For most of my adult life I thought my body was just doomed to be how it was. Naturally kinda slender, but kinda soft and puffy and blah, and that’s just how it would always be.

I was 30 when I found out I was very wrong. And it took about a month.

Before I ever went to the gym and picked up a heavy barbell, I didn’t understand muscle building at all. I thought if anything was going to change my body, yoga was the way, through and through. It was my spiritual path, my devotional path. I started practicing when I was 14, so it was deep for me, and I really thought that was how you transform a body.

But when I looked at the OG yogis, I didn’t actually want that body type. When I studied yoga, I’d see men with really wide rib cages, and it just wasn’t what I was vibing on physically, even though I loved it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I thought maybe I just wasn’t practicing hard enough, or wasn’t devoted enough. (wtf? lol... Like I should’ve practiced yoga “harder”?)

^{The OG yogis. Lifetimes of practice. Decades of devotion. Incredibly masterful. Just... not the body I was after.}

I didn’t vibe with the idea of weightlifting either though. I thought lifting heavy would make me bulky. I judged it. It felt very bro-y and not spiritual at all, so I didn’t care about it or think it mattered. I saw the people who were so into CrossFit at the time, or the gym bros slamming protein shakes, and I did not feel connected to that scene AT ALL.

I lifted a little in high school, tried it here and there in my twenties, and used 2-10 pound dumbbells for a little home workout. But I didn’t understand lifting heavy or progressive overload. I was just doing 3 sets of 15 reps of a “hard-ish” weight, never realizing I was supposed to add weight over time and actually get stronger.

Wait, rest between sets? I’m supposed to just SIT here?!

I started lifting in 2020, a month before the pandemic hit. I was working for my best friend’s husband, and we decided to take midday gym breaks every day, where he started teaching me to lift. He had me use the app “Strong Lifts” to track my workouts and taught me about progressive overload. He also taught me that when you lift heavy, you need to rest and recover between sets for 2 minutes.

That one broke my brain. I was like wait… what do you mean TWO MINUTES? Shouldn’t I be doing cardio in between, or abs or something? Sitting there for two minutes “recovering” felt like a mega waste of time. My whole body and mind was programmed with the HIIT and cardio mentality, so it didn’t make sense to me.

But I love to learn, so I said okay, I’ll try it. And slowly I started to feel it, then I started to get why rest actually matters.

And then my body actually started changing.

My arms changed pretty quickly. I started to lean out, and I could feel my muscles plump up. I felt things shift in the first week but couldn’t really explain what the change was. My metabolism felt different. My hunger changed in a good way, where I actually felt hungry. I felt more calm, more embodied, and more aligned in my body.

And other people started noticing. My roommate at the time (one of my besties) would say, “whoa girl, your booty is poppin’, how are you doing that?” I was also doing home organization for a woman in Portland, and while we were moving furniture around her house, she said, “wow, how did you get so fit?”

This was all in the first month of lifting. I’d practiced yoga for 10+ years, and I felt more change lifting than I ever did with yoga.

Food = Fuel

I went deep on protein in my last article, so here’s the other food piece: fueling the actual workout.

When I worked out fasted, I felt exhausted and I couldn’t lift well. I still didn't fully trust that fueling my body with more food was the way. I was still deep in the “needing to cleanse” version of my life. It wasn’t really until years later that I started to understand carbs. I’d eat them and then train (fruit, toast or rice cakes with PB & a little honey before), and I’d have way more energy and way more joy in the workout. I felt strong and able and capable.

For a long time I thought carbs were bad for me. I grew up hearing that carbs spike your blood sugar and make you gain weight, the whole ‘glycemic index’ thing, so I filed carbs in my brain as “bad” and kept them there for years.

When I stopped demonizing whole food groups, which I did with animal protein, with carbs, with sugar, I fell in love with food and nourishment again. Food is also joy, beauty, pleasure, connection. But ultimately it is fuel. And that completely changed how I eat. Food wasn’t the enemy anymore. It was the building blocks of the body I wanted.

You can’t build muscle out of nothing. You need fuel (aka food). What did you think it was being built from?

