Therefore, given the current circus we’re existing in, I thought I’d reshare this gentle little reminder to be careful of what we accept as the truth, and then explain how our reason for determining and trusting that truth can get us into trouble. Enjoy!

Arguing to be right seems to be a popular pastime these days. One that's seemingly undermining society’s ability to not only get along but also move forward with important social and political policies. If we’re not careful, the divisiveness that’s encouraged and even celebrated on this planet could contribute to our undoing.

Tell me where you get your news, and I bet I can guess your thoughts on the origin of COVID, whether or not the shot was “safe and effective,” the war in Ukraine, and what’s going on in Gaza. Our beliefs are shaped by the news sources we trust, and that “trust” is part of the problem. We tend to go looking for messaging that reaffirms us being “right.” It’s how we’re wired. Our egos love to protect our beliefs because we form part of our identity by who and what we associate with, which gives us a bias that we unconsciously love to reaffirm—crazy, I know!

It doesn’t make us bad people; it makes us human. However, as humans, we’re beholden to recognize when we get comfortable existing in an echo chamber. Why? Because it limits our growth. Regardless of how good it feels to perceive ourselves as being righteous for our correct and superior opinions, when we challenge them, it helps keep us in check. My favourite question for this is asking myself, “What if the opposite were true?” Ugh. Try that on with your Sunday morning cappuccino and croissant while you read your favourite newspaper. Hello, indigestion! However, it’s a useful hack for maintaining a broad and healthy perspective.

That said, it doesn’t come easy to us humans—especially when comparison is involved. There’s a great TED Talk that delves into this phenomenon called Why You Think You're Right—Even If You're Wrong. Julia Galef, a young American researcher, explains this predicament by identifying two distinct designations she refers to as “Soldier Mindset” and “Scout Mindset.”

A “Soldier Mindset,” think Carol Dweck’s Fixed Mindset, is just like it sounds—content with what it knows. There’s no inherent desire to be open to learning more because it believes it knows enough to form its opinion and operate effectively. It’s fueled by what she refers to as “motivated reasoning,” where our search for information isn’t driven by a rational desire to expand our knowledge through facts but instead through emotions—like the emotions we feel when we believe we’re right and others are wrong.

This mindset contributes to and encourages the tribalism we see play out in politics and society daily—not a good look for any of us!

The antidote Galef offers up is what she names the “Scout Mindset” or Growth Mindset using Dweck’s language. In order to experience life through this lens, as the term suggests, one has to remain open to new ideas, curious as to what more there is to learn, and most importantly, vulnerable enough to admit when they may have believed something that ultimately was proven wrong—not always an easy task, especially when we rely on one source for our information.

Before COVID, I was a CBC junky. For more than two decades, I began and ended my day with what I considered their trusted news. With the onset of COVID, I soon realized there was a narrative being pushed that conveniently lined up with what the government was selling. I haven’t watched or listened to CBC since. Do I miss it? You better believe it—every morning. But what I don’t miss is having one news network determine what’s true and what isn’t for me.

But it’s not just CBC; it’s all of them. Every mainstream news outlet is paid to push a narrative. Whether it’s left or right-leaning, it doesn’t matter. All of the news is bought and paid for. Therefore, is it any wonder we’re in the mess we’re in? The mainstream news is tasked with creating division and hatred, full stop—it’s what pulls us back in. In fact, there are studies that confirm the bias that exists in the news—on both sides of the political spectrum.

Whether it’s CNN or Fox News, their selective exposure means viewers are more likely to encounter information that confirms their biases, widening gaps between groups, and reinforcing echo chambers. Social media plays the same game. Analytics based on what you follow or engage with has the platform feeding more of the same to keep you coming back for more. And that “more” is fed by your need to reinforce that you’re right!

Don’t believe it? Try clicking on some stories that follow a similar theme for a day and see what starts showing up in your feed. I have a friend with whom I share hilarious cat and dog videos. We started about a year ago, and now that’s all I get in my feed—ugh!

“What if the opposite were true?” Let’s throw that question at the mainstream narrative that has us believing we are all very different, and those who don’t believe what I do are deserving of my vitriol and disdain.

A few years ago, I was a big Rich Roll Podcast listener—lots of great guests and conversations about high performance and how to achieve it. On one particular show, Robbie Balenger, an ultra-marathoner who ran across the United States, shared an interesting discovery he made during his record-breaking run. Belanger, from California, confessed that he was nervous about running through the so-called “Red States” but soon realized that the divisiveness portrayed in the media that fed his fear didn’t fully match the generosity and friendliness he encountered firsthand. He sheepishly admitted that it was the “Red States” who offered up more support for him than his own peeps found in the “Blue States.” A good lesson for all of us! And kudos to him for sharing his uncomfortable insights. Imagine if news anchors did the same.

I can relate to my unsettling hack, too. By 1997, Robyn and I had been dating for a number of years, and I had certainly watched my fair share of her middle-distance running events. During that time, she achieved a mishmash of results; some first-place finishes and others not so much. However, one thing had become painfully clear to me—Robyn did not buy into the same pre-race process or race strategies that I did. In fact, hers were the polar opposite of what I had been taught, believed, and utilized.

For example, she didn’t race to win medals; there was no chase in her competitive world, nor was there bravado when she won and, conversely, certainly no shame when she lost. She didn’t hate her competitors, either. She didn’t see the track as a battlefield and the race as a war. Instead, she ran because she loved running. And before the races, the most infuriating part for me was watching her hug her competitors and wish them well. WTF—I had never met anyone like her! If I’m honest, I found her process embarrassing.

Eventually, I got to a place where I realized I couldn’t argue her results anymore. She was a world-class athlete, consistently ranked in the top ten for a reason—she was fast as hell because her process and strategies got her there.

In hindsight, my incessant pushback wasn’t because I wanted Robyn to embrace my beliefs to help her perform better. Not at all. Instead, it was because I wanted to be right. I wanted her to acknowledge that what I had been taught as a young athlete and embraced for all those years was THE way to achieve high performance. Finally acknowledging that Robyn was “right” meant my ego had to concede I had been misled, wasting years of training and racing following an ideology that inhibited my growth and potential. Ouch!

If I’m really honest, it wasn’t just admitting that I was wrong; it was also admitting that my coach was wrong—a man and ethos I had defended loyally for decades. Admitting Robyn was right inferred that I had somehow betrayed an icon—a legend I and many others had faithfully followed.

So, my question, “What if the opposite were true?” isn’t just sort of true; it’s painfully true. And there’s no greater regret in my life than wishing I had been taught and embraced Robyn’s approach during my own athletic career. In this instance, it’s easy for me now to appreciate that my need to feel “right” interfered with every aspect of my athletic pursuits.

So where to from here? Well, perhaps Covey’s Habit #5 is the ticket; “Seek first to understand … .” If that were our default, we’d all be better off. However, as I touched on earlier, be careful where you go seeking. Whether it’s mainstream news or social media, you have to go in with eyes wide open and a good dose of skepticism.

I haven’t watched “The News” in over five years. How do I stay informed? I rely on many opposing sources to “do my own research”—something we used to call reading before it was bastardized by, shocker, the mainstream media.

In any regard, as our young TED Talker first encouraged us years ago with her findings, we have to embrace a Scout Mindset in our daily interactions, constantly remaining vigilant with openness to new ways of thinking and understanding the world and the many complex issues we face. If we can manage this, we can manage anything.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. Perform and Live Better.

What’s with the serious pondering, all of a sudden? Probably another sign that I’m (gasp) getting older—ugh!

Having said that, I don’t want to make this about the all too trite commentary around, “It’s just a number!” No, it’s not; it’s my age, and what I choose to make it mean is my business. Sure, I don’t feel what I used to believe this age represented. I mean, when I think back to what my dad was doing at 62, true enough, I’m not following his lead.

Instead, you’ll find me in the gym, running, or hiking on our local trails—doing something every day of the week. The byproduct is, I feel pretty good. Having said that, I kinda have to, if I’m honest—being active is like therapy. Yes, I appreciate a good physical workout, but it also clears my head and settles my emotions. Besides, truth be told, I get really pissy when I don’t work out.

So, as I’ve been thinking this week about what’s still on my list of things I want to achieve, there’s a realization that the pressure I used to feel when I was younger has dissipated. And I see that as a good thing. I’m not overstating when I acknowledge that my pursuit of an Olympic Gold Medal was an unhealthy phase of my life.

From start to finish, there was just so much fear involved in that venture. The fear of not measuring up; being good enough to be on that crew. Then ultimately, the fear of losing in our final. And of course the fear of what people would think of me for not winning. Yup, fear drove everything.

Did it work? You bet it did—got me to an Olympic final.

Today, that fear that used to pulse through my veins and fuel my fire is hard to find. Well, sure, there’s concern with the usual things involved with running your own business, but it doesn’t own me the way it did when I was rowing. Do I still get scared? Of course. In some ways, however, I consider it a good sign. And it’s not as debilitating as it used to be. I mean it has moments, but I come out of them now.

So, what’s changed? Well, without wanting to sound flippant or dismissive, I don’t care the way I used to. Hmm, that’s not coming out the way I want.

How about this: when I was rowing, I cared about my training, my diet, my sleep, all of the tangible things that made me better at rowing. Today, same deal. I care about all of the stuff that I need to take care of to run our business. Which means staying on top of our weekly podcast, writing a book, submitting an article for Substack every week, coaching our clients, booking and facilitating workshops, delivering a keynote… yikes, more than I realized—maybe I should be more scared!

What I don’t obsess over now is what people may think of all of those endeavours—or more specifically, my role in them. True, I want and take feedback very seriously, but it doesn’t keep me up the way it used to.

Do I fall off the wagon? Absolutely. If you remember my piece on launching our podcast, Imagine The Good, from a few weeks ago—that fear came roaring back. Today, I’ve made peace with it. My feeling is, as long as Robyn and I are having fun with it, we’ll keep going.

So, I care, but I don’t let people’s interpretation of our work live rent-free in my head the way I used to with rowing.

It’s interesting that clients push back by saying not caring means no longer being ambitious. And, I totally get that. It’s hard to convince someone that you are, in fact, ambitious while admitting that you don’t care. How can those two things both be true at the same time?

Which speaks to the paradox of this relationship. What I’ve come to realize is that there’s a difference between having something to accomplish and having something to prove. For example, I still have mountains I want to climb. People I want to help. Places I want to go. And, being realistic, there’s more urgency now than when I was younger—let’s face it, the clock’s ticking.

Re-reading my list of what our business entails, I realize that the stuff I want to do today is bigger, more ambitious, more impactful—if anything, I should be more fearful given what’s on the line. But I’m not. I’m engaged because I want to be—not because I have to. When I was rowing, I believed I had to—it was the only ticket in town that I knew of that could carry me to where I believed self-worth lived.

What’s moved the needle is that I’m finally living what I’ve been coaching for decades. Our book, Love First, is the paradigm I’ve had to embrace—teach what you need to learn, right? One question we discuss is what could be possible if, when you woke up every morning, you didn’t have to do or be anything special to feel good enough.

Well, today, I’m finally living that. The chase has officially left the building!

Two simple questions confirm that: at 62, what matters more than it did at 22? The way I talk to myself. What am I no longer willing to sacrifice for achievement? My wellbeing.

Thinking back to the fallout of that Olympic loss, that was an ugly time—a time I have no interest in revisiting. And by making sure my identity isn’t wrapped up in what I achieve, I’m free to pursue whatever I want.

Just to be clear, the fire-in-the-belly that drove that young man is still burning; it’s just using a stronger, healthier and more sustainable fuel.

So the question begs, what could be possible for each of us if we had the freedom to do whatever the hell we wanted? Free from judgement—from the fear of worrying about what others think. Goodness, I would argue the possibilities are endless.

Okay, then, what are you waiting for?

Episode # 5 of our podcast, Imagine The Good: Creating What’s Possible, is out. Click on our logo to listen. Enjoy!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

So, on the day of our anniversary, we decided to pack a picnic and head to a local beach to practice dad’s advice. We found a perfect spot overlooking the Georgia Straight with the Cascade Mountains in the background. It’s a view that doesn’t get old—ever.

The brilliant blue sky that day gently meshed with the grey outline of the mountain tops on the Washington State side. Container ships loaded to their absolute max slowly headed for the open ocean and their eventual destination somewhere across the Pacific. Closer to shore, whale-watching boats packed with tourists sped by in search of what they paid for—transient orcas and other local whales, usually greys. And of course, it’s hard to look out and not see a kayak or paddle boarder at this time of year—they were there, too, exploring the floating kelp, probably hoping for some local wildlife; maybe seals, otters, herons and the like.

