This weekend I dropped in to see Christian Marclay’s brilliant, THE CLOCK at LACMA. The 24 hour montage constructed from thousands of moments of cinema and television history depicting the passage of time, excerpted and edited together to create a functioning timepiece synchronized to local time wherever it is shown.

I was amazed when I first saw it back in 2015 but this time I marveled in the time and care it took not only to edit all of those clips together but how they also told a story with related sequences with each passing minute. Sitting in the dark, air conditioned museum on cozy couches with strangers felt relaxing as we watched time pass with cinematic ease. Floating from image to image of clocks and watches throughout time gave me a sense of hope for humanity. If you’re in LA, give yourself this gift!

And…

I went to see The Odyssey in 70mm at The historic Alex Theatre in Glendale. I’ve actually somehow had never been there, and it was really wonderful to experience the theatre packed with movie goers as audiences are flocking to this film. They had the projection room open so we could see the large film reel in action. I’m forever grateful to Christopher Nolan’s love for old school filmmaking and creating opportunities for newer and all audiences to see the real deal.

Speaking of the real deal…

Last weekend we lost the beautiful, talented, powerful and fearless Jennifer Finch. We knew each other from the punk scene in the 80’s and would check in with each other from time to time. A sister Leo, Jenn was always warm and supportive. We’d talk about films, plays and fellas. Her confidence and selfless encouragement stood out as she was Woman’s Woman. On our last phone call she told me to go out with younger men and have fun in this life!

I guess my obsession with time comes from a fear that it’s running out. I’m very sad about Jenn’s passing, but I believe she did had a lot of fun in her life. That’s the thing about time, we never know how much we have, and as I come up on another turn around the sun this next weekend I’m aware of how precious all these seconds, minutes, and hours truly are.

Not sure about the younger guy, but I am determined to make time for fun in this life and I hope you do too!

xo

Christina

Dreamago’s Plume & Pellicule screenwriting workshop and film festival has begun. The president of Dreamago is Pascale Rey and she is a force of nature! This incredible woman created Dreamago twenty-two years ago for her love of screenwriters, film and all artists. Her thoughtful generosity is felt throughout her team and became infectious in all of us.

Every day is planned for the screenwriters to work with her amazing hand picked consultants. Arturo Arango, Christopher Hampton, Maggie Soboil, Julie Ponsonnet, Peter Straughan with Pascale not only conducting her own wonderful workshops but showing up as an actress to help find the right tone and truthful moments with my screenplay, Grace.

Every evening there is a film as well as an afternoon screening of Dangerous Liaisons with Christopher Hampton and Stephen Frears in attendance. Pascale creates an intimate space to discuss the work in a candid, relaxed and inspiring environment.

We met so many kind, funny, smart and talented people. That’s the thing, it’s ALL about the people…

Needless to say, this has been a life changing experience and I am forever grateful to Cynthia, Pascale and all of these wonderful people who have a shared love for storytelling and for life!

Merci Switzerland!

Now, I get to rewrite…

Wishing everyone a wonderful, inspired week!

xo

Christina

Taking space has been a topic of conversation as of late. On my morning walks up in the hills behind the Château Mercier, where I’ve been fortune enough to live for the past month, I’ve stumbled upon an empty space where I suppose someone might park a car? This concrete square holds endless possibilities besides a parking spot, it could host a tea party or an artist might bring an easel to paint a picture of the incredible mountains across the way. This seemingly vacant space reminds me of the saying, “Nature abhors a vacuum” originally coined by Aristotle, who observed that empty or unfilled spaces are unnatural and will always be filled by something else. For me, it’s not just about filling an empty space like when there is a lull in a conversation, it’s about intension. I can take great comfort in those uncomfortable moments. Like in a film when there’s no dialogue but so much is said, or when silence can almost seem deafening with meaning. Being in the pause, and allowing space to come between what’s not verbally expressed inspires and excites me.

Why does it feel unnatural to take space? While I’ve been here in Switzerland I gratefully have time and space not only to write on two screenplays, I’m learning that it is essential for me to have my own space. Being in this vast environment from the massive mountains, to the endless rivers, and the calm Swiss society that seems relaxed and cared for naturally allows space. Growing up with no space from my sweet but troubled parents left me brother experts at shapeshifting to adapt and survive. This isn’t to blame, but to observe how challenging it can be to rightfully take space in this world and as a woman, that’s a whole other story. I know I’m not unique in that especially in America, women’s rights are being stripped with many other human rights and it makes me angry, sad and even more determined to take space.

The gift to have space to explore stories and myself in this gorgeous part of the world is life changing. Cynthia and I joke that everything here looks like a postcard. The visuals are stunning and sometimes I can’t imagine going back to the traffic, smog and horrible, inhumane housing situation that leaves thousands of Americans on the street trying to find a space. It’s heartbreaking, unnecessary and is never lost on me how lucky I am, and how broken our country is.

Spending this much time in Europe of course makes me want to live here for forever. For now, I’m holding space for hope in our immature and fractured USA with optimism that we can heal and change before it’s too late.

Every morning I get to start my day in this beautiful room where I meditate and pray for our world. And…

THIS guy serenades me with his early morning rooster song that is not cock-a-doodle-doo, but actually sounds like the first four bars from the GET SMART, TV show theme song…

A correction from my previous post. I’ve kindly been told…

French and Swiss French is exactly the same language. Some expressions are used in Switzerland and not in France, but it is strictly the same language. Switzerland has 4 official languages : French, German, Italian and Romansch language. Swiss French is exactly like French, Swiss German is not like the German spoken in Germany. Swiss German is a kinda dialect. But students at school in Swiss Germany learn « hoch Deutsch » which is the same German as in Germany. There are 19 cantons (out of 26) that speak Swiss German in Switzerland. 4 cantons speak only French. One speaks Italian. Valais speaks French and German. Who knew? and gratefully now, I do!

Wishing everyone a wonderful week!

xo

Christina

The film is in Spanish and the subtitles were in German and French. As we know, the power of cinema needs no translation but I was surprised to realize that I was able to understand the French subtitles.

The lead actress, Ángela Molina was incredible to watch as she played a woman navigating the choice to end her life in Switzerland. As that is the theme of our screenplay THE EXIT. It was interesting to see how they told that story with dance, music and humor. I’m so glad I got to see this film in a very cool cinema. Helene’s instincts were correct, it was an inspiring screening.

It’s nice to visit other cities in Switzerland and yet, I’m not really into being a tourist. For me, it’s more fun to not know where I’m going and take my time to stumble upon something special but that said, we did ride this steam boat to Chillon Castle in Montreux.

The weather here has been really warm and it was much cooler in Montreux. The stone walls of the castle have windows looking over gorgeous Lake Geneva that felt peaceful and calm. There is also a prison in the lower part of the castle where at first it seemed that British poet Lord Bryon was held captive but it turns out that is not true. During his visit in 1816, Lord Byron found inspiration in the story of Chillon inmate François Bonivard, (1493-1570) making him the protagonist in his poem The Prisoner of Chillon, which shot the castle to global fame. It has been translated into 20 languages. Again, with the language.

