“Mama…Mama…Mama.”

Every morning starts the same: my 16-month-old daughter screaming between 5:30-6:00am, intent upon disregarding the Zuberi house rule of a 7am wake-up.

On this particular morning we had a busy day planned but managed a mellow breakfast. That was until at quarter to nine I remembered the cleaners come. At nine. A frenzied, all-hands-on-deck stress clean commenced—with the exception of the 16-month-old, she just continued pulling everything out of cabinets and books off shelves, as she does, totally not helpful. I had to start making strategic choices.

“Abandon the bedrooms! The cleaners will be here in T-two minutes. All bodies downstairs. We’ll ask the cleaners to start downstairs and then retreat upstairs to finish those rooms while the cleaners get started downstairs.”

Nothing like hiring cleaners (and then forgetting when they come) to whip you into a cleaning burst you never have energy for otherwise.

I had handled the unexpected cleaner debacle, though I had not anticipated donning the role of Major Lieutenant Officer Ashley Zuberi that day; she appears on tight timelines when I have to race against the imagined expectations of others. The first fire drill of the day cleared, it was time to prepare, hastily and now behind schedule, for the first actual planned outing of the day—a trip to the Building Museum. I wanted to check out a popular temporary exhibit called The Playground. A perfect morning activity for the kids on a 100-degree summer day with poor air quality (thanks Canada). I wrangled everyone into the car, shoving peanut butter crackers into everyone’s hands as we walked out the door.

It’s here I need to pause and tell you that these 100-degree days are one of many reasons why, from time-to-time, my husband and I contemplate moving back to Ohio. These sentiments show up when we long for cool evenings and the Lake Erie breeze, my husband’s job really sucks and he yearns for a shorter commute and slower pace of living, or we have one of those days when it just would have been a lot easier to be close to family. But then, there are a lot more reasons why we love where we live, one being the school communities we’ve fostered for and with our children.

Mainly, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to replicate my children’s educational experience in Northeast Ohio. A few days ago on a whim, (see 100-degree heatwaves), I started doing a little more digging, and happened to find one school in the greater Northeast Ohio region that matches the progressive education philosophy of my son’s current school. Progressive schools are not that common —this educational philosophy started in the late 19th century and was promoted by John Dewey of the Dewey Decimal System (I know, total #nerd). Anyway, I was excited that I found this school and I started thinking that maybe we could move back to Ohio someday and retain that same educational experience we have here.

Okay. Back to the car. As we were driving over the 14th Street bridge, my almost-5-year old shouted excitedly to her brother, “Look! It’s the giant pencil.” I chuckled to myself and appreciated the cute moment. We merged off 395 and stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of us had an Ohio license plate, which isn’t that unusual. Us Ohioans are famous for leaving the state. But I kid you not, this car had a bumper sticker for the very school I had just been researching. Whoever was sitting in that car sent their children to the school I had been thinking about non-stop for the past week. It was a sign. I snapped a picture, sent it to my husband, and missed my turn. I proceeded to drive around DC for the next half-hour trying to find parking. After a complete fail in the world’s lowest-ceiling-height parking garage ever created by man (what were you thinking, people), I managed to score a spot on the street with 3-hour parking, which felt like a miracle. It does not take 30 minutes to find parking in Northeast Ohio.

We were now late for our ticket time to the Building Museum and access to this much-hyped Playground exhibit was granted for exactly one hour starting at the time of your ticket. I had no idea where we were or how far we would need to walk (in 100-degree heat) to get to the museum. I was getting a bit stressed again. I quickly gathered all of our things together, made sure the kids had their water bottles, got the baby into the stroller and then stopped to make sure my diaper bag was all zipped up.

It’s here I need to pause to tell you why this has become an important step in my routine. I always leave the front zipper of my diaper bag unzipped. It’s where I keep my phone, keys and sunglasses, and it’s become my bad habit to perpetually leave it unzipped because it’s easier for me to reach behind and grab my phone out of the un-zippered pocket than have to mess with unzipping it. But my husband gives me crap about it.

A few weeks ago while we were traveling in Toronto our family made a pitstop at the restrooms in a very busy Union Station. I went to grab my phone from said front pocket and it was gone. After my husband had just scolded me once again for always leaving that zipper open, his fear had just come true: my phone had been stolen. When my husband came out of the bathroom, I let him know that my phone was gone, unless of course he was playing a mean joke on me and he had taken it, which of course is exactly what had happened. Point taken. So now, I double check to make sure everything is zipped up.

Back to the Building Museum. I walked up to the entrance behind three other women pushing strollers, which should have been the first indication of what was about to accost my nervous system. This entrance, of course, was all stairs and the four of us awkwardly wrangled our strollers this way and that to get inside. It was a moment of maternal commiseration. But we made it. We got inside, welcomed by a wall of strollers parked around this “Playground,” which is actually very cool and fun, but also what every other parent/nanny/grandparent decided they needed to be doing on this particular 100-degree day in Washington, DC. The place was a madhouse. We were now a good 15 minutes late, meaning my children only had 45 precious minutes left to explore this Playground so we hurried along to find the entrance. Of course, there was only one way in and one way out.

As we searched for the entrance to this thing, we passed a table that had some children’s books displayed. I recognized the book. I recognized the book because it was a book I studied before I pitched my children’s book manuscript to an agent at the recent Editors and Agents conference I attended in May. I studied that book because it was written by the agent I pitched to. And there that agent/author was, sitting behind the table doing a book signing at the Building Museum on this very random day that I decided to take my kids to said museum. I had no idea. I stopped and said hi. She said I looked familiar. That made me happy. If you will recall, she did not like my pitch. But again, signs.

My kids didn’t care. They just wanted to play. So we made our way to the entrance and got in line behind a woman who looked familiar. I saw her son and he looked familiar too. But I couldn’t place how I knew them and chose not to say anything. An hour later, walking down the streets of DC on the way to lunch, I remembered how I knew her. Her son was in the same gymnastics class as my daughter. I sat next to her for eight weeks in winter while our kids tumbled and jumped. I should have said hello.

My kids played. They were kind of into it. My daughter fell at one point and hurt her knee and that was the end of her enjoyment of the Playground. The place was swarming with kids and people and my nervous system was already fried. There were other exhibits I wanted to check out, so I got the kids out of the play space and we made our way to a corner of the museum, where, wouldn’t you know it, there was an entire exhibit dedicated to building children’s books. I kid you not. I probably should have known this. I did not. We went in. My kids were bored. I made a mental note that I totally need to come back to just study this place on my own time (ha!). At this point my kids were complaining that they wanted lunch. There was one more exhibit we wanted to see—it was all about Lego’s, so duh. We walked to the elevator.

On the way, we passed a man I recognized. But again, I couldn’t place how I knew him. I had one of those moments where I saw him, recognized him, continued to walk, then did a double-take at the same time he did. My introverted tendencies predisposed me to not say anything but he said hi first so I waved and said hello in my best “I totally know you” voice and went on my way. On that same walk an hour later to lunch, I remembered, too, how I knew him. His daughter was in the same swim lessons as my daughter. Three random people I knew in a 1.5-hour span at the Building Museum. I guess I need to get out of the house more?

We walked to lunch. We met my husband. We had a nice lunch. It was expensive even though we just ordered sandwiches and cookies and an iced matcha and a cappuccino. That’s DC. It would have cost half as much in Cleveland. The kids didn’t like their food. They were just there for the cookies. My parking time was almost up and my husband needed to get back to work. We departed and discovered that the restaurant my husband chose was actually on the same street we parked on, just about six blocks down. Sweet. We walked back to our car in 100-degree heat.

As I approached our car, there was a woman in front of me also packing up her car. I got the kids in and folded up the stroller. This random woman approached me and asked, “Are you Ashley?”

WTF. How is it possible that I know this woman, too? She did not look familiar.

“Yes,” I responded very tentatively.

“I have your wallet.”

Seriously, WTF?

“Oh! Thank you!” I had no idea I was not, in that moment, in possession of my wallet. It must have fallen out when I was double-checking the zippers. I guess it doesn’t really matter if the bag is zipped up or not.

She walked back to her car and returned with my huge, fat, wallet containing my driver’s license, all my credit cards, maybe some cash, and every important piece of information I need.

“I found it on the street right outside your passenger door and didn’t want to just leave it there. I looked through it and found your business card with your yoga email address and I sent you an email. I’m so glad we met up. Gotta love three-hour parking.”

Yeah. I thank her profusely but not profusely enough because how can you thank a kind-hearted woman enough for picking up your wallet off the streets of DC? And how do you not believe in God, or the universe, or something, when that same person who picked up your wallet happens to return to her car at the exact same time you do so she can return it to you?

She drove off. This story would only be better if her car had an Ohio license plate with the school magnet on her bumper. It, alas, did not. I’m not that lucky. I got in the car, flabbergasted at the morning I’d just had. Something was in the air. I checked my email for the first time that morning, and sure enough, I had an email from this woman saying she found my wallet.

We drove home. Went to the pool with some friends. My 16-month old drank too much pool water because she thinks that’s what you do with a concrete hole full of water.

It was 100-degrees.

I didn’t recognize anyone random at the pool.

Reasons to Celebrate

There’s a lot of ice cream in your immediate future. Also, what’s up with Tuesday, July 21?

Sunday, July 19

• National Ice Cream Day

• National Urban Beekeeping Day

Monday, July 20

• Global Hug Your Kids Day

• Moon Day

• World Jump Day

Tuesday, July 21

• Invite An Alien To Live With You Day

• Take a Monkey To Lunch Day

Wednesday, July 22

• Mango Day

• National Hammock Day

Thursday, July 23

• National Sprinkle Day

• National Vanilla Ice Cream Day

• Peanut Butter and Chocolate Day

Friday, July 24

• International Self Care Day

• National Cousins Day

Saturday, July 25

• National Hot Fudge Sundae Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

I’ve wanted to be an author since I was in first grade. Unfortunately, I’ve spent most my adult life letting others convince me that I can’t be an author because it’s not a “practical” job.

Sometime at the end of last year I finally said fuck it. I’m going to be an author. For me, personally, I want a traditional publishing deal to feel legitimate. This is the equivalent of making it to the pros in sports.

I decided the best place to start was children’s books because I read picture books all day to my own children and they’re short. How hard could it be to write a picture book?

Turns out, picture books are the hardest format to write.

I spent a good few months coming up with some ideas, writing and rewriting and rewriting and rewriting and rewriting and rewriting and learning as much as I could about the ins and outs of the publishing industry. Then I got an opportunity to pitch my story to an agent at a publishing event.

I learned about how to write pitches and wrote and rewrote and rewrote and rewrote and rewrote my pitch and practiced, and practiced, and practiced, and practiced.

The day of the event arrived and I was excited and nervous. I met lots of people doing interesting things and writing interesting stories. I learned more about the publishing industry from veteran insiders. I felt good.

I was nervous when I sat down at the table to pitch my story to the agent. It was a roundtable event so there were eight of us at the table. I heard three people pitch their story before mine and as I listened to their pitches I thought they were not that good, confusing, and all over the place. It made me feel better about my clarity. I listened to the feedback the agent gave to these authors and was a little surprised at how she praised their work and was gentle in her critique. It all felt positive and helpful, which made me feel less scared. She even said she was interested in seeing more of one author’s story, which was exciting. Maybe she’d want to see more of my story too after my pitch.

It was my turn.

I took a deep breath and delivered my pitch as confidently as I could. The agent had a slight smile on her face the whole time, nodding along as I spoke. I tried to keep the timidity and hollowness out of my voice from my nerves and kept a smile on my face to feign confidence. I finished on time (we had two minutes) and awaited her verdict.

Her feedback was brutal.

She picked apart the pitch itself, telling me she didn’t care about who I was and that I didn’t need to include that information. Ouch. She then told me I was being too repetitive, saying the same thing over and over again and it was a waste of time. Fair enough. I can take that feedback and improve my pitch. And then she said she didn’t understand the story and I might have to go back and really work on the entire concept because it just didn’t make any sense. My story is about a cicada who doesn’t like loud noises. Her issue was cicadas are loud animals so why would a cicada not like loud noises? I mean, yeah, that’s the point. Kids are loud animals too and some kids happen to not like loud noises. So are they just not supposed to exist?

I was a bit miffed. I spent so much time learning about how to write a pitch. I spent so much time following all the formulas and doing exactly what I had been told. Meanwhile the people before me rambled on forever and provided entire synopses of their stories when they were supposed to give one or two sentences. And she wanted to request their manuscripts! My rule-following got me dismissed.

It was clear she didn’t get my story and she’s not the right agent for me. At the same time, it was clear I have a lot more work to do to write a better pitch.

One thing I’ve struggled with my entire life is hearing people tell me no. I have this irrational fear of being told no when I want something, so I often don’t even ask. Choosing a career field where you’re going to be told no a thousand times before someone decides to say yes is a little bit like torture. But it’s the life lesson I need to learn and I’m finally submitting myself to the gauntlet.

In the publishing industry there are rules and there are no rules. That’s hard for me; I thrive when there is a set of rules to follow. I know how to do that and I do it really well. I’d like to think that I’m also creative. But sharing my creativity is a vulnerability I’ve never truly embraced. So, here I am.

This journey is going to be a lesson in rejection. A lesson in unwavering belief and faith in myself and my abilities. A lesson in persistence and resilience. A lesson in further getting to know myself. A lesson in being okay with being mediocre.

This journey to become a traditionally published author is my new yoga practice. It’s the practice I have to show up for every day even when I don’t want to or don’t know what to do. It’s constant self-inquiry, letting go of my ego, and letting go of what others are saying about me to remember my True Self. It’s surrendering to the flow of what is, while also strengthening my resolve to transform. It’s sharing my Self with the world through story. It’s choosing myself every day while I wait to be chosen. It’s believing, with unwavering faith, that it will all happen even though I don’t know how or when or where or why. It’s embracing the unknown. It’s being a student all over again. Starting from the beginning. Emptying my cup.

I keep saying I’ve left yoga behind, and in many ways I have. But the yoga will always be by my side as I embark on these new journeys, because every journey has the potential to be a yoga practice in and of itself.

Coming Up

I’ll be on vacation the next couple weeks but will be back in July with…

• Lessons learned about community from serving on the Board of Directors of my children’s cooperative preschool for three years

• An update on how I’m also using the dishes as my yoga practice these days

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, June 14

• Father’s Day

• National Strawberry Shortcake Day

• National Kids Day

• International Bath Day

Monday, June 15

• Nature Photography Day

• Take Your Cat To Work Day

Tuesday, June 16

• Fresh Veggies Day

• World Sea Turtle Day

Wednesday, June 17

• National Apple Strudel Day

Thursday, June 18

• International Picnic Day

• International Sushi Day

• World Tapas Day

Friday, June 19

• Juneteenth

• International Box Day

• National Flip Flop Day

• National Take Back The Lunch Break Day

• National Take Your Dog To Work Day

Saturday, June 20

• International Surfing Day

• Kouign Amann Day

• National Vanilla Milkshake Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

I didn’t want to be a cool kid in high school. There was always a part of me that wanted to be popular—who doesn’t want to be well-liked? I understand now, though, that being popular doesn’t actually mean you are well-liked. It means you are seen.

I do want to be seen. But I do not want to be seen for the reasons our culture deems worthy. I want to be seen for who I am.

I see moms around me aspiring to “coolness.” Wearing it as a badge of honor, self-anointing in text chats and IG feeds; for themselves or for their children, I’m not sure they even know. Aspiring to coolness as if such a moniker brings boons.

Coolness wears an aloofness, a nonchalance, a “chill” vibe. But there’s a lot of energy poured into appearances. It’s a shitty performance.

Coolness shape-shifts depending on your community.

To perform cool in the MAGA crowd means you’re a church-going, Trump sycophant-hypocrite. But you can’t try too hard—passion is not a good look for a woman. You’re aiming for trad-wife but the reality is you feed your kids Goldfish. Shhhh, I won’t tell. Don’t forget to say your prayers tonight so God can save your child from the dyes in those orange fish. Do you think Trump turned orange because he ate too many Goldfish? We all know he doesn’t eat carrots. There is no better online trend that sums up this level of “cool” than the TikTok “demure” trend. Google it. You need read no further than the AI overview to understand exactly what is wrong with right-wing cool.