The plan was to reflect on the last 25 years and then imagine our next 25. Amid all the nibblies, we talked about some of the biggest challenges we’ve faced as individuals and as a couple. No surprise, the passage of time came up more than once. “I can’t believe that was 20 or 15 or 10 or 5 years ago.” Goodness, it seemed to introduce every subject we discussed.

In reflection, many of our choices were what one might consider textbook. Research tells us that moving, changing jobs, having children, losing a pet or a parent are some of the biggies. And we’re no different—we ticked all of those boxes.

Interestingly enough, but maybe not surprising, when we switched our focus to discuss some of our highlights, many of them were connected to those same challenges. It reminded me of the question we often invite clients to consider in the face of adversity, “How can this be the best thing that ever happened to me?”

Well, it rang true for us every time.

And it wasn’t our behaviour in each moment that we were necessarily celebrating; it was our growth. It’s like the blister/callus analogy. When you rub skin with something irritating long enough, the body responds with a blister and then a callus. It’s a self-protective mechanism. Maybe the same is true of our emotional selves.

When we wade through muck, we learn from that and prepare better for the next time. In each instance, for example, losing our dogs, Ike early on in our journey, and then Katie 16-plus years later, prepared me for the loss of my parents. My growth was around acceptance and grieving. With Ike, I was a crappy at both—probably why I still cry when I think about him.

With Katie, things got better. And then dad, much better. In fact, being there to witness Ike’s departure allowed me to help dad leave when it was his time. Then when mom died, I was absolutely able to accept, grieve, and celebrate her in a way I hadn’t the others. For me, that was growth worth mentioning.

As for the next 25 years? Sure, there’s the stuff we want to do for work and pleasure, and the places we want to visit—I think that goes without saying. And not to dismiss it either, it’s important and therefore worth noting and committing to. However, it became abundantly clear to me throughout our conversation that one thing in particular required no recommitment: us.

When I said, “I will,” on that sunny Saturday afternoon in front of friends and family, all those years ago, I meant it. Mind you, if I’m honest, I had no idea the extent of what I was committing to. I mean, how could I? I don’t think anyone does, really. First, you have to live it to discover that you have what it takes to show up every day and love whatever version of your other half is in front of you. So far, I’ve shown I can do that. As I said before, it’s taken work, but who’s really surprised by that?

Just like the expression, anything worth having is worth working for—and the more you put in, the more you get out. Cliché as hell, but true.

So, yes, after 25 years, there have been some bumps, but truthfully, in the end that’s what has made the road worth travelling. Being invited to show up as your best self with each new day is work, but it’s also an opportunity to figure out what you’ve got to give. Back to dad, man, it’s like he knew what the hell he was talking about; he wrote the prayer for our wedding. In it, he said the joy of marriage was in the giving, not receiving. It sounded nice and aspirational at the time. But now, it turns out he was bang on.

Like being a part of any good team, it’s the bumps that draw you together and make you stronger, and it’s the giving that elicits your best “performance.” Service is an innate desire—we are all hardwired to want to help one another. With Robyn, as her teammate and closest friend, my best self shows up when the intention behind my actions is to support her. And, obviously, the same is true for her with me.

So, at this stage, I can honestly say we haven’t survived 25 years of marriage. No, we’ve shown up each day, taken what we learned from the day before, and tried our best to be with each other through all the stuff that living life entails. The good stuff, and there’s been a lot; along with the not-so-good stuff, and there’s been plenty of that, too.

Are there things I would’ve changed or done differently? Absolutely, but do-overs really aren’t the point. If you think about it, the wish for the do-over is derived from the mistakes made the first time. No mistakes means no learning—no growth.

I’ll be 87 years old when we celebrate our 50th. Who knows, we may even go to the same spot and follow dad's advice one more time. Because I can almost guarantee the challenges will keep coming‚ the growth will follow, and most importantly, the love will deepen. After all, that’s how good teams function.

Episode # 4 of our podcast, Imagine The Good: Creating What’s Possible, is out today. Click on our logo to listen. Enjoy!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

It all began in the fall of 1995 when I was embarking upon my final year at Emily Carr in Vancouver, a school dedicated to the visual arts. I was studying graphic design and needed a project that I could spend the entire year digging into. I was 32 at the time and knew I would need something more than a letter grade to convince me to spend 10 months of my life focused on one single project.

As a retired rower and now very slow ultra-marathon trail runner, I could eat—a lot! One of my favourite foods was nut butter. I used to make my own using my trusty Champion Juicer. I’d purchase different nuts and seeds, then combine them, before pushing the mix through the juicer—delicious!

One day, I got a little more playful—decadent, even. This time I picked up some M&M’s, butterscotch, yogurt, and dark chocolate chips, along with some coffee beans from our favourite bulk food vendor. I mixed together all kinds of concoctions. After a fair amount of trial and error, I landed on five tasty flavours. At first, I shared them with roommates, and then began giving them away as gifts. When the requests came back for more, I knew I had something wicked.

In May of 1996, I had settled on a name and packaging system for my little Mason jars filled with fancy nut spreads, aka Skeet & Ike’s Not Just Nuts Spread. After graduation, that school project switched gears into becoming a business. I found a partner—a very smart one to boot—and the two of us began a venture that took us on a journey neither one would’ve likely predicted.

After those initial long weekends of hawking our wares at the Granville Island Market in the middle of Vancouver, we began to expand into local independent grocery stores. Those little nut butters were a hit … when we sampled them! When they sat on the shelf as a stand-alone, they gathered dust. It was hard to convince someone that a jar filled with almonds, peanuts, dark chocolate, and coffee, for example, was actually delicious and worth the $6.00 we charged.

So, before pivoting was a thing, we did exactly that. We didn’t abandon the nut spreads; instead, we went looking for a product that people would be inclined to purchase more than once in a while. When you offer samples to the buying public all day long in multiple grocery stores, you begin to notice trends. And one of those trends was that almost everyone who came by to sample our nut spreads had one thing in the shopping cart—snacks!

We now had our new direction: snack food. Given the peanut allergy scare at the time, we ventured toward a nut that wouldn’t result in anaphylaxis. We landed on soy nuts. Okay, true, there really isn’t anything that’s actually a soy nut—it’s really a soy bean. However, when you soak those little beans long enough to plump and then roast them in the oven with seasoning, well, they become a delicious crunchy snack.

The organic and natural food industry was beginning to build momentum, and we jumped on board, determining that everything we made going forward would fall under those categories—organic and all natural. That decision would have a profound effect on the company and products that got developed over the next, well, 30 years!

Skeet & Ike’s was sadly discontinued after a few years and a number of noble tries to find a market for the brand. It was eventually replaced with Hippie Snacks, offering a healthier version of traditional snack foods. Today, Hippie Snacks still exists, but the products have evolved into a more nuanced and sophisticated line. The company that runs the show is Left Coast Naturals. And the guy who runs that company is the same smart guy I began Skeet & Ike’s with all those years ago, Ian Walker.

In many ways, Left Coast Naturals has become more than a food manufacturer and distributor—it’s become a force for good. It’s a leader in the natural and organic food industry, having won awards for everything from environmental initiatives to creating progressive workplace cultures. Awesome!

When I reflect now on those early days doing what every entrepreneur does in the beginning of their business—which is everything—I’m struck by how hard it was, and how satisfying! In our case, we handled the manufacturing, labelling, sales, marketing, distribution, sampling, all of it; just the two of us. And, every time I went through a grocery store checkout and saw our products hanging by the till, that was a gratifying moment.

I’ve long left the business; however, my memories of what it took to get it going make me smile.

Were there bumps? Pfft, is the sky blue? Of course there were some tough times—lots. But the majority of my memories now register as positive.

Am I proud of what it’s become? Of course—it employs a significant workforce and is considered a leader and benchmark for excellence in the industry. Ian has done a remarkable job.

However, what resonates most is the guy who kept pushing and why he was so determined to see this through. If you’re not familiar with the story, Ike was my dog at the time. He had failed out of the Canadian guide dog program as a puppy for health reasons. Long story short—he wasn’t expected to live a full life. So, now as my forever dog, I decided to immortalize him on these nut spreads. Trouble was, the majority of my instructors at Emily Carr thought it was a stupid idea. But I didn’t care—I was doing this … for Ike.

That’s the young man I love to remember. His tenacity. His work ethic. His vision, and yes, his stubbornness. That guy did not give up on his idea to bring his beloved dog’s story to the world. And the threat of a crappy graduating mark from some art instructor did not register as a good enough reason not to. That’s what I remember when I reflect on my early days with Skeet & Ike’s.

Mind you, it goes without saying that determination was the result of my relationship with Ike. He was my first dog, and our connection was deep. I would’ve done anything for him, including enduring the scorn of my teachers.

What it reminds me of is the work we do now with our coaching and, more specifically, around motivation. What drove me back then was a commitment to my dog, Ike—in service of him. We weren’t trying to compete with Kraft or Skippy … obviously. We were just doing the best we could with what we had. The result of that is what exists today. It’s a reminder of what’s possible when we put our best foot forward in the name of learning and getting better day after day after day.

Thank you, Ike. Thank you, Ian. That was a good ride.

Episode # 3 of our podcast, Imagine The Good, is out today. Click on our logo to listen. Enjoy!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

I mean, I’ll admit, there was apprehension and some tense moments leading up to the launch. I think there’d be something wrong with me if that hadn’t been the case. But, overwhelmingly, the take-your-breath-away nausea that I awoke to last Thursday morning was not what I expected. I countered with, Jase, man, you’re a frikken’ adult for goodness sake—what the hell!

Believe me, that was the rational response I was utilizing in my lame attempt at calming the seas—but I wasn’t having it! Instead, I was hellbent on running story after story about this being a huge mistake that we would live to regret big time! After all, we were out of our league; how did we ever let a stranger convince us to do such a non-Jason and Robyn thing? And then wondering, can we cancel it? Is it too late to pull down the show?

I re-read my Substack and kept checking for replies. Any sort of response to say that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I sat down in the backyard and tried to write my Morning Pages—not a chance. Every time I would delve into something I thought was important, my brain returned to a running commentary on why this podcast idea was going to bomb—things were not going well.

Then, my phone whistled at me. I jumped and reached for it so quickly that I knocked over my tea. I turned the phone to reveal a text message from one of my brothers. Oh boy, great—he’s goin’ rip this thing apart.

Happy to be sitting down, I read his message.

I exhaled and thought if Paul thinks the website and the first episode were good—that’s sayin’ something! He never blows sunshine, ever!

Then, my phone rang—it was our dear friend, Peter.

“Oh my goodness, Jase, this is it, this is it—this is your sweet spot! That was just so fantastic to listen to! Congratulations…”

Disaster averted…

Where am I in reflection this week? For a guy that’s writing a book about self-worth and loving oneself unconditionally, clearly I’m teaching what I still need to learn.

How on earth did I get rattled so easily?

Well, it turns out that old habits can die hard. The need to control my surroundings and what gets in and, in this case, more importantly, what gets out is still hugely important. The podcast has entered a new realm of visibility—anyone, literally anyone in the world, can look for, find, and listen to our podcast. It’s called the social-evaluation threat, and it’s a thing. We are now subject to public scrutiny in a way we’ve never been before. That’s going to take some getting used to.

Furthermore, the spotlight effect, which showed up in the stories I was writing, was a result of me thinking that everyone, and I mean everyone, that I knew was listening intently. When in reality they were getting on with their days and might possibly get to the episode if they had a moment or two later on. I had made it much worse than it was or had to be.

All of which were the result of me caring so much, maybe too much!

Regardless of how old we get or how many life-transforming moments we’ve experienced, every time we enter a new arena, there’s a chance we can return to beginner mode. Where our insecurities and vulnerabilities can run amok and cause that young child to reemerge in all of us—yup, we’re never immune to it; we’re always susceptible to that state.

And it all stems from the imposter syndrome—the tendency to doubt our legitimacy or fear being exposed despite evidence of our competence. And this little gem can strike anyone, regardless of age, profession, or distinction—success does not necessarily protect us.

The result can be self-sabotage—basically our mind trying to defend us from rejection, embarrassment, disappointment, or the loss of status. It accomplishes this by predicting EVERY possible disaster. Like mine did: nobody will listen, people will think this is self-indulgent, we’re too old to be starting this, we’ll look stupid, and, ultimately, what if this thing is an absolute flop?

As the news came in that it wasn’t so bad, I began to relax because my mind was being convinced that maybe it was safe to reemerge. Even though self-sabotage is misguided self-protection, it’s something we can work with and lessen over time. It’s all about gentle and continuous exposure.