As an America not only do I feel ashamed by my country’s current state, I also feel ignorant for only speaking English and foolish for not taking any language courses in school. My father had never been to Europe except he may have gone to Germany while in the army and my mother finally went to France in her late fifties only to complain about everything! They were not worldly. I know this sounds blamely (I’m aware this is not a real word). The truth is, I was too busy doing drugs and drinking to finish high school and didn’t think I’d live to be 21 so, all of this is bonus rounds.

Thank God for cinema and the education I’ve gotten from watching foreign films to see a world beyond my childhood. It’s always been my dream to live in Europe and here I am!

Last night I was in bed looking up to the sky and below was my view. Not too bad for a Valley Girl.

Today I am so happy to have the time to dig back into my screenplay, GRACE. A story about how people from different parts of the world who speak different languages find a common connect through loving kindness. I’m beyond grateful to have the freedom and resources to explore this story in this beautiful environment.

As and adult, I’ve been trying to learn French for over a decade. In-person classes, online classes, Duolingo, French friends etc, clearly, I’m not a quick study but I’m not giving up.

With the window open I can hear the birds chirping outside along with the grounds keepers speaking in French, or maybe Swiss French?

Lucky me!

Wishing everyone a lovely full moon weekend.

xo

Christina

I had a break from my current digs in Switzerland and went to Cannes for a few days. It’s been twenty years since I first came to Cannes for the festival when my short film, SLICE played in the basement of the Marche du Film. Back then, it was set up in a dark little cubby like a peep show for one. I was happy to see that now the short film corner has viewings in an open room with monitors that still can only be viewed by one person but the shame aspect has diminished. I was actually in Cannes a few years ago when Beth Dewey and I shot the ending of my current feature, HANCOCK PARK and now it was in the Marche du Film with French subtitles.

Une femme fatale des temps modernes s'installe chez sa petite sœur et le mari de celle-ci. Elle joue avec séduction le rôle de sa vie, dissimulant ses véritables intentions tout en s'accrochant à son rêve de célébrité - et ce, au tendre âge de… cinquante ans ?

I even squeezed in a quick premiere at the Palais des Festivals.

Being in Cannes at the festival twenty years later was an opportunity to see that I’ve grown not only as a filmmaker, but as a person. For me, the experience was different in that I wasn’t trying to get anyone’s attention, approval or to make a deal. I was just happy to see a few friends and enjoy the beauty of this beautiful part of the world. It’s great to be around film folks but again, it was very different from when I was trying to get my first feature, PERFECTION made and all the stress of feeling like tadpole in a an ocean of sharks. The truth is I had some wonderful meetings, and I’m so happy to be in a place in my life today that is more about trusting the process and being in the flow instead of pushing.

The South of France, one of my favorite places! The weather is similar to LA but the vibe is so much better. There’s something about the Mediterranean sea that warms my heart and makes me feel like I never want to leave but leave I must!

Helene kindly picked me up from Geneva and we drove two and a half hours back to the town of Sierre. We talked about the themes in my screenplay GRACE while I admired the unbelievably beautiful mountains, rivers and gorgeous green trees. Everything looks like a postcard come to life.

Back in Sierre, there’s a music festival happening here at the Castle. The weather is suddenly warm and it’s a gorgeous night. I loved being in Cannes but life here is pretty amazing too!

Cynthia and I look at each several times a day and just laugh. I’m very grateful for this incredible experience and it’s not lost on me on how lucky we are.

BTW, the screenplay for THE EXIT is going great and I’m excited to dig back into GRACE in the next few days while eating more delicious chocolate.

Wishing everyone a beautiful week!

More soon…

xo

Christina

The evening we arrived we were met at the train station by Helene, a French, Italian woman along with her friend Claire who helped us into a taxi with our ridiculously heavy suitcases. I don’t think I’ve ever packed for six weeks before and needless to say, I might have brought too much?

Once we got to the beautiful Chateau Mercier, our new digs, we met another resident, Fuad, a filmmaker from Palestine who’s here for three months. He and Helene kindly had an amazing dinner prepared for us. Fuad made this incredible soup along with rice and lentils seasoned with spices he brought from his country. Helene made a delicious pasta with fresh tomatoes, basil and cheese. There will be more discussion about cheese, it’s all about the cheese here!

It’s been a week since we arrived and I’m finally getting the lay of the land. My morning routine consists of sitting in this gorgeous room journaling and meditating while listening to the birds and church crimes. I could definitely get used to this.

Above the the castle, yes this is a castle, there are miles and miles of vineyards, a river and even a cafe. This is where I take my morning walks while painfully aware that I’m living in this beautiful reality while America continues to be in chaos. I subscribe to several independent media outlets and as much as I want/need to know what’s happening, my heart hurts for not only my country but the damage the US is inflicting on our world.

On Saturday we ventured into the next town, Sion by train where there are more gorgeous churches, castles and cobblestone roads leading to restaurants and shops. Switzerland ain’t cheap and no surprise, the US dollar is weak. While having lunch with Cynthia, Fuad and Helene the topic of America came up. Fuad and Helene said they thought everyone in the US is happy with our current president and of course Cynthia and I shouted NO! WE ARE NOT!!! We tried to explain to our new friends that there is resistance in America and there are actually more Americans unhappy with the administration then approve. We told them about the huge numbers of people protesting and with the upcoming election we can turn things around. I went on to say how I’m optimistic about change but as I was talking my eyes were welling up, Helene looked at me and said, '‘Are you crying” as tears rolled down from my under my sunglasses I replied, is it time for Gelato!

“This, my dear, is the greatest challenge of being alive: to witness the injustice of this world, and not allow it to consume our light.” Tik Nat Han

I do miss my sweet doggie, Rufus and the stray calico kitty we call, Kitty! I’ve been feeding her for over two years and she lives under our building. Gratefully, my friend Chandler is staying with them and Rufus has adapted to the new blonde woman in his life. I’m almost embarrassed to say, I also live in a Castle in Los Angeles. It looks like a French Chateau and was built in the1920’s. We shot most of HANCOCK PARK there and my neighbors and I call it, THE CASTLE. Maybe that’s why I feel so at home here in this castle.

HANCOCK PARK is having it’s Cannes debut and I’ll be there next this weekend! It’s amazing to be a hop, skip and a jump away from the French Rivera. It’s been twenty years since the first time I went to the Cannes film festival and when I told my dear friend Dorotea I was going this year she wrote back… Shine!

Did I mention this is a writing residency? Time to write!

More to come…

xo

Christina

This place is gorgeous! The views from our room is stunning and you can hear the bells from a near by church along with an array of birds singing. I’m so grateful to drop into this incredible peaceful and inspiring environment.