To be cool in the lib crowd means you stand for everything, which obviously means you stand for nothing. Best to not open your mouth because whatever comes out will be racist, sexist, homophobic, or culturally appropriated. Except, to be cool in this crowd is to be loud. You better be in the streets protesting, volunteering for every political campaign, donating your life savings to some random woman in Idaho running for a state election even though you live in Vermont. You need to wake up everyday and be enraged at the world because it’s obviously on fire and going to end tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or next Thursday. Hey, did you know you have something in common with evangelical Christians? The horror! And the only thing left to do about it is yell into the social media abyss where an algorithm will self-congratulate you and make you feel better about your non-action. Also, you love baking bread and being with your kids but you can never let anyone know that because SHAME on you feminist-traitor!

According to “culture,” cool moms let their kids:

• stay up late and watch movies that are not appropriate for their age because all the other kids are talking about them at school

• drink soda pop and eat candy and give them treats every day (bonus points if they’re home-made)

• walk to the 7-11 [insert local convenience store/cool, local jaunt] by themselves every day with their own credit card and cell phone so they can guzzle Slurpees and “hang out”

• watch Youtube videos and play on their tablets all day long

Gen X, the latchkey kids, felt abandoned so they overcorrected with helicoptering. That was very uncool. Millenials realize neither parenting approach works but struggle to hear ourselves puzzle out our own solutions while we drown in a glut of parenting information shared by our peers on the socials. We have to sort out not only what feels like the right thing to do in our specific circumstances but also how our choices might affect our perceived “coolness.” How Instagrammable are our parenting “hacks”? How will our choices affect our child’s future? Because certainly, first grade trauma will change his/her/their life forever. So will they be traumatized by the inappropriate movie they watched or for being left out at school because they were the only uncool kid whose parent wouldn’t let them watch it?

Parenting in 2026 is a lose-lose-lose competition. There is nothing cool about it. Who can perform this ridiculous load the best? Who can still put on a full face of makeup, contouring and all, blow dry their hair, and work out every day while capturing it all on their iPhone and posting it to IG to remind everyone else that we’re all doing it wrong?

The boons of coolness are isolation, burnout, and depression.

Gen X wanted love. Millenials wanted independence. Gen Z wanted the truth. What does Gen Alpha want?

I admit I’m part of a group chat named “Cool Moms Club.” I wasn’t even sure how that name came to exist until the other day, when someone clarified that the name was bestowed upon us by a fellow mom who felt left out. That made me sad. The name stuck out of irony—not one of us feels particularly cool. What makes us cool, I suppose, is our relationship. That we have one another to complain to. That we have a support system, a friend group, a safe space to share our experience. We barely ever get together in real life—trying to align the schedules of five moms with 14 children between us all under the age of ten is about as close to the definition of impossible as you can get—but we still show up for each other in the chat.

That, I guess, is cool. But it is not aloof. It is not passive. And it did not just happen by virtue of flow. It took work. To create a “cool” mom community, you must show up. Even when you’re tired. Even when you don’t really want to talk to other human beings. Even when the baby just had a blow-out and you’re middle child is screaming because you served them their favorite food on a blue plate instead of a pink one, and oh, by the way, that is not their favorite food anymore, and your oldest just spilled their water all over the floor, for the eleventyith-thousandth time. You change the diaper, give the kid the pink plate, mop up the water, get your iPhone out and snap a picture, and send it to your group chat with a crying emoji.

I can’t be cool because I care too much. Not about how my makeup looks or the brand of my clothes or whether or not I have proper manners.

I care about my children’s emotional wellbeing and I will not let them watch movies that are inappropriate for their mental development (and I realize that each parent has to make that choice for their own child based on their child’s unique capacity to handle tough material). I care about my children’s health and so I will not give them candy and treats and soda-pop all day long just to make them happy (and I realize that there is no such thing as bad food, only food, and that moderation is key, and privilege is a real issue in this domain). I care about my children’s safety, and I will not let them wander to the 7-11 around the corner by themselves because they are seven and four and just because the older kids in the neighborhood get to go does not mean my children do. I care about my children’s general wellbeing and I will not let them rot their brains on Youtube and tablets because society tried the whole live-your-life-online experiment and it failed. My children will not be products of that failure.

I don’t want to be aloof. I want to be friendly, genuine, present. I don’t want to hover, but I don’t want to abandon. I want to live, and parent, in the messy middle. (Even though I actually really do want it to be easy. I am, in fact, human. It’s complicated.)

I get hot. I have emotions. I burn sometimes, smolder even. And as a mom in the social media saturated, gentle-parenting era that is so. not. cool.

I do want to be seen. I don’t want to be cool. I do want to be liked. I know not everyone will like me. I don’t want small talk or gossip. I want real conversation about real life. That makes me intense.

I’m not a cool mom. I’m a hot mom.

Hot mom summer, comin’ in cool.

With gratitude,

Ashley

Coming up…

• What happened when I pitched my picture book manuscript to an agent

• Lessons learned about community from serving on the Board of Directors of my children’s cooperative preschool for three years

• An update on how I’m using the dishes as my yoga practice these days

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, May 31

• National Smile Day

Monday, June 1

• Dinosaur Day

• Global Day of Parents

• International Children’s Day

• National Barefoot Day

• Say Something Nice Day

Tuesday, June 2

• National Leave Work Early Day

• National Rotisserie Chicken Day

Wednesday, June 3

• Love Conquers All Day

• National Egg Day

• World Bicycle Day

Thursday, June 4

• Global Running Day

• National Cheese Day

Friday, June 5

• Hot Air Balloon Day

• National Donut Day

• National Sorry I Was On A Boat Day

• World Environment Day

Saturday, June 6

• D-Day

• National Black Bear Day

• National Drive-In Movie Day

• National Gardening Exercise Day

• National Trails Day

• International Clothesline Week

June is the month to celebrate:

• Black Lives Matter

• Pride

• Cucumbers

• The Great Outdoors

• Mangos

• Men’s Health

• Camping

• Frozen Yogurt

• Iced Tea

• Oceans

• Women’s Golf

Dear readers,

Maycember is no joke. I’ve been feeling anxious lately because of all the calendar commitments and most especially because I’ve been trying new things.

This past week, I went on a 24-hour overnight trip with my son’s first grade class to the wilderness.

It’s amazing what happens to your body and mind when surrounded by trees, dirt, birds, fresh air, and a stream.

Spending time in nature is so grounding and restorative.

I lost track of time, my anxieties eased, I was able to access child-like joy simply from being outside all day with eleven 7-year-olds.

My wish is that every child could learn the healing powers of nature. The program included a hike, a square-dance, a nature quest, and three workshops, which involved hiking to a hollow tree and playing in the woods, putting nets in the pond to see what you can catch, and observing nature and drawing what you see. Simple, fun, natural tasks that seem mundane but offer so much learning.

Wouldn’t it be something if every school curriculum taught the power of nature?

Wouldn’t it be something if the next generation grew up respecting Mother Nature?

The kids loved every second of getting to go to school in the woods.

The parents were reminded that life really begins when you set down your screens, forget about the outside world, and just let yourself immerse in childhood wonder amidst the trees.

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, May 10

• Mother’s Day

• National Golf Day

• National Clean Your Room Day

• One Day Without Shoes

• Trust Your Intuition Day

Monday, May 11

• National Foam Rolling Day

• Bike To Work Week

Tuesday, May 12

• International Day of Plant Health

• National Limerick Day

Wednesday, May 13

• Fair Trade Day

• Tulip Day

• International Hummus Day

• National Frog Jumping Day

Thursday, May 14

• Dance Like A Chicken Day

• Bond With Your Dog Day

Friday, May 15

• Bike to School Day

• Break The Glass Ceiling Day

• Bring Flowers To Someone Day

• Straw Hat Day

Saturday, May 16

• Drawing Day

• National Do Something Good For Your Neighbor Day

• National Learn To Swim Day

• National Love A Tree Day

• National River Cleanup Day

• Plant a Lemon Tree Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

I’ve been spiralling lately.

In one of those funks I get in sometimes where I don’t know what I’m doing. It sucks.

I’m a person who craves control, clarity, and a purpose. Sometimes I lose my way.

That’s the way it’s supposed to be, though—an integral part of the creative process. Sometimes we get lost. Even though I understand this all intellectually, it still feels very unnerving.

I’m pivoting. Walking away from yoga—my career and identity for over a decade—to follow my life-long (well, since first grade) dream of becoming an author.

I really have a knack for picking those stable, high-paying, easy-peasy career paths, eh?

When I’m not kicking myself for delaying this dream for as long as I have, or kicking myself for kicking myself because I should be gentle with myself, or resting because I’m trying to be kind to myself, or actually sitting down to work on my manuscript, I’m fretting about what to do with my Substack. Since that’s really what matters most in the world these days…

As I’ve been thinking about what the essence of this space is, what I want it to be, what it’s always been, what I want to write about forever and ever, I keep coming back to women thriving. Women can’t thrive unless we’re well. I want to share wellbeing with you. I want you to feel well when you read my words. I want you to be inspired to be well in your own life. I want you to live well, whatever that means to you. Most of all, I want to see you thrive. Because I believe deeply in my bones that when women are well, when women are thriving, the world will be a better place.

But here’s the thing. The content world we live in rewards prescriptive advice and wellbeing can’t be prescribed. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to thriving, despite what “culture” may try to t(s)ell you. You can be encouraged and inspired, but you can’t take a pill. I can tell you what I think, but you have to figure out wellbeing for you on your own. You can’t buy your way into wellbeing. It’s an active choice you have to make for yourself…every day. And that’s hard.

The difference between yoga and massage is that in yoga you have to show up to do the work. In massage, you show up to lay down on a table and have someone else do all the hard work for you. Yoga is more transformative but less people go to yoga. No one actually wants to do the work. Plus women don’t really have the time.

I know you don’t have a lot of time. I know you probably don’t really want to do hard work. You’re here to relax. To escape. To feel better. I’ll do the best I can to serve you up just enough sugar so the truth doesn’t taste super, super terrible. Like that green smoothie in the picture up above—amazing what a little mint and cacao can do to some spinach 😀.

To soft-launch this re-launch, I want to offer up some words of wisdom from the women I’ve interviewed so far in my Women + Wellbeing interview series in answer to the question, what is wellbeing? But before we get there, it’s important for me to share what I think wellbeing is because I too often rely on others’ opinions to shape my own.

Wellbeing to me is…

And wellbeing to the women I’ve interviewed so far is…

“…having a foundation that you can always return to. If you veer off of it, you come back to a strong base founded in solid feelings of worthiness, self-compassion, self-empathy, and self-love. I don't mean that in the trendy way that is being sold with things right now, but I mean it in a very sincere, ‘I am worthy of being here’ and, ‘I have self-worth just by being alive’ way.”

-Corie Feiner

“I think it changes monthly, weekly. Wellbeing now feels like a capacity to be adaptive and to pivot at a moment's notice according to what is needed. Whether that's an outward need in my family—what does my kid need, does he need me to step in or does he need me to step the hell out? Or a need with myself inwardly—what do I need and can I respect it enough to deliver? That's really what wellbeing means right now to me.”

-Elena Brower

“I don't sleep easily, so wellbeing for me is when I've had a good night’s sleep. It's not something I think about a lot because I'm well most of the time.”

Ann Richardson

“The first thing that comes to mind is honesty. Wellbeing is a state of knowing who you are, what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and how one treats oneself as the vehicle for doing that and meeting relationships. The primary principle that will lead to that is honesty. In other words, cut the bullshit.”

-Patty Townsend

“There are a lot of misconceptions about what wellness is. Wellness is a holistic and individualistic experience and also communal. It's much bigger than our physical health, or our mental health, or our spirituality. It's all of these things in combination and how they're all integrated together. It's unique to each person, but we also heal in a collective. Wellness is everything, all things, and also just our thing.”

-Sarah Ezrin

“I really think wellbeing comes back to when you’re actually well in your body, meaning that you feel good, you have energy, you’re able to perform your activities of daily living and work, and do all the other things that make life worth living. This whole idea of ‘wellness’ has become about striving to do other things when we’re already so busy in our lives. Right now wellbeing is something that we all need. Wellness is something that we’re being sold. To me, they’re very different things. Wellbeing is really coming back to rediscovering who we are after life happens and being able to live from that place.”

-Dr. Shailla Vaidya

“To me, I think wellness is being able to look at your life and wake up in the morning knowing there are going to be parts of your day that you’re really looking forward to. I think that it means going to sleep at night and feeling, ‘I like where I am in my life.’ It does not mean you’re going to like when your kids spill the chia seeds. I’m still freaking cleaning up from last week. I’m never gonna get them all. But it means that overall, I like what’s happening every day. I feel well in my life. That is wellness to me—being able to look around and say, ‘I like my life.’

-Kelly Newsome Georges

“The idea of being well is an experience. It's an experience that is multi-dimensional, not just looking at one layer. We can't define our wellbeing or wellness by just looking at our heart or our respiratory rate. It's really the state of integration and alignment in which there are elements of peace and joy and I would even say strength. There is a fortitude when I affirm my sense of being well, that I am here, and I deserve to be here.”

-Maryam Ovissi

I’d love to hear yours thoughts about what wellbeing means to you.

Leave a comment

The TL;DR

Wellbeing is…

• Worthiness

• Joy

• Contentment

• Adaptability

• Energy

• Vitality

• Community

• Integration

• Stability

• Strength

• Honesty

• Love

• Purpose

• Wonder

• Alignment

…and whatever else you feel it is for you.

This space is transforming into a space where I can offer some of that…alongside a little dose of the healthy, bitter truth (like spinach).

I hope you have a well week!

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, May 3

• National Garden Meditation Day

• National Lemonade Day

• World Laughter Day

• National Small Business Week

• Pet Appreciation Week

Monday, May 4

• Star Wars Day

• Children’s Book Week

• Screen-Free Week

• Great Lakes Awareness Day

• Petite and Proud Day

Tuesday, May 5

• Revenge of the 5th

• Cinco de Mayo

• International Midwives Day

• Poem On Your Pillow Day

Wednesday, May 6

• National Nurses Day

Thursday, May 7

• Make a Book Day

Friday, May 8

• Child Care Provider Day

• National Give Someone A Cupcake Day

• National Military Spouse Appreciation Day

• National Public Gardens Day

• White Lotus Day

Saturday, May 9

• Lost Sock Memorial Day

• National Babysitter Day

• National Mini Golf Day

• National Sleepover Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

I don’t remember when it started but every time someone celebrates a birthday my husband wants to hear “X” number of lessons learned, gratitudes, etc. based on the number of years you’ve lived.

So, in honor of that, because my birthday was Friday, here’s my list. These are things I’ve learned but am mostly still learning.

1. There are no Joneses. Comparison culture is deadly to originality, authenticity, and uniqueness

2. Perfection does not exist. It is a false construct designed to keep you from reaching your full potential, which rests in you being you. Also, it annoys other people.

3. You cannot have it all. You can choose values that matter to you and work like hell to design a life in alignment with those values. It is hard. And it will require sacrifice.

4. People are good. Their life circumstances may affect their choices and situations. Forgive the people. Fight the system.

5. Humans are flawed. Love them anyway.

6. Women are powerful.

7. Community is essential.

8. Listen.

9. Rest. You’re allowed to pause. The world will go on without you but it also doesn’t need a burnt-out you. It needs you at your best. And you can’t be at your best when you are tired and depleted.

