UNHAND ME

I am shocked and appalled to find out how many people will just touch your stomach without asking. I’m from the south. I’m a hugger. But everyone has taken advantage of my southern hospitality lol I’m really obsessed with touching my own stomach right now, it’s just so interesting to me everything that’s going on in there so touching in general feels a little more personal. I would like the opportunity to invite people to touch or at least accept their request. I don’t have that many friends with kids so I don’t think I had a perspective on this before and I may have been an unsolicited belly toucher back in the day. But now I know it’s out of pocket and boundaries are getting set for the next 10 weeks! Yall blew it lol ❤️

IM GETTING MY LICK BACK

I was very unaware that babies are trained fighters in the womb. As early as 16 weeks I’ve been dealing with an Olympic boxing, MMA kicking, Muay Thai knee striking assassin. I’ve been very fortunate to have an “easy” pregnancy. No morning sickness, no swelling, and very minimal back pain. However, my child is whooping my butt from sun up to sun down. Any time I get comfortable, smell food or (God forbid) try to sleep I get hit with a two piece. I fear as I get further into the third trimester it will become borderline abusive. It’s the most strange, cute, and uncomfortable part of my pregnancy and as soon as my kid is of age I will be fighting them back 😂 I’m an Aquarius, I forgive but I don’t forget. 16th birthday present is going to be a car and a knuckle sandwich.

HORMONES GONE WILD

While I personally have categorized my pregnancy as “easy” out of respect for all of the wild stories I’ve been told and things I’ve seen on the gram, there’s still some pretty random things going on. I definitely have melasma on my stomach and it’s circling around my outtie belly button like Sisqo’s sun tattoo 😩 nostalgic.

One of the other pregnancy symptoms these new hormones decided to bring on my otherwise well moisturized skin is a reptilian dryness on my legs. An ash not even the thickest NIVEA lotion could cure. I’m now using a Shea butter that I got from the middle of the mall in Inglewood that’s been doing the trick but the results are short lived. I’m mostly wearing pants and truly don’t care anymore but if you see me and my alligator legs in the street, be kind. I’m going through a lot (of lotions.) Lastly, pregnancy rhinitis come up here and get your award for scariest hormonal change ever (for me.) Imagine one day you wake up and just can’t breathe out your nose anymore. It’s done, everything you thought you knew about breathing is over, you’re a mouth breather now and there’s no end in sight according to Google. Dealing with rhinitis was the craziest 5 days for me. I was in Atlanta working at the time and panicked that this must be my first time experiencing allergies because I’d never felt anything like this. I bought a Neti pot and every single kind of nose strip target had to offer. And I must say, this is not an ad, Nyquil nose strips were sent from heaven. Anyway, I was so happy this cleared up in 5 days and I will never take breathing through my nose for granted again. Pregnancy hormones are crazy, just be ready for whatever. I don’t even try to make sense of any of it anymore.

RIHANNA REALLY IS THE GOAT 🐐

Getting dressed while pregnant is not as fun or easy as Rihanna has made it look. I channeled her and really went there for my maternity shoot but that is officially all I have to give. My pant size is increasing weekly and ever since I surpassed being able to wear Conor’s jeans I’ve been stressed out 😩 I’m officially a L/XL and all of a sudden a double D bra and it’s the fastest I’ve ever had to adjust to change. I have discovered I despise things being pulled over my stomach so no, I’m not buying maternity clothes. H&M and Zara mens department has saved my life as far as jeans and comfy pants go. But most of the time my pants are just unzipped whenever I’m out. It’s a dangerous game but… FASHION. I don’t know why this would happen, but since anything is possible now please don’t lift my shirt up if you see me you will be getting a surprise. Naked Wardrobe had beautiful gowns and fast shipping for the baby moon and I’m opening a suggestion box for other great places to get cute maternity sized clothes. Please don’t be stingy, it’s not the time.

DEAR WORKING MOMS

My favorite takeaway from this new experience is: a baby ain’t stopping nothing! 😂 I spent almost 2 decades being scared of motherhood because I thought it’d stifle my career, slow me down or whatever the hell else I was thinking. I’ve never been more motivated in my life and I actually need to sit down somewhere soon. I definitely say no more to frivolous things and honor my new 10:30pm bed time but I’m thriving at work, shooting my podcast multiple times a week, and just did an 8 hour maternity shoot! I’m going crazy. There’s so many working moms I admire and don’t think I ever gave them enough credit for not only showing up everyday but also killing it. I wish I was paying attention a little earlier but that’s neither here nor there … I’m here now, joining the capable club and hope that myth stops here for any young ambitious ladies reading this.

OK! I might actually delete this lol but I didn’t know how else to pass the time. I think the baby is actually sleep in there now (must be nice). The sun is about to come up. I guess I’m gonna just have a coffee, push through and see what Lake Como is talking about. Pray for me ❤️😂

No, these are not words given directly from these artists mouths (well besides Jay Z, he’s made this pretty clear throughout his career.) These are words the world has watched these global superstars authentically live up to for years. I trust these artists to embody these words, to be who they are. The authenticity of your brand is the promise you make, to consumers, fans, followers, whoever’s watching, to be who you say you are. A promise to be yourself is not a promise to be perfect, politically correct, or always right...it is a promise to be yourself, that’s it. The effect that keeping that promise has on people is trust. If you always are who you say you are than I can trust you to be who you are and building trust with a person begets loyalty, and loyalty to a brand begets longevity, and longevity begets legacy.

In my time working with artists at the very beginning of their careers, ‘who are you’ has always been the hardest question for them to answer. It’s not because they don’t know who they are (in that moment). It’s because they would immediately start overthinking if who they know themselves to be is good enough, cool enough, or interesting enough to be an artist. The answer is if you’re wondering any of those 3 things you’ve already lost the plot. You’re on your way to making up some shit that you think people want to hear when in reality the majority of the world is insecure about who they are, feel uncool at times and would consider their lives relatively boring...Now you’ve missed your opportunity to be relatable (the most authentic kind of brand) because you rather try to be some unrealistic version of yourself that’s simply not sustainable. I promise whoever you are is enough. One of the greatest television show’s ever made is a show about absolutely nothing, and as good, interesting, and cool as ‘Euphoria’ may be, there’s still an audience for Seinfeld...to this day. If you’re feeling like you have to embellish who you are to reach a certain audience, you probably don’t know who your audience is yet or what they want. Anyway, I’m not here to criticize anyone who has trouble answering this question, it’s a lot to ask. I’m here to help, so here’s a simple equation I created to help you communicate your brand:

BEST PERSONAL ATTRIBUTE x HOW YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED = WHO YOU ARE

If I was doing this equation for myself I would say:

DILIGENT x A PERSON THAT GETS STUFF DONE = AN EXECUTOR

That’s who I am, that’s my rapid fire one word brand. As long as I always finish what I start, pay attention to detail, complete tasks, ship my work, close deals, and produce…I’m “on brand.” The most authentic thing I could do is finish this book. If you’re reading this right now I’m proud to say you can trust me (a lil bit). I really hope someone’s reading this right now.

Ok, let me unpack my work from the equations I shared earlier:

Jay-Z is Tenacious. He’s built a rap career, a business empire, and a marriage in public and never once let us see him sweat. He’s been going hard to attain and maintain the American Dream for decades and he’s not quitting anytime soon. If I had to guess how he wants to be remembered, I'd say as a winner. As much as he’s reminded us he’s the best rapper alive, the strongest statement he’s ever made, in my opinion is “I WILL NOT LOSE.” He is going to try to make it happen by any means necessary. It’s not as much about what he’s making happen but more of how he goes about it. He’s willing to work very hard to succeed. He’s a hustler … homie.

Beyonce is Devoted to her craft, her family, her fans and just about everything she touches. She over-delivers on every single thing she touches. Nobody is working that hard and sacrificing that much of their life to not be remembered as one of the best to ever do it. When we get those peeks behind the curtain we see she doesn’t accept any mediocrity, she sets extremely high standards for everyone around her and personally strives for excellence. While every single thing she does may not result in perfection she is always in search of it, and she damn sure fits the description of A Perfectionist.

DMX was an extremely Spiritual man. He spoke openly about God, Heaven and Hell. Several of his song titles and albums reference scripture. The last time I personally saw DMX before his untimely passing he was delivering a prayer at Kanye’s Sunday Service that brought the crowd to tears. Because of how transparent he was about his struggles, lessons and redemption, I believe he would have wanted to be remembered as a person with an important message. Not a perfect message but divine truths and morals that he would struggle the rest of his life to live by. DMX was receiving the word of God and spent decades delivering back into the world; he was A Prophet.

Taylor Swift is Transparent, some may say an open book. She’s been sharing her diary entries through well written songs, curated albums and fairy tale visuals and she’s allowed her fans to grow up with her in real time. Masterful songwriting, millions of dollars, and pro athlete husband aside I still think Taylor just wants to be remembered as a normal girl. She was relatable before she was ever considered remarkable, and I think that still comes first because she understands the power of it. Just a normal girl writing chart topping stories about regular problems. Taylor Swift is A Storyteller.