Cardio works your heart. Lifting builds your body.

Running and HIIT are great for cardio, and cardio = heart health. Cardio can be great for heart rate variability, circulation, endurance, and overall health. There’s nothing wrong with cardio. But cardio mostly works your cardiovascular system, not your muscular system. It can strengthen your legs, especially with sprints or hills, but it’s not going to build or shape your body the way lifting does.

Cardio can help you lose fat. Lifting helps you build the muscle underneath it.

Cardio keeps you fit. Lifting changes your shape.

Your body isn’t static. You can change it.

If you care about body recomposition (actually changing how muscle and fat sit on your frame), you have to work specific parts of your body. If you want a bigger booty, you have to build your booty muscles. If you want more of an hourglass shape, you have to build your shoulders so they become the top, and your booty builds the bottom of the hourglass. If you want muscle definition anywhere, you have to build those muscles. Cardio can help reduce body fat, but lifting builds the muscle that creates shape and definition.

You’re not going to get bulky… pinky promise.

Here’s what I really want you to get. We were (and still are) all fed the same viral information based on trends, that are often driven by profit. Most girlies from the 90’s-2000’s were told that to be beautiful or slender you have to eat 1,200 calories and do a lot of cardio, and that if you lift weights, you’ll get bulky and look like a dude.

It’s actually pretty fucking hard to build muscle. Look at all the guys in the gym training so hard for years to get bigger. It’s hard to get big. And we have way less testosterone than men, so it’s much harder for us to build muscle in the first place.

So please… don’t be afraid of getting bulky. Be afraid of wasting years doing things that are never going to work.

You’re not doomed to feel stuck in a body you don’t love. You just need a plan that actually works.

Building a body you love to exist in is a skill. One you can start this week if you want…

I had no idea that changing something so simple, yet so fundamental, would change everything for me. My appetite, my metabolism, my sleep, my energy, my skin, my hormones, on and on and on.

Flood your feed with fitness babes you’re actually inspired by

One of the biggest things that changed my mind and body happened on my phone. I flooded my Instagram and YouTube with women who lift, whose bodies and whole vibe I loved, and it rewired my whole algorithm. Instead of doom scrolling, I was learning something about lifting every single day. You start seeing strong as beautiful because it’s what’s in front of you all day, every day.

A few babes I LOVE and still learn from:

• Sophie van Oostenbrugge at Gains by Brains

• Krissy Cela at Evolve You

• Madelaine Rascan at Studio Era

I don’t follow anyone’s program to the letter (I like to do my own thing), but I watch these women constantly, experiment, and build my own thing from what I pick up. Find the people whose vibe you actually like to learn from, because that’s who’ll get you back to the gym on the days you don’t feel like it.

And an important note… while you’re learning and taking it all in, tell yourself: if it can work for her, it can work for me. More on identity shifting later (it’s a huge part of this).

When you were younger, what did you believe you had to do to be beautiful? Mine was to eat 1,200 calories, avoid carbs, and do a lot of cardio. Tell me in the comments. 🥰

If you’ve been doing everything “right” and you still don’t feel at home in the body you know is available to you, the next part is for you.

Below is exactly how I lift. Where I started with zero clue, the workout split I actually practice, how I add weight without getting hurt or overwhelmed, the handful of moves I build every session around, and how I train with my cycle instead of against it. Use the guide and start this week.

Paid subscribers, your Beginner Lifting Starter Kit is waiting for you below. 💖

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For fifteen years, I thought the answer was less.

I tried everything: vegan, raw, paleo, keto, fasting, superfoods... whatever the internet swore by, I was all in.

But mostly, it looked like this:

I’d fast all morning on lemon water, green juice, then tea, or coffee, feeling so disciplined and so in control. Lunch was usually a protein bar or two. I’d feel so bloated that I thought I was full, while somehow still starving. By 2 p.m., I’d have no energy and couldn’t stop thinking about food. So I'd snack. Then snack again. But never have a meal.

Then night would come, and I’d overeat. Every. Single. Time. I’d go to bed stuffed (and disappointed), wake up puffy, and promise myself tomorrow would be different. So I’d fast again. Same loop. Over and over. For years.