A visual diary for today. I just wanted to share this beauty and I will be writing more very soon…

xo

Christina

Sitting in a dark room with strangers while being transported to another world via the big screen is and was my favorite place to be and I beg my filmmaking students to watch movies in the theatre but sadly it’s a struggle. Needless to say, I sound like an old person but I know I’m not alone in this need for connection and community.

A few years back one of my early short films, SO HOT FOR YOU played at The American Cinematheque’s FOCUS ON FEMALE DIRECTORS program where I met the wonderful, Kim Adelman. She and I shared the same need and desire for community especially with supporting female driven projects and that’s when we created FFC, FEMALE FILMMAKING COLLECTIVE. We are a collective of directors, writers, producers, actors, editors, and any other creative force who support and celebrate Independent stories by women.

FFC is mostly an online resource for women and men in the industry, and we also have seasonal events in Los Angeles with our SPRING INTO ACTION gathering this coming week. Men are always invited and welcome to attend.

When: Thursday, April 16, 2026

Location: Mauro Cafe, 7469 Melrose Avenue

Time: 7 - 7:20 PM: Mixer

7:30 - 8:00 PM: Italian dinner buffet

8:00 - 9:00 PM: Salon discussion

Special guests include...

Maggie Mackay

Executive Director - VIDIOTS

Kathleen McInnis - SEE-THROUGH FILMS

$25 per person, includes buffet (salad, pasta, soft drinks & dessert)

Payment is accepted at the door.

Advanced RSVP required: Email cbrubylee@gmail.com

Mauro Cafe NEW LOCATION! 7469 Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90046. Valet and street parking are available. A female-owned neighborhood all-day cafe in West Hollywood with Italian roots and Californian influence.

Fall 2025 Gathering

FFC is excited to continue the lineage in supporting female-driven projects. Our latest feature film, HANCOCK PARK is now available on Amazon.

Last year I wrote about a trip I took to Switzerland and I will be returning in May to work on two different projects. My dear friend Cynthia Jamin and I have been awarded a screenwriting residency in Sierre Switzerland from Dreamago’s Ruffieux Residence at the Villa Ruffieux. The Residency is open to all professional artists, regardless of age or nationality, working in the visual arts, music, literature, theatre, and film. It can also accommodate researchers or scientists working in the fields of wine or natural heritage and conservation.

And my screenplay, GRACE that is set in Marseilles was accepted for their Plume & Pellicule 2026 workshop along with filmmakers from France, Columbia, Belgium, Mexico, Spain and another woman from the US.

Before the pandemic, I was invited to Marseilles, France with some other filmmakers and had an amazing time exploring the regions. I didn’t know any of them when I first arrived but we shared a common bond, our love for visual storytelling and became fast friends. I remember feeling so lucky to be included with like-minded artists and how it’s a long way from watching movies as a kid at the Fox Theatre on Van Nuys Blvd in the San Fernando Valley.

I’m very grateful to have the opportunity for community and to share the ride with others. Please come by on Thursday if you’re in town and if not, go out and find your people or at least, go see a movie in the theatre!!!

Stay tuned for updates from the castle in Switzerland!

xo

Christina

I’ve found myself longing for a time that seemed more innocent, so I’ve been rewatching Curb Your Enthusiasm. I enjoyed Larry David’s vapid world when the show first aired back in the early 2000’s but now, I find myself fascinated with a Los Angeles that is no longer, and storylines that are cringy in ways I don’t think would fly today. I’m impressed by an episode that directly addresses Jews and Palestinians with Larry in the center only caring about getting laid and eating chicken, along with his creepy manager played by Jeff Garlin. I don’t remember Jeff being this creepy before but he’s clearly a sex addict, and the whole misogynist vibe is telling, but then there’s his wife, the brilliant Sussie Essman who’s potty mouth screaming is refreshing and satisfying. As the episodes roll into the next, and with only four more seasons to go, I’m sad that Cheryl Hines and Larry David are now so far apart in our current climate.

Sunday morning I woke up sad about a lot of things, and decided to take a day off from all media, and to drive to the beach. It’s been 80 degrees in Los Angeles, and as the rest of the country is having to deal with real winter weather, I’m grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the sunshine. Driving through Topanga Canyon this time of year is beautiful. The winding canyon evokes memories of auditioning at The Will Geer Theatre, and eating at the Inn Of The Seventh Ray before then feeling way too full to act. Or when I was a teenager hitchhiking over the canyon home to the valley while getting so sunburnt on the back of my legs I could barely walk but my favorite part of Topanga a place called, Hidden Treasures! I’ve found the coolest stuff there over the years, and it’s always a treat to look through clothing and items from the past.

My mom loved thrift stores too. I remember going with her to Van Nuys Blvd in the 70’s but when I was little I didn’t appreciate the experience, and complained about the smell. We’d go down the street after standing in line for our food stamps, and there was this western store called Nudie’s that sold Wrangler jeans, cowboy boots, and hats. It was right next door to the FOX movie theatre where I saw Planet of the Apes, and Beneath the Planet of the Apes, both of those films gave me nightmares.

Once I was a teenager, it’s was all about finding cool old stuff at thrift stores, coats, shoes and 1950’s dresses. There we’re a bunch of thrift stores on Colorado Blvd in Pasadena in the 80’s, and my friends and I would score amazing items. Black men’s shoes, blazers from the 60’s with gold lamay sculpted fabric and this one place had a long glass case filled with crucifixes and rosary beads. All the punks would go there, and the little old Catholic ladies couldn’t understand why we bought this stuff. Personally, I was into the 1960’s spy look. I dyed my hair silverish gray, wore silver lipstick, black eye linger and found an amazing pencil skirt and jacket suit that fit tight but was hard to run in when being chased by cops.

Clearly, I’m feeling nostalgic for a time that no longer exists but I also feel grateful to still be around. I’ve been teaching creative writing groups in treatment centers around LA, and it’s not lost on me how lucky I am to be alive. It’s an incredible honor to work with people who are literally days off of drugs and alcohol, and to hear their stories along with encouraging them to write out their thoughts and feelings. I get to witness humanity, love and healing in action. I just turned thirty-three years sober last month and again, grateful to be here.

The Damned just came out with a new album of cover songs, Not Like Everyone Else and I can’t tell how much it warms my heart to hear their rendition of “Making Time”. No one tells you that the music you loved as a teenager might always be your favorite, maybe not for everyone, but hearing Dave Vanian’s voice and Captain Sensible’s guitar fills me with creativity and hope for better days.

After an hour of looking through racks and racks of clothes at Hidden Treasures, I tried on some dresses, a blazer from the 1940’s but nothing really grabbed me until I saw this…HAT!

