we all know someone who leaps without looking, and someone who plans everything, and how differently their lives move. one cooks by following the recipe to the gram, the other eyeballs the ingredients and the quantities. one rehearses the speech in the mirror, the other speaks from the heart. one builds the ikea dresser by reading every instruction, the other by trial and error.

i reject the idea that “how you do one thing is how you do everything.” i think you dance differently to different songs, different rooms, different people.

the two dances

there are two ways to move: choreography and improv. improv is following a feeling and letting it unfold. choreography is knowing the steps before the music starts.

1. think-then-do (choreography)

this is the default for most of us. we are taught to be intentional, to have a plan, and execute on that. and it’s the right dance for a lot of things: choosing the right school, preparing for an interview, training for a marathon, buying a home, getting a dog. but choreography has a failure mode – you can design the perfect choreography, but it means nothing until it’s danced.

2. do-then-think (improv)

this is the riskier dance, because doing always involves some amount of risk. it’s quitting before you’ve lined up the next thing. saying yes to a trip, a role, a person you’re not “ready” for, and growing into it after. starting a substack before you have any thoughts on where it will lead. improv’s whole promise is that anything can happen and sometimes what happens is more beautiful than anything you’d have thought to plan.

reality doesn’t care about your choreography

you can walk on stage with the routine memorized down to the eight-count, and then have a wardrobe malfunction, or you slip, or your mind goes blank and the next move is just gone. in that moment, the only thing that saves you is a few seconds of improv – a made-up sequence to get you back on your feet until the choreography catches up.

which is why you can’t only pick one dance. if you only ever choreograph, life will eventually hand you a moment you couldn’t have planned for. if you only ever improvise, you’ll eventually wing the one decision that needed a plan.

so if you find yourself stuck in one style, try the other one and see where it takes you.

the reversibility test: at what cost?

so how do you know which dance a decision is asking for?

ask one thing: any decision can be undone, but at what cost?

this is called the reversibility test.

two-way door: inexpensive, reversible decisions (exploring a new content format, posting before it’s perfect, trying a new hobby) reward improv. just move. you can always course-correct, and the cost of being wrong is low.

one-way door: expensive, irreversible ones (signing a long-term lease, spending your savings, dropping out of school) reward choreography. think first, because the undo button may be expensive in time or money. the mistake most people make is over-planning the reversible stuff and winging the irreversible stuff.

and when the reversibility isn’t obvious, there’s a simpler version of the same question: which option will i regret more?

dance anyway

dance anyway, there is no bad decision. you make the decision, and then you make it the right one. life is a dance – fun, expressive, a little messy. and someone always dances a little freer because they saw you do it first.

how have you been dancing lately?

but also have you danced, like actually danced, recently?

i went to surprise her in Shanghai. she had no idea i was in town. i went with the moms of a few kindergarten friends after a reunion lunch – women who had known my grandmother as the woman who came to pick me up from kindergarten.

we rang the doorbell a few times. her hearing isn’t the best. then we heard it.
“我来了!” i’m coming. in Shanghainese, shuffling toward the door.

my heart was already racing when she opened it. she stood there like a deer in headlights.

“我想死你了!” i missed you to death.

she is 91 years old.

every morning she wakes at 6am. breakfast: egg, cake, milk. then an hour-long lap around the neighbourhood. she sits proudly at the top of the step leaderboard on her WeChat – 12,000 to 14,000 steps a day. she comes home, rests, has her ipad time, makes lunch. waters her balcony garden in the afternoon. my eldest uncle calls around 6pm. then dinner.

she used to play mahjong, Chinese yo-yo, and badminton, just a few years ago. my uncle threw her equipment away, worried she'd fall. the community mahjong centre got bought out. she said it with a small shrug: nobody wants to play with an old lady anyway.

everyone around her recommends a caregiver. an eldercare facility. she refuses. she is not interested in being taken care of, she is interested in living her own life.

she raised me before i left for Canada. i was less than 5, so my memories of her are more feeling than fact. but i remember this: she took another kid’s butterfly net to help me catch tadpoles, because i thought they were fun. to little me, that was like going to the moon for me.

she still has my shoes. my toys. the golf balls i used to collect. i don’t remember any of it. she never forgot.

time just kind of happened.

she spent a year gathering the documents to allow her to visit Canada after my grandpa passed during covid. she eventually came back to Shanghai because this is where she’s comfortable, where she makes sense to herself.

we didn’t talk much in between. i told myself it was the language barrier, the time difference, the business of living my own life.

then she told me: my mom had told her i was busy, to not call me. she had been thinking of me the whole time and holding herself back from reaching out. she just waited, not wanting to be a burden... i hadn’t thought to call her on my own.

her life before all this was not easy. her stepfather had her working as a seamstress around the clock. when she dozed off after 14-hour days, he would slap her hands awake. she lost parts of two fingers during that same chapter of life. she wasn’t allowed an education like her step-siblings. so she never learned to read – not Chinese, not anything. she speaks Shanghainese, almost no mandarin. she has moved through her whole life without written language.

she is just a girl, still.

i went back the day before i left. she mentioned she gets tan lines from her sunglasses on her walks, so i brought her sunscreen. it was the only useful thing i could think to do.

she told me her thoughts on my earrings – too heavy for my earlobes, she said. the long dangly ones are prettier. she changed her outfit before we went on our walk together because i told her she looked beautiful and she wanted to look more beautiful.

after our walk, i took a nap on her bed. it was firm in the way that makes your joints press against it. i asked her about it. she said it wasn’t very comfortable, but she didn’t want to bother asking for help.

i said i should go soon. she asked if i could stay a little longer.

how could i say no.

i stayed until sunset. i didn’t want to leave either. but i knew the longer i stayed the more it would hurt to go.

we talked about her childhood. about my uncle – her youngest son – who passed away from cancer. about the last time she saw my grandpa. my mom put her in a hotel while my grandpa’s body was still at home, cold and stiff. she kept saying how smart my mom was. how calm. how she figured out every next step, organized the logistics, sent aunties and uncles where they needed to go.

she said it with so much pride and nostalgia. i don’t think she had the words for gratitude that big, so she called it smart instead.

i had to hold it together.

before i left, she asked: “when will i see you next? i don’t know if there will be a next time.“

i said, “i’ll see you soon. we’ll call.”

i left and couldn’t hold it anymore. i cried on the walk out. through the park. down into the subway. the whole way to ‘you’re gonna go far’ by noah kahan.

i'm not sure when i'll be back. but i'll call. i'll actually call this time.

until next time, 外婆.

already on a different route

it’s 2020. i complete my cegep in montreal – a mandatory post-secondary program in quebec that’s essentially grade 13 – and start university remotely thanks to covid. but i’d already done the high school to post-secondary transition. so when i arrived, i was on a different timeline.

my focus was to enter the workforce, while my classmates were just starting to play the student groups game. we had different priorities. the disconnect was isolating, so i figured: “okay, the faster i finish this degree the sooner i can move on.”

other factors: covid. long-distance relationship. but also this drive to maximize everything – mentorship programs, hackathons, studying abroad. i had my eyes on exchange before i even started university.

i fought the school to transfer my cegep credits, convinced them to let me fast-track to three years. that unlocked upper-year opportunities. maybe older students would get it, i thought.

