It has been a while since I’ve sat at the writer’s desk, but I have not been idle (although I continue to see “being idle” as a good thing). Life is very full, and it warranted some time away from these articles to focus on what was most important.

I hope this finds you and those you care about doing well.

I read two friend’s substack articles recently and they gave me a few good ideas, ideas I’d like to share with you all.

• Jeffrey Davis “What Still Holds Us Together”

• Fire Philosophy “4 Timely Aphorisms: Freedom & Chains”

I hope you enjoy.

The theme of many of these articles is how do we best live this One Life with as much gusto and focus, presence and peace, love and connection, freedom and ease as humanly possible. Because we’re still human. We have finite energy, resources, and time left as an active participant on this planet.

Zen meditation halls across the land remind us:

“Life and Death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by and with it our only chance. Awake! Do not squander your life.”

As with all things Zen, there are whole books written about this simple phrase. This is a “heavy” topic, but is it heavy if it’s true?

What does it mean to “squander” one’s life?

Does the you that is you go anywhere after you pass away? More importantly, what is the you that is you?

Where does one stop with the questions?

Hopefully, we don’t. We keep going and going and going with our curiosity because life, your life, mine, are in a constant state of change. To me, curiosity is one of the most beautiful human characteristics. It helps us be adaptable and connect to others. To be thoughtful and curious about what we think we know. How we think we show up in the world.

We don’t have to overdue it. Being pelted with questions isn’t fun either. Anyone with a three-year-old knows that.

Yet, the exercise can wear out the thinking mind, and who knows where that will go…

In any case, the questions I’ll pose for you below are meant to be chewed on. Although that first answer might be good - knowing you it will be “great!” - but what happens to your answers if you continue to sit with the questions with a mind of openness and curiosity?

What if instead of trying to “force” answers to come, one could “rest” in the questions? Like one would rest in their breath on a quiet morning, or in a warm bath at the end of a full day.

Here they are:

It’s been a beautiful PNW Summer.

Warmly,

~Matt

This past week at work was a real doozy. While these are not pleasant experiences, they can be eye-opening for how I show up in the world. Because sometimes, I do not show up how I want to.

I am in the process of learning two valuable lessons from work this week:

First, learning to say “no” is an important skill.

As a project manager for a construction company, you do a lot of coordinating with sub contractors - your roofers, your drywallers, your plumbers, your electricians, etc. While I have my off-days (as we’ll see below in my second “lesson” this week), I’d say that one of my super-powers is relating to other humans. I generally see the little bodhisattva in others. It makes me a good PM (project manager). Not to toot my own horn but I’m also generally a decent fellow to communicate with and be around.

One of the downsides of my innate trust and care for others is that people tend to also have their own agendas and or ideas about how to do things. As it turns out, this includes sub-contractors. And when their ideas and or agendas differ from the ideas and or agendas of the person cutting the checks (Mr. and Mrs. Client), these need to be reconciled by this guy who emails you every other week (me).

Not that all of the ideas and opinions and agendas of the sub-contractors I work with are “bad.” Sometimes they can be quite fruitful! Yet, sometimes they aren’t. I wouldn’t say “nefarious”, but self-serving? Absolutely. No blame here. But when the drywaller makes money/sheet of drywall hung, and me, looking out for the interests of the client, wants our drywall to be a high caliber, it is me who must perform the quality control that is required. This is just an example…….

All this to say, I said “yes” to some ideas I should have said “no” to and now it’s on the company (me), and the subcontractor, to make it better in the client’s eyes. This is going to include some “free” labor somewhere which means money out of ours and the subcontractors pockets. Ouch!

So, why did I do this? Why did I say “yes” when I should have said “no”? Good question! One I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t make the wrong call. See, our struggles and difficulties do have merit!

Not to over psycho-analyze our every decision, but the truth is that it’s complicated and nuanced why we do what we do.

I can look at my people-pleasing behavior and why I do it (my conditioning and genetics). I can find all sorts of justifications - the situation, the relationship dynamics on the job site, and my inexperience. And probably more reasons that I’m missing.

These are all helpful things to see, but not ruminate on. At the end of the day what was needed from me was to apologize, make it right, then learn from it, and try not to repeat it. It’s a tough habit to break, but something I want to work on.

Lesson #1: Slow down and trust my intuition to say “no”, and follow through in a respectful way. There are good reasons, and appropriate ways to say “no.” And not just at work. How can I say “no” more often, and better? Does the conscious, thoughtful “no”, said with some tact, open the door for a more-resounding, better-aligned, “hell yes!”?

Lesson #2:

Second, and a deeper dive into my personal constitution, was just how emotional of a week it was. Emotional mostly of my own making. You see, I’m a sensitive guy, and I like this sensitivity. There are beautiful advantages to it. Yet, sometimes it poses challenges and difficulties for my relationships. And that is not something I’m interested in.

I’m not always like this, but I can be hyper sensitive about anything that smacks of “disrespect.” An eye-roll, a text message/email that doesn’t resonate, someone’s laugh or a joke when I’m feeling “serious”, a tone of voice that sounds “condescending”… even ideas or opinions or actions that I don’t agree with can cause a well of deep pain to rush forth in the form of anger, hurt, and or passive aggressive behavior.

No bueno. In fact, letting you in on this part of myself feels deeply personal, and vulnerable. Yet, I think there’s a lesson here.

It’s a reminder to come back to myself, my center, my present body experience more often. It’s why I practice things like meditation, yoga, breathwork, attend sweat lodge and ceremony, etc. in order to practice this “coming to center” in low-stakes environments. Because for me, when the intensity ramps up, I’ll fucking go man. And that’s just not helpful. It’s not productive, it’s not kind, and I am totally lost. My mind short-circuits into mental loops and rumination. There is a part (or more likely parts) of me that are active and I’m not in capital “S” Self energy.

In short, I can be a real bear to be around.

This “part” of me takes personal offense for the behavior, opinion, or action of someone else when it had nothing to do with me. Then, feeling personally attacked, this part feels that my safety is at stake. And when things feel life-threatening, this part cares so much about me that it’s willing to fight back. Which is not the most ideal response. Where this can be quite damaging is if the action was unintentional and the person on the receiving end is blown away by what feels like, because it is, a personal attack (when their intentions feel quite good and we happen to be friends, colleagues, acquaintances, family, etc.). There has been a small lapse in communication, or an idea that I don’t agree with, and all of a sudden it’s a battle.

I was very young when I learned this behavior.

Again, not to psycho-analyze our lives ad nauseam, but some of this work is helpful for our awareness. That maybe underneath this bravado, this “protector” part, is a part of me who doesn’t always love or respect himself - parts of him which don’t always feel worthy, likeable, or loveable. Anything that confirms that - if you look for it, you will find it - sparks a deep fight, flight, or freeze response.

One of my lessons in this lifetime is not to take the actions of others personally. What someone else does is a reflection of where they’re at. Even if it’s malicious and directed towards me, which I must remind myself is not the case 99% of the time, can I continue to see the little Bodhisattva inside and remain equanimous? Can I help those offended parts of me feel loved while still maintaining proper boundaries and communication?

Which leads me to that big Lesson, capital L, which is to continue to come home to the one person who matters in all this - myself. Then I can show up for those I love.