In the end, this isn’t about conquering fear at 60 or any age for that matter. No, it’s about discovering that even though fear still knows where we live—it no longer gets to make our decisions whenever the hell it wants. Especially the big ones!

FIVE HACKS TO MANAGE THESE MOMENTS OF DOUBT:

1) Name the experience accurately:

Instead of saying, “Something is wrong,” try: “I feel threatened because this matters to me.”

Putting feelings into words—known as affect labelling—has been shown to reduce emotional reactivity. It separates the emotion from the conclusion. Sure, fear is real; but its prediction is not necessarily true.

2) Separate the facts from the story:

Create two columns: Label the first one, What I know. Label the second one, What fear is predicting.

So, in our case, it might look like:

1st column) We released our first episode. 2nd column) Nobody will listen.

1st column) Friends and family responded positively. 2nd column) They were only being kind.

1st column) We understand this subject. 2nd column) People will think we’re full of ourselves.

1st column) We will get better. 2nd column) We shouldn’t have to learn—this should be easy.

Fear thrives when interpretation disguises itself as fact!

3) Call it excitement instead:

Anxiety and excitement are both high-arousal states. Research tells us that people perform better when they interpret their anxiety as excitement instead of trying to force themselves to calm down. Ummm, that was me Thursday morning!

So, my sentence could have been:

“Apparently, this is what excitement feels like when it has something to lose.”

4) Change how you measure success:

In our case, in the first several months, success should not mean chart position, subscribers, downloads, or praise. Those are outcomes.

A better checklist would be:

• Did we publish consistently?

• Did we have the conversation we wanted to have?

• Did we tell the truth?

• Did we improve from one episode to the next?

• Did something we said help one person?

• Did we stay in the process when fear encouraged us to retreat?

It comes back to outcome-versus-process. Fear wants an immediate verdict; the process asks for patience. Give it the latter.

5. Take the next visible step before fear disappears:

Again, in our case, if we publish the next episode, share another clip on social media, or invite our next guest—we keep moving forward in the face of the fear. Research suggests that, combined with self-compassion instead of criticism, it can increase motivation to improve and help people recover more easily from failure.

Courage is not the point at which fear disappears. It is the decision that something else matters more.

THREE BOOKS TO CHECK OUT:

1. Daring Greatly—Brené Brown
   The most directly relevant exploration of vulnerability, shame, visibility, and the courage to be seen.

2. The Confidence Gap—Russ Harris
   Especially useful because Harris challenges the belief that confidence must arrive before action. His Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach is essentially: carry the fear and move toward what matters.

3. The War of Art—Steven Pressfield
   Pressfield calls this force “Resistance”—fear, procrastination, perfectionism, self-doubt, and rationalization appearing precisely when we approach meaningful work.

THREE PODCASTS TO CHECK OUT:

1. “Brené on FFTs” — Unlocking Us
   Almost uncannily relevant: Brown describes launching her own podcast with equal parts excitement, fear, awkwardness, and vulnerability.

2. “Fear Less” — Hidden Brain
   Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Arash Javanbakht explains why fear protects us, why it sometimes restricts us, and how we can work with it.

3. “What If You Dared to Be You?” — Good Life Project
   A conversation about vulnerability, owning our stories, and the willingness to be genuinely seen.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

About six months ago, we met a marketer from Florida who suggested we dust off our microphone and try again. With some palpable hesitation for not knowing where it all might go, we’ve ventured into this arena once more.

This time, however, it’s different; no guests to begin with—for ten shows, just Robyn and I chatting about the work we do and the principles and strategies behind the life lessons we’ve both learned and now incorporate into our lives and our work.

At first, I was skeptical; “Who the hell is going to want to listen to this?” From Florida, our coach kept pushing—trust and just keep going.

So, here we are, now with enough shows to launch; we’re doin’ this. What’s different is that the editing process has been simplified, almost eliminated by advanced technology thanks to AI. With no more excuses regarding the dreaded time commitment, we’re keen to explore where this can go.

So far it’s been … well, fun, I guess. I mean, we block off 60 minutes of time, sit down, hit record and start talking with one another about things we’re passionate about. So, how bad can that be? As I say on the show, I get to talk to my best friend about stuff we care about—I’ll take it!

What’s coming after the first ten shows? Simple, we’ll have guests who speak to the message of the show; people who are creating what’s possible under the guise of doing good! And there are lots, believe me. Some you may know of, others not so much. The only qualifier is the conviction of their days and how they spend them—what are they doing to inspire, change, shift, create and lead in such a way that this planet will be better off for them having been here.

In many ways, as I’ve said before, it’s a podcast whose time is now. With so much that is troubling to watch and even harder to get your head around, it’s important to look for the good … on purpose, as a way of pushing back against the narrative that the world is dangerous and divided. And this isn’t about denialism or sticking your head in the sand; no, it’s about developing strategies for having a more positive, hopeful, meaningful, and fulfilling existence.

First and foremost, it’s not preachy; we do our best to share our life experiences and the lessons we've learned from our journeys, along with accompanying research when it’s appropriate—anything to support listeners in being at their best. But we don’t tell anyone what to do. Instead, it’s an invitation to consider something new and different, perhaps, told through genuine and consequential stories. I mean, let’s face it, those of you who know me understand that my “story” has some bumps. So, if this show is going to have any sense of authenticity, those bumps have to be shared and, at this point in my life, laughed at, too.

Along with those stories, we discuss our take on what makes all of us fallible, redeemable, and everything in between. We don’t always agree with each other—again, if you know us, you already understand that’s how we roll—what comes out is what you get.

In the first episode, we talk about the idea of “no enemies within” and the impact of giving ourselves grace during moments of inner turmoil. For every show, we start with a theme and a general idea of the direction we want to go. However, once we hit record, all bets are off.

If you’re intrigued, have a listen. And if you’re so inclined, like it. If you want to hear more, subscribe. And, if you’re really keen, leave a review and tell your friends—that’s how we’re going to grow this thing.

Thanks, everyone. Enjoy…

Something else pretty cool happened this week. Mind you, it started a while back when a writer from an online magazine called Executives Diary reached out, saying they were intrigued by my story—the whole Olympic loss thing, followed by a major shift in perspective that resulted in a better life, and unique strategies for high performance. They wanted to run an article.

Fill your boots, was my response.

A number of weeks passed, and I forgot about it. Then, last week, the article and cover showed up in my email asking for my approval. I had a look—wow, I have read many interpretations of our Olympic loss and the work we do now as a result, but none as articulate, interesting, and concise as this one. So, I thought I'd share it here. Enjoy!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

If you’ve ever created something important—like, really important—and then, before it was finished, pulled the covers off for everyone to see and pass judgment, not knowing what the response would be. Well, I’ve just survived that unnerving, sometimes torturous experience. And, even better, I didn’t just come out the other end unscathed; I feel pretty jazzed about the whole thing—the overall judgment was positive.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, almost two months ago I sent out the first five chapters of a book I was considering writing, along with an exercise foundational to the book’s message called the Love Score™ 30-day Challenge, to some very generous volunteers. The plan was to garner some feedback from a group of early readers—I figured, if I’m going to spend the time finishing this thing, it had better be worthwhile.

Over the last two weeks, that feedback has been showing up in my email with a link to the anonymous online answers. I can still remember when the first one came in: saying to myself as I read each answer, “Okay, that’s pretty good. That one’s okay. Not bad. Nice, I’ll take it!” And on and on I went. By the end, I could breathe more easily.

The same process repeated itself multiple times as each email announced its arrival with a ding and an invitation to check in on someone else's experience of my work. At this point, it’s safe to say I’ll be finishing the book.

Now, of course, that doesn’t mean I hit homerun after homerun—not at all. There are some readers I have yet to hear back from. In those cases, there are a few likely reasons: the book sucked, and they don’t want to tell me that—could be. They came to the project with good intentions, and then life showed up, preventing them from following through—totally get that. And, finally, this one’s a little more awkward; they began the process, and it became too uncomfortable to continue—yup, I expected that.

And we’ve seen it before. Whether in our coaching or workshops, being asked to consider how much you love yourself—how much do you value, connect with, and trust yourself? Ya, that’s not exactly a question we’re used to being asked out of the blue. And it’s certainly not one we might consider a small-talk conversation that happens every day.

So, what caused this response? Simple: when we’re threatened, we push back with a story that, on the surface, makes complete sense, but deep down, gives us a hall pass to avoid looking into the corners of our life we’d sooner leave alone. Honestly, that’s totally normal—it’s called self-preservation. It means your ego is doing what you pay it to do: protect you. As we’ve said before, you can’t force this work on anyone. It’s like pushing rope—there’s no convincing with this kind of introspection. You’re either ready for it, or you’re not. And both are okay.

Hopefully, however, there comes a time when, for whatever reason, we become more open to the honest reflective nature of the Love Score™ assessment and the questions that come with it. When that happens, we engage differently—on our terms. Not because someone else said we should, but instead because deep down we know something needs tweaking and perhaps digging into the areas of our life we’ve been protecting for years would be a good place to start.

And, at its core, that’s what I was trying to determine with this sample-size test group. Given that Robyn and I utilize the Love Score™ during our coaching, often with transformative results, I wanted to know if the book and the 30-day Challenge alone could inspire the same sort of outcomes without Robyn and me there to kid-glove the process. Well, I think I have my answer.

When asked, If you were describing Love First to a friend, what would you say it is about? One reader wrote, “I’d probably say it’s about choosing how you show up before anything else happens. ‘Love First’ is the idea that, in any situation, especially the messy or tense ones, you lead with generosity, curiosity, and care instead of defensiveness, judgment, or control. It doesn’t mean being passive or avoiding hard conversations. It means grounding yourself in respect and empathy first, and then acting from that place.”

I’ll take it!

Finally, a few weeks ago, I submitted Love First to a publisher just to see what would happen—nothing to lose, right? They rejected it. I wasn’t overly surprised, and if I’m honest, I don’t think the partnership would’ve worked. Some of the questions on the submission page reminded me of why IKE: the dog who saved a human, the last book I wrote, had some ideological struggles when it came out three years ago. So, in many ways, I don’t think we were a match.

What I did appreciate about that submission process was one question in particular, “How will you know your book has been a success?”

Hmm, good question, I thought. “If I get one letter or email from a reader telling me that the book made a difference—that’s it: it will have been a success.”

Well, if that’s my marker, I’m already there. However, now, more than ever, I want this book to help transform more lives.

Onward…

I’ll keep you posted as I continue to make progress with this venture. Cheers, everyone!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. Perform and Live Better.

It’s that time of year when my wife, Robyn, jumps on a plane and flies to the other side of the country. Quite literally, from Victoria, British Columbia, to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Robyn was born in Mulgrave, a small town on the Straight of Canso across from Cape Breton Island. And, in keeping with the cool and heartwarming things small towns out east do, every year they host an event called “Robyn’s Run” to honour her successful running career. So, Robyn flies out to start the race and hand out the medals—I love it!

Being from a family of nine, another thing small-town Nova Scotia does very well, she and her siblings take advantage of Robyn being there and arrange a family reunion. They gather as many as can come for a week to celebrate one another with home-cooked meals, walks, bonfires, and lots and lots of visiting. I’ve been to one, so trust me when I say they barely sleep for the entire week—it’s beautiful to witness!

So, what does poor little me do for seven lonely days and nights with just our pups, the garden, our deck, the kitchen, the stereo, and the television clicker all to myself? Oh, I don’t know—enjoy all of it!

And don’t kid yourself, this isn’t just about being able to play RUSH very loudly all day long. Nor is it exclusive for introverts; it’s the alone time I cherish. Quiet time to think and just be. I establish my own rhythm and do and eat what I want, when I want. And believe me, I don’t begrudge when Robyn’s here—not at all; it’s not like, “Oh crap, now I have to compromise.” I obviously love Robyn and love hanging out with her—she’s my best friend, how could I not?

My point is that once a year, I enjoy shutting down. No talking. No chores. No accommodating. No nothin’. Just me and our pups—ahhhh!

Turns out, though, we should all regularly build solitude into our days, weeks, months, whatever works for us. Not just because we get to control the television—no, this is something much bigger: solitude actually regulates the nervous system.

Researchers found that even 15 minutes alone can reduce high-arousal emotions such as anxiety and excitement, leaving us feeling calmer, more relaxed, and re-energized—sign me up! And it’s not like you have to assume the persona of a Monk—sitting quietly and meditating, while fasting for a day. No, although I’m sure the meditation wouldn’t hurt, you can just lie in the hammock and read.