they didn’t. still saw the world differently.

i thought we were a perfect fit

but before all of that, my dream post-secondary institution was minerva university. “education built on living and learning across the world, creating real impact in the communities where you study, while shaping your future as a global leader.” a program travelling the students to different global cities each semester for four years. i thought we were a perfect fit.

in my mind, i was already a minervan. i attended the information session, coffee chatted with students i found on linkedin, had great recommendation letters, put together a portfolio, created videos in all the languages i knew – i thought it was airtight.

tue, nov 26, 2019 at 3:39 p.m.

thank you for applying to minerva schools at kgi. based on a comprehensive review of your admissions materials, we are unable to invite you to join minerva.

we understand that this news may be disappointing, but encourage you to continue seeking a path that will help you learn, grow, and fulfill your ambitions.

i thought wrong.

that rejection hit me so hard. i froze on the couch of our student union office feeling like my whole vision of my future had shattered. i felt that if they didn’t want me, then i didn’t possess the values and skills to be a “bold thinker ready to challenge convention and lead change worldwide,” at least not enough.

i hadn’t even thought of any other schools. i had no backup plan. so i went to speak to my academic advisor. she took a good look at my grades and told me that with my math and science grades, my options were limited. what had appealed to me most about minerva was that they promoted the importance of being a global citizen. so i just needed a university that had a student exchange program – i didn’t care much at that point about which school i actually attended because they were not going to be minerva.

i somehow did it anyway

i am realizing now that i somehow created my own minerva experience: i experimented with different roles across freelancing, nonprofits, startups, and corporations, while staying nomadic and lived across nyc, nashville, boston, chicago, paris, montreal and toronto, making every city feel like home. and suddenly this rushed 3-year fast track timeline was no longer top of mind anymore. i was already living my life to the fullest and let my curiosity and passions guide my decisions, instead of some arbitrary graduation date.

paris twice?

my first exchange program in paris was in fall of 2022. when i look back at pivotal moments of my life, this was a rather impactful one. i thought i would feel more connected with the international students, but the same misalignment surfaced. they prioritized traveling and going out. i was still trying to expand my professional skills, build something, make the time count beyond just being there. this curated community, wasn’t curated for me, so i did what i’d been doing all along: found my opportunities and people elsewhere.

something clicked during those four months. maybe it was finding myself as a creative, or seeing the way parisians move through life with less urgency. i started seeing my fragmented academic path differently instead of rushing to finish in 3 years.

i crafted my academic curriculum in a way where i kept the door open in case i wanted to go on exchange again, i took a lot of courses out of order for the university’s sequence, but it was in the perfect order for me. i convinced my exchange advisor to let me go again for my final semester.

for my fall 2025 exchange, i wanted to keep all my variables the same, but this time come back wiser, more experienced, and double down on integrating in the parisian life. i lived in the same area, went back to the same school, and was located walking distance to miss eiffel.

being teammates with 19-year-olds was extremely humbling. they were experiencing their first time abroad, while i’d already lived 10 lives. we worked on projects together and i saw myself as their big sister.

we were on different timelines and that was okay. actually, it was more than okay, watching them experience everything for the first time reminded me why i’d fought so hard to live this way in the first place.

being a “student”

but at the same time, i also had this complicated relationship with the student identity.

on one hand, it was a safety net. an excuse for people to give me a lot more grace and validation. “oh wow, you’re doing all this and you’re still a student?” it felt like my edge, my explanation for why i could do things differently. the label gave me permission to experiment, to fail, to not have it all figured out yet.

on the other hand, i carry a bit of shame about the university i went to. it wasn’t prestigious. but at the same time, without that lack of prestige, without the academic rigour that would’ve demanded more of my attention, i wouldn’t have had the flexibility to live the way i did.

la destination

there were so many moments where i questioned if i should even finish. i love learning – just not in a traditional curriculum setting. honestly, i didn’t find much value there. the degree itself felt increasingly irrelevant to the life i was building, but i owed it to my parents.

but when i finally took my last exam, it felt surreal. relieving. like i could stop holding two versions of myself. stop justifying why i wasn’t on campus, why i was always somewhere else, doing something else.

after 6 years, i did it.
without ever taking an in-person class at my home university.

"Oh, I thought you two knew each other for longer” is something I hear often, and it always makes me smile. People assume my friendships are years in the making when they're often just weeks old or born from a single encounter.

My nomadic lifestyle became an accidental laboratory for this theory that I call the camp effect.

the camp effect

Summer camps have clear end dates, and that compressed timeline becomes an accelerating agent. You want to make the most of every moment. More conversations by the campfire, more shared secrets, more quality time.

We see this pattern everywhere: the bittersweet intensity when summer fades, that magical last few days of your travel adventures, study abroad programs, retreats, or even holidays with family. Any situation where you know exactly when the curtain falls creates this same intensity.

In a way, it mirrors Parkinson's law “work expands to fill the time available,” but here, it’s connection that expands to meet the space we give it.

In both cases, time boundaries create urgency and agency.

i choose you, you choose me

I have city-hopped the last 4 years, not having spent more than 4 months in one place. My partner is across the border, so our long-distance relationship is a constant reminder of the camp effect. It makes the time we have together that much more precious. But I have seen it play out most clearly in my own friendships.

Under normal circumstances, you might see a casual friend once every few months. But when I know I'll only be in town for a month, everything shifts.

I become more intentional about my time, which creates urgency in others too. People prioritize you differently when they know the window is closing. "We should hang out sometime" suddenly becomes actual plans. The scarcity makes everyone more present, because who knows what the future holds?

I believe, subconsciously, people drop their guards faster when they're not faced with thinking about managing a long-term relationship. There's less posturing, so our conversations naturally go deeper.

By choosing each other, through deeper conversations and shared experiences, we create a natural filter where the quality of my relationships sparkle higher at baseline.

But what happens when the camp ends and everyone goes home?

you have to keep choosing each other

Here’s what I’ve noticed: the friendships that survive geographical shifts are the ones where both people keep choosing each other, just in different ways.

Some of my friendships settle into quarterly rhythms. We don't talk constantly, but when we do find ourselves in the same city, it's like we were never apart. Others require more frequent tending, so I've learned to transform in-person touchpoints into digital ones.

Voice memos replace matcha walks. Letters replace late-night conversations. I stay curious about their evolving lives through social media and video calls. I celebrate their wins from afar, send photos that remind me of them, and always letting them know they're in my thoughts.

The camp effect taught me that depth doesn't require duration. Sometimes the most meaningful connections are forged in the shortest windows – not despite the time constraint, but because of it. Whether we have weeks or years, what matters is choosing, again and again, to show up for people and let them show up for you.

Have you experienced the camp effect?

Everybody craves a sense of belonging. It’s baked into how we are wired: to be seen, to be supported, to have a place to land. And yet, for something so essential, many of us don’t know how to be human with each other, at the most basic level – how to be a member of the community of humans.

We often talk about community like it’s a place to find, to join, to be granted access to. We selectively choose curated spaces to identify with, hoping proximity will become connection. But community isn’t something you stumble into, it’s something you grow. tenderly. with care.