All of a sudden, the world opened up. The buckle even has a B on it for my sir name and, I feel cool again.

xo

Portland, Oregon is the first stop for our HANCOCK PARK tour and it was so wonderful to screen at the historic Hollywood Theatre. I was pleasantly surprised to see our name front and center on the marquee and the staff could not have been kinder. Chole at the box office, Melinda the projectionist and local filmmaker Tara Johnson-Medinger, film director/producer and the executive director of POW Film Fest, the Portland Oregon Women’s Film Festival and the POWGirls Education Program showed up to moderate the Q&A. We had a lovely audience and I’m so grateful to have been able to screen this film.

It’s not lost on my how many amazing women show up for each other and that’s how this film started. Beth Dewey and I were shooting footage for this project and then producer, and co-founder of FFC, Female Filmmaking Collective, Kim Adelman asked to read the script I wrote. A few months later we were crowd funding, casting and shooting HANCOCK PARK in my apartment. More incredible women showed up, Cynthia Jamin, Lizzie Peet, Avery Hunter, Morgan Gardiner finished our principle photography and Julie Antepli cut the film.

My friend, Deborah Sweet lives in Portland kindly hosted and introduced me to some great women on this trip. Professionals, mothers, artists and grandmothers, all smart, funny, wise and encouraging. There’s a certain magic with women that fills my heart. My most healing moments have been trusting other women while having real, raw and connected conversation that have changed me for the better. The universe truly course corrected with the relationships I get to have with women. Sadly, my late mother was tricky. She loved me and yet, there were a lot of thorns with that love. I feel very fortunate to have not held my childhood experience with women rob me of the abundance of love and support I get to have in my life today.

Making films for me is not about ambition, it’s for connection. To have the opportunity to travel and meet not only other filmmakers but interesting women who are paving the way for generations to come is inspiring. It’s a cliche to say women are nurturing as there are many wonderful men who can be supportive and yet, at the end of the day, it’s always been the women I can consistently depend on.

When Kim Adelman and I met many years ago we discussed how important it is to lift each other up and to do what we can to support female stories and vision. I’m thrilled to say, this is what’s happening!

I’m sorry my mom grew up in a generation where she didn’t believe in herself outside of her external beauty and it was hard for her to not compete with other women. It’s taken me a while to fully love myself enough to attract healthy relationships that are creative, loving, and supportive. Success for me is no longer measured by how my career is progressing but how I can connect with others, especially women.

There are real statistics about the lack of opportunities for female filmmakers. Richard Rushfield recently wrote about it here…

The Ankler.

Female Directors and Hollywood’s Grim Post-#MeToo Reality

A funny thing happened to me last week…

Read more

10 months ago · 49 likes · 3 comments · Richard Rushfield

Forever the optimist, I believe making films is bigger than Hollywood, it’s about community and connection that cannot be measured by box office or reviews and the so-called gatekeepers who pick and choose who gets to be in the club.

When I was writing, directing and acting in theatre productions back in the 90’s we’d sometimes have tiny houses but I was taught that you play for that one person in the audience. They get the same performance as if it were a sold out show. Building an audience in film today feels just as daunting but it’s my job is to connect however I can to whoever shows up.

While there’s so much horrific stuff happening in our world and especially in our country, if there is one small act of kindness, one phone call asking how are you? What do you need? Maybe it’s just a text saying I’m here for you can change someone’s day.

Our next screening of HANCOCK PARK is in NYC December 4th at The Walker Hotel Greenwich Village. My friend Vanessa Hope hooked me up with the venue and once again, the ladies come through…

Feel free to spread the word.

xo

As the world is fractured, and it’s easy to feel isolated, I am forever grateful to the loving connections I have with friends, artists, and students who remind me that one conversation, one play, movie, or TV show can shift my perception.

I’m not saying to ignore or deny our present reality, but to remember LOVE is always the answer. My friend Deedee Cheriel created this poster, and kindly let us use it in my latest feature film, HANCOCK PARK. Check out her work, she’s incredible!

This poster is on my wall, and it’s the first thing you see when you walk into my home. Yes, I shot HANCOCK PARK in my apartment, I literally lived on a hot set for six weeks, and wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s funny how my desire to make films gave me permission to do whatever it takes, and I know I’m not alone. I was recently honored to speak on a panel with some wonderful female directors, Mo Perkins, Monique Sorgen, and Tchaiko Omowale, curated by Gabriela Tollman at Pasadena City College. It was so great to watch everyone’s short films, and when the students asked how we got started in film and what inspires us, it seemed that we all agreed that having a community is key.

Filmmaking is collaborative, and so is LIFE. My relationships are everything to me. I’m so lucky to share the ride with so many inspiring, wise, thoughtful, and loving people, including my dearest friend Alan Howard, who turned 82 this past Saturday.

I’ve known Alan for over thirty years, and he has been the reason I was able to make my first feature, PERFECTION, and currently HANCOCK PARK. He’s been more than a mentor, he’s family in the best way. Alan has literally taught me how to LOVE myself, and sadly, that was not easy. The countless hours on the phone when he would listen to my fears, doubts, and then tell me to STOP IT! in the mostly loving way, was when things really changed.

When I was a younger actress, I unconsciously thought that ‘The Business” would give me confidence, security, and LOVE, but that isn’t my story. They say, rejection is God’s protection, and clearly, I needed full cover. It’s from this perceived “rejection” that has fueled my creativity, and now as I’m taking HANCOCK PARK on the road to show this truly Independent film to audiences I’m excited to find even more community!

Our first stop is the “Mean Streets” of Portland, Oregon, screening at the historic Hollywood Theatre on Sunday, November 9th. Please come by and spread the word!

Hancock Park Official Trailer

For some reason, I used to judge the saying, “labor of love,” as if it didn’t have commercial value, but now I embrace the actual meaning, as it’s the only way I know how to be.

Alan is going back to Indiana next week. I know he’s just a phone call away, and I’m so grateful he’s still with us. His words are in my heart, and I find myself saying to others the loving words he says to me.

Let’s keep spreading the LOVE!

xo

Christina

Yesterday I went to the beach with my sweet friend Cynthia, and unbeknownst to me, she took this picture of me, looking into the sea for answers without words. I haven’t written here in a while, and every time I think I “should” write, that’s when I really don’t want to. As we know, this is nothing new for a writer, and I’m not unique, but there has been a heaviness in my heart that I can’t seem to ignore.

Being a sensitive person has its benefits. As an actress, I can get in touch with my emotional life pretty quickly, and even as a writer, I’m available to feel deeply, but sometimes as a person, it’s a real drag. There are a number of reasons to feel heavy nowadays, and the truth is, I’m okay, but what about our world?

Over a decade ago, I was in France while in post for my first feature film, Perfection, and I noticed the racial tension. The disconnection within the community resonated with me, and I felt an instinct to create a narrative story within this world. When I told people I was going to Marseilles for research, everyone warned me of the danger, but I continued to follow my heart/my instinct. I met so many wonderful people in Marseilles, including a woman named Marlène from Ville De Marseille who quickly became a champion for this new film project. The city of Marseilles is wildly cinematic, and I feel it’s the perfect place to tell this story of love, acceptance, and hope.

