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I did what any sane, freshly pregnant woman would do—I turned to Google. Holistic-minded midwife, best midwife in Austin, 5-star midwife who respects me and my knowledge of my body and baby and will let me birth in whatever position I want, anywhere I want. You know, the typical starter inquiries.

Me being me, I wasn’t just looking for the first person available for my due date range. I wanted a stellar team of women to support my family and I through this first and once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Flash forward, I found the two best birth workers in all of Austin (potentially Texas). And they weren't the first, second, or even third people I interviewed. I was looking for women who were extremely aligned with my values, and respected, trusted, and to-their-core believed in birth. And I found them, in part, because of the questions I asked. So I want to share them with you.

Keep in mind, you need to cater some of these to your own unique wishes, fears, and environment. You can only find the best team for you and your baby if you’re honest about 1) who YOU are and 2) what YOU want.

Walk with me…

1. What happens if I go past 42 weeks?

   1. Every state is different. I was looking for a birth team that serves moms, not the state.

2. How do you feel about me laboring/delivering [insert your desired laboring/birth location]?

   1. For me, it was in the tub.

3. What glucose test alternatives do you offer?

   1. Mine let me wear a CGM for a week.

4. This isn’t so much a question, but potentially one of the most important things you can go over. Say, “My dream birth looks like…” and see how they respond.

   1. I immediately told a midwife we wouldn’t be a good fit based on her reaction to my dream birth. She told me how dangerous that sounded and death was a real possibility for me. Leading with fear is a hard no for me.

5. I’m currently struggling with [insert issue], do you have any advice or recommendations?

   1. This is a great way to see if their response feels aligned with your lifestyle and interests. I told one midwife I was really struggling to eat red meat (I was in the height of my first trimester) and she said it wasn’t a big deal because she works with a ton of vegan clients who turn out fine. We weren’t a good fit. Not because I wasn’t vegan, but because she wasn’t speaking to me and my struggle. She was comparing me to women who didn’t share my same challenges. I felt dismissed and continued my search.

6. Have you ever delivered a breech baby?

   1. You can also ask about breech delivery training.

7. Do you require any specific testing or monitoring to be a client?

   1. Ex: I only wanted to do one ultrasound and wanted to make sure that wouldn’t be a conflicting decision.

8. I want delayed cord clamping of at least [time], are you comfortable with that?

   1. You don’t have to have an exact time in mind, but specifics always help for clarity.

9. I don’t want to rush the delivery of my placenta, what is your protocol?

10. What is your transfer rate?

    1. This is the rate at which a midwife transfers a mom from home to the hospital. You can also ask for some examples of reasons for transfers.

11. What type of care do you provide during my pregnancy? Postpartum?

    1. I was looking for guidance. My team provided regular check-ins, phone access, child preparation classes, and emotional support for both Cade and I throughout the entire process and beyond. When I say I chose the best team in Texas, I mean it.

12. The final point I’ll share isn’t a question. It’s something only you can pick up on during your time together. Ask yourself if this is someone you want in your home, holding your hand, seeing you ass naked spread eagle, petting your dog, coaching your husband, and seeing you in all your beautifully imperfect self. Because that’s what she’ll be doing, and much more. Be honest with yourself, and let yourself sit with the conversation before paying a deposit.

Your birth team is an intimate team of people who literally help shepherd your child into the world. And you, mom? They are literally holding your hand (and hair and much more) as you leave someone you once were behind in real time. Choose wisely. <3

I was elated, this was my ticket. No one in the world was a better fit for this role than me. My confidence was through the roof…until the job requested writing samples. My stomach sank. How the fuck does a writer lack writing samples?

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of corporate, sales-y web copy and email copy to share. From social media to podcast ads, I’ve written every type of content a business could need. But when it came to a true repository of creative, health-focused writing? It was nowhere to be found.

That was a gut-wrenching moment for me. How did I let all these years pass without an outlet? I was an OG blogger on Wordpress back in the day. I got so caught up in building other people’s brand voice and presence that I completely ignored my own.