And to do all of it in the company of the other wonderful people I find myself surrounded by to discover that in the end there was actually no self all along, and no other. That we’re all just walking each other home.

Much love,

~Matt

Traveler, your footprints

are the road, nothing else.

Traveler, there is no road;

you make the road as you walk.

As you walk, you make the road,

and when you look back

you see the path that

you will never travel again.

Traveler, there is no road;

only a ship’s wake on the sea.

~Antonio Machado (1875-1939; Spanish poet)

Over the last month we’ve been exploring here a need for us all to continue to “wake up and grow up.” That each of us can do what we’re uniquely called to do to help heal and repair the world, in whatever small or larger way we can.

How oftentimes, that healing journey begins close to home - how through the opening up to the healing we need, then actively pursuing the healing of our wounded parts (and hearts), while recognizing the evolutionary adaptations we were born with, we can train ourselves to become less harmful, more helpful, to ourselves and the world around us.

Recognizing that this world - with it’s climate crisis, species and habitat loss, the masses of addicted, hurting, and distracted, a deteriorating political climate, etc… - desperately needs us all to do our part.

While on the other hand awakening to the reality that there is also nothing broken in the first place. The great geopolitical, geological, and cosmic forces infusing everyday life will continue to do their thing long, long, long after we’re gone.

That this Great Mystery of un-brokeness is beyond words. Extraordinary in the ordinary and mundane. It’s what the mystics, sages, and poets experienced, then came back to tell us all about… that you, too, can experience boundless, pure openness. That it’s a spaciousness, a blue sky of nothingness, an absence where everything just drops away…

And, as the poet, Du Fu, quipped in 750 CE “(only) mountains and rivers remain.”

Upon stumbling, some call it “awakening”, to this experienced, blissful no-thing, you must resolve to come down from the mountaintop and use it as a resource to face the troubles of the world in a new way. That this boundless “no-thing” is more real and true than any “thing.” It’s baked right into the very fabric of constant experience, requiring no belief - theistic or otherwise - it just is, right here and now.

Reading these words is one thing. But to have the visceral experience of this “no-thing” can help us more beyond fear, craving, and suffering, and step into freedom, love, gratitude, and service.

Maybe these are qualities we can all agree are important?

What is the first step to arriving here?

What’s the when, the where, the how, and the why?

Well, that’s for you to decide.

Caminante, no hay camino,

se hace camino al andar.

Thank you for showing up today.

~Matt

Two weeks ago, I wrote in some frustration. Myself, and many others, are concerned about the immaturity of United States society. We are seeing this play out at the very highest levels of US government, commentators on-line, in our wanton destruction of this very Earth that we call home. The name-calling, the arrogance, the inability to see the nuance in topics. We witness it in our celebrity worship, the rampant addiction, suffering, and workaholism. And by god if we didn’t all just walk around like we knew everything there is to know about everything!

See! I’m frustrated.

I was listening to a prominent podcaster and his host (of a more left-leaning variety) discuss “how good we all have it.” Oh yeah? Young people are taking their lives at higher rates than ever. We’re told we need to consume to feel better. Addiction is rampant. We could choose any big topic in the US - politics, healthcare, education, home-buying, agriculture, social media, etc. - and chat about some of the ways that these are not benefiting the majority of US citizens, and consequently the entire planet (because we’re all connected). At the very least we could all point to a flaw or two, no?

In that article two weeks ago, I was of the opinion that it might be high time we all took a good hard look at ourselves in the mirror. Can we “wake up” to this one life and “grow up” as mature adults? As one of my friends says, yes you have innate worth as a human being no matter what and we could all use a little improvement. Can we allow ourselves to feel without masking it with bravado or covering it up with distraction?

In fact, this feeling we humans do is the source of our creativity, humanity, and aliveness.

Some days we must literally pick ourselves up off the damn floor. That is a good and noble thing to do, no matter who you are.

So, today, I wanted to write about being a survivor.

A few weeks ago I was standing in the front yard waiting for something. I’ve been thinking a lot about money - how to make it, save it, grow it. How do I save enough to buy a house? Where? What am I going to do with my life? That type of thing. Cognizant that this thinking was taking up a lot of my mental and emotional space.

Further, I am currently reading “World as Lover, World as Self” by Joanna Macy. In the book Joanna recounts an interaction she had with a mother of four in India who hid her leprosy in order not to be shunned by society. I said to myself, “You know, I’ve never seen what this infectious disease does to people” so I typed “leprosy” into Google images. My heart felt what I witnessed. Leprosy alters how you look in the world to others, and once it’s started eating at your flesh and bone, you now have a permanent disability. It can look gruesome. And that’s just how you’re going to live the rest of your days - disfigured and without the ability to work (in some cases). I was imagining myself in that position.

So I’m standing in my front yard on a beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest with my shoes off, feeling the dew-wet grass, thinking about money, leprosy, and fate, and a man and his fluffy white pomeranian are headed towards me. Man with his chin up, dog nose down sniffing the ground. I smiled in his direction. He did not smile back (it’s the Pacific Northwest).

The man pointed his chin at the gnarly old cherry tree in my yard with one surviving, yet prolific branch, “I like that tree, it’s a survivor!”.

I looked at that tree with new eyes and some swelling of pride, and blurted my “Thanks” to the back of the man and his prancing companion.

Us humans, like trees, are survivors. Our branches break off. We are weathered by life. But we are also resilient because we are rooted in this Earth and this Earth Mother of ours is resilient. We are strong and we must know it. What’s more, we do know it, deep down. The world needs all of our medicine. It needs our hurt and our pain and our sorrow. It does not want us just on our “best” days.

As the author and activist, Marianne Williamson said,

Joanna Macy says that a foolproof way to steel ourselves to the devastation and destruction of the natural world around us is through the practice of gratitude. Did I wake up today? Can I at least be thankful for that?

How exciting that we get another day to try to get this life thing right.

Much love and gratitude,

~Matt

That is, the old texts say we can cultivate ourselves through personal observances like:

• cleanliness

• contentment

• self-discipline

• self-study

• and devotion to a higher power

Is it really possible to “cultivate oneself”? Why would this even matter?

Not only is it possible, I believe it’s crucial to be on that road of what one teacher has called “waking up and growing up.” A road that begins with being able to focus and steady these monkey minds of ours.

Focusing our attention also has many wonderful practical benefits as well. Our ability to focus on our work, be present in conversations with loved ones, and make better decisions, to name a few, depends greatly on our ability to pay attention and remain focused on the task at hand.

I believe it matters more than we all think it does, especially for us here in the United States.

How often do you notice things? Are you cognizant of the sights and smells all around you? When you do the dishes, are you just doing the dishes? Or are you thinking about work, or a person who’s wronged you, or your weekend plans?

How often do you take the time to be cognizant of your internal state and to reflect on your days? What are you not feeling right now?

I ask because I want us to thrive as mature adults. I want us to be on that good road to sanity and health. And I ask because it does not seem to me that the process of maturing into adulthood comes about as a bi-product of growing older.

Like a beautiful garden, our minds require some tending.

Maturation is most assuredly not the stashing away and accumulation of large quantities of wealth.

Maturation into true adulthood is not how many likes you receive. It’s not the “cool” and powerful people you know. It’s not finding someone who will marry you.