My skin was always breaking out. I felt inflamed all the time. I hated getting dressed because nothing felt good on my body. I skipped events because I didn’t want to be seen. Looking back, it wasn’t about my size. It was about how I felt. I didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel beautiful. I didn’t feel like me.

The part that still breaks my heart: I did everything I was told would work. I had discipline. I had willpower. I was willing to suffer for the body I wanted. I just didn’t have the right information.

(If you read part one: You’re Undernourished, you already know you’re likely not eating enough (or eating too much of the wrong things for your body), and calling it “health”. This is part two.)

The thing I wish someone told me: The body I wanted was on the other side of MORE. More food. More nourishment. More sleep. Heavier weights. And a whole lot less punishment disguised as discipline.

So what changed? How do you go from less... to more?

I stopped guessing. I stopped eating random, expensive “wellness” foods and hoping for the best. I stopped surviving on 30 grams of protein a day and started giving my body what it actually needed. Fifteen years of dieting taught me to believe that less was always better. It took a long time to realize the body I wanted was built on more, not less.

Now I eat around 30 grams of protein at every meal. I lift heavy. I walk every day. I prioritize full night’s sleep. And I feel so 👏 much 👏 better 👏 in my body. And not just better… I feel at home in my body. I wish someone had taught me this in my twenties. It would’ve saved me fifteen years of hating my body and believing I was the problem.

Imagine what your life could look like if your biggest project wasn't fixing your body.

You cannot restrict and force your way into a body you love.

So if you’re doing everything “right”… Eating the salads. Doing the cardio. Trying so hard. And you’re still tired. Still inflamed. Still not where you want to be. I need you to hear me. You were handed the wrong formula.

I'm going to walk you through what finally worked for me.

Below is the exact framework I use today. It’s the actual how. How I eat. How much protein I aim for. How I calculate my macros. How I train. And the handful of habits that changed my body.

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I started studying Ayurveda at nineteen and became a clinical Ayurvedic practitioner at twenty-three. I was literally trained on how to nourish a body, and I still didn’t understand the whole picture. For my entire twenties I thought the secret to a smaller body was eating smaller things. Less food. More cardio. More fasting. More cleansing. More discipline.

I’d fast as long as I could. Live on coffee, a smoothie, a salad, some almond butter, some cacao. I thought this was “healthy.” I thought I was such a wellness queen.

However, my nervous system was spun out af. I had no energy so I kept the caffeine train going strong. I thought I needed to try harder and develop stronger self-discipline. I didn’t realize that the answer was the exact opposite of everything I was doing. I needed REAL nourishment.

Here’s the part that makes me want to scream. For years I was convinced I lacked willpower. That there was something wrong with me and I just needed to do better, try harder, learn more. I thought I was broken and that if I could just find the right thing or the right practitioner or the right protocol, I’d finally fix myself.

Here’s what a “healthy” day back then looked like.

Fasting all morning, running on nothing but liquids and caffeine, elated and high and empty in the exact way I thought was healthy. Until the caffeine wore off and I couldn’t chase the high, because more caffeine meant no sleep. Then I’d crash. I’d get home exhausted and overwhelmed, with a mile-long to-do list I still hadn’t finished, and instead of letting myself take a break, I’d stand in the kitchen “bingeing” to give me energy to get the rest of my shit done that I didn’t want to do.

And I would continue to eat. Usually dates and chocolate dunked into a jar of almond butter until half the jar (or more) was gone. Spoonful after spoonful, not even tasting it after a while, trying to fill a void no amount of food could help. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with these foods. But the amount I ate was intense. I’d eat until I was so stuffed and often in tears, then force myself to do the work I’d been avoiding the whole time. My inner dialogue was brutal: “WTF is wrong with me? Why do I always do this? I’m never going to heal. I’m so fucked up.” If you’ve ever lived some version of that, I need you to hear the thing it took me fifteen years to learn.

I didn’t have a binge eating problem or a food addiction.

I was chronically underfueling my body for most of my twenties (eating maybe 30 to 60 grams of protein A DAY, tops). I lost my cycle, was diagnosed with PCOS, PMDD, and SIBO. I had no energy, my digestion and hormones were fucked, my sleep was chaotic, and my brain could not function well at all.