Bad Bunny is Defiant. He refuses to translate himself, to support the status quo, & to shrink and he defies it all with great pride! Bad Bunny is crashing through glass ceilings for his people but also for anyone who feels they have to compromise what they believe in to be successful! I hope he wants to be remembered as the leader of a new generation, a generation of brave change makers that use their gifts to revolt against injustice. When Bad Bunny used his grammy acceptance speech as an opportunity to declare “Ice Out”, I knew he was A Rebel with a cause.

I chose these 5 artists because they made these promises to us and they’ve kept them. While all of them have elevated and evolved in different ways since the first time we met them, they have not changed in any way that would make you question who they are. They have shared glimpses of their personal life through their music and the media and turned some of their worst moments into the best art we’ve ever seen and heard. They have not been perfect, they have been authentic. Even the ‘perfectionist’, Beyonce, has had her imperfect moments and turned lemons into lemonade (perfectly). It is no coincidence that these five artists are considered the most successful in their genres; their achievements are a testament to their unwavering commitment to delivering on their promise to be who they are.

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Your brand is your guide to success. It tells you how you need to show up, outlines the expectations you should set for yourself, and teaches people what to expect from you. All you have to do is follow your guide. Now, the most important thing to understand and why I wrote this book is to remind you that you create the guide. That’s why it’s so important that it is authentic. Once you start going down that road the responsibility is on you to show up, meet those expectations and deliver on your promise. Do not create a guide you can’t follow. Do not make a promise you can’t keep. Who you are is enough and building an authentic brand is an exercise in becoming your best SELF. By staying true to yourself, you’ll not only reach your goals but also won’t have to compromise who you are to do reach them.

Do not promise to be who you want to be, promise to be who you are.

I begin with authenticity because it is the foundation that the other 7 laws of artist branding discussed in this book are built upon. It’s essential to first understand and embrace who you are so you can begin expressing who you are intentionally, clearly and deeply.

The one word brand exercise is fun but I want to be clear nobody is obligated to believe or trust you just because you said who you are. How you express yourself authentically time and time again is the ultimate test. Authenticity without intention is a genuine accident. If you don’t want your career or success to look like or be an accident you must understand the importance of intentionality. When intentionality is understood and properly expressed it sets the stage for authenticity to be perceived.

That one word is the ground you build on, not the whole blueprint. It tells you who you are, but it doesn't yet tell anyone what you're building or why they should care. That's the next layer. So, now that you know who you are, let’s take it a step further and develop a brand statement to express your intentions. You get here by asking yourself two more big questions.

“What are you selling?”

&

“Why”

Nothing is more authentic than being aware of what you’re putting out into the world and having a purpose. Your “who” is what builds trust, your “what” is what builds loyalty, your “why” is what builds longevity and all three combined is what will define your legacy. Now, let’s go ahead and attack the elephant in the room, if you’re an artist and your answer to “what are you selling” is music...no it’s not! If that’s all you’re selling, it’s not unique enough to speak to a particular audience, cut through the noise or to compete with the millions of creators doing exactly what you do.

The biggest brands in the world are the biggest brands in the world, because they know the answers to these 2 questions. Coca-Cola is NOT selling soda! Coca-Cola is selling a feeling, and it’s Happiness! Why? Because people deserve simple pleasures in life. When you make something as simple as quenching your thirst pleasurable, then you can make everyday moments in life more special just by cracking open a Coke. Nike is not selling athletic apparel! Nike is selling motivation! Why? Nike wants people to believe they can overcome anything against all odds - or at the very least try. So if you wear these shoes, put on this shirt, or just see this check - understand that you can DO IT! The what and the why are the reason two similar brands can exist at the same time, in the same place, with the same audience, successfully. People go to different brands for different things and if they don’t know what your thing is, they won’t come at all. I may want a Coke when I’m happy but I want a Gatorade when I’m dehydrated. I never want a Sierra Mist.

Don’t be Sierra Mist.

[Ok…To be continued in a published book form soon! I think I needed to commit to sharing a small piece to pressure myself to finish the whole thing (if I am the executor I claim to be!) ok y’all are making me nervous lol if you do the exercise please tell me ‘who you are’ in the comments and any other feedback is appreciated too. k bye <3]

-Amber Grimes

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For all of my 20’s and half of my 30’s, having a baby was never a “thing” I pressured myself about. I chose not to believe in “the clock.” And while so many people told me “you’ll never feel ready, you just have to do it,” I chose not to believe that either. I’m a product (and a victim) of the girl boss era, and instead of intentionally building a personal life, I spent the last 15 years building my career. I’ve learned a lot but I’m not sorry about that. I worked hard and changed the trajectory of my life. I’m proud of myself for that.

Last year, burnout finally caught up to me. It sat me down and asked what any of this was even for. And when I found out I was pregnant, it clicked: it was for this. I haven’t been avoiding motherhood, I’ve been getting ready for it. I waited on purpose, and now I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life. I am not late. Everything is exactly on time.

A couple of years ago, during the pandemic, I started making different choices for myself. For someone whose whole identity revolved around her career, the best decision I ever made was walking out of unhealthy, toxic work environments. I hustled and climbed the ladder high enough to actually see my future at the top of it , and I didn’t like the view. So instead of climbing just to prove something to somebody, I climbed back down and realized there was more than one ladder to success. I prioritized my happiness and moved toward people who love me, who respect me, and toward the actual reason I got into this business in the first place (to do the work). I also started understanding equity and ownership. I was getting too old to keep building other people’s dreams and giving myself gray hair for it. My mindset shifted to ‘I’m leaving here with something.’ I got serious about my finances, took my partners’ advice on saving, brought on a wealth manager, and negotiated my way into being a partner in my next role. That’s all for you, little baby. I’ve always wanted to be a mom who works on her own terms — who doesn’t come home yelling or drained, who knows how to plan for both her future and her kid’s. In my 20’s, I wasn’t that person yet. Now I am.

My entire 20’s, I was a tyrant about therapy. I’d say things like “I already know what’s wrong with me” and quote unhinged Kanye lyrics like they were scripture. I didn’t actually understand what therapy was for until I needed it. My friend introduced me to the most amazing therapist in the world, and I’m forever grateful for that referral. While I was physically removing myself from toxic environments, I hadn’t yet mentally separated my self-worth from my accomplishments. I didn’t even know what I was trying to prove, or who I was proving it to, or why I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness to do it. Therapy answered all of that. I gave myself grace. I built boundaries. I forgave a lot of people, including myself. I learned my patterns, my triggers, my actual self. I know myself better right now than I ever have in my whole life. And that’s all for you too, little baby. I’m about to go on a new adventure of learning myself as a mother. Because I know Amber, the woman, I feel confident about moving on to this next step. Nothing is missing. I have no RAGERTS. I love me.

I didn’t always dream about being married or being a mother; partly because I was so busy working, and partly because I never dated anyone who made me want to share either of those things with them. I’m so excited to make Conor a father. We’ve done couples therapy together. Two years ago we bought what feels like our forever home. Last year we got engaged in the most beautiful way I could have ever imagined. I’ve never felt more supported by anyone. I mean this guy let’s me shoot a podcast in the middle of the living room 2x a week (even when the Knicks were playing lol). That’s love (to me)! I could tell you a million more things lol but I don’t want to give away my vows. We’ve built the exact foundation I always wanted to bring a child into. That’s all for you too, baby. You’re going to have the best father in the world.

I don’t say any of this to brag. I say it because I think we’ve turned “readiness” into a feeling you either have or you don’t or like something that’s supposed to strike you like lightning. To me, ready isn’t a feeling that arrives. It’s a series of decisions you make on purpose, one at a time. Ready is something you build.

I’ve spent most of my adult life giving to my career, to the people I love, to anyone who’s ever needed something from me. Now I’m excited to finally give something to myself: time, presence, and a kind of joy I haven’t felt yet and can’t fully picture.

I’ve always wanted to be a present mother. I’ve always wanted to make the games and the recitals. I’ve always wanted the option to put my phone down and just show up. I built a life where that option exists for me, and I’m proud of that. It was worth the wait.

If you’re a millennial sitting with a quiet fear that you waited too long, that the clock is running out, or that you spent your energy on the wrong things for a while, listen to me: I wouldn’t have done this a single day earlier than I did.

The clock people warn you about isn’t real in the way we’re taught to fear it. What’s real is readiness — emotional, financial, relational — and it doesn’t arrive on some universal timeline. It’s built through intentional choices, and sometimes life just has to happen to you first. You have to grow up, choose on purpose, and align with who you actually want to be. In my 20’s, I didn’t know how to do any of that yet. Now I do. And I promise you, whatever you’re building right now toward the life or the family you want, you will thank yourself later for not rushing past it.

I hold deep respect for anyone navigating a harder road to parenthood for reasons beyond their control. That path deserves its own grace, and I don’t take for granted that mine has been easier. But for those of you who can still get here on your own timeline: give yourself grace. You are not late. Things tend to happen exactly when they’re supposed to, and the version of you who gets there on your own time will be more ready than you could have been any earlier.

My life could not be more perfect right now. Not because it’s flawless, because it’s mine. I really feel like I chose it. And I’m ready to share it with someone new. Everything is perfect.