These are great and necessary and wonderful things but they’re by no means symbols of growing up. Sometimes obtaining these things induce in us humans a reversion to the mean of who we are… which for many of us includes some sad, lonely, afraid, angry parts. We do not have to look far to find people who have accumulated all of the things and yet they act in ways that are embarrassing, hurtful, and downright harmful to those around them.

This is the price we all pay for the lack of consciousness of so many. And why I feel it’s important for us to be on a road to cultivate more wisdom, joy, love, and care. There are many paths. Choose one and run with it.

To me, becoming a mature human is a constant process of humbling ourselves to something greater than us. The consistent act of trying to see through, feel, and embody our blocks to becoming a person of substance. At the end of our days, will we be proud of the person we became?

Did we feel deep down and be OK with that? Were we able to walk with confidence and humility on the soft earth?

The pervasive arrogance in our society, in the good ole US of A, astounds me. But can you blame us? Having traveled and lived briefly abroad I have become acquainted, friends even, with people from all over the world.

And I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that our arrogance in the US is unmatched anywhere else. This society, which contains incredible people, places, and resources, and through this, gives us technological, military, and economic dominance, is a society which is adolescent at best.

Again, we need not look far to see this…

About a decade ago, I traveled for six months in places where being a white, US citizen was the exception. After many beautiful experiences of living in someone else’s home, I found myself at the airport in Cancun, Mexico. This airport is very much a tourist destination. It was like being in the airports back home.

After becoming a “seasoned” traveler, I had some perspective I guess, and it broke my damn heart. The arrogance with which I watched people strut around in their t-shirts and flip flops, anxious and loud and angry, just astounded me. The genial smiles and charm and laid-back human-ness I was becoming accustomed to had mostly disappeared.

We witness our adolescent behavior across the board - in our religious and spiritual communities, at work, in politics at all levels on both “sides”, in community organizations, at sporting events, at our protests, online…

Still, there is hope. We can be confident and compassionate. It’s a good combination, and possible. But you have to work at it.

This is not a personal attack to anyone here, or to anyone who lives in the US. Obviously, I’m generalizing. We all have work to do. Human maturation takes effort. Some growing up. We’re all closer to being that homeless person we skirt past than we think. Especially in this country.

I just believe and feel that we’d do ourselves and our relationships a favor if we took the time to feel the full range of blessed human emotions. Emotions that I’m hasty to ignore or cover over with rage and anger. Maybe we can feel more, not less. Breathe more, not less. Because we are all at least a little bit aware that the moment we were born it meant that one day we will pass on. Life is Death. The fact that we will one day die, hopefully many years from now, means that we are

alive

today.

Each moment of this 1 Life is extraordinary, and precious. Precious in that it has value. We don’t just value the good times, the times we feel healthy, have a full bank account, and a reliable car, but that we value all of the scary, difficult, painful, troubled times as well. Let’s not be so hasty to cover all that up, too. It has so much to teach us.

It’s not that you can’t appreciate the good without the bad. It’s more like this is just the way it is - life is both good and bad. And what is all this “good” and “bad” anyways?

Do you hear the birds singing outside? How long do you hear them before your mind wanders off somewhere else?

It’s good to be back! I hope you are all doing well.

~Matt

I want to share two things I’ve run across this week that really lit me up. Enjoy!

• A conversation with the poet, David Whyte on the creative process and feeling more. He spoke on the act of dropping one’s voice back down into the body in order to inhabit the authentic, vulnerable, self. I found David’s deep baratone just delightful. This was a good one to watch because you can actually read the poetry that David is reciting from memory.

• My good friend, Krzysztof Piekarski, has an amazing Substack called Fire Philosophy. Him and his co-host, Dale Wright, a famous Buddhist scholar in his own right, sat down with the Fiction Writer Michelle Huneven to discuss presence, creativity, and feeling. Quite enjoyable!

I hope you’re having a nice Summer so far.

Every week, for the past 28ish weeks, I have posted something to this Substack. All to honor Your 1 Life, this one moment in time in which we are alive. What a gift. One that keeps on giving when we pay attention to it along the way.

This has been a labor of love.

A love because I have the bandwidth, capacity, and capability to contribute a small amount of something to the greater conversation. It’s been a delight to flex my creative muscle, and get over certain fears I have around being judged by others for who I am and what I say. To stick one’s neck out and be seen is a fear I’ve wanted to overcome for quite some time.

Question for you: If you take a moment right now, what is one (or more) things you can celebrate about your journey so far? Is it being a good mother/father? Being a supportive spouse? Do you bring more love into the world than suffering? Do you kick ass at your job and support others with your abundance? I guarantee that there is something to celebrate about where you are today. What is that thing? Or, knowing you, those many things?

A labor because writing, good writing, takes effort and time. The muse does not seem to have a bedtime, or the need to work the next day. Nor, like a cranky two-year-old, does she seem to care much about me at all. When she wants to say something, she is going to say it. It’s my job to listen.

Like many of us in the modern world, I have a crazy busy work schedule - 10+ hour days working as a carpenter and project manager on a very expensive home-build, M-Thurs, in all the weather that the PNW throws at you. In addition to this I desire time and space to take care of my body, mind, and spirit, enjoy time with my partner and friends, and spend time doing nothing and slowing down (because this is what creative people do). I want to play more guitar, and take more hikes in nature and dips in the ocean.

And so, balancing all of this with many hours of writing is most definitely a labor. An invigorating and inspiring labor, one I am happy to perform; yet, a labor nonetheless.

Another quick question: Why do you do what you do?

And through this journey, the ups and the downs, the rights and the lefts, I’ve been supported by so much in this world. It truly blows my mind sometimes. I am grateful to each one of you over these last eight (8!) months for all the “likes”, the comments, the encouraging emails saying to “keep going!”, and the inspiring stories of what small impact my missives have had on your 1 life, and the lives of those you care about.

My sincere hope with this little project is to contribute something positive and thought-provoking to the conversation, to Your 1 Life. Because it does so much for mine.

I’m traveling and or out of town for all the weekends of July and early August. We will start this thing back up again in mid-August.

In the meantime, may you be well. I mean that.

Love,

~Matt

Staring out the window,

I’m everywhere but here.

The world is burning, people

suffering.

Atrocities too numerous

to count.

The best and brightest stars

among us

burn

out.

While calloused-hearted

“leaders” -

pampered and

powerful -

stick around,

holier-than-thou.

Out of the corner of my

eye

I catch the meandering of a

butterfly.

In a 6x14-foot plot,

between the street and

the sidewalk,

someone planted an

oasis.

Every inch covered in

something

delightful,

something sweet.

The word for butterfly

in Spanish is

“mariposa” -

I just love that -

such a beautiful

word.

Then, with a

belly full of

Nature’s delight,

and

wings sailing on

an unfelt

breeze,

the butterfly,

full of grace,

floats

away.

A potentially helpful question for reflection: who/what/where is your oasis in difficult times?

With deep love and gratitude for your continued showing up in the world.

Respectfully,

~Mateo

Some people are having a

big debate

about whether one

does or

does not have freewill.

(People make convincing

arguments about

all sorts of things).

With all due

respect,

who cares?

This morning,

more birds

than I have names for

greeted the sun

while an orange moon

sat behind them - like

an enormous, ripe

apricot

floating in the

sky.

Gratitude for cool,

Spring

ocean breezes

through an open

screen door.