And in this instance, choice matters. Solitude is more likely to feel restorative when we choose it, rather than when we’re forced into it because we’ve been rejected or excluded. Research involving adults across different ages found that autonomy—where being alone is genuinely one’s own decision—is an important predictor of whether solitude feels good.

Finally, and this is the part I also appreciate about my time away from Robyn—solitude may actually help our relationships. It’s kinda like the expression “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” When alone time is restorative rather than avoidant, we can return to the people we love with greater emotional energy and availability. Researchers emphasize that solitude works best as part of a healthy rhythm of connection and separation—but not as a replacement for meaningful relationships.

Because what we’re inviting here is that sometimes stepping away from the people we love allows us to return to them with more of ourselves available.

What does this have to do with performance? Well, a healthy-high-performance belief is that rest, recovery, relationships and results belong together rather than competing with one another. In other words, it’s the combined effect of all of these components on our well-being that ultimately supports our doing.

Perhaps the goal isn’t to build a life from which we never need to retreat. Perhaps it is to create a healthy rhythm of engagement and withdrawal, engagement and withdrawal—time with the people we love, and time alone to remember who it is that loves them.

FIVE HACKS TO BUILD HEALTHY SOLITUDE INTO OUR LIVES:

1) Block out alone time on the calendar.

Don’t wait until you’re exhausted or everyone else happens to be away. Protect a regular hour—morning, afternoon, or even one evening each week—that belongs only to you. And remember, no, it doesn’t make you antisocial or any other limiting story that’s coming up for you.

2) Take yourself somewhere without needing to accomplish anything.

Consider it a date with yourself—go for a walk, sit by the water, visit a café, drive somewhere beautiful, or spend time in the garden. Solitude doesn’t always need a purpose or a goal to show you that it was time well spent.

3) Create small pockets of silence.

Okay, full disclosure—I’m workin’ on this one. Trying to turn off the endless podcasts. Leaving my phone at home. Driving without the radio—ugh. Resisting the urge to watch something informative on YouTube while eating. Even ten or fifteen quiet minutes can help us hear ourselves again.

4) Let the people you love know what solitude means to you and why.

Explain that wanting time alone is not rejection or withdrawal. It is restoration. Healthy solitude is easier to protect when it isn’t misunderstood by the people closest to us—remember, they’ll get used to it!

5) Notice whether your alone time restores or isolates you.

Healthy solitude should generally leave you feeling calmer, clearer, or more available to others. When time alone consistently leaves you feeling disconnected or withdrawn, it may be loneliness rather than restoration—an important distinction to recognize and seek help and support for.

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) Solitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World — Michael Harris

Harris examines what constant digital connection is doing to our capacity to be alone and makes a compelling case that solitude is essential for creativity, reflection and knowing ourselves. I’ll be listening to this one!

2) The Art of Solitude — Stephen Batchelor

A quieter, more philosophical and contemplative book. Batchelor explores solitude through meditation, art, nature and his own retreats. He argues it’s less about escaping other people and more about learning how to be fully present with ourselves.

3) Silence: In the Age of Noise — Erling Kagge

Kagge is a Norwegian explorer who has travelled alone through some of the quietest places on Earth. This brief, very readable book considers why silence and undistracted time are essential to sanity, wonder and gratitude.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to listen.

1) Speaking of Psychology: “The Benefits of Solitude”

This one is well researched. Psychologists Thuy-vy Nguyen and Netta Weinstein discuss the difference between solitude and loneliness, the effect of alone time on stress and emotions, and why some people find solitude more nourishing than others.

2) The One You Feed: “The Power of Silence: Wisdom on Stillness and Solitude”

A conversation with Pico Iyer about silence, retreats, the inner life and why stepping out of the noise can help us return to life more grounded and awake.

3) On Being with Krista Tippett: Pico Iyer on “The Art of Stillness”

A beautiful, reflective conversation about silence as a kind of recharging station for the soul. Iyer talks about returning regularly to a Benedictine hermitage and how stillness changes the way he engages with the world when he comes home.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

If you’re looking for support in building solitude into your life, we can provide tools and insights to help you move forward and feel more confident and fulfilled in whatever role you occupy. Reach out; we’d be happy to chat.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

But for me, it’s not the number of years; it’s the way he lived them, and the way he made others feel while he was living them—including me.

I remember, as a young boy, didn’t matter who you were; Uncle Ed was always so welcoming. And our family was on the receiving end of that generous welcome many times. Weekend dinners. Holiday get-togethers. Hot summer days by their pool. There were just so many occasions.

In late August of 1974, mom and dad, along with Uncle Ed and my aunt, and all eight cousins rented a cottage together on Lake-of-Bays near Dorset, Ontario. Despite being the youngest by five years, I still was included in most of the daily activities. But come nighttime, I would make a fuss about my earlier departure for bed.

In the final week of our summer escape to cottage country, I closed the gap on those five years by turning 10. Double digits—it was a big deal; remember feeling that?

Appropriately, my mom and dad gave me a green-and-white tackle box filled with some fishing necessities. I was thrilled and eager to put it to use.

After the cake was devoured and all of my gifts opened, Uncle Ed asked me if I wanted to go fishing the next morning—did I! And, sure enough, at the crack of dawn, as promised, we climbed into a beautiful mahogany inboard cruising lake boat and headed off for the best fishing spot we could find.

I’ll never forget the feeling I had sitting there with my Uncle Ed as the sun rose over the misty lake. I was barely 10, and my uncle had asked me if I wanted to go fishing with him. I thought turning 10 was a big deal—phiff didn’t even compare to being asked to go fishing! Whooweee—still stirs my emotions.

As we sat quietly waiting for our first nibble, Uncle Ed began asking me questions: What grade would I be in that year? Was I going to play hockey again? I didn’t even know he knew I played hockey. How about swimming, was I going to swim for the St. Catharines Swim Club again? Question after question kept coming—in that moment, I felt important, valued, and appreciated … at 10 years of age, I’d take it!

In the end, I was the only one who caught a smallmouth bass, which Uncle Ed would later clean and cook up for breakfast the next morning. Didn’t matter; I learned why people go fishing together—for the company. Me and my Uncle Ed just hanging out and having a good visit.

As Maya Angelou wrote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

A sobering reflection to be sure. Kinda makes you wonder why we put so much emphasis on the doing and so little on the being when it’s the being that resonates so deeply for us. And sure enough, I suppose the uncomfortable truth is that it’s really a rhetorical question—of course I know why; we all do. It’s becuase we value attainment so much. And to be clear, that’s not necessarily a bad thing; accomplishments are important and worth celebrating—bring it on!

I guess for me, the trouble is we often compromise who we are or who we’d like to think we are in the name of our ambitious pursuits.

However, when I think about why Uncle Ed meant so much to me, sure, he was successful and had all the bells and whistles to show for it; however, it was indeed the way he treated me that led to my having such fond memories of him.

True, I remember his fancy cars, his beautiful boats, his modern home and pool—I can easily picture all of it. But I do that with my head. When I truly remember Uncle Ed, the person, it’s a visceral experience—my heart does the remembering because of the emotional hardwiring that was laid down as a young boy. And he did that by the way he showed up, took meaningful time, and interacted with me—all choices that he made.

The opportunity for all of us in his passing is the reminder that our legacy, the way people will talk about us when we’re gone, is there for the making. As I’ve said before, having a positive legacy isn’t something we hope for—it’s something we build … every day with every interaction. The challenge, if there is one, is ensuring that during those interactions, we’re at our best—present, mindful, curious, authentic, and ultimately, what I knew best about Uncle Ed, playful.

Yup, in so many ways, we could all be a little more like Uncle Ed.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

And, yes, I know that’s pretty rich coming from someone who's spent a good portion of his life either rowing or coaching rowing—believe me, I’ve heard all the comparisons: watching grass grow or paint dry. Therefore, I appreciate that a rowing fan has little to complain about, given how boring my own sport can be to watch.

Truthfully, it’s the diving culture that I find the most off-putting. In the short while I’ve been watching, I’ve lost track of how many Oscar performances I’ve suffered through. Clearly, some of these China Dolls could learn a thing or two from a hockey or rugby player.

But, I digress, what I am trying to get straight in my head is the dichotomy that exists within this game, or the Beautiful Game as it’s referred to, and the machine that operates it. It’s one that I had to contend with as an Olympic athlete myself. How can one of the most remarkable and inspiring sporting events in the world be run by an organization as corrupt as the International Olympic Committee (IOC)?

Well, from what I understand, FIFA makes the IOC look like child's play. Whether FIFA is “more corrupt” than the IOC is hard to measure, but FIFA has earned its reputation the hard way. In 2015, the U.S. Department of Justice charged high-ranking FIFA officials and sports-marketing executives in a racketeering, wire fraud, and money-laundering case tied to what prosecutors described as a 24-year corruption scheme.

Trouble is, if we’re honest, all big sports live within this contradiction. The athletes train with good intentions of following their dreams. The fans show up with enthusiasm and loyal support. Communities are created and gather with hope. And then, somewhere above the field, money, power, television rights, bidding processes, and institutional self-preservation start doing what they do—mostly, whatever they want.

Maybe this is why sport still matters. Not because the institutions are pure—they’re not. Not because the spectacle is innocent—it isn’t. But because every so often, amid the show, the money, and the corruption, the game itself still gives us a glimpse of something human: effort, courage, grit, belonging, heartbreak, joy, love.

Maybe the work is not to look away from the corruption; this isn’t about burying our heads in the sand, but we can’t let it steal the beauty either. Maybe the work is to hold both truths at once. Because, like it or not, neither is going anywhere any time soon—we love our sports and our teams too much!

And, hey, look what happened today: Canada, with minutes to spare, scored, winning the game 1-0. So that means Canada will most likely go on to play the Dutch in Houston this coming Saturday, July 4th. I believe it’s the first time a Canadian team has gone through to the elimination round—not bad for a frozen nation!

So, this coming weekend, you better believe that, regardless of what the U.S. Department of Justice has to say, this pub and many more just like it from coast to coast will be packed for that game. It’s what we do—come together and cheer for the red and white.

Go Canada!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

Instead of the predictable hockey jargon one might expect to hear while a new hire describes the style of play and the changes they want to implement, Hiller used an unexpected term when referring to the culture he wants to see imbued throughout the team’s spirit—fun! Yup, he said he’s looking to infuse fun into their style of play and make playing hockey in the NHL “fun again.”

The response amongst the Toronto sports media pundits? In a word, predictable.

What the hell does fun have to do with winning the Stanley Cup?

Glad you asked. Well, if you’re open to the truth, lots, actually.

Unfortunately, there’s an old belief: “If it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t count.” And no surprise, this paradigm of hard work is still alive and well, often mistaking misery for commitment.

However, it turns out that having fun while we work is the precise conduit to the flow state—a state in which the game often happens through the athletes, as described by those who have experienced it—that we should all welcome. In layman’s terms, that means when we’re having fun, we open ourselves to a practice where our actions happen with little or no premeditated thought or control. What results from that state is often our highest level of potential—regardless of the endeavour. Sports, performing arts, our work, relationships—it just doesn’t matter; it’s a phenomenon that transcends the expression of the actual endeavour.

Self-Determination Theory suggests that people are more motivated, engaged, and healthier when their needs for autonomy, competence, and connection are supported. In normal speak, that would be: when we choose to practice on our terms, when we can feel ourselves getting better, and when we feel that our teammates like us and we like them, we’re more likely to be motivated and stay engaged. Fun often is the catalyst for all of that.

Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden-and-Build Theory argues that positive emotions such as joy, interest, and love broaden our thinking and help us build long-term resources. That supports beautifully what we’re talking about here: enjoyment doesn’t make us soft; it expands what we can see, try, and become—it’s like jet fuel.

There’s also research showing positive emotion can improve cognitive flexibility, which matters in sport, art, business, and relationships because high-level practice is not just repetition. It’s adjustment. It’s noticing. It’s problem-solving—all while we’re in motion.

It reminds me of what Wayne Gretzky used to say when describing how he played: he always tried to go to where the puck was heading next, not where it was in the moment. That was the attraction for him—the challenge that kept him engaged. And, in order to function on that level of play, he had to be able to think on the fly—quite literally. Turns out that joy, interest, and love were what kept Wayne coming back for more—because it was fun!

When I hear hockey pundits dismiss fun as a legitimate strategy for high performance, I’m not surprised by that—it is hockey after all. I mean, the machismo and bravado that oozes from this sport is nauseating (and alarming) at times. Appearing tough is a full-time job for most who are in some ways employed or otherwise engaged with the sport.