I’m a mommy!

Today we’re welcoming our 15th book pick into the Bookhouse!

“ERASED: What American Patriarchy Has Hidden From Us”

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Durand Bernarr came on my podcast, If You Knew Better and shared a beautiful excerpt on accountability and restorative justice. The post started making its rounds, and people were flooding the comments asking for references. Durand pointed everyone to Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis for the excerpt and Erased by Anna Malaika Tubbs to learn more. I started digging, doing my research, and the deeper I went into Anna’s work and her messages on patriarchy, gender inequality, and self-silencing, the more I knew I had to bring this into the book club. I am so excited to share it with you all.

Erased is one of those books that makes you stop and ask, how did I not already know this? It’s more than a history lesson, it’s a reclamation. Anna Malaika Tubbs traces how American patriarchy was architected, from the founding fathers all the way to your Instagram feed, and how the women who built and shaped this country were deliberately written out. This book is for men and women of color who know the feeling of being overlooked, underestimated, or having to work twice as hard to be seen half as much. Tubbs has a gift for making the academic feel personal, and by the end, you realize the tools to dismantle the system: your intuition, your wisdom, your power, were never actually taken from you. They were just hidden. Erased will help you uncover them.

Dr. Anna Malaika Tubbs is a two-time New York Times bestselling author and multidisciplinary expert on race, gender, and equity. She holds a Ph.D. in Sociology and a Master’s in Multidisciplinary Gender Studies from the University of Cambridge, alongside a Bachelor’s in Medical Anthropology from Stanford University. She grew up across Dubai, Mexico, Sweden, Estonia, Azerbaijan, and the United States, and that global exposure deeply shapes her commitment to bringing people together through the celebration of difference. Her first book, The Three Mothers, restored the stories of the women who raised Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, and James Baldwin. Her TED Talk has been viewed over 2 million times. Erased is her second book and continues her life’s work of putting women back at the center of the American story.

Follow Anna on Substack: and Instagram

I’m looking forward to reading “Erased” with you and would love to hear from you as you go! Stay tuned for more!

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with love,

Amber

LVRN joined the independent music community four years ago. I cannot lie, the learning curve was steep but we’ve been killing it domestically and internationally. The indie space rewards a different kind of thinking than the major label world and it actually aligns with how LVRN started. Quick and scrappy decision making, personal storytelling and creative execution is what makes LVRN unique as a label (indie or major). The truth is nothing we’re doing is a secret. What sets us apart as an indie is the same thing that set us apart in the major label system, we’re still doing artist development. I’m prepared to argue that artist development matters even more when you’re independent. You simply don’t have the resources to buy people’s affection or their streams. You have to build a real connection with the fans or it doesn’t work. But instead of arguing, I’m leaving you with 3 things I’ve learned about navigating artist development as an indie label to celebrate our recognition. Who’s a gatekeeper? Not me.

#1. Your Artist’s Brand and Story Actually Matter More Than the Song

When you don’t have the hit yet, the viral video, or the streaming data…the best way to build a real connection with an audience, no matter how small, is through the artist’s story.

Before “Friend Do” became a viral hit for Bellygang, we spent all of our time *and* resources making sure people connected with who Bellygang actually was: his look, his story, his purpose. We leaned hard into narratives about his racial identity, not for clicks and likes, but because it was a massive and authentic part of who he is. His upbringing is the reason he looks the way he looks, the reason his voice is so distinct, and the reason he has the relationship with the streets that he does. And raising an autistic son with no real blueprint for healthy parenting? That became his motivation, his purpose, his why. Purpose matters when you’re trying to get people to buy into anything!

Yeah, he had his attention-grabbing moments shooting videos in the middle of the highway and all that but shock value only gets people to look. It doesn’t make them stay. When we graduated from the antics and turned them into real purpose, when we made his debut project *The Streets Is Yours* a statement about working hard so you can take over your block the dots connected in a way that felt inevitable.

By the time “Friend Do Remix ft. YKNIECE” dropped, Bellygang was already visually recognizable and in a few people’s hearts. Fans knew his merch strategy (because marketing still matters too) and the fans were in the blog comments telling his identity story for us organically.

Having a big song is amazing, especially for an independent labels bottom line, but if you want to thrive in the indie space you have to think long term. Majors can afford one hit wonders because there have legacy artist with iconic brands to foot the bill if nothing else works out. Real success in the indie space is building a real artist, not a song. Someone whose fans want to see them win and who will stand the test of time because the connection runs deeper than a stream. It can feel frustrating to invest in brand and story when you’re waiting on the product to catch up but honestly it’s easier to play catch-up with the music than it is to play catch-up with the relationship. The song will come. And when it does you’ll have an audience that genuinely cares about the artist, not just the record.

Tell the story first so your artist doesn’t become a song.

#2. Use the Tools and Build a Community. Today.

It doesn’t matter how small the room is, you need to be talking to the people in it.

“Day 1 fans” used to be reactive. An artist would blow up, and suddenly everyone was scrambling to prove they were there from the beginning and by then the artist was too big to even care. As an indie label or artist, you can’t afford that dynamic. You have to create and invest in your “Day 1’s” before the moment arrives.

Create a space for them. Talk to them. Reward them. Give them access. Flood them with content. Make them feel like they’re along for the ride…because they are.

The tools to do this exist right now and most people aren’t using them enough or at all:

-Broadcast Channels: Instagram handed us all a direct line to fans and put it inside the app we use the most. If you’re an indie artist or label not using this, you’re leaving community on the table.

- Laylo: great for direct fan messaging, creative marketing with an ROI, and drop alerts

- Co:Brand: Now this is one I was gatekeeping for a while (Can’t even lie but the jig is up lol) my favorite thing about it is it helps you actually identify who’s actually engaging with your music and sounds and you can execute amplification plans all in one place.

- EVEN: thanks to LaRussell, we’ve all seen what’s possible when you build a real ecosystem for your supporters to live in. I just used EVEN for the first time this year but you can release exclusive music and videos, community chat, create and sell special variants of your album, and so much more.

- Substack: one of the most underutilized artist tools right now. A direct and deeply personal email to your people, without an algorithm deciding who sees it and something to finally do with all that data you’ve been collecting and don’t use.

Nobody knows this community building journey better than our partners OVMBR and artist Odeal. Because we can track creators, when Odeal goes on tour we get a massive index of UGC from fans at the shows. We engage with their videos, we make fans feel seen, we pull content to share across his broadcast channel, his fan pages, shorts and so much more. We can identify early trends and reward people with new music, personal acknowledgment and access because we know exactly who they are. It’s been exciting to see how differently fans show up for Odeal on the internet and to his shows and meet and greets because they truly feel they discovered him, are apart of the team and are connected.

Ten fans will become ten thousand fan faster than you think. Make sure you’ve built them a home so they can get cozy when they arrive, if you want them to stick around for a while.

#3. You Cannot Afford to Be a Skeptic

Clipping has been around for a while. Streamers figured it out early. Justice on our team figured it out early and had us trying all types of things. And if you paid attention to how certain major label artists have been flooding your algorithm let’s just say independent artists weren’t the first ones to catch on. Now there are articles being written about it that your mom can read. Which means you're late.

By the time Billboard or the New York Times publishes a trend piece, you should already be the subject of it.

Independent artists and their teams have to be fearless visionaries. When you see something, you need to research it. Phone a friend. Ask around. Test it out with a ridiculously low budget. Choosing to be independent is choosing to try to make fire with sticks and stones. If you want a lighter, sign to a major. I know resources are limited when you’re indie, but creativity isn’t.

Understanding the concept of what clipping is, is free.

Instagram’s **Trial Reels** is a barely-discovered feature sitting right inside the app that I feel like no one is using. You don’t know what part of your song is going to land? Not sure what text on screen is going to get someone to stop scrolling? You too embarrassed to post that cringy trend to your own song? Put it all on Trial Reels. The results are real, the audience conversion when something works is significant, and the risk is low because the content only shows to non-followers. And if it works you have the option to share it with your followers and show them how awesome you are and that you were just buried in the algorithm lol.

Congratulations! you just became your own clipper.

LaRussell was an early adopter of EVEN and he went so hard it became apart of his artist brand. You cannot be afraid to embrace new ideas and be first. Who the hell wants to be second?

Don’t wait for permission from the old guard to try new things. By the time they write the article, you should be who they’re quoting. You should be a case study. You should be the success story.

Being independent is about being a leader. Not a follower with a distribution deal.

My team and I don’t know everything but we’re having fun and dressing well while we figure it out. I do know the indie space doesn’t reward the biggest budget. It rewards the clearest vision, the most authentic story and the teams willing to move before the rest of the industry catches up. Everything I’ve shared here we learned by doing it and by sometimes getting it wrong first. I’m growing and learning everyday but I think sharing should be apart of that process too. All the Indies are being tested and figuring it out in real time, let me see your paper 😂 and I’ll let you see mine.

I knew when I found Tanya’s page that I had to get her on this show.

I sent her Instagram to my producer and said: please find her, get her here to me. She was the reason I made this podcast. She embodied everything If You Knew Better is about.

