At least that’s what I planned for. If for some reason I’m not gone yet, it means my flight to Seoul is delayed and I’m walking aimlessly through the SFO terminals.

The very first edition of this newsletter began with an explanation as to why I hate the month of August. It is still not my favorite, but August 2026 looks a lot different than August 2023.

I’m married. I live in the Bay Area again. I have doubled my cats. I have a very challenging and intellectually stimulating job, which I enjoy very much.

But that last part is why I’m here, writing the last newsletter of the modern era.

I started this newsletter because I needed something to funnel all of my mental energy into. Looking back now, it’s amazing that I was writing two of these per month. It felt fun to create and shout in my virtual town square. So many people have shared how much they enjoy reading these, which makes my heart swell with pride.

But here in August 2026, I no longer have the itch that this project scratched. One of the reasons I love my current job is that is extremely mentally stimulating. I am thinking critically for hours each day and making beautiful spreadsheets (=countif is my current favorite formula in Google Sheets). At the end of the day I am mentally drained (usually positively) and want to get away from my computer as soon as I can, which leads us here. The last newsletter.

I have been here before and many of you were there with me for it. Remember davalberto.wordpress.com? Remember my BuzzFeed and NewNowNext era? Now it’s time for wellreadandoverfed.substack.com to be rendered down into proverbial glue.

So why am I writing this at all? Some of you may have forgotten you were even subscribed to this. Well, this has been my best writing project yet and it deserves an ending. It deserves its full circle moment.

This newsletter was born on August 31st and I’m killing it on August 31st because that pleases me. That feels correct. I’m killing it because every once in awhile I am reminded that I haven’t published in a long time and I feel some guilt and I begin to “should” on myself.

I should get back to writing. I should be reading more books for the newsletter. I should, I should, I should….

So by formally killing this, I’m silencing that strain of should. This has been a fun tool to get me through a creative plateau and I'm thrilled I created an audience for it. I am still writing, but privately in my own journal using my new favorite pen. As long as I can breathe I will write, but I don’t need to put it on the internet for all to see. Not now, at least.

Thank you for reading this. It has meant the world to me. You are all my Favorite People.

Positively,
Alberto

May, June, July, August Book Reviews

John of Johns: 5 stars

What I liked about this book: This has been the most upbeat Douglas Stuart book I’ve read so far. This book takes place in the remote part of Scotland where Collin and I got engaged. The character development was wonderful and the story was devastating, but ultimately hopeful. I also loved that main character was named Cal MacLeod.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who is very close to their grandmother; anyone who moved home after college; any gay that was promptly blocked on Grindr after sending a photo.

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: Very Scottish. Moody, rainy, and gorgeous.

The Optimists: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: An elementary school teacher reminisces on what his favorite student was like as a child before she grew up to be a Silicon Valley monster. This spoke to me as I often wonder what has happened to the hundreds of students I’ve worked with over the years.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who took honors classes in high school; Education professionals.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Kinda boring! This book deserves better.

Whistler: 5 stars

What I liked about this book: Ann Patchett is a genius. This book was so warm, loving, and brutally human. My only suggestion is that I would’ve liked more horses. This book gave me a greater appreciation for chestnut horses.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who will listen to me!

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: Beautiful. I love this painting and I want it as a print in my home.

Strangers: A Memoir of a Marriage: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was so sad and juicy. Rich people drama. It was so painful and compelling to read. It is unlike any story I’ve ever heard and it nailed the ending.

Who I’d recommend this book to: every married person.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: I will never look at ospreys the same way again.

Transcription: 2.5 stars

What I liked about this book: This book sounded promising. A story about what gets lost when the spoken word is written down. Ultimately, it was deeply fine and I feel like it is overrated. I don’t think this author is for me.

Who I’d recommend this book to: People who have studied Communication, Sociology, or Anthropology.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: I don’t get it.

Bromantasy: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: Heated Rivalry if it aired on Nick Jr.

Who I’d recommend this book to: people who want an easy read that is almost too sweet.

Medium of the book: paperback

Judging a book by its cover: So good. It’s why I picked up the book in Guerneville.

Unprecedented Times: 5 stars

What I liked about this book: no matter how smart someone is, every one is an idiot when they’re 20.

Who I’d recommend this book to: admissions professionals at highly selective institutions

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: LOVE IT. It’s what attracted me to this book in the first place.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

It is only fitting that my last Favorite Person is an airport all star. Today you all get to meet Travis.

You may not him by name, but if you’ve ever browsed the books available for purchase at any airport in the United States, you’ve seen his name. Travis and his books are huge in airports. He'll also randomly pop into my world on the internet, like when he appeared on a YouTube channel I’m subscribed to.

I am Travis’s best friend, though I want to make it clear he’s not mine. He’s also my uncle-in-law and one of the many reasons I love hanging out with Collin’s family.

Travis is a merman with legs. While I sit on this plane I’m sure Travis is shredding the gnar somewhere in San Diego. Travis has taught me how to appreciate the beach, steak, and Crack Shack. He has a sharp sense of humor and I always feel a wave of pride whenever I’m able to make him laugh.

Whenever I’m traveling I always stop by the terminal bookstore to see his name. It’s reassuring to know that no matter where I am, I can find a piece of family nearby.

Travis is an aspirational person in my life and I’m glad he’s my final Favorite Person. Read some of his best-selling words below:

• Maribel: If you’ve met her you know why she’s the top of the list. Some of us find a partner who is way out of our league.

• The Maldives: Beautiful tropic atoll in an ocean that looks like a swimming pool. Best snorkeling ever by far and the waves are really good too. If you love jet lag, then that part will be icing on the cake (12 hour time difference).

• Pluribus: Vince Gilligan is a genius. Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul aren’t for everyone, but Pluribus is. I wish I could wipe my brain clean so I could watch that show again and experience it for the first time.

• Laughter​: Can’t live without it. This world is weird and fucked up at times so why not have a sense of humor about it?

• The Ocean: Let’s be honest…it’s better than the mountains, which are also nice.

• Tuna fish: Only meal on earth that tastes really good, makes you feel good and costs like $3.

• Zoltan Kaszas: One of my favorite comics who also happens to be from San Diego. Best thing is you can still see him at small clubs.

• Having an open mind: No more redeeming quality on earth than an open mind. Other than maybe laughter, but the two tend to hold hands.

• Money: Money has value when it creates freedom. That’s what makes it great. Otherwise it’s the root of all evil. Take your pick.

• Alberto: Trouble with family is they find more people to bring into the family and you don’t get to choose who. When they bring in a good one, who is fun to be around, it is a blessing.

Bye!

I don’t know why I was drawn to horses so immediately and fiercely. I was the “eccentric” kid on the playground, galloping and pretending to be a horse. I even galloped during basketball games the one season I was on a basketball team in 1st grade.

I would gallop down the basketball court in the St. Pat’s gym, avoiding the ball as much as I could. My coach noticed that I would always keep my hands in my pocket, making me look even more like a little freak. When he asked my mom why, she said, “Oh yeah, he doesn’t want the toy horses he has in his pockets to fall out.”

I was bullied relentlessly throughout elementary and middle school about my love of horses, but it never faded. How could it when they were my only friends for so long? Horses never called me homophobic slurs (to my face, at least). They never made fun of my lack of athletic ability. They just vibed with me and I appreciated them so much for it.

I used to feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about my horsiness, but now I’m proud of it. Everyone has finally caught up to me and realized how fun and campy ther cowboy aesthetic is. Thank you, Cowboy Carter and Orville Peck.

If you’d like to join me on a gallop sometime, just let me know. I’m still great at it.

February and March (so far) Book Reviews

Husband of the Year: 2 stars

What I liked about this book: Not much, to be honest. This was the sequel to what was previously my favorite M/M romance (Teacher of the Year). But after reading the incredible Game Changers series this fell flat. The sex scenes were fine, but I found this book overall to be too full of fluff.

Who I’d recommend this book to: no one. If you want hot gay sex books I suggest reading any of the ones I talked about in the last newsletter.

Medium of the book: Paperback

Judging a book by its cover: I’m not a fan. Cheesy.

Will There Ever Be Another You: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: Objectively great form and interesting story. That said, wasn’t for me. I felt the same about the author’s other book that seems to be universally loved.

Who I’d recommend this book to: people who like books whose form plays into how the story is told.

Medium of the book: A hardcover Collin bought for me while he was on a work trip. I am so lucky.

Judging a book by its cover: LOVE. Honestly, I will keep this book forever for the cover art alone.

Sourdough: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I loved the way it described food and made fermentation feel as magical as it truly is. Simone (of February 2025 fame) recommended this book to Collin and me when Collin started his sourdough baking journey. I love reading books that take place in cities where I’ve lived and this is a very Bay Area book. The Ferry Building, Berkeley, and Alameda are heavily featured and that tickles me.

Who I’d recommend this book to: Bay Area residents, former and present; bakers; appreciators of fermented food and drinks; anyone who has ever worked at a start-up.

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: Boring! This book deserves a better cover.

You Better Believe I’m Gonna Talk About It: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: Lisa Fucking Rinna. My god, what an entertaining unreliable narrator. I was not a fan of her on RHOBH because I entered the universe during the season where she relentlessly bullied Denise Richards. I have since grown an appreciation of her as a necessary evil and stirrer of the pot. This book is an exercise in PR management, but what reality star memoir isn’t? Ultimately, this book is a reflection of the author: entertaining, surprisingly vulnerable, and full of phoniness.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who enjoys the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.

Medium of the book: audiobook, the only option. She narrates it herself.

Judging a book by its cover: Honestly iconic. It’s great.

The True True Story of Raja the Gullible (and His Mother): 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: I have never felt more represented in a novel than I have by this book. The mother-son dynamic is extremely similar to the one I have with my mom. No one can drive me as crazy as my mom can and yet I know no one will ever love me as much as she does.

I highlighted two passages from this book:

• “She said you’ll understand. She asked me to tell you she would break the world for you.”

• “My mother is my muse of matricide.”

Incredible. This is also the first book that has covered COVID in a way I have enjoyed.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has a tumultuous yet overall positive relationship with their mom; gay men; people unfamiliar with modern Lebanese history.

Medium of the book: e-book and hardcover

Judging a book by its cover: Objectively pretty and aesthetically pleasing, but I don’t know how it ties into the book. I feel like I missed something.

California: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: This may be my favorite non-fiction book of all time. This felt like a book made entirely of fun facts about my home state and I beg all of you to read it. It it as comprehensible and expansive as I imagine a single book can be without becoming boring.

Who I’d recommend this book to: all Californians; people who enjoy history and non-fiction; anyone looking for an audiobook to fall asleep to.

Medium of the book: paperback and audiobook; the audiobook experience was better for me.

Judging a book by its cover: Simple and beautiful. I am a Californian before anything else and I am quite fond of the California bear.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

When I meet a horse person in the wild it makes me feel like I’ve met someone who speaks the same obscure language as me. When I met Devin last May, I was astounded that we spoke several of the same obscure languages.

She is infected with the same brain disease that I have that makes me want to buy tchotchkes, trinkets, and other things that I am convinced I have been missing my whole life. She is a fellow lover of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences. She has a fantastic substack that you should follow immediately. And she’s always been a little horse freak like me. Neigh!!

Although we haven’t hung out since that beautiful Brooklyn night, she is absolutely one of my favorite people. Reading her substack and following her on Instagram makes me still believe that genuine connections can still be made and preserved through social media (gross!!!). She is so talented, funny, objectively hot, and I feel so lucky to be in her orbit, albeit semi-parasocially.

I am so honored that she agreed to be a Favorite Person and her list of Favorite Things exceeded my own high expectations. I hope 2026 brings more opportunities to hang out and shop together. In the meantime, please enjoy her favorite things in her own words…

I am beyond honored to be contributing to the “MY FAVORITE PEOPLE’S FAVORITE THINGS” column of Alberto’s iconic substack. Every favorite person has their own interpretation of this submission’s structure, and I am going to take a “favorite things in the world, end of story, period” approach. And since “things” is the category, I will not be ranking my favorite people like my FIANCE (brag) ELI or my cats. THINGS ONLY or as Maura Higgins would say, TINGS.

1. My #1 favorite thing in the world, end of story, period is the human capacity for storytelling, in whatever form that may take. I love stories! I love that my Grandparents immigrated to New York from Ireland on a ship and landed at Ellis Island and were instructed to remove the O’ from their last name and O’Leary became Leary and they recalled these details to their kids and their kids relayed them to me. I love that writers like Phoebe Waller-Bridge turn grief into humor and make art that allows people to feel seen and release shame. I love that on the first night at Bed when Sam left, and Ron made out with two girls and put his head in between a cocktail waitress’s breasts and also was grinding with multiple [redacted] women, Snooki and JWoww took pen to paper in the name of sisterhood.

2. My #2 favorite thing in the world, end of story, period is reality television and I can’t live without it and I don’t want to and I won’t hear any negative discourse about it and when someone starts saying things like “staged, produced, scripted” I say NO. I remove myself from the conversation. Yes, the institution of reality television brought us America’s Next Top Model and empowered Tyra Banks to force barely-adult women to relive their traumas in elaborately uncomfortable poses and dangerous circumstances BUT reality television also brought us TIFFANY “NEW YORK” POLLARD and if you have not seen their Ziwe interview yet….

3. The internet. Been obsessed since it came on a CD in the mail and my mom dialed it up for me to browse angelfire sites about My Little Pony. I KNOW the internet has been used for evil by tech freaks but that’s not her fault. She started out pure and pixelated and full of wonder and she still gives us things like this.

4. Buying everything required for a new, life-changing skincare routine and then giving up after doing it twice and leaving all the products piled up in a basket under my sink to collect dust and make me feel bad about myself.

5. Arts and crafts and YouTube tutorials about arts and crafts made by lovely, soothing British people but also go support your local arts and crafts store (for me it’s Brooklyn Craft Company)

6. Confessional memoirs where women dish about the men who have wronged them. Recent example: Strangers by Belle Burden.

7. Investigative podcasts! Okay, wait, maybe 6 and 7 both fall under the subcategory of human storytelling and maybe all my favorite things do… maybe telling stories is all that matters………… But anyways, check out Adults in the Room and Love Trapped if you like investigative journalism. Also this podcast that came out before the America’s Next Top Model doc was really good.

Those are my top 7, I think the remainder of my top 10 might go more in the direction of candy, cakes and ice cream?

Thank you, Alberto, for keeping us WELL READ and OVERFED with your beautiful substack and for allowing me to contribute to it!

Horse Bucket List

Of course I have a horse bucket, you fool. I’m very blessed that I’ve already been able to accomplish a few them, but I hope that I can manifest the rest of the list by posting it on the internet.

• Visit the Spanish Riding School in Vienna (done, 2015!)

• Attend the Kentucky Derby (done, 2014!)

• Ride a horse through Yellowstone National Park (done, 2024!)

• Ride a mule down the trails of Grand Canyon National Park and stay overnight at Phantom Ranch

• Complete a trek on horseback through the Mongolian wilderness

• See the mustangs at Theodore Roosevelt National Park

• Compete in the Tevis Cup

• Compete in a Ride & Tie

• Compete in a Colorado Burro Race

• Own a mule of my very own, ideally from the UC Davis Horse Barn

• Own a horse of my very own, ideally from Stone Farm

Now that I’ve put them out into the universe, I’d really appreciate some support from any witches that read this. Thank you in advance. <3

I try to keep this newsletter light and fun, but we have to acknowledge the traumatic start to the year. It’s terrifying, infuriating, and so devastatingly predictable.

Writing this is inherently a frivolous exercise in public preening, but it feels especially shallow now when it feels like the world is burning around us.

But hey, I genuinely feel like I’m putting a little bit of joy out in the world so I persevere. Times are hard, but there is still joy and culture to behold. Let’s enjoy what we can while we can.

I turned 35 a few weeks ago and death has been on my mind (how light and fun!!). Each year I am grateful to age another year because growing older is a luxury. All of this is temporary. We speak about growing old, but none of it is guaranteed. How lucky are we that we’re still here in this moment, experiencing the world, ugly as it is beautiful?

And here I am, writing this newsletter, adding to my digital footprint. When death passes through my mind, I do think of what I would leave behind if I were to pass onto the next realm at this very moment.

Would this newsletter blow up once I’ve passed? Would my genius finally be realized just as I turn into the dust in the wind? And how soon would people realize I am as unreliable of a narrator as I am?

Times are so fucking hard right now. But we are still so lucky to be here. Find the light where you can because what’s the fucking point otherwise? Experience joy, please!

January Book Reviews

I have been in a Heated Rivalry psychosis for the last 6 weeks. I have read 5 books this month and they have all been from Rachel Reid’s Game Changers series. I will list them in order of the series, but not in the order I read them. I read them in the following order: 1, 2, 6, 5, 4, and will get to 3 eventually.

Game Changer: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: The book that creates the universe. Necessary, charming, and it was fine. Had I read the books first I don’t know if I would have continued reading the other books. This book has been adapted into episodes 3 and 5 in the show and follows Scott and Kip.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who is a completionist and must read the whole universe in chronological order; anyone who liked the Scott and Kip parts of the show the most.

Medium of the book: E-book. The person who narrates books 1-3 is horrendous. Don’t waste your time listening to them.

Judging a book by its cover: Scott is a blonde bottom in the book! I think they did a good casting these characters because they are hotter than the source material in my opinion.

Heated Rivalry: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: Incredible, perfect book. The show adapted this book incredibly well. The love! The sex! The yearning!! All of it was so good.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who is in a reading slump and needs to experience joy; anyone who is interested in dipping their toe in the romance genre.

Medium of the book: E-book and I just picked up a physical copy for my own library

Judging a book by its cover: Cute!

Common Goal: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: This was my least favorite of the series. This book follows Kyle, the demon twink bartender from Kip’s bar on the show. Kyle is hooking up with Eric, Scott’s teammate, who is going to retire because he’s in his early 40s.

The book focused too much on the age gap between Kyle and Eric (15 years) for my liking. I thought it was immature and everyone just needed to get over it. This has the most “kinky” sex scenes in the series, which is to say they play with edging and handcuffs.

Between the two, I preferred reading in Eric’s perspective more than Kyle’s but neither was particularly compelling.

Who I’d recommend this book to: completionists; demon twinks.

Medium of the book: audiobook; the narrator for books 4-6 is much better and I enjoyed this experience. I don’t know if I would have kept going if I was reading this.

Judging a book by its cover: Fine.

Role Model: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: CHUBBY BOY REPRESENTATION. I liked this book a lot and I hope these characters get incorporated into the show. This book follows Troy, a gay hockey player, and Harris, the team’s social media manager. Everyone in this series is a ripped, conventionally attractive gay man except for Harris. Harris has my body type. Harris is thiqque. Harris for sure grew up getting his clothes from the husky section. The sex scenes in this book were hot and the romantic arc was very satisfying.

Who I’d recommend this book to: former husky section shoppers.

Medium of the book: audiobook and I will eventually buy a physical copy for my own library

Judging a book by its cover: Cute!

The Long Game: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: EVERYTHING. This book continues Shane and Ilya’s relationship a few years after Heated Rivalry ends. Although they are together, there is still yearning and pining. Great sex scenes and the part on the airplane made me cry real tears. I loved this one so much and I cannot wait to see it adapted into the show.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who doesn’t want to wait for season 2 of the show to know what happens next.

Medium of the book: e-book and now I’m listening to the audiobook because I’m unhinged.

Judging a book by its cover: Melts my heart

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

Uh oh, I am my own Favorite Person again.

Please enjoy 35-year-old-me’s favorite things in my own words.

• Burma Superstar: Burmese food is inherently a fusion of Chinese and Indian cuisine due to Myanmar’s geography. The spices, the textures, and the smells are incredible and I would eat at this restaurant on a weekly basis if my budget allowed for it. Everything is delicious but I recommend the garlic eggplant (add shrimp), the shan noodles, mint chicken, coconut chicken curry, coconut rice, and the samosa salad. Wash it down with a Burmarita or two. They have an incredible cookbook that I highly recommend. I have been able to recreate several dishes and I love being able to say “hay Burma Superstar en la casa.”