Another day

to try to

get it right.

Another day

of

Life.

With all that’s going on out there, let’s keep the love rolling.

~Matt

Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realize that we cannot eat money. ~Chief Seattle

“Mni Wiconi.”

Lakota for:

water is life.

A rare Truth,

capital T.

What a shame then,

that I so often take

water for granted.

Is it too much to feel

gratitude

for every sip?

What a travesty that

our society

abuses our waters -

Corporations

build pipelines

through treaty lands,

poisoning

that very wiconi

that so many depend upon.

Turning water faucets

to receive

water the EPA says

would be

“inadvisable to drink.”

How pitiful

that in the name of progress

and greed

we use our waters

to blow up rock

to mine minerals

out of our very own

Unci maka (Grandmother Earth).

You know that

you and I are made primarily

of water,

right?

That when we abuse our

waters, it’s not just “out there”"

that we exploit and neglect.

We are meant to celebrate our

life, and

be celebrated.

Maybe then, we

wouldn’t

act out

so

much.

So, I’ll ask again,

is it too much to feel

gratitude

for every sip?

Feels like the

least

we could

do.

Happy trails.

~Matt

Unasked-for advice

spouted from rooftops.

Shoulds. Woulds. Coulds.

Seeking relief from pain

and suffering -

I stumble around in

the dark.

Stubbed toes on coffee

tables.

Banged knees on arms of

chairs.

Twisted ankles on toys of

kids and dogs. But,

maybe I put those

there?

I met a shape-shifting time-

bender in Ecuador once. Courier

of sacred ways. Keeper of fire to

light the way.

In a whispered tone,

almost conspiratorial,

he said,

“Move slow. Trust your night eyes.”

I was a mess, but

that’s been helpful

advice.

Keep up the good work everyone!

Much love and gratitude,

~Matt

My hope with this substack is to share ideas with you that might get you thinking and feeling. It’s also an opportunity to write more often because we get good at those things we practice. Writing these little emails helps me practice lacing thoughts together in such a way as to make them helpful and pleasing for other human eyes and hearts. Maybe what I say challenges you, too.

One of the things that speaks to me around this practice of writing is that if I can turn it into a ritual, the ritual allows me to sink into the writing a bit more and feel intrigued enough to begin. And that’s sometimes the hardest part with the things we say we want to do, isn’t it? To begin…

My writing ritual entails the lighting of a candle and using the flame to burn a small amount of sage, sweetgrass, palo santo, or some form of sweet-smelling incense. I enjoy making my 1 Life sacred like this. It’s a way for us, archetypally-speaking, to get into our Magician/Priestess and create sacred space. To see what comes up when we drop the mind (yikes!). How else am I going to do things if not with my amazing brain?

So, two things can deter our practicing:

1. Just beginning and

2. having the courage to drop the mind.

At least, these are the stories I tell myself. Maybe you do, too?

What stories do you tell yourself?

And maybe the stories we tell ourselves are worth taking a look at?

Today, I want to share some downloads that I’ve had. I’ve had them before, no doubt you have, too, and we’re human which means we all need reminders. I know I do! So, maybe this can help.

I hope you enjoy.

Over the last week, I’ve felt some stuckness and fear. Things have been going along nicely. I have been doing a decent job of just sitting with all that feels uncertain in my life. But things change, right? And I’m also spent. I’m tired. I’m burning it at both ends. I’m not taking care of those little parts inside of Matt that need spaciousness because I’m afraid I don’t have enough money, that there’s not enough time, that I’m no good at anything and never will be.

When this occurs, I get too wound up. I’m working too hard and not filling up my own cup. And when this happens, fear, anxiety, and general lack of self-appreciation come roaring in. I get hyper-focused on others just waiting for them to make a wrong move so that I can be upset with them.

My mind races through all the scenarios, all the “hurts” people have “caused” me. Hurts that allow me to be angry and irritated at these people. I do this even though I feel supported, strong, and consistent in my contemplative practices. I do this despite the fact that I feel grateful for everything that I have and have been given in my life.

Then I had this thought (borrowed from kind words by a good friend):

Matt you’re good. Not “good” as in I’m a “good” person (Lawrd help us!). Just good as in, it’s all good. You can relax. You’re feeling a lot right now, and you are human, and you’re good. It’s all good. Breathe. You are doing great.

I used all the practices I know of, including the support of others, to get to this point of positive self-talk. Afterwards, I felt myself relaxing just a bit.

Writing this out in my journal, this writing practice, also seems to be cathartic for me.

Over the years it’s helped me focus less on the “out-there” and more on the “in-here.” It helps me see when I lose sight of the fact that I’m doing my best and have all these wonderful qualities. That this person I call Matt deserves love and respect.

For me, I show myself respect by slowing down. Part of me is still that anxious young man sitting at the edge of his seat waiting for the right words from his therapist, or a boss, or a book so that he can solve his problems.

You know what? The anxiety, the hurt, the sadness, the anger, the bewilderment - these are not problems to be solved either. These feelings are “all good”, too. These seem to me like opportunities to practice what we preach. To instill the habit of returning to self-kindness, self-appreciation, and all the other higher vibrational states that help us to feel like we can keep going, and prosper. Grateful for another day to try to get it right. Coming back to rest. Returning to breath.

After all, we get good at those things we practice.

Have a great week.

~Mateo

Tipsy-walking towards sweet

sounds of waves.

Sleepy tourist town on Florida’s

atlantic coast.

Maybe that last shot of tequila

was

unnecessary?

Otherwise,

how could the moon

be so

bright?

The late-night air is warm

and salty.

I am the only

person around… as-if

I’m the last person

on planet earth.

Drawn towards sounds of waves crashing

and the sight of a moon so big it

lights up the whole sky.

Lone speck of human sand

in a cosmos so big, now with

sand between toes, standing at the

edge of the world,

waves crashing,

moon beaming,

breeze blowing

through a mind that

thinks,

“Lucky me”

Like a moth to a flame,

I walk along, craning my head up.

So big. So bright. So beautiful.

My body kneels in the sand -

an act of genuine

genuflection.

This body must have

heard the moon say,

“Sit. Stay awhile. Aren’t I just

lovely? Isn’t this place just

beautiful?”

Love,

~Matt

Let’s start today with an inquiry:

I’ve been absolutely enamored by the Spring weather up in the Pacific Northwest. It’s been just gorgeous. Yesterday, I witnessed the fleeting appearance of a mama mallard being swallowed up by newly-hatched ducklings - crawling over her as she guided them to the safety of the underbrush across the driveway. My hunch is that the peregrine falcon that’s been patrolling the neighborhood of-late enjoys the taste of duck.

Ravens are incredible creatures. Reports indicate that they have excellent memories and remember people who’ve wronged them. They teach the other ravens around them about the world they inhabit. So, if you’ve crossed one raven, you’ve crossed many ravens. Word to the wise: Be kind to ravens.

I read a report this week that indicated that Disney Cruise Line is going to double it’s fleet by 2030. That millennials - people, like me, who were born in the 1900s, which includes many of you, but not all of you - are more and more making up the old fogies who enjoy bacchanalian adventures on the high seas. Carving a carbon footprint through foreign waters larger than any humans in human history.

In Zen they say “ordinary mind is the way.” The term “the way” has two meanings in the history of buddhism.