But, in all honesty, it’s not just hockey. I see it on LinkedIn, a business social media platform, all the time—leaders and coaches who share a similar message about how hard they work—or grind, as they like to say!

And look, I won’t for a second dispute that sometimes it's just plain old hard work which is required to reach our goals. It’s true, there are days when we won’t necessarily love what we do or have fun in doing it. However, I will argue that the more we bring a dose of love and fun to our toil, the more motivated we will be to work hard, improve, and find success.

Too bad if fun doesn’t fuel the persona they’re trying to prop up. My advice, get over yourself and let nature help you achieve things your grinding never will.

As for the Maple Leafs, good on them for hiring someone with a different and refreshing approach. Goodness knows they’ve tried the grinding coaches before to no avail—time will tell where this approach takes them. But I’ve often thought that when the TV camera scans the Toronto players on the bench during regular-season play, they never look like they're having fun.

What I found quite interesting during this year's Stanley Cup final between Vegas and Carolina was that the Hurricanes often looked as though there was no other place they’d rather be than in that game with their teammates beside them, giving their all.

I mean, hey, having fun seemed to work out okay for them!

Go Leafs!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

It was a beautiful day: blue skies, low 20s with a breeze. I was feeling quite good and appreciating that, in my 60s, I can still get out for a run without any pain in my back, hips, or knees—I don’t take that for granted.

I’m no speed demon these days. Well, truthfully, there’s never been a day when I was. In fact, when I played football back in Lower School, my nickname was “lead-legs.” It stemmed from catching a pass with at least a 20-yard head start toward the end zone, only to be caught and tackled quite easily. Yup, I was pretty slow.

Oh well, speed demon or not, I still love the feeling of getting lost on the trails and allowing for the reliable rhythm of my marathon shuffle to get me to where I want to go.

Some of you might remember a Your Mindset Matters video I made a few years back, where I shared my displeasure at a passerby who gleefully said, “Oh, good job!” at the sight of me trudging up a hill in the park while on a run. It was my first time receiving a vote of encouragement from our resident Dora impersonator—I couldn’t believe it! I don’t look that old; I objected quietly to myself. Good job? I’ll show you a good job!

Upon arriving home, I shared the insulting comment with my wife, Robyn. She smiled, acknowledging my shock and disappointment while appreciating the woman's generosity. “Maybe she’s not a runner and didn’t realize that it’s normal for people, umm, of your age to still be running.” That didn’t help!

Anyhow, for more than a year or so, I’ve managed to avoid any other backhanded compliments—until last week. I was crossing the centre part of the figure 8 and happened upon a stalky guy coming toward me with a genuine smile clear across his face. I returned the smile as I got closer, only to be met with two vigorous thumbs-up and a boisterous declaration, “Way to go, buddy—that’s awesome!”

This time it was different. Or, at least, the way I received it was different. There was no reference to Dora, and therefore I didn’t feel like I was 6 years old! Instead, I could feel his genuine approval and celebration of me being out on the trails and running—at my age.

Okay, sure, I’ve got more grey hair now, and maybe I do look a little older; I’ll give him that, but somehow this time I was more open to receiving his verbal pat on the back.

No sooner had I run by him than I thought back to the disgust I had felt a little more than a year earlier. Clearly, something has shifted—likely me, I reflected. As I thought more about it, I conceded that the original comment was equally supportive and positive and was shared with genuine intent to encourage me up the hill.

What bothered me in the moment was my disapproval of Father Time revealing his work to others without telling me. As someone who's been active his entire life, there’s an identity in there that’s now being forcibly changed—even if I don’t want it to. However, the annoying truth is that Father Time has been showing me; I just didn’t want to look.

Having thanked my stalky cheerleader, I continued on with the run, feeling okay with the changes that were revealing themselves to me and others. I can fight it or embrace it, I thought.

With that, I turned to begin the last part of the run that would close the figure 8. Around the corner were three older gentlemen moving toward me, probably in their mid-seventies, each with hiking poles. As we got closer to one another, one of them stopped and, with a twinkle in his eye, blurted out, “You big show-off!”

I stopped and turned around. Both of us, in unison, burst out laughing. Perfect, I thought! Clearly, it was all about perspective; to someone a little younger than me, I was inspiring. To someone older, I was a pain in the ass who needed to be taken down a notch.

Typing out this story, even now, makes me smile as it did when I got home and shared it with Robyn.

Isn’t it the truth: life quite often sends us just what we most need—whether we think we do or don’t!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

This conversation resurfaced between Robyn and me the other day as we recorded our 4th episode from our new podcast, Imagine The Good. (It’s not live yet—I’ll keep you posted) Naturally, when you have two Olympians with vastly different experiences and perspectives, you’re going to have some opposing views.

No surprise, I was the outlier in our process conversation. My rowing journey was unapologetically driven by the outcomes I pursued. Winning was the sole reason—or not losing, if we’re going to be completely honest. That’s the desired outcome that drove my training, my commitment to diet and sleep, and, of course, my reason for competing. That outcome occupied every ounce of grey matter I had during my years of competition.

On the other hand, Robyn’s reason was the complete opposite. She ran because she loved running—what a concept. She was not driven to win or not lose! Instead, she was in it for the transformative life experience on offer, stemming from her commitment to her process. Early on, she understood that the results she garnered were a direct reflection of how well she prepared herself and how she showed up to the challenges she willingly embraced.

To be clear, I didn’t come up with my little gem of a motivator all on my lonesome. No, it's what I was taught—just like many of you in all likelihood. “Eye on the prize!” Isn’t that how it goes? And, yes, I get it, focusing on the prize can and does drive extraordinary results. I guess my pushback at this stage is now, “So what—just because it can work doesn’t mean there might not be something better?”

My evolution to that something better has led me to a more nuanced understanding of what drives our best moments of performance. And the shift began with an epiphany—a realization that my obsession with outcome was actually undermining my stated purpose of winning. But it wasn’t just the actual racing part; no, it interfered with everything leading up to that moment—the training and commitment, too.

Paradox? Absolutely! The more I honed in on winning, the more I inhibited my capacity to show up to the required process as my best self. And that’s the part it seems we don’t want to acknowledge or teach our youth.

I guess my nagging and obvious question here would be, “Why?” I mean, to what end are we hoping for with this outcome-centred strategy? Because now, after a lifetime of bumpy miles travelled and my fair share of humble pie, I understand clearly that the reason I was using, in fact, was holding me back.

So, the question we come back to time and again is: do we focus on outcomes or on the process required to achieve them? And we frame it as such—outcome versus process. Well, I would argue it’s not a versus conversation at all. Instead, it’s an and conversation … because they hold hands—as in, they are inherently linked. Think about it; it’s the desired outcome that inspires the required process in the first place.

We can’t discuss process if we don’t know what the endgame looks like—what we’re shooting for. And it’s the eventual outcome that, unsurprisingly, resembles the strategic, effective, and empowering process used—hence the equation below. Think of them as partners: the outcome tells us where we'd like to go, and the process determines whether we get there.

One of the perks available to us with this approach is the freedom to explore—the safety to play, if you will. When we chase an outcome, we invite a stress response due to the looming threat of failing to achieve it. When it’s about process, there’s little or no threat associated with falling short, only the constructive feedback available after the performance.

Don’t take my word for it; researchers believe the same thing. Sport psychologists consistently advise elite performers to focus on controllable factors rather than uncontrollable outcomes. So that athletes who focus on execution, technique, effort, and decision-making perform better under pressure than those who are focused on winning, rankings, approval, and consequences.

Remember, the brain has limited attentional bandwidth: every moment spent worrying about the future is attention stolen from the present. The good ones know how to let go of what they can’t control and trust that the outcome will reflect their process or preparation.

Furthermore, being present and focused on the task at hand—whether it’s in business, sports, the performing arts, school, or parenting at home—the flow state available to us doesn’t occur when we’re obsessing over results. Instead, flow occurs when the challenge and our skill are relatively equal, when attention is fully present, or our self-consciousness disappears.

Is there regret for me now that I understand the importance of process? You better believe it! Knowing, after the fact, that having my mind spin stories before, during, and after training sessions or races did not in any way help me get better is a frustrating and regrettable realization.

Can I go back and change it? Well, obviously not.

What I can do instead is embrace the practice of some of these hacks. Because as I’ve said many times before, “it’s not enough to know.” We have to continuously hone our craft—regardless of what that may be. Doing the things that make us better when there’s no one there to witness—that’s part of the work.

FIVE HACKS TO BECOME MORE PROCESS-ORIENTED:

1) Define Today’s Win.

Instead of asking: “What result do I want?” Ask: “What behaviours would make today successful regardless of outcome?”

This keeps your attention where you actually have influence—as in, control the controllables. Researchers Edward Deci and Richard Ryan named it Self-Determination Theory. They found that intrinsic motivation produces greater persistence, creativity, learning, and well-being than extrinsic motivation—focusing on the result. When people become overly focused on rewards, status, recognition, and outcomes, performance usually suffers.

Instead, when they focus on mastery, growth, contribution, and learning, results naturally improve—shocker!

2) Track Inputs, Not Just Outputs.

Track the workouts you’ve completed, the number of calls you’ve made, how many pages you’ve written, or how many hours you’ve practiced. In this instance, we’re focusing on Process Goals rather than just Outcome Goals, such as how much weight you have lost, how many clients you've signed, or how many books you've sold.

Think of it this way: Inputs are the seeds. Outputs are the harvest.

3) Create “Process Triggers.”

This is a good one for bringing us back to the present. It begins with awareness—realizing we’ve been distracted by the outcome —and then giving ourselves grace and a cue, like taking one deep breath before speaking or listening first in important conversations. Simple cues interrupt outcome obsession and help us get back on track.

4) Ask Better Reflection Questions.

At the end of your day, ask: Did I show up? Did I stay present? Did I do the work? What did I learn? And how will that inform my process next time?

Notice that none of these require a successful outcome. It’s all about drilling down on our process—that’s where the successful results are born.

5) Fall in Love With The Practice.

The extraordinary is usually hidden inside the ordinary. The workout. The conversation. The page. The practice. And, yes, I appreciate that there will be days when we have to do things we don’t love. And that’s okay. Point being: the more days we hone our practices because we love doing them and how they make us feel about ourselves, the better! It ignites mastery, and that’s not nothin’!

“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.”—John Wooden

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) The Inner Game of Tennis—Tim Gallwey

The classic text on quieting interference and trusting process. “The Inner Game of Tennis is not just a tennis book . . . because inner voices torture all of us—not just country-club tennis players.”—Michael Lewis, author of Moneyball and The Big Short

2) Atomic Habits—James Clear

It’s considered the best modern book on focusing on systems rather than goals. Enough said!

3) The Practicing Mind—Thomas Sterner

A hidden gem entirely devoted to learning how to enjoy the process of practice.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to listen.

1) Finding Mastery—Dr. Michael Gervais

Deep conversations about elite performance, attention, and presence.

2) The Rich Roll Podcast—Rich Roll

Many episodes explore mastery, discipline, and long-term process.

3) The Tim Ferriss Show—Tim Ferriss

Numerous interviews with world-class performers discussing systems over outcomes.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

If you’re looking for support in staying true to the process of discovering your best self, we can provide tools and insights to help you move forward and feel more confident and fulfilled in whatever role you occupy. Reach out; we’d be happy to chat.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

In my second version as a rowing coach, I distinctly remember the first time the crew I was working with did a workout called “ten 70-strokers.” It was very much like it sounds; you row for seventy strokes at or above race pace, and you do that ten times on two minutes’ rest. If it sounds challenging, that’s because it is. 700 hard strokes that help build a quiet knowing in every athlete courageous, or crazy, enough to venture that there isn’t too much you can’t do when you have a good enough reason.

What I recall about the times I did that workout, as a teenager in high school, is that our coach, Neil Campbell, would putter off in his coach boat while we rested between pieces. It wasn’t until I began to coach that I understood why.

Watching a boatload of athletes writhe in pain, especially when you’re the catalyst, is hard to take. Knowing that the immense discomfort they’re feeling is a result of your instructions is a visceral experience. Part of why is that they trust you so much; they’re willing to endure that workout because you asked them to.

The day I asked my crew to do what I had many times before brought me to tears. Not just because I knew how it hurt, but because of the memories it stirred in me. It took me back to a simpler time when my teenage crewmates and I worked incredibly hard—committed to each other and getting faster. Wow, still stirs me just writing it out.

So, where does that come from? Science tells us that one of the strongest findings in aging research is that, as people get older, they become increasingly focused on meaning, relationships, gratitude, and emotionally significant experiences—a pattern known as Socioemotional Selectivity Theory. Basically, as our sense of time grows more finite, we tend to pay more attention to what truly matters. But it’s in response to positive, meaningful experiences that give life depth, purpose, and meaning—not just sadness.