Tanya Renee Meisenbach, better known online as Burned Beauty 2018 is a survivor! In December 2018, after 15 years in a relationship defined by narcissistic abuse, coercive control, financial exploitation, and gaslighting, her husband set her on fire. She sustained third and fourth degree burns to the upper 35% of her body. She spent two months in a medically induced coma. She woke up to the same man sitting at her bedside, love bombing her back into silence.

And she still didn’t fully know what happened to her.

This episode is not only about the horror of what Tanya survived but also how she got there. And most importantly how she finally found her way out.

Don’t ignore the early red flags.

When Tanya met her ex in 2004 she was freshly divorced, in a custody battle, and by her own admission not looking to date. But there he was: attentive, emotionally present, and asking all the right questions.

What she didn’t know then was that he wasn’t building a connection. He was building a dossier.

“That’s what they’re doing. Collecting data.”

The love bombing was immediate. He moved in within months and contributed almost nothing financially while she supported the household. She introduced a lot of our audience to the slang term “hobosexual” in this episode. While we laughed about this it is a very real and common manipulation tactic. A person will literally romance you to gain comfort and a roof over the head.

As new issues continued to arise, she kept waiting for the man she met at the beginning to come back. She didn’t yet understand the fundamental truth about narcissists:

That man never existed.

The attentiveness, the empathy, the intensity of early connection was a long con. A means to an end. When she finally began to understand this she was married and in too deep.

They Don’t Just Abuse You. They Make You Forget Who You Are.

One of the most powerful moments in this conversation is when Tanya describes walking into a strip club on Roswell Road to confront her husband and stopping mid-story to ask herself, what kind of life is that?

“That’s not who I was. But that’s who I was at that point.”

She’s not saying this to shame herself. She’s saying it because it’s one of the clearest signs that something is deeply wrong: when you no longer recognize your own behavior. Tanya put it plainly: “if you stay with a narcissist, you become toxic too.” That’s what prolonged psychological abuse does to a person. It erodes your sense of self until the version of you that shows up is unrecognizable. And then that version of you becomes evidence that you’re the problem.

Coercive Control Is Abuse. Even When There Are No Bruises.

We’ve been conditioned to only recognize abuse when it’s physical or verbal. But what about when they turn off their phone and disappears for two days because they’re mad at you for being upset about something they did?

What about when they walk ten paces ahead of you because somewhere in their mind, you don’t deserve to walk beside them?

“You’re being broken. Look who you are right now.”

Tanya didn’t have language for any of this for most of those 15 years. And the marriage counselors didn’t catch it because narcissists are skilled liars, and the conversation always, somehow, ended up back on her behavior. She went to therapy, renewed her vows twice, built businesses with her abuser. She was trying so hard to fix something that was never hers to fix.

Give Yourself Permission to Believe What You Already Know.

This quote really stayed with me.

“I was always looking for permission to believe what I knew.”

After being abandoned in a foreign country she began going through phone records and checking bank statements. She was desperately looking for evidence to confirm something that she already knew and could feel.

That is what years of gaslighting does. It doesn’t just make you question facts. It makes you question your right to know the facts.

So if you’re reading this and something in you is saying I think something is wrong I want you to hear this clearly: you don’t need permission. You already know. The question is whether you’ll let yourself believe it before the price gets higher. That voice in your head is intuition.

Life on the Other Side

Tanya celebrates getting her first home all on her own on the show. She’s launched her own line of lipsticks and her makeup tutorials on TikTok and Instagram are flourishing. She built Burned Beauty 2018 from a YouTube video she made to tell her friends where she’d been for two years, and she didn’t even know other people could see it.

“I’ve never been happier. There is so much peace.”

She talks about how abuse dysregulates your entire nervous system, how you live in chronic fight or flight, how your body doesn’t work right, how you can never fully think straight because you’re always braced for the next thing. And then she describes what life feels like when that’s gone.

She built an entire brand out of the worst thing that’s ever happened to her. She is, without question, one of the most beautiful humans I’ve ever had on this show.

“If you don’t know who you are, you are very clearly explaining that you need to look at you.”

Not at them. At you. At the parts of you that were broken before they ever got there. Because those parts don’t disappear when the relationship ends. They come with you.

That's the real work. Not fixing them. Looking at yourself with accountability and grace and deciding that you deserve better than what you’ve been accepting.

The grace part is this: you didn’t know. You were doing the best you could with what you had. The things that made you stay: the love, the hope, the fear, the conditioning — they made sense given everything that shaped you. You are not a fool. You are a person who needed healing that no one taught you to seek.

But now you know. And knowing is everything.

🎧 Listen to Episode 5 of If You Knew Better with Amber Grimes wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen Now

Follow Tanya at @burnedbeauty2018 and shop her lipstick collection at Burned Beauty 2018.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, contact the Partnership Against Domestic Violence or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

I got a lot of feedback from Episode 4 of “If You Knew Better” saying that I was screaming at you all 😂 I’m glad you heard me because I meant everything I said. What seemed to really hit a nerve was the section about GETTING STARTED on that thing you’ve been waiting to do but “it’s not ready yet”… “it’s not perfect”…

I think that deserved more than a soundbite because we all are waiting to start something and blaming why we haven't started on something that probably doesn’t f***ing matter.

The Brands You Love Didn’t Start Perfect Either

In this episode we talked about Target. Nike. Coca-Cola. Starbucks.

These are billion-dollar, household-name, culturally embedded brands and every single one of them has changed their logo. Multiple times. They didn’t launch with the final version. They launched with a version. If I asked you to draw any one of their logos by memory right now you probably don’t even remember the most recent iteration enough to do it. Logos matter! A strong logo can really impact how your company is received [Check out Olipop & Poppi’s rebrand for reference]. But a logo is not important enough to never start. The important thing is these brands exist, they got started, they got in front of people, they grew, and they refined along the way.

The logo didn’t make the business. Starting the business made the business.

And if companies with entire design teams, marketing budgets, and brand strategists gave themselves permission to evolve… what exactly are you waiting for?

The Nike Swoosh Story

Nike’s infamous “swoosh” logo was designed in 1971 by a graphic design student at Portland State University named Carolyn Davidson. Phil Knight didn’t love the logo initially and famously expressed his feelings out loud. He ended up paying Carolyn about $35 for the work and decided he’d use it anways because he figured it would “grow” on him. The Nike logo has changed a few times over the last 60 years but the swoosh has never left. Phil decided to keep it moving and he earned the opportunity to change his mind back and forth on the logo whilst still being one of the #1 athletic brands in the world. Mind you before the company rebranded as Nike in 1971, the company was called Blue Ribbon Sports. That name is not hot. But you don’t get to the Nike rebrand if you don’t start as Blue Ribbon Sports. That’s the point.

Starting my podcast was a mess Chile!

I started this podcast knowing absolutely nothing about podcasting.

I didn’t have the perfect equipment. I didn’t have the perfect name. I didn’t have the perfect logo. Nothing was "ready” except me.

[A list of all the names I came up with for the podcast in July, “If You Knew Better” was the last one I thought of and I said “F*** It, that’s good enough lets go”]

All I had was my house. Four walls and a space to shoot. I decided that was enough and I got started. Every single episode taught me something I didn’t know. But nothing stopped me from moving forward.

My very first guest interview? I realized one hour before Malcolm Mays arrived that I didn’t have a splitter to run two microphones. One hour. I had one light, three different low quality cameras, and a lot of faith in door dash. They got that splitter there in about 50 mins from Best Buy.

I didn’t cry, I didn’t complain, and I didn’t stop shooting because I didn’t have everything. I ramped it up.

And I am so proud of my blown out, blurry Episode 1. Because now? I have three top of the line cameras. A full lighting package. My microphone splitter. A cover and a logo from a photoshoot that, honestly, I rushed into with no real vision because I was swamped with an album rollout and couldn’t focus. Everything about the podcast is perfectly imperfect.

But it is mine. It’s out, so now it’s yours. And it is growing.

If I had waited until I had everything: the lights, the gear, the logo, the vision board, the perfect setup, I would not be talking to you right now. This episode would not exist. This Substack would not exist. You would not have heard what you need to hear.

The wait would have cost us both something.

Whatever You’re Sitting On — Get Up & Start

The business idea. The YouTube channel. The product. The book. The Twitch. The service. The degree. The acting class. The dream. The thing you keep telling yourself you’ll launch when everything is ready.

Start without the website being finished. Start without the logo being perfect. Start without all the equipment. Start without the full plan.

You will not discover what you can become if you never begin. The problems you run into along the way are not signs you started too soon. They’re signs of forward movement. They’re the education. They’re the process. They are the point.

Move perfection to the finish line.

Let it live there, as something you grow into, not something you have to possess before you’re allowed to begin. You will discover the perfection of what you’re creating over time as you learn, as you get better, as you show up everyday and become someone you didn’t even know you could be.

But you cannot become anything if you don’t start.

The permission you’ve been waiting for:

You are allowed to start.

You are allowed to make a decision that will change your life.

You are allowed to change your mind as many times as you want.

You are allowed to learn and grow in real time.

You are allowed to get better.

I know the title of this one is a bit morbid but people really do reach the end of their lives with unrealized dreams in their heart and unexplored ideas still in their head, never able to say “at least I tried.”