I have watched people move through cities like ghosts, avoid eye contact on the subway, never getting to know their neighbours. People want connection, but they don’t initiate it. They don’t talk to strangers. They hesitate to ask friends for help.

We've been taught to be self-sufficient islands. but the most human moments happen when we let ourselves need each other and be needed in return. Real community is inconvenient.

Over time, I’ve noticed that the communities that stick aren't the ones with the loudest branding or the fanciest events. They're the ones where people practice leaning on others so we don't have to carry everything alone. Through this lens, I’ve come to personally define:

5 Ways Community Often Takes Shape

1. Local Community: Grounded by geography

Your neighbourhood, the barista who remembers your order, the friends you run to in the streets, your neighbours sharing vegetables from their garden, it’s my Uber driver from Costa Rica that has his family and neighbours come for afternoon coffee every day at 3pm.

But local community isn't just about physical proximity anymore. Some of my strongest feelings of community are noticed in facebook groups where people support each other – like Host a Sister, Women Who Freelance, or Women in Paris, to name a few.

These spaces create belonging through shared places, whether that place is a city radius or a digital group.

2. Interest-based Community: Formed through shared passions

Photography, yoga, music, dance, coffee, fashion, sports. There’s something magical about bonding over a common interest, it’s like a shared language. You're meeting people through what excites you most, which can create instant intimacy.

However, the hobby is just the entry point. The real community happens when you move beyond the common ground and start supporting each other's growth as whole humans. The Notion community is a stellar example of this.

3. Curated Community: Social clubs, schools, conferences, fellowships, retreats

Spaces designed to bring like-minded people together. Canon Futures was this for me: a group of creatives from across the country partaking in a creative incubator, but also still actively continue to support each other’s growth.

But here's the thing, many curated spaces feel like networking disguised as community. I've been in rooms where everyone's performing connection rather than actually connecting, where being a 'community builder' becomes more about access than embodying the values you claim to foster.

The best curated communities transcend their original container – where even when the program ends, the care continues.

4. Religion: Power of belonging that faith can offer

I'm not religious myself, but I’ve always been struck by how religion can create automatic belonging. You're part of this global community that spans continents and centuries. There's something deeply grounding about that: walking into any church anywhere and knowing you have a place.

What I admire most is the built-in systems of care. Praying for others, sharing meals, there’s a constant push towards giving back to the people – to the community.

5. Self-created Community: The people you gather around you over time

The ones you check in on, that check in on you. Someone lends you their drill. Someone else teaches you to file taxes or navigate investments. You swap books, herbs, knowledge. You help a friend move.

This is where community becomes infrastructure. It's asking before you Google. Borrowing before you buy. These are acts of trust, and they remind us we are not meant to be self-sufficient islands – to me, this is the ultimate form of community.

Communities don’t just connect us, they shape us. Through osmosis, we become different people because of who we surround ourselves with.

5 Little Things You Can Do to Be a Better Human Being

(based on personal experiences)

1. Compliment people more when you notice something you admire

2. If something reminds you of somebody, let them know

3. See a stranger crying? bring them a cup of water, ask if they want a hug

4. A stranger asks you for directions? walk with them if it’s not out of your way

5. Get to know your airplane neighbour, grab the snack for them if they are sleeping

I think real community isn't built in grand gestures or mission statements. It lives in the mundane: lending tools, sharing knowledge, asking for help, offering what you have, and being each others’ loudest cheerleaders.

In the end, what we call community is the verb of choosing, again and again, to show up for people and let them show up for you.

What does community mean to you?

What I’ve been up to this ~ Past Quarter

1. Social: Storyjam nyc, trampoline hall, where do we go from here showcase, a whole lot of holiday events, 555, Douze à Deux, Leo Exhibition, and organising the event of my dreams for my birthday.

2. Work: VCamp, Onova team cottage sprint, and a website redesign.

3. Personal: Hosted my parents for dinner for the first time, crammed a semester’s worth of content in a week – classic, spent time in LA, SF, and Montreal, reflected a lot on my 2024 & planning my 2025.

3 Things I am Grateful For Since November

1. Art Creates Art

Grateful for the people in my life. My birthday was a night to remember forever and it all happened so quickly.

The theme was art creates art. I wanted everybody to bring a piece of them to the space, share their art with others, and leave more inspired and excited to create — the programming of the evening was highly collaborative. An art exchange of sorts.

A curated experience, the laughs, and the cheers.
A makers’ night with friends I hold dear.
Your art and soul inspired us all.
To make me feel your love.
To make you feel my love.
– Part of a re-write of Adele’s Make You Feel My Love I sang for everybody

Everything was conceived, planned, and executed in just two weeks. The venue was confirmed the day before. Yingsane. More on Instagram.

2. The New Year Reset under California Sun

Grateful for the California energy. I started the new year in LA with family, caught up with creative friends, and witnessed magical sunsets. A short plane ride later, we landed in SF. Wow. Wow? Wow.

The last time I was in SF, I was barely a teenager, and in the past two years, I’ve heard so much about the city, mostly negative. Not walkable at all, but my time there was incredible: the timezone made sense for my body, it was quiet, the weather was unheard of, there were so many parks, and art was accessible. Scootering around the city and the parks was a magical experience, I could spend all day at Golden Gate Park. A few memories with friends made it all the more special.

3. Take Time to Reflect on 2024 and Plan for 2025

Grateful for past me for taking the time to reflect and plan.

For the first time in a while, I decided to properly plan my year ahead. I used to think planning was redundant, who knows what the future holds? I wanted to stay flexible, spontaneous, and not let goals hold me down.

But I’m shifting that mindset. Now, I see goals as fuel, propelling me forward with clearer direction. Since I hadn’t planned much before, I decided to go all out this year:

1. Word of the Year, of the Quarter [took a few days for this to come to me]

   Practice, defined by me:
   The intentional, consistent pursuit of growth, embracing both discipline and play, where growth emerges from consistent small actions rather than sporadic grand gestures. Like a yoga flow, it's about finding balance between effort and ease, knowing that mastery comes through patient dedication rather than forced acceleration. Practice is not something you did once, it’s something you do and a part of who you are.
   Q1: Revive | Q2: Wander | Q3: Flourish | Q4: Ignite

2. Investment Strategy Re-evaluation [1 day of thinking & taking actions]

3. 1 Thing I’m Intentionally Letting Go [a few days to decide] :

   Watching shows or movies during meals. Instead, I’ve switched to YouTube – still content, but more curiosity-driven than algorithmic.

4. Vision Board [5h over 2 days]

   

5. Ins & Outs & Continues [~1h, re-iterated]

   

6. Bingo Board [4h over many days]

   

7. 5 Year Goal [decided in 5 mins after thinking about it]:

   Curate a fashion show

8. Year Compass [2h since I had already done 1-7, with the support of Claude who analysed my 2024 Substacks]

9. Letter to my future self for December 31, 2025 [2h]

Doing these exercises gave me so much clarity, I can finally see a whole year ahead for the first time in a long time.

3 Influences & Inspirations

1. Leo’s Concept of an Infinity Note: I always leave a conversation with my mentee from the TMU Top 200 program so energised. In our last conversation he mentioned the concept of an infinite note that has been a game-changer in my second brain process.