1. Firstly, it’s the way, or path, of practice which leads to less suffering and greater well-being for self and others.

2. Second, the way refers to “the way” that all things arise just as they do, just as they are, whereby we cease feeling separate from all things arising.

Thus, “ordinary mind is the way” suggests that our “ordinary, day-to-day, mind” is the liberation that we seek. It’s right at your fingertips; it’s within your sight, if only one can relax into practice, awakening to our true nature here and now.

Without coming off as self-righteous towards people who enjoy cruise lines, although I do feel sad about their environmental impact, I wonder what one is seeking here? What does one seek in a place like Las Vegas? I’ve been neither to Las Vegas, nor on a cruise, but it would seem that the popularity of both are rising.

Studies suggest consumer debt is higher than it’s ever been and that more people than ever are raiding their 401(k)s prematurely. This involves paying a 10% penalty + taxes. The financial advisor in me is curious why this is happening and finds these facts disturbing and heart-wrenching.

By 2026 the interest that the US pays to service it’s debt will hit $1 Trillion dollars… that’s 1,000 Billions to serve an ever-increasing debt (currently sitting at $36 Trillion). The US gets away with this because we’re the world currency and have a powerhouse military. What if we lose those designations? Would we then need to become a little more financially responsible? We did a lot of finger-wagging and condemning of the Greek government all those years ago because they were financially irresponsible. How do you feel about people who tell you to do something - believe in their God, or become vegan, or vote for such and such, etc. - when they do not take their own advice?

Sundays, for many, are a “day of rest.” How often does one actually, rest, though? Or does mindless scrolling and screen time constitute “rest”?

Last Sunday a big Raven found the nest of a house finch. Ravens have a taste for eggs. Despite the dive-bombing finch mama and papa, aunties and uncles, and the Robins teaming up with them, the Raven was just too big, and returned over and over again to the nest to, I suspect, dine on house finch eggs. I sat at my window cheering on the finch/robin gang, but otherwise one must just let Nature take her course.

This morning, a mama house finch had grass clippings in her mouth. She swung by the apple tree today as-if to show me that she was moving on so I could, too. Heading off to build a new nest, somewhere safe from the memory of a Raven who also had a nest to care for nearby.

How does what I say sit with you? As always, I enjoy your thoughts and response.

Much love and gratitude to everyone here.

Warmly,

~Mateo

A poem:

Who Says Words With My Mouth?

All day I think about it, then at night I say it.

Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?

I have no idea.

My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that,

And I intend to end up there.

This drunkenness began in some other tavern.

When I get back around to that place,

I'll be completely sober. Meanwhile,

I'm like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.

The day is coming when I fly off,

But who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?

Who says words with my mouth?

Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?

I cannot stop asking.

If I could taste one sip of an answer,

I could break out of this prison for drunks.

I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.

Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.

This poetry. I never know what I'm going to say.

I don't plan it.

When I'm outside the saying of it, I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.

We have a huge barrel of wine, but no cups.

That's fine with us. Every morning

We glow and in the evening we glow again.

—Rumi (13th century sufi mystic poet who’s buried in what today we call Turkey and who wrote mostly in Persian)

Eleven years ago,

a young man

had an appointment at the office

of a “psychotherapist” vetted online

by his then-girlfriend.

Peering into

the kindest eyes he’d ever seen,

books on a bookshelf that

one day he would read.

The young man whirls in

like a cyclone, full-speed,

faking it until he was

making it.

Young man energy.

Black dress shoes (matching belt),

black dress pants, white-collared shirt

on what would become

a blue-collared man.

The young man sits at the edge

of a couch he didn’t feel - pen in

his right hand,

a small notebook

in the left.

This was how you learn,

right?

An eager little beaver.

I love that.

But healing doesn’t happen

in an hour. The young man didn’t

know it, but the clean-cut, gentle, caring

man sitting across the way did and

stood up, bridging the

expanse to an eager little beaver

in pain. An eager young man

with a big, kind, caring

heart

of his own (but he didn’t know it)

and

softly

relieved the young buck of his pen,

and his small notebook.

And he sat those on the

round, brown side-table.

And he arranged the cushions

and pillows

behind the young man.

And then gently asked

that eager-to-get-well

young adult to

lean back

on the pillows behind him,

and rest.

And, doing as he was told,

the young man relaxed.

Then he wept. For the first time

in his life, he truly

wept.

One small step on a

long journey called an

authentic life -

led, little by little,

more and more,

by a fiery, kind, courageous

heart.

(Thank you, Alex Z.)

Love,

~Matty V.

p.s. As you know, we don’t do this journey alone. If you’re not feeling well on the inside, or your relationships feel like they’re not working, or you feel that there might be something “unresolved” and “unlived”, etc… help exists.

My journey into talk therapy - being open to the experience, learning to communicate difficult things, leaving behind the idea that I had my life all figured out - was the catalyst for a journey of self-reflection, self-discovery, and, thus, a greater ability to see my blindspots. To do my best to be more present to my life (and those around me). It was the impetus for loving myself more and more. The spark I needed to do my best to cause less suffering to those around me, and yet, to refuse to abandon myself to the wants and desires and opinions of others.

It’s just one piece of the puzzle. Going to therapy is great. But eventually you must “do” because your therapist, or that online guru, isn’t going to “fix” you (what’s there to “fix”? What is this “you”?).

Living our one life requires our participation. Fortunately for us, there are many different modalities for this “doing” of self-discovery. So pick one and run with it a bit to see if it fits.

Further, I’ve discovered that there is a quiet underground of amazing people also on this journey and they make wonderful companions.

The last thing I’ll say here is that once you begin down this path of self-discovery a whole world of serendipity, or flow, will accompany you along the way. Hell, it may even conspire to assist you and light the torch which leads the way. When you get in touch with what you truly want, and you sit with that, and work with it, things happen that seem to occur as if by magic. No “striving” or “forcing” necessary. Just asking, and listening.

May your life be wonderFULL and heartfelt and present to this amazing world which contains us and which is contained within us.

And THAT is a p.s. if I’ve ever seen one!

room. What to do? Just do.

Take a walk.

Morning sun filtering

through apple blossoms.

The mind frets - not enough

money; not enough

time. A week-old text from my

brother goes unanswered. Three

weeks ago a good friend called -

I haven’t called him back yet.

I’m pretty good at my job. I get back

to people in a timely manner.

How does one spend

time?

How will I ever afford a home?

My lease is only a month old. The recycling

goes out the Tuesday opposite the trash.

If only I knew which Tuesday

they pick up the trash.

The compost pick-up is a

whole ‘nother can of worms.

Or should the saying be

“a can of fruit flies”?

How does one balance

creative pursuits with affording to live?

Yesterday a friend told me he saw a dozen

eggs for $18.

Am I just complaining? Am I acting

like a victim?

As a general rule: we get what we want.

If I don’t “want” money, I won’t get it.

Dang.

Another general rule: Be careful what

you wish for.

We’re all too full of ideas.

But I need money to pay my bills. You’ve

got to have it. Must have it.

Even a Buddhist teacher told me this

once. Sage advice.

Some Buddhist monks in other countries

stand stalk still on the side of busy

streets, a bowl nestled inside of

attempting-at-not-grasping

palms. All the while, they speak

sutras, cradling faith, while we all

streak around, scurrying to make

ends meat.