That breaks my heart. So whatever it is…Try! Start imperfectly and start now.

I’ll be right here starting stuff I have no idea how to do with you and becoming the best version of myself too.

With love and imperfection,

Amber

🎙️ Episode 4 of If You Knew Better with Amber Grimes is out now. Listen, subscribe, and share with someone who needs permission to begin.

You guys are starting to get the drill, right? If you haven’t listened yet, go do that FIRST. I’m really loving THIS space, where we can dig in together after we’ve all had a chance to digest the pod!

The Voice Is Always There — We Just Don’t Always Listen

What stood out most in this conversation is how simple, and how complicated this idea is:

You already know.

Before the overthinking.
Before the opinions.
Before the fear, the ego, the doubt.

There’s a moment, almost easy to miss, where the answer is clear.

2 Chainz describes it as intuition.
As conscience.
As something bigger than ego.

Most of us don’t ignore that voice because we can’t hear it.
We ignore it because we don’t trust ourselves enough to follow it.

Not Every Voice Deserves Your Attention

There’s more than one voice.

There’s the one that leads you forward — grounded, calm, aligned.
And then there’s the one that tells you to crash out, second guess, prove something, or protect your ego at all costs.

So how do you tell the difference?

In the conversation, he says it simply:

If it’s rooted in love… listen.

Not validation.
Not pride.
Not fear disguised as logic.

Love.

That’s the filter.

You Can Still Be Guided… and Get It Wrong

One of the most honest parts of this conversation is the acknowledgment that even when you have that voice, you don’t always follow it.

You still make mistakes.
You still choose differently.
You still learn the hard way sometimes.

And that doesn’t mean the voice isn’t real.

It just means growth requires experience.

You don’t build self-trust by getting everything right.
You build it by:

• listening

• acting

• reflecting

• and learning what happens next

Self-Trust Is Built in Motion

There’s a moment in the conversation where we talk about opportunity and something he said stuck with me:

Opportunity doesn’t knock.
You have to go outside and meet it.

That matters.

Because a lot of people are waiting:

• to feel ready

• to feel certain

• to feel chosen

But alignment requires movement.

You don’t “figure it out” and then act.
You act and then you start to see.

The Throughline Is Responsibility

This conversation moves through a lot:

• family

• loss

• rebranding

• success

• relationships

• ambition

But underneath all of it is one thing:

Responsibility.

Responsibility for your choices.
Responsibility for your growth.
Responsibility for what you build and what you pass on.

Especially when you know better.

Stay With This

Instead of rushing past this, sit with it:

• When was the last time you trusted your first instinct without asking five other people?

• Which voice do you tend to follow more: the one rooted in love or the one rooted in fear?

• Where in your life are you waiting…instead of moving?

You don’t need a perfect answer.
You just need an honest one.

If you knew better…
you’d trust yourself the first time.

This episode is the REAL story of what happened after I tweeted this in 2016.

Have you ever felt like you were doing all the “right” things; working hard, staying busy, chasing the dream, and something still felt…off?

If that feels familiar, Episode 1 of If You Knew Better is for you. And if you haven’t listened yet, I want you to, because this post isn’t the full message. It’s where we continue the conversation!

🎧 Listen to Episode 1 listen here or watch here, it’ll land differently once you do.

We’re Taught to Ask What, But Never Who

From childhood, we’re asked:

• What do you want to be when you grow up?

• What’s your dream job?

• What do you want to do with your life?

Almost never:
Who do you want to become?

I spent most of my life answering the what questions. And from the outside, it looked like things were working. I was working. Hard. But inside, I was tired. Anxious. Unfulfilled. I had built a life that looked successful… but didn’t feel successful.

I share the full story; the crash, the confusion, and the moment everything shifted in the episode. But the truth that changed my life was simple:

Your life doesn’t change when you get more.

It changes when you become more.

One thing I didn’t realize for a long time was, awareness is active. Not passive. Thinking about how you feel isn’t the same as honoring it. Saying the truth out loud, to yourself, is where things start to move. TALK TO YOURSELF! YOU. ARE. NOT. CRAZY.

In the episode, I talk about the moment I finally sat myself down and told the truth about where I was, what I was avoiding, and who I wanted to become.

So here’s where you come in:

👉🏽 If you’ve listened:
What was the moment in the episode that made you pause, rewind, or feel exposed?

👉🏽 If you haven’t listened yet:
Ask yourself, when was the last time you said the truth about your life out loud?

Leave a comment

Gratitude Isn’t the Finish Line, It’s the Foundation

Gratitude isn’t about pretending you don’t want more. It’s about practicing appreciation for what you already have. When I changed the way I talked about what I had and stopped focusing on what I didn’t, everything began to change.

I reference “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne as a book to help you with your practice. It’s a classic and Rhonda breaks down gratitude better than I ever could. She’s a PRO!

Remember: What you focus on expands!

📝 Think about this:
Where in your life are you still speaking from lack? Do you have any amount of what you want more of? if so, have you acknowledged it? Do you appreciate it?

Become the Source (This Is Where It Gets Real)

This is the part that tends to separate listeners from doers. Stop waiting for someone to give you what you want. Start being the source of it. Love. Understanding. Opportunity. Generosity. Support. Money. You have the power to create the environment in your life to receive MORE by giving away what you think you don’t have enough of.

If you’ve listened to the episode, you know the story of how this practice changed my relationship with money. For more information on this concept please read Neale Donald Walsh’s book “Conversations with God Book 1.” (My favorite book. IYKYK)

Subscribe now

Knowing Better Isn’t Enough, You Have to Apply Yourself!

The universe will present opportunities, but you still have to take action. You still have to move. You still have to show up differently. The full circle moment I share in the episode, from challenging myself, to rebuilding relationships, to applying for the job that changed my life, only happened because I did the internal work and took physical action.

💭 Be honest with yourself:
What do you want? Is there anything you could be doing more of to get it, to be noticed, to make it happen? Have you even taken the first step? What could you action to put yourself in position for what you want?

This conversation doesn’t end when the episode does.

If You Knew Better was created to live beyond the time you spend listening, in real reflection, real honesty, and real change. This space is where we slow down, go deeper, and actually sit with what came up.

If you’ve listened to Episode 1, I want to hear what stayed with you.
If you haven’t yet, press play, then come back and share.

• Who do you want to start becoming today?

• How do you feel right now?

• What are areas you can improve in?

• What do you want more of and how could you share what you do have with others?

• How could you challenge yourself to change?

And if this episode resonated with you please rate & review on Apple Podcasts and then send it to someone you love!

If you knew better… you’d stop obsessing over what you want and start becoming who you’re meant to be. Get Better Babe!

— Amber 🤍

I think over the years I’ve made some things look too easy.

I haven’t always been transparent about the process. I’ve made things that took an ugly amount of work look effortless. And in doing that, I may have misled people into thinking some things I’ve achieved just happened. I don’t talk about the invisible bridges between where I was and where I landed. But because this podcast deal is such a huge milestone for me, I want to tell the truth about how it actually happened.

It didn’t start with a pitch deck, a prayer, or luck (I don’t believe in luck btw).

It started with two young black executive assistants trying to figure it out.

SISTA SISTA!

When I got my first real industry job at Def Jam, my boss Bu Thiam did something that changed my life. He put me on the phone with Nick Cannon’s assistant, to fast track my learning. Her name was Dollie Bishop. It wasn’t technically her job to train me. Bu asked her for a favor and she said yes, because she understood that doing whatever it takes pays off, all the time. I’m sure she didn’t know HOW, but she was smart enough to risk her bandwidth to find out.

We talked almost every day and I asked her everything. I would call her on my little land line and say:

How do you use Concur? What’s freeconferencecall.com? And how many people do I have to say were at this dinner, to get LA Reid to approve this expense?

Stupid questions. Smart questions. Survival questions. She answered all of them!

We had never met in person. We were just phone friends. It was 2010 and going to follow somebody on Instagram, just because you worked with them was not a thing.

One day she was coming to Atlanta and reached out and asked if I wanted to meet up.

And like the true ATLIEN that I am, I said, “Not only are we meeting up, I’m picking you up from the airport.” In Atlanta picking someone up from the airport is a love language and I wanted to show my appreciation for all she’d been doing for me.

So I’m outside in my silver Nissan Altima and I call her.

“Dollie, I’m outside.”

“Amber, I’m outside too.”

And we both realize something very important at the same time.

We didn’t know we were both Black. We both were looking for a really friendly blonde hair, blue eyed girl. Which is hilarious to me now because our code switching, as far as our phone voices go, must have been at an all time high. Now our minds are both blown and overjoyed.

Everyone I worked with at that time wasn’t always nice, especially to an assitant. This was my first experience with corporate “politics” and peer to peer competition. But Dollie was in no competition with me, she was always willing to help. That day we became more than just co-workers or friends, that was big sis now!

That moment changed everything.

A Decade of Looking Out

Me and Dollie built a real bond. Not transactional. Not industry. Real.

We could go months without talking to each other and anytime we spoke we’d pick up right where we left off.