I sheepishly shared a few writing samples from years ago, and knew the opportunity had slipped through my fingers—and only I was to blame. It hurt my heart, but it ignited something inside of me. It was time for me to get back to something I loved as a child, teenager, and 20-year-old.

Fun fact: my first claim to fame was a poem I wrote that was featured in Cat Fancy magazine when I was 11. My mom framed it and it’s still hanging in my bedroom at her house. English was always my favorite subject, and usually my only guaranteed perfect A. I went on to major in copywriting at UMiami with a minor in creative writing. Don’t get me wrong, those credentials helped fuel my 10+ year writing career with great success. I think I’m starting to redefine success, though.

While I didn’t get the job, it was one of those very apparent “everything happens for a reason” experiences. After just a few weeks on substack, I feel the words just pouring out of me. Thank you for reading, this is just the start.

Now that I have a 6-month old that’s regularly pooping and peeing on the potty, I feel inclined to share the tips that got us here. I promise it’s easier than you think. Before my husband and I started offering the potty, we felt so clueless—even though we attended an elimination communication (EC) workshop during my pregnancy. We didn’t know how to start, so I’m here to guide you in 3 simple steps. Yes, that’s all it takes.

Walk with me…

1. Start with the sink

The first time we decided to begin the EC process, we put our 2 month old on the little potty we purchased. He was so uncomfortable, he would just cry. We were so discouraged, but we soon realized it was because he wasn’t yet ready for a seated position. Plus, the potty is cold and hard. So we removed the potty altogether.

Instead, we would prop him up in the sink in front of the mirror before bath time. There are two key points here. A) The mirror. This really helps. My guess is it helps put a visual to the sensations they’re experiencing in their body—feeling themselves pee and watching it happen. B) Consistency. For us, every night before bath was a great time for us to commit to. Where naps and playtime varied, bath time is always around the same time. Pick a time of day that works for you. Maybe it’s first thing in the morning, after a nap, or before bath time. Just pick one and stick to it.

1. How to get them to “go”

My best advice has nothing to do with your baby or the setup, but everything to do with your body language. I notice when I drop my shoulders, soften my jaw, and relax my pelvic floor, my baby typically pees soon after. They’re picking up on your energy. When you’re so attached to the outcome, your body tends to tense up in anticipation. Relax your body and drop your expectations. Your baby will feel more comfortable and willing to relax, which ultimately allows them to pee, and eventually poop. You can also turn on the sink if that’s not too distracting, or make subtle “ssss” noises to mimic a stream of pee. Give them a window of opportunity, about 2 minutes is the max I’ll typically wait. Whether they go or not, keep trying each day.

What about poop? There’s no way to cue for them to pee or poop, they do what they need to do when they need to do it. It’s as simple as that. One day they’ll just surprise you with poop!

1. When to introduce the baby potty

There is no set day or milestone to transition from the sink to the potty. It will be a judgement call on your end. I just decided to try it one day. My son had been consistently peeing in the sink for almost two months and he was sitting up fairly well with assistance. What also helped transitioning to the potty is I recreated his set up. I just placed the potty at the sink, which he was familiar with. Same set up, just a new seat.

My best advice when starting EC is patience and consistency. Drop the idea that there’s a right way to do it, there’s not. Just keep offering the opportunity and give your baby the freedom to experience it at their own pace. Remember, you’re not fully potty training your newborn, just giving them the chance to not go in their diaper.

You’ve got this.

If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments! There are no dumb questions, I promise.

I do feel grounded.

How? I’m a first-time mom, and until becoming one, I didn’t necessarily envision myself as a mom. Yet I feel right at home in the role. I’ve been contemplating this transition over the last few months and I’ve chalked it up to a few things I refer to as the remarkably unmarketable.

Walk with me…

Moms are bombarded with advice, opinions, courses, milestone trackers, and the list goes on. At least once a week a friend asks if I’m using x app or if I’ve started y method. Most of the time I’ve never heard of what they’re referring to, and I like it that way.

When I contemplate what makes me feel good as a mom, it’s intuition, trust, faith, guidance from my baby, and asking myself questions before anyone else, especially the internet.