• Cholula Green Hot Sauce: I’m a green salsa bitch and I put this on everything. It’s pretty mild heat-wise so I apply it liberally on eggs, sandwiches, salads, bagels, and anything else that can be enhanced. It was the very first thing I unpacked when I recently moved offices at work.

• BART: The Bay Area Rapid Transit is iconic. I hate driving and I love being able to stare dramatically out of the window on my commute to work.

• Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups: It feels illegal to check out of Trader Joe’s without putting one of these in my basket. The dark chocolate is crunchy and the bite is always satisfying. A delicious reward for enduring the terrible parking lot.

• Blundstones Boots: My transformation into pretentious Bay Area intellectual (the vibe I’m always striving for) felt complete once I bought these. They were my present to myself for getting through my challenging work project and I wear them almost every day.

• Existing at the same time as Heated Rivalry: What a time to be alive! Gay hockey romance has been my guiding light for 2026 so far.

• Uni-ball Ultra Micro Point pens: I discovered this pen through Mel and I immediately ordered a box for myself. It’s a 0.38 mm point pen and I loved writing with it. Perfect for filling out forms, making to-do lists, and writing love letters to myself.

• Real Housewives of Salt Lake City: No one is doing it like the Sisters of Salt. If you’re not already on-board, please remember that you’re not too smart for reality television. Engage in the culture and give these Mountain Time Zone divas some of your precious attention. It will be worth it.

• Cara Cara navel oranges: The superior citrus.

• My yoga mat: I bought an expensive yoga mat on a whim in 2013 and have cherished it ever since. It has helped me get through two episodes of sciatica and dozens of Groupon yoga classes. I took it with me to Kentucky and would use it when on foal watch. The farm’s owner saw me doing yoga in the barn aisle once and said, “wow, our cowboy really is from California.” Martini likes it, too.

  

  Thanks for reading Well-Read and Overfed! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

“2024 was great, but 2025 is the year for change. We’re making moves this year.”

I’m writing this newsletter from our new home in Oakland. Collin and I are very powerful.

A lot of change happened this year, both positive and negative. Doors of opportunity opened. Relationships shifted. A lot of Detroit-style pizza was consumed. Circle of life.

2025 was a year of retrospection. I’m firmly in my mid-30s now and I spent the year reflecting on the seeds I planted in my 20s. I am so grateful for the decisions I made and to be standing in a garden of my own making.

I am entering 2026 with a renewed sense of ambition. There is so much life to live and joy to experience. I know there will be horrors to behold and challenges yet to test me, but nothing lasts forever.

I hope 2026 provides opportunities to see you all in-person. Let’s be hot together in the new year.

December Book Reviews

Palaver: 3.5 stars

What I liked about this book: I liked how much of this took place in the Tokyo gay bars that Collin and I explored in May. I find many of this author’s books to be a bit repetitive, but I enjoyed this book the most.

Who I’d recommend this book to: sad gay guys; people who have been to Eagle Tokyo.

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: I like it. I loved the vending machines that were all over Japan.

Loved One: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I loved how messy this book was! Sometimes unsatisfying, but always compelling. This book felt like a very realistic depiction of grief and the ways it can distort your perception of reality. I also loved that parts of it took place in Berkeley. I felt like I have met many different versions of Gabe’s mom and they’ve all bumped into me at Berkeley Bowl.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has lost someone too soon; anyone who has realized they are the villain in someone else’s story; millennials from California.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Love it because it depicts the scene when the book really took off for me.

The Third Annual First Annual Golden Martinis

“Whoever said it was an honor just be nominated is lying to themselves.” - Martini McLavalos

Category: Best Album of 2025

• West End Girl by Lily Allen

• MAYHEM by Lady Gaga

• Death Becomes Her (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

• A Matter of Time by Laufey

• Through the Wall by Rochelle Jordan

• Vie by Doja Cat

• PARFUM ORANGE by La Grande Dame

Winner - Death Becomes Her (Original Broadway Cast Recording): I was in New York for seven days this year and I saw three Broadway shows. While Oh, Mary! was my absolute favorite and Orville Peck in Caberet took my breath away, Death Becomes Her left the biggest impact on me because it is all I have listened to since May. Falling Apart is my favorite song but Alive Forever is the song I like to sing to Martini.

Category: Best Meal Eaten in 2025

• Egg Sandwiches from 7/11s across all of Japan

• Assorted pastries purchased from Old German Bakery in Hoboken, New Jersey

• The Mush-a-Roni Pizza from Square Pie Guys Oakland

• Wagyu Beef Sandwich from the Tsukiji Fish Market in Tokyo, Japan

• The seven-course Teppanyaki dinner at Hakone Suishoen

• Oysters and Fish and Chips from Hog Island Oyster Co. in Larkspur, California

Winner: Teppanyaki Dinner: I sincerely hope everyone gets a chance to experience a dinner like the one we had at our hotel in Hakone. Shout out to Lindsay and Ali for recommending this resort to us. It was so unbelievably luxurious and I am so glad we decided to splurge on a nice hotel. Although we had a private onsen (!!!!!!!) and chauffeur (!!!!!!!), the highlight of my stay there was the dinner during our second night. The wagyu steak. The lobster in vanilla sauce. The fact that we were too full for dessert so they waited an hour to bring it to us in our room.

Eating a fruit tart while naked in my luxury hotel room made me feel like a king. I am so lucky to have been able to experience it.

Category: Best Book Read in 2025

• Piglet

• Monstrilio

• Heart the Lover

• Buckeye

• Homeseeking

• Atmosphere

• Actress of a Certain Age

• Here

• Lonesome Dove

• Harriet Tubman: Live in Concert

• Butter

Winners - Monstrilio & Lonesome Dove: This was incredibly difficult since I read some of my all-time favorite books this year. Of the 40 books I read, Monstrilio, Lonesome Dove, Buckeye, Piglet, and Butter are all ones that I will treasure forever because they have left lasting impressions on me. This is my newsletter and fake award ceremony so I can do whatever I want. There are two books this year that won the Golden Martini.

I loved Monstrilio because it was a book about grief, it was a book about being a monster, and it was a book about queerness. My favorite San Diego bookstore has it on a shelf called "weird books for weird people.” This book also challenged me because it technically a Horror novel, a genre I usually actively avoid. I went outside of my comfort zone with this book and I was heavily rewarded for it. Great book!

Lonesome Dove is probably one of the best books ever written. I have never read a book with such incredible character development. This book is hefty (858 pages) and I loved spending time with the Hat Creek Cattle Company. Gus was my favorite person, but Hell Bitch the grey mare was my favorite character overall. The fact that the animals had their own narratives and character arcs is a testament to how realistic this book felt.

Category: Best Cover Art / Design of a Book Read in 2025

• Orbital

• Monstrilio

• Piglet

• Butter

• Disco Witches of Fire Island

• Katabasis

• Buckeye

• Sacramento Noir

Winner - Disco Witches of Fire Island: So fucking gay. More book covers like this, please!

Category: Best Subscription of 2025

• CorePower Yoga

• Peacock

• Benziger Family Winery Club

Winner- Benziger Family Winery Club: Living in Northern California means being able to do regular day trips out to wine country. We joined this winery because the Pinot Noir is delicious (try the Quintus and thank me later), the vibe is wonderful, and we like that they practice sustainable agriculture.

Shout out to CorePower Yoga, though. Thank you for stretching out my hamstrings and allowing me to continue to drop it low on dance floors into my mid-30s.

Category: Best Photo Taken of Martini in 2025

Winner: this one

Unfortunately I became an important person at work and it’s really killed the Carrie Bradshaw vibe I’ve had going for the last few years. I’m like if Carrie got really into the administration side of the house at Vogue. Still the same person, but just so many more spreadsheets.

But I’m crawling out of my cave and slowly blinking my eyes in the light. I completed the biggest project of my professional career last week and it feels wonderful to be on the other side of it.

On Tuesday last week, I sat alone in an office and talked to myself while staring at the growing number of attendees on the Zoom room. I thought about the hundreds of people spread out across the country who were all listening to my words at the same time.

That project has been gnawing on my thoughts for the last few months. Whenever my mind became quiet enough for me exhale, thoughts of the aforementioned spreadsheets quickly disrupted the peace.

“You still have xyz to do today and you keep pushing 1,2,3, and 4 back…”

To be honest, it’s been a bit of buzzkill but I’m happy to report it was a smashing success and I’ve been smugly rereading all the nice things my coworkers have said to me.

I don’t put too much weight into my astrological chart, but duh of course I nailed it - I’m a double Capricorn. I fucking love a spreadsheet.

So yeah, there hasn’t been to much free time to write for fun, but I’ve still been engaging in the culture. I don’t know what the future of this newsletter looks like. The rules I put on myself to publish on a regular basis were invented by own dumb brain and SHE IS EXHAUSTED.

This will not go away entirely, though. I love that I’ve created my own town square where you’re all welcome to watch me shout my opinions into the void. It’s a cozy void and you can stay for as long as you want.

Until next newsletter, loves. Probably December. Or uh, that is Spring/Summer.

Subscribe now

September, October, and November (so far) Book Reviews

A bitch has been busy but I’m never too busy for literature.

Stoner: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: The writing was nice, but god this book was a bummer. Quiet sad man is sad and quiet for 292 pages. This book has been on my radar for years and is frequently on lists with books I love so I assumed this was going to be a banger for me. It was fine. I probably wouldn’t have finished this if I wasn’t listening to it on audiobook.

What I actually liked about this book is the memory of me finishing it on an early train from Sacramento. This book will forever be associated with me being the best-dressed person on a train at 6:45 AM and smugly drinking my cappuccino when I realized how fabulous I was.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone with regrets; anyone who has wondered if they thrown away their life by dedicating it to academia.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: I kept looking at the man on the book cover and wondering to myself if I would “smash or pass” him. Unfortunately at the end of the book I found Stoner himself completely unfuckable. Pass!

James: 5 stars

What I liked about this book: It lived up to the hype. I completely understand why it has won all the awards it has. Another book made better by its audiobook narration, in my opinion. Codeswitching is a big part of this book and hearing it added so much texture and richness to the story. It hit even harder by listening to it.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who ever read Huck Finn in high school; anyone who has ever changed their voice depending on who is around them; every American high schooler

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: I like the UK version better.

Heart the Lover: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: WOW, THIS BOOK TORE OPEN MY HEART. It captures the stupidly of young love so beautifully and how your love for someone can change shapes as you grow up. It made me want to text my ex-boyfriends out of platonic love. Gorgeous. I loved this author’s first book very much, too. She’s my kind of writer.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has experienced a heartbreak so powerful that it shifted their development as a person.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: Accurately captures what I looked like when I finished the book.

Buckeye: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: Gorgeous historical fiction that captures the pain of never being able to outrun who you really are and has supernatural themes?! YES, PLEASE!!

Loved the characters, loved the writing, loved learning about that period of American history. This book felt like it was written just for me.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has considered consulting with a medium; anyone who has ever tried to outrun the real version of themselves; people in Ohio.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: LOVE IT. One of my favorite book covers of the year. I want to buy a physical copy so I can stare at the cover whenever I please.

Carrie Soto is Back: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I loved that she never stopped being a bitch. I dipped my toes into the Taylor Jenkins Reid universe a few years with Seven Husbands and enjoyed it. The second book of hers I read was Atmosphere and I enjoyed it so much I decided to dive in.

I have watched so many tennis videos on YouTube since finishing this book. Great storytelling with realistic characters. Time listening to this book was time well spent.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who plays or watches tennis; anyone who has ever been described as “intense”

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: It is very good. I wonder at what age the Carrie on the cover is supposed to be.

Daisy Jones & The Six: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was mentioned in Carrie Soto is Back so I knew it had to be the best one I listened to. I loved the variety of voice actors in this book and it made me enjoy it more. The story was fine, albeit a bit predictable at times, but it was still a fun read.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who loves Fleetwood Mac; anyone who wishes Vh1’s Behind the Music was still on TV

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Fine. It didn’t do anything for me. I would’ve preferred a band poster, to be honest.

Sacramento Noir: 2.5 stars

What I liked about this book: This is a book of short stories by different authors and I sincerely enjoyed only 1. It was the one set in Southside Park, a place where I spent so many Sundays of my childhood. I enjoyed seeing my hometown represented in literature but most of the stories did not hit for me. I did love that the Yum Yum Donuts on Franklin got mentioned, though.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone from Sacramento. End of list.

Medium of the book: Paperback purchased on a whim from the Avid Reader in Davis

Judging a book by its cover: Keeping this book forever for the cover alone. As boring as my hometown is I love being from there very much.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I don’t have a Favorite Person this month so I’m just going to include a photo of myself riding a horse from last weekend. Cece the horse is my Favorite Thing right now.

Leave a comment

I’ve officially been back in Northern California for two months, but it still feels strange to see my blue dot on Google Maps up here. Whenever I pull up directions for Costco it still defaults to the Mission Valley location.

It’s been a major change, but it’s been a fun adventure so far. I love that I never drive anymore. I am BART’s biggest fan (I already pre-ordered a BART holiday sweater) and I’ve started to recognize my fellow commuters. We took it to see Shucked a few weeks ago and I felt such glee being a “big city girl,” a phrase my sister Alex called me once when I first moved to the Bay years ago.

Every time I ride BART I feel like I’m living in the Mary Tyler Moore theme song.

I’ve been calling this era of my life my Bay Area reboot. The original era ended sooner than planned so I’m glad that life has presented another opportunity to explore the place I love.

Come visit soon, friends. I’d love to throw a beret in the air with you.

August & September (so far) Book Reviews

Homeseeking: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: It turns out my favorite genre of book is a historical fiction novel set in East Asia. I loved the way this story unfolded and how it would jump around different years. This book was both romantic and pragmatic, which I enjoyed. Multiple things can be true all at once and this book captured how messy that truth can be.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone that liked Real Americans by Rachel Khong; anyone who is unfamiliar with the history of Shanghai or Hong Kong; anyone who likes decades-long romantic sagas; anyone who has ever wondered if they made the right choice.

Medium of the book: Hardcover

Judging a book by its cover: I like it. The blue is calming and eventually all the objects on the cover made sense.

Everything is Tuberculosis: 3.5 stars

What I liked about this book: I knew almost nothing about tuberculosis before this book and I feel like a better global citizen after having read this. I enjoyed the fun anecdotes (we wouldn’t have the cowboy hat without tuberculosis), but I do think they were outweighed by how devastating tuberculosis has been and continues to be in parts of the world.

PSA: I did have recurring tuberculosis nightmares while reading this book. This is not out of the ordinary, though. When I worked in necropsy I had recurring nightmares that I contracted a zoonotic disease. It is for the best I did not pursue a career in the health field.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who doesn’t know much about tuberculosis; people interested in public health.

Medium of the book: audiobook, listened to at 1.25x speed.

Judging a book by its cover: Fine. It looks like an orange on the cover.

Good Dirt: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was fine. I loved the author’s previous book, Black Cake, but this book didn’t hit for me. It had all the ingredients for a book I would enjoy but it just wasn’t for me.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who enjoyed Black Cake; anyone who needs an easy-listening audiobook.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Love.

Disco Witches of Fire Island: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: Collin recommended this book to me and he had the best description of it: “It’s like if there was a Hallmark movie set during the AIDS crisis.”

I loved how campy and kind this book was while still being horny. This book was also written in a way that sucks you in right away and is able to hold your attention throughout the whole story.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who likes Hallmark movies; anyone who has ever been to Fire Island or any other gay destination; anyone who has ever felt like they’ve levitated on a dance floor.

Medium of the book: Paperback

Judging a book by its cover: BEST COVER OF THE YEAR BY FAR. It’s the reason the book called out to Collin at the bookstore in Guerneville.

My Good Side: 1 star

What I liked about this book: Not much! To be honest, listening to this book scratched the unkind itch in my brain that loves to be a judgey bitch sometimes. I did love that her doctor is named Dr. Banooni, pronounced just like Martini’s nickname. Imagining our cat as Scheana’s OB-GYN has made me laugh for weeks.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has watched Vanderpump Rules.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: This is exactly the kind of cover I expect from a reality star’s memoir.

Atmosphere: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: EVERYTHING! This book was amazing. It made me want to learn about the stars. Lesbian astronauts in the 1980s? Yes, please! I inhaled this book in 3 days.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever looked up in the night sky and felt a sense of awe.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: Wonderful. I want a pair of aviators now.

Actress of a Certain Age: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: I have been a Jeff Hiller stan for years and I’m so happy he’s finally having his time in the sun. This book was as warm and funny as he is and it was a delight to finish this the day he won an Emmy.

Who I’d recommend this book to: any gay guy who has ever been blocked after sending a face pic on Grindr; anyone who has ever worried that life has passed them by; anyone queer who grew up in a religious household.

Medium of the book: Audiobook (highly recommended)

Judging a book by its cover: Glamorous. I want a photo like this of myself.

Katabasis: 4.5 stars

What I liked about this book: This book broke my brain and I liked it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so challenged by a book and it felt good to stretch my brain again like I was in college. There was a lot of calculus, philosophy, and logic in here and I had to reread several passages before they made sense.

There was one part that gave me a major ick and I almost stopped reading it right then, but I’m glad I persevered.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever gone to graduate school; anyone who is a bit too goal-oriented and needs to be reminded to unclench; anyone who has read Dante’s Inferno; anyone who has ever agreed with the phrase, “hell is other people.”

Medium of the book: hardcover

Judging a book by its cover: Gorgeous. I love this cover, but I love the pages on the deluxe edition even more. I usually avoid buying hardcovers but the deluxe edition is a work of art in itself and I had to have it.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

One of the best things about moving to the Bay Area is being closer to coworkers that have become friends. One of those friends is Zoe.

Zoe makes me feel cooler because I am friends with her. She is what I imagine to be the closest version of classic Hollywood glamour that naturally exists in 2025. She’s truly a vision and I love basking in her natural glow while we chat about reality television from Utah.

Our paths crossed professionally, but eventually the small seeds of friendship began to sprout. She is a fellow lover of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences and is my absolute favorite Cal alum from San Diego. Sorry, Samin.

My favorite memory of us is a flight we shared during a work trip from America’s Finest City. She spilled proverbial tea so hot that I actually screamed, “GET ME OFF THIS PLANE!!” After I immediately apologized to everyone around me, I laughed for the rest of the flight.

She told me once that “you always have to do one thing for yourself” and I think about that when start to let this newsletter slide away. Writing this is just for me (though I love everyone that reads it) and am so thankful she gave me that token of wisdom.

She’s a real one.

The professional path that brought us together has reached its end for now, but I’m so glad I have a full of garden of friendship to continue to cultivate.

Now please enjoy Zoe’s favorite things in her own words:

• Chowder: Not to be confused with the soup, Chowder is my soulcat. About a year ago, I spontaneously signed up to foster a cat through the local humane society. Months went by without a word, and I’d nearly forgotten about it when one day they called to ask if I was still interested. They told me they had an adult tuxedo cat who needed a new home because he was playing too aggressively with his former foster’s children. Let’s just say I was not prepared to meet the cuddliest, clingiest, spunkiest, most talkative cat ever. Everyone who meets Chowder falls in love with him, including me, so when the humane society called earlier this year to say another family was interested in adopting him, I immediately pulled the trigger and made him mine forever.

• Reality TV: To some, reality television is “trashy.” To me, it’s sociological research. At any given time, I’m probably waiting for the next episode or season of one of my favorite shows: Love Island, Real Housewives (Salt Lake City, specifically), The Bachelor franchise, and my current fixation, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I don’t just watch reality TV, I analyze it. I study the patterns, examine group dynamics, and notice how it mirrors current societal trends. You know what they say: one man’s trash (TV) is another man’s treasure.

• Hot Yoga: Walking into my first hot yoga class, I was naive. I thought I was in decent shape, I mean, it’s yoga, how hard could it be? Fast forward to halfway through class when I started seeing stars and had to step out to recover. After a quick pep talk, I went back in and finished. From that moment on, I was hooked. Now I take a yoga sculpt or hot pilates class at least once a week, and it has become my favorite workout. Give me a yoga mat, sweat towel, two-pound weights, and an instructor shouting encouragement, and I’m all set. I don’t know what we’re training for, but I know I’ll be ready when the day comes.