At some point, Dollie was ready for her next level. She had a big idea, a reality show about assistants. I was almost 4 years into being an assistant at the time and I was so inspired by her vision and to hear she was going for it! She wanted to produce it and had no interest in being in front of the camera.

So she called me! 😂 (Queen of the Camera!)

By the time everything finally came together for the show to start shooting, it was 2016 and I had quit being Bu’s assistant. I wanted to be like Dollie, I was moving on up. I had started working with K Camp and I was on my journey to being in the management business. I did not want to go back to being anybody’s assistant.

But for her? If it meant helping her vision come to life…

I said yes.

She told me I’d be Nick Cannon’s assistant on the show since she was stepping into this bigger role. And I said, “I don’t want to go backwards…but I will do this for you.” (It was literally my storyline on the show.)

Because I believed in her.

So I worked three jobs. Filming the show, assisting Nick in real life, and being apart of K Camp’s team at the height of “Cut Her off”. We shot for months. The show got picked up. It ended up on Oxygen (which was ICONIC because of Bad Girls Club). I got to go to the NBCUniversal Upfront, and do a press tour in NY with one of my role models (Nick Cannon). Dollie changed my life, she showed me a new reality, she opened doors for me. I am forever grateful for that opportunity. I am forever grateful for the relationships I made and for the experience.

Most importantly, I’m grateful that I chose loyalty over ego.

Bu also ended up doing the show for Dollie too, with my girls Sammye and Drekia assisting him, cuz he still owed her one. Remember, that’s why you should say yes, even when you’re not quite sure HOW it’ll come back to you!

The Part People Miss

Up is not the only direction that matters. Everybody is obsessed with networking up, when networking across is way more powerful. It just takes more time and everyone wants things to happen overnight. Dollie and I weren’t executives when we met. We were assistants. Two Black girls trying to survive the music business, learn, and become something.

Fast forward 16 years.

I become the EVP of a successful black owned label (and a sporadic content creator with a consistent message.)

Dollie becomes the President of The Black Effect.

And when it was time to expand the slate, when it was time to think about voices that matter, when it was time to decide who she believed in…

She called me (again.)

I’m certainly not the most ‘poppin’ voice on the internet (yet) but she knows I’ll do the work! She put my ass to work too. She wasn’t handing me anything. I went through about 3 different concepts, got turned around, created and wrote out 50 episodes just to prove to her I wanted it, and I didn’t stop bothering her until she said “that’s it , that’s the show.” She believed in the concept I shared, because she saw me live it. She saw me fail, she saw me grow, she saw me pivot…she sees me.

This podcast deal is not random. It is the result of almost two decades of mutual respect, consistency, risks, hard work, and effort. It is the compound interest of friendship, excellence and showing your work even when you think no one is watching.

When I see the headline: Amber Grimes signs podcast deal with The Black Effect.

This is what I see:

• 5 years of being an underpaid and over worked assistant

• My silver Nissan Altima 😂

• My humbling experience on reality TV

• The time I said yes for someone else

• The time someone said yes for me

If you’ve ever wondered how things “just seem to work out” for me…this is how:

1. I’ve always believed relationships are long-term investments and I invest in them.

2. I have never underestimated who I or someone else might become.

3. I have always respected myself and sharpened my craft so when the light finally shined on me, I’d know what to do with it.

It’s not easy. It’s not pretty. It’s not luck. It’s alignment. It’s loyalty. It’s work.

That’s how I got my podcast deal.

Hey Bookfriends!

The Voice in My Head Is God is such a fun and honest book. It isn’t just a memoir about rap success. It’s about choosing evolution over self destruction, building self-trust and reflecting on the type of decisions that can change your life. This book feels familiar, especially if you’re from Atlanta or just love music! You can feel the city, you’ve heard the references, and you know the players. I love hearing 2 Chainz, someone who helped globalize Trap Music, speak openly about faith, purpose and spiritual alarms.

GET THE BOOK NOW!

2 CHAINZ IN CONVERSATION WITH AMBER GRIMES

All my LA bookfriends, please join us March 6th for an intimate sit down with 2 Chainz at Barnes & Noble in the Grove. I’m so excited to talk about pressure, pivots, and purpose! You get a signed copy of the book and photo with the author. I can’t wait to see you there.

GET YOUR TICKETS TODAY!

Have questions about the book, 2 Chainz journey or his mindset?

Drop them in the subscriber chat before March 6th so I can ask live.

And stay tuned…you never know where this conversation may land 👀

Being a creative is not a vibe. It’s a job.

Creative work is measured in output, not potential. Having good ideas is not what makes you a creative. Shipping them does. A true creative is a dreamer and a doer. Creative work comes with built-in accountability. If you’re really a creative, there should be proof. Something has to exist outside of you. At some point, something has to actually come to life.

Creativity is not an identity, it ‘s a responsibility.

The responsibility of a creative executive is to do both: create and execute. Ideas without execution are just unfinished thoughts. If nothing ever leaves your notes app, you’re not a creative. You are a dreamer with WiFi.

Execution is the respect you pay to your creativity.

Ideas may bring you opportunity. Execution brings you everything else:

Freedom. Trust. Respect. Recognition. Success.

If you’re really a creative, ship your shit.

‘The College Dropout’ is my favorite album of all time. It was not only my motivation to drop out of college and get out my dream of being in the music industry, but also a masterclass in work ethic! The first time I heard Kanye West say this on ‘Spaceship’:

“…lock yourself in a room doing five beats a day for three summers”

Something clicked for me.

That line isn’t about making beats. That line is about obsession. It’s about disappearing, locking in and becoming dangerous with your craft. “5 beats a day for 3 summers” means I’m building something whether anyone is watching or not. And when it’s built people won’t just see it, they will feel it.

I wholeheartedly believe there is no amount of luck, timing, or raw talent that can beat good old-fashioned, disciplined effort.

Which is why it’s been bothering me hearing people obsess over timing. How “timing finally caught up with so and so’s talent” or “It‘s finally their time.”

There is no alarm clock in life that’s magically waking people up for their moment.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot after the Grammys. Watching people “arrive” in real time and knowing that none of it was luck or timing. It was YEARS of becoming. Years of becoming the person that deserved those wins.

The people breaking through right now aren’t getting some turn they’ve been waiting in line for. They all chose to become someone different, someone timing could finally work with.

Timing by itself doesn’t do anything! Timing doesn’t save you or carry you and it definitely doesn’t compensate for half-ass effort.

Timing is the reward for being ready.

When we credit time instead of work, we create a dangerous narrative: that you can just expect the shine to arrive one day without doing any real work.

When you arrive without doing the work, you don’t really know who you are, how you got there, or what you stand for. You didn’t go through anything. You didn’t evolve. Getting to level ten as the level two version of yourself isn’t sustainable.

Now, you can get pretty far receiving the “wow” before the work. Many people do. Many people do just enough to get “famous”, be “recognized” or look “successful.” But those people will never be undeniable.

Arriving happens when you stop flirting with your potential and actually commit to it. There has to be a shift.

Look at Tyler, The Creator. There was a moment when Tyler locked in and I believe it started with ‘IGOR.’

Over the last 7 years Tyler has matured his sound, elevated his visuals, clearly defined his eras and got even more intentional.

He did not spend time complaining about the bar; he just started aiming for it. And while Tyler recognizes there’s still more work to do, being “the biggest out the city after Kenny” is undeniable growth (and a fact now.)

Then there’s Kehlani. I think we all knew she was talented but right now…she’s different.

Kehlani is everywhere on purpose. She’s performing “Folded” everywhere imaginable, doing features, co-signing new artists, elevating her videos, strengthening her vocals, choreography and abs! She’s not playing about her career. You know that because you can feel it and I’m sure we haven’t seen half of what she has in store for us.

And while there’s a few others I could name I have to highlight Teyana Taylor because of my experience watching her get honored at Ebony Power 100 last year. Beautiful moment, beautiful gown, beautiful speech. She closed that speech letting us know she’d be sliding right out of there to go to an acting class. It was almost 10pm.

She wasn’t staying to celebrate, she wasn’t going home to rest, she was headed to go train. The work doesn’t stop just because the praise started. We’ve been watching Teyana Taylor work hard since she was 16. She’s had moments that would’ve convinced most people they had “made it .”

But she’s in a different season now. She’s doing more than she’s ever done to get more than she’s ever gotten. That’s not accidental. That’s not timing. That’s a decision.

TIMING IS NEUTRAL.

Timing doesn’t care about your dreams.

Timing doesn’t care about your potential.

Timing doesn’t care how bad you want it.

Timing only responds to preparation.

If your moment showed up tomorrow, would you be ready? Not excited, not grateful…READY!

“Five beats a day for three summers” is a mindset. It’s whatever your version of locking in looks like. It’s the season where you stop talking, stop comparing, stop wishing and start actually building.

Lock in! Do the work. Become a different animal.

Your time is not coming.

You are!

Time doesn’t arrive. People do.

I scored a 58 on the quiz. 😯

I’m sharing this because I’m not embarrassed by the deficit I’m operating in right now. I’m choosing honesty over optics because my goal this year is to raise my score! If you’re reading this you just became my accountability partner. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. I don’t have the answers to all of this yet but I will share my thoughts.