10. We are always growing. Be patient. There is no end. Just new possibilities to grow into.

11. Everyone does things their own way. That’s okay. There is no one right way.

12. Show up. Especially when you’re scared. Even when you don’t want to.

13. Life is a paradox. It’s not meant to be solved. It’s meant to be lived.

14. Nature heals.

15. Seasons and cycles are the true timekeepers.

16. Work hard to get better, not to get done.

17. The dishes can wait.

18. You do not need to scrub your floorboards with a toothbrush. Unless you want to, then have at it.

19. In war, everyone loses.

20. Family above all else, by blood or by choice.

21. People are people no matter who or how they love, who or how they worship.

22. There are no wrong turns, just detours, scenic routes, and lessons to be learned.

23. Breath is our body’s most powerful tool.

24. Balance does exist, it’s just never static.

25. Movement clears energy from the body and mind. It is how we clean out the invisible toxins of daily life.

26. Writing is therapy.

27. Therapy is not shameful. (See #2 and #5)

28. Not everyone will like you. That’s fine.

29. Trust your intuition.

30. Forgive and move on.

31. You never know what’s going on with someone else so always give them the benefit of the doubt.

32. There is always nuance. Try to understand the nuance.

33. Be kind. Even if you have every reason to highly dislike someone, be kind.

34. Gratitude leads to happiness.

35. The things in life that matter the most also take the most work.

36. We can do hard things.

37. The only constant is change.

38. Never say never.

I’ve had a good life so far. I am lucky and blessed. The more I think about it, the more I realize well-being isn’t something to be chased. It’s not something you can take a pill to create. It’s an intentional mind-state you choose to cultivate every day.

What have you learned/are still learning? I’d love to hear. Reply to this email or comment below, if only to wish me a happy belated birthday 😁. I’m a Taurus. I love the love.

Leave a comment

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, April 26

• National Pretzel Day

• Remember Your First Kiss Day

• National No Makeup Day

• Get Organized Day

• Alien Day

Monday, April 27

• Autism Super Mom Day

• National Tell A Story Day

• World Design Day

Tuesday, April 28

• Global Pay It Forward Day

• Great Poetry Reading Day

• National Blueberry Pie Day

Wednesday, April 29

• Day of Trees

• Denim Day

• International Dance Day

• Poem In Your Pocket Day

• World Stationery Day

Thursday, April 30

• Hairstyle Appreciation Day

• Healthy Kids Day

• Honesty Day

• National Bubble Tea Day

• National Mahjong Day

• National Tie Dye Day

Friday, May 1

• Beltane

• Global Love Day

• Learn to Ride a Bike Day

• May Day

• National Mantra Day

• National Space Day

Saturday, May 2

• Baby Day

• Brothers and Sisters Day

• Harry Potter Day

• Herb Day

• International Pilates Day

• Naked Gardening Day

• National Scrapbooking Day

• Take a Baby to Lunch Day

May is the month to celebrate:

• Cheese

• Wetlands

• Anxiety Awareness

• Better Sleep

• Celiac Awareness

• Clean Air

• Community Action

• Correct Posture

• Family Wellness

• Gifts From The Garden

• Respect For Chickens

• Jewish American Heritage

• Latino Books

• Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage

• Lettuce

• Local and Community History

• Maternal Mental Health

• Meditation

• Mental Health Awareness

• Military Appreciation

• Asparagus

• Barbecue

• Bicycle Safety

• Comfort

• Eggs

• Hamburgers

• Inventors

• Pets

• Photography

• Salads

• Salsa

• Strawberries

• Tennis

• Vinegar

• Walking

• Women’s Health

With gratitude,

Ashley

I did something this week that I’ve never done before. My husband was so proud of me, he came home with a small bottle of champagne to celebrate.

As I’ve leaned into celebrating joy, I’ve learned that the little things matter most. You don’t need lavish feasts, fancy decorations, or large parties to celebrate. A simple treat. A special moment of acknowledgement. All you really need is intention and someone to share your joy with.

Did you follow the Artemis II? It felt weird to witness this moon journey. When I was a kid, I remember my parents talking about watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon when they were kids. I’m from Ohio, so we learn about Neil Armstrong and John Glenn in elementary school. Now, I’m the parent and my kids are the future generations watching astronauts fly to the moon and back. My daughters get to watch all this and say, “that could be me someday.” Instead, my 4yo informed us out of the blue that she’s afraid to be a mom someday because she doesn’t want her belly cut open. Fair.

NASA keeps saying this is just the beginning. Though this isn’t the first time we’ve flown humans into space, it was the furtherest humans have ever flown into space. One of them had never even been in space.

The goal is to live on the moon. I have feelings about that. I’ll be remaining here on Earth, thanks. My son loves watching all this stuff and learning about the rockets. It would be super cool if he could be a NASA engineer someday working on spacecraft. But I’d very much like him not to go to Mars. Or the Moon.

This morning I went for a run and looked up at that big floating rock in the sky. There were humans flying around her a couple days ago. 238,855 miles away. Wild. Incomprehensible.

We watched the astronauts land safely in the Pacific Ocean, bob around on an inflatable “porch” waiting for a helicopter to winch them up so they could be transported to a Navy ship. I felt bad for them. You rocket down from space at 25,000 mph only to have to bob in the ocean in your claustrophobic capsule, then be carried out of said capsule onto an inflatable boat bobbing in the ocean even more, only to be hooked onto a harness and lifted up into a helicopter—now you’re flying again—then land on a ship. My goodness how they must have wanted to touch actual land. Not water. Not boats. Not metal helicopters. Dirt.

We named my daughter Luna. My husband wanted to name her Artemis. We agreed on the Moon part, at least. The Romans won our battle. Artemis is also the Goddess of the Hunt. Of Wilderness. And of childbirth. The hunt, the wilderness, childbirth, and for now, the moon, all have one thing in common: the unknown.

Naming the moon mission Artemis is layered. Humans (Americans) are hunting the wilderness of space to do some more colonizing. Like I said, I have thoughts. But when I was running, looking up at that quarter moon, thinking how wild it was that humans were just up there, I couldn’t help thinking that the moon, that spacious wilderness, my Luna, really just represents potential and possibility. And that feels hopeful, minus the colonizing part and the inevitable Star Wars that go along with it. Perhaps I’m reading too much sci-fi. Red Rising, anyone?

Speaking of hope, give this post by a read. She sums up the hope, why these moon missions really matter, the connection between science and spirituality, so well. We don’t need to colonize the moon. We need to free our mind.

This is the beauty of being a beginner. You don’t know. You have hope. There is nothing but potential and possibility in front of you and it’s exciting. It motivates you. If only we could always be beginners. Open minded. Inspired by what could be rather than mired down by a pessimistic reality.

This week I submitted my first ever manuscript for an award. I’m writing children’s books now. I have no idea what I’m doing. And it’s kind of freeing.

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, April 12

• International Day for Human Space Flight

• Pretzel Sunday

• Walk On Your Wild Side Day

Monday, April 13

• International Plant Appreciation Day

• National Peach Cobbler Day

• National Scrabble Day

Tuesday, April 14

• International Moment of Laughter Day

• National Donate a Book Day

• National Gardening Day

• National Look Up At the Sky Day

Wednesday, April 15

• International Microvolunteering Day

• National Banana Day

• National Laundry Day

• World Art Day

Thursday, April 16

• Day of the Mushroom

• National Librarian Day

• National Reveal the Genius Within Day

Friday, April 17

• Blah Blah Blah Day

• International Day of Mastering Conversations That Matter

• National Haiku Day

Saturday, April 18

• National Animal Cracker Day

• National Exercise Day

• National Velociraptor Awareness Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

Sometime last year, the Substack algorithm kept feeding me posts about matriarchy. Whether it was of my own volition or the algorithmic universe’s assumption that I’d vibe with matrifocal thinking, this concept kept popping up in my life and I was curious. I didn’t know anything about matriarchy.

I didn’t want the Substack explanation or the Google definition. I wanted to go deep. This led me down a rabbit hole and I ended up purchasing an academic anthology, The Legacy of Mothers: Matriarchies and the Gift Economy as Post-Capitalist Alternatives edited by Erella Shadmi. I was fascinated reading about real-life matrifocal indigenous communities and present-day mini-matriarchies functioning around the world today. It was especially interesting reading Shadmi’s own essay about how matriarchal power structures could be used to bring about peace in Israel and Palestine. Her anthology was published in 2021.

But it was Annine van der Meer’s essay, “Divine Surprise: The Female Side of God,” that really piqued my interest. She drew on her own research on Venus art and presented seven common poses consistently expressed in Venus art across cultures and throughout history. She argues in her research that the realm of spiritual power has always belonged to women. It’s not until very recently, historically speaking, that men tried to usurp what has always been divinely feminine—power—and twist it for their own aims (dominance).

The yoga teacher in me wanted to see these “poses” and the essay was a good advertisement for going deeper into van der Meer’s work on Venus Art. I tracked down her 700-page tome, The Language of MA the Primal Mother: The evolution of the female image in 40,000 years of global Venus Art, only available in university libraries, and put in an Interlibrary Loan Request through my public library (public libraries for the win!). My Venus Art bible showed up right before Christmas and I nerded out for four weeks learning about art history in prehistoric times.

Van der Meer analyzed thousands of images, statues, artforms and artefacts from civilizations across the world throughout time and found commonality in the depicted forms. Women were idolized across cultures, across timespans, in seven recurring poses that mirror familiar poses in yoga practice.

Drawing on this work, I couldn’t help but develop a yoga practice honoring these poses of feminine power. These poses celebrate the cycles of womanhood, imbuing meaning, power, and purpose into each stage of a woman’s life. Embodying these poses challenges our present culture, which discards women's wisdom generally, exploits young feminine beauty, and buries everything that happens after a woman turns 30.

These poses symbolize birth, power, giving life, the nurturance of the mother, a surrender to universal code, and a balance of both feminine and masculine energies. They encompass birth, mothering, spiritual authority, grieving, praying, death, and crone wisdom.

I think of these ancient artefacts, displayed today in museums across the world, as the ancient prerequisites for the true Power Poses. Amy Cuddy’s research may have been debunked and debated in academic circles, but you can’t deny the power of embodying poses depicting female power since the time of the Ice Age.

I’m calling this a restorative power practice in the sense that it’s purpose is to restore you to your divine feminine power via the ancestresses, brought to you by 40,000 years worth of celebrating the spiritual feminine.

Enjoy!

A restorative power practice for calling in the divine feminine

Birthing

Frog Pose

This pose is commonly depicted in early art forms, representing the true power women possess to gestate, deliver, and bring Earthside life incarnate. Regardless of your ability or choices around giving birth, this pose serves as a powerful reminder that you hold that potential within you. Patriarchal societies have fought hard to shame women for their innate power. This pose reminds you to open up to it and receive its magnitude. You have the power to bring new life into this world.

The Ancestress Stands

Mermaid/Easy Pose —> Standing Mountain

This short sequence follows the wise woman from her seat of power, a seat taken in a position of comfort and ease, as was commonly depicted in Paleolithic art forms, to a more modern understanding of power where the wise woman rises to a standing position, though strength is still experienced through gentleness and grounded balance.

Life-Giving

Mountain Pose with Womb Mudra

This pose represents the feminine capacity to not only bear life but also nourish, support, guide, and shape it. The womb mudra utilized in this pose shows up in Uma Dinsmore Tuli’s work and was also often depicted in cave paintings and ancient figurines.

Life -Giving Part 2

Mountain Pose with hands on breasts

This pose is the most risqué of the group, but 40,000 years ago no one would have thought that. Venus art commonly depicted women proudly presenting their life-giving breasts. It was the prudish, Victorian-era male archeologists making the discoveries of these ancient artifacts who were unable to seriously consider this depiction of power and instead had their heads in their pants, thereby labeling ancient women as “promiscuous.” Van der Meer argues these women are not at all promiscuous, rather they are being good mothers and proudly providing nourishment to their children, thank you very much.

Earth Mother

Standing and humming

One of the common depictions of women in Venus Art has figures standing surrounded by plants and animals. This is another iteration of the power of Mother energy, and an embodiment of woman as Mother Nature. Sometimes, these depictions also included women holding tambourines or totems for particular animals. The tambourine can symbolize music and sound as a source of energetic care. You could take this pose (or the entire series) outside, standing barefoot on the ground, you can grab that tambourine you have lying around your house (if you’re a mother of a young child, I bet you have one!) and play a little organic tune, or you can hum. Humming is a powerful way to connect you with cosmic vibration. It’s also breath work in disguise. Nervous system reset benefits meet divine feminine embodiment. Om is a powerful companion here, too.

Invocation

Standing with uplifted arms

Now, you rise up. Lift your arms to the heavens and become the witness. You are the human intermediary of the cosmic life force and energy. You, as you are, invoke the divine, just by being you.

Death

Savasana

The cycle is the birth/rebirth/death cycle. Death is part of the package. Death has always been marked by important rituals in cultures across the world, just like every other stage of life. It was commemorated and it was natural. We are born. We live, and hopefully transform and grow. Then we die. And so it is. But in America, we try to hide it away. Unfortunately, you can’t hide reality.

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, April 5

• Easter

• National Body Care Day

• National Caramel Day

• National Dandelion Day

• National Deep Dish Pizza Day

Monday, April 6

• Jump Over Things Day

• National Acai Bowl Day

• National Library Day

• National Pajama Day

Tuesday, April 7

• International Beaver Day

• Motherhood and Beauty Day

• National Coffee Cake Day

• National No Housework Day

Wednesday, April 8

• International Feng Shui Awareness Day

• International Kids Yoga Day

• Pygmy Hippo Day

Thursday, April 9

• National Mature Women’s Day

• National Unicorn Day

Friday, April 10

• Encourage a Young Writer Day

• Global Work From Home Day

• Golfer’s Day

• National Siblings Day

Saturday, April 11

• National Clean Up Your Pantry Day

• Slow Art Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

Greetings! I’m writing this at the very last minute because, instead of sitting down to write in the little pockets of time I find during the week, I read Atomic Habits instead.

Haven’t put what I learned into practice yet. Not sure I’ll get around to it. Every time I intend to do something these days, something else comes up. For instance, I was going to write this on Friday night, but then I sat down on the couch with my son and husband to watch Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. It was my son’s first time watching Star Wars, something he’s been begging to do for months. For his birthday last week he got Star Wars Legos, a Stormtrooper mask, and two light sabers. He’s obsessed even though he had never even seen a minute of the films or TV shows up until this weekend. So I wanted to be there with him.

At breakfast the next morning, my son shared that his favorite part of watching the movie was shooting the bad guys.

Chik-chik BAM.

Every time a droid, Darth Maul, or person of questionable allegiance to the Republic (he asked incessantly who was who), showed up on screen he was ready to gun them down with his fingers.

Chik-chik BAM.

It’s endearing, his dislike of villains. But it’s also a bit concerning. He is a black and white thinker—no gray. Once, we went to a coffee shop in a shopping plaza that had assigned parking spaces for each of the businesses. It was a very busy Saturday morning and all the coffee shop’s assigned parking spaces were full, but the entire rest of the parking lot was empty. There were two men standing in front of one of the not-open businesses “patrolling.” It was a bike shop and it was the middle of winter. There was no way ten people were going to show up on a cold, November Ohio morning shopping for bikes. So we parked in one of the bike shop spots. We weren’t planning on staying at the coffee shop. We were on an order our drinks and go home mission.

My son panicked. First he didn’t want to leave the car. He demanded that my husband park somewhere else. Then, when my husband refused, he threw a tantrum the whole way into the coffee shop. He worried in line. He wanted to leave. He didn’t even want a donut. We had done something “wrong” and he couldn’t handle it.

When we finally made it back out to our car, we had a note on the windshield. The men standing outside the bike shop were placing passive-aggressive notes on any car that parked in one of their spots alerting drivers that their cars would be towed. My husband and I laughed. My son was frightened. Now we were going to lose our car and the police would be involved and we were bad people. His little, imaginitive mind had us in jail for parking in the wrong spot. And he didn’t like that one bit. He never wanted to go to this coffee shop ever again.

We try to help our son see the nuance in situations. That there is more than black and white in the world. More than right and wrong. But his little mind has trouble with that complexity. At our parent-teacher conferences this spring, the teachers mentioned he was the only 6/7 year old in class who they were actively encouraging to take more risks.