I came home and wrote several drafts of the screenplay, EXPECTING GRACE. I found a French producer and was invited by the Ville De Marseille, the film commission, along with a few other filmmakers, to come to Marseilles for a creative tour of the region. They took us all over in this huge tour bus, and we were even given a medal by the Mayor of Marseilles. My producer and I created a budget, attached a French casting director, and met with the director of culture for Provence-Alpes-Côte d’Azur to apply for funding. I came back to LA inspired, excited, and ready to make this film.

When I arrived home in my apartment, there was a bad water leak above, and my unit was damp, the carpet was wet, and it was full of mold. It seems that not everyone is allergic to mold, but some are more sensitive, and that was/is me!

Daily hives on my skin, ear ringing, fatigue, and exhaustion were how I spent the next eight years. I moved out of the apartment and kept in touch with my French producer, but didn’t have the energy to get this project off the ground. After seeing many doctors, nutritionists, and a host of natural healing practitioners, I had to surrender to the fact that my life was now about healing my body, and I had to let go of the dream of this film ever being made. William Friedkin says, “If you see the film in your mind, it has to be realized.”

Last year, I pitched the story for EXPECTING GRACE to a European writers’ collective called Dreamago. They invited me to apply for a workshop, but I wasn’t accepted. However, the two women who run the organization were very kind, generous, and gave me great notes. They said they believed in the story and encouraged me to write a new draft of EXPECTING GRACE.

As I have been trying to write this new version of a story set in Marseilles, I’ve been having a problem finding the words. EXPECTING GRACE is a story about grief and how an American woman finds peace and connection in a Muslim household, but now, with all that’s going on in our world, I can’t seem to find my way.

Today I wrote an email to Marlène and apologized for being out of touch, and found myself full of shame that I didn’t make the film I intended to make when we first met. Tears clouded my eyes as I tried to write the words, and that’s when I realized that I hadn’t let myself feel the grief. Not just for this movie but for EVERYTHING!

An allergist said to me once, “One day you’ll wake up and your hives will be gone”. Gratefully, that is pretty much true today. I still wake up with one or two hives sometimes, and I take medications, but for the most part, my health has improved, and I was able to make my 2nd micro-budget feature, HANCOCK PARK, over these past two years. We’re taking HANCOCK PARK on an Arthouse theatre tour, and I will be posting updates for upcoming screenings.

Cynthia took this picture right before I got clobbered by the wave behind me. It doesn’t look that big, but it completely took me under. I felt sorta good being out of control, and I knew that if I surrendered to the sea, I’d be okay.

I had the privilege of seeing Vanessa Hope’s incredible documentary film, INVISIBLE NATION, this past Sunday. I actually saw it before last year, when it was a The Royal in West LA, and thought it was amazing, but seeing it again THIS year really had an impact. It’s about Taiwan’s fight for democracy and how the people stood up and voted for a woman, Tsai lng-wen to lead them. It’s a powerful and important film. I love how Vanessa combines her passion for democracy and filmmaking to create a dialogue and opportunity for healing and change. Check out her Substack for more info.

I decided to call the new draft for EXPECTING GRACE… GRACE. I’m not quite ready to go back in there, but dare I say, I think I’m slowly finding the words.

xo

Christina

I know I’m not alone in this as many of us growing up with neglect and addiction experience a skewed idea of ourselves but maybe we don’t corner the market? My friend Geoff talks about how not being mirrored creates a warped and inaccurate perception of how we see ourselves.

Google says…”Perception is the process of how individuals interpret and make sense of sensory information, forming their understanding of the world. It involves converting raw sensory data into meaningful experiences, influenced by factors like expectations, experiences, and cultural norms. Essentially, perception is how we "see" and understand the world, and it's not always a direct reflection of reality.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts?

xo

I just returned from Switzerland with my dear friend Cynthia as she walked through an extraordinary experience with incredible courage. This is her story to tell but with permission, I’m grateful to share how life changing it was for all of us.

Cynthia’s father had a stroke a few months ago and while visiting him at a rehab in Culver City he expressed to me he no longer wanted to live. I made him chocolate covered strawberries which he ate but didn’t really like as I tried to reflect back to him the things that were good in his life. After cheerleading for over an hour I happened to mention that Jean-Luc Godard was able to take his own life in Switzerland. Cynthia’s father lit up hearing this news and wanted to know more details. I casually Googled assisted death in Switzerland and a facility came up right away. Without a beat, he asked if I could forward the info to his daughter.

It was a process but every step of the way doors kept opening for this to really happen. A few weeks later Cynthia texted me to say, “He got accepted”. My heart sunk and yet, it somehow seemed right? I lost my father in 2009. I was in the middle of shooting my first feature, PERFECTION and he was living in a VA retirement facility in Canoga Park. My dad had alcoholic dementia and diabetes and I’d go and visit him once a week. He was anxious and would pace the hallways as if he was trying to find a way out. They locked the gates so people couldn’t wander off and every week my dad would get a little more despondent. They gave him a lot of medication and it broke my heart to see him so out of it. Eventually he stopped talking and then stopped eating and then he literally wasted away and died there. The thought of Cynthia’s father having the dignity to die the way he wanted felt better than what my dad had to endure.

Fathers and daughter relationships can be tricky. My father was kind, funny, smart, handsome and he was also super sensitive. He drank to protect himself from pain and most likely some childhood abuse he wasn’t able to heal in this lifetime. I felt loved by him and yet, because he was absent for long periods of my life I figured I wasn’t worth sticking around for. Cynthia had a complicated relationship with her dad too. He was also absent for chunks of her life and could be harsh to her in ways that felt unkind to say the least. Again, this is her story to tell but from my perspective, she didn’t deserve anything but love from him and gratefully she finally got his love in the end.

There’s a lot more details to their story but I wanted to share about how do we heal when it doesn’t look they way we think it should? I didn’t get to say good-bye to my father, he died alone and that makes me sad but it’s not the end of our story. My father shows up in my life in many ways. He was an actor and screenwriter like me and I know the experiences that inspire me are from the same sensitivity my father felt. I got sober in my twenties and that’s given me the opportunity to live my life with a freedom he didn’t have. To share this loss with Cynthia has been a profound privilege. It’s given me the gift of compassion, connection and love for the complicated and perfect relationships we have with our fathers. They say we pick our parents and if that’s true, I believe we picked well.

Before I left for Switzerland I was in a funk. Needless to say, there are so many reasons to feel heavy hearted in our current climate especially in the US. Being in Europe always makes me happy and getting a break from the political insanity for a week was nice. As Cynthia and I walked the streets of Basel it felt healing. She’d hit pockets of grief and I was able to witness her tears without trying to fix her. We ate Gelato, pizza and of course chocolate! We watched people swim down the Rhine River with these cool plastic bags that hold their belongings. We took a train for lunch in France, we went to the Tinguely museum and walked into an amazing exhibition by Julian Charrière called Midnight Zone. The room was dark, people were laying on the large cushions looking up at the ceiling so we laid down too.

