but not a whole lot about the responsibility we have to reflect Christ’s love and live the way He would.

I was reminded of Romans 6:15 the other day in which Paul says, “Shall we sin because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid!” I love his wordage here. God forbid we should sin. Of course we will fall short. Of course we will make mistakes. But it doesn’t end there. When we give our hearts to Christ, from that day forward we should be trying our hardest to lay aside sinful desires and temptations. This simple truth that Paul wrote is what’s lacking in so much teaching. Yes, we are covered in grace. Yes, God will welcome us with open arms after we went and made a fool of ourselves. But God forbid that should happen. Again, Paul wasn’t saying that we won’t ever sin. He was making the point that we should be trying our hardest not to. Like my wonderful pastor said Sunday, Jesus didn’t take our place and die so we could keep living however we wanted. We should be spending our lives wanting to please Him because He is our father. He is our Savior. He is our all-in-all.

When we invite Christ in our heart, we should hold the things of this world as far away as possible. It won’t always be easy, but thankfully God tells us so many times in His Word that His strength is enough. When we are weak, He is strong.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13

I have fallen short of this countless times. It’s so easy to get swept up in the world’s currents and, sometimes, whatever temptation that is plaguing us seems easier to just give into than refuse. But friends, He who is in you is stronger than he who is in the world. The same power that brought the dead to life, that parted the seas, and that calmed the roaring waves is right inside of you. We need to start living as such. We need to become zealous for the things of God. Yes, we will fall short. And yes, we are covered by grace. But that is not the end of the story. We need to pursue holiness.

“Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you.”

2 Corinthians 6:17

Come out from among the world, friends. You were made for so much more. Jesus will keep on forgiving. But we need to keep on running after Him. We will never reach perfection on this side of heaven but let us at least try.

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With that being said, I feel that there is a clear parallel between the fall of humanity in the Garden of Eden and the internet.

In the Garden of Eden, all was right. It was peaceful and lush and serene. Adam and Eve walked with God in the cool of the day. They weren’t ashamed of their nakedness. The animals lived in harmony with one another. Everything was sweet, lovely, and good.

But Eve took one fateful bite, and everything changed. Sin entered the world for the first time, and humanity fell. Suddenly Adam and Eve were aware of their nakedness and became ashamed.

“Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.”

— Genesis 3:7

Although the Scriptures say the fruit was a “delight to the eyes” (Genesis 3:6), it wasn’t just the way it looked that made Eve take a bite: it was the eternally deceptive lie that came with it.

“But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’”

— Genesis 3:4-5

“Your eyes will be opened.” I find that so profound. It reminds me of what the internet does to us. When you first log in, or make that first account, or get your first phone, your eyes are suddenly opened to a whole new world. And yes, some of it can be good. (Substack, for example!) But it can also be really bad. It opens your eyes and leads you to things that you were never meant to see, causing you to be ashamed, much like Adam and Eve in the garden. You stumble across a website that contains things your eyes have never encountered before, and suddenly you have to carry that weight with you. You see someone with your “dream life” or someone with an ideal body, and suddenly your own flaws and imperfect life seem much more flawed and imperfect. You have the realization that there are people out there living the life you’d like to live and wearing the clothes you’d like to wear, and it leads to shame and anxiety, causing you to hide away, much like Adam and Eve.

And the sad part is, God never intended it to be that way.

But just like He does everything else in this beautiful life, He made it good. In spite of man’s selfish decisions, He provided a better way. By the grace of God alone, we can have eternal life with Him and have hope and peace in the present one we are currently living. We can’t walk with Him in the cool of the day in a serene, heavenly garden, but we can hold tightly to His hand in the storms of life.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

— Romans 8:28

Thank you so much for reading. I pray this blesses you! 💐🫶🏼

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There will never, ever be enough words to describe how good You are but let this letter be a start.

Thank You for forgiving me and always welcoming me back into Your precious presence after I have failed so many times. Thank You for being my shield, my fortress, my rock. Thank You for quieting me with Your love when my thoughts begin to yell and my heart starts to race.

And thank You, Father, for dying the death that I deserve. You took my place upon that cursed tree, the weight of the world upon Your holy shoulders.

Let every word I write, every verse I sing, and everything I do be for Your glory. Jesus, I want nothing but You.