• Themed Parties: Hosting is one of my love languages. In another life, I might have been an event planner and I’ve always loved a themed party. The costumes, the food, the activities, the more extra, the better. About two years ago, I started a family tradition of hosting a themed murder mystery party. Dressing up was mandatory, and I curated a menu to match the theme. The first year was Old Hollywood, followed by Western, then Masquerade. There’s no better feeling than scouring Pinterest for inspiration, designing themed invitations, and planning the perfect outfit.

• Y2K: I was born in the wrong era *sigh*. What I would give to be strolling down Rodeo Drive in a velour Juicy tracksuit with a little dog in my purse. I’ve always been obsessed with the early 2000s—the fashion, the movies, the music, and the iconic celebrity culture. One of my comfort shows is The Girls Next Door, a reality series starring Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends Holly, Bridget, and Kendra at the Playboy Mansion. To me, they were the epitome of fabulous. The pink, bubblegum-pop aesthetic of the show is the exact aesthetic I aspire for my life.

• Disneyland: Nostalgia is one of the most powerful feelings I experience. It can be overwhelming, but I love anything that brings me back to simpler times and reminds me of my inner child. One of those places is Disneyland. The sights, smells, and tastes immediately transport me back to being a kid and feeling the Disney magic. Disneyland is one of my family’s favorite things to do together. We currently have season passes, so you’ll often find us on a random weekday, park-hopping and indulging in classic Disney snacks.

• Anything French: Oui, je suis une francophile. I’ve always been intrigued by all things French. While most of my classmates chose Spanish (the more practical option growing up in San Diego), I chose French. I always dreamed of visiting Paris and seeing the Eiffel Tower, La Seine, and the Arc de Triomphe in person. That dream nearly came true sophomore year of college when I signed up to study abroad with my best friend, but the pandemic canceled our plans. Finally, this spring, I got to visit Paris—and I fell in love. It felt like I had found my home, and even while I was there, I was already scheming how to move there one day.

• Hockey Romance Books: I stumbled upon this genre by accident during an eight-hour drive from the Bay Area to San Diego. I needed an audiobook and picked one called Icebreaker. Once I got past the initial cringe, I was hooked. Since then, I’ve devoured around 15 hockey romance novels. They usually follow a familiar formula: a bad-boy hockey player meets an innocent, nerdy girl who tutors him while he helps her make her crush jealous. And honestly? I eat it up every time. I feel like a tween again, kicking my feet and giggling as I read. I recently found out that my favorite hockey romance series is being adapted into a TV show, and you better believe I’ll be tuning in.

• Lemonade: My drink of choice. No matter where I go, if lemonade is on the menu, that’s what I’ll order. Bonus points if it’s flavored—strawberry, peach, dragonfruit, you name it. My mom calls me Buddy the Elf because I like my drinks sweet and saturated, and lemonade is no exception. I’ve even thought about starting a review account for different lemonades. For now, I’ll share my top picks: Chik-fil-A, Trader Joe’s, True Food Kitchen (peach lemonade), Simply Lemonade, and—oddly enough—a random lemonade stand I stumbled across at a fair in Ohio.

• My Digital Camera: I’ve always loved taking photos. Back in middle school, when I first got an iPhone, I would make my friends do photoshoots while I played creative director. Last year, I received the best gift ever: my Canon G7X digital camera. I bring it everywhere, capturing memories and curating the perfect shots. Honestly, I think people have started inviting me to things just so I’ll bring my camera along. I love how I can be creative and help capture people in their best moments.

Today marks the one-month anniversary of our move to north to the Bay Area. A return for me, a new adventure for Collin, and an absolute nightmare for Martini. A move across the state was not something I had envisioned at the beginning of the year but when the door of opportunity opened we felt compelled to walk through it.

I have a Very Important Job now and am in Very Important Meetings. My dad calls me a few times a week to ask what my job title is again so he can remember what to tell people. It is exciting, overwhelming, and boring all at once. I’m glad we chose change and growth, but it is bittersweet.

It’s been over five years since the last time I was a Bay Area Bitch and am still giddy I get to wear sweaters in August again.

But fuck, I miss the burritos already.

Alberto’s July Book Reviews

The Emperor of Gladness: 3.5 stars

What I liked about this book: The prose was beautiful. This book shattered any illusion I had that living in Connecticut must be charming. I don’t think this book quite lived up to the hype it’s getting, but it is objectively well-written book.

Who I’d recommend this book to: Anyone who never worked in food service; people who ever let a lie go too far.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: Eh, not great. Boring.

The Loves of My Life: A Sex Memoir: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: HORNY. The author is a proud slut and it was impressive to read a retrospective on his life through the lens of the men he indulged in.

Who I’d recommend this book to: Gay men and anyone who enjoys reading M/M sex scenes.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: I like it. Gets straight to the point.

Project Hail Mary: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I liked how the story revealed itself along the way. It begins with an astronaut waking up from a coma and you get to piece together how he got there with him. This book made unpacking the mountain of boxes more enjoyable and I will always associate it with getting reacquianted with the Bay Area.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who wants to read the book before the movie comes out; people who are into Sci-Fi; anyone who needs a good audiobook to listen to.

Medium of the book: Audiobook and I think it’s the best way to ingest this book. I will not reveal a spoiler but something happens 1/3 of the way through and I’m so glad I listed to it. Amaze!

Disclaimer: unfortunately the English version is only available on Audible so I caved in and gave Amazon money. I think it was well-worth the $15 for a one-month Audible membership and I will probably listen to this again on a long road trip.

Judging a book by its cover: UGH I HATE IT WHEN BOOK COVERS BECOME THE MOVIE POSTER OF THEIR FILM ADAPTION. I like the original cover but I unfortunately had the movie poster.

Things I already miss about living in San Diego

1. The Mexican food, of course: My first bite of food the next time I’m in SD will be a California Burrito from the Roberto’s on El Cajon.

2. My family: I feel so lucky to have been able to make so many memories with my niece and nephew during their formative years. I also loved sharing a Costco with my sister and I will always treasure the time she threw socks at me to get my attention when I was on the phone with our dad.

3. Border City Culture: I loved living on the border. San Diego and Tijuana bleed into each other and I loved living in the center of it.

4. Padres Games: Petco Park is the best stadium in the league and nothing is better than an afternoon spent drinking a Mango Cart beer and tri-tip nachos in an ocean of ugly brown hats.

5. Collin’s family: A piece of my heart lives on the cliffs of Solana Beach.

6. The Beaches: San Diego is the Southern California people expect Los Angeles to be. Del Mar is my personal favorite but I never had a bad beach day anywhere in the county.

7. The Biodiversity: There are few things as beautiful as a plumeria tree in bloom and I loved living in a place that had both orcas and big horned sheep. Did you know San Diego County is the most biodiverse county in the lower 48?

8. The San Diego Zoo: I was so lucky to be within walking distance of the Zoo. I know the Red Pandas by name and I’m sure every keeper there has talked about me. “The guy who keeps asking about the bonteboks is back.”

9. The San Diego Book Festival: Coachella for people who own more than 5 tote bags

10. Saying “the” in front of freeways: Sorry, NorCal, it sounds better to say the 5.

11. Living in a Real Housewives trip destination city: The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City went to my favorite wine bar and the Real Housewives of Orange County sit where I like to at the Del Mar Racetrack.

12. The Lafayette Hotel: I loved sitting in the lobby bar and eavesdropping on the tourists.

13. Being able to drive to Disneyland on a whim: If I were less financially responsible I would be a Disney Adult. I would like the theme of Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railroad to be played when the incinerator technician flips the switch for my cremation.

14. The San Diego Airport: Terminal 1 is objectively garbage but I grew fond of it because I was there so often. Terminal 2 is gorgeous and I wish I had flown out of there more often. Luxury is living close to an airport with direct flights to cool places. I am furious that we moved away before Terminal 1 construction ended.

15. Telling people I live in San Diego and watching the glint of jealousy shine in their eyes: it is indeed America’s Finest City

My sisters and I have dragged Papa away from his living room chair because we wanted big futures for ourselves. I was in 10th grade when my dad took my oldest sister to New York for her NBC page interview. When he returned home I asked him all about the city whose media I had ingested so much of.

“It was fine. It was just like San Francisco.”

16-year-old me was baffled by this answer. There’s no way New York City was like San Francisco, I thought to myself. Surely this is just Papa just showing how untraveled he is.

I finally landed on the island of Manhattan for the first time last month and I have to say my dad was right. New York is flat San Francisco. I loved it, I can’t wait to go back again, but flat SF is the best way to articulate the vibe I experienced.

My interpretation of New York is also colored by the fact that I had just been in Tokyo the week before my first day in Manhattan and everything looks quaint next to that.

One of the best things about my week spent in the Sex and the City background was spending time with my friend, Amy. I think the last frontier of friendship is testing whether or not you’re able to travel together and I think Amy and I passed the test with flying colors.

Subscribe now

Since so much of my time in New York was spent together with her, I invited Amy to share her own highlights of the trip. You’ll find them below.

Actually, before I pass it to her, I have one more piece of New York libel to share on the internet. I ate lots of delicious things while I was there but the best thing I ate was a tomato pastry in Hoboken.

Now please enjoy Amy’s top New York highlights in her own words:

• Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club with Orville Peck as the Emcee: Some psychopath recorded Tomorrow Belongs to Me and posted it to TikTok, which is horrid and a violation of the rules of theater and society, BUT I’m glad it exists. It’s such a haunting rendition, it gives me chills both in and out of context. Peck performed without his mask, but took his bows masked.

• Oh, Mary!: I’m not telling you anything the Tony’s didn’t. Oh, Mary has been extremely hyped up, and it somehow surpassed the hype. It’s 100% Looney Tunes energy from start to finish. We were lucky to see Cole Escola on their final run, but I’d honestly have been stoked to see any of the Marys.

• Picking up a giant slice of tomato and onion focaccia from ALF Bakery, eaten while disassociating at Little Island, and an almond croissant for later. I’m not usually an almond type; I kind of choked when it came time to order (hence the subsequent disassociation), but the croissant was so good that I’m still thinking about it a month later, and this morning The Times agreed!

• A round of applause for my aunt with a Park Ave penthouse apartment that she rarely uses and graciously let us stay in. For better or worse, I am sure no one mistook us for actual Upper East Siders.

• A Century of The New Yorker at the New York Public Library: I’m blessed with a white collar job that uses maybe 3% of my brain, so I have a lot of time to read The New Yorker every week. I loved this mission statement from 1924 that still defines the tone of the magazine today.

• The Met Cloisters: The Met 5th Ave gets all the attention, but if you have the time, visit the Cloisters too. Fort Tyron Park, the museum, and the grounds are all wonderfully serene, but there are also tapestries that make one wonder, what would my dog do if she saw a unicorn?

  ---

Alberto’s May and June Book Reviews

Babel: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I loved how much I learned about languages. I loved how the action unfolded and major characters left the story much earlier that I would have expected. A surprising delight of a book, although it was also very dark. It will be a long time before I revisit this book but I will cherish the copy I have forever.

Who I’d recommend this book to: Linguistics majors; anyone who has ever thought academia would save them from themselves; anyone who has ever dreamt in a language other than English; anyone who has ever studied abroad at Oxford.

Medium of the book: A paperback I bought on my second night in Japan. I finished it while sitting alone on the High Line during my last Manhattan morning.

Judging a book by its cover: The Japanese bookstore only sold the British version, which I actually like better. A book about silver should be silver.

Evenings & Weekends: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: I liked the audiobook narrator’s voice and this book made me laugh a few times. This book dragged on a bit too long for my taste and there were too many characters to remember. Sad British people being sad for lots of different reasons.

Who I’d recommend this book to: people who have a hard time expressing themselves to loved ones; people who need a reminder to embrace their true selves.

Medium of the book: Audiobook. I don’t think I would’ve finished it if it weren’t for the delightful British narrator.

Judging a book by its cover: Love!

Coexistence: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: Wonderful short stories about Queer Indigenous Canadians. Some of the sentences knocked the wind out of me and I think this book articulated the compounding sensations of bottoming so well. Happy Pride Month, indeed!

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who want a quick queer read; anyone who needs to ingest more Indigenous media.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: I like it. Sensual. Horny and haunting.

Amy’s Book Review - The Thorn Birds

In a Well-Read and Overfed first, we have a guest book review! Enjoy.

The Thorn Birds is an Australian epic romance/family saga from 1977 that takes place between 1915-1969. It was also a blockbuster tv miniseries in 1983. I bring this up because there is no way to read this book through a modern lens and not think, I’M SORRY, WHAT? THEY MADE A MINISERIES ABOUT A PRIEST AND HIS UNDERAGE LOVER AND 110 MILLION PEOPLE WATCHED IT?!

Now I’m not here to tut-tut this book or scold its audience or level accusations of grooming its way. Because duh. Of course. Obviously. Instead, I tried to meet it where it was at (the Australian Outback), because there’s plenty of strange to contend with here. I can’t stress enough, even a generous modern reading of this book will have you scratching your head.

Summarizing this as briefly as I can, The Thorn Birds follows little Meggie Cleary and her family as they move from New Zealand to a wealthy relative’s sheep ranch in Australia. There, the family meets Father Ralph de Bricassart, an impossibly hot 27-year old stallion of a priest who also lives on the property for reasons I never quite caught (a punishment of some kind from the church?). Seriously, Father Ralph’s beauty and virility are commented on constantly, by both the narrator and almost every character. Meggie is about nine years old when she meets Father Ralph.

When Meggie is 16 or 17, they have their first forbidden kiss (that would make Ralph 35 for those keeping score at home) but Ralph shuns Meggie, telling her she needs to marry someone, anyone else, because she was obviously put on this earth to be a mother, and he can’t give that to her. He leaves the ranch for good and heads to Rome to ascend the church hierarchy. Meggie, lacking imagination, marries a ranch hand who kind of looks like Ralph. He is an asshole, and possibly gay? It’s unclear. Her new husband takes her to another, worse part of Australia, drops her off to live and work as a maid in a neighbor’s home, and absconds to make his fortune cutting sugar cane with other men whom I can only picture as Tom of Finland models. It is stated often how much he prefers their rugged company, but there is a scene where he titty-fucks Meggie.

A few years later, Meggie is estranged from her godawful husband and suffering from what we would now call post-partum depression. Ralph comes from the Vatican to cheer her up. They basically go on a honeymoon and finally consummate their forbidden love, both understanding that this is just a moment in time, and Ralph will go back to the Vatican when his summer break is over. From that encounter, she gets pregnant with Ralph’s son, and eventually starts hating Ralph for being a priest and becomes bitter and jaded, like all the suffering she’s endured at the hands of men finally hits her at once. I would argue that that hatred is what finally propels her from a girl to a woman, in a very “Men Have Called Her Crazy” sort of way.

Ralph’s devotion to the church is never presented as anything admirable, or even as a calling; it’s nothing more than ambition and vanity. It’s not the church or Catholicism that prevents them from being together, it’s Ralph’s failings as a man who loves the trappings of status and frocks, which is actually a pretty radical view!

There are plenty of strange odds and ends in this book. Meggie’s daughter visits the Vatican in a mini-skirt. Cardinals lovingly call each other “mother” during tea time. Decade-long time jumps happen without fanfare, but lots of pages devoted to lambing, the weather, and the color of Meggie’s hair. The sexual politics are retrograde (every woman eventually gets taught a lesson by man or God and learns to accept her lot), but the mental gymnastics of having a priest’s secret bastard son as a way of saying fuck you to God? That’s drag, honey!

If I weren’t currently busy at work with an endless pile of mindlessly repetitive tasks, I don’t know that I would have gotten through this 26 hour audiobook. If I could reboot this miniseries, it would star an AI, de-aged Geena Davis from Beetlejuice, and Sir Justin Baldoni as Father Ralph.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

Duh, of course Amy is the Favorite Person this month. She helped kicked this whole thing off by being my very first Favorite Person ever! Because she’s perfect in every way I asked her to give an updated version of her Favorite Things and you’ll find them below this beautiful photo of my beautiful friend.

• Melissa Clark’s Banana Snacking Cake With Salted Caramel Glaze - the best use for necrotic bananas. Follow one of the commenter’s tips and roast your bananas at 350° for 15 minutes first.

• Tom And Lorenzo - A longtime fashion and pop culture blog run by married couple Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo Marquez, who are probably best known for their Mad Style series, a close reading of the costumes of Mad Men.Tom and Lorenzo saved me from having to go to grad school; anything I would have wanted to learn about cultural criticism or the semiotics of red carpet fashion, I learned from them. I also highly recommend their book Legendary Children, which breaks down how every aspect of Ru Paul’s Drag Race is a loving nod to queer culture and history.

• OyBar - One of my favorite restaurants in LA. Great food set in a former dive bar. Get the Spicy Noodz with Shrimp.

• 101 Dalmatians (1961) - I just love the art and design of this movie. It feels so mod and modern and doesn’t really look like any other movie. Watch this scene of Pongo watching dogs and their owners and tell me it’s not culture. This woman is giving Hermes.

• David Lance Goines - My parents had this ‘America’ print framed in their bedroom and I always loved it without really ever knowing anything about it, or who the artist was. I only discovered who Goines was after his death in 2023 and I thought huh, his work reminds me of that print from childhood. Lo and behold, Goines is basically the artist laureate of the Bay Area, creating prints for local businesses, departments at UC Berkeley, and most famously, Chez Panisse. I own a few of his prints now, and they really make a Bay Area house a home.

• AMC’s Interview with a Vampire - Not enough people are watching this show! It takes all the homoerotic subtext of the book and makes it text. The show is pure velvet, lust, and camp. The writing is more poetic and grandiose than it has any right to be. If you don’t care about vampires (and I don’t), maybe you’ll be more tempted by an unreliable narrator drawing you into a tale an interracial queer couple who are so toxic and codependent that one LITERALLY CREATED THE OTHER.

• Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 sneakers - I feel like all the cool girls are wearing Adidas Sambas now, but I was in high school when Kill Bill came out, so Mexico 66 will always be The Sneaker to me.

• The Ask Ronna podcast - Remember the Hebrew National catchphrase, “we answer to a higher authority”? That’s how I feel about the Ask Ronna podcast. Everyone has a favorite advice podcast, and this is mine. Host Ronna Glickman is the acerbic creation of comedian Jessica Chaffin, and Bryan is Bryan Safi. Ronna is a Jewish New Englander of a certain age with exacting taste and uncanny insight. She is great at picking up what letter writers aren’t saying, and she has no qualms about letting letter writers know when they need to edit, or stop sending emails in the heat of the moment from their parked cars. Bryan balances out Ronna’s bite as the resident sweetheart and fruit.

Before I began writing this, I thought critically of where my appreciation of moms came from. Of course I am descended from the legend herself. The older I get, the more I realize how lucky I am to feel so secure in my mother’s love. My mom is a true lioness and I have never doubted that she would do anything for me.

What a privilege!

Growing up as the youngest child sometimes felt like I had 3 moms instead of 2 sisters. I was raised in a household where feminine energy reigned supreme and it makes sense why almost all of my friends are women.

My appreciation for maternal figures grew in elementary school on field trips. I was placed in the carpools with the other boys, who happened to be my bullies. I always volunteered to sit in the front seat with the driver, usually one of my peer’s mom. I felt safe up there because I knew they wouldn’t make fun of me in front of a parent, but I also sincerely enjoyed the company. I was ingesting media way beyond my years and I loved talking about the most recent episode of Six Feet Under with the mother of my bully.

Years later when deciding which path I wanted to take as a professional in the horse industry, I gravitated towards the moms. Although I enjoyed my experiences with stallions as an undergraduate, I found them to be too sensitive and dramatic. The broodmares were more my speed and I’ve been a mare-man since.

I dedicate this edition of the newsletter to all the moms out there. I appreciate you and I hope you feel all the love you deserve today.

May Book Reviews

I wrote this newsletter in April before Collin and I left for our honeymoon so I have no idea if I’ve read any books so far in May. Here is where I was at the end of April, book-wise:

• I just DNF’ed Stag Dance by Torrey Peters. Not for me, but I think I’d still recommend it if people are in the mood for a slice of interesting trans literature.

• The following books are loaded onto my kindle:

  • Dead Man’s Walk

  • The Horse

  • Homeseeking

• I anticipate I’ll find a bookstore somewhere during my trip and I love getting a paperback as a souvenir. I’ll report back.