   A single Apple Note where you continuously document moments, quotes, ideas, inspirations. Leo started his during undergrad and has four years of thoughts in one place. Imagine throwing all that into an LLM and seeing what emerges. I love the idea of a commonplace book and overall, documentation.

2. Arielle’s Contagious Energy (@ariellelok): I met Arielle back in Montreal and she is truly the most whimsy person I know – an icon of our generation. Besides putting googly eyes on the MBTA, starting the Lettuce club at McGill, running an underground Beyblade tournament, she is sunshine in human form. We had a girls’ soup night in SF and talked about goal planning systems and she shared how she had a 5 year goal of becoming the mayor of Guelph. Her annual goals were also ambitious side-quests and rather specific – the Beyblade tournament was from her 2024 goal-setting. She inspired me to shuffle my bingo board more ambitiously and set a long-term vision.

3. Colleen Yu’s Way of Life (@filmwcolleen): If you have seen her content, she’s exactly the same in person. An artsy girl who sees the little pockets of magic in life, cares deeply for her relationships, and is genuinely so empathetic. Seeing her style develop in both art and fashion has been so inspiring, and she’s challenged me in being more so much more aware with my emotions through heartfelt conversations at Othership, yoga & smoothie, and crafts nights.

My Favourite Capture

On my mind lately

1. Stand-by flight hunting! If you get to the airport early, try to get on a stand-by-flight for earlier

2. Having access to fb Marketplace again, life is back to normal – ty Gus

3. A good matcha is mind-altering

4. Concept of a friends group chat

5. Art Tech!!

6. Seeking discomfort, pushing limits (body & mind)

7. Concept of energy exchange

8. Claude > ChatGPT for tone of voice & emotions processing

9. I’ve been documenting every moment that “I feel alive” and I really enjoy it

10. Okay I’m on X now

Personal asks

1. Any Costa Rica & Peru recommendations? Heading there in a few weeks!

2. Any Spanish-speaking creators or podcasts you like? Trying to improve my listening

3. I’m thinking about booking out an ice rink in late March for a session in Toronto, let me know if you or somebody else you know is interested

4. What is your word of the year? If you don’t have one, I’d like to challenge you to let one come to you

5. What are 3 things you’re most excited about in 2025? I love talking goals + let me know if there is any way I can support you in achieving them faster

Sneak peek of February: sudden sounds, Notion café Pop-Up in Toronto, dinner stories vol.2 cansbridge community, and heading to Costa Rica for a Yoga Teachers Training

What I’ve been up to this Month

1. Social: Attended Notion & Chill, knit with friends, and went to the Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade 2024 – absolutely epic. Colleen Yu invited me to support her panel at the CNCPT space, and the next-day event was truly perspective-opening.

2. Work: OOO. Learned about the world of Chief of Staffs through the Chief of Staff Connect conference. I came back in time to start planning VCamp, a poker retreat.

3. Personal: I finally took time off to be in NYC, only to get violently sick. After recovering, I spent a lot of time in Central Park with Mila (my dog), averaged 15k steps a day in the city, and reconnected with friends I hadn’t seen in years. I also spent a lot of time editing last month’s wedding content and experimenting with flash during an editorial-style shoot.

3 Things I am Grateful For this Past Month

1. Community People

In October, I met a few special people I want to highlight that are worth a follow: Kaila (Founder Experience & Community @ Antler), Tem (NYC Notion Ambassador), David (Community @ Chief of Staff Network), Danny (Partnerships @ Creator Camp), and Maggie + her team (Community @ labs.google).

Community builders have a warm, giving energy that restores my faith in humanity. Their kindness and commitment to their people’s success are contagious. I’m especially thankful to Tem, who I met at the Notion & Chill event he hosts. I also met Kaila there (I may have checked the guest list to spot especially interesting people). Tem mentioned the Chief of Staff Connect, and when I reached out to the organizers, they offered me a free spot even though registration closed two months ago. I ended up flying back to NYC for it.

Key Lessons:

#1 Stalk the guest list before you go to an event: helps to narrow down the key people to connect with.

#2 Always ask, and ask with passion: I wasn’t hopeful about getting a spot at the conference, but I asked, and I got one.

#3 Recognize when an event is worth dropping everything for: when incredible people gather in a room, magic happens – be there for it.

#4 Show extra gratitude to those who guide, inspire, and support you: no explanation needed, just be generous with gratitude.

2. Reconnecting with Friends from Different Life Stages in a Different City:

Some of these people have been part of my story all along, while others reappeared from much earlier chapters, before the main character (me) even began to evolve. Catching up with friends from different stages of life has been deeply fulfilling, and I’m so grateful for them, for the long conversations, and for the time they made to reconnect.

3. Revisiting Childhood Extracurriculars (Without Parental Pressure)

I have loved exploring different hobbies over this year and I’m a firm believer that one can never have too many hobbies. I love little side quests, especially those involving movement. I picked up ballet again on the spookiest day of the year, after a very long break. Being particularly mindful of ClassPass’ 12-hour cancellation policy, I committed, and I’m grateful I did. It felt empowering.

3 Influences & Inspirations

1. Meeting Seasoned Late 20s & Early 30s Women: Meeting women further along in their careers impacted me more than I expected. At the CoS conference, I met female CoS supporting C-Suite executives at massive companies, like Github, GitLab, LinkedIn, and Peloton. At the Google Labs events at CNCPT, I connected with women leading community initiatives for Google’s AI lab. I feel so inspired by these women, with incredible career paths, and I can’t help to visualize myself in their shoes in a few years time – it also made me excited by the idea of growing older, especially with the white hair from September’s update (yes, I am still thinking about it), and my birthday approaching in November. It shows me what’s possible, be excited about the future, and allows me to dream so much bigger.

   

2. JC, friend building fusion energy @ fuse: transparently, every catchup with JC sends me into an existential crisis. Knowing what he is building now, how he got here, and knowing him before all of this, just makes me so proud of him. Seeing him thrive in his purpose inspires me to keep searching for mine. He also brought up a quote that I’ve been reflecting on:

Every man has two deaths, when he is buried in the ground and the last time someone says his name. In some ways men can be immortal. ― Ernest Hemingway

3. Beautiful Furniture: I visited the most stunning apartment and furniture showroom I have ever seen: Radnor. Oh my. Every corner was tastefully curated by designer and founder Susan Clark. Quarters also transported me to a whole different level of coziness and warmth. BDDW was a bit too eclectic for my liking, but STUDIOTWENTYSEVEN and Apparatus are still on my list. Manifesting these deliciously designed pieces for future me.

My Favourite Capture

On my mind lately

1. Paloma Wool…

2. Do I want to be remembered? How do I want to be remembered? Does it matter if I am remembered? Isn’t everything beautiful meant to have an end?

3. Kaila’s story through this podcast

4. The furniture I love unfortunately costs an arm and a leg

5. Maaaaaajor fomo from Make with Notion

6. Maaaaaajor fomo from the Fried Rice Tournament

7. labs.google, especially using NotebookLM to generate podcasts about the content you feed it

8. Itching for a trip to Japan

9. My Halloween evening was very spooky: witnessed a crazy altercation and had to call the police + my neighbour’s drunk friends carved his door lock off at 2am with a power drill (?)