Time after time, day after day, year after year, You have proven Your faithfulness. I have fallen short countless times, and yet You always welcome me back. Your unending love leaves me utterly speechless, and I could live my whole life just trying to find the words to explain Your goodness. You are all I need, all I want, all I desire. Jesus, You are my everything.

I remember when I first tasted of Your goodness. What a beautiful day that was. I tugged on the hem of Your garment, and You turned and took my hand. You carried me through the trials, the hurt, the pain, the storms, and You never once dropped me. Your warm embrace melted my cold, bitter heart, and filled my restless soul with peace.

I get to walk through this life holding Your hand, and one day, I will gaze into Your eyes. I will step into the gates of glory - dance on golden streets. I will bask in Your presence and soak in the love that I have dreamed of and felt ever since the day I gave my heart to You.

I praise You, Jesus. You are my Savior, my King, my Father, my Friend. I am nothing but a vessel, and I pray that You would use me, and give me boldness to do what You are calling me to. A life lived for You is more fulfilling than anything this world pretends to promise. In Your presence there is fullness of joy, and life everlasting.

Every breath I draw is a blessing, and a whisper of Your goodness.

I am absolutely nothing without You, God.

I love You more than anything.

- Sincerely, a sinner washed in the precious blood of Christ

It was a rainy day on Magnolia Drive.

The emerald leaves were in stark contrast to the dark blue sky, where the clouds were moving swiftly and thunder was rolling far away. As the wind blew through the trees, leaves flitted down, sticking to the pavement like confetti. Rainwater rushed down the curb like a mighty river, and it pooled up at the end of the street in front of Ms. Ruby’s house. Her windchimes were ringing, and the swing under the willow was blowing back and forth in the strong gusts. Leaves were plastered on her walkway, and rain poured down from the gutter, dripping into the stone birdbath below. The willow’s long, tail-like branches were flying in the wind, whipping the side of her home occasionally.

Ms. Ruby was inside her home, mug of coffee in hand, gazing out the rain-streaked window. Her gray hair was down, falling beneath her shoulders like a misty, cascading waterfall. She sipped her coffee, letting out a peaceful sigh. Rain brought her peace. She reminisced on how her late husband, Mark, would stand on the porch with his hands on his hips during storms. “We sure did need this,” he’d say, in his low, calm voice. “Storms are good for washing the bad away. Makes for a fresh start.” He’d turn and smile at his Ruby, gently grabbing her shoulders and pulling her in for a hug. Ms. Ruby smiled as she watched the willow sway in the wind outside. Mark’s eyes were the color of its soft, feathery leaves, his smile like the beams of sunlight that seeped in through the curtains.

Ms. Ruby smiled to herself and gazed down at her coffee cup, giving it a swirl with a turn of her wrist.

She set the mug on the table and ran her long fingers through her silvery hair. She closed her eyes, pressing them tightly together for a moment. In her mind’s eye, she saw the farm where she grew up, and she was immediately transported back to her younger days.

Back then, her hair was golden like the wheat that blew in the breeze on her and her family’s 38-acre farm. She and her four sisters ran through the hills day after day, picking wildflowers and wading in the creek. She could remember vividly the first time her father taught her how to fish. She was only four years old, but from that day on, she fell in love with nature. She loved the way the sun reflected off the water like stars on a clear night, the way the trees swayed in unison, the smell of the honeysuckle that rode on the cool, spring wind.

Life was sweet and bright back then. Ms. Ruby and her sisters loved helping their father outside with the farm work, but they also loved helping their mother in the kitchen with baking sweet treats like cobblers and cakes and bread. She remembered the sweet smell that would waft from the kitchen when the oven withheld some warm, gooey treat.

She thought back to those warm, summer evenings spent rocking in the chairs on the front porch of their house. The sky was inky and black, the stars white and sparkly. It seemed as if anything was possible back then, like the air held some sort of magic.

But time took its course, as it always does.

And life went on.

Ms. Ruby opened her eyes. The rain was still pelting on the house, the willow tree still waving in the wind. The windchimes were swinging in the gusts, ringing loudly. The sun was starting to peek through the dark clouds, and it shone through the rain that fell to the ground, creating a world of shimmery rain and light.