• I was gifted an advanced release copy of The New Emotional Intelligence and I absolutely loved it. Full disclosure: I am the author’s best friend. It’s important that I make it clear that I’m his best friend and he is not mine. Please buy a copy and let me know whether or not you think Alberto deserved that project on page 226.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

As a special Mothers’ Day treat, we have several Favorite People this month. Some of my most supportive readers of this newsletter are the moms of my friends. Writing this makes me feel vulnerable sometimes, but I know I will always have a few readers who are cheering me on.

You get to meet some of those readers today.

Favorite Person 1: Jo, Jayne’s mom
Favorite memory of Jo: I turned 30 during COVID and spent the day socially distant from Jayne on a beach in Goleta. Halfway through our picnic, Jo and her husband rode in on bikes and sang happy birthday to me. A wonder and a delight.
Jo’s Favorite Things in her own words:

Before I begin I must say that my most FAVORITE thing in the whole wide world is being Nana to my grandson, Elwood. I won’t bore you with the details of how much fun it is spending my mornings at the park, or reading him stories, or doing science experiments, or….sorry, I get carried away. Here goes with some of my 5 Favorite Things:

• My YaYas and my NittWitts: I am truly blessed with many friendships. The YaYas are friends from elementary and high school and we get together as often as we can and laugh our asses off every time. My NittWitts group was formed in my early 40’s and we meet for coffee every Friday, we have game nights, dinners, and annual trips. They say that remaining socially active can potentially delay the onset of dementia, so my brain should be pretty darn strong! My advice to all you young people out there as you embark on new relationships is to always keep your friends close!

• Physical copy of a book: Nothing beats the feel and smell of a real book. I haven’t succumbed to a Kindle yet, and I won’t say NEVER, but I still love going to the library and choosing a book to read. I MUST have a book on my nightstand and at least two in waiting! (Alberto, I LOVE reading your Book Reviews! Thanks for the ideas on what to read next!) And while I’m reading, there must be some dark chocolate nearby–preferably a Sees California Brittle, please and thank you!

• Pickleball: I play pickleball every Sunday morning and it’s SO much fun!! It’s a great way to exercise and get out some pent-up energy when you whack the heck out of the ball. We’re loud and so not serious and we end up doubled over with laughter every week. If you haven’t tried it yet, I encourage you to do so. Friday coffee and Sunday pickleball are my therapy sessions!

• Cozy pajamas and Hallmark Christmas movies and Real Housewives with Jayne: I love the winter weather and cozying up in my flannel pajamas to watch one of those (yes, I know, VERY cheesy) Hallmark movies. I can’t help myself. Sheesh, don’t people know how comforting it is to know that everyone and everything is going to be alright in the end? Give me cheesy, please! And then there are The Real Housewives—dear god, they are so incredibly UNreal, however, watching them with my daughter Jayne and laughing over the ridiculousness of their lives is one of my favorite things to do.

• The Muppets: Bottom line—they make me happy. And now that I have my grandson, they are singing once again in our house. I mean, if your heart doesn’t melt when you hear Kermit the Frog singing “Rainbow Connection” while strumming his banjo by a lake, if you don’t laugh while Fozzie Bear is singing “Movin’ Right Along” or cry while Gonzo sings “I’m Going To Go Back There Someday”, then do you even have a soul? Check them out if you ever need a lift!

That’s it. That’s me in a nutshell! I love you, Alberto!!

Favorite Person 2: Rita, Jana’s mom
Favorite memory of Rita: Rita hosted us for night 1 of Hanukkah 2023 and we were so honored to feel like a part of the family. She sent us all home with rice bowls and gave a beautiful speech about how powerful it can be when you embrace finding the joy in simple pleasures.
Rita’s Favorite Things in her own words:

This is such a wonderful surprise—asked to be a part of the May newsletter! Thank you Alberto, hugs to both you and Collin. I’m a lucky mom that you came into our lives through Jana.

• Retirement: I’ll just say a few things about pre-retirement. I’m very proud of my career accomplishments. There were opportunities to grow, become more sensitive, become bolder, become wiser and prepare myself to say “it’s time to pack it up.” Retirement, which commenced February 1, 2020 at the start of COVID lockdown, has given me time to be more reflective. To nurture all the aspects of my life that are truly important. Hence, my list of favorite things continues…..

• The things I’ve not deleted from my life since college:

  • Oil of Olay–the original stuff. This lotion is my old friend. A day doesn't start without it. This was a budget splurge when I was in my 20’s. Now, in my 60’s its a simple pleasure connecting me to my youth and all the times I’ve lived.

  • Birkenstocks: I haven’t been without a pair since 1978. I wore that first pair for 10 years (a confession: I wore that pair when I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. Horrifying, I know. I flushed red when the bride reminded me of that years ago). Ah well, poor college student faux paux. I did wear Birkenstocks to both of my daughters' weddings, no regrets!

  • Letters from my father: No cell phones in 1977. My dad was a diligent letter writer. When my dad retired in 1977 he, my mom and 4 younger siblings moved to Washington State from our home in California. I remained in California to complete my college degree. My dad posted letters once or twice a week to me. He died in August of 1980, too young, too soon. It took about 30 years before I could open and revisit his ‘news.’ So glad I kept these treasures.

  • My husband Jeff: Yes, I’ve kept him since college too! For close to 45 years we’ve known each other, been married nearing 41 years. He’s been my biggest cheerleader, best friend, best husband, father and Pop Pop to our grandkids. Marriage is hard sometimes, the stresses of work, family and homelife can wear thin but Jeff has stood by me through it all. I could write (should write) a book of his many talents. He’s the best handyman (no drain he can’t unclog, no repair too daunting). He’s an artist, a woodworking genius. He’s a landscape designer. Our backyard became a gorgeous wedding venue for both of our daughters because of his vision and muscle. Everything important to me is the direct result of the love Jeff has for me. I’m very fortunate that the universe managed to bring us together all those years ago. I love you Jeff!

• Watering my garden: My birthday is in July. I’m a Cancer. I’m the ultimate homebody. I’m not one to wake up and choose adventure. I’m pretty linear. I take my time making decisions–where to travel, paint color, a new couch. I do my best thinking while watering the garden. I love watering my garden. Like weeding, watering is my ‘church’. I do my best thinking when I’m in the yard. It’s wondrous to watch trees bloom, produce fruit, identify new shoots and blossoms. I’m filled with joy when I can share a strawberry, a loquat, and scatter seeds with my granddaughter. I love that she reminds me that the Ficus in my backyard was climbed by her mommy when her mommy was young. I’m a homebody surrounded by friends and family that make me feel loved and valued. I hope I give as much to all of them.. My daughter Jana drove a 1998 Honda CRV through college. I’ll finish up my share with the words emblazoned on her spare tire cover: Life Is Good!

Favorite Person 3: Carolyn, Crista’s mom
Favorite memory of Carolyn: Carolyn and I met for dinner and drinks when I was traveling in Temecula for work. We spent the night talking about books, life as professionals in education, and the new guy I had just started dating named Collin.

Carolyn’s Favorite Things in her own words:

• College Friendships Which Become Lifetime Friendships: It is amazing that people you meet in college become lifetime friends who continue to share common values, interests, and adventures. College is that awkward time when you don’t know ANYTHING about yourself or your identity, yet somehow you manage to glom on to some new people and they become your lifeline to discovering yourself. These people know your best and your worst, yet they stick by you anyway. I recently had a reunion with two of my favorite college roommates/friends. The comfort level, conversations, and camaraderie felt like ZERO years had passed since we were in college together (when it had actually been 42 years!). Soon after, I attended my daughter’s wedding where she was surrounded by the love and support of her UC Davis LitFam college friends. One of her first UC Davis besties, the one and only Alberto, was the fabulous officiant. My heart warmed as I realized THIS was one of my very favorite things– knowing that your children have developed these same supportive friendships.

• Loving AND liking your kidults: As a parent of three children, I have ALWAYS loved my kids. They are my world. But sometime after the development of their frontal cortexes (26+), I was sitting around the firepit in my backyard listening to them converse, and I realized: I not only LOVE my kids, but I LIKE them too! When you WANT to hang around your own kids because they turned into the kind of people you and your late husband loved , it is a pretty cool thing. I saw this quote on Instagram and it instantly resonated.

• Chai tea (not Chai Lattes): One of my favorite things is CHAI TEA. I do not like the sugary, milky lattes, just a really strong, spicy Chai brewed tea. I could drink it all day. The warmth, the smell, the comfort, and the caffeine fuels me. It is much better when it is loose leaf tea brewed hot!

• Puzzle Boards: My mom loved jigsaw puzzles. My daughter loves jigsaw puzzles. I wanted to love them too, but hated that my whole dining room table was consumed by the puzzle until I was finished with it. As a result, I never loved them enough to actually do them….UNTIL my daughter introduced me to PUZZLE BOARDS! Now I can move my puzzle outside, to the floor, to a couch, to another room! It slants, it has sorting drawers, and it swivels. It is the gateway drug to loving jigsaw puzzles! I can complete 3-4 pieces a day and don’t feel the need to get it done quickly or put it back in the box when company comes. A life-changing, completely unnecessary luxury.

• Trees: Trees are one of my favorite things. I need to be near trees. They are my oxygen, my soul-refreshers, my green fuel. I especially love forests of great-smelling pine trees, but any trees will do. I have a park near my house with many large, developed trees. During covid virtual on-line teaching, I would walk to that park to get a break from staring at a classroom of students on a computer. I would soak in those green tree leaves glistening in the golden sunshine and refresh my entire being. Hiking or camping under trees is my idea of complete and utter zen.

Favorite Person 4: Robin, Emily’s aunt
Favorite memory of Robin: Robin, Collin, and I rocked the dance floor at Emily and Chris’s wonderful wedding. It was a powerful manifestation of joy and is easily one of the top 3 wedding dance floors I’ve ever had the pleasure of destroying.

Robin’s Favorite Things in her own words:

I’m tickled pink to be considered one of Alberto’s favorite people and delighted he asked me to share my favorite things! One of my fondest/funnest (fundest?) memories is dancing with Alberto & Collin at my niece’s wedding. It was epic.

I look forward to discovering the new - whether it be a book (thank you for the detailed recs BTW) or a restaurant or some other item that I don’t need but once seen, I MUST have. Insta and TikTok Shop have got my number. Credit card number, that is! Without further ado, here are some of my favorite things (in no particular order):

• Hugs: Years ago, I read that hugs can have a profound healing effect physically and mentally, and science confirms it. Hugs release oxytocin which promotes feelings of trust, connection and well-being. Who doesn’t want that? I used to just open my arms and dive toward folks, but once a person literally flinched..yikes! Now I ask “are you a hugger” before leaning in for one. I love giving hugs, because then I get hugs. Physical touch is one of my love languages and I’m a fierce hugger.

• Games: Board, trivia, card, dice, I like just about ANY kind of game, and believe it or not, I’m not competitive. I don’t care if I win, I just like to play. In our current rotation: Catan . Family and friends all play, and last year I taught my grandson to play (he was 9). In turn, he’s teaching my daughter and her partner. Next, Cribbage. A classic! A GF friend taught me years ago, then proceeded to steal my nobs every time we played. IYKYK. Jackbox Games is/are another family favorite. The Party Packs are a variety of online games, fun for multiple participants. Slick, funny, topical. They’re a blast! (Sometimes more fun with a bit of “social lubrication.”

• Family: My birth family is small. I never met anyone on my birth father’s side, and we weren’t close with my stepdad’s relatives either. When my family gets together, we don’t usually plan activities. We’d rather just hang out and talk and play games and just BE with each other. For me, there’s nothing better. We’re fortunate to be very close to each other and supportive of one another. With marriages, in-laws, kids and grandkids, our small family is growing, and it can be overwhelming to be part of a BIG family, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

• Cooking: Over the years, I’ve gotten to be a pretty good cook (IMHO), and I enjoy it for several reasons. a) I like to eat tasty food, so I make tasty food, b) as a recovering control freak and a neuro-spicy person, it’s a way of following instructions, putting things in order, and making something out of seemingly random ingredients. Follow a recipe. Taste. Maybe a bit more of this or that? These are things I CAN control. c) Cooking is also my way of showing people I care. Best ingredient? Love.

• Animals: Owning them, caring for ours, caring for others’, watching animal documentaries, reading about rare animals in books or on the internet, getting to pet good doggos on the hiking trail, watching funny videos of crazy kitten antics, fainting goats, cat or dog videos with voice-overs? Yes please. I’m equally delighted by pics of someone’s dog OR child. My nephew’s wife is a zookeeper at the Oakland Zoo, so I’ve been privileged to enjoy some “behind the scenes” tours and even got to hand feed ringtail lemurs! (It was absolutely wonderful!)

Looking over this list, I see that I need connection and community. I’m fortunate to have both.

Favorite Person 5: Pam, Kevin’s mom
Favorite memory of Pam: One time I came over to her house to meet a carpool to Lake Tahoe. Pam and I sat at the kitchen table for awhile and chatted about things I can’t even remember now. All I remember is walking away from that interaction feeling Pam’s radiant love and warmth.
Pam’s Favorite Things in her own words:

• Being a Grandma: Simply the best gig around! I get all the cuddles, the laughs, and those heart melting hugs, without the all-nighters and endless laundry. Getting to be part of my son and daughter-in-law’s parenting journey has been incredibly special. From the moment they brought that tiny bundle home, I was hooked. I’ve soaked up every newborn snuggle, every sleepy nap on my chest, the first giggles, the toddling steps that turned into running. But the cherry on top? Hearing him shout “Grandma!” and run straight into my arms for a big hug. My heart? Melts. Every. Single. Time.

• Flowers: There’s something about flowers that always brings a smile to my face. Whether I’m picking fresh blooms from my garden or grabbing a vibrant bouquet from the store, they instantly brighten my day. Having flowers in my home lifts my mood and adds a warm, welcoming touch. I also find gardening satisfying, especially in the spring when I’m planting colorful annuals and watching my outdoor space come to life.

• Reading: Few things compare to being utterly absorbed in a good book. When I find the time, I love sitting on my patio with my feet up, enjoying a captivating story— it’s the ultimate way to relax. Of course, Sunday afternoons can be a bit challenging with the busy park nearby and the boom boxes blasting in the background! Still, reading is one of my favorite ways to unwind. There's nothing better than a book that keeps me hooked until the very end.

• Coffee: My morning ritual isn’t complete without a large cup of coffee, the newspaper, and tackling the Jumble, Wordle and Connections. There's something about solving those puzzles that feels like the perfect mental warm-up to the day. Of course, I’m not much for conversation before my first cup—don’t even try to talk to me! The quiet time with my coffee, the paper and a few puzzles, helps me get ready for whatever the day may bring.

• Shoes with Arch Support – After years of wearing heels, flip-flops, and completely unsupportive flats, I’ve finally reached the point where arch support is everything. Turns out, I have super high arches, and without proper support, my feet basically go on strike. Thankfully, I’m not alone and thank goodness designers are finally catching on! Whether it’s a growing trend or I’ve just started paying attention, I’m seeing more and more cute, stylish shoes that actually support your feet. I’m thrilled every time I find a pair that’s both cute and comfortable—it feels like striking gold.

I’ve been existing in a corporeal form in our present reality and sometimes that really takes it out of you. I had something ready to be published at the end of March, but decided I didn’t want it on the internet forever. Everything doesn’t need to be talked about*!

This is a fun creative outlet for me, but ultimately it’s not that deep and the deadlines I put on myself are imaginary. Giving myself the permission to push back the release date of my online diary was a delicious treat and I’d rather say nothing than post something on the internet that I can’t take back.

The phrase that begins Zadie Smith’s novel Swing Time has been my personal mantra ever since I read the book in 2017.

When the music changes, so does the dance.

This phrase has swirled around in my brain for years but it’s been stuck at the forefront of my mind for the last few weeks.

I cannot control the playlist of 2025, but I know I’ll be okay. I’m an excellent dancer.

March and April Book Reviews

Here: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: This graphic novel was stunning and there were probably only 2 paragraphs worth of dialogue throughout the whole book. I immediately read it again once I had finished it and I loved seeing all the details I had missed the first time through.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever wondered what a place looked like before urban development; anyone whose house feels like a member of the family.

Medium of the book: Hardcover, borrowed from the library. I will eventually buy a copy of this book because I want it on my shelves forever.

Judging a book by its cover: Inviting and intriguing. I like it.

The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: This book read like fiction, but is incredibly true. I’m not fond of non-fiction usually but this is one of the best I’ve ever read because of how captivating and well-researched this book is. I would assign this book as summer reading if I were a world history teacher.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who ever did a semester at sea; anyone who wonders about how accurate history is; anyone who’s ever romanticized a life at sea; anyone who is stubborn and needs to learn that sometimes it’s okay to give up on things.

Medium of the book: a hardcover that Steph bought for me from a very cute bookstore! What a perfect day and I will treasure this book forever because it reminds me of it.

Judging a book by its cover: Accurately describes the vibe of the book. Whenever I see art from this era of history I just imagine what everything must have smelled like and it makes me thankful to exist when I do.

Rejection: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: The first two chapters of this satire were so good, but it really lost me after that. I had to stop listening to this book several times so I could scream because the second-hand embarrassment was too much for me. The ending made me roll my eyes because it was so self-indulgent.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who enjoys cringe media; anyone who desperately needs to get laid.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Fine. There’s nothing much to it.

Lonesome Dove: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Every character in this book had depth. They felt like real people and I missed them as soon as the book ended. Even the horses had character development! My favorite character was Hell Bitch the horse. Hell yeah. Hell Bitch. I loved you the most.

This book was 858 pages long and is one of the longest books I’ve ever read. I will treasure the paperback copy I have of it because it was my travel companion for several iconic trips. I started this book on a trip to SF when we gave glory to Gloria (RIP legend). I finished this book during Crista’s wedding weekend. A lot of life happened while reading this book and those memories have soaked into the pages.

Who I’d recommend this book to: people who like character-driven stories; anyone who ever wanted to be a cowboy; people who like Stephen King books (this is his favorite book).

Medium of the book: paperback

Judging a book by its cover: I love the burnt red color of the spine and the photo of the cowboys on the front. I would stare at them when taking breaks from reading and imagine what characters they were.

Dark Horses: 5 stars

What I liked about this book: This book is written by one of my former bosses. Mr. Hancock owns the farm I worked at in Kentucky. He is a famous storyteller and I’m so happy he wrote a book to compile all of his stories in one place.

Mr. Hancock has lived many lives and has been one of my role models since we met in 2014. He has crossed paths with so many people (I’m glad his story about Queen Elizabeth’s mother made it in the book) and I feel lucky that one of the paths he has crossed has been mine.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who can read a book with a Kentucky accent in mind as that is the best way to enjoy this book, in my opinion; anyone interested in American horse racing history; anyone who has ever worked at Stone Farm.

Medium of the book: paperback

Judging a book by its cover: Love it. I am positive this photo was taken on the farm because I was lucky enough to see beautiful images like that on a daily basis when I lived there.

Harriet Tubman: Live in Concert: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: This book made me laugh out loud and taught me more about the Underground Railroad than I ever learned in school. I would include this in the curriculum in the universe where I’m a high school American history teacher. The only other book I’ve said that about it Demon Copperhead.

Who I’d recommend this book to: every American in 2025.

Medium of the book: audiobook! Highly recommend this medium. Bob the Drag Queen narrates it themselves and it was a great listening experience.

Judging a book by its cover: I think it’s fine.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I can confidently say I’ve read over 15,000 applications at this point in my career. None of those applications ever said, “I have wanted to become an admissions counselor since I was a child.”

The admissions office is full of people whose lives have taken interesting turns. Amongst the coworkers I’ve had over the years, I’ve shared cubicle walls with people who in their past lives have been:

• a Chilean ballerina

• a 49ers cheerleader

• a FedEx manager

• a gymnast

• a bank manager

• an army veteran

• an elementary school teacher

• a vacuum salesperson

And then there’s Pete. Pete, who got into international higher education because his gig as a drummer on a cruise ship got postponed. And that’s the least interesting thing about him!