In the eponymous film Midnight Zone (2025), a lighthouse Fresnel lens—a device meant to guide from a distance—is inverted and lowered into the abyss. Shot using a remotely operated deep-sea vehicle, the descent is both literal and metaphysical: a journey into a space that resists orientation, where polymetallic nodules—objects of industrial desire—rest amid ancient ecologies. Light here does not reveal; it fractures. The work hovers between dreams, illuminating the blind spots in our pursuit of progress. It was mediative as we watched this film drifting in and out of consciousness.

I met Cynthia at an acting class in the 1980’s. She was the star of the class while I was hiding in the back of the theatre with dyed red hair trying not to be noticed while recovering from heroin. Turns out, we both drove cars that had gray primer. Mine was a ford Torino my dad gave me with no seat belts and guzzled gas and Cynthia had an orange VW bug. She invited me to lunch one day after class and we went to The Source on Sunset being that we were both vegetarians. She told me there was a vacant room in her apartment off Fairfax and that I should move in and can be actresses and waitresses like her and her roommate Ruthie. I would still be living with my mother in the valley if it wasn’t for Cynthia.

I was afraid Cynthia might not be able to handle all of the current stress but I’ve been amazed to watch her walk through this time with so much wisdom and grace. I’m impressed at how she’s reached out to all her friends to let them into her process and I’m honored she allowed me to be an intimate part of this healing. Having parents leave the planet creates a different reality, like a club no one wants to belong to. It’s not like being orphaned, I see it as a rite of passage.

Inspiration isn’t always about creative projects. It’s how life continues to unfold in ways I could never predict. I can’t say this trip was a vacation but it definitely gave me a shift in perception that feels inspiring.

This life is a gift and I’m so grateful to be here for all of it!

xo

I live across the street from a beautiful park. I’ve been here for almost five years and in that time I’ve observed families gathering for celebrations from birthdays to graduations, national holidays and one year, a Mariachi band showed up for a Quinceanera but this 4th of July the park was a ghost town and we all know why.

There is no reason to celebrate this 4th of July. Freedoms have been stolen and my heart is heavy with a feeling of powerlessness. To think I was once selfishly annoyed by the noise of these celebrations. Don’t they know people living across the street might be trying to work or need to take a nap? Now, I’d give anything to hear the sound of children screaming with laughter as loud Mexican music plays and the smell of B.B.Q. permeates the air. Generations of women in dresses decorating the tables with flowered cloths and colorful balloons. This is LA but right now it’s not safe to celebrate anything!

In the seventies my hippie parents used to take us to the beach on the 4th of July! We’d play in the water, eat Kentucky Fried Chicken and light sparklers when it got dark. I’d fall asleep in the backseat on the way home to the valley as the warm breeze blew in through the window. It felt good to be so tired from a day at the beach. My mom was usually mad at my dad for drinking so there was always tension but for the most part, we were safe, I guess. We didn’t use seat belts and my dad was drunk driving but it’s not like my brother and I had a choice. A different time…

This year, a friend came over to eat veggie burgers and watch a movie. We started to watch THE AMERICAN FRIEND by Wim Wenders but then decided to watch SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS directed by Elia Kazan. It’s been a few years since I’ve watched it and he had never seen it. Such great performances especially from the amazing Natalie Wood, Barbra Loden and Pat Hingle as Warren Beatty’s father.

After my friend left I curled up on the couch and tried to distract my sweet doggie from the loud bombs going off outside. We are safe and I can’t help but think of all the families torn apart and people held in horrible conditions in this city, our city who are NOT safe. No one was in the park and the neighborhood was subjected to fire crackers reminding me of the holiday I cannot/won’t celebrate.

It’s been a few days since the 4th and I don’t know how to move through this heaviness. My solution today was to slip into a dark theatre to watch the 25th anniversary of IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE by Won Kar-Wai. The calm and gentle tone relaxed my heart as I sat in the theatre and celebrated this gorgeous film! Movies have always been a safe space for me. A place to escape my life and to be inspired if only for a few hours…

My optimistic spirit is currently challenged and when I speak with friends about the state of our country we’re all reminded that freedom is precarious and precious.

I have no wrap up for where we are today in this America. I just felt the need to connect and would like to hear how you are? What’s helping you navigate through these trying times? I’d LOVE to know.

and… here’s a few resources

ICE BLOCK app

YMCA-meal-delivery

xo

Christina

Yesterday my friend Sarah and I went downtown to LA City Hall for the protest against ICE coming into our communities. I needed to see for myself what was going on because there is a false narrative that is being spread. We arrived about 2:30ish and people were peacefully marching with signs, handing out water and sunscreen. As we were heading down with the crowd a smell came into the air and a guy in a mask told us to go back cause tear gas was being thrown out so we left.

I was born and raised in LA. My parents came here in the 1950’s to escape their past and create a new life. My dad was raised Southern Baptist and by the time he got here he denounced all religion and my mom who was I think was raised Catholic was also rebelling. I believe a lot of people come to LA out of rebellion. They come to become a new version of themselves and of course with the entertainment industry in Hollywood it’s a perfect place to let your freak flag fly.

What I’ve always loved about LA is it’s natural ability to embrace anything and everyone. We have an organic diversity that goes beyond ticking a box. We’re a rich, beautiful mosaic with so many cultures and communities mixed together with creativity at the center. As a punk rock teenager we’d go to gigs all over the city. Downtown, East LA, Hollywood, Santa Monica and even the Valley. Every neighborhood has a vibe and back in those days punk was sorta feared, not at all socially acceptable. The coolest thing was to see another punk in Pasadena or Glendale and there was an instant acceptance and approval due to dyed hair, combat boots and/or creepers. The LA punk scene was all shapes, sizes, colors and everyone belonged because they somehow made it to the gig. Rebellion is our nature and when there is unrest, we respond. We do not accept the unacceptable.

The PCH has recently reopened since the fires. I drove there today to see for myself how things look and to go to my favorite beach, El Matador. I drove past a burnt Porsche along with what used to be homes along the highway. I felt a heaviness with the destruction that took place here back in January. There are construction workers and city crews repairing the damage with a hopeful sign of healing.

I’ve come to this beach since I was in my late teens when I needed to talk to God. Again, I’m not talking about religion but when I’m looking for answers, guidance and comfort I can feel it in nature. The waves, the birds and the air that tells me it’s gonna be ok. The gentle breeze calmed my nerves and I was in awe driving home through Malibu Canyon marveling at the gorgeous mountains. Nature never disappoints.

It hurts my heart that the people of this beautiful city and being treated like criminals. Families being torn apart is horrible and I feel powerless over this level of unkindness and yet, I believe in the kindness from people of Los Angeles. We’ve been tested before and we will prevail because that’s who we are!