Soon, the wind started to die down, the distant, rolling thunder subsided, and the rain stopped. Magnolia Drive looked fresh and new. The greens of the trees and grass were more vibrant, and the blooms were holding little beads of rainwater within their petals. Ms. Ruby smiled as she gazed down the street. She was thankful to call Magnolia Drive home.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. 💗

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Tall, sprawling oaks line the road, and their limbs cast scraggly shadows that swing in the wind. Squirrels run up and down the wide, strong trunks, clucking and chirping at each other. Up high in the tangly world of dancing emerald leaves and blowing branches are all sorts of brightly colored songbirds whose melodies echo throughout the street. On a breezy day, the windchimes that dangle from various neighbors’ trees join the chorus with the birds, creating a peaceful, summertime harmony.

The houses that make up the street are quaint and unassuming, each with their own particular style. Some have two doors, some just one. Some have an array of vibrant blooms tucked away in little pots and boots and bowls, while others have fountains or whitewashed picketed fence with lights strung across. Some have the joyous sounds of children’s laughter coming through open windows, and some have the gentle noises of the old, like the clanging of pie pans and the turning of pages. Some houses have wandering vines that climb up the eaves and twirl around the gutters, and some have waving palms that cast spiky shadows across the rich, green grass.

There is one house that has its own style entirely. It is situated at the far end of the drive, and in its yard is the only willow tree in town. Just like the others, its small and cottage-like, but it is a gentle yellow color, with white shutters and white trim and a single white door. Outside, there is a wooden swing that hangs from the willow tree, and there are colorful blooms of all sorts surrounding the house. In the backyard, there is a portion of the stream that twists and turns through the backcountry to feed back into Nolles River in the middle of town.

On quiet, breezy mornings, you can usually find Ms. Ruby, the owner of the home, sitting in her swing under her willow tree, reading poems or gazing down the lane, humming little tunes. She has deep, brown eyes and the kindest heart. Her long, gray hair is normally twisted into a loose braid, with pieces that have escaped from it framing her heart-shaped face.

She used to sit upon that same swing with her husband, but he passed on many years ago. Now the birds and the windchimes and the stillness of nature keep her company. She misses her other half dearly, but the neighbors of Magnolia Drive make sure that she stays in good spirits by spending time with her and bringing her treats like cookies and bouquets of wildflowers.

Magnolia Drive is quiet and still, but that’s what makes it special. Each person who lives underneath the watch of the oaks and within the gentle song of the birds - whether young or old - has a story, and a very special one at that. Maybe one day they’ll tell them, but for now, they’re only secrets.

Thank you so much for reading my little story. :) I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know if you’d like to see more short stories like this, or a second part to this one. It was so fun to write!

💗🫶🏼💐

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We left that church about two, almost three years ago now. After reflecting on my experiences at the Wednesday night services and the summer youth camps, I realized that the problem never was me. I had actually tried several times to really put myself out there - I had asked to sit with some of the other girls, I tried to speak up more in small group time, I tried lingering after service more to talk to other people. Even after these things, I still didn’t feel like I belonged. I still, believe it or not, had youth leaders that were brand new to the church who would ask me how long I’d been attending. “Oh, about thirteen years.” I’d answer, with my, I admit, fake smile. It just got so old after a while. I was so confused and hurt that I still didn’t feel like I belonged, and not even just that, but also the fact that some of them didn’t even remember me. From my standpoint, I was doing everything I could. I wasn’t about to force myself to be someone I wasn’t just so that I could make friends and so that people would remember my name. I wanted to have a church where I could be myself - quiet, observant, and soft spoken - without getting kicked to the curb or forgotten about.

We ended up leaving that church for a few different reasons, although the youth group was one of them. No bridges were burned, no feelings were hurt, and we are still connected with many people who go there. It just ended up not being something we wanted to be a part of anymore.

Of course, after leaving there, we had to start the painfully long journey of looking for a new church. We tried probably fifteen different churches. The search seemed to go on forever and ever. During that search, I, of course, had to try out the youth groups. Let me tell you. Walking into a youth group knowing absolutely nobody is a pretty terrifying experience. But again, I tried so hard to put myself out there. I would play volleyball with the kids before and after service, try and strike up conversation about their school, what they liked to do, how long they’d been going to the church. I still didn’t even feel the slightest possibility of any sort of friendship forming. I noticed the same patterns at all the youth groups that I tried that I did at my previous one: the youth leaders all tried to cultivate an extroverted, loud, and “fun”, environment. If you weren’t naturally outgoing or assertive, then you were painfully out of luck. The quiet, more reserved kids got pushed to the corner, looked over, and left out. I did not go to one youth group where this wasn’t the case. At each one, the leaders were so set on cultivating a culture that was loud and outgoing and where every Wednesday night was some sort of party.