TAKE THE QUIZ

TIME:

I’m very aware I have a time management issue, so I knew this section of the test was about to eat me up 😂.

What stood out immediately is that I couldn’t name or identify my 2–3 priorities. Not because I don’t have priorities but because I have too many. I’m great at multitasking, so I’ve convinced myself I don’t need to prioritize because I can do everything at once. Which means I’m always on and I’m constantly drained.

Most of my “priorities” are rooted in my professional life, so when the 5 questions forced me to think about personal priorities, I couldn’t. I can name five or six things I treat as really important, but when asked to rank them, I was a little frazzled.

I think I’m not in the red in this section because it focused heavily on control, and technically, I have it. I control my calendar. I decide where my attention goes. I can focus when I choose to. But I’m not actually IN control. I make things urgent that aren’t. I do things I don’t want to do. I feel guilty when I put things off. And instead of priorities serving me, I let them drag me.

The real issue is that I’ve never defined my personal and professional priorities on one scale. They’ve always been on two separate lists. Work vs. Life. But I’m finally starting to understand I’m only one person.

If I want to raise my score here, I don’t need to do more. I need to get more in control of my time intentionally, not impressively. Juggling is a party trick not a lifestyle.

SOCIAL:

I’m not gonna lie, I think I’m killing it socially 😂. And not for the reasons you’d expect.

I’ve been falling out with people, having harder conversations, revealing more of myself, and being selfish as hell about friendship. In a good way. I’ve shifted my focus to the type of friend I want to be, not what I expect back. Reciprocity isn’t my obsession anymore, honoring my own feelings is.

I’ve realized it actually brings me real joy to show up for people in ways they may not always be able to return. It brings me joy to love people without conditions and to leave them the fuck alone when our season has ended. I’m less dependent on friends to fill gaps meant for family or a partner, and I don’t feel obligated to talk to anyone every day just to prove closeness. I can admit in the past I have put unhealthy expectations on how I need people to show up for me and I’ve tried to overly show up for people just because I wanted the favor returned, instead of just communicating.

But I’m not performing anymore and I’m not asking anyone else to perform either. My relationships feel more genuine than they ever have. I accept that everyone is doing the best they can, because so am I. I’ve built better ways to show up for myself, which has made my friendships feel lighter and more honest. I have people I’m learning from, people I can teach, and people I can simply be myself with. I’ve also been clearer about who I am, so no one feels like they’re guessing or being tested.

The only reason this score wasn’t higher is because the quiz asked about feeling deeply connected to something bigger than myself and that’s still a work in progress for me. I’m currently rereading “Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson to get inspired in that department. Outside of that, I’m genuinely grateful for the people in my life and whatever level we’re meant to be on socially.

MENTALLY:

I’ll keep this short. There was one statement in this section that felt like my entire mental mantra: I pursue growth and consistently chase my full potential. Honestly, it might as well be my mission statement. I don’t believe anything I want in my life is out of reach. I don’t have a single goal that feels unrealistic, and there isn’t a person alive who could shake my belief in myself or make me feel cringe about some shit I know I can do.

Where I fumbled is the last part.

The quiz asked whether I have regular rituals that create space to think, reset, wrestle with questions, and recharge. I do not. I lack routine and intentional rituals, especially the ones that focus on clarity and recovery. That’s the next level for me. Mental clarity alongside my delusional belief in self and trust in timing would be dangerous, in the best way.

PHYSICAL:

Ok, this is the only one that's actually embarrassing. My eating habits are terrible and I have a gym in my garage that only sees me when I’m passing through to meet my Uber eats driver 😂. What makes it worse is I used to be a trainer! For 2 years, working out, clean eating and yoga completely consumed me. But it took so much time and energy that I just don’t have, or honestly, prefer to spend elsewhere. I have to get it together.

This issue is that I’m extreme. Very all or nothing. If I choose to work out my goal is to be a fucking body builder. If I choose not to work out I eat raising canes 4 times a week. There is no middle ground. But I need to find one.

Mcdonalds is gonna ruin me. It’s funny but it’s not.

I created a great habit last year of not drinking coffee after 2pm which has completely transformed my rest. And I’ve started small this year by cutting Coca-Cola, which has been coursing through my veins for 20+ years, out of my diet. I will be getting in the gym this year in some form of fashion but please be patient with me. This is my weakest area in life. 😩

FINANCIALLY:

Last but not least: finances.

I’ll start by saying I believe I have enough money by my definition of enough. Would I take more? Gladly. Am I actively building additional income streams? Absolutely. Making money has never really been my issue. Managing it? Saving it? That’s my unfamiliar friend.

You’re catching me at a good time though, because this is something I’ve been intentionally improving for the last five years. I have an incredible business manager who sends reports showing how long I have to live with what I have right now, and that alone has completely reframed my thinking.

I have a high-yield savings account that I actually enjoy looking at, mostly because I was mentally tricked into knowing I can touch it if I want to. That small shift turned saving from forbidden fruit into something I’m proud to watch grow.

My Morgan Stanley account is a different story. I put a large lump sum in a few years ago and it still hurts my heart every time I think about everything I could buy on ssense.com with that 😂. But I’ve come around to investing and I’ve even started adding to that account again as I’ve become less consumed by the present and more focused on my future.

I’ve stopped buying everything I see on TikTok Shop and built a simple discipline: if I want something, it sits in my cart for a week. If I still want it after that, fine. If not, I don’t need it. It sounds small, but I’m genuinely proud of that shift and that I haven’t bought that vibrational plate that shakes your thighs while you watch tv.

I still have a lot to learn, and I still get choked up when I have to save anything but I’m getting there. Mentally, I’m aligned. My emotions just have to catch up.

I loved this exercise and time to think. A 58 doesn’t mean I’m failing it means I have room to grow. This is the starting point. I’m still reading the book, still learning, and still adjusting how I think about my time, energy, and attention.

A 58 gives me clarity, not shame. It shows me where I’m solid and where I’m underdeveloped. I have work to do. See you on the other side (and in the middle a lil bit too).

— Amber

The 5 Types of Wealth reframes success beyond money and asks a better question: What does a rich life actually look like?

Buy, Listen, Download here.

As much as I love self help books I didn’t think we needed to kick off the year with another book telling us to work harder or make a vision board. What we need is a clear assessment of the lives we’re actually living. We need to examine what we’re investing in, what we’re sacrificing, and if the trade-off still makes sense.

If you read my first Substack post you’ll know why the premise of this book caught my attention. I’m in a space of moving with more intention than momentum and I am desperately evaluating success that looks good vs. success that actually feels good. In this book Bloom breaks wealth into five buckets, Time, Social, Mental, Physical and Financial. He believes that you can pour into each of these bucket simultaneously instead of overfilling one at the expense of the other. This book makes you look at your time, your relationships, your body, your mind and asks if your life is supporting the person you say you’re becoming. We already know how to work hard, let’s learn how to live well.

Im opening up the subscriber chat for our first book of 2026.

Let’s talk while we read! Reactions, questions, favorite lines, pushback, all of it! No book reports, no pressure. Just real-time thoughts as they come up.

Jump in when you start reading. Lurk if you want. Share when you’re ready.

We are so back!

- Amber

Don’t get married to your ideas.

Things change. Constantly.

The moment your ego gets involved, your judgment is gone.

Resources dry up. People flake. Someone beats you to it. Circumstances shift. That’s not failure, that’s reality. When you’re married to an idea, walking away feels like a loss instead of a decision. And divorce can be messy. You project resentment, bitterness, and “prove I was right” energy on to the project and your team. That baggage is career-limiting.

When you marry an idea, you stop listening.
You protect instead of evaluate. You argue instead of adapt. You deprive yourself of other perspectives. You take yourself off the market for better ideas to find you. You trade curiosity for control.

Creative leadership isn’t loyalty to concepts, it’s flexibility, judgment, taste and timing. Loyalty to concepts is laziness disguised as conviction.
Creative leadership is knowing when to push and when to let go.

The goal isn’t to be right.
It’s to stay sharp.

Once you’re attached to the outcome, the work is already dead.

Ideas aren’t precious. They’re plentiful. Everyone has ideas and anyone can have the right one. Your value isn’t coming up with all the ideas, it’s knowing what to do with the right one.

Date Ideas. Steal Ideas. Kill Ideas

Do not marry them!

Hey Bookfriends!

Amber’s Book Club started with a simple belief that ‘Reading Is A Flex.’ We show off a lot of things in life and on the internet and I believe books should be one of them. When I realized I rarely heard people talking about what they were reading I decided to start the conversation. I wanted to know if there were other people that wanted to talk about books, brag about their reading accomplishments, and actually read! It turns out there were thousands of you that believed reading is cool and worth talking about.

When we launched in January 2024 the response was insane. Our first author interview was Rich Paul, you all went crazy for ‘Attached’, we got our own Spotify audiobook playlist and did live book signings with Wallo267 and Charlamagne Tha God! I was so grateful to do all of this with you, but it grew faster than I was prepared for.

Then 2025 happened. And if you were living life too, you know it wasn’t exactly a light year.

I want to be honest about why I went quiet.