Many psychologists and clinicians observe that older adults, particularly men, often become less invested in maintaining a stoic tough-guy image. The emotional walls that once protected us soften and come down. We care much less about looking tough and more about being real and authentic—the game we played as young adults has come to an end.

What I’ve finally come to understand is that when I was younger, tears felt like a sign that I was weak and losing control. As I've gotten older, they feel more like evidence that I'm paying attention—at this stage of the game, I'm good with that.

Because growing older isn’t about becoming less, it’s about becoming more available—to gratitude, to beauty, to others, to love, to life. Maybe those unexpected tears are simple reminders that, after all these years, our hearts are finally catching up to what we’ve always known: life is richer with real, unabashed and unapologetic emotions.

FIVE STRATEGIES TO ALLOW ROOM FOR EMOTIONS TO FLOW MORE FREELY AS WE AGE:

1) Stop calling it weakness.

Many of us grew up believing “emotional control” meant we had to suppress every one of our emotions. But there’s a difference between being controlled by emotion and being touched by emotion. One is reactivity—the other is humanity.

The fact that a book, song, movie, act of kindness, or a Terry Fox commercial moves us to tears may not mean we’re becoming weaker. It may mean we’re becoming more available to life—embrace it!

2) See tears as information.

When you tear up, ask yourself: “What is this moment reminding me of and why does it matter?”

Usually, the answer is: connection, courage, belonging, love, forgiveness, service, etc…

Because tears often reveal our deepest values, instead of pushing them away, get curious—where did these come from, and what do I need to pay attention to?

3) Recognize that experience compounds.

In our twenties, we’re reacting to one life story. At sixty, we’re reacting to hundreds. A graduation reminds us of our children. A wedding reminds us of our own vows. A death reminds us of everyone we’ve loved. Life accumulates emotional depth. That’s not fragility—that’s wisdom. Consider yourself lucky!

4) Share it instead of hiding it.

One of the gifts of aging is caring less about performative toughness. When we acknowledge: “Wow, that really hit me,” we often discover everyone else in the room felt it too. Authenticity creates connection—and connection is what most of us are searching for—drop your guard and be the first in the room to publicly own your emotions. It won’t kill you!

5) Let it be evidence that you’re paying attention.

This might be the most important one. Instead of saying: “I’m getting soft.”

Try saying: “I’m paying closer attention.” To beauty, gratitude, people, fleeting moments, to what matters most.

Perhaps tears aren’t evidence that we’re losing something. Instead, maybe they’re evidence that we’re finally seeing things that were there all along, but we had a story that was getting in the way.

“The afternoon of life is just as full of meaning as the morning; only, its meaning and purpose are different.”—Carl Yung

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) From Strength to Strength—Arthur Brooks

Brooks explores how the second half of life can become richer, wiser, and more meaningful if we’re willing to redefine success.

2) The Second Mountain—David Brooks

A wonderful exploration of moving from achievement and acquisition toward purpose, service, relationship, and contribution.

3) Aging as a Spiritual Practice—Lewis Richmond

A thoughtful look at aging not as decline, but as a developmental stage filled with opportunities for growth, perspective, and presence.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to watch/listen.

1) The Good Life Project

Particularly the episodes on purpose, aging, meaning, and reinvention.

2) On Being

One of the most thoughtful explorations of what it means to live well, grow older, and remain fully human.

3) The Next Big Idea

Search out episodes featuring Arthur Brooks, Chip Conley, and other thinkers writing about the second half of life.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

If you’re looking for support in finding your way in this “afternoon” stage of your life, we can provide tools and insights that will greatly assist you moving forward, helping you feel more confident in whatever role you occupy. Reach out; we’d be happy to chat.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

However, this session proved a little different. When my name was called, I got up to meet the instructor as she came into the waiting room. Bright smile. Firm handshake. A good start. She turned and asked me to follow her.

As we walked towards the treatment room, I turned off my phone and tried to forget about the dozens of balls that were mid-air that day. I reminded myself this was a treatment, not a meeting—take a deep breath, Jase, and get present.

As I followed her into the room, I was taken aback by the dozen or so students waiting for their “model.” I hadn’t recalled Robyn telling me that I was going to be in a class. I thought I would simply be treated by one of the instructors. Previously, I’ve had both kinds of sessions before, but for whatever reason, this time caught me off guard. I smiled and said hello to the group, one by one, as they went around the room introducing themselves.

“Please don’t take offence, but I’ve already forgotten your names!” They laughed at my revealing comment. “Except you, maybe,” I added while gesturing to one of the students. “We had a dog named Benson, so I’ll likely remember yours.”

They laughed again.

With the introductions complete, the instructor got on with the interrogation.

“What brings you here today?”

She may as well have shot off a starter’s pistol. Knowing I had limited time, I began listing off in rapid-fire all the ways my 60+ year-old body was ailing. Not sure what it is about turning 60, but I no longer recover from training the way I used to. And I know this will be obvious to most of you, but not to me, and therefore I have a hard time accepting that.

With my list complete, the instructor asked with a smile, “Is there anything else?”

I thought to myself, What? Isn’t that enough? I mean, it’s enough for me!

I shook my head.

“Anyone have any questions?” she asked her students.

One young woman raised her hand and began speaking at the same time. “My dad has the exact same tattoo in the exact same spot,” referring to the Olympic rings I had on my right ankle. “He’s probably a little bit younger than you are, but he’s complaining about the exact same stuff. So, don’t feel bad—it’s not just you!”

Who said I was complaining? I thought to myself. Did my list come across as complaining?

“Neat,” I replied. I mean, what was I supposed to say, “Great—cause that makes me feel so much better!”

“Any other questions?”

The room fell silent until another young woman raised her hand. The instructor nodded.

“You’ve outlined the things you’ve lost or are losing since turning 60. Is there anything that you’ve gained?”

Boom! There’s always one in the group, isn’t there?

I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. I waited a moment, thinking that when I was her age, there's no way in hell I would’ve had the gumption or confidence to ask that same question—times have changed, to be sure. And good on her for asking.

“Hmmm, that’s a really good question,” I answered softly. Then, I thought some more. “Well, I know it may sound cliché, but I guess what I’ve gained is wisdom. I’ve had enough life experience by now that I don’t get pissed off the way I used to. I have more patience, especially with myself, and I tend to be gentler and kinder regarding all things me. That’s new, and probably a good thing.”

She smiled gently before nodding her head.

“Okay, let’s head into the treatment room and get started,” announced the instructor as she got up and moved toward the door.

Lying face down on the table with needles in my back, legs, feet, and the top of my head, I couldn’t stop thinking about that question. While the instructor and students excused themselves, I drifted off into a profound recollection of all the things, moments, and people I now had in my life. True enough, my body was changing and not responding the way I wanted. But what I “had” far exceeded the losses I was experiencing.

If you’re familiar with the “one-headlight phenomenon,” where, when you have a headlight out, it seems there’s an uptick in burnt-out headlights all around you. Psychologists call this the frequency illusion. It happens when something enters your awareness or becomes personally relevant, and your brain starts noticing it everywhere.

It’s what “Seek, and ye shall find,” is based on. What we look for, we tend to find more of—good or bad. So, when we’re feeling like our bodies are shutting down and not behaving the way they once did. Ahem, then, we’ll notice more breakdowns to affirm the belief.

Conversely, when we believe our bodies are strong and resilient, capable of what we prime them for, we find more instances that support that narrative. It’s why gratitude journals are so powerfully effective—we’re priming ourselves to find more of the good, because we consciously remind ourselves of all the good we currently have.

In our “dangerous and divided world,” as we are constantly reminded, we have the opportunity to change our inner narrative by looking for what’s “safe and unifying” instead. Does the world seem upside down more recently? Absolutely. However, we can change our experience of that by looking for something different—something better.

As human beings, we’re in search of community, connection, action, inspiration, things that remind us of the good on this planet—and there’s lots! That’s why Robyn and I have decided to start our own podcast that invites that very experience. We’re calling it, Imagine the Good: Creating What’s Possible.

We had a false start before COVID, but we have decided to return to this project. This time, it seems to be a theme for our times and, therefore, more relevant than ever. Everywhere we go, people seem to be craving the same thing—more good.

So, watch for it on Apple Podcasts coming soon. I’ll certainly keep you posted.

In the meantime, keep looking for the good—it’s out there!

And, finally, not many takers last week with my new book and the 30-day challenge—I get it! People are busy, and love isn’t an easy conversation, especially with ourselves. However, if you change your mind, there’s still time—let me know, and I’ll send you everything you need. Thanks in advance. And to those of you who did step up—thank you, it means a lot!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

True enough, really; I mean, if you practice a tennis serve, a dance routine, a business presentation, hell, a cookie recipe—it doesn’t matter what it is—the more times you do it, the easier and better it gets. Right?

Well, that’s where I thought I was heading with my new book, Love First: Your Journey to Self-Worth and Synergy. Why? Because I’ve done this before, as in three times before! And, for that reason, I figured, “I’ve got this! And it’ll prove my easiest book yet.”

So far? Not a chance!

For whatever reason, this one’s been a project like none of my previous books have. And, in keeping with what I’ve just argued, each book did get easier, and I would also add, better. My last book, IKE: the dog who saved a human, was the easiest and, I consider, the best book I’ve written.

Well, like any new adventure, it hasn’t transpired in the manner I originally expected. There have been twists, turns, and bumps that have slowed the process and, at times, proved discouraging. Straight up, it most certainly hasn’t been “easy” in the way I was hoping.

Having said all that, am I happy with where things are? I am. Yes, it’s been work—hard work at times, pushing through days where I wasn’t sure this self-help genre was for me. I’ve always said I’m a storyteller and, therefore, I wasn’t convinced that stepping out of that lane was a good idea. Writing about concepts and explaining methodology or instructions—yikes, it’s been a new experience I wasn’t convinced I was ready for.

But here we are, five chapters in, and I’m pretty good with what I’ve got. I’ve had others read it as well, and the feedback confirms that. So, it’s time to jump and reveal what I have so far.

That’s where the ask comes in—I need volunteers to read the first few chapters and accept the 30-day Love Score™ Challenge. Why? Because the Love Score™ is foundational to the book. And, more importantly, I need some data and case studies to finish what I’ve started.

That’s where you come in. I need you to volunteer to read the PDF I’ll send you and then participate in the 30-day Challenge. From there, you’ll answer an anonymous survey and, if you choose, volunteer to be one of a few anonymous case studies for the remainder of the book.

How much time? Firstly, it depends on how fast you read, I guess. And then, for the Love Score™ 30-day Challenge, if you want to really dig into the self-reflection questions, that will likely take more time than simply skimming them, so anywhere from 2 to 20 minutes a day, and both can work. It’s your call.

What’s in it for you? Tangibly, once it’s complete, I’ll send you a free digital copy of the book, Love First: Your Journey to Self-Worth and Synergy. If you’re chosen to be an anonymous case study, you’ll receive a signed hardcopy version. Perhaps, more importantly, you get the self-satisfaction of knowing you’ve contributed to this project. And, I would argue, the biggest return is what we consistently hear from our clients: “A happier, more fulfilling, and sustainable way of life,” for having explored your Love Score™ more thoroughly.

So, if you’re intrigued and want to help, please reply to this email or send me an email at jason@yourmindset.ca, and I’ll reply with the first five chapters and 30-Day Challenge details. Furthermore, if you have a son or daughter, nephew or niece, friend or neighbour, or know someone of any age who would either enjoy or find this opportunity helpful, please forward this to them.

Very much appreciate your consideration and look forward to hearing from you!

Cheers,

jason

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please check out our website @ yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

Wow—so this one hits a little close to home. And maybe it does for many of us. I mean, who doesn’t want to be considered “useful?” Well, actually, maybe the better question is who wants to be considered “useless?”

Not me! I like it when people call and ask for help because they consider me useful. Or, when a neighbour knocks on our front door and asks for a hand with something—that’s a nice feeling. It’s good to feel helpful, right?

Yes, I think that’s part of the message here: this isn’t about not being useful, it’s more about ensuring that our response to help comes from a healthy yes, and not a need to appear as someone who drops everything to be of assistance so that our sense of self feels, well, good enough.

Been there! And, it sometimes feels like a conflicted place to occupy. On one hand, wanting to be generous with my time, and on the other, wanting to protect time with family or on my own.