I prayed and did a lot of thinking about the way I felt at the youth groups, and I realized that it truly isn’t for everyone. In my opinion, as long as you are attached to a body of believers, growing your faith in Christ and fellowshipping with others, whether they’re your age or fifty years older than you, you’re doing okay. Like I’ve shared on here before, I’d much rather be a part of a group of older women who I could glean wisdom from and grow closer to the Lord with. I firmly believe that the youth group culture and scene isn’t for everyone. I know that so many young people are coming to Christ in those sorts of environments, and that’s incredible. But it’s not for everyone, it’s not for me, and that’s totally okay.

“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.”

Proverbs 16:31

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Proverbs 13:20

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I continued walking along the shadowy path, the trees becoming denser and the air becoming more still. The sun was a bit lower in the sky now, its afternoon glare shining through the jagged branches that stretched out into the warm, summer air. I gazed up at them, breathing in a sigh of the fresh, piney air. I started hearing the faint sound of a waterfall in the distance. Intrigued, I pressed on through the woods, allowing the path to guide me along.

The sound of rushing water was closer now. The path had opened into a bit of a clearing where vibrant wildflowers were blooming and swaying in the wind. The grass was tall and free, fresh and green. I dropped down to my knees and laid down, rolling onto my back. I looked up at the bright blue sky where just a few white clouds were drifting. The wind began to blow, and the pines that surrounded me whispered. I drew in another long sigh, a smile appearing on my sunkissed face. I stretched my arms out wide, grabbing a small patch of the grass and tossing it into the air. A bright red cardinal flew in, stopping on a tree branch and singing its melodious tune. I sat up, resting my body weight back onto my elbows. The air was still now, but the sun seemed to be getting brighter. I held up an arm to cover my stinging eyes, and before I knew it, everything around me went dark. I felt around me, but instead of grass I felt my blankets and a silk pillow. I jolted up quickly, looking around me. I was in my room. I peered over at my clock, and it read 2:38 a.m. I sighed and laid back down, pulling the covers up to my chin. I had a few more hours.

Most of all, I miss her voice and her unrelenting love.

She made me feel special and she loved me as her own. I didn’t feel out of place or forgotten or like a “plus one”. I felt loved with a different sort of love - a special, almost motherly type of love. In her presence, I didn’t feel like an “accessory”. She made me feel like I was the star of the show.

Although I have since realized that I took advantage of it then, I would give almost anything to experience that love again. That special love that I long so deeply for. The love that isn’t necessarily expected but is given in abundance anyway. The love that is completely unmerited but still freely given. The love that goes almost deeper than a mother’s love. The love that feels like a cozy, rainy day with a candle burning. The love that feels like a long, sincere hug.

In another world, she’s still here and she’s still loving me as her own. In another world, I’m in her embrace. In another world, we’re together, riding in her car down a long, winding road, talking. In another world, I’m still sitting on her couch, with cheese and pretzels and a can of Coke, watching Dr. Pol. In another world, she’s kissing me and asking me when I got so tall.

Although those days have long since passed, and life has trudged on, the memory of her smiling face and her sweet love is engraved in my heart. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of her, when I don’t replay memories and conversations and laughs and things she told me.

I don’t have her anymore, so I pray I can be what she was to me for someone else. I pray I am given the opportunity to give someone that free and unmerited love and hug them like they are my own. I pray that they will feel that special, unrelenting love when they’re with me. I pray that I will grow to be a safe place, a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear to someone who truly needs it.

There are approximately eight billion of us on this beautiful planet, and we all look up at that same sky.

We all get kissed by the same sun and drenched in a milky glow from the same moon.

We all gaze up with wonder at the same stars, the same constellations.

We all gasp in awe at the golden glow that appears each evening when the sun takes its place under the horizon.

To me, these things are little whispers of heaven.

Little hints that there is, in fact, more to life than just work and money and school.

I feel the same about the ocean. It’s so vast and blue and wide, and when I stand at the shore with the waves tumbling onto my feet, I can’t help but start to wonder how big and breathtakingly majestic our Creator is. His creation takes my breath away, so how much more vast and glorious is He, the Maker of it all?