Personal asks

1. Any cool events or communities you’d recommend I check out? Doesn’t have to be in Toronto. Open to experiencing or just learning more.

Sneak peek of November: a few experiential events (Trampoline Hall, Art Exhibition, Toronto Web Emerging Party), photography projects, quick trip to nyc (again, don’t judge), and poker camp in full-motion.

What I’ve been up to this Month

1. Social: Organized one park jam session in Toronto and another in Montreal. Euphoric vibes all around.

2. Work: Heads down running the Capgemini x AWS Hackathon and beginning the journey to get our SaaS hackathon management platform SOC 2 compliant.

3. Personal: September was huge for photography. I captured a dreamy beach shoot, officially photographed a Socality x Canon event, and shot my first wedding ever! The wedding, held in Montreal, gave me a chance to reconnect with friends and family. Oh! I also moved again in Toronto.

3 Things I am Grateful For this Past Month

1. Others Betting on Me

Photographing and filming my first wedding was unforgettable. Not just because the weather turned perfect after a week of rain, or because the wedding was stunning, but because the bride kept looking to me for advice on aesthetics, repeatedly saying, “I trust you.” First weddings are usually nerve-wracking – especially when you've never even second-shot one before, but her unwavering trust dissipated all my doubts and instilled grounded confidence in me.

2. Being Good Enough at My Craft Where Gear Matters Again

This wedding pushed me to upgrade my gear. There’s truth in “it’s not the gear, it’s how you use it,” up to a point. In preparation for the day, I acquired an RF 24-70mm, more SD cards, and rented an R5 body. I’m now convinced that the R5 and 24-70mm combo could’ve solved 99% of my focus and quality challenges in the past. A huge shoutout to Sheheryar for gifting me the Rode Wireless Go II, which was a game-changer for audio quality, and to BLai for being the best second-shooter I could ask for (also his first wedding gig)!

3. Taking Care of the Mind at Thermea Spa Village

So, I was edging burn out and I’ve been forced to take vacation. It was just one day, but being completely unplugged was deeply restful. Don’t worry though, I’ll be taking more time off in October, but I’m grateful for that specific day of recharging—witnessing and recording an intimate proposal as bystanders, spending quality time with BLai, fueling up with delicious food, and just giving my mind a break.

3 Influences & Inspirations

1. Tommy & The Toronto Homies: I’m so deeply grateful for meeting Tommy, a silly, iconic, creative, and kind human soul. I suddenly was introduced to him and this new group of friends through Kelly, and they have impacted my life for the better since. I found the technocreatives community in Toronto. Tommy and I bonded over our love for curating experiences, bringing cool people together, and letting the organic human magic spark. From our first chat, we knew we wanted to host something together… a music jam in his favourite park – Grange Park. It didn’t take much to make this happen within a week: a groupchat with a core group, a time & place, a Partiful, and social blasting it. Around 50 people came throughout the night—picnicking, painting, singing, and jamming. Such a vibe that I brought the park jammin’ to Montreal, where it was just as magical. Just humans who love creating music & touching grass on a beautiful day.

   

2. My first white hair: My 90-year old grandma, who honestly doesn’t look 90 (I helped her hop a fence the other day) found my first white hair. I don’t know what’s more surprising – having a white hair now or that she was the one to notice. I find it kind of poetic. It feels like a little hand-off between us — she’s been on this journey a lot longer, and now, I’m also growing, maturing, and flourishing too. One strand at a time.

3. Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams: What a charismatic storyteller and a powerful lecture. Throughout all of it, I was thinking about how it’s like a playbook for living a fulfilled life, being a kind human, and supportive member of society. This made me rethink my approach on life. I feel free-spirited as I’m always open to opportunities that come my way, and my previous life philosophy was that if I just keep doing me, good things will come my way. But this video made me want to have a life dreams bucket list.

My Favourite Capture

On my mind lately

1. Anti-motion sickness glasses as a fashion statement

2. Nutbar smoothies…

3. The eerie feeling that cities and people freeze in time when I leave, yet life goes on

4. Marianopolis College really bred a lot of doctors and lawyers

5. Growing herbs was fun while it lasted

6. Continued appreciation of living in proximity of friends

7. I love figuring out what makes people feel special & understood

8. Mila literally has pretty privileges

Personal asks

1. Are there any learnings or resources that really changed your perspective?

Sneak peek of October: Taking time off from work & recharging in nyc – that’s it, that’s all I have planned.

What I’ve been up to this Summer

1. Social: I have been finding any and all excuses to host and bring people together + salsa on Thursdays + Marianopolis alumni reunion + enjoying what Toronto has to offer during the summer (20s roaring garden party, Tiramisu World Cup, CNE, and more)

2. Work: After unofficially wearing many hats at Onova, I officially stepped into the role of Chief of Staff. I’ve discovered a true passion for all things ops — whether it's events, internal processes, or people management. Making a positive impact on our interns has been incredibly rewarding, and I’ve fully embraced the idea that ‘a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.’

3. Personal: BLai and I celebrated 7 years together. Sixteen-year-old me could never have imagined finding such a caring, thoughtful, and inspiring partner to share life with every day. We had a full-day date that began with a delicious brunch at Gateau Ghost, followed by a latte art class at Olivia’s Garden, a long walk across the city, and ended with a beautiful ten-course dinner at George.

3 Things I am Grateful For this Past Summer

1. The Pure Joy of Living Close to People You Love

This summer in Toronto has made me appreciate the comfort of a more sedentary lifestyle. While the excitement of meeting new people and exploring new places is undeniable, there's something deeply comforting and energising about having friends who can drop by serendipitously on a random Tuesday night or join you for brunch ‘just because.’

Ever since Colleen told me about Priya, the mastermind behind the Fractal Collective, and how she carefully influenced her friends to move to her neighbourhood, I can’t stop thinking about how special it is to have inspiring friends living nearby. It’s reminiscent of how many influential artists chose to live in Montmartre, Paris—a sentiment well expressed by Brandon Yu. Choosing your environment is important, or you can create it, just as Priya did.

2. Toronto Feeling Like Home

Beyond the people here, this is the first time I’ve stayed in an apartment in Toronto for such a long period (five months—a record for me!). Choosing my own furniture from Marketplace, setting up small lights, and lighting a few candles made a world of difference in making the place feel cozy—truly like a home.

Having a sacred, homey space encouraged me to host more gatherings, and being surrounded by friends who are both curious and kind has truly made Toronto feel like home.

3. My First Ever Magazine Mention

The photoshoot from March finally came out, and I can finally talk about it. Every project Nora brings me on has been extraordinary. From the Grammys shoot in February to this magazine shoot with Lucas Bravo (one of the main characters from Emily in Paris), my digital footprint is now linked with all of it — what? how? Witnessing the craft and production level of the photographer Nawel Odin was an absolute honour. I strive to achieve that level of mastery and to be surrounded by the energy of such talented artists more often.

3 Influences & Inspirations

1. between / space: It is a beautifully curated space to gather and create, hosted by by @andreyaklobucar & @imalexla. They host co-working sessions, art residency programs, book-exchanges, and many other wholesome gatherings that I highly recommend anybody attend to experience it. The care the hosts put into each experience is unmatched.