It’s obvious he gets this from me and my genetics. I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like taking risks. But I do really, really try to see the nuance in situations. I really, really try to appreciate the complexity in the world. I didn’t always. It took a long time to undo that learning. It’s still an ongoing process. So it makes sense that my son is this way. But it’s such a stark, in-my-face, expression of fixed thinking.

If I were my son and liked guns, this would be my cue to take fixed thinking and put up my fingers.

Chik-chik BAM.

As a mother of three it’s hard to meet the CDCs minimum requirements for physical activity (see Friday night couch-a-thon, being a writer, etc.). The CDC recommends all adults ages 18-64 get 150 minutes of moderate intensity aerobic activity each week or 75 minutes of vigorous intensity. In addition, it’s recommended that adults also do two days a week of strength training targeting all major muscle groups. I can barely make a phone call.

Before kids I never understood how it could take mothers so long to get anything done. I don't think you can wrap your head around the time-warp of caretaking until you experience it firsthand for yourself.

So it’s a bit laughable to expect that I could find an extra 150+ minutes each week for moderate intensity cardio, even though I want nothing more than to escape my reality and go for a run. I’d even settle for escaping to my basement and lifting some weights.

Anyway, it’s always puzzling to me that we have these recommendations for health when clearly half the population is not able to meet them. I think the statistic is something like 30% of adults actually meet that goal. And I’d venture to say that if you break that down into specific demographic data, maybe 1% of mothers with young children can meet that metric. It’s not that I disagree with the data. I’m sad I can’t meet those goals. They’re a benchmark for planning my atomic habits. But if I learned anything from the book, it’s to start small. I can give two minutes a day right now.

In the weird popular culture we live in today, “maxxing” is all the rage. I’m of the opposite persuasion in this stage of my life. I’m all about micro-dosing, minimizing and simplifying.

This week I wanted to share a yoga practice with you celebrating half-moon. (Monday is actually the Full Pink Moon.) I spent time sequencing a cool class and had fun doing it. Can’t fully take the yoga teacher out of me. But then I ran out of time and remembered that most of us only have time to do one pose, not an hours worth of poses.

So, here is Half Moon Pose (Ardha Chandrasana), reimagined four ways to celebrate the nuance of being alive in this weird time.

Chik-chik BAM.

Four Variations of Half Moon

When all you have time for is one pose, try one of these variations of Half Moon Pose. You’ll stack your habits honoring Mother Moon while practicing yoga and moving your body all at the same time. Bonus points for breath work and meditation!

I've presented the poses below from easiest to most challenging.

Vishraam Ardha Bhekasana / Resting Half Frog Pose

A gentler, more restorative version of the Half Moon shape, this hip stretch is a nice entry point into this class of poses. It’s a prone pose, so you’ll lie on your belly. Leg can be bent or straight. This is also a nice way to end a practice with this class of poses.

Supta Padagusthasana / Supine Hand-to-Toe Pose

This pose is hard even though you’re lying on your back. It’s a good hamstring stretch. Use a strap. Keep your hips grounded for the best hamstring and hip flexor stretch.

Ardha Chandrasana / Half Moon

This pose is hard. It requires balance, strength, and focus. Blocks underneath your hands, and walls or furniture for extra support are all just fine. Don’t forget to breathe.

Utthita Hasta Padagusthasna / Extended Hand-to-Big-Toe Pose

This pose is even harder. It requires balance, strength, supple hamstrings, intense focus, patience, and a sense of humor. Bent knees, straps, and walls or furniture for extra support are all just fine. Don’t forget to breathe and smile. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Reasons to Celebrate

April is the month to celebrate:

• Diversity

• Brussel Sprouts and Cabbage

• Cranberries and Gooseberries

• Earth

• Jazz

• BLTs

• Military children

• Fresh celery

• Frogs

• Garlic

• Grilled Cheese

• Kites

• Hope

• Pecans

• Soft pretzels

• Soy foods

• Woodworking

• School libraries

• Straw hats

Sunday, March 29

• Mermaid Day

• World Piano Day

• Palm Sunday

Monday, March 30

• My husband’s birthday!

• National Folding Laundry Day

• National Pencil Day

• Take a Walk in the Park Day

Tuesday, March 31

• Transgender Day of Visibility

• Dance Marathon Day

• National Crayon Day

• National Après Day

Wednesday, April 1

• Passover

• April Fools’ Day

• National Sourdough Bread Day

• Be Kind to Spiders Week

Thursday, April 2

• Children’s Picture Book Day

• National Burrito Day

• National DIY Day

• National Ferret Day

• National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

• National Ride Your Horse to a Bar Day

• National Walking Day

Friday, April 3

• Good Friday

• Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day

• National Chocolate Mousse Day

• National Find a Rainbow Day

• National Inspiring Joy Day

• Walk to Work Day

• Weed Out Hate Day

• World Party Day

Saturday, April 4

• International Carrot Day

• International Pillow Fight Day

• National Love Our Children Day

• National Picky Eaters Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

I really dislike being told what I can’t do.

Humans turn to religious texts like the Bible, the Quran, the Torah for guidance on how to live. In the Yoga tradition, practitioners often turn to the Yoga Sutra for inspiration. From these texts we get the Ten Commandments in the Bible, similar ethical and moral principles throughout the Quran, the Ten Statements in the Torah, and the Yamas and Niyamas from the Yoga Sutra. Overwhelmingly, the statements and principles for living spiritual, moral lives begin with DO NOT.

• Do not worship any other God.

• Do not kill or be violent.

• Do not commit adultery.

• Do not steal.

• Do not be greedy.

• Do not lie.

Do not.

Do not.

Do not.

So what are we supposed to do?

The religious texts offer a few ideas. Honor your parents. Respect the holy day. Tell the truth.

The Niyamas go a bit further: be clean, be disciplined in your spiritual practice, study the texts and yourself, and surrender your own free will. But none of these texts offer a handy “10 Things You Can Do Right Now To Be a Good Person” listicle.

I personally prefer an interpretation of the Yoga Sutra that defines each Yama as its positive correlation. The first Yama, ahimsa, commonly defined as non-violence, becomes compassion. If you tell someone to not be violent and another person to be compassionate, you’ll get two very different responses. Cultivating compassion is a far more potent determinant of goodness than constantly worrying about doing something wrong, suppressing emotions, or checking yourself. Practicing compassion empowers. Practicing not being violent creates passivity. Passivity, by the way, is exactly what those in power want from their followers.

Positive morals like kindness or service are embedded in every religion but they’re demonstrated through story and myth rather than declared outright. Story plays a foundational role in a child’s—and even many adults’—moral growth and development. I personally did not grow up hearing many of the Bible stories. My family attended church sporadically; I don’t have fond memories of Sunday school or Vacation Bible School. The stories didn’t resonate, weren’t repeated often enough, and didn’t stick. I’m still a good person (I think) but religion wasn’t the vehicle through which goodness gestated. The latest data pegs the religiously non-affiliated at almost 30% of Americans. I know I’m not alone in growing up without these foundational stories and myths. Parenting plays a big role in teaching goodness, but who’s supporting and guiding the parents?

There is psychology around “do not” language. The “ironic process theory” states that when you tell someone to not do something they think about what they’re not supposed to do more than what they are supposed to do. The famous example is “do not run.” If you tell a child do not run, they skip the “do not” part and hear RUN! But if you tell the child to walk instead, they know exactly what they need to do.

I was taught this in my yoga teacher trainings. It’s not helpful to tell a student what not to do. Just tell them exactly what you want them to do. Instead of cueing, “don’t let your knee move beyond your ankle,” say, “stack your knee over your ankle.” (By the way this is a terrible cue, your knee can be wherever it’s comfortable.) As a yoga teacher trainer, I frequently got frustrated when students would come to me pleading, “just tell me what to do.” They didn’t want to think. I’m guilty of this too. It’s way easier for someone to just tell you the answer. But that’s not working the brain. That’s rote memorization and robotic doing for the sake of checking something off a list. There is no heart, no thought, no chance for innovation or originality. That’s boring. And dangerous. We don’t want a nation of sheep—well I don’t, the people in power do. We’re now seeing the effects of that play out in real time outside our front doors.

Millenials are arguably already lazyish when it comes to figuring stuff out for ourselves. Why think when you have the Internet at your fingertips to help you find the answer? Each successive generation is only going to get worse. See: attention spans. Classic children’s stories like Wind in the Willows, Wizard of Oz, and Mary Poppins are being replaced by graphic novels like Dog Man and Captain Underpants. Conan O’Brien made a joke at the Oscar’s last week about changing video formats to fit vertical phone screens. It’s not funny.

My children’s favorite books right now are Fancy Nancy, which embeds some lessons about sharing and being a good friend but places far more emphasis on the excitement of being fancy; The Book with No Pictures, which is supposed to be about helping kids understand that books with no pictures can still be fun and you should learn how to read but really is just about getting adults to make funny noises; and Cloud Puppy, also a book that includes lessons on friendship, but as it’s a graphic novel, places far more emphasis on the pictures and playing video games. My kids aren’t necessarily taking away any great moral lessons from these books. They’re being entertained. When I choose sweet books that do have lessons, they nod, smile and move on to the next thing. I imagine it’s getting through, but is it sticking?

The current children’s book bestsellers include:

• Dragons Love Tacos, which is literally about dragons loving tacos and hating spicy salsa. End of story. No lesson other than, maybe—but this is a huge stretch—respect people’s preferences.

• A book about the K-Pop Demon Hunters.

• Mostly seasonal stories about catching Easter Bunnies and Leprachauns, which, honestly, I’m here for. If the lesson is to celebrate the seasons, I’m all-in. But that doesn’t necessarily reinforce being a good person.

Kids aren’t reading as much as they used to. They’re listening and watching. I heard multiple of my son’s first grade classmates state they want to be famous YouTubers when they grow up. Twitter came along and asked us to be concise. Then Instagram asked us to forget about the words and just make your life look pretty. Now it’s all about making your life a reel. Recommended length for a TikTok is 30 seconds. YouTubers—random people who often have no real expertise other than the audacity to turn the camera on themselves and hawk stuff for fame, money, and power—become famous telling people what to do.

How do we teach the morals and lessons of life in 30 seconds or less? What are the relevant stories we need to adapt to get kids to be kind, helpful, compassionate, empathetic, critical thinkers? Is it worth decoupling those stories from the baggage of religion or do we need to double down on insisting spiritual life is an important virtue?

Where do adults and kids alike find the support for becoming a good person? Where are our accountability partners if the church is too busy telling us what not to do and the classic stories and their lessons aren’t getting through? Another way of asking this question is, where is the village? American pride in individuality has led us astray, away from the very (messy) structures we need to maintain support for becoming the best versions of ourselves.

What do you think? I’d love to know.

Leave a comment

Update from last week’s post

In case you were wondering, and because I promised I’d report back after last week’s post, 50% of the party attendees did not follow instructions. The most random, but of course most played with, gift/piece of junk was a card shuffler. For a 7-year-old. Why? I do not need this in my house.

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, March 22

• Bavarian Crepes Day

• Talk Like William Shakespeare Day

Monday, March 23

• National Chip and Dip Day

• National Chia Day

Tuesday, March 24

• International Day for Achievers

• National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day

Wednesday, March 25

• International Waffle Day

Thursday, March 26

• Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

• Live Long and Prosper Day

Friday, March 27

• Scribble Day

• National Spanish Paella Day

• World Theater Day

Saturday, March 28

• National Weed Appreciation Day (the garden weed, not the pot kind).

• National Black Forest Cake Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

Hello! Back to our regularly scheduled programming this week. A little less death and doom, a lot more glee and birthday bloom. Did you know I’m writing children’s books these days? I think in rhymes now. Anywho, gotta stay true to the cognitive dissonance raging on out there.

March is birthday month in the Zuberi household. Sixty percent of our family celebrates birthdays this month, making March Mom’s favorite month of the year. . .

We recently celebrated Luna’s first birthday! My son’s seventh birthday is this week. And my husband’s birthday is at the end of the month (along with my sister-in-law and aunt).

Considering the amount of birthday cake inevitably consumed every March from here on out, not to mention the occasional inclusion of Easter treats depending on the year, I decided I need to get creative with our cake options.

The first accounts of putting candles in cakes can be traced back to Ancient Greece. They weren’t celebrating birthdays though, they were celebrating Artemis, goddess of the moon.

In ancient Egypt, birthdays were only celebrated by the royals and this tradition continued into the beginning of the Roman Empire. Only the Empereor himself got to celebrate his birthday. Interestingly, the Church tried to ban birthday celebrations. They considered birthday celebrations pagan ritual; birth records were mostly used for astrological predictions and otherwise held no real value in convincing people to worship one God.

By the 14th century, birthdays were back in vogue but not as a celebration of an individual’s birth. Children were named after saints for protection. Each saint’s name got its own celebratory day and children with that name would celebrate their birthday on the saint’s day (St. Patrick’s Day, anyone?). This tradition is still practiced in some places around the world. Our Czech au pair first told us about celebrating saint’s days a few years back.

The birthday parties that all mothers know and love today first popped up in Germany in the early 19th century as a way to celebrate the important and special time that is childhood. Popularized in the US by “wealthy Protestant parents” birthday parties were often large, formal affairs. Over the years, parties became smaller, more informal gatherings until the 1950s when parents started outsourcing fun to public places such as the swimming pool or bowling alley. By the 1980s, the birthday party “industry” became a thing and now parents can spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to have some teenagers roll a plastic cart around with gifts and jackets while your children jump on trampolines or bounce houses for exactly one hour before eating bad, overpriced pizza in a “party room” for 45 minutes before you’re kicked out. But at least you don’t have to clean your house.

Apparently, parents have been complaining about how stressful and exhausting birthday parties are since the 1940s.

But back to the cake. I found an online recipe that approximated what these Artemis moon cakes would have tasted like. They were cheese-based, probably served with fruit, nuts, honey and spices, potentially more pie than cake.

That sounds like cheesecake to me. Because the universe was speaking, I decided Luna gets cheesecake for her birthday in honor of the moon.

Perhaps as you’re reading this, I’m sitting in one of those trampoline parks, in that cramped “party room” worrying if we ordered enough over-priced pizza while my son jumps around with his friends for exactly 1 hour (scratch that, we splurged and upgraded to 1.5 hours of jump time).

We will not be giving out party favors. I despise party favors. They are junk. They inevitably end up in the landfill whether you’re the smart parent that swipes them the first night and dumps them in the trash or the parent, like me, who finds pieces of them scattered around the house for the next five years before finally transporting them to the bin because they are menaces to all humans (except kids) and the Earth. You can hate me and think I’m a birthday humbug. I will not buy party favors.

Also, we are a no-gifts-please-birthday-party family, much to my son’s chagrin. I’ll report back next week and let you know how many parents followed the directions.

A couple years ago my son shared the same birthday as twins in his preschool class. The twins and my son were really good friends and I thought it would be fun if we did a combined birthday party. It seemed ridiculous to ask families to bring three birthday presents to this party, so we decided on the NO GIFTS, PLEASE policy. My son was annoyed, as any four-year-old (American) would be, so the next year when the twins went to another school and my son got to have his birthday back to himself we invited the class and did not put NO GIFTS, PLEASE on the invitation.

My son got 4 (FOUR) of the exact same LEGO plane set that year. Forty percent of the class got my son the same thing. You could also look at that number and say 40% of his classmates really know my son and are super thoughtful, sure, but I don’t want FOUR of the same LEGO plane. Hilariously, he had already gotten that same LEGO plane from his grandparents on his actual birthday so now we have 5 (FIVE) half-assembled air vehicles lying around the house.

To recap: cake good. Party favors bad. NO GIFTS, PLEASE.

A friend of mine sent me a text recently asking for help deciphering a mysterious birthday invitation. This was her daughter’s first birthday party invite, and so, naturally, my friend wanted to make sure she was following the unspoken protocol that all parents must magically know when attending kid birthday parties. The invitation said no presents. My friend wanted to know what she should get a child whose birthday invitation said no presents. She dove into her ideas, giving me some options to choose from in helping her pick the perfect gift. My response was, maybe you just don't bring anything.