And then I’m reminded of Psalm 8:4 which says,

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?

This verse is so beautiful in so many ways, but I’m taken aback at the fact that even David, 2,000 years ago, was doing what I find myself doing so often - gazing up at our same sky, our same moon, our same stars, reveling in the pure majesty and might of our Creator.

I can’t help but wonder, too, about all of the people God crafted and placed on this earth.

All the different smiles and laughs. All the different stories and pasts.

We’re all so different, yet so alike in many ways.

We’re all walking in the same moonlight, dancing in the same sunshine.

We all stare up at the same stars and the same constellations.

God’s creation is so beautiful, but what’s even more beautiful is this life that He blessed us with.

As the saying goes, “We’re all in the same boat”. And I truly believe that.

“Somewhere inside me, there was a vague sense of loss. Childhood’s end, perhaps.”

For years, I have been completely reliant on my parents. They have taught me countless lessons, taken me on adventures, helped me to see the beauty in life, and encouraged me when I felt defeated. Their words of advice have helped me throughout my childhood, and for that, I am so incredibly grateful. I pray I never ever forget the lessons they have taught and the words of encouragement they have whispered to me.

As my high school years are coming to a close very soon, I have been thinking a lot about how my life will change. How I will start doing things on my own, and start paving my own way in the world. It’s a strange feeling, as I’ve lived with the security and safety of my parents for so long, and in just two short years, I’m not going to have that. I’ll be three states away and in college, living with girls I don’t really know, going to class, and doing things all on my own. As nervous as I am, I know the Lord will prepare me and He’ll guide me through it all. He always has, and He always will.

With all that said, it still feels so strange knowing that all the reliability and security that living with my parents provides will soon be taken away. Just like a baby bird has to physically leave the nest to learn to fly, we all have to take that first step out of our comfort zones to bloom into the person that God created us to be. God promises us amazing things, but He didn’t say that those things would be found within our comfort zones. This is something that I’ve struggled to truly accept, because, of course, wanting to stay in our comfort zone is human nature. It’s easier, safer, and there’s not any risk. But that’s not where God wants us to stay.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

2 Corinthians 12:9

It truly does take coming to the end of yourself to experience the vastness of God. It’s in our shortcomings and our weakness that God reveals His power and strength. We would never come to the awareness of His might and majesty if we stayed in our bubble doing things the easy way.

So, as I head into this new season of life, I pray that my dependence and trust in God continues to deepen and draws me closer to Him. Just like the Lord watches over the birds that are up in the sky, He watches over us as we gain our wings and learn to fly.

“Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

Matthew 6:26

Thank you for reading. I pray this encouraged you in some way. 💐🩷🫶

And the warm Florida sunshine dances off your hair.

Home is where the pine trees whisper their secret, heavenly song,

And the white, fluffy clouds drift through the sky, all the day long.

Home is where the neighbors are friendly and always stop to chat.

If you had a bad day, you might find cookies on your front door’s mat.

Home is where the sound of a mower is always singing,

And on the still, quiet days, you can hear the church bells ringing.

Home is where the palm trees sway in the breeze,

And where the street is that I scraped my knees.

Home is where the fun is on 4th of July,

And where the mockingbirds chase the squirrels, fast and sly.

Home is where we gather on the porch to sip sweet tea;

Home is where I always want to be.

They don’t follow human standards or our idea of time.

You work all things for good, even those we can’t see.

Through all the ups and downs, You continue to love me.

Sometimes I wish You would just tell me what You want,

I want to please You, and I want to know Your plans up front.

But You always quiet my heart and help me feel steady.

“I can’t tell you yet. Right now, you’re not quite ready.”

In my impatience and need for control,

You whisper Your sweet words right into my soul.

Though the future remains a hazy unknown,

Lined with mystery and whispers of my heavenly home,

You hold my hand and guide me through,

This hard and rocky life, until I can be with You.

On the drive home from the library, I would always tear all the books out of the bag and start reading them immediately. My mom had her own books, and I had mine, and we would normally go straight home and sit on the couch to read them together. Those were the sweetest days. Going to the library was the highlight of my week. It was a safe, quiet space with kind people and hundreds of books. What could be better?