Pete is a ray of sunshine in human form. There are few people who I think make me look like a rain cloud by comparison, but he is one of them. His kindness and warmth are so bright that it takes people a beat or two to realize, “wow, Pete is really just that nice.”

Developing a friendship with him has been an unexpected gift, especially since we’ve been located across the state from each other the whole time. He is one of my favorite people to see on campus when I’m there and I always savor our walks from my hotel to our office.

Although Pete and I work in the same department and work together often, we have very different experiences when we’re traveling for work. While I’m speaking to hundreds of students in high school cafeterias throughout Southern California, he’s on live TV in Shanghai.

Pete is moving to Southeast Asia soon because he’s cooler than all of us and I’m going to miss him very much. I’m so glad our paths crossed in the wonderfully weird career field we found ourselves in and I’m so glad he agreed to be a Favorite Person.

Please enjoy Pete’s Favorite Things in his own words:

Peloton: As a fan of being needlessly overdramatic, peloton changed my life. I’ve been a long time distance runner and cyclist but, with two young kids at home, it was no longer possible to be gone for two hours at a time every day. Enter peloton! It’s the only exercise I’ve found that provides the same level of challenge, comfort, and training as free running/ cycling outdoors. Peloton has allowed me to be more present at home without sacrificing exercise habits and routines. I’m literally writing this post while on my peloton. (Team Matt btw)

the Stuff You Should Know podcast: Looking for a new podcast rec? I will talk endlessly about this show to anyone that will listen. The hosts present on various topics spanning genres and do so in a light-hearted and (most importantly) dad-jokey way. If you’re looking for a good place to start, I’d recommend one of their most recent episodes: Ken Philby: Greatest Liar of All Time

Garmin: Another fitness related shout-out and without a doubt an accessory that would be included in the Barbie rendition of Pete Smith. My partner (Thu) gifted the Fenix 7x Sapphire Solar watch to me a few years back and I think I’ve worn it religiously every day since. This bad boy has it all. Sweat loss estimate? (Gross) Average stride length? (Nice) Average vertical oscillation? (Unnecessary). The amount of data this watch collects during workouts makes post-workout recovery that much more exciting.

Nugget: A local (NorCal) grocery chain, roughly equivalent to a Whole Foods. A visit here is one of those small mundane errands that sparks joy for the whole family. Everyone has found a different reason to look forward it — for me: the snacks, for Thu: fresh, locally-sourced foods, Charlie: the bakery, Audrey: the attention she gets for being a baby. I’ll take the kids to the Nugget breakfast hot bar weekly as part of our Saturday morning routine. Food rec from our 3 year old: breakfast bar French toast.

Davis, California: Our family moved to California, sight unseen, from South Korea. We had no idea where to even begin looking for homes. Fortunately, we love the city we landed in, Vacaville. However, I remember the day we just happened upon the city of Davis on one weekend excursion. It blew our minds. We loved everything about it: the youthfulness, the small-town feel, bicycles everywhere, the number of young families, great food options, farm animals(!), the list goes on and on. You can feel the sense of community the moment you arrive. Thanks to continuous recommendations from friends (shout-out to Alberto!), we often joke that we spend more time in Davis than we do in Vacaville. If you have never been, it’s well worth a visit.

Durian: Objectively the best food in the world. Durian is internationally infamous for being banned in taxis and hotels around Southeast Asia due to its fantastically pungent scent. It’s a custard-like fruit that comes in a weapon of a husk. Imagine if you crossed a watermelon with Bowser from Mario. That’s exactly what it looks like AND tastes like. It’s hailed as the “king of fruit” in Asia and for good reason. Want to give it a try? Costcos around California typically have them stocked in the deep-freeze dessert section, next to the ice cream. If that’s not telling, I don’t know what is.

Disney +: Disney isn’t making the list because I’m a die hard fanatic or anything, but just because it’s been a great weekend treat for the kids. It has also been a wonderful dose of nostalgia sharing some of my childhood favorites with Charlie and Audrey. Aladdin is a huge hit in the Smith house.

Libby: I can’t remember if it was Alberto or Jessica who originally turned me on to Libby but it has leveled up my book completion rate like no other. It’s an app that gives you access to all digital books (audio and print) at your local libraries. Purchasing audio books was always outside of our budget, so being able to freely access thousands of titles at any time has been great for our wallet and also for increasing our literature consumption.

Mezzo: If I am working in the office in Berkeley, there is no question where I’ll be for lunch. I’ve been going to campus regularly for nearly four years now and I can count on one hand the number of times I ate lunch somewhere other than mezzo. The salads at this restaurant are out of control and could easily feed a whole family. Does that stop me from finishing one myself every time? Absolutely not. Champions don’t give up.

Amore Pacific botanical hydrating fluid: If you told me a year ago that a Korean skincare product would be on this list, I would’ve never believed you. But here we are. Thu runs a Korean cosmetics business and has always been encouraging me to take better care of my skin. I’m not going to pretend like I know what botanical hydrating fluid is, but whatever it does leaves my skin feeling fantastic post-shower. (Selfless plug for all of your skin care needs: smithtran.com)

Even as the world burns around us in the dumbest ways, what keeps me going are the moments of joy sprinkled throughout every day.

Every day is an opportunity to live deliciously. Living deliciously looked like the following this month:

• eating an entire box of Tate’s Bake Shop Chocolate Chip Cookies with a face mask on in my hotel room

• using Collin’s back massager on Martini

• asking the DJ at Nathan and Vanessa’s wedding to play Abracadabra and subsequently losing our shit on the dance floor with Martha and Franny

• feasting at Chili’s with Billie and Cameron

• spending an entire day with Collin doing what they write love songs about

• going to a writer’s open-mic night and reading Propagation in front of dozens of strangers

• getting beers after book club with new friends

• eating pizza and watching reality TV with my sister and her entire family on the same couch

• giggling on the phone with people from all over the country

Please take a moment and reflect on how you lived deliciously this month.

Inhale. Exhale. That’s the good stuff.

Now, please send me a screenshot of the meanest text you sent this month.

February Book Reviews

Pure Innocent Fun: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was fine. I agree with around 50% of Ira’s takes, but what lost the stars for me was how choppy the audiobook experience was. The rhythym of the reading was rough, which was a suprise since this was written by a podcaster. I used to be a devout Keep It! listener but they lost me after Kara left.

Who I’d recommend this book to: listeners of Keep It!; people who liked the soap Passions; anyone who is the most annoying member of a friend group.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Truly fine, deeply whatever.

Piglet: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: this book made me feel seen in a way I have never read in a book before. This book was absolutely delicious, but also made me squeal with second-hand embarassment. I have been Piglet before, both the good and the bad.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who enjoys window shopping at Sur La Table or Williams Sonoma; anyone who has ever eaten emotionally; anyone who can appreciate fine dining and the Chili’s Triple Dipper appetizer.

Medium of the book: Collin’s hardcover copy

Judging a book by its cover: Gorgeous and haunting within the context of the novel.

We'll Prescribe You a Cat: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: I think a lot of the world’s problems would be solved if we prescribed more cats. Whimsical, charming, and lovely.

Who I’d recommend this book to: cat people; anyone with a trip planned to Kyoto;

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: OBSESSED! How could I not love a book with my own cat on the cover?

Butter: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: Everything! This was the literary equivalent of cooking something low and slow. It has inspired so many meals and it made me even more excited to visit Japan.

What made this such a satisfying read was the balance of themes throughout the story. This is a book about shame, grief, gluttony, the patriarchy, and feminine pecking orders.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who knows Kerrygold butter is always worth it; anyone who’s ever received an unsolicited comment about their body; people who learned how to cook as adults; anyone looking for a change.

Medium of the book: Paperback

Judging a book by its cover: OH, THIS BOOK WAS A DELIGHT OF SENSORY PLEASURE. I think the cover art is beautiful and the blood and butter graphics have a satisfying sheen on them. This book was a good size, both my dimension and weight. Heft with a sturdy spine.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

February 2025 is the month of Simone. How decadent! What a treat for us all.

You met her earlier this month when she wrote the very first guest edition of Well-Read and Overfed. I was blown away when she shared it with me and I immediately called Collin to thank him for bringing Simone into my life.

I’ve described some Favorite People in the past as aspirational and I extend the same adjective to Simone. She is the coolest girl in every room she enters. She is what happens when a witch turns a chic cashmere sweater with a fun print into a person. That sentient chic-as-fuck sweater is Simone.

Now please enjoy her Favorite Things (Original Flavor) after this gorgeous photo of her.

If you are reading this newsletter, you probably already know that Alberto has a knack for making you feel like you are the most interesting and important person in the room, no matter how long he spends with you, no matter the circumstance, no matter anything. It is a talent I am studying and attempting to cultivate as beautifully. That said, because I believe I am so interesting to Alberto and vicariously to all of his fans, this list is extremely long and self-indulgent. This is the significantly pared-down and theme-sorted version, if you’ll believe it. Let’s go:

Routine

The NYT Games: The correct order is Connections, Wordle, Strands, then the Mini. Gotta start and end strong. I’ll throw Worldle in sometimes, too.

Specialty Coffee: I worked at one uh them third wave coffee shops during my gap year. It instilled in me a snootiness inescapable to no one more than myself. I have an incredible partner who wakes up to make me a pourover at 5:30am Tuesday through Saturday, despite his much more normal work schedule. Needless to say, he is one of my favorite things. Other than him, my coffee setup is a good scale with a timer, a burr grinder, electric gooseneck kettle, Kalita wave, and vacuum-insulated travel mug. I also inherited a Breville Barista Express from someone moving out of town, but rarely use it. It’ll never be as good as the shot someone spent all morning dialing in on a machine worth as much as my car. But when the cortado craving hits (you’ll need this steam pitcher) or I want a proper espresso martini, it’s nice to have this best-reviewed home espresso machine.

Pen and Paper: The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember.” HAH. And if you think I have the object permanence to recall something I put in the notes app, you are a fool. I steal lined, 4x6 sticky notes from work, and here’s my favorite 0.38mm ballpoint pen if you’re interested.

Vitamin C Facial Products: This cream is pretty solid and is often discounted at Costco, and this serum got rid of my melasma. However, this NourishMax serum (part of a set of products my mom got me for Christmas) is, as they say, goated with the rizz. I normally love The Ordinary, but their serum made my face burn for some reason. Beware.

Home

I want walking into my apartment to feel like a hearty exhale. I have built my sanctuary not unlike a lizard terrarium. Lots of warm lights and plants and lounging areas. So, what is needed to build this?

Used Furniture: Currently, most of my furniture was found on the streets of San Francisco. The less-nice pieces I am slowly but surely replacing with FB Marketplace finds or bespoke items from my woodworker brother. The gaps are filled with Wayfair sales and Ikea. That said, all the furniture we need in the world has already been built. You just have to be patient and invest a teeny bit more for the quality, solid wood stuff that will last you the rest of your days. If you’re in the bay area, may I recommend thrifting at Poor Honey’s (affordable statement pieces), The Katz Meow (smaller items, fun to peruse), and Stuff (curated, pricey, beautiful).

Warm, Soft Lighting: You don’t have to ban the big light if you set it to orange and 15% brightness! Smartbulbs, plus a sunset lamp and recessed, warm-toned, under-cabinet light strips for the kitchen have made all my landlord-special apartments feel very luxe. Oh, and a rechargeable table lamp on the bathroom counter.

5-Disc CD Changer: Growing up in LA, the cool thing to do on a date – friend or romantic – was to hit up the Hollywood Amoeba (RIP). As such, I have an extensive CD collection. Rather than let all those go to waste when my boombox broke, I purchased a 5-disc CD changer from the Novato Goodwill and have never looked back. It’s hooked up to a Bose SoundLink speaker I got off ebay in college (discontinued, but better than any other speaker I’ve come across in this price range and still going strong over 10 years later). Benefits of a CD player in your home include: looking at your phone less, preventing randos from hijacking the aux at your function, and the transformative experience of listening to albums all the way through.

Hobby

A Sharp Chef’s Knife: Most of my hobbies are food adjacent, and I could say a lot about pickling, breadmaking, cocktail supplies, wine glass shapes, etc etc. But even if you have no interest in kitchen activities, you have to eat. Therefore, every home needs a decent quality, sharp, multipurpose knife. A dull knife is much more dangerous than a sharp one. Just invest in one good knife! I beg of you! This one has a great weight and quality for the price. It’s basically all I use and it’s all anyone needs. I store it on this magnetic knife rack with my bread knife and bench scraper. That’s it.

Cotopaxi 35L Backpack: I love to travel, but you will never catch me paying for a checked bag. I went to Europe for three weeks (twice) with just this beauty. Even the stingiest of budget airlines consider her a carry-on. She also makes a great weekend trip bag, has a lifetime warranty, is made relatively sustainably and ethically, is paranoia-proofed with zipper guards and minimal exposed pockets, and is comfy and ergonomic. Loml.

Postcards: Postcards are probably the most ubiquitous and affordable souvenir there is. I love them. I collect those trending toward the more stylized/artistic side and display them on a rotating basis in my home. I highly recommend becoming the postcard person. It forages connections, it sparks conversation, and it keeps alive the art of the hand-written note. Here are a few postcards I’ve been gifted on custom display shelves built by my brother (he found the medieval one for me while on tour – I recommend zooming in to inspect):

Golden Brick of Light: a love letter to salted Kerrygold Butter

If my years spent living in San Jose had a taste, it would be Kerrygold salted butter. That butter was the only thing that got me out of bed sometimes.

I had never dreamed of living in San Jose, but a professional opportunity (and a beautiful boy named Stephan) led me to the valley of silicone. It was nothing like I expected it to be and I began to withdraw into my studio apartment cave.

This was also around the time when I had two eye surgeries. Eye surgery is a terrible sensory experience and unfortunately I now know what my own eyeball burning smells like now. ANYWAYS,

I spent my time in recovery at my parents’ house and it was there that I was reintroduced to an old friend, the waffle iron.

Waffles soothed me while I sat on the couch with an eyepatch on. I made waffles for myself every morning and went through all of the nice butter my parents had stacked in the refrigerator. I was gifted a waffle iron for my birthday from my parents’ a few months later and that’s how the official Waffle Period started.

I consumed at least 2-3 waffles per week during the Waffle Period, which lasted around a year. Sometimes I’d make eggs and bacon, too, but more ofen than not it was just me sitting in my apartment alone, eating waffles covered in butter and listening to a podcast.

I made waffles for all of the men that visited me in that cave. Nothing says, “I have my shit together, please come back” quite like a waffle with nice butter.

Waffles and their butter were there for me when my texts went unanswered. Waffles and their butter were there for me when the initial cracks that eventually became canyons started to appear in a friendship. Waffles and their butter fueled me for an interview that changed my life.

Oh, delicious brick of Irish dairy science. You are the coolest girl in the kitchen and you are always worth the price.

I love how everyone interprets the prompt differently and reinvents the form in their own unique way. Today I am sharing my lovely friend Simone’s answer to the prompt. She came into my life through my husband, Collin. She was one of Collin’s friends that eventually became one of my own.

Because she’s an icon, she sent me two lists: her Original Flavor Favorite Things (which will be published at another time) and an emo version. I am so glad I created a space where the following story can be told.

Please enjoy Simone’s Favorite Thing in her own words below.

When Alberto hinted that I might be a future favorite person close to a year ago, I frantically started a notes app repository for my various material appreciations and obsessions, then started drafting my feature in December. With Christmas-list-making and gift shopping and white elephants galore, stuff was on my mind. I love stuff. And I don’t want to wax poetic or get holier than thou (because let’s be honest -- my proverbial soap box is Le Labo). But I do have something kind of serious to say, because I’m having a lot of feelings.

When so much of Altadena was leveled by the Eaton fire on January 8, I thought of that first Favorite Things draft – a Google drive full of enough Amazon links and consumerist buzz words to start a career in influencing. I valued (and value, present tense) my initial stab at the prompt as an exercise in gratitude. But perspective is a bitch, and she tainted it a little. Upon revisiting, I felt that achey, cloying, too-many-sweets feeling creeping into my gut.

Two of my uncles lost their homes that day. Their childhood home, which had been a gathering place for my family for over 60 years, burned as well. Though I myself had lost nothing tangible to the fires, I bounced around the five stages of grief like a pinball. As I draft this at hour 36 or so, my ball is swaying in the rut labeled “anger,” but that’s a writing exercise for another time. Today, I want to memorialize one of my favorite things in this universe: My grandparent’s house.

Disclaimer: This loss is no more important or devastating than any other incurred during this tragedy. In fact, my family will probably be able to rebuild in Altadena. Many cannot say the same. This is not a pity party; this is a celebration of what I had and a chronicle of a historic and meaningful (to me) building. Everyone is safe. Buildings are just buildings and stuff is just stuff. I hope that we can see all this as true as well as the following: Those buildings, that stuff represents people’s lives and everything they worked for. These are icons of a community. They hold memories, culture, history. Everyone is living just as complex and unique a life as everyone else. Those of us fortunate enough to collect places and things throughout that life know they serve as incredible influences, mile markers, and self-expressions.

With that, let’s talk about the Andrew McNally house, previously at 654 E. Mariposa Ave, Altadena, California.

In 1887, Andrew McNally, an Irish immigrant turned Chicago mapmaking tycoon who had recently made his fortune in publishing (Rand McNally company, anyone?) moved his family out west to California. Here, he commissioned Pasadena architect Frederick Roehrig to erect a beautiful Queen Anne style mansion to the tune of $15,000 (a little under $500k in today’s money).

Being more or less the first home in the area, the structure was easily designed to take advantage of the surrounding views of the Los Angeles Basin, the Pacific Ocean, Santa Catalina Island, and the San Gabriel Mountains. The property was huge with opulent landscaping. A row of deodar cedars eventually became Christmas Tree Lane, a beloved Altadena tradition which luckily made it (mostly) through the fires. An aviary was erected just behind the house and filled with exotic plants and birds.

McNally continued to add to the home as his fortune and eccentricism grew. After seeing a Turkish design exhibition at the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair, he had the whole damn thing shipped piecemeal to California to be attached to the east end of the house. This room, not so creatively named the Turkish room, boasted silk-lined ceilings and ornate furnishings. It was the jewel of an already exquisite estate.

In 1904, McNally died of pneumonia, and the property fell into a state of neglect before it was subdivided.

Between then and 1955, the history of this house is unclear to me. What I do know is that Altadena became a hotspot for ranchers and other business magnates from the Midwest, and in the ’50s, the nuclear family and housing boomed there like anywhere else. Being originally settled as a suburb of the affluent Pasadena (of JPL, Scientology, and Rose Parade fame), it was largely white. However, when the civil rights movement hit near mid-century, Altadena became a haven for black and latino families fleeing redlining. As more moved in, more space freed up from the “white flight.” As my dad and his four siblings tell it, Altadena was mostly made up of large, working-class families of many backgrounds when he was growing up in the ’60s and ’70s.

My story picks back up in 1955 when a young couple is looking to raise a growing family in Altadena. This couple, my grandparents, decided that a house in disrepair and headed for demolition was just their speed. Grampy (Frank, my grandfather), a Mr. Tire employee and avid tinkerer, could fix up just about anything and was a collector of curios. Honey (Jo, Johanna, my grandmother), an artistically inclined elementary school teacher, was an elegant navigator of chaos with a heap of spunk.

Honey’s protective nature and energy were never so apparent as in The Tale of the Attic Fire. The fire department was called and arrived on the scene, at which point they showed little motivation to protect the house they, like much of the neighborhood, had assumed was abandoned. They didn’t know how to get up to the attic and were taking their sweet time figuring it out. As the tale goes, Honey singlehandedly dragged the firehose up the three flights of stairs with that adrenaline-fueled supermom strength you hear about. When the firefighters saw her dedication, they hopped to. Almost ironic the way the house ended up going all these years later.