Earn our keep.

That bowl portrays a need from

another human. A generosity

of spirit which can learn to

trust others.

Something may end up

in our bowl, if only

we can let go.

At the end of the day,

that bowl could be empty,

too.

When was the last time you were

truly hungry? Hungry like Winters for your

not-so-distant ancestors? Hungry like Lakota

forced onto “reservations” called

Badlands?

Someone I know said their

doctor mentioned that, “some

people need to eat every four hours.”

What can I learn from how I act when:

I’m hungry; I’m stressed; I’m sleep-

deprived?

I. Love. You.

The sun’s shifted. Apple blossoms open.

Promise of future abundance. Birds and bees

flit about, appreciating apple blossom pollen,

today.

Love,

~Matt

This substack article is a follow-up to last week’s post about the mature male archetypes. I feel compelled to reiterate that we are not one giant self-improvement project; yet, it is through the worthwhile self-improvement exercise of waking up and growing up - through learning to love all parts of ourselves - that we can become acquainted with our authenticity. Our “self” is the gateway to something much larger and more mysterious than the self. Some might call this Self or “no-self” or becoming a fully self-realized human being.

So, gentlemen, let’s put a little work into understanding and encouraging the person who stares back at us in the mirror. We can harness the mature male archetypes already within us as a tool to help make this happen, mostly for the benefit of those around us. Maybe, little by little, we’ll live into some answers.

As you read the below story, think about how it inspires you to use the archetypes in your life.

For the last seven months I’ve had a job working as a carpenter and builder for a large construction company in Bellingham, WA. We work mostly outdoors in 10-hour shifts Mon-Thursday. I delight in working in the elements, moving my body, using my builder-brain to solve problems.

AND it can be damn hard work when the forecast calls for rain, cold weather, and it’s 6am on Wednesday morning. Thursday afternoon can feel far away. You arrive at the jobsite and your fingers go numb pretty quick after stepping out of your truck. It’s windy outside, too, and you’re charged with climbing cold metal ladders and moving heavy pieces of siding in a light mist. It’s a tad disheartening when the winter sun barely makes it over the horizon of the tall douglas fir and maple in the Chuckanut Mountains.

After a long day of this, you swing by the grocery store, arrive home, and feel thankful to have a hot shower. You eat then slip under warm covers, your 5am wake-up a not-so-distant future occurrance to usher in another day where you hope and pray that it’s not windy.

My mind wants to buck against this work, to resist being uncomfortable. I want to complain about the weather or a co-worker. I notice fear arise inside of me when I look at the weather forecast and I see cold temperatures and rain. My mind wants to stay inside, drink coffee, and read books.

Lately, when I notice this complaining, negative, fearful part of me come online (The Magician is the one who notices), I assure that fearful part that we will be OK (The King seeing and having compassion for those around him). I bring forth my inner Warrior to persuade that part that I am strong enough to handle whatever comes my way. I’ll get up early, and “put my gameface on” and revel in the majesty of cool mist on a warm face (The Lover).

I also wear lots of layers!

Here’s another story:

A few weeks ago I volunteered to give a two-minute impromptu speech to the other carpenters (plus the owner) of the construction company I work for - about 30 people in total. I’m new, and I don’t work with/don’t know many of the other builders. I’m no expert at public speaking, but I have done some, and I wanted to give everyone an update of our project in a good way.

In order to ready myself, I would sit quietly in the morning and evening, light a candle and some incense (Magician creating sacred space) and “invoke” the energy of the King and Warrior. I would tap into the Warrior’s rousing and motivating energy, and harness his courage and confidence to step up in front of others. I have trained for this. I’ve done presentations for groups of people from five to seventy-five, I participated in Toastmasters for a year, I’ve read books about public speaking… I am no expert but I’m no novice either.

I felt the King inside when deciding what to talk about - I wanted to recognize the outstanding work of the other carpenters and our favorable relationship with the client. I pictured myself embodying another of the important King facets - that of being calm under pressure.

At the meeting I spoke up without many of the public speaking jitters I’m used to. My heart was not thumping into my temples and I felt just a bit more confidence as I looked around and spoke to those other men.

After the brief, positive update, my inner critic wanted to join the party. This “negative matt” part of me was curious why I repeated myself so many times, and did his best to chastise me about my intelligence and the sound of my voice. He was afraid that my speaking was so atrocious that the other carpenters would think less of me. They were talking behind my back at this very moment - “that guy sounded so stupid!”.

After some time of witnessing this inner dialogue (The Magician), I was able to bring a benevolent King back on-board and the Lover to assure this inner critic that everything was just fine and that we all admired the Warrior in him and the courage it took to stand up and be seen by others.

How can you step into your archetypal King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover this week to prime the pump and step into your family’s dreams and aspirations?

May you have a wonderful week!

All my best,

~Matt

We can also find other men who inspire us… Matthew Nienow (poetry below) is one of those men.

ODE TO ADD

Under the pile of coats

left at the base of the stairs

is a book I will never read.

I stare at it and dream

and never look beyond

the cover. I don’t know why

I care so much about the costs

of distraction. Beauty

is a dream that ends well.

I am not my doings. Not

even my stillness. There is

a little glow that makes a sound

only children and the very old

can hear. It belongs to no one

and is in every animation.

Not animal. That is the body.

This is the token that makes it run.

That thing we call joy

that rises from the runnning.

(Page 66 in “If Nothing” by Matthew Nienow)

This will be a post to challenge and inspire the men who read it to keep going on their road to maturation and self-realization. We have a long way to go, us men. Women do, too, but I digress.

My intention is not to pick on men. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Bashing or blaming men is pointless and counterproductive (although I understand why someone would take that route).

I know men who dance in the hot summer sun for four days without food and water, pierced through thongs arttached to a tree, praying for the benefit of their families, their communities, themselves, and their Earth. I know men who sit in meditation halls spreading loving kindness and peace for the planet.

I know men who lead and support others in finding meaning and purpose in their lives. I know men who create sacred spaces, and in that fire, with love and tenderness and earnestness, hold up a mirror for you to see yourself. They shine a light for you in the dark. They lay their hands on you with love and warmth and strength. They hold you while you cry like a baby. If you’re willing to let go of yourself enough to do so, take their hand and let them guide you.

I know men who work “boring”, stressful, and difficult jobs to support their loved ones. If you’re a carpenter, you know what it’s like to shed some blood for your bread.

All of these men have a lot of work to do on themselves, too.

The point is that you are going to have to work for this growth and maturation. If you’re looking in the mirror right now and you don’t see at least one area where you can improve, I challenge you to look deeper. Then, once you see that thing, or those thing(s) work on them.

I honor you as a man, and I hope you honor yourself, first. Trust me, I know this can be a challenge. Sometimes the hardest part is to look at oneself with love and compassion.

And, my hope for you, through daily cultivation of your inner resources, is that you gain the fortitude and strength and compassion to set a solid example for others. And ask for help when we need it.

For the last month I’ve been digesting a book about what healthy masculinity looks like, and how to cultivate that - “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine” by Robert Moore (Aug 1942-2016) and Douglas Gillette (born 1948).1

This will be a two-part essay series. In the first article, we’ll talk about: 1) why we might consider using archetypes as a way for self-transformation and 2) some discussion and definitions of those healthy masculine archetypes.