My children will be forever scarred by the fact that they grew up with their mean mom forbidding friends from bringing presents to their birthday parties. I hope they still have fond memories of the fun they had with their friends. It’s about the people, not the junk.

But back to the cake. The Zuberis will forthwith enjoy cheesecake for Luna’s birthday. Oliver will get a good old-but-creatively-fashioned birthday cake. And my husband will forever get an ice cream cake. So if you like cake—in cheese, birthday, or ice cream form—please invite yourself over in March because we have a ton of it to share.

NO GIFTS, PLEASE.

Sources:

• https://innovation.umn.edu/birthdays-without-pressure/related-research

• https://ediblealaska.ediblecommunities.com/recipe/recipes-cottage-cheese-pie/

(More) Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, March 15

• Ides of March

• Everything You Think is Wrong Day

• National Bubble Week

• Sunshine Week

• World Folktales & Fables Week

• American Chocolate Week

Monday, March 16

• National Panda Day

• National Introverts Week

Tuesday, March 17

• St. Patrick’s Day

• Tea for Two Tuesday

Wednesday, March 18

• Oliver’s Birthday!

• Awkward Moments Day

• Forgive Mom and Dad Day

• Global Recycling Day

• Goddess of Fertility Day

Thursday, March 19

• International Read to Me Day

• National Chocolate Caramel Day

• National Let’s Laugh Day

Friday, March 20

• International Day of Happiness

• Spring Equinox

• National Ravioli Day

• Astrology Day

• Eid al-Fitr

• Won’t You Be My Neighbor Day

• World Storytelling Day

Saturday, March 21

• International Day of Forests

• World Poetry Day

• Maple Syrup Saturday

• National Crunchy Taco Day

• National Flower Day

• National French Bread Day

• Spring Fairy Fun Day

• Walk in the Sand Day

Trigger Warning: This post deals with childhood death and the separation of children from their parents.

In The Yoga Sutra, Patanjali names the fear of death a universal fear for all humans.

Yoga Sutra 2.9: The fear of death is automatic in all humans, even the very wise, and shows up as a strong desire to live. The anxiety caused by this fear of separating from the body causes suffering.

But that was decided by men.

As a mother, my greatest fear is the death of my children, especially if the cause is at the hands of war or violence justified by ideological purity.

This post will make you feel uncomfortable. A key aspect of yoga practice is learning how to sit with discomfort. Not to ignore the discomfort or to try to change it into something more palatable. Not even to make it go away. Just be with it. Then decide how that discomfort will inspire you and act accordingly. That is your yoga practice for today. It’s not fun. It doesn’t burn calories. And it won't tone your abs. But it is necessary. Now, more than ever. I hope you stick with it.

West Africa, 1600

Consider the African mother, whose family is kidnapped by slave traders, her family marched hundreds of miles to the coast to suffer in a dungeon for years before being separated from her child who is loaded on a boat, sailed across the ocean, sold into slavery and forced to work and live in terrible conditions for the remainder of her life, deprived of her culture, her family, her village, her bloodline. The mother doesn’t know the fate of her child. The last thing she hears and sees is a child in chains screaming for her mother.

300 years later…

Upstate New York, 1900

Think of the Mohawk mother who watched the government take her daughter away. She never comes back. She lost her child, her daughter lost her culture, mother, father, and a connection to the land. She lost her life at the school in Carlisle, PA that proudly bore the mission, “Kill the Indian to Save the Man.” Meanwhile, the aggrieved mother rises each morning, remembering she no longer has her daughter and yet still greets the day with the Thanksgiving Address: “Let us put our minds together as one and send greetings and thanks to our Mother Earth, who sustains our lives with her many gifts.”1

Brno, 1945

Think of the German mother, my great-grandmother, who lived her whole life in the same place but because she and her family were ethnic Germans they were forcefully expelled from their homes by the Czech government. They ran to the Catholic church to hide. The doors were locked. God turned them away. In the chaos of the expulsions, my grandmother was separated from her parents. People were brutally murdered. My grandmother never saw her father again. She was separated from her mother, taken to a concentration camp, forced into hard, manual labor. She risked her life to escape the camp, surrendered to the American military base as a refugee and was lucky enough to know some English. She was put to work as a translator and secretary for an American Major, who eventually sponsored her to come to the United States. She created an amazing life from nothing but trauma. Even so, that trauma lived inside her every day of her life until the morning she died.

Tehran, 1979

Consider the mother who has to make the impossible choice to leave everything she has ever known in a matter of days because of the danger of a new regime. Her home, her culture, her language, her job, her family members, her friends, her life. Imagine her fear. Imagine if you had to make a choice to leave your home because you knew that your children wouldn't survive if you didn’t leave immediately. Imagine having to assimilate into a new country, learn a new language, new customs, eat new foods, make new friends. Imagine having to explain to your children why the other kids in school make fun of them. Imagine having to be strong for your children when your whole world is falling apart inside and out.

New York City, 2001

Consider the mother who had to watch the two towers fall knowing her daughter was inside them. Gone in an instant. Does she wonder what her child was thinking or doing in the last moments of her life? She’ll never truly know. Perhaps that’s what hurts the most. There was no goodbye. She can’t hold her hand and celebrate her birthday. Her grandchildren don’t have their mom anymore. Why?

Israel, 2024

Consider the mother who said goodbye to her child as she excitedly headed out the door on the way to a concert with her friends. She never came home. Abducted. Tortured. Held hostage. Paraded around in propaganda videos. A fake death. Imagine the confusion, anxiety, and pain of watching your child suffer at the hands of other human beings.

Gaza, 2025

Consider the Palestinian mother sheltering her children as the bombs rained down. Trapped. No food. Her children starving, their cries of hunger echoing in eardrums already bombarded by the sound of near-constant missile attacks. One of her children is killed by a bomb. Weeks later, starving, another child goes to get food only to be shot at. Another child dead. She has no idea when this hell will end, what the next day will bring. All she knows is that her babies are dead.

Minneapolis, 2026

Consider the Guatemalan mother who did everything she could to keep her child safe, alive, and to give her an opportunity for a better life—the same things most mothers do for their children—only to watch that child die in a concentration camp in the United States. In 2026. I guess it’s not the land of the free after all. The American Dream is dead on arrival. It’s just a Nightmare.

Iran, 2026

Consider the mother who sent her daughter to school. This is something American and Iranian mothers share now—the experience of knowing what it’s like to send your child to school and never see them again. Guns. Bombs. It doesn’t really matter how their death sentence was served. What matters is the hatred underneath the act. Who walks into a school and shoots children? Who drops bombs on young girls?

Hatred has been around since the beginning of time. War has never ended. And yet, we still birth our children, we still love them in the face of inhumanity. We still teach them to believe in love, believe in goodness, believe in kindness.

Hatred ironically inspires a powerful antidote: mothers around the world who refuse to let hate stand and fight it with love. We still believe there is a better way.

wrote a great piece recently explaining Shi’a Islam grief culture. It really opened my eyes to the power of collective, public grief—something we are not conditioned to accept as “normal” in the West. The ritual of public grief is in fact a celebration of love and life and a giant F U to the killers. By expressing love through sadness and despair, the grievers simultaneously become protesters. Resistors.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna has to make a hard choice. Sometimes, the right thing to do is fight, even if that means fighting against your friends, family, and neighbors. His duty as a warrior and protector of his people compels him to stand on the battlefield, arrow drawn, and defend what is rightfully his. Arjuna’s duty is to his people and his honor and so he fights. Our duty is to our children, and so I fight by reminding my son that in our house we don’t play with guns, even pretend ones. They are not toys and pretending to kill people is not a game. I choose to fight by teaching the sanctity of ALL human life.

What if there was no Bhagavad Gita? No Kshatriyas and Brahmins, no castes or divisions of power and duty? What if, instead, thousands of year ago there was a Mahavidya Gita, an epic story of fierce mothers protecting their own against evil through the weapon of intense love? What if…oh, wait. Those texts do exist. Why doesn’t the world know all about them. . . ?

With everything going on in the world right now, I just can’t get past the mothers mourning. Inspired by the Islamic grief ritual, I ask that we take our sadness alongside us as we celebrate hope. May we celebrate the best of the qualities of all those who have died at the hands of hatred across the thousands of years of our global history. The beauty, innocence, and potential of all the lost children is worth celebrating far more than the hatred in the hearts of the killers.

I can’t control what is going on in Iran. I can’t control what my own government chooses or chooses not to do. I can only control myself (and even that’s a tall task). So I choose to love fiercely in the face of confusion, despair, deep sadness, fear, anger, and a lot of “I told you so’s.” We love fiercely so that all of the children killed in the name of hatred did not die in vain. They are the beacons of hope. The inspiration toward love.

The pain is real. But hope does not die. The hope and the light of the children—all of them, across the whole world, throughout all of time— live on in our hearts.

Grieve for the mothers and the lost children. Hope for a better world. And go out there and make sure you’re doing everything you can to make it happen.

Reasons to Celebrate

At first, I thought I’d skip the Reasons to Celebrate section this week in light of the seriousness of this week’s topic. But, as I came to understand, sadness and celebration live side-by-side. Consciously choose to acknowledge and feel your pain. Let it move through you AND still choose love. Choose hope. Bombs can’t kill spirit.

Sunday, March 8

• International Women’s Day

Monday, March 9

• National Barbie Day

• National Dishwasher Day

Tuesday, March 10

• Luna’s 1st birthday 🎉

• Harriet Tubman Day

• Festival of Life in Cracks Day

• International Bagpipe Day

• National Blueberry Popover Day

• National Napping Day

• National Organize Your Home Office Day

Wednesday, March 11

• National Dream Day

• Johnny Appleseed Day

Thursday, March 12

• Aztec New Year

• National Plant a Flower Day

• National Working Mom’s Day

• Popcorn Lover’s Day

Friday, March 13

• National Preschoolers Day

• World Sleep Day

Saturday, March 14

• Pi Day

• Celebrate Scientists Day

• International Ask a Question Day

• National Children’s Craft Day

• National Learn About Butterflies Day

• National Write Your Story Day

• Save a Spider Day

The best piece of career advice I ever got came from some PR guy (can’t remember his name or where he worked) who told me during an informational interview that I should stop applying for PR and marketing agency jobs and instead go work for a company that sold what I loved. It was a “professional” way of saying follow your passion.

I did that. I loved yoga so I sent a cold email to the marketing director of a local yoga company and got a job. I then watched the owner of that company snort cocaine during office hours. I thought yoga was all about living well.

When I became a certified yoga teacher, this same company refused to pay me to teach yoga classes because I was a salaried employee in the marketing department. Surely writing newsletters and managing the company’s social media was a completely different skillset than teaching a yoga class? But they wouldn’t pay me the extra $20/class to teach at the studio. I could do it for free. They’d happily further exploit my labor.

While I was working at this yoga company the John Friend scandal broke. Just another popular yoga guy taking advantage of people sexually and financially. And then there was Bikram. I had always steered clear of that style of yoga because I couldn’t take the heat and I don't like people yelling at me. Also, carpet in a hot yoga studio? Gross. And of course, the sexual abuse and financial shenanigans left a bad taste in my mouth.

Then there was the Patabhi Jois scandal. The Jivamukti community had its own sexual abuse scandal involving two women. One by one I watched every yoga guru fall. I didn’t undersatnd then that this was nothing new. Yoga “gurus” have been abusing women since yoga gurus became a thing. Yoga wasn’t the common denominator. Power dynamics are a bitch.

It was only a matter of time—eventually it all caught up to me. Allegations were made against my own teacher, mentor, and friend that he was having improper sexual relationships with students. I had no idea. I felt like I had failed my fellow sisters. I was so angry at him for causing women—specifically the victims of his abuse and his wife and daughter—so much pain.

I lost trust in yoga teachers. Especially male ones. I didnt’ feel like I’d ever be able to trust a teacher again. This timeline coincided with my own adventure in motherhood and I was able to use that as a convenient excuse for why I wasn’t interested in yoga anymore.

I thought about opening a yoga studio only to be rebuffed at the last minute by my business partner. She went on to open her own yoga studio two years later in one of the locations we had been considering without saying a word to me. A lot of time, the yoga doesn’t really change who people are.

I’m from Cleveland, Ohio. Anyone who is born and raised a sports fan in Northeast Ohio is an expert in being disappointed. We pride ourselves in our resiliency. In 2022 the Cleveland Browns signed Deshaun Watson to the largest contract ever awarded to an NFL foootball player despite 20+ allegations of sexual misconduct in massage parlors. He got guaranteed money. Why does society reward people financially for doing morally wrong things? Somehow winning is more important than the wellbeing of women. Also, karma’s a bitch, Jimmy.

And then, my friends, there is the President of the United States.

Jeffrey Epstein.

Deepak Chopra.

Men in power. Elected and paid by (some of) us.

I remember feeling so demoralized when Trump was first elected President in 2016. How could half the nation think such a terrible man with no public service or political experience was more qualified to be the President of the United States than a woman who had occupied some of the highest offices in our country, flawed as she was? I remember expressing my shock in a yoga studio gathering. I couldn’t process how society was collectively rewarding a bad actor. It felt like goodness lost. The group response was an emphatic, “No, honey, that’s not how the world works. Don’t worry. This is just an anomaly. It’s going to be okay.”

But it’s not okay. They lied to me. They were lying to themselves. Ignoring reality.

recently wrote a tell-all about what she’s witnessed as a member of these wellness circles. She wrote about how she tried to be the good person and do the right thing. Every time she tried to do the right thing, she lost income and influence. Meanwhile, she watched others around her be hypocrites, snakes, liars, and cheaters only to see their incomes and influence skyrocket. I saw Lissa speak once at the Chopra Center alongside Deepak when I was taking an Ayurveda program. Jokes on us.

All my life I’ve tried to be a good person. Do the right thing. I wasn’t even raised with much religion. You can’t turn to the church for goodness, anyway. Talk about hypocrisy. I am skeptical of any and all religious institutions that claim to be the one right way. I don’t approve of using religion to hide “isms” while simultaneously perpetrating cultural warfare to maintain a position of power in society.

Time and again, now, I’ve been shown that the good ones lose, at least in the sense of societal success. In fact, it seems in order to “make it (make what, exactly?),” “get ahead, (of what? and why do we need to be ahead or on top in the first place?)” or “win” you have to act like a little shit.

It’s ironic that I, and I assume many artists, pine for “success,” when in fact I’ve already achieved it. As a woman, I’m supposed to want to “have it all.” I have a husband. Three kids. A house. I don’t “work,” though that’s a thorny subject for me. I want more. I want to be known. Understood. I want my writing to be read. But I don’t want to lie, steal, and cheat to get there. So, that just makes me a loser? I’m not supposed to want to be seen and heard? I’m not supposed to be successful? Are you as confused as I am?

This confusing world we live in is all starting to unravel. Light is being shined into the darkest corners and darkness is rushing out at frightening speeds, flooding our nervous systems. This is good. Light brings clarity. But it also makes us feel like there are no safe spaces left in the world. I naively thought the yoga world would shield me from the worst. But it was just another microcosm of the messed up macro.

I’m wondering how, for the past century, women have put up with this patriarchal shit AND STILL OUTLIVE men. Despite all the stresses that come with carrying the excess mental load. Despite all the harm done and trauma endured from the sexual assaults, harassment, and gaslighting. That extra X carries immense protective strength. It’s time we use it to dismantle the systems that deny us our natural power. There is an opening, an opportunity to band together, collaborate, and lift one another other up. To find a new way, rooted in community care and the essence of feminine energy, which is to create.

In a society that centers individualism we are now seeing the consequences play out in real time. Individualism leads to isolation, which turns into fear, paranoia, competition. I went to a state public university, student body 30,000, and I’ll always remember what my mom told me before she left me to live on my own for the first time. It’s easy to be lonely in a big place surrounded by people.