   1. Other cool non-tech communities & events in Toronto: Club Paris (wine bar, bookclub, oysters), Jeudr3di (sunday wine & oysters with live music, immaculate vibes), and Oui Aïa (supper club).

2. Tofu: My obsession with tofu and soy-based products is... chronic. At almost any given time, you'll find 3-5 boxes of silken or firm tofu in my fridge. Whether in soups, moussed as a dessert, blended into sauces, or added to a stir-fry, tofu provides the creamy texture I crave while being packed with nutrients. Firm tofu is especially delicious when fried in chunks or crumbled as a meat substitute.

3. Cooking: We've been cooking almost every day, and I've learned so much about flavour pairing, texture combinations, and simply appreciating the joy of taste. It makes me think of Mila, my dog, who eats the same kibble twice a day—it's a bit sad to realize she has only ~20% of the taste buds I have. To share the experience with her, I've been giving her mini-bites of everything we make, so she can enjoy these flavours with me, even with her limited taste buds.

   

My Favourite Capture

On my mind lately

1. With multiple health scares from close ones, gentle reminder to be kind to yourself and others + always live life to the fullest

2. The world moves 10x on social media. Trends die just as fast as they spread. Also, if you don’t capitalise on it, somebody else will. A not very demure legal battle with the Demure Girl.

3. Growing my own herbs has been fulfilling, but I can’t say it’s the most cost and time efficient. It’s fun though

4. I bought over 15 watermelons this summer, I also had a 100% success-rate in picking a sweet one – I have a secret formula

5. The power of an alumni community

6. I’ve mastered a quick charcuterie board

7. Doing life updates with categories: relationships, work, side quests, near-future plans & goals

8. Balancing content consumption, discussion, and active learning

9. I want to learn to DJ

10. Seeking more discomfort

11. The Art of Gathering

Personal asks

1. Anybody who has a background in music who would be interested in jam sessions?

2. Any interior design & unique-furniture savy friends?

3. If you’re interested in any of the following type of events, let me know: jam session, photo walk, dj learning, or other if you want to co-host anything.

Sneak peek of September: moving, again. Big client project. Shooting my first wedding in Montreal. Celebrating a friend’s book launch. More creative ventures. I already know this month is going to fly by.

What I’ve been up to these 2 Months

1. Social: I accidentally attended Turning Towards’ launch party, which ended up being the highlight of my trip to LA. That was the only formal event I attended over the last 2 months, which speaks volumes about my mental state…

2. Work: I kicked off and wrapped up our first Gen AI hackathon of the year with Capgemini x Google Cloud + spending long days leading the improvements of our hackathon management tool + went on a team cottage trip.

3. Personal: I hosted a Notion workshop at TMU + photographed Grammy attendees in LA + went on my first friends trip ever in Europe + assisted in my first magazine shoot for a movie star in Paris + moved into a new place in Toronto

3 Things I am Grateful For these Past 2 Months

1. Spontaneous trip to LA

I met Nora when I was living in Paris in fall 2022. She is a makeup artist that came with the Airbnb I was staying at and we instantly vibed. She rarely visits this side of the world, as most of her projects are based in Europe. However, for the first time since the fall we met, her client was in LA, so she invited me to join her 2 weeks before the trip.

This entire experience, was so surreal – entering the Beverly Hills Hotel not as a tourist, but for business, shaking hands with my first billionaire, staying at the stunning London West Hollywood, having the opportunity to photograph such a beautiful and influential couple. I couldn’t believe choosing to stay at that particular Airbnb led to this moment. I’m trying to balance maintaining my composure and professionalism like ‘ha yes, just another day on the job’, but I really don’t want to downplay how sincerely amazing of an opportunity that was and how grateful I am.

As Monday came, reality sunk in, and I was back at my product management job. I have never felt like I was living such a double life, and I loved it.

2. Notion Campus Leaders Community & Joanna

Joanna and I were both part of the pilot cohort of the Notion Campus Leaders, coincidently also in fall 2022. We loved each other’s energies from a Zoom event and brought our relationship from LinkedIn to Instagram (promotion!). After meeting each other in person in Chicago and kayaking on the Chicago River together, we knew it wouldn’t be the last time we see each other.

I’m extremely grateful for her for coming to pick me up at the airport in LA, bringing me to her favourite food spots, showing me around the UCLA campus, introducing me to her cool friends which led to attending the product launch of Turning Towards. And all this started from one Zoom event. I’m very grateful for you Joanna. Oh, she is not only an incredible designer, community builder, and creative coder, but she is also a beautifully authentic writer who runs her own Substack.

3. Creating memories with precious friends in beautiful destinations

BLai and I went on our first friends trip with Brandon and Shiri at the end of February, and it was so cherished. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life; my body ached from the constant laughter. We hiked Cabo da Roca to see a stunning beach, shared a few glasses at an intimate wine bar in Porto, took a Pastel de Nata cooking class at a lovely Portuguese lady’s home, played board games at a hostel in Barcelona, sang under the lights of the Eiffel Tower, and danced on the floor of a Jazz club in Paris.

I am feeling immense gratitude for the memories, but even more for Brandon and Shiri. It is truly special to find these friendships – especially couple friendships, where we can talk about life, go through travel challenges together, and come out excited for our next adventure together. I appreciate you both so much.

3 Influences & Inspirations

1. Apple’s Vision Pro: I was briefly in NYC and booked a Vision Pro demo at 2:30am in the 24/7 Apple store on 5th Ave. Holy moly. As a visual thinker, this completely changes the game around feeling and experience AR. Although I haven’t been able to justify having a daily use for it, I think this is just a glimpse into the future of technology. I’ve taken a few spatial videos during my Europe trip, and can’t wait to share the captures with others through it.

2. Life in Paris: I keep thinking that I might be seeing life in Paris with rose-tinted glasses, but every time I am back I just feel more energised and inspired. It’s a magical city where dreams suddenly feel easily attainable, and people — names that we only see on TV or in social media – are just humans doing their job like any other job. Paris opens my heart to so many incredible opportunities, and I will be carrying and sharing this energy with me everywhere I go.

3. Sound Baths: I had my first experience of a Sound Bath at Vetta Nordic Spa during our Onova team winter cottage trip. It was my first experience of a Nordic spa and the hydrotherapy cycle of heat, cold, and relaxation. As we settled down in one of the relaxation rooms, a lovely lady guided us through a sound bath experience – “restore the central nervous system to create deep relaxation” (source). I am pretty sure we were all hypnotized as my whole team passed out on the bean bags. It was so relaxing, meditative, and therapeutic. I have been using sleep hypnosis to help with my insomnia for the longest time, and this session inspired me to explore a similar vibrational practice as a form of meditation on a day-to-day basis.

My Favourite Capture

On my mind lately

1. I disagree with life being about suffering

2. What is the right balance of tourism without impacting the locals too negatively?

3. Choosing which game to play in life

4. How special it is to have compatible couple friends

5. I keep getting Iceland ads, is this a sign

6. The concept of tenured friends

7. Tired of having to make decisions on things out of my control

8. I loooooooove Facebook and heavily believe it is still a great platform for communities

9. Scanner personality

10. I recently learned I am an intimidating PM

11. What my burnout threshold is

12. What is life, we are on a floating rock

Personal asks

1. Do a personal check-in. How are you really doing? Are you feeling more drained or energised by your current involvements? Do you have enough physical movement in your life right now? How was Q1 and what are you excited about in Q2?