The house was a lifelong project for the Dupuys and held marks from the whole family. My own father painted groovy visuals on the attic ceiling in his youth, and the house always had a few framed pieces by him or my grandma hanging somewhere. The boys converted a back room into “the train room,” complete with model trains courtesy of Grampy, scaled-down papier mache mountains and tunnels, and hand-painted scenic backdrops on the walls. Bubbly indents in the Turkish room windows were reminders of neighborhood BB gun battles gone by. Honey’s green thumb, especially with orchids, always brightened up the aviary (the bird cage, as we called it), even in its somewhat dilapidated state. Oil blotches from the antique cars someone was always tinkering with marked the driveway, just beside a cousin’s tiny handprints in the concrete step. People knew the house from hosting Christmas parties, multi-family yard sales, Honey and Grampy’s 50th wedding anniversary bash, New Year’s Day feasts and naps, the list goes on. Not only were five kids raised there, but two grandkids later lived there as well, and an uncle ran his business out of the servant’s quarters (I know, what is this, Downton Abbey?) for years. The house rarely had fewer than three or four people in it, and often had up to 20 or 30.

Over all this time, the house got plenty of wear, but it was also meticulously protected and restored. Grampy scoured flea markets and yard sales for period-appropriate doorknobs and hinges. Honey covered the douglas fir flooring with green carpet for years. Not a great design choice, but it did keep it in mint condition (ba-dum-tss!). By the time my grandparents had passed, all 24 gas lamps and ornate steam radiators were in working order. Back in 2007, Honey had the home added to the Historical Register, meaning it could not be demolished or changed to some Millennial gray nightmare.

Since the home was so iconic and unique and also conveniently situated near-ish to film studios, Honey and Grampy were able to make some money in retirement by renting out parts of the home as sets. Some notable appearances:

• Elizabethtown -- very brief cameo, but, yes, Orlando Bloom stood where I stood

• Ghost Whisperer -- an episode in which the souls of a family who died of CO poisoning inhabit a dollhouse replica of the scene of the tragedy. All the radiators had to be covered for obvious reasons.

• The Good Place -- Remember that green carpet I mentioned? Jameela Jamil’s character even comments on its atrociousness.

• Our Flag Means Death -- Stede’s house (love Taika Waititi and Rhys Darby)

• Drunk History -- The first ladies episode used my grandparent’s bedroom in the rotunda as the Oval Office, among other things

• A Dos Equis “The Most Interesting Man in the World” commercial

• Hacks -- The most recent, and last, thing shot there, featuring the Turkish room

  

And then, before selling the home in 2021, the family got on a restoration show. The kitchen and laundry room, which had been updated with utilitarian linoleum floors and wallpaper, were completely redone to reflect the rest of the house’s 19th century charm.

When I heard my mom crying on the phone, I knew the house was gone before she said it. I walked through it in my mind. I spent so many nights falling asleep to the sound of Mariposa street that my subconscious knows the bus schedule. I know every crack in the back walkway (I learned it the hard way while learning to longboard). I know the best spots for hide and seek. I can smell my uncle’s office above the kitchen, its clean carpet and warm whirring machines. I can hear the ocean in the shells on the windowsill in the laundry room. My mouth puckers at the memory of a sun-warmed kumquat from the tree out back. I can feel the static dancing up my hair as I turn in my socks on the first stairway landing, right next to the squeakiest dowel in the banister.

The house wasn’t ours anymore. I hadn’t been there in a few years. I just kind of thought it would always be there. The new owners were taking beautiful care of the place and had plans to open it to the public eventually. I would have traded everything in my own childhood home to keep it. All of these things, all these memories and so many more, are my favorite things.

I read six books this month, which is a good indication of how often I felt the need to escape my present reality and slip into someone else’s perspective. Books are a great way to give your own internal monologue a break and I highly recommend you pick one up the next time you feel the need to doom scroll.

Once you’ve read a book, the next step I recommend is planning a B.B.B. - a Books and Bitching Brunch. You meet with a friend over brunch and discuss the books you’ve read and give each other the space to bitch about whatever you want.

My friend Sam and I created the B.B.B. in 2017 and it’s one of my favorite things in the world.

The horrors of 2025 will continue to reveal themselves throughout the year, but please remember to find the joy where you can. A B.B.B. is a great place to start and I’d happily join you if you need one.

Subscribe now

January Book Reviews

Interesting Facts about Space: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: This book made me feel better about never getting into the True Crime genre. I also liked the facts about space sprinkled throughout the book, which were genuinely interesting!

Who I’d recommend this book to: any anxious person who is into True Crime; people with complicated feelings towards half-siblings.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Boring! This book deserves a better cover.

Greta & Valdin: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: The best part about this book was its characters. I would happily read a book that focused on any of the people in this book. This book ended with more ambiguity than I expected, but I ultimately enjoyed it. Relationships are complicated and change just like the people in them. This captured that truth in a way that I found warm and optimistic.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who enjoys the Normal Gossip podcast; anyone who likes ambiguous endings.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: LOVE. I’d buy a big print of it and hang it prominently in my living room, hoping it conveys that I’m the kind of person that is happy to have fruits as dessert.

Orbital: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was not for me but the writing is objectively incredible. I listened to this for a book club and it won the Booker Prize last year, which I can see why.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who likes Outer Space; anyone who needs to remember we are nothing but a blip on this big blue circle.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Objectively beautiful. It should be the cover of a Calculus textbook.

Monstrilio: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: EVERYTHING. Wow, I loved this book. 2025 is the year of challenging myself and I picked this book up from the Horror aisle, a place I usually never go to. This book is body horror, queer liberation, and meditations on grief all at once.

There was only one scene I had to speedread through because it was too much for my delicate constitution.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever been turned into a monster by grief; Trendy gay men who have any of following city acronyms in their bios: CDMX, NYC, BER; anyone who wants to dip a toe into the Horror novel waters.

Medium of the book: Paperback

Judging a book by its cover: GORGEOUS. Perfect. Cunty ugliness.

Pony Confidential: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: There were more layers than I originally expected. I did not expect it to cover the American justice system and animal abuse in such critical ways, which was a pleasant surprise. This book dragged on for too long, though. It is an 11-hour audiobook and I think the story could’ve been condensed to 9 hours.

Who I’d recommend this book to: horse people.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: Cute, but I would’ve liked an image of the protagonist pony instead.

The Island of Missing Trees: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I always love a non-human narrator and this book has such a strong one. The story unfolded in an interesting way and I appreciated how much I learned about the history of Cyprus.

Who I’d recommend this book to: Anyone who talks to their plants; anyone who wants to learn about the Cyprus conflict; anyone who is trying to outrun their generational trauma.

Medium of the book: Paperback

Judging a book by its cover: I like it! Makes me want to eat a Fig Newton.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based on their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

Of course I had to have the co-founder of the B.B.B. as this month’s Favorite Person. World, I’m pleased to introduce you to Sam.

Sam and I met in college when she began dating Kevin. She clicked with all of us in the friend group immediately and I was so happy to see her on a regular basis. She immediately bypassed being my friend’s girlfriend and just became another friend.

I was relieved that she stayed local for law school so our friendship continued to grow post-undergrad. When I got dumped by my first boyfriend, she and Kevin took me out to the gay bars to lift my spirits.

We started at the Merc (every gay from Sacramento just shuddered reading that) and I had 2 Maker’s Mark on the rocks. When I chugged the second one, Sam gently said, “we all do what we have to cope.”

Two things stand about that night 11 years ago: how big of a mess I made in the tequila bar bathroom at the end of night and Sam’s love. It was a dark time of my life, but Sam’s friendship was the light that kept me going.

Years later we both found ourselves living in the Bay Area and the B.B.B. was invented. Sam’s taste in books most aligns with my own and I hold her recommendations in the highest regard. She gave me The Rachel Incident, which I have passed onto dozens of others because it’s one of my all-time favorites.

She also has excellent taste in brunch spots and I still dream about the rainbow potatoes we’ve shared at Kitchen Story. Sam is an icon, a forever friend, and now officially a Favorite Person.

Enjoy her list of Favorite Things after a photo of our most iconic B.B.B. ever.

To begin: It is the honor of a lifetime to be a favorite person.

1. Normal Gossip (Podcast): Normal Gossip is the friend with tea that we all deserve. Each episode, host Kelsey McKinney tells a special guest a low stakes but wild story about the rich tapestry that is life in the presence of other human beings. People are WILD. Every episode is good, and some episodes are so good that you should definitely use the bathroom before listening lest you pee your pants from laughing so hard. There is a hard and fast rule that no dogs will be harmed in any of the stories told. Also, the podcast is produced by Defector, which is an employee-owned media company committed to transparency, which is pretty rad. Support journalism, laugh your pants off.

2. Popcorn maker: Freshly popped popcorn is the perfect snack. Microwave popcorn is okay, and stovetop popcorn is great but it comes with the lead lining of having to clean up afterward. Enter the Presto Poplite popper. So easy, no clean up, perfect popcorn every time. Add whatever toppings/seasonings/dressings you want.

3. Trying new ways to move: I hate an open gym. But I love a group exercise class. And while I'm pretty loyal to my local HIIT/Barre studio, sometimes I get stuck in a rut where I just don't want to go do the thing. Whenever I'm feeling stuck, trying something new gets me out of the house. In the past I've tried hot yoga, cardio barre, various indoor and outdoor bootcamps, focused weightlifting, and probably some other stuff I've forgotten and/or blocked out. Usually I'm really bad at it the first time I try but if those lululemon clad bitches can do it, then this lululemon clad bitch CAN TOO. If group ex isn't your thing, maybe a walk or bike ride somewhere new? For the winter gift-giving holidays this year, I asked for a gift card to a pilates studio I drive by all the time. Will I fall off the reformer? ...Yeah, probably.

4. Credit Card points: We all have to/get to buy stuff (thanks, capitalism!). We all need a credit score (thanks again, American capitalism). Using a credit card points ecosystem is, IMO, the best way to make this capitalist hellscape work (ever so slightly) for you.

My two favorite ways to use points are: upgrade an experience for something I want to do and am willing to pay but not willing/able to pay for an upgrade for (i.e. use points to cover the cost of a nicer room or a nicer hotel on a trip I want to take anyhow) or completely cover something I don't really want to do (i.e. plane tickets for a family wedding I'm not really looking forward to). In shorter words: either treat myself or relieve myself. I'm a Chase points girlie, but there are a lot of different systems based on your individual spending habits.

5. Costco: My 2.5 year old son loves Costco. He thinks everything comes from there. Recently I asked him, "where do you get all this energy from?" and he screamed, "COSTCO!!!" and then went running down the hall. The thing is -- he's lowkey right. Costco has almost everything, they're on the "not bad" side of corporate ethics, and they usually have clean bathrooms. Membership is only $65/year and I can basically guarantee that you will far surpass the fee in savings in your first 3 visits. My personal favorite Costco buys: dishwasher pods, wine, Kirkland brand joggers that are a knockoff of the Vuori performance jogger for 1/8 of the price, slippers, and generic OTC medicines. The only downside to Costco membership: at some point, you will impulse buy something completely outrageous. It's a small (hopefully!) price to pay for the glory of warehouse shopping.

6. An insulated coffee mug: A few months ago, in a blaze of fury after drinking yet another lukewarm cup of coffee during a meeting that would.not.end., I ordered this insulated coffee mug. I don't personally use the lid unless I'm actively walking around because I think it keeps it too hot, but the insulation alone keeps your hot bev of choice from going cold in like 10 minutes. You also don't have to worry about your mug breaking if your pet's overactive tail knocks the empty cup off the table (dog) or just pushes it off the table because they love chaos (cat).

7. Hypochlorous acid (force of nature) (+ grove collaborative bottles): As I mentioned, I have a toddler which means that I am engaged in a constant battle with germs and dirt and all manner of gross stuff. I recently discovered hypochlorous acid and it's been a game changer. Hypochlorous acid is soooooo safe (you can literally use lower concentrations of it as skincare) but has the sanitizing and disinfecting power of bleach. The only downside is that because HoCL is a weak acid, it degrades relatively quickly (shoutout to high school chemistry) so you can't really stock up at the store. However, the good news is that it's ridiculously easy to make at home with an electrolyzer (I use the Force of Nature System) and you get to feel like a smart little chemist while doing it. The bottle that comes with the FoN kit sucks so I use a bottle from Grove Collaborative instead. Spray away, friends.

8. The Libby App: So you like supporting your local library but you don't like carrying hardback library books around? Me too! Enter Libby! The Libby App allows you to borrow ebooks from your local library and send them straight to your e-reader (kindle, kobo, etc.). You can put yourself in the queue for tons of books at a time, and you get an easy push notification to your phone when it's your turn. I read 52 books last year, and 45 of them were via the Libby App. All you need is an active library card!

9. Maldon salt: Nothing like a little fancy NaCl to spice up your life. Enter beautiful, luxurious, crunchy Maldon sea salt, which you can most likely buy at your grocery store of choice. I love to sprinkle it on homemade pizza crust, chocolate chip cookies, and avocado toast.

10. A Hammock: If you have any outdoor space at all, you need a hammock. It can be cheap. It can be unattractive. But if you hop in the hammock on a warm day with your favorite podcast in your ears or a good book in hand, you will be transcended to a higher plane of existence. Trust me -- get one. (Bonus: if you have a baby, your hammock will double as an outdoor swing that you both get to rock in. Win-win!)

Embrace the Change

It’s been a long time since Sam and I have had an official B.B.B. The format has changed now and more people are invited. What used to be just us at a brunch place in San Francisco has morphed into walks around Land Park with donuts and her son.

I don’t know what the rest of this year is going to look like, but I’m going to embrace the changes as much as I can. Like I said in November, I’m going to continue to thrive out of pure spite and I hope you join me.

Leave a comment

Every few years I go through a period of only listening to music by Bobbie Gentry. This newsletter is written from inside of a Bobbie episode.

This current phase started on the night of my birthday a few days ago. After an iconic day of beachside sandwiches and my favorite bookstore, Collin and I went out for a cocktail. The fourth Old Fashioned found me at a vibey bar where we could listen to Honey D spin some records. We sat in a booth before her set started and toasted to a great new year of growth.

Bobbie Gentry’s Courtyard came on over the speakers just as the smells of orange rind met my nose. Suddenly I had achieved Incredible Vibes Nirvana.

Bobbie Gentry entered my life when I was 12 on a road trip with my dad. We were on our way to our trainer’s ranch to see horses and we listened to a compilation of 60s hits on several burned CDs. Bobbie Gentry’s Ode to Billie Joe was on one of the CDs.

If you have never heard the song, please watch the video above. I was immediately captivated by her velvety voice but what kept my focus were her lyrics. The song is such a short and brilliant story of mystery, and she herself called it “a study of unconscious cruelty.” 2003 Alberto was shaken to his husky core.

My dad told me it was made into a movie in the early 70s and the reason Billie Joe threw himself off the bridge was because he was ashamed that he had just hooked up with a man. I of course internalized it, but I also knew I was about to create an entire personality around this diva.

If you don’t know her for Ode to Billie Joe, you might know her as the creator of the song, Fancy. Written as her “statement for women’s lib,” the song has been covered many times, including by Reba in the 90s.

To learn more about this icon, I highly recommend listening to this deep dive about her from the podcast Cocaine & Rhinestones.

2025 has gotten off to a challenging start. The skies of San Diego have stayed clear, but every now and then I will catch the terrifying scent of burning carried on a breeze.

Bobbie Gentry’s voice is what has been flossing the ridges of my brain for the last few days. Her songs are where I find comfort. She grew up in a similar geographic region as me* and though I’ve been a San Diegan for years, I will always be a child of the Delta. The ocean is nice, but I prefer to be soothed by sad songs about rivers.

History, books, and music have taught me that the world has ended many times before. We are all the products of people who just kept going and we must do the same.

In the meantime, just know that you will all be Gentle on my Mind.

*if I ever do drag I would like to be called the Delta Queen. Only people who have eaten taffy from a barrel in Old Sacramento will understand this.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based off of their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

If you can’t Favorite People yourself how in the hell are you going Favorite People anybody else? Can I get an amen up in here?

Please enjoy my Favorite Things, as told by me!

• Turmeric & Cranberry Seed Energizing Radiance Mask: This mask has been marketed as a “facial in a jar” and I fully endorse this statement. I used it on the morning of my wedding and I think it helped me glow all day. It’s also become an important part of my grounding routine while I’m traveling. I can’t sleep in a hotel bed until I’ve had this mask on and ironed my clothes for the following day. It’s a travel-size jar of portable peace and I think that’s worth the price.

• Books with handwritten notes scribbled inside: I love every gift I have ever been given because it truly is the thought that counts. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have favorites. I love when people give me books with handwritten notes inside. Whether it’s a note saying why they think I’ll like the book (Emily) or it’s a threat saying they’d make me eat the book if I didn’t read it (Michele), I love them all. It’s like getting a handwritten card but even better.

• Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza: This game was recommended to me by an employee of Games of Berkeley when I asked for a fun and easy game that could be played with family. I love this game so much and everyone I have played it with has ended up loving it, too. I’ve played this while babysitting my nieces and nephews and with coworkers and it’s fun every time. Plus, it’s tiny so it can easily be thrown into a suitcase or backpack when traveling.

• Getting out of my comfort zone: Life is too short to be scared of things. 2025 is the year of trying new things and expanding my proverbial horizons. I am famously a scaredy cat, but this year I have already read a horror novel (Monstrilio) and watched a horror movie (The Substance) and I loved them both! I have also started to bottom more than I ever have in my life and I finally get the appeal. Try new things this year (and take lots of deep breaths)!

• Talking on the phone: Please don’t text me - I’d rather gab on the phone with you. It’s not practical but I would love to have a landline with a cord again, if only so I could pretend to be in that one scene from Bye Bye Birdie. If you’d ever like to talk to me, give me a ring instead of a text.

• Guittard Unsweetened Cocoa Powder: I don’t have the chill that many people possess when cooking, which I think is why I’m so drawn to baking. It reminds me of the chemistry labs of my youth, but without the stress of worrying about my GPA. One thing I’ve learned in the last few years of baking is that getting a nice cocoa powder makes a difference and this one is my favorite. All of my other ingredients are generic store-brand versions, but nice cocoa powder is what will elevate the cookies or cakes I’m baking to something memorable. Plus, it’s unsweetened so I don’t feel guilty when I add it to my morning oatmeal sometimes.

• Airport Design: I love when airports incorporate their regional charm into the architecture and artistic designs. The Bozeman Yellowstone International Airport feels like a hunting lodge and there are Saguaro cacti everywhere you look in the Tucson International Airport, and the logo for the Blue Grass Airport in Lexington, Kentucky is a nod to the region’s horse racing culture. I spend a lot of time walking through airports and I love soaking up the tiny pieces of regional flavor while overpaying for a banana.

• Goodr Sunglasses: These sunglasses are cute, comfortable, and versatile. I can wear them on my run, I can wear them on the beach, and I can wear them while traveling. Since they’re not too expensive I’m also not too bummed if I lose a pair to the sea or in a hotel bathroom.

• Making eye contact with someone and knowing we’re going to debrief about what we just witnessed at a later time: Is there a better feeling? I try to move through the world with kindness and light, but at the end of the day I’m still a hater to my core. Few things bring me as much delight as a good shit-talking session with someone I love.

• Horses: Duh.

  ---

This edition is a special one because it marks the end of this newsletter’s first full calendar year. Thank you all for reading. It means so much to me and you are all my Favorite People.

2024 was another iconic year. I became a husband this year. I dramatically wept on a dance floor. My butt looked great in so many different outfits in so many different locations.

Bye, 2024. I’ll remember you fondly.

December Book Reviews

Bad Dreams in the Night: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I enjoy the occasional graphic novel and I have loved Adam Ellis’s comics for years on Instagram. I’m usually not one for horror or scary stories but I enjoyed most of these. I skipped one chapter because it grossed me out too much.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever pulled a scarf off of someone’s neck and then the person’s head fell off (if you don’t understand that reference, you were not traumatized by the book In a Dark, Dark Room and Other Scary Stories in your elementary school library).

Medium of the book: Hardcover

Judging a book by its cover: I like it! It’s intriguing and a good indication of the vibe of the stories.

The Seven Moons of Maali Almaida: 5 stars (Nominee for the Golden Martini for Book of the Year)

What I liked about this book: This book was incredible and the best example of a second-person narrative I have ever read. Navigating the bureaucracy of the Sri Lankan afterlife was beautiful, terrifying, and ultimately hopeful. Nothing matters (shouted with positivity!!)

Who I’d recommend this book to: Anyone who likes a slow burn of a novel; anyone who needs a good audiobook recommendation; anyone who is okay with the realization that everything is meaningless and we’re all just trying our best.