Big is not always better. Efficient is not always better. Homogeneity or conforming to the “norm” is rarely better. Humans need small, intimate communities and caring relationships with depth. Those connections can be messy because that’s the nature of being human. In order to avoid messiness, we’ve prioritized avoidance and propped up the glorification of isolation. Cue up depression, anxiety, all manner of mental health issues, unnecessary violence, and so. many. problems.

We need more connection with each other not with some god in the sky or some goddess in the trees or some unknown universal force that can’t be named or known until you meditate by yourself for years on end in a cave. Or walk 2,300 miles from Texas to DC in 108 days. We can’t connect alone. We must turn to one another. We must know our neighbors and learn how to deal with our messiness, our mistakes, our imperfections. Not excuse them. Not reward them. Not ignore them or enable them. Hold them accountable. Forgive them. Help them. And if they can’t be helped, exile them from the community. These times call for the manifestation of fierce mother energy. Kali—blood dripping from her tongue, skulls around her neck—fierce mother energy.

I am demoralized. I am disappointed. I am enraged. But I will not let go of my stubborn insistence that goodness wins and deserves to be rewarded. Goodness must be the gold standard.

So where do we go from here? I don’t know. But it’s not through buying and selling band-aids. It’s not through gurus and courses and supplements. It’s not even on the yoga mat.

It’s through getting to know your neighbor. Spending quality time with your friends. Forgiving your family. Being in messy, uncomfortable community.

I don’t care about wellness. And I certainly don’t have much love for “industry.” I care about wellbeing. Individual and collective. I’m going to start modeling wellbeing care in this space by exploring wellbeing through practice, ritual, joy, yoga lifestyle. I’ll be exploring wellbeing through the lens of motherhood. I’ll be exploring wellbeing through history and ancestors and story. There are many ways to be and to be well but ultimately it all comes down to feeling connected. My hope is that I can help you feel connected and that through our feelings of connection, we can ripple that outward into our communities and spread goodness.

Many thanks to and for helping me crystallize a new vision for this space, which I’m still playing with and letting simmer. I’m in no rush. It kind of all makes sense in my head and I hope that I can make it make sense to you. Or maybe it won’t ever make sense and it doesn’t need to. Either way, I hope you’ll stay and play. We need each other!

Reasons to Celebrate

March is the month to celebrate:

• Berries and Cherries

• Color Therapy

• Employee Spirit

• Exotic Winter Fruit and Leeks and Green Onions

• Frozen Food

• Gardening, Nature, and Ecology Books

• Gender Equality

• Listening

• Plaid

• Celery

• Craft

• Crochet

• Flour

• Noodles

• Optimism

• Reading

• Sauce

• Umbrellas

• Women’s History

• Spiritual Wellness

• Veggies

Sunday, March 1

• International Women of Color Day

• National March First Day

• National Fruit Compote Day

• National Hotel Slipper Day

• National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day

• National Pig Day

• Plan A Solo Vacation Day

• Share a Smile Day

• World Compliment Day

• Read an eBook Week

• Return Borrowed Books Week

• Universal Human Beings Week

• Words Matter Week

Monday, March 2

• National Banana Cream Pie Day

• Read Across America Day

Tuesday, March 3

• Canadian Bacon Day

• Caregiver Appreciation Day

• Lantern Festival

• National I Want You To Be Happy Day

• National If Pets Had Thumbs Day

• National Anthem Day

• Simplify Your Life Day

• Talk in Third Person Day

• World Wildlife Day

Wednesday, March 4

• Holi

• Learn What Your Name Means Day

• March Forth

• National Grammar Day

• National Pound Cake Day

• National Sons Day

Thursday, March 5

• Nametag Day

Friday, March 6

• National Dress Day

• National Dress in Blue Day

• National Middle Name Pride Day

• No Homework Day

• Walk to Work Day

• World Day of Prayer

• Festival of Owls

Saturday, March 7

• National Cereal Day

• Plant Power Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

A couple years ago, in an effort to live more in alignment with the natural cycles of Mother Nature, I started a phenology wheel project to capture the natural colors, textures, and changes I witnessed all around me. The project heightened my awareness and presence in nature and motivated me to get outside more. After 6+ months of capturing nature’s daily gifts, I replaced this practice with moon phase rituals.

Just like we cycle through unique hormonal patterns as we move through our own menstrual cycles, there is a collective cycle we can attune to as we move through each lunar cycle. The names of the Full Moons pull us back to nature—the worms of early spring, the snow of mid-winter, the pink spring blossoms, or the end-of-autumn harvest. Each phase of the lunar cycle also invites us to explore a different energy.

My husband and I watched Hamnet this week. It’s a gorgeous, richly layered film, that is also visually stunning. There is a huge focus on really cool trees. At the end of the movie, wiping away the remnants of a waterfall on my face (IYKYK), my husband pondered the symbolism of the trees. It was immediately obvious to me—the trees represented the birth/death/rebirth cycle. The trees are nature’s timekeepers, season announcers, living reminders of the beauty of birth, the inevitability of death, and the hope of another chance.

The moon is the cosmos’ answer to Earth’s trees. Each phase invites you to attune to its corresponding energies. To be born, to live, to shine, to release, to surrender, to go dark, and then be born again. Sometimes we forget, or want to skip over, a few steps in the cycle. It’s human. Here are some fun rituals you can play with throughout the month to welcome in the ever-present, cyclical energies of the birth/death/rebirth wheel.

New Moon

New Moons mark the beginning of the cycle. This is when darkness rules. Blank slate. All possibilities are on the table. This is the time to set intentions for the coming month. Because it is a dark night, New Moons are also a time for rest. It’s important to remember that great ideas, new projects, grand intentions all must be born from a strong foundation built on rest. To build the life you want to live you must have the energy and strength to make it happen. So enjoy a night in. On the New Moon, resting rituals are wonderful, followed by journaling, intention-setting, or working with affirmations.

Check out my New Moon Nidra library for a restful guided meditation.

In one word: Intention

Yoga pose: Sukhasana (Easy Pose)

Waxing Crescent Moon

Light appears once again in slivers. With new light comes the invitation to act consciously. This is a period filled with hope and possibility as you embark on a fresh adventure. You’re excited and you have the energy to go out and try new things. You’re putting in the work that will set the foundation for you to shine later in the month. It might be a bit of a grind but you’re okay with it because you’re fueled on hope. More than any other time during the month, this is the time to show up, even when it’s hard. This is a time to lean on discipline and reward yourself for small progress. It won’t last forever.

If there’s one thing in my life I’m consistent at it’s being inconsistent. I beat myself up all the time for not being disciplined enough to be great. If only I could just do the thing when I really don’t want to, I’d have everything I ever wanted. Ever catch yourself thinking like that?

It’s hard to be disciplined indefinitely. The beauty of the moon phases, the birth/death/rebirth wheel, is that you don’t have to be disciplined all the time. There’s room for rest and play and puttering around. So show up for a few days. The waxing crescent moon lasts no longer than one week. I can show up consistently for one week. You can too. You don’t need to be great overnight. Just take those baby steps and build on your progress slowly and steadily. Trust the universe to take care of the rest.

In one word: Action

Yoga Pose: Chandra Namaskar (Moon Salutations)

First Quarter Moon

The Quarter moons are interesting to me because they are technically called quarter moons, but actually look like half-moons. To make it even more confusing, Half Moon is also a challenging balancing yoga pose that divides your body into four quarters. 🤔

This is a time to commit. You may start to wobble a bit on your energy, your hope, your enthusiasm. Doubt may start creeping in. You might start to feel a little tired. This is the time to double down on sustainable action. Keep showing up, but also, give yourself some grace. Keep going, but also, listen to what your body and mind are you telling you. There will be distractions. What choices can you make to ensure that you keep showing up, even if that means making some adjustments to your project/intention/goal? As one of my mentors always said, good planning means you’ll always be changing your plans.

Recommit to balance. Check the aggression and seek serenity. Remember that balance is tricky, wobbly, and sometimes you fall. Give yourself grace and get back up. You got this.

In one word: Balance

Yoga Pose: Ardha Chandrasana (Half Moon)

Waxing Gibbous

The moon phase right before the full moon is all about editing. You’ve done a lot of the work, now it’s time to go back and make your finishing touches. This is about detail, refinement, craft, the little touches that make a big difference. This is a time for small shifts and going the extra mile even though you don’t have to. Full moon energy is about to peak and you might feel a little antsy. This is a great time to practice patience and a little restraint. We’re not quite to the buoyant energy of the full moon just yet. Gibbous means swelling, or having a hump. Energy has built up and now it’s about to burst forth. In this case, light has built up and now it’s about to shine forth. This is your final chance to adjust, refine, edit before the big reveal.

In one word: Restraint

Yoga Pose: Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog)

Full Moon

Full Moon time means it’s time to shine. Burst forth and be fully you. This is a time for joyful celebration of you and your gifts, your progress, your commitment, your hard work. How you celebrate is up to you but do take time to find fun and joy in your life. Consider a full moon feast, light a candle that is meaningful to you, indulge in your favorite self-care ritual, or spend time with loved ones. If you have kids, check out the full moon fairy series.

In one word: Celebrate

Yoga Pose: Urdhva Dhanurasana or Setu Bandha Sarvangasana (Wheel or Bridge)

Waning gibbous

Now that you’ve had a chance to celebrate, the waning gibbous phase is the beginning of the return to darkness. This is a time for gratitude and giving thanks for everything you have. This is also a great time to reflect on your success. What lessons did you learn that you can take with you into the next cycle? What can you cut loose? As we’re moving toward an ending, this is also an entryway into the letting go portion of the lunar cycle.

Here’s a beautiful pep talk on hope by my friend to support you as you begin to shed.

In one word: Gratitude

Yoga Pose: Tadasana (Mountain)

Last Quarter

We’re here again, at the half/quarter moon, but this time with the opposite side illuminated. Whereas the first quarter was all about finding balance, this quarter is about forgiveness. Whether there is someone in your life you’ve been holding a grudge against or you need to forgive yourself for a mistake this month, take the time to release and forgive. If everyone practiced forgiveness intentionally every month, we’d all be happier and more peaceful. This frees up energetic space for more abundance to come your way.

I loved ’s Wonder Week practice for taking people who are bothering me with a grain of salt. Try it. You’ll be surprised how such a simple mindset shift can change the course of your day.

In one word: Forgiveness

Yoga Pose: Tree (Vrksasana)

Waning Crescent

We’re almost there. This is the time to surrender to the flow, to rest, and to do a little prep-work for the next cycle. Review the past month, but less with your head and more with your heart. Follow your intuition. Do what feels right. Listen closely to your body and your energy. Slow down. What feels right? What needs to shift. Use that to help guide you into the next cycle.

There’s a Sanskrit word, swaha (pronounced svahah), that is often used as mantra when you want to release something to the wind, to the water, to the fire, to the earth, to the universe. It translates loosely to “so be it” and is said as a declaration of surrender to the divine. You’ve done your part. Let the universe take care of the rest.

Swaha!

In one word: Surrender

Yoga pose: Savasana (Corpse Pose)

And then you begin again.

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, February 22

• National Cook a Sweet Potato Day

• Be Humble Day

• National Walk Your Dog Day

• Play More Cards Day

• Single Tasking Day

• World Thinking Day

Monday, February 23

• Curling is Cool Day

• National Banana Bread Day

• National Play Tennis Day

• National Tootsie Roll Day

• World Peace and Understanding Day

Tuesday, February 24

• I Hate Coriander Day

• National Tortilla Chip Day

Wednesday, February 25

• National Chocolate Covered Nut Day

• Quiet Day

Thursday, February 26

• Black Lives Matter Day

• National Toast Day

• Tell a Fairy Tale Day

Friday, February 27

• International Polar Bear Day

• National Chili Day

• National Strawberry Day

Saturday, February 28

• National Chocolate Souffle Day

• National Essay Day

• National Pancake Day

Happy New Year (again!). Happy Carnival! Happy Mardi Gras! Costumes, parties, parades, feasts, family, indulgence—the world is coming together this week to celebrate joy. And, though it may not look or feel like it, Spring is right around the corner.

Lunar New Year is Tuesday and we’re welcoming in the Year of the Fire Horse. This year will be intense and we can expect rapid change, but we also have the opportunity to remain committed and aligned with our center throughout it all.

To temper the flames coming our way, I’ve felt called to explore warrior energy. Because warriors are historically male, I’m calling in all warrioresses to double down on the feminine energy needed right now for the collective good.

My sister sent me this amazing breakdown of patriarchy vs. matriarchy, in which the author argues that men are, evolutionarily and throughout the natural world, designed to be drones. Turns out men aren’t even designed to protect, like most mythology suggests. It’s the women that protect the children, the community, the institutions. That is not to say men don’t have a vital role to play in society, we need them. But they are not meant to dominate. The culture we live in now has allowed men to dominate for so long and it is sick, broken, and wrong. It’s time to dismantle it.

Warriors in yoga

In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna is a warrior. He is fighting a battle against his own family, friends, and community, but it’s also a battle against evil. He wants to run away and leave it all behind. He doesn’t want to fight, but Krishna convinces him it his duty and in the best interest of society to fight for what is right. Evil must be condemned and conquered. Light must prevail. Those of us who carry the light, now is our time to stand and shine.

Today I want to share my favorite story from Hindu mythology. It’s best to watch the story as the birth of the warrior poses is a central part of the story itself. I guarantee you’ll never feel the same way about your warrior poses ever again.

The tale of Virabhadra…but really it’s all about Shakti

When people think of warriors, they often think of physical battlefields. But our minds are metaphoric battlefields we step onto every day. You don’t need guns and swords and thousands of people to do battle. And you don’t need to be a male to wield fierce energy. The Dasha Mahavidyas, the great Tantric goddesses, are also fierce fighters for truth. The warrior energy we need right now is a fierce commitment to protect, to do the right thing, to show up even when it’s uncomfortable, to grow and transform and welcome change. This is the warrior bound to community and the collective good, not ego and personal wealth.

I find it interesting that in the Virabhadra mythology, it’s the masculine energy that kills and the feminine energy asking for understanding, following true love, and demanding reparations. The masculine energy is quick to draw the sword and resort to violence. The feminine energy is righteous too but sacrifices herself in a fit of her own rage borne from the stubborn refusal of men to see and honor her truth. And it is the feminine energy that requests things be made right. The masculine energy obeys.

The warrior poses are named after the warrior Virabhadra. But the rage I want you to tap into when exploring these poses is the rage of Shakti. She controls this story. She saves her father. She follows her true love. She demands her father accept her love. And she insists her lover make things right when he overreacts. She displays a fierceness for devotion, love, and peace, not for violence, ego, and self-serving glory. She is the winner.

The next time you rise up into Warrior 1, imagine you are rising again from the ashes, born again into the truest, most authentic expression of you. You have burned away all the parts you no longer need. What part of you is ready to be reborn? What truth are you ready to pursue?

When you open into Warrior 2, consider what you are ready to fight for. Not with violence and sword but with strength, perseverance, authentic expression, courage, love.

And when you move into Warrior 3, what problems are you ready to solve? How can you make amends? How can you make it right? Even if it’s not perfect.

Welcome to the year of the Fire Horse. We’re going to need your strength, your courage, your discernment, your heart, and your voice. This is your time. This is our time. This is Shakti-energy, mother-energy, goddess energy, warrioress energy time. Grab your swords of love. Let’s go.