Sneak peak of April: Furnishing our new apartment, kicking off another hackathon at work, socialising again after a brutal few weeks at work, less consuming and more creating, building life in Toronto

1. Social: couple of female-focused events: Startup Girlies Dinner hosted by Neha x Katie, The Girl’s Club launch in nyc by Nikita x Jee (with a myrel appearance), and the Femme Collective Paint & Sip by Lagan x Chloe

2. Work: defining the future of the hackathon management product I’m leading and pivoting our growth strategy + building a few hackathons + supporting on many ad-hoc projects

3. Personal: eating healthy and moving a lot more + got asked to submit a voice sample for an Adidas ad, but didn’t get the gig + locked down my first wedding photo & video project for later this year + started learning ASL + started DMZ’s Startup Certified program

3 Things I am Grateful For

1. Strangers no danger

Maybe it’s the extrovert in me, but I don’t really have a sense of social boundaries. On this month of that, at Yorkdale Shopping Mall, I asked complete strangers where they were going, found people who were heading where I was heading, and proposed to split an Uber that otherwise would’ve cost me $20+ but it cost me $6 instead. Honestly it wasn’t even about the money, it was just because I could, thought “why not”. Thankful for these girls who were confused, yet open-minded enough to say yes.

2. Moving my body

Finding a form of fitness that’s sustainable and feels good for my body has been an absolute hike. From figure skating to → dancing → lifting → dragon boat → Chloe Ting workouts → 2-year hiatus → couch to 5k → no fitness again → stairmaster → fracturing my elbow → now falling in love with reformer pilates & yoga. Moving the body is so incredibly important, and I’m proud of have been prioritizing doing that so far this year, even when traveling – averaging 2-3 classes per week and incorporated using a walk pad during meetings. Grateful for my body allowing me to move in so many ways.

3. Being surrounded by such inspiring friends

I’ve been dogfooding myrel so much. I have encountered incredibly interesting individuals in the most unexpected ways, and Elena from the Twenty Something pod and Nikita from The Girls Club being prime examples of that. We met doing Pilates in Chicago last year, and this past month, we reunited in New York – thankful for these relationships and all the new ones over this month.

3 Influences & Inspirations

1. ClassPass: I no longer go to the gym; instead, I’ve switched to ClassPass, which I absolutely adore. The no-show fee provides just the right amount of accountability for waking up early for a movement class. I started with the friends trials in January, and was able to book 9 classes for free.

   Use my referral for receiving extra credits if you're interested in giving it a try, message me for tips on how to maximise your free trial.

2. Spotify premium gives you access to 15h of audiobooks per month (~2 books): Found out from TikTok. Who knew? Books I listened to these the past month:

   1. The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter by Meg Jay

   2. The Joy of Movement: How Exercise Helps Us Find Happiness, Hope, Connection, and Courage by Kelly McGonigal

   3. The Third Door: The Mindset of Success by Alex Banayan

3. Upgrading my productivity stack: This month was an insane month in the productivity tools category. Perhaps due to my environment, but new tools suddenly gained popularity, and I’m truthfully a little behind on upgrading my stack. Couple tools I’ll be looking into in the next month:

   1. Notion Calendar

   2. Arc Browser

   3. Arc Search

   4. Perplexity.ai

   5. Raycast.com

My Favourite Capture This Month

On my mind lately…

1. I’m spread a bit thin right now, I need to re-center myself

2. Building myrel

3. Need to slow down before speeding up

4. Absolutely loving learning ASL

5. Audiobooks are incredible if read by the author

6. How crazy the next few months are going to be

7. I’m not going to see Mila until mid-March

8. Planning for an Europe trip with friends

9. Where I’m going to live when I’m back from Europe

Personal asks

1. Must-do recommendations in Lisbon, Porto, Barcelona, or Paris?

2. What are some apps that make you say “wow, the design is beautiful”?

3. What are some landing pages that you love?

4. Any productivity tools you are loving?

Sneak peek of February: assisting a makeup artist in LA for the Grammys, building a genAI hackathon with onova, learning to be a better manager, and traveling in Europe. Busy, but all exciting stuff.

Activities Ranking

The whole trip can be summarised by a lot of exploring through walking, a handful of sketchy situations, many Too Good to Gos, and a few core-memory activities:

1. Lockpicking class: highlight of the trip (more below)

2. CircleSing: one of the coolest musical experiences of my life (more below)

3. Making Dumplings with Colleen’s Grandma: so wholesome, her grandma is adorable and so inspiring, we were very well-fed.

4. Spyscape: similar to Activate in the GTA, a really fun workout

5. Broadway show, Hadestown: so worth, stayed for stage doors

6. Empire state building: stunning view during sunset

7. Christmas Spectacular, Rockettes: very spectacular indeed

8. The Duplex, a Piano bar: intimate bar to just sing as a crowd

9. Upper west & east side: so elegant I love, higher quality thrifting, cool architecture

10. Soho: loved the vibes, chic boutiques, shopped at GU

11. Delicious Food Trucks: our fav was Birria-Landia, mouth-watering tacos

12. Thrifting in Dumbo, Williamsburg, Bushwick: a bit pricy for thrifting

13. Washington Square Park: a lot of dogs I love, did not get street interviewed sadly

14. Hudson Yards: it was okay, nice walk on the High Line

15. Bryant Park: cute holiday decorations, just walked through once

16. 5th Ave: way too crowded and pushy

17. Rockefeller Center: even more crowded

I did want to expand on my top 2 experiences, as they've become core memories and I believe may have triggered the beginning of a ripple effect in my life:

Top #1 Activity: Lockpicking Class | December 21, 2023

a little before that experience

The main mission of the day was to explore the Empire State Building. That also meant exploring the LinkedIn office that’s across a couple of floors in the Empire State Building! The office's stunning design did not disappoint, and neither did the sunset.

how this experience came about

When travelling, we try to plan for a blend of first-time must-see activities, local events, photogenic spots, and some wiggle room for spontaneous discoveries. To discover local events, I scour the internet on platforms like Meetup, Eventbrite, Facebook events, Luma, Facebook groups, TikTok, and ask friends in the city for recommendations. On Meetup, I found this lockpicking class — so weird, so random, I love it, sign me up.

the space of this experience

I walked into what must’ve been the most visually busy, chaotic, yet warm space — a makerspace.

A makerspace. a place in which people with shared interests, especially in computing or technology, can gather to work on projects while sharing ideas, equipment, and knowledge. – The Oxford Dictionary

Or in simple terms, as Xander, a member of the community describes it: It’s a place where people can come and hang out, do cool stuff, and meet new people.

We did run a couple of experiments with Xander using a 350°C heat gun at 1 am, but perhaps that’s a story for another time. He was such a cool and wholesome guy who just loves to take things apart and put them back together.

the experience itself

Never before had I considered lockpicking as a skill to learn, but upon seeing the class listing, I was too curious not to try, and BLai is always down to try something new.