Love and kindness…

xo

While making my own projects, I’ve been a filmmaking professor at NYFA, Loyola Marymount University and currently at The Lee Strasberg Institute in Hollywood as well as private coaching.

Starting out as an actress I’ve always loved the work and yet felt intimidated by “The Business”. I was incredibly lucky to work with wonderful teachers who inspired me to Write!

I’ve been creating my own projects for decades with the awareness that no-one is going to give me the permission I seek. It’s my job to show up to honor my instincts and to create my own opportunities.

This four week workshop is about celebrating your creativity and is open to anyone who wants to have fun while creating your own STORY!

• Themes and why they matter

• Pitch

• Logline

• Beat sheet

• Tone, emotional beats without sentiment

• Deep character backstory

• Monologue

• Direct and shoot monologues

“Christina is, quite simply, the most empowering, intuitive writing teacher I’ve ever worked with. By asking the right questions, engaging her students at deeper, more nuanced levels, and by guiding the class conversations with a delicate, skillful hand, Christina offers her students the safety, freedom, and confidence necessary to bring their stories into the world.”

Geoffrey Watson, writer

“I loved working with Christina and she taught me so much about writing. She is all at once inspiring, insightful and so knowledgeable.”

Jill Scholen, actress, writer

“Christina Beck's smart new film, HANCOCK PARK, is a contemporary version of A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE. Beautifully written and acted, it is both funny and sad, and filled with surprising twists and turns.”

Foster Hirsch, author of HOLLYWOOD AND THE MOVIES OF THE FIFTIES: THE COLLAPSE OF THE STUDIO SYSTEM, THE THRILL OF CINERAMA, AND THE INVASION OF THE ULTIMATE BODY SNATCHER - TELEVISION

Absolutely Independent workshop meets online Wednesdays June 4th - June 25th 10am - 12 noon PST.

Cost: $275.

10% discount for all paid Substack subscribers.

Scan on the Zelle code to pay and I’ll send you the zoom link.

Wherever you are in your work/ life, I’d love for you to join me as we uncover the intuitive instincts and inspirations that will help motivate YOUR creative flow.

xo

Christina

A while back I wrote an article for ScreenCraft about my first trip to Cannes. I was so naive and yet, I wouldn’t change a thing!

Navigating Cannes: A Personal Diary by Filmmaker Christina Beck

by ScreenCraft Staff

FADE IN: Cannes Day 1

I arrive a day before the festival starts and as the taxi makes it’s way down the narrow, winding streets into Cannes the afternoon sun glistens on the Mediterranean Sea. A red carpet is literally spread out before me when I enter the palais to check in. My short film is in the market and I am naively here to raise money for my first feature. I’m excited, hopeful and ready to make a deal. While waiting in line to get my badge, I make eye contact with a cute French guy sporting a wildly dated ponytail. He offers to give me a ride to my hotel, a complete stranger but for some reason I felt safe. As we walk down to the underground parking the smell of his cologne was intoxicating in a sorta aromatherapy/hippie kind of way.

The sun is slowing setting as we drive a long side of the sparking sea front. I am oddly relaxed looking out through his dusty windshield as if I have been here before and then suddenly he makes a sharp right turn and my heart sinks as we drive further and further away from the shimmering sea. “Are you sure this is the right way?” He nods his head, “yes”. I booked this hotel online and basically it’s a million miles away from Cannes proper. We pull up to the hideous gray box built in the 1980s with tiny prison size windows and smokey hallways. I try to speak with the receptionist to cancel my reservation, get my money back? No deal, she is rude and tells me it’s not possible! A phrase I end up hearing a lot…

My cute French guy says something to her in French; she looks at me, looks back at him, looks at her coworker then nods her head “NO!”. He shrugs his shoulders and in broken English says to me, "I hate the French!"

Cannes Day 2

The next day I wake up early and take a cab into town, 50 euro, ouch. As I walk down the main street, The Croisette, all the major production companies have their banners spread proudly over their in-town hotel balconies. Cannes is a zoo! The streets are overcrowed with people sporting anything from tuxedos to speedos. It’s a very surreal scene as tourist, paparazzi, executives and movies stars all inhabit this small space and did I mention I came on my own? It’s fine, I’m good, these are my people. I see the logos from my favorite foreign production companies and boldly make my way through the door. No, I don’t have an appointment? I’m here from Los Angeles…I’m American!

As I go in and out of hotel suites and offices everyone is busy doing business, I can’t get anyone’s attention, let alone get a meeting to save my life! Did I mention I don’t speak French? Totally worn out from being ignored, I buy a baguette and sit across the street from the hotels. Amazing people watching but who cares? I’m here to make a deal! I find myself in survival mode and need to get online so I quickly flash my festival badge, dash into The Majestic hotel lobby and try to look like I actually belong there. While opening my Macbook, full bars pop up, yay! I try to check my e-mail and then a message scrolls across the bars, “It ain’t free bitch.” I quickly close my laptop, look around, walk outside and fade back into the maddening crowd.

Cannes Day 3

It’s a new day, I’m back on the Croisette and I’m going to get some meetings if it kills me. Well, it’s four hours later; my feet are killing me and still no meetings. I figured out that The Carlton has free Wi-Fi without the snide remarks so I set up my makeshift office but end up e-mailing friends back home, choking back tears as movie stars glide by like a live action wax museum. Here comes Helena Bonham Carter with no makeup, dirty hair and wearing her bathrobe, good for her? Lonely has taken on a whole new meaning and I fear that coming to Cannes was a big mistake. Did I mention before I left LA, my father became homeless; my mother gave me a check for $200 that bounced and I’ve borrowed money from everyone I know to actually get here but this is my Rocky! Against all odds, a movie about a woman who cuts herself and finally finds love will be next year's Sundance breakout hit! Back in my creepy, smoky, prison vibe hotel I watch some bad French television, eat a chocolate croissant and cut my hair on camera. I brought my old Sony Hi-8 and I’ve been shooting footage of myself throughout this trip reciting Ophelia’s monologue from Hamlet, Act III scene I. For some strange reason this is keeping me company and somewhat sane? I call a friend in London leaving her a weepy voicemail then fall asleep.

Cannes Day 4

I am now reduced to taking the bus into town with my 2006-heavy laptop stuffed in my backpack. The bus is crowded with locals who are not happy with the tourists, they actually hate us and it’s a mixed bag because the festival is a huge moneymaker for them and yet they have to put up with the entitled, annoying and desperate energy the movie business attracts. As I get off the bus and make my way through the crowed, noisy streets I stop by Le Grand Palais to use the restroom. The large building has many levels, my short film "Slice" is actually playing down stairs in the “short film corner” It’s basically the basement where you can go into a tiny box and request a viewing, like a peep show without the nakedness. I then somehow make my way into the press lounge, free Wi-Fi and an amazing view of the Mediterranean Sea.