Reasons to celebrate

Sunday, February 15

• National Pancake Week

• Annoy Squidward Day (this might be my all-time favorite holiday so far, though my husband informed me that in our family I would be Squidward so he will happily oblige 🙄)

• Susan B. Anthony Day

• World Hippo Day

• World Whale Day

Monday, February 16

• Carnival

• President’s Day

Tuesday, February 17

• Mardi Gras

• Fat Tuesday

• Islander Day

• National Almond Day

• Lunar New Year

• Cafe au Lait Day

• National Random Acts of Kindness Day

• Ramadan

Wednesday, February 18

• Ash Wednesday/Lent

• Cow Milked While Flying in an Airplane Day…

• National Drink Wine Day

Thursday, February 19

• Chocolate Mint Day

Friday, February 20

• Clean Out Your Bookcase Day

• National Cherry Pie Day

• National Comfy Day

• National Love Your Pet Day

• National Muffin Day

• No One Eats Alone Day

• No Politics Day

Saturday, February 21

• International Mother Language Day

• National Grain Free Day

• National Sticky Bun Day

• Real Bread Week

Around 10pm on the Full Snow Moon I took a walk in the frigid cold holding a bowl of salt water between my gloved hands. As I placed one foot carefully in front of the other down a narrow stretch of visible sidewalk between encroaching ice banks, I mentally recounted all the things I was ready to leave behind in January. Perfectionism. What other people think about me. Busy work that doesn’t ultimately matter. I also wondered what my neighbors thought about me 🫠. I quickly returned home, poured out the salt water over seven inches of ice and snow covering my garden and let the salt, the moonlight, and the snowy, icy earth absorb what I no longer need.

This was my small ritual acknowledging a new month and the full moon. A celebration of Mother Moon’s power to illuminate. The world sure feels like it’s shining brightly on all the things we don’t want to see. I feel silly writing about ritual and celebration when there are so many other more weighty matters to process and digest.

Yet, I’m more interested in celebration than ever. It’s my own little act of resistance to turn toward celebration, ceremony, and ritual during particularly upsetting times. Not because I want to celebrate suffering and inhumanity, but because I want to call upon the reserves of strength and hope that will get us through this dark period in our nation’s history. I was taught to celebrate the light. But that means you need to see the darkness in order to know where to shine the light.

The true purpose of celebration isn’t to be happy. It’s to connect. It’s to be with community, with family, with friends, with Earth, with culture. And it’s that connection that modern society misses most right now. To connect, unite, and be together is to resist in a society that glorifies isolation and individualism. It’s also the whole purpose of yoga practice. Evil wins when we are alone, afraid, and numb.

To be well, you need to feel. All of it. Rage, sadness, joy, awe, contentment, empathy, surprise, resentment, jealousy, love. Then, decide how you are going to act. What are you going to do about it?

In our house, we’re finding small ways to celebrate and connect with each other. From completely made-up seasons (cereal season) to impromptu hot cocoa cupcakes topped with marshmallow icing for my daughter’s half-birthday. From sliding down the back porch steps-turned ice chute to choosing a mystery book at the library. These are the small ways I’m tapping into presence and joy. And then, I’m writing postcards to encourage people to vote. I’m paying attention to what I would rather ignore. I’m giving myself permission to feel the despair because from that place I can choose to summon the strength to get out into the community and help. I hope you can find fun and simple ways to strengthen your own energy reserves.

A couple quotes I came across recently that sum up what I’m trying to say:

“Yoga isn’t an exotic ancient practice, it is the everyday effort we make to be ourselves and human together.”

-Professor Douglas Brooks from his excellent post The Gathering Courage.

“The job right now is not to stay positive. It is to stay strong.”

-Susan Piver, Buddhist teacher and founder of the Open Heart Project in a recent IG post.

Rituals for letting go

Celebrating is expected around new beginnings but celebrating through ritual is also how we process the death part of the birth/death/rebirth cycle. Funerals are ritual. Walking with a bowl of saltwater down your street at 10pm muttering to yourself about all the things you’re ready to let go of is ritual. We’re about one week out from the Lunar New Year, the beginning of a new cycle. I want to share some letting go rituals you can use to finish out the Year of the Snake. Now is a powerful time to release what is no longer serving you in words, in writing, in thought, in picture, in prayer, in practice, in ritual. However you process, spend time letting go. Even if you feel stupid doing it. Even if you think it’s woo. Give yourself the space to release, to shed, to set down, to be free. And then, celebrate. We need each other at our best.

Water

Give your burdens to the water and let them be washed away.

Fire

Write what you no longer need on a piece of paper and burn it. If you have a fireplace, snuggle up with a warm blanket, toss in your paper(s) and watch what you no longer need burn away.

Earth

Bury your written words in the earth. Might be a tad challenging right now with the frozen ground, but in the spring, summer, or fall this can be a powerful release ritual and will strengthen your connection with Mother Earth. Plus, it always feels nice to get your hands in the dirt.

Air

Write down what you no longer need, tear it up into tiny pieces, and then release it to the wind. If you’re worried about littering, write down what you no longer need on a leaf.

Letting go rituals are important because they create space. Earth, air, wind, fire, can’t exist without space. We need space to create. And we need to create a whole lotta new ways of being these days. In the letting go ritual it’s important to honor the space you are creating.

reminded me that in creating space, most of us miss the intentional NOT FILLING of the space. Keep it open. Let it be. Rest in the space.

Another fun way to let go is to declutter. offers amazing, small acts you can do to feng-shui your home and declutter your life. My favorite simple tip is to put a bowl of oranges in your kitchen to symbolize abundance.

Movement helps with release as well. offers plenty of simple, everyday yoga movements that you can do in a few minutes as a quick way to move, have fun, and release physical, mental, and emotional tension.

Practice

Let go. In yoga, exhaling is symbolic of release. Spend time lengthening your exhales. Choose a ritual using one of the elements above and let something go. Keep showing up. Keep feeling. Keep celebrating. It’s a lot. But that’s why we need the fun stuff right now more than ever.

One more thing…

Another reason to celebrate this week: the Winter Olympics!

Back in Covid times my quarantine family created our own Covid Olympics, creating quirky challenges to complete each evening, keeping score, competing for our chosen host countries, and performing award ceremonies. When you’re stuck at home with nowhere to go and nothing to do you make up games and have a good time. Here’s my almost 7-year-old son as a just-turned-1-year-old carrying in the Olympic torch in our own version of an Opening Ceremony.

Reasons to celebrate

Sunday, February 8

• Super Bowl Sunday

• National Kraut and Frankfurter Week

• National Kite Flying Day

• Laugh and Get Rich Day

Monday, February 9

• Chocolate Day

• National Bagel and Lox Day

• National Pizza Day

• Oatmeal Monday

• Read in the Bathtub Day

Tuesday, February 10

• Extraterrestrial Culture Day

• National Flannel Day

• International Cribbage Day

Wednesday, February 11

• Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day

• Get Out Your Guitar Day

• Grandmother Achievement Day

• International Day of Women and Girls in Science

• National Latte Day

• National Make a Friend Day

Thursday, February 12

• Hug Day

• Paczki Day

Friday, February 13

• Carnival

• Galentine’s Day

• Get a Different Name Day

• National Cheddar Day

• National Tortellini Day

• Self-Love Day

• Girl Scout Cookie Weekend

Saturday, February 14

• Valentine’s Day

• International Book Giving Day

• National Ferris Wheel Day

• Read to Your Child Day

• World Sound Healing Day

Is it coincidence that OM is the dominant sound in the word home? Betcha didn’t know that every time you say the word home you’re micro-chanting. Yeah, I just made that up.

The etymology for home:

From the Old English ham

In Sanskrit, ham is a seed sound associated with the throat chakra. The sound promotes emotional balance and authentic expression.

From the German heim

From the Dutch heem

Hreem is a powerful Sanskrit bija mantra that represents the divine feminine and clarified intuition.

From Etymonline: from Proto-Germanic *haimaz "home," which is reconstructed to be from a suffixed form of PIE root *tkei- "to settle, dwell, be home." (emphasis mine)

In Sanskrit Om represents universal consciousness. It is totality, everything, unmanifest, brought into manifestation through the sound itself; sent back into unmanifest form in the final silence leftover when the resonance dissipates. The silence, too, is part of the sound.

To be at home feels balanced, authentic, divine, clear, settled, safe. A place where you can dwell. A place where you can be. Kinda like how it feels to chant Om.

The family home

Throughout my life, I have found refuge at home. My parents worked hard to create a structured, contained, and safe home-life for my sister and me growing up. I equated home and family with routine, cleanliness, organization, even fun. When at home with my family I felt protected from the uncertainty of the rest of the world.

My mom was born in a small town with one stoplight. When we’d get together with the whole family for holidays it wasn’t unusual for us all to sit around the table in silence—not uncomfortably, but content to methodically work through the seven desserts that seemed to define our reason for gathering. We were thankful to be in each other’s presence and had no sense of urgency or need to ask for anything more. We relished the simple joys of daily life. I didn’t understand it then but that small-town and its slow pace of life seeped into my bones. Simplicity, spaciousness, and contentment became an inner salve to counter the complexity, density, and heaviness of the rest of the world.

My dad’s family immigrated to the United States after World War II and worked hard to build a new and better life after surviving destruction, death, and loss. Their homes were taken from them, their families separated, their relatives killed, and their lives shattered before they landed on the shores of this country with nothing other than hope for a better life. They relied on a close-knit family and community to help them build it. My dad and his siblings craved and carefully crafted peaceful living—a direct, perhaps unconscious, response, I believe, to the inherited trauma of their parents’ past. What was familiar was safe and what was safe brought peace.

Contrast this organized, structured, simple, home life with my husband’s family. When I met his family, I immediately stepped into a world I had never known. People constantly walked in and out of the house. Young kids ran around shouting and screaming. In my house, my sister and I weren’t allowed to scream unless there was an emergency. I distinctly remember feeling something like horror when I realized my future mother-in-law prepared four dinners every night because every evening there was soccer practice, basketball games, hockey practice, play-dates, work, school functions, or something else going on that precluded the family from sitting down to eat at the same time. At my house, dinner was on the table at 6:30pm sharp every night.

I’ll never forget my first Thanksgiving holiday with my husband’s family. Tables were lined up next to one another spanning two rooms. People conversed with family members at the other end of the table while three other conversations happened simultaneously. The idea of assigned seating would have resulted in confused stares. To the unfocused ear, it was just noise. Before dinner, Grandpa Griffen spent what felt like hours corralling everyone together to play trivia games. People stuck around until after 10pm. There were no moments of stillness. No quiet. But there was a lot of good-natured arguing, laughter, joy, and only two desserts. My husband’s family marinated in a sense of contentment defined not by silence, but by exuberance. Thanksgiving wasn’t just about full bellies in his family. It was about the people, the conversation, and, especially, the games. Love and peace were their guiding principles too, it just looked and sounded a little different then what I was used to.

Creating my own home

As I ventured out to find my own place in the world, I slowly learned that my family experience was only one way for a family to live—one permutation of an infinite number of consciously (or unconsciously) curated group dynamics. I left my peaceful home and family and attended a university thousands of miles away in a city that was the polar opposite of my hometown. I unexplainably felt called by the foothills of the Rockies, lured by the magic in the mountains. Or maybe my eyes were just ready to see something other than flat land.

To cope with this separation from the familiar, I adopted and adapted my own routines, rhythms, and habits to re-construct my very own oasis. I kept things clean and tidy (generally speaking), committed to organization (everything had its proper place), and embraced silence (the TV was never on for background noise in my house). I worked hard to create a space to come home to where I could rest and rejuvenate. Home was my refuge away from what I was begrudgingly beginning to recognize as the natural messiness of the world that always existed outside my front door.

By carefully controlling my personal space, I could pretend all was in order. I doubled down on these space-control habits as my life started spiraling away from what I had always presumed was the natural goal of life—the attainment of a safe, steady state of put-togetherness and work-life balance that defines adulthood. My childhood tricked me into thinking the adult world—real life—was inherently calm. Yes, we have to work hard. Sure, people die and bad things happen, but the day-to-day is all okay if you put your toys away where they belong, sit down together as a family at 6:30pm for dinner, and get a good night’s sleep. Right?

My attempts at beating back the natural ways of the world suffered a significant blow when, one day, my then-boyfriend, now-husband informed me he planned on joining the military. I knew intuitively that military life was not conducive to my goal of calm living, steadiness, or safety and that my life would never be the same.

Seven states later in as many years and I knew a thing or two about finding calm amidst a storm of ever-shifting variables. They say home is where the heart is, which is, I suppose, another way of saying home is where you are. As the zip codes and landscapes changed more quickly than I would have liked, I learned how to find inner peace while constantly re-arranging my external oasis between four walls.

Coming back om

Calm is not found outside of yourself in the comfort of perceived perfection or inside a home in the particular arrangement of things. Quiet and stillness, in fact, are not even prerequisites for inner peace. Calm is constant, even in the midst of chaos. It is flexible, adaptive, and malleable. It is a state, but also a choice.

I still find peace, comfort, and joy in the presence of family, but my definition of family has expanded, as has my understanding of what calm looks and feels like. I still find peace at home, but I know that rooms, walls, doors, and kitchens are always temporary. And not always quiet. Joy can be found in the stillness of nature just before the sun rises and in the cacophony of family members and friends enjoying a meal together at sundown. These circumstances are not mutually exclusive and both can soothe the soul.

Also, I now have three kids. All my attempts at controlling my space have been abandoned, and yes, I held on tight and kicked and screamed and still revert to my old ways before remembering I don’t get to be in control anymore. I never was.

When my husband went back to school, we lived with my in-laws for three years. One day I stood in the middle of the kitchen, my son screaming in his high chair demanding more food. My father-in-law was on a conference call on speaker phone. My mother-in-law was having a conversation with one of her daughters while preparing dinner (she just cooks one meal now). My husband was in an argument with his other sister. Four conversations, two face-to-face, one over the phone, one less of a conversation than a whine for nourishment. And then there was me. Silent. Surrounded by noise. Overwhelmed.

I couldn’t escape. I was already home.

I felt my feet on the floor to connect with the grounding qualities of the Earth and took a deep breath to connect with my own inner landscape, the part of myself that is always safe, always blissfully silent, always at peace.

I’d like to say I belted out in a resounding Ommmmmmmm. I probably didn’t even chant it in my head. But it’s exactly what I needed. The reminder that home, OM, is with us always, no matter what is happening outside of us.

Not everyone feels safe at home these days. Some people may never have felt safe at home. Some people may not feel like they have a home at all, and some simply don’t have a home to come home to.

No matter your circumstances, despite the clutter and mess, regardless of the noise and distractions, may you always find your way back OM. In the depths of winter, may you find peace, warmth, and shelter within.

Your Practice

Chant. Hum. Breathe. Nap. Move. Tidy. Whatever it is you need to do to feel at home within yourself.

Reasons to Celebrate

February is the month to celebrate…

• Black history

• Heart health

• Barley

• Canned Food

• Chocolate

• Exotic vegetables and starfruit

• Humpback whale awareness

• Friendship

• Jobs in golf

• Avocados and bananas

• Cherries

• Embroidery

• Fondue

• Grapefruit

• Haiku writing

• Hot breakfasts

• Macadamia nuts

• Sweet potato

• Returning shopping carts to the supermarket…?

Sunday, February 1

• Imbolc

• Hula in the Coola Day

• National Baked Alaska Day

• National Dark Chocolate Day

Monday, February 2

• Groundhog Day (Also Hedgehog Day and Marmot Day)

• California Kiwifruit Day

• Crepe Day

• National River Day

• National Tater Tot Day

• National Ukelele Day

Tuesday, February 3

• Feed the Birds Day

• National Carrot Cake Day

Wednesday, February 4

• Farmers Day

• Create a Vacuum Day

• Medjool Date Day

• National Homemade Soup Day

• National Thank a Mailperson Day

• Sweater Day

Thursday, February 5

• National Chocolate Fondue Day

• Optimist Day

• World Animal Reiki Day

• World Nutella Day

Friday, February 6

• Bubblegum Day

• National Chopsticks Day

• National Frozen Yogurt Day

Saturday, February 7

• National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day

• National Send a Card to a Friend Day

• Take Your Child to the Library Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

“One should forgive, under any injury,” says the Mahabharata. “It hath been said that the continuation of the species is due to man’s being forgiving. Forgiveness is holiness; by forgiveness the universe is held together. Forgiveness is the might of the mighty; forgiveness is sacrifice; forgiveness is quiet of mind. Forgiveness and gentleness are the qualities of the Self-possessed. They represent eternal virtue.”