Unfortunately, kids in this generation don’t think very much at all of the library and of getting lost in stories. I have seen it with my own eyes. So many children have lost their sense of wonder, imagination, and curiosity. I have watched my friends’ younger siblings slowly get helplessly attached to their devices, not knowing what to do when they’re not in reach. I always see children in public glued to their screens instead of observing the things around them and talking with their family. The last few times I have gone into the library, the children that are there aren’t scouring the shelves like I used to, they’re sitting at the computers or, of course, sitting and watching their parent’s phone.

I can’t help but think of all they are missing out on. All the beautiful stories they could be getting lost in. All the fictional characters they could befriend. All the lessons that could be learned within the pages of meaningful books written by esteemed authors. These past few weeks I have been thinking back to all the wonderful books I read as a young kid. I can remember the characters, how I imagined the worlds in which they lived, the lessons the books taught me. I feel that I wouldn’t be the person (or the writer) I am today without having read those books. They helped shape the way I thought, the way I dreamed, and the way I looked at the world. They provided an escape from the loud and hurried world. I remember how I used to always sit outside to read, with my legs dipped in the pool, the book propped in my lap and the sun seeping into the skin on my shoulders.

It breaks my heart that so many children (and teens) are growing up without that experience. The internet has taken away children’s childhoods, their innocence, their sense of wonder, their self-control, their peace of mind…the list goes on and on. Scrolling on the internet watching brightly colored, highly stimulating videos is, naturally, more instantly-gratifying, exciting, and entertaining than reading a story with a slow-moving plot and different characters to keep track of. I could get into the scientific evidence of what short-form content and social media in general has done to the human brain, but I will spare you from that and just say this: It’s not good. Like anything, it’s okay in small bites, but I digress.

I’m going to be honest; I am praying for the internet’s downfall. Which won’t ever happen, but again, I digress. I’m also praying that the wonder, curiosity, innocence, and peace will return to the children who were robbed of it by the internet. I pray that parents will realize the dangers of it and protect their little ones from its trap. I also pray that children will discover the beauty of getting lost in fictional worlds again.

“I cannot remember the books I’ve read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.”

Margaret Fuller

And He put the stars and moon in their place.

He sent the fluffy white clouds adrift,

And He gave to me His love: A gift.

He crafted the butterflies’ dainty wings,

And gave me a voice so for Him I could sing.

He formed the tallest mountain peaks,

And He paved the way for the winding creeks.

He scattered bright wildflowers through the land,

And hid the seashells among the sand.

He crafted the animals with furry feet,

And the mysterious ones that sail through the deep.

He placed sparkling jewels deep in the ground,

And rescued the lost sheep who was yet to be found.

When I was confused and felt like running away,

He lovingly told me, “I will always stay.”

When I felt lonely and like I had come to the end,

It was in His loving presence that I found an eternal friend.

The fact that I was even given the opportunity to work at this place was totally all God. Someone my mother used to work with texted her and told her about the position, asking if I would be interested in taking it. I was a little hesitant about it when my mom first told me, but deep down I knew it would be an amazing first job and from what my mother’s friend had said in the past, a great, safe place to work. She told me and my mom that we could come up to the school to get an application, so just a few days later, I found myself walking into the office of my (hopefully) future workplace.

Now, I’m going to be a little transparent with you here. I was utterly terrified. I know, I know. It sounds silly. But, as previously stated, I have never worked a job before and walking up there to that office at the school felt really strange. Once I met my (hopefully) soon-to-be boss and one of her assistants, I felt a lot better. It was just the initial stepping out of the car and trudging up to the door that felt a little intimidating. Everyone was really kind, and I got a small little tour of the school. They do chapel with the little ones every week, and I’m so so excited to be a part of that. I’m so pumped to see how God will use me in this new environment.

After going to the office and getting the application, I realized something: Sometimes you just have to do things before you’re fully ready. I could have sat around and said I wasn’t ready to have a job and go and speak to the preschool director. I could have said that I wasn’t the right fit because I’m not that great around kids. I could have said I didn’t have the time because I study so darn much. But I didn’t, and I’m proud of myself for that. And I’m not sharing this to get attention and accolades. I’m sharing this because eight months ago, I would have been too scared to do it. I would have drummed up every reason of why I shouldn’t have a job, why I’m not ready, why I should just wait until I’m a little older, why this, why that. But the Lord has helped me to find my wings and start to fly. He’s helped me to break out of my little shell I built up around myself and experience life. He’s helped me to realize that there is so much good out there, you just have to find it. He’s helped me to realize that sometimes you just have to go out there and do it. And most importantly, He’s helped me to realize that He’ll be with me through it all.