There are journalists from all over the world hunched over, franticly writing stories and taking on mobiles. I keep getting waves of loneliness while being surrounded by so many people, it would be nice to just talk to someone. My phone vibrates, thank God! My London friend calls back and says “enjoy the South of France, just have fun!” No, sorry, I can’t, I came here to meet people and get my movie made! She kindly listens to me rant then gives me her agent's number and says he’s coming to Cannes later, give him a call. I leave her agent a message and after e-mailing numerous production companies I actually manage to get a few appointments. It seems that everyone has a full slate; eyes glaze over when I talk about the female protagonist and one guy literally stopped me in the middle of my pitch saying his other appointment just arrived.

Wildly defeated and beyond bitter, I stumble back onto the Croisette like the rest of the cattle. I whip out my camera and start shooting my Ophelia monologue...the ultimate selfie before there were selfies...and end up back in front of Le Grand Palais. The red carpet is regal but getting a bit worn, like me. I need a break, not just a show business break but literally a Cannes Time Out! I duck into a screening of Andrea Arnold’s first feature, Red Road. Her incredible short film "Wasp" played in the Focus on Female director’s program with one of my shorts at The American Cinematheque. Okay, this woman does not mess around! I am blown away by how she brings us into a world so intimate and real that for 113 minutes I forgot I was in France, in Cannes; I couldn’t tell you my own name. While on the bus back to my shit hotel I felt humbled, in a daze and yet empowered to the kind of storytelling that excites me, fuck all these executives, movie stars and people who don’t get “it”!

Cannes Day 5

I hitchhike into town with the high-8, evening wear & heels stuffed in my backpack. Did I mention I'm almost out of money? I meet up with Rex, a guy who directed me in a staged play version of Baby Doll years ago. Rex comes to Cannes every year, knows everybody and has kindly taken me to a party. In an instant, it’s a totally different city, people are nice and as we walk into the party I see my French ponytailed friend drinking champagne, he gives me the thumbs up. A bodyguard with some secret service style headgear approaches me and says, “Come take a picture with Bruce.” Bruce who? He points to Bruce Willis; Rex nods for me to do it. I am suddenly blinded by flashbulbs as “Bruce” holds out his hand to me. "Hi, I’m Bruce." Okay, This is ridiculous. My cell phone rings, hang on Bruce, it’s the agent.

My friend’s agent from CAA invites me to have dinner with him at his hotel. The Hotel du Cap. This is the place where all the heavy hitters stay, Leo, Harvey etc. He tells me the kitchen closes at ten, can I make it? It’s 8:48, Can I make it? I’m there, finally a proper meeting! I say goodbye to Rex, Bruce and the gang, quickly change in The Carlton’s bathroom and hit the Croisette for a cab! Did I mention, there is only ONE Cab Company in the whole of Cannes? This is the local’s version of payback; every taxi stand is packed with people waiting in cues. I plead with the concierge but he says to me “Mademoiselle, it is not possible”! The French love to say that, but mister, it has to be possible, it is my only REAL meeting!

The Hotel du Cap is miles away and there is not a cab in sight. Completely defeated, I call the agent and get his voicemail. “I’m so sorry, I’m not going to be able to make it”….when out of nowhere, a cab appears! Wait, wait! Taxi!!! I literally jump in front of the car, a man gets out and it’s Tom Berenger! Tom brushes past me as I lean into the window using the few French words I know until the driver motions for me to get in! Merci, merci! The seat is still warm from Mr. Berenger's American buns.

As we drive away from the crowded, crazy Croisette, I am oddly relaxed heading into the dark night for what seems like a very long ride and I only hope I have enough money to pay him. The Hotel du Cap is surrounded by calm trees and situated on an enormous cliff and while walking up the stairs to the lobby there was this Cinderella vibe getting out of the taxi as the French sea breeze kissed my cheeks.

The CAA agent greets me with a warm bear hug and we stroll down a pebble-stoned path that I recognize from a Chanel ad. The moon glistens on the aquamarine water and for the first time since I arrive I actually take a deep breath. He introduces me to his friends, Alfonso Cuaron and Alejandro Gonzalez, this is Christina Beck, she’s a filmmaker! Okay, finally this is getting fun.

We have an amazing dinner looking out over the Mediterranean Sea and the CAA agent listens to my pitch and God bless him, my whole life story, he gets “it”! This poor, kind man gets an earful until the kitchen closed. The CAA agent gives me his card, puts me in a cab and as I sit in the backseat driving down the hill I feel different, heard, seen and dare I say, hopeful. I think about my homeless father in LA and my mother out of touch and alone and I realize that making movies to me is not about being a star, it is about telling stories that can change our perceptions and create a world where anything IS possible!

FADE TO:

Both of my parents have since passed. I made my feature film, Perfection, I’m in development for my 2nd feature, Expecting Grace and with the help from the CAA agent we will be shooting in the South of France sometime next year!

BTW, I had just enough money to pay for the taxi…

Christina Beck began her career as a teenager acting in such cult films as Suburbia, The Boys Next Door and Dudes, all directed by Penelope Spheeris. One of the few women accepted into Fox Searchlight’ s new directors program Searchlab, she directed, wrote and starred in the short film version of her feature film script, "Slice", which screened in Cannes. The American Cinematheque screened her short, "So Hot For You" in the Focus on Females directors program along with Miranda July, Sofia Coppola and Andrea Arnold’s early work.

Christina ran the festival circuit with her debut feature film, PERFECTION where she won Best Actor and Best Narrative feature at the Oxford Film Festival and screened at the San Francisco International Women’s Film Festival, the USA Film Festival in Dallas, Texas, The Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood, CA, the Rio Cinema in London, and others.

Her upcoming projects include, Dig Me, a retro sex comedy set in Los Angeles, and Expecting Grace, a dark romantic comedy set in France. Christina is based in Los Angeles and teaches Absolutely Independent, a film seminar and writing workshop. For bookings and more: info...perfectionthemovie@gmail.com

Last May I went back to Cannes right after the festival to shoot the ending for my 2nd feature film, HANCOCK PARK. My dear friend and filmmaking buddy, Beth Dewey and I actually shot at The Carlton Hotel making it a full circle moment.

A lot of things have changed in me and the world since my first trip to Cannes. What remains is my LOVE of filmmaking and my desire to make independent, character driven films. Sometimes I fear I’m still naive in that indie films have a place in this world and yet, I also know we still need stories about flawed and fabulous characters.

I haven’t shot my sex comedy “Dig Me” yet, needless to say, the timing not right and I’m currently revising the script for Expecting Grace. It’s now called “Grace” and as the world keeps changing I’m committed to telling truthful stories like the films that continue to come out of Cannes and inspire me to keep going.

I’m teaching a new writing workshop on Zoom in June!

xo

Tags

Alejandro Gonzalez, Alfonso Cuaron, Andrea Arnold, Bruce Willis, CAA, Cannes, Christina Beck, Hamlet, Helena Bonham Carter, Red Road, Rocky, Tom Berenger