In the second article, I’ll give an example of how I’ve used these archetypes.

So, let’s see what healthy looks like, and why we might pursue it.

As the samurai used to say: there is only one direction to go in battle… forward!

No one is born a mature person, male or female. Waking up and growing up, i.e. the process of becoming a self-realized human being and maturing, requires effort.

That said, a few caveats.

First, we have innate worth. “Buddha-nature” the Buddhists say. Ancient Greeks called it your intrinsic “genius or daemon.” That spark of divinity, that inner fire, which is ALL YOURS. No one, no matter how well they know you - not your partner, not your mother, not your father, not your brother, not your best friend - will ever comprehend the oceanic depth that is… you. This can breed a deep confidence and be a wonderful thing to return to in our darkest moments.

Second, us humans are NOT one giant self-improvement project. Live your life, man! You don’t have to do anything to be worthy of love and respect.

Third, my meditation practice has been important to me. The practice of “dropping the self” and “letting go of all this striving” can have the benefit of increasing empathy, compassion, authenticity, and joy with the world around you. However, there are reasons for also cultivating a healthier “self”, too. So why do it? What are those reasons? And what is a helpful framework?

Well… we can effort in becoming more courageous and calm, softer and wiser. We can learn how to love, take action, then take responsibility for said actions. One can endeavor to become mature. This does not just happen as a by-product of growing old.

We can always be learning. We can acquire and hone those skills we wish to cultivate - this may help us gain authentic confidence. It’s also fun to know how to do shit. Maturing involves effort to study from those who’ve gone before us - to apprentice ourselves as initiates into the great Mystery of Life.

The healthy cultivation of a well-rounded masculine is imperative for living well in this day-to-day middle world of bills, work, partnership, family-life, friendships, social gatherings, etc. It’s how we carry our “selfs.” Can we do this in a way that is helpful for us, yet also does not cause additional suffering for others? Can we take it a bit further and act to benefit others?

This process of becoming a more mature man does NOT mean walking around with a puffed out chest, grunting, fighting, and acting “more manly.” It does not mean placing all your wants and needs and desires neatly stowed away so that others don’t feel threatened. There IS something to be said about feeling strong and confident; being able to take care of one’s family and friends.

Some would argue that through no fault of their own - through the general lack of good examples, the disappearance of rites of initiation over that threshold into mature masculinity (or femininity) for our young boys (and girls), and pervasive societal norms and pressures - many men (and women) today parade around as adolescents in grown-ass male (or female) bodies. It takes no work to become an “older”; I would argue that our planet today needs more “elders.”

So, what are these mature male archetypes? How do the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover express themselves?

First a quick note: From my understanding, the archetypes feed off of and intertwine with one another. As they should. So, if it feels like the lines between archetypes are getting blurry, they probably are. I think this is a good thing. It feels balanced. OK, let’s proceed.

THE KING ARCHETYPE: Someone acting from their inner King is calm and collected, especially when those around them are not. They are strong; a leader. You get the sense that the person acting from this mature male archetype is a centered participant in creating a more just and peaceful world for those they care about. This man builds people up, sees them, and through this recognition, helps this person become a better version of his or her self. Communing with this divine energy, we are able to acknowledge the divine inside ourselves.

It’s not about me as “the King.” The King serves a higher purpose because he knows that one day he will get old and die. One day there will be a new king. Humility is at the core of invoking this archetype in it’s most healthy form. Not a false look-at-how-humble-I-am humility. That is “look at me” energy unbecoming of a King. You are the King, and you know it because you’ve earned it, it’s inside you, but it’s not about you.

The King walks with his shoulders back because he’s confident he’s doing the best he can and serving something higher than himself.

Where can you better invoke the King within?

THE WARRIOR ARCHETYPE. A man in his Warrior takes action. Then he accepts responsibility for his action. He is capable of taking action because he has an intimacy with death and knows that each moment is sacred. He takes decisive action because he has cultivated a healthy detachment from emotions that will kill him faster than the sword of his enemy. It’s not “I am afraid” it’s “there is fear here.” He does not personalize his emotions.

The Warrior embodies a confidence and outpouring of vital energy because of mastery of Self and of learned skills. When I went traveling for six months through Mexico, Central America, and South America, there was a big difference between the traveler who first landed in Mexico City, and the one who came home. I had cultivated a lot of things, confidence that I could take care of myself in unknown places was one of them…

Where are those gaps in your inner Warrior?

THE MAGICIAN ARCHETYPE. I want this blog to invoke a sense of wonder and perspective and possibility inside of you. To me that’s magic. I want us to see that there is so much we can’t see or know. That’s Mystery. That is your inner Magician speaking. He is content in that hazy gray area of life.

The Magician thrives through his years of hard-earned experience getting to know himself. He has seen sacred space created by those who’ve gone before, and makes time to cultivate that sacred space for himself. He curates this space in order to ask the questions worth asking. Through this introversion, getting to know self and world, the Magician is a knower and cultivates wisdom. He is connected to the Natural world and has an intuitive understanding of others.

They are your healthy introvert, and have some training as an initiate into some sort of special knowledge.

As a by-product of this inner and outer “knowing” they are able to guide others to those places of knowing inside of themselves. They are able to poke holes in the ego of the King who’s becoming just a bit too self-serving; and they help others see what they cannot in order to gain perspective and undergo their own personal transformation.

Where might you cultivate a bit more Magician in your life?

THE LOVER ARCHETYPE. This is not just love of the romantic variety, although the sensual is certainly an aspect of this archetype. I see this as a balancing archetype for much of the mature male psyche.

The Lover is a feeler. He is a full-hearted participant in the felt world, the world of the senses. Like the Magician, they are in-tune with the natural world - enamored by the cacophony and variety and richness of this planet they feel at-home within.

The person embodying the mature version of the Lover archetype feels the wind on his face with the intensity of a golden retriever with it’s head out the window. This is a pouty-lipped Mick Jagger strutting around a stage without shame, thousands of eyes on him, full of zest for life.

The Lover stands against stodgy artificial boundaries, rules, and laws. The world all around is just too exquisite to want to constrain it in any way.

Where might you bring more depth to your Lover?

As you can probably see, a healthy cultivation of each of these archetypes is needed in order to balance out and enhance the others. We can all think of men in life who lean too far into one archetype or whom become ego-identified with a particular archetype and thus inflated.

To think “I am a king” is a humongous mistake. This is ego-identification with an archetype that is, sorry to say, greater than you.

As I’ll note in next week’s article, with this framework of the King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover, we can start to visualize ourselves acting from these places. We can invoke the positive qualities of what it means to be in our mature masculine. We can act as-if when we might not totally feel worthy of our higher nature and we can look to those who inspire us to want to grow.

In short, we can sit in the quiet of our mornings and embody the archetype most-needed for that day in our life. But we’ll talk about that more next week.

Warmly,

~Matt

Inside us there is something that has no name, that something is what we are.” ~Jose Saramago (Portuguese writer and poet. He won the Nobel Prize in literature in 1998)

Hello!

I hope you’re enjoying the positive momentum of this wonder-filled Spring energy. The longer days fill me with some hope.

Quick note: This article will be a touch more concise than usual. This is because I am in the process of moving for the fourth time in one year. My schedule already feels very full, yet here I am, packing all my things, scrubbing down the old place, building a shed at the new place for my tools, then cleaning and unpacking at the new place. What an excellent opportunity to say fare thee well to some of my stuff which no longer serves me.