Another thing that I’ve also been reminding myself of is this: People are not thinking about me as much as I think they are. This is a cycle of thoughts that I got trapped in when I started getting a little self-conscious. I always have to remind myself that people are just living their own lives, not worrying about what I’m doing or what I look like. That truth has really helped me a lot. I hope it encourages you, too!

If you’re feeling a little afraid about what the Lord has placed in front of you in this season of your life, just cling tightly to Him and trust that He’ll protect, guide, and sustain you. I always love to say, if God places a river in front of you, He’ll help you get across. He may lead you to places where you feel a bit intimidated and fearful. That’s okay! It’s in our seasons of disparity where we strengthen our dependence on the One Who saves. In our weakness is His strength.

So go out there and do it, even if you don’t feel ready. Go out there and do it even if you don’t know what you’re doing. Go out there and do it even if your knees are shaking and your stomach is turning. God will use your humble obedience and make something beautiful.

Success, to me, is when you face a bridge in your life and you make it to the other side. That bridge could be anything - parenting, teaching, becoming an author, starting and running your own business. Just as long as you cross that bridge to the best of your ability and thank God along the way, you succeeded.

I absolutely love that. Success isn’t just monetary. Just like Daryl Hall and John Oates said in “Rich Girl”, “Money won’t get you too far.” Success is facing a problem, obstacle, or challenge and getting through it. Success is choosing peace and a smile when you want to wring someone’s neck. Success is doing the hard thing in your life to the best of your ability. Success is working diligently and without grumbling and complaining. Success is walking in God’s will and watching His beautiful plans unfold right in front of you. Success is being the hands and feet of Jesus. Success is hearing, “Well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master.”

For me, hearing Jesus speak those words and being able to give Him the most ginormous hug when I get into heaven is true success. But while I’m here on this beautiful planet living this beautiful life that God has blessed me with, I want to do everything to the best of my ability and for His glory. I want to make a difference in some way. I want to truly succeed by walking in the will that God has for me. It’s not like He planned a bunch of boring stuff for me to do. Jeremiah 29:11 says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

He gave me a hope and a future! Me! In all my mess and my craziness! If I think my own plans are cool, imagine how incredible His are. I have a pretty good feeling that God will keep me very busy. And that’s fine by me, because I love staying busy. That’s when I thrive.

If you’ve been subscribed to me for a little while, you know that my dream is to be a journalist/news anchor. Think Shannon Bream, but darker hair, green eyes, and a bit taller. (Seriously though, she’s my biggest inspiration.) Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been obsessed with anything news related. Just recently, I found a journal entry from when I was in probably third or fourth grade. In it, I shared that I had stayed up very late with my father to watch the vice president debate. I still do that. If I don’t, I feel like I’m missing out on history. (Also because I’d probably be awake anyways - I go to bed about 1:30 every night.) I also loved watching the election news, rallies, and speeches. Watching them made me feel so proud to be an American. Something about watching things unfold in real time fascinated me. It still does! Yesterday, when Artemis II launched, I was so overjoyed and I told my dad, “Too bad I’m not a reporter right now - I could have been there!” After a lot of self-reflection, I realized that I’ve always been that way. I like to know what’s going on. Some could call it nosy. I call it journalist-tendencies. Either works, I guess.

I firmly believe that this dream to be a journalist has always been deep in my heart, I just had to uncover some things to find it. What an absolute dream that would be to have the ability to cover stories and share them with the world. And I know, the stories won’t all be rocket launches and exciting debates. There is, unfortunately, plenty of brokenness and horrible things that happen each day, but for me, my love for the career, people, and for my beautiful country trumps over it all. I don’t know - something about being in the action when history is being made and being able to share it with the world sounds pretty magical.

So, if you were to ask me, “Chloe, what is your idea of success?” I would say this:

Ultimately, success is dancing on streets of gold and hearing, well done good and faithful servant. But before I get there, I want to steward the gifts that the Lord gave me and use them to the best of my ability. I want to make a difference. I want to make heaven crowded. I want to be an inspiration for others and be a light for Jesus. I want to do my best in school and achieve my dream of being a journalist. I want to live a life that pleases God and follow His will. And maybe, possibly, if it’s in God’s plan for my life, be on Fox News. Maybe. Stay tuned, and I guess you’ll find out.