Medium of the book: Audiobook! I tried to read the physical copy and an e-book version and neither of them hit for me. In my opinion listening to this book is the best way to do it. Great accents and variations of voices, plus proper pronunciation of all the Sri Lankan names.

Judging a book by its cover: LOVE THIS COVER. This character was terrifying but I love the cover art.

The Most: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: I read this for a book club I didn’t end up attending and it was fine. Had it not been such a quick listen I don’t think I would’ve continued with the story.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who likes stories set in the mid-century era of the United States.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: It was fine. Honestly I think the font choice oversold this book. Cooler than vibe that the book actually is.

The Wedding People: 3.5 stars

What I liked about this book: This is the first book with a wedding that I’ve read since having my own and it made me glad that we chose to have a small wedding. More details, more people, more headaches. Some of the plot came to together a bit too conveniently for my personal taste and the parts about divorce were particularly devastating.

Who I’d recommend this book to: people who romance novels; people with an appreciation of Victorian literature; anyone who has ever been accused of being uptight; anyone scared of moving forward after a divorce.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: I still don’t get it.

The Safekeep: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I love when a book surprises me with a good twist and I was very satisfied with this one. I will not say more but I think it’s worth a read.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone interested in post-WWII Netherlands; people who enjoy sapphic romances; anyone who just needs to get laid.

Medium of the book: E-book

Judging a book by its cover: Love the imagery and how it relates to the story. It makes me want to eat a Dutch pear and appreciate its juice.

Don't Fall in Love, Sam: 2.5 stars

What I liked about this book: This author came onto my radar years ago when I came across one of his adult films. I was struck by how much I liked the soundtrack of the video I had seen and I was delighted to discover the creator is a moody writer-type living in Berlin. The book itself was not it for me, but there was at least one chapter I liked. This book was much sadder than I expected it to be.

This book reminded me a lot of my first iteration of this newsletter (R.I.P. davalberto). Sad gay guy writes sad poetry about sex with strangers. Major 2015 Alberto vibes.

Who I’d recommend this book to: People who like Hanya Yanagihara novels.

Medium of the book: Paperback

Judging a book by its cover: It’s cute. I like the little arrows.

The Second Annual First Annual Golden Martinis

“Whoever said it was an honor just be nominated is lying to themselves.” - Martini McLavalos

Category: Best Album of 2024

• BRAT by Charli xcx

• Brat and it’s completely different but also still brat by Charli xcx

• Cowboy Carter by Beyonce

• Diva of the People by Gavin Turek

• Radical Optimism by Dua Lipa

• Challengers (Original Score) by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

• Wicked: The Soundtrack by Wicked Movie Cast

Winner - Diva of the People by Gavin Turek: I love disco so much I made it the theme of my wedding. The theme of Casa McLavalos Presents: The Wedding was moody disco (think metallics and jewel tones). Diva of the People captures that exact vibe. She’s vibrant. She’s crying. She’s serving. Above all else, she’s gorgeous in every sense of the word.

Please treat yourself to Heaven Knows and allow it to transport you to a San Diego dance floor in October.

We saw Gavin Turek perform in September and that concert is also the winner of the Golden Martini for Best Live Performance of 2024. Sorry, Chappell Roan. I loved seeing you right before you blasted off but Gavin Turek literally held our hands and shared moments of glee with us.

Category: Best Meal Eaten in 2024

• Chilaquiles Poblanos a la Tingada from La Chingada Cocina Mexicana in Tucson, Arizona

• Breakfast Tacos from Seis Kitchen in Tucson, Arizona

• Classic Lox Sandwich on an everything bagel from Boichik Bagels in Berkeley, California

• Patty Melt from Beginner’s Diner in San Diego, California

• Deviled Eggs from Realm of the 52 Remedies in San Diego, California

• Tri-Tip Nachos from Seaside Market located in Petco Park in San Diego, California

• Maple Bolo from Either/Or in Portland, Oregon

Winner - Chilaquiles Poblanos a la Tingada: Maybe it was the margaritas. Maybe it was the post-wedding euphoria. Maybe it was Saguaro cactus magic. Whatever it was, this was the meal I enjoyed the most this year. We picked Tucson for our mini-moon because it has two things we love: National Parks and delicious food.

I didn’t know Tucson was such a major food city until I watched Season 19 of Top Chef. That’s when I learned it is a UNESCO City of Gastronomy. Before that, I just thought of Tucson as Linda Ronstandt’s hometown and the place where University of Arizona transcripts come from.

I am now obsessed with Sonoran food, particularly the spiciness of it. I don’t like heat for heat’s sake but I love that Sonoran food’s spice has dimension and enhances the meal. This meal was the single greatest but I didn’t have a bad one the whole time I was there. I even got to try Linda Ronstandt’s favorite cheese crisps.

Category: Best Book Read in 2024

• The Seven Moons of Maali Almaida

• Long Island Compromise

• Victim

• Starter Villain

• North Woods

• Real Americans

• Martyr!

• A Tale for the Time Being

• A Short Stay in Hell

Winner - Martyr!: This was a really hard decision to make because I read some iconic books this year. It was between Martyr! and Real Americans and I ultimately decided on Martyr! because of how it made me feel towards the end. The writing was incredible and it inspired me so much that I got out a highlighter and started marking my favorite passages (I never annotate my books).

I love discussing it with the people because it had such an interesting ending. It gave me a lot to marinate on and I’m still unsure where the book officially ended. I love that ambiguity. It was ultimately a beautiful book of love and grit and I think I am a better person for having read it.

Category: Best Cover Art / Design of a Book Read in 2024

• The Seven Moons of Maali Almaida

• The Bullet Swallower

• Between Two Moons

• West

• Starter Villain

• Everything You Need is in the Library

• Real Americans

• Martyr!

• A Tale for the Time Being

• A Short Stay in Hell

Winner - The Seven Moons of Maali Almaida: It’s as beautiful as it is grotesque. The character on the cover is a monster in the Sri Lankan afterlife that feasts on souls that refuse to move into the light. When I look at the cover I can hear the monster’s voice from the audiobook and I love it even though it scared me. I’d love a print of this book cover for my home.

Category: Best Casa McLavalos Endeavor

• Casa McLavalos Presents: The Pyramid Scheme

• Casa McLavalos Presents: The Mini-Moon Sponsored by Marriott Bonvoy

• Casa McLavalos Presents: The Wedding

• Casa McLavalos Presents: The September Issue

• Casa McLavalos Presents: Meowchella

Winner - The Wedding: Simply said, it was the best day of my life.

Category: Best Outdoor Adventure of 2024

• Exploring Saguaro National Park

• Exploring Yellowstone National Park

• Hiking in an Oregon forest

• Teaching Ailee how to navigate the trains of Northern California

• Exploring existentialism on the beaches of Sea Ranch

• Spending an entire day in the pool at Casa Peraza

• Swimming and reading with friends at the Madonna Inn pool

• Mid-week wine tasting in Temecula

Winner - Yellowstone National Park: This place felt like I was on a different planet. The plants. The animals. The thermal springs. All of it was so cool and I will never forget the days I spent frolicking in those meadows. I squealed in delight when I rode a horse past a sleeping bison. That trip was truly a dream realized for me and I feel so lucky to have been able to experienced it.

Category: Favorite thing purchased from a Favorite Person’s list in 2024

• Gigi’s Twin Snakes

• Ali’s Baggu Medium Crescent Bag

• Maribel’s hiking shoes

• Ailee’s stickers

• Jayne’s wallet

• Esperanza’s mountain biking gloves

• Steph’s bird watching app

• Emma’s Marco Polo app

• Jana’s Birkenstocks

• Amy’s gummies

Winner - Ali’s Baggu Medium Crescent Bag: I am obsessed with how much shit I can cram into this bag. It can fit my 40 oz emotional support water bottle, my Kindle, sunglasses, and a sweater all at once. It’s not only practical but it’s also very cute because of the embroidered Gudetama patches.

During our trip to Portland we decide that the bag’s name was officially Baggu and it serves a vessel for Martini’s spirit when we’re traveling away from home. Since then Baggu has bullied all of us within an inch of our lives and it killed Ailee’s car. Baggu is very powerful and I love it as much as I fear it.

Category: Best Marriott Property of 2024

• The Citizen Hotel in Sacramento, California

• J.W. Marriott Starr Pass Resort & Spa in Tucson, Arizona

• The Leo Kent Hotel in Tucson, Arizona

• Residence Inn Berkeley in Berkeley, California

• Oakland Marriott City Center in Oakland, California

• Marriott Riverside at the Convention Center in Riverside, California

• Courtyard Portland Downtown / Convention Center in Portland, Oregon

• Hotel Per La in Los Angeles, California

Winner - J.W. Marriott Starr Pass Resort & Spa: According to my Bonvoy app I spent 37 nights sleeping in a Marriott bed. Most of these nights were spent traveling for work but there was pleasure in there, too. I spent most nights in the Residence Inn Berkeley, a hotel I truly love. I am there so often that I have favorite room and the staff try to get it for me whenever I visit (Room 1601 has a little reading nook I like and it has a nice view of the Campanile).

I liked almost all of the hotels I stayed at but the one that made me feel like I was in a Marriott commercial was the J.W. Marriott Starr Pass Resort & Spa. Collin and I combined our points to stay here and it was worth every piece of imaginary Marriott currency. We got married on Saturday and we watched the sun set in Tucson on Sunday while we floated in the hotel’s lazy river. I watched roadrunners and quail from the spa’s windows while I sipped on my cucumber water after my massage. It was truly magical and I’ve never felt so relaxed in my life.

Once we got home we decided to watch the Top Chef episodes that were filmed in Tucson. We started screaming when we realized that the finale was filmed at that hotel and there were tons of b-roll shots of the property I had just drunkenly walked through.

In the months leading up to the wedding I thought about my coming out process and how I cried on the phone with my sister when I finally did. I was leaning against a tractor tire in an old tobacco barn while I was on the phone with her.

I thought about all the men during my time there. The good, the bad, and the men who I met in dark places so I couldn’t even tell if they were ugly. I may not remember most of their names, but they taught me so much about myself and my newfound sexual liberation.

Before I met Collin I had tasted pretty much everything at the proverbial buffet. I’m so glad I did because it made me appreciate how special Collin truly was when I met him.

Since the election I’ve been thinking about the Kentucky men specifically. I left Kentucky because I chose my own safety and security over pursuing the career of my dreams. Every decision I made in high school and college was made with the intention of preparing me for a career in the Kentucky horse racing industry. Coming out complicated my lifelong plan and I ultimately decided there was more to life than just horses.

It was such a relief to finally be honest about myself and I decided I would never put myself back in the closet for anyone else’s comfort. To stand firm in that decision I knew I had to move back to California.

There’s one Kentucky man that I think about often. I don’t even remember his name, but I hope wherever he is today he is okay. The piece of at the end of this newsletter explains why.

November Book Reviews

I Hope This Finds You Well: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: I liked how juicy this book was. Sometimes it was too cringey for me to handle and I’d have to pause the audiobook to give myself a break. I credit the good writing for being so immersive that I felt the story in my gut and nerves, sometimes detrimentally.

Who I’d recommend this book to: People who enjoy cringe television (e.g. The Office); anyone who has ever wondered what secrets live in their coworkers’ inboxes.

Medium of the book: Audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: It’s giving Pepto-Bismol.

The Husbands: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: I liked the multiverse of husbands and meditating on all of the what-if’s of my own life. Despite this book being formulaic, I got excited for each new husband, even I had met them before. In my opinion, the book didn’t quite stick the landing which ultimately affected my overall rating.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who enjoys a multiverse book; anyone single that thinks marriage or a relationship would fix all their problems; anyone who has ever thought about “the one who got away”’

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: Simple, but I’m a fan.

The Ministry of Time: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: Fantastic premise and excellent execution! Definitely one of the best time-travel books I have ever read. It had a twist that shocked me and it had a satisfying ending. I don’t want to give away too much because I think most people should read it.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone interested in time travel; anyone who has ever thought about what a person from another era of the anthropocene would think about modern life; hopeless romantics; anyone who has ever thought someone in a history book was hot.

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: Love it. It reminds me of the style of Tomorrowland in Disneyland. It looks like a poster I would see in the bathroom area after Space Mountain, ya know?

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based off of their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

Choosing to live authentically as a queer person was the best decision I have ever made for lots of reasons. One of my favorite reasons is that it opened up the possibility of creating my own queer family.

Today you’re going to meet a member of my queer family. Everyone, meet Lindsay.

I don’t remember when I met Lindsay exactly, but I feel similarly to how I described their wife Ali: one day I opened my eyes and there was Lindsay, fitting perfectly into my life as if they had been there the whole time.

Lindsay is fellow survivor of Lasallian education (Let us remember!!!!) and we vibe hard on our mutual appreciation of the Reality Television arts and sciences. They are my go-to person if I ever need an opinion on anything food and wine. They prioritize comfort and ease in a way that is aspirational for me.

Although neither of us live in Adam’s Point anymore, I know there is a universe somewhere where we both still live there. I know I’m happy in that universe because how could you not be when one of your dearest friends lives 2 blocks away?

Lindsay is an icon and I’m so excited for you to read their favorite things. I’ve already added 2 things off their list to my own Christmas list so this is perfect timing. Please enjoy their favorite things after one of my favorite photos of some of my Favorite People.

1. Breville Barista Express - In 2021, I was hired by an Australian-owned design agency. On top of learning cheeky Aussie slang and silly abbreviated nicknames (Ex: Blundstone shoes are “Blundies”), I also learned that the Australians take their coffee incredibly seriously—perhaps more than the Italians, and I say this as an Italian. Our global creative director made sure that each of our offices across the world have this exact Breville Barista Express. In my first annual review with her, she ended by asking “And how does everyone like the Breville?” 
   
   The truth is, I loved it so much I bought one for my own goddamn home. And every day I follow the same morning ritual of heating my portafilter and pulling the absolute best double shot I can. The hobby has evolved into an obsession and I can confidently say my mental health is better for it. I also have saved so much money making boutique lattes at home.
   
   My feelings regarding this machine, as told by Oprah Winfrey: “She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don’t know a better person.” 
   

2. Travel White Noise Machine - At home, I am someone who always likes to sleep with a fan on to create noise to relax and decompress. My body is so used to it that now I am completely dependent on having it. On camping trips, I sleep like shit—not because I am sleeping on the ground, but because I do not have a fan running at all times! Lol. My wife and I travel often and a few years ago I invested in this travel white noise machine. Not only does it help me sleep, but it has helped mask surprise noises beyond our control (Ex: Loud hotel neighbors, city sirens, etc). It stays in my travel bag at all times and I always charge her up for the next trip so she is ready to roll.
   

3. Blockshop Textile Robe - The truth about me is I am an unapologetic exhibitionist. When I lived in my old apartment, I loved to walk around the space nude. I frankly prefer being nude over wearing clothes sometimes lol. When I moved into my house this summer, I knew I had to start wearing more clothes when lounging around the house. I invested in this beautiful Blockshop Textiles robe hand-crafted in India—it’s thin, airy material is perfect for hot AF summers when you do not want a single piece of clothing on, but still want to “be decent” for your neighbors. I purchased this Grossy Pelossi collab tomato print and refer to it as my “Tomato Soprano” robe when on.
   

4. Food Theme Airpod Case - Being one of God’s favorites, I am one of the lucky people who can have airpods fit comfortably in my ears. In fact, they fit so perfectly, you would think Apple used my ear shapes and canals as the blueprint. As a way to protect and keep track of my beloved airpods, I turn to Etsy to outfit them in the most adorable food-theme Airpod cases. I currently use the linked Gatorade case, but also have a Dunkin Donuts coffee cup variant for when I want to switch it up. Amazon has many of these options as well—special shout out to this Ben & Jerry’s case. They are a great conversation piece and it makes me smile whenever I see it.
   

5. Adult Hobby - As kids, I am sure we all had various activities we were buzzing about during/after school and over the summers like sports, music lessons, etc. In the last few years, I wondered why that suddenly had to end in adulthood…we have not learned or perfected everything there is to know and do, and I realized I missed having more in my life. My close friend took sewing classes, a coworker got back into road cycling and an acquaintance pursued tennis lessons after watching Challengers. After a few years of milling over picking up golf lessons as an adult (had lessons as a child) I finally picked it back up a few weeks ago and have my first lesson coming up this weekend. It has been a great thing to get me outdoors and my eyes off of a screen. It feels so rewarding to work towards something new and it has proven to be another relaxing self-care outlet, teaching me lessons about patience. Something I will likely lean on in these next 4 years of our country.
   

6. L.L. Bean Wicked Good Moccasins - I am a proud East Coast transplant and I grew up with many L.L. Bean items in the home such as their boat tote, duffel bags, backpacks—etc—OF COURSE I got my initials embroidered on everything, are you seriously asking me that? Anyways—their next iconic shoe, right under the legendary “Bean Boot” are their “wicked good” moccasin slippers. I have arthritis in my toe joints that are very sensitive in colder months, and these slippers make incredible house shoes that provide with me so much warmth. They are perfectly wide for my wide width clown feet and are the perfect thing to slip my toes into on the way downstairs to the espresso machine.
   

7. Routine Massages - Human bodies are much like maintaining a home or car as it ages. They weather the seasons and need routine upkeep to help maintain their steady longevity. Stretching daily is of course an easy way to care for your aches and pains, but I find that sometimes you need the help of a professional to really focus in on specific areas. It really is just another form of physical therapy and a way to show yourself compassion—10/10 for mental health. I try to go every 6 weeks for a full body, 90 minute massage because I spend hours at a computer 5 days a week. I am committed to self-preservation more than ever in my 30s and try to stay 2 steps ahead of long term issues like lower back pain!
   

8. Lodge 6qt Dutch Oven - Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like  you need a Le Creuset dutch oven—and I say that as a purist who believes in varietal specific wine glasses. A Lodge brand dutch oven is incredible for a much more approachable price point and still has a handful of cute color options. Since cooking on an enamel coated pan is so easy to clean, we use this pot 80% of the time and have learned of its crazy versatility in the process. Its high sides are great for sauteing, by keeping grease splatter out to your stove to a minimum, and the cast iron material ensures an even cook to each element of the recipe. If I were on a deserted island and could only have one pan to cook, it would 100000% be this dutch oven.
   

9. Old Navy Vintage T-Shirt - IYKYK. Since Gap Inc. has had Zac Posen at the helm as chief creative officer, there has absolutely been a shift in the quality of Old Navy these last few years. Dare I say it is better than Gap? I do dare. I am a broad shouldered non-binary person with a dump truck ass—I prefer a slightly boxy, cropped cut to my t-shirts that are not too fitted. When I discovered this shirt, I bought one in every color and continue to do so every time a new color drops. They have a slightly drooped shoulder stitch and have a premium weight to them that feels like a much higher price point than they are. They are a basics staple in my wardrobe and I wear them often to my office as well.

10. Pinot Noir Wine - I am very passionate about wine and have tasted many varietals over the years, but I always come back to Pinot Noir. Like many varietals, different growing regions can really nurture different characteristics in the wine. An Oregon Pinot can be earthy with an almost savory, umami flavor—while a Sonoma Coast Pinot could be bursting with bright red berry fruits and florals. I love that Pinot’s do not always demand to be paired with a meal like that of a Napa Cab, and can be enjoyed on their own as you wind down after a long work day. I have dragged my partner on a few Pinot Noir-specific wine trips and I would highly recommend you do the same! #1 Anderson Valley, CA, #2 Willamette Valley, OR, #3 Russian River, CA and #4 Carmel Valley. Los Olivos/Lompoc are my Pinot wishlist trips lol.

Somewhere in Appalachia there’s an above ground pool with tears in it

When I first met him, he was living in Lexington. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was ahead of me in our journey out of the horse business. Like me, he had moved to Central Kentucky to try to make it professionally in the racehorse industry. He had tried to make it in the business as a jockey, but he wasn’t able to overcome his height issue (too tall).

I could tell by his accent that he was from Appalachia. Many of my fellow horsemen on the farm were from various Appalachian counties and I had learned the intricacies of the speech pattern.