-Paramahansa Yogananda1

A few weeks ago I watched the latest Knives Out movie (Wake Up Dead Man). I was both surprised and deeply moved by the ending. Surprised not because of who the killer was but because of the deep spiritual wisdom showcased by the writer. I don’t want to spoil the ending for you but my major takeaway was the power of forgiveness.

I admit forgiveness is a hard concept for me to embrace. It helps me to reframe it through the yogic lens of letting go. Call it what you will, forgiveness requires releasing the need to be right. Letting go requires being okay with not knowing what will happen next, being okay with being uncomfortable, being okay with focusing only on what is in your control. Forgiveness requires trust and deep love. That’s some tough stuff.

We are coming to the end of the Year of the Snake—the last hurrah of the shedding. January energy is for releasing and letting go, relinquishing the expectation of perfection. It’s for planning and preparing your vessel to hold all of what humanity has to offer this coming year. How do you like your preview? With the Lunar New Year on February 17, we usher in the year of the Fire Horse. Hold on tight. It’s going to be a wild ride.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a way to stillness despite the rush. Love fiercely, especially in the face of hate and evil. In the middle of chaos, fear, uncertainty, can you still choose love? Are you still willing to forgive and let go? Ugh, this year is going to be tough. It is also going to be beautiful. That’s how binaries work. You can’t have one without the other.

My Yoga Sutra book

There is one thing I need to let go of in order to move forward into this new year.

In 2018 I wrote a book. I spent hours, days, weeks, months, years studying the Yoga Sutra. When I finally started to understand it, I felt so inspired by its wisdom. I wanted every yoga teacher and student to have access to these profound truths. I embarked on a journey to make this text more accessible and relatable to modern living.

I don’t regret it. The whole process gave me structure and I proved to myself I was capable, not only of understanding complex Eastern philosophy, but also of writing a book.

As I was writing the book I was told the Sutra wasn’t worth my time because the text is no longer relevant. I resented that argument. I hate being told I can’t do something or something is not for me. There are so many powerful pieces of wisdom in the Sutra. How can it not be relevant?

I get it now. The wisdom of the Sutra wasn’t meant for Western, middle-aged moms. I wanted to make it work. But it doesn’t work. It’s not supposed to work.

I’m not looking to transcend this life. I’m looking to integrate. I don’t need perfection and extraordinary feats of focused power. I need messy, mundane, ordinary acts of presence while I’m washing the dishes. Patanjali’s process of yoga wasn’t meant for me. I wanted to be powerful like the yogis. But I now realize I have to access my power in my own way.

I forgive my younger self for not understanding, for resisting the teachers who told me to not waste my time. I forgive Patanjali and all the ancient yogis for being exclusive. They were a product of their times and culture. I can understand why they wanted to escape the pain and suffering of the world. But I don’t want to leave the world behind. I want to live in this world, with it all. I’ve shifted my textual study to the Mahavidyas now. These are the Tantric wisdom goddesses representing the Divine Feminine forces we must integrate in our lives in order to find peace, balance, and harmony. Their yoga process and practice is about living in the world with what the world has to offer. Different strokes for different folks.

Right now it is particularly hard to practice forgiveness of others in the state of the world we live in. Forgiveness and letting go is an act in transforming energy. Transform your energy from one of despair and channel your energy toward action in support of love, freedom, and community.

A gift for you

It’s time to give up the dream of publishing that book on the Yoga Sutra. Along with letting go of that dream, I’m releasing my version of the Yoga Sutra into the world for you to use as you like. I am not a scholar. I don’t know Sanskrit. This was my attempt at making sense of the Yoga Sutra. I hope you find it helpful and as inspiring as I did. Despite the fact that the yoga process doesn’t work for me in my life, the wisdom remains deeply inspiring and I still use it as a spiritual guide. It’s just not my practice.

The Yoga Sutra Interpretation Ashley Zuberi

650KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

I also offered a course on the Sutra. I’ve uploaded those videos to YouTube if you’re interested in diving deeper. Check out the Yoga Sutra course here.

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, January 25

• Observe the Weather Day (no joke)

• Opposite Day (for real)

Monday, January 26

• National Green Juice Day

• National Spouse Day

Tuesday, January 27

• International Holocaust Remembrance Day

• Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day

• National Chocolate Cake Day

• National Geographic Day

• World Breast Pumping Day

Wednesday, January 28

• Global Community Engagement Day

• American Immigration Lawyers Association Day of Action

• LEGO Day

• National Blueberry Pancake Day

Thursday, January 29

• Freethinkers Day

• National Puzzle Day

Friday, January 30

• National Croissant Day

• National Draw a Dinosaur Day

• Yodel for Your Neighbors Day

Saturday, January 31

• Backwards Day

• Eat Brussel Sprouts Day

• Gorilla Suit Day

• National Hot Chocolate Day

• Scotch Tape Day

• National Seed Swap Day

• Hell is Freezing Over Day

I listened to a wellness marketing podcast a few weeks ago that cited a recent report about Ayurveda having a global moment. Ironic, because to say Ayurveda is having a moment ignores the past several thousand years of moments Ayurveda has had. The report went on to list how many billions of dollars the Ayurveda “market” is expected to grow. There you have it. Ayurveda is having a “moment” for the capitalists. Thus, these marketing podcasters suggested I jump on the Ayurveda bandwagon because it’s, apparently, en vogue.

🤮

I don’t sell any special Ayurvedic herbal creams so there’s not much for me to capitalize on, but I do want to share with you my favorite Ayurvedic lifestyle practice that’s perfect for wintertime rejuvenation.

I should start by letting you know you that Ayurveda is not a product. It is a practice. Just like wearing yoga pants doesn’t automatically make you a yoga practitioner, using Ayurvedic lotions doesn't automatically make you healthy. Ayurveda is a lifestyle practice based on self-care routines, thoughtful, highly individualized food choices, and herbal preparations. It is India’s indigenous medical system and a system built on prevention. An Ayurvedic lifestyle aims to prevent disease from manifesting in the first place.

Oil Power

While visiting a children’s museum over the holidays I was reminded of the importance of keeping skin moisturized. While supple skin looks shiny and lustrous, it also keeps bacteria out of the body. When washing your hands frequently during the cold, dry, winter months, or after washing one too many dishes, bacteria can easily sneak into the tiny cracks on chapped hands. Your skin is your body’s first defense, so treating it well is a contribution toward good health. This is where oil shines.

Oil is powerful. But its power doesn’t come from who owns it. The power of oil comes from slowing down. From absorbing its nourishment, comfort, warmth, and coziness. When you consume it, oil nourishes your internal tissues. When you massage it into your skin, it nourishes your largest organ. This is, literally, soft power. And this is the type of power we really need in our world right now. Not the take over Greenland, “our hemisphere” kind of power that relies on crude oil. Not the behead dissident journalists, hoard all the wealth, and go to war over natural resources kind of oil power. I’m talking the nourish your body, your mind, your soul kind of oil power.

Before electricity, oil provided light and warmth. Let’s make our lives great again with illumination and coziness. Nourishment and suppleness.

Not power over. Power with.

Not control. Collaboration.

What does it look like to soften, protect, absorb, linger? What can the oil teach you?

Your Weekly Practice

Abhyanga. Oil up. Slow down. Nourish. Protect. Empower.

One of the most nourishing, calming, steadying practices Ayurveda offers is Abhyanga, or the oil self-massage. This is a simple practice you can do daily and it’s especially fortifying during the cold, winter months. Oil is the star in Abhyanga. This self-massage practice deeply nourishes your tissues and skin, boosts circulation, calms your nervous system, strengthens your immune system, balances your energy, and increases your overall wellbeing.

In Ayurveda, opposites heal. When it’s cold and dry during winter, choose warm and moisture-giving foods, body products, and practices. Your don’t need to spend $65 on some fancy Ayurvedic oil or lotion, though they will contain some herbs you’ve likely never heard of that have great, healing properties.

Keep things simple. Use what you have in your home. Olive oil, coconut oil, sesame oil—all great options for the skin. Oil up before your shower or bath and enjoy the feeling of warm, steamy water running over your body as the excess oil falls away and the warmth of the water opens your pores to facilitate deeper absorption and a protective barrier.

offers a great description of the Abhyanga routine and practice here:

Coming back to balance

Warm words, harbour Christmas boats & how to do Abhyanga.

A short one today, but I wanted to give you the gift of Abhyanga to begin the new year with…

Read more

8 months ago · 6 likes · 4 comments · Lucy Fleetwood

Give yourself permission to slow down this week, moisturize, absorb, and linger. Your skin and nervous system will thank you!

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, January 18

• National Fresh Squeezed Juice Week

• World Snow Day

• Winnie the Pooh Day

• National Thesaurus Day

Monday, January 19

• Martin Luther King Jr. Day

• Artist as Outlaw Day

• Brew a Potion Day

• National Popcorn Day

Tuesday, January 20

• National Cheese Lover’s Day

• Take a Walk Outdoors Day

• National Penguin Day

Wednesday, January 21

• Grandma Day

• International Playdate Day

• International Sweatpants Day

• National Bakers-Crafters-Makers Day

• National Granola Bar Day

• National Hugging Day

• Squirrel Appreciation Day

Thursday, January 22

• Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day

• National Grandpa Day

• National Hot Sauce Day

Friday, January 23

• National Handwriting Day

• National Pie Day

Saturday, January 24

• “Just Do It” Day

• Belly Laugh Day

• National Compliment Day

• National Peanut Butter Day

With gratitude,

Ashley

There were a few things in my Aunt Ingrid’s kitchen you could always count on: a fully-stocked snack drawer, heated floors, cans of Spaghetti-O’s with meatballs, and a box of assorted, colorful packets she called tea. My family didn’t have these things in our house. It felt exotic and unattainable.

Our kitchen always contained ample dessert options1, a high, vaulted ceiling with a fantastic hiding spot on top of the pantry if you could climb up the counters and over the refrigerator, Kool-Aid packets galore for a pop of color, and those big metal cans of Folgers ground coffee. My parents had a simple coffee routine. I don’t have any specific memories of their morning coffee but I assume the grounds went into the coffeepot and they drank their joe. Automatic, forgettable, but consistent.

I can’t drink coffee. The caffeine jitters mess with me and I don’t like the taste. I have, however, developed a relationship with tea—thanks Ingrid!

Truth & tea

My chai habit developed sometime in my late teens thank to my cousin Abby introducing me to this “new” drink at Starbucks called a chai tea latte. Having never been able to partake in coffee culture, I happily jumped on board this tea train. I enjoyed my chai lattes so much that a dentist once asked me how long it took me to drink one. Apparently, sipping it over the course of an hour is terrible for your teeth. He told me to brush my teeth after I drink a chai—impractical, as I was always drinking on the go— or to drink it faster. I scoffed at such suggestions. Clearly he didn't know anything about the point of tea.

All these things are true about me and tea:

• At least once a week (okay, fine every day) I forget that I’m steeping my tea. If it’s been just a few minutes, I’ll still drink it and endure the bitterness. If it’s been more than 20 minutes, I’ll dump it and start again or give up for the day. Sometimes, I forget that I boiled the water and never even pour it in the cup.2 Alas, the poor, dry tea bag must wait another day to meet her maker.

• It is extremely rare for me to finish an entire mug of tea. Often, I get about a fourth of the way through a cup. My husband makes fun of me endlessly for this and sometimes even refuses to make me my tea because I barely even drink it. Clearly he doesn’t know anything about the point of tea.

• My morning tea often turns into my lunch-time tea. I’ll take it hot or cold, I just like the taste.

I’d like to say these truths are the direct result of me being a mom to three young children, but they were true even before I had kids. Now I just have a better, more culturally acceptable excuse for drinking cold tea at lunch.

Simple, cozy, healthy acts are my favorite way to practice wellbeing, especially during winter and these phases of life when time for myself is rare. Taking tea, just like drinking coffee, is an act in mindfulness and presence. It’s a sequence of sensory stimuli to start my day (and meet me again in a couple hours after my shower, and meet me again at lunch…etc). The tea has a scent, a taste, a color, a temperature, a texture to savor. It provides a feeling of comfort, like a sigh of grounded, yet energized, relief. I consider myself an ADD tea drinker but I still appreciate the simple act of morning tea. Each sip invites me back to the present moment, which is why I have no problem drinking cold tea at lunch.

High Tea is not the point of tea

I’ve partaken in a proper High Tea twice (reservation required), and it’s not my preferred tea experience. Once at the Orangery at Kensington Palace (my first) and once this past summer at the Fairmont Banff Springs (perhaps my last). The Orangery High Tea turned me on to my new favorite love—clotted cream and jam on scones. I don’t remember the tea. All I remember about the Fairmont Banff Springs experience was how much my husband didn’t care for it (he is, perhaps, closer to understanding the point of tea..).

High Tea is excessive. The finger sandwiches are yummy but picayune. I don’t actually want my tea with fancy scones and patisserie, though I love these things too, separately. I just want to sit and sip some tea. Maybe with a book. Definitely with some good conversation. It helps if you have a good view. No whiny kids allowed. No luxury required. Clotted cream optional.3

Contrast those experiences with a spontaneous discovery made on a trip to Montreal. Walking down the wind-swept, snow-covered gray streets of the city during the no-man’s-land week between Christmas and New Year’s, my family stumbled upon a Japanese tea house. In the moment we were just happy to find a warm place to sit. Little did we know we were in for a whole education on the ritual of tea. Imagine our surprise when the teishu poured hot water all over the empty teacup and wooden tray it was served on. Why exactly must the water be puddled all over the cup and tray? The answer didn’t really matter. It was mesmerizing, calming, and it elevated the experience from a pitstop for a warm drink to a ritual of reverence for the present moment. I do not pour hot water all over my tea cup before I steep my tea on a regular basis, but I do remember to pause and take my time as I pour the water into my mug (if I remember the water’s boiling).

Tea doesn’t need to be fancy or high. It doesn’t even need to be ritualized or habit. The point of tea is all about intention, attention, presence, and gratitude. Clotted cream optional.

Your Weekly Wellbeing Practice

Drink some tea. Make it count.

My favorite teas

Over the years, I expanded my tea repertoire from mainly chai to greens, rooibos on the days I don’t want the caffeine, and herbal infusions.

• Masala chai is still my favorite. The warming spices give me the coziest feeling. I prefer a chai with heavy ginger and spice and despise the extra sugary commercial concentrates most coffee shops use (including Starbucks—I can’t believe I used to drink that stuff…). Bhakti Chai out of Boulder, CO is my all-time favorite. I’m going to work on concocting my own recipe this year now that my husband owns an espresso machine and I can make my own chai lattes at home. I’ll share it with you when I’ve mastered it!

• I love a good jasmine green.

• I’m a big fan of echinacea for when I’m feeling under the weather. wrote a great piece about how echinacea works for bolstering the immune system.

• When I was traveling for the holidays I came down with a scratchy throat one day. I wanted to grab my echinacea but didn’t have any on hand. That’s when I remembered a throat-specific herbal infusion from and Jana Blankenship’s Seasonal Family Almanac. They call the blend Winter Essential Marshmallow & Mint and it’s amazing. Luckily my herbalist sister-in-law had all the dry herbs on hand for me to whip up a quick batch.

Do you have a favorite tea or wellbeing practice anchored by your morning/lunch beverage of choice? I’d love to know.

Leave a comment

Reasons to Celebrate

Sunday, January 11

• Universal Letter Writing Week

• National Mocktail Week

• National Pizza Week

• Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day

Monday, January 12

• National Hot Tea Day!

• National Kettlebell Day

Tuesday, January 13

• Make Your Dream Come True Day

• National Clean Your Desk Day

• Poetry Break Day

• National Sticker Day

Wednesday, January 14

• Organize Your Home Day

• National Take the Stairs Day

Thursday, January 15

• National Bagel Day

• National Fresh Squeezed Juice Day

Friday, January 16

• Appreciate a Dragon Day

• National Nothing Day

• National Quinoa Day

Saturday, January 17

• Benjamin Franklin Day

• Soup Swap Day

• National Use Your Gift Card Day

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