I never wanted Amber’s Book Club to feel clout-driven or like something I was doing just to say I did it. I wanted time to read, to sit with the books, to choose monthly picks thoughtfully, and to create experiences around reading that most book clubs don’t offer.

Somewhere along the way, it started to feel overwhelming instead of intentional. And rather than push through and dilute the thing I cared about, I paused.

I used the time to ask myself what it would really look like to serve this community well and protect the mission of helping you unlock the power of books. How do we make this fun, sustainable, pressure-free, and rooted in a genuine love of reading?

That’s how we landed here.

What Amber’s Book Club Is (and Has Always Been)

Amber’s Book Club is a no-pressure book club.

There are no rules about what you have to read.

No deadlines.

No tests.

No guilt if you’re slow, distracted, or reading three books at once.

Our ask is simple: Read More Books. Not perfectly. Not competitively. Just more.

I’ll still recommend books. I’ll still curate selections and experiences. But this space isn’t just about what I suggest, it’s about what you’re reading too. Substack gives us room to share, to discuss, to find our people, and to build a real, empowered community of readers.

This move is about sustainability. About creating something we can return to again and again without it feeling like an obligation.

What You Can Expect Going Forward

• Thoughtful book recommendations from me (not rushed, not trendy)

• Exclusive content and interviews with authors

• Access to ‘with Amber Grimes’ full substack including the business newsletter ‘The Creative Executive’ (to opt out and only receive Amber’s Book Club newsletter, change settings in MANAGE SUBSCRIPTIONS & NOTIFICATIONS)

• New merch so you can flex your love of reading

• Space for YOU to share what you’re reading, loving, struggling through, or abandoning

• Curated experiences, online and in real life

• A community that values reading as pleasure, curiosity, and growth, not performance

This is a reset, not a relaunch and I’m really grateful you’re here for it.

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for the grace. Thank you for reading.

Welcome back to Amber’s Book Club.

Let’s read more books together.

Sincerely,

Amber Grimes

2025 Was a Setup Year

I think I speak for many when I say 2025 was not the best year. But 5 days into 2026, I can say I’m grateful for it. Some years are hard because they ask you to become someone you’ve never been, or even seen, before. This was one of those years for me.

2025 was exhausting, chaotic and dramatic. There were fires in LA, friendship break ups, emotional break downs, death and more! To be fair, not all of it was traumatic. Some truly beautiful things happened too. I got engaged, I closed some deals, executed one of the biggest marketing campaigns of my career and made some really incredible new friends. But even some of the good stuff felt heavy.

Everything I moved through in 2025 brought clarity and I just didn’t know clarity could weigh so much.

In 2025, I received three calls I can no longer ignore, delay, or outrun: marriage, motherhood, and my relationship with success. The clarity wasn’t about what to do next, but why I had been avoiding these calls at all. 2026 is about the answers. It’s time to respond.

Marriage: You Can’t Be What You Can’t See

Aww! This will always be my favorite day. I’m engaged y’all and I have no idea what it means to be a wife.

I didn’t grow up around married people. I don’t come from a married family. I don’t have many close friends who are married. I don’t have enough real life models to study or reference. The only examples I have are from movies and TV shows and that feels insufficient when you’re about to take on something this serious.

When I got engaged it was so exciting (I mean this man went to the end of the earth to make my dream of being engaged with a flash mob come true) and it was also overwhelming. I was overwhelmed with new emotions. Saying “I’m going to be someone’s wife” wasn’t just a title to me.

It’s a responsibility that needs to be handled with care. It forced questions I’ve never had to answer.

What does marriage require of me?

What do I owe my partner?

What will change in our lives?

What parts of me stay intact and what parts need to mature?

For a long time, I wasn’t sure I believed in marriage. As someone overly logical, I questioned its purpose, its relevance, whether it was love, tradition, or just business. I convinced myself those thoughts were more realistic. But the truth is, I just never imagined it for myself. How could something that I hadn’t really seen happen for others happen for me? So instead of admitting I didn’t see myself or understand it, I kept it at a distance. What I called logic was really discomfort with something I had never known.

2025 made me aware of what I didn’t know. And like anything else I take seriously, I want to approach marriage intentionally. I want to have a deep respect for marriage because I understand the weight of the commitment. It’s not just a party or a beautiful day. It’s a responsibility, a discipline and a decision that touches every part of your life.

In 2026 I will be answering the call of marriage with intention. And intention requires information I don’t yet have. That means 2026 is about learning, not performing for anyone.

I want my wedding and my marriage to happen on me and my future husbands terms. I’m not rushing to say I did it for the gram. I’m excited about conversations with married people, honest talks with my fiance, and learning more about who we are right now and who we want to become. I’m excited to expose myself to something I’ve never been exposed to so I can rise to the occasion and meet whatever comes with intention, grace and information. Please feel free to leave me any wisdom you have.

Motherhood: Choosing to Step Out of Survival Mode

Turning 35 made time feel real in a way it never had before. The phrase “geriatric pregnancy” will do that. My 35th birthday didn’t send me into a panic but it did wake me up. It made me ask why not now and what am I actually waiting for.

My biggest fear about becoming a mother isn’t pregnancy even though pregnancy terrifies me (let’s chat later.) What really scares me is the responsibility of it. The fear of not creating the kind of environment a child deserves. I care deeply about doing it well, parenting differently than I was parented and breaking patterns instead of repeating them.

I waited long enough to do this the way I want to. I want to be present. I want to be active. I want my child to feel prioritized, not fitted in around my career and not absorbing stress they didn’t create. That realization immediately forced a reckoning with work.

I cannot be the mother I imagine being if my career continues to come first.

I’ve lived most of my life operating in survival mode. Survival teaches you to be hyper independent, hyper capable, and hyper focused on keeping yourself afloat. It rewards self reliance and it makes you efficient. It also makes you selfish in ways you don’t always notice until something bigger asks more of you.

Motherhood can’t coexist with survival mode.

You can’t parent well from urgency. You can’t nurture from depletion. You can’t prioritize a child while living in constant fight or flight.

If I want to be the kind of mother I imagine being, some things have to change. And the first thing that has to change is my relationship with success. The version of success I’ve been chasing thrives on urgency. This version rewards overworking, constant availability, and self sacrifice. And that version of success will not raise the child I want to raise.

2025 didn’t just ask me about parenting. It asked me to reevaluate what I value, what I chase, and what I’m willing to let go of. That’s when changing my relationship with success stopped being optional and became necessary.

I might be somebody’s mom in 2026 and I know I can’t enter that unchanged.

Success: “Arriving” Without Instructions

For the last fifteen years, my career has been the most important thing in my life. In 2025, I worked harder than I ever have and instead of pushing me forward, it wore me out.

The truth is I’ve achieved most of what I set out to achieve. I’ve built the network. I’ve held the titles. I’ve earned the money. I’ve proven what I can do. I even prioritized my love life in the middle of all that. But no one ever tells you what you’re supposed to do after that.

There’s not enough conversation about arrival, it’s always about more ambition. No one pulls you aside and says you’re here now and you don’t have to keep chasing the same way.

So you keep going. You keep pushing. You keep hustling not because you need to but because you don’t know how to stop without losing your identity.

What scares me about slowing down is identity loss.

I set high expectations for myself and others came to expect the same. Achievement became how I was recognized and how I recognized myself. And then I realized something freeing:

Who cares?

Overworking wasn’t protecting my future. It was protecting me from admitting I’d arrived and didn’t know what to do next. When you reach the top of whatever mountain you’re climbing, the work isn’t to stay there. It’s to climb down on purpose, look around and decide which mountain is worth climbing next. I don’t have anything else to prove or gain from just sitting up here. I have other mountains I want to climb.

Ambition is no longer the driver for me and its replacement is purpose. Passion. Work that feels aligned instead of extractive. Work that doesn’t require me to disappear in order to be valuable. Maybe it’s my purpose to be the person I didn’t have. A person that helps other ambitious climbers get where they’re going but without forgetting the things that really matter. I don’t want a career that disrupts the person I need to become. I don’t want success that costs me presence, softness, or meaning.

I’m not walking away from work. I love my job, my clients, the people that I work with and the work that I do but I will be evolving my relationship with work in 2026. And it won’t be a secret.

I will be learning how to stand in what I’ve built without letting it demand more than it deserves.

I am climbing a new mountain this year. I am building a different kind of success and it will require a different pace.

2025 Was the Call. 2026 Is the Response.

2025 didn’t provide me with any answers. It issued a call.

It placed me in front of commitments I couldn’t intellectualize away partnership, legacy, purpose. It exposed where I was still operating from habit, survival, or identity instead of intention.

That’s what setup years do. They don’t resolve anything. They reveal what requires a response.

So as we move into 2026, I’m not interested in reinvention. I’m interested in alignment. In answering the call 2025 placed on my life with decisions that are conscious, informed, and chosen not inherited, reactive, or performative.

And if 2025 felt heavy for you too, it’s worth asking.

What did 2025 ask you?

What questions did it refuse to let you avoid?

How are you going to answer in 2026?

2026 is a response year.

And how you respond will shape far more than what you accomplish. It will shape who you become.