I met him after a night out in Lexington when I decided I wasn’t ready to head back to the farm quite yet. I messaged him and he invited me over to his home. After we did what we had planned to do, we started to get to know each other.

I liked getting to know the people I had just gotten to know (biblically), but I quickly learned that not everyone was into this. The jockey was kind and thoughtfully considered his answers to my questions.

You can learn a lot about someone by asking what their favorite Halloween costume was as a child.

Eventually the conversation turned to horses and a new chamber of my heart unlocked. We talked about our favorite races (mine is the 2000 Breeders’ Cup Mile), our favorite coat colors, and other things we loved about horses.

As I was leaving, I asked for his actual number.

“Sure, but I do have to tell you that I’m moving home next month. I can’t afford to live here anymore and I don’t have other options. I’m not too far, though. Owsley County.”

Owsley County was a 90-minute drive from where I was living. It was in Eastern Kentucky, a place I was warned not to visit on the first day of my program’s orientation.

“Eastern Kentucky has nothing for you there. You have no reason to be there. People will know you are not from there and it’s in your best interest to avoid it.” This was my introduction to Appalachia.

Owsley County is the poorest county in the United States. I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that it would take me an hour and a half to drive to visit him.

I only went to visit him once and it was during my farewell tour. Not long after we had met I had decided it was time for me to move back home to California.

Our texts had wavered over the weeks, but there was still a line of communication between us. He told me his parents would be away for a few days and I should come over when he had the whole place to himself.

I scrubbed every inch of myself in the shower after work that day. I charged my phone, texted a friend the address in case I were to go missing, and made my journey southeast.

It took me two hours to get there as I missed a country road and had to drive back. I was out of range for my cell phone service and I pulled over to inspect the paper maps my dad had bought for me during our cross-country drive from California.

I was wondering if I should just go back home when the service picked up and a text finally came through from him.

“Excited to see you soon :-)”

When I finally got there, I saw him watering the potted plants outside. He quickly turned off the hose and walked over to me. Once he got close, he remembered how shy he was and dropped his gaze.

“Thanks for driving all the out here. Do you want to go inside?”

The first room he showed me was his room. The tour ended there.

Laying in bed, we talked about how our days had been. The conversation eventually flowed to my imminent departure. He kissed my arm and said he didn’t want me to go.

I didn’t want to leave either, but I had to. Kentucky was my dream, but it wasn’t sustainable. I had to grow up and stop playing with other people’s horses.

The heaviness of the moment floated between us before he sat up and looked out the window. “It’s still warm out. Want to go swimming?”

I started to get dressed when he told me to stop. “No one is here. When was the last time you saw someone on the drive?”

I considered when that was. It’s true. I had been on the road by myself for a long time. A gas station was the last sign of civilization, but that seemed to be at least 30 minutes away. My thoughts were interrupted when I looked up and saw his naked body slowly sink into the above ground pool outside the window.

We had been together multiple times at this point, but being naked in this pool together felt the most vulnerable to me. We played with water guns that were sitting next to the pool’s ladder. We found each other’s arms again and started to kiss.

He hugged me and put his head on my shoulder. I heard a deep breath quickly followed by the sound of crying.

“I am moving away again," he said quietly.

“Oh? Where are you going?”

“I’m..uh. I’m going away to join a seminary.”

I pulled back from him and looked him in the eye. “You’re joking” A few moments of silence.  

“You’re not serious,” I said, hoping that by saying out loud it would make it untrue.

“I don’t have any other options. I can’t stay here. My parents don’t want me. I can’t find work and the seminary will pay for things. There are no other options for me.”

Words failed me. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say so I just held him tighter. My memories say I said “I’m sorry” but I don’t know if that’s true. Ten years later and I still don’t know what the best thing to say in that moment would have been.

My toes were pruney beyond recognition by the time the sun began to set. I had a long drive back and I didn’t want to be on country roads in the dark. It was time to go.

We got dressed in silence. He walked me to my truck and we kissed goodbye.

“Good luck with the move,” he said to me through my open truck window. I grabbed his hand and said, “good luck with everything. Take care. I mean it.”

I still mean it. Wherever he is I hope he is safe. Wherever he is, I hope he is happy.

I haven’t looked at above ground pools the same way since.

October 12, 2024 was the single greatest day of my life and I’m so thankful for everyone that was a part of it. Even now, a month later, I’m still floating on a cloud of euphoria.

October Book Reviews

I read many books in October but I didn’t finish a single one. The book I read the most of was The Bee Sting. I will finish eventually, but I will hang onto the paperback copy I have of it forever. It smells like the sunscreen I wore during our minimoon in Tucson.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based off of their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

This section of the newsletter has become my favorite part of writing every edition. I get to show off the incredible people in my life and write public declarations of love about them.

To write these declarations requires the Favorite Person to agree to share their list of favorite things, but I’m going rogue this time. My Favorite Person this month has not shared her favorite things with me and she probably never will.

My Favorite Person of this month is my sister Alex and I chose her because it’s important to me that you all know how much I love her.

The wedding of our dreams would never have been possible without Alex. She found the wedding venue for us when the initial one we booked would not be able to achieve the vibe we were hoping to cultivate. She booked us a tour and spoke with the coordinators to make sure it would fit our disco vision. She made the planning process so much easier to manage and regularly checked in with us to make sure we were on the right path.

This was not unexpected, though. Alex has always been a guiding light in my life. She was the one who showed me how big the world could be. Growing up, we didn’t travel very much, but every few years we would go to Disneyland or visit our mom’s family in Guadalajara and that was about it.

Alex wanted more and I got to experience the world through her. She moved across the country when I was in 8th grade to do an internship and she later transferred to a university in San Diego when I was in high school.

Helping her move into her dorm in San Diego was an eye-opening experience for me. This was the first time I saw what dorm life could be like. I fell in love with San Diego and I realized there was a whole world of possibility out there for me.

It was hard to have one of my best friends across the state during my tough high school years but I’m so glad she carved her own path because it showed me that I could eventually carve my own.

It’s been awhile since I’ve sent out a newsletter. I got married last month and it was incredible. After the wedding Collin and I took a week off to eat our way through Tucson, Arizona before returning to the last few weeks of our work-travel season.

The newsletter recapping the wedding was supposed to come out on Halloween but work was overwhelming and I didn’t want to spend more time than I had to in front of a screen.

Then I planned to finish it up on Election Night as a way to distract myself. As the night progressed I stepped away from my computer for reasons known now.

I have never experienced such a visceral response to an election before. I didn’t sleep much on Tuesday night and when I checked the news of his victory, my body rejected it. I immediately ran to the bathroom and vomited.

So that’s where this newsletter finds us.

Wednesday was a day for collective grieving. I felt the sadness and let myself be devastated. I doomscrolled for as long as I wanted to without any self-judgement.

I spent most of the day cuddled in bed with my husband, letting myself experience every bit of anger, sadness, and helplessness.

And then my sister called. My phone was across the room so I missed her call. She called Collin and told him to go outside and look out the window.

We walked to our kitchen window and opened the blinds. My sister was parked across the street with her windows down. My niece’s butt hung out the rear window while her brother laughed in the background.

In that moment I remembered that there will still be joy to experience.

It’s probably not a surprise that I turn to books for comfort. Two quotes from two of my all-time favorite books come to mind.

“There is always something left to love.” — One Hundred Years of Solitude

“You think there’s some nobility in being above anger?… Anger is a kind of fear. And fear saved you. When the world was all kneecaps and corners of coffee tables, fear kept you safe…. Fear made me work hard, get better. It’s a dirty fuel, but it works. And anger? Anger helped me to leave him. To get my boys away from him as soon as I could. To come thrive in this country that didn’t even believe we were people. To prove it wrong. You can put a saddle on anger, Cyrus.” — Martyr!

I am going to saddle up anger and ride it to a good life despite the circumstances. I will continue to thrive out of pure, unadulterated spite.

Collin and I met at a college fair at College of San Mateo. Our paths crossed again across the state a year later at a college fair at Imperial Valley College. And it wasn’t until a college fair at Moreno Valley College another year later that I finally got his personal number.

Our romance blossomed in community college cafeterias, courtyards, and classrooms. Our first meals shared together were boxed lunches and mini water bottles purchased from Costco.

So it was only fitting that this edition of the newsletter, the last one before we get married, takes place at a college fair.

This interview took place on September 30, 2024 during the San Diego Miramar College fair. Please enjoy the following interview, which has been edited for brevity and decency.

Alberto (A): Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down with Well-Read and Overfed today. How does this interview find you today?

Collin (C): It finds me standing outside in the sun at a community college.

A: What do college fairs mean to you?

C: You really don’t want that answer and I really don’t want it published.

A: Okay! I got your contact information five years ago by asking you if you were interested in collaborating on a presentation. That presentation has now turned into planning a wedding together. How do you feel about that? Was it expected?

C: It was unexpected, but also completely expected. Let me explain. It was expected because I remember you checking me out at IVC. Not Irvine Valley College…

A: Imperial Valley College.

C: Yes, that one. You’re leading the witness right now.

A: This is more like a fireside chat.

C: He laughs. I remember looking at you and being like, “watch this be the man you end up marrying” and I envisioned our future together. Because I was watching you check me out while I was standing there, checking you out, while looking stunning, naturally. So, like, it was expected. I manifested this. Like there would be no Casa McLavalos without Casa Collin.

A: Speaking of Casa McLavalos, can you tell me more about this project you’re promoting?

C: Casa McLavalos Presents: The Wedding is an experience. It’s ethereal. It’s iconography viewed through the lens of disco. It’s not current, but it is. It’s a legends ball. It’s everything.

A: Wow, sounds expensive.

C: It absolutely is!

A: What would you say to the literal dozens of people who we love that we were unable to extend an invitation to?

C: I hope no one’s feelings are hurt. Not being invited was nothing personal and I hope our loved ones understand that hosting a wedding in America’s most expensive city pushed us to make some very tough decisions.

A: I agree. I wish we had enough money to invite our enemies, too. I want them to see how happy we are.

C: Wow, what a very normal thing to say right before our wedding.

A: Any other things you’d like to plug while you’re here? Oh, wait. I have a student at my table. Bye.

September Book Reviews

What You Are Looking for is in the Library: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I loved how charming and sweet this book was. It was a lovely reminder that a new attitude can change everything. It was inspiring, sweet, but not cheesy. I also love books that have interconnected story lines and this one had an overall formula for each character, but it never felt stale or boring.

I try to read a few translated books a year and this is my favorite one of 2024 so far. If you haven’t checked out Japanese literature yet, I highly recommend it.

Who I’d recommend this book to: People who are in a rut; people who needed to be reminded of the power of new perspective; people who want a quick read; people who love the library.

Medium of the book: started with the hardcover but pivoted to an e-book borrowed from the library

Judging a book by its cover: It’s the reason I bought the physical copy! Love it very much. I’d buy that artwork as a print for my home.

The Last Ranger: 3 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was fine. I don’t think I would’ve finished it if I weren’t listening to it. I persevered because I love that it takes place in Yellowstone, my favorite place on earth.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who has ever watched a video of a tourist getting too close to a wild animal and rooted for the wild animal; anyone who has ever been to a National Park.

Medium of the book: audiobook

Judging a book by its cover: I like the painting of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone but the wolf superimposed on it makes it look a bit cheap to me. It would’ve been more effective for me if the wolf was taken out.

The Horse: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: This book was bleak! Not enough horses, in my opinion. The last third of the book was my favorite and elevated it to 4 stars.

Who I’d recommend this book to: people who want a quick read; people who have ever thought about the internal lives of lounge singers and their bands; people who have been to the casinos in Reno, Lake Tahoe, and Las Vegas; anyone who likes stories about addiction.

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: I love yellow books and horseshoes so this cover feels like it was made for me. The drink in the middle is important to the story but it bums me out. I would not buy this as a print.

Four Squares: 4 stars

What I liked about this book: I liked the imperfect protagonist and how it provided a window into what aging as a queer man could like. I also liked how it reminded me of the importance of experiencing “new feelings” in order to spice up one’s life. The comfort zone is nice, but there’s a whole world out there.

Who I’d recommend this book to: anyone who struggles with survivor’s guilt; any queer person who has ever considered what it will be like to age; anyone with a chosen family; any gay man who has ever fallen in love with a “straight” man; anyone who has struggled to make friends as an adult.

Medium of the book: e-book

Judging a book by its cover: Simple, but cute.

My Favorite People’s favorite things.

I love the Celebrity Shopping lists on The Strategist and the “10 Essentials” videos on GQ’s YouTube channel. I think you can learn a lot about people based off of their favorite things. This recurring segment highlights some of My Favorite People’s favorite things.

Please enjoy my future husband’s favorite things as told by him.

It’s delicious to be back gracing the September issue that is actually published in October. Can we believe that I’m the first favorite person to be featured here for a second time? Be careful where you step, slaydies, there’s broken glass all over the floor! Sure, I know I’m quite actually marrying the legend behind this newsletter and that automatically qualifies me to demand permanent residence in the September Issue, but we have to live for the pure iconography of it all. 

Since our last chat (see last year’s legendary September Issue), I have traveled, eaten, and served “See You Next Tuesday!” in a god fearing way. Through that journey, I collected a celebrated list of things that I’m beyond obsessed with and will share with you now. Because if you're not obsessed with your own life, diva… who will be? 

10 Things to Embolden the Delusional Diva Within

1. Snail Mucin: If you ever watched and were horrified by that one early aughts commercial on Spanish language television in which hundreds of snails crawl all over the faces and bodies of youthful models, then this one's for you. No, the cream they were advertising was not made of blended snails (I was an imaginative 9 year old). It was snail mucin, which is also known as snail secretion filtrate, which is also known as filtered snail trail. I know. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. This stuff hydrates, plumps, and evens out my skin in a way that no moisturizer has been able to before. Make sure the snail mucin you buy is snail-friendly by the way. Commercial trauma be damned! 

2. Gua sha: For those of you who are also incredibly late to this beauty trend, gua sha is a traditional Chinese practice that involves gently scraping the skin with a smooth-edged tool to improve circulation, reduce inflammation, and promote lymphatic drainage. Never have I ever felt more like a selfcare baddie hunty diva than when I take my gua sha out of the freezer for a gentle facial massage. Say that sentence five times fast.

3. Collagen Supplements: I started mixing collagen powder into my coffee in my mid-20s to prevent early signs of aging (hold that eye roll-- I’m literally stunning) and loved the effects I saw in my complexion. I did not love the way it made my coffee taste and smell like the liquified contents of an urn, though. I abandoned collagen altogether until recently when I decided to pick up the pill form in preparation for our upcoming legends ball. What I love most about the pill version is their convenience—you can just pop them daily and let them work from the inside out for plumper, more radiant skin. As always, I’m not a certified expert-- consult your doctor before adding any new supplements to your diet.

   
   I’m expecting a check, NeoCell! Your marketing team could never.
   

4. Shannon Storms Beador: I am here once again begging you to watch the Real Housewives-- specifically Orange County, starting from Shannon’s first season. Watching Shannon is more than just indulging in drama—it’s about seeing an imperfect, deeply emotional person navigate the ups and downs of an incredibly unusual lifestyle. This season, she is SHINING and finally getting the recognition she deserves as a top tier Real Housewife-- despite her gross ex’s attempts at tearing her down further after her widely publicized DUI earlier this year. She clipped a house, exited her car, and pretended like she was on a walk with her dog Archie when police found her. I never said these are good people, but they do make for hilarious entertainment.

5. Very Delta: Do you want to see me go off? I think you want to see me go off. For the culturally blind, Delta Work is a drag queen from Southern California who made it big on season three of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. She is the ultimate Karen-not-Karen, sharing witty quips and observations about the current state of customer service, pop culture, chain restaurants, and all things Diet Coke. Her podcast is themed after a 90s daytime talk show where she “looks gorgeous, speaks extemporaneously, invites fascinating people on the couch, and gets Very Delta.” She makes me proud to be from Southern California and unabashedly proud to not take shit from anyone at any time for any reason. If you don’t believe me or in the magic of drag, you definitely shouldn’t watch her pass a blind taste test of Diet Coke.

6. Canva: If you’re a professional graphic designer, feel free to skip this one. Alberto and I are throwing a legends ball in a little less than two weeks and I used Canva to create all of the advertising materials for it. It is so easy to use and I’m actually so proud of how everything turned out! I’m not sure I will keep my subscription after the legends ball is over, but I feel so much more confident in my abilities as a designer! I’m thinking about taking a class some time next year when I have the mental space again. 

7. MOO.com: I learned about MOO when I was working at my last workplace; our marketing director used them to print our business cards. When it came time to start printing marketing materials for the legends ball, they were the first company I thought of because of their quality, decent pricing, and quick turnaround. Actual feedback we have received on the marketing materials: “Ooh this feels RICH,” “ I’m gagged over these [marketing materials],” “Collin, YOUR MIND!” When I needed to change the address of the ball after the materials were printed and shipped, they were kind enough to let me edit and reprint at no extra cost! I think they mostly serve corporations, but we love creatively avoiding overpaying for legends ball marketing materials-- the legends ball industry itself is wild! 

8. Gavin Turek: Gavin Turek (pictured above) is an LA-based singer, songwriter, and performer who specializes in melding the genres of funk, disco, and pop music. I was introduced to her by an old friend, about ten years ago, when Turek released the “Frontline / Don’t Fight It EP.” Her early music is part of the soundtrack of my early 20s when my innermost diva began to emerge from the depths of self-loathing and into the greener pastures of self-love. Now, as I’m exiting my 20s this December, she is back with “Diva of the People,” an album that explores loss, grief, and self-love over vibrant and synthy disco beats that transport you to a time in which you never lived, but that you wish you did (watch out, Jessie Ware). If you want to cry on the dancefloor, listen to “Heaven Knows.” If you want to get over a bad break up of any kind, listen to “IOU.” And for those of you who have been down and out over being wronged, listen to “Back on the Market.” Alberto and I got to see her perform at a bar in San Diego last month! I got to talk to her, hug her, and thank her for her music. She is truly a Diva of the People. 

9. Kindle: I was an avid reader as a kid, but that love of reading was snuffed out of me in high school and college when required readings became a thing. Alberto got me back into reading when we got together, but I really only focused on audiobooks because I found myself over analyzing the text of visual books. Earlier this year, Alberto stepped on and cracked a Kindle that I had for four years and only used once. My beautiful future husband took it upon himself to replace it, so I now have no choice but to use it. I find meditating before reading very helpful in shutting up my inner literary analyst and can proudly say I’ve visually read most of the almost 25 books I have read so far this year. 

10. The Field of Cosmetic Dentistry: If you tragically live and breathe in a black and white world, you believe that veneers are an absolute monstrosity that only the most vapid and self-absorbed airheads buy into with terrible, unnatural results. Well, let this vapid airhead paint your world with every color of the rainbow for a few minutes: 

    
    I spent the majority of my childhood, teens, and early adulthood absolutely loathing my smile. I grew a set of adult teeth that required help not just for vanity purposes, but for health purposes. My parents didn’t have the money to improve the situation when I was growing up, so I spent the majority of my early life thinking that orthodontic care would always be out of my reach. Yes, I even felt this way when I landed a job with dental benefits after graduating college. Talk about imposter syndrome! 

    
    In early 2021, I broke a baby tooth (yes, a baby tooth) on a frozen chocolate chip and rushed to the dentist. Naturally, the dentist took one look at the inside of my mouth and told me I needed to see an orthodontist who took my insurance. When we moved to San Diego months later, orthodontic care was first on my priority list and I kicked off a two-year journey of improving my smile. During the journey, I learned that I have peg laterals, which means the teeth closest to my two front teeth are abnormally tiny. I was already elated to have braces, but when my orthodontist told me I could manage veneers, I actually cried. When the braces came off and the veneers went on my peg laterals, I was on cloud nine. I looked in the mirror and felt like I was finally seeing my real (hot) face after years of not loving what was in the mirror.

    
    I am incredibly grateful for Dr. Cheryl Guerrero and her team for making me feel so safe through the journey and to Dr. Victor Tran and his team for their attention to detail. Most importantly, I am grateful for Alberto seeing me and loving me through good teeth and not-so-ideal teeth. I am so happy this version of myself gets to marry you and that I get to do so smiling without fear.