I wasn’t just hungry. I was deeply disconnected from myself from years of depletion. I wasn’t eating enough to think clearly. I confused malnourishment with a lack of discipline. I wasn’t giving my body what it needed.

What I didn’t realize was that the lack of self-nourishment was also a lack of self-trust. I used to hear myself say, over and over again: “I’m so confused.” Looking back, I wasn’t confused.

I was afraid of my intuition because I didn’t like what it was telling me. It’s a lot easier to say you’re confused than it is to admit you already know the answer.

This was the same season of my life when I ended up in an abusive relationship that mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically fucked me up. I’m not saying undereating caused that relationship. But being disconnected from my body and my needs, with my brain barely working, made it much harder to hear and trust the quiet voice inside me that knew something was off. (That story deserves its own essay.) Ironically though, that timeline and that relationship ended up exploding so badly that it woke me up to the fact that I needed to listen to myself, respect myself, respect my body, and my intuition, and nourish all parts so that I could actually heal and thrive.

I wasn’t chasing health. I was chasing smallness.

I confused being small with being hot and more lovable.

Love and worthiness have nothing to do with the size and look of your body. But a billion-dollar beauty industry will have you thinking otherwise real quick. And pretty much all the women I know, especially all of my type A “woke” girlie friends have been so brainwashed by all of this. The messaging is so strong and so deep and so relentless that it’s quite hard to bust through.

The thing is, if you want to be truly hot and healthy and thriving, you need to be nourished and connected to yourself, your needs, your desires, your truth.

Nourishment is the answer.

You need more food. More water. More sleep. More movement. More joy. More pleasure.

Human bodies are astonishingly good at taking care of themselves when we stop fucking starving them. Restriction is not the answer. Nourishment is. Nourishment on all levels - body, mind, spirit, love. That’s it. That’s the hot tip nobody is selling in Sephora or in the next fad diet because it’s not flashy, it’s hard to package, and it doesn’t seem to make anyone rich. Preying on perceived flaws does. If you’re unhappy with yourself, there’s a big money market there.

So let me say the thing I wish someone had said to me when I was twenty.

Starving yourself and calling it fasting or cleansing will never give you the body you’re yearning for. Restricting and bingeing and thinking you have an eating disorder, when really you’re just exhausted and undernourished, will never get you to your dream body. Maybe for a week. Maybe for a month. But eventually your biology wins.

Restriction always creates rebound. With every fast, cleanse, or diet, eventually there is an equal and opposite binge.

If you’ve tried your absolute hardest to feel good in your body and it’s still not working...

If you’re exhausted, inflamed, and frustrated...

If you’re carrying around guilt or shame because you think you are the problem...

I wrote this for you.

You are not flawed or lazy or broken. You were likely taught that wellness meant becoming smaller. It doesn’t. The biggest lie I ever believed was that shrinking myself would make me beautiful.

The truth? My body finally changed when I gave it more.

More food. More strength. More rest. More compassion. More permission. More love.

I wasted fifteen years hating my body and trying so 👏 fucking 👏 hard 👏. Let’s not waste any more time with this. You were never the problem. You’ve likely just been chronically undernourished.

This was part one. The actual how is already waiting for you. Start here, with what to actually eat so you stop starving and finally feel like yourself again:

Then read this one, on why lifting (not more cardio) is the thing that actually changed my body. And… pinky promise, it will not make you bulky:

And if what you need is someone in your corner while you do this, that’s exactly what I do. I offer Unfuck Your Nutrition sessions and coaching for food, sleep, mindset, and lifestyle, and I’d love to help you get there.

Tell me in the comments... what’s the wellness belief, trend, diet, or “healthy” habit you’ve sworn by for years that’s keeping you stuck?

Disclaimer: This is my story, not medical advice. If you’re struggling with a clinical eating disorder, please reach out for help. You deserve real support, and reaching for it is the same self-trust I’ve been talking about this whole time. In the US you can call the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline at 1-866-662-1235 and talk to an actual person.