Perhaps the catch-all phrase here is people-pleasing, which is often less about generosity and more about safety, approval, and self-worth—I get that and can absolutely relate. A 2025 review on the mental health implications of people-pleasing notes that people-pleasers often show lower “core self-evaluations,” including self-esteem, self-efficacy, and emotional stability, because their sense of worth becomes dependent on external approval.

The problem isn’t that useful people love helping. It’s that some of us learned to confuse being helpful with being safe. That was me as an insecure young man constantly in search of external validation and belonging. However, we don’t need to stop contributing; we need to stop using contribution as proof that we matter.

Research on assertiveness and self-esteem explains why this was an area of struggle for me for so long. The Family Institute has research linking a lack of assertiveness in adolescence with increased social anxiety and low self-esteem, while higher assertiveness is associated with lower tendencies toward depression. In other words, learning to say what we need is not selfish. It’s part of becoming psychologically healthy. And I think that’s the important distinction here—wanting to protect your boundaries isn’t selfish. Something I wouldn’t have said in my twenties!

Adam Grant has done some interesting work distinguishing between people who give sustainably and those who give to the point of self-sacrifice. I write about this very phenomenon in my new book, Love First. I reference from what I’ve seen as an educator. During my fifteen years in the classroom, I’ve met teachers who always make themselves available to their students above and beyond what is expected. However, on so many levels, it’s an unhealthy commitment not just to their students but also to their reputation as someone who sacrifices, and they wear it like a badge. As Grant points out in this instance, giving isn’t the problem; self-abandoning giving is.

Most researchers agree that effective givers are not the ones who disappear into everyone else’s needs. They are the ones who stay connected to their own.

I believe that the disconnect for many, as it was for me, happens when we deem saying “no” as rude or even selfish. Whereas the findings tell us that, yes, giving is wonderful as long as you don’t lose yourself in the act.

Here’s some information to help you continue to be generous while protecting your best interests…

FIVE HACKS TO HELP YOU BE GENEROUS WHILE MAINTAINING YOUR HEALTH & WELLBEING IN LIFE AT WORK, HOME OR WHEREVER:

1) Ask: “Am I helping, or am I auditioning?”

Before you say yes, pause and ask:

“Am I doing this from love, generosity, and reality—or am I trying to secure approval, avoid disappointment, or prove my value?”

That’s an important question that can reveal a lot. Helping feels easy. Auditioning feels anxious. Helping has generosity built in. Auditioning has a quiet fear underneath it: Will they still value me if I don’t come through?

2) Replace the automatic yes with a purposeful pause.

People who are addicted to being useful often say yes before they’ve checked in with themselves. So it’s really not about saying no. It’s about not answering too quickly.

Next time, try this:

“Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”

That sentence alone is a boundary—it gives the realist in you time to chat with your reflexive self.

3) Create a “what’s this going to cost me” column.

When you agree to something, write down what the yes will cost you—everything! Not just time, but energy, sleep, family, resentment, recovery, and the thing you’ll have to say no to in order to honour this yes.

The goal isn’t to become selfish—it’s to become honest.

Try this one on:

“If I say yes to this, what am I quietly saying no to?”

4) Practice disappointing people in low-stakes moments

This is a big one. If someone’s self-worth is tied to being useful (as in the teacher I referenced), disappointing people can feel almost unbearable. So don’t start with the hardest relationship or the biggest issue.

No, start small. Say no to a minor request, and don’t over-explain. And especially don’t rescue the other person from their discomfort either. Let the moment be slightly awkward—you’ll survive it!

That’s how our nervous system learns:

“I can disappoint someone and still be a good person.”

5) Separate contribution from identity.

This is most likely the heart of the matter. Contribution is beautiful—service matters—being dependable is not the problem. The trap is when usefulness becomes our identity.

So try completing this sentence:

“Even when I am not creating, helping, fixing, earning, solving, or rescuing, I am still…”

And then, sit with it.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”—Brené Brown

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) Set Boundaries, Find Peace — Nedra Glover Tawwab

A very practical resource for this topic. Tawwab’s work is clear, direct, and useful for people who struggle to speak up for what they need. The book is described as offering “simple yet powerful ways” to establish healthy boundaries and “experience the freedom of being truly yourself.”

2) The Joy of Saying No — Natalie Lue

This one is right on the mark. Lue’s book is specifically about people-pleasing, reclaiming boundaries, and saying yes to the life you actually want. The book is framed as providing a way out of toxic patterns and into relationships built on more love, care, trust, and respect.

3) Give and Take — Adam Grant

More directed to the workplace with a leadership angle. Grant’s framework around givers, takers, and matchers is useful because it lets us agree that giving is not the problem. But giving without boundaries can become costly. Grant describes givers as people who contribute without expecting anything in return, while takers try to get as much as possible, and matchers trade evenly.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to watch/listen.

1. We Can Do Hard Things — “How to Stop Pleasing and Start Living.”

This episode is perfect for this topic. Amanda and Glennon discuss friendship, mental health, people-pleasing, and the difference between boundaries and control. It’s accessible, emotionally honest, and will likely resonate if you’re tired of being “easy” at the expense of being real.

2) 10% Happier with Dan Harris — “How to Set Boundaries” with Nedra Glover Tawwab

This episode features Tawwab and focuses on setting, maintaining, and respecting boundaries. It gives listeners a more grounded, practical guide—especially if you want tools, not just insight.

3) We Can Do Hard Things — “BOUNDARIES: Are too few or too many? Why we stay stuck?”

This episode explores why boundaries can be difficult, including the push-pull between having too few boundaries and overcorrecting with too many. It helps us understand that boundaries are not walls, they’re clarity. They protect our connections rather than destroy them.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

If you’re looking for support in finding a balance between your needs and the needs of others in your life, we can provide tools and insights that will greatly assist you moving forward, helping you feel more confident in whatever role you occupy. Reach out; we’d be happy to chat.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

I received some feedback the other day from a reader asking why I always write about uncomfortable things—things that are hard to read, hard to acknowledge, and hard to deal with.

Hmmm, good question, I guess. I mean, I do ask for feedback, and believe me, I always appreciate hearing what the readers have to say—even when it’s not flattering.

And, just so I’m clear, the feedback wasn’t aggressive or even a complaint, really. It was just someone saying it would be nice if I wrote about my dogs more often! I laughed out loud when I read that, mainly because some of my family members have said that exact same thing!

Well, after having thought about the question, my answer would be that I’m interested in supporting people’s growth—I always have been. It’s why Robyn and I do the work that we do. And, if I’m honest, the growth—the real growth happens when we wade into the muck and deal with the parts of ourselves and life that are hard to look at, hard to acknowledge, and especially hard to deal with. That’s where the transformations live—in the ugly parts of ourselves we don’t want anyone else to know about.

And, so, in a nutshell, that’s why I write about that stuff. I suppose I could write about my dogs more often, and maybe I’ll try to do that, but for now, it’s the stuff I see showing up in our coaching, on social media, and in my life—that’s what I’m drawn to give my attention to.

Just like today’s topic, when people say they’ll do something without ever really intending on doing it—yucko, that’s a reputation we all want to be mindful of. Even my mom used to warn me of what she called “Good-time Charlie’s.” It’s an old expression from the 1920’s when it first appeared in American literature. Basically, and I’m sure you get the gist, it’s someone who’s not necessarily interested in details or following through on commitments that may require some work, and is more than willing to leave someone hanging without much regard for the consequences, as long as it serves them.

It’s also usually delivered with a “should,” as in “We should meet for a coffee!” Whenever there’s a should in the lead-up to a suggestion from someone, red flags go up. If you’ve ever heard the expression, “That guy is always ‘shoulding’ all over himself.” It’s a reference to a similar reputation like Charlie's, and, no surprise, it’s not very flattering.

If you're guilty of “Hey, we should … .” You may want to raise your awareness of this less-than-desirable habit. Believe it or not, you’ve likely earned a reputation for someone who doesn’t follow through, and you’re no longer trustworthy.

Why is this important? Because your word is a tiny legacy. Every time you keep it, you strengthen trust. Whereas every time you throw it around casually, you weaken it. No matter how small the commitment, it’s still a commitment. And whether or not we follow through is one of the simplest ways we show people who we are.

Bottom line, this is not about people-pleasing or saying yes to everything. It’s care with truth. It’s warmth with boundaries. It’s about letting people know that you value their time and their relationship. Don’t make your words bigger than your willingness to back them up. And when you do give your word, treat it like something that truly matters—because it does.

FIVE HACKS TO HELP YOU REGAIN YOUR INTEGRITY AND FOLLOW THROUGH ON YOUR COMMITMENTS WITH THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AT WORK, HOME OR WHEREVER:

1) Do a “word audit.”

For one week, pay attention to every loose commitment you make:

“I’ll send that over.”
“Let’s grab coffee.”
“I’ll introduce you.”
“I’ll call you next week.”
“I’ll look into that.”

Most of us lose integrity in small ways, not through massive betrayals. This lines up perfectly with Brené Brown’s point that trust is built in small, everyday moments, not grand gestures.

So, at the end of each day, ask: What did I say I would do today? Did I do it? If not, did I clean it up?

2) Replace fake enthusiasm with honest warmth.

Instead of saying, “We should grab coffee,” when you know you won’t, try:

“I’d love to stay in touch, but I don’t have the time for coffee right now.”

This is foundational to what we’re talking about. To support trust, before offering anything, pause and ask: Do I actually intend to follow through? If the answer’s “No,” don’t ask!!!

3) Make fewer commitments—and keep them.

If you’re familiar with Stephen R. Covey’s work, it’s very relevant here. He wrote that making and keeping even small commitments helps establish “inner integrity.”

Think of it as a muscle—the more you keep your commitments, the more you flex it. The more you flex it, the stronger it gets, and the integrity follows suit.

Here’s your workout: For the next seven days, make one small promise per day and keep it. Nothing too huge—just keep it real.

4) Clean up broken commitments quickly.

Integrity isn’t perfection; it can include repair, as well. If you said you’d follow up and didn’t, don’t hide in shame, clean it up by sending a message right away:

“I realized I said I’d follow up, and I didn’t. My bad—sorry about that. Are you still open to getting together?”

This is where accountability becomes relational—this stuff is gold! Because it says my word matters enough that I’m willing to clean up the mess I created.

Homework: Make a list of three loose commitments and either follow through or clean them up.

5) Build a “commitment capture” system.

Some people don’t lack integrity. They lack a system—that could be you.

They say yes in the moment, then life swallows the commitment. Peter Bregman’s 18 Minutes is useful here because it argues for a simple daily ritual to stay focused on what matters amid emails, texts, calls, and meetings.

Challenge: Every time you say, “I’ll do that,” immediately put it in one place: notes app, calendar, task manager, journal. Let’s face it, your memory is not a commitment system.

“Trust is not built in big, sweeping moments. It’s built in tiny moments every day.” —Brené Brown

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) The SPEED of Trust — Stephen M. R. Covey

Super relevant book because Covey argues that trust affects every transaction and relationship, from personal interactions to organizational performance. It gives you language for the real cost of casual non-follow-through: low trust slows everything down!

2) Dare to Lead — Brené Brown

Brown’s work around BRAVING trust is foundational: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Nonjudgment, and Generosity. Her resources specifically include the BRAVING Inventory as a tool for examining trust. Check it out—it connects trust to specific behaviours, especially reliability, accountability, and integrity.

3) 18 Minutes — Peter Bregman

This one is less about “morality” and more about practical follow-through. Bregman’s framework helps people cut through distraction and focus on what truly matters. A lot of people overpromise because they’re scattered—sound familiar? This book helps turn intention into action.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to watch/listen.

1) Unlocking Us with Brené Brown — “The Anatomy of Trust.”

This is a good one. Brown breaks trust into the BRAVING framework and talks about trust as something built through specific behaviours—some good research, as well.

2) At The Table with Patrick Lencioni — “Hold Yourself Accountable.”

Lencioni’s podcast focuses on practical leadership, teamwork, culture, and accountability. This episode is specifically about holding yourself accountable before trying to hold others accountable. Great for the leadership/team culture: don’t demand accountability from others while being casual with your own commitments.

3) ReThinking with Adam Grant — “Brené Brown and Simon Sinek on the Leadership Skills We Need to Build.”

This is another strong one because it hits trust, accountability, self-awareness, kindness, and putting people first—all of which connect nicely to the argument that integrity shows up in small moments of follow-through. They also field questions about earning trust and leadership skills, making it relevant for both personal and workplace contexts.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

If you’re looking for support in building or re-establishing trust in your life, we can provide tools and insights that will greatly assist you moving forward, helping you feel more confident in whatever role you occupy. Reach out; we’d be happy to chat.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!