I don’t know if I was born seeing the world that way, or if it’s a coping mechanism I learned from all the crazy things I’ve lived through. All I know is this: life is unpredictable and short and funny. It just is.

~ Shannon Bream ~

Please don’t take for granted the beautiful time you have with both your aunts. I’ve lived a few years longer than you, and I have seen how fast things can change. Believe me, things truly do happen in the blink of an eye. Next time she reaches for your hand, hold it a little tighter and a little longer. Next time she asks you if you’d like to go shopping and feed the cats that live outside the Home Depot, you had better jump up and go. Because in a few years, when you see girls out shopping with their aunts and their grandmothers, you’ll be fighting back tears, and your heart will be aching. You will be longing for that deep, unrelenting love that they are giving to you now, and the loss of them will pull at your heartstrings when you are trying to sleep at night. Their quirky little ways and their funny stories will soon become a distant memory, their voices and their laughs a forgotten melody. Take advantage of every minute you get with them, because in a little while, you won’t have any time left. In a little while, you will be praying and asking God to let you visit them in your dreams.

Yet, even with that persistent ache, you will keep moving. You have to. Life will feel a little strange without them at first, but you’ll push through. You always do. It will be challenging to accept that fact that life goes on even without them here. The sun will still rise; the stars will still shine. The waves will keep crashing, and the seasons will keep changing. Although it may be hard at first, don’t allow their absence to keep you from seeing the beauty in those things. Life was beautifully sweet with them here, but you will learn that it can be beautifully sweet without them, too. There will be times when you long to talk with them about life and its uncertainties, but God will guide you and give you strength. He will remind you that you can always have hope.

God will bless you with two beautiful nephews, and you will be able to give them the love that your aunts gave to you. You will take pride in being the fun, laid-back aunt who loves her nephews dearly, and you will have so much fun hanging out with them and being their friend. Maybe soon you will have a niece, too. Either way, you will absolutely adore your little nephews like they are your own, even if they do make you want to pull your hair out sometimes. You will be thanking God for allowing you to be an aunt, and you’ll pray that you will make an impact on their lives just as your own aunts did on yours.

There will be plenty of things that you will learn, some the hard way, some the easy way. There are still countless lessons to be learned and experiences to be had, and you will pray that God will give you boldness to take on the world courageously. As you grow older, you will have many role models that you look up to that you aspire to be just like one day. I urge you to not compare yourself or your life to theirs, but to take the good from their stories and apply it to your own. God is still writing your story; He’ll never stop. He will continue to work in you and through you until the end of time. He made you with a specific purpose and plan, and even if you don’t know what that is yet, trust that He does, and that He will take care of you. Remember, God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. When you feel weak and out of control, God will give you peace that surpasses understanding.

One last thing. Make sure that you are present in the moment. When you are experiencing things, don’t get lost in your head, wishing you were someplace else. I spent a lot of time wishing things away, and then I took a step back and I realized that, just like I mentioned in the beginning of this letter, life does truly happen in the blink of an eye. Flowers bloom and flowers fade. So make sure that you are paying attention and soaking in everything as it happens. It may take you a while to realize that life is beautiful and it truly is worth living. Sometimes I still need this reminder. But God will give you an immense amount of strength and He will fill you with joy and hope, you just have to lean into Him. He loves you dearly, and He is so forgiving and compassionate. He’s not angry with you, despite what you may think. He will never leave you or forsake you. Even though He may feel like He’s a million miles away sometimes, I can assure you that He’s not. Draw near to Him and He’ll draw near to you.

Okay, actually one last thing. Remember to be ambitious and focused. You have goals and dreams. Don’t let others discourage you from chasing them. You were made to glorify God, and even if you don’t know exactly what you are doing with your life yet, you can trust that God will do good things through you. You just have to be diligent, focused, passionate, and determined. Just like your favorite Shark from Shark Tank, Lori Greiner says, “Reach for the stars; you might just catch one.” Ambition is such an important thing, and luckily, you have an abundance of it. Just let God guide you and give you wisdom, and you’re set. He’s going to use you for great things.

xoxo - chloe