All of these things are remarkably unmarketable. No one tells you to ask within. They say, “Me! I have the answers. Just insert your credit card here.” And with one double tap of your Apple Pay, you’ve handed over your power as mom. For some, that’s a relief. One less thing to decide or worry about. But what about baby? They want to be seen, not minimized to a checklist.

If you want to feel more grounded in motherhood, you don’t need a course. You need more time with the voice within y-o-u. Here are 5 remarkably unmarketable things to help you feel more confident as mom:

1 Ask yourself first

Early on, my son wasn’t gaining weight. My midwife said he’s not on track, my IBCLC said we need to add in formula, and I hated both of their input. I’ll never forget asking what my doula thought of it all. She simply said, “What do you think?” She transformed me as a mother in that moment. What did I think? I think they’re right, and I’m sad about it. I didn’t even realize I agreed with them. I was so caught up in listening what everyone had to say, I never took a beat to ask myself what I felt or thought. Whether you end up with the same answers or new ones as the people around you, your opinion matters most. So before outsourcing your intuition, just ask yourself what you think first.

2 Check where your frustration/judgment/stress/[insert emotion] is coming from

When I’m rocking my son for the 5th time of the night and he’s not going down, I feel myself getting upset. But if I’m being honest, I’m not the least bit angry with him. I’m mad at my husband. Cade’s sleeping soundly while I’m bouncing my brains out and nursing to no end. So instead of huffing and puffing at my baby, I catch myself. It’s not him, and it’s actually not my husband either. It’s me, not asking for help. I will gladly be my son’s safe place at all hours of the day and night, AND I need to ask my husband to support me so I can properly recharge. Taking time to identify why you’re feeling a certain way is the quickest way to help change the way you react in the heat of the (next) moment. The less stressed and tense I feel, the more grounded I can be.

3 Less is more

It’s as simple as that—less is more. Wooden utensils make great toys. Your baby loves hearing the same books every night. They don’t care that they’re an outfit repeater. Babywearing removes the endless need for distractions. Feed them what you’re already cooking. You don’t need everything Instagram or your friends and family tells you that you do. Reduce, reuse, repeat.

4 The third kid mindset

My secret hack for feeling calm and cool is hopping into the mindset of a third-time mom. Been-there-done-that energy helps take the pressure off. Your baby is screaming in public? Everyone can deal with it. Got home long after bath time? A sponge bath (or none at all) will do for today. Your friend’s kid has started doing something yours hasn’t? Literally doesn’t matter. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, pop on your third kid hat and watch your energy shift.

5 Stop should-ing yourself

Don’t should yourself into a spiral. I have been hearing this word more than ever. Should I be doing this? Should my baby be doing that? I should try xyz. Moms carry enough. The last thing we need to do is start questioning if we should be doing more, more, more. If your baby is happy, healthy, and safe, then I think you should give yourself a pat on the back and relax.

Moms, I hope you found this helpful. I’m telling you—take one BIG ass deep breath every time you find yourself overwhelmed. It often turns into a second and third, and then a bit softer shoulders and a more relaxed jaw. Before you know it, you’re on a beach in the Florida Keys with a frozen margarita. Just kidding, but it will give you a little space to pause and reground. Thanks for reading, I’m rooting for you!

If you liked this article, drop a comment with something you’re going to work on letting go of this week.

I’m not claiming to love every single change I’m seeing on my face, but I’m also not willing to spend tens of thousands of dollars on questionable injectables to pretend it’s not happening. Not everyone feels the same. So I’m starting to wonder: When did growing old become so…embarrassing?

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Sugar Addiction

The A word often feels too heavy for something as exhilarating as sugar. We’ve rebranded dessert and sugar as whimsical sweet treats—ones that we deserve daily, if not multiple times a day. The truth is the average American consumes about 60 lbs of added sugar per year - that’s 5 lbs per month. For reference, 13 sodas a month is equal to about 1 lb of sugar.

What is sugar doing to our brain and body, and why do some of us struggle so much more than others to kick this habit? Why is it that we only consider addiction a condition worthy of correction and support when it’s life-threatening drugs or behavior? I would say sugar falls in that category.

Walk with me…

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