The talk around the water cooler at the moment seems omnipresent: AI replacing our jobs. But maybe there’s something else we should be discussing, instead. Like, what happens to the human experience when we start to believe our worth depends on keeping up with the pace of machines?

Because if we look at the data, that’s where AI burnout begins. And not because of the technology itself—nope, not even the extra tools, prompts, dashboards, and workflows. It begins in the unspoken fear that if we slow down, fall behind, or fail to adapt quickly enough, we become less valuable … shhhhhhh!

And that is not a workplace problem or a technology problem. No, that’s a human problem, and it has everything to do with self-worth or a lack thereof.

First of all, AI burnout isn’t yet a formally defined clinical diagnosis, but I would imagine it’s on the way! When you consider the growing pattern of mental fatigue, anxiety, overload, self-doubt, and identity pressure, all related to AI adoption at work, it’s a logical and, thereby, useful phrase.

We define burnout as an occupational phenomenon caused by chronic workplace stress that isn’t effectively managed. It manifests itself through three main ways: exhaustion, mental isolation and/or workplace apathy, along with reduced professional efficacy. That matters because AI is now being layered onto already-overloaded workplaces.

A recent Harvard Business Review piece argues that AI isn’t meeting the hype—you know, making work easier. In many cases, it’s doing the exact opposite: intensifying it. We’re not simply handing work off to AI like we were promised, because there’s the prompting, reviewing, correcting, checking, reworking, learning new tools, and often managing higher output expectations, all because AI supposedly makes everything faster.

And, then there’s the whole job-security piece—a 2026 study on AI-induced job insecurity found that, no surprise, fear around AI can contribute to burnout—duhhh. The bottom line is that people burn out faster when they feel AI is threatening their value, they do not feel safe to admit uncertainty, and they do not feel capable of adapting.

The takeaway for employers is that the future of work will not be solved by better tools and training alone. It will be solved by healthier humans using those better tools and training wisely.

Enter the work that Robyn and I speak of all the time—healthy high performance where we strive for our best possible work without compromising our health, our relationships, and our sense of self-worth. Because if AI is high-performance on steroids, then we need to ensure the healthy part is being taken care of.

FIVE HACKS TO HELP MANAGE AI BURNOUT AT WORK, HOME OR WHEREVER:

1) Start the day human, not digital.

Guilty as charged, and this one seems to be a particularly tough one for me. We live on the West Coast and have family and business in the East. When I wake up, I want to know if anything needs my immediate attention—maybe that’s just a lame excuse, but it’s all I’ve got. And, I do appreciate that everything I read or listen to suggests that I not do this!

Everyone recommends that, before checking email, LinkedIn, messages, or NHL scores, I take five minutes to reconnect with myself and ask: “What kind of person do I want to be today?”

Not: “How much can I get done?” or “How fast can I move?” or “How do I keep up?” or “Did the Leafs lose again last night?”

This small shift matters because AI pulls us quickly into reaction, comparison, and acceleration. Starting with the self brings the nervous system back into ownership. What I hear is, before we outsource intelligence and entertainment, we need to remember who’s in charge—us!

2) Use AI for tasks, not identity.

This is a biggy. And, yes, by all means, use AI to help draft, summarize, organize, research, brainstorm, or sharpen. But don’t let it decide your worth, your voice, your values, or your contribution.

Here’s a simple rule: I’ll utilize AI to support my work, but I won’t let it define my value. Translation: if you already struggle with tying your worth to your results. AI simply adds another layer: now it’s my worth measured by speed, adaptability, and technological competence.

So, the problem isn’t using AI. No, the problem is using AI from a place of fear—remember you’re in charge!

3) Create “no-AI zones” for deep thinking.

Not every task has to happen at the speed of light. Some work needs slowness. Reflection. Wandering. Struggle. Silence.

Set aside certain times or tasks where you do not use AI at all. For example: Morning journaling. Your first draft. Hard conversations. Strategic decisions. Or creative reflection.

This lines up with the emerging “positive friction” conversation: not all friction is bad. Some friction protects attention, judgment, meaning, and human connection.

Some things just don’t need to be optimized because the struggle is where the good stuff lives and where we find our identity and our value.

4) Replace productivity pressure with prescribed recovery habits.

AI can create the illusion that, because work can happen faster, humans should require less recovery. Ummm, that’s backwards. The faster the world gets, the more intentionally we need to protect recovery.

Here’s a simple habit to work on: Do your deep work. Take a pause. Get up and move your body. Get outside and breathe. Have a meaningful conversation with someone.
Get back at it—with positive intention!

For me, it boils down to this little gem: Recovery is not the opposite of high performance—it’s an essential component.

5) Measure your “human metrics.”

AI culture measures speed, output, usage, efficiency, and scale—all important stuff. But healthy high performance also needs human metrics.

At the end of each day, ask: Did I protect my health? Did I act from fear or from purpose? Did I connect with someone meaningfully? Did I do work I’m proud of? Did I remember that I am more than my output?

Yes, the future will involve using AI effectively, but the people who can stay human while using it, those are the ones who will truly thrive.

“Burnout is not a problem of the people themselves but of the social environment in which people work.” —Christina Maslach, Burnout Researcher

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle — Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

Best for understanding that burnout is not just “too much work.” It is also what happens when stress gets trapped in the body and never completes its cycle. Very useful for practical recovery strategies, especially movement, connection, rest, and emotional processing.

2. The Burnout Challenge — Christina Maslach and Michael P. Leiter

Maslach is one of the foundational burnout researchers. This book is especially useful because it does not reduce burnout to an individual weakness. It looks at the relationship between people and their work environment, including workload, control, reward, fairness, community, and values.

3. Stolen Focus — Johann Hari

This one is not specifically about AI burnout, but it belongs in the conversation. AI burnout is partly attention burnout. Hari’s book explores why focus has become so difficult to protect in a world built to fragment us. Useful for writing about the cost of constant digital stimulation.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to watch/listen.

1) AI and the Future of Work

Hosted by Dan Turchin, this show focuses on how AI is changing the workplace, including business, ethics, HR, and what it means to stay human in an era of automation.

2. HBS Managing the Future of Work

Harvard Business School’s podcast looks at workforce transformation, AI, leadership, talent, and how organizations are adapting. It’s a good one for keeping your corporate/workshop lens sharp.

3. The Future of Work Podcast

A recent episode with Dr. Guy Winch looks directly at burnout in the age of AI and remote work, including self-neglect, recovery, rituals, and what leaders misunderstand about well-being.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

If you’re looking for support in building a ‘healthy high performance’ culture at work, on a competitive team, or whatever you get up to, we can provide tools and insights that will greatly assist you moving forward, helping you feel more confident in your leadership role; ready to take on your world! Reach out; we’d be happy to chat.

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. Perform and Live Better.

And, yes, traditionally, gardening hasn’t been sold to us as a longevity practice, but maybe it should have been. Think about it—bending, stretching, moving, carrying, all while outdoors breathing fresh air, and in the sun, soaking up Vitamin D. It’s like an all-natural supplement!

And it’s not just our physical health; our mental and emotional well-being gets a boost, as well. It's like Mother Nature doubling as your shrink—turns out spending time in the garden lowers stress, too. Yup, quiet time with a hoe in your hands acts as a de-stressor, lowering blood pressure and providing some purpose to our days outside of the usual stuff we’re madly engaged in.

Recent studies have linked gardening to lower overall and cause-specific mortality and to healthier aging outcomes in older adults. I mean, it really shouldn’t come as a huge surprise to any of us. After all, gardening does tick a lot of boxes.

For me, one of the biggest returns from getting my hands into some rich soil overrun with squiggly worms is the slowing-down piece. As many of you may have heard me confess before, I’m a recovering Type-A. However, Mother Nature doesn’t tolerate that sort of nonsense very well—she doesn’t care about your schedule. If you want to get shit done by a certain time, she’s not fussed by your drama. Remember, everything runs on HER time, and not a second sooner.

With gardening, if you make a mistake, you don’t stay late after work and fix it. You take notice, think about it, do some research, and come up with a better strategy for NEXT year’s growing season. That’s the pace of progress in the garden—and it’s a powerful teacher. In a world built on urgency and screens, gardening asks us to participate in life more slowly—and that may be one of the healthiest things we can do.

Having a connection to something other than my work has given me more than just wickedly fresh produce. It’s given me perspective, humility, and intrigue—I wonder what I could do differently next year? That’s a question I ask more than a few times between April and October each year—not a bad reflection.

Before we get into some useful hacks, I’ll just offer a few tangible tips I’ve learned that you may find interesting.

1. Don’t wear gardening gloves—unless you’re working with prickly, thorny plants. The healthy microbiome in the soil is super good for us, and you want to be exposed to it through your skin and by breathing it in. I like my hands to look as though I’ve spent a few hours digging in the dirt!

2. Sometimes, my efficiency cop gets the better of me and has me talking on the phone, or listening to a podcast, or worse, a Leafs game while I’m working in the garden—once in a while, it’s probably okay. But, for full effect, turn off the noise and just listen. Let your mind run and pay attention.

3. I haven’t named our fruit trees or bushes yet, but when I’m pruning or checking out their progress, I unconsciously begin talking about what I’m seeing. To our neighbours, I’m sure I sound crazy—to the plants, I sound like I care. If you believe in the energy of plants and their ability to communicate through their root system, my guess is they appreciate it.

4. When you sit down to eat something that you’ve grown—greens, tomatoes, herbs, string beans, peas, whatever it is … share some gratitude. Especially if you have children. Take a moment to thank whoever grew it. If it was the whole family, even better. It’s a great way to begin a conversation about where our food comes from, not from a plastic bag, but from the earth.

Okay, if you’ve wondered about starting a garden, just like the expression, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago—the second best time is now,” what are you waiting for—just do it!

FIVE HACKS TO HELP BUILD PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY INTO YOUR CULTURE AT WORK, HOME OR WHEREVER:

1) Watch ‘The Biggest Little Farm.’

Aside from being a beautiful documentary with remarkable footage and moving, inspiring scenes, it’s what got me started. I watched it at the beginning of Covid, and was motivated to try my own version. Sure, we don’t have a functioning farm in our backyard, but that’s not the point. Seven years later, I have a place that I’ve built, which gives me joy, solitude, and unexpected moments that I can’t always describe.

2) Start embarrassingly small.

One pot of herbs is enough—basil, mint, parsley, chives, it doesn’t matter. Any of them can give you an early win without too much work. Then, take that win and try one more pot—tomatoes, maybe. Build some confidence, and then you’re off!

3) Grow what you’ll actually eat.

Don’t start with a fantasy garden—this isn’t about impressing others—be practical. Start with the vegetables, greens, or herbs you already buy every week. I also don’t grow stuff that I can find organic and cheap—carrots, for example.

4) Use containers first.

Containers reduce complexity—they’re easier to manage, easier to place in the sun, and less intimidating than building a full bed. For all of those reasons, I still use containers on our deck for our strawberries—easy access in the morning, and it keeps the rabbits at bay!

5) Make it a ritual, not a project.

Ten or so quiet minutes in the morning or after work is often enough. That matters because one reason gardening helps is that it becomes a repeated practice, regulating contact with movement and nature.

“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” —Cicero

RESOURCES:

Three books to check out: click on Book Title for more details/purchase.

1) The Gardening Book — Monty Don

Very accessible for newer gardeners. It is built around the basics of growing flowers, vegetables, shrubs, and houseplants in a clear, beginner-friendly format.

2. The Complete Gardener — Monty Don

A more comprehensive, practical guide once someone wants to go deeper. Strong on technique, design thinking, and working with nature.

3. Veggie Garden Remix — Niki Jabbour

Great for people who want edible gardening to feel exciting rather than dutiful. It broadens what beginners think they can grow and keeps food gardening fun.

Three podcasts to check out: click on the Titles to watch/listen.

1) The Beginner’s Garden Podcast — Jill McSheehy

Exactly what it sounds like: easy-to-understand guidance for beginners who want practical help without gardening snobbery. Get in there and explore the many topics, and get started!

2. The joe gardener Show — Joe Lamp’l

A smart, trustworthy show for becoming a better gardener over time. Good mix of practical skill and bigger-picture garden wisdom. Again, so much to explore—enjoy!

3. BBC Gardeners’ World Magazine Podcast

Useful, varied, and full of respected voices. Nice if you want a steady stream of inspiration and topic-specific conversations. And, don’t let the fact that he’s a British Garnderner intimidate you—lots of good content for all stages.

I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers!

For information regarding our workshops, keynotes, and coaching, please visit our website at yourmindset.ca or reply to this email. There’s always opportunity!