The instructor’s name is Sidepocket. He’s a traffic controller by day, and builds all kinds of fun stuff by night. His passion for lockpicking grew as a way to be more connected to his mom after she passed away. She loved the enigma and had a natural talent for it from her sewing years. Now he lockpicks challenging locks for fun (not for anything unlawful in case any of you were concerned), works at conferences, and educates others on his hobby.

In class, I managed to successfully pick a few beginner locks and learned to escape handcuffs…

after this experience

There’s some energy about how people’s open-mindedness, curiosity to solve problems, hunger to learn, and need to build, that is incredibly inspiring. And I hope to surround myself with more people with this energy in 2024.

FYI Toronto folks who are curious about lockpicking now, I’ll be checking out this meetup on Wednesday, February 7, 2024 at 7:00 PM near Ossington – let me know if you’re interested in joining!

Top #2 Activity: Candlelight CircleSing | December 25, 2023

how this experience came about

I found out about the Gaia Music Collective, the creative community who hosted this event, through this Tiktok that lives in my head rent free. You have to watch it. A group of strangers bonded over their shared love for music, singing their hearts out, lost in their own world – pure serotonin boost. This community alone would convince me to move to New York…

They organise various events, and BLai and I decided to participate in their CircleSing event. I wasn't sure how to interpret the event description: "a spontaneous vocal jam, sung by all of us and led by a facilitator in the middle of the circle who invents parts, teaches improvised harmonies, and shapes the music as we flow from meditative moments to vibrant dance parties to heartfelt anthems and everything in between." I was intrigued.

the space of this experience

The setting was intimate and inviting, with warm, dim lighting and wooden floors. Candles were placed in the middle of the room, adding to the serene atmosphere.

the experience

We started with affirmations to create a safe space, followed by a series of physical, energetic, and vocal warm-ups. We then engaged in an exercise where we spoke to a another participant about our 'roses, thorns, and buds' – our highs, lows, and hopes. If comfortable, we were encouraged to share these with the group in any form we preferred, be it singing, speaking, or shouting, while the rest of the group maintained a background melody. I uncomfortably challenged myself by sharing my rose in the middle of the circle, half-sung half-spoken.

Before breaking into various improvisation exercises, we all sang the same note in unison for a few minutes in series of Mmmms, Aaaaaas, and Ooooos. The instructor explained that this helps in tuning ourselves to each other, exchanging energies, and achieving a sense of unity. I’m googling this up now, and the closest thing I have found to it is chanting meditation, it was similar to that.

after this experience

The event description above made so much sense after. This experience blending musicality, therapy, meditation, and movement, left me with a great sense of relief, some mental clarity, and an immeasurable amount of energy. I would love to explore more of this in Toronto, or host something like this. There is no greater feeling than the joy of collective effervescence – that was pure magic.

Ending Note

What a lovely city to be in to conclude an eventful 2023, my top 3 activities made the trip absolutely worth it. Although there were aspects of the city that I didn't enjoy, like the crazies and strange smells, the experiences and the people tempt me to consider moving there someday…

I am heading back to NYC from January 19-21, 2024, for an event with The Girls Club though – let me know if you’re in town, want to link, or are interested in attending the event!

Things I’m looking forward to in the next year

I was asked this question during my birthday party, and completely brushed it off as I couldn’t think of anything on the spot – forgive me, I am working on it…

1. Exploring more corners of the world with people I love, turning more cool strangers into friends.

2. Being more introspective and becoming better at articulating my thoughts and experiences. Hence this Substack.

3. Understanding myself more. I'm currently struggling to find my purpose in life, but I'm not worried, as I'm doing what I love with people I love. I don't think there is one definite answer, but I look forward to gaining more clarity each year.

4. Dancing & singing more. I stopped dancing during covid, when being on stage was a huge part of my identity. I had sincerely forgotten how peaceful it was to let music carry my body away, until I recently took a few dance classes with Ming-Bo Lam (I highly recommend for any contemporary dancers).

5. Becoming better at a form of communication, whether it's programming, spoken, or an art form. I want to expand my vocabulary and see the world through new glasses.

6. Playing poker (socially) to learn to balance my emotions and becoming better at making quick decisions under pressure. Definitely influenced by Victor & Brandon. I feel like I'm joining the dark side…

7. Exploring the practice of yoga. Being even more mindful, grounded, and present. Feeling through all the senses. Never let myself slip into autopilot. I’m excited to learn from Lucia, yoga instructor + incredible photographer, and have her guide me into this new world which she defines as “an invitation to be completely present with where you are.”

Key learnings in yr 22

1. Your energy matters. Make a conscious decision to always be around positive energy.

2. Sublets on FB marketplace can be extremely cheap (and negotiable) if you’re flexible on timing.

3. Focus on your own journey, the right people will come to you (applicable for followers, friends, clients). Simultaneously, surround yourself with people who inspire you, and you’ll grow exponentially. The key is to find a balance – being true to oneself while also recognizing the value of actively seeking out relationships.

4. When in doubt, default to saying ‘yes’ to social events, you never know who you’ll meet and the importance of that new character in your life.

5. Host a sister, the FB group, is the hands down the most incredible and wholesome group out there. Men could never.

6. Public transit is a particularly great place to reflect on life, read a book, or listen to a podcast.

7. Taking a break from school drastically improved my mental health.

8. Being called weird, crazy, or insane are elite compliments. The alternatives would be normal and basic…? No, thank you, I’d much rather be a weirdo.

9. Money (or rather maximizing value) is my main motivation for commitment, the other is sharing progress publicly. You bet I went to Pilates every single day in Chicago on a monthly membership.

10. Hosting intimate gatherings absolutely changed my social life. Try hosting; it's simpler than you think.

11. Always live life to the fullest.

I’m feeling a wave of emotions that is difficult to articulate as this chapter closes and a new one unfolds, with turning 23 and with 2024 fast approaching. The kind of feeling that you feel gazing out of an airplane window, excited for the endless possibilities ahead. The kind of feeling that fills you with so much energy, it keeps you awake at night just thinking about it. The kind of feeling where you know something big is coming, and you’re absolutely ready for it.

thank you yr 22, you’ve been so good. 23, I’m ready for ya.

So, I defaulted to communicating through art forms what I couldn’t with words. I loved being on stage growing up, because it was so freeing to perform a role that was predefined, scripted, and memorised. Learning choreographies, music sheets, or embodying another character – that, was intuitive.

Sometimes I verbally say things that make perfect sense to me, but are nonsense to others. Words simply do not come to me naturally; it’s like how I am typing this right now — with my thoughts stopping at every word. I can see what I’ve written up to the current word, but struggle to foresee what’s next.

I was inspired by my co-workers, now amazing friends, Brandon & Ron, each with their own unique style of newsletter. I’m starting this substack to become better at processing my thoughts, and to stay more connected with friends from all corners of the world. I aim to share my deeper reflections — beyond what you see on my Instagram — reveal what inspires me, and bring you along on my very-weird-pretty-awesome life.

What to expect: updates, reflections, creations, and a sprinkle of what I'm feeling that day.

Reflection Questions

1. Do you find it easier to express your thoughts in writing or verbally? Why do you think that is?

2. How do you navigate conversations where you need to express complex thoughts or emotions?

3. Do you have any advice or strategies that have helped you become more articulate in your communication?