As a consequence of all this moving around, you get really good at saying goodbye to things. Yet, there is one thing I have a hard time letting go: books. If there is one downside to reading it’s the physical weight of the ordeal. They tend to be the heaviest things I own. But I keep most of them nonetheless.

My other, longer articles are still coming together as time allows for the inevitable drafting and editing process for which I am still learning when to finally cry “Uncle!” and hit the “send” button.

Two things for today:

One, my sincere hope is that you’re not letting the beauty of Spring pass you by. This renewal and rising of a new season is a gift, especially in difficult times.

Up here in the Pacific Northwest, the cherry blossoms are out in full force. Not only that but the world is lit up with color - yellows, pinks, purples, greens, blues, whites. Bellingham, where I live, has done a marvelous job maintaining parks and putting tax-payor dollars towards nature improvement projects. Many people were watching the sunset last night on an absolutely gorgeous day.

I myself have been making it a point to do my best to bask in the experience that is my life right now, here in this place. I’m feeling gratitude for everything this world provides me. Not as some self-improvement project but because I feel my fortune deep down, and the bounty that surrounds us.

The Japanese have a tradition of spending time watching the ephemeral beauty of cherry blossoms. They call it “Hanami.” When the cherry blossoms are out, I hear that it’s not uncommon to witness large crowds standing for minutes and or hours soaking up the experience. Cherry blossoms last ten days if you’re lucky. If it’s not your year, and a big wind comes through, you might get less time with these beauties.

I think this is an important thing to note for us here in the West. We lead busy lives, we’re stretched thin, and we are all doing our best with what we’ve got. The blossoms for many people might just kind of exist in the background. You might see them, and even say, “wow those are beautiful”, but you don’t stop and pause and soak it in.

How many of these will we get in a human lifespan? If you live to be eighty, maybe you’ll get sixty good cherry blossom springs? (or whatever delightful spring beauties that surround you). I just moved up here, so I’ve seen five?

What happens when we cultivate this kind of seeing and witnessing? This appreciation, awe, beauty, splendor, wonder. What a delight that Spring brings us into ourselves, present to our lives!

Because Summer will be here soon. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We can prep and plan, but don’t forget to soak up what’s here. One day Spring will arrive as it always does with its smells and colors and warmth, yet we will not be here to witness it.

Second, I want to share a poem that speaks to our one wild precious life on this amazing planet which not only gives us everything we need to survive, but has the capacity to teach us things, too. If we can learn to listen and watch.

Much much love,

~Mateo

SOMEDAY, IF I AM LUCKY

I will be survived by this open acre

ringed by cedars and firs, this

meadow collecting yellow light,

where today, alive, I linger

in the listening, housed in a shape

capable of such ordinary song. I wish

to thank the minerals in my bones

and all this borrowed epiphany, all this

endless ache linking arms with sorrow.

May many tomorrows nest

in such green valleys. May we all

accept the ground we will become.

Page 78 in “If Nothing” by Matthew Nienow. I have been just loving this man’s poetry.

I picked up a book of poetry yesterday. “If Nothing” by Matthew Nienow (copyright 2025 by Alice James Books). It was the perfect balm for my heart and soul this morning. Heart-rending poems about addiction, his two boys, love, loss, shame, Nature, and beauty.

Today, I wanted to share two of his poems. For the record, it was hard to choose just two!

Please feel free to drop me a note, or like the page, if they resonate. Enjoy!

IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

Some days, it seemed happiness came before

the bottle, arriving at dawn or noon,

some bland scene I’d be walking through

suddenly smiling at the light hitting the leaves

of one tree across the way & effortlessly

I would be, for a moment, the tree

burning in the lumens of our star —

but of course, I had to work & being my own boss

meant that time was like math in 11th grade—

I didn’t get it & stared dumbly at the teacher

who repeated the word arbitrary so often

I almost grasped what it meant, though

I’ll admit there was a part of me that thought

of tributaries when he spoke & I’d be gone

again, wading upstream, usually between

steep banks with the sound washing over me

like a thousand distant conversations, & I

preferred it this way, being outside

of earshot, thirsty for wonder, unable

to quench or quell the ache of it always ending

just as it was getting good.

I arrived at the ending of this poem and was like “what!? I need to re-read that.” There’s so much here. The author’s battle with substance abuse. The momentary happiness by a tree lit up by our sun. A funny part about almost grasping what his 11th grade math teacher was trying to tell him.

And then the author “wading upstream” with sounds washing over him like “a thousand distant conversations”… To say nothing of this ending which makes me come back to the first sentence, “some days, it seemed happiness came before the bottle…”

I’m slow. I’m not very world-wise. You may read this poem and say “so what?”. That’s fine by me.

But I’ve felt that ache, and the inability to quench it.

SEAMS OF STARLIGHT & FLECKS OF GOLD

There is a realm

within the body

where the soul resides,

a speck of starlight.

The soul is borrowed

& does not thrive

without a bit of pain

to work against.

But only a fool

seeks out suffering.

It will find you,

cracking the glass,

sowing doubt

in every field.

It will find you,

& you may choose

to let it in. If you can

live with loss, the soul

grows bright.

Like the sun,

it touches everything.

One of the meditation teachers, Peg Syverson, at Appamada, the Zen center I attended in Austin when I lived there, used to say the same thing about being a fool to seek out suffering. It’ll find you, she would say. This has always stuck with me. Because the narrative in my head was that I needed to be salted and seasoned by life in order to really feel it. But it’s almost as-if the reverse is true — feeling life, becoming intimate with it, is that “crack in the glass.” At any rate, it’ll come. And, if anything, that young man was choosing to let it in. So that’s cool. There was something much more wise and ancient inside that knew that kind of intimacy would help “the soul grow bright.”

Not that my soul has grown bright or anything. But life certainly feels rich - not “happy” or “good” or “always fun and entertaining”, but full. And I’m so grateful for that.

Yesterday, in a chat with a friend, I was bemoaning the fact that I needed to take my potted plants out of their comfy, warm homes in order to re-pot them. He said, “yes you are taking them out of their home. A little stress and stimulus for growth. Not so different from us.”

Much love to all you hooligans. Happy Spring!

~Matt

Today I wanted to share one of those poems that I keep coming back to year after year. Each time I do, I find something new which resonates for me. This time I was really enjoying “those aspects of obedience… that shout to our reason, ‘oh please, oh please, come out and play’.”

A fantastic mental image. Someone standing outside our window, shouting to our reason, don’t worry about all that other stuff right now… come play!

Enjoy.

WE HAVE NOT COME HERE TO TAKE PRISONERS

We have not come here to take prisoners,

but to surrender ever more deeply

to freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world

to hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,

from anything

that may not strengthen

your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear

from anyone likely

to put a sharp knife

into the sacred, tender vision

of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend

those aspects of obedience

that stand outside of our house

and shout to our reason

“oh please, oh please

come out and play.”

For we have not come here to take prisoners

or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply

our divine courage, freedom, and

Light!

By: Hafiz - 12th century Persian sufi mystic and poet. This poem is from page 22 of The Gift, a book I highly recommend.

What an exquisite world we inhabit indeed!

